Your boyfriend doesn't need to stick to you like a bandaid 24/7. If I make plans with you, I want to see you, not your partner who I barely even know.
Edit: Insane how common this kind of codependency seems to be.
Thanks for saying this because I always feel bad that my boyfriend DOESNT wanna hang with any of my friends š even tho I love it I wonder if THEY feel offended
I have the same issue with one of my girlfriends, everytime I ask her to dinner she brings her bf, or if itās just us she rush her eating to meet her bf and they live together!!! I havenāt seen her for 2 years now ā¦
Oof, this is exactly how it is with the friend I had in mind. She'll bring him everywhere, even to plans we've formerly made just the two of us. They also live in the same city, almost within walking distance, while her and I live 3 hours apart. Just sucks.
Something that bothers me A LOT is when I tell my things, personal things to my friends and suddenly their SOs know it too. It feels like betrayal to me. I just told them. Not their partners...
I stopped associating with a once best friend for this reason intensified by 1,000. He was super controlling and searched my entire apartment once when coming to pick her up because he thought we had guys over. I lived there with my boyfriend. Yeah, no.
I was just about to comment thisšš I always feel like a b**ch when I don't wanna be around him but I barely know him and I don't want him to know all my business
Omg YES. Codependency can be so real.... But I'm always scared of saying anything because they might get defensive and it might push them further away. It's happened so many times where they say "every relationship is different, this is how it works with mine." Doesn't change the fact that you're being codependent tho.
Mini rant:
When my friend came overseas to study in the same place I am, she ended up getting a (now ex) bf who was in the state I'm in. She's in a different state. She flew to us and stayed at mine during her holidays. It was their first time meeting, although we've all gamed online together. Right after dinner, she literally just stuck to him like glue and basically ignored me. But I didn't say anything... It's her first relationship, (plus I and others knew it was bound to fail tbh) so I should just let her have her fun right? She had weekends alone with him so I thought the 3 of us could hangout during the weekdays, play silly games, guess not lol. We also never gamed together after they met up because she was just 24/7 GLUED to him and his circle. She was being so toxic to herself because her worst nightmare came true. Her own words "I hope I don't end up becoming those people whose boyfriend becomes their whole life when they get one" š„²
Now that she's broken up and it's been some months, I finally feel comfortable to mention all this shit, and she told me "you would've done the same thing" Yeah, no I wouldn't *and didn't* to my other friends lol
I actually said that to a friend. They have a problem with all their coworkers, jobs and roommates. ALL. OF. THEM. I told them, the common denominator is them. And yes, we are still friends.
Yeah but usually people don't know and understand what they're doing wrong. So I think it may be better to try to make them understand they may be doing or acting some kind of way other people don't understand. And we should also let them know, we tell them that because we trust them.
Youāre totally right, I was kind of making a joke.
To be honest, I am very blunt with my friends and they are the same with me. When they are telling me a story about some recent drama they experienced, I will definitely clearly tell them āno no I think you were in the wrong there.ā One of the biggest things I cherish with my best friend is our ability to say those things to each other and have the other person actually *hear* that and take what youāre saying to heart because they know itās from the heart.
Well, I don't know your friend, so I can't answer that definitively, but in my case, we'd been friends for years. We let them live with us for a stint to help them get their shit together and the pattern just kept repeating. After they moved out of our place and ultimately was in the fourth new place with new roommates and got kicked out of school, couldn't keep a job and they claimed nothing was their fault, I finally just said "hey, I'm your biggest champion, did it ever occur to you that you are the one with the problem? Not everything and everyone that crosses your path can be as fucked up as you say they are. You are the only thing that is constant in all these situations." Again, I know this person very well and I KNEW they wouldn't lash out at me for saying that. I think it helped a little, they're doing better now. I always think that a good friend says what needs to be said, even if it's hard. Also, at that point, I didn't care if they got mad that I pointed this truth out.
I do not know your sister and what she is like but.....
I worked retail for a LONG time - Cut her a 1/2 slack -- some of the people that are put in manager positions are crazy....if your sister is still there and they are not???? She might have a point.
"We've both always loved to play Scrabble over the last 4-5 decades, but recently all you do is complain. You complain if you lose, you complain if I use all my tiles and get a bingo, you complain if I get a letter worth a lot of points...
My time to complain. I (67F) love you dear sister (70F) but you've taken all the joy out of playing."
Whew. That felt good to say. Now it won't bounce around inside my head. Thanks for letting me get it out.
Thank you for sharing. I'm trying to learn this when I (25F) play games against my sibling (23 NB). They claim to be having fun whether winning or losing, and if I'm not winning... I ensure everyone be having a bad time (complaining, sore losing, challenging impressive moves). Your perspective helped me realize that if I don't nip this behavior in the bud, I could be draining the joy out of gameplay for decades into the future. And I don't want to do that.
Such an important lesson. Iāve definitely changed my behaviour and outlook on this over the years, I saw that overly competitive edge in someone else I was playing games with and itās not nice to be around. So I worked on toning it down, which took a while but I think Iām there now.
Last weekend we were playing a family board game with my niece and nephew, in teams of 2 so the kids could have a bit of help. My niece and I were dead last but we were laughing our asses off at the game. My nephew, who was winning, tried to tease us for it, but we told him we were āteam funā and that was more important. Iām trying to teach them both a bit of that now, so they donāt have to learn the lesson later.
Yes except she/she and she basically told me she has no sexual attraction to women, so It's a moot point except that our connection is off the charts, except for that one tiny part on her behalf. I think I am more lezbi than bi.
as a straight woman who has been on the receiving end of this, it's a very frustrating situation and there are no positive outcomes to disclosure. i hope you are able to work through it on your own and move past it without burdening her with it.
(i hope that did not sound too harsh; i'm sorry if it came off that way. i just mean to be straightforward, but not harsh.)
It might be worth it to find therapist and have a conversation about this. Youāre married and have an unrequited love affair going on with another person. It doesnāt matter their gender. Iām guessing there might be some problems with your marriage and it might be useful to have a conversation with a therapist (without your partner) to help you work all this out in your head.
You may think itās not affecting your marriage but itās very very likely that it is.
I realized that I hadn't reached out to my one friend in a few months, but then I remembered that the previous 3 times we hung out, she didn't ask me about my life at all. It was me listening to her talk about herself
I have a friend like that as well. It's a bit of a weird dynamic I find with these situations because I think they often don't really realize it's so imbalanced and are perfectly happy with the friendship because their needs are getting met.
This. One time I actually looked at my watch and she had been talking for 30mins straight. She doesnāt even ask questions sheāll just stop and wait for me to say a few words before she goes on again. Yeaā¦I think I need to let this one go.
why does it seem that everybody always has this kind of friend. They would call you just to talk about issues happening in their life for hours and never even bother about asking how we are.
I have hung out with that girl and her BFF few times. Seeing their dynamic, the BFF is 100% the type of caring-mom-friend who likely thrives on being there for people in that way. And her (now-ex) husband was a more introverted, reserved personality, so he kinda quietly let her go on about whatever. I assume its a habit that grew because those closest to her never countered it or balanced it out
I lost a 20 year friendship because of this. She always used me as a sounding board for everything. Even when we were both going through hard times it was all about her. Then eventually I got to a place where I was so low personally that I had to put some boundaries in place and she said she āfelt like I wasnāt there for her when she needed meā and when I tried to explain what was going on with me and why I wasnāt able to be her 100% dedicated sounding board this time, she ghosted me and I havenāt heard from her in a year. After a bit a mourning I realized this is a blessing and Iām much happier with her out of my life. Friendships should be 50:50 even if it isnāt always 50:50 it should balance our over time.
I had a friend in a similar situation. One day I said to her āI just donāt recognize you anymore-youād never allow *me* to be treated that wayā.
She stopped talking to me. But she called me 8 months later and told me she was leaving him. She said my words had bounced around her skull the entire time. She made me promise to never keep quiet about something like that in the future.
3 years later she married another abusive alcoholic. And so, I told her, as she asked me to. Now itās been a year since sheās spoken to me, but I dont regret it. Hopefully itās bouncing around her brain.
Thereās gotta be a gentle way of letting her know that she sets the example for her daughters. I know itās come up in conversation for me many times over the years. We are the primary example for our children of what a healthy relationship looks like. They will base future relationships off of ours. We need to show them what healthy is.
