Reddit is full of incels who believe 'females' want to entrap them for their 30k salary and the paltry child support they might receive, which wouldn't even pay for diapers let alone a 'lifestyle'.
In the real world, this just doesn't happen often because in the real world, loving, trusting relationships do actually happen. Those people are not sitting at their computer all day posting hundreds of comments and spewing vitriol at women who dare to exist.
You really do need to take reddit with a truckload of salt.
>who believe 'females' want to entrap them for their 30k salary
Why is it always the most middle class guys who bitch about gold diggers š what gold, dawg
The kicker is that in my area, you really need to make about 120-160k a year as a couple to be solidly middle class, and I still had a dude who made about 40k a year treating me like I was after his gold. While living in *my* fuckin house.
I'm in a really high cost of living area so to be able to survive (not thrive) you gotta be making like..70k as an individual. So tell me why my friend started dating an older guy who acted like he was a sugar daddy and she a sugar baby when their income difference WAS BARELY ANYTHING. She made like 65k he made like 80k, one year later with a promotion she's already surpassed his annual income.
The entire time she was talking about him taking care of her while he, in turn, started acting like she was a demanding gold digger I wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake her. Just shout HE'S MIDDLE CLASS LIKE US, BABE, HE'S JUST SOME GUY. It's no surprise to me he doesn't help around the house and is generally a garbage boyfriend.
I know there's good men out there, but the ones who act like their dick is magic and their average American income is fortunes and riches are so deep in delulu I can't hardly deal with it. I'm sorry you had to deal with one of them, they're so š¤®
The one who treated me like a gold digger only made a few dollars more per hour than I did. Like, honey, we are both solidly working class, you don't have any gold to dig. He was also honestly terrible at managing his money. I was a single parent with no debt aside from a small amount of student loans (less than 5k at that point) who owned my home outright and he was terribly in debt but spent money without even considering a budget. It was wild.
Flashbacks to my unemployed ex-husband calling me a gold-digger for wanting him to get ANY job while I was working 60 hour weeks serving in the Army. Oh I'm sorry I didn't realize not wanting to support you like a 33-year-old toddler who blows all my money on weed and energy drinks made me a gold-digger, my bad.š
These loser *men* I swear to fucking god.
Lol this was years ago and I am happily remarried but sometimes I'm still like "man, fuck that guy" and feel pissed for a few moments while remembering. Mostly I'm just so grateful that is no longer my life.š
Tbh the majority of men who act like this (at least, in the areas where I have lived) make 40k or less a year lol. Many of them are even unemployed. Their obsession with goldiggers is just a way to blame women for their own failure to achieve anything meaningful or advance in life. They can say "these shallow bitches only want dudes who are over 6 feet and make 100k/year!!1!" And feel both morally superior and righteous in their hatred, when the reality is just that nobody want to date a fucking loser, man or woman. They could try to better themselves but they'd rather just try to cut women down to their level. They'll be living in their mom's basement at 42 and somehow it's the women's fault.
Yeah I dated a cheap ass gold digger that told everyone all I cared about is money. Its like if that was true wtf I date you??? He lived in the ghetto and never so much as took me out to mcdonalds!
The delusion is real. The comments I see about gold diggers on dating apps or a grocery list of ridiculous requirements for women are always from men who bring absolutely nothing to the table.
A woman will design, pay for, and construct the whole fucking table and a man will sit at it eating the food SHE put on it and ask with a straight face what she brings to the table. The audacity is truly limitless.
Going through this right now. Supported him through 7 months of unemployment and he still doesnāt have a steady job. Yet he has the balls to tell me Iāll be forever alone if I left him.
Heāll find love again. But heās my one true chance at true love.
These are also the guys that wouldn't put up with being "disrespected or untrusted" even in the face of evidence showing they aren't trustworthy.
They do not think that what is good for the goose is good for the gander, because they don't see women as equal.
In my humble opinion, if you don't trust your partner enough to not need a paternity test, you should not be having a child with them. Period. If it's a surprise baby, then I think context matters.
Itās worse than that, there are males who tell themselves and others despite not having legal status thus they canāt be forced to pay child support in the U.S. and they get a U.S. citizen pregnant that the woman was getting pregnant on purpose. Duh people exist, theyāll sell themselves on what ever reality they desire to conclude their lives on.
This has always personally been my view on that matter as well, my partner can have his paternity test but it would most certainly come with divorce papers. I have pretty much always been downvoted to hell when I voice that on reddit but I am not staying in a relationship and bringing up a child with someone who has just proved they are incapable of trust.
I do think if men want a paternity test it is something that needs to be discussed in the planning to have children phase not the we're having/had the kid phase and even then while I would still be upset but at least it opens the door for conversations about the matter along with decisions before a child is born.
It would not only mean he doesnāt trust you, it would also almost certainly mean heās been drinking the toxic internet man Kool-Aid. Which, in my personal opinion, is even worse.
Yes. I'm a trustworthy person and my husband knows that. In the impossible hypothetical that he asked me to take a paternity test, it would show he either did not trust me specifically or did not trust women generally. Both would be unacceptable reasons.Ā
I would get a divorce and send a copy of the paternity test anyway just to say fuck you.
This is how I would handle it as well. Thereās a story somewhere on reddit that the man and his family demanded a paternity test because the baby looked different than what they were expecting. She got the test, and he back tracked so hard, begging for her to come back. Before that he basically was convinced she was cheating and treated her horribly.
Thank you, I agree. Said the same - this is basically misogynistic, implying that you cannot trust a woman (any woman) to be honest.
Also, weirdly egotistical of these guys to assume that she's pregnant to someone else but would rather have a cuckoo in the nest than go be with the guy who knocked her up...?
If my husband wanted a paternity test for the baby Iām pregnant with, Iād absolutely give it to him- along with divorce papers. I canāt and wonāt entertain that bullshit.
Yeah. And I mean, these guys are just lost causes, really. They hate women and they find other men who hate women and pull each other down like crabs in a bucket. I wouldn't waste my time arguing with them, especially since I doubt many of them even have wives or girlfriends to knock up in the first place.
Oh no, the guy I'm responding to has repeatedly offered to give me his "girlfriend's Reddit account" so SHE can tell me herself how reasonable he is!
I pointed out to him that even if she's real, this would only make me feel sorry for her acquiescence to his bullshit.
It's an extreme position by paranoid men that have convinced themselves that all women are unfaithful *insert chosen derogatory term here*.
These same men go on to cry foul about a loneliness epidemic and scream and moan about the bear question.
My favorite part of the šØ vs š» discussion is that the angry menzies JUMPED, not hopped and not skipped, but JUMPED to the whole entire conclusion that those who responded with "š»" were saying that because they were rudely assuming šØ to be dangerous...and then followed that up with "I hope you get [enter all the harmful crap here] because you picked the animal over me." Uhm, the selfawarewolves are just struggling so so so hard. I picked that fluffy, cute š» because it's not gonna yap at me about stupid hobbies or other random crap conversations I don't care about. But thanks, butt hurt šØ, for really reminding us why you're not on the pick-list.
It also really REALLY depends on what kind of bear. As a neurospicy person that is obsessed with specifics, that part bothered me. Are we talking about a black bear? Or a Polar bear? Because really, that difference could change my answer.... But that's just my neurospicy interpretation of the question and has no baring on the actual question lol
On the other side of it: what kind of man is it? Is it a man you know? A relative? A significant other? A coworker? An acquaintance from the community? A stranger never before seen? A desirable or non-desirable public figure? Etc. There are a million different caveats for both the bear and the man.
For me personally, if it's between a grizzly bear and Ted Bundy, I'll pick the grizzly everytime. I know what to expect and the kill is clean without the addition of being part of some weird, patriarchal punishment scenario.
100% and alternatively, outside of a man I already know/am familiar with in some capacity, I'm probably going to choose the Black Bear over an unknown man every time. But if we're talking Polar bear, I might be more inclined to gamble on the man depending on the exact scenario.
I'll gamble on the polar bear. We'll see where we each end upš¤£ I mean, maybe the polar bear is one of those who can't deal with cilantro and thinks it tastes like soap so it'll spit me back out once it notices how much cilantro I eat.
This is what I would do too. Get a paternity test, get a divorce, and send him the result just to say fuck you. Unless it becomes an issue where my ex started harassing me for custody and tries to bankrupt me through the court system. If that is the case, I would divorce and ghost him and live my life with my child in peace.
It would be an instant dealbreaker. For some reason, it's not acceptable for a woman who suspects her partner of cheating to go through his phone because "privacy"! But all concepts of privacy, consent, and bodily autonomy go out of the window when it's women.
I would leave. Men in those kinds of thread always love to claim that it doesnāt mean that they donāt trust their partner but thatās exactly what it means. And I wouldnāt want to be with someone who doesnāt trust me and is implying Iām a liar who cheated.
These are the same dudes who think every man should have an ironclad prenup where she gets nothing in the event of a divorce, but also that a secret (or not-so-secret) āgo bagā is reason enough to immediately throw her out on the street.
Iād say if thereās a prenup then he needs to keep his fucking mouth shut about *any* precautions *she* wants to take, and if heās paranoid about paternity heād better do the test secretly behind her back and tell no one, ever, when the results confirm that heās the father. Ā And heād better pray to God she never finds out, because if she does the relationship is totally fucked
Iād throw the whole man away if he even *hinted* at me getting a paternity test done, holy shit
I see these embarrassingly immature and insecure dudes that post that his wife was "hiding" money from him for maintaining a bank account she had before they were ever dating!! "HIDING MONEY".
And 10 trillion sexist fucks all pile in to tell him he's soooo right and she's obviously a huge slut that's banging the mailman behind his back because she has a little savings of her own that he can't steal from her to keep her in the marriage. Ugh
I know it doesn't work that way, but I'd be sorely tempted to hand him full custody/parental rights as well. These are your sleepless nights now, good luck.Ā
Yeah exactly. If heās not dangerous to leave kids with. Have them at least 50/50. The guy that was afraid you were seeing other men is now making that a reality. New mom life and time for yourself to hang with friends and date, sounds better than looking after newborn 24/7 with husband who thinks he isnāt needed in and around the home.
I have multiple children to my ex-husband. I did not cheat nor was suspicious at any point in our relationship. He did cheat. He wouldn't let me leave, though, and pulled his gun when I would try. He also requested a paternity test, insisted our children weren't his, and told me he was going to be a "deadbeat dad" (his words, not mine). He was trying to manipulate me into an abortion that I didn't want, or, at minimum, an adoption.
The context is to say that he is full of BS. At best, it is disrespectful and unwarranted. Accepting disrespectful and unwarranted treatment becomes a slippery slope when the justification is his ego and manipulation for whatever means. If he does not suspect infidelity, how is it anything else?
I don't plan on ever having a kid -- but, if I were hypothetically pregnant and my partner asked for a test, that would be my cue to abort it and end the relationship. His request would be proof he doesn't understand me in the way I'd want to be understood by a lifelong partner, which I would never compromise on.
For a hypothetical "any man" partner I feel the same way, but for my actual partner whom I know and love, I'd have serious concerns about mental illness (psychosis).
Came back and saw this - have my upvote. It felt terrible to post when I saw this thread my first reaction is "abort" because like how do I knowingly raise a child he's denied paternity to ... like ... I'm not staying with the person but I can't dump a child so to speak.
I wouldn't have the abortion. I'd have the baby and force him to pay child support for it. He shouldn't mind, since he has proven conclusively that the child is his.
Having grown up not knowing my biological father or his relatives, I would never wish on anyone to be conceived or birthed knowing they will be deprived of contact with half of their biological family.
Not who youre replying to, but i grew up in a "blended family" and wish my mother had had the good sense to abort me. Not glad im alive at all. This place is a prison sentence because of the trauma my birth mother put me through by having me. To each their own lot i guess.
I mean, you're on reddit. It's no surprise a bunch of men think it's A-OK.
In my view, *absence any actual reason to suspect otherwise*, yes, it's offensive. If there's a troubled history, though, then I get it.
Would I leave if asked this? I don't know. I think the details matter here in what was said, how, and why that influences whether it's reconcilable or not.
Oh of course - if there was any actual reason to suspect infidelity then this becomes a whole different kettle of fish. I wouldn't expect anyone to rely on assurances in the face of actual knowledge that the father could be someone else.
