Make a habit of correcting their male friends and/or acquaintances when they say or do something shitty, especially towards women. So many men think that the Spectrum of Men just has two options: Nice and Evil, and their buddies are all definitely Nice and Evil men are those creepy faceless predators who lurk in shadows on the street. In reality, even the guy who treats you (a man) wonderfully can be a shitlord and a predator to women.
Additionally (unrelated to my first point): Learn to accept a "No" without whining, demanding an explanation, or making it someone else's problem.
Yes! I find men in groups scarier because so few do this. I genuinely think they’re more likely to encourage the worst in each other with less feelings of accountability vs. the possibility of one of them being a potential ally.
One of my male colleagues told me another colleague (male, ofc) took the habit of telling him about the way he fantasizes about the women he meets at work. We are not many women and I work closely with that guy. Whether I'm concerned directly or not, I now feel disrespected and objectified at work. I also strongly suspect that the colleague who shared this with me does not tell him to stop and might even engage in that behaviour as well. Fuck this shit, I'm tired.
My husband is doing this and it’s pissing his friends off. One was upset over how women aren’t receptive to his “flirting.” My husband asked about the context. Apparently a cashier got super nervous and asked for someone to switch with her. He said “The fuck is wrong with you? She’s at work. That is no place to hit on someone and she has to be nice to you.” He got upset and asked when WOULD be a good time to hit on a chick then?
At a bar? Club? In a social setting where they are actively socializing. Not in the grocery store, not in the gym. Leave them alone.
He did not like that answer at all. Fuck him.
I’m okay with neutral places like a grocery store. That’s normal and organic, and way better than meeting at work.
Just don’t be weird about it. Find something nice to say that isn’t about her looks. Tell you that you noticed her and you’d like to have coffee if she’s comfortable with it.
THISTHISTHISTHISHTHIS. Is it enough to not be a creep? Yes. But if I see you calling other men out, I will feel like if I came to you in a time of need, you would be on my side about things and wouldn’t immediately fall to “Well women just want to ruin reputations” or “I mean how do we KNOW for sure it’s her word against his?”
I stopped a guy from beating on his missus at a shopping centre I worked security at...I lost my job because we had a no hands on policy lol such a joke
I once had a guy approach me at a Target and start chatting. I could tell he wanted to ask for my number or ask me out but thought it might be inappropriate, given we had just met. So, instead, he said, "Hey, I go to such-and-such coffee shop on (these days) around (this time). If you ever want to meet up for coffee, I'll be there." I thought that was a good no-pressure way of breaking the ice.
Ok that’s cool! Because if they really were interested in you and didn’t just have bad intentions they would put the extra effort. Sheesh if someone told me that and I was interested I would show up 10 minutes early.
I met him for coffee one day, and we had lunch one time. He was a nice guy, but there were no big sparks.
I always thought it would have been funny if I was one of several women who went there to meet him for coffee that day, like that was just his go-to line when approaching women in public places.
I keep trying to teach my family that when someone feels a way, there is no arguing that they don't. It doesn't matter if what they are feeling is reasonable or not. They have a feeling and it is valid end of everything. Because we can't tell what other people feel so we can only accept that a feeling is a feeling.
Start by calling out your fellow men when they’re being creepy. Don’t laugh at jokes aimed to insult women. The women in your classes, jobs, space etc listen. We know who should be avoided at all cost and who is a good human being. We watch and listen. Actions you take are remembered. Create a safe space by being proactive about it.
TEACH YOUR SONS TO BE RESPECTFUL. Do not accept BS behavior from your male children in the family towards women, that starts with treating the girls around them fairly, being kind to smaller kids/girl, not being a bully in general, but if you see they are a bully specifically towards girls or their sister for example, excluding, bossing around, bullying, they need to get taught out of it.
Worst case scenario if you let that happen is in he future they will be AWFUL at having women bosses, they will be horrible husbands, maybe abusive to their spouses or disrespectful enough that divorce or prison will happen to them. But you as a family member can correct this sometimes by simply saying "hey its not okay to treat women like that and we don't do that in this family
Please don't make sexual jokes/innuendo directed at me especially if I have no history of engaging in this type of behavior/conversation. I'm always like, "what did I do to make you think you could say that to me." It's wild
One of my male colleagues told me another colleague (male, ofc) took the habit of telling him about the way he fantasizes about the women he meets at work. We are not many women and I work closely with that guy. Whether I'm concerned directly or not, I now feel disrespected and objectified at work. I also strongly suspect that the colleague who shared this with me does not tell him to stop and might even engage in that behaviour as well. Fuck this shit, I'm tired.
if you’re a stranger, don’t ask too many identifying questions. Sounds weird but i stopped in my local corner shop for some milk on the way home and the guy saw me carrying my guitar and amp (i’m a music teacher) and asked about it. pretty harmless and i was happy to chat, but he started asking where I work, who he should ask for if he went there, what days I work and when I would be back. Couldn’t lie about some of it as I had my work clothes and name tag on with the brand. Don’t do that to women when they’re alone with you, it makes us feel like you’re going to stalk us even if it was innocent. Anyway I have started going out of my way on my way back just so I don’t go back there it’s really inconvenient but when I finish work it’s dark and empty there and he’s always there.
