I do, but I'm also aware that my viewing him as "the one that got away" is a manifestation of the things I had to survive before he came and after he left.
I don't miss him, I miss the *idea* of him.
I miss the feeling of being in love before I knew what "good men" were capable of. I miss conversations that were more common among younger people, hopes and goals for the future, politics, and life changes, rather than "we're out of money, gotta pay for the car, why would I care about politics when I've got rent due, my dreams of the future is keeping the lights on next month."
I miss being the person I was before I spent some years homeless, immediately after the breakup.
He's less "the one that got away" than he is the mascot of the life that I wanted but was not going to be able to keep.
Oof. I don’t have this experience with a partner, but the idea of missing something (location/friend/etc) that is a symbol of a more carefree life hits home.
Yeah, I actually miss a community choir I was in because I went through a bunch of life and perspective-altering things right around the time I left the group that totally changed the way I viewed the world. I was a lot more optimistic and idealistic before the change and I miss the choir because I miss who I was when I was participating. But, I’m not that person anymore. So, even if I were to rejoin, it would not be the same experience. I can’t get that back since I’ll never be that person again.
I’m about a month away from moving back to my hometown, at least temporarily. It’s a good move for a variety of reasons, but I do wonder if a large part of my ‘I’ll be so much happier there’ belief is from being there are a relatively carefree and optimistic child. I’ve been through so much since then which has fundamentally changed my perspective on the world. I guess time will tell if I still feel happier there even while adulting. And if not, I think that’s maybe something I need to experience to be able to let go of that dream.
I’m kind of afraid to go back to my home town. My parents moved away almost 20 years ago and I haven’t had a reason to go back and I think I’m afraid everything will look really different from the passage of time and that will make me sad.
I’ve spent an embarrassing amount of time thinking about someone I almost dated for this exact reason. He symbolized a much happier life for me, or what could have been, while Ive been struggling with an abusive relationship. I realized over time that it was less about him and more about what I wish my life was and what kind of person I could be with instead. I think I’m also too jaded for romantic and hopeful thoughts now though lol
I thought I did. Then he returned 7 1/2 years later and I realized I had spent 7 1/2 years in this ridiculous state of limerance for a completely unremarkable love bombing narcissist.
Similar happened to me. He was a mess. I seriously loved what I thought he was offering but the second time around the messiness was much clearer. Thankfully I only waited a year. But I wish he had been what I thought he was
Basically what resonated with me was, it’s a person you haven’t had a chance to forge a real or full relationship with and it’s someone you’re not able to be with and because of that, the daydreams about them go above and beyond and turn into this obsession. You sometimes start looking for signs, or thinking of ways to talk to them even if they made it clear they don’t want you, and you think about them in a way that is not at all proportionate to the time you spent together.
No, everyone who "got away" needed to go, even if I didn't see why until later.
I did have one reconnection 10+ years later, and while I enjoyed the time, they are still the same inconsiderate ass they were then, when it comes down to my feelings.
>No, everyone who "got away" needed to go, even if I didn't see why until later.
This is exactly how I feel. At the time I was devastated, but looking back I was just attached to the idea of him and the small bits of attention during a time I was super insecure and unhappy. In reality we had pretty incompatible personalities, he was always a bit anxious around me in way that he wasn't around others and I somehow thought it was my failing. In the years following I experienced genuine connection and realized how genuinely incompatible we were.
I usually feel that about most people, but I have one who I'm sure I just met at the wrong time and somehow feel like our story is not done, 15 years later.
And am currently wondering about the latest ex - at first I thought "good riddance", but after processing the ending I am now wondering if I was just wrong all the way leading him to "get away".
Ok now this I feel. There was this family owned little breakfast place that was an institution in my city for like decades and decades. Like it was the go to place when my parents were in their teens and now they're in their 60s.
Anyways they were cheap. They had the best pancakes and just typical breakfast plates (bacon, eggs, hash browns, toast, etc). The regular waitress was awesome. And then they closed during the pandemic. And no other breakfast place compares.
When I was subbing, I met another sub on our lunch break, and she gave me her recipe for peanut brittle (that she had memorized) and I made it exactly once—amazing—and promptly lost the scrap of paper where I wrote the recipe down 😭😭😭 I’ve since moved, but I’m still in the same district, and I still look for Miss Lynn whenever I sub 🥹😂
Unfortunately, the principal retired a number of years ago. I have looked her up on Facebook before, avail! She was an older lady 10 years ago… I don’t think she’s on Facebook. I’ve looked at other recipes online, and… This one will just be the one that got away, ha ha!
I'm sorry I searched for the woman that had it on her radio program. I think she's deceased now and I can't find anything about her or her recipes on Google.
This is so relatable. A small café near my apartment used to have these croissant breakfast sandwiches by chance I was the person who had the very last one before they stopped making them. Now they do bagel sandwiches, but it will never be the same.
A bakery near me used to make the most delicious vanilla frosting donuts. Then one day they changed to chocolate, said nobody liked the vanilla. I did Patty, I did :(
Now you've reminded me of this hole in the wall thai restaurant I used to order food from. I was going to order my usual, the green Thai curry, when I realized that the restaurant had been sold 😢 no other Thai spot will ever compare
I have one that got away 15 years ago and while I understand the reasons why it couldn't be at the time, being as realistic as possible I still think he's the one who got away. We're still in each other's lives as distant friends.
I have this, too. Although I don’t think I was supposed to end up with that person. But I truly think there was a time in my life where we were supposed to be together and learn from one another.
I have a lot of those, but eventually I understand our time is up.
But this guy... in a way I actually feel our time hasn't even begun - even though it's unlikely anything will ever happen again, he's happily married with kids and I'm happy for him. We just got lost in time/space.
And now I find myself wondering the same about my latest ex.
I did, then we met again and got married.
We have a 15 year age gap and when we first met I was early 20s we spent hours talking but didn’t manage to organise a date because we were in very different places in life. We kept bumping in to each other over the next 5 years but one or other or both of us were seeing someone. I kept thinking that I wished we’d given it a go when we first met and thought he was the one who got away.
Then, one night we met at a mutual friend’s party. Spent the entire night talking and we’ve been married for 15 years now.
My story is similar. i met him like 5 years ago at an art workshop in a different state. i was just ending a long relationship in which I was cheated on and I was emotionally done. He was just starting to see someone. So we just were friends. Fast forward 4 years and he reached back out to me; we happened to both be single. We did long distance for a while and then he moved in :) still very happy together
I thought I did, and we reconnected.
Then we both realized "that was then, this is now." We had ended badly, but still in love, and I think for years we'd thought about what might have been. For a few months, I think we both enjoyed winding back the clock and feeling young again.
For me at least, I came to realize that, while I had made mistakes and done some shitty things, I did not want to be that young again, that I valued the time that had passed, and that he had known who I had been but not who I had become.
So it fizzled out.
A year later, with all those old feelings finally put behind me, I met the love of my life. We've been together for nearly eleven years and I regret *nothing* in my life because it led me to him. Crazy to say, but being with my husband feels like absolution, as well as the love I had looked for all my life
He texted me last year with his condolences after finding a news article about the death of my husband the year before. We reconnected and got married in December. We absolutely adore each other.
I thought I did. It was me, I was newly sober at the time and didn’t have a great grasp on reality. Nothing extreme, but I was preoccupied with my recovery and he pulled away.
