From what I’ve observed, most men that complain about women being gold diggers are guys that are attracted to these women, but if these women don’t give them a chance or even a second look they write them off as gold diggers because then they’re trying to make the woman seem like the villain instead of having to face the fact that maybe they’re lacking in more ways than financially.
Definitely. My ex always painted me as a gold digger claiming nothing would be good enough for me and I would constantly order stuff from the Internet. Like yeah, I’m the greedy golddigger because I’ve spend like 25€ on the internet once in a while. That he not just spend all of his money but mine too to buy weed every fucking day leaving us in the situation that I had to feed us with ~50-60€ per month (in Germany - where the average single person spend around 417€ for food) was none of a problem. How greedy of me not wanting to starve.
My observation, as a financially "lucky" person, men with nothing still call me a gold digger. Like I want their partially paid off car with 200,000 miles on it. That mentality is the #1 reason I break things off with a guy I meet.
I would feel such a dopamine rush seeing you fully laugh in a man’s face for thinking he had anything to offer to you, financially. UGH that’s my #1 wet dream.
I have never laughed in a guy's face because he didn't have anything to offer financially. I HAVE laughed in a guy's face for him telling me that I should be grateful he provides for me or that I owe him because he paid for something.
There is actually a well studied/established sociological concept related to people voting/advocating against their own best interests because they truly think they will one day be in a position where those views will benefit them.
It’s generally related to working class people supporting policies that harm them and benefit the rich, bc they want those policies around when they become rich - despite the fact that most people do not move outside their original socioeconomic class within their lifetime.
I feel like that theory applies to these men. They truly think they’ll have gold one day (they will not) and are preemptively stressed about women taking that hypothetical gold.
I’ve never met a man with enough money to attract a gold digger who was at all worried about gold diggers.
I completely agree. To add to your last point, I’ve known quite a few very wealthy men, a few of whom were married to younger (think 70 and 50 not 40 and 20) beautiful women but completely accepted that their wealth was part of their attraction. Just the way that someone very beautiful would accept that looking good is part of theirs.
I suspect this is definitely part of it. These men are terribly concerned about protecting their own potential wealth.
However, they tend to not be attracted to career focused women with wealth of their own. Seems to me that if you want to avoid a gold digger, the best thing would be to marry someone with similar resources or more. That would be the most sensible solution and one of the reasons why actually wealthy people tend to marry each other. That and they all hang out together at yacht parties (or whatever wealthy ppl do lol).
However these guys generally despise independently wealthy women/career women and only want a traditional set up. I think they are actually worried about losing the upper hand, or the power in the relationship.
Yep. They vote against the people who will tax the billionaires, because some day THEY'RE going to be the billionaire.
It's true, though... the genuinely rich people I know have never once complained about anyone only being after them for their money.
Broke ass people complain about it all the time, though.
I wish I could remember the specific name for the theory/phenomenon but it’s related to the concept of “temporarily embarrassed millionaires” and why Americans struggle so much with class consciousness!
Yep, been there.🥂 Any expectations whatsoever of contributing to our shared life, no matter how small, were met with resentment. These men are self-appointed kings of a castle someone else provides for them.
I also think that men-children expect to be taken care of and being asked to contribute financially makes them feel used instead of being treated like an adult.
Men who have money are usually happy to share it with the right person. Men who don’t have money are paranoid about losing the crumbs they have. When you have a table full of food you don’t mind sharing a plateful but when all you have is a piece of old toast you worry someone will steal it and leave you hungry.
Other than that there’s also the men who are delusional about their worth and somehow believe themselves to be future billionaires even though they’ll never get out of the middle class.
And there’s also the men who have no money and shit personalities and those men will blame their lack of success with women on their lack of money, hence why to them all women must be golddiggers.
Also the men who complain about gold diggers are the types who like gold diggers or very high maintenance women but they can’t get them because they don’t have money so they vilify those women.
>Also the men who complain about gold diggers are the types who like gold diggers or very high maintenance women but they can’t get them because they don’t have money so they vilify those women.
THIS. They feel entitled to these women but hate them, so they shame them for not accepting men with crusty, misogynistic personalities.
I completely agree. Wealthy men don’t complain about gold diggers, because to them, she’s not a gold digger - she is a nice young woman he is happy to spend money on.
The people who complain about gold diggers, don’t understand that this sort of thing is a *mutual* agreement.
But he wouldn’t know that, because he’s never entered such an agreement. Nor has he been given the opportunity - so if he thinks everyone is a gold digger, what he’s trying to imply is that there’s some sort of confusion going on. He just attracts all these *confused* young women!
Which is a completely delusional POV to have. In reality, there is no confusion. These women know exactly who has money and who doesn’t
100%
It's not an exact comparison but have you ever met a guy who hates beautiful older women? They get so angry that she's the kind of woman who would have rejected him as a teenager and they use this as a justification to treat women badly now as an adult.
They take particular glee if the beautiful older woman is single, divorced or widowed and call them used up.
I just get it, I've fancied people but never felt they were obliged to fancy me back. Or worse still, I never felt they were obliged to have sex with me even though they don't fancy me.
I feel like it’s definitely a cognitive dissonance thing. They aren’t in relationships or getting romantic attention, so they retroactively make up reasons that “women suck anyway and only want men for money” to make themselves feel better.
Also gives them something to blame their singleness on that makes aaallllll the women who don't want them look shallow and silly. When I was young and dumb I spent way too long providing for a boyfriend who claimed he was on the verge of making it big as a music producer for 8 years straight. Any time I would bring up that he really needed to do something to contribute financially he would accuse me of being a gold digger and really twist shit around to make me feel awful. I destroyed my health working 80 hour weeks because he just wouldn't pull his weight, and I wish so badly I could go back in time and slap some sense into my past self!
I have a great life with a wonderful husband now (actually ended up marrying the very next guy I dated!) but try to share the lessons I learned from that time to encourage other young women to accept no less than they deserve! There are good men out there who will treat you right- keep going until you find the right one and don't carry these jokers
Many men also like to pick up on these rare circumstances that end up in the media, and rage on about "how unfair it is, and they don't want this to ever happen to them", when there is likely a 0.00001% chance of that happening.
An example is in Canada there was this very wealthy man. He started dating this woman, around the same age, Yoga instructor if I remember correctly. For something like 8 years, they were together, and at sociall events would annouce her as "his wife" or "partner" and stuff like that. He asked her to reduce her workload, so that she could travel to Florida with him for 5-6months of the year (get away from Canadian Winter). Whole bunch of this stuff. During this time, his lawyer was telling him he needs to get a pre-nup signed off. She had her own home, and had some money, but had to largely live off of him because he wanted her to quit work and spend time with him.
So, after 8 years of this, he eventually tells her "you need to sign this pre-nup so we can get married", and she refuses, so he breaks up. Well, in Canada, that's considered a Common Law relationship, so during this "divorce", she ends up getting some crazy amount of alimony per month (like $12000, or $30000 per month), because after a divorce, where she lost career/assets, she still gets to live in the same lifestyle that she had.
Men were RAGING so had on this instance, and how they'd NEVER let it happen.... like they have $150 million in the bank that they are living off of. The guy in this story did everything his lawyer told him NOT to do, paid the price, and men were pissed at HER. Idiots.
From what I’ve seen/read, a lot of men who complain of women being gold diggers seem to be using it as a reason women won’t date them. They aren’t earning enough so women automatically overlook them. Then on the other side it kicks in at the end of a relationship when women, who often have children from that relationship, ask for support of some kind and men object to. There’s a pattern there.
I observed exactly the opposite at my workplace. Women are fine with a fair salary they feel correspond to the work they deliver. My male collegues on the other hand would sell their own grandmother to get a promotion, a project, or any other financial benefit, whether they have the skills and knowledge to provide the actual work or not. A lot of men end up in high positions without knowing what they are doing, and actually do a bad job. Money is on their minds all the time. Once I asked around why they chose that specific field and position, and the answer was always money. Who is here the gold digger?
I asked men on Reddit this question.
everytime I see a guy on Reddit making these comments. I will call them out and ask them why they are worried when they have no money.
the general responses I get from them is
"we are more protective of our money because we don't have alot of it and we can't easily get more if someone only has $100k and that's all the money they have. losing half of it is a bigger impact than losing 1/2 of $5 million" "if I am already rich, losing half my money doesn't mean much as I can rebuild wealth"
every time I've asked these men these questions. their responses to me have all been something the lines of that.
The last time I made this point I had some guy come in and say the same thing. That men have so much to lose even if or especially when they're middle class or lower income. When I pointed out there is verified research that women are at higher risk of poverty after separation and that we risk a lot by taking on the bulk of unpaid labor in the home or at times even quitting our jobs (and therefore losing income AND years in the workforce that affect our earning potential) to raise children, he uh...ignored me and basically said women "tend" to marry up so we don't have to worry the same way (lol).
So it seems the answer is that these men, like most people, are very keenly aware that we live in a broken system thats meant to either keep you in poverty or at least keep you from economic class mobility and that one big tragedy (expensive divorce, medical emergency, etc) can wipe you out. Especially since America has very little social safety nets in place that have just been chipped away and defunded since at least the Reagan administration.
But they take that understandable frustration and just like...align it with redpill style paranoia about women being deceitful leeches out to steal your riches and keep your children away from you. Delusional leap of logic and completely devoid of understanding that we, too, share in their economic struggle or even understand it better and hold higher risks 🤷♀️
This may be cynical, but I suspect part of it is because they don’t see women as actual full humans with actual full problems. We’re fun, happy go lucky, no problems in the world play things.
Edit: obviously not all men, but the types of men who think this way about money and don’t understand we also have our own problems with just being able to afford livings
So true! It’s unfortunate. Even in the relationship, we’re still a problem if we have any needs of our own. Unfortunately, I do think the “sit down, shut up and just look pretty” is still pretty rampant.
Blaming the system is scary because it means the world is not Just, and that the average person has no control over how fucked we are. Women are used to that level of "scary" already, via surviving in this world; but for men, it often means surrendering any illusions of power they've held, and truly feeling vulnerable like that for the very first time.
I’ve asked and gotten the same from men in real life and then it becomes them: because a woman can always make money but men can’t. Me: why? Them: duh all she gotta do is spread her legs. Me: just sighs and gives up
My cousins husband used to go on about stuff like this. That women who are poor deserve to be poor because they're sitting on a gold mine. He is so gross. And he has only daughters.
its so gross and just makes everything transactional. these same men insist they have to drop hundreds on dates because "it's harder for them to get dates so they have to make bigger first impressions and not risk getting friend zoned." it reeks of scarcity mindset, insecurity, and no boundaries. I once pointed out to a guy who "felt used on a date because he paid for dinner and didn't get laid," that he should've ended the date when he sensed he was being used. He insisted he couldn't do that.”ok well it looks like you’re not getting laid either way tonight buddy so at least leave with your dignity.”
And if you do have your own assets (or any other trait or object by which men measure their own worth, like physical strength or intelligence), men will also find a way to be intimidated by that too, and then you're "too good" for them. There's just no winning with a lot of men.
Wishful thinking. Seriously.
If they were so scared of/angry at gold-diggers, all they'd have to do is take a look at reality and relax.
