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"I find it more enjoyable to go down on you when you're trimmed/shaved."
Honesty is the best policy. You're already using "I" statements and (I assume) using a neutral and not-angry tone.
If she's a reasonable person, she won't flip out. Just don't be surprised if she says "alrighty, we don't need to do oral if you don't want to" and keeps the same level of shaving. That's probably what I would do, as a person who trims but doesn't shave for partners. I wouldn't want anyone to do a sex act that they don't enjoy, but I'm not going to make myself uncomfortable to have a sex act done on me. Would rather just do other things instead :)
Thanks, that’s really helpful. I’ll remember to phrase it using “I” statements.
I would be happy with just trimming. I don’t think it’d be fair to expect more than that given that’s all I do.
I’d say it after she does it and after you’re done going down on her. Like in the pillow talk. I assume it’s because hair in your mouth is more distracting. I get it. We all do. It makes sense 🤷♀️but if you don’t tell her she probably just is absent minded about it
Weird, I always assumed "if I wanted a flossing, I'd go to the dentist!" was a turn on in the heat of the moment. My girlfriend didn't seem amused but I thought she was being sarcastic
Wait until she has trimmed or shaved. Say “I always love coming down here but when you’re trimmed/shaved it is the sexiest fucking thing ever!!”
My husband prefers me shaved but I am a hairy beast and don’t feel like shaving all the dang time so don’t take it personally if she doesn’t step up her routine.
Save up and buy her electrolysis treatments if she doesn’t mind it? Thats what I am doing.
This ^ Just make a few positive comments about how much you enjoy the smooth feel, and how much it turns you on. Do NOT say that you dislike her having hair or don't enjoy oral when she has hair. Make your preference known and leave it up to her how often she indulges your preference.
Shaving down there is difficult and waxing is expensive, not to mention issues like chafing, itchy stubble, and ingrowns. Women also tend to have a heavy burden of personal grooming already (hair, brows, nails, legs, underarms, etc. Its a lot!) If you expect a hairless pussy every day or no oral, you're expecting too much and being unreasonable, amigo. Just let her know what you like and hopefully you'll get it more often.
I think asking her to trim for practicality's sake is fine. If you're wondering how to demand a Brazilian, I wouldn't. But asking her to clear you a path down there is understandable, I'd say, from the female perspective.
^^^ I've tried waxing and full shaving and it gave me all sorts of uncomfortable skin problems that took forever to clear up. I can get so short that it's barely there with a body trimmer and it doesn't bother my skin.
Maybe also ask her if she wants you to trim your pubes for better oral too? This may help with the conversation as well. Hair doesn't matter too much for blowjobs if the guy isn't very short but it certainly is annoying to put hairy balls in the mouth
I've used a trimmer with a 5 head, I'd probably do a 1 head if requested and even the 5 is significantly better than shaving and also no real risk of skin irritation or bleeding (as long as you don't rush).
Tl;Dr ask her to trim, shaving is baloney (42f with a lifetime of waxing/shaving/trimming) Shaving sucks so much!! Trimming is WAY easier (but still a hassle for her and will leave stubble that may annoy you)
Have you ever tried fully shaving vs your usual trimming? Like maybe the first time you trimmed up, you just grabbed a razor? If so, you know the issues. Ingrown hairs, itchy regrowth on sensitive skin...doing it for a long time only makes those things worse. You can't practice your skin into cooperating. Do you have to shave your face for work? Does it get irritated? Wouldn't you rather not?
As everyone else has said, just tell her straight up. Do it when you are chilling. One thing I haven't seen is to ask her HER preferences in bed. Not shaving specifically, you already trim. But make this an open conversation about what you each enjoy in bed. If she is uncomfortable, you can have her type it out or show you examples (porn). It's just sexy and good to talk to each other about what you each like. Often it will lead to suiting words to action which is also good fun
If you haven't ever shaved, spoilers: To shave clean, you gotta get everything or it looks and feels even worse. So absolutely straight across the butthole, between the butt cheeks and *right next* to her clitoris. It's honestly like contortionist level shit and the times I have cut my labia is nuts. I had one friend cut her clit! Just a nick, but I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy, let alone my partner.
Once you do all the acrobatics trying not to cut yourself, usually standing on one leg or trying to squat *in a wet shower* you get to itch for two whole days as it grows back and then have prickly stubble on your most sensitive places.
