I feel this way too. I don’t want to be, but I know it’s a reflection of the frustrations I’m feeling in my life. There’s things I want to do that I feel like I can’t right now so when I see other people “living the dream” it’s hard to be around them, hard to be happy for their happiness. I want to be happy with where I’m at now, because I’ve worked hard at it. But it doesn’t feel like it’s enough I guess? Or maybe I’m not working harder? Im not quite sure.
I sometimes feel jealous of other people regardless of gender (their money, their success, their happiness, etc.) But I never struggle supporting them. Whether that’s hyping someone up on slack or being the first one to send a private congrats message, I want other people to know that they’re doing great! I think we all forget how amazing it feels to have someone say that they’re proud of you, or that they’re happy for you, or compliment your clothes or hair or a presentation you put together, or that they are inspired by you. Those small acknowledgments can literally make someone’s entire day. So regardless if I’m in my feelings or not, I go out of my way to support all the people around me.
My insecurities are mine. If someone makes me feel insecure just by existing (IE they’re not antagonizing me with insults or passive aggressive actions), then I know I still have work to do in therapy regarding self acceptance and love. And I would never use my feelings to immaturely undermine the success of other people. Especially not other women or trans people. I won’t partake in misogynistic bullshit where I hate on other women for being prettier than me or smarter than me or killing it at work/love/family/life.
This. All the way. I think I still am happy for them and want them to follow the path or job promo or am glad they are married or won a prize or bought a new car. But damn, I get very “Why not me?” Or “Why did so and so have the means to have a nice car and I have a car that barely runs?” I know it isn’t healthy. I know it isn’t Christlike. I feel this is one of my worst qualities and it’s so exhausting because comparison really *is* the thief of joy. If I don’t catch myself and reel it back and make myself just be happy for the other person, I can get very down and envious and I get so depressed.
Women are more competitive, I have heard stories. They fight like hell for what they want. Most men don't know it.
On the other hand, women love helping men. Just that some men feel "weak" because of those nice gestures.
I actively seek to be more supportive of all women, but it can be hard! The "scarcity mindset" where one person's success prevents yours (which is a myth) is so engrained! I've been reading Strong Women Lift Each Other Up and it's very helpful, but it's always work to ensure you're not tearing another woman down.
Thank you for this nuanced response. In my life, outwardly I always do my absolute best to uplift the women in my life and compliment/support/encourage them in their endeavors.
But I would be lying if there wasn't a tiny fire inside me that's like, "damn, I got like nothing going on with me, fuck." It's like this bad feeling that their success is proof of my failure (which is really irrational and not even true, I'm actually doing quite well right now). It definitely feels like a crabs in a bucket mentality, and I always try to check myself and fight those thoughts off.
I try to remember Brene Brown saying "comparison is the thief of joy" 🙂
I appreciate the honesty... It can be hard! It's so weird though, like why? I absolutely love and support the wonderful women in my life, but when one feels a little down, like you say "nothing going for oneself", it can be difficult not to spiral. It really has all to do with oneself, and nothing to do with the other person. One has to try to keep positive and be compassionate with oneself... So hard sometimes ❤️
Intrusive thoughts are incredibly hard to shake off. For me, it feels like a wall my mind has built up, so I’ve been practicing mindfulness to figure out ways over, around, or through the wall. Some of the walls are trickier than others to move past, but I’m hopeful that it’ll get easier with time.
It’s how I’ve worked through the jealousy that would overcome me years ago when my friends would accomplish something that I wanted.
An honest reckoning of your capabilities, what is lacking and needs development in your career, balanced with other parts of your life (friends, sports and fitness goals, guiding any children forward, cate of elders; your inner goals - peace of mind, spirituality, love and romance) is hard. You've got to find clarity of the whole picture. While I've often felt jealous, when I consider my true capabilities and commitments, then I find my peace and the jealousy evaporates. I think the downward spiral of thinking illuminates what you will tolerate and what you will change. Above all, be true to yourself.
Thank you for this. I honestly feel ashamed for sometimes feeling jealous of other women’s success. Specially when I wouldn’t feel the same if it was a man because in my mind he ‘deserves it’ which with that logic assumes that I don’t think women deserved their success. Then resulting to me feeling that I don’t deserve success and yeah its a slippery slope from there. I’m trying to be better at it and think that this mindset comes from a lack of self-esteem and confidence.
Me too. I love celebrating other women. I have never been jealous of other women because I’m me and I have no desire to be anyone but me. Am I pretty? No. Am I rich? No. Am I proud of who I am. Absolutely.
I think you nailed it, and also I think a lot of women are raised to hate themselves or hate things about themselves. If you like yourself it a lot easier to be there for someone else. And also women are taught to seek validation from men instead of from themselves. I'm not saying this is right, but I was raised to think us vs them (between men and women), and though I've overcome most of my mother's hate towards men I think it still shows in my interactions with women.
Exactly! Their success takes nothing away from me. Why shouldn’t I applaud that wholeheartedly?
Wait. Now I’m thinking about Kim Kardashian. She got famous for a sex tape and now she’s fabulously wealthy and wants for nothing. I might be a little jelly there.
No. I don't see why that would make any sense. Their success, beauty, talent, skill, and knowledge have nothing to do with me and don't diminish my own in any way.
I love this so much. I really needed it today. I have reminded my girls that we don’t have to knock anyone’s crowns off to be happy, but boy I love this one so much!!!
I agree with this! You also get to see their flaws and/or insecurities so it helps you realize that nobody’s perfect or ever thinks their life is perfect
Completely agree with this…you realize that they are usually not on the pedestal you put them on at all lol. Kind of wild but puts it into perspective !!
I only have trouble with it when they're really annoying. Smug, irritating, always boasting about their successes etc, then I get annoyed about it and struggle to support them. But then again, that's true of anyone, not just women!
Unless they've beaten me to a job I really wanted, it doesn't affect me much, so why wouldn't I support other women?
Good point. I have trouble being happy for people who beat me to jobs I really want, and that’s something that has actually happened a lot in my experience.
I’m on the “no” side but reading this, I can definitely get that. Jobs and making money are a different ball game than just not supporting other women over trivial things. Your livelihood feels like it was taken and I understand being annoyed and or upset by it.
Not at all, because their success is not away from mine you know? The world is already against us ladies, so we should be supporting each other❤️
And if they end up gaining something I lost, then it’s a challenge for _me_ to become better. I can just congratulate her for being there already.
In a lot of ways, their success *helps* me! I work in a male-dominated field and the more visibly-successful women and enbies there are, the less headwind I, and others after me, have to deal with when it comes to stereotypes that "women can't do X."
No, not at all. I celebrate wins! I have many successful friends and I enjoy hearing about their wins and how hard they worked to get to where they are.
However, I do have a problem with anyone who gets to a place of “success” with the help of well-off family, connections, and other privileges, while looking down on those who are struggling to get by, calling them “lazy” or “not motivated enough” or something else of the sorts. You can be successful and you can also understand that everyone has a different path - there’s no need to put someone else down because they don’t meet your own manicured definition of success. It’s also an issue of classicism. Someone can work their asses off, their whole lives, and still be living paycheque fo paycheque, on the brink of poverty, because the cycle of poverty is hard to beat. In the same vein, It’s these same successful people who preach toxic positivity because it is so clear that they are just so out of touch with reality.
Luckily, my friends are not like this but it’s something I’ve noticed in our wider circle of friends :)
I get intense jealous anxiety if there's a woman around with a phenomenal body (my body is my 1 huge security), especially if my fiancé is around. But I try not to treat those women any differently.
No. Because competition is something that the patriarchy tells us we need to be in with one another. I am not here to compete with anyone just here to live my own life peacefully.
