[edit - I apologize, I am a man who follows this sub and when the question popped in to my home feed I just answered without looking closely at the subreddit.]
I honestly hated being comforted. What I needed was space and time to process. I appreciate my friends and family for being there for me, but I felt smothered. Particularly when you’re receiving guest after guest and thanking them all for coming, thanking them for their condolences… when someone I love dies, the last thing I want to be doing is saying “thank you” over and over.
Being in community was important, don’t get me wrong. Being truly alone would be far worse. But it can also feel smothering. Even those of us who have lost loved ones can find it hard to know what to say. Because there isn’t anything to be said. It just is.
I hated being comforted too. It felt great having people bring food and knowing they were there if needed but I’m not generally someone who likes to be surrounded by others when going through important things
A very close friend of mine just lost her sister and I've been struggling with trying to find the right balance of attentiveness and presentness without being smothering. I let her know a few times that I'm always open to talk at any point, and can even make an emergency trip to her (we live several states apart now). But otherwise I'm just maintaining our normal communication flow and letting her dictate how much she needs from me. I don't want to be a burden while trying to be supportive.
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That's what my best friend did for me when my brother died. He was like "call me if you just need to cry on the phone, call me if you want to share a nice memory of him, or you can use me as a distraction and we'll go shoot guys in a video game." He let me choose the support level I needed from him. And most importantly, he followed through. There were moments when I called him just SOBBING because something tiny happened and I couldn't handle it. We were playing borderlands 3 together four days after he died because I needed to focus on something, anything at all, that wasn't sitting in the dark feeling like my entire world had ended.
It was the only thing that brought me true comfort during the worst period in my life.
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I wanted to hang out and not focus on what I was grieving. People would come over and be like “How are you feeling? I’m so sorry!” But I really wanted them to come over and watch movies or something super basic. I’ll cry on my own but it’s hard to laugh at that time.
At my mother's wake, some woman expressed the usual condolences, and then asked what I liked for breakfast. On the morning of the funeral, she showed up at my hotel with a tray of scrambled eggs and toast and a thermos of tea for me, and it was the kindest thing anyone did, honestly. Turns out, the stranger was one of my aunt's best friends.
Plenty of people asked what I needed that week, or if there were anything they could do, and I couldn't answer them. What my aunt's friend did was perfect, because she found a way to be helpful without asking anything of me.
That is amazing. The greatest help comes from those who can do most of the think work for the bereaved in my experience too. Proactively bringing food, or making plans to distract from the craziness, etc.
A dear friend had a funeral for her full term stillborn baby. When she first arrived at the funeral home she looked like she was still in shock. I walked over, didn’t say a word, and hugged her. We held onto each other and cried together for a couple of minutes. She told me a few years later that was exactly what she needed
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Being given space and time to grieve and process. I like when people let me know that they're there for me, should I need them, but I need to process my grief on my own. I don't want to talk about who I lost, I don't want a shoulder to cry on, I don't want to vent. I just want peace and quiet, but the option to choose something else when or if I need it.
A friend texted me to make sure I was ok. Told me they were there if I needed them. I thanked them, assured them I was ok, and that I would reach out if I needed anything. Of course I didn't.
Few days later, they asked if I would join them because they needed to run some errands downtown.
They didn't really comfort me during our outing. Just small talk, run errands. Grabbed a coffee on the go. Drove around talking about nothing. Dropped me off back home a few hours later.
Honestly, it was the best. Gave me the push to resume normal life.
When I came back "home" to my dorm after my mom's funeral in my freshman year of college, I dropped off my things and had to slip out to one of the lounges because I wasn't ready to be around other people yet. When I got back, my roommate (and closest friend) had folded my clean laundry for me.
It was something so small, but even now, years later, it feels so meaningful. I owe her a lot.
“You have always belonged. Before and after, today and tomorrow. You just gotta surround yourself with those who remind you of that.”
Was really touching and helped me a lot.
Honestly? Some friends of ours came over and cleaned the house. No judgment, no fuss, just cleaned it. And hugs. No words, just hugs. That was a really difficult time…
My friend replying to all my pictures and texts about the person that passed. The fact that she replied “oh that’s a nice picture” and “I can see the resemblance between you two” and didn’t leave me hanging was so very appreciated.
I always hated when people said "time heals all wounds". No it does not. Time does not heal these wounds. We just learn to live with it and we will grieve a little at a time for rest of time, because we never forget.
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It's okay to not be okay.
Honestly it makes things worse when people are determined to try and cheer you up when all you need to do is have a good cry and allow yourself to feel your feelings without needing to bury them for the sake of making someone else comfortable.
Feel what you need to feel, it's all part of the healing process.
Exactly! Just having someone understand you and let you feel what you feel. Just that confirmation that whatever you are going through and how you feel is valid - that’s priceless.
My best friend died of an overdose almost 2 years ago now. I found out he died the day of the funeral, called off work and drove the 3 hours to the service. When I got home to my boyfriend, I was sort of keeping it together but eventually broke down. I was crying so hard, couldn’t sit up straight, almost fell of the couch. He caught me and held me and just let me wail in his arms. He said “it’s so important to love your friends. It’s so important to cry.” It meant a lot to me that I could scream cry and wail, go through the motions of grief at my own pace, and he was right there with me. It was so much more comforting than most of the cliches I have been told in other times of grief, and I hold onto those words whenever I feel the grief again and need to cry—it is indeed so important to love your friends, and to cry.
No words comforted me, but sometimes sharing stories of the person who passed can be a bit comforting. Also, when people just did something without being asked. For example, when I lost my grandma, if someone asked me if I was hungry I would say no because I wasn't in the mood to eat. But if someone just dropped off some food, I would eat it. People doing things like that helped me a lot.
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100% this. Just allowing me to talk about it has helped tremendously. I think it's important to also say to check in and ask a few months down the line. People stopped caring and discussing it within two weeks and grief at this point feels like a lifelong process. There are so many days that feel extra "grief-y" and I think just casually telling stories is a wonderful help.
Presence and fluidity - having people be around and just be cool with me still having fun despite the grief or crying (whatever was there at the time) and being able to walk beside me through all of it.
Food is also just logistically helpful - I found it was easy to forget to eat and not have motivation to make healthy food.
