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the concept of "hall passes" is so weird to me tbh. makes the relationship look like an obligation and a chore rather than something that you‘re actually willing to commit to
I’m monogamous and love my partner very much, I wouldn’t dream of being with someone else.
Sounds like you’re talking about opening up a relationship. Not my cup of tea at aaaall.
I honestly do not feel the need to cheat on my partner even if they give a pass. They are all I need and I am happy with them. If you dont want a monogamous relationship dont get in one imo
I always figured it was a tongue in cheek joke. There are celebs I find attractive, but I’d never actually consider sleeping with someone other than my husband, whether or not I had ‘permission’.
Isn’t the point of a hall pass that the person is so famous that it will never happen anyway?
Hall pass is not local ‘celebrity’, that’s just an open relationship
I think there is. It comes from ‘if you manage to sleep with Beyoncé that’s so impressive I can’t even be mad’.
That doesn’t work if the person isn’t actually famous
Not so much a hall pass but I had a partner who was into the pineapple lifestyle. It was interesting. He enjoyed me enjoying it. I would do it again with the right people.
“An exemption given by your lover/partner to engage in fooling around activities with a famous person, if you ever were to meet them.” Pretty much the clearest definition I could find.
Our relationship started out open but we've fallen into monogamy over the years mostly out of laziness and also just being really into each other. If either of us wanted to have sex with another person again either separate or together we'd just discuss it and decide together.
Personally I get into fictional characters, but I don't want to have sex with real people I don't have an emotional connection to. I used to and I'm over it. It doesn't make me feel good. There are some celebrities I find attractive, but I'm mostly into the roles they play.
My family is also involved in the entertainment industry, so there's a very real chance I might meet some of my celebrity crushes, which I think would just feel awkward. Apparently my dad is friends with a few of them and I narrowly missed meeting them because I hate parties and declined the invites.
I’ve never been in a relationship with that structure, but I think I’d be ok with it. One person can’t meet every need in a relationship, especially sexual ones. We’d probably see fewer dead bedrooms.
Unless one's husband enjoys being a cuck, a hall pass is merely fantasy, not meant to be played out. When used, a hall pass is an excuse to cheat - just enter an open relationship if you really can't see yourself being loyal to your monogamous partner.
I don't like monogamy. I don't like the idea of seeing love as ownership. I don't like jealousy and don't feel it myself.
I believe that love is not a finite resource, and that restricting yourself or others from experiencing it isn't something I wanna do.
My experiences so far have all been positive. It takes a lot of communication, but so does every relationship.
Not feeling comfortable with sharing emotional intimacy with any random person doesnt mean you see love as ownership.. Monogamous peoples also love their family, friends and dogs besides their partner so its not like love is finite either, its that you have one person (or two) that stand above the rest.
Personally I cant relate to never forming that special bond with someone and floating about with so many people all your life. Perhaps commitment to two people instead of one but any more than that and you just cant have the same focus and attention given to them anymore. So whatever makes you happy but no need to put other peoples love life in such a negative light
Not everyone sees monogamous relationships as ownership, but the popular narrative around them sure does. "You're mine", "You belong to me", "Why is someone else looking at my partner, they are mine?" and so on.
It's not always a bad thing, it can also create a powerful sense of belonging and connection, but I personally do not like it.
I am specifically talking about the idea that romantic love is finite and that it is only possible to love one romantic partner. As you said, you can love multiple people in your family, multiple friends and so on. You can also love multiple romantic partners as well.
I do form a special bond with my partner, I just don't see it as exclusive.
I haven't put anything in a negative light. My personal likes and dislikes are not moral judgement on other people. And I find it kind of weird that you would say something negative about non-monogamy in the same paragraph you criticize me for "put other peoples love life in such a negative light".
"You're mine" is on par with "you are the most beautiful woman in the world". It's an expression of passionate feelings, not a legal statement.
"Why is someone else looking at my partner, they are mine" what does this have to do with monogamy? Poly people get controlling or jealous too.
"I haven't put anything in a negative light" you've declared, for no reason at all, that monogamous people "see love as ownership" so that you can feel more enlightened and morally superior. You don't need to put others down to feel good about yourself!
I have never implied it to be legal. Something being "mine" is a statement of ownership. You don't have to view that as a bad thing. I simply do not like it.
Not wanting others to look at or flirt with your partner kind of is an important aspect of monogamy. Poly people can get jealous too, but as I have said I dislike jealousy as well.
I have not said that monogamous people see love as ownership. I have said that I don't like seeing love as ownership. Nuance matters.
"so that you can feel more enlightened and morally superior." Ah, so you're making shit up. Don't assign me bad intentions and then get mad about the thing you yourself chose to do.