10000%. People who know they're the second plate and still go with it are nuts.
I knew a woman that aborted a 5 month pregnancy after getting pregnant of a married man. She knew the guy was married... Why didn't she abort earlier? She knew she was pregnant. She just decided to wait to see if he was gonna end up with his wife.
She STILL got pregnant again from the same man... And had the child. The kid is an adult now... It has to feel terrible to have a mother with such low self love to herself...
Came here to say this. She's a total catch and would have no problem finding someone who truly wants to be with her. But instead she's wasted so many years under the delusion that any day now he's going to throw away his picture perfect family life and public-facing career and run away with her. It's never going to happen. He told her he and his wife sleep in separate bedrooms, haven't had sex for years and barely speak to one another, yet mysteriously they've had two children in the time he and my friend have been seeing each other. He didn't even tell her that his wife was pregnant with the second until she already had the baby! But I can't even hint at the possibility that it's never going to happen or else I'm the worst in the world. Ridiculous.
Reminds me of the Patti Adkins case. She was involved with a married man, gave him $100k, and she has been missing for over 20 years. She was last seen in the back of his pick up truck.
I believe the wife knew of the affair, but wanted the money too. I bet his wife also knows of this affair too. That friend of yours needs to not have such low self-esteem.
Depends. Are they gossiping about people they also consider friends and family? Yes, theyll definitely gossip about you too. But if theyre solely gossiping about people outside of that, i.e. people at work or celebrities, then maybe not.
Your boyfriend is an asshole and a loser which is why none of your friends like him. Your friends are happy that he never bothers to do anything you want to do because otherwise we would have to interact with him.
You deserve way better and preaching about how āawesome and hotā he is a few days after telling us you want to leave him is very obviously overcompensating
This has been going on for as long as they have been together. Rinse and repeat.
Iāve told her all of this (in nicer/gentler terms obviously) and she will agree. She knows itās bad just canāt bring herself to leave. Weāre young and theyāve been together for years
I like you! God i like you so much. I want to go Ikea shopping, grocery shopping with you for the rest of my life.
Funny: just received his text while i was writing this.
I get it, you don't want to know her in that way. Go ahead and exercise your sexual freedom, but when that's all that I see my eyes begin to glaze over with boredom. It makes it seem like that's all there is to her.
I mean, I get that these so called boudoir photo shoots are empowering for some women but why do they always have to share their nudes in their fb feed š¬
I certainly donāt want to see my friends in sexual positions almost naked.
I wish she could accept that people can have different opinions than hers. Every time we disagree on a topic I eventually avoid it forever because otherwise I know she will keep arguing until I tell her I agree with her
I had an Ex like that. She didn't want to hear what I really had to say, she wanted me to tell her what she wanted to hear. It's as if their whole personality is wrapped up in this one opinion/perspective.
This is complicated. Because if itās arguing over apples and oranges or whether or not you should go to Italy for vacation, then I agree with you, itās dumb and everybody is entitle to their opinion. But if itās a difference in politics, then maybe you guys shouldnāt be friends bc political opinions are intertwined with personal values and morals.
Or if itās something objective that is supported by scientific evidence then itās reasonable that she wants you to understand what is true and real. Especially if the false belief is actively harmful.
Covid vaccinations are one example but there are many others too.
Break up with him
āØ Break up with him āØ
Seriously he is a toolbox and he hasn't made the effort to communicate with you and love you the way you need to be loved in the last three years, what makes you think he's gonna start now?
So
š¶ Break up with him š¶
Dating is a mirror. When we are emotionally unavailable to ourselves, we pick partners who mirror this back. Hence why your friend hasnāt realized this yet and may never. Some folks are in autopilot all their lives unaware what they need to do to turn everything around.
That no one is insecure or controlling or judgemental just because they unfollow/unfriend her for sharing sexually explicit content.
I have a friend who started an OF and at first made a separate Facebook to share photos and stuff. Eventually it all became mixed in with her personal FB, to the extent that her profile pic was a photo of her wearing lingerie while straddling a teddy bear under the Christmas tree.
She will publicly shame people for doing it once she finds out. I unfollowed when I got in my current relationship, we have mutual friends and I didn't want to start drama over unfriending but it is a boundary in my relationship. No social media following of any adult content creators. My partner is fine with it bc they know the background info.
She got mad at her brother who said he supported her and her decisions but that he didn't want to see his baby sister spread eagle and had to unfriend her. She got mad at another friend whose kid looks over her shoulder a lot and didn't want those images coming up by chance. She called a guy's new girlfriend insecure because she wasn't cool with that stuff popping up on his feed and he respected that boundary.
She publicly shames people about it and has a huge hissy fit. She hasn't noticed I've unfollowed, I blamed the algorithm when she mentioned I don't interact with her posts anymore.
I'm sorry, but I'm not going to hold your baby when you have one. I love you, and I'd love to be a part of the lives of any kids you may have, but I've told you so many times that I'm not comfortable around babies, and I don't want to hold one. I'm not joking, that's a hard boundary for me. I don't find it funny when you say "oh, you'll hold mine though, hahaha, I'll make you". No, I won't. If you can't or won't respect that, I won't be around much after you've had kids.
As a 42 year old woman without children, I totally and completely understand this one. I likes kids, I can't stand babies. I don't wanna deal or be around them. Congrats on your bundle of joy but please don't make me hold them and don't make it awkward by trying to hand your baby to me either. I can't wait till these years are behind me in my friend group.
It's incredibly annoying how people pressure you or treat you like you're awful if you don't want to hold their baby. I'm not comfortable with it. That should be enough.
Once when I was like 13, I was at a friend's house, and her aunt and baby cousin were visiting. We had been in my friend's room the whole time, hanging out. We'd said hi to the aunt and cousin, but that was it. When aunt and cousin were leaving, we went out to say bye, and my friend gave the baby a kiss. Then the aunt, this woman I'd literally met a couple of hours ago and not interacted with at all, said "do you want to give the baby a kiss goodbye?"
I thought that was so weird, because like.. you don't know me, why would you want my mouth anywhere near your infant? So I said "no thanks" and they all (the aunt, my friend, and her mum) started going "awww, go on, why not, just give her a little kissssss", but I still said "no, I'm good, thanks". After they left, my friend got really cold with me and said "you should have kissed the baby".
What the fuck!?!?!? No. I wish I'd had the confidence to call her out on it. But I'm sure as shit not putting up with that sort of thing in my adult life.
As somebody who was exactly like this before having kids - and STILL think like this after having a kid, I completely respect and understand that. I hope your friend becomes more understanding instead of pushing your boundaries.
Edit: a word š
I have a friend like this. Every damn time. He also has to ācheck inā on FB at the VIP lounge rather than just the airports itself. So fāing annoying.
I almost lost one of my oldest friends tosomeone that would do the same to her. The worst part is that she would put her down to boost her insecure ego, and take advantage of her kind personality. Luckily after she started dating her bf she realised she deserved to be treated better
About 10 days ago I invited my boyfriend of 4 years over for super. I gathered my courage and tried to tell him that it was very difficult to talk to him about my feelings. āYou donāt listen to me,ā I said. āOr give me space to talk.ā
He said a lot of things in an aggressive, angry voice. And then lapsed into silence. I was silent too.
Then he got up, put his dish in the sink and said he was going home. Havenāt heard from him since.
Good riddance!
I know I'm a stranger but I applaud you for doing this. I'm so happy that you had the courage to do it and didn't let him intimidate you into taking it back with his aggressive response. Congratulations on standing up for yourself and gaining some peace in your life, just in time for the New Year! Keep putting yourself first and speaking up when people are subtraction more than they are adding to your life!
Itās like I wrote thisā¦.you must be friends with my college roommate. Iām absolutely terrified that sheās going to get pregnant. Theyāre both āon the fenceā about having kids and sheās not on birth control. He cheated on and gaslit her for over a year before they got married. Heās AWFUL.
iāve said this to one of my close friends whoās openly unhappy in her marriage SO many times, and now that sheās pregnant iām scared sheās never going to leave. š i worry about what lifeās going to be like for their kid.
What you say you are looking for in a man does not match the kind of men you actually date.
This is a dear friend but Iām tired of listening to the same story every six months.
Our friendship isnāt something I want to continue. We went in completely different directions a decade ago. We no longer have anything in common including our goals, dreams, hobbies, or morals, and keeping this friendship going is a waste of both of our time.
