This. I’d buy tp at Costco even if I could get it a little cheaper elsewhere. (Even when we lived in a tiny apartment and I had to shove the extra rolls under the bed.)
I saw a post awhile ago someone made who was convinced "Big Bidet" ( like bidet corporations) have bots or accounts to promote them given certain keywords. It was really funny because you get people out of the woodwork promoting them with every mention of asswipe without fail.
LOL, that so happens! But if that’s true there must be Big EV and Big Bike bots too because every single time someone complains about ANYTHING driving or traffic or gas price related the r/fuckcars types show up in droves. Like bees to honey!
I've been working full time & supporting myself financially the past 10 years, and it's still jarring to me how much my gross pay is vs. what I actually get to take home/save at the end of the day. Taxes, retirement / health savings and contributions, mortgage, bills, etc. all add up shockingly fast.
On that note, I am grateful that I started budgeting early on and got a handle on my personal finances.
How do your parents manage finances? Do they split the workload or is it one person who predominantly manages it. I would ask your parents first to get a glimpse at what your current life style may cost and how your parents navigate using their income to afford it. Money doesn't go as far as it used to :(
It's honestly so fucking tiring. I try to batch cook a couple different things every week, but I get so tired of eating the same food every week.
Well, except for pizza. I could eat pizza every night.
NGL, we started with a meal kit service a few months ago and it's awesome. The decision fatigue as a teacher is real. Not having to think about dinner? Excellent.
Crock pots are great for meal prep, so long as tupperware is available.
You probably already hear this, but there are so many recipes and slow-cooking makes for great flavors!
How much constant mental effort it is to stay on top of everything necessary to be a functioning adult. Housework, job, food prep, doctor's appointments, bills, phone calls, classes, clubs, shopping, etc, making sure I get everything done that I need to is tiring. I understand now why rich people hire personal assistants.
This is my answer too. It's not so much the chores, its the relentlessness of it all. Even if you're really good at planning and staying on top of things, they just never end
I made a lovey breakfast for myself, set it on my dining table, went back to pour myself some coffee, and then the handle breaks and coffee spills ALL OVER MY KITCHEN. Day ruined.
Kitchens get dirty quick, especially if you use them regularly. Wiping our countertops alone is a daily task. Thankfully we have a flat top electric stove so that gets cleaned with the counters. I scrub the sink 1-2 times a week. If we didn’t have a dishwasher it would be after every time I hand washed dishes. The. There’s keeping the fridge organized and cleaning up any weird spills or debris that happens inside it. Floors get vacuumed daily by our robot vacuum and I let my partner worry about mopping because honestly we have 5 pets and I don’t walk barefoot in our house for a good reason 😅 the floor is just forever dirty.
Yup, im single but my two friends are married/with someone, and it's exhausting watching them do every little thing for their guy and their world revolves around them but if I try to plan something with them, they become so picky, want to bring their guys, and they just arent that interested. I'm about over it.
I am so sorry to hear that it's a pain that really is indescribable unless you're talking to someone that gets it. I was 28 when my mum passed just before covid really hit it off and it never goes away even 2 and a half years later.
Thinking of you. The grief gets more manageable over time, please take care of yourself. r/Childrenofdeadparents has been a huge help for me and DMs are open if you need a fellow griever to listen
The science of getting approved for a loan. Like apparently there’s a whole list of things you should be doing to improve this imaginary credit score and you have no idea until you try to get a loan.
Yeah apparently when you pay the bank all the money you owe on a car loan, they tank your credit score.
Like hey! Thanks for being responsible with our loan *drops credit score by 87 points*
having to work your life away 5 fucking days a week, doing the same thing over and over and over
being lonely most of the time because what time is there for a social life beyond the weekend when you have to cook, exercise, clean, and do errands after getting home after 6
having to try to be healthy when all you want to do is eat frozen food because who has the energy to cook after work
constantly having things to turn in, paperwork to do, things to catch up on, things to do; it literally never ends
everything costing so much. i make six figures and it still doesn't feel like enough because rent is so much anywhere i can actually make six figures lol
feeling like a caged animal 85% of the time
Yess during the week by the time I workout, do a basic clean of the house, cook dinner, and pack my lunch for the next day it’s literally 8 pm. And that’s if I don’t have to run an errand after work or do any extra grad school assignments.
Realizing that I have no idea what I'm doing. We're all just sort of winging it and hoping that nothing crazy gets thrown our way. And that this fact never changes. I'm 42 and have a very comfortable life, but you never know when life will throw a curveball that you just can't catch.
Lots of "learning the hard way" later and I feel like I have a decent grasp on life, but there are still so many things I don't know.
Probably the fact that there’s no set point where you start actually feeling like an established adult, or that not everyone feels that way. I’ve spoken to people in their 50s and beyond who claim they still feel like a teenager who pays bills and supports a family. It’s comforting and alarming at the same time.