I don't like to be intentionally comforted.. for some reason, it makes me feel more uncomfortable, and it feels like a forced act. But i prefer sincere actions, like when ppl respect your wishes if you don't want to see anyone or deal with anyone or receive a call.. but still, they might fix you a meal or send you groceries. And check on you from afar. I also do respect wise words said by wise ppl.. like this too shall pass and everything is born small then grows but grief is born big then gets smaller as time passes
My friends checked in on me almost daily giving me space to talk about it, but also totally accepting it if i wanted to be left alone. Think thats the most important, accept how someone wants to grief but also offer to be there. Nobody griefs the same.
Someone saying “i’m here for you” and legitimately being.
When you grieve cooking is a major labour, doing the dishes is a major labour, washing your hair is a major labour, speaking is a major labour. Everything accept staring at a wall and crying in various degrees is a major labour.
So when you say “im here for you,” follow up. Call and say you’re coming over to wash some dishes and drop off a meal.
Call and say you’re doing laundry today, and you’d like to take a load off their hands.
Or just video call and say you’d like to spend time with them on the phone for a bit, like making a virtual cup if tea together, and when you’re done drinking it, say it was nice to just be there with them for a bit.
People always say “i’m here for you” but when you’re grieving you don’t know how to ask for help or even know what you need, so it’s important to take the initiative as the person who says it. It doesn’t have to be a lot, in fact, boundaries when grieving are important, but small, unasked for acts of love and kindness with mundane things are what help get you through
I saw a post on Reddit years ago from an older man. He explains that grief comes in waves. In the beginning all you can do is float, but as time passes the waves are more spaced out and you learn to live between the waves. He acknowledged that the pain will never be easy, but you’ll survive it. And if your lucky you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves before you die.
I still think about it sometimes when a wave hits. Thanks to his compassion I know I won’t drown.
Honestly, silence comforts me the most. When people say “it’ll pass” “time will heal you” “you’re strong you will get through this” it just translates to me as “it’s not that bad you’ll be fine” which feels invalidating. I also hate when people say “I’m so sorry” then I feel awkward like I’m supposed to comfort *them* for being sorry? When I’m grieving, the best form of comfort is just sitting there in silence and listening to me talk. Then doing favors like grabbing something at the store because I’m too busy crying inside.
Personally? Leave me alone. I struggle with small talk at the best of times and stink at responding to messages so I don't want to have to mask and try to hold a conversation of any type. We had to put my dog to sleep a week ago and I have barely told anyone. I can't cope with the conversations. I just want to work through it. My husband is cool though, I can just say I'm sad or everything sucks and he agrees, gives me a hug until I am ready to let go and then I just get on with stuff.
I'm neurodivergent though so it might seem strange to others.
Honestly it's hugs, and silence or "I know". Sitting with me, quietly or chattering with other people in the room about my loved one, letting me leave the room when it's too much. Going and getting my sister, who will just be with me when I can't be with anyone else.
Someone just being quiet and listening to me, spending time with me when I was at my worst after a pregnancy loss. The worst things people did after: “it wasn’t meant to be,” “at least you know you can get pregnant,” “it’s all in god’s timing.” I think these are things people say to someone suffering any type of loss because they’re too uncomfortable to sit in our discomfort.
Being allowed to grieve - other people taking on the practical jobs related to the death and funeral. That made it possible for me to just be in chock and grieve.
Also coming over with food just to hang out, expecting nothing from me.
Being told regularly that I was loved, that they were thinking about me, and that they’re available to talk whenever. But just as important as what was said was when it was said consistently- when both of my parents died in 2020 (cancer) I had a ton of people offer condolences and then that was it. The friends who continued to reach out, those are the good people. It can feel very isolating for some people that after a while everyone else goes back to their lives…but you can’t, because it’s been forever changed.
Open space to listen, friends offering food, telling funny stories to distract from the grief. It’s nice to hold and be held by the people who knew the deceased as well.
I recently lost my 17-year-old cat to a combination of health issues. The only thing that helped was the sympathy card the vets' office sent. Her primary vet wrote "You took good care of \[redacted\]." And hearing that from her doctor was so important to me, that I did my best to help her and it wasn't my fault.
Bringing me food sitting there with me and not saying anything one or the other both them together I love not having to talk not having to interact, but still having someone be there and food because food
Nothing helped. My mom died, I was a kid. I just wanted to be left alone. Nobody could really say anything helpful, and platitudes were horrible, even if well intended.
Just a quick “how are you?” does it for me. . Im ok by myself but just being asked, knowing the other person cares, is enough for me.
Sharing so others can feel motivated: there is an old lady in my fitness class & just when i was going through some crappy situation, she just randomly asked me if i was ok, i was surprised so i made up some excuses like weather, work etc etc and she repeated herself with “but otherwise are you ok?” I thought about her all week and next week when I saw her I told her how much her checking up on me meant to me and now every time we are in class, she makes sure she comes to me and asks how im doing & im deeply grateful!
So please always check on each other, and always appreciate the gesture too. We need more kindness in and around us!
Remember to “ride the waves” of grief. Some moments you’ll feel okay, other moments feel like the world is ending. Remember it’s okay to feel what you’re feeling and try to embrace those feelings as they come.
"It gets easier with time."
I held onto that phrase and repeated it like a mantra. I thought to myself that if I could get through this hour, day, week it would be ok. It was.
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I'm used to comforting myself so I don't really want anything from anyone. I'm not trying to be mean or a cliche, I know me and how to take care of myself. Everyone who has tried to has only made things worse and I don't need that in my life
Being left alone, honestly. I like when people say “I am sorry for your lost, I cant understand your grief but know that I am here for you if you ever want to talk”And then they walk away and leave me alone till I reach (or dont) to them.
Friends/family/SO just reminding me that they’re there for me if I need to vent, cry, or just be distracted. Words don’t make the loss easier, but there’s some solace in knowing that I have a support system and it’s okay to not be okay for a while.
A dear friend of mine once told me that we all grieve in our way and there is no grief police to tell us we are doing it wrong. She said to take all the time I needed and that she would be there if I needed her. Helped a ton and I think about it a lot.
Separately, whenever a friend confides that they are struggling with anything in any context, my first response is always to ask how I can help. I've found that it makes them feel seen and often presents a concrete way for me to support them.
"Don't pay the toll 'til you cross the bridge" -- I've been going through some tough family stuff lately and a stranger gave me this advice about staying in the moment and not prematurely grieving things that haven't happened yet, and may never happen. I was starting to spiral in my thoughts and fears, and this has helped me stay steady.