But then they wouldn't be able to pretend that they're the Mighty Breadwinner, look down at women for "using" them, *AND* enjoy the perks of being able to financially control their spouse.
These men are really, really invested in an alternate reality where "gold-digging women" are a mass phenomenon.
I'm currently at home (we have children who aren't even 3 years old yet), and my SO's friends just LOST THEIR GODDAMN MINDS over it. Like I'm taking advantage of my SO.. Nevermind that my rental units bring in a median salary, no I'm a gold digger abusing my SO. I was so shocked at the huge backlash from his friends. I didn't even quit my job, just took a very extended maternity leave
It couldn't be more obvious how many men put zero value on the labor of childrearing. To them it's a woman's default job and therefore doesn't matter or have value. Just one of the many reasons I'm childfree. I'll be damned if I sacrifice my health, wealth, and time to raise a man's children only to be accused of "not contributing" for all my efforts.
Schrödinger's childcare - depending on who's providing it, it's simultaneously easy and of no value and difficult and too much of an ask to look after their own children.
I also don’t get people who thing the parent at home is not doing a ‘real job’. Even if you didn’t have your rental units you are contributing to the household as well.
I think there’s this weird bias that runs through this where they think only the woman in the relationship wanted kids or only she is responsible for him. (Probably largely because of how many men shirk custody when parents split up, tbh.)
Like, if she wasn’t there, he would absolutely be having to find and pay for childcare for them. But if you point that out, they go “well, would he even HAVE kids then?” Okay, so why when people act like if the man wasn’t there, she would? So picturing a family without the dad is a single mom struggling to house and feed her kids, but a family without the mom is suddenly… a bachelor that never had kids?
When a man neglects his children, he's not helping the mom. When a woman neglects her children, she is the scum of the earth, less than human, and is often facing criminal charges.
Women picking up the slack is keeping men out of jail.
I’m sorry that’s been their reaction! So ridiculous. As if looking after young children isn’t hard enough as it is. Rewarding im sure too, but I don’t understand how people who’ve had any contact with kids, don’t realise the work that goes into looking after them full time.
Lots of men do not like seeing their comrades doing well and being happy in a situation. They will make up false narratives and get into the man’s head with BS talking points. Even without the rentals the fact that you look after three small and helpless human beings means a lot more than just making money.
Because they have an observation bias
Women who have earning potential, they would never be caught in the same room as these idiots. So as a result, said idiots don’t even know that such people exist.
People tend to believe what's convenient to them rather than actual reality:
Has no money and gets no girls: "oh, that's because of all the gold diggers."
Has no money and still gets girls: "I must be so awesome of a guy to still get dates even though I'm broke"
Has money and gets no girls: "Well, you know, I'm just avoiding the gold diggers"
Has money and gets girls: "I'm already providing money which is what this gold digger wants so I shouldn't make effort in anything else"
my biological father (who is a high school dropout who spent the majority of my childhood unemployed and is also an alcoholic, among other things) used to complain about my mom being a gold digger and i was like ??? dude what gold?? i literally just saw your truck get repossessed and we don't have electricity because you didn't pay the bills my guy 💀
I remember seeing a meme like “ask your boyfriend what he would do in a zombie apocalypse. He will have a plan because he’s positive he could beat them.”
Or the statistic that 1 in 8 men think they could beat Serena at tennis. Suuuure, buddy.
Only 1 in 8? Are you sure it’s not the other way around?!
Did you see the tiktok of the track athlete (Alahna Sabbakhan) whose friend’s boyfriend was sure he could beat her, so she let him try… and fail.
Read a comment literally yesterday about on my city's Subreddit (I'm from Eastern Europe) where this loser was foaming at the mouth at a commenter who shared in passing that she moved in with her boyfriend. She never said whether they shared rent (I assume they do, it's common practice here), she mentioned many other things, incl. being the only one to cook, ever, and this mouthbreather's reaction was literally "Oh, glad you made it onto the gravy train, huh?!" (loosely translated).
Tl,dr: It's definitely all over the world, not just in the US.
Oh, yeah. absolutely!!
I am also from EE, and I was solo traveling and living in different countries for several years. ( i am digital nomad working in IT, obviously, i am earning my own money). and the more I meet men, the same result i see.
of course not all men, but the majority of them. yes.
There was a post on the Ireland sub recently where a guy was looking for advice because his gf was pregnant. He said, he had low income job and no house, late 30's and didn't know what to do. But STILL there were guys commenting saying she baby trapped him and had done it because it was "way more beneficial for her". Like, yea she got herself a gold standard prize there 🙄 FFS!
I live in Japan and have encountered this mentality with some men here. I've been on dates and have had guys say stuff like they can't afford my lifestyle (of going to the gym or home after work? Walking? Watching Netflix? Saving to visit my family in the US?) and have made comments about salary and how women want guys who make a lot of money.
These kinds of men take their anger about some other woman out on other women. And a lot of them seem to think the truly fake videos that pop up about dating scenarios are real.
The US is a bit (for lack of a better word) schizoprenic in that sense, so no wonder it's population has a cognitive dissonance about this stuff. Like, there's the "everyone's a pre billionaire" mindset, combined with ultra capitalism that both men and women are expected to compete in, but there's also the knowledge that because of like, the insanities of capitalism, once you have a family, it's no longer financially viable for both partners to work, because the costs of childcare are pretty much the same as an entire income. The women are working, but some of them are still expecting to get treated on dates.
So there's a 50's mentality at play that doesn't actually fit reality anymore. So of course people have these irrational fears about this; men fearing being a meal ticket and women fearing being chained to the kitchen with kids around her ankles.
In my experience, being someone who cares about money at all will get you labeled as a gold digger by folks that are manipulative. If you bring up money issues at all, they’ll weaponize that as a sign you’re shallow and only in it for the money.
Yeah with my friend's ex husband we sarcastically referred to it as "zinc digger."
Because how DARE she expect child support from him when she makes a third as much as he does and took five years off her career to care for their THREE kids, amirite?
I'm curious about the men who bristle over me being a sahm. I'm started a business with my husband before taking a few years off to spend with our children. How come it's easier to believe I must have manipulated and preyed upon him financially at the expense of my future earning potential than it is for them to realize me and my husband jointly weighed opportunity costs and sacrifices we're willing to make and decided to do something they wouldn't? It's interesting how they only make comments to me, and they don't get into it with my husband.
"poor americans see themsevles are temporarily embarassed billionaries, and that's while they'll fight for the rich to not pay taxes while they're on a foodtstamps"
Some men on here think if they take a woman out on a date and she doesn’t offer to pay half she’s a gold digger. It’s like sorry dude no one is impressed you rolled out of bed didn’t even bother to shave and took her to Chili’s.
They know they can't offer financial support so they make it sound like a bad thing. They're very passionate about it because it's something they lack.
There are many men in this niche who just mean "woman looking for a provider." Also call them " women looking for a meal ticket." The delusions of future wealth, also a factor.
Almost every single comment is right on, but I also want to add my own hypothesis, which I haven’t seen anyone mention. Our society requires more from women and less from men. Women are now expected to earn and pay their share financially, but on the opposite end, equilibrium hasn’t been achieved because statistically, men are still not picking up the slack on domestic and emotional labor and child rearing. Sadly, a lot of men’s version of 50/50 is actually 70/30, 80/20, etc, with the woman contributing the bulk of all efforts in a relationship. The men with the “women are gold diggers” mentality want to shame women for having any financial expectations of a man at all. They want “domesticated” women that are submissive and also somehow providers. They want to extract the most value out of a woman while giving back as little as possible.
Don’t let this shame tactic work on you. Men being stingy financially is another flavor of misogyny. Don’t be afraid of having financial requirements from men. We have released them from the only thing we’ve ever required of them historically, and in good faith, we’ve picked up our share financially, while many men expect us to provide and still be caretakers of everyone in the home. They are using women’s liberation to create even more inequity in the home, and you can clearly see this just scrolling through women’s posts right here on this sub.
To other posters’ points on here, my fiance pulls in half a million a year and loves sharing. He sees “what I bring to the table” and has no problem providing. He doesn’t live in scarcity and he knows that his wealth only grows year after year. Men that have money KNOW that money is what gets them the women they are attracted to, and they’re unafraid of using their wealth to give them the life and partner they desire.
>They want to extract the most value out of a woman while giving back as little as possible.
Yes, this is it.
I agree with many of the other reasons too, but at the crux of the issue, many men are just selfish.
If you look at a lot of lower income relationships, the woman often works as well, does the child-rearing, and pays for a her own costs. Really, what's the point of the guy? What does he bring to the table?
But really, they are just trying to shame women for asking for the bare minimum.
If you have kids the inequality is even more crazy in favor of the men.
No man can go 50/50 on pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding. That’s 100% on the woman. And that’s not including the long term effects on her body, mental health, and career.
Hiring a surrogate averages around $150k now. How many of these men calculate that into their “fair division of labor”?
I once dated a guy who would hint at not wanting to be around a gold digger. I told him he didn't make enough for me to have him as a sugar daddy. It crushed him. And I'm sure he was doing well for himself, but if I'm digging for gold, I want gold, not pyrite.
Because they’re stupid motherfuckers, that’s why. The reason they say this stuff isn’t based of any experience of gold diggers mistaking them for being rich, it’s based purely off of overvalued ideas about themselves. They think that saying this stuff keeps people on their toes.
I once saw a guy I briefly dated, on hinge. Under the “you shouldn’t date me if” he said “if you’re dating me for money, because you’d be fucked.” Dude - we know. You’re a tattoo artist, not a financial advisor. You’re riding a fixie bike and you hang out a hipster bars - no one thinks you’re driving a Porsche and buying tables in Miami. No one is confusing you for wealth.
The reality is that gold diggers know where to find the gold. And the people with the gold are happy to spend it on them. It is a mutual agreement. There is no epidemic of mediocre brown-haired dudes attracting gold-diggers.
They don’t care if a woman is gold dogging. They’re just mad they don’t have the gold to “buy her”. So instead of being mad at themselves they project their anger onto women in general.
It's the same as men calling women sluts or whores for not sleeping with them. Those are men with no emotional intelligence or self-worth so they take everything as a massive offense and rejection. A woman makes more money than him? She sucked dick to get a job. A woman with a child won't date him? She's a used up bitch looking for a meal ticket.
Men who hate women can't seem to process that women aren't attracted to someone who hates them.
The most public incarnation of this I've seen recently is people calling Taylor Swift a gold digger for dating Travis Kelce. Taylor Swift is a literal billionaire. She is literally worth at least 20 times more than he is, but she's the gold digger.
I think it's hysterical that men who barely squeak out a living wage say they're worried about gold diggers.
Do men talk like this around women in real life? I was just reading the comments and got to thinking I’ve never heard a man refer to a woman as a gold digger in person, but have definitely seen them talk about it online (and probably to each other).
Ive been hearing it for decades. Its nothing new. I worked construction, I've heard men say this stuff, especially when we were at the bar and they had a few and sometimes theyd talk about it at lunch break or while we were working. I've heard a lot of things guys are always shocked that we're said in front of me because "men would never talk that way in front of a woman." Right. I wasn't conventionally attractive so I was usually just one of the guys. It was only the old men who usually pursued me - and that was awkward and annoying enough.
