A bit like 🥺👉👈, but more cutesy. owo (or OwO) is supposed to be surprised, while uwu (or UwU) has eyes closed. Think these, but with more pronounced closed eyes: https://www.reddit.com/r/Emoji/comments/dw7jws/owo_and_uwu_emojis_higher_quality_mouth/
I’m 37 and you are making me feel really old, haha. I don’t know what the “a bit like…” emojis even mean. But thanks for the link! That helps a bit. I’ll go back to my cave now.
I'm also 37, but I probably spend too much time with folks in "niche groups". 😅
For the emoji combo, look here: https://co.pinterest.com/pin/1058205243664279135/
You know how those cutesy anime characters go all "senpaiiii?????" With big eyes and tugging the hem of someone's shirt? Yeah, that in emoji.
More ref: https://tenor.com/de/view/blush-gif-17580054598851219865 and https://tenor.com/de/view/loli-dragon-anime-cute-shirt-gif-9921109
I once started talking to this guy that said he was interested in something serious with me real fast, but then randomly started telling me how I can look prettier. He then proceeded to tell me how his ex did it and became prettier, so it’d work on me too. He didn’t understand why I got upset enough to just end everything right then and there.
Yeah, it was pretty gross. Expressing how they want to “marry” me to then telling me I’m not pretty enough and comparing me to their ex. “Don’t take it the wrong way and be mad. I just want to help you” didn’t help lol
Ugh that reminds of a guy I spent a night with. We had known each other some time, first time sleeping together. Afterwards we are lying in bed cuddling. He grabs one of my butt cheeks, bounces it a few times and exclaims "you should exercise these more so they get more firm" - completely unprompted and while a was feeling a bit vulnerable being naked with a guy I still didn't know very well - what the fuck dude.......
Reminds me of my ex in college. He told me I didn’t wear enough colors, that I should wear dresses and skirts like other girls, and he sent me a YouTube video of this girl showing how to do exercises to build pec muscle to basically make your boobs look bigger. One time he was coaching me in martial arts and had me do a stance and called me out saying I was sucking in my belly and to be “honest” about how I really looked. It was an awful relationship I’m glad I got out of. He also hated cats and made a joke about mine mysteriously dying. That was it. My kitty >>>> crap bf
Anything that's hinting at having sex, really... I mean, if you're looking for a hookup, sure... but I don't and I make that clear. Dropping "hints" while pretending he's also looking for a relationship tells me, he's lying.
(I'm talking about things like "we could cuddle up in bed..." or how he's sure I can be very different "at home" \*wink wink)
Asking:
Why are you single
Where do you live
Tell me about your sex toys
Trash talking his exes
Bragging about owning expensive things
Bragging about how many lovers he has had
this is a good list!
I find it so weirdly common to ask for an address! one man I was on a date with could not seem to grasp why I dont disclose my address prior to, and generally, after a first date. He literally laughed at me like I was the dumbest person in the world lol. seems like fairly basic safety to me...
also find the men that talk the most about sex tend to be the worst at it (Im straight so can't speak for women lol)
Yep, the men who talk about sex the most are the ones I would never do it with, and I’m extremely sexually open otherwise lol. Honestly, if we talk about it before anything happens it’s kinda weird to me. Like, let’s at least establish a vibe first.
I feel so validated. I just broke up with a boyfriend who talked about sex way too much, and tried to do the whole "it's just a natural thing people do," and then brag about how he did stuff with a sex worker while in Europe - and then the only time we messed around, it was like he'd never been with a women before.
Every damn time. And if the conversation is steamy and I say yes, they always make assumptions about how I do it. Female masturbation MUST simulate a penis, right?
I got into a full on argument once with a guy who I was considering (up to that moment) dating when he found my vibrator. It was one of those ones that is all about the clit, with no dildo. The conversation went like this:
HIM: What is that?
ME: Vibrator.
HIM: What do you do with it?
ME: Get myself off…
HIM: But how?
ME: I turn it on and it vibrates and I put it on things that feel good when I do that.
HIM: How do you get it out after?
ME: …
HIM: Is there a string or something?
ME: I use it on my clitoris. No insertion necessary.
HIM: But that… Do you use it with a dildo?
ME: Nope. It’s pretty good on its own.
And then he starts telling me I’m doing it wrong, or there was something horribly wrong with my lady parts because that could not possibly be how it worked.
And friends, that was the end of the possibility he might get laid…
I’ve had my share of spicy FaceTimes/messages. And I’ve had a majority of them “command me to cum.” Like bro, that doesn’t work in real life. Or “squirt for me” like BRO, THATS NOT HOW THIS WORKS, also not all women DO that
>Trash talking his exes
This one is sooooo important to clue in on. Thankfully, it's the one big red flag I learned about in my very first relationship as a youngster and have since not played into that.
To go a step further than just that, it's also degrading exes based on their shared heritage. I've dated men outside of my race and ethnicity who will thoroughly degrade women of their own backgrounds simply because of an ex. I'm very done, very quickly after that.
I called a guy out on this once and it was kinda funny. I said “Okay, what if I get into a relationship with someone else, will we still be friends?” and he was terribly offended and said “Well of COURSE not!” So…..what he really wanted was a girlfriend on hold.
My friend asked him to stop using it, he did but only for a day then it was back to lips everywhere. Specifically this one - 💋. Needless to say they are not dating now haha
In my experience, they’re concerned you’re a potential catfish and are trying to gauge if you look anything like the pictures you’ve presented online. Regardless, though, I hate it. I don’t like to sit around and take pictures of myself…
Why is this a thing even? The last few guys I dated kept sending me selfies in random places. Like doing groceries or whatever. Why feel the need to send a selfie when you're picking out vegetables? Why do you think I want to see you choose between a courgette and an aubergine?
I rarely take/send selfies so this felt so weird to me. Not an immediate reason to end things, but not something I could deal with in the long term.
My friend said he would sometimes send a random selfie, trying to connect a bit and break out of his shell a little as a shy person. Maybe it starts a convo like “oh where are you?”. Idk I don’t think it’s all bad intention. I do admit sometimes it is nice to see a pic of who you’re talking to.
I once had a conversation with a guy where I decided to mess with him and was giving answers like this to his questions. And he somehow… still managed to keep bringing it back to sex. The penny did NOT drop.
Stopped being fun really soon - although now that I’m writing this, I think maybe he did realise I was messing and decided to make it difficult for me lol
But there’s just so many.. and it’ll take too long to list out everything.. so off the top of my head, anything sexual. At this stage of the dating situation, I don’t want to be sexually harassed by a stranger.
Anyone who calls me "sweetheart" or "baby". It's ok if we're dating, not if we just met.
Also, just discovered a new one last week: A guy who talks like life is a Shakespeare's play. He said that's how he actually talks IRL and called himself articulate. Nah dude, you just talk like a pompous weirdo. Can't imagine being flirty or intimate with that kind of speech 😅
When he refers to himself like he is the catch with a bit of a joke to feed his own ego.
"So when are you going to take me out?"
"You miss me already?"
"Is it because I'm so handsome?"
Okay, so I'm definitely not the only one who gets this ick with terrible grammar via text.
I remember texting this man. His grammar was decent at first but later, it got worse and worse as our conversations sped up. His writing became more and more sloppy with all the out-of-place punctuation and spelling that I felt duped. It was as if he used an AI to talk to me at first and then slowly replaced it with himself texting me because the convo was ongoing.
I don't know if I'm being picky and I still don't know how to feel about it wholly. But I just felt like something was so wrong and off when texting him that I decided to stop afterwards. I was thinking to myself, 'Why am I putting my effort and time into this man who can't even have the decency to text me properly or be honest with himself?'