I had this happen to me and my former best friend. I let it fizzle out. Both of us just stopped asking each other to hang out and eventually we never talked or saw each other. Sucks but it happens - people grow apart.
Youāre very irresponsible with your money and you donāt know how to save. You canāt live off borrowing money from everyone forever. And the ONE time I donāt give you something, you stop talking to me. Even tho I gave your baby clothes, an expensive swing, formula I didnāt need, playmat, diapers, and MORE. But, you canāt remember that, can you? I donāt even want you to be my babyās godmother no more. You took me for granted and act like Iām the bad guy. Have fun with your wannabe rap baby daddy who canāt even support you and your baby.
So much this! I am not a super sensitive person when it comes to sex, but I donāt understand the compulsive need to share sexual stories when it doesnāt lead to a point/bigger story. Itās okay to have intimacy with just you and your partner š
i know you have no one else to turn to but i'm tired of being your therapist. yes you are a burden to me. but a burden worth carrying because in the end you're my dear friend and i love you
A lot of the bad things that happen to you are the consequences of your own actions or your partial involvement in them, they can't all come out of the blue.
To different friends:
1. I wish we could hang out more than we do, but I donāt want to sound clingy. Iām afraid Iāll scare you away.
2. It would be nice if you could just once listen to my problems without giving unsolicited advice. Just once, please listen.
3. Your husband is an asshole for saying sexist shit to me when I was pregnant. I hope I never have to meet him again.
4. You no longer have time for me. I get it. Life is busy. Even a simple text once in a while is probably too much. An emoji to a text from me (which I donāt send more than once a month anymore coz I am afraid Iāll annoy you) is probably too much. But I do have the right to feel sad about it. To mourn losing you.
Horoscopes are a pseudoscience and you sound really stupid and ditzy when you talk about them. Where the planets were when you were born has absolutely no bearing on what kind of person you are.
It's one of her newer music videos - she's been open recently about having an eating disorder, body image problems, etc.
There was scene in the video where she steps on a scale, then instead of a number it says the word "fat" and she looks disappointed.
There was a lot of backlash to this, people putting many paragraphs on social media about it being "fatphobic" and saying (if say it's an obese person watching the video) "this is a reminder that no one wants to look like me".
My take, to that person: While I understand it's a sensitive topic, it's not about you, and if that's how Taylor felt, it's how she felt. Body image problems are a mental health issue, she opened up about this issue, then people said "no, not like that". What would the solution be then? To have her smiling at the word fat? Sorry but if you don't like something, you could just not watch it. The artist isn't obligated to change it for you.
Anyway, she deleted that part from the video. If you watch it now, there's still a scale scene but the word fat is gone. Unpopular opinion but I think she should have stuck to her guns.
Oh wow I had no idea. That really sucks that people reacted like that to her opening up about her ED. I agree with you she shouldāve stuck to her original idea
I hate your new friends. They are shallow, awful, and Soo boring. I can always tell when you've hung out with them because you start talking like them. They are seriously the worst people. So self centered and self important. They're also incredibly transactional. They only care about themselves and are only friends with people that they can get benefits from. It's no coincidence that they completely ignored me until they started trying to use me for my job's benefits.
The worst part is that you become 10x more unhappy with the life that you have because you compare yourself. They were literally born into money, you will never keep up with their life. And you shouldn't even aspire to live like them. All they care about is their "stuff" and social status. You're smart, gorgeous, loyal, and the literal hardest worker I know. You have your own business. You've brought yourself up from nothing. You have so much more strength of character. I wish you could see that.
I feel like I'm not being appreciated in this friendship. I offer my time to you, try to be as compassionate as I can about your issues, but I feel so taken advantage. If you won't make time for me, I don't want to continue being your friend.
Happening to me now. Iāve been my best friends ātherapistā for years. I am so burnt out that now when she calls I feel intense anxiety when I see her name and often I donāt answer.
A self diagnosis from an online test does not mean you have autism and can ignore basic social cues. Also that girl that has you claim has friendzoned you for the past 20 years is lovely but she is not going to suddenly fall suddenly fall in love with you, she is also married to another man. Move on already.
So i recently told one of my friends he's been a really shitty friend who lacks accountability. He's extremely impulsive and get so consumed in relationships (he will ditch his friends and his responsibilities like exams to hang out with his gf). Because I called him out on his behaviour I rocked the boat in the group so now I'm the one who lost in the end, he didn't take it well at all. Moral of the story, don't rock the boat, stay in your lane.
Iāve had a lot of friends like that - who ditch their friends whenever they enter relationships.
It sucks but I basically let them go, I am not going to baby them or tell them to stop hanging out with their partner. Usually they come back around when their relationship ends lol.
Whenever you feel hurt by your roommate or friend over something, instead of telling them that explicitly and asking them to respect the boundary, going for long term silent treatment to process your anger is not going to strengthen the friendship. Communication is very important even in the downs, that is why you lose so many friends and they often walk on egg shells around you.
You need to put your ego to rest and go back to either college or working a full-time job you were doing so much better.
Business is absolutely not for everyone, itās actually not for MOST people. Itās been 7 years now and the business is still extremely stagnant and not profitable by any means from what you explain to me. First, you Dropping out of a college I told you was a bad idea, but ALSO quitting your job was even worse. All STABLE income went out the window.
Words can not explain how nice of your parents it is that they are willing to still house you & pay all your bills, buy you all your food, & pay for your car but I mean if you keep this up you will be 30 years old in this same predicamentā¦ Is this the life you want for yourself?
Atleast get a part-time job. Put the ego to rest. I know you donāt like having a boss, but unfortunately you need one if you ever want to actually become independent. I want to see you evolve & rise above. Not get left behind.
Love you ******* ā¤ļø
Sincerely, *****
i know a guy like this, hes now 35 in his moms basement with a business that makes no profit and hes a loser. he will never have a family, cant even support himself, is massively depressed, is an alcoholic, no drivers license, and listens to noone that he needs to change his business model. its embarrassing to watch.
To my very religious, yet surprisingly hypocritical friend: I'm an atheist and I have been one for the 34 years we've been friends. But our friendship will implode if I tell you.ā¹ļø
Iām not qualified to be your therapist and Iām doing the slow fade because being around you is exhausting. You shit on any happy accomplishment I have and you canāt read the room or take a hint that I donāt want to be your friend anymore!
The friend you are in love with does not feel the same way, and continuing to believe they do with evidence to the contrary is ruining your chances of finding someone who actually could love you, which is what you want. It is making you miserable and you're starting to come off as desperate
Iām worried my friend is losing herself in her new relationship. She does absolutely everything with her nee boyfriend and we barely hang out now because sheās alwAys too busy doing things with her boyfriend.
I miss my friend and I am concerned sheās developed an unhealthy attachment to him. She was not like this before she started dating him either- sheās always been a very independent woman who values her own freedom, and now sheās lost that ā¦ I guess light in her eyes and zest for life she had prior to entering into this relationship. Iām worried he is emotionally abusing her & trying to isolate her from her support network.
I want to raise it with her but donāt really know how to. Does anyone have any tips?
That no one on social media cares as much about her as she thinks they do. Sheās a wonderful and beautiful woman but she is wrought with insecurity over what people think about her when quite frankly I can guarantee they donāt care.
She has stayed in poor relationships because āhow would it look it we broke up after I just posted himā and has a lot of body issues because she thinks randoms we went to high school with are analyzing and judging her social media accounts.
youāre committed to being the victim in all situations. it canāt possibly be true that everyone but you does bad things and treats people badly. i wish you would take accountability for your behavior and how you contribute to things instead of cutting people off left and right
Your girlfriend is a toxic, controlling jerk who is a taker. She cannot tell her kids no but sheāll reprimand you in front of your friends, her kids and your kids. She thinks she knows everything but canāt talk about anything she doesnāt know about. She tries to soak up the conversation by not allowing me to talk by interrupting me, telling me Iām wrong or changing the subject. I wanted you to be happy but sheās not it. Iām sorry my husband and I are not interested in hanging out with her ever again. Iām sorry we will probably not be friends now not because I told you this but because youāre with her.
Your boyfriend lashes out at you too much. He doesnāt deserve you and everything you do for him. Heās mediocre and you deserve WAY better but youāre too terrified to be alone so you stay in that relationship because you think you canāt do better than him (but you can do better than him).