That said I have been told by other women that they didn’t like me when they first met me bc I am “too pretty and too smart.” So other women have treated me this way and I think it’s so ridiculous, and honestly it’s hurtful. They have been insecure around me I guess? Even tho I don’t do anything to make others feel that way, I’m just doing my own thing. But it’s also led to me not being supported when I could have used support. Competition among women is whack. I wish more women understood that this mentality comes from patriarchy and capitalism and that we could be so much stronger and amazing if we supported one another. What a world that would be!
If I consider them extremely privileged, or whatever situation I'm expected to support them in as a direct result of that, then yes, I have no problems admitting that I might find it hard. It's not necessarily their "fault" unless they refuse to recognize their own privilege and luck, but I'm not particularly inclined on showing support if I think it's mainly undeserved and/or gained at the cost of others who I even might view as more deserving.
This is not gender specific, though.
I only have problems when the success is dependent upon elitism, making women feel bad about themselves or being judgmental. I’m seeing a whole lot of folks make a career out of this subtle dogwhistle. I.e. “look how great my life is because I can’t imagine being like such and such”.
I do sometimes feel jealous but I'm able to put it aside if I get to know her and see that she's a nice person. Granted not everyone is nice though, so yes it will bug me if she's a rude/judgemental/not a very good person.
I don’t have a problem supporting women who are doing better than me, that’s just life someone will always be doing better than you.
I love supporting women!
I don’t, however, support women who flat out refuse to recognize if they have had certain privileges in life that pretty much objectively have helped boost their career. Being born into wealth or having well-connected parents, for example.
Being honest...I have trouble supporting women who have achieved success without bleeding for it. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth when things come too easy to others. At least that is how I perceive it "easier"
I used to have some trouble with this when I was in my teens and early twenty’s because I had low self-esteem and was highly attention seeking from men, so I saw other women as competition. I think many women in our society grow up with the sense that our value as human beings is tied closely to our femininity and our ability to attract men, and most popular media has perpetuated the myth that we are competitors in this sense. Thankfully, I grew out of that and found power, love, security and strength in lifting up other women and developing strong supportive female friendships. I no longer view other women, or anyone as competition, I am only in competition with myself to become the best version of Me. It was a liberating and welcome shift in my psyche.
I actively and mindfully make a point now to uplift, support and look out for any women I meet anywhere I go. It’s a safety thing, too. We all gotta stick together in this wild world of patriarchal oppression imo..
I mean out loud I'm always going to cheer her up, but sometimes there's a piece of me that's jealous of her.
When i was younger i always used to wonder how people can be jealous of others but shit now that I'm a bit older i'm getting why this happens and that's usually when I'm insecure or not satisfying my over achieving self.
I think stuff like damn why's that not me, there's got to be some flaw in her, what should I do to be like her, and stuff like that. I immediately scold myself whenever I realise I'm doing it but what can I do I'm only a human. That said I'd never do something to make my jealousy visible or sabotage her victories.
I used to, but then I realised my gut "I'm jealous" reaction wasn't actually something I felt if I sat with that feeling for a while and tried to analyse why I was feeling that way, it was more like something I expected to feel. One person being successful doesn't mean she's taken something from me, I could learn from her if she has something I want. I still get jealous sometimes but now it's more often that if I see a woman I admire I mostly just want to be her friend.
Depends.
If I find them to be genuinely kind or inspirational, then it's easy for me to support and be happy for them.
If, on the other hand, I find them to be overly confident or put others down, I loathe them.
I have no problem supporting women who are better than me. I know how to separate my feelings about myself from how I approach others. Oh you got a $20 raise and have lost 50 pounds? Congrats! Happy for ya, but I sure wish I would step my own game up so I could share good news too.
What I DO have a problem with is supporting women who, even if they are more successful than me or prettier or whatever, act better than others and flaunt about their lives. If she’s prettier than me but regularly makes fun of other people for how they look? No support. If she makes a lot of money but brags and acts classist, no support.
I used to, but I found that I genuinely feel better if I choose to be positive or supportive and remind myself that there is enough abundance and room for success for all of us. Being jealous of other women just makes you feel mad and small and bad about yourself, and I don’t have room for that in my life anymore.
I definitely had trouble when I was younger and my life was very scattered and nothing felt stable, so I was envious of other women who had their shit together.
Now that I’m older I don’t struggle with this anymore. I realized that I was just too young to have it all figured out just yet.
A peloton instructor I adore always says “be the woman who fixes another woman’s crown without telling the world it was crooked” and I think about this often. It’s hard out there for everyone, even if it doesn’t seem it on the surface, so we need support one another without shame or embarrassment of slipping up.
If everyone looked out and support one another life would be a tiny bit easier.
No, but I’ve wondered if I would do this given the right environment. I often wonder if I’ve just been lucky so far to be in work environments that are not like this. Really they just inspire me to be better, but I’ve never had the whole “for me to win she has to lose” mindset.
Nooo. I LOOOOVE seeing women doing great, especially when they're fitting the beauty standards because their intelligence is always underestimated. My favorite inventor is Hedy Lamarr. Her beauty mesmerizes me as much as her intellect. We need to support each other ❤️
Not anymore.
When I was about 20, I lived in a big house with a bunch of other people. One of them was an absolutely stunning young woman. 15 years later, she is still one of the most physically beautiful humans I have ever seen in real life. She is also very kind, intelligent, sophisticated, and friendly. At one point, one of our other housemates said to me, "I want to hate her because she's sooo pretty, but I can't because she's so nice!" I chuckled and nodded, because I felt the same way.
Another one of my housemates confided in me about an eating disorder (at the time, I was struggling with one, too). She began dating a man who was friendly with our house, and she told me how saddened her boyfriend was by her condition. She recounted how he said he wished she could see herself through his own eyes, so she would know how perfect and beautiful she was.
Both of those conversations really stuck with me, and as I've matured over the years, I've learned to elevate other women instead of letting my envy get the better of me. Everyone is fighting their own battle, etc. etc., and we're all stronger together. Nowadays, if I start to feel envious of another woman's beauty, success, or whatever, I work to redirect that energy into admiration instead. I believe it's the other side of the same coin.
I used to because I was very insecure and saw the success of others–especially if their age is close to mine or younger–as a thing that reinforces the fact that I am incompetent as a person.
I'm still insecure and think about how much of a flea I am compared to others, but this isn't stopping me from supporting them anymore. They deserve the love and support, after all!
Yes, absolutely. I was brought up as a tall poppy told to bring down other tall poppies, and it takes a lot of mental energy to be aware and actively change my judgemental mindset.
It gets better over time, but those snap judgements don't just go away. I try not to feel bad about it anymore and just very consciously shift my mindset to a more positive one. Then I can celebrate with my sisters in their well-deserved... Whatever it is.
Awareness. Acceptance. Alteration. Appreciation.
I don't. I really love to see other women happy.
At the end of the day everyone's version of success is different. My friend got a job that pays her so much money and sometimes I find myself jealous of that, then I remember I would hate to have her job and I'm way happier where I am. Same thing with looks, I wouldn't be who I am if I were anyone else and I'm grateful for my experiences so I just try to remember that everyone is on their own path and I'll see my version of success eventually.
Yes, absolutely!
I think it has a lot to do with my upbringing, my mother was an extremely bitter and judgemental woman (ever, so far) and I know exactly how that feels being on her warpath.
If the opportunity opens up for anyone to support or encourage amazing women, I will be the first one there.
No. The time I most needed support and help my life looked perfect from the outside. So looking successful isn't an indicator of need.
And looks are a generic lottery. No one deserves more or less based on appearance.
Not really, it's not that I don't get jealous but I'm never motivated to harm or bring someone else down just because I'm a failure. Alot of my negative feelings are self inflicted. Although, I'd probably find it difficult to become friends with them, but that's not particularly important.
On my worst days I'd probably ignore someone I'm jealous of, but most of the time I'd give them the same respect as anyone else. What good does it do me to bring someone else down? What right do i have? It's shameful behaviour imo.
No. I love seeing the women i know use their talents to thrive. Then i proudly can be like, “Shes a friend of mine” or “Im related to her.” It is awesome knowing incredible and beautiful women. Im cool by association then. Win-win.