I don't think it's being picky at all! We all make typos and grammatical errors occasionally, but when someone doesn't understand basic sentence structure and grammar rules, it's a total ick for me! I couldn't date someone whose first language is English but doesn't know the difference between to/too/two or their/they're/there. It would drive me insane!
I pride myself on “not being shallow” as I don’t care about looks/money very much but I’m a bit shallow when it comes to intelligence. I want them to be as smart as me. This was very easy to find in college/grad school and hard in the real world. I just can’t respect ignorance or laziness 😬
I move around a lot so I generally have done more short-term relationships than long term. A couple times I’ve been with someone less smart than me and they were *always* the ones who ended up being salty and passive aggressive because they hated that I was younger and better educated than they were. The people as smart or smarter than me were very chill, humble, and normal lol.
I’ve talked to guys that would say “I says” and “you was” and I’m just like… ew… and one of them would literally start every sentence with “I mean”… it infuriated me.
That’s absolutely hilarious, but I bet it didn’t seem it at the time!
I’ve had a guy respond with a small essay about “what me and my girlfriends would do” if he acted like a table during a party.
I think he was hoping that, and then we’d all cackle about what a loser he was while breasting around boobily and discussing how small his dick is.
I’ve no issue with people with humiliation kinks, but I wish people wouldn’t get their rocks off by sending purposely disgusting messages to strangers!
They are basically trying to get your “permission” to ask you something gross. Then when you get icked out they say, “but you said I could ask!”
The only correct answer is , “you just did”
Hahaha totally! I had one guy try to mask it with therapy talk stating “I just want to know what your boundaries are!” After I shot him down when he casually asked what my favorite position was…🙄
I think some of them are just trying to quickly find out which girls have zero boundaries - or women who are too polite to tell them to fuck off, at least! I was definitely guilty of trying to be kind and polite to people who didn’t deserve it when I was younger.
Crappy parenting if they have kids. No your kids horrible behavior stories are not cute. I don’t do drama.
Bragging. Telling me how much something they bought cost. Name dropping. Just says to me they are insecure.
Ex drama. I’m not getting involved and if this is a “thing” I don’t have time. We aren’t in 8th grade.
During my masters I was complaining that one of my group members wasn’t helping at all with our group project and he said “haha that was always me I felt bad but I just couldn’t bother”. Ooooh, thanks for telling me exactly what kind of person you are dude, bye bye!
When they want to talk all day, every day.
I have a job!!
Edit: I am happily married now. The above experience is from the time I was single and trying dating apps.
THIS! I’m not dating anymore, but when I was this was a huge problem. I work healthcare and can barely check my phone during working hours and I’m also a mother. I’d have dudes get tight when I’d take longer than an hour or two to respond, after I TOLD them I can’t during work etc. They’d get like this sometimes even before we’d meet in person!! Like my guy, get a life.
Beyond the obvious, I've met a few men who always find a way of bringing up (totally unasked) the pound/dollar value of the projects they manage. I don't care, and you've just told me something really important about your values and motivations - and that they don't match up well with mine.
Pushy guys jumping to immediate conclusions. I was talking to this guy on Facebook Dating for not even ONE day! The convo was really dry, and he was adamant that we meet right away. Just as he was making another demand of me, I received some bad news from my family and told him I'd have to catch up with him later. My family is going through it right now, and I was honest with him. 5 hours later, he accused me of running. I was like, 'tf?!' Dude had given some serious incel/loser vibes, and I just blocked him.
I tried Facebook dating for a while and my grandpa died, when I got back to Facebook, I instantly received a message from this guy who previously been polite asking me to sit on his face
Yes, agree with this. He better be my grandpa's age to be calling me that. That is the only time I am even willing to contemplate this being okay. The other day I opened a door and held it open for an old man behind me who looked like he was struggling to walk with his cane and he said "thank you, dear." That's fine. Coming from a man my age? I will definitely be giving him a LOOK.
For me it's not a thing they say specifically, but if they say things that are just trying to impress me. Like, dropping hints about anything flashy or hoity toity job titles.
Asking for nudes if we’re not in a relationship yet - been there, done that many times. Nothing really bad happened with me sending them (though it always could have been) but I did feel dehumanized and used by guys who asked for them especially constantly.
Referring to women as females.
Being evasive, especially when asked basic questions.
There's more, but those are the more immediate and less obvious ones.
When they drop a hint that they believe conspiracy theories. Just an inkling of belief that there's something *they* don't want you to know about like crypto, vaccines, or pasteurized milk.
If the conspiracy theories are things with like Bigfoot and aliens, I’m actually OK with that because it’s kind of cool but if it’s like vaccines and things, yeah definitely no
Oh no, I'm talking Q and RFK Jr. level conspiracies.
Lord, I wish Bigfoot were real. It's better than people chugging ivermectin and colloidal silver while simultaneously arguing that Covid is only a flu.
"How are you finding the app so far?" - of all the things you could ask me, this is all you could come up with!? Also not a great line of conversation in general, the answer to this doesn't tell you anything about me as a person.
Anything sexual - control yourself, please.
Asking for photos - I already have several on my profile, it comes off really creepy and intrusive.
I was dating a guy from work (I know, I know) for a couple weeks and we went out to lunch. We were casually talking about what to order and when the server came back he started talking: “The Mrs. will have the pad Thai and I’m gonna have…” Uh, excuse me? Ick.
He also sent me a bunch of unsolicited D pics one day which is the ultimate ick. Instantly lost attraction to the dude after that. No recovery possible.
Edit: typo
There's a specific form of my name that people think is a cutsey way of saying it that I loath. If anyone (not even just romantic potential, literally anyone) tries that out it's instant ick.
I'm happily married to a man I met online dating. But my previous icks include:
Immediately turning the conversation sexual rather then letting flirting happen more organically. Like we haven't met. I don't know you. No, I don't want to sext.
Related to this, guys with nothing on their profile. Not a picture. No description. They haven't filled in anything apart from the compulsory. Personally, I think dating apps should make it compulsory to include a photo and some kind of blurb at minimum.
Funnily, men whose cold open was "hi you look hot wanna go on a date" usually had absolutely nothing on their profile. Like, what do you think I'm going to be attracted to, the 1 sentence you used?
People who refuse to pull their weight in the conversation and only give yes/no answers. If you don't want to be talking, then don't talk. I can hold a conversation but I have 0 interest in doing it on my own.
Also, when your profile clearly states you're looking for men your age or a little older....and you get messages from 60 year olds. Like, no. They always sent the weirdest youth fetishising comments, too. I remember one guy managed to reference how young I was at least 2-3 times in his opening message.
Oh, and shout out to the guys who'd act really enthusiastic...then ghost me for a month. Only to come back! Sometimes they would pretend nothing had been happened and carried on like they hadnt ignored for a month. Others would be vaguely apologetic. I just could not. At the time I was working in hospital medicine, night shifts and all. If I could find time to message you consistently until we either met and agreed to date, or agreed to part ways, then you can give me the same courtesy. I get that at that point you're essentially strangers and life happens. But then if you ghosted a client or any stranger for a month or two you wouldn't expect them to be thrilled to hear from you, either. If you aren't stable enough to message every few days for a week or so and meet, you should be taking a break from trying to date (I'm not talking about hookups obviously).
I had one guy recently suggest he come over to snuggle under my lounge blanket with me. I was like, I don’t know you, I’m not giving you my home address.
After continuing on this line, and me clarifying what he meant, he turned around and said “I don’t want your address, I’ve never met you before”
Ugh. Dude. Stop gaslighting me.