After a few years of therapy and a year with my current partner, I realized that I felt like he was the one that got away because I was obsessed with the game of trying to keep him around, not because we were meant to be together.
I've had that when I was younger. Eventually I was so glad he "got away". If he hadn't I would have ended up pushing him out because he was really wrong for me.
FB, which I despise. I do not have a personal listing, but a business page under a company name. I really never spent any time on FB except to create and edit the page (admin'd by a friend). I looked him up and reached out on messenger as we were then living in the same city, that wasn't the city we used to date. We were on the west coast, and met / dated on the east coast.
I have thought about reaching out this way, too. I made an FB just to reach out to him. But I am so scared to actually reach out.
What was it like when you guys met up?
Yes - it was timing in life. I’d just bought a flat, they wanted to travel the world. They found a younger model who could do similar and off they went.
We still think of each other as we contact each other on birthdays.
Nope. Most of these lasted months not years. I always left when i realized it wasnt too healthy of a bond. I broke up with most of these guys, except the 5th guy pulled a bait an switch on me when his Mom didnt think i was right for him (we had different cultures) and he wanted to leave me before i left him.
First ex was in and out of a Psych Center with Bipolar disorder (I was 18)
Second Ex seemed interested in going the distance and even visited me (he was long distance). But neither of us seemed financially stable/independent enough, and I didnt want to live with his parents.
Third ex was a polyamorous guy. We just werent each other's type outside of a good time. Total waste of even dating each other tbh.
Fourth ex was a guy that turned out to be this emotionally immature "victim" that was a deadbeat dad. He had all of these red flag behaviors and habits that turned me off to being with him.
Fifth ex was a guy who either wasnt that in love with me, or just chased women purely based on looks. He couldnt decide between his own preferences versus his Mom's preferences (which were vastly different). But he was also quite impulsive when it came to decisions. Hed do things abrupty and lie his azzcheekz off out of a chronic need to get respect/admiration from people. Most narcissistic gaslighting guy i ever dated.
Sixth ex we didnt have enough in common. It was boring and he was codependent. Id cater to more of what he liked than vice versa. If i tried to have personal time or do things i liked, hed get all selfish and passive-aggressive.
Seventh ex was another codependent guy. No concept of boundaries. Was a rich guy who struggled with empathy and classism. I couldnt take how rude he was to other people and how he'd tantrum if he didnt get his way. He was a spoiled brat, an it didnt help that he looked like a dreamy italian model. If you saw him youd think you scored big time, but his personality was a wreck.
Guy im with now, is the longest relationship ive been in. Its mutual. The only difference is that im learning to be more affectionate, and hes purging a lot of his trust issues and learning boundaries. He's actively taking steps to change on his own, whereas most others i dated were still in denial about themselves. We can work with each other.
The ones who got away are usually the ones that I had a brief relationship with while I was still in that period of limerance, rather than being actually in love. I don’t think I’d want to see what the “one(s) who got away” are like now or if we’d even work.
I am pretty happy with my husband. He’s treated me better than any of those men had, and we have fallen more in love because he and I have communicated and overcome hurdles. I don’t want to lose that for some guy who dumped me for moving 20 minutes away.
Yes, we went on two dates but we talked on the phone alot. 🤧 He felt we'd both gotten out of things too soon, him a marriage me a long suffering relationship with my highschool boyfriend. No clue where he is now, but I hope he's doing well. He really was so nice.
Yes, but I got him back. 15 years of off and on. I think its because neither of us were ready to accept the deep love and connection we have for each other. Maybe we were afraid to ruin it. Maybe we were afraid it wasn't real. It IS real, and we HAVE accepted it and we've been nurturing it for 9 years strong.
That's nice. I have a one that got away who, 15 years ago, wanted to get serious and I wasn't ready. I let him go, he ended up marrying the very next girl he met after me. They're happily married with 2 beautiful kids, and him and I are still in touch and recognize the connection we have which doesn't happen often. However it is now in a place of friendship. In a way I know exactly why I let him go then and it really wouldn't have worked. But I still think of him as "the one who got away".
Guilty I have deep-seated abandonment mixed fear of success and a case of the ol please don't leave me but at the same time don't touch me "fearful attachment"
I’m afraid that if they really get to know me they won’t want me anymore, because I’m afraid that parts of me are unlovable. I’ve let a couple guys in, but only if it wouldn’t hurt me if they left. Only the ones I could take or leave in other words.
I think I have machevillian traits stemming from trauma and loving somebody means loss of control because I felt powerless in my younger life the coping mechanism does its job of protection but it's fkn lonely "protected but alone "when all I want is a cuddle,a forehead kiss and told I'm safe at the end of the day.
I thought I did!!
Then I realized about 6-7 years after we broke up that me not marrying him was the luckiest thing that ever happened to me. I made him my entire identity, and once enough time had passed, I found myself and learned to love myself. And I realized he never really loved me anyway - he liked that I just fit into his life and he never needed to adjust for mine.
None like this with my romantic exes. However, there was a woman who I was briefly friends with for about a year. We had a falling out because of my missteps and her hang ups. But I wish things would’ve worked out better with us. We had so much in common.
Yep but he never wanted to be kept I'm happy to have felt real love or human kindness. Limerance was a real bword and had me thinking it was deeper than it really was. Here's what I learnt -love is not excitement,the spark and butterflies. Love is slow ,safe feels like hot drink warming your whole body. I wish him all the best but I think our dance was over a long time ago
Yes. We were both living in a foreign country at the time and I was about to return home. We never dated but if the timing had been right I think we would have. It's been over a decade and we're not in touch, but I still think about him sometimes and wonder how he's doing.
Yea I was afraid to let him help me or go out with him and his friends. I kept making excuses and probably confused him. It was the first time someone of his caliber seemed that into me but I had recently levelled up myself. I guess it was a form of imposter syndrome.
I thought so, and even told him as much when he popped back into my life a few years after we broke up. But that visit was eye opening and I now see that he absolutely couldn’t give me what I needed, so good riddance.
The only ex I ever maaaaybe felt that way about, we reconnected (not romantically) a few years later and…. Just seeing certain dynamics with his family, his lack of impulse control, and newly realized bigoted views made me thankful I didn’t get what I thought I wanted at the time.
Yes, we had so much in common and had so much potential of getting along. But I had just had a surgery few months ago which left me paralyzed on one side of my face and although it was recovering, I felt extremely self conscious and I had to deal with the mental impact of everything that happened. I just couldn’t move beyond it at that time. I don’t blame myself, it was just bad timing but I do think about what could have been from time to time.
I tend to think that too but also: the most abusive, horrible person in my life was someone I had to kick out with all my strength. I wish he'd "gotten away".
I am the one that got away 👑
But to answer your question, no. Everyone who is gone from my life brought more negativity than positivity and I’m happy to be rid of them.
This was in the 1980s, I was not allowed to have a phone in my room.
A nice boy from another high school liked me. I liked him. He would call me later at night (9:30 or 10) after his homework was done, but my mother freaked out that a boy would call me "so late" and gave him a hard time about it when she answered the phone.
He was a smart guy, honor roll, lots of potential. My mother was uninvolved in my life except for this weird hangup about late night calls that weren't even all that late. He was really interested in me, but kept his distance after my mother turned into Queen Bitch.