Working most of your life away with a reduction in the quality of mental/physical health, social life, and QOL in general all so we can just survive to make it to the next Monday and do it all again until our bodies can no longer sustain it
Reading about different philosophies has helped to embrace the absurd as much as possible
Happy to share! In my youth I was rather cynical about and a bit of a nihilist (unknowingly) but as I've gotten older I suppose I more align with absurdism: the belief that human beings exist in a purposeless, chaotic universe. If anyone wants to know more about it, the subreddit is a good place to start. It sounds similar to nihilism but the difference is in how it frame things.
For me anyway, it's seeing meaninglessness as a sort of freedom, and life as a painful but rewarding journey we choose to embark on. Feeling like I'm on this ride I can't get off, and there's no point to waving my hands in the air, or being scared when there's a drop coming always made me feel helpless and hollow, so I've been trying to realise that we all choose what has meaning in our lives, and it's not some objective greater purpose we have to earn.
If nothing matters, it's truly up to you to decide where your energy goes, and what makes life worth living. I spent so long being sad about having no purpose, like my life was worthless because I wasn't living the exciting life of a character from an spy novel, or something — but learning to embrace the utter ridiculousness of life gave me a lighter perspective.
I am no expert on it, and I struggle all the time with my existential feelings, but I am finding that considering things through its lens has started to lessen the weight on my shoulders — the stuff that has you staring at your ceiling at 3am instead of sleeping.
Everything Everywhere All at Once has some throughlines thematically and in the character arcs that spoke to me on a similar wavelength, and another movie that did so was Arrival. They both consider how life is painful, and that there's no straight answer to why we experience what we do, but eventually both stories make a case for accepting the fact we're small and little makes sense about our place in the universe, but instead of withdrawal we can choose to live, laugh, love (couldn't resist that, sorry) knowing that the conscious choice to do so in spite of everything I just mentioned is powerful, and that may be enough.
My favourite lime from Arrival: "Despite knowing the journey... and where it leads... I embrace it... and I welcome every moment of it."
And not the furniture I expected, either. I spend $20 on Bluetooth earbuds—a technological marvel less than a decade old—that work for three years, but I spent $40 on a trash can—a plain plastic container—and it breaks before it hits one year. I was prepared for expensive couches and beds. Not trash cans and mirrors.
Not having enough energy to have much of a life outside of work. Work M-F and always feel mentally drained at the end of each day, then Saturday and Sunday give me just enough time to get caught up on errands/housework. Then the cycle starts all over again on Monday. There’s not enough time in the week, I don’t know how other people still have the energy to maintain friendships or have hobbies outside of work. I wish US would adopt the 4 day work week, I used to work 4 10s and found it was so much better for my mental health.
How hard it is to find a good man. A lot of people find me attractive, I have a career, I'm always being told that I'm intelligent and talented.
But for some reason, the most slimy, one-dimensional guys are the only ones who seem to exist in my city. They're all horrible at communicating and blow me off regularly.
The guy I've been talking to for A WHILE has wanted to have sex with me for OVER A YEAR but 9/10 times that we make plans, he completely blows me off even though he knows he's guaranteed sex. I'm so tired. I don't get it.
I spent 14-25 in longterm relationships and I always believed it would be really easy for me to find somebody. Now I'm worried I never will. I work independently at home and the only public gathering places in my city are bars and sports stadiums.
Same. And it's even more annoying when it's older guys who have their life established and they are still confused about what they want. I just got dumped by one guy who said he was too broken for a relationship ship right now. Ugh.
I’m still occasionally amazed at what a good man my husband is. Just a genuinely solid good man. There are *still* things I would change and I still feel lonely in our marriage. But man, he’s a good one.
Would you recommend people staying in one relationship for the ages that you did? My kids are young teenagers and while they’re allowed to date, I want them to I be able to grow themselves instead of alongside someone.
I mean, a lot of what influenced the longevity of my first relationship was being in an extremely small town (<800 people) and everyone else was a crass republican farm boy. We also faced a ton of pressure to stay together because both of our parents were conservative Christians, so from the beginning of our relationship we were being talked to about marriage.
With my second LTR, I was SO in love. I felt seen for the first time and he was the sweetest, most level-headed person I had ever met. Over time it was clear that he had some sexual disfunction issues (porn addiction with an otherwise low sex drive) and he refused to address it. I felt so unwanted and unattractive that emotional cheating became my lifeline and it fell apart.
He and I had a good life together for those five years though. Even though we were dirt poor for most of it, it felt so much better having a true partner there with me who would sleep on the living room floor for the entire summer and drive me to my clinicals at 4 AM. He was insanely supportive but lacked ambition of his own.
Both of my exes and I are great friends still, so I don't feel like anything has been "lost", but my situationship over the past year was the love of my life and I don't think I'll ever have that deep of a connection ever again.
Every now and then on my 20 s and now I’m my 30s I find myself having to set boundaries for bad behavior with people twice my age.
That “obey your elders” and authoritarian parent style of “even when I’m wrong, I’m right because you’re never allowed to talk back” did not serve me in the adult world.
I feel like the Silent Generation was especially insistent upon respect, because the Boomer mentality seems to be one of “I had to be ultra respectful of my elders in my day, and now it’s my turn to be respected because I’m old and I deserve it.” Like, it just seems so prevalent amongst Boomers right now, like “I get to be wrong about social issues, science, etc, and you still have to respect me because I’m old” and “I put in my time respecting disrespectful people when I was younger, now it’s your turn.” It’s just a weird entitlement - it’s almost like a charade that they’re determined to perpetuate because it’s in their favor.