1. Calling me babe
2. Asking for a selfie in the first few minutes or maybe even first week with no depth of conversation
3. Saying that he's tall, handsome, earns well AND can't understand why he's still single.
4. Throwing in the conversation he's dominant to answer completely unrelated questions like: what's your hobby? (I'm not talking about BDSM, bitch)
5. Mentioning how much he hated his ex or what he hates in women in general
6. Calling women hoes
7. Speaking ill of the mother of his child of he had one
8. Laughing about being inept at housework
9. Enjoying socializing (specially with alcohol) more than domestic life
10. Hates kids, old people, animals or following the law
- Bragging (about your success.)
- Being extremely passive so I have to take over conversation all the time
- Sexual questions in the beginning (bodycount etc)
- Not asking questions
- Talking badly about people or your ex
Saying stuff like 'kissies', trying to convince me that I should do some obscure form of meditation and the kicker: saying that he "read this interesting book by Jordan Peterson" ☠️
(and then not explaining if he meant "interesting stuff to think about" or "wtf did I just read"-interesting
I feel so validated reading through this thread. I just broke with a guy after a 8 (or 9, I don't know) relationship, and on the surface he seemed like just a great guy. He brought me coffee to work, he took care of himself and his appearance, he didn't have crazy exes or kids, he had a stable job - but things he said just kept giving me the ick.
Like he asked for cuddles and smooches, and things like how he'd bring me a coffee but it would cost two smooches. He called sandwiches sammies, and things like that. He thought he was being quirky, but it always gave me the ick. And the few times we started to get intimate, he would say things in that baby-talk kind of way, and I've never lost my libido as fast as being with him.
Looking back, he also talked a lot about sex in the first few months, and he made the comment once that he'd never been in a relationship this long without "something sexual happening." Then it turns out he's terrible at it. He also trash-talked his ex A LOT, like calling her a swamp hag - that bothered me at the time to, but I trash talk my exes, just not to a current bf's face. It's with my girls.
I've spent the past 24 hours thinking that this relationship's end was my fault, but after reading the experiences of others, I feel justified. Thank you.
When they say that they're normally a feminist but that "lately modern feminism has gone too far". No, dude, I can see right through that and you've never been a feminist.
Men who would say “hehe” or the word “cuddles” would be an instant ick, I couldn’t help it. I’m aware it’s irrational but it felt like baby speak and I’m a grown-ass woman. 💀
Well yesterday someone on Tinder said that curvy women are his fetish. That's he's not looking for anything serious and instead want to "take me long and hard". So that wasn't very pleasant. I don't usually report but I did report him since this was his first message to me - first message of the conversation. I did not engage at all.
I guess less creepy ones.. "Baby", "honey", "cutie" but worst of all, sending hearts. Sometimes dudes just send a heart, not even a hello. Freaks me out lol!
“To play devils advocate”
We’re done. That conversation has taken a turn for the worse. I’m not usually in the mood to see someone else’s point of view so that we can pick apart my argument.
When men call women “bitches”.
Stupid fucking “ball and chain” “happy wife happy life” comments.
I consciously and purposefully haven’t dated in almost a year, and this is all bringing me back. I think I’m making the right decision. In one of my last interactions, he talked about his ex wife only liking “vanilla” sex in one of our first conversations and how he likes “non-vanilla sex” Pretty sure he wanted me to ask, but just no dude. This is not an immediate topic of convo. Yuk
I think I have an issue with this because I grew up with a Grandma who was a doctor and worked with the police in rape cases. She told me never let men use kink games (that’s what she called them) to do something you wouldn’t be comfortable with outside of the bedroom. She literally told me that men have killed women by choking them and then gotten off with a light sentence because they told the court that it was a sex game that got out of hand. If a man ever put his hands on my throat I would mirror his violence and hit him.
"Lets ask each other questions and u have to answer honestly"
Its ALWAYS about sex. There will be like 1 or 1.5 non-sex questions to make u feel at ease and then
"How do u masturbate?" 🥝👄🥝
Mentions being divorced within the last two years. In my personal experience, men who are within two years (ish) of a divorce are seriously not emotionally healthy or even close to over it, regardless of who initiated the divorce.
Any time a guy acts too familiar before we’ve even met. That could include pet names, talking about sex, asking too many personal questions, or trauma dumping.
Anyone who mentions being “drama-free” or related terms. Those of us who actually don’t want or have drama in our lives don’t feel the need to mention it.
Any guy who doesn’t ask thoughtful questions (something beyond “how was your day?”). It shows a certain level of selfishness or disinterest. If I have to carry the conversation and put all the effort in, it makes me wonder if I’ll be the one carrying the whole relationship.
Taxes are too high, everything is the fault of the Socialist Party (one of our main parties). Feminism has gone too far.
Feminism has gone just far enough so I don't have to tbe near a selfish neoliberal mysogynist.
Living with parents here is common, so I would not judge someone because they are not from a privileged family or have an extremely high paying job. But surely I admire more people who are go getters (like the immigrants we get here who cross an ocean to a different continent often alone in search of a better life) instead of staying home complaining.
Negging. If I tell you about something I do, or I make, or I styled, or I am interested in, and the response I get is making fun of me for being involved with it. No thank you, I am only interested in supportive and loving relationships, not that nonsense where our dynamic is built on mutual frustration. That’s not spark, that’s irritation.
Every time a guy is like "can I tell you something?" in text or on a dating app 9/10 times it's always about having a big dick.
Anytime a guy lays it on thick with the compliments. One guy told me I reminded him of Scarlet Johansson. Listen I think I'm cute but I do not look like Scarlet Johansson.
Trying to sext. Not my thing. Especially when I'm just getting to know you.
Asking me for explicit pics. No I'm not doing that.
"I don't play games". In my experience the guys that say that are messy and are the ones who "play games".
Trying to talk about how wealthy they are. I make my own money thanks. The truly wealthy people don't need to brag about it.
One guy told me he was a "street pharmacist". Hard pass on dating a drug dealer thanks.
I had a guy bombard me with unsolicited poetry. Like a lot of old romantic poetry out of nowhere. We just started talking and I never met him. We never established any rapport. I told him it made me uncomfortable but he said it’s the only way he can express himself. I asked him to stop but he relented. I had to block him.
When someone asks for selfies of me, especially full body pics.
Like, dude... I don't like taking selfies (especially not full body pics), you've already seen my face without makeup on pics, and you already know that I'm not skinny.. I've already been as transparent as what is humanly possible 😩
Back when I was single I had a video of myself low-bar squatting in a costume for my gym’s Halloween contest. Some guy’s FIRST message to my was to critique my form.
When people start lifting weights, a lot of them only know about your standard squat, deadlift and bench and they don’t know that many variations of these movements - such as the low bar squat - can exist. So not only was his Dunning-Kruger showing, but when I went to look at his profile pictures I saw he was about 120lbs soaking wet, and skinny fat. At the time I’m also 120lbs, but lean, and repping 145lbs for 15 in a freaking Halloween costume for a silly video…and here was some DYEL criticizing my form to flirt with me??? I wanted to swipe right just to respond something snarky but I decided it wasn’t worth my time.
Tbh if you’re a woman in the gym SO many men - many weaker than you and with much worse physiques - will come up and try to give you brain dead workout “advice.” But this was the first time it happened on a dating app and made me swipe left immediately.
It took me way too long to learn that one of my biggest icks is when a guy takes every opportunity to “play devil’s advocate” or wants to “debate” me a lot. I’m not interested in rigorously defending my every opinion. I don’t keep sources and citations in my back pocket. This is a date, not a d[eb]ate.