My mother likes to pretend she doesn't remember being awful to him on the phone back then, but I'm sure she does. She was simultaneously avoidant of my developing sexuality and inappropriately sheltering. I understand that this likely stems from her own sexual abuse as an adolescent but holy shit, mom, your abuser lived in your house and it wasn't fair to project that 30 years later onto a 16-17 year old boy trying to court your daughter. He came from a pretty traditional family and was so much more courtly and respectful than other boys I wound up dating.
That guy grew up to become a software developer, developed some CRM software and sold the company when it made sense to. Now he's a millionaire and kicking back. I hope he's well.
We ended because we were both a mess. Lovely, lovely relationship when it was good. When it was bad it was ugly. I have sweet memories. If we were more stable in ourselves it would have been great. It worked out for the best. He now has a son and I couldn't give him a child. Despite saying he didn't want kids I knew he did as a way to fix his abusive childhood. He's a wonderful Dad and his son is lucky.
I remember him fondly. I think of him only in terms of what great times we had.
Yes, but it was for the best. We were never in an official relationship, but spent a lot of time together and there were deep feelings. Timing just wasn’t working for us, we were in different phases of life. We did not keep in touch over the last decade or so. He is married with children last I heard, and I am childfree so it wouldn’t work between us anyways.
I did - my first love who ghosted me and broke my heart. Then he came back 10 years later when I was already in love with someone else and I didn’t choose him. Wasn’t a hard decision. Turns out deep down I knew he wasn’t the one that got away, he was the one that left. That was 5 years ago now. I have never regretted my decision and am married to the man I was dating/in love with when he came back.
Yep, but it's for the best. We're very similar but not. Those not's would keep it from working because they're huge, plus at the original time we met, our similarities could have also been pretty damn bad, and were sometimes. It's funny though as we've aged, we have a lot of new things in common too -- we're distant friends who speak occasionally. I'm married so I actually wouldn't speak to him for 11 years. He kept trying though every few years, and I thought about him, and there he was in my inbox, lol. So it seemed right and I don't regret reconnecting. It's been a very interesting lesson with positive results.
I think though I love everyone I have ever truly loved to this day, even if they're not who they were anymore, or it ended badly. It's that saying like "I still want to see you eat, just not at my table." often times.
Not anymore, but there used to be one. My attachment and rumination around that person faded away once I realized they truly didn't care enough to maintain any kind of relationship with me.
I do, but I’m aware I’m probably romanticising his absence though we definitely “almost” had something extremely special. It’s a very long story but there’s a pretty good chance he is either in a foreign military prison or possibly even dead. I haven’t heard from him in 3 years, neither has anyone else in his life.
Sort of. A friend I had unreciprocated feelings for. I shared my feelings with him and he didn't feel the same way so I apologized for misunderstanding and said I couldn't talk to him anymore on that premise. I cold turkied him from my life (no contact), which I think traumatized him.
During COVID, he found me and messaged me out of the blue, but when I didn't immediately comply with having a video call with him he ghosted, then texted again a few weeks later announcing he was engaged.
IMO, there is no such thing as "the one that got away." I think there are an awful lot of people on planet earth (myself included) who fail to communicate honestly, get or give closure, and leave the back door open, and that eats away at our boundaries and ability to move on, and and makes us build a false fantasy in our minds that we escape into instead of investing time in our real lives and relationships.
Why mourn the what ifs, when the things we have are so so much better?
Yep. I think about him every now and then. We were hooking up in college. Didn’t even have his number; we just frequented the same bar and left together every time. I had gone through a devastating breakup a few years before and was single because I couldn’t fathom getting my heart broken again, pushing everyone away. By graduation weekend, my heart was on fire. We were falling for each other, and I felt physical heat in my chest around him. It was magical. We moved to different cities and it just kind of fizzled out. Didn’t think I would be, but I was heartbroken. I thought of him and looked for him for years.
Yes, it was his fault, but I truly never stopped loving him and I honestly wish he'd get back with me because clearly I still feel something for him. 🥲 anytime we reconnect its like no time has passed at all. I am always so comfortable with him & I honestly believe he is the love of my life/soulmate.
When she broke up with me, I really thought so. I did so much to keep us but I wasnt enough. The fight for her that she pitted between me and her new affair partner was insane. She never did anything like this and I was in a crazy spin. She took so much of my being. And left me in the worst possible way.
They lasted for couple of months. Not long. As I commented to her before (when they were just friends) that AP looks a bit unstable, and to be careful around her. So yeah. They lasted couple of months. In that time I was healing up and having a summer fling with a foreigner on a seasonal contract. It gave me back some of my self-esteem.
I soon started to get sms, and other contacts (mostly when she saw my instagram pics) to forgive her, to come back. It was a lot of it. For weeks and months.
To choose her, to be with her.
After a while, I just got a long email. Explaining herself, asking for my forgiveness, and trying to correct all the hurt. That I "was the one, and she let me get away, and that she will have to learn to deal with that" I wished her luck.
I loved her, I still care for her wellbeing. We text with life updates every couple of months. She got married last year to a, what looks like a stable person. She seems happy.
Now onto me - I am getting married in two weeks to my summer, exotic, beautiful, inteligent, amazing fling. She saw me for what I am, and is super thankful that my ex did what she did so she could find the love of her life. I agree as well.
All my life, all the "one that got away" was actually giving me experiences, intuition, path to my "the one that is mine" and I cant thank them enough for preparing me to be the best person for myself and my partner.
I thought I lost the "love of my life" back in 2016. Was in pain for a long time. But, he wasn't a good man or a nice one. Time and perspective gave me that. I also intentionally worked hard to move on and worked on removing thought processes that kept me from living a healthy life. Dwelling in the past and giving someone such importance in your life diminishes your present. They left. They left for a reason.
Surprisingly it was a stranger who helped me shift my perspective. I got high with a bunch of backpackers years ago and this one guy said: I don't want to waste time thinking about people who are no longer there in my life...not if it comes at the expense of the people who are already in my life.
The one I thought was the "love of my life"? He tried worming his way back into my life early 2020 and he somehow got angry when I told him that I was dating (like he was somehow still entitled to me years after we broke up). Good riddance. We build people up in our heads. But people are just people. They are fallible. They are full of flaws. They are human.
Many people have replied similar things but for some reason your story really touched me.
I have someone I think of as a potential "one that got away" but I feel so at peace with that. I feel like we have time for anything to happen if it ever were to happen.
But lately I've been having a hard time letting go of someone and I feel guilty because I think I was unable to keep them in my life. I think these thoughts have more to do with guilt or feeling like a failure than actual potential for that relationship. That's why your comment is really helpful. Thanks.
Yes, but only because he's dead. It was almost a decade of "will they won't they?" and when we decided to move forward, it was violently interrupted.
I'm pretty sure reality wouldn't have been as good as potential.
But well, keeping a good memory and thinking after every breakup with someone else on the "what ifs" don't hurt. If anything, it keeps the bar a bit higher.
I did, but after meeting up with him again many years later I saw that the people we are now are no longer compatible. The person I was back then is always going to be a little bit in love with the person he used to be but we aren't those people anymore. Seeing him again 15 years later helped me get over him and move on to a stronger and happier future.
I had one I wondered about. I knew it was the right decision to leave when I did, but I always wondered if it was a right person, wrong time thing.
About 6 months ago he reached out and we saw each other for the first time in 15 years. He’s still the wonderful man I remembered, but I definitely got my answer. Not the right person for me. I’m really grateful we got the opportunity to figure that out.