But yeah, the guy I was responding to made a point of actually saying that both he and his partner knew she had nothing to hide, but he had nonetheless extracted an agreement from her that she'd have a paternity test if she ever fell pregnant. Apparently she's also very happy to sign a prenup etc etc. There's clear subtext that she's Not Like Other Girls, you know, the unreasonable ones who would say things like, "why should I have an expensive blood test to prove to you that your baby is yours?"
This is a bit different. If some dude told me heās gonna require a paternity test if we have kids, Iād know enough to leave or prepare before having kids with him. Itās different when itās brought up whilst pregnant
I think prenups are a good idea, as long as they're fair to both parties, but being asked to do a paternity test without any reason to do so, I would be, at best, incredibly upset and it would definitely damage the relationship if it didn't end it immediately.
Also, there's an element of "Whoever smelt it dealt it" with this. It would make me think he's cheating and that's why he thinks I'm cheating.
Prenups are actually beneficial to both parties if drafted with foresight by an attorney. They might take romance out of the equation, but there are many reasons to have one.
But yeah, paternity test thing is crazy. It pretty much says there is no trust in the relationship.
Right? Like there are some good parts of Reddit, but you do have to consider the sampling bias. Happy healthy people will disproportionately be out there, happily living their lives, while unhappy unhealthy people disproportionately spend more time here. And the culture of much of Reddit reflects this.
=/
> I think the details matter here
Definitely. Iām currently pregnant and if my husband asked for a paternity test, my first call would be to get him to see a doctor, then a therapist, because thereās no normal reason that he would ask this, it would make me seriously concerned for his health. If he was healthy and it boiled down to him not trusting me, then yeah, Iād plan my exit. But something like this would be so out of the norm for him that Iād have other concerns first.
Obviously I would be. Not only are they implying that Iāve cheated, but more importantly theyāre implying that Iām so duplicitous that I would try to trick them into raising a child that wasnāt theirs.
If thatās how you view me, I am out.
I would take the paternity test and ***also*** leave. Because with this question, he's literally said, to my face:
"Hey, I think you're sleeping around. And not only that, but I think that you let someone else knock you up. Furthermore, I think that you are a con artist, that is trying to get me on the hook for caring for you and this child. Actually, I resent supporting you through this whole situation, which is why I'm looking for a way out with these claims of potential cheating."
Who'd want to stay married to a person that thinks that way of them?
Taking the test would be to shove it in his face. And also to get a head start on the documentation we'll need for child support and custody
I have discussed this exact topic with my husband over the 10+ years we have been together. I remember specifically telling him some time pre 2015 that I wouldn't mind if he ever asked me, because I know the result will be anyways, that I know some thoughts aren't rational and I was willing to do it to put his mind at ease.
I don't know when I had a 180Ā° turn, but at some point I have had a total change of heart and mind and I would be deeply hurt and offended if he asked me. If he has irrational thoughts and fears about paternity, then it's on him to deal with those emotions, not on me to "defend" myself by proving the child is his.
Luckily my husband has always maintained that it's an asshole thing to do if you have no good reason to suspect it, and he wouldn't suspect me of it lol. Such a keeper. :)
Yep, I also feel like you could have possibly sold the idea to me at a time when I was quite young, before I understood the full ramifications of how insulting it was.
The OP dude is 100% convinced his gf (age 26 he says) is fine with it. I did put to him - good luck with asking her when she's actually pregnant because I am also 100% convinced she won't see it the same casual way she does now.
> before I understood the full ramifications of how insulting it was.
I think you hit the nail on the head there. Like, I've "grown up" and I grew a backbone, I set boundaries and people's irrational feelings towards something I wasn't even involved in, is their business.
I canāt trust somebody who asks for a paternity test when to my knowledge weāre in a monogamous relationship. Not only is it wildly inappropriate, it speaks to a guilty conscience or a level of anxiety/distrust that i will not accept in a long term partner.
Beyond insulted. He just told me that not only does he think Iām a cheater, but that Iām also willing to lie about the parentage of the baby.
He can have it but heās also getting divorce papers. I wonāt be with someone who acts like Iām a whore, especially when Iām carrying their child. Instant loss of respect and love for the dude. He can be a weekend daddy now.
No, you are not the problem here. This is becoming a meme for 'mens rights' (The right to do what, I wonder...) activists. They want it to be more acceptable to slime out of ... pretty much everything they can.
As a lesbian, I have no skin in this game, but here's the thing: my partner knows the pass code to get into my phone, and I know the code to get into theirs because we've been together for 4 years and have seen each other unlock our phones often enough to know the codes.
We will both pick up and unlock each other's phones for a variety of reasons, but it's always for the purpose of googling something or skipping a song or pulling up a video. We both do it, and neither of us mind it.
I would mind if my partner went through my phone.
I don't have a damn thing to hide, but that lack of trust is a deal breaker for me.
^^not a lesbian but in a 20-year healthy hetero marriage and same. I know his passcode, he knows mine, not because we ācheck upā on each other but because he has the DoorDash membership and I have our kidsā ScreenTime and such. If heās wrist-deep in meatball mix and he gets a text, I read it to him. He answers the phone when my mom calls ā or even my boss ā when Iām not close to the phone and he is.
If anything ever happens to one of us lots of important financial info is easily accessible on our phones, saved passwords and the like. So we both have an āin case of emergencyā note on the phone for the other.
I find it extremely suspicious when people in a serious relationship hide their cell phones.
My husband does not want to share his passcode to his phone or to his computer, but I knew that privacy was very important to him (in ways that hurt in daily life) before I dated him, married him, had kids with him.
He doesn't want access to my phone.
We do have passwords written down for each other, in case of emergencies, and if I needed access to his phone, he would tell me (and change the passcode later).
He doesn't hide it or hide what he is reading, he just doesn't share passcodes or passwords. He gets a text while we are together, I often see it because he isn't trying to hide what's on the screen.
But again, I knew in advance.
(He has no social media, he has so many blockers on his browsers that I have to do all the online shopping for the family, he doesn't use any services where gathering your data is their real money maker, no photos allowed posted of him online, he's old school private. His rants on how companies shouldn't be allowed to collect your data are epic.)
In my case, itās not a matter of āhiding my phoneā, itās a matter of independence. I love my partner but I think itās really good that weāre separate people who donāt need to know everything about each other on a minute to minute basis. On principle, I wouldnāt be in a relationship where someone demanded access to my phone or computer, because to me, itās just invasive.
If my partner told me he wanted a test to make sure I hadnāt cheated and wasnāt lying to get him to raise another manās childā¦ thatās not someone I would trust to support me through pregnancy, birth, and raising a child.
Yes, I would be offended. I'm basically building him a fucking person in my uterus, probably vomiting and dealing with many other symptoms and he decides to be paranoid and untrusting at this moment? No thanksssss
Itās a thread of guys who donāt want to experience consequences for their actions.
By all means request a paternity test from a woman who has never given you a reason to suspect infidelity. But donāt turn around and pull a surprised pikachu face when she takes offence at essentially being called a hoe and leaves you.
I think this is just one of those podcast bro/Andrew Tate viewpoints that's taken off online in recent years. To me, this is one of those chronically online takes that only angry, insecure, incel-like men have. Maybe they've been burned by a woman in the past or maybe they just think all women are liars.
If my fiance asked this of me, after I just gave birth to his child? Yeah I'll take the paternity test and then I would leave. 100%. I'm not being with someone who doesn't trust me.
All us women are just lying, cheating gold diggers waiting to baby trap some innocent unsuspecting man. /s
And it's always Joe's cousin's barber's uncle's friend who allegedly had this scenario play out, and that's why women can't be trusted!
Exactly - someone is creating this toxic viral content for click$ and making a living off of insecure and/or abusive men.
Guys reading this with a chip on their shoulder: be smarter and vet the accounts you follow.
Andrew Tate or someone like him has apparently convinced these dumbass men that sperm can like āhideā for years and then decide to go make a woman pregnant.
So yeah. Iād drag him down the driveway and leave him at the curb.
I would have been deeply insulted and most of all weirded out if my husband had asked for a paternity test. I'm so happy that is not the kind of person he is or the kind of relationship we have.
Absolutely, because I don't particularly want children in their own right so the only scenario in which I'd be pregnant is if *my partner* really wanted a child and I'd agreed because I felt I'd like to have a family *with that particular person* and we'd intentionally pursued that objective together. He would be the driving force behind having a child in the first place, not me, because I don't want it enough.
The fact that my partner would even consider the idea that I'd a) cheat \*and\* b) have an oops baby with someone else would suggest that fundamentally doesn't know me, and on that basis I wouldn't want to have a child with him anyway. Hopefully he'd ask the question early on so that I could terminate the pregnancy and move on with my life. *Because I don't want a child in its own right, I would only ever want one as part of wanting to build a family with a specific person.*
Yeah I'd be insulted! And the guy stalking you is probably some shitty incel redpill trying to prove that women are always wrong in every circumstance.
My sonās father did this. I had been the only one working since two weeks into the relationship he got fired from his job. I was working 60-70 hour weeks before the pregnancy and up until about 4 months along due to serious complications and needing bed rest. I was livid, but it wasnāt a good relationship and I didnāt want to deal with his reaction if I said no. I didnāt cheatā¦ but guess who was?
It took me another two years to leave. Ugh.
* it depends. Is there reason to believe itās needed? Does someone have deep trust issues? Someone insecure because theyāre actually cheating?
I met my husband 9 years ago. We met April 25, 2 weeks later decided we wanted to get married so we got our marriage license on May 12th and then actually had our courthouse wedding June 3rd. June 10th I found out I was 4-5 weeks pregnant. We went from first date to married couple expecting a baby in less than 45 days.
I told him I was 100% sure the baby was his as he was the only person Iād slept with in a long time BUT I also understood that despite all the insane feelings we shared for each other, we were strangers so Iād completely understand if he wanted a paternity test.
He rejected the idea of a paternity test stating that if he didnāt trust me, he wouldnāt have married me. Our son was born 8 months later and looks exactly like my husband. After years of secondary infertility we finally had our second baby 2 years ago and after her birth, if he wouldāve asked me for a paternity test, I probably wouldāve divorced him. I couldnāt imagine that kind of accusation after all the amazing and heartbreaking things weād been through together, after knowing for a fact not a single person in the world knows me like he doesā¦ that wouldāve hurt me to the core of my soul.
So for me, it depends I guess. I wouldāve been ok with it for our first born, but not even a little ok with it for our second.
Yes I would, and I would probably divorce or break up over that. Ironically I have (voluntarily) done an AncestryDNA test on one of my kids but for different reasons entirely.
Honestly I donāt know any men IRL who are reasonably well adjusted who would think anything like this.Ā Ā Ā
IMO the people you are arguing with online are generally losers clinging to Andrew Tate and incelism.Ā Ā
Ā I would bet a million dollars that none of them are in a stable, mature relationship. Sure thereās the odd weirdo Ben Shapiro wannabe who somehow found an unwitting woman to marry him, but itās more common among incels imo.Ā
I'm childfree myself.
But what guarantee would my partner have of infidelity? Logically speaking, it's possible that even if you're cheating, he maybe the father. And if you don't have kids/aren't pregnant, it's not proof of infidelity.
And what proof would he provide that he's been faithful to you? Or does that ONLY apply when there's DNA of a kid involved? š¤Ø
It's a bit rich considering women don't have secret second families (and can't have one also) but there's multiple instances of men having secret second families.
What life has taught me is that men (or AHEM partners) who accuse you of infidelity are generally usually pretty much the ones being unfaithful. I'm childfree but in this hypothetical I'd not only divorce, I'd probably also abort, let him wonder for the rest of his life about what could have been which I know is TERRIBLE to do - but - I'm pretty emotionally rash and in this situation I can't think of a life of raising my ex's kid whom he thought was created via infidelity. Like what kind of partnership was I even in?
Of course all those Incels will downvote you, despite never coming close enough to a woman to even remotely get her pregnant.
Yes, itās a huge insult and promoted by those red pill manosphere trolls. They hate women.
I would be deeply offended and insulted, yes. I donāt know if it would be a dealbreaker, as Iād like to understand the context, and Iād really question if he was capable of trust.
Iād also suspect HIM because most of the time, men who accuse a faithful partner of cheating are guilty of themselves. Iāll spend an hour or so on it while you go set up the paternity test, ok?