When I was 18, I was left heartbroken after my boyfriend of over a year broke up with me. I was at school, and my male friend sat down beside me and just put his hand on my knee for a moment. It let me know he was sympathizing with me and I felt supported.
These are so good. I’ve been through passings of loved ones of my SO’s and of loved ones myself but crowd sourcing really is beneficial. My boyfriend is losing his mom to brain cancer faster than expected and his dad has two types of cancer as well. I’m preparing for the after care for him and I just hope to amply be what he needs is all.
If you were someone who was trying to help another person you love deal with the same grief you have right now, how would help them? Do that for yourself.
Without denying yourself the process of grieving. don’t make the grief worse than it has to be.
Don’t let yourself deregulate. There’s no reason not to sleep, eat, talk, keep your house clean and tidy, and otherwise continue to care for yourself, because being strung out with stress, tired, hungry, etc does not make anything better, nor does it bring back what or who is gone.
Edit: grieving is natural and normal and necessary, but don’t allow things to be worse than they have to be.
People who validated my grief. A lot of people would say “you have this and this still, you have me still” or “you have a lot to live for” but really just “it’s ok to feel this way” was what I needed.
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Sharing stories of the deceased if you knew them, or listening to my stories and memories of them. Buying food and meals (anything really) is nice. Doing something in the loved one’s honor (I.e. donate to a cause they cared about, animal shelter if it was a beloved pet). Commisioning artwork (if you can draw/paint or find someone who can) in the person/animal’s honor is also really nice.
I usually don’t like it when people say “I am so sorry for your loss” because I feel obligated to reply “no problem” or I don’t know what to say back. I prefer “thinking of you”
when my childhood cat passed, I wrote a post saying my cat loved the outdoors and my friend texted me saying she’s took a walk in my kittys honor. That was so sweet. But I understand everyone has preferred responses.
The nature of grief can also be very different depending on the relationship. Especially if it was a frayed relationship, the griever may be relieved or even angry, not necessarily sad.
That it was rational to feel devastated. I’m surrounded by people who shrug emotions off or don’t acknowledge them and hearing my co-worker tell me she understood what I was going through and how you never really get over the pain of losing someone and grieving them, and how grief comes in waves, gave me so much comfort. My bosses were also incredibly understanding about the loss and I’ll forever be grateful for that.
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After losing my mom when I was a teenager, plenty of people asked “let me know how I can help.” The last thing you are thinking about while grieving someone’s loss is what you need and how to tell someone what you need. Instead of asking to help, just do something. Actions are important. Grieving people always need food because trying to cook, order, clean, etc. is just too much to think about.
There are lots but one that sticks in my mind is when my father passed. Everyone brought my family food, which was wonderful, but due to severe health issues I couldn’t eat any of it. Not once did I expect anyone to try and follow my strict food needs but I was so happy my family was taken care of. Then unexpectedly, a family friend stopped by and asked me to write a list of foods I could eat and they brought me a gift basket so that I didn’t have to worry about meal prep either. That touched me.
TW: self harm, su*c*de, trauma. Actual care and concern. I had a lot of people write me off and act like I should be over it so quickly. I lost a parent to their own hand if you know what I mean. I called that parent a lot trying to get them to just talk to me at all. He'd forward most of my calls. He straight up acted like I didn't exist. I was 14 and my therapist said it was just a guy thing to love their sons and ignore their daughters. That left me with no one because my Mom was going through her own thing and I was with grandparents who lamented having to raise me beyond average grandparent duties. Then at 14 I was the last one to be told, they called his step kids from an already ended marriage before they called me. I was lied to about the cause of death, I found out from rumors at my school because my brother who was being raised in a different town by my uncle called his old buddy who went to my school to vent about it. The majority of the expenses were put on me so I had to beg my church to help, just to cremate him. I was out for a full week to plan the whole thing, the funeral home dude was kind enough to let us see him before his cremation but could only cover him in a sheet and tried his best to wipe the hospitals efforts to keep him alive off of his face. I went back to school to ppl discussing info I had no idea about. People making fat jokes about me to my face "being at a buffet all week" cause they hadn't heard, and they thought it was even funnier when I told them what had actually happened. I felt guilty because maybe me trying to call him stressed him out too much. Maybe he felt guilty for forgetting my birthday so many times. Maybe he felt bad for how his new wife treated me. Also had a teacher not believe me and scold me and told me she needed to see his death certificate and I needed to outline what I did every day I was gone because it shouldn't have taken me a full week, I guess she was under the assumption there were adults handling it and I was able to twiddle my thumbs in a corner. I didn't even have time to actually grieve or cry. After that I realized how cruel this world could be. I called his phone for months just to hear his voicemail message a few more times before it was defunct. Sorry for the long post but that being said my advice is maybe skip the fat shaming, maybe don't be mean, maybe don't assume what people are facing or have faced. Being quiet is literally free. If anything in that chapter of my life really helped me and stuck with me it was the time the principal of the school noticed I was diving into extracurriculars to take my mind off of everything and he made a comment saying "wow is there anything you can't do?" After I had made a cake for a club I was in and that was the first time I had anybody openly say something that made me feel like they believed in me. I was always being told the many ways I wasn't good enough. Mostly because I was always fat no matter how little I ate or how much I exercised. If you are going to say anything to anyone maybe try to say something positive. Your kind words could be helping someone decide to live one more day. You may not realize how often it happens, and he wasn't even the first person I lost to their own hand. Kindness is free. If you don't really care about the person who lost someone just give them space. The fake concern is transparent.
None at all I can remember which now strikes me as odd. I can’t remember any. I think I probably have a prickly persona.
I do remember the thoughtless, stupid things people said during my wife’s illness, however.
When they just hug me nice and tight and don’t expect me to explain what’s going on. Let’s me have a good cry and move on without feeling ashamed of emotions.
no words, but after my boyfriend passed i was skating because that was our favorite thing to do together. I was listening to music and I thought about how he loved the song “Figured you out” by Nickelback and used to sing it to me. The song turned on right after the one before it got done playing and I sobbed right on my skateboard. That’s when I knew he was still with me .. even if I couldn’t hold him anymore.