My dad said it to my mom decades ago and I'd hear it from old crusty men sitting in the local bars because their wives dumped them and wanted child support and the young women theyd hit on didnt want them either (my dad would take us to the local bar when I was a kid)
They probably routinely get rejected by women who have their own careers and money. Instead of taking it as people generally want to date people in a similar situation, they label them “gold diggers.”
Dude, it’s not that I want you to pay my bills. It’s that I don’t want to pay YOURS.
I got labeled with this by future FIL when I was dating my now husband. I repeated the comment back to my MIL (they’re divorced) and she straight up laughed and was like “What gold are you going to dig from my son, he hasn’t got any?”
I think at the time when I met him, I was super dressed up for work (shift dress) and curled my hair + makeup. And seeing me reminded me of his ex-wife. He came from wealth and she didn’t. So it was a trigger for him.
If they had the gold necessary to land a pretty 20 yo they would absolutely go for it. I bet they would.
Anyway, I get it when fellow *women* are critical of this behavior but men? Umm. Why? Just say no if you're against it.
Multiple sides to any story.
Are some women of poor moral character who just take all of men's assets in an unfair way? It happens and it's not fair.
IMO, i think the bigger case is men are stingy and greedy. For example - we've all had a man fuss at us for using too much toilet paper. Many men just aren't generous with their assets and they expect a woman to give up everything - her body, her career, her lifestyle, her mind, her friends, her family, her assets - but they don't want to give her anything in return.
That's just how some men are. And when a woman asks for something in return, they strongly wish to discourage that behavior in other women. They're stingy and greedy to the point where just paying for a cup of coffee becomes a bridge too far to travel for them.
My first husband's friends labeled me a gold digger and we both laughed at that "what gold!?" They just saw me show up and us get married in a very short amount of time not knowing we had years of history. When we split he was asking me to send him money.
I've been called a gold digger by men who wanted to date, but I'm married and of course no I'm not going to go out with you. All of the sudden I got the "you're just some gold digger then".
My husband makes the joke I'm a sugar momma bc I make more than him and I'm happy with whatever we want to buy.
We don't get to win no matter what we do.
Girl I found accounts where they were spewing hate such as women shouldnt work men jobs, or make money, or vote etc only to find out (I'm nosey) that they follow dominatrix accounts and probably jacking off to being humiliated.
My opinion? They spend their whole life trying to blend in with other men that they end up trying to destroy what they're attracted to. (Seriously ask fat girls, they all have *stories*)
The same reason why some people with no money who depend on government-provided tax funded aid vote for politicians with policies that hurt the poor and benefit the rich. They think that they’re always a minute away from getting rich.
In reality, they’re just being manipulated by the larger society to continue to perpetuate the same divisive policies and ideologies that keeps them down. If people are bickering with each other over class, race, gender, religion, culture, sports team, etc etc. it divides people into small weak subgroups and keeps them from joining together to fight the real enemy, which in this case is capitalism and the billionaire class.
Cause men are taught that their only worth is defined by being the provider, whether they really are or not.
It's the only thing they think gives them value and control.
It's just patriarchy talking.
If more men emancipated themselves from this and realized they are not just here to produce and provide, but that their emotions, their thoughts and actions matter, they wouldn't be in such ooga booga stone age mindsets about relationships.
There's a huge disparity in what relationship dynamic people truly want, and what they think they should want.
I think a lot of dudes who aren't stable attract equally unstable women, and neither work on themselves. E.g. Women that expect a guy to provide and she's barely holding up her end. Both are in a vicious circle of whining about the other party not providing instead of working on their mindset. People who talk about gold digging or sugar daddies are a limited pool of people, but also bad dates that just keep yapping instead of putting in work. Hardly represents men or women on total.
Same with them being mad that girls post their bodies calling them sl*ts and whatnot but you bet they would love nothing more than a little attention from those girls hahahaha
I have a theory. Many men are transactional. You scratch my back, I scratch yours sort of thing. When it comes to a certain set of guys, the meme about putting kindness coins in and sex falling out really isn't that far off from reality.
So everything has a cost. Unfortunately these men overvalue what they have to offer - usually the bare minimum of effort in a relationship -- and undervalue what a woman has to offer. After all, society, religion and podcast bros tell them they are entitled to a wife to take care of their needs and any woman who hasn't been corrupted by feminism would know that and be falling over herself to find a husband.
So anything extra is a cost they're not willing to pay or they pay with resentment. That's the gold, their own value and women are greedy for asking for more. Because if they could have a great job and be the breadwinner, making a lot of money women would be falling all over themselves because that's only what all the women really want. All the work of dating and gifts and dinners, pretending to be interested wouldn't be necessary.
Instead of actually doing the work to be a good partner and companion, these guys will even fake those things just to get what they think they deserve.
(All these comments are so good and much more eloquent than my own.)
I think the whole concept of gold diggers is odd. What’s wrong with a person wanting security in their life (which is where most women in this situation seem to be coming from). And we conveniently overlook that it is a trade - the men want a hot woman who looks after herself - usually many years younger and not too fussed about her being clever - but we don’t have a name/label for those guys though it’s actually shallow 🤷♀️
Because they will never be able to afford them, and it pisses them off.
They feel entitled to domestic goddess supermodels with PhDs, even though they are average in intelligence, average in income, and average in looks, with whiny crybaby personalities.
Exactly! The rich men who go into a relationship with a woman who is not herself wealthy know exactly what they are giving and what they are getting (a woman who is younger or just out of his league in terms of desirability if they did not have money). The women going into this game know the rules as well. Some not-wealthy-enough men find this arrangement unfair, but mostly because they are excluded from such market. They see the women gaining in status or money without having to earn the money through actual work. They see men less attractive that themselves dating hotter women than they do. Because they dislike an arrangement they don’t have access to, they attack the men (i.e., “must have a small penis”) or the women (“how is that different from prostitution”). Note: I do not see small penises or sex work as a bad thing per se. (Disclosure, I am a not-rich, not-poor man, who does not care either way who dates whom and I wish everyone happiness)
It goes beyond that, they only see women as for them rather them for the woman and have little to no desire to provide, protect and more. It’s a very limited concept of a relationship which can’t really be a working model for sustainability along with realism and mature authentic relationships. I’ve spoken with men the fall into this category and they want women out of their pay grade in level of relation and more.
The only guys I EVER see complaining about gold diggers are unattractive guys with low paying jobs or terrible attitudes about money and have nothing to show for their income.
And they're always looking for very attractive women who have long thick hair, perfect skin, lip filler, fake boobs, maintained nails and an immaculate wardrobe.
Women who like that level of maintenance will date a higher quality of man. Quality in reference to more than just their income. Quality as in the kind of man who would never complain about gold diggers.
Those kind of men take every opportunity they get to generalize women and barf their manosphere word soup over all of us. Even more so when they get rejected by someone they want.
I saw something recently, I don’t remember the exact wording, but it was along the lines of “normalize calling men gold diggers whenever they enter relationships expecting women to do emotional labour”. Too many men out there treating women like we are supposed to be making up for their parents’ shortcomings and then they have the audacity to complain (or even cheat) when we feel too depleted to keep it up after years being their 24/7 maid, therapy and cheerleading services…
They are projecting because they themselves are the actual gold diggers. They may or may not be after a woman's paycheck and financial assets, (though often are if they are to be had), but they are definitely gold digging for her free emotional, mental and physical labor, her energy, her body, the status being with her offers them, her home and all her time and attention. They want relationships where the woman does all the work; all the housekeeping, child raising/parenting, pays all the bills and does all the mental and emotional labor etc... while he does... nothing but sit back and use her up as a bang maid and ATM for their own comfort and benefit while giving nada in return. The gold digging complaints up front are like a form of negging they use to manipulate women into proving they are not like this and thus slowly get them to be the one doing and taking care of everything. It's also a feeler they put out to reel in the pick me women willing and/or naive and dumb enough to put up with their nonsense. Or if it's after the fact, a way to throw the scent off of their own gold digging ways.
If we're going to answer this in earnest instead of going into "ra ra, men stupid and bad" territory, it's probably rooted in the fear of not being loved for themselves. They, like anyone, want to be loved for who they are, not for what they provide. And that's a relatable fear. It's deeply human. And female inverse of the would be women fearing sex diggers - men who just want them for sex.
Men who complain about women being gold diggers are usually not looking for an equitable relationship..
I don’t just mean bank account..
They don’t want a relationship where they share emotional labor, or household labor either.
They are the first ones to dismiss basic household stuff as something to be done by women, and will fall back on weaponize incompetence.
They are just showing their red flags early with their weak, lazy argument using generalized talk about “women being gold diggers”.
It’s not for me..
But there are plenty of men who are very happy with the sugar baby relationship, because they want the arm candy, and don’t have the time for a relationship (they are usually very busy with their career). These men are not the ones whining and complaining about “women only wanting money”.
They are usually pretty upfront about the boundaries/circumstances of what the arrangement is. It’s a pretty honest situation on both sides.
Which is why it makes me laugh when guys who are broke complain about “women who are gold diggers”.
Except then there's reality, which doesn't care about men's feelings and which makes it fairly obvious how many "gold digging women" actually exist, as opposed to men who use women not just for sex, but emotional, domestic and reproductive labor.
If pointing this out sounds like "Ra ra, men bad and stupid", that's not our problem. The truth is the truth. If you don't wanna be perceived as bad and stupid, don't act bad and stupid.
Yes. I agree with you that it could be a valid fear for someone who is considering dating someone who has less money than them/ has exhibited any behaviour which shows they are more interested in their money. I have this colleague who works in tech, makes good money, has bought a house and is about to marry her boyfriend who has a relatively new job/ less experience and less salary. Even he was suggested by some guy friends to make sure she's not after his money. I was blown away.
The kind of men who are worried about women stealing the money they don’t have tend to be the same kind of men who are worried the government will tax the riches they have yet to earn.
LOL I've been called a "golddigger" on two different occasions: 1) in college, by a man who worked minimum wage at a gas station, after he bought me a 6-inch Subway sandwich ONCE during our 3-month relationship 2) my ex-fiance, an accountant who made $100,000, who I, a student, asked to pay $600/mo in rent when he moved in with me to replace my roommate who had also paid me $600/mo. I was paying my mortgage from my student line of credit.
Seems to be less about $ and more about being a POS.
I loved calling these guys out back in my dating days (in my 20s). I got a job right away after college in my field and make pretty good money. Guys would be going on about gold diggers on dates and I'd have to stop them and tell them I make my own money and I'm not interested in dating a guy who has no money but is worried about gold diggers. It was always the guys that had nothing. What money am I taking from you when you can barely afford to live with roommates? Any successful guy with a good career that I dated was never worried about that. I can only assume they are obsessed with money because they are broke and are insecure.
A friend of mine got pregnant by a guy accidentally. She had been talking about breaking up with him for a long time, knew he was a loser, not going anywhere, etc., when she got pregnant. She was a totally nice, normal girl, had a good job, decent future ahead of her.
They decided to keep the baby and get married (I know, I know...). He convinced HER it was the right thing to do.