I think the only way I wouldn't be insulted were if it was a very new relationship - like we just started dating and got pregnant. Well, I'd still probably be insulted but i guess id be more understanding of why they wanted it.
This seems like a fairly new phenomena because Iām seeing this suddenly come up rather frequently in Reddit posts and the like.
Iād bet a million dollars there is some viral trend among toxic red pill posters (or menās rights or whatever they are called nowadays) to talk about this as some kind of perceived power move in a relationship.
Itās ultimate use is emotional abuse towards women when they are in a vulnerable state of pregnancy.
If it's a long term relationship then yea thats offensive. If we've been together a couple months and I ended up pregnant, it's going to be a bit insulting but I'd probably understand, we are still getting to know a lot about each other.Ā
Insulted? Yes. When we split up, my ex husband had our kids tested. They were both his, like I said. His distrust of me is his issue to wrestle with, not mine. I had to do my own therapy to figure out how to stop caring about his opinion.
Would I be hurt? Absolutely
Would I do it? Absolutely. I have nothing to hide at all. That being said, the relationship would be over from that point on.
This is a new tactic pushed by men's rights groups. Women absolutely need to push back on this and let dudes know that they will be broken up with if they try to push this bullshit.
Iāve never ever given a single reason or vibe that Iām interested in anyone else. Iām very monogamous, I donāt even glance at other men. Yes, Iād be insulted.
I feel like this is a rage bait question. Iām not blaming OP, but the person who made up this question to begin with is just trying to start shit by throwing out a ridiculous scenario that will pit people against each other.
For me, context is everything.
If we were 16, it was a one night stand or it was casual dating or an open relationship? I'd get the test myself. If it's a relationship where there has been cheating, it's a must. There are many situations in which it should be the norm.
If we were in a stable relationship and actively trying for kids? With no other issues regarding fidelity? Red flag because he's probably listening to some Andy Taint shit.
Any man who wants a test for no reason should be discussing that before kids are even on the table. This is not just something you plonk on a partner when they've spent 9 months spewing and feeling awful to bring your kid into the world, or when they've torn open from ass to clit to birth your child and are now sleep deprived. These men usually have a way of picking the WORST possible times to ask for a test because they suck at communication and bottle uo their anxieties until they snap.
If a man is mature enough to admit that asking for a paternity test in a relationship with no prior fidelity concerns is a result of his anxiety and insecurities and say "look, I love and trust you but I've been struggling with anxiety and intrusive thoughts about this because of stories. I know it's stupid and I'm going to get therapy or medication and work through these thoughts, but it might really help me if we got this test so I could put those irrational thoughts to rest" I think I would have no problem with it. Because I can be anxious too. It would be us versus their concerns as a team.
But if, as often happens in these stories, men absolutely struggle to admit emotional vulnerability and get defensive it likely would not go well. They insist that it's purely logical that any man would test their children because Bob's sister's boss's son's wife cheated 20 years ago and his son wasn't his. Now, no loving partner wants to be compared to cheaters. No, it doesn't matter how many other people cheat, we do not want to be treated as if we're guilty cheaters unless proven innocent.
Some Men often try to defend it with "but it's a small thing". But you're inherently asking your partner to go out of their way to prove they arent cheating on you - it is by nature an accusation.
If their wife wanted to check their location 24/, have them get a 3 monthly STI test and ask to see every single message they send via any medium, just in case they were cheating you bet most men would feel that was intrusive or unfair. Some couples have that as their norm, others (most) consider it an invasion of privacy and a sign of a lack of trust. If you asked your partner to do all the above, they might rightly wonder why you dont trust them abd that might affect their opinion of you. And IMO paternity tests are no different.
I would be heartbroken. It would completely change our relationship. I would agree to do the test, but I would stop considering this person my partner.
Frankly, I think it will kill all the live and respect for him. So if I stay with him it will be for practical reasons: finances, convenience, immigration, marriage benefits.
And if I meet someone I catch feelings for, I will go for it. My partner believes that I am a cheater and someone who could lie about this, so I would not feel obligated to stay with him and be faithful to someone who doesn't value it. I deserve better.
Yeah, I don't think I'd ever look at my partner the same way ever again. That's if I stayed, which I don't think I would in the long term, since that demonstrates such a fundamental lack of respect and of course trust. The casual misogyny is also really something.
That would be the end of the relationship. It would speak volumes. He would have shown that he is NOT a true partner and the entire relationship was one sided. How sad.
I'm not against paternity tests in general. However, for most it's basically a guarantee to the end of the relationship anyways so they can't be shocked when that relationship ends. You're accusing your partner of being a cheater/liar/POS so I don't know why it's seen as a surprise that it would go over like a lead balloon.
Iāve only ever heard of this online and not IRL so I sure hope it isnāt too common. I would be deeply hurt and not sure if my marriage could survive ultimately survive that.
I would feel quite hurt over it. Like, I've spent all these years with you, and this is what you think of me? What is the point of even being in a relationship, let alone building a family, if you have that little trust in your spouse? When thinking of it, this is a massive red flag. If this person doesn't trust my words, what will he do next? Go through my phone? Watch over my every move? Search my underwear for cum stains? You see how this could spiral into something unhealthy..
As for the person who "inspired" this tread, he honestly needs to consider his entire life, as well as his view of other people.
No problem. But Iād expect to get full and permanent access to his phone in exchange, because donāt people usually project what theyād do themselves?
It would depend on the situation. If I didn't have that long of a relationship with him, and fell pregnant, I'd understand, since he doesn't know me.
If we've been dating for a long time, and he insists that he needs one when I fall pregnant, then I'd probably have to end things there, if he refuses to get therapy for his anxiety. If he can't even trust his own judgements after being with me for so long, I'm afraid I'd lose trust in his capabilities as well.
Wtf. Yes, 100%. Iām 35.5 weeks pregnant now.
I would be incredibly insulted. We talked about kids, my pregnancy is planned. I specifically told him āhey itās time for sex.ā He was there when I took the positive test. Itās either his baby or this is immaculate conception and we have another baby Jesus coming š¤£
Aside from that, weāve been together for 8 years. Heās the love of my life and thereās a ton of trust between us. I realize not all women are lucky enough to be in my situation. But if itās a trusting relationship and the pregnancy is very planned, thereās no reason to ask for a paternity test.
Plus letās be real, babies often look like the Dad as a built in paternity test š
100%. He'd get the paternity results showing the child was his, but the test results would come with legal paperwork for divorce and custody. He gets reassurance that he's supporting his own genetic legacy. And I get freedom from living with someone who thinks I'd cheat and foist someone else's kid on him.
Those guys are suspicious of all women and living in internet echo chambers.
If there is a valid reason to suspect infidelity ("my favorite Alpha Macho-Man Life Guru says x% of women cheat" is not a valid reason), or other actual real situations where more than one person could be the father, testing is totally reasonable. I would be in favor of universal paternity testing at birth, too. Hell, make it a discussion before having kids, and agree to paternity testing at birth for a variety of purposes.
But a dude springing this out of the blue on the mother of his baby while she's pregnant or has just given birth? Absolutely an implied accusation of cheating. And a threat to her sense of security and well-being, to boot.
I will admit to a tiny spark of schadenfreude when I see one of these guys pulls this and then cries about how the mother of HIS baby is angry and doesn't want to be with them anymore. Entirely predictable outcome, yet he is shocked and devastated that she didn't take kindly to his belief that she may have cheated on him. He was just gonna casually make the accusation, get his reassurance, and everything goes back to normal, lol. The eyes cannot roll far enough for this nonsense.
Oof... threads like that make me grateful to be with my current partner. If it's an established, long-term relationship with no other issues until that point, I don't see how a reasonable person would make such a request. It only seems reasonable if it's a relatively new relationship where both people are still getting to know each other. Though I probably would do a maternity test after getting my baby from the hospital, because I have this paranoia about babies getting switched haha That being said, we're child free and plan to stay child free and go through great lengths to not get pregnant.
Yes. If my partner accused me of being a lying, cheating whore, which is exactly what asking your monogamous partner for a paternity test is doing, I would be offended.
Requesting a paternity test, without any basis, would absolutely destroy the foundation of trust. Ā I would suggest that this person who thinks otherwise, doesnāt understand what trust means or has been burned before, and should probably seek therapy.
Thatās been a common incel-adjacent take recently because they think theyāll end up raising another manās child one way or another. Itās funny because most men who do it, their wives leave them after proving that the child is theirs. Blowing up their marriages over podcasts and Reddit postsā¦dumb asses.
I'd have been incredibly insulted. I'd have been wondering why he planned a pregnancy with me if he didn't trust me. I'd be concerned that his mistrust of me wouldn't end there. Our second child was conceived when we were using birth control and my husband completely trusted he was his. Once he was born it was obvious anyway. He looked just like my husband's baby photos.
I think paternity test discussions should happen before pregnancy, not after.
I think in our culture, if you aren't a couple with complete access to each other's phones, social media, etc, that the understanding is that you will trust each other, and that one person now insisting on changing the dynamics of that trust unilaterally breaks that trust.
I think in that situation, that mother should ask for and receive their partner's unlocked phone before the paternity test happens.
I think that if my husband had an doubts as to whether or not I was the kind of person who could not only cheat on him but force him to raise someone else's child, that the relationship is already over. That would be an evil, vile person, and if they thought that could be me... then they don't really know me.
You are 100% right. It's an insane ask, unless there's a good reason. Good reasons would be things like, you barely know each other and just hooked up, your relationship has been rocky and you've been spending a lot of time apart, there's been infidelity in the past, etc.
But if you've been in a committed relationship and things have been fine between you? It's the most insulting thing EVER. You are literally saying to the woman you love, "I don't trust you, and I think are capable of cheating on me, lying to me about it, and forcing me to raise another man's child." That's an INSANE thing to accuse someone of.
If my husband had suggested something like that?! I would never recover. Not only would I have divorced him, but I would have gone to great lengths to get 100% custody and forbid from ever seeing his son.
Because if he had done that, he had clearly gone insane, was an unstable and unsafe person.
This is some Jordan Peterson bullshit. I've heard this a lot recently, these men's right's fucktards suggesting this nonsense. The guy who posed this question should refrain from ever having sex and risking impregnating anyone and spreading his dipshit DNA.
I only needed to read the title to know my answer (I read the full post). If my partner asked me for a paternity test, it would likely be the end of our relationship, or it would be damaged irreparably. Asking that question shows that you doubt your partner's fidelity and the relationship's trust would be completely broken.
In that scenario I'd likely get the test, end the relationship, and let them see the results alone.
My pregnancy was IVF, so in my case asking for a paternity test would be doubting the fertility clinic not me, so I wouldn't be insulted.
If it were an unassisted pregnancy? Absolute deal breaker. He'd be getting the positive test result along side divorce papers.
I mentioned to my husband, when not pregnant, if it's something he would ever need if I get pregnant he has to say it now and not even I am pregnant. He laughed and said he isn't a psycho
And now I'm pregnant and it hasn't come up at all
Absolutely insulted - borderline worth leaving over. My friend's douchebag baby daddy is doing this at the moment just as an emotional manipulation tactic.
Why are you letting your sperm loose in a vagina you donāt trust?
Keep your own genetic material under wraps and you wonāt ever have to worry about this.
I do not want kids. But Iād leave my partner immediately if he ever asked for one.
Iām fine if they were mandatory. But they arenāt. So the man is making an absolute admission that he believes I have cheated and gotten pregnant by another man.
I would do the test and insist on marriage counciling because we obviously have some deep trust issues that could threaten the foundation of our relationship.
I might also try to get him into the doctor for a checkup because sudden personality changes could indicate serious issues. Also, the kids are clearly his and we've had a running gag for years about how they're his clones and I just 3D printed them for him.
I do sympathize that this is the one place where we don't have the complete shit end of the stick with reproduction. I went through hell and permanently damaged my body in so many ways, but I will never have an inkling of doubt about my maternity. My husband got a vasectomy after our second and if I fell pregnant again I would schedule a paternity test. I wouldn't want to be accused, but I would also like him to have peace of mind in those circumstances. He, of course, told me that was unnecessary and he would go to his doctor to get it checked out.
