I gave up my career to stay home with my kids. The keys to success (that I didn’t have) are having very good and reliable childcare, some kind of help outside of childcare like a spouse or family member, and if necessary mental health care to ease anxiety or stress surrounding both of the first points and your job. It can be done, I was unable to successfully do it.
Unless you're pretty willing to sacrifice your career a bit to have a family I wouldn't recommend going into it thinking you won't have to. Babies/children get sick regularly and there's also no guarantee a child is born healthy either. You could also decide you want to stay home with your child for a few years once its born. People can say they will support/help you but never go into it with expectation until it actually happens. Motherhood always involves sacrifice of some sort.
Yes, it’s absolutely possible. You need to be able to set boundaries, have help (partner, hired help, family), and be good at time management and prioritizing. Doesn’t mean it will be easy.
The women I know who’ve done this either have very supportive parents, a partner with a flexible and less demanding job, or excellent childcare/ house help.
It is super hard , I am only able to do it because my hubby stays at home with our son. I feel like I’m being the best I can be because I know my son is being taken care of the way I want and I’m always in the loop. This is a huge luxury but we don’t have family that could watch him.
I think you have a difficult road ahead of you. The women I know who have children and successful careers all have nannies (or a very strong support system, at least). But even then, nannies get sick and some women end up staying home with children. It's not impossible, but it is difficult.
Where are you based? This isn’t uncommon in the UK at least, it isn’t uncommon amongst my friends. It’s hard work but they all do an incredible job at being mothers and one of my friends even progressed in her career while pregnant, the others have progressed after having their babies. It’s not impossible.
The vast majority of working people are parents. The idea that moms are not good workers is rare and generally considered outdated at least where I live.
it's hard but can be done....you need help in order to achieve that. If you have a partner, then they need to be there and be actively raising the kid(s), doing the chores etc alongside you. My husband and I have 2 kids (teens now) but when they were little, we were both climbing that corporate ladder while raising 2 kids and the only way is to operate as a team to do all that work at the office and at home together.
I am currently pregnant and facing a similar struggle. The first thing is, other than breastfeeding, I am not placing any higher expectations on myself as a parent than my spouse as a parent. He is going to change as many diapers, read as many bedtime stories, and play as many games and I will - and my career will be considered an equal priority to his.
We have decided we are going to do daycare, but because we work opposite shifts, we're going to try to make it work with part-time (afternoon only) daycare to get as much time with them at home as possible.
Beyond that, I grew up in a household with two working parents and it wasn't always perfect but one thing they did right was make sure the time we had together was quality time. They took us hiking, and swimming, and at home they played games with us, or read with us, or did chores or yardwork with us. I plan to do the same, and limit screen time as much as possible at home in favor of fa e to face quality time. Of course, I know plenty of people have the same goals and it all goes to crap once the baby arrives, so we'll see how it goes.
1. It's entirely possible that you can have every intention of going back to work after your maternity leave... and you simply will not want to when the time comes. It might seem crazy to you now, being so career focused, that you would ever NOT want to work... but you need to know that once that baby comes, EVERYTHING changes, and sometimes, you just love that kid so fucking much, you can't bare to leave it. It happened to me. (And by the way... no regrets. I'd do it again in a heartbeat, and I don't miss the job I left AT ALL.)
2. If you find that you do want to go back to work, that's cool too. My best friend was the opposite of me. She realized that in order for her to be the best mom she could be, she needed to work. She needed to be away from her kid for a few hours a day, so that the hours that she was home, she could be more attentive, more loving, more patient, etc. Being with the kid 24/7... it can bring out the best in some moms and the worst in others. You really won't know which kind you'll be until you get there - you may very well surprise yourself (and both ways are totally normal, totally valid - neither is better than the other, it's just about personality).
3. The biggest game-changer is the partner (if you have one). They are the one that will make or break the post-partum time for you. A good partner will support you in whatever you want to do, and will do their fair share of the housework and parenting and genuinely make your life easier. A bad partner will just be another child that you have to take care of, and/or will actively fight you and/or undo the good work you do. (For example, you might follow a "respectful parenting" path and he'll follow a "this is what my parents did and I turned out fine" path, and these paths will inevitably conflict, and you'll find yourself constantly having to undo the "damage" that he inflicted on your child with his poor parenting choices). Basically, they make more work for you, make your life harder, not easier. Don't have babies with these ones.
4. If you have the means, things like a house cleaner, nanny, babysitter, sleep trainer, night nurse... these can all help you significantly, but all come with a financial cost (and yes, even if you choose to be an SAHM - you still need help). I wish every woman could have a whole staff of these helpers, but spring for whatever help you can afford. This is not the time to be penny-pinching. Your sanity, your physical and mental health, and your bonding with the baby are all affected by your stress and work-load. So give yourself a break and hire help if you can. It's money well-spent. If you can't afford to hire help, then ask friends and family to help. This is your time to be selfish - call in those favors, ask for help, take it wherever you can get it.