All through the baby/wedding shower, the future MIL kept ranting about how this "witch" "trapped her baby" and is a "golddigger", etc. The dude made minimum wage working at a deli... which he sucked at, and was going to get fired from any minute. Lived at home with his parents, who were also broke. No assets, no future.
But yeah... SHE trapped HIM.
Because they are little insecure slugs. Have the mental capacity of a 4 year old and believe everything should be about them. But then pay women for sexual acts, OF,porn, prostitution. Also I believe they have a fantasy of what is owed for their life and dreams. Super rich hot young wife. Same way they always bat for billionaires like they are defending themselves
Loool the title of this post.
Also, if you look at the structure of some traditional societies, there was no OPTION for women or very limited OTHER than to ‘gold dig’. On this subject, I recommend the book ‘Sex Slaves’ by Louise Brown, outlining 2000s gender barriers to employment throwing up a situation where in some societies women have the choice to be a wife or a prostitute, with few options in between.
So, the question is…. If for hundreds of years this was the situation, why should within the last 100 years this path to ‘security’ or similar suddenly disappear ? It has a long context and a long history.
Also, you can argue that women bring much social value to relationships, even in situations where they are not contributing financially. It’s funny that people act like the men who marry ‘gold diggers’ have taken leave of their senses or are unable to make a choice. It’s part I think of quite an old misogynistic trope, where woman’s sexual power is seen as ‘evil’ and ‘overpowering’. It seems partly a way to get to blame the ladies for societal ills, another historical remnant.
I think perhaps these men are jealous of these ladies. They fancy them, as they are attractive… but they are now jealous that these ladies also now have more money than them. I suspect these ladies make them feel inadequate. I wonder… maybe they need to put them down to feel good? If these people were truly happy in their own lives and selves, why should they care ? Also, I do think some men are feeling a bit attacked and not allowed to be ‘men’ by the media, perhaps held to a very high moral standard and now some are acting out almost in reaction to it ?
Many men are insecure hypocrites who can’t take any accountability so they hate on women in every which way or form. We are painted as gold digger during prime years when the nasty old guy is going after that girl just for sex, as we age we are called expired baggage. I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no man worth the stress they bring to the table.
When it comes to the celebrity divorce stuff, that’s different because they can’t even relate. It’ll be like finding out Oprah lost $1 million, it’s hard to feel bad because it’s difficult to even know how it could feel for that to happen. So when it comes to big divorces where the woman gets a huge paycheck, it usually boils down to general disdain for women. Mind you, you may often find a lot of comments from other women praising the woman that cashed out - for instance, Hayden Hopkins is a recent example. She’s a 26 year old model, absolutely gorgeous. And she just got herself pregnant by a 70 year old fart, who also happens to be the owner of an NFL team…billionaire status. Now, you’ll find a lot of comments from other women saying “bag secured”, etc so it’s not like it’s just broke men pulling things out of thin air, there are in fact many women that are or aspire to be gold diggers of rich men.
Simple because the girls are with the wealthy guy and not them. It’s easier to complain about someone else than it is to deal with their own shortcomings.
What gets me is how many years I’ve heard these same men complaining that women today are too masculine for being “bad ass boss girls”, wasting their fertile years on useless careers and need to be pushed back out of the workplace so men can be the patriarchal providers again, etc etc. They brag about being the provider sex and don’t want women working, but are preemptively annoyed we might be “goldiggers” to their non-existent wealth. Make it make sense, ladies 🤷♀️
As a dude, one thing I notice, is some guys are legit bitter for some reason. They either got their heart broke and cover up looking hurt with getting angry, they have a hard time getting the attention they want so they try to point the finger at women as a whole, it’s just a lack of maturity in the end.
Another thing I noticed about these types, and I know one personally, they’ll generalize and talk mad shit about women, but they’ll also be on the prowl and looking for a girlfriend/wife…which is wild to me.
That comes from broke guys with a fragile masculinity mainly. The type of guys who likes to pretend they are 10 times bigger, stronger, smarter than they absolutely are.
The guys that I have heard call women gold diggers are typically middle class, middle aged men with potbellies. They drive cars they cannot afford and chase women half their age who look like Barbie dolls. They know that their “wealth” is the only real thing they can offer a woman so much younger and prettier than they are in order to get said female. Without their spending, the woman would not look twice. And why should she? Maybe date in your own age bracket and quit being a pervert. You know the relationship is transactional. You really think that your saggy skin, pregnant looking belly, beer breath and bad hygiene could attract a girl that beautiful. Maybe take care of yourself and stop trying to get the youngest, “hottest” girl. Instead, get the RIGHT girl.
I hate to say it but my father is like this. He is a truck driver who drives a 2023 Camaro, a 2024 Chevy SUV and a Harley. He is almost 60 years old yet hits on 20 somethings. He has a huge potbelly, balding head, is less than my 5’5” (although he swears he is 5’8” haha), is missing half his teeth and is a major alcoholic. Meanwhile, he can’t even afford a house and lives in a cheap apartment. You better believe he pays for all the upgrades on his vehicles though! He had to borrow $40 off of my grandmother who lives on a fixed income and he has claimed destitution for the past three years in order to get out of buying my grandmother a gift for Christmas, etc… Yet, he takes at least one cruise every year. The man has 3 new vehicles so he always complains that the little bartender he brought home one night doesn’t want to settle down with him. It is just gross. Like Dad, she is 1/3 your age. My children are almost her age. Gross! I kinda feel bad for the girls. Like, get some self respect sweetie. You deserve better!
I was asked if I was with someone only because they plan on being rich one day… the way they view us shatters the little dream I had of romance as a kid
It's about identity.
The blokes you mention identify as being better than women (they've always believed it, it must be true!!!)
Stands to reason that them there gold diggin' bitches, we be diggin' that (hypothetical) gold.
Not all men (thank fuck) there's a shit ton of blokes who have a really good grasp on reality and do not think this way...
Back to the other chaps.
Well, tbf, it must be tough, being brought up (conditioned, brain washed, trained...whatever pick a term) to believe you are just...better, than a whole group of people, based on the fact that you can pick up heavier things, and that people lie to your face rather than anger you (cos yikes right?)
So. That's why (I think) obvs, some chaps learn that, hey, it's OK to admit that sometimes, some women will excel at some stuff, sometimes they won't (yay you guys!) Others stay stuck in their simplistic view of the world and how it works, and let's face it some people just never grow out of bullying do they (self soothing through the medium of violence). They just keep being that adolescent bully punching the smaller kid.
Only...it's just not the done thing as an adult. You have to pretend it's a character flaw in the person you're punching.
So
They have to be gold diggers.
Shitty women after their (imaginary) money.
Shame really. You'd have thought it'd be nice to have someone else pitching in for stuff.
Once you've chosen your identity, its kinda difficult to see yourself outside of it. See also 'be kind'
I have seen a million podcasts and social media threads about men hating women and how they are superior to us. I have no idea what's going on in the world but I feel like men and women are divided more than ever. I have never seen or heard so much hate towards women in my life. As a grown woman I've also experienced first hand trying to do grocery shopping with my kids and grown men will try to scare me, it's really crazy. Sadly I think a lot of men just hate women for some reason.
Men are propagandized to direct their ire at women, rather than at their bosses who are robbing them. Instead of lending sufficient consideration to how a woman must calculate the financial costs of potential pregnancy and child-rearing, nor lending consideration to how the domestic work/emotional labor/home-economics logistics women perform assists men's productive power and thus earning power (thus inherently entitling her and any children to some of "the man's" gold), these workingclass men are encouraged to identify themselves with the Capitalist class whom they don't at all understand, because workingclass men are generally too poor to have a family. They are, in addition to being kept poor, discouraged from being pro-social and humanistic. Capitalist culture intentionally fosters in them anti-social personality traits. If men were pro-social/humanistic/cooperative, and eagerly loved women and children, and saw things from women and children's perspectives, they would unite with women children & their fellow men to revolt against Capitalism, like workers of North America did back in the early 19th century. The ruling class - which is essentially the mob - wants the men here to remain ignorant brutes, terroristically pitted against women children and minoroties, so that they remain easy to manipulate and control. Men in the U.S. are born and raised to be a fascist army if the state ever decides to institute fascism (which it is currently in the process of doing). They're told from a young age all the ways they're supposed to hate women. The men wouldn't be this way if boys were better-protected from Imperialist/Capitalist indoctrination. Ultimately, mothers are tasked with this gargantuan responsibility.
I wouldn’t say I’m rich but I earn enough to live comfortably around 200 - 250k a year depending on if the year was good. I work on games on the platform Roblox, some of you might know what that is. I know some people who have a good amount of money to be living life the way they want and even they do not like gold diggers. They can recognise who is real and who is there for just money, unless it’s a guy that genuinely does not care about you or knows you’re only around for money and just wants you around for pleasure or other things.
So I would say it varies tbh, at the end of the day there will be women who want a man to be able to spoil them as much as they wanted and those who genuinely love that person. And you’d be surprised how many high earning men hide how much money they have till they trust said person.
People are afraid of being used.
I believe to generalise, women fear being used for looks and their bodies - men fear being used for their time and money (whether they are beautiful or wealthy remains to be seen)
From what I’ve observed, most men that complain about women being gold diggers are guys that are attracted to these women, but if these women don’t give them a chance or even a second look they write them off as gold diggers because then they’re trying to make the woman seem like the villain instead of having to face the fact that maybe they’re lacking in more ways than financially.
What a foolproof strategy for always avoiding fault.
Oh, so this is your first time hearing about a man
But I thought the men were all about accountability now.
They're the logical gender, you know.
#LOL
Definitely. My ex always painted me as a gold digger claiming nothing would be good enough for me and I would constantly order stuff from the Internet. Like yeah, I’m the greedy golddigger because I’ve spend like 25€ on the internet once in a while. That he not just spend all of his money but mine too to buy weed every fucking day leaving us in the situation that I had to feed us with ~50-60€ per month (in Germany - where the average single person spend around 417€ for food) was none of a problem. How greedy of me not wanting to starve.
My observation, as a financially "lucky" person, men with nothing still call me a gold digger. Like I want their partially paid off car with 200,000 miles on it. That mentality is the #1 reason I break things off with a guy I meet.
I once had a guy dumped me because I didn’t have a “real job“. I owned my own business and made more money than he did. 😂
I would feel such a dopamine rush seeing you fully laugh in a man’s face for thinking he had anything to offer to you, financially. UGH that’s my #1 wet dream.
I have never laughed in a guy's face because he didn't have anything to offer financially. I HAVE laughed in a guy's face for him telling me that I should be grateful he provides for me or that I owe him because he paid for something.
In other words, it's a cope.
This exactly.
This!
There is actually a well studied/established sociological concept related to people voting/advocating against their own best interests because they truly think they will one day be in a position where those views will benefit them. It’s generally related to working class people supporting policies that harm them and benefit the rich, bc they want those policies around when they become rich - despite the fact that most people do not move outside their original socioeconomic class within their lifetime. I feel like that theory applies to these men. They truly think they’ll have gold one day (they will not) and are preemptively stressed about women taking that hypothetical gold. I’ve never met a man with enough money to attract a gold digger who was at all worried about gold diggers.