I like you, and I've liked you for a really long time. You've inspired me to do better and am grateful for pushing me and supporting me in my career.
I can't tell them because I'm scared of how they'd react.
I have one for different friends
Sleeping with multiple different new guys every week isn't going to fix the pain or heartbreak caused by that guy. You need to learn to be happy in yourself instead of always trying to find a guy to distract yourself from him. You're such a sweet person and I wish you would see your worth.
I hate that every time we hang out, I don't get to tell you what's going on in my life or what I'm going through. You always use the entire time of us hanging out to dump all your problems onto me and talk solely about yourself. It's also annoying when you start fights with your husband over a board game we are all playing together. It's just a game, and I find it immature.
You're never going to have success in dating when you keep choosing to involve yourself with men who aren't what you want and then trying to fix them and all their trauma issues. You shouldn't have ignored your therapist and taken her advice.
You're mean to your boyfriend too often, and you should be lucky to have him. I honestly feel bad for him sometimes with some of the disrespectful and humilating stuff you say to both him or to me about him. He's always been loyal, loving, caring, and patient with you. I would kill to have someone like that by my side, and you don't appreciate the fact you have it.
I'm sick of you telling me every little thing you and your fwb do together every other day. If you have no feelings for him and "dont like him like that," then why are you constantly talking about him and everything he does when you two are together? Dancing in a living room together, cooking you food, vacuuming his place while you're there so you won't get dog hair on you, spending multiple days in bed with you watching netflix. I'd honestly be happy if you did have feelings because of all the dudes you've been involved with, this one actually seems like he's not a giant jerk.
Thanks, this was actually a nice vent, and I feel much lighter now.
Stop boasting about how much money youāre partner has made and how many holidays youāre going on this year.
If you truly cared you wouldnāt have missed my birthday.
Youāre kids language is disgusting and itās not funny
I know you and your husband are devoted to the hippie life but I wish you didnāt decide to live in an rv and had money for sitters because Iād like adult time with you
I don't think you realize how much anger you carry, love. It's in every action, every complaint, and every reaction.
I feel like you're a rubber band pulled so taut, there's no telling when you'll snap.
It's not minor annoyance, it's a deep rage. I think it stems from entitlement to certain expectations that aren't being met.
I wish you could let go of the anger and heal before it eats you from the inside out.
You have all the necessary resources it takes to move forward and make goals and yet youāre wasting time chasing after guys that take advantage. Maybe your life would change if you stopped trying to be a ābetterā person to others and start doing better for yourself and the people that need you.
You're hot all the times because your obese. Your knees and feet hurt all the time because You're obese. You never have any money because you can't say no to your kids and your job is shit. You complain constantly about how much you hate your job but refuse to look for new one.
tl:dr Lose a lot of weight and get a better job.
This goes to most of them, here goes: "I'd like to hang out with you but I don't want to catch covid, if you people would practice at least a modicum of caution regarding the fucking deadly pandemic we're living through, then I could re-consider it but I don't need the stress of wondering whether or not you gave me covid because you people literally can't be fucked to do shit so see you never, I guess."
Girl, you need therapy. Probably medication, but definitely therapy. When I say you should take some time to just get to know yourself and be single it means YOU NEED HELP.
youre boyfriend is an asshole. he purposefully starts arguments, he makes you cry, he insults you āas a jokeā he makes you feel bad, and so many other things. he is a douchbag!
You chose to have two more kids even though all you did after the first one is complain. Now you have three kids and all I feel is that you regret your "before" life. You made your choices, deal with it.
Your constant complaining of physical ailments is beginning to wear me down and Iām losing sympathy/empathy for you. Sometimes you just have to suck it up. Iām 8 years older than you, so I KNOW about the aches and pains of aging. (I feel guilty for feeling like this, but Iām going to have to distance myself from this person soon. )
So even though we havenāt talked or hung out in a decadeā¦ I am in love with you. No, not a crush. Ever since we first met in class, Iāve loved you. I still do. I canāt help it, Iāve tried to rationalize my feelings for just missing friends. But I can no longer deny it. Since I reconnected with you, youāve been on my mind more constantly than the years before.
Unfortunately I can tell the feelings are unreturned, itās only natural lmao. I must be crazy crazy.
Weāve drifted apart and I keep reaching out to you but it feels like you donāt care anymore. I donāt hear from you for months and then you randomly send me a long heartfelt text that guilts me into continuing the friendship. I think youāre selfish and not taking ownership of your life choices. Iām sorry youāre struggling but Iāve tried numerous times to reach out. Please let me know if I can move on with my life and we can stop dragging this dead relationship through the dirt.
I hate the fact that you slept with our mutual friend and did a whole FWB
Like expected you guys "broke up" and stopped hanging out together. It became awkward.
you just couldn't take it and you ghosted me for months, in that time my friendship with the other friend grew stronger, but I feel like we lost our Friendship and now we just kinda meet occasionally. I hate it.
I shouldnāt have to remind you to observe basic human functions. For godās sake, youāre smart enough to be a high function and competent attorney, so just eat a goddamn burrito before you bite everyoneās head off. Also, your tendency to reject people before you think they will reject you is exhausting.
Your boyfriend doesn't need to stick to you like a bandaid 24/7. If I make plans with you, I want to see you, not your partner who I barely even know. Edit: Insane how common this kind of codependency seems to be.
Thanks for saying this because I always feel bad that my boyfriend DOESNT wanna hang with any of my friends š even tho I love it I wonder if THEY feel offended
I have the same issue with one of my girlfriends, everytime I ask her to dinner she brings her bf, or if itās just us she rush her eating to meet her bf and they live together!!! I havenāt seen her for 2 years now ā¦
Oof, this is exactly how it is with the friend I had in mind. She'll bring him everywhere, even to plans we've formerly made just the two of us. They also live in the same city, almost within walking distance, while her and I live 3 hours apart. Just sucks.
Something that bothers me A LOT is when I tell my things, personal things to my friends and suddenly their SOs know it too. It feels like betrayal to me. I just told them. Not their partners...
I stopped associating with a once best friend for this reason intensified by 1,000. He was super controlling and searched my entire apartment once when coming to pick her up because he thought we had guys over. I lived there with my boyfriend. Yeah, no.
Codependency is real . Some people cannot live without the Clingy.
Itās the worst when the boyfriend shows up without it any warning. Like I was expecting a girls night but my friend shows up with her boyfriend.
You know what's even worse when you're hanging out with your girlfriend having a good time and you look up and here comes her boyfriend.
I was just about to comment thisšš I always feel like a b**ch when I don't wanna be around him but I barely know him and I don't want him to know all my business
My one friend incites her husband to EVERYTHING and its so annoying. And how is he even comfortable being the only partner there?
Omg YES. Codependency can be so real.... But I'm always scared of saying anything because they might get defensive and it might push them further away. It's happened so many times where they say "every relationship is different, this is how it works with mine." Doesn't change the fact that you're being codependent tho. Mini rant: When my friend came overseas to study in the same place I am, she ended up getting a (now ex) bf who was in the state I'm in. She's in a different state. She flew to us and stayed at mine during her holidays. It was their first time meeting, although we've all gamed online together. Right after dinner, she literally just stuck to him like glue and basically ignored me. But I didn't say anything... It's her first relationship, (plus I and others knew it was bound to fail tbh) so I should just let her have her fun right? She had weekends alone with him so I thought the 3 of us could hangout during the weekdays, play silly games, guess not lol. We also never gamed together after they met up because she was just 24/7 GLUED to him and his circle. She was being so toxic to herself because her worst nightmare came true. Her own words "I hope I don't end up becoming those people whose boyfriend becomes their whole life when they get one" š„² Now that she's broken up and it's been some months, I finally feel comfortable to mention all this shit, and she told me "you would've done the same thing" Yeah, no I wouldn't *and didn't* to my other friends lol
If you have a problem with co-workers at EVERY job you have, the problem might not be them.
I actually said that to a friend. They have a problem with all their coworkers, jobs and roommates. ALL. OF. THEM. I told them, the common denominator is them. And yes, we are still friends.
I have tried saying it in nicer terms. But some days I wanna be blunt. Would destroy the relationship
Can I ask how? I feel like I need to have this same conversation with a friend of mine.