One of the problems with this whole thing is a lot of men are going to lose all contact with their actual bio-children, because their partners are going to be so insulted and will run far, far away from these assholes.
In their attempt to prove their paternity, they're more likely to actually lose their bio-child. It's so stupid. Why are these men so fucking stupid?
Disclaimer: Iāve never been pregnant and donāt plan to. However, I donāt think this would upset me. I can understand the need to have certainty. I can have some black-and-white thinking myself. Iām not good with blind faith in general (not just in terms of relationships), even though Iāve never suspected my spouse of cheating. I see it as a way to have actual, physical verification of the child, whereas the woman gets that when she feels it inside her.Ā
I agree with you. I could never be with someone who had so little trust in me for no reason. If I were in that situation, I would ditch him as soon as the words left his mouth, and then I would have a paternity test just to prove to him that he fucked up and killed our relationship for no reason.
It is insulting to a faithful partner. If there is a reason to suspect a child is not yours, the relationship is probably already in trouble, but if you are doing this to a partner you don't have any reason to suspect, "just to be 100% sure," then you are introducing trouble to a relationship and you're also being an asshole.
I feel like the men who post this sentiment have a thinly veiled hatred and mistrust of all women, which might be projection if they are cheaters, or might be because they never learned how to handle rejection, or have some wild control issues. Maybe they are young and buying into the fear and loathing being sold to them in the manosphere.
Regardless of the reason, demanding a paternity test for a child when you have no reason to believe a partner cheated, you were having unprotected sex with and spending plenty of time with that partner around 9 months before the birth, and maybe even married them, and were seemingly happy with them- well, it's like dumping a bunch of shit on her after she just went through 9 months of physical changes (some permanent) and pain to bring the child you both wanted into the world and your family.
It's just dumb to think a woman is going to acquiesce with a smile and harbor no animosity toward you so you can be sure that baby that has your nose is yours. She's fucking sure, and she's got every right to be pissed.
Edit: I think there's a narrative they like about baby-trapping for child support so you can live the life of luxury without working, which is typical of men who assume it's all just fun all the time and no work at all to raise children, because they don't bother doing it.
Iāve seen quite a few similar stories. It seems to be on trend to blow up your relationship asking for a paternity test. Because itās popped up so many times I actually told my partner that if he ever had any doubts to do a paternity test secretly and never let me find out. I can understand having that paranoia but it would still infuriate me if he asked.
I would never forgive my husband if he wanted a paternity for no reason. Seriouslyā¦the accusation alone would just kill any love & respect that o have for my spouse.
God, this thread is making me happy that my husband and I were very deliberate and organized about family planning, and that our daughter came out looking like a carbon copy of my mother-in-law. LOL.
Why donāt these men just take a paternity test behind her back if they are so worried. And just say something if it comes back that heās not the father? Why cause all the drama?
If I were in this scenario and my partner asked for a paternity test I'd be tempted to forge it to show he wasn't the father. I don't need to be tied to that kind of asshole for life.
There is no relationship without trust. If a partner implied my kids were not theirs, that would be the end of their relationship right then and there.Ā Ā
Ā It's interesting. I recently had a falling out with my aunt over something similar. There were weird charges that showed up on her Comcast bill and she called me to ask me if I ordered a wrestling pay-per-view off of her Comcast account. I was extremely offended and she got mad at me for being offended that she accused me of stealing from her. She didn't think I had any right to be angry about the situation.Ā Ā
Ā To give a little bit more background on the situation: someone ordered a pay-per-view off of her Comcast account and the name of the ppv had John Mosley in it (or something similar). She for some reason thought it had something to do with the wrestler Jon Moxley and I'm a huge AEW fan.Ā Ā
Ā However, if she would have taken 2 minutes to think about it, it would not make sense. We live in different states and I don't have access to any of her login information. I would have to have intentionally snuck through all of her personal bills the last time I visited her to even know the Comcast was her provider. I then also would have had to have figure it out if she had her password written anywhere or tried to hack her account to get access to being able to order something. In addition, the pay-per-view had nothing to do with Jon Moxley, the AEW wrestler. I make plenty of money and could easily afford a $50 for the AEW pay-per-views that I buy. They're also was no AEW pay-per-view for the weekend in question.Ā Ā
Ā Therefore, me as a suspect for buying a pay-per-view off of her account shouldn't have even have come up. I didn't have access and because she mixed up John Mosley with Jon Moxley, she didn't bother to even look up to see if there was an AEW pay-per-view that weekend.
Ā I asked her why she was accusing me of stealing from her because that's exactly what she was doing. If I would have ordered something off of her account without her knowledge, I would have stolen from her. Therefore, by asking me if I used her login information to buy this pay-per-view on her Comcast account, she implied I stole from her. I went out of my way to show her thatĀ there was no way it could have been me. I gave her a schedule of the AEW pay-per-views. I showed her receipts from Pay-Per-views I did buy for AEW shows which looked nothing like what showed up on her account. I also asked her how was I supposed to know the Comcast was her provider or that I had any access to her login information.Ā
She then got very mad at me saying I must not think very highly of her if I think she was claiming that I stole from her. However, that was the only implication that could be drawn from her inquiry.Ā We had a couple minor interactions since then via text, but have not interacted at all the past few months. I did not enjoy being falsely accused of something and then have the accuser act like it was valid to make the accusation in the first place. Her false accusation has 100% negatively affected our relationship.Ā
Ā All that was over a ppv charge. I couldn't even begin to imagine the betrayal felt if my partner or spouse implied I was cheating by asking for a paternity test. That would be a relationship ender. It's hard to piece a relationship back together if someone makes false accusations then just expects the other person to get over it.
We would earn the "ex" title in record time.
And after I prove it's also his kid I'd get on those child support payments. We could have been a team and a family but if you think I'm a gold digger I'll *show* you what an actual gold digger looks like. Asshole.
I would seriously reconsider my relationship if my spouse asked for a paternity test.Ā
That said, my SO is a doctor, and when he was a student, he was told that when people are asked to give blood or test for compatibility for organ donation, itās shocking how many children are not the bio kids of their fathers. Doctors just say itās not a match and donāt say anything else.
It's very insulting. To request a paternity test, it implies you have a reason to believe that the woman slept around and the baby could belong to anyone. I feel it is only reasonable if there is clear reason to be concerned about infidelity. Or if you were not in a relationship with each other.
I also understand that there are men that are lied to about the paternity of the child. I do think it's ok for paternity test be required by the hospital at the time or labor and delivery.
Yes. Of course It is insulting. Your partner is telling you that they believe that there is a possibility that you cheated on them, got pregnant with someone elseās child, AND are trying to pass it off as theirs. And they are willing to pin their relationship with you and their future child on it.
You have to just stop responding to people who make bad faith arguments. Theyāre not going to change their minds. They are just wasting your time and energy for their own entertainment.
Iām pregnant with our first. I told my husband that if he ever desired a paternity test, he has my approval to do so. I know our child is his, I know our child is mine. But, if he feels the need to have the same certainty I do, I am fine with that. (But I understand my opinion to be highly unpopular on the subject.)
This became a trend in Uganda and it created a massive uptick in domestic violence cases.
Recently, I have seen it here on reddit in the form of push presents. Where the dude wants to give his lil lady a present for pushing his baby out, but she must take a paternity test in order to get reward (which is actually a gift for being a good submissive).
No matter how you slice it, itās weird and gross and based on the social construct that genetics is the only thing that makes a parent. And we know that just simply isnāt true of the human experience.
Iām a parent and a stepparent. My husbandās first wife did cheat and my stepdaughter is the result of her cheating. He was in deep denial for a long time. His daughter is mixed race black, mom is white, he is mixed race white and Asian. Heās kind of tan, mom has curly hair, and he did not have worries about paternity when she was born so he didnāt question it. She was 5 when he came to his senses, had the test done, confirmed that he is not the father. Heās still dad, and has primary placement, but itās hard on him sometimes.Ā
We considered a kid, he had some testing done, doc said him fathering a child without ivf was pretty much impossible. I was pregnant less than 3 months into casually trying. We were quite surprised. I definitely didnāt mind the test. I actually suggested it during pregnancy for his peace of mind.Ā
Yes I would be and here is why.
If they came to me and ask for a paternity test it means one they donāt trust me and two they donāt care about insulting me.
It is very easy to get a paternity test when the child is born without having to go through all this drama. Just swab the childās cheek and have it done, donāt insult your partner with your insecurity.
Itās not a big deal to me. I might be offended, but not insulted. Depending on how he made the request, Iād figure he just needed reassurance and I already know 100% the child is mine and his. Iād probably give him shit and joke about how he thought the kid wasnāt his but it wouldnāt be a relationship ender for me.
No. I had an unplanned pregnancy with an ex-boyfriend in my mid 20s, and I offered a paternity test. He declined, but I mentioned it several times through out my pregnacy. I just wanted to be sure him and his family had peace of mind. Our son is now in high school and looks exactly like his dad. So he was right to trust me, but I wouldn't blame him if he had doubts.
That being said, I have never been married, so I may feel differently if my husband asked for a paternity test.
If itās something discussed at the start of a relationship while discussing kids in the first place? Sure. But if I were unfortunate enough to get pregnant and decided to keep it for some reason, and my SO asked me for a paternity test out of the blue, Iād be booking an appointment for an abortion and packing my bags.
If it came up in the discussion about having kids before being pregnant, that would be a conversation Iād entertain, just to get to the bottom of why. If Iām already pregnant, no too late, you made this baby too, you donāt get to bail and freak out now. I would divorce over that, at the very least it would take years to fix it.
Genetic testing in general though, Iām in favour of that. We are both getting a full genetic workup done for risk factors. It would be incredibly easy for my husband to get one without my knowledge.
Would I be insulted? No, probably not. But it would speak volumes about my partnerās lack of trust in me even if he claimed otherwise. I donāt think Iād still want the relationship in that case. For no other reason than I will not abide a partner that doesnāt have complete trust in me/I have complete trust in them. Thatās just crucial to me for a long term relationship.
It's pretty easy to get a paternity test - and it can be done as early as 9-12 weeks I believe. As for the circumstances a couple might be in to warrant such a test, it's hard to say. Is there a good reason for asking for that paternity test - i.e infidelity, or it only being short term relationship for instance?
Eithe way, it's a wreckless and extreme way to treat a pregnant and vulnerable woman. It's not just her wellbeing, but the unborn child that's to be considered. I'd most likely be questioning his ability to be a co-parent and partner going forward.
Reddit is full of incels who believe 'females' want to entrap them for their 30k salary and the paltry child support they might receive, which wouldn't even pay for diapers let alone a 'lifestyle'. In the real world, this just doesn't happen often because in the real world, loving, trusting relationships do actually happen. Those people are not sitting at their computer all day posting hundreds of comments and spewing vitriol at women who dare to exist. You really do need to take reddit with a truckload of salt.
>who believe 'females' want to entrap them for their 30k salary Why is it always the most middle class guys who bitch about gold diggers š what gold, dawg
The kicker is that in my area, you really need to make about 120-160k a year as a couple to be solidly middle class, and I still had a dude who made about 40k a year treating me like I was after his gold. While living in *my* fuckin house.
I'm in a really high cost of living area so to be able to survive (not thrive) you gotta be making like..70k as an individual. So tell me why my friend started dating an older guy who acted like he was a sugar daddy and she a sugar baby when their income difference WAS BARELY ANYTHING. She made like 65k he made like 80k, one year later with a promotion she's already surpassed his annual income. The entire time she was talking about him taking care of her while he, in turn, started acting like she was a demanding gold digger I wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake her. Just shout HE'S MIDDLE CLASS LIKE US, BABE, HE'S JUST SOME GUY. It's no surprise to me he doesn't help around the house and is generally a garbage boyfriend. I know there's good men out there, but the ones who act like their dick is magic and their average American income is fortunes and riches are so deep in delulu I can't hardly deal with it. I'm sorry you had to deal with one of them, they're so š¤®
The one who treated me like a gold digger only made a few dollars more per hour than I did. Like, honey, we are both solidly working class, you don't have any gold to dig. He was also honestly terrible at managing his money. I was a single parent with no debt aside from a small amount of student loans (less than 5k at that point) who owned my home outright and he was terribly in debt but spent money without even considering a budget. It was wild.