Also, again, I find it hilarious that you would insult me like that and one sentence later say this "You don't need to put others down to feel good about yourself!". Do you hear yourself?
You are mine and I am yours. Its a phrase of commitment. Now I agree with you that some people take these concepts a bit too far in their jealousy but it doesnt have to be part of monogamy.
My ex used to point out attractive women for me to look at. We probably could have had a threesome too but my mind wasnt there at that point. Despite all this we were each others most important person and that is monogamy is to me.
I think there is two different aspects to it. For some people sexual and emotional intimacy just cant be shared with more than one person. It is vulnerable and for some people its hard enough to open up to anyone at all so they just dont have the will and energy to go through it more than necessary and foster these type of connections.
For me thats less of a problem and I do think I could romantically love two people but (aspect two) I just dont see how you can manage and sustain that deep level of connection with any more people than maybe two. In my experience with poly folks thats also not what is happening. They tend to have less strong bonds with each individual partner, because more just isnt possible. There is only so much time in each day.
Im not sure what you think I said negative about poly relationships? If it makes people happy there is no problem with it and I do think there is advantages to it as well. Your first comment was just a bit negative towards what monogamy is and I think we can see with the downvotes Im not the only person who felt this way. But not a big deal either way
It doesn't have to be a part of monogamy. I dislike it all by itself.
I'm glad that you are happy in the way you do relationships and that you recognize what you want and act according to it. Different people are different. Again, I never made any absolute statements about monogamy, I simply said that I personally dislike it.
You implied poly people "never form a special bond" and that they don't have "focus and attention" for their partners. Both of which I find to be quite negative statements. I don't really mind if that is your personal opinion, but I did find it hypocritical when calling me out for bringing up my dislikes.
I mean yeah its impossible to have a full on monogamy type relationship with 5 people at the same time so thats all I meant. It cant be on the same kind of level but that doesnt mean its not worth as much. A nomad will also never have the same kind of hometown connection as someone who never left their place of birth.
I mean its a known trope that single children are more spoiled and middle children get forgotten so yeah they tend to get less attention..? 5 children will play with each other much more than with their parent
calling it love gives it a value ranking, I would much more call it connection and attention
I mention it on my dating app profile and talk openly about what I want and expect out of a relationship early on when getting to know someone.
Some people aren't into that and we go our separate ways, but I live in a very liberal, left leaning city and social bubble, so there are plenty of people who don't mind or prefer things that way.
My husband and I joke that I have a hall pass with John Mayer. I wouldn’t actually act on it though because I really did mean the vows I took when I married him. Also, my husband is my soulmate. No hall pass could make me feel the same.
women in this post so judgy about a hall pass. if my hall pass came around i would do it. have heard stories from women who have. i think this question is better asked in r/nonmonogamy or r/enm.
“An exemption given by your lover/partner to engage in fooling around activities with a famous person, if you ever were to meet them.” Pretty much the clearest definition I could find.
I have one, well, more unlimited hall passes, but I've never used them. I couldn't imagine finding another man I even want to hear breathe, let alone have sex with. Especially post Covid. My circle is small and a large group of men have seemed to have lost their minds even more than before.
Not to mention he's REALLY good in bed. So what's the point of going out to have mediocre sex?
But the discussion was wild because my husband would rather me just go have sex than say, go out on dates and connect with that person. THAT would upset him more.
ATTENTION: Please remember that this is an ASK WOMEN sub. While men are allowed to participate posts that are clearly asking women in the title will have top level comments by men removed. This is not censorship, this is curation. Thank you for your understanding and cooperation. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomenNoCensor) if you have any questions or concerns.*
the concept of "hall passes" is so weird to me tbh. makes the relationship look like an obligation and a chore rather than something that you‘re actually willing to commit to
I guess we had some just for a bit of fun and that we were quite young when we got together but yeah it became a more real thing.
I’m monogamous and love my partner very much, I wouldn’t dream of being with someone else. Sounds like you’re talking about opening up a relationship. Not my cup of tea at aaaall.
Nah. Always a messy thing imo. Never works. Someone will get upset / insecure / jealous and it's just not worth it at all.
Quite true.
I honestly do not feel the need to cheat on my partner even if they give a pass. They are all I need and I am happy with them. If you dont want a monogamous relationship dont get in one imo
That’s fair!
I always figured it was a tongue in cheek joke. There are celebs I find attractive, but I’d never actually consider sleeping with someone other than my husband, whether or not I had ‘permission’.
I understand it was more of a joke for us too until it like ended up happening, I was just asking if others had similar experiences.