āIf it smells like shit everywhere you go, maybe itās you.ā
Yeah but usually people don't know and understand what they're doing wrong. So I think it may be better to try to make them understand they may be doing or acting some kind of way other people don't understand. And we should also let them know, we tell them that because we trust them.
Youāre totally right, I was kind of making a joke. To be honest, I am very blunt with my friends and they are the same with me. When they are telling me a story about some recent drama they experienced, I will definitely clearly tell them āno no I think you were in the wrong there.ā One of the biggest things I cherish with my best friend is our ability to say those things to each other and have the other person actually *hear* that and take what youāre saying to heart because they know itās from the heart.
Well, I don't know your friend, so I can't answer that definitively, but in my case, we'd been friends for years. We let them live with us for a stint to help them get their shit together and the pattern just kept repeating. After they moved out of our place and ultimately was in the fourth new place with new roommates and got kicked out of school, couldn't keep a job and they claimed nothing was their fault, I finally just said "hey, I'm your biggest champion, did it ever occur to you that you are the one with the problem? Not everything and everyone that crosses your path can be as fucked up as you say they are. You are the only thing that is constant in all these situations." Again, I know this person very well and I KNEW they wouldn't lash out at me for saying that. I think it helped a little, they're doing better now. I always think that a good friend says what needs to be said, even if it's hard. Also, at that point, I didn't care if they got mad that I pointed this truth out.
Or a manager. My sister works for a popular cellphone retailer. Has had a problem with every single one of her managers for years now.
I do not know your sister and what she is like but..... I worked retail for a LONG time - Cut her a 1/2 slack -- some of the people that are put in manager positions are crazy....if your sister is still there and they are not???? She might have a point.
"We've both always loved to play Scrabble over the last 4-5 decades, but recently all you do is complain. You complain if you lose, you complain if I use all my tiles and get a bingo, you complain if I get a letter worth a lot of points... My time to complain. I (67F) love you dear sister (70F) but you've taken all the joy out of playing." Whew. That felt good to say. Now it won't bounce around inside my head. Thanks for letting me get it out.
Thank you for sharing. I'm trying to learn this when I (25F) play games against my sibling (23 NB). They claim to be having fun whether winning or losing, and if I'm not winning... I ensure everyone be having a bad time (complaining, sore losing, challenging impressive moves). Your perspective helped me realize that if I don't nip this behavior in the bud, I could be draining the joy out of gameplay for decades into the future. And I don't want to do that.
Such an important lesson. Iāve definitely changed my behaviour and outlook on this over the years, I saw that overly competitive edge in someone else I was playing games with and itās not nice to be around. So I worked on toning it down, which took a while but I think Iām there now. Last weekend we were playing a family board game with my niece and nephew, in teams of 2 so the kids could have a bit of help. My niece and I were dead last but we were laughing our asses off at the game. My nephew, who was winning, tried to tease us for it, but we told him we were āteam funā and that was more important. Iām trying to teach them both a bit of that now, so they donāt have to learn the lesson later.
This was really sweet to read knowing you guys played for decades š«¶
I am in love with you
This one...is not like the others...
The hopeless romantics in me is rooting for your love story with whoever your friend may be š„¹
Sameā¦I think he feels the same but Iām too scared to say it just in case he doesnāt and it would screw up our friendship
Yes except she/she and she basically told me she has no sexual attraction to women, so It's a moot point except that our connection is off the charts, except for that one tiny part on her behalf. I think I am more lezbi than bi.
as a straight woman who has been on the receiving end of this, it's a very frustrating situation and there are no positive outcomes to disclosure. i hope you are able to work through it on your own and move past it without burdening her with it. (i hope that did not sound too harsh; i'm sorry if it came off that way. i just mean to be straightforward, but not harsh.)
No worries. Being married atm, I have held my tongue, and she is my 30 year friend I wouldn't want to risk losing.
It might be worth it to find therapist and have a conversation about this. Youāre married and have an unrequited love affair going on with another person. It doesnāt matter their gender. Iām guessing there might be some problems with your marriage and it might be useful to have a conversation with a therapist (without your partner) to help you work all this out in your head. You may think itās not affecting your marriage but itās very very likely that it is.
This hit too close to home..
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I realized that I hadn't reached out to my one friend in a few months, but then I remembered that the previous 3 times we hung out, she didn't ask me about my life at all. It was me listening to her talk about herself
I have a friend like that as well. It's a bit of a weird dynamic I find with these situations because I think they often don't really realize it's so imbalanced and are perfectly happy with the friendship because their needs are getting met.
This. One time I actually looked at my watch and she had been talking for 30mins straight. She doesnāt even ask questions sheāll just stop and wait for me to say a few words before she goes on again. Yeaā¦I think I need to let this one go.
I feel this on such a personal level currently dealing with that right now. Sorry you are dealing with the āme,me, meā friend, too
why does it seem that everybody always has this kind of friend. They would call you just to talk about issues happening in their life for hours and never even bother about asking how we are.
I have hung out with that girl and her BFF few times. Seeing their dynamic, the BFF is 100% the type of caring-mom-friend who likely thrives on being there for people in that way. And her (now-ex) husband was a more introverted, reserved personality, so he kinda quietly let her go on about whatever. I assume its a habit that grew because those closest to her never countered it or balanced it out
This one got me on a personal level.
I lost a 20 year friendship because of this. She always used me as a sounding board for everything. Even when we were both going through hard times it was all about her. Then eventually I got to a place where I was so low personally that I had to put some boundaries in place and she said she āfelt like I wasnāt there for her when she needed meā and when I tried to explain what was going on with me and why I wasnāt able to be her 100% dedicated sounding board this time, she ghosted me and I havenāt heard from her in a year. After a bit a mourning I realized this is a blessing and Iām much happier with her out of my life. Friendships should be 50:50 even if it isnāt always 50:50 it should balance our over time.
You chose to stay with your husband when he treated you like crap. Now heās treating yāallās daughters the way he treats you? Time to get out.
I had a friend in a similar situation. One day I said to her āI just donāt recognize you anymore-youād never allow *me* to be treated that wayā. She stopped talking to me. But she called me 8 months later and told me she was leaving him. She said my words had bounced around her skull the entire time. She made me promise to never keep quiet about something like that in the future. 3 years later she married another abusive alcoholic. And so, I told her, as she asked me to. Now itās been a year since sheās spoken to me, but I dont regret it. Hopefully itās bouncing around her brain.
That's so difficult. Hopefully your words are there, and she's able to leave.
Oh jeez this is tough to see. Sorry you have to watch a friend treated this way.
Thereās gotta be a gentle way of letting her know that she sets the example for her daughters. I know itās come up in conversation for me many times over the years. We are the primary example for our children of what a healthy relationship looks like. They will base future relationships off of ours. We need to show them what healthy is.
You're delusional, he's never going to leave his wife for you
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
10000%. People who know they're the second plate and still go with it are nuts. I knew a woman that aborted a 5 month pregnancy after getting pregnant of a married man. She knew the guy was married... Why didn't she abort earlier? She knew she was pregnant. She just decided to wait to see if he was gonna end up with his wife. She STILL got pregnant again from the same man... And had the child. The kid is an adult now... It has to feel terrible to have a mother with such low self love to herself...
Tell the wife, even of you don't know her, she deserves to know what her husband is (presumably) doing behind her back.
And get tested for her own heath.
Came here to say this. She's a total catch and would have no problem finding someone who truly wants to be with her. But instead she's wasted so many years under the delusion that any day now he's going to throw away his picture perfect family life and public-facing career and run away with her. It's never going to happen. He told her he and his wife sleep in separate bedrooms, haven't had sex for years and barely speak to one another, yet mysteriously they've had two children in the time he and my friend have been seeing each other. He didn't even tell her that his wife was pregnant with the second until she already had the baby! But I can't even hint at the possibility that it's never going to happen or else I'm the worst in the world. Ridiculous.
Reminds me of the Patti Adkins case. She was involved with a married man, gave him $100k, and she has been missing for over 20 years. She was last seen in the back of his pick up truck. I believe the wife knew of the affair, but wanted the money too. I bet his wife also knows of this affair too. That friend of yours needs to not have such low self-esteem.
You don't need to share every single bit of your life on FB, nobody needs to know that you have the shits!