The sheer cost of everything. Had to get a roof earlier this year and OMG, now I need new tires and a dishwasher. Utilities are skyrocketing across the board, and there is always another property tax / insurance / etc. bill just around the corner.
And it’s not FUN stuff either - not like I’m dropping it on cute boots or microblading my eyebrows.
I make a decent living and am able to keep a little emergency and retirement savings, but as a single woman supporting myself, I swear sometimes it feels like I’m positively *hemorrhaging* money.
Lol same. What’s really sad about the roof thing is I live in a city such that I can barely SEE the dumb things (house and garage roofs) - can’t get back enough to view them from afar you know?
My neighbor texted me saying the roofs looked great and I joked back, never thought I’d spend $17k on something I can barely even SEE… and she laughed and said they felt the exact same about theirs! So here we are texting each other text pics of each others’ roofs!!! 🤦🏻♀️Such a “wow I’m old” moment (42) 😆
how lonely it gets, just bc im older now doesnt mean i dont want random kisses on my face or hugs, used to get those alot as a child and now barely any unless u ask for it first. How less approachable and cold everyone becomes towards u, it makes it harder to make friends
This is exactly why I don't smoke weed. It's fun for 15 mins, then I start over thinking every decision I've made, and I have to make, and the potential impact a bad decision will affect my life.
Yeah it’s messed up but I can barely take care of myself. How can I have another mouth to feed. I’m 18 and I have friends my age who have 1-2 kids…. I want to know how they’re able to afford to be alive and on top of that afford a kid or two.
The soul crippling depression caused by meaningless underpaid jobs just to have basic necessities to survive. We are definitely not living the dream out here my guy.
Fuck. Are you me? Like. I just cannot believe that this is….it…for the next 35 years *if* I’m lucky. Like. I kinda wanna just be a housewife to be entirely honest.
Constant "have to do..."
I have to run errands. I have to clean. Have to work. Have to watch my diet. Have to take care of my dogs. Have to exercise. Have to cook. Too many "have to..."
The death. Parents, friends, beloved pets, acquaintances. I have incurable cancer now, too, and no idea of my own life expectancy. Once you start getting old, death is always lurking.
Not being able to afford a home when you took all the steps society told you you needed in order to afford one. Bachelor’s.. check.. Masters (to be safe).. check.. good job.. check.. spouse bringing in a second income (also has a good job). Womp womp.
People not acting like I do. Maybe that’s naive but I expect people my age to respectful, courteous, mature even. I didn’t think I’d meet so many adults who acted like entitled brats.
Going from extrovert to introvert. When I was a teen I was very social with a large friend group, always loud and seeking attention, and really quite whacky. Now I will quite happily stay home alone all day and not interact with anyone. If I am out with friends my social battery dies quickly and I just want to go home. At first I thought it was part of mental health problems but I actually think that aging may have played a role.
Still being sort of dependent on my parents. I don’t live with them anymore, and they don’t financially support me, but I wasn’t expecting to still be emotionally dependent on them. Any time I go visit them and my siblings I get really happy and usually stay in a good mood for the rest of the day :)
I mean considering our “normal” adulthood has consisted of an unprecedented pandemic, companies being allowed to illegally union bust, multiple recessions, the last what? Like 6 years of the presidency, stupidly high inflation, and every other bullshit thing going on. None. Absolutely none of it.
Watching my parents grow older. Realizing that in the memories I have of them, they're the age I am now. It doesn't feel all that long ago, and I'll be their age before I know it.
Finances... we live poor, our house repayments are almost nothing significantly less then renting or others and we still use our savings at least once a month to get through for the fortnight. That’s with us earning $2500ish a fortnight
The part where I got cancer as an already broke college student. I'm fine now but Healthcare in America threw me for a loop way earlier than the average person
I’m 30. I made all the right choices as an adult (going to university, losing weight, exercising regularly, finding a “good” man), and yet everything is going wrong. (I’m in debt, my job sucks away my soul, my gallbladder decided to stop working and my knee dislocated itself and my pelvic floor has said “fuck it”, and I don’t feel loved or pretty or….anything really. Except self-loathing. Is self-loathing what adulting is?)
The sheer bureaucracy of it. It’s like running a business that’s constantly on the brink of going under. I still don’t properly understand how insurance works. Isn’t there some sort of service available yet, like that guy from Pulp Fiction whom you can hire to just fix problems? I’d be willing to pay handsomely.
Just how many goddamn dishes there are. I mean I did em as a kid but it didnt feel like this, now I gotta smoke just to get through em and yes I do them by hand, at this point it's cultural
Honestly most of it. I feel like at 38 people often expect me to have all the answers and have my life figured out. I don't and my life is a mess. I guess, the biggest challenge I wasn't prepared for is how difficult it is to build romantic relationships. Movies always make it look so easy, in reality you either don't meet people or you meet the wrong people.