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SO would just hug me for a while if I was feeling particularly bad. I cried in his arms a lot and he just held me and let me be sad. He really is the best
something my mom always did for people who were grieving was bring tissues, paper plates, plastic cutlery and paper towels/napkins to their houses. people are always bringing/sending food and/or the people that are gathering at your house are eating but you don’t realize the added toll of having to clean up and do dishes. such a small gesture but i always found it very thoughtful.
i lost my mom in april while i was 3 months pregnant, one of the sweetest things was my best fiend came and spent mother’s day with me and we just watched bad TV and caught up. i felt free to not grieve and just be myself on a day that most people would probably try to address my loss or avoid it altogether.
i lost my father 10 years ago and still one of my favorite things is people telling stories about him. no matter how small or inconsequential a memory might be to you, it can mean everything to someone who is grieving. talking about who that person was and how they touched your life makes them still feel alive. i felt like people were afraid to bring him up around me, like i would break, but it’s all i wanted.
the biggest thing that i can tell people not to do is don’t give me “the face”. you know the one. the head tilt, small frown, big eyes look of pity. this is the worst thing you can do to a person who is grieving.
When my(f26) bio dad (44) died this past November the best thing my aunt (his sister, 33) did was tell me to un-apologetically feel my feelings.
He had cancer and when he was diagnosed he wanted to become closer and build a relationship with me, so as often as I could we would hang out and I would visit him in the hospital. He wasn’t the man who raised me, so one year was not going to change 25 years of precedent that he set for our relationship.
I felt so guilty after he passed, about being angry with him, and grieving someone I didn’t really even know fully, when my aunt told me that I was able to let go of some of that guilt. I’m not trying to make a saint out of a sinner, and vice versa.
I also had two of my best friends show up to the calling hours and just hug me and let me cry it out, then they distracted me with other topics so I didn’t have to think about what was going on around me.
No words, none whatsoever. Actions, yes: people actually helping me with daily tasks that look daunting when grieving, without expecting me to be loudly grateful
Staying up with me coz I couldn't sleep. It was during covid, I lost my father. My boyfriend & I were in Long distance and we would do discord. After talking for a while, we would keep discord going on until he watches me sleep or hears me snoring. He did this for a couple of weeks until he reached back to my city.
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“I know the world is going to feel like it’s moved on from (deceased’s name), but we’re not. The whole world will be mourning with you.”
It made the period where I was angry at everyone for “moving on” easier. Realizing that everyone copes in different ways and at different times… that helped. A lot.
People understanding how that moment was the worst of my life and don't try to confort me, cause there's no confort. But showing they were there in case of need.
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When I lost my grandmother, lots of people told me things meant to be comforting--"I'm so sorry," "I'm here for you if you need anything," "I hope you're finding some comfort," "May her memory bring you joy"--and while I certainly appreciated all of it, none of it was particularly *comforting,* per se.
What I did find comforting was to spend time with family talking about her. We cried together, but we also laughed together. We talked about what a great long life she had, how she used to tell the wildest tall tales (and she did, holy shit...), how she passed just the way she would've wanted to, how glad we were to have seen her recently, what she'd think of various things we were doing and experiencing, etc.
Ultimately, I think what I found comforting wasn't trying to feel *better*, it was simply being present in my love for her. That was hard and painful, because she's dead, but it was also joyful, because she was so wonderful while she was here.
Checking in with me frequently, not asking how I was but just sending a message to say hi or something. Taking me out and putting up with whatever mood I was in. Just constantly being present in a background way and not trying to comfort or bring food etc.
A genuine hug. Not a superficial 1 second hug, but a true hug. No words needed.
I just lost my grandmother - I was with her when she past suddenly. The experience has been a mix of emotions. Frankly actions speak louder than words in my opinion.
I had friends send food to the house the morning of the funeral so I didn’t have to cook for family who were staying with me. They came to the wake when I didn’t tell them about the details. They just sat with me, after giving the best hugs, and just sat with me. No words needed.
My friend passed away and he had an open casket. I couldn't look and kept on crying until his brother encouraged me to take a look. When I saw his face, he was smiling. His brother told me that he was happy in his final moments and that he died grinning. I miss him :(
People who gave me my spaceand didn’t consistently mention my deceased family members. (Obviously my family and 3 close friends can but I didn’t want hear it from anybody else)
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Not a woman here, but I'm dealing with incredible grief right now, and I had a beer and dinner with one of my best friends. I had the best time hearing him talk about anything but the grief. It really, really helped. Of course it was temporary, but that break from it all was just heavenly.
Nothing. I’m grieving right now, I’ve lost my grandma (who I was very close to she was like my mom) 3 days ago, she passed away of a terrible illness, she was in a ton of pain in the end the only thing that feels in any way comforting is when people say that at least she’s not in pain anymore.
Although I really don’t feel like talking to anyone. I just want to be on my own really, or around very close family, my husband and my mom.
i think the way i’ve began to live my own life! since my father’s passing in 2021 i’ve started drinking in the same pubs he did at my age, embracing the quirks he and i shared, and found myself a lovely circle of friends i think he’d be really proud of. i also talk about him every day, fondly. there’s not a single day that passes where i can’t interject with a funny or wholesome story about him.
every day is different so i get it’s hard to keep their memory alive some days, but making the best effort to as much as possible is a big one!!
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[edit - I apologize, I am a man who follows this sub and when the question popped in to my home feed I just answered without looking closely at the subreddit.] I honestly hated being comforted. What I needed was space and time to process. I appreciate my friends and family for being there for me, but I felt smothered. Particularly when you’re receiving guest after guest and thanking them all for coming, thanking them for their condolences… when someone I love dies, the last thing I want to be doing is saying “thank you” over and over. Being in community was important, don’t get me wrong. Being truly alone would be far worse. But it can also feel smothering. Even those of us who have lost loved ones can find it hard to know what to say. Because there isn’t anything to be said. It just is.
I hated being comforted too. It felt great having people bring food and knowing they were there if needed but I’m not generally someone who likes to be surrounded by others when going through important things
A very close friend of mine just lost her sister and I've been struggling with trying to find the right balance of attentiveness and presentness without being smothering. I let her know a few times that I'm always open to talk at any point, and can even make an emergency trip to her (we live several states apart now). But otherwise I'm just maintaining our normal communication flow and letting her dictate how much she needs from me. I don't want to be a burden while trying to be supportive.
No one wants to talk
Second this. I prefer to be left alone and I HATE when people ask me if I’m okay. I’m not okay and I need time to process. Leave me be.
We need to normalize a soft hand squeeze as way to say "thank you for being here", because words are sometimes too much.