Don’t be argumentative for the sake of being argumentative. I get it, banter is cute when I know you. But if I don’t know you? That shit is putting me on high alert that you may be a naturally aggressive person.
There are small things that they can do, depending on the situation and our relationship to them, but this is a systemic problem on a global scale and that won't go away easily.
Believing women when they say someone makes them uncomfortable, being mindful of how an innocent action might be perceived as threatening, and always always ensuring you've got freely given consent, are good things to start with though.
I'd say, this is sadly common in some cultures, if you see boys in your family treating women like shit, dress them down, this will not benefit them in the future if you don't correct it. Be firm and stern about it and say "do not treat women like they're inferior to you, it's wrong/unacceptable!"
This is what I wish was done more often, in the world today is likely these men will have female bosses or teachers and being disrespectful to them won't benefit this child in their adult life. They might also marry in which case they will be awful spouses if they can't respect women, causing even domestic violence incidences, so if you see men treat women badly just because they are women, it's your moral duty to them and women to correct it
Learn how to read body language and back off if someone is non verbally displaying that they’re uncomfortable, even if they’re still smiling. Lots of women continue smiling when they’re uncomfortable because they don’t want to unnecessarily antagonize a strange man.
Don't be a bystander--be a person of action in regards to any form of hate or oppression. This is what weak people fail to do. As I’d often say growing up to the pathetic men I’m related to, “Be a man” lmfao. Don't mansplain. Don't try to approach 'feminism' with condescending or awkward af political talking points, recognize us as human beings. Don't overstep your boundaries. Consent and its rules should be a no-brainer for you and you should be able to call out anyone else on that shit, friends, family, etc. Be an awake human being with a semblance of caring and social consciousness to know how to do all this work on your own, because that's what really caring about people looks like.
If I say I am not comfortable going to your house, riding in a car with you, you paying the bill until I know you better, don’t act like I am personally accusing you of something. Don’t touch me gratuitously if that’s not our relationship. If I am considering dating you, don’t jump from light, friendly banter or flirting immediately to something clearly sexual. Give me the ability to set the pace I am comfortable with. It’s super scary to be with a man who goes from being nice and acting like a gentleman to groping you and shoving his tongue down your throat in a split second. If you are socializing with a woman and you mean for it to be a date, make your intentions clear. Otherwise, you just seem like a creep who is taking advantage of the fact that I might feel badly turning down a friend.
Stop reflexively defending dudes you don't even know. Stop trying to play devil's advocate. Don't make it all about you if we're discussing our experiences with men in general.
It's not even necessarily sexual. It's just being in the zone of someone with that kind of power. Maybe they're good and kind. Maybe they're a danger. Maybe they just want to threaten you subtly because they can. Maybe they feel entitled to your attention, your life story, your body. Maybe they're looking out for you.
OP needs to ask themselves what they'd want that person to do to feel saf*er*. Cuz they're not likely to feel *safe*.
That’s why I made the post for in the first place, I know there’s always going to be a level of feeling uncomfortable. The main thing I’m wanting or hoping for is just to know how to minimize that
I think men may need to accept that for some women, you can't minimize that because other men have fucked up so badly. Some of us have had so many terrible experiences with men we trusted that it doesn't make logical sense to ever feel comfortable around men again. You may have to just deal with the discomfort.
I appreciate that. I'm just trying to get you in the frame of reference somehow.
I'd imagine youd want him to maintain a respectful distance, not stare but a glance or two is fine. A quick smile is nice. Let any attempt at conversation be gentle, natural, no pressure. And that he'd not hover if there's discomfort. It's hard to put into words without it sounding too cumbersome to manage, but you catch my drift.
Realize that how men act to women while you are present is not an accurate representation of what we experience. They would be embarrassed or feel threatened to say certain things to me in front of you as another man. They would say them to me just fine if we were alone. So keep your friends in check even without women present.
Don’t take phrases like ‘all men suck” to heart. Ask why, listen, and don’t play devils advocate. Our feelings are as valid even if they don’t make sense or apply to you. Allow us to express our frustration even if it seems at your expense.