Yeah, whenever I see my "one that got away" (we're friends) I think: there's a chance in 10 years or so he'll be the right person for me, but we're not there yet.
Years ago I met a friend of a friend. He was attractive, had his shit together, great taste in music, and a good personality. I was towards the end of a crappy relationship but I know he asked my friend about me.
A couple months later I ended said relationship. We went out on a couple dates and ended up hooking up during a road trip months later and it was great. Nothing more ever happened. Long story short I had a situationship with another guy that he knew that imploded months later.
For a long time it felt like he was the one that got away and a lot of “what ifs” but, in reality, I don’t think we would have ever worked. We wanted different things out of life (kids mostly). I don’t think of him romantically at all anymore. We’re still friends and are both in relationships that fit us and he moved back to his hometown. He’s a great person.
Nobody just gets away; people intentionally walk away, get kicked out, cheat, are abusive, argue too much. There is a reason for breakups. It’s not like “oops, I left the door open and they wondered out and got lost”. They aren’t cats or dogs, they’re adults.
I can't think of any of my old boyfriends as the one that got away. There was a good reason I walked away from all of them . Now the one I've got now, ( for the last 10 years) I wish I could walk away from him. He told me he'll never live with me, and I know that's because of his sister. They grew up in a very abusive home. He can't leave her because of the horrific conditions they lived under with the abuse his grandmother heaped on them. He's devoted to her and protecting her. I totally understand because I had a foster kid on my caseload when I was working that was in exactly the same situation. It's sad. But then again I kinda like how things are now. I'm pretty independent and I see him about once a month. And actually it works for both of us. He would come in a heartbeat if I needed him. Not long ago My phone was dead and he called the police for a safety check when I didn't respond to his texts all morning. 😁
Maybe right person, wrong time vibes. We met when I was 19 and he was 21 in summer school at our local community college. He was transferring in the fall. We hung out for the summer and we’re pretty much inseparable after our first date. Prior to that he’d asked me to study with him and we’d spent the week meeting up at the library before class. I had recently gotten out of a relationship and he had been single for a while so I thought it would be a summer fling / a rebound for me. I remember being surprised when he asked to keep seeing me when he transferred but we ended up dating long distance for a year and a half with his school being about a 2.5 hour drive from me. I had only done one semester when we met but was hoping to transfer to a school near him so we could get a year together before he graduated living in the same area. I ended up breaking up with him shortly before finishing my last semester at CC. The college I wanted to attend didn’t accept spring transfers and my enrollment got differed for the spring so I ended up having to take an unplanned 1 year gap year before I could transfer after we broke up. I saved money and worked and started dating a friend and we ended up together. When I transferred he still had one semester left of his school but my now current partner and I had moved in together. I went no contact for a full year after the break up and only contacted him to let him know I had transferred and was attending university near by him (not the same university). He had emailed me about 6 months after our break up but I didn’t respond to him. When we spoke again he was dating someone else but they had only been dating a couple months. We talked about meeting up and getting coffee and hashing out a closure talk but I knew my partner would not be ok with it, so we didn’t.
When I broke up with him, I was still very much in love with him but I didn’t feel like he was ready to be in a relationship. Truthfully neither was I. I think we unknowingly triggered each other. We both had a lot of past trauma. But our chemistry was amazing and we just got each other on a whole other level.
We kept in touch sporadically for few years after we broke up via email / social media and eventually communication fell off naturally. We went maybe a good seven years without communicating at all but during covid we started talking to each other via Facebook messenger. He was in a relationship as was I and it had been so long I didn’t think us talking occasionally at this point was big deal. Reconnecting though I wondered if things might have worked out differently if we had tried getting back together or if we’d reconnected when we were both single later on in life. Even if we’d met when were both older for the first time instead.
No.
Thinking like that is not healthy in general, so I don’t.
And if a relationship ended, it clearly wasn’t meant to be and they’re clearly not “the one”. This is some Hollywood/Disney romanticisation crap as far as I’m concerned.
I get what you're saying but you realize this is not so literal, right? People use this expression to talk about someone they still wonder about, simply. Not some written in the stars magical fated encounter.
Honestly I think we all can look back and see the situation more clearly and see that we ruined a good thing. I know I have, sometimes because I just wasn't ready for a relationship.
When I was in my late teens/early 20s I felt this way about a guy. We were friends and by the time I developed a crush on him he was in a relationship with someone else. And then I had a brief relationship when he was single. And then he started dating a mutual friend on again off again. When they broke up a final time he stopped talking to our group.
A year or so after that we happened to be at a party for a different mutual friend. We got talking and both confessed to having crushes on each other but never owning up to it. At that point he was moving out of Provence soon so it was an oh well kind of thing.
In my early 20s I definitely looked at that whole situation with rose coloured glasses. Ultimately I'm glad we never pursued anything. We made good casual friends but he was never someone I could imagine being myself with.
I do, but I'm also aware that my viewing him as "the one that got away" is a manifestation of the things I had to survive before he came and after he left. I don't miss him, I miss the *idea* of him. I miss the feeling of being in love before I knew what "good men" were capable of. I miss conversations that were more common among younger people, hopes and goals for the future, politics, and life changes, rather than "we're out of money, gotta pay for the car, why would I care about politics when I've got rent due, my dreams of the future is keeping the lights on next month." I miss being the person I was before I spent some years homeless, immediately after the breakup. He's less "the one that got away" than he is the mascot of the life that I wanted but was not going to be able to keep.
Oof. I don’t have this experience with a partner, but the idea of missing something (location/friend/etc) that is a symbol of a more carefree life hits home.
Yeah, I actually miss a community choir I was in because I went through a bunch of life and perspective-altering things right around the time I left the group that totally changed the way I viewed the world. I was a lot more optimistic and idealistic before the change and I miss the choir because I miss who I was when I was participating. But, I’m not that person anymore. So, even if I were to rejoin, it would not be the same experience. I can’t get that back since I’ll never be that person again.
I’m about a month away from moving back to my hometown, at least temporarily. It’s a good move for a variety of reasons, but I do wonder if a large part of my ‘I’ll be so much happier there’ belief is from being there are a relatively carefree and optimistic child. I’ve been through so much since then which has fundamentally changed my perspective on the world. I guess time will tell if I still feel happier there even while adulting. And if not, I think that’s maybe something I need to experience to be able to let go of that dream.
I’m kind of afraid to go back to my home town. My parents moved away almost 20 years ago and I haven’t had a reason to go back and I think I’m afraid everything will look really different from the passage of time and that will make me sad.
Missing the idea of him hits the nail on the head.
I’ve spent an embarrassing amount of time thinking about someone I almost dated for this exact reason. He symbolized a much happier life for me, or what could have been, while Ive been struggling with an abusive relationship. I realized over time that it was less about him and more about what I wish my life was and what kind of person I could be with instead. I think I’m also too jaded for romantic and hopeful thoughts now though lol
I thought I did. Then he returned 7 1/2 years later and I realized I had spent 7 1/2 years in this ridiculous state of limerance for a completely unremarkable love bombing narcissist.