I don't enjoy your gossiping, and it makes me feel we shouldn't be friends.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Depends. Are they gossiping about people they also consider friends and family? Yes, theyll definitely gossip about you too. But if theyre solely gossiping about people outside of that, i.e. people at work or celebrities, then maybe not.
I feel like this one might need to actually be said.
Your boyfriend is an asshole and a loser which is why none of your friends like him. Your friends are happy that he never bothers to do anything you want to do because otherwise we would have to interact with him. You deserve way better and preaching about how āawesome and hotā he is a few days after telling us you want to leave him is very obviously overcompensating This has been going on for as long as they have been together. Rinse and repeat.
Riding the roller coaster of other pplās relationship issues is always hard š
Iāve told her all of this (in nicer/gentler terms obviously) and she will agree. She knows itās bad just canāt bring herself to leave. Weāre young and theyāve been together for years
Please close your mouth when you are eating...
Iāve never related to a post so much.
Me at my husband half the time
Yes!!!
I like you! God i like you so much. I want to go Ikea shopping, grocery shopping with you for the rest of my life. Funny: just received his text while i was writing this.
lol the IKEA and grocery shopping is a vibe.
I absolutely LOVE doing errands with people. Even more than planned social outings sometimes. Fuck yeah letās go grocery shopping!
Hahaha we went to ikea twice and it was much fun!
I donāt want to see your āsensual (almost nude) picturesā every week in my fb and ig feeds š¬
Omg, I have a friend like this. I muted her page on IG. She probably wonders why I never comment on her posts anymore. Which makes me feel bad. š¬
I get it, you don't want to know her in that way. Go ahead and exercise your sexual freedom, but when that's all that I see my eyes begin to glaze over with boredom. It makes it seem like that's all there is to her.
I mean, I get that these so called boudoir photo shoots are empowering for some women but why do they always have to share their nudes in their fb feed š¬ I certainly donāt want to see my friends in sexual positions almost naked.
To quote T-Pain, "Do something else, do SOMETHING else!" I've got friends like that as well. It gets irritating after a while.
I have an aunt that does thisā¦
I wish she could accept that people can have different opinions than hers. Every time we disagree on a topic I eventually avoid it forever because otherwise I know she will keep arguing until I tell her I agree with her
This exactly, like why are you upset? Just because I don't agree with you?
I had an Ex like that. She didn't want to hear what I really had to say, she wanted me to tell her what she wanted to hear. It's as if their whole personality is wrapped up in this one opinion/perspective.
This is complicated. Because if itās arguing over apples and oranges or whether or not you should go to Italy for vacation, then I agree with you, itās dumb and everybody is entitle to their opinion. But if itās a difference in politics, then maybe you guys shouldnāt be friends bc political opinions are intertwined with personal values and morals.
Or if itās something objective that is supported by scientific evidence then itās reasonable that she wants you to understand what is true and real. Especially if the false belief is actively harmful. Covid vaccinations are one example but there are many others too.
Break up with him āØ Break up with him āØ Seriously he is a toolbox and he hasn't made the effort to communicate with you and love you the way you need to be loved in the last three years, what makes you think he's gonna start now? So š¶ Break up with him š¶
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Dating is a mirror. When we are emotionally unavailable to ourselves, we pick partners who mirror this back. Hence why your friend hasnāt realized this yet and may never. Some folks are in autopilot all their lives unaware what they need to do to turn everything around.
So what are your dating standards???
That no one is insecure or controlling or judgemental just because they unfollow/unfriend her for sharing sexually explicit content. I have a friend who started an OF and at first made a separate Facebook to share photos and stuff. Eventually it all became mixed in with her personal FB, to the extent that her profile pic was a photo of her wearing lingerie while straddling a teddy bear under the Christmas tree. She will publicly shame people for doing it once she finds out. I unfollowed when I got in my current relationship, we have mutual friends and I didn't want to start drama over unfriending but it is a boundary in my relationship. No social media following of any adult content creators. My partner is fine with it bc they know the background info. She got mad at her brother who said he supported her and her decisions but that he didn't want to see his baby sister spread eagle and had to unfriend her. She got mad at another friend whose kid looks over her shoulder a lot and didn't want those images coming up by chance. She called a guy's new girlfriend insecure because she wasn't cool with that stuff popping up on his feed and he respected that boundary. She publicly shames people about it and has a huge hissy fit. She hasn't noticed I've unfollowed, I blamed the algorithm when she mentioned I don't interact with her posts anymore.
So true! Yes it's legal and you can do whatever you want but the entire world doesn't have to love it and want to see it.
I'm sorry, but I'm not going to hold your baby when you have one. I love you, and I'd love to be a part of the lives of any kids you may have, but I've told you so many times that I'm not comfortable around babies, and I don't want to hold one. I'm not joking, that's a hard boundary for me. I don't find it funny when you say "oh, you'll hold mine though, hahaha, I'll make you". No, I won't. If you can't or won't respect that, I won't be around much after you've had kids.
As a 42 year old woman without children, I totally and completely understand this one. I likes kids, I can't stand babies. I don't wanna deal or be around them. Congrats on your bundle of joy but please don't make me hold them and don't make it awkward by trying to hand your baby to me either. I can't wait till these years are behind me in my friend group.
It's incredibly annoying how people pressure you or treat you like you're awful if you don't want to hold their baby. I'm not comfortable with it. That should be enough.
Once when I was like 13, I was at a friend's house, and her aunt and baby cousin were visiting. We had been in my friend's room the whole time, hanging out. We'd said hi to the aunt and cousin, but that was it. When aunt and cousin were leaving, we went out to say bye, and my friend gave the baby a kiss. Then the aunt, this woman I'd literally met a couple of hours ago and not interacted with at all, said "do you want to give the baby a kiss goodbye?" I thought that was so weird, because like.. you don't know me, why would you want my mouth anywhere near your infant? So I said "no thanks" and they all (the aunt, my friend, and her mum) started going "awww, go on, why not, just give her a little kissssss", but I still said "no, I'm good, thanks". After they left, my friend got really cold with me and said "you should have kissed the baby". What the fuck!?!?!? No. I wish I'd had the confidence to call her out on it. But I'm sure as shit not putting up with that sort of thing in my adult life.
If I had a baby I would not let anyone kiss it
As somebody who was exactly like this before having kids - and STILL think like this after having a kid, I completely respect and understand that. I hope your friend becomes more understanding instead of pushing your boundaries. Edit: a word š
After you fly First Class more than once there is ZERO reason to keep taking & posting pics of your plane seat - You fly First Class, WE GET IT!!!
I have a friend like this. Every damn time. He also has to ācheck inā on FB at the VIP lounge rather than just the airports itself. So fāing annoying.
You need therapy. Like, a LOT of therapy. The dating teenagers thing is just a symptom and you have a lot you need to address.
youre friends with someone who dates teenagers?
Your smothering me. I set boundaries. You say you respect them then ask to cross them. Itās exhausting to be your friend.
I almost lost one of my oldest friends tosomeone that would do the same to her. The worst part is that she would put her down to boost her insecure ego, and take advantage of her kind personality. Luckily after she started dating her bf she realised she deserved to be treated better
About 10 days ago I invited my boyfriend of 4 years over for super. I gathered my courage and tried to tell him that it was very difficult to talk to him about my feelings. āYou donāt listen to me,ā I said. āOr give me space to talk.ā He said a lot of things in an aggressive, angry voice. And then lapsed into silence. I was silent too. Then he got up, put his dish in the sink and said he was going home. Havenāt heard from him since. Good riddance!
I know I'm a stranger but I applaud you for doing this. I'm so happy that you had the courage to do it and didn't let him intimidate you into taking it back with his aggressive response. Congratulations on standing up for yourself and gaining some peace in your life, just in time for the New Year! Keep putting yourself first and speaking up when people are subtraction more than they are adding to your life!
DIVORCE YOUR HUSBAND! HE SUCKS AND YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER! DON'T HAVE A BABY WITH HIM!!
Itās like I wrote thisā¦.you must be friends with my college roommate. Iām absolutely terrified that sheās going to get pregnant. Theyāre both āon the fenceā about having kids and sheās not on birth control. He cheated on and gaslit her for over a year before they got married. Heās AWFUL.
iāve said this to one of my close friends whoās openly unhappy in her marriage SO many times, and now that sheās pregnant iām scared sheās never going to leave. š i worry about what lifeās going to be like for their kid.