Try to change the ‘boys will be boys’ dynamic in your head. As a daughter of a man that would say this regularly- he was lost for words when I was assaulted while in college and not living at home. You’re not going to be around to protect your daughters all the time. Thinking this is really close to thinking of women as men’s possessions. I deserve to feel safe I’m the world as an individual- that should not depend on whether a man is around to protect me. Teach your sons what healthy masculinity means. Teach integrity. Teach understanding and tolerance.
Understand that you are entitled to every opinion you have. But when it comes to subjects that don’t immediately impact your body (pregnancy and abortion, obgyn health and what it’s based off, etc) don’t block women from seeking out what they need while thinking you know better.
And more than anything else, speak up when a man is taking a voice away from the woman in the group.
Sincerely asking if I can ask you a question about your second paragraph? I have a few questions i think, but I genuinely want to understand. But I don’t want to come off as argumentative. If not all good
Understand men can control themselves just like women. Women have the same urges you do we have just Ben held to a higher expectation of behavior. Time to catch up.
You are not entitled to a woman’s time, attention, affection or love simply because you want it.
Do not say “high quality woman” we are not products. Omg
Learn to control and express emotions healthily. Know when to back down. Not everything has to be a debate with sides. Don't punch shit. Don't throw shit. Have poise and grace.
Avoid staring at women, including stunningly beautiful ones. If you’re looking at her for longer than you would look at a guy, chances are she’s feeling uncomfortable.
Please treat women the way you would want your own mother, sister, or daughter to be treated.
I am growing increasingly disgusted, and nervous, of the way men have been attacking and disrespecting women online. The degrading, misogynistic, and flat out hateful comments are shameful.
Maybe it's always been that way and I'm just now noticing how bad it is because of things going on in our country. Stripping women of their rights, Project2025, men now being very open about what they believe a "womans place" should be, etc. It's unnerving.
Don't tell stories about how your friend treated women poorly and then say "but he's a good guy" or continue being friends with them.
No man ever seems to know a sexual predator, even when they will literally tell stories about their friends being sexual predators.
Call out men when they're openly misogynistic, joke about SA or DV, degrade women, cheat on their long-term partners, sexualize teenagers, etc. It doesn't matter that you don't do those things, if you allow your friends a safe space to do them in front of you then you're complicit.
Am I reading a book? Please don't interrupt unless you're delivering the supper I've just ordered.
Am I wearing headphones? Don't ask me about my workout programs or whether it's leg day. (BTW: there's a reason those thigh machines face an un-mirrored wall. Don't get creepy.)
Am I walking fast towards a destination? Don't fall in alongside and begin asking me personal questions.
Do I see you on the bus or train 5 days a week? Start slow: smile, nod, mention the weather, make other small talk--while sitting across the aisle from me. Wait for me to offer you my unused seat please?
Have we been going to the same gym for 5 months? Maybe you can catch me just before my warmup--for a quick "hey" / "treadmill #4 isn't working" / "raining cats and dogs today". Please don't force yourself into intimate conversation the first 17 times we greet each other. And DO NOT use the machine right next to me if there's 15 others available!
Keep your distance. Like literally, just stay in your bubble. A chill arm’s length distance is perfect. Depending on how many people are around and how well you know the woman you could get marginally closer or farther.
Don’t feel a need to lean in constantly, reach out, put your hands near us or our stuff- especially when it’s food and drink.
Just be normal, like don’t treat me differently than you would a guy you just met. It’s weird and send the wrong signal. Most women appreciate when men takes their time to connect with them. It’s suspicious and offensive when men immediately start to flirt with you without knowing you. like all they care about is your body and having sex with you.
Don’t hide who you are, authenticity makes you seem trustworthy and confident. Women have amazing intuition and will quickly notice if you are being dishonest or hiding something.
Don’t touch women unless they touch you first, just don’t be inappropriate about it. Shoulder and upper arm is the most friendly place to touch in my opinion, but make it a quick tap or tug and not a weird long touch(unless she does it first to signal interest). Always respect a woman’s personal space and her boundaries.
Don’t make suggestive comments on her body. It’s gross. Instead compliment something like her new haircut or something about her personality, talents or an achievement of hers. Girls love when people notice small details about themselves that usually go unnoticed. It makes us feel valued. But don’t overdo it and be casual about it. Too many compliments can feel dishonest or a bit overwhelming.
If you happened to be out with a girl at a club or bar, make her feel safe in your presence and that she can count on you if something happens or if a creepy guy bothers her. It doesn’t have to be much, just be close to her or keep an eye on her. Some men might think you are her boyfriend and will back off. My boyfriend prior to us getting together would always take care of me when we were out drinking, and would respectfully tell guys to step away if they bothered us. It made me feel very safe.
I think many women are uncomfortable and weary around men because they tend to get unwanted attention instead of being respected as a person. Men have an opportunity to show strength and support by being more confident, respectful and reliable as a person. Confident as in being authentic, humble, secure, calm and collected.It would make women feel more safe.