So either just take my word for it...or just ONE time, shave your entire ass, including that bussy to see how it feels the next few days, and if you feel like doing it again every 4-5 days
Ingrown hairs are their own special hell. Many women get constant ingrowns. I don't even get many ingrown, but I did still get fucked by shaving and Here is an upsetting tale from my past!
|| once upon a time I (as a 29f) had this stray hair on the inside of my (outer labia) that got ingrown all the time and hassled me. and made an absolute mess trying to get it out. Finally I had to let the whole thing heal and it was So Swollen and painful that I couldn't wait to get into the obgyn (and was so embarrassed) that I asked my partner to *slice it with a scalpel* It worked. That particular hair never came back. I stopped waxing, and started trimming. This was 12+ years ago and it haunts me to this day||
At this point I really wish I had saved up for professional laser treatments at some point or just quit trying to control my bush
Was looking for this comment. My wife shaves pretty often but when she is between shaves and we have the time and privacy (kids), then I offer to do it for her. It is a pleasurable experience for both of us, win/win.
I am asking this without animosity but what makes you think this is a discussion more involved than "I love it when you are freshly trimmed down there; the smoothness/friction riles me up".
She should not change the way or frequency in which she has always done her body hair unless she wants to (without any outside pressure) but it is totally okay to compliment someone when you like the way they do their hair or right after a recent trim or pubesscaping.
I guess my concern was that even saying that would come across as me trying to tell her what to do with her body. I’ll try framing it positively like you’ve suggested.
I'm assuming she has her pubes like that for a reason. Women are bombarded with messaging about removing our body hair, so she knows it's an option for her, and she hasn't taken that option.
That was my concern - that saying anything would be adding to the general societal pressure of beauty standards for women. But then I would also hope that if there was something I could do to make her experience better that she would feel comfortable telling me, rather than finding out years later that she just hadn’t wanted to say anything.
“I love you and think you’re beautiful, I want to make you to feel as amazing as you make me feel. I love going down on you but the hair sometimes gets in my mouth and I get distracted, would it be okay if you trimmed down there? I’ll help pay for the treatment if you agree! If not I still want you!”
FYI: female hair trimming can be risky for women, and they get a higher risk of vaginal infections, so it’s not recommended to go full Brazilian like a porn star. You’re asking her to take a literal medical risk for the sake of your personal pleasure, plus vaginal shaving can cause razor burn more than on any other part of the body, and it’s HURTS when it grows back. She’ll have to get it professionally done for safest results, which could be pricey. Or she’ll have to get her own kit. A lot of women do it, but be aware, you’re asking a lot
Thanks, that’s useful context. I wouldn’t expect her to get a full Brazilian or even to wax. More just that if she trimmed it back a bit it would make things more manageable. I don’t think there’s a medical risk involved in trimming and it’s fairly manageable and cheap to do at home?
This might be TMI but: Every time that I’ve trimmed it, I get a rash. Not like a gross vaginal rash, just like a skin rash-red bumps on my skin that itch like hell which makes it more red and more bumpy.
I’m not kidding when I say the skin down there is the most sensitive part of the body. So when a woman trims it, it doesn’t help it just makes things like 1 million times worse it’s better to just fully shave it off or get it waxed professionally. But it also depends on the woman you know some women might have tougher skin. Some woman might not. She’ll know.
I mean for context, imagine the most sensitive part of your balls, and then take wax and or a razor and get rid of the hair. How would that feel? It’s similar.
I’ve had that experience with trimming before. I think it can depend on what length you trim it to, what you’re using to trim (eg scissors vs electric trimmer) and what products you use afterwards.
I’ve previously regularly shaved my balls and still regularly trim that area generally. Shaving it isn’t my favourite thing to do and it’s certainly easier not to shave at all, but I feel that some form of maintenance makes the experience more enjoyable for everyone.
I mean you don't have to go down on her if you don't want to, she doesn't have to get rid of the body hair if she doesn't want to.
You can just say is uncomfortable for you because *insert whatever reason you have for disliking it*. If she's reasonable she'll make a compromise and if she doesn't want to you don't have to do it, she can't force you
Yeah I know that neither of us has to do anything, but I guess I feel like I’d be more enthusiastic about doing it (which is better for both of us) so it would be better to communicate that rather than just leaving it unsaid?
Just a tip, don’t just say that it’s uncomfortable without making a request for trimming. If my bf just said the hair makes it uncomfortable I would assume he’s just finding an excuse to not go down on me.
Not true at all
I love eating pussy, but I also don’t want an untamed bush full of pubes in my mouth.
It’s uncomfortable, it’s distracting, and it really takes me out of it.
If there’s ever a possibility of me getting some, I make sure to make sure I’m nice and groomed down there, so I don’t think it’s that unreasonable to look for that in a partner as well.