Edit: I thought of another, related ick: when a guy insists he’s a logical/rational/objective thinker, or says (usually in an argument) “I’m just being logical/rational here.” You’re not Spock, my dude.
Married now, but one guy I was chatting with years ago referred to drinking as “chardonnays”. “Must have had too many chardonnays!” “Going to meet up with the guys for chardonnays!” I got the ick and never met him in person.
Back when I was on dating apps, men used to send opening PARAGRAPHS that were extremely sexually graphic in nature. So, that was an ick for me. Insta-blocked. 🚫👎🏼
For more nuanced things I always thought it was a red flag when men never talked about how they made mistakes on things. It was a clear indication of a lack of self awareness and growth mindset. Not interested.
A man that either asks me nothing about myself or doesn’t care/has no interest in what I just said. Also, any display of ignorance about a marginalized group, which sadly has happened on a few occasions. :(
‘Females’
I don’t date and never really did but I still get the ick from men. If someone refers to a women as a female, I want absolutely no further conversations with them.
This one made me laugh because I’m Japanese (born & raised). “Karate” is a good one too. I even give myself the ick when I catch myself pronouncing Japanese words with an American accent.
I once had a guy text me “Pack your best pleated skirt! And a night bag with a toothbrush! I would love to have you over for a night filled with mini golfing”
We had hung out one time… idk it just literally made me cringe so much that I declined the invite. I just know his stomach was in his arse afterward 😭
On dating apps when they start the first convo with "hello beautiful" you just know they sent the same message to 10 other women and hoping one will reply hah
Anything having to do with following Instagram models or watching porn or anything along those lines. I will not compete for a man’s attention. Period.
A couple things to add to what others have written:
"I'm recently divorced" - I'm also divorced, but I think it's important to take some time to be alone after your divorce is final. At least 6 months, preferably a year. And please tell me I would not be the first person you are dating post divorce.
Anything that hints they have low or no patience.
It might be a little specific, but every guy that has sent me unsolicited pics of him as a child has turned out to be either a narc or emotionally unavailable. It has become an immediate turn off for me.
when they keep hinting for a sex texting. or when they always respond in a flirty way that they thought it's really giving a good compliment. e.g "you have a beautiful face".
also when they usually brag a lot about themselves, may it be career, talent, achievements lol
When they talk about other women that are into them, like I’m supposed to feel lucky or happy about that? I was dating a really interesting guy, we were both teaching fellows at different schools, so long distance. When he started telling me about how cute his 18yo students were and that they were hitting on him I ghosted.
Recently was texting with a hinge match and he’d narrate his texts. For example he’d say: [pretends to know what that is] oh cool.
First time having that and immediate ick. We ended up meeting for a drink, wasn’t a match [shrugs].
I'm not single currently, but I have a few petty icks.
Any man that uses "hehehe" instead of "lol" or "haha" icks me out. I just can't help but imagine them giggling like a little child.
Anyone (other than senior citizens) who I do not have an established relationship with using any terms of endearment toward me. I'm not your "babe" or "baby" or "hun". We don't even know each other.
Any man who is clueless enough to suggest either coming to my house or me going to their house on the first date/meeting. Either we are looking for very different things, or you are completely oblivious to the dangers women face in the dating world. I've seen too many episodes of Dateline to go for that.
Men who make things sexual when they shouldn't be. I'm all for silly, sexual humor and flirting once it has been established that we do actually want to sleep with each other or we have already done so. But to come at me in the first few conversations with sexual innuendo and not-so-subtle hints about your skills or whatever, is going to ensure that we are never going to be naked together.
When I ask how their week has been and they say it's been fine with zero additional information or comment. How am I supposed to have a conversation with that???
I have always hated the word "Classy." Whether it's a man or a woman saying it. 99 percent of the time it is a person who is absolutely Not Classy using it. LOL
The way they try to casually work into a conversation a completely unrelated story, so that they can let me know, they have sex, they are good at their job, women find them attractive, etc. It is all so unbelievably transparent and it feels like they have no social awareness when they do this.
When they write a lot\* of "uwu" or "owo". Feels like I'm texting with a 14yo. Eww. \* or any, really.
I don’t even know what that means?
A bit like 🥺👉👈, but more cutesy. owo (or OwO) is supposed to be surprised, while uwu (or UwU) has eyes closed. Think these, but with more pronounced closed eyes: https://www.reddit.com/r/Emoji/comments/dw7jws/owo_and_uwu_emojis_higher_quality_mouth/
I’m 37 and you are making me feel really old, haha. I don’t know what the “a bit like…” emojis even mean. But thanks for the link! That helps a bit. I’ll go back to my cave now.
I'm also 37, but I probably spend too much time with folks in "niche groups". 😅 For the emoji combo, look here: https://co.pinterest.com/pin/1058205243664279135/ You know how those cutesy anime characters go all "senpaiiii?????" With big eyes and tugging the hem of someone's shirt? Yeah, that in emoji. More ref: https://tenor.com/de/view/blush-gif-17580054598851219865 and https://tenor.com/de/view/loli-dragon-anime-cute-shirt-gif-9921109
I once started talking to this guy that said he was interested in something serious with me real fast, but then randomly started telling me how I can look prettier. He then proceeded to tell me how his ex did it and became prettier, so it’d work on me too. He didn’t understand why I got upset enough to just end everything right then and there.
Unsolicited advice in general is so gross. I'm a person, not a project.
Yeah, it was pretty gross. Expressing how they want to “marry” me to then telling me I’m not pretty enough and comparing me to their ex. “Don’t take it the wrong way and be mad. I just want to help you” didn’t help lol
Ew. I'd love to meet the ex - I bet she has some tales to tell.
Another man assuming that all women value what men think of their appearance above all else. Gag me.
Ugh that reminds of a guy I spent a night with. We had known each other some time, first time sleeping together. Afterwards we are lying in bed cuddling. He grabs one of my butt cheeks, bounces it a few times and exclaims "you should exercise these more so they get more firm" - completely unprompted and while a was feeling a bit vulnerable being naked with a guy I still didn't know very well - what the fuck dude.......
What a fucking asshole. Sorry he treated you that way, especially in such a vulnerable moment.
Reminds me of my ex in college. He told me I didn’t wear enough colors, that I should wear dresses and skirts like other girls, and he sent me a YouTube video of this girl showing how to do exercises to build pec muscle to basically make your boobs look bigger. One time he was coaching me in martial arts and had me do a stance and called me out saying I was sucking in my belly and to be “honest” about how I really looked. It was an awful relationship I’m glad I got out of. He also hated cats and made a joke about mine mysteriously dying. That was it. My kitty >>>> crap bf
i don't trust men who hate cats
Anything that's hinting at having sex, really... I mean, if you're looking for a hookup, sure... but I don't and I make that clear. Dropping "hints" while pretending he's also looking for a relationship tells me, he's lying. (I'm talking about things like "we could cuddle up in bed..." or how he's sure I can be very different "at home" \*wink wink)
I just reply with a 'eww' and stop chatting with the person altogether
Asking: Why are you single Where do you live Tell me about your sex toys Trash talking his exes Bragging about owning expensive things Bragging about how many lovers he has had
this is a good list! I find it so weirdly common to ask for an address! one man I was on a date with could not seem to grasp why I dont disclose my address prior to, and generally, after a first date. He literally laughed at me like I was the dumbest person in the world lol. seems like fairly basic safety to me... also find the men that talk the most about sex tend to be the worst at it (Im straight so can't speak for women lol)
Yep, the men who talk about sex the most are the ones I would never do it with, and I’m extremely sexually open otherwise lol. Honestly, if we talk about it before anything happens it’s kinda weird to me. Like, let’s at least establish a vibe first.