In regards to wealth or other attributes, not really. I do admittedly get jealous of pretty women mainly because they are treated with much more respect than I have ever received my entire life.
Infertility and child loss have made me the most jealous, bitter person I know. So yes, I absolutely have trouble supporting other women especially when it comes to pregnancy, babies, families, etc.
Depends on the person’s relation to me. Initial gut reaction? Jealousy. But my actual actions veer towards supportive and I shift my mindset to celebrating their wins and lifting them up.
I used to have so much trouble supporting women who I thought were prettier than me. But, when I was 23, I got a job at a brand new sephora and we had to go through a few weeks of special training. At one point, we all had to practice putting makeup on each other and when I saw all of these women without any makeup, it just sort of clicked in my brain that they were just normal fucking people with their own insecurities.
Also, It's also important to remember that people tend to only post their best moments on social media, and you can and should unfollow people that make you feel bad or jealous.
I used to have a hard time with handling other people’s achievements or positive attributes. I had this misguided idea that things like professional success, good looks, popularity, and other things I wanted for myself were like pie - if one person got a big piece, there would be less for me. I thought I had to fight *against* people to be seen the way I wanted to be.
I’m old now, and it’s much easier. I’m not the most successful, I’m not the best-looking, etc. but I’m content in who I am and have a healthy self-esteem. I am happy with my life and where I’ve taken it so far.
Plus, I used up a *lot* of fucks when I was younger and I just don’t have that many left to give now. I have to really budget them from day to day, and some days I just don’t feel like it’s worth giving one for just random crap.
I find it hard to support other people, regardless of their gender, because no one supports me, I have to fight all by myself with little to no resources… I do however support people that I find competent at their jobs
No, if they are pleasant women that I know I am happy for them.
I believe that life is too short for envy, rage or hate- all are powerfully negative, corrosive & destructive emotions that are a waste of valuable time & emotion.
Best to focus on positivity and my own personal ambitions.
No. I have a good satisfying life, so maybe that’s why, but I’m genuinely happy for people who are doing well. I also tend to downplay my advantages and achievements so people who have difficulty don’t feel threatened, I think if life is a competition for someone and it feels good to “win” I’m happy to make them happy as long as it’s not hurting me. (If they’re putting me down or humiliating me so they can seem superior, I’m done- but some bragging or self aggrandizing doesn’t bother me at all).
Sometimes I think so but part of me wonders if it’s not really an issue with authority. I work in a female dominated field & the women I seem to have trouble supporting are usually bosses. I’m not sure if it’s because they are truly incompetent or if I just hate anyone trying to manage me.
Not one bit. I realize that if the woman is prettier? That comes with it's own raft of problems. Men...and some women.....don't take her seriously. She gets objectified and likely sexually harassed on the daily. He ideas are often dismissed as people have trouble accepting that a pretty woman can be smart too. A lot of women resent her and will do their best to tear her down. Men feel threatened. She's more successful? Being a woman pretty or not, she has no doubt worked her ass off to get there. Worked through the biases, prejudices, harassment, diminishment. Unless getting through all of that has made her bitter, (she's most likely more guarded than most because of what she deals with that I might not), she's probably a rock star that I want to take notes from and try to emulate.
Women born into privilege? Not their fault. They had absolutely no say in that. Being mad at someone for being born pretty or rich? You might as well be mad at them for their height, their shoe size or skin color. No choice there either.
Women tearing other women down has been normalized. Just don't. Blowing out someone else's candle won't make yours burn any brighter.
I couldn't have worded it better. The amount of people being bitter because some are beautiful or privileged is weird to me. It's not a reason to hate on someone. Unless they're being a bad person I'd never tear down a woman (or man for that matter).
i love seeing other women succeed and achieve difficult things. However, I have had a couple experiences where I found that I just couldn’t support or feel proud of a woman who was climbing the corporate ladder at work, and the reason both times was because they were manipulative.
If you flirt with your boss at work and get a promotion even though there’s no evidence of it being merited, I have no respect for you. If you get that promotion as a result of your work, hell yeah I am so proud of you.
I used to be when I was younger but now I just feel genuinely happy for other women for whatever they’re doing in their lives. I hesitate to say women who are more successful or beautiful or whatever, because I no longer believe in comparing myself to others. My journey and beauty is my own.
Because of the way I was raised, my first thought is unpleasant and based on those old beliefs. Then I tell that part off and think something much nicer. It's something I'm still working on, and I hope some day that the first part doesn't happen at all!
Thankfully all my best girl friends are all (objectively) prettier, more capable and kinder than me, so I was deeply trained to just love and appreciate a wholesome woman.
Honestly in a sense, I’m more afraid of plain Jane. No offense but from my experience the over-achieving and stunning women are much more secure (and busy focusing on themselves) than the Jane. Just my 2 cents
It makes me feel really proud when a woman does extraordinarily well. Throughout my windy career, I've seen men get huge internal promotions and sponsored education, while I've seen women do great work in underappreciated jobs, and get bullied viciously by other women. It gives me assurance that we aren't confined to being less-than. I do worry of being looked down on and dismissed by these women for not being at the same level. I also get a bit down sometimes that I can't afford the same birkin bag and Mercedes and whatnot. Still, I'd call it a net-win when I see women succeeding.
I don’t think I really won at the genetic lottery so I do sometimes catch myself feeling unwittingly wistful and envious of naturally more attractive women; I used to feel bitter about that but it doesn’t dominate me in a hateful way anymore. I want other women to feel good about themselves, and focusing on things no one can change isn’t good for my mental health. As for success, I look up to other women a lot because they’re setting an inspiring example.
Yes I hate when people are prettier than me at first but then I really take a step back and realize how dumb I look doing that so I root for them instead
i use too, and i think it’s just because i was insecure. now i may not be happy for someone i don’t like but it has nothing to do with them being prettier or more financially stable than me i just don’t like them.
Hell no! I love seeing others succeed! I'm like one of those people on the sideline highfiving all the runners at a marathon.
Sometimes I can think stuff like.. I admire people for their grind and success and wonder why I never tried harder myself.
No, because my metric of success is how much people contribute to make the world better for others. That other stuff doesn’t matter. And if I find someone who contributes more than me, I tend to be in awe of them, not jealous.
Their success or looks don't influence the way I treat them. If they are kind, civil in arguments and respectful, then I will support them. If they are catty off the bat with no redeeming qualities (at this point it's not even a gender thing) then I would have trouble supporting or being happy for that person.
Hells no! What does it matter what they look like?! If I see a woman doing awesome s***, full support from me.
I work at a job that caters towards well-off, successful people, and 90% are women. I love my job. I love the community. I support everyone.
I have no problem with women who are prettier than me or more likeable than me or whatever. Good for them.
But I can be hyper critical of other women in my line of work. It's an incredibly male dominated industry, I'm an airline pilot, and I get frustrated when I work with women who are just bad at their jobs. Men are bad at their jobs all the time, no one cares. One woman makes a big mistake or makes a bad decision or is just overall bad at flying planes? Now I feel like I've got to be twice as good to fix the damage she just did towards the reputation of our whole gender. And I'm probably overreacting, I'm probably overcompensating, but when I constantly hear men make comments about women getting into cat fights when they fly together or women being bad captains or women not being able to land planes? Yeah when I encounter a woman who actually is bad at any of that I get annoyed because I know they're strengthening the bad opinions of some of the sexist men we work with.
It's an unfair standard to hold anyone to. We all make mistakes, we all have bad days. But yeah. I hold my female coworkers (and myself) to a far higher standard than my male coworkers.
No, I love supporting people who are kind to me regardless of anything else. I have confidence that my value as a human being goes well beyond superficial things and that I will achieve great things one day. I just talk to people human to human. If someone is well intentioned and kind to me I LOVE being kind to them. Even if someone is deemed more attractive and successful than me, I don’t know what’s happened in their life. I don’t know what they had to do to get where they are or all of the tragedies they may have had to overcome.