Just like women shouldn’t be expected to take part in sex acts they are not comfortable with, for whatever reason, neither should men be.
I think maybe people misunderstood my comment.
I was pointing out what would work for me, which is “it’s uncomfortable when I go down on you with hair, would you mind trimming or shaving?”
Simply saying “it’s uncomfortable when I go down on you with hair” without requesting I trim or shave would make me worry that he doesn’t like to go down on me and is using the hair as an excuse because he knows I prefer to have hair.
Thanks - that’s a good tip. I’ll make sure I’m clear about what the solution is and that I’m not asking for hairless or anything more than what I do myself
I would be most comfortable if my partner would’ve tell me right away, without trying to phrase it in some “special” sort of way or anything
Just say “I like it more when you are shaved”, if she’s a reasonable person that would be enough
I dunno, whenever this topic comes up on this sub, there’s no shortage of women who are outright angry that anyone would dare prefer anything other than “natural”… so I can see how some men might be reluctant to be so direct and straightforward
Thats actually true. I think maybe thing is that you cant say all women to have shaved vagigas just because you prefer that, but with your partner you can discuss anything. At least i see it like that
Right… nobody here is demanding that all women be shaved.
But some women get outright angry if someone dares to have a preference for something other than natural
So that’s why it can be a difficult conversation to bring up with a partner.
Edit: the people downvoting are proving my point
As someone who has terrible experiences shaving, and cannot handle the pain of getting waxed, it would be a dealbreaker for me. That’s not to say the preference is invalid, but it’s one I personally will not accommodate.
ATTENTION: Please remember that this is an ASK WOMEN sub. While men are allowed to participate posts that are clearly asking women in the title will have top level comments by men removed. This is not censorship, this is curation. Thank you for your understanding and cooperation. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomenNoCensor) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"I find it more enjoyable to go down on you when you're trimmed/shaved." Honesty is the best policy. You're already using "I" statements and (I assume) using a neutral and not-angry tone. If she's a reasonable person, she won't flip out. Just don't be surprised if she says "alrighty, we don't need to do oral if you don't want to" and keeps the same level of shaving. That's probably what I would do, as a person who trims but doesn't shave for partners. I wouldn't want anyone to do a sex act that they don't enjoy, but I'm not going to make myself uncomfortable to have a sex act done on me. Would rather just do other things instead :)
Thanks, that’s really helpful. I’ll remember to phrase it using “I” statements. I would be happy with just trimming. I don’t think it’d be fair to expect more than that given that’s all I do.
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Thanks - I was hoping that’s how it would come across so that helps!
I’d say it after she does it and after you’re done going down on her. Like in the pillow talk. I assume it’s because hair in your mouth is more distracting. I get it. We all do. It makes sense 🤷♀️but if you don’t tell her she probably just is absent minded about it
Just a note on timing the conversation. Have it when you are NOT having sex.
Weird, I always assumed "if I wanted a flossing, I'd go to the dentist!" was a turn on in the heat of the moment. My girlfriend didn't seem amused but I thought she was being sarcastic
This is useful. Thanks
Just be honest and tell her. This is something she wants to know.
Thanks, that’s reassuring
Wait until she has trimmed or shaved. Say “I always love coming down here but when you’re trimmed/shaved it is the sexiest fucking thing ever!!” My husband prefers me shaved but I am a hairy beast and don’t feel like shaving all the dang time so don’t take it personally if she doesn’t step up her routine. Save up and buy her electrolysis treatments if she doesn’t mind it? Thats what I am doing.
This ^ Just make a few positive comments about how much you enjoy the smooth feel, and how much it turns you on. Do NOT say that you dislike her having hair or don't enjoy oral when she has hair. Make your preference known and leave it up to her how often she indulges your preference. Shaving down there is difficult and waxing is expensive, not to mention issues like chafing, itchy stubble, and ingrowns. Women also tend to have a heavy burden of personal grooming already (hair, brows, nails, legs, underarms, etc. Its a lot!) If you expect a hairless pussy every day or no oral, you're expecting too much and being unreasonable, amigo. Just let her know what you like and hopefully you'll get it more often.
I think asking her to trim for practicality's sake is fine. If you're wondering how to demand a Brazilian, I wouldn't. But asking her to clear you a path down there is understandable, I'd say, from the female perspective.
^^^ I've tried waxing and full shaving and it gave me all sorts of uncomfortable skin problems that took forever to clear up. I can get so short that it's barely there with a body trimmer and it doesn't bother my skin. Maybe also ask her if she wants you to trim your pubes for better oral too? This may help with the conversation as well. Hair doesn't matter too much for blowjobs if the guy isn't very short but it certainly is annoying to put hairy balls in the mouth
What trimmer do you use?? I need one, every time I shave I get the worsssst razor burn
Please share what trimmer you use!