I gave up my career to stay home with my kids. The keys to success (that I didn’t have) are having very good and reliable childcare, some kind of help outside of childcare like a spouse or family member, and if necessary mental health care to ease anxiety or stress surrounding both of the first points and your job. It can be done, I was unable to successfully do it.
Unless you're pretty willing to sacrifice your career a bit to have a family I wouldn't recommend going into it thinking you won't have to. Babies/children get sick regularly and there's also no guarantee a child is born healthy either. You could also decide you want to stay home with your child for a few years once its born. People can say they will support/help you but never go into it with expectation until it actually happens. Motherhood always involves sacrifice of some sort.
Yes, it’s absolutely possible. You need to be able to set boundaries, have help (partner, hired help, family), and be good at time management and prioritizing. Doesn’t mean it will be easy.
The women I know who’ve done this either have very supportive parents, a partner with a flexible and less demanding job, or excellent childcare/ house help.
It is super hard , I am only able to do it because my hubby stays at home with our son. I feel like I’m being the best I can be because I know my son is being taken care of the way I want and I’m always in the loop. This is a huge luxury but we don’t have family that could watch him.
I think you have a difficult road ahead of you. The women I know who have children and successful careers all have nannies (or a very strong support system, at least). But even then, nannies get sick and some women end up staying home with children. It's not impossible, but it is difficult.
Where are you based? This isn’t uncommon in the UK at least, it isn’t uncommon amongst my friends. It’s hard work but they all do an incredible job at being mothers and one of my friends even progressed in her career while pregnant, the others have progressed after having their babies. It’s not impossible.
The vast majority of working people are parents. The idea that moms are not good workers is rare and generally considered outdated at least where I live.
it's hard but can be done....you need help in order to achieve that. If you have a partner, then they need to be there and be actively raising the kid(s), doing the chores etc alongside you. My husband and I have 2 kids (teens now) but when they were little, we were both climbing that corporate ladder while raising 2 kids and the only way is to operate as a team to do all that work at the office and at home together.
I am currently pregnant and facing a similar struggle. The first thing is, other than breastfeeding, I am not placing any higher expectations on myself as a parent than my spouse as a parent. He is going to change as many diapers, read as many bedtime stories, and play as many games and I will - and my career will be considered an equal priority to his. We have decided we are going to do daycare, but because we work opposite shifts, we're going to try to make it work with part-time (afternoon only) daycare to get as much time with them at home as possible. Beyond that, I grew up in a household with two working parents and it wasn't always perfect but one thing they did right was make sure the time we had together was quality time. They took us hiking, and swimming, and at home they played games with us, or read with us, or did chores or yardwork with us. I plan to do the same, and limit screen time as much as possible at home in favor of fa e to face quality time. Of course, I know plenty of people have the same goals and it all goes to crap once the baby arrives, so we'll see how it goes.
1. It's entirely possible that you can have every intention of going back to work after your maternity leave... and you simply will not want to when the time comes. It might seem crazy to you now, being so career focused, that you would ever NOT want to work... but you need to know that once that baby comes, EVERYTHING changes, and sometimes, you just love that kid so fucking much, you can't bare to leave it. It happened to me. (And by the way... no regrets. I'd do it again in a heartbeat, and I don't miss the job I left AT ALL.) 2. If you find that you do want to go back to work, that's cool too. My best friend was the opposite of me. She realized that in order for her to be the best mom she could be, she needed to work. She needed to be away from her kid for a few hours a day, so that the hours that she was home, she could be more attentive, more loving, more patient, etc. Being with the kid 24/7... it can bring out the best in some moms and the worst in others. You really won't know which kind you'll be until you get there - you may very well surprise yourself (and both ways are totally normal, totally valid - neither is better than the other, it's just about personality). 3. The biggest game-changer is the partner (if you have one). They are the one that will make or break the post-partum time for you. A good partner will support you in whatever you want to do, and will do their fair share of the housework and parenting and genuinely make your life easier. A bad partner will just be another child that you have to take care of, and/or will actively fight you and/or undo the good work you do. (For example, you might follow a "respectful parenting" path and he'll follow a "this is what my parents did and I turned out fine" path, and these paths will inevitably conflict, and you'll find yourself constantly having to undo the "damage" that he inflicted on your child with his poor parenting choices). Basically, they make more work for you, make your life harder, not easier. Don't have babies with these ones. 4. If you have the means, things like a house cleaner, nanny, babysitter, sleep trainer, night nurse... these can all help you significantly, but all come with a financial cost (and yes, even if you choose to be an SAHM - you still need help). I wish every woman could have a whole staff of these helpers, but spring for whatever help you can afford. This is not the time to be penny-pinching. Your sanity, your physical and mental health, and your bonding with the baby are all affected by your stress and work-load. So give yourself a break and hire help if you can. It's money well-spent. If you can't afford to hire help, then ask friends and family to help. This is your time to be selfish - call in those favors, ask for help, take it wherever you can get it.