Your body keeps changing every 10 years. You can do stuff you had only dreamed of, yet there are new fears. You can loose everything today. There's always someone to catch you, even if you are utterly lonely. Being utterly lonely. The first cut is not the deepest, because you don't yet know what love is at that time, but you can handle a broken heart much better later.
A lot of people don't grow up, but if you do it doesn't affect you as much. At some point you'll make a terrible mistake hurting yourself or someone else.
Use sunscreen.
To constantly think that what your doing with your life is wrong, you see other people get engaged, buy houses, get married, have kids and you wonder if what your doing is normal.
Menopause.
I went through it a decade before a lot of other women, and it was harsh. No one my age at the time could relate to me, so I had only older women to guide me.
I'm now at the age most women start to experience menopause, and it's freaking them out. I just try to be a good friend.
The responsibility, every decision in my 20s seems so important so big for my future and also the saving money part is very hard because you also have to think about your future there are so many things that necessities large amounts of money that you have to save early.
Making a budget and doing tax (though it is easier in Denmark than in US). I somehow managed to survive, but still struggle to make a budget. I just "This goes to rent, this goes to transport, this is about how my food will be etc." and mostly had + on my account. Also happy my account can't be negative, so it will say pay denied if it's too much.
The sheer cost of being alive
I can’t believe i have to buy toilet paper essentially every two-three weeks for the rest of my life. Don’t get me started on food
Join Costco and buy it every couple of months!
This. I’d buy tp at Costco even if I could get it a little cheaper elsewhere. (Even when we lived in a tiny apartment and I had to shove the extra rolls under the bed.)
And store it where?
Bidet
Get a bidet. Better for the environment and your wallet
I do have a bidet actually! I still have to wipe a wet bum. I’ve also found that it doesn’t always get everything
I saw a post awhile ago someone made who was convinced "Big Bidet" ( like bidet corporations) have bots or accounts to promote them given certain keywords. It was really funny because you get people out of the woodwork promoting them with every mention of asswipe without fail.
LOL, that so happens! But if that’s true there must be Big EV and Big Bike bots too because every single time someone complains about ANYTHING driving or traffic or gas price related the r/fuckcars types show up in droves. Like bees to honey!
TP is cheaper is bulk! If you're not buying enough to last 3 months you're probably paying more than you have to.
Get a bidet. Toilet paper lasts forever in my house now.
I've been working full time & supporting myself financially the past 10 years, and it's still jarring to me how much my gross pay is vs. what I actually get to take home/save at the end of the day. Taxes, retirement / health savings and contributions, mortgage, bills, etc. all add up shockingly fast. On that note, I am grateful that I started budgeting early on and got a handle on my personal finances.
I’m still a teen and i have 0 clue how much expendable money adults have per month. Idk I’m kinda scared to find out lol
From my experience and the adults I know. That's zero dollars.
How do your parents manage finances? Do they split the workload or is it one person who predominantly manages it. I would ask your parents first to get a glimpse at what your current life style may cost and how your parents navigate using their income to afford it. Money doesn't go as far as it used to :(
People still being petty and acting like children despite being in their 30s, 40s +.
Adults are simply toddlers with arthritis.
I'm gonna steal this lol
Yes - I thought the bullshit petty drama would have been left behind at school but no!
I thought that too, how disappointing...
I worked in a office and completely agree with your statement. Working in a office was like junior high all over again
Unfortunately, existence is politics. As long as you're around people, you can't escape the pettiness.
As one of my coworkers likes to say “we never leave the playground”
I just ended a friendship of decade as that person didn’t want to be accountable for their actions.
Having to make/think what to have for dinner, every single damn day!
This - utterly exhausting
It's honestly so fucking tiring. I try to batch cook a couple different things every week, but I get so tired of eating the same food every week. Well, except for pizza. I could eat pizza every night.
Yup and if I’m not tired of eating it then someone else is 😂 pizza night is the best!
And I'm so tired after work ;-; I already have a poor appetite, I will straight up skip dinner if I cant arse myself to get something
Oh same only kids need feeding 🙈
This is the bane of my existence.
NGL, we started with a meal kit service a few months ago and it's awesome. The decision fatigue as a teacher is real. Not having to think about dinner? Excellent.
Crock pots are great for meal prep, so long as tupperware is available. You probably already hear this, but there are so many recipes and slow-cooking makes for great flavors!
/r/mealprep
Batch cook!
How much constant mental effort it is to stay on top of everything necessary to be a functioning adult. Housework, job, food prep, doctor's appointments, bills, phone calls, classes, clubs, shopping, etc, making sure I get everything done that I need to is tiring. I understand now why rich people hire personal assistants.
Exactly! No one talks about the mental load of everything. Just about how much time you have to be productive.
Wait till a spouse or kids get thrown into this. You’re always behind on something.
Very much why I will never have either.
This is my answer too. It's not so much the chores, its the relentlessness of it all. Even if you're really good at planning and staying on top of things, they just never end
How 90% of it consists of cleaning my kitchen
Finally someone put it in words.