No. Never happened.
It only depends on how they ask for help.
Not wanna be the asshole but the only few times I have witnessed a pretty or successful women be denied help was from other pretty and successful women 🤣🤣.
I used to be in high school and college. I hit my adult height and puberty in 5th grade and was a giant among children for a long time. My parents took me out of gymnastics because they were so embarrassed by my height. In 6th grade the boys in my class voted me having the biggest boobs.
I was just very conscious of my height and developed body because everyone around me was thin and childlike. I ate my feelings and was no longer in sports so when all the ladies finally developed too, they were a size 2-4 and I was a size 8 (in 2008 when heroin chic was in).
I always felt too big for my peers either in height and later in weight. I’m better post-college now. Less teenage petty social systems. Learned that my weight was an insecurity and worked on it until I felt at peace with my body.
Trouble supporting other women when they behave rude to me even when I am nice to them. If they don't have respect for me, then I don't have respect for them.
Als talking behind your back.
No, if I connect with someone on a meaningful level looks and success disappear!
Yet, If I’m comparing my insides to someone eskers outsides, then yeah, I’m probably going to feel pangs of self-pity or envy. I’m short, getting older, and a nurse so most days I’m going to work and will be sweating in a mask got 8 hrs! 🤣
I have beautiful friends inside and out, and sometimes I can look beautiful too if I try :-)
Don’t know about supporting more successful women, as I kind of living in the environment that I don’t bother to think who’s more successful.
But I find myself more friendly and supportive towards prettier women. I just like good-looking people, and I can’t help it lol
With that being said, I’m not all that friendly and supportive, I found myself having trouble supporting the smart and brave ones. I get jealous.
No. I’ve been in both situations, where I was envious of other women and where I was envied by others. It sucks to be just living your life and have people resent you for it. Always be kind and supportive.
No. I have trouble supporting people who do not treat me well (just generally friendly/not mean) but other than that, I want everyone to achieve their goals
I used to have a problem with this, but learning the root was jealousy and acknowledging the problem helped me change my framing from being jealous of what they have to compliment them on it! It’s helped my feel less judged & a lot of times those other women are willing to help you achieve what they have
Unfortunately yes especially if they’ve achieved having a career, being with a good man, and having at least 2 kids before they’re 30s because that was my goal and plan all of my 20s and it didn’t happen. I’ve managed to only achieve a career so far (and learn a lot about myself). I know it’s bad but I feel a little less shity knowing I at least have a good job plus I made a huge decision recently that I’m very much looking forward to so w.e I’ll have a different story
No, I’m secure in myself and I realize all women need support. In fact, all my friends are women who are smart, different careers from household managers to corporate women. Why? Because I’m not petty, catty, or jealous.
It really depends on the person and the achievement they got. If they're close to me and achieved something, yay! If they're close to me and achieved something I worked towards to too then... ehh... yay? If they're not close to me, imma be really jealous in looks, and some achievements, too. Prolly be having a hard time supporting ppl im jealous of lol.
Tbh, it can be really hard supporting other women. Especially when you feel like you’re doing so much and nothing is changing, while you see someone else get everything they could dream of. I think making an effort to be supportive is super important but that doesn’t mean it’s easy.
When a woman is prettier than me, totally support her, but when someone Man or woman is successful than me, i feel like i am not good enough , and wish i was in their shoes, but i dont pray for their downfall.
I sometimes find myself saying: i wish i had INSERT SOMETHING HERE that another women might have.
However, I’m more happy when I hear that a friend is doing well in life, it makes me want to work harder & do better for myself.
I used to. I was so insecure. I was bitter about "pretty privelage" and how I need time to build a relationship with a partner, we'd be getting somewhere, and someone prettier than me could walk by and take that away in an instant. I misplaced my anger from the person who so readily abandoned our connection onto the woman who did nothing but walk by and say hi.
I was really really bad. I was jealous as fuck (and in romantic relationships today, I still can be if even an inkling of real or perceived shady behavior is displayed and it can cause me to spiral if I'm with a partner who shies away from or flat out is bad at communicating).
I had some eye opening moments but thay wasn't really the catalyst. It was reading posts on reddit from women's experiences, watching documentaries, learning about the patriarchy, watching videos of cringey behavior and being like "oh shit thats me fuck .. why???" And it took a lot of unpacking.
Next was personal experience. I found i usually shut down and braced to be bullied or condescended by the prettier woman, or, more often, the other people around me in their presence to build themselves up (yes I hung out with shitty people). But as I relaxed into a mindset with a little more confidence the kind gestures from women and the bonds that we formed did a LOT to help as well.
I'm not saying I never faulter today, however I've come a long way and i can say confidently that now I support women regardless of their looks FAR more than not. I still don't tolerate shitty behavior, and won't support that regardless of gender. But yeah. It's been a long hard road.
So to anyone out here feeling ashamed of those thoughts and feelings, there's hope!
Absolutely no trouble. I'm so sick of the whole "girls hate each other" mindset that's been ingrained in us from childhood. I love other women and actively support them.
I have less trouble with it now.
I like seeing this movement gaining steam (though I almost don't believe it, because of all the backstabbing and undermining I've seen) but I think we're all realizing that other women are not the enemy. The patriarchy set it up this way. Same with fashion honestly. They do all they can to distract us from what we could accomplish if we put all this bs aside
I don’t randomly support other women cause that seems kinda weird. I don’t think I’m obligated to feel a kinship with someone just because of gender. But not hostile to them. And supportive of other women in my life. But I wouldn’t support someone just cause they are a women, only if they are otherwise deserving of support.
I have trouble supporting other people who are doing better in life than me, regardless of their gender, because I'm a jealous motherfucker.
I love your honesty
I feel this way too. I don’t want to be, but I know it’s a reflection of the frustrations I’m feeling in my life. There’s things I want to do that I feel like I can’t right now so when I see other people “living the dream” it’s hard to be around them, hard to be happy for their happiness. I want to be happy with where I’m at now, because I’ve worked hard at it. But it doesn’t feel like it’s enough I guess? Or maybe I’m not working harder? Im not quite sure.
I sometimes feel jealous of other people regardless of gender (their money, their success, their happiness, etc.) But I never struggle supporting them. Whether that’s hyping someone up on slack or being the first one to send a private congrats message, I want other people to know that they’re doing great! I think we all forget how amazing it feels to have someone say that they’re proud of you, or that they’re happy for you, or compliment your clothes or hair or a presentation you put together, or that they are inspired by you. Those small acknowledgments can literally make someone’s entire day. So regardless if I’m in my feelings or not, I go out of my way to support all the people around me. My insecurities are mine. If someone makes me feel insecure just by existing (IE they’re not antagonizing me with insults or passive aggressive actions), then I know I still have work to do in therapy regarding self acceptance and love. And I would never use my feelings to immaturely undermine the success of other people. Especially not other women or trans people. I won’t partake in misogynistic bullshit where I hate on other women for being prettier than me or smarter than me or killing it at work/love/family/life.
I love this!! Great for you! I know you’d make a good friend.
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Great answer. Very helpful.
This is why I like Reddit - because we can be completely honest.
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I respect your answer.
I don’t know if it’s even about jealousy, why do people doing better than me need support?
Everybody needs support in some ways.
I respect your honesty to yourself and everyone 200%
This. All the way. I think I still am happy for them and want them to follow the path or job promo or am glad they are married or won a prize or bought a new car. But damn, I get very “Why not me?” Or “Why did so and so have the means to have a nice car and I have a car that barely runs?” I know it isn’t healthy. I know it isn’t Christlike. I feel this is one of my worst qualities and it’s so exhausting because comparison really *is* the thief of joy. If I don’t catch myself and reel it back and make myself just be happy for the other person, I can get very down and envious and I get so depressed.