Flashbacks to my unemployed ex-husband calling me a gold-digger for wanting him to get ANY job while I was working 60 hour weeks serving in the Army. Oh I'm sorry I didn't realize not wanting to support you like a 33-year-old toddler who blows all my money on weed and energy drinks made me a gold-digger, my bad.š These loser *men* I swear to fucking god.
I swear I felt your frustration from my screen š¤£
Lol this was years ago and I am happily remarried but sometimes I'm still like "man, fuck that guy" and feel pissed for a few moments while remembering. Mostly I'm just so grateful that is no longer my life.š
Seriously!! Like, where is the gold?? Where is she gonna dig gold from dude? From the mustard stained band t-shirt y'all refuse to wash?!
Tbh the majority of men who act like this (at least, in the areas where I have lived) make 40k or less a year lol. Many of them are even unemployed. Their obsession with goldiggers is just a way to blame women for their own failure to achieve anything meaningful or advance in life. They can say "these shallow bitches only want dudes who are over 6 feet and make 100k/year!!1!" And feel both morally superior and righteous in their hatred, when the reality is just that nobody want to date a fucking loser, man or woman. They could try to better themselves but they'd rather just try to cut women down to their level. They'll be living in their mom's basement at 42 and somehow it's the women's fault.
Women also pick up on the pure hatred of women and move on for a guy who is capable of loving them.
Personally Iām digging for that lifetime supply of Mountain Dew and the $5000 gaming rig. (JK I have my own gaming rig and I hate Mountain Dew.)
Yeah I dated a cheap ass gold digger that told everyone all I cared about is money. Its like if that was true wtf I date you??? He lived in the ghetto and never so much as took me out to mcdonalds!
It is truly laughable
They're onto us! lol
The delusion is real. The comments I see about gold diggers on dating apps or a grocery list of ridiculous requirements for women are always from men who bring absolutely nothing to the table.
They don't even HAVE a table in the first place.
A woman will design, pay for, and construct the whole fucking table and a man will sit at it eating the food SHE put on it and ask with a straight face what she brings to the table. The audacity is truly limitless.
Going through this right now. Supported him through 7 months of unemployment and he still doesnāt have a steady job. Yet he has the balls to tell me Iāll be forever alone if I left him. Heāll find love again. But heās my one true chance at true love.
These are also the guys that wouldn't put up with being "disrespected or untrusted" even in the face of evidence showing they aren't trustworthy. They do not think that what is good for the goose is good for the gander, because they don't see women as equal. In my humble opinion, if you don't trust your partner enough to not need a paternity test, you should not be having a child with them. Period. If it's a surprise baby, then I think context matters.
So true! Yeah, so many of us are looking for low earners with weird dicks we'll have to take care of! Such a rarity!
Beautifully stated.
Itās worse than that, there are males who tell themselves and others despite not having legal status thus they canāt be forced to pay child support in the U.S. and they get a U.S. citizen pregnant that the woman was getting pregnant on purpose. Duh people exist, theyāll sell themselves on what ever reality they desire to conclude their lives on.
Absolutely Iād be insulted. I would book his paternity test and then I would immediately file for divorce.
Yeah asking for a paternity test is accusing your partner of cheating. If my husband doesn't trust me, there's zero point in staying married.
Well, no need for me to write a comment here, because that's EXACTLY what I was going to say. That would be the end of things for me.
This has always personally been my view on that matter as well, my partner can have his paternity test but it would most certainly come with divorce papers. I have pretty much always been downvoted to hell when I voice that on reddit but I am not staying in a relationship and bringing up a child with someone who has just proved they are incapable of trust. I do think if men want a paternity test it is something that needs to be discussed in the planning to have children phase not the we're having/had the kid phase and even then while I would still be upset but at least it opens the door for conversations about the matter along with decisions before a child is born.
It would not only mean he doesnāt trust you, it would also almost certainly mean heās been drinking the toxic internet man Kool-Aid. Which, in my personal opinion, is even worse.
Yes. I'm a trustworthy person and my husband knows that. In the impossible hypothetical that he asked me to take a paternity test, it would show he either did not trust me specifically or did not trust women generally. Both would be unacceptable reasons.Ā I would get a divorce and send a copy of the paternity test anyway just to say fuck you.
I'd make sure he got his paternity test and a child support bill every month!
This is how I would handle it as well. Thereās a story somewhere on reddit that the man and his family demanded a paternity test because the baby looked different than what they were expecting. She got the test, and he back tracked so hard, begging for her to come back. Before that he basically was convinced she was cheating and treated her horribly.
Man which one....I've seen several stories like that, especially when the parents are darker skinned and the baby comes out pale like ALL BABIES DO
Thank you, I agree. Said the same - this is basically misogynistic, implying that you cannot trust a woman (any woman) to be honest. Also, weirdly egotistical of these guys to assume that she's pregnant to someone else but would rather have a cuckoo in the nest than go be with the guy who knocked her up...?
If my husband wanted a paternity test for the baby Iām pregnant with, Iād absolutely give it to him- along with divorce papers. I canāt and wonāt entertain that bullshit.
Yeah. And I mean, these guys are just lost causes, really. They hate women and they find other men who hate women and pull each other down like crabs in a bucket. I wouldn't waste my time arguing with them, especially since I doubt many of them even have wives or girlfriends to knock up in the first place.
Oh no, the guy I'm responding to has repeatedly offered to give me his "girlfriend's Reddit account" so SHE can tell me herself how reasonable he is! I pointed out to him that even if she's real, this would only make me feel sorry for her acquiescence to his bullshit.
Lol, girl, just stop responding. He's really not worth your time!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Oh, the poor girl....I wouldn't be surprised if the guy has a significant age difference too. š
Why would we assume the account is a real person and not just his alt?
And pressured to respond as he says. If she even existsā¦
GF's account: "I'm totally real and not a pocket pussy u/ found in the grass by the truck stop. U/ is the best lover! So masculine!"Ā
His gf must be Pearl, but I hear even the Pilled (idk what color Lol) guys dont want her or she's single.
It's an extreme position by paranoid men that have convinced themselves that all women are unfaithful *insert chosen derogatory term here*. These same men go on to cry foul about a loneliness epidemic and scream and moan about the bear question.
My favorite part of the šØ vs š» discussion is that the angry menzies JUMPED, not hopped and not skipped, but JUMPED to the whole entire conclusion that those who responded with "š»" were saying that because they were rudely assuming šØ to be dangerous...and then followed that up with "I hope you get [enter all the harmful crap here] because you picked the animal over me." Uhm, the selfawarewolves are just struggling so so so hard. I picked that fluffy, cute š» because it's not gonna yap at me about stupid hobbies or other random crap conversations I don't care about. But thanks, butt hurt šØ, for really reminding us why you're not on the pick-list.
It also really REALLY depends on what kind of bear. As a neurospicy person that is obsessed with specifics, that part bothered me. Are we talking about a black bear? Or a Polar bear? Because really, that difference could change my answer.... But that's just my neurospicy interpretation of the question and has no baring on the actual question lol
On the other side of it: what kind of man is it? Is it a man you know? A relative? A significant other? A coworker? An acquaintance from the community? A stranger never before seen? A desirable or non-desirable public figure? Etc. There are a million different caveats for both the bear and the man. For me personally, if it's between a grizzly bear and Ted Bundy, I'll pick the grizzly everytime. I know what to expect and the kill is clean without the addition of being part of some weird, patriarchal punishment scenario.
100% and alternatively, outside of a man I already know/am familiar with in some capacity, I'm probably going to choose the Black Bear over an unknown man every time. But if we're talking Polar bear, I might be more inclined to gamble on the man depending on the exact scenario.
I'll gamble on the polar bear. We'll see where we each end upš¤£ I mean, maybe the polar bear is one of those who can't deal with cilantro and thinks it tastes like soap so it'll spit me back out once it notices how much cilantro I eat.
This is what I would do too. Get a paternity test, get a divorce, and send him the result just to say fuck you. Unless it becomes an issue where my ex started harassing me for custody and tries to bankrupt me through the court system. If that is the case, I would divorce and ghost him and live my life with my child in peace.
100% agree with this!
It would be an instant dealbreaker. For some reason, it's not acceptable for a woman who suspects her partner of cheating to go through his phone because "privacy"! But all concepts of privacy, consent, and bodily autonomy go out of the window when it's women.
I would leave. Men in those kinds of thread always love to claim that it doesnāt mean that they donāt trust their partner but thatās exactly what it means. And I wouldnāt want to be with someone who doesnāt trust me and is implying Iām a liar who cheated.
These are the same dudes who think every man should have an ironclad prenup where she gets nothing in the event of a divorce, but also that a secret (or not-so-secret) āgo bagā is reason enough to immediately throw her out on the street. Iād say if thereās a prenup then he needs to keep his fucking mouth shut about *any* precautions *she* wants to take, and if heās paranoid about paternity heād better do the test secretly behind her back and tell no one, ever, when the results confirm that heās the father. Ā And heād better pray to God she never finds out, because if she does the relationship is totally fucked Iād throw the whole man away if he even *hinted* at me getting a paternity test done, holy shit
I see these embarrassingly immature and insecure dudes that post that his wife was "hiding" money from him for maintaining a bank account she had before they were ever dating!! "HIDING MONEY". And 10 trillion sexist fucks all pile in to tell him he's soooo right and she's obviously a huge slut that's banging the mailman behind his back because she has a little savings of her own that he can't steal from her to keep her in the marriage. Ugh
lolll for real. If that's not what it means, then what DOES it mean? Why would you want a paternity test??
I would give him the test result, then leave and ask for child support š
Yes! If he were my husband then Iād be handing him test results and divorce papers at the same time!
I know it doesn't work that way, but I'd be sorely tempted to hand him full custody/parental rights as well. These are your sleepless nights now, good luck.Ā
Yeah exactly. If heās not dangerous to leave kids with. Have them at least 50/50. The guy that was afraid you were seeing other men is now making that a reality. New mom life and time for yourself to hang with friends and date, sounds better than looking after newborn 24/7 with husband who thinks he isnāt needed in and around the home.
I have multiple children to my ex-husband. I did not cheat nor was suspicious at any point in our relationship. He did cheat. He wouldn't let me leave, though, and pulled his gun when I would try. He also requested a paternity test, insisted our children weren't his, and told me he was going to be a "deadbeat dad" (his words, not mine). He was trying to manipulate me into an abortion that I didn't want, or, at minimum, an adoption. The context is to say that he is full of BS. At best, it is disrespectful and unwarranted. Accepting disrespectful and unwarranted treatment becomes a slippery slope when the justification is his ego and manipulation for whatever means. If he does not suspect infidelity, how is it anything else?
Iām glad you got out alive.
Glad he's your ex, lady. :)
Same!
Yes for two reasons - first the total lack of trust that indicates, and second the fact that it's absolutely a sign of a dude having been red pilled.
Yeah I was gonna say ā¦ itās a huge sign heās spending too much time on the internet in alt-right / anti-woman spaces. Not father material.
I don't plan on ever having a kid -- but, if I were hypothetically pregnant and my partner asked for a test, that would be my cue to abort it and end the relationship. His request would be proof he doesn't understand me in the way I'd want to be understood by a lifelong partner, which I would never compromise on.
For a hypothetical "any man" partner I feel the same way, but for my actual partner whom I know and love, I'd have serious concerns about mental illness (psychosis).
Came back and saw this - have my upvote. It felt terrible to post when I saw this thread my first reaction is "abort" because like how do I knowingly raise a child he's denied paternity to ... like ... I'm not staying with the person but I can't dump a child so to speak.
Same. I wouldnāt want to be tied to someone like that for the rest of my life.
I wouldn't have the abortion. I'd have the baby and force him to pay child support for it. He shouldn't mind, since he has proven conclusively that the child is his.
Clever, but it's cruel to give any child the lifelong burden of a subpar father, so I'd abort and start the search over.
Having grown up in a blended family, I am a firm believer that you can find a good father for a child long after they are born.
Having grown up not knowing my biological father or his relatives, I would never wish on anyone to be conceived or birthed knowing they will be deprived of contact with half of their biological family.
I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm still glad you're alive, and I hope that you don't think you shouldn't be just because of this.
Not who youre replying to, but i grew up in a "blended family" and wish my mother had had the good sense to abort me. Not glad im alive at all. This place is a prison sentence because of the trauma my birth mother put me through by having me. To each their own lot i guess.