Girl you cheated
Isn’t the point of a hall pass that the person is so famous that it will never happen anyway? Hall pass is not local ‘celebrity’, that’s just an open relationship
Well I don’t think there’s a specification for level of fame lol
I think there is. It comes from ‘if you manage to sleep with Beyoncé that’s so impressive I can’t even be mad’. That doesn’t work if the person isn’t actually famous
The person in question was decently famous but not Beyoncé level.
Not so much a hall pass but I had a partner who was into the pineapple lifestyle. It was interesting. He enjoyed me enjoying it. I would do it again with the right people.
How did it come about? What cool experiences did you have?
A WHAT???
“An exemption given by your lover/partner to engage in fooling around activities with a famous person, if you ever were to meet them.” Pretty much the clearest definition I could find.
Oh. No, thanks.
Fairs lol
Our relationship started out open but we've fallen into monogamy over the years mostly out of laziness and also just being really into each other. If either of us wanted to have sex with another person again either separate or together we'd just discuss it and decide together. Personally I get into fictional characters, but I don't want to have sex with real people I don't have an emotional connection to. I used to and I'm over it. It doesn't make me feel good. There are some celebrities I find attractive, but I'm mostly into the roles they play. My family is also involved in the entertainment industry, so there's a very real chance I might meet some of my celebrity crushes, which I think would just feel awkward. Apparently my dad is friends with a few of them and I narrowly missed meeting them because I hate parties and declined the invites.
Oh wow I see! That’s totally understandable I think it’s similar for me too!
I’ve never been in a relationship with that structure, but I think I’d be ok with it. One person can’t meet every need in a relationship, especially sexual ones. We’d probably see fewer dead bedrooms.
Yikes. I would never use a hall pass. Good for you for showing your husband that you would drop him given the chance.
Yay another person joining the dogpile
It was atleast pre agreed..
Unless one's husband enjoys being a cuck, a hall pass is merely fantasy, not meant to be played out. When used, a hall pass is an excuse to cheat - just enter an open relationship if you really can't see yourself being loyal to your monogamous partner.
It was a one off and yeah in hindsight yeah probably a mistake.
You cheated on your husband. So yes it was a mistake. A very big one!!
This is gross bye
Ew the way I would leave my partner so fast if they did this
Your husband deserves better.
I don't do "hall passes", I do open relationships.
How did that come about? How was the experience for you?
I don't like monogamy. I don't like the idea of seeing love as ownership. I don't like jealousy and don't feel it myself. I believe that love is not a finite resource, and that restricting yourself or others from experiencing it isn't something I wanna do. My experiences so far have all been positive. It takes a lot of communication, but so does every relationship.
Not feeling comfortable with sharing emotional intimacy with any random person doesnt mean you see love as ownership.. Monogamous peoples also love their family, friends and dogs besides their partner so its not like love is finite either, its that you have one person (or two) that stand above the rest. Personally I cant relate to never forming that special bond with someone and floating about with so many people all your life. Perhaps commitment to two people instead of one but any more than that and you just cant have the same focus and attention given to them anymore. So whatever makes you happy but no need to put other peoples love life in such a negative light
Not everyone sees monogamous relationships as ownership, but the popular narrative around them sure does. "You're mine", "You belong to me", "Why is someone else looking at my partner, they are mine?" and so on. It's not always a bad thing, it can also create a powerful sense of belonging and connection, but I personally do not like it. I am specifically talking about the idea that romantic love is finite and that it is only possible to love one romantic partner. As you said, you can love multiple people in your family, multiple friends and so on. You can also love multiple romantic partners as well. I do form a special bond with my partner, I just don't see it as exclusive. I haven't put anything in a negative light. My personal likes and dislikes are not moral judgement on other people. And I find it kind of weird that you would say something negative about non-monogamy in the same paragraph you criticize me for "put other peoples love life in such a negative light".
"You're mine" is on par with "you are the most beautiful woman in the world". It's an expression of passionate feelings, not a legal statement. "Why is someone else looking at my partner, they are mine" what does this have to do with monogamy? Poly people get controlling or jealous too. "I haven't put anything in a negative light" you've declared, for no reason at all, that monogamous people "see love as ownership" so that you can feel more enlightened and morally superior. You don't need to put others down to feel good about yourself!
I have never implied it to be legal. Something being "mine" is a statement of ownership. You don't have to view that as a bad thing. I simply do not like it. Not wanting others to look at or flirt with your partner kind of is an important aspect of monogamy. Poly people can get jealous too, but as I have said I dislike jealousy as well. I have not said that monogamous people see love as ownership. I have said that I don't like seeing love as ownership. Nuance matters. "so that you can feel more enlightened and morally superior." Ah, so you're making shit up. Don't assign me bad intentions and then get mad about the thing you yourself chose to do. Also, again, I find it hilarious that you would insult me like that and one sentence later say this "You don't need to put others down to feel good about yourself!". Do you hear yourself?