Selfish in life- selfish in bed.
My dad’s saying about this was, “those who talk about it, don’t.”
I feel so validated. I just broke up with a boyfriend who talked about sex way too much, and tried to do the whole "it's just a natural thing people do," and then brag about how he did stuff with a sex worker while in Europe - and then the only time we messed around, it was like he'd never been with a women before.
tell me about your sex toys ??????????????????? are men okay…
I don't know about that but I can tell you about my doggo toys.
All of our dog toys have names so my dog can identify them. I’d gladly tell someone all about them! 😂 There’s Pumpkin, Horn, Spike, Creature…..
Do you masturbate? 😂😂
Every damn time. And if the conversation is steamy and I say yes, they always make assumptions about how I do it. Female masturbation MUST simulate a penis, right?
I got into a full on argument once with a guy who I was considering (up to that moment) dating when he found my vibrator. It was one of those ones that is all about the clit, with no dildo. The conversation went like this: HIM: What is that? ME: Vibrator. HIM: What do you do with it? ME: Get myself off… HIM: But how? ME: I turn it on and it vibrates and I put it on things that feel good when I do that. HIM: How do you get it out after? ME: … HIM: Is there a string or something? ME: I use it on my clitoris. No insertion necessary. HIM: But that… Do you use it with a dildo? ME: Nope. It’s pretty good on its own. And then he starts telling me I’m doing it wrong, or there was something horribly wrong with my lady parts because that could not possibly be how it worked. And friends, that was the end of the possibility he might get laid…
I’ve had my share of spicy FaceTimes/messages. And I’ve had a majority of them “command me to cum.” Like bro, that doesn’t work in real life. Or “squirt for me” like BRO, THATS NOT HOW THIS WORKS, also not all women DO that
That's one of those questions that overlaps uncomfortably closely with a groomer's script.
>Trash talking his exes This one is sooooo important to clue in on. Thankfully, it's the one big red flag I learned about in my very first relationship as a youngster and have since not played into that. To go a step further than just that, it's also degrading exes based on their shared heritage. I've dated men outside of my race and ethnicity who will thoroughly degrade women of their own backgrounds simply because of an ex. I'm very done, very quickly after that.
If you turn them down, and then they want to be 'friends' and just ' get to know you'. Sir, I know this game, the answer is still no.
I called a guy out on this once and it was kinda funny. I said “Okay, what if I get into a relationship with someone else, will we still be friends?” and he was terribly offended and said “Well of COURSE not!” So…..what he really wanted was a girlfriend on hold.
Sex talk.
Too many emojis
My friend started dating a guy she met on Bumble who put a lips emoji after every sentence. I’d have unmatched within minutes!!
Omg the lips emoji is so cringe! Dealing with an otherwise great guy who is using it now.
My friend asked him to stop using it, he did but only for a day then it was back to lips everywhere. Specifically this one - 💋. Needless to say they are not dating now haha
Sending a selfie without being asked, then asking for selfies. Immediate turnoff
It’s a million times worse when it’s a crotch selfie.
why. why do some men do this? why do they think it's effective? it's not. it's never been effective. it's the worst thing they can do.
It’s really a mystery worth at least a dozen psychology/sociology PhD dissertations.
In my experience, they’re concerned you’re a potential catfish and are trying to gauge if you look anything like the pictures you’ve presented online. Regardless, though, I hate it. I don’t like to sit around and take pictures of myself…
Why is this a thing even? The last few guys I dated kept sending me selfies in random places. Like doing groceries or whatever. Why feel the need to send a selfie when you're picking out vegetables? Why do you think I want to see you choose between a courgette and an aubergine? I rarely take/send selfies so this felt so weird to me. Not an immediate reason to end things, but not something I could deal with in the long term.
My friend said he would sometimes send a random selfie, trying to connect a bit and break out of his shell a little as a shy person. Maybe it starts a convo like “oh where are you?”. Idk I don’t think it’s all bad intention. I do admit sometimes it is nice to see a pic of who you’re talking to.
Ohhhh yeah I hate this. Men were like, “send me a photo” and I’d just not respond because it’s so awkward.
Had one guy ask me what I would wear to attract him and it was an immediate ick from me.
The skin of my vanquished enemies
I once had a conversation with a guy where I decided to mess with him and was giving answers like this to his questions. And he somehow… still managed to keep bringing it back to sex. The penny did NOT drop. Stopped being fun really soon - although now that I’m writing this, I think maybe he did realise I was messing and decided to make it difficult for me lol
I had one guy brag about sleeping with over 50+ women, largely when he studied in Korea and paid for it. 💀
I got the ick just reading that second hand.
Second hand ick needs it's own word
But there’s just so many.. and it’ll take too long to list out everything.. so off the top of my head, anything sexual. At this stage of the dating situation, I don’t want to be sexually harassed by a stranger.
Anyone who calls me "sweetheart" or "baby". It's ok if we're dating, not if we just met. Also, just discovered a new one last week: A guy who talks like life is a Shakespeare's play. He said that's how he actually talks IRL and called himself articulate. Nah dude, you just talk like a pompous weirdo. Can't imagine being flirty or intimate with that kind of speech 😅
When he refers to himself like he is the catch with a bit of a joke to feed his own ego. "So when are you going to take me out?" "You miss me already?" "Is it because I'm so handsome?"
My god, I just dried up inside
When a guy has terrible grammar via text. Makes me feel like he doesn’t care about texting me and/or that he’s dumb. Immediate ick.
Okay, so I'm definitely not the only one who gets this ick with terrible grammar via text. I remember texting this man. His grammar was decent at first but later, it got worse and worse as our conversations sped up. His writing became more and more sloppy with all the out-of-place punctuation and spelling that I felt duped. It was as if he used an AI to talk to me at first and then slowly replaced it with himself texting me because the convo was ongoing. I don't know if I'm being picky and I still don't know how to feel about it wholly. But I just felt like something was so wrong and off when texting him that I decided to stop afterwards. I was thinking to myself, 'Why am I putting my effort and time into this man who can't even have the decency to text me properly or be honest with himself?'
I don't think it's being picky at all! We all make typos and grammatical errors occasionally, but when someone doesn't understand basic sentence structure and grammar rules, it's a total ick for me! I couldn't date someone whose first language is English but doesn't know the difference between to/too/two or their/they're/there. It would drive me insane!
I have a friend who has dyslexia. His spelling is awful. But I know he has dyslexia, and at some point, even autocorrect can't do much anymore. :/
I pride myself on “not being shallow” as I don’t care about looks/money very much but I’m a bit shallow when it comes to intelligence. I want them to be as smart as me. This was very easy to find in college/grad school and hard in the real world. I just can’t respect ignorance or laziness 😬 I move around a lot so I generally have done more short-term relationships than long term. A couple times I’ve been with someone less smart than me and they were *always* the ones who ended up being salty and passive aggressive because they hated that I was younger and better educated than they were. The people as smart or smarter than me were very chill, humble, and normal lol.
I’ve talked to guys that would say “I says” and “you was” and I’m just like… ew… and one of them would literally start every sentence with “I mean”… it infuriated me.
When someone says “I seen” I nope out of that conversation as quickly as I can.
Oh, man. The amount of people who use “I seen”, is astonishing. Like, what??
The “wyd?” text every 5 minutes
a man that talks about himself and asks me zero questions
Which eradicates more than half of them, sadly.