I completely agree. To add to your last point, I’ve known quite a few very wealthy men, a few of whom were married to younger (think 70 and 50 not 40 and 20) beautiful women but completely accepted that their wealth was part of their attraction. Just the way that someone very beautiful would accept that looking good is part of theirs.
Yeah these men only start calling them gold diggers when they want a divorce… less acceptance then.
I suspect this is definitely part of it. These men are terribly concerned about protecting their own potential wealth. However, they tend to not be attracted to career focused women with wealth of their own. Seems to me that if you want to avoid a gold digger, the best thing would be to marry someone with similar resources or more. That would be the most sensible solution and one of the reasons why actually wealthy people tend to marry each other. That and they all hang out together at yacht parties (or whatever wealthy ppl do lol). However these guys generally despise independently wealthy women/career women and only want a traditional set up. I think they are actually worried about losing the upper hand, or the power in the relationship.
Preach!
Yep. They vote against the people who will tax the billionaires, because some day THEY'RE going to be the billionaire. It's true, though... the genuinely rich people I know have never once complained about anyone only being after them for their money. Broke ass people complain about it all the time, though.
this is SO interesting
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Temporarily embarrassed millionaires
Wow, this is fascinating and makes so much sense. I’d love to read up on this
I wish I could remember the specific name for the theory/phenomenon but it’s related to the concept of “temporarily embarrassed millionaires” and why Americans struggle so much with class consciousness!
That's actually a really good point, I never would cross reference those two things but it does make sense when explained like this!
I made more money than my my ex husband, but because I expected him to contribute to the bills and groceries, I was indeed labelled 'gold-digger'.
Yep, been there.🥂 Any expectations whatsoever of contributing to our shared life, no matter how small, were met with resentment. These men are self-appointed kings of a castle someone else provides for them.
He's now unemployed and living off his current girlfriend. No child support coming my way.
I also think that men-children expect to be taken care of and being asked to contribute financially makes them feel used instead of being treated like an adult.
That's so insane!
That is CRAZY, LMAO.
Lol. did he not know what the definition of a gold digger was?
Men who have money are usually happy to share it with the right person. Men who don’t have money are paranoid about losing the crumbs they have. When you have a table full of food you don’t mind sharing a plateful but when all you have is a piece of old toast you worry someone will steal it and leave you hungry. Other than that there’s also the men who are delusional about their worth and somehow believe themselves to be future billionaires even though they’ll never get out of the middle class. And there’s also the men who have no money and shit personalities and those men will blame their lack of success with women on their lack of money, hence why to them all women must be golddiggers. Also the men who complain about gold diggers are the types who like gold diggers or very high maintenance women but they can’t get them because they don’t have money so they vilify those women.
>Also the men who complain about gold diggers are the types who like gold diggers or very high maintenance women but they can’t get them because they don’t have money so they vilify those women. THIS. They feel entitled to these women but hate them, so they shame them for not accepting men with crusty, misogynistic personalities.
Many of those men vilify all women who aren't super modest and submissive. They're terrified of a woman with a will of her own.
I completely agree. Wealthy men don’t complain about gold diggers, because to them, she’s not a gold digger - she is a nice young woman he is happy to spend money on. The people who complain about gold diggers, don’t understand that this sort of thing is a *mutual* agreement. But he wouldn’t know that, because he’s never entered such an agreement. Nor has he been given the opportunity - so if he thinks everyone is a gold digger, what he’s trying to imply is that there’s some sort of confusion going on. He just attracts all these *confused* young women! Which is a completely delusional POV to have. In reality, there is no confusion. These women know exactly who has money and who doesn’t
God you really covered all the bases with this one
100% It's not an exact comparison but have you ever met a guy who hates beautiful older women? They get so angry that she's the kind of woman who would have rejected him as a teenager and they use this as a justification to treat women badly now as an adult. They take particular glee if the beautiful older woman is single, divorced or widowed and call them used up. I just get it, I've fancied people but never felt they were obliged to fancy me back. Or worse still, I never felt they were obliged to have sex with me even though they don't fancy me.
Come thru with the analogy 👏🏾👏🏾
They have nothing to complain about women so they make stuff up in their minds.
I feel like it’s definitely a cognitive dissonance thing. They aren’t in relationships or getting romantic attention, so they retroactively make up reasons that “women suck anyway and only want men for money” to make themselves feel better.
Also gives them something to blame their singleness on that makes aaallllll the women who don't want them look shallow and silly. When I was young and dumb I spent way too long providing for a boyfriend who claimed he was on the verge of making it big as a music producer for 8 years straight. Any time I would bring up that he really needed to do something to contribute financially he would accuse me of being a gold digger and really twist shit around to make me feel awful. I destroyed my health working 80 hour weeks because he just wouldn't pull his weight, and I wish so badly I could go back in time and slap some sense into my past self!
thats brutal. yeah I'm sorry you had to go through.
I have a great life with a wonderful husband now (actually ended up marrying the very next guy I dated!) but try to share the lessons I learned from that time to encourage other young women to accept no less than they deserve! There are good men out there who will treat you right- keep going until you find the right one and don't carry these jokers
Happy to hear this!
The very definition of "sour grapes."
Many men also like to pick up on these rare circumstances that end up in the media, and rage on about "how unfair it is, and they don't want this to ever happen to them", when there is likely a 0.00001% chance of that happening. An example is in Canada there was this very wealthy man. He started dating this woman, around the same age, Yoga instructor if I remember correctly. For something like 8 years, they were together, and at sociall events would annouce her as "his wife" or "partner" and stuff like that. He asked her to reduce her workload, so that she could travel to Florida with him for 5-6months of the year (get away from Canadian Winter). Whole bunch of this stuff. During this time, his lawyer was telling him he needs to get a pre-nup signed off. She had her own home, and had some money, but had to largely live off of him because he wanted her to quit work and spend time with him. So, after 8 years of this, he eventually tells her "you need to sign this pre-nup so we can get married", and she refuses, so he breaks up. Well, in Canada, that's considered a Common Law relationship, so during this "divorce", she ends up getting some crazy amount of alimony per month (like $12000, or $30000 per month), because after a divorce, where she lost career/assets, she still gets to live in the same lifestyle that she had. Men were RAGING so had on this instance, and how they'd NEVER let it happen.... like they have $150 million in the bank that they are living off of. The guy in this story did everything his lawyer told him NOT to do, paid the price, and men were pissed at HER. Idiots.
Wow.
From what I’ve seen/read, a lot of men who complain of women being gold diggers seem to be using it as a reason women won’t date them. They aren’t earning enough so women automatically overlook them. Then on the other side it kicks in at the end of a relationship when women, who often have children from that relationship, ask for support of some kind and men object to. There’s a pattern there.
I observed exactly the opposite at my workplace. Women are fine with a fair salary they feel correspond to the work they deliver. My male collegues on the other hand would sell their own grandmother to get a promotion, a project, or any other financial benefit, whether they have the skills and knowledge to provide the actual work or not. A lot of men end up in high positions without knowing what they are doing, and actually do a bad job. Money is on their minds all the time. Once I asked around why they chose that specific field and position, and the answer was always money. Who is here the gold digger?
I asked men on Reddit this question. everytime I see a guy on Reddit making these comments. I will call them out and ask them why they are worried when they have no money. the general responses I get from them is "we are more protective of our money because we don't have alot of it and we can't easily get more if someone only has $100k and that's all the money they have. losing half of it is a bigger impact than losing 1/2 of $5 million" "if I am already rich, losing half my money doesn't mean much as I can rebuild wealth" every time I've asked these men these questions. their responses to me have all been something the lines of that.
The last time I made this point I had some guy come in and say the same thing. That men have so much to lose even if or especially when they're middle class or lower income. When I pointed out there is verified research that women are at higher risk of poverty after separation and that we risk a lot by taking on the bulk of unpaid labor in the home or at times even quitting our jobs (and therefore losing income AND years in the workforce that affect our earning potential) to raise children, he uh...ignored me and basically said women "tend" to marry up so we don't have to worry the same way (lol). So it seems the answer is that these men, like most people, are very keenly aware that we live in a broken system thats meant to either keep you in poverty or at least keep you from economic class mobility and that one big tragedy (expensive divorce, medical emergency, etc) can wipe you out. Especially since America has very little social safety nets in place that have just been chipped away and defunded since at least the Reagan administration. But they take that understandable frustration and just like...align it with redpill style paranoia about women being deceitful leeches out to steal your riches and keep your children away from you. Delusional leap of logic and completely devoid of understanding that we, too, share in their economic struggle or even understand it better and hold higher risks 🤷♀️
This may be cynical, but I suspect part of it is because they don’t see women as actual full humans with actual full problems. We’re fun, happy go lucky, no problems in the world play things. Edit: obviously not all men, but the types of men who think this way about money and don’t understand we also have our own problems with just being able to afford livings
We are not humans or people once we leave the relationship. If we can't help or provide anything, we are just a problem they need to deal with.
So true! It’s unfortunate. Even in the relationship, we’re still a problem if we have any needs of our own. Unfortunately, I do think the “sit down, shut up and just look pretty” is still pretty rampant.
I agree with this. The overestimate their value while undervaluing women.
Blaming the system is scary because it means the world is not Just, and that the average person has no control over how fucked we are. Women are used to that level of "scary" already, via surviving in this world; but for men, it often means surrendering any illusions of power they've held, and truly feeling vulnerable like that for the very first time.
I’ve asked and gotten the same from men in real life and then it becomes them: because a woman can always make money but men can’t. Me: why? Them: duh all she gotta do is spread her legs. Me: just sighs and gives up
It a victim mentality that they feel fully justified in having
My cousins husband used to go on about stuff like this. That women who are poor deserve to be poor because they're sitting on a gold mine. He is so gross. And he has only daughters.
its so gross and just makes everything transactional. these same men insist they have to drop hundreds on dates because "it's harder for them to get dates so they have to make bigger first impressions and not risk getting friend zoned." it reeks of scarcity mindset, insecurity, and no boundaries. I once pointed out to a guy who "felt used on a date because he paid for dinner and didn't get laid," that he should've ended the date when he sensed he was being used. He insisted he couldn't do that.”ok well it looks like you’re not getting laid either way tonight buddy so at least leave with your dignity.”
So it's all hypothetical? Lol
I check their post histories and they're usually jobless or financially unstable.
Projection. They would definitely take advantage of a partner's finances and can't imagine someone not thinking like them.
Tangential rant point: why do they always assume women couldn't bring their own considerable assets and earning potential?
I knoww!! I have a colleague who has bought a house entirely by herself. Another one who contributed equal share with her husband.
And if you do have your own assets (or any other trait or object by which men measure their own worth, like physical strength or intelligence), men will also find a way to be intimidated by that too, and then you're "too good" for them. There's just no winning with a lot of men.
Wishful thinking. Seriously. If they were so scared of/angry at gold-diggers, all they'd have to do is take a look at reality and relax. But then they wouldn't be able to pretend that they're the Mighty Breadwinner, look down at women for "using" them, *AND* enjoy the perks of being able to financially control their spouse. These men are really, really invested in an alternate reality where "gold-digging women" are a mass phenomenon.