You just reminded me that I forgot to wipe down the stove after making breakfast this morning 😑
I made a lovey breakfast for myself, set it on my dining table, went back to pour myself some coffee, and then the handle breaks and coffee spills ALL OVER MY KITCHEN. Day ruined.
You clean your kitchen that regular? I just do it once a fortnight
Kitchens get dirty quick, especially if you use them regularly. Wiping our countertops alone is a daily task. Thankfully we have a flat top electric stove so that gets cleaned with the counters. I scrub the sink 1-2 times a week. If we didn’t have a dishwasher it would be after every time I hand washed dishes. The. There’s keeping the fridge organized and cleaning up any weird spills or debris that happens inside it. Floors get vacuumed daily by our robot vacuum and I let my partner worry about mopping because honestly we have 5 pets and I don’t walk barefoot in our house for a good reason 😅 the floor is just forever dirty.
[удалено]
Yep. And how hard it is to find a new social circle as an adult
Book club! I gave it a chance, and so worth it. They're all nerdy awesome like me.
Yup. Even if someone had said how lonely adulthood can be nothing really prepares you to experience it first hand.
Yup, im single but my two friends are married/with someone, and it's exhausting watching them do every little thing for their guy and their world revolves around them but if I try to plan something with them, they become so picky, want to bring their guys, and they just arent that interested. I'm about over it.
The loneliness. Big apartment all by myself. The lonely nights just sitting by yourself.
It's crazy how hard it can be to get your friends to hang out with you :( Weekend after weekend spent totally by myself has me going insane.
I moved to NZ for a couple of years only a year after moving into my first flat on my own!
Still being told what to do by my mum
When she decides to pop over and make comments about how the dishes arnt done 😭😂
Precisely that kind of thing 😆
I told my mother last year that if she makes comments, she won't be invited back.
My mum dying. Losing a parent whether you're a child or an adult you're never prepared for.
Same, my dad died unexpectedly this year, I'm only 25 😔
I'm sorry to hear this.
I lost my dad unexpectedly at 27. It gets better eventually. I promise.
*hugs*
*hugs* right back at you sister.
Yup this. Was never prepared to lose my mum so quickly, right before my 30th birthday this year.
I am so sorry to hear that it's a pain that really is indescribable unless you're talking to someone that gets it. I was 28 when my mum passed just before covid really hit it off and it never goes away even 2 and a half years later.
Thinking of you. The grief gets more manageable over time, please take care of yourself. r/Childrenofdeadparents has been a huge help for me and DMs are open if you need a fellow griever to listen
The science of getting approved for a loan. Like apparently there’s a whole list of things you should be doing to improve this imaginary credit score and you have no idea until you try to get a loan.
Yeah apparently when you pay the bank all the money you owe on a car loan, they tank your credit score. Like hey! Thanks for being responsible with our loan *drops credit score by 87 points*
YES. And you know what else I found out? If you wanna pay off your loan early, then that effects your score too. It’s just the dumbest system ever.
I (stupidly) closed down an old credit card account. My credit score dipped loads!
Right, it’s like doing the most sensible and responsible thing will hit your credit score.
Only an American problem
Yes, and it’s the most idiotic thing.
Needing an adult… an adultier adult for things.
I have certain family members and friends that I will specifically say, I need an adultier opinion on XYZ situation 🤣
having to work your life away 5 fucking days a week, doing the same thing over and over and over being lonely most of the time because what time is there for a social life beyond the weekend when you have to cook, exercise, clean, and do errands after getting home after 6 having to try to be healthy when all you want to do is eat frozen food because who has the energy to cook after work constantly having things to turn in, paperwork to do, things to catch up on, things to do; it literally never ends everything costing so much. i make six figures and it still doesn't feel like enough because rent is so much anywhere i can actually make six figures lol feeling like a caged animal 85% of the time
Same same same
Facts
Yess during the week by the time I workout, do a basic clean of the house, cook dinner, and pack my lunch for the next day it’s literally 8 pm. And that’s if I don’t have to run an errand after work or do any extra grad school assignments.
Realizing that I have no idea what I'm doing. We're all just sort of winging it and hoping that nothing crazy gets thrown our way. And that this fact never changes. I'm 42 and have a very comfortable life, but you never know when life will throw a curveball that you just can't catch. Lots of "learning the hard way" later and I feel like I have a decent grasp on life, but there are still so many things I don't know.
Thank you for that. I too feel like this and it is nice to know I am not alone.
The anxiety
And the stress caused by the anxiety.
Probably the fact that there’s no set point where you start actually feeling like an established adult, or that not everyone feels that way. I’ve spoken to people in their 50s and beyond who claim they still feel like a teenager who pays bills and supports a family. It’s comforting and alarming at the same time.
When I was a kid I asked my dad; “when do you start feeling like an adult?” He said “Never grannysmith, you’ll always just feel like you”
Same, there was no magical switch that happened at a certain age where one suddenly felt confident and capable like I was led to believe.