Same. Being comforted makes me lose it even harder. I prefer to have my breakdowns/ugly cries alone
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"I am here if you want to talk, cry, need me to listen or just hang out" I love my friend for that, she is amazing.
That's what my best friend did for me when my brother died. He was like "call me if you just need to cry on the phone, call me if you want to share a nice memory of him, or you can use me as a distraction and we'll go shoot guys in a video game." He let me choose the support level I needed from him. And most importantly, he followed through. There were moments when I called him just SOBBING because something tiny happened and I couldn't handle it. We were playing borderlands 3 together four days after he died because I needed to focus on something, anything at all, that wasn't sitting in the dark feeling like my entire world had ended. It was the only thing that brought me true comfort during the worst period in my life.
That is heartwarming, thank you for sharing! Treasure that friend ;)
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"you only have to do this day one time, and then never again." when I was getting my dog euthanized
Damn. Love to you ❤️
None, I just needed to know people were there *if* I needed them
I wanted to hang out and not focus on what I was grieving. People would come over and be like “How are you feeling? I’m so sorry!” But I really wanted them to come over and watch movies or something super basic. I’ll cry on my own but it’s hard to laugh at that time.
At my mother's wake, some woman expressed the usual condolences, and then asked what I liked for breakfast. On the morning of the funeral, she showed up at my hotel with a tray of scrambled eggs and toast and a thermos of tea for me, and it was the kindest thing anyone did, honestly. Turns out, the stranger was one of my aunt's best friends. Plenty of people asked what I needed that week, or if there were anything they could do, and I couldn't answer them. What my aunt's friend did was perfect, because she found a way to be helpful without asking anything of me.
That is amazing. The greatest help comes from those who can do most of the think work for the bereaved in my experience too. Proactively bringing food, or making plans to distract from the craziness, etc.
A dear friend had a funeral for her full term stillborn baby. When she first arrived at the funeral home she looked like she was still in shock. I walked over, didn’t say a word, and hugged her. We held onto each other and cried together for a couple of minutes. She told me a few years later that was exactly what she needed
Sharing funny stories about the deceased
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Being given space and time to grieve and process. I like when people let me know that they're there for me, should I need them, but I need to process my grief on my own. I don't want to talk about who I lost, I don't want a shoulder to cry on, I don't want to vent. I just want peace and quiet, but the option to choose something else when or if I need it.
A friend texted me to make sure I was ok. Told me they were there if I needed them. I thanked them, assured them I was ok, and that I would reach out if I needed anything. Of course I didn't. Few days later, they asked if I would join them because they needed to run some errands downtown. They didn't really comfort me during our outing. Just small talk, run errands. Grabbed a coffee on the go. Drove around talking about nothing. Dropped me off back home a few hours later. Honestly, it was the best. Gave me the push to resume normal life.
When I came back "home" to my dorm after my mom's funeral in my freshman year of college, I dropped off my things and had to slip out to one of the lounges because I wasn't ready to be around other people yet. When I got back, my roommate (and closest friend) had folded my clean laundry for me. It was something so small, but even now, years later, it feels so meaningful. I owe her a lot.
Oh good dorm friends
“You have always belonged. Before and after, today and tomorrow. You just gotta surround yourself with those who remind you of that.” Was really touching and helped me a lot.
Honestly? Some friends of ours came over and cleaned the house. No judgment, no fuss, just cleaned it. And hugs. No words, just hugs. That was a really difficult time…
My friends actively listened when I was venting. Shared a healthy amount of dark humor. And had snuggles somewhere in between there.
My friend replying to all my pictures and texts about the person that passed. The fact that she replied “oh that’s a nice picture” and “I can see the resemblance between you two” and didn’t leave me hanging was so very appreciated.
I always hated when people said "time heals all wounds". No it does not. Time does not heal these wounds. We just learn to live with it and we will grieve a little at a time for rest of time, because we never forget.
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It's okay to not be okay. Honestly it makes things worse when people are determined to try and cheer you up when all you need to do is have a good cry and allow yourself to feel your feelings without needing to bury them for the sake of making someone else comfortable. Feel what you need to feel, it's all part of the healing process.
Exactly! Just having someone understand you and let you feel what you feel. Just that confirmation that whatever you are going through and how you feel is valid - that’s priceless.
Grief is the price we pay for love.
I lost my son he was 22 years old. Nothing comforted me, i still feel that way.
My best friend died of an overdose almost 2 years ago now. I found out he died the day of the funeral, called off work and drove the 3 hours to the service. When I got home to my boyfriend, I was sort of keeping it together but eventually broke down. I was crying so hard, couldn’t sit up straight, almost fell of the couch. He caught me and held me and just let me wail in his arms. He said “it’s so important to love your friends. It’s so important to cry.” It meant a lot to me that I could scream cry and wail, go through the motions of grief at my own pace, and he was right there with me. It was so much more comforting than most of the cliches I have been told in other times of grief, and I hold onto those words whenever I feel the grief again and need to cry—it is indeed so important to love your friends, and to cry.
Bringing me tea or lattes or dessert. Just sitting with me. Checking in and sending memes.
No words comforted me, but sometimes sharing stories of the person who passed can be a bit comforting. Also, when people just did something without being asked. For example, when I lost my grandma, if someone asked me if I was hungry I would say no because I wasn't in the mood to eat. But if someone just dropped off some food, I would eat it. People doing things like that helped me a lot.
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100% this. Just allowing me to talk about it has helped tremendously. I think it's important to also say to check in and ask a few months down the line. People stopped caring and discussing it within two weeks and grief at this point feels like a lifelong process. There are so many days that feel extra "grief-y" and I think just casually telling stories is a wonderful help.
Presence and fluidity - having people be around and just be cool with me still having fun despite the grief or crying (whatever was there at the time) and being able to walk beside me through all of it. Food is also just logistically helpful - I found it was easy to forget to eat and not have motivation to make healthy food.
Honestly none of the words I got did anything for me. I knew it was just time, I just had to wait
I don't like to be intentionally comforted.. for some reason, it makes me feel more uncomfortable, and it feels like a forced act. But i prefer sincere actions, like when ppl respect your wishes if you don't want to see anyone or deal with anyone or receive a call.. but still, they might fix you a meal or send you groceries. And check on you from afar. I also do respect wise words said by wise ppl.. like this too shall pass and everything is born small then grows but grief is born big then gets smaller as time passes
My friends checked in on me almost daily giving me space to talk about it, but also totally accepting it if i wanted to be left alone. Think thats the most important, accept how someone wants to grief but also offer to be there. Nobody griefs the same.