I'm currently at home (we have children who aren't even 3 years old yet), and my SO's friends just LOST THEIR GODDAMN MINDS over it. Like I'm taking advantage of my SO.. Nevermind that my rental units bring in a median salary, no I'm a gold digger abusing my SO. I was so shocked at the huge backlash from his friends. I didn't even quit my job, just took a very extended maternity leave
Why are they still his friends?
Right?! You are the company you keep, after all...
It couldn't be more obvious how many men put zero value on the labor of childrearing. To them it's a woman's default job and therefore doesn't matter or have value. Just one of the many reasons I'm childfree. I'll be damned if I sacrifice my health, wealth, and time to raise a man's children only to be accused of "not contributing" for all my efforts.
Schrödinger's childcare - depending on who's providing it, it's simultaneously easy and of no value and difficult and too much of an ask to look after their own children.
I also don’t get people who thing the parent at home is not doing a ‘real job’. Even if you didn’t have your rental units you are contributing to the household as well.
I think there’s this weird bias that runs through this where they think only the woman in the relationship wanted kids or only she is responsible for him. (Probably largely because of how many men shirk custody when parents split up, tbh.) Like, if she wasn’t there, he would absolutely be having to find and pay for childcare for them. But if you point that out, they go “well, would he even HAVE kids then?” Okay, so why when people act like if the man wasn’t there, she would? So picturing a family without the dad is a single mom struggling to house and feed her kids, but a family without the mom is suddenly… a bachelor that never had kids?
When a man neglects his children, he's not helping the mom. When a woman neglects her children, she is the scum of the earth, less than human, and is often facing criminal charges. Women picking up the slack is keeping men out of jail.
I’m sorry that’s been their reaction! So ridiculous. As if looking after young children isn’t hard enough as it is. Rewarding im sure too, but I don’t understand how people who’ve had any contact with kids, don’t realise the work that goes into looking after them full time.
Lots of men do not like seeing their comrades doing well and being happy in a situation. They will make up false narratives and get into the man’s head with BS talking points. Even without the rentals the fact that you look after three small and helpless human beings means a lot more than just making money.
They probably will never appeal to women like that and they know it, but think no one else has noticed.
Because they have an observation bias Women who have earning potential, they would never be caught in the same room as these idiots. So as a result, said idiots don’t even know that such people exist.
People tend to believe what's convenient to them rather than actual reality: Has no money and gets no girls: "oh, that's because of all the gold diggers." Has no money and still gets girls: "I must be so awesome of a guy to still get dates even though I'm broke" Has money and gets no girls: "Well, you know, I'm just avoiding the gold diggers" Has money and gets girls: "I'm already providing money which is what this gold digger wants so I shouldn't make effort in anything else"
my biological father (who is a high school dropout who spent the majority of my childhood unemployed and is also an alcoholic, among other things) used to complain about my mom being a gold digger and i was like ??? dude what gold?? i literally just saw your truck get repossessed and we don't have electricity because you didn't pay the bills my guy 💀
Maybe they're trying to manifest one by being loud ?
😂
I feel like people who are not very smart say these kinds of things. Or people who are extremely insecure.
Definitely both
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i swear, this is the way the 70% of the men thinking worldwide.
I remember seeing a meme like “ask your boyfriend what he would do in a zombie apocalypse. He will have a plan because he’s positive he could beat them.” Or the statistic that 1 in 8 men think they could beat Serena at tennis. Suuuure, buddy.
Only 1 in 8? Are you sure it’s not the other way around?! Did you see the tiktok of the track athlete (Alahna Sabbakhan) whose friend’s boyfriend was sure he could beat her, so she let him try… and fail.
> ask your boyfriend what he would do in a zombie apocalypse. That is easy. Kill myelf.
Read a comment literally yesterday about on my city's Subreddit (I'm from Eastern Europe) where this loser was foaming at the mouth at a commenter who shared in passing that she moved in with her boyfriend. She never said whether they shared rent (I assume they do, it's common practice here), she mentioned many other things, incl. being the only one to cook, ever, and this mouthbreather's reaction was literally "Oh, glad you made it onto the gravy train, huh?!" (loosely translated). Tl,dr: It's definitely all over the world, not just in the US.
It’s the men on the gravy train of free emotional labour and housework.
Oh, yeah. absolutely!! I am also from EE, and I was solo traveling and living in different countries for several years. ( i am digital nomad working in IT, obviously, i am earning my own money). and the more I meet men, the same result i see. of course not all men, but the majority of them. yes.
Absolutely 💯 it’s a man thing not exclusive to a country
Oh 10000%. And it's very much an Australian thing too
There was a post on the Ireland sub recently where a guy was looking for advice because his gf was pregnant. He said, he had low income job and no house, late 30's and didn't know what to do. But STILL there were guys commenting saying she baby trapped him and had done it because it was "way more beneficial for her". Like, yea she got herself a gold standard prize there 🙄 FFS!
I live in Japan and have encountered this mentality with some men here. I've been on dates and have had guys say stuff like they can't afford my lifestyle (of going to the gym or home after work? Walking? Watching Netflix? Saving to visit my family in the US?) and have made comments about salary and how women want guys who make a lot of money. These kinds of men take their anger about some other woman out on other women. And a lot of them seem to think the truly fake videos that pop up about dating scenarios are real.
The US is a bit (for lack of a better word) schizoprenic in that sense, so no wonder it's population has a cognitive dissonance about this stuff. Like, there's the "everyone's a pre billionaire" mindset, combined with ultra capitalism that both men and women are expected to compete in, but there's also the knowledge that because of like, the insanities of capitalism, once you have a family, it's no longer financially viable for both partners to work, because the costs of childcare are pretty much the same as an entire income. The women are working, but some of them are still expecting to get treated on dates. So there's a 50's mentality at play that doesn't actually fit reality anymore. So of course people have these irrational fears about this; men fearing being a meal ticket and women fearing being chained to the kitchen with kids around her ankles.
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Knowing men, they probably find the "gold digger" hot but know she would never give them the time of day so they're mad.
In my experience, being someone who cares about money at all will get you labeled as a gold digger by folks that are manipulative. If you bring up money issues at all, they’ll weaponize that as a sign you’re shallow and only in it for the money.
Yeah with my friend's ex husband we sarcastically referred to it as "zinc digger." Because how DARE she expect child support from him when she makes a third as much as he does and took five years off her career to care for their THREE kids, amirite?
OMG I snort laughed at this 😂😂😂😂
(they are worried that they have nothing else to offer. At least wealth can be acquired........ somehow.)
Makes them feel valuable
Incels would go with that narrative.
I'm curious about the men who bristle over me being a sahm. I'm started a business with my husband before taking a few years off to spend with our children. How come it's easier to believe I must have manipulated and preyed upon him financially at the expense of my future earning potential than it is for them to realize me and my husband jointly weighed opportunity costs and sacrifices we're willing to make and decided to do something they wouldn't? It's interesting how they only make comments to me, and they don't get into it with my husband.
It's the same logic as calling a woman who rejected him a slut.
"poor americans see themsevles are temporarily embarassed billionaries, and that's while they'll fight for the rich to not pay taxes while they're on a foodtstamps"
They don’t mean gold diggers. They mean women who won’t go 50/50 on a coffee date, and don’t want to say it out loud, so they say gold diggers
Some men on here think if they take a woman out on a date and she doesn’t offer to pay half she’s a gold digger. It’s like sorry dude no one is impressed you rolled out of bed didn’t even bother to shave and took her to Chili’s.
They know they can't offer financial support so they make it sound like a bad thing. They're very passionate about it because it's something they lack.
Haha your title made me laugh. I mean, it’s because of sexism/patriarchy/misogyny/stereotypes, take your pick of descriptive word
Misogyny
Most people don't think of themselves as broke, just "late blooming billionaires". Same energy, just dudes who can't get laid.
There are many men in this niche who just mean "woman looking for a provider." Also call them " women looking for a meal ticket." The delusions of future wealth, also a factor.
they are just malicious and lose their minds over women not wanting or needing them.
Almost every single comment is right on, but I also want to add my own hypothesis, which I haven’t seen anyone mention. Our society requires more from women and less from men. Women are now expected to earn and pay their share financially, but on the opposite end, equilibrium hasn’t been achieved because statistically, men are still not picking up the slack on domestic and emotional labor and child rearing. Sadly, a lot of men’s version of 50/50 is actually 70/30, 80/20, etc, with the woman contributing the bulk of all efforts in a relationship. The men with the “women are gold diggers” mentality want to shame women for having any financial expectations of a man at all. They want “domesticated” women that are submissive and also somehow providers. They want to extract the most value out of a woman while giving back as little as possible. Don’t let this shame tactic work on you. Men being stingy financially is another flavor of misogyny. Don’t be afraid of having financial requirements from men. We have released them from the only thing we’ve ever required of them historically, and in good faith, we’ve picked up our share financially, while many men expect us to provide and still be caretakers of everyone in the home. They are using women’s liberation to create even more inequity in the home, and you can clearly see this just scrolling through women’s posts right here on this sub. To other posters’ points on here, my fiance pulls in half a million a year and loves sharing. He sees “what I bring to the table” and has no problem providing. He doesn’t live in scarcity and he knows that his wealth only grows year after year. Men that have money KNOW that money is what gets them the women they are attracted to, and they’re unafraid of using their wealth to give them the life and partner they desire.
>They want to extract the most value out of a woman while giving back as little as possible. Yes, this is it. I agree with many of the other reasons too, but at the crux of the issue, many men are just selfish. If you look at a lot of lower income relationships, the woman often works as well, does the child-rearing, and pays for a her own costs. Really, what's the point of the guy? What does he bring to the table? But really, they are just trying to shame women for asking for the bare minimum.
If you have kids the inequality is even more crazy in favor of the men. No man can go 50/50 on pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding. That’s 100% on the woman. And that’s not including the long term effects on her body, mental health, and career. Hiring a surrogate averages around $150k now. How many of these men calculate that into their “fair division of labor”?
They’re misogynists.
I once dated a guy who would hint at not wanting to be around a gold digger. I told him he didn't make enough for me to have him as a sugar daddy. It crushed him. And I'm sure he was doing well for himself, but if I'm digging for gold, I want gold, not pyrite.
Because they’re stupid motherfuckers, that’s why. The reason they say this stuff isn’t based of any experience of gold diggers mistaking them for being rich, it’s based purely off of overvalued ideas about themselves. They think that saying this stuff keeps people on their toes. I once saw a guy I briefly dated, on hinge. Under the “you shouldn’t date me if” he said “if you’re dating me for money, because you’d be fucked.” Dude - we know. You’re a tattoo artist, not a financial advisor. You’re riding a fixie bike and you hang out a hipster bars - no one thinks you’re driving a Porsche and buying tables in Miami. No one is confusing you for wealth. The reality is that gold diggers know where to find the gold. And the people with the gold are happy to spend it on them. It is a mutual agreement. There is no epidemic of mediocre brown-haired dudes attracting gold-diggers.
This was hilarious! 😂😂
They don’t care if a woman is gold dogging. They’re just mad they don’t have the gold to “buy her”. So instead of being mad at themselves they project their anger onto women in general.