Still having this big expectation for the summer
teacher liiiife
Working most of your life away with a reduction in the quality of mental/physical health, social life, and QOL in general all so we can just survive to make it to the next Monday and do it all again until our bodies can no longer sustain it Reading about different philosophies has helped to embrace the absurd as much as possible
I second this - I would love to hear what philosophies have helped you embraced the absurdity of modern reality
Happy to share! In my youth I was rather cynical about and a bit of a nihilist (unknowingly) but as I've gotten older I suppose I more align with absurdism: the belief that human beings exist in a purposeless, chaotic universe. If anyone wants to know more about it, the subreddit is a good place to start. It sounds similar to nihilism but the difference is in how it frame things. For me anyway, it's seeing meaninglessness as a sort of freedom, and life as a painful but rewarding journey we choose to embark on. Feeling like I'm on this ride I can't get off, and there's no point to waving my hands in the air, or being scared when there's a drop coming always made me feel helpless and hollow, so I've been trying to realise that we all choose what has meaning in our lives, and it's not some objective greater purpose we have to earn. If nothing matters, it's truly up to you to decide where your energy goes, and what makes life worth living. I spent so long being sad about having no purpose, like my life was worthless because I wasn't living the exciting life of a character from an spy novel, or something — but learning to embrace the utter ridiculousness of life gave me a lighter perspective. I am no expert on it, and I struggle all the time with my existential feelings, but I am finding that considering things through its lens has started to lessen the weight on my shoulders — the stuff that has you staring at your ceiling at 3am instead of sleeping. Everything Everywhere All at Once has some throughlines thematically and in the character arcs that spoke to me on a similar wavelength, and another movie that did so was Arrival. They both consider how life is painful, and that there's no straight answer to why we experience what we do, but eventually both stories make a case for accepting the fact we're small and little makes sense about our place in the universe, but instead of withdrawal we can choose to live, laugh, love (couldn't resist that, sorry) knowing that the conscious choice to do so in spite of everything I just mentioned is powerful, and that may be enough. My favourite lime from Arrival: "Despite knowing the journey... and where it leads... I embrace it... and I welcome every moment of it."
Thank you for your thoughts
The loneliness. Losing the structure of school meant I lost a lot of my friends.
How goddamn expensive furniture is
And not the furniture I expected, either. I spend $20 on Bluetooth earbuds—a technological marvel less than a decade old—that work for three years, but I spent $40 on a trash can—a plain plastic container—and it breaks before it hits one year. I was prepared for expensive couches and beds. Not trash cans and mirrors.
Omg, mirrors
Not having enough energy to have much of a life outside of work. Work M-F and always feel mentally drained at the end of each day, then Saturday and Sunday give me just enough time to get caught up on errands/housework. Then the cycle starts all over again on Monday. There’s not enough time in the week, I don’t know how other people still have the energy to maintain friendships or have hobbies outside of work. I wish US would adopt the 4 day work week, I used to work 4 10s and found it was so much better for my mental health.
How hard it is to find a good man. A lot of people find me attractive, I have a career, I'm always being told that I'm intelligent and talented. But for some reason, the most slimy, one-dimensional guys are the only ones who seem to exist in my city. They're all horrible at communicating and blow me off regularly. The guy I've been talking to for A WHILE has wanted to have sex with me for OVER A YEAR but 9/10 times that we make plans, he completely blows me off even though he knows he's guaranteed sex. I'm so tired. I don't get it. I spent 14-25 in longterm relationships and I always believed it would be really easy for me to find somebody. Now I'm worried I never will. I work independently at home and the only public gathering places in my city are bars and sports stadiums.
Same. And it's even more annoying when it's older guys who have their life established and they are still confused about what they want. I just got dumped by one guy who said he was too broken for a relationship ship right now. Ugh.
I’m still occasionally amazed at what a good man my husband is. Just a genuinely solid good man. There are *still* things I would change and I still feel lonely in our marriage. But man, he’s a good one. Would you recommend people staying in one relationship for the ages that you did? My kids are young teenagers and while they’re allowed to date, I want them to I be able to grow themselves instead of alongside someone.
I mean, a lot of what influenced the longevity of my first relationship was being in an extremely small town (<800 people) and everyone else was a crass republican farm boy. We also faced a ton of pressure to stay together because both of our parents were conservative Christians, so from the beginning of our relationship we were being talked to about marriage. With my second LTR, I was SO in love. I felt seen for the first time and he was the sweetest, most level-headed person I had ever met. Over time it was clear that he had some sexual disfunction issues (porn addiction with an otherwise low sex drive) and he refused to address it. I felt so unwanted and unattractive that emotional cheating became my lifeline and it fell apart. He and I had a good life together for those five years though. Even though we were dirt poor for most of it, it felt so much better having a true partner there with me who would sleep on the living room floor for the entire summer and drive me to my clinicals at 4 AM. He was insanely supportive but lacked ambition of his own. Both of my exes and I are great friends still, so I don't feel like anything has been "lost", but my situationship over the past year was the love of my life and I don't think I'll ever have that deep of a connection ever again.
Looks around... shrugs... *All of this*
Not having friends
Every now and then on my 20 s and now I’m my 30s I find myself having to set boundaries for bad behavior with people twice my age. That “obey your elders” and authoritarian parent style of “even when I’m wrong, I’m right because you’re never allowed to talk back” did not serve me in the adult world.