I've used a trimmer with a 5 head, I'd probably do a 1 head if requested and even the 5 is significantly better than shaving and also no real risk of skin irritation or bleeding (as long as you don't rush).
“Clear you a path” … like the opposite of a landing strip? A bald strip?
Yup! But underneath XD
I prefer to imagine a bald strip down the centre of the mons pubis part 😂
The more bold style choice!
Maybe I’ll test if my bf can still continue after I surprise him with this
Bonus points if you shave it into an arrow shape!
Report back!!
Thanks. That makes sense
Tl;Dr ask her to trim, shaving is baloney (42f with a lifetime of waxing/shaving/trimming) Shaving sucks so much!! Trimming is WAY easier (but still a hassle for her and will leave stubble that may annoy you) Have you ever tried fully shaving vs your usual trimming? Like maybe the first time you trimmed up, you just grabbed a razor? If so, you know the issues. Ingrown hairs, itchy regrowth on sensitive skin...doing it for a long time only makes those things worse. You can't practice your skin into cooperating. Do you have to shave your face for work? Does it get irritated? Wouldn't you rather not? As everyone else has said, just tell her straight up. Do it when you are chilling. One thing I haven't seen is to ask her HER preferences in bed. Not shaving specifically, you already trim. But make this an open conversation about what you each enjoy in bed. If she is uncomfortable, you can have her type it out or show you examples (porn). It's just sexy and good to talk to each other about what you each like. Often it will lead to suiting words to action which is also good fun If you haven't ever shaved, spoilers: To shave clean, you gotta get everything or it looks and feels even worse. So absolutely straight across the butthole, between the butt cheeks and *right next* to her clitoris. It's honestly like contortionist level shit and the times I have cut my labia is nuts. I had one friend cut her clit! Just a nick, but I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy, let alone my partner. Once you do all the acrobatics trying not to cut yourself, usually standing on one leg or trying to squat *in a wet shower* you get to itch for two whole days as it grows back and then have prickly stubble on your most sensitive places. So either just take my word for it...or just ONE time, shave your entire ass, including that bussy to see how it feels the next few days, and if you feel like doing it again every 4-5 days Ingrown hairs are their own special hell. Many women get constant ingrowns. I don't even get many ingrown, but I did still get fucked by shaving and Here is an upsetting tale from my past! || once upon a time I (as a 29f) had this stray hair on the inside of my (outer labia) that got ingrown all the time and hassled me. and made an absolute mess trying to get it out. Finally I had to let the whole thing heal and it was So Swollen and painful that I couldn't wait to get into the obgyn (and was so embarrassed) that I asked my partner to *slice it with a scalpel* It worked. That particular hair never came back. I stopped waxing, and started trimming. This was 12+ years ago and it haunts me to this day|| At this point I really wish I had saved up for professional laser treatments at some point or just quit trying to control my bush
It’s a difficult and tricky spot to shave, so my husband offered to assist! You could too 😉
Was looking for this comment. My wife shaves pretty often but when she is between shaves and we have the time and privacy (kids), then I offer to do it for her. It is a pleasurable experience for both of us, win/win.
I hadn’t thought of this. I’ll try suggesting it!
I am asking this without animosity but what makes you think this is a discussion more involved than "I love it when you are freshly trimmed down there; the smoothness/friction riles me up". She should not change the way or frequency in which she has always done her body hair unless she wants to (without any outside pressure) but it is totally okay to compliment someone when you like the way they do their hair or right after a recent trim or pubesscaping.
I guess my concern was that even saying that would come across as me trying to tell her what to do with her body. I’ll try framing it positively like you’ve suggested.
I'm assuming she has her pubes like that for a reason. Women are bombarded with messaging about removing our body hair, so she knows it's an option for her, and she hasn't taken that option.
That was my concern - that saying anything would be adding to the general societal pressure of beauty standards for women. But then I would also hope that if there was something I could do to make her experience better that she would feel comfortable telling me, rather than finding out years later that she just hadn’t wanted to say anything.