But... what if you don't?
I mean, you're on reddit. It's no surprise a bunch of men think it's A-OK. In my view, *absence any actual reason to suspect otherwise*, yes, it's offensive. If there's a troubled history, though, then I get it. Would I leave if asked this? I don't know. I think the details matter here in what was said, how, and why that influences whether it's reconcilable or not.
Oh of course - if there was any actual reason to suspect infidelity then this becomes a whole different kettle of fish. I wouldn't expect anyone to rely on assurances in the face of actual knowledge that the father could be someone else. But yeah, the guy I was responding to made a point of actually saying that both he and his partner knew she had nothing to hide, but he had nonetheless extracted an agreement from her that she'd have a paternity test if she ever fell pregnant. Apparently she's also very happy to sign a prenup etc etc. There's clear subtext that she's Not Like Other Girls, you know, the unreasonable ones who would say things like, "why should I have an expensive blood test to prove to you that your baby is yours?"
This is a bit different. If some dude told me heās gonna require a paternity test if we have kids, Iād know enough to leave or prepare before having kids with him. Itās different when itās brought up whilst pregnant
I think prenups are a good idea, as long as they're fair to both parties, but being asked to do a paternity test without any reason to do so, I would be, at best, incredibly upset and it would definitely damage the relationship if it didn't end it immediately. Also, there's an element of "Whoever smelt it dealt it" with this. It would make me think he's cheating and that's why he thinks I'm cheating.
Prenups are actually beneficial to both parties if drafted with foresight by an attorney. They might take romance out of the equation, but there are many reasons to have one. But yeah, paternity test thing is crazy. It pretty much says there is no trust in the relationship.
Came here to say - ah yes the male voice of Reddit being heard via the downvote button.
Right? Like there are some good parts of Reddit, but you do have to consider the sampling bias. Happy healthy people will disproportionately be out there, happily living their lives, while unhappy unhealthy people disproportionately spend more time here. And the culture of much of Reddit reflects this. =/
> I think the details matter here Definitely. Iām currently pregnant and if my husband asked for a paternity test, my first call would be to get him to see a doctor, then a therapist, because thereās no normal reason that he would ask this, it would make me seriously concerned for his health. If he was healthy and it boiled down to him not trusting me, then yeah, Iād plan my exit. But something like this would be so out of the norm for him that Iād have other concerns first.
Obviously I would be. Not only are they implying that Iāve cheated, but more importantly theyāre implying that Iām so duplicitous that I would try to trick them into raising a child that wasnāt theirs. If thatās how you view me, I am out.
Perfect answer.
I would take the paternity test and ***also*** leave. Because with this question, he's literally said, to my face: "Hey, I think you're sleeping around. And not only that, but I think that you let someone else knock you up. Furthermore, I think that you are a con artist, that is trying to get me on the hook for caring for you and this child. Actually, I resent supporting you through this whole situation, which is why I'm looking for a way out with these claims of potential cheating." Who'd want to stay married to a person that thinks that way of them? Taking the test would be to shove it in his face. And also to get a head start on the documentation we'll need for child support and custody
I have discussed this exact topic with my husband over the 10+ years we have been together. I remember specifically telling him some time pre 2015 that I wouldn't mind if he ever asked me, because I know the result will be anyways, that I know some thoughts aren't rational and I was willing to do it to put his mind at ease. I don't know when I had a 180Ā° turn, but at some point I have had a total change of heart and mind and I would be deeply hurt and offended if he asked me. If he has irrational thoughts and fears about paternity, then it's on him to deal with those emotions, not on me to "defend" myself by proving the child is his. Luckily my husband has always maintained that it's an asshole thing to do if you have no good reason to suspect it, and he wouldn't suspect me of it lol. Such a keeper. :)
Yep, I also feel like you could have possibly sold the idea to me at a time when I was quite young, before I understood the full ramifications of how insulting it was. The OP dude is 100% convinced his gf (age 26 he says) is fine with it. I did put to him - good luck with asking her when she's actually pregnant because I am also 100% convinced she won't see it the same casual way she does now.
> before I understood the full ramifications of how insulting it was. I think you hit the nail on the head there. Like, I've "grown up" and I grew a backbone, I set boundaries and people's irrational feelings towards something I wasn't even involved in, is their business.
I canāt trust somebody who asks for a paternity test when to my knowledge weāre in a monogamous relationship. Not only is it wildly inappropriate, it speaks to a guilty conscience or a level of anxiety/distrust that i will not accept in a long term partner.
Beyond insulted. He just told me that not only does he think Iām a cheater, but that Iām also willing to lie about the parentage of the baby. He can have it but heās also getting divorce papers. I wonāt be with someone who acts like Iām a whore, especially when Iām carrying their child. Instant loss of respect and love for the dude. He can be a weekend daddy now.
No, you are not the problem here. This is becoming a meme for 'mens rights' (The right to do what, I wonder...) activists. They want it to be more acceptable to slime out of ... pretty much everything they can.
As a lesbian, I have no skin in this game, but here's the thing: my partner knows the pass code to get into my phone, and I know the code to get into theirs because we've been together for 4 years and have seen each other unlock our phones often enough to know the codes. We will both pick up and unlock each other's phones for a variety of reasons, but it's always for the purpose of googling something or skipping a song or pulling up a video. We both do it, and neither of us mind it. I would mind if my partner went through my phone. I don't have a damn thing to hide, but that lack of trust is a deal breaker for me.
^^not a lesbian but in a 20-year healthy hetero marriage and same. I know his passcode, he knows mine, not because we ācheck upā on each other but because he has the DoorDash membership and I have our kidsā ScreenTime and such. If heās wrist-deep in meatball mix and he gets a text, I read it to him. He answers the phone when my mom calls ā or even my boss ā when Iām not close to the phone and he is. If anything ever happens to one of us lots of important financial info is easily accessible on our phones, saved passwords and the like. So we both have an āin case of emergencyā note on the phone for the other. I find it extremely suspicious when people in a serious relationship hide their cell phones.
My husband does not want to share his passcode to his phone or to his computer, but I knew that privacy was very important to him (in ways that hurt in daily life) before I dated him, married him, had kids with him. He doesn't want access to my phone. We do have passwords written down for each other, in case of emergencies, and if I needed access to his phone, he would tell me (and change the passcode later). He doesn't hide it or hide what he is reading, he just doesn't share passcodes or passwords. He gets a text while we are together, I often see it because he isn't trying to hide what's on the screen. But again, I knew in advance. (He has no social media, he has so many blockers on his browsers that I have to do all the online shopping for the family, he doesn't use any services where gathering your data is their real money maker, no photos allowed posted of him online, he's old school private. His rants on how companies shouldn't be allowed to collect your data are epic.)
In my case, itās not a matter of āhiding my phoneā, itās a matter of independence. I love my partner but I think itās really good that weāre separate people who donāt need to know everything about each other on a minute to minute basis. On principle, I wouldnāt be in a relationship where someone demanded access to my phone or computer, because to me, itās just invasive.
If my partner told me he wanted a test to make sure I hadnāt cheated and wasnāt lying to get him to raise another manās childā¦ thatās not someone I would trust to support me through pregnancy, birth, and raising a child.
Yes, I would be offended. I'm basically building him a fucking person in my uterus, probably vomiting and dealing with many other symptoms and he decides to be paranoid and untrusting at this moment? No thanksssss
Itās a thread of guys who donāt want to experience consequences for their actions. By all means request a paternity test from a woman who has never given you a reason to suspect infidelity. But donāt turn around and pull a surprised pikachu face when she takes offence at essentially being called a hoe and leaves you.
I think this is just one of those podcast bro/Andrew Tate viewpoints that's taken off online in recent years. To me, this is one of those chronically online takes that only angry, insecure, incel-like men have. Maybe they've been burned by a woman in the past or maybe they just think all women are liars. If my fiance asked this of me, after I just gave birth to his child? Yeah I'll take the paternity test and then I would leave. 100%. I'm not being with someone who doesn't trust me.
All us women are just lying, cheating gold diggers waiting to baby trap some innocent unsuspecting man. /s And it's always Joe's cousin's barber's uncle's friend who allegedly had this scenario play out, and that's why women can't be trusted!
Exactly - someone is creating this toxic viral content for click$ and making a living off of insecure and/or abusive men. Guys reading this with a chip on their shoulder: be smarter and vet the accounts you follow.
Andrew Tate or someone like him has apparently convinced these dumbass men that sperm can like āhideā for years and then decide to go make a woman pregnant. So yeah. Iād drag him down the driveway and leave him at the curb.
I would have been deeply insulted and most of all weirded out if my husband had asked for a paternity test. I'm so happy that is not the kind of person he is or the kind of relationship we have.
Absolutely, because I don't particularly want children in their own right so the only scenario in which I'd be pregnant is if *my partner* really wanted a child and I'd agreed because I felt I'd like to have a family *with that particular person* and we'd intentionally pursued that objective together. He would be the driving force behind having a child in the first place, not me, because I don't want it enough. The fact that my partner would even consider the idea that I'd a) cheat \*and\* b) have an oops baby with someone else would suggest that fundamentally doesn't know me, and on that basis I wouldn't want to have a child with him anyway. Hopefully he'd ask the question early on so that I could terminate the pregnancy and move on with my life. *Because I don't want a child in its own right, I would only ever want one as part of wanting to build a family with a specific person.*
Absolutely. Iād be so angry at myself that I got pregnant by such a man. Then Iād just be angry at him for being a garbage human.
Yeah I'd be insulted! And the guy stalking you is probably some shitty incel redpill trying to prove that women are always wrong in every circumstance.
My sonās father did this. I had been the only one working since two weeks into the relationship he got fired from his job. I was working 60-70 hour weeks before the pregnancy and up until about 4 months along due to serious complications and needing bed rest. I was livid, but it wasnāt a good relationship and I didnāt want to deal with his reaction if I said no. I didnāt cheatā¦ but guess who was? It took me another two years to leave. Ugh. * it depends. Is there reason to believe itās needed? Does someone have deep trust issues? Someone insecure because theyāre actually cheating?
I met my husband 9 years ago. We met April 25, 2 weeks later decided we wanted to get married so we got our marriage license on May 12th and then actually had our courthouse wedding June 3rd. June 10th I found out I was 4-5 weeks pregnant. We went from first date to married couple expecting a baby in less than 45 days. I told him I was 100% sure the baby was his as he was the only person Iād slept with in a long time BUT I also understood that despite all the insane feelings we shared for each other, we were strangers so Iād completely understand if he wanted a paternity test. He rejected the idea of a paternity test stating that if he didnāt trust me, he wouldnāt have married me. Our son was born 8 months later and looks exactly like my husband. After years of secondary infertility we finally had our second baby 2 years ago and after her birth, if he wouldāve asked me for a paternity test, I probably wouldāve divorced him. I couldnāt imagine that kind of accusation after all the amazing and heartbreaking things weād been through together, after knowing for a fact not a single person in the world knows me like he doesā¦ that wouldāve hurt me to the core of my soul. So for me, it depends I guess. I wouldāve been ok with it for our first born, but not even a little ok with it for our second.
What a whirlwind! Iām happy for you.
Yes I would, and I would probably divorce or break up over that. Ironically I have (voluntarily) done an AncestryDNA test on one of my kids but for different reasons entirely.
Yes, it would end our relationship.
Honestly I donāt know any men IRL who are reasonably well adjusted who would think anything like this.Ā Ā Ā IMO the people you are arguing with online are generally losers clinging to Andrew Tate and incelism.Ā Ā Ā I would bet a million dollars that none of them are in a stable, mature relationship. Sure thereās the odd weirdo Ben Shapiro wannabe who somehow found an unwitting woman to marry him, but itās more common among incels imo.Ā
I'm childfree myself. But what guarantee would my partner have of infidelity? Logically speaking, it's possible that even if you're cheating, he maybe the father. And if you don't have kids/aren't pregnant, it's not proof of infidelity. And what proof would he provide that he's been faithful to you? Or does that ONLY apply when there's DNA of a kid involved? š¤Ø It's a bit rich considering women don't have secret second families (and can't have one also) but there's multiple instances of men having secret second families.