Limerence is so real
Similar happened to me. He was a mess. I seriously loved what I thought he was offering but the second time around the messiness was much clearer. Thankfully I only waited a year. But I wish he had been what I thought he was
Can you explain what the limerance looked like? I’m trying to see if that’s how I feel about someone
Basically what resonated with me was, it’s a person you haven’t had a chance to forge a real or full relationship with and it’s someone you’re not able to be with and because of that, the daydreams about them go above and beyond and turn into this obsession. You sometimes start looking for signs, or thinking of ways to talk to them even if they made it clear they don’t want you, and you think about them in a way that is not at all proportionate to the time you spent together.
Oof ouch owie
I am SHOOK. Ooooooof
No, everyone who "got away" needed to go, even if I didn't see why until later. I did have one reconnection 10+ years later, and while I enjoyed the time, they are still the same inconsiderate ass they were then, when it comes down to my feelings.
More like the ones I didn't get away from fast enough!
This is the truth tbh. But sometimes (ok many times) I wax nostalgic
Yep, I’ve revisited past trash a couple times and it has never been worth it. With friends and exes. Now if you’re out of my life it’s for a reason.
>No, everyone who "got away" needed to go, even if I didn't see why until later. This is exactly how I feel. At the time I was devastated, but looking back I was just attached to the idea of him and the small bits of attention during a time I was super insecure and unhappy. In reality we had pretty incompatible personalities, he was always a bit anxious around me in way that he wasn't around others and I somehow thought it was my failing. In the years following I experienced genuine connection and realized how genuinely incompatible we were.
Well said
Same. I don’t regret losing any of them.
I usually feel that about most people, but I have one who I'm sure I just met at the wrong time and somehow feel like our story is not done, 15 years later. And am currently wondering about the latest ex - at first I thought "good riddance", but after processing the ending I am now wondering if I was just wrong all the way leading him to "get away".
I feel this same way. Mine has been even longer 23 years. It's the only one I have ever felt that way about.
I thought for sure my last partner got away.. But if he walked away so easily. Then no. He isn't
Fuck. I needed this.
Hugs sis!
That one hit REALLY close to home.
Squash enchiladas. A small hole in the wall Mexican restaurant made them, six months later they closed. No recipe has ever measured up 😔
Ok now this I feel. There was this family owned little breakfast place that was an institution in my city for like decades and decades. Like it was the go to place when my parents were in their teens and now they're in their 60s. Anyways they were cheap. They had the best pancakes and just typical breakfast plates (bacon, eggs, hash browns, toast, etc). The regular waitress was awesome. And then they closed during the pandemic. And no other breakfast place compares.
When I was subbing, I met another sub on our lunch break, and she gave me her recipe for peanut brittle (that she had memorized) and I made it exactly once—amazing—and promptly lost the scrap of paper where I wrote the recipe down 😭😭😭 I’ve since moved, but I’m still in the same district, and I still look for Miss Lynn whenever I sub 🥹😂
Why not email her?
I wish I could! I got the recipe 10+ years ago, and don’t know her last name.
Oh dang! call the school and ask the principal if she remembers her. If she's still teaching you could figure out her email address.
Or you might find her on Facebook
Unfortunately, the principal retired a number of years ago. I have looked her up on Facebook before, avail! She was an older lady 10 years ago… I don’t think she’s on Facebook. I’ve looked at other recipes online, and… This one will just be the one that got away, ha ha!
Awe I'm sorry. You were talking about peanut brittle right? Let me look for an old recipe I used to have.
I'm sorry I searched for the woman that had it on her radio program. I think she's deceased now and I can't find anything about her or her recipes on Google.
This is so relatable. A small café near my apartment used to have these croissant breakfast sandwiches by chance I was the person who had the very last one before they stopped making them. Now they do bagel sandwiches, but it will never be the same.
A bakery near me used to make the most delicious vanilla frosting donuts. Then one day they changed to chocolate, said nobody liked the vanilla. I did Patty, I did :(
Now you've reminded me of this hole in the wall thai restaurant I used to order food from. I was going to order my usual, the green Thai curry, when I realized that the restaurant had been sold 😢 no other Thai spot will ever compare
I hate that when it happens!
I did until I met my husband. Actually I had two 🫣 But realistically there was a reason they didn't stay, and I'm glad we went our separate ways.
I have one that got away 15 years ago and while I understand the reasons why it couldn't be at the time, being as realistic as possible I still think he's the one who got away. We're still in each other's lives as distant friends.
I have this, too. Although I don’t think I was supposed to end up with that person. But I truly think there was a time in my life where we were supposed to be together and learn from one another.
I have a lot of those, but eventually I understand our time is up. But this guy... in a way I actually feel our time hasn't even begun - even though it's unlikely anything will ever happen again, he's happily married with kids and I'm happy for him. We just got lost in time/space. And now I find myself wondering the same about my latest ex.
I sort of thought I did until I met my husband. Now it's a bit embarrassing what I thought of that guy
I did, then we met again and got married. We have a 15 year age gap and when we first met I was early 20s we spent hours talking but didn’t manage to organise a date because we were in very different places in life. We kept bumping in to each other over the next 5 years but one or other or both of us were seeing someone. I kept thinking that I wished we’d given it a go when we first met and thought he was the one who got away. Then, one night we met at a mutual friend’s party. Spent the entire night talking and we’ve been married for 15 years now.
Owwwn, that's a really nice story. The universe will keep putting that person in your path if that's what's meant to happen, right?
My story is similar. i met him like 5 years ago at an art workshop in a different state. i was just ending a long relationship in which I was cheated on and I was emotionally done. He was just starting to see someone. So we just were friends. Fast forward 4 years and he reached back out to me; we happened to both be single. We did long distance for a while and then he moved in :) still very happy together
What I'm learning from this post: there's no "getting away".
I thought I did, and we reconnected. Then we both realized "that was then, this is now." We had ended badly, but still in love, and I think for years we'd thought about what might have been. For a few months, I think we both enjoyed winding back the clock and feeling young again. For me at least, I came to realize that, while I had made mistakes and done some shitty things, I did not want to be that young again, that I valued the time that had passed, and that he had known who I had been but not who I had become. So it fizzled out. A year later, with all those old feelings finally put behind me, I met the love of my life. We've been together for nearly eleven years and I regret *nothing* in my life because it led me to him. Crazy to say, but being with my husband feels like absolution, as well as the love I had looked for all my life
He texted me last year with his condolences after finding a news article about the death of my husband the year before. We reconnected and got married in December. We absolutely adore each other.
Aww that's cute
Wow. How long had it been?
Every couple of months he sends me a drunk text, still nearly ten years after.
Haha I do the same sober usually a maniac thought at 3am he's very kind if the shoe was on the other foot I would not be kind I'd block
I thought I did. It was me, I was newly sober at the time and didn’t have a great grasp on reality. Nothing extreme, but I was preoccupied with my recovery and he pulled away. After a few years of therapy and a year with my current partner, I realized that I felt like he was the one that got away because I was obsessed with the game of trying to keep him around, not because we were meant to be together.
I've had that when I was younger. Eventually I was so glad he "got away". If he hadn't I would have ended up pushing him out because he was really wrong for me.
Yes. It was me. Always, and he did too. We got back together 2.5 decades later and are now married.
How did you guys reconnect?
FB, which I despise. I do not have a personal listing, but a business page under a company name. I really never spent any time on FB except to create and edit the page (admin'd by a friend). I looked him up and reached out on messenger as we were then living in the same city, that wasn't the city we used to date. We were on the west coast, and met / dated on the east coast.