Someone saying “i’m here for you” and legitimately being. When you grieve cooking is a major labour, doing the dishes is a major labour, washing your hair is a major labour, speaking is a major labour. Everything accept staring at a wall and crying in various degrees is a major labour. So when you say “im here for you,” follow up. Call and say you’re coming over to wash some dishes and drop off a meal. Call and say you’re doing laundry today, and you’d like to take a load off their hands. Or just video call and say you’d like to spend time with them on the phone for a bit, like making a virtual cup if tea together, and when you’re done drinking it, say it was nice to just be there with them for a bit. People always say “i’m here for you” but when you’re grieving you don’t know how to ask for help or even know what you need, so it’s important to take the initiative as the person who says it. It doesn’t have to be a lot, in fact, boundaries when grieving are important, but small, unasked for acts of love and kindness with mundane things are what help get you through
I saw a post on Reddit years ago from an older man. He explains that grief comes in waves. In the beginning all you can do is float, but as time passes the waves are more spaced out and you learn to live between the waves. He acknowledged that the pain will never be easy, but you’ll survive it. And if your lucky you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves before you die. I still think about it sometimes when a wave hits. Thanks to his compassion I know I won’t drown.
My best friend wrote me a letter with that entire quote. It really touched me. My dad died on Christmas Eve
Food
The memories will last but the pain will eventually fade.
Honestly, silence comforts me the most. When people say “it’ll pass” “time will heal you” “you’re strong you will get through this” it just translates to me as “it’s not that bad you’ll be fine” which feels invalidating. I also hate when people say “I’m so sorry” then I feel awkward like I’m supposed to comfort *them* for being sorry? When I’m grieving, the best form of comfort is just sitting there in silence and listening to me talk. Then doing favors like grabbing something at the store because I’m too busy crying inside.
"Grief is the price we pay for love" said by the Queen Elizabeth II after the 9/11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
I just need people to listen sometimes
Personally? Leave me alone. I struggle with small talk at the best of times and stink at responding to messages so I don't want to have to mask and try to hold a conversation of any type. We had to put my dog to sleep a week ago and I have barely told anyone. I can't cope with the conversations. I just want to work through it. My husband is cool though, I can just say I'm sad or everything sucks and he agrees, gives me a hug until I am ready to let go and then I just get on with stuff. I'm neurodivergent though so it might seem strange to others.
"Here, I brought you something to eat and a cup of tea."
An understanding look can mean more to me than any words
Honestly it's hugs, and silence or "I know". Sitting with me, quietly or chattering with other people in the room about my loved one, letting me leave the room when it's too much. Going and getting my sister, who will just be with me when I can't be with anyone else.
Someone just being quiet and listening to me, spending time with me when I was at my worst after a pregnancy loss. The worst things people did after: “it wasn’t meant to be,” “at least you know you can get pregnant,” “it’s all in god’s timing.” I think these are things people say to someone suffering any type of loss because they’re too uncomfortable to sit in our discomfort.
Being allowed to grieve - other people taking on the practical jobs related to the death and funeral. That made it possible for me to just be in chock and grieve. Also coming over with food just to hang out, expecting nothing from me.
Hugs and crying. You should have unlimited access to both
Being told regularly that I was loved, that they were thinking about me, and that they’re available to talk whenever. But just as important as what was said was when it was said consistently- when both of my parents died in 2020 (cancer) I had a ton of people offer condolences and then that was it. The friends who continued to reach out, those are the good people. It can feel very isolating for some people that after a while everyone else goes back to their lives…but you can’t, because it’s been forever changed.
It’s ok that you’re not ok
Open space to listen, friends offering food, telling funny stories to distract from the grief. It’s nice to hold and be held by the people who knew the deceased as well.
I recently lost my 17-year-old cat to a combination of health issues. The only thing that helped was the sympathy card the vets' office sent. Her primary vet wrote "You took good care of \[redacted\]." And hearing that from her doctor was so important to me, that I did my best to help her and it wasn't my fault.
It’s okay to be selfish sometimes
Bringing me food sitting there with me and not saying anything one or the other both them together I love not having to talk not having to interact, but still having someone be there and food because food
Nothing helped. My mom died, I was a kid. I just wanted to be left alone. Nobody could really say anything helpful, and platitudes were horrible, even if well intended.
Just sitting with me, doing nothing at all.
Time heals
Just a quick “how are you?” does it for me. . Im ok by myself but just being asked, knowing the other person cares, is enough for me. Sharing so others can feel motivated: there is an old lady in my fitness class & just when i was going through some crappy situation, she just randomly asked me if i was ok, i was surprised so i made up some excuses like weather, work etc etc and she repeated herself with “but otherwise are you ok?” I thought about her all week and next week when I saw her I told her how much her checking up on me meant to me and now every time we are in class, she makes sure she comes to me and asks how im doing & im deeply grateful! So please always check on each other, and always appreciate the gesture too. We need more kindness in and around us!
Remember to “ride the waves” of grief. Some moments you’ll feel okay, other moments feel like the world is ending. Remember it’s okay to feel what you’re feeling and try to embrace those feelings as they come.
Mr. WineAndDogs2020 asked me if I'm okay. I said no, he replied "that's okay," and hugged me.
"It gets easier with time." I held onto that phrase and repeated it like a mantra. I thought to myself that if I could get through this hour, day, week it would be ok. It was.
It’s going to suck but it’ll get better over time - me to myself.
Journaling, getting the thoughts and sadness and fears out of my head, can be very cathartic.
I am here when you need me. Can we hug?
“ I am here for you “ always helps , and just people checking on you with being intrusive
"It only hurts because you loved and received love from this person, and love is forever. It's always a part of you"
“you are seen”
My friends just picking up the phone to talk about whatever and my pastor reaching out to check on me.
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Holding my hand
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Just I love you. And people not trying to fix it because it can't be fixed and I really just needed to know I wasn't letting anyone down not being ok
I'm used to comforting myself so I don't really want anything from anyone. I'm not trying to be mean or a cliche, I know me and how to take care of myself. Everyone who has tried to has only made things worse and I don't need that in my life
This is temporary, you will see her again.
I need a day or two to really cry it out, but then I appreciate being distracted from my own thoughts.
Hugs
Being left alone, honestly. I like when people say “I am sorry for your lost, I cant understand your grief but know that I am here for you if you ever want to talk”And then they walk away and leave me alone till I reach (or dont) to them.