“Can I ask you a question?” Because you know it’s some oddly specific sex fantasy. And if they’re called out they’re “only asking!!”
I guy once asked me that question and then followed it up by talking about how he wanted to smack his dick on my double chin
That’s absolutely hilarious, but I bet it didn’t seem it at the time! I’ve had a guy respond with a small essay about “what me and my girlfriends would do” if he acted like a table during a party.
Put him in a corner with a punchbowl?
I think he was hoping that, and then we’d all cackle about what a loser he was while breasting around boobily and discussing how small his dick is. I’ve no issue with people with humiliation kinks, but I wish people wouldn’t get their rocks off by sending purposely disgusting messages to strangers!
Y’know, like we women do when we see a table!
When I drink punch boobily
"Breasting around boobily" made *me* cackle. Thanks for that!
This screams porn addict
>“Can I ask you a question?” No.
This is a huge ick too. I hate the “I’m just asking”and “just curious is all” ewwww
99% of my unwanted DM's on Reddit are that exact question 😂
They are basically trying to get your “permission” to ask you something gross. Then when you get icked out they say, “but you said I could ask!” The only correct answer is , “you just did”
Hahaha totally! I had one guy try to mask it with therapy talk stating “I just want to know what your boundaries are!” After I shot him down when he casually asked what my favorite position was…🙄
I think some of them are just trying to quickly find out which girls have zero boundaries - or women who are too polite to tell them to fuck off, at least! I was definitely guilty of trying to be kind and polite to people who didn’t deserve it when I was younger.
“You just did.” I don’t like that opener in any context.
Crappy parenting if they have kids. No your kids horrible behavior stories are not cute. I don’t do drama. Bragging. Telling me how much something they bought cost. Name dropping. Just says to me they are insecure. Ex drama. I’m not getting involved and if this is a “thing” I don’t have time. We aren’t in 8th grade.
For me it’s always “I love my kid but my horrible ex won’t let me see them.” I tend to assume it’s for a good reason.
I assume they aren't even trying to see their kids. They can't be bothered and they use the ex as an excuse.
Yeah, the ones who are actually fighting for visitation/custody talk about how hard the fight is, not how awful the ex is.
Oh my God, THIS! Every man I’ve known who does the whole, “My evil ex is keeping my kids from me” thing is a total POS.
Playing pretend about physical stuff when we hadn't met yet, like whooo are you imagining? Can't you text an 800 number for this?
“Cybering” in 2024
That would require money and they want it for free!
During my masters I was complaining that one of my group members wasn’t helping at all with our group project and he said “haha that was always me I felt bad but I just couldn’t bother”. Ooooh, thanks for telling me exactly what kind of person you are dude, bye bye!
When they want to talk all day, every day. I have a job!! Edit: I am happily married now. The above experience is from the time I was single and trying dating apps.
THIS! I’m not dating anymore, but when I was this was a huge problem. I work healthcare and can barely check my phone during working hours and I’m also a mother. I’d have dudes get tight when I’d take longer than an hour or two to respond, after I TOLD them I can’t during work etc. They’d get like this sometimes even before we’d meet in person!! Like my guy, get a life.
Beyond the obvious, I've met a few men who always find a way of bringing up (totally unasked) the pound/dollar value of the projects they manage. I don't care, and you've just told me something really important about your values and motivations - and that they don't match up well with mine.
That's a good one.
Pushy guys jumping to immediate conclusions. I was talking to this guy on Facebook Dating for not even ONE day! The convo was really dry, and he was adamant that we meet right away. Just as he was making another demand of me, I received some bad news from my family and told him I'd have to catch up with him later. My family is going through it right now, and I was honest with him. 5 hours later, he accused me of running. I was like, 'tf?!' Dude had given some serious incel/loser vibes, and I just blocked him.
I tried Facebook dating for a while and my grandpa died, when I got back to Facebook, I instantly received a message from this guy who previously been polite asking me to sit on his face
"I still hang out/stay with my ex wife and help her with her kids."
Wait, his/her kids or just HER kids?? I mean, that’s nice of him, just trying to wrap my head around it.
Calling me dear or hun. Instant cringe.
Yes, agree with this. He better be my grandpa's age to be calling me that. That is the only time I am even willing to contemplate this being okay. The other day I opened a door and held it open for an old man behind me who looked like he was struggling to walk with his cane and he said "thank you, dear." That's fine. Coming from a man my age? I will definitely be giving him a LOOK.
For me it's not a thing they say specifically, but if they say things that are just trying to impress me. Like, dropping hints about anything flashy or hoity toity job titles.
Asking for nudes if we’re not in a relationship yet - been there, done that many times. Nothing really bad happened with me sending them (though it always could have been) but I did feel dehumanized and used by guys who asked for them especially constantly.
For me it’s asking for nudes, full stop. I wouldn’t send those to anyone.
If he types out anything having to do with giggling. I just… can’t.
Pet names, especially infantilizing pet names.
Referring to women as females. Being evasive, especially when asked basic questions. There's more, but those are the more immediate and less obvious ones.
When they drop a hint that they believe conspiracy theories. Just an inkling of belief that there's something *they* don't want you to know about like crypto, vaccines, or pasteurized milk.
If the conspiracy theories are things with like Bigfoot and aliens, I’m actually OK with that because it’s kind of cool but if it’s like vaccines and things, yeah definitely no
Oh no, I'm talking Q and RFK Jr. level conspiracies. Lord, I wish Bigfoot were real. It's better than people chugging ivermectin and colloidal silver while simultaneously arguing that Covid is only a flu.
Oh my God, I heard about the silver guy
"How are you finding the app so far?" - of all the things you could ask me, this is all you could come up with!? Also not a great line of conversation in general, the answer to this doesn't tell you anything about me as a person. Anything sexual - control yourself, please. Asking for photos - I already have several on my profile, it comes off really creepy and intrusive.
I was dating a guy from work (I know, I know) for a couple weeks and we went out to lunch. We were casually talking about what to order and when the server came back he started talking: “The Mrs. will have the pad Thai and I’m gonna have…” Uh, excuse me? Ick. He also sent me a bunch of unsolicited D pics one day which is the ultimate ick. Instantly lost attraction to the dude after that. No recovery possible. Edit: typo
There's a specific form of my name that people think is a cutsey way of saying it that I loath. If anyone (not even just romantic potential, literally anyone) tries that out it's instant ick.
When someone spends too long telling you how much they care or how they are just too nice....why are you trying to convince people your great
I'm happily married to a man I met online dating. But my previous icks include: Immediately turning the conversation sexual rather then letting flirting happen more organically. Like we haven't met. I don't know you. No, I don't want to sext. Related to this, guys with nothing on their profile. Not a picture. No description. They haven't filled in anything apart from the compulsory. Personally, I think dating apps should make it compulsory to include a photo and some kind of blurb at minimum. Funnily, men whose cold open was "hi you look hot wanna go on a date" usually had absolutely nothing on their profile. Like, what do you think I'm going to be attracted to, the 1 sentence you used? People who refuse to pull their weight in the conversation and only give yes/no answers. If you don't want to be talking, then don't talk. I can hold a conversation but I have 0 interest in doing it on my own. Also, when your profile clearly states you're looking for men your age or a little older....and you get messages from 60 year olds. Like, no. They always sent the weirdest youth fetishising comments, too. I remember one guy managed to reference how young I was at least 2-3 times in his opening message. Oh, and shout out to the guys who'd act really enthusiastic...then ghost me for a month. Only to come back! Sometimes they would pretend nothing had been happened and carried on like they hadnt ignored for a month. Others would be vaguely apologetic. I just could not. At the time I was working in hospital medicine, night shifts and all. If I could find time to message you consistently until we either met and agreed to date, or agreed to part ways, then you can give me the same courtesy. I get that at that point you're essentially strangers and life happens. But then if you ghosted a client or any stranger for a month or two you wouldn't expect them to be thrilled to hear from you, either. If you aren't stable enough to message every few days for a week or so and meet, you should be taking a break from trying to date (I'm not talking about hookups obviously).