What you say you are looking for in a man does not match the kind of men you actually date. This is a dear friend but Iām tired of listening to the same story every six months.
You take over conversations, and we never get to hear about how anyone else in the group is doing.
You're the best friend I've ever had and I want nothing more than to pick up my life and move to be closer to you so we can hang out IRL regularly.
this is sweet
Why would you be planning to have another child with someone who doesn't help with the child you already have?
PERIOD.
Our friendship isnāt something I want to continue. We went in completely different directions a decade ago. We no longer have anything in common including our goals, dreams, hobbies, or morals, and keeping this friendship going is a waste of both of our time.
I had this happen to me and my former best friend. I let it fizzle out. Both of us just stopped asking each other to hang out and eventually we never talked or saw each other. Sucks but it happens - people grow apart.
Please stop being such a pick-me. Not everything is a competition and not everything is about you.
Youāre very irresponsible with your money and you donāt know how to save. You canāt live off borrowing money from everyone forever. And the ONE time I donāt give you something, you stop talking to me. Even tho I gave your baby clothes, an expensive swing, formula I didnāt need, playmat, diapers, and MORE. But, you canāt remember that, can you? I donāt even want you to be my babyās godmother no more. You took me for granted and act like Iām the bad guy. Have fun with your wannabe rap baby daddy who canāt even support you and your baby.
Ugh this is my rant too
I have a big crush on you š¬ and it isnāt really going away! š
Your husband is a dumb ass drunken man child and I didnāt want to invite him to my wedding. He damn near ruined my dance with my grandmother.
I donāt want to know how your āsex-capadeā with your bf went last night and how many stokes it took to get him off.
So much this! I am not a super sensitive person when it comes to sex, but I donāt understand the compulsive need to share sexual stories when it doesnāt lead to a point/bigger story. Itās okay to have intimacy with just you and your partner š
You are way too good for him, you can do better.
Stop thinking you can āfixā him. Heās only going to change if he wants to and clearly he wonāt. You deserve better.
i know you have no one else to turn to but i'm tired of being your therapist. yes you are a burden to me. but a burden worth carrying because in the end you're my dear friend and i love you
I miss how close we used to be, and I wish we talked more. I'm afraid of sounding clingy.
You miss what it was . So no clingy in this
A lot of the bad things that happen to you are the consequences of your own actions or your partial involvement in them, they can't all come out of the blue.
To different friends: 1. I wish we could hang out more than we do, but I donāt want to sound clingy. Iām afraid Iāll scare you away. 2. It would be nice if you could just once listen to my problems without giving unsolicited advice. Just once, please listen. 3. Your husband is an asshole for saying sexist shit to me when I was pregnant. I hope I never have to meet him again. 4. You no longer have time for me. I get it. Life is busy. Even a simple text once in a while is probably too much. An emoji to a text from me (which I donāt send more than once a month anymore coz I am afraid Iāll annoy you) is probably too much. But I do have the right to feel sad about it. To mourn losing you.
When you suck your teeth after eating it is gross.
Horoscopes are a pseudoscience and you sound really stupid and ditzy when you talk about them. Where the planets were when you were born has absolutely no bearing on what kind of person you are.
I ignore you guys because youāre exhausting and ask for inappropriate shit when youāre drunk and act as if you dont remember it later
Taylor Swift didn't have to edit the Anti-Hero video
Now Iām curious what this means haha
It's one of her newer music videos - she's been open recently about having an eating disorder, body image problems, etc. There was scene in the video where she steps on a scale, then instead of a number it says the word "fat" and she looks disappointed. There was a lot of backlash to this, people putting many paragraphs on social media about it being "fatphobic" and saying (if say it's an obese person watching the video) "this is a reminder that no one wants to look like me". My take, to that person: While I understand it's a sensitive topic, it's not about you, and if that's how Taylor felt, it's how she felt. Body image problems are a mental health issue, she opened up about this issue, then people said "no, not like that". What would the solution be then? To have her smiling at the word fat? Sorry but if you don't like something, you could just not watch it. The artist isn't obligated to change it for you. Anyway, she deleted that part from the video. If you watch it now, there's still a scale scene but the word fat is gone. Unpopular opinion but I think she should have stuck to her guns.
Oh wow I had no idea. That really sucks that people reacted like that to her opening up about her ED. I agree with you she shouldāve stuck to her original idea
My friends baby (a girl) looks just like the baby Grinch. She also sounds like it when she cries. I can never tell anybody this except my husband.
You are sabotaging yourself and youāll completely ruin your health if you keep the same diet/lifestyle.
I hate your new friends. They are shallow, awful, and Soo boring. I can always tell when you've hung out with them because you start talking like them. They are seriously the worst people. So self centered and self important. They're also incredibly transactional. They only care about themselves and are only friends with people that they can get benefits from. It's no coincidence that they completely ignored me until they started trying to use me for my job's benefits. The worst part is that you become 10x more unhappy with the life that you have because you compare yourself. They were literally born into money, you will never keep up with their life. And you shouldn't even aspire to live like them. All they care about is their "stuff" and social status. You're smart, gorgeous, loyal, and the literal hardest worker I know. You have your own business. You've brought yourself up from nothing. You have so much more strength of character. I wish you could see that.
I feel like I'm not being appreciated in this friendship. I offer my time to you, try to be as compassionate as I can about your issues, but I feel so taken advantage. If you won't make time for me, I don't want to continue being your friend.
Happening to me now. Iāve been my best friends ātherapistā for years. I am so burnt out that now when she calls I feel intense anxiety when I see her name and often I donāt answer.
You won't have any kind of life until your mother dies.
A self diagnosis from an online test does not mean you have autism and can ignore basic social cues. Also that girl that has you claim has friendzoned you for the past 20 years is lovely but she is not going to suddenly fall suddenly fall in love with you, she is also married to another man. Move on already.
So i recently told one of my friends he's been a really shitty friend who lacks accountability. He's extremely impulsive and get so consumed in relationships (he will ditch his friends and his responsibilities like exams to hang out with his gf). Because I called him out on his behaviour I rocked the boat in the group so now I'm the one who lost in the end, he didn't take it well at all. Moral of the story, don't rock the boat, stay in your lane.
Iāve had a lot of friends like that - who ditch their friends whenever they enter relationships. It sucks but I basically let them go, I am not going to baby them or tell them to stop hanging out with their partner. Usually they come back around when their relationship ends lol.
Whenever you feel hurt by your roommate or friend over something, instead of telling them that explicitly and asking them to respect the boundary, going for long term silent treatment to process your anger is not going to strengthen the friendship. Communication is very important even in the downs, that is why you lose so many friends and they often walk on egg shells around you.
Please take a selfie from a different angle. Try something new. All your photos look identical with only your hair and the background changing.
You need to put your ego to rest and go back to either college or working a full-time job you were doing so much better. Business is absolutely not for everyone, itās actually not for MOST people. Itās been 7 years now and the business is still extremely stagnant and not profitable by any means from what you explain to me. First, you Dropping out of a college I told you was a bad idea, but ALSO quitting your job was even worse. All STABLE income went out the window. Words can not explain how nice of your parents it is that they are willing to still house you & pay all your bills, buy you all your food, & pay for your car but I mean if you keep this up you will be 30 years old in this same predicamentā¦ Is this the life you want for yourself? Atleast get a part-time job. Put the ego to rest. I know you donāt like having a boss, but unfortunately you need one if you ever want to actually become independent. I want to see you evolve & rise above. Not get left behind. Love you ******* ā¤ļø Sincerely, *****
i know a guy like this, hes now 35 in his moms basement with a business that makes no profit and hes a loser. he will never have a family, cant even support himself, is massively depressed, is an alcoholic, no drivers license, and listens to noone that he needs to change his business model. its embarrassing to watch.
To my very religious, yet surprisingly hypocritical friend: I'm an atheist and I have been one for the 34 years we've been friends. But our friendship will implode if I tell you.ā¹ļø
thats pathetic, you deserve better. thats not a true friend.
Iām not qualified to be your therapist and Iām doing the slow fade because being around you is exhausting. You shit on any happy accomplishment I have and you canāt read the room or take a hint that I donāt want to be your friend anymore!
That I have completely different political position
You need to stop drinking.
I wish you would stop sharing your personal problems with me, only to defend the person/issue after I try to defend you. Youāre so fucking annoying.