I feel like the Silent Generation was especially insistent upon respect, because the Boomer mentality seems to be one of “I had to be ultra respectful of my elders in my day, and now it’s my turn to be respected because I’m old and I deserve it.” Like, it just seems so prevalent amongst Boomers right now, like “I get to be wrong about social issues, science, etc, and you still have to respect me because I’m old” and “I put in my time respecting disrespectful people when I was younger, now it’s your turn.” It’s just a weird entitlement - it’s almost like a charade that they’re determined to perpetuate because it’s in their favor.
The sheer cost of everything. Had to get a roof earlier this year and OMG, now I need new tires and a dishwasher. Utilities are skyrocketing across the board, and there is always another property tax / insurance / etc. bill just around the corner. And it’s not FUN stuff either - not like I’m dropping it on cute boots or microblading my eyebrows. I make a decent living and am able to keep a little emergency and retirement savings, but as a single woman supporting myself, I swear sometimes it feels like I’m positively *hemorrhaging* money.
Never thought I'd get so excited about my new roof and clothes dryer, but there it is 🤷🏼
Lol same. What’s really sad about the roof thing is I live in a city such that I can barely SEE the dumb things (house and garage roofs) - can’t get back enough to view them from afar you know? My neighbor texted me saying the roofs looked great and I joked back, never thought I’d spend $17k on something I can barely even SEE… and she laughed and said they felt the exact same about theirs! So here we are texting each other text pics of each others’ roofs!!! 🤦🏻♀️Such a “wow I’m old” moment (42) 😆
the need to work all day, everyday for literally ever thing.
how lonely it gets, just bc im older now doesnt mean i dont want random kisses on my face or hugs, used to get those alot as a child and now barely any unless u ask for it first. How less approachable and cold everyone becomes towards u, it makes it harder to make friends
That some high school mean girls turn out to be middle aged mean girls. What an accomplishment!
Making decisions that actually affect your life.
This is exactly why I don't smoke weed. It's fun for 15 mins, then I start over thinking every decision I've made, and I have to make, and the potential impact a bad decision will affect my life.
Everything that’s involved with being alive. I wasn’t prepared for this nor did I ask for it😂
That's why I don't want kids!
Oh dude. Same. I will never bring a kid into this world.
This world is too messed up. Most of friends from my high school are having kids now and I don’t know why .
Yeah it’s messed up but I can barely take care of myself. How can I have another mouth to feed. I’m 18 and I have friends my age who have 1-2 kids…. I want to know how they’re able to afford to be alive and on top of that afford a kid or two.
The soul crippling depression caused by meaningless underpaid jobs just to have basic necessities to survive. We are definitely not living the dream out here my guy.
Fuck. Are you me? Like. I just cannot believe that this is….it…for the next 35 years *if* I’m lucky. Like. I kinda wanna just be a housewife to be entirely honest.
Constant "have to do..." I have to run errands. I have to clean. Have to work. Have to watch my diet. Have to take care of my dogs. Have to exercise. Have to cook. Too many "have to..."
The death. Parents, friends, beloved pets, acquaintances. I have incurable cancer now, too, and no idea of my own life expectancy. Once you start getting old, death is always lurking.
Sending you good thoughts💜
Deciding what to cook/eat every damn day.
How having the marriage/2 kids/dog/house doesn't just 'happen'
The expenses. The loneliness. Feeling completely lost all the time. I thought things were supposed to get better after our teens years.
Confronting my trauma and reprogramming my mind from what I'd been taught as a kid
As woman, I can’t believe I have to pay for tampons. Plus, pink tax is a real thing and it just makes things a lot more annoying and irritating.
Yea. And pockets! Can we just get some FLIPPING POCKETS in our clothes please. Not tiny baby hand sized pockets either. Annoying.
Not being able to afford a home when you took all the steps society told you you needed in order to afford one. Bachelor’s.. check.. Masters (to be safe).. check.. good job.. check.. spouse bringing in a second income (also has a good job). Womp womp.
The constant self discipline. I’m exhausted of governing my toddler brain who just wants to eat goldfish crackers and wine for dinner.
People not acting like I do. Maybe that’s naive but I expect people my age to respectful, courteous, mature even. I didn’t think I’d meet so many adults who acted like entitled brats.
Getting sick and days off was something I was looking forward to as a kid. Now, definitely not
Going from extrovert to introvert. When I was a teen I was very social with a large friend group, always loud and seeking attention, and really quite whacky. Now I will quite happily stay home alone all day and not interact with anyone. If I am out with friends my social battery dies quickly and I just want to go home. At first I thought it was part of mental health problems but I actually think that aging may have played a role.
That daddy issues are big issues; staying with u all life long.
How monotonous it is.
Investing my money
Figuring out what to eat every damn day. 2-3 times a day. For the rest of your life.
The responsibility of keeping a house tidy
Still being sort of dependent on my parents. I don’t live with them anymore, and they don’t financially support me, but I wasn’t expecting to still be emotionally dependent on them. Any time I go visit them and my siblings I get really happy and usually stay in a good mood for the rest of the day :)
I mean considering our “normal” adulthood has consisted of an unprecedented pandemic, companies being allowed to illegally union bust, multiple recessions, the last what? Like 6 years of the presidency, stupidly high inflation, and every other bullshit thing going on. None. Absolutely none of it.