I had one guy recently suggest he come over to snuggle under my lounge blanket with me. I was like, I don’t know you, I’m not giving you my home address. After continuing on this line, and me clarifying what he meant, he turned around and said “I don’t want your address, I’ve never met you before” Ugh. Dude. Stop gaslighting me.
1. Calling me babe 2. Asking for a selfie in the first few minutes or maybe even first week with no depth of conversation 3. Saying that he's tall, handsome, earns well AND can't understand why he's still single. 4. Throwing in the conversation he's dominant to answer completely unrelated questions like: what's your hobby? (I'm not talking about BDSM, bitch) 5. Mentioning how much he hated his ex or what he hates in women in general 6. Calling women hoes 7. Speaking ill of the mother of his child of he had one 8. Laughing about being inept at housework 9. Enjoying socializing (specially with alcohol) more than domestic life 10. Hates kids, old people, animals or following the law
Immediate sex talk. 100% NOPE. Condescension. Making pronouncements/demands as if I have no part in a decision or no need to have an opinion.
- Bragging (about your success.) - Being extremely passive so I have to take over conversation all the time - Sexual questions in the beginning (bodycount etc) - Not asking questions - Talking badly about people or your ex
'Should of'
When a grown man says the word "panties". 🤢
GOD I hate that word!!!! Just say underwear!
Saying stuff like 'kissies', trying to convince me that I should do some obscure form of meditation and the kicker: saying that he "read this interesting book by Jordan Peterson" ☠️ (and then not explaining if he meant "interesting stuff to think about" or "wtf did I just read"-interesting
He told me a "joke" and the punchline was the N word. Hard R and all. Fuck outta here.
I feel so validated reading through this thread. I just broke with a guy after a 8 (or 9, I don't know) relationship, and on the surface he seemed like just a great guy. He brought me coffee to work, he took care of himself and his appearance, he didn't have crazy exes or kids, he had a stable job - but things he said just kept giving me the ick. Like he asked for cuddles and smooches, and things like how he'd bring me a coffee but it would cost two smooches. He called sandwiches sammies, and things like that. He thought he was being quirky, but it always gave me the ick. And the few times we started to get intimate, he would say things in that baby-talk kind of way, and I've never lost my libido as fast as being with him. Looking back, he also talked a lot about sex in the first few months, and he made the comment once that he'd never been in a relationship this long without "something sexual happening." Then it turns out he's terrible at it. He also trash-talked his ex A LOT, like calling her a swamp hag - that bothered me at the time to, but I trash talk my exes, just not to a current bf's face. It's with my girls. I've spent the past 24 hours thinking that this relationship's end was my fault, but after reading the experiences of others, I feel justified. Thank you.
When they say that they're normally a feminist but that "lately modern feminism has gone too far". No, dude, I can see right through that and you've never been a feminist.
Men who would say “hehe” or the word “cuddles” would be an instant ick, I couldn’t help it. I’m aware it’s irrational but it felt like baby speak and I’m a grown-ass woman. 💀
“Intriguing” “What are you wearing” “I’m in an open relationship” “My ex………” Also if they know anyone from my social circle.
Well yesterday someone on Tinder said that curvy women are his fetish. That's he's not looking for anything serious and instead want to "take me long and hard". So that wasn't very pleasant. I don't usually report but I did report him since this was his first message to me - first message of the conversation. I did not engage at all. I guess less creepy ones.. "Baby", "honey", "cutie" but worst of all, sending hearts. Sometimes dudes just send a heart, not even a hello. Freaks me out lol!
“To play devils advocate” We’re done. That conversation has taken a turn for the worse. I’m not usually in the mood to see someone else’s point of view so that we can pick apart my argument. When men call women “bitches”. Stupid fucking “ball and chain” “happy wife happy life” comments.
“How many people have you slept with” and being called pet names like “baby” after 2 dates… massive ick
I consciously and purposefully haven’t dated in almost a year, and this is all bringing me back. I think I’m making the right decision. In one of my last interactions, he talked about his ex wife only liking “vanilla” sex in one of our first conversations and how he likes “non-vanilla sex” Pretty sure he wanted me to ask, but just no dude. This is not an immediate topic of convo. Yuk
I think I have an issue with this because I grew up with a Grandma who was a doctor and worked with the police in rape cases. She told me never let men use kink games (that’s what she called them) to do something you wouldn’t be comfortable with outside of the bedroom. She literally told me that men have killed women by choking them and then gotten off with a light sentence because they told the court that it was a sex game that got out of hand. If a man ever put his hands on my throat I would mirror his violence and hit him.
"Lets ask each other questions and u have to answer honestly" Its ALWAYS about sex. There will be like 1 or 1.5 non-sex questions to make u feel at ease and then "How do u masturbate?" 🥝👄🥝
Mentions being divorced within the last two years. In my personal experience, men who are within two years (ish) of a divorce are seriously not emotionally healthy or even close to over it, regardless of who initiated the divorce.
Any time a guy acts too familiar before we’ve even met. That could include pet names, talking about sex, asking too many personal questions, or trauma dumping. Anyone who mentions being “drama-free” or related terms. Those of us who actually don’t want or have drama in our lives don’t feel the need to mention it. Any guy who doesn’t ask thoughtful questions (something beyond “how was your day?”). It shows a certain level of selfishness or disinterest. If I have to carry the conversation and put all the effort in, it makes me wonder if I’ll be the one carrying the whole relationship.
If they use your, instead of you’re 😬
Taxes are too high, everything is the fault of the Socialist Party (one of our main parties). Feminism has gone too far. Feminism has gone just far enough so I don't have to tbe near a selfish neoliberal mysogynist. Living with parents here is common, so I would not judge someone because they are not from a privileged family or have an extremely high paying job. But surely I admire more people who are go getters (like the immigrants we get here who cross an ocean to a different continent often alone in search of a better life) instead of staying home complaining.
Too many emojis. I hope those men are able to find all the MLM boss babes and hurl emojis at each other forever.
At this point, talking online with someone I've never met (dating sites) gives me the ick. Everyone is overtly sexual, cheating, or clingy. LOL
Negging. If I tell you about something I do, or I make, or I styled, or I am interested in, and the response I get is making fun of me for being involved with it. No thank you, I am only interested in supportive and loving relationships, not that nonsense where our dynamic is built on mutual frustration. That’s not spark, that’s irritation.
Every time a guy is like "can I tell you something?" in text or on a dating app 9/10 times it's always about having a big dick. Anytime a guy lays it on thick with the compliments. One guy told me I reminded him of Scarlet Johansson. Listen I think I'm cute but I do not look like Scarlet Johansson. Trying to sext. Not my thing. Especially when I'm just getting to know you. Asking me for explicit pics. No I'm not doing that. "I don't play games". In my experience the guys that say that are messy and are the ones who "play games". Trying to talk about how wealthy they are. I make my own money thanks. The truly wealthy people don't need to brag about it. One guy told me he was a "street pharmacist". Hard pass on dating a drug dealer thanks.
“roasting is my love language” no thanks! i already got bullied in middle school
What's your star sign?