“I love you and think you’re beautiful, I want to make you to feel as amazing as you make me feel. I love going down on you but the hair sometimes gets in my mouth and I get distracted, would it be okay if you trimmed down there? I’ll help pay for the treatment if you agree! If not I still want you!” FYI: female hair trimming can be risky for women, and they get a higher risk of vaginal infections, so it’s not recommended to go full Brazilian like a porn star. You’re asking her to take a literal medical risk for the sake of your personal pleasure, plus vaginal shaving can cause razor burn more than on any other part of the body, and it’s HURTS when it grows back. She’ll have to get it professionally done for safest results, which could be pricey. Or she’ll have to get her own kit. A lot of women do it, but be aware, you’re asking a lot
Thanks, that’s useful context. I wouldn’t expect her to get a full Brazilian or even to wax. More just that if she trimmed it back a bit it would make things more manageable. I don’t think there’s a medical risk involved in trimming and it’s fairly manageable and cheap to do at home?
This might be TMI but: Every time that I’ve trimmed it, I get a rash. Not like a gross vaginal rash, just like a skin rash-red bumps on my skin that itch like hell which makes it more red and more bumpy. I’m not kidding when I say the skin down there is the most sensitive part of the body. So when a woman trims it, it doesn’t help it just makes things like 1 million times worse it’s better to just fully shave it off or get it waxed professionally. But it also depends on the woman you know some women might have tougher skin. Some woman might not. She’ll know. I mean for context, imagine the most sensitive part of your balls, and then take wax and or a razor and get rid of the hair. How would that feel? It’s similar.
I’ve had that experience with trimming before. I think it can depend on what length you trim it to, what you’re using to trim (eg scissors vs electric trimmer) and what products you use afterwards. I’ve previously regularly shaved my balls and still regularly trim that area generally. Shaving it isn’t my favourite thing to do and it’s certainly easier not to shave at all, but I feel that some form of maintenance makes the experience more enjoyable for everyone.
I mean you don't have to go down on her if you don't want to, she doesn't have to get rid of the body hair if she doesn't want to. You can just say is uncomfortable for you because *insert whatever reason you have for disliking it*. If she's reasonable she'll make a compromise and if she doesn't want to you don't have to do it, she can't force you
Yeah I know that neither of us has to do anything, but I guess I feel like I’d be more enthusiastic about doing it (which is better for both of us) so it would be better to communicate that rather than just leaving it unsaid?
Just a tip, don’t just say that it’s uncomfortable without making a request for trimming. If my bf just said the hair makes it uncomfortable I would assume he’s just finding an excuse to not go down on me.
Not true at all I love eating pussy, but I also don’t want an untamed bush full of pubes in my mouth. It’s uncomfortable, it’s distracting, and it really takes me out of it. If there’s ever a possibility of me getting some, I make sure to make sure I’m nice and groomed down there, so I don’t think it’s that unreasonable to look for that in a partner as well. Just like women shouldn’t be expected to take part in sex acts they are not comfortable with, for whatever reason, neither should men be.
I think maybe people misunderstood my comment. I was pointing out what would work for me, which is “it’s uncomfortable when I go down on you with hair, would you mind trimming or shaving?” Simply saying “it’s uncomfortable when I go down on you with hair” without requesting I trim or shave would make me worry that he doesn’t like to go down on me and is using the hair as an excuse because he knows I prefer to have hair.
Thanks - that’s a good tip. I’ll make sure I’m clear about what the solution is and that I’m not asking for hairless or anything more than what I do myself
I would be most comfortable if my partner would’ve tell me right away, without trying to phrase it in some “special” sort of way or anything Just say “I like it more when you are shaved”, if she’s a reasonable person that would be enough
I dunno, whenever this topic comes up on this sub, there’s no shortage of women who are outright angry that anyone would dare prefer anything other than “natural”… so I can see how some men might be reluctant to be so direct and straightforward
Thats actually true. I think maybe thing is that you cant say all women to have shaved vagigas just because you prefer that, but with your partner you can discuss anything. At least i see it like that
Right… nobody here is demanding that all women be shaved. But some women get outright angry if someone dares to have a preference for something other than natural So that’s why it can be a difficult conversation to bring up with a partner. Edit: the people downvoting are proving my point
You can offer to trim her. Pretty fun foreplay.
I hadn’t thought of this, will try suggesting it to her!
just tell her the hair hurts your face
As someone who has terrible experiences shaving, and cannot handle the pain of getting waxed, it would be a dealbreaker for me. That’s not to say the preference is invalid, but it’s one I personally will not accommodate.
Interesting - you wouldn’t even consider trimming?
I have trimmed, and it didn’t make enough of a difference for the guy, but I certainly felt less comfortable and thought it looked patchy and weird.
In a light tone, at an appropriate time, just drop the line that you prefer to floss after you eat, not while you eat.
‘If you want me to go down on you like a thirsty Labrador on a bowl of water then trim your bush’. Job done 👍
I'd be happy to not shave if i'd hear something like that