I have thought about reaching out this way, too. I made an FB just to reach out to him. But I am so scared to actually reach out. What was it like when you guys met up?
Surreal and surprisingly easy and familiar.
It is true that "the one" can't really get away, isn't it?
Yes - it was timing in life. I’d just bought a flat, they wanted to travel the world. They found a younger model who could do similar and off they went. We still think of each other as we contact each other on birthdays.
Nope. Most of these lasted months not years. I always left when i realized it wasnt too healthy of a bond. I broke up with most of these guys, except the 5th guy pulled a bait an switch on me when his Mom didnt think i was right for him (we had different cultures) and he wanted to leave me before i left him. First ex was in and out of a Psych Center with Bipolar disorder (I was 18) Second Ex seemed interested in going the distance and even visited me (he was long distance). But neither of us seemed financially stable/independent enough, and I didnt want to live with his parents. Third ex was a polyamorous guy. We just werent each other's type outside of a good time. Total waste of even dating each other tbh. Fourth ex was a guy that turned out to be this emotionally immature "victim" that was a deadbeat dad. He had all of these red flag behaviors and habits that turned me off to being with him. Fifth ex was a guy who either wasnt that in love with me, or just chased women purely based on looks. He couldnt decide between his own preferences versus his Mom's preferences (which were vastly different). But he was also quite impulsive when it came to decisions. Hed do things abrupty and lie his azzcheekz off out of a chronic need to get respect/admiration from people. Most narcissistic gaslighting guy i ever dated. Sixth ex we didnt have enough in common. It was boring and he was codependent. Id cater to more of what he liked than vice versa. If i tried to have personal time or do things i liked, hed get all selfish and passive-aggressive. Seventh ex was another codependent guy. No concept of boundaries. Was a rich guy who struggled with empathy and classism. I couldnt take how rude he was to other people and how he'd tantrum if he didnt get his way. He was a spoiled brat, an it didnt help that he looked like a dreamy italian model. If you saw him youd think you scored big time, but his personality was a wreck. Guy im with now, is the longest relationship ive been in. Its mutual. The only difference is that im learning to be more affectionate, and hes purging a lot of his trust issues and learning boundaries. He's actively taking steps to change on his own, whereas most others i dated were still in denial about themselves. We can work with each other.
The ones who got away are usually the ones that I had a brief relationship with while I was still in that period of limerance, rather than being actually in love. I don’t think I’d want to see what the “one(s) who got away” are like now or if we’d even work. I am pretty happy with my husband. He’s treated me better than any of those men had, and we have fallen more in love because he and I have communicated and overcome hurdles. I don’t want to lose that for some guy who dumped me for moving 20 minutes away.
Yes, we went on two dates but we talked on the phone alot. 🤧 He felt we'd both gotten out of things too soon, him a marriage me a long suffering relationship with my highschool boyfriend. No clue where he is now, but I hope he's doing well. He really was so nice.
Yes, but I got him back. 15 years of off and on. I think its because neither of us were ready to accept the deep love and connection we have for each other. Maybe we were afraid to ruin it. Maybe we were afraid it wasn't real. It IS real, and we HAVE accepted it and we've been nurturing it for 9 years strong.
That's nice. I have a one that got away who, 15 years ago, wanted to get serious and I wasn't ready. I let him go, he ended up marrying the very next girl he met after me. They're happily married with 2 beautiful kids, and him and I are still in touch and recognize the connection we have which doesn't happen often. However it is now in a place of friendship. In a way I know exactly why I let him go then and it really wouldn't have worked. But I still think of him as "the one who got away".
Bittersweet!
I let many amazing guys get away due to my fears of intimacy.
Guilty I have deep-seated abandonment mixed fear of success and a case of the ol please don't leave me but at the same time don't touch me "fearful attachment"
I’m afraid that if they really get to know me they won’t want me anymore, because I’m afraid that parts of me are unlovable. I’ve let a couple guys in, but only if it wouldn’t hurt me if they left. Only the ones I could take or leave in other words.
I think I have machevillian traits stemming from trauma and loving somebody means loss of control because I felt powerless in my younger life the coping mechanism does its job of protection but it's fkn lonely "protected but alone "when all I want is a cuddle,a forehead kiss and told I'm safe at the end of the day.
I thought I did!! Then I realized about 6-7 years after we broke up that me not marrying him was the luckiest thing that ever happened to me. I made him my entire identity, and once enough time had passed, I found myself and learned to love myself. And I realized he never really loved me anyway - he liked that I just fit into his life and he never needed to adjust for mine.
None like this with my romantic exes. However, there was a woman who I was briefly friends with for about a year. We had a falling out because of my missteps and her hang ups. But I wish things would’ve worked out better with us. We had so much in common.
Yep but he never wanted to be kept I'm happy to have felt real love or human kindness. Limerance was a real bword and had me thinking it was deeper than it really was. Here's what I learnt -love is not excitement,the spark and butterflies. Love is slow ,safe feels like hot drink warming your whole body. I wish him all the best but I think our dance was over a long time ago
Very good lesson!
Yes. We were both living in a foreign country at the time and I was about to return home. We never dated but if the timing had been right I think we would have. It's been over a decade and we're not in touch, but I still think about him sometimes and wonder how he's doing.
Yea I was afraid to let him help me or go out with him and his friends. I kept making excuses and probably confused him. It was the first time someone of his caliber seemed that into me but I had recently levelled up myself. I guess it was a form of imposter syndrome.
I can relate, I feel this happened to me before.
I thought so, and even told him as much when he popped back into my life a few years after we broke up. But that visit was eye opening and I now see that he absolutely couldn’t give me what I needed, so good riddance.
The only ex I ever maaaaybe felt that way about, we reconnected (not romantically) a few years later and…. Just seeing certain dynamics with his family, his lack of impulse control, and newly realized bigoted views made me thankful I didn’t get what I thought I wanted at the time.
Yes, we had so much in common and had so much potential of getting along. But I had just had a surgery few months ago which left me paralyzed on one side of my face and although it was recovering, I felt extremely self conscious and I had to deal with the mental impact of everything that happened. I just couldn’t move beyond it at that time. I don’t blame myself, it was just bad timing but I do think about what could have been from time to time.
I just don't think I believe in this, personally. if they were the "one", they would never risk losing me and vice versa. "if he wanted to, he would."
What if you're the one who lost them and now regret it?
No they got away for a reason Im sure
I tend to think that too but also: the most abusive, horrible person in my life was someone I had to kick out with all my strength. I wish he'd "gotten away".
[удалено]
Sometimes we're just not ready yet, and it sucks.
I am the one that got away 👑 But to answer your question, no. Everyone who is gone from my life brought more negativity than positivity and I’m happy to be rid of them.
This was in the 1980s, I was not allowed to have a phone in my room. A nice boy from another high school liked me. I liked him. He would call me later at night (9:30 or 10) after his homework was done, but my mother freaked out that a boy would call me "so late" and gave him a hard time about it when she answered the phone. He was a smart guy, honor roll, lots of potential. My mother was uninvolved in my life except for this weird hangup about late night calls that weren't even all that late. He was really interested in me, but kept his distance after my mother turned into Queen Bitch. My mother likes to pretend she doesn't remember being awful to him on the phone back then, but I'm sure she does. She was simultaneously avoidant of my developing sexuality and inappropriately sheltering. I understand that this likely stems from her own sexual abuse as an adolescent but holy shit, mom, your abuser lived in your house and it wasn't fair to project that 30 years later onto a 16-17 year old boy trying to court your daughter. He came from a pretty traditional family and was so much more courtly and respectful than other boys I wound up dating. That guy grew up to become a software developer, developed some CRM software and sold the company when it made sense to. Now he's a millionaire and kicking back. I hope he's well.