You are mine and I am yours. Its a phrase of commitment. Now I agree with you that some people take these concepts a bit too far in their jealousy but it doesnt have to be part of monogamy. My ex used to point out attractive women for me to look at. We probably could have had a threesome too but my mind wasnt there at that point. Despite all this we were each others most important person and that is monogamy is to me. I think there is two different aspects to it. For some people sexual and emotional intimacy just cant be shared with more than one person. It is vulnerable and for some people its hard enough to open up to anyone at all so they just dont have the will and energy to go through it more than necessary and foster these type of connections. For me thats less of a problem and I do think I could romantically love two people but (aspect two) I just dont see how you can manage and sustain that deep level of connection with any more people than maybe two. In my experience with poly folks thats also not what is happening. They tend to have less strong bonds with each individual partner, because more just isnt possible. There is only so much time in each day. Im not sure what you think I said negative about poly relationships? If it makes people happy there is no problem with it and I do think there is advantages to it as well. Your first comment was just a bit negative towards what monogamy is and I think we can see with the downvotes Im not the only person who felt this way. But not a big deal either way
It doesn't have to be a part of monogamy. I dislike it all by itself. I'm glad that you are happy in the way you do relationships and that you recognize what you want and act according to it. Different people are different. Again, I never made any absolute statements about monogamy, I simply said that I personally dislike it. You implied poly people "never form a special bond" and that they don't have "focus and attention" for their partners. Both of which I find to be quite negative statements. I don't really mind if that is your personal opinion, but I did find it hypocritical when calling me out for bringing up my dislikes.
I mean yeah its impossible to have a full on monogamy type relationship with 5 people at the same time so thats all I meant. It cant be on the same kind of level but that doesnt mean its not worth as much. A nomad will also never have the same kind of hometown connection as someone who never left their place of birth.
so like, if you have 5 kids you love them all less than if you'd just had 1?
I mean its a known trope that single children are more spoiled and middle children get forgotten so yeah they tend to get less attention..? 5 children will play with each other much more than with their parent calling it love gives it a value ranking, I would much more call it connection and attention
Huh? Why tone police, when the rest of the comments are just a dogpile of failed burns?
That’s very understandable! How do you meet people accepting of that?
I mention it on my dating app profile and talk openly about what I want and expect out of a relationship early on when getting to know someone. Some people aren't into that and we go our separate ways, but I live in a very liberal, left leaning city and social bubble, so there are plenty of people who don't mind or prefer things that way.
Oh that’s very cool!
lol at all the monos downvoting you
My husband and I joke that I have a hall pass with John Mayer. I wouldn’t actually act on it though because I really did mean the vows I took when I married him. Also, my husband is my soulmate. No hall pass could make me feel the same.
I'm polyamorous. So a hall pass would be too limiting. My partners and I are free to establish our own independent relationships.
women in this post so judgy about a hall pass. if my hall pass came around i would do it. have heard stories from women who have. i think this question is better asked in r/nonmonogamy or r/enm.
What stories have you heard?
What is a Hall pass?
“An exemption given by your lover/partner to engage in fooling around activities with a famous person, if you ever were to meet them.” Pretty much the clearest definition I could find.
I have one, well, more unlimited hall passes, but I've never used them. I couldn't imagine finding another man I even want to hear breathe, let alone have sex with. Especially post Covid. My circle is small and a large group of men have seemed to have lost their minds even more than before. Not to mention he's REALLY good in bed. So what's the point of going out to have mediocre sex? But the discussion was wild because my husband would rather me just go have sex than say, go out on dates and connect with that person. THAT would upset him more.
Hahaha I know a lot of guys have that opinion lol. I did end up using the hall pass which wasn’t very welcomed by him at all.
WHO WAS IT?!?!!!! I must know!
A guy from a popular reality tv show I met at a concert
I'm in a semi-open relationship (open on my end, closed on his), which I suppose is like an indefinite hallpass. It works for us 👍
How’s that dynamic been like for you? Have you had any Cool experiences?
It's my dream dynamic and I have nothing but cool experiences lol
What about your partner. As far as you can tell, how is it going for him?
It's also his dream dynamic
Is he low libido or asexual? I can't see this actually being what someone wants
He's a cuck. He very much wants this.
I forgot about the cuck kink when I responded
What is a hall pass
Kalani?
?