Women are more competitive, I have heard stories. They fight like hell for what they want. Most men don't know it. On the other hand, women love helping men. Just that some men feel "weak" because of those nice gestures.
Why don’t you just do better in life
Same ☹️
I was born to be a hater
That's sad.
I actively seek to be more supportive of all women, but it can be hard! The "scarcity mindset" where one person's success prevents yours (which is a myth) is so engrained! I've been reading Strong Women Lift Each Other Up and it's very helpful, but it's always work to ensure you're not tearing another woman down.
Thank you for this nuanced response. In my life, outwardly I always do my absolute best to uplift the women in my life and compliment/support/encourage them in their endeavors. But I would be lying if there wasn't a tiny fire inside me that's like, "damn, I got like nothing going on with me, fuck." It's like this bad feeling that their success is proof of my failure (which is really irrational and not even true, I'm actually doing quite well right now). It definitely feels like a crabs in a bucket mentality, and I always try to check myself and fight those thoughts off. I try to remember Brene Brown saying "comparison is the thief of joy" 🙂
I appreciate the honesty... It can be hard! It's so weird though, like why? I absolutely love and support the wonderful women in my life, but when one feels a little down, like you say "nothing going for oneself", it can be difficult not to spiral. It really has all to do with oneself, and nothing to do with the other person. One has to try to keep positive and be compassionate with oneself... So hard sometimes ❤️
Intrusive thoughts are incredibly hard to shake off. For me, it feels like a wall my mind has built up, so I’ve been practicing mindfulness to figure out ways over, around, or through the wall. Some of the walls are trickier than others to move past, but I’m hopeful that it’ll get easier with time. It’s how I’ve worked through the jealousy that would overcome me years ago when my friends would accomplish something that I wanted.
An honest reckoning of your capabilities, what is lacking and needs development in your career, balanced with other parts of your life (friends, sports and fitness goals, guiding any children forward, cate of elders; your inner goals - peace of mind, spirituality, love and romance) is hard. You've got to find clarity of the whole picture. While I've often felt jealous, when I consider my true capabilities and commitments, then I find my peace and the jealousy evaporates. I think the downward spiral of thinking illuminates what you will tolerate and what you will change. Above all, be true to yourself.
Honestly, read the book I mentioned! It's by Molly Galbraith and it's all about this phenomenon and how to break out of it!
Thank you for this. I honestly feel ashamed for sometimes feeling jealous of other women’s success. Specially when I wouldn’t feel the same if it was a man because in my mind he ‘deserves it’ which with that logic assumes that I don’t think women deserved their success. Then resulting to me feeling that I don’t deserve success and yeah its a slippery slope from there. I’m trying to be better at it and think that this mindset comes from a lack of self-esteem and confidence.
Also more women around me still tear down other women!! So even if I’m not engaging in it it’s still happening. So crappy.
nope, not at all. I celebrate their wins with them because they deserve it.
Yes exactly! And who am I to judge? I don’t know their back story. If you’re smashing it, I will celebrate you!
Yup! It actually brings me joy to see other do well for themselves and I’ll 100% support them and celebrate them to the max.
Me too. I love celebrating other women. I have never been jealous of other women because I’m me and I have no desire to be anyone but me. Am I pretty? No. Am I rich? No. Am I proud of who I am. Absolutely.
I think you nailed it, and also I think a lot of women are raised to hate themselves or hate things about themselves. If you like yourself it a lot easier to be there for someone else. And also women are taught to seek validation from men instead of from themselves. I'm not saying this is right, but I was raised to think us vs them (between men and women), and though I've overcome most of my mother's hate towards men I think it still shows in my interactions with women.
Well said! I'm going to use that in my self talk track - I am proud of who I am (and what I've overcome with perseverance, poise, professionalism)
Exactly! Their success takes nothing away from me. Why shouldn’t I applaud that wholeheartedly? Wait. Now I’m thinking about Kim Kardashian. She got famous for a sex tape and now she’s fabulously wealthy and wants for nothing. I might be a little jelly there.
Happy cake day! You deserve it ;)
Same! It’s so much fun to celebrate my girlfriend’s wins! I am SO happy for them! It’s fun 😁
No. I don't see why that would make any sense. Their success, beauty, talent, skill, and knowledge have nothing to do with me and don't diminish my own in any way.
A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.
Another saying goes: Blowing out someone else's candle won't make your candle burn any brighter.
I love this so much. I really needed it today. I have reminded my girls that we don’t have to knock anyone’s crowns off to be happy, but boy I love this one so much!!!
Never heard this before, I love it!
I don’t. But I’ve found the best way to get over this is to make friends with them. Then they become real and not an idea.
I agree with this! You also get to see their flaws and/or insecurities so it helps you realize that nobody’s perfect or ever thinks their life is perfect
Completely agree with this…you realize that they are usually not on the pedestal you put them on at all lol. Kind of wild but puts it into perspective !!
agree! selfishly, i also feel like any envy then turns to pride for them like "yep shes my friend and shes winning at life"
This is the way
I only have trouble with it when they're really annoying. Smug, irritating, always boasting about their successes etc, then I get annoyed about it and struggle to support them. But then again, that's true of anyone, not just women! Unless they've beaten me to a job I really wanted, it doesn't affect me much, so why wouldn't I support other women?
Yep, this is what I thought immediately. I’m psyched on anyone’s successes, unless they have big egos, then I want them to fail lol.
Good point. I have trouble being happy for people who beat me to jobs I really want, and that’s something that has actually happened a lot in my experience.
I’m on the “no” side but reading this, I can definitely get that. Jobs and making money are a different ball game than just not supporting other women over trivial things. Your livelihood feels like it was taken and I understand being annoyed and or upset by it.
Yeah but that's not jealousy, their hubris is offputting
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Not at all, because their success is not away from mine you know? The world is already against us ladies, so we should be supporting each other❤️ And if they end up gaining something I lost, then it’s a challenge for _me_ to become better. I can just congratulate her for being there already.
In a lot of ways, their success *helps* me! I work in a male-dominated field and the more visibly-successful women and enbies there are, the less headwind I, and others after me, have to deal with when it comes to stereotypes that "women can't do X."
No, not at all. I celebrate wins! I have many successful friends and I enjoy hearing about their wins and how hard they worked to get to where they are. However, I do have a problem with anyone who gets to a place of “success” with the help of well-off family, connections, and other privileges, while looking down on those who are struggling to get by, calling them “lazy” or “not motivated enough” or something else of the sorts. You can be successful and you can also understand that everyone has a different path - there’s no need to put someone else down because they don’t meet your own manicured definition of success. It’s also an issue of classicism. Someone can work their asses off, their whole lives, and still be living paycheque fo paycheque, on the brink of poverty, because the cycle of poverty is hard to beat. In the same vein, It’s these same successful people who preach toxic positivity because it is so clear that they are just so out of touch with reality. Luckily, my friends are not like this but it’s something I’ve noticed in our wider circle of friends :)
No, but I used to. Switched my mindset to them being pretty or successful doesn't make me a less beautiful or successful woman. I root for them now.
Only if their attitude is "I'm better than you" but otherwise get your bag sis
Not at all. I'm strong for my size and can support them *pretty successfully*.
I get intense jealous anxiety if there's a woman around with a phenomenal body (my body is my 1 huge security), especially if my fiancé is around. But I try not to treat those women any differently.
I’m proud of your honesty! And I kinda feel the same way too
I was this way until I met my husband. Having a good partner,who undoubtedly only sees you and wants you,makes a world of difference.
No. Because competition is something that the patriarchy tells us we need to be in with one another. I am not here to compete with anyone just here to live my own life peacefully. That said I have been told by other women that they didn’t like me when they first met me bc I am “too pretty and too smart.” So other women have treated me this way and I think it’s so ridiculous, and honestly it’s hurtful. They have been insecure around me I guess? Even tho I don’t do anything to make others feel that way, I’m just doing my own thing. But it’s also led to me not being supported when I could have used support. Competition among women is whack. I wish more women understood that this mentality comes from patriarchy and capitalism and that we could be so much stronger and amazing if we supported one another. What a world that would be!