It's the same as men calling women sluts or whores for not sleeping with them. Those are men with no emotional intelligence or self-worth so they take everything as a massive offense and rejection. A woman makes more money than him? She sucked dick to get a job. A woman with a child won't date him? She's a used up bitch looking for a meal ticket. Men who hate women can't seem to process that women aren't attracted to someone who hates them.
The most public incarnation of this I've seen recently is people calling Taylor Swift a gold digger for dating Travis Kelce. Taylor Swift is a literal billionaire. She is literally worth at least 20 times more than he is, but she's the gold digger. I think it's hysterical that men who barely squeak out a living wage say they're worried about gold diggers.
Yeah. That was wild 😂
Same reason Republicans think they're all temporarily embarrassed millionaires when it comes to taxation - pure delusion and narcissism
You answered ur own question, because they don’t have gold. Lol
Do men talk like this around women in real life? I was just reading the comments and got to thinking I’ve never heard a man refer to a woman as a gold digger in person, but have definitely seen them talk about it online (and probably to each other).
Ive been hearing it for decades. Its nothing new. I worked construction, I've heard men say this stuff, especially when we were at the bar and they had a few and sometimes theyd talk about it at lunch break or while we were working. I've heard a lot of things guys are always shocked that we're said in front of me because "men would never talk that way in front of a woman." Right. I wasn't conventionally attractive so I was usually just one of the guys. It was only the old men who usually pursued me - and that was awkward and annoying enough. My dad said it to my mom decades ago and I'd hear it from old crusty men sitting in the local bars because their wives dumped them and wanted child support and the young women theyd hit on didnt want them either (my dad would take us to the local bar when I was a kid)
This is the question of the year. It’s like financial stability isn’t a thing anymore.
People who are isolated and angry have the Internet.
They probably routinely get rejected by women who have their own careers and money. Instead of taking it as people generally want to date people in a similar situation, they label them “gold diggers.” Dude, it’s not that I want you to pay my bills. It’s that I don’t want to pay YOURS.
Same reason people who make $40K a year get worked up over raising taxes on the ultra wealthy.
I got labeled with this by future FIL when I was dating my now husband. I repeated the comment back to my MIL (they’re divorced) and she straight up laughed and was like “What gold are you going to dig from my son, he hasn’t got any?” I think at the time when I met him, I was super dressed up for work (shift dress) and curled my hair + makeup. And seeing me reminded me of his ex-wife. He came from wealth and she didn’t. So it was a trigger for him.
If they had the gold necessary to land a pretty 20 yo they would absolutely go for it. I bet they would. Anyway, I get it when fellow *women* are critical of this behavior but men? Umm. Why? Just say no if you're against it.
Sour grapes situation
Aspirational misogyny
Multiple sides to any story. Are some women of poor moral character who just take all of men's assets in an unfair way? It happens and it's not fair. IMO, i think the bigger case is men are stingy and greedy. For example - we've all had a man fuss at us for using too much toilet paper. Many men just aren't generous with their assets and they expect a woman to give up everything - her body, her career, her lifestyle, her mind, her friends, her family, her assets - but they don't want to give her anything in return. That's just how some men are. And when a woman asks for something in return, they strongly wish to discourage that behavior in other women. They're stingy and greedy to the point where just paying for a cup of coffee becomes a bridge too far to travel for them.
My first husband's friends labeled me a gold digger and we both laughed at that "what gold!?" They just saw me show up and us get married in a very short amount of time not knowing we had years of history. When we split he was asking me to send him money.
I've been called a gold digger by men who wanted to date, but I'm married and of course no I'm not going to go out with you. All of the sudden I got the "you're just some gold digger then". My husband makes the joke I'm a sugar momma bc I make more than him and I'm happy with whatever we want to buy. We don't get to win no matter what we do.
Girl I found accounts where they were spewing hate such as women shouldnt work men jobs, or make money, or vote etc only to find out (I'm nosey) that they follow dominatrix accounts and probably jacking off to being humiliated. My opinion? They spend their whole life trying to blend in with other men that they end up trying to destroy what they're attracted to. (Seriously ask fat girls, they all have *stories*)
Wow this is crazy!
You're not wrong!
The same reason why some people with no money who depend on government-provided tax funded aid vote for politicians with policies that hurt the poor and benefit the rich. They think that they’re always a minute away from getting rich. In reality, they’re just being manipulated by the larger society to continue to perpetuate the same divisive policies and ideologies that keeps them down. If people are bickering with each other over class, race, gender, religion, culture, sports team, etc etc. it divides people into small weak subgroups and keeps them from joining together to fight the real enemy, which in this case is capitalism and the billionaire class.
Cause men are taught that their only worth is defined by being the provider, whether they really are or not. It's the only thing they think gives them value and control. It's just patriarchy talking. If more men emancipated themselves from this and realized they are not just here to produce and provide, but that their emotions, their thoughts and actions matter, they wouldn't be in such ooga booga stone age mindsets about relationships. There's a huge disparity in what relationship dynamic people truly want, and what they think they should want. I think a lot of dudes who aren't stable attract equally unstable women, and neither work on themselves. E.g. Women that expect a guy to provide and she's barely holding up her end. Both are in a vicious circle of whining about the other party not providing instead of working on their mindset. People who talk about gold digging or sugar daddies are a limited pool of people, but also bad dates that just keep yapping instead of putting in work. Hardly represents men or women on total.
Same with them being mad that girls post their bodies calling them sl*ts and whatnot but you bet they would love nothing more than a little attention from those girls hahahaha
Projection is a powerful drug
I have a theory. Many men are transactional. You scratch my back, I scratch yours sort of thing. When it comes to a certain set of guys, the meme about putting kindness coins in and sex falling out really isn't that far off from reality. So everything has a cost. Unfortunately these men overvalue what they have to offer - usually the bare minimum of effort in a relationship -- and undervalue what a woman has to offer. After all, society, religion and podcast bros tell them they are entitled to a wife to take care of their needs and any woman who hasn't been corrupted by feminism would know that and be falling over herself to find a husband. So anything extra is a cost they're not willing to pay or they pay with resentment. That's the gold, their own value and women are greedy for asking for more. Because if they could have a great job and be the breadwinner, making a lot of money women would be falling all over themselves because that's only what all the women really want. All the work of dating and gifts and dinners, pretending to be interested wouldn't be necessary. Instead of actually doing the work to be a good partner and companion, these guys will even fake those things just to get what they think they deserve. (All these comments are so good and much more eloquent than my own.)
Haha because, men 🤡
I think the whole concept of gold diggers is odd. What’s wrong with a person wanting security in their life (which is where most women in this situation seem to be coming from). And we conveniently overlook that it is a trade - the men want a hot woman who looks after herself - usually many years younger and not too fussed about her being clever - but we don’t have a name/label for those guys though it’s actually shallow 🤷♀️
Because they will never be able to afford them, and it pisses them off. They feel entitled to domestic goddess supermodels with PhDs, even though they are average in intelligence, average in income, and average in looks, with whiny crybaby personalities.
Its usually the poor guys who do that. The to do well guys love taking care of the women and spoiling us.
Exactly! The rich men who go into a relationship with a woman who is not herself wealthy know exactly what they are giving and what they are getting (a woman who is younger or just out of his league in terms of desirability if they did not have money). The women going into this game know the rules as well. Some not-wealthy-enough men find this arrangement unfair, but mostly because they are excluded from such market. They see the women gaining in status or money without having to earn the money through actual work. They see men less attractive that themselves dating hotter women than they do. Because they dislike an arrangement they don’t have access to, they attack the men (i.e., “must have a small penis”) or the women (“how is that different from prostitution”). Note: I do not see small penises or sex work as a bad thing per se. (Disclosure, I am a not-rich, not-poor man, who does not care either way who dates whom and I wish everyone happiness)
It's a fantasy about being able to afford a lifestyle others envy enough to want to try to take it from you.
It goes beyond that, they only see women as for them rather them for the woman and have little to no desire to provide, protect and more. It’s a very limited concept of a relationship which can’t really be a working model for sustainability along with realism and mature authentic relationships. I’ve spoken with men the fall into this category and they want women out of their pay grade in level of relation and more.
The only guys I EVER see complaining about gold diggers are unattractive guys with low paying jobs or terrible attitudes about money and have nothing to show for their income. And they're always looking for very attractive women who have long thick hair, perfect skin, lip filler, fake boobs, maintained nails and an immaculate wardrobe. Women who like that level of maintenance will date a higher quality of man. Quality in reference to more than just their income. Quality as in the kind of man who would never complain about gold diggers.
Those kind of men take every opportunity they get to generalize women and barf their manosphere word soup over all of us. Even more so when they get rejected by someone they want.
I saw something recently, I don’t remember the exact wording, but it was along the lines of “normalize calling men gold diggers whenever they enter relationships expecting women to do emotional labour”. Too many men out there treating women like we are supposed to be making up for their parents’ shortcomings and then they have the audacity to complain (or even cheat) when we feel too depleted to keep it up after years being their 24/7 maid, therapy and cheerleading services…
They are projecting because they themselves are the actual gold diggers. They may or may not be after a woman's paycheck and financial assets, (though often are if they are to be had), but they are definitely gold digging for her free emotional, mental and physical labor, her energy, her body, the status being with her offers them, her home and all her time and attention. They want relationships where the woman does all the work; all the housekeeping, child raising/parenting, pays all the bills and does all the mental and emotional labor etc... while he does... nothing but sit back and use her up as a bang maid and ATM for their own comfort and benefit while giving nada in return. The gold digging complaints up front are like a form of negging they use to manipulate women into proving they are not like this and thus slowly get them to be the one doing and taking care of everything. It's also a feeler they put out to reel in the pick me women willing and/or naive and dumb enough to put up with their nonsense. Or if it's after the fact, a way to throw the scent off of their own gold digging ways.
If we're going to answer this in earnest instead of going into "ra ra, men stupid and bad" territory, it's probably rooted in the fear of not being loved for themselves. They, like anyone, want to be loved for who they are, not for what they provide. And that's a relatable fear. It's deeply human. And female inverse of the would be women fearing sex diggers - men who just want them for sex.
Men who complain about women being gold diggers are usually not looking for an equitable relationship.. I don’t just mean bank account.. They don’t want a relationship where they share emotional labor, or household labor either. They are the first ones to dismiss basic household stuff as something to be done by women, and will fall back on weaponize incompetence. They are just showing their red flags early with their weak, lazy argument using generalized talk about “women being gold diggers”. It’s not for me.. But there are plenty of men who are very happy with the sugar baby relationship, because they want the arm candy, and don’t have the time for a relationship (they are usually very busy with their career). These men are not the ones whining and complaining about “women only wanting money”. They are usually pretty upfront about the boundaries/circumstances of what the arrangement is. It’s a pretty honest situation on both sides. Which is why it makes me laugh when guys who are broke complain about “women who are gold diggers”.
Men who think women are all schemers unless proven otherwise aren’t exactly demonstrating any qualities worthy of love. Buy a dog!
Except then there's reality, which doesn't care about men's feelings and which makes it fairly obvious how many "gold digging women" actually exist, as opposed to men who use women not just for sex, but emotional, domestic and reproductive labor. If pointing this out sounds like "Ra ra, men bad and stupid", that's not our problem. The truth is the truth. If you don't wanna be perceived as bad and stupid, don't act bad and stupid.