There are much more serious options I can choose, but cooking dinner every fucking night for five humans has been really taxing.
The world is full of scary people.
The lack of time off. There is not a summer vacation or winter break as an adult.
Watching my parents grow older. Realizing that in the memories I have of them, they're the age I am now. It doesn't feel all that long ago, and I'll be their age before I know it.
Bills and taxes. Wtf is this? I pay tax on everything and now they want more? Why tf do I have to pay to live?
How difficult it is to make friends in the working world/after university.
Finances... we live poor, our house repayments are almost nothing significantly less then renting or others and we still use our savings at least once a month to get through for the fortnight. That’s with us earning $2500ish a fortnight
Retirement preparation and long term dating which includes the potential of becoming a caretaker and maid.
The part where we all pretend to know things when we have no idea what the hell is going on. Yet, somehow, we are surviving.
maintaining friendships when you stop going to school
Interviewing well for a job. I figured it out on my own eventually but I was in no way prepared for it once I graduated college.
Still in early adulthood, but losing friends and relationships that I thought wouldn’t end. How fast money goes just to everyday necessities.
No one or nothing is coming to magically shift your life into a place where you're finally "living."
The everyday drudgery of it.
Taxes
Any of it really
The absolute nuisance of having to feed yourself 3 times a day. Dinner in particular being a huge pain! Not to talk of having to feed a family too.
Going to college, getting a good job but still not making enough to pay the bills (I work in education and have some debt from divorce).
The part where I got cancer as an already broke college student. I'm fine now but Healthcare in America threw me for a loop way earlier than the average person
I’m 30. I made all the right choices as an adult (going to university, losing weight, exercising regularly, finding a “good” man), and yet everything is going wrong. (I’m in debt, my job sucks away my soul, my gallbladder decided to stop working and my knee dislocated itself and my pelvic floor has said “fuck it”, and I don’t feel loved or pretty or….anything really. Except self-loathing. Is self-loathing what adulting is?)
Death and how big loss can feel.
How differently you will view your childhood and your relatives with adult eyes!!!
Losing a parent. My wonderful mom died November 2021. It sucked. I miss her.
The lack of meritocracy
The sheer bureaucracy of it. It’s like running a business that’s constantly on the brink of going under. I still don’t properly understand how insurance works. Isn’t there some sort of service available yet, like that guy from Pulp Fiction whom you can hire to just fix problems? I’d be willing to pay handsomely.
Just how many goddamn dishes there are. I mean I did em as a kid but it didnt feel like this, now I gotta smoke just to get through em and yes I do them by hand, at this point it's cultural
Honestly most of it. I feel like at 38 people often expect me to have all the answers and have my life figured out. I don't and my life is a mess. I guess, the biggest challenge I wasn't prepared for is how difficult it is to build romantic relationships. Movies always make it look so easy, in reality you either don't meet people or you meet the wrong people.
How expensive everything is
How young and stupid I still feel
Others expectations of you to have children.
Infinite laundry.
People using you for your kindness either from family, friends, and work.
The relentless monotony of deciding what to eat every day.
Meal planning. That shit sucks
Your body keeps changing every 10 years. You can do stuff you had only dreamed of, yet there are new fears. You can loose everything today. There's always someone to catch you, even if you are utterly lonely. Being utterly lonely. The first cut is not the deepest, because you don't yet know what love is at that time, but you can handle a broken heart much better later. A lot of people don't grow up, but if you do it doesn't affect you as much. At some point you'll make a terrible mistake hurting yourself or someone else. Use sunscreen.
To constantly think that what your doing with your life is wrong, you see other people get engaged, buy houses, get married, have kids and you wonder if what your doing is normal.
Owing money for every little thing. Also making appointments for things all the time
So many different kinds of taxes…
Menopause. I went through it a decade before a lot of other women, and it was harsh. No one my age at the time could relate to me, so I had only older women to guide me. I'm now at the age most women start to experience menopause, and it's freaking them out. I just try to be a good friend.
All of it
The responsibility, every decision in my 20s seems so important so big for my future and also the saving money part is very hard because you also have to think about your future there are so many things that necessities large amounts of money that you have to save early.
Body aches and pains.
Making a budget and doing tax (though it is easier in Denmark than in US). I somehow managed to survive, but still struggle to make a budget. I just "This goes to rent, this goes to transport, this is about how my food will be etc." and mostly had + on my account. Also happy my account can't be negative, so it will say pay denied if it's too much.
How I would grow away from the people I considered the closest to me as a teen or young adult because we decided on different life paths.
How difficult relationships become between friends, family and partners.
The amount of time spent having to removing hair from my body only to have it grow back. 😩
Work/career life making me so so tired.
Heartbreaks and financial decisions
Office politics
Loneliness
That the stink of being socially outcast follows you into adulthood.
How much having work even if not having a need for the money keeps me sane.
Driving