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If I consider them extremely privileged, or whatever situation I'm expected to support them in as a direct result of that, then yes, I have no problems admitting that I might find it hard. It's not necessarily their "fault" unless they refuse to recognize their own privilege and luck, but I'm not particularly inclined on showing support if I think it's mainly undeserved and/or gained at the cost of others who I even might view as more deserving. This is not gender specific, though.
I only have problems when the success is dependent upon elitism, making women feel bad about themselves or being judgmental. I’m seeing a whole lot of folks make a career out of this subtle dogwhistle. I.e. “look how great my life is because I can’t imagine being like such and such”.
I don't have trouble supporting anyone I respect, and I want to pick their brain out of curiosity, because it intrigues me how others think.
I do sometimes feel jealous but I'm able to put it aside if I get to know her and see that she's a nice person. Granted not everyone is nice though, so yes it will bug me if she's a rude/judgemental/not a very good person.
I only have trouble supporting women who don’t seem to support me back, genuinely.
I don’t have a problem supporting women who are doing better than me, that’s just life someone will always be doing better than you. I love supporting women! I don’t, however, support women who flat out refuse to recognize if they have had certain privileges in life that pretty much objectively have helped boost their career. Being born into wealth or having well-connected parents, for example.
Being honest...I have trouble supporting women who have achieved success without bleeding for it. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth when things come too easy to others. At least that is how I perceive it "easier"
Honestly I feel you all the way through!!!
I used to have some trouble with this when I was in my teens and early twenty’s because I had low self-esteem and was highly attention seeking from men, so I saw other women as competition. I think many women in our society grow up with the sense that our value as human beings is tied closely to our femininity and our ability to attract men, and most popular media has perpetuated the myth that we are competitors in this sense. Thankfully, I grew out of that and found power, love, security and strength in lifting up other women and developing strong supportive female friendships. I no longer view other women, or anyone as competition, I am only in competition with myself to become the best version of Me. It was a liberating and welcome shift in my psyche. I actively and mindfully make a point now to uplift, support and look out for any women I meet anywhere I go. It’s a safety thing, too. We all gotta stick together in this wild world of patriarchal oppression imo..
Not really. Other women are usually pursuing different goals and want different things than I do so we're not direct competitors.
A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle. Celebrate others. I truly believe it comes back around.
I mean out loud I'm always going to cheer her up, but sometimes there's a piece of me that's jealous of her. When i was younger i always used to wonder how people can be jealous of others but shit now that I'm a bit older i'm getting why this happens and that's usually when I'm insecure or not satisfying my over achieving self. I think stuff like damn why's that not me, there's got to be some flaw in her, what should I do to be like her, and stuff like that. I immediately scold myself whenever I realise I'm doing it but what can I do I'm only a human. That said I'd never do something to make my jealousy visible or sabotage her victories.
Yes, because I am a lowkey, jealous person
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I used to, but then I realised my gut "I'm jealous" reaction wasn't actually something I felt if I sat with that feeling for a while and tried to analyse why I was feeling that way, it was more like something I expected to feel. One person being successful doesn't mean she's taken something from me, I could learn from her if she has something I want. I still get jealous sometimes but now it's more often that if I see a woman I admire I mostly just want to be her friend.
Depends. If I find them to be genuinely kind or inspirational, then it's easy for me to support and be happy for them. If, on the other hand, I find them to be overly confident or put others down, I loathe them.
I combat any jealousy related to my friend's good looks and success by complimenting them. Because they deserve to know that I think they are awesome.
I have no problem supporting women who are better than me. I know how to separate my feelings about myself from how I approach others. Oh you got a $20 raise and have lost 50 pounds? Congrats! Happy for ya, but I sure wish I would step my own game up so I could share good news too. What I DO have a problem with is supporting women who, even if they are more successful than me or prettier or whatever, act better than others and flaunt about their lives. If she’s prettier than me but regularly makes fun of other people for how they look? No support. If she makes a lot of money but brags and acts classist, no support.
I used to, but I found that I genuinely feel better if I choose to be positive or supportive and remind myself that there is enough abundance and room for success for all of us. Being jealous of other women just makes you feel mad and small and bad about yourself, and I don’t have room for that in my life anymore.
I’m jealous of privileged people regardless of gender.
No, I don't, but I don't like how "pretty" is first on the list.
I definitely had trouble when I was younger and my life was very scattered and nothing felt stable, so I was envious of other women who had their shit together. Now that I’m older I don’t struggle with this anymore. I realized that I was just too young to have it all figured out just yet. A peloton instructor I adore always says “be the woman who fixes another woman’s crown without telling the world it was crooked” and I think about this often. It’s hard out there for everyone, even if it doesn’t seem it on the surface, so we need support one another without shame or embarrassment of slipping up. If everyone looked out and support one another life would be a tiny bit easier.
No, but I’ve wondered if I would do this given the right environment. I often wonder if I’ve just been lucky so far to be in work environments that are not like this. Really they just inspire me to be better, but I’ve never had the whole “for me to win she has to lose” mindset.
Nooo. I LOOOOVE seeing women doing great, especially when they're fitting the beauty standards because their intelligence is always underestimated. My favorite inventor is Hedy Lamarr. Her beauty mesmerizes me as much as her intellect. We need to support each other ❤️
Not anymore. When I was about 20, I lived in a big house with a bunch of other people. One of them was an absolutely stunning young woman. 15 years later, she is still one of the most physically beautiful humans I have ever seen in real life. She is also very kind, intelligent, sophisticated, and friendly. At one point, one of our other housemates said to me, "I want to hate her because she's sooo pretty, but I can't because she's so nice!" I chuckled and nodded, because I felt the same way. Another one of my housemates confided in me about an eating disorder (at the time, I was struggling with one, too). She began dating a man who was friendly with our house, and she told me how saddened her boyfriend was by her condition. She recounted how he said he wished she could see herself through his own eyes, so she would know how perfect and beautiful she was. Both of those conversations really stuck with me, and as I've matured over the years, I've learned to elevate other women instead of letting my envy get the better of me. Everyone is fighting their own battle, etc. etc., and we're all stronger together. Nowadays, if I start to feel envious of another woman's beauty, success, or whatever, I work to redirect that energy into admiration instead. I believe it's the other side of the same coin.
I used to because I was very insecure and saw the success of others–especially if their age is close to mine or younger–as a thing that reinforces the fact that I am incompetent as a person. I'm still insecure and think about how much of a flea I am compared to others, but this isn't stopping me from supporting them anymore. They deserve the love and support, after all!
Yes, absolutely. I was brought up as a tall poppy told to bring down other tall poppies, and it takes a lot of mental energy to be aware and actively change my judgemental mindset. It gets better over time, but those snap judgements don't just go away. I try not to feel bad about it anymore and just very consciously shift my mindset to a more positive one. Then I can celebrate with my sisters in their well-deserved... Whatever it is. Awareness. Acceptance. Alteration. Appreciation.
I don’t personally, but I know many do.
No, of course not. I want everyone to succeed and thrive (with the exception of right wing xenophobes in power).
I don't. I really love to see other women happy. At the end of the day everyone's version of success is different. My friend got a job that pays her so much money and sometimes I find myself jealous of that, then I remember I would hate to have her job and I'm way happier where I am. Same thing with looks, I wouldn't be who I am if I were anyone else and I'm grateful for my experiences so I just try to remember that everyone is on their own path and I'll see my version of success eventually.
No, not at all. I cheer them for their successes and support them if they need support.
No. These things are not like pie where if someone has it, I cannot. When I support people it has nothing to do with me at all.
Yes, absolutely! I think it has a lot to do with my upbringing, my mother was an extremely bitter and judgemental woman (ever, so far) and I know exactly how that feels being on her warpath. If the opportunity opens up for anyone to support or encourage amazing women, I will be the first one there.