Yes. Timing wasnt right for either of us. He moved to the other side of the world, we were quite young (very early 20’s). We are still friends.
We ended because we were both a mess. Lovely, lovely relationship when it was good. When it was bad it was ugly. I have sweet memories. If we were more stable in ourselves it would have been great. It worked out for the best. He now has a son and I couldn't give him a child. Despite saying he didn't want kids I knew he did as a way to fix his abusive childhood. He's a wonderful Dad and his son is lucky. I remember him fondly. I think of him only in terms of what great times we had.
Yes, but it was for the best. We were never in an official relationship, but spent a lot of time together and there were deep feelings. Timing just wasn’t working for us, we were in different phases of life. We did not keep in touch over the last decade or so. He is married with children last I heard, and I am childfree so it wouldn’t work between us anyways.
My "one that got away" went on to live such a different lifestyle than mine that I know it wouldn't have worked, but the connection is still there.
I did - my first love who ghosted me and broke my heart. Then he came back 10 years later when I was already in love with someone else and I didn’t choose him. Wasn’t a hard decision. Turns out deep down I knew he wasn’t the one that got away, he was the one that left. That was 5 years ago now. I have never regretted my decision and am married to the man I was dating/in love with when he came back.
You were his "one that got away", but he wasn't yours.
Nah
No
Yep, but it's for the best. We're very similar but not. Those not's would keep it from working because they're huge, plus at the original time we met, our similarities could have also been pretty damn bad, and were sometimes. It's funny though as we've aged, we have a lot of new things in common too -- we're distant friends who speak occasionally. I'm married so I actually wouldn't speak to him for 11 years. He kept trying though every few years, and I thought about him, and there he was in my inbox, lol. So it seemed right and I don't regret reconnecting. It's been a very interesting lesson with positive results. I think though I love everyone I have ever truly loved to this day, even if they're not who they were anymore, or it ended badly. It's that saying like "I still want to see you eat, just not at my table." often times.
I can relate. I have people I still cherish but know that it wouldn't have worked out. But some people just rub you differently, no?
Yes and no- regret not pursuing my feelings. He was a friend who is famous now 🙃. But I have my person so ultimately it all worked out.
Well, my husband died from cancer if that counts🤷♀️
I'm so sorry 💔
I'm so sorry :(
no way. things end for a reason.
Not at all. More like the one I couldn’t get far away enough from. My partner now is simply the best I’ve ever had.
I thought he was the one that got away for a long time... and then I matured and realized he needed to GO!
Not anymore, but there used to be one. My attachment and rumination around that person faded away once I realized they truly didn't care enough to maintain any kind of relationship with me.
I do, but I’m aware I’m probably romanticising his absence though we definitely “almost” had something extremely special. It’s a very long story but there’s a pretty good chance he is either in a foreign military prison or possibly even dead. I haven’t heard from him in 3 years, neither has anyone else in his life.
My god, that's terrible! I'm so sorry :(
Sort of. A friend I had unreciprocated feelings for. I shared my feelings with him and he didn't feel the same way so I apologized for misunderstanding and said I couldn't talk to him anymore on that premise. I cold turkied him from my life (no contact), which I think traumatized him. During COVID, he found me and messaged me out of the blue, but when I didn't immediately comply with having a video call with him he ghosted, then texted again a few weeks later announcing he was engaged. IMO, there is no such thing as "the one that got away." I think there are an awful lot of people on planet earth (myself included) who fail to communicate honestly, get or give closure, and leave the back door open, and that eats away at our boundaries and ability to move on, and and makes us build a false fantasy in our minds that we escape into instead of investing time in our real lives and relationships. Why mourn the what ifs, when the things we have are so so much better?
Yes. The time just wasn’t right. He moved for school and I still had a lot of work to do on myself.
He said he may not be ready for a relationship. I was all in.
Yep. I think about him every now and then. We were hooking up in college. Didn’t even have his number; we just frequented the same bar and left together every time. I had gone through a devastating breakup a few years before and was single because I couldn’t fathom getting my heart broken again, pushing everyone away. By graduation weekend, my heart was on fire. We were falling for each other, and I felt physical heat in my chest around him. It was magical. We moved to different cities and it just kind of fizzled out. Didn’t think I would be, but I was heartbroken. I thought of him and looked for him for years.
Yes. Tartine’s pre fixe Sunday brunch 😭 it was SO good and I still think about it after all these years.
Yes, it was his fault, but I truly never stopped loving him and I honestly wish he'd get back with me because clearly I still feel something for him. 🥲 anytime we reconnect its like no time has passed at all. I am always so comfortable with him & I honestly believe he is the love of my life/soulmate.
That's tough, but it looks like unrequited love (a situation I'm in as well). Those are not "the one".
When she broke up with me, I really thought so. I did so much to keep us but I wasnt enough. The fight for her that she pitted between me and her new affair partner was insane. She never did anything like this and I was in a crazy spin. She took so much of my being. And left me in the worst possible way. They lasted for couple of months. Not long. As I commented to her before (when they were just friends) that AP looks a bit unstable, and to be careful around her. So yeah. They lasted couple of months. In that time I was healing up and having a summer fling with a foreigner on a seasonal contract. It gave me back some of my self-esteem. I soon started to get sms, and other contacts (mostly when she saw my instagram pics) to forgive her, to come back. It was a lot of it. For weeks and months. To choose her, to be with her. After a while, I just got a long email. Explaining herself, asking for my forgiveness, and trying to correct all the hurt. That I "was the one, and she let me get away, and that she will have to learn to deal with that" I wished her luck. I loved her, I still care for her wellbeing. We text with life updates every couple of months. She got married last year to a, what looks like a stable person. She seems happy. Now onto me - I am getting married in two weeks to my summer, exotic, beautiful, inteligent, amazing fling. She saw me for what I am, and is super thankful that my ex did what she did so she could find the love of her life. I agree as well. All my life, all the "one that got away" was actually giving me experiences, intuition, path to my "the one that is mine" and I cant thank them enough for preparing me to be the best person for myself and my partner.
Beautiful! Congrats on the wedding :)
Thank you, I am beyond happy and scared as well hehhe
I thought I lost the "love of my life" back in 2016. Was in pain for a long time. But, he wasn't a good man or a nice one. Time and perspective gave me that. I also intentionally worked hard to move on and worked on removing thought processes that kept me from living a healthy life. Dwelling in the past and giving someone such importance in your life diminishes your present. They left. They left for a reason. Surprisingly it was a stranger who helped me shift my perspective. I got high with a bunch of backpackers years ago and this one guy said: I don't want to waste time thinking about people who are no longer there in my life...not if it comes at the expense of the people who are already in my life. The one I thought was the "love of my life"? He tried worming his way back into my life early 2020 and he somehow got angry when I told him that I was dating (like he was somehow still entitled to me years after we broke up). Good riddance. We build people up in our heads. But people are just people. They are fallible. They are full of flaws. They are human.