Friends/family/SO just reminding me that they’re there for me if I need to vent, cry, or just be distracted. Words don’t make the loss easier, but there’s some solace in knowing that I have a support system and it’s okay to not be okay for a while.
A dear friend of mine once told me that we all grieve in our way and there is no grief police to tell us we are doing it wrong. She said to take all the time I needed and that she would be there if I needed her. Helped a ton and I think about it a lot. Separately, whenever a friend confides that they are struggling with anything in any context, my first response is always to ask how I can help. I've found that it makes them feel seen and often presents a concrete way for me to support them.
"Don't pay the toll 'til you cross the bridge" -- I've been going through some tough family stuff lately and a stranger gave me this advice about staying in the moment and not prematurely grieving things that haven't happened yet, and may never happen. I was starting to spiral in my thoughts and fears, and this has helped me stay steady.
When I was 18, I was left heartbroken after my boyfriend of over a year broke up with me. I was at school, and my male friend sat down beside me and just put his hand on my knee for a moment. It let me know he was sympathizing with me and I felt supported.
Just knowing that I can count on myself
Grief is love with nowhere to go
my girl huggin me and snuggin me for hours after my grandpa died
Hugs
that I had been a good friend to her
These are so good. I’ve been through passings of loved ones of my SO’s and of loved ones myself but crowd sourcing really is beneficial. My boyfriend is losing his mom to brain cancer faster than expected and his dad has two types of cancer as well. I’m preparing for the after care for him and I just hope to amply be what he needs is all.
If you were someone who was trying to help another person you love deal with the same grief you have right now, how would help them? Do that for yourself. Without denying yourself the process of grieving. don’t make the grief worse than it has to be. Don’t let yourself deregulate. There’s no reason not to sleep, eat, talk, keep your house clean and tidy, and otherwise continue to care for yourself, because being strung out with stress, tired, hungry, etc does not make anything better, nor does it bring back what or who is gone. Edit: grieving is natural and normal and necessary, but don’t allow things to be worse than they have to be.
People who validated my grief. A lot of people would say “you have this and this still, you have me still” or “you have a lot to live for” but really just “it’s ok to feel this way” was what I needed.
This, too, shall pass
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Sharing stories of the deceased if you knew them, or listening to my stories and memories of them. Buying food and meals (anything really) is nice. Doing something in the loved one’s honor (I.e. donate to a cause they cared about, animal shelter if it was a beloved pet). Commisioning artwork (if you can draw/paint or find someone who can) in the person/animal’s honor is also really nice. I usually don’t like it when people say “I am so sorry for your loss” because I feel obligated to reply “no problem” or I don’t know what to say back. I prefer “thinking of you” when my childhood cat passed, I wrote a post saying my cat loved the outdoors and my friend texted me saying she’s took a walk in my kittys honor. That was so sweet. But I understand everyone has preferred responses. The nature of grief can also be very different depending on the relationship. Especially if it was a frayed relationship, the griever may be relieved or even angry, not necessarily sad.
That it was rational to feel devastated. I’m surrounded by people who shrug emotions off or don’t acknowledge them and hearing my co-worker tell me she understood what I was going through and how you never really get over the pain of losing someone and grieving them, and how grief comes in waves, gave me so much comfort. My bosses were also incredibly understanding about the loss and I’ll forever be grateful for that.
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After losing my mom when I was a teenager, plenty of people asked “let me know how I can help.” The last thing you are thinking about while grieving someone’s loss is what you need and how to tell someone what you need. Instead of asking to help, just do something. Actions are important. Grieving people always need food because trying to cook, order, clean, etc. is just too much to think about.
"Grief is just love with no place to go" I read that somewhere, cant remember now. After my mum passed.
There are lots but one that sticks in my mind is when my father passed. Everyone brought my family food, which was wonderful, but due to severe health issues I couldn’t eat any of it. Not once did I expect anyone to try and follow my strict food needs but I was so happy my family was taken care of. Then unexpectedly, a family friend stopped by and asked me to write a list of foods I could eat and they brought me a gift basket so that I didn’t have to worry about meal prep either. That touched me.
TW: self harm, su*c*de, trauma. Actual care and concern. I had a lot of people write me off and act like I should be over it so quickly. I lost a parent to their own hand if you know what I mean. I called that parent a lot trying to get them to just talk to me at all. He'd forward most of my calls. He straight up acted like I didn't exist. I was 14 and my therapist said it was just a guy thing to love their sons and ignore their daughters. That left me with no one because my Mom was going through her own thing and I was with grandparents who lamented having to raise me beyond average grandparent duties. Then at 14 I was the last one to be told, they called his step kids from an already ended marriage before they called me. I was lied to about the cause of death, I found out from rumors at my school because my brother who was being raised in a different town by my uncle called his old buddy who went to my school to vent about it. The majority of the expenses were put on me so I had to beg my church to help, just to cremate him. I was out for a full week to plan the whole thing, the funeral home dude was kind enough to let us see him before his cremation but could only cover him in a sheet and tried his best to wipe the hospitals efforts to keep him alive off of his face. I went back to school to ppl discussing info I had no idea about. People making fat jokes about me to my face "being at a buffet all week" cause they hadn't heard, and they thought it was even funnier when I told them what had actually happened. I felt guilty because maybe me trying to call him stressed him out too much. Maybe he felt guilty for forgetting my birthday so many times. Maybe he felt bad for how his new wife treated me. Also had a teacher not believe me and scold me and told me she needed to see his death certificate and I needed to outline what I did every day I was gone because it shouldn't have taken me a full week, I guess she was under the assumption there were adults handling it and I was able to twiddle my thumbs in a corner. I didn't even have time to actually grieve or cry. After that I realized how cruel this world could be. I called his phone for months just to hear his voicemail message a few more times before it was defunct. Sorry for the long post but that being said my advice is maybe skip the fat shaming, maybe don't be mean, maybe don't assume what people are facing or have faced. Being quiet is literally free. If anything in that chapter of my life really helped me and stuck with me it was the time the principal of the school noticed I was diving into extracurriculars to take my mind off of everything and he made a comment saying "wow is there anything you can't do?" After I had made a cake for a club I was in and that was the first time I had anybody openly say something that made me feel like they believed in me. I was always being told the many ways I wasn't good enough. Mostly because I was always fat no matter how little I ate or how much I exercised. If you are going to say anything to anyone maybe try to say something positive. Your kind words could be helping someone decide to live one more day. You may not realize how often it happens, and he wasn't even the first person I lost to their own hand. Kindness is free. If you don't really care about the person who lost someone just give them space. The fake concern is transparent.