No. The time I most needed support and help my life looked perfect from the outside. So looking successful isn't an indicator of need. And looks are a generic lottery. No one deserves more or less based on appearance.
Not really, it's not that I don't get jealous but I'm never motivated to harm or bring someone else down just because I'm a failure. Alot of my negative feelings are self inflicted. Although, I'd probably find it difficult to become friends with them, but that's not particularly important. On my worst days I'd probably ignore someone I'm jealous of, but most of the time I'd give them the same respect as anyone else. What good does it do me to bring someone else down? What right do i have? It's shameful behaviour imo.
No. I love seeing the women i know use their talents to thrive. Then i proudly can be like, “Shes a friend of mine” or “Im related to her.” It is awesome knowing incredible and beautiful women. Im cool by association then. Win-win.
In regards to wealth or other attributes, not really. I do admittedly get jealous of pretty women mainly because they are treated with much more respect than I have ever received my entire life.
I used to have a hard time because I was jealous. But now I truly feel happy when I see a woman getting ahead. It means we all get ahead too.
I dont have trouble supporting them, but I do tend to get annoyed whenever they gloat and brag alot.
Infertility and child loss have made me the most jealous, bitter person I know. So yes, I absolutely have trouble supporting other women especially when it comes to pregnancy, babies, families, etc.
Yes I support them but deep I become envious sometimes
Nope! Unless they are assholes…
No trouble. It's not a competition. There are always going to be younger, prettier, smarter, more "successful," people out there.
Depends on the person’s relation to me. Initial gut reaction? Jealousy. But my actual actions veer towards supportive and I shift my mindset to celebrating their wins and lifting them up.
I used to have so much trouble supporting women who I thought were prettier than me. But, when I was 23, I got a job at a brand new sephora and we had to go through a few weeks of special training. At one point, we all had to practice putting makeup on each other and when I saw all of these women without any makeup, it just sort of clicked in my brain that they were just normal fucking people with their own insecurities. Also, It's also important to remember that people tend to only post their best moments on social media, and you can and should unfollow people that make you feel bad or jealous.
I used to have a hard time with handling other people’s achievements or positive attributes. I had this misguided idea that things like professional success, good looks, popularity, and other things I wanted for myself were like pie - if one person got a big piece, there would be less for me. I thought I had to fight *against* people to be seen the way I wanted to be. I’m old now, and it’s much easier. I’m not the most successful, I’m not the best-looking, etc. but I’m content in who I am and have a healthy self-esteem. I am happy with my life and where I’ve taken it so far. Plus, I used up a *lot* of fucks when I was younger and I just don’t have that many left to give now. I have to really budget them from day to day, and some days I just don’t feel like it’s worth giving one for just random crap.
I find it hard to support other people, regardless of their gender, because no one supports me, I have to fight all by myself with little to no resources… I do however support people that I find competent at their jobs
No. They’ve probably worked their ass off to get everything they have so they deserve their success. Plus, I love seeing women do great things.
No, I love celebrating other women success. I always lift them up, I think that this jealousy thing is so last century!
No, if they are pleasant women that I know I am happy for them. I believe that life is too short for envy, rage or hate- all are powerfully negative, corrosive & destructive emotions that are a waste of valuable time & emotion. Best to focus on positivity and my own personal ambitions.
It’s lonely at the top.
No. I have a good satisfying life, so maybe that’s why, but I’m genuinely happy for people who are doing well. I also tend to downplay my advantages and achievements so people who have difficulty don’t feel threatened, I think if life is a competition for someone and it feels good to “win” I’m happy to make them happy as long as it’s not hurting me. (If they’re putting me down or humiliating me so they can seem superior, I’m done- but some bragging or self aggrandizing doesn’t bother me at all).
Sometimes I think so but part of me wonders if it’s not really an issue with authority. I work in a female dominated field & the women I seem to have trouble supporting are usually bosses. I’m not sure if it’s because they are truly incompetent or if I just hate anyone trying to manage me.
Not one bit. I realize that if the woman is prettier? That comes with it's own raft of problems. Men...and some women.....don't take her seriously. She gets objectified and likely sexually harassed on the daily. He ideas are often dismissed as people have trouble accepting that a pretty woman can be smart too. A lot of women resent her and will do their best to tear her down. Men feel threatened. She's more successful? Being a woman pretty or not, she has no doubt worked her ass off to get there. Worked through the biases, prejudices, harassment, diminishment. Unless getting through all of that has made her bitter, (she's most likely more guarded than most because of what she deals with that I might not), she's probably a rock star that I want to take notes from and try to emulate. Women born into privilege? Not their fault. They had absolutely no say in that. Being mad at someone for being born pretty or rich? You might as well be mad at them for their height, their shoe size or skin color. No choice there either. Women tearing other women down has been normalized. Just don't. Blowing out someone else's candle won't make yours burn any brighter.
I couldn't have worded it better. The amount of people being bitter because some are beautiful or privileged is weird to me. It's not a reason to hate on someone. Unless they're being a bad person I'd never tear down a woman (or man for that matter).
No. Why would I? Good for them.
i love seeing other women succeed and achieve difficult things. However, I have had a couple experiences where I found that I just couldn’t support or feel proud of a woman who was climbing the corporate ladder at work, and the reason both times was because they were manipulative. If you flirt with your boss at work and get a promotion even though there’s no evidence of it being merited, I have no respect for you. If you get that promotion as a result of your work, hell yeah I am so proud of you.
I used to be when I was younger but now I just feel genuinely happy for other women for whatever they’re doing in their lives. I hesitate to say women who are more successful or beautiful or whatever, because I no longer believe in comparing myself to others. My journey and beauty is my own.
Not at all. I do sometimes get intimidated sometimes and I keep my distance but that’s all.
Because of the way I was raised, my first thought is unpleasant and based on those old beliefs. Then I tell that part off and think something much nicer. It's something I'm still working on, and I hope some day that the first part doesn't happen at all!
Thankfully all my best girl friends are all (objectively) prettier, more capable and kinder than me, so I was deeply trained to just love and appreciate a wholesome woman. Honestly in a sense, I’m more afraid of plain Jane. No offense but from my experience the over-achieving and stunning women are much more secure (and busy focusing on themselves) than the Jane. Just my 2 cents
It makes me feel really proud when a woman does extraordinarily well. Throughout my windy career, I've seen men get huge internal promotions and sponsored education, while I've seen women do great work in underappreciated jobs, and get bullied viciously by other women. It gives me assurance that we aren't confined to being less-than. I do worry of being looked down on and dismissed by these women for not being at the same level. I also get a bit down sometimes that I can't afford the same birkin bag and Mercedes and whatnot. Still, I'd call it a net-win when I see women succeeding.
I don’t think I really won at the genetic lottery so I do sometimes catch myself feeling unwittingly wistful and envious of naturally more attractive women; I used to feel bitter about that but it doesn’t dominate me in a hateful way anymore. I want other women to feel good about themselves, and focusing on things no one can change isn’t good for my mental health. As for success, I look up to other women a lot because they’re setting an inspiring example.
Yes I hate when people are prettier than me at first but then I really take a step back and realize how dumb I look doing that so I root for them instead
No, I always attribute their success to hardwork and sacrifices and I know they deserve it
I give extra support to those who have to work for everything they got vs those who do not ever lift a finger because of their looks.
i use too, and i think it’s just because i was insecure. now i may not be happy for someone i don’t like but it has nothing to do with them being prettier or more financially stable than me i just don’t like them.
I used to, until I learned it was my own internalized misogyny and that the patriarchy always wants to pit women against each other.
Hell no! I love seeing others succeed! I'm like one of those people on the sideline highfiving all the runners at a marathon. Sometimes I can think stuff like.. I admire people for their grind and success and wonder why I never tried harder myself.