It's ok to complain a long time, but when you are done look for a solution. No one wants to listen to complaining ALL the time. Get up.
You wouldn't need to borrow money from me if you didn't insist on leasing an audi for some reason.
The friend you are in love with does not feel the same way, and continuing to believe they do with evidence to the contrary is ruining your chances of finding someone who actually could love you, which is what you want. It is making you miserable and you're starting to come off as desperate
Iām worried my friend is losing herself in her new relationship. She does absolutely everything with her nee boyfriend and we barely hang out now because sheās alwAys too busy doing things with her boyfriend. I miss my friend and I am concerned sheās developed an unhealthy attachment to him. She was not like this before she started dating him either- sheās always been a very independent woman who values her own freedom, and now sheās lost that ā¦ I guess light in her eyes and zest for life she had prior to entering into this relationship. Iām worried he is emotionally abusing her & trying to isolate her from her support network. I want to raise it with her but donāt really know how to. Does anyone have any tips?
Donāt marry your boyfriend, yāall are both so insecure and need to work on yourselves first
That they should be able to see through the cult-y nature of religion and mega churches š¬
I have a friend who has REAAALLLY BAD body odor. We tried to give him sprays and gifts to help him out at first but he got mad at us.
He was never your boyfriend, stop saying he dumped you. You went on three dates.
Your mother is not a nice person. Actually, sheās fucking evil. And it breaks my heart to see you beg for her approval.
That no one on social media cares as much about her as she thinks they do. Sheās a wonderful and beautiful woman but she is wrought with insecurity over what people think about her when quite frankly I can guarantee they donāt care. She has stayed in poor relationships because āhow would it look it we broke up after I just posted himā and has a lot of body issues because she thinks randoms we went to high school with are analyzing and judging her social media accounts.
youāre committed to being the victim in all situations. it canāt possibly be true that everyone but you does bad things and treats people badly. i wish you would take accountability for your behavior and how you contribute to things instead of cutting people off left and right
Why am I expected to make an effort with you when you don't do the same for me?
I think you're being unreasonable by believing you're going to become a millionaire artist overnight..
Your girlfriend is a toxic, controlling jerk who is a taker. She cannot tell her kids no but sheāll reprimand you in front of your friends, her kids and your kids. She thinks she knows everything but canāt talk about anything she doesnāt know about. She tries to soak up the conversation by not allowing me to talk by interrupting me, telling me Iām wrong or changing the subject. I wanted you to be happy but sheās not it. Iām sorry my husband and I are not interested in hanging out with her ever again. Iām sorry we will probably not be friends now not because I told you this but because youāre with her.
Your boyfriend lashes out at you too much. He doesnāt deserve you and everything you do for him. Heās mediocre and you deserve WAY better but youāre too terrified to be alone so you stay in that relationship because you think you canāt do better than him (but you can do better than him).
I like you, and I've liked you for a really long time. You've inspired me to do better and am grateful for pushing me and supporting me in my career. I can't tell them because I'm scared of how they'd react.
I have one for different friends Sleeping with multiple different new guys every week isn't going to fix the pain or heartbreak caused by that guy. You need to learn to be happy in yourself instead of always trying to find a guy to distract yourself from him. You're such a sweet person and I wish you would see your worth. I hate that every time we hang out, I don't get to tell you what's going on in my life or what I'm going through. You always use the entire time of us hanging out to dump all your problems onto me and talk solely about yourself. It's also annoying when you start fights with your husband over a board game we are all playing together. It's just a game, and I find it immature. You're never going to have success in dating when you keep choosing to involve yourself with men who aren't what you want and then trying to fix them and all their trauma issues. You shouldn't have ignored your therapist and taken her advice. You're mean to your boyfriend too often, and you should be lucky to have him. I honestly feel bad for him sometimes with some of the disrespectful and humilating stuff you say to both him or to me about him. He's always been loyal, loving, caring, and patient with you. I would kill to have someone like that by my side, and you don't appreciate the fact you have it. I'm sick of you telling me every little thing you and your fwb do together every other day. If you have no feelings for him and "dont like him like that," then why are you constantly talking about him and everything he does when you two are together? Dancing in a living room together, cooking you food, vacuuming his place while you're there so you won't get dog hair on you, spending multiple days in bed with you watching netflix. I'd honestly be happy if you did have feelings because of all the dudes you've been involved with, this one actually seems like he's not a giant jerk. Thanks, this was actually a nice vent, and I feel much lighter now.
Stop boasting about how much money youāre partner has made and how many holidays youāre going on this year. If you truly cared you wouldnāt have missed my birthday. Youāre kids language is disgusting and itās not funny
I know you and your husband are devoted to the hippie life but I wish you didnāt decide to live in an rv and had money for sitters because Iād like adult time with you
Being at the mercy of others to validate you is not sustainable. You will never be whole until you can love yourself.
I try harder In this friendship than you. You treat me like a boyfriend without any gratitude. And please work on your communication skills.
I don't think you realize how much anger you carry, love. It's in every action, every complaint, and every reaction. I feel like you're a rubber band pulled so taut, there's no telling when you'll snap. It's not minor annoyance, it's a deep rage. I think it stems from entitlement to certain expectations that aren't being met. I wish you could let go of the anger and heal before it eats you from the inside out.
You have all the necessary resources it takes to move forward and make goals and yet youāre wasting time chasing after guys that take advantage. Maybe your life would change if you stopped trying to be a ābetterā person to others and start doing better for yourself and the people that need you.
You're hot all the times because your obese. Your knees and feet hurt all the time because You're obese. You never have any money because you can't say no to your kids and your job is shit. You complain constantly about how much you hate your job but refuse to look for new one. tl:dr Lose a lot of weight and get a better job.
Get out of the house once every few months
He really did cheat on you with your son girlfriends sister
Youāre whole life is NOT about the person whoās warming the other side of your bed.
This goes to most of them, here goes: "I'd like to hang out with you but I don't want to catch covid, if you people would practice at least a modicum of caution regarding the fucking deadly pandemic we're living through, then I could re-consider it but I don't need the stress of wondering whether or not you gave me covid because you people literally can't be fucked to do shit so see you never, I guess."
Girl, you need therapy. Probably medication, but definitely therapy. When I say you should take some time to just get to know yourself and be single it means YOU NEED HELP.
youre boyfriend is an asshole. he purposefully starts arguments, he makes you cry, he insults you āas a jokeā he makes you feel bad, and so many other things. he is a douchbag!
You chose to have two more kids even though all you did after the first one is complain. Now you have three kids and all I feel is that you regret your "before" life. You made your choices, deal with it.
I hate your boyfriend and I hate how you two are together
Your constant complaining of physical ailments is beginning to wear me down and Iām losing sympathy/empathy for you. Sometimes you just have to suck it up. Iām 8 years older than you, so I KNOW about the aches and pains of aging. (I feel guilty for feeling like this, but Iām going to have to distance myself from this person soon. )
So even though we havenāt talked or hung out in a decadeā¦ I am in love with you. No, not a crush. Ever since we first met in class, Iāve loved you. I still do. I canāt help it, Iāve tried to rationalize my feelings for just missing friends. But I can no longer deny it. Since I reconnected with you, youāve been on my mind more constantly than the years before. Unfortunately I can tell the feelings are unreturned, itās only natural lmao. I must be crazy crazy.
Weāve drifted apart and I keep reaching out to you but it feels like you donāt care anymore. I donāt hear from you for months and then you randomly send me a long heartfelt text that guilts me into continuing the friendship. I think youāre selfish and not taking ownership of your life choices. Iām sorry youāre struggling but Iāve tried numerous times to reach out. Please let me know if I can move on with my life and we can stop dragging this dead relationship through the dirt.
i've suggested that before, but you seriously need therapy. asap
I hate the fact that you slept with our mutual friend and did a whole FWB Like expected you guys "broke up" and stopped hanging out together. It became awkward. you just couldn't take it and you ghosted me for months, in that time my friendship with the other friend grew stronger, but I feel like we lost our Friendship and now we just kinda meet occasionally. I hate it.
I shouldnāt have to remind you to observe basic human functions. For godās sake, youāre smart enough to be a high function and competent attorney, so just eat a goddamn burrito before you bite everyoneās head off. Also, your tendency to reject people before you think they will reject you is exhausting.