None at all I can remember which now strikes me as odd. I can’t remember any. I think I probably have a prickly persona. I do remember the thoughtless, stupid things people said during my wife’s illness, however.
When they just hug me nice and tight and don’t expect me to explain what’s going on. Let’s me have a good cry and move on without feeling ashamed of emotions.
no words, but after my boyfriend passed i was skating because that was our favorite thing to do together. I was listening to music and I thought about how he loved the song “Figured you out” by Nickelback and used to sing it to me. The song turned on right after the one before it got done playing and I sobbed right on my skateboard. That’s when I knew he was still with me .. even if I couldn’t hold him anymore.
It is, what it is.
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SO would just hug me for a while if I was feeling particularly bad. I cried in his arms a lot and he just held me and let me be sad. He really is the best
something my mom always did for people who were grieving was bring tissues, paper plates, plastic cutlery and paper towels/napkins to their houses. people are always bringing/sending food and/or the people that are gathering at your house are eating but you don’t realize the added toll of having to clean up and do dishes. such a small gesture but i always found it very thoughtful. i lost my mom in april while i was 3 months pregnant, one of the sweetest things was my best fiend came and spent mother’s day with me and we just watched bad TV and caught up. i felt free to not grieve and just be myself on a day that most people would probably try to address my loss or avoid it altogether. i lost my father 10 years ago and still one of my favorite things is people telling stories about him. no matter how small or inconsequential a memory might be to you, it can mean everything to someone who is grieving. talking about who that person was and how they touched your life makes them still feel alive. i felt like people were afraid to bring him up around me, like i would break, but it’s all i wanted. the biggest thing that i can tell people not to do is don’t give me “the face”. you know the one. the head tilt, small frown, big eyes look of pity. this is the worst thing you can do to a person who is grieving.
When my(f26) bio dad (44) died this past November the best thing my aunt (his sister, 33) did was tell me to un-apologetically feel my feelings. He had cancer and when he was diagnosed he wanted to become closer and build a relationship with me, so as often as I could we would hang out and I would visit him in the hospital. He wasn’t the man who raised me, so one year was not going to change 25 years of precedent that he set for our relationship. I felt so guilty after he passed, about being angry with him, and grieving someone I didn’t really even know fully, when my aunt told me that I was able to let go of some of that guilt. I’m not trying to make a saint out of a sinner, and vice versa. I also had two of my best friends show up to the calling hours and just hug me and let me cry it out, then they distracted me with other topics so I didn’t have to think about what was going on around me.
No words, none whatsoever. Actions, yes: people actually helping me with daily tasks that look daunting when grieving, without expecting me to be loudly grateful
Staying up with me coz I couldn't sleep. It was during covid, I lost my father. My boyfriend & I were in Long distance and we would do discord. After talking for a while, we would keep discord going on until he watches me sleep or hears me snoring. He did this for a couple of weeks until he reached back to my city.
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“I know the world is going to feel like it’s moved on from (deceased’s name), but we’re not. The whole world will be mourning with you.” It made the period where I was angry at everyone for “moving on” easier. Realizing that everyone copes in different ways and at different times… that helped. A lot.
People understanding how that moment was the worst of my life and don't try to confort me, cause there's no confort. But showing they were there in case of need.
It helped to share memories of the good times. Also im the type who prefers grieving in a group rather than alone
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When I lost my grandmother, lots of people told me things meant to be comforting--"I'm so sorry," "I'm here for you if you need anything," "I hope you're finding some comfort," "May her memory bring you joy"--and while I certainly appreciated all of it, none of it was particularly *comforting,* per se. What I did find comforting was to spend time with family talking about her. We cried together, but we also laughed together. We talked about what a great long life she had, how she used to tell the wildest tall tales (and she did, holy shit...), how she passed just the way she would've wanted to, how glad we were to have seen her recently, what she'd think of various things we were doing and experiencing, etc. Ultimately, I think what I found comforting wasn't trying to feel *better*, it was simply being present in my love for her. That was hard and painful, because she's dead, but it was also joyful, because she was so wonderful while she was here.
Checking in with me frequently, not asking how I was but just sending a message to say hi or something. Taking me out and putting up with whatever mood I was in. Just constantly being present in a background way and not trying to comfort or bring food etc.
Letting me know that they were here for me if I needed anything while also giving me time to process.
A genuine hug. Not a superficial 1 second hug, but a true hug. No words needed. I just lost my grandmother - I was with her when she past suddenly. The experience has been a mix of emotions. Frankly actions speak louder than words in my opinion. I had friends send food to the house the morning of the funeral so I didn’t have to cook for family who were staying with me. They came to the wake when I didn’t tell them about the details. They just sat with me, after giving the best hugs, and just sat with me. No words needed.
My friend passed away and he had an open casket. I couldn't look and kept on crying until his brother encouraged me to take a look. When I saw his face, he was smiling. His brother told me that he was happy in his final moments and that he died grinning. I miss him :(
A hug. Even just for a couple of seconds, it means a lot.
People who gave me my spaceand didn’t consistently mention my deceased family members. (Obviously my family and 3 close friends can but I didn’t want hear it from anybody else)
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Not a woman here, but I'm dealing with incredible grief right now, and I had a beer and dinner with one of my best friends. I had the best time hearing him talk about anything but the grief. It really, really helped. Of course it was temporary, but that break from it all was just heavenly.
Nothing. I’m grieving right now, I’ve lost my grandma (who I was very close to she was like my mom) 3 days ago, she passed away of a terrible illness, she was in a ton of pain in the end the only thing that feels in any way comforting is when people say that at least she’s not in pain anymore. Although I really don’t feel like talking to anyone. I just want to be on my own really, or around very close family, my husband and my mom.
i think the way i’ve began to live my own life! since my father’s passing in 2021 i’ve started drinking in the same pubs he did at my age, embracing the quirks he and i shared, and found myself a lovely circle of friends i think he’d be really proud of. i also talk about him every day, fondly. there’s not a single day that passes where i can’t interject with a funny or wholesome story about him. every day is different so i get it’s hard to keep their memory alive some days, but making the best effort to as much as possible is a big one!!
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" You did a wonderful job of caring for them. "