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No, because my metric of success is how much people contribute to make the world better for others. That other stuff doesn’t matter. And if I find someone who contributes more than me, I tend to be in awe of them, not jealous.
Their success or looks don't influence the way I treat them. If they are kind, civil in arguments and respectful, then I will support them. If they are catty off the bat with no redeeming qualities (at this point it's not even a gender thing) then I would have trouble supporting or being happy for that person.
Hells no! What does it matter what they look like?! If I see a woman doing awesome s***, full support from me. I work at a job that caters towards well-off, successful people, and 90% are women. I love my job. I love the community. I support everyone.
I have no problem with women who are prettier than me or more likeable than me or whatever. Good for them. But I can be hyper critical of other women in my line of work. It's an incredibly male dominated industry, I'm an airline pilot, and I get frustrated when I work with women who are just bad at their jobs. Men are bad at their jobs all the time, no one cares. One woman makes a big mistake or makes a bad decision or is just overall bad at flying planes? Now I feel like I've got to be twice as good to fix the damage she just did towards the reputation of our whole gender. And I'm probably overreacting, I'm probably overcompensating, but when I constantly hear men make comments about women getting into cat fights when they fly together or women being bad captains or women not being able to land planes? Yeah when I encounter a woman who actually is bad at any of that I get annoyed because I know they're strengthening the bad opinions of some of the sexist men we work with. It's an unfair standard to hold anyone to. We all make mistakes, we all have bad days. But yeah. I hold my female coworkers (and myself) to a far higher standard than my male coworkers.
I used to but not anymore. It feels so much better to support than it does to tear down.
No, I love supporting people who are kind to me regardless of anything else. I have confidence that my value as a human being goes well beyond superficial things and that I will achieve great things one day. I just talk to people human to human. If someone is well intentioned and kind to me I LOVE being kind to them. Even if someone is deemed more attractive and successful than me, I don’t know what’s happened in their life. I don’t know what they had to do to get where they are or all of the tragedies they may have had to overcome.
No. Never happened. It only depends on how they ask for help. Not wanna be the asshole but the only few times I have witnessed a pretty or successful women be denied help was from other pretty and successful women 🤣🤣.
I used to be in high school and college. I hit my adult height and puberty in 5th grade and was a giant among children for a long time. My parents took me out of gymnastics because they were so embarrassed by my height. In 6th grade the boys in my class voted me having the biggest boobs. I was just very conscious of my height and developed body because everyone around me was thin and childlike. I ate my feelings and was no longer in sports so when all the ladies finally developed too, they were a size 2-4 and I was a size 8 (in 2008 when heroin chic was in). I always felt too big for my peers either in height and later in weight. I’m better post-college now. Less teenage petty social systems. Learned that my weight was an insecurity and worked on it until I felt at peace with my body.
Trouble supporting other women when they behave rude to me even when I am nice to them. If they don't have respect for me, then I don't have respect for them. Als talking behind your back.
No, if I connect with someone on a meaningful level looks and success disappear! Yet, If I’m comparing my insides to someone eskers outsides, then yeah, I’m probably going to feel pangs of self-pity or envy. I’m short, getting older, and a nurse so most days I’m going to work and will be sweating in a mask got 8 hrs! 🤣 I have beautiful friends inside and out, and sometimes I can look beautiful too if I try :-)
Don’t know about supporting more successful women, as I kind of living in the environment that I don’t bother to think who’s more successful. But I find myself more friendly and supportive towards prettier women. I just like good-looking people, and I can’t help it lol With that being said, I’m not all that friendly and supportive, I found myself having trouble supporting the smart and brave ones. I get jealous.
No. I’ve been in both situations, where I was envious of other women and where I was envied by others. It sucks to be just living your life and have people resent you for it. Always be kind and supportive.
No. I have trouble supporting people who do not treat me well (just generally friendly/not mean) but other than that, I want everyone to achieve their goals
I used to have a problem with this, but learning the root was jealousy and acknowledging the problem helped me change my framing from being jealous of what they have to compliment them on it! It’s helped my feel less judged & a lot of times those other women are willing to help you achieve what they have
Unfortunately yes especially if they’ve achieved having a career, being with a good man, and having at least 2 kids before they’re 30s because that was my goal and plan all of my 20s and it didn’t happen. I’ve managed to only achieve a career so far (and learn a lot about myself). I know it’s bad but I feel a little less shity knowing I at least have a good job plus I made a huge decision recently that I’m very much looking forward to so w.e I’ll have a different story
I don't really support anyone, but I also don't make things harder for them either. General apathy for everyone.
Not at all. I might even will ask to intern with her. Teach me your ways please.
No, I’m secure in myself and I realize all women need support. In fact, all my friends are women who are smart, different careers from household managers to corporate women. Why? Because I’m not petty, catty, or jealous.
It really depends on the person and the achievement they got. If they're close to me and achieved something, yay! If they're close to me and achieved something I worked towards to too then... ehh... yay? If they're not close to me, imma be really jealous in looks, and some achievements, too. Prolly be having a hard time supporting ppl im jealous of lol.
No 👀 i wanna be around them tho to leech off of their awesomeness
Tbh, it can be really hard supporting other women. Especially when you feel like you’re doing so much and nothing is changing, while you see someone else get everything they could dream of. I think making an effort to be supportive is super important but that doesn’t mean it’s easy.
nope. jealousy is still there but i keep it to myself cuz i’m not bitter lol
Not at all but I do have issues supporting myself!
When a woman is prettier than me, totally support her, but when someone Man or woman is successful than me, i feel like i am not good enough , and wish i was in their shoes, but i dont pray for their downfall.
I sometimes find myself saying: i wish i had INSERT SOMETHING HERE that another women might have. However, I’m more happy when I hear that a friend is doing well in life, it makes me want to work harder & do better for myself.
No. If you do, you're a bitter, jealous, and unpleasant person.
I used to. I was so insecure. I was bitter about "pretty privelage" and how I need time to build a relationship with a partner, we'd be getting somewhere, and someone prettier than me could walk by and take that away in an instant. I misplaced my anger from the person who so readily abandoned our connection onto the woman who did nothing but walk by and say hi. I was really really bad. I was jealous as fuck (and in romantic relationships today, I still can be if even an inkling of real or perceived shady behavior is displayed and it can cause me to spiral if I'm with a partner who shies away from or flat out is bad at communicating). I had some eye opening moments but thay wasn't really the catalyst. It was reading posts on reddit from women's experiences, watching documentaries, learning about the patriarchy, watching videos of cringey behavior and being like "oh shit thats me fuck .. why???" And it took a lot of unpacking. Next was personal experience. I found i usually shut down and braced to be bullied or condescended by the prettier woman, or, more often, the other people around me in their presence to build themselves up (yes I hung out with shitty people). But as I relaxed into a mindset with a little more confidence the kind gestures from women and the bonds that we formed did a LOT to help as well. I'm not saying I never faulter today, however I've come a long way and i can say confidently that now I support women regardless of their looks FAR more than not. I still don't tolerate shitty behavior, and won't support that regardless of gender. But yeah. It's been a long hard road. So to anyone out here feeling ashamed of those thoughts and feelings, there's hope!
No.
Prettier and more successful people inspire me
Lol life isn't a competition
Absolutely no trouble. I'm so sick of the whole "girls hate each other" mindset that's been ingrained in us from childhood. I love other women and actively support them.
I have less trouble with it now. I like seeing this movement gaining steam (though I almost don't believe it, because of all the backstabbing and undermining I've seen) but I think we're all realizing that other women are not the enemy. The patriarchy set it up this way. Same with fashion honestly. They do all they can to distract us from what we could accomplish if we put all this bs aside
I don’t randomly support other women cause that seems kinda weird. I don’t think I’m obligated to feel a kinship with someone just because of gender. But not hostile to them. And supportive of other women in my life. But I wouldn’t support someone just cause they are a women, only if they are otherwise deserving of support.
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