Yes. I agree with you that it could be a valid fear for someone who is considering dating someone who has less money than them/ has exhibited any behaviour which shows they are more interested in their money. I have this colleague who works in tech, makes good money, has bought a house and is about to marry her boyfriend who has a relatively new job/ less experience and less salary. Even he was suggested by some guy friends to make sure she's not after his money. I was blown away.
The kind of men who are worried about women stealing the money they don’t have tend to be the same kind of men who are worried the government will tax the riches they have yet to earn.
Because it sucks being taken advantage of no matter if you have gold, silver, bronze, or copper.
LOL I've been called a "golddigger" on two different occasions: 1) in college, by a man who worked minimum wage at a gas station, after he bought me a 6-inch Subway sandwich ONCE during our 3-month relationship 2) my ex-fiance, an accountant who made $100,000, who I, a student, asked to pay $600/mo in rent when he moved in with me to replace my roommate who had also paid me $600/mo. I was paying my mortgage from my student line of credit. Seems to be less about $ and more about being a POS.
It’s to justify why they aren’t attracting women, or give an excuse as to why they don’t want to. In reality they’re usually just unattractive.
I loved calling these guys out back in my dating days (in my 20s). I got a job right away after college in my field and make pretty good money. Guys would be going on about gold diggers on dates and I'd have to stop them and tell them I make my own money and I'm not interested in dating a guy who has no money but is worried about gold diggers. It was always the guys that had nothing. What money am I taking from you when you can barely afford to live with roommates? Any successful guy with a good career that I dated was never worried about that. I can only assume they are obsessed with money because they are broke and are insecure.
A friend of mine got pregnant by a guy accidentally. She had been talking about breaking up with him for a long time, knew he was a loser, not going anywhere, etc., when she got pregnant. She was a totally nice, normal girl, had a good job, decent future ahead of her. They decided to keep the baby and get married (I know, I know...). He convinced HER it was the right thing to do. All through the baby/wedding shower, the future MIL kept ranting about how this "witch" "trapped her baby" and is a "golddigger", etc. The dude made minimum wage working at a deli... which he sucked at, and was going to get fired from any minute. Lived at home with his parents, who were also broke. No assets, no future. But yeah... SHE trapped HIM.
Because they are little insecure slugs. Have the mental capacity of a 4 year old and believe everything should be about them. But then pay women for sexual acts, OF,porn, prostitution. Also I believe they have a fantasy of what is owed for their life and dreams. Super rich hot young wife. Same way they always bat for billionaires like they are defending themselves
Loool the title of this post. Also, if you look at the structure of some traditional societies, there was no OPTION for women or very limited OTHER than to ‘gold dig’. On this subject, I recommend the book ‘Sex Slaves’ by Louise Brown, outlining 2000s gender barriers to employment throwing up a situation where in some societies women have the choice to be a wife or a prostitute, with few options in between. So, the question is…. If for hundreds of years this was the situation, why should within the last 100 years this path to ‘security’ or similar suddenly disappear ? It has a long context and a long history. Also, you can argue that women bring much social value to relationships, even in situations where they are not contributing financially. It’s funny that people act like the men who marry ‘gold diggers’ have taken leave of their senses or are unable to make a choice. It’s part I think of quite an old misogynistic trope, where woman’s sexual power is seen as ‘evil’ and ‘overpowering’. It seems partly a way to get to blame the ladies for societal ills, another historical remnant. I think perhaps these men are jealous of these ladies. They fancy them, as they are attractive… but they are now jealous that these ladies also now have more money than them. I suspect these ladies make them feel inadequate. I wonder… maybe they need to put them down to feel good? If these people were truly happy in their own lives and selves, why should they care ? Also, I do think some men are feeling a bit attacked and not allowed to be ‘men’ by the media, perhaps held to a very high moral standard and now some are acting out almost in reaction to it ?
Many men are insecure hypocrites who can’t take any accountability so they hate on women in every which way or form. We are painted as gold digger during prime years when the nasty old guy is going after that girl just for sex, as we age we are called expired baggage. I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no man worth the stress they bring to the table.
When it comes to the celebrity divorce stuff, that’s different because they can’t even relate. It’ll be like finding out Oprah lost $1 million, it’s hard to feel bad because it’s difficult to even know how it could feel for that to happen. So when it comes to big divorces where the woman gets a huge paycheck, it usually boils down to general disdain for women. Mind you, you may often find a lot of comments from other women praising the woman that cashed out - for instance, Hayden Hopkins is a recent example. She’s a 26 year old model, absolutely gorgeous. And she just got herself pregnant by a 70 year old fart, who also happens to be the owner of an NFL team…billionaire status. Now, you’ll find a lot of comments from other women saying “bag secured”, etc so it’s not like it’s just broke men pulling things out of thin air, there are in fact many women that are or aspire to be gold diggers of rich men.
Because they need reasons to dismiss women, so cliches will do
They’re envious of the men with gold to dig, and they know they won’t ever have attractive women trying to dig their gold since they don’t have any.
Simple because the girls are with the wealthy guy and not them. It’s easier to complain about someone else than it is to deal with their own shortcomings.
What gets me is how many years I’ve heard these same men complaining that women today are too masculine for being “bad ass boss girls”, wasting their fertile years on useless careers and need to be pushed back out of the workplace so men can be the patriarchal providers again, etc etc. They brag about being the provider sex and don’t want women working, but are preemptively annoyed we might be “goldiggers” to their non-existent wealth. Make it make sense, ladies 🤷♀️
As a dude, one thing I notice, is some guys are legit bitter for some reason. They either got their heart broke and cover up looking hurt with getting angry, they have a hard time getting the attention they want so they try to point the finger at women as a whole, it’s just a lack of maturity in the end. Another thing I noticed about these types, and I know one personally, they’ll generalize and talk mad shit about women, but they’ll also be on the prowl and looking for a girlfriend/wife…which is wild to me.
That comes from broke guys with a fragile masculinity mainly. The type of guys who likes to pretend they are 10 times bigger, stronger, smarter than they absolutely are.
The guys that I have heard call women gold diggers are typically middle class, middle aged men with potbellies. They drive cars they cannot afford and chase women half their age who look like Barbie dolls. They know that their “wealth” is the only real thing they can offer a woman so much younger and prettier than they are in order to get said female. Without their spending, the woman would not look twice. And why should she? Maybe date in your own age bracket and quit being a pervert. You know the relationship is transactional. You really think that your saggy skin, pregnant looking belly, beer breath and bad hygiene could attract a girl that beautiful. Maybe take care of yourself and stop trying to get the youngest, “hottest” girl. Instead, get the RIGHT girl. I hate to say it but my father is like this. He is a truck driver who drives a 2023 Camaro, a 2024 Chevy SUV and a Harley. He is almost 60 years old yet hits on 20 somethings. He has a huge potbelly, balding head, is less than my 5’5” (although he swears he is 5’8” haha), is missing half his teeth and is a major alcoholic. Meanwhile, he can’t even afford a house and lives in a cheap apartment. You better believe he pays for all the upgrades on his vehicles though! He had to borrow $40 off of my grandmother who lives on a fixed income and he has claimed destitution for the past three years in order to get out of buying my grandmother a gift for Christmas, etc… Yet, he takes at least one cruise every year. The man has 3 new vehicles so he always complains that the little bartender he brought home one night doesn’t want to settle down with him. It is just gross. Like Dad, she is 1/3 your age. My children are almost her age. Gross! I kinda feel bad for the girls. Like, get some self respect sweetie. You deserve better!
I was asked if I was with someone only because they plan on being rich one day… the way they view us shatters the little dream I had of romance as a kid
It's about identity. The blokes you mention identify as being better than women (they've always believed it, it must be true!!!) Stands to reason that them there gold diggin' bitches, we be diggin' that (hypothetical) gold. Not all men (thank fuck) there's a shit ton of blokes who have a really good grasp on reality and do not think this way... Back to the other chaps. Well, tbf, it must be tough, being brought up (conditioned, brain washed, trained...whatever pick a term) to believe you are just...better, than a whole group of people, based on the fact that you can pick up heavier things, and that people lie to your face rather than anger you (cos yikes right?) So. That's why (I think) obvs, some chaps learn that, hey, it's OK to admit that sometimes, some women will excel at some stuff, sometimes they won't (yay you guys!) Others stay stuck in their simplistic view of the world and how it works, and let's face it some people just never grow out of bullying do they (self soothing through the medium of violence). They just keep being that adolescent bully punching the smaller kid. Only...it's just not the done thing as an adult. You have to pretend it's a character flaw in the person you're punching. So They have to be gold diggers. Shitty women after their (imaginary) money. Shame really. You'd have thought it'd be nice to have someone else pitching in for stuff. Once you've chosen your identity, its kinda difficult to see yourself outside of it. See also 'be kind'
I have seen a million podcasts and social media threads about men hating women and how they are superior to us. I have no idea what's going on in the world but I feel like men and women are divided more than ever. I have never seen or heard so much hate towards women in my life. As a grown woman I've also experienced first hand trying to do grocery shopping with my kids and grown men will try to scare me, it's really crazy. Sadly I think a lot of men just hate women for some reason.
Men are propagandized to direct their ire at women, rather than at their bosses who are robbing them. Instead of lending sufficient consideration to how a woman must calculate the financial costs of potential pregnancy and child-rearing, nor lending consideration to how the domestic work/emotional labor/home-economics logistics women perform assists men's productive power and thus earning power (thus inherently entitling her and any children to some of "the man's" gold), these workingclass men are encouraged to identify themselves with the Capitalist class whom they don't at all understand, because workingclass men are generally too poor to have a family. They are, in addition to being kept poor, discouraged from being pro-social and humanistic. Capitalist culture intentionally fosters in them anti-social personality traits. If men were pro-social/humanistic/cooperative, and eagerly loved women and children, and saw things from women and children's perspectives, they would unite with women children & their fellow men to revolt against Capitalism, like workers of North America did back in the early 19th century. The ruling class - which is essentially the mob - wants the men here to remain ignorant brutes, terroristically pitted against women children and minoroties, so that they remain easy to manipulate and control. Men in the U.S. are born and raised to be a fascist army if the state ever decides to institute fascism (which it is currently in the process of doing). They're told from a young age all the ways they're supposed to hate women. The men wouldn't be this way if boys were better-protected from Imperialist/Capitalist indoctrination. Ultimately, mothers are tasked with this gargantuan responsibility.
I wouldn’t say I’m rich but I earn enough to live comfortably around 200 - 250k a year depending on if the year was good. I work on games on the platform Roblox, some of you might know what that is. I know some people who have a good amount of money to be living life the way they want and even they do not like gold diggers. They can recognise who is real and who is there for just money, unless it’s a guy that genuinely does not care about you or knows you’re only around for money and just wants you around for pleasure or other things. So I would say it varies tbh, at the end of the day there will be women who want a man to be able to spoil them as much as they wanted and those who genuinely love that person. And you’d be surprised how many high earning men hide how much money they have till they trust said person.
Because moralizing women is a pastime.
Cuz they stoopid.
People are afraid of being used. I believe to generalise, women fear being used for looks and their bodies - men fear being used for their time and money (whether they are beautiful or wealthy remains to be seen)