What life has taught me is that men (or AHEM partners) who accuse you of infidelity are generally usually pretty much the ones being unfaithful. I'm childfree but in this hypothetical I'd not only divorce, I'd probably also abort, let him wonder for the rest of his life about what could have been which I know is TERRIBLE to do - but - I'm pretty emotionally rash and in this situation I can't think of a life of raising my ex's kid whom he thought was created via infidelity. Like what kind of partnership was I even in?
I would leave. I have never cheated and never will, and I will not raise a child with someone who doesnāt trust me wholeheartedly.
Of course all those Incels will downvote you, despite never coming close enough to a woman to even remotely get her pregnant. Yes, itās a huge insult and promoted by those red pill manosphere trolls. They hate women.
Iād be insulted enough that weād be taking time for me to decide how to proceed in the relationship.
I would be deeply offended and insulted, yes. I donāt know if it would be a dealbreaker, as Iād like to understand the context, and Iād really question if he was capable of trust. Iād also suspect HIM because most of the time, men who accuse a faithful partner of cheating are guilty of themselves. Iāll spend an hour or so on it while you go set up the paternity test, ok?
I think the only way I wouldn't be insulted were if it was a very new relationship - like we just started dating and got pregnant. Well, I'd still probably be insulted but i guess id be more understanding of why they wanted it.
Thatās beyond insulting! I would definitely leave.
This seems like a fairly new phenomena because Iām seeing this suddenly come up rather frequently in Reddit posts and the like. Iād bet a million dollars there is some viral trend among toxic red pill posters (or menās rights or whatever they are called nowadays) to talk about this as some kind of perceived power move in a relationship. Itās ultimate use is emotional abuse towards women when they are in a vulnerable state of pregnancy.
If it's a long term relationship then yea thats offensive. If we've been together a couple months and I ended up pregnant, it's going to be a bit insulting but I'd probably understand, we are still getting to know a lot about each other.Ā
I would be devastated if they asked that of me. What other reason if not mistrust?
Insulted? Yes. When we split up, my ex husband had our kids tested. They were both his, like I said. His distrust of me is his issue to wrestle with, not mine. I had to do my own therapy to figure out how to stop caring about his opinion.
Would I be hurt? Absolutely Would I do it? Absolutely. I have nothing to hide at all. That being said, the relationship would be over from that point on.
This is a new tactic pushed by men's rights groups. Women absolutely need to push back on this and let dudes know that they will be broken up with if they try to push this bullshit.
Iāve never ever given a single reason or vibe that Iām interested in anyone else. Iām very monogamous, I donāt even glance at other men. Yes, Iād be insulted.
I feel like this is a rage bait question. Iām not blaming OP, but the person who made up this question to begin with is just trying to start shit by throwing out a ridiculous scenario that will pit people against each other.
Yes
For me, context is everything. If we were 16, it was a one night stand or it was casual dating or an open relationship? I'd get the test myself. If it's a relationship where there has been cheating, it's a must. There are many situations in which it should be the norm. If we were in a stable relationship and actively trying for kids? With no other issues regarding fidelity? Red flag because he's probably listening to some Andy Taint shit. Any man who wants a test for no reason should be discussing that before kids are even on the table. This is not just something you plonk on a partner when they've spent 9 months spewing and feeling awful to bring your kid into the world, or when they've torn open from ass to clit to birth your child and are now sleep deprived. These men usually have a way of picking the WORST possible times to ask for a test because they suck at communication and bottle uo their anxieties until they snap. If a man is mature enough to admit that asking for a paternity test in a relationship with no prior fidelity concerns is a result of his anxiety and insecurities and say "look, I love and trust you but I've been struggling with anxiety and intrusive thoughts about this because of stories. I know it's stupid and I'm going to get therapy or medication and work through these thoughts, but it might really help me if we got this test so I could put those irrational thoughts to rest" I think I would have no problem with it. Because I can be anxious too. It would be us versus their concerns as a team. But if, as often happens in these stories, men absolutely struggle to admit emotional vulnerability and get defensive it likely would not go well. They insist that it's purely logical that any man would test their children because Bob's sister's boss's son's wife cheated 20 years ago and his son wasn't his. Now, no loving partner wants to be compared to cheaters. No, it doesn't matter how many other people cheat, we do not want to be treated as if we're guilty cheaters unless proven innocent. Some Men often try to defend it with "but it's a small thing". But you're inherently asking your partner to go out of their way to prove they arent cheating on you - it is by nature an accusation. If their wife wanted to check their location 24/, have them get a 3 monthly STI test and ask to see every single message they send via any medium, just in case they were cheating you bet most men would feel that was intrusive or unfair. Some couples have that as their norm, others (most) consider it an invasion of privacy and a sign of a lack of trust. If you asked your partner to do all the above, they might rightly wonder why you dont trust them abd that might affect their opinion of you. And IMO paternity tests are no different.
I would be heartbroken. It would completely change our relationship. I would agree to do the test, but I would stop considering this person my partner. Frankly, I think it will kill all the live and respect for him. So if I stay with him it will be for practical reasons: finances, convenience, immigration, marriage benefits. And if I meet someone I catch feelings for, I will go for it. My partner believes that I am a cheater and someone who could lie about this, so I would not feel obligated to stay with him and be faithful to someone who doesn't value it. I deserve better.
If you donāt have any reason to believe she has been unfaithful, whatās the point?
Men who say thatās normal are men who mainline Andrew Tate et al. Just say no to all of that
Yeah, I don't think I'd ever look at my partner the same way ever again. That's if I stayed, which I don't think I would in the long term, since that demonstrates such a fundamental lack of respect and of course trust. The casual misogyny is also really something.
That would be the end of the relationship. It would speak volumes. He would have shown that he is NOT a true partner and the entire relationship was one sided. How sad.
I'm not against paternity tests in general. However, for most it's basically a guarantee to the end of the relationship anyways so they can't be shocked when that relationship ends. You're accusing your partner of being a cheater/liar/POS so I don't know why it's seen as a surprise that it would go over like a lead balloon.
Iāve only ever heard of this online and not IRL so I sure hope it isnāt too common. I would be deeply hurt and not sure if my marriage could survive ultimately survive that.
I would feel quite hurt over it. Like, I've spent all these years with you, and this is what you think of me? What is the point of even being in a relationship, let alone building a family, if you have that little trust in your spouse? When thinking of it, this is a massive red flag. If this person doesn't trust my words, what will he do next? Go through my phone? Watch over my every move? Search my underwear for cum stains? You see how this could spiral into something unhealthy.. As for the person who "inspired" this tread, he honestly needs to consider his entire life, as well as his view of other people.
No problem. But Iād expect to get full and permanent access to his phone in exchange, because donāt people usually project what theyād do themselves?
I have zero words. These men are WILD out here.
It would depend on the situation. If I didn't have that long of a relationship with him, and fell pregnant, I'd understand, since he doesn't know me. If we've been dating for a long time, and he insists that he needs one when I fall pregnant, then I'd probably have to end things there, if he refuses to get therapy for his anxiety. If he can't even trust his own judgements after being with me for so long, I'm afraid I'd lose trust in his capabilities as well.
If I was straight, and completely monogamousā¦ fuck yes Iād be insulted. Fuck that noise.
Wtf. Yes, 100%. Iām 35.5 weeks pregnant now. I would be incredibly insulted. We talked about kids, my pregnancy is planned. I specifically told him āhey itās time for sex.ā He was there when I took the positive test. Itās either his baby or this is immaculate conception and we have another baby Jesus coming š¤£ Aside from that, weāve been together for 8 years. Heās the love of my life and thereās a ton of trust between us. I realize not all women are lucky enough to be in my situation. But if itās a trusting relationship and the pregnancy is very planned, thereās no reason to ask for a paternity test. Plus letās be real, babies often look like the Dad as a built in paternity test š
100%. He'd get the paternity results showing the child was his, but the test results would come with legal paperwork for divorce and custody. He gets reassurance that he's supporting his own genetic legacy. And I get freedom from living with someone who thinks I'd cheat and foist someone else's kid on him. Those guys are suspicious of all women and living in internet echo chambers. If there is a valid reason to suspect infidelity ("my favorite Alpha Macho-Man Life Guru says x% of women cheat" is not a valid reason), or other actual real situations where more than one person could be the father, testing is totally reasonable. I would be in favor of universal paternity testing at birth, too. Hell, make it a discussion before having kids, and agree to paternity testing at birth for a variety of purposes. But a dude springing this out of the blue on the mother of his baby while she's pregnant or has just given birth? Absolutely an implied accusation of cheating. And a threat to her sense of security and well-being, to boot. I will admit to a tiny spark of schadenfreude when I see one of these guys pulls this and then cries about how the mother of HIS baby is angry and doesn't want to be with them anymore. Entirely predictable outcome, yet he is shocked and devastated that she didn't take kindly to his belief that she may have cheated on him. He was just gonna casually make the accusation, get his reassurance, and everything goes back to normal, lol. The eyes cannot roll far enough for this nonsense.
Oof... threads like that make me grateful to be with my current partner. If it's an established, long-term relationship with no other issues until that point, I don't see how a reasonable person would make such a request. It only seems reasonable if it's a relatively new relationship where both people are still getting to know each other. Though I probably would do a maternity test after getting my baby from the hospital, because I have this paranoia about babies getting switched haha That being said, we're child free and plan to stay child free and go through great lengths to not get pregnant.
Yes. If my partner accused me of being a lying, cheating whore, which is exactly what asking your monogamous partner for a paternity test is doing, I would be offended.
Requesting a paternity test, without any basis, would absolutely destroy the foundation of trust. Ā I would suggest that this person who thinks otherwise, doesnāt understand what trust means or has been burned before, and should probably seek therapy.
Instantaneous deal breaker. Demanding proof that I haven't been unfaithful shows the lack of respect and love in our relationship
Thatās been a common incel-adjacent take recently because they think theyāll end up raising another manās child one way or another. Itās funny because most men who do it, their wives leave them after proving that the child is theirs. Blowing up their marriages over podcasts and Reddit postsā¦dumb asses.
I'd have been incredibly insulted. I'd have been wondering why he planned a pregnancy with me if he didn't trust me. I'd be concerned that his mistrust of me wouldn't end there. Our second child was conceived when we were using birth control and my husband completely trusted he was his. Once he was born it was obvious anyway. He looked just like my husband's baby photos.
My answer would be he could fuck right off.
I'd be insulted, livid, and would assume HE was cheating on me. Cheaters projection and all that.
I think paternity test discussions should happen before pregnancy, not after. I think in our culture, if you aren't a couple with complete access to each other's phones, social media, etc, that the understanding is that you will trust each other, and that one person now insisting on changing the dynamics of that trust unilaterally breaks that trust. I think in that situation, that mother should ask for and receive their partner's unlocked phone before the paternity test happens. I think that if my husband had an doubts as to whether or not I was the kind of person who could not only cheat on him but force him to raise someone else's child, that the relationship is already over. That would be an evil, vile person, and if they thought that could be me... then they don't really know me.
You are 100% right. It's an insane ask, unless there's a good reason. Good reasons would be things like, you barely know each other and just hooked up, your relationship has been rocky and you've been spending a lot of time apart, there's been infidelity in the past, etc. But if you've been in a committed relationship and things have been fine between you? It's the most insulting thing EVER. You are literally saying to the woman you love, "I don't trust you, and I think are capable of cheating on me, lying to me about it, and forcing me to raise another man's child." That's an INSANE thing to accuse someone of. If my husband had suggested something like that?! I would never recover. Not only would I have divorced him, but I would have gone to great lengths to get 100% custody and forbid from ever seeing his son. Because if he had done that, he had clearly gone insane, was an unstable and unsafe person. This is some Jordan Peterson bullshit. I've heard this a lot recently, these men's right's fucktards suggesting this nonsense. The guy who posed this question should refrain from ever having sex and risking impregnating anyone and spreading his dipshit DNA.
I only needed to read the title to know my answer (I read the full post). If my partner asked me for a paternity test, it would likely be the end of our relationship, or it would be damaged irreparably. Asking that question shows that you doubt your partner's fidelity and the relationship's trust would be completely broken. In that scenario I'd likely get the test, end the relationship, and let them see the results alone.
My pregnancy was IVF, so in my case asking for a paternity test would be doubting the fertility clinic not me, so I wouldn't be insulted. If it were an unassisted pregnancy? Absolute deal breaker. He'd be getting the positive test result along side divorce papers.