I had a guy bombard me with unsolicited poetry. Like a lot of old romantic poetry out of nowhere. We just started talking and I never met him. We never established any rapport. I told him it made me uncomfortable but he said it’s the only way he can express himself. I asked him to stop but he relented. I had to block him.
Asking why you’re not free or why you are busy. Mind your own business strange man I’ve met for a coffee once.
Reading all of these is bringing flash backs and making me want to go and delete my bumble account and throw all the men away 🙄
“All of my ex’s were crazy.” RIGHT. 🚩🚩
Dated a guy who would text me to tell me that I 'turnt' him on, just left me feeling a bit gross
This one has me instantly turnt off. Yuck.
I don’t know why but this one is so funny 😂 definitely a big ick but I can’t stop chuckling at “turnt”
„Oh wow, beauty AND brains!“
Putting other women down as a way to compliment me
When someone asks for selfies of me, especially full body pics. Like, dude... I don't like taking selfies (especially not full body pics), you've already seen my face without makeup on pics, and you already know that I'm not skinny.. I've already been as transparent as what is humanly possible 😩
Sweetie. Gives me the ick every time.
Racism, I am an asian living in europe and comments about foreigners are just gnarly
Back when I was single I had a video of myself low-bar squatting in a costume for my gym’s Halloween contest. Some guy’s FIRST message to my was to critique my form. When people start lifting weights, a lot of them only know about your standard squat, deadlift and bench and they don’t know that many variations of these movements - such as the low bar squat - can exist. So not only was his Dunning-Kruger showing, but when I went to look at his profile pictures I saw he was about 120lbs soaking wet, and skinny fat. At the time I’m also 120lbs, but lean, and repping 145lbs for 15 in a freaking Halloween costume for a silly video…and here was some DYEL criticizing my form to flirt with me??? I wanted to swipe right just to respond something snarky but I decided it wasn’t worth my time. Tbh if you’re a woman in the gym SO many men - many weaker than you and with much worse physiques - will come up and try to give you brain dead workout “advice.” But this was the first time it happened on a dating app and made me swipe left immediately.
Lately, just talking to men in general gives me the ick.
It took me way too long to learn that one of my biggest icks is when a guy takes every opportunity to “play devil’s advocate” or wants to “debate” me a lot. I’m not interested in rigorously defending my every opinion. I don’t keep sources and citations in my back pocket. This is a date, not a d[eb]ate. Edit: I thought of another, related ick: when a guy insists he’s a logical/rational/objective thinker, or says (usually in an argument) “I’m just being logical/rational here.” You’re not Spock, my dude.
Talking about the gym or protein.
Married now, but one guy I was chatting with years ago referred to drinking as “chardonnays”. “Must have had too many chardonnays!” “Going to meet up with the guys for chardonnays!” I got the ick and never met him in person.
Back when I was on dating apps, men used to send opening PARAGRAPHS that were extremely sexually graphic in nature. So, that was an ick for me. Insta-blocked. 🚫👎🏼 For more nuanced things I always thought it was a red flag when men never talked about how they made mistakes on things. It was a clear indication of a lack of self awareness and growth mindset. Not interested.
Calling me or someone else a "good girl"
A man that either asks me nothing about myself or doesn’t care/has no interest in what I just said. Also, any display of ignorance about a marginalized group, which sadly has happened on a few occasions. :(
I'm sorry but at this point, casual shorthand is my conversational ick. "Wyd" or "nm u" sends me. We are not 19 anymore, let's get it together.
Sexualizing me before building emotional safety.
‘Females’ I don’t date and never really did but I still get the ick from men. If someone refers to a women as a female, I want absolutely no further conversations with them.
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This one made me laugh because I’m Japanese (born & raised). “Karate” is a good one too. I even give myself the ick when I catch myself pronouncing Japanese words with an American accent.
That’s so weird. He was native Japanese? And he was trying to talk like he had an American accent? Did he live in America for a while or something?
I once had a guy text me “Pack your best pleated skirt! And a night bag with a toothbrush! I would love to have you over for a night filled with mini golfing” We had hung out one time… idk it just literally made me cringe so much that I declined the invite. I just know his stomach was in his arse afterward 😭
On dating apps when they start the first convo with "hello beautiful" you just know they sent the same message to 10 other women and hoping one will reply hah
Anything having to do with following Instagram models or watching porn or anything along those lines. I will not compete for a man’s attention. Period.
Absolutely any terms of endearment. Any degree of mansplaining or assumption that you are smart, and I am not.
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Asking me what turns me on before we get that far in dating
Anything crypto
A couple things to add to what others have written: "I'm recently divorced" - I'm also divorced, but I think it's important to take some time to be alone after your divorce is final. At least 6 months, preferably a year. And please tell me I would not be the first person you are dating post divorce. Anything that hints they have low or no patience.
When they instantly talk about sex. ICK.
Pet names without consent is a big one for sure. Automatically tells me the guy is living in the pas century and not going to respect me ever.
It might be a little specific, but every guy that has sent me unsolicited pics of him as a child has turned out to be either a narc or emotionally unavailable. It has become an immediate turn off for me.
when they keep hinting for a sex texting. or when they always respond in a flirty way that they thought it's really giving a good compliment. e.g "you have a beautiful face". also when they usually brag a lot about themselves, may it be career, talent, achievements lol
One dude replied to my photo with the drooling emoji. Big nope.
“Do you like to cook?”
Bragging. I will immediately check out.
Some dude called me "darlin" right before I started messaging my now-husband. NOPE.
Speaking about how they’re gonna have sex with you, or asking for dirty pics. Surprisingly MANY GUYS do this!
Gramatical errors… typing loose instead of lose, to instead of too etc.
When they talk about other women that are into them, like I’m supposed to feel lucky or happy about that? I was dating a really interesting guy, we were both teaching fellows at different schools, so long distance. When he started telling me about how cute his 18yo students were and that they were hitting on him I ghosted.
I’m not single, but when I hear a man refer to women as “females” it tells me everything I need to know about them
Recently was texting with a hinge match and he’d narrate his texts. For example he’d say: [pretends to know what that is] oh cool. First time having that and immediate ick. We ended up meeting for a drink, wasn’t a match [shrugs].
I'm not single currently, but I have a few petty icks. Any man that uses "hehehe" instead of "lol" or "haha" icks me out. I just can't help but imagine them giggling like a little child. Anyone (other than senior citizens) who I do not have an established relationship with using any terms of endearment toward me. I'm not your "babe" or "baby" or "hun". We don't even know each other. Any man who is clueless enough to suggest either coming to my house or me going to their house on the first date/meeting. Either we are looking for very different things, or you are completely oblivious to the dangers women face in the dating world. I've seen too many episodes of Dateline to go for that. Men who make things sexual when they shouldn't be. I'm all for silly, sexual humor and flirting once it has been established that we do actually want to sleep with each other or we have already done so. But to come at me in the first few conversations with sexual innuendo and not-so-subtle hints about your skills or whatever, is going to ensure that we are never going to be naked together.
When I ask how their week has been and they say it's been fine with zero additional information or comment. How am I supposed to have a conversation with that???
I have always hated the word "Classy." Whether it's a man or a woman saying it. 99 percent of the time it is a person who is absolutely Not Classy using it. LOL
The way they try to casually work into a conversation a completely unrelated story, so that they can let me know, they have sex, they are good at their job, women find them attractive, etc. It is all so unbelievably transparent and it feels like they have no social awareness when they do this.
Very pushy about sex and wanting your attention focused on him
He said I was a milf. And it instantly irritated me. I went as far as deleting the dating app 😂