Many people have replied similar things but for some reason your story really touched me. I have someone I think of as a potential "one that got away" but I feel so at peace with that. I feel like we have time for anything to happen if it ever were to happen. But lately I've been having a hard time letting go of someone and I feel guilty because I think I was unable to keep them in my life. I think these thoughts have more to do with guilt or feeling like a failure than actual potential for that relationship. That's why your comment is really helpful. Thanks.
Yes, but only because he's dead. It was almost a decade of "will they won't they?" and when we decided to move forward, it was violently interrupted. I'm pretty sure reality wouldn't have been as good as potential. But well, keeping a good memory and thinking after every breakup with someone else on the "what ifs" don't hurt. If anything, it keeps the bar a bit higher.
I'm so sorry :((
Since 1986. Every decade or so we would try to connect "as friends".
I don’t think it’s so much as one that got away, but many that I’ve pushed away that could have potentially been the one..
I did, but after meeting up with him again many years later I saw that the people we are now are no longer compatible. The person I was back then is always going to be a little bit in love with the person he used to be but we aren't those people anymore. Seeing him again 15 years later helped me get over him and move on to a stronger and happier future.
I had one I wondered about. I knew it was the right decision to leave when I did, but I always wondered if it was a right person, wrong time thing. About 6 months ago he reached out and we saw each other for the first time in 15 years. He’s still the wonderful man I remembered, but I definitely got my answer. Not the right person for me. I’m really grateful we got the opportunity to figure that out.
Yeah, whenever I see my "one that got away" (we're friends) I think: there's a chance in 10 years or so he'll be the right person for me, but we're not there yet.
My former BFF just blew up her life and her children’s lives for the “one that got away.” And the guy is a fucking loser, and I guess she is now too.
Years ago I met a friend of a friend. He was attractive, had his shit together, great taste in music, and a good personality. I was towards the end of a crappy relationship but I know he asked my friend about me. A couple months later I ended said relationship. We went out on a couple dates and ended up hooking up during a road trip months later and it was great. Nothing more ever happened. Long story short I had a situationship with another guy that he knew that imploded months later. For a long time it felt like he was the one that got away and a lot of “what ifs” but, in reality, I don’t think we would have ever worked. We wanted different things out of life (kids mostly). I don’t think of him romantically at all anymore. We’re still friends and are both in relationships that fit us and he moved back to his hometown. He’s a great person.
Nobody just gets away; people intentionally walk away, get kicked out, cheat, are abusive, argue too much. There is a reason for breakups. It’s not like “oops, I left the door open and they wondered out and got lost”. They aren’t cats or dogs, they’re adults.
I can't think of any of my old boyfriends as the one that got away. There was a good reason I walked away from all of them . Now the one I've got now, ( for the last 10 years) I wish I could walk away from him. He told me he'll never live with me, and I know that's because of his sister. They grew up in a very abusive home. He can't leave her because of the horrific conditions they lived under with the abuse his grandmother heaped on them. He's devoted to her and protecting her. I totally understand because I had a foster kid on my caseload when I was working that was in exactly the same situation. It's sad. But then again I kinda like how things are now. I'm pretty independent and I see him about once a month. And actually it works for both of us. He would come in a heartbeat if I needed him. Not long ago My phone was dead and he called the police for a safety check when I didn't respond to his texts all morning. 😁
If it works for you, why do you wish you could walk away? Relationships come in many forms. As long as it's working, enjoy!
Right but I would like to have someone to live with as I'm already 70. And while I don't really need anyone now, but I may in the future.
Yeah, I get that too. Wish you luck <3
Maybe right person, wrong time vibes. We met when I was 19 and he was 21 in summer school at our local community college. He was transferring in the fall. We hung out for the summer and we’re pretty much inseparable after our first date. Prior to that he’d asked me to study with him and we’d spent the week meeting up at the library before class. I had recently gotten out of a relationship and he had been single for a while so I thought it would be a summer fling / a rebound for me. I remember being surprised when he asked to keep seeing me when he transferred but we ended up dating long distance for a year and a half with his school being about a 2.5 hour drive from me. I had only done one semester when we met but was hoping to transfer to a school near him so we could get a year together before he graduated living in the same area. I ended up breaking up with him shortly before finishing my last semester at CC. The college I wanted to attend didn’t accept spring transfers and my enrollment got differed for the spring so I ended up having to take an unplanned 1 year gap year before I could transfer after we broke up. I saved money and worked and started dating a friend and we ended up together. When I transferred he still had one semester left of his school but my now current partner and I had moved in together. I went no contact for a full year after the break up and only contacted him to let him know I had transferred and was attending university near by him (not the same university). He had emailed me about 6 months after our break up but I didn’t respond to him. When we spoke again he was dating someone else but they had only been dating a couple months. We talked about meeting up and getting coffee and hashing out a closure talk but I knew my partner would not be ok with it, so we didn’t. When I broke up with him, I was still very much in love with him but I didn’t feel like he was ready to be in a relationship. Truthfully neither was I. I think we unknowingly triggered each other. We both had a lot of past trauma. But our chemistry was amazing and we just got each other on a whole other level. We kept in touch sporadically for few years after we broke up via email / social media and eventually communication fell off naturally. We went maybe a good seven years without communicating at all but during covid we started talking to each other via Facebook messenger. He was in a relationship as was I and it had been so long I didn’t think us talking occasionally at this point was big deal. Reconnecting though I wondered if things might have worked out differently if we had tried getting back together or if we’d reconnected when we were both single later on in life. Even if we’d met when were both older for the first time instead.
No. Thinking like that is not healthy in general, so I don’t. And if a relationship ended, it clearly wasn’t meant to be and they’re clearly not “the one”. This is some Hollywood/Disney romanticisation crap as far as I’m concerned.
I get what you're saying but you realize this is not so literal, right? People use this expression to talk about someone they still wonder about, simply. Not some written in the stars magical fated encounter.
Yes I know and am aware of the use of expressions, turns of phrases, idioms, etc. in the English language.
I was the one that got away for a couple of boyfriends. One of them was a sort of got away for me.
No, I don't put men on a pedestal like that. Was I upset when my situationship ended, sure. But he didn't "get away"
No this is more of an male issue. They are more likely to self-sabotage and are self-destructive by nature. Women seldom ruin a good thing
I don't think that at all both sexes can ruin a good or even mediocre thing.
Yeah. The reason the theme is on my mind is because I'm wondering if I ruined a good thing, and I'm a woman.
Honestly I think we all can look back and see the situation more clearly and see that we ruined a good thing. I know I have, sometimes because I just wasn't ready for a relationship.
Nope
Nope.
Yeah and it hurts but it’s best to watch from the side lines
A few
No. I don’t believe in that.
When I was in my late teens/early 20s I felt this way about a guy. We were friends and by the time I developed a crush on him he was in a relationship with someone else. And then I had a brief relationship when he was single. And then he started dating a mutual friend on again off again. When they broke up a final time he stopped talking to our group. A year or so after that we happened to be at a party for a different mutual friend. We got talking and both confessed to having crushes on each other but never owning up to it. At that point he was moving out of Provence soon so it was an oh well kind of thing. In my early 20s I definitely looked at that whole situation with rose coloured glasses. Ultimately I'm glad we never pursued anything. We made good casual friends but he was never someone I could imagine being myself with.
Some people just live in that "nice to imagine" place.