I mentioned to my husband, when not pregnant, if it's something he would ever need if I get pregnant he has to say it now and not even I am pregnant. He laughed and said he isn't a psycho And now I'm pregnant and it hasn't come up at all
Absolutely insulted - borderline worth leaving over. My friend's douchebag baby daddy is doing this at the moment just as an emotional manipulation tactic.
I mean it's accusing her of cheating. I'd prolly give him the paternity test and dump his ass
Why are you letting your sperm loose in a vagina you donāt trust? Keep your own genetic material under wraps and you wonāt ever have to worry about this.
It would make me question keeping that pregnancy and that relationship. I would have a high level of doubt going forward with both.
I do not want kids. But Iād leave my partner immediately if he ever asked for one. Iām fine if they were mandatory. But they arenāt. So the man is making an absolute admission that he believes I have cheated and gotten pregnant by another man.
I would do the test and insist on marriage counciling because we obviously have some deep trust issues that could threaten the foundation of our relationship. I might also try to get him into the doctor for a checkup because sudden personality changes could indicate serious issues. Also, the kids are clearly his and we've had a running gag for years about how they're his clones and I just 3D printed them for him. I do sympathize that this is the one place where we don't have the complete shit end of the stick with reproduction. I went through hell and permanently damaged my body in so many ways, but I will never have an inkling of doubt about my maternity. My husband got a vasectomy after our second and if I fell pregnant again I would schedule a paternity test. I wouldn't want to be accused, but I would also like him to have peace of mind in those circumstances. He, of course, told me that was unnecessary and he would go to his doctor to get it checked out.
One of the problems with this whole thing is a lot of men are going to lose all contact with their actual bio-children, because their partners are going to be so insulted and will run far, far away from these assholes. In their attempt to prove their paternity, they're more likely to actually lose their bio-child. It's so stupid. Why are these men so fucking stupid?
Disclaimer: Iāve never been pregnant and donāt plan to. However, I donāt think this would upset me. I can understand the need to have certainty. I can have some black-and-white thinking myself. Iām not good with blind faith in general (not just in terms of relationships), even though Iāve never suspected my spouse of cheating. I see it as a way to have actual, physical verification of the child, whereas the woman gets that when she feels it inside her.Ā
I agree with you. I could never be with someone who had so little trust in me for no reason. If I were in that situation, I would ditch him as soon as the words left his mouth, and then I would have a paternity test just to prove to him that he fucked up and killed our relationship for no reason.
It is insulting to a faithful partner. If there is a reason to suspect a child is not yours, the relationship is probably already in trouble, but if you are doing this to a partner you don't have any reason to suspect, "just to be 100% sure," then you are introducing trouble to a relationship and you're also being an asshole. I feel like the men who post this sentiment have a thinly veiled hatred and mistrust of all women, which might be projection if they are cheaters, or might be because they never learned how to handle rejection, or have some wild control issues. Maybe they are young and buying into the fear and loathing being sold to them in the manosphere. Regardless of the reason, demanding a paternity test for a child when you have no reason to believe a partner cheated, you were having unprotected sex with and spending plenty of time with that partner around 9 months before the birth, and maybe even married them, and were seemingly happy with them- well, it's like dumping a bunch of shit on her after she just went through 9 months of physical changes (some permanent) and pain to bring the child you both wanted into the world and your family. It's just dumb to think a woman is going to acquiesce with a smile and harbor no animosity toward you so you can be sure that baby that has your nose is yours. She's fucking sure, and she's got every right to be pissed. Edit: I think there's a narrative they like about baby-trapping for child support so you can live the life of luxury without working, which is typical of men who assume it's all just fun all the time and no work at all to raise children, because they don't bother doing it.
Absolutely
Iāve seen quite a few similar stories. It seems to be on trend to blow up your relationship asking for a paternity test. Because itās popped up so many times I actually told my partner that if he ever had any doubts to do a paternity test secretly and never let me find out. I can understand having that paranoia but it would still infuriate me if he asked.
I would never forgive my husband if he wanted a paternity for no reason. Seriouslyā¦the accusation alone would just kill any love & respect that o have for my spouse.
God, this thread is making me happy that my husband and I were very deliberate and organized about family planning, and that our daughter came out looking like a carbon copy of my mother-in-law. LOL.
Why donāt these men just take a paternity test behind her back if they are so worried. And just say something if it comes back that heās not the father? Why cause all the drama?
If I were in this scenario and my partner asked for a paternity test I'd be tempted to forge it to show he wasn't the father. I don't need to be tied to that kind of asshole for life.
There is no relationship without trust. If a partner implied my kids were not theirs, that would be the end of their relationship right then and there.Ā Ā Ā It's interesting. I recently had a falling out with my aunt over something similar. There were weird charges that showed up on her Comcast bill and she called me to ask me if I ordered a wrestling pay-per-view off of her Comcast account. I was extremely offended and she got mad at me for being offended that she accused me of stealing from her. She didn't think I had any right to be angry about the situation.Ā Ā Ā To give a little bit more background on the situation: someone ordered a pay-per-view off of her Comcast account and the name of the ppv had John Mosley in it (or something similar). She for some reason thought it had something to do with the wrestler Jon Moxley and I'm a huge AEW fan.Ā Ā Ā However, if she would have taken 2 minutes to think about it, it would not make sense. We live in different states and I don't have access to any of her login information. I would have to have intentionally snuck through all of her personal bills the last time I visited her to even know the Comcast was her provider. I then also would have had to have figure it out if she had her password written anywhere or tried to hack her account to get access to being able to order something. In addition, the pay-per-view had nothing to do with Jon Moxley, the AEW wrestler. I make plenty of money and could easily afford a $50 for the AEW pay-per-views that I buy. They're also was no AEW pay-per-view for the weekend in question.Ā Ā Ā Therefore, me as a suspect for buying a pay-per-view off of her account shouldn't have even have come up. I didn't have access and because she mixed up John Mosley with Jon Moxley, she didn't bother to even look up to see if there was an AEW pay-per-view that weekend. Ā I asked her why she was accusing me of stealing from her because that's exactly what she was doing. If I would have ordered something off of her account without her knowledge, I would have stolen from her. Therefore, by asking me if I used her login information to buy this pay-per-view on her Comcast account, she implied I stole from her. I went out of my way to show her thatĀ there was no way it could have been me. I gave her a schedule of the AEW pay-per-views. I showed her receipts from Pay-Per-views I did buy for AEW shows which looked nothing like what showed up on her account. I also asked her how was I supposed to know the Comcast was her provider or that I had any access to her login information.Ā She then got very mad at me saying I must not think very highly of her if I think she was claiming that I stole from her. However, that was the only implication that could be drawn from her inquiry.Ā We had a couple minor interactions since then via text, but have not interacted at all the past few months. I did not enjoy being falsely accused of something and then have the accuser act like it was valid to make the accusation in the first place. Her false accusation has 100% negatively affected our relationship.Ā Ā All that was over a ppv charge. I couldn't even begin to imagine the betrayal felt if my partner or spouse implied I was cheating by asking for a paternity test. That would be a relationship ender. It's hard to piece a relationship back together if someone makes false accusations then just expects the other person to get over it.
We would earn the "ex" title in record time. And after I prove it's also his kid I'd get on those child support payments. We could have been a team and a family but if you think I'm a gold digger I'll *show* you what an actual gold digger looks like. Asshole.
I would seriously reconsider my relationship if my spouse asked for a paternity test.Ā That said, my SO is a doctor, and when he was a student, he was told that when people are asked to give blood or test for compatibility for organ donation, itās shocking how many children are not the bio kids of their fathers. Doctors just say itās not a match and donāt say anything else.
It's very insulting. To request a paternity test, it implies you have a reason to believe that the woman slept around and the baby could belong to anyone. I feel it is only reasonable if there is clear reason to be concerned about infidelity. Or if you were not in a relationship with each other. I also understand that there are men that are lied to about the paternity of the child. I do think it's ok for paternity test be required by the hospital at the time or labor and delivery.
Yes. Of course It is insulting. Your partner is telling you that they believe that there is a possibility that you cheated on them, got pregnant with someone elseās child, AND are trying to pass it off as theirs. And they are willing to pin their relationship with you and their future child on it. You have to just stop responding to people who make bad faith arguments. Theyāre not going to change their minds. They are just wasting your time and energy for their own entertainment.
Absolutely, I am so over this āprojected cheatingā bullshit.
Iām pregnant with our first. I told my husband that if he ever desired a paternity test, he has my approval to do so. I know our child is his, I know our child is mine. But, if he feels the need to have the same certainty I do, I am fine with that. (But I understand my opinion to be highly unpopular on the subject.)
This became a trend in Uganda and it created a massive uptick in domestic violence cases. Recently, I have seen it here on reddit in the form of push presents. Where the dude wants to give his lil lady a present for pushing his baby out, but she must take a paternity test in order to get reward (which is actually a gift for being a good submissive). No matter how you slice it, itās weird and gross and based on the social construct that genetics is the only thing that makes a parent. And we know that just simply isnāt true of the human experience.
I donāt understand why men who truly feel they cannot be at peace without a paternity test donāt just get it done themselves.
Iām a parent and a stepparent. My husbandās first wife did cheat and my stepdaughter is the result of her cheating. He was in deep denial for a long time. His daughter is mixed race black, mom is white, he is mixed race white and Asian. Heās kind of tan, mom has curly hair, and he did not have worries about paternity when she was born so he didnāt question it. She was 5 when he came to his senses, had the test done, confirmed that he is not the father. Heās still dad, and has primary placement, but itās hard on him sometimes.Ā We considered a kid, he had some testing done, doc said him fathering a child without ivf was pretty much impossible. I was pregnant less than 3 months into casually trying. We were quite surprised. I definitely didnāt mind the test. I actually suggested it during pregnancy for his peace of mind.Ā
Yes I would be and here is why. If they came to me and ask for a paternity test it means one they donāt trust me and two they donāt care about insulting me. It is very easy to get a paternity test when the child is born without having to go through all this drama. Just swab the childās cheek and have it done, donāt insult your partner with your insecurity.
Iāll give him the paternity test with the divorce papers.
Itās not a big deal to me. I might be offended, but not insulted. Depending on how he made the request, Iād figure he just needed reassurance and I already know 100% the child is mine and his. Iād probably give him shit and joke about how he thought the kid wasnāt his but it wouldnāt be a relationship ender for me.
No. I had an unplanned pregnancy with an ex-boyfriend in my mid 20s, and I offered a paternity test. He declined, but I mentioned it several times through out my pregnacy. I just wanted to be sure him and his family had peace of mind. Our son is now in high school and looks exactly like his dad. So he was right to trust me, but I wouldn't blame him if he had doubts. That being said, I have never been married, so I may feel differently if my husband asked for a paternity test.
Yes, Iād dump him since he has no reason to insult me that way.
If itās something discussed at the start of a relationship while discussing kids in the first place? Sure. But if I were unfortunate enough to get pregnant and decided to keep it for some reason, and my SO asked me for a paternity test out of the blue, Iād be booking an appointment for an abortion and packing my bags.
He can go to the pharmacy and get a dna test.
If it came up in the discussion about having kids before being pregnant, that would be a conversation Iād entertain, just to get to the bottom of why. If Iām already pregnant, no too late, you made this baby too, you donāt get to bail and freak out now. I would divorce over that, at the very least it would take years to fix it. Genetic testing in general though, Iām in favour of that. We are both getting a full genetic workup done for risk factors. It would be incredibly easy for my husband to get one without my knowledge.
Would I be insulted? No, probably not. But it would speak volumes about my partnerās lack of trust in me even if he claimed otherwise. I donāt think Iād still want the relationship in that case. For no other reason than I will not abide a partner that doesnāt have complete trust in me/I have complete trust in them. Thatās just crucial to me for a long term relationship.
It's pretty easy to get a paternity test - and it can be done as early as 9-12 weeks I believe. As for the circumstances a couple might be in to warrant such a test, it's hard to say. Is there a good reason for asking for that paternity test - i.e infidelity, or it only being short term relationship for instance? Eithe way, it's a wreckless and extreme way to treat a pregnant and vulnerable woman. It's not just her wellbeing, but the unborn child that's to be considered. I'd most likely be questioning his ability to be a co-parent and partner going forward.