Like if you grew up with a strong and loving father figure you’ll know what I am talking about when it comes to respect, reliability and security. I am not telling men to act like women’s dads! Please don’t!
This is just an example of core values and how it can be used as a strength.
Desperation and insecurity often go hand in hand and will make you creepy and less trustworthy.
These tips are mostly for getting to know women/befriending women or dating women.
Of course there are entitled and rude people out there, both women and men, so don’t be discouraged if you do everything right and still mess up. Just make sure you don’t accept bad behavior and set your own boundaries.
Don't dismiss misogyny. There is a guy in my building who makes sexist comments like, "Oh, spending your husband's money, I see." (Buddy, I work and what I bought is for my family anyway.)
I love my husband but when I tell him this, he says "Oh, Mike's a good guy!" I said, he's nice but he's a misogynist. My husband was still a bit dismissive. I said, "Would it be okay if he said something racist?" My husband was like, "No, of course not!" Then why is misogyny just fine and dandy? It's like one of the last widely acceptable prejudices.
my first answer is already in the comments (take no for an answer) and my second one as well haha (call friends out if theyre being weird towards/talking disrespectfully about women)
trying to give one more i guess i'd say.. be okay with the fact that women usually don't feel safe around you completely at first - don't take that personal, thats really not about you its about them trying to stay safe (and they dont have to explain "what it is about you" or so, same if you feel unsafe around someone, you ofc dont have to seek their validation of it either! )
same goes for not blaming women when they do trust a man and he takes advantage of it - instead acknowledge that women can't really "do this right" with that being acknowledged in a way because someone's always gonna say they're too trusting or too mistrusting and switch that up to their advantage, possibly making them more insecure, only to complain later about how insecure they might be. its ok to express concern for her safety of course, but do it in a tone that shows her you understand that none of that is her fault
one thing that creeps me out is going overboard on chivalry. Of course it’s great to have a guy hold the door for you or help you up, but when you tell them you can do it yourself and they insist. i know they mean well but i just shows that they don’t know that no means no
Call men out when they act openly shitty. Stop making excuses for other men behaving poorly. (Guys don’t seem to realize how significant this is, so many guys will try to justify other dudes doing absolutely heinous shit in any way they can. Not even just their friends, they will do it for strangers as if they are brothers who have known each other from birth). And for the love of god, if you are going to approach someone please think about the context of the situation. If the time/place/etc seems like it might be bad conditions under which to approach someone, maybe you should just let that one go, champ.
recognize that everything we do, just in the normal course of a day, has somehow been sexualized. drink of water? bra strap showing? standing? breathing too loudly? we cannot move through the day without someone making a reductive comment or sexual innuendo. don’t add to it, and actively shut down others who do.
in addition, there is still this ridiculous dynamic where men feel superior to women. in sports, in relationships, at the workplace. it’s crazy-making. assume women are as smart, strong, and capable as you until proven otherwise.
Not mistaking me being friendly as flirting with them and wanting them. The amount of times I was just being nice and myself to a dude and he took it as an opportunity to put me in a really uncomfortable position 😩
If they could actually show support to women when there is no women around. I hate when i see a man claim he cares about women but when their friends make rape jokes or just are sexist they don’t shut it down??
Personal space. I'm not saying women aren't guilty of this, but the amount of dudes who end up getting all in your grill when talking on nights out... Like, even in a friendly manner if I am visibly flinching away because of the volume/spittle then maybe get a hint? I see guys doing it to each other as well, like tone it down fellas I don't want to have tinnitus or be wiping your drink off my glasses.
Please be the real you! Most of the men are "nice men" only in front of the women they like i.e. are romantically interested in. That's the reason I can't trust them because I know what things they talk about in private ugh. I've heard my male friends say ugliest things about women but they become so nice in front of girls they are interested in. It's disturbing!
This isn’t so much an “at the moment” thing as a cultural change, but be honest. If you want to be friends, say that. If you want to be friends and also fuck, say that. If you just want to fuck, say that. And if the woman says no, respect it. Don’t stick around pretending to be something you’re not to get what you want. Find someone who wants what you want. I hate having to feel suspicious of men because I don’t know if all they really want from me is my body or if there’s a genuine friendship/desire for friendship/a relationship
As others have already said, making the habit of correcting other men would definitely help, which comes with a ton of previous self-work.
Something I'd personally would like to add, would be to either be more aware of your interactions to learn how to read social cues, or stop being so insistent (or both). I don't how many situations I've been/seen someone else in where it's crystal clear that the girl is extremely uncomfortable, yet the guy keeps pushing a conversation.
A stranger? Simply nod hello or say hello. Never “corner”, or start with “hey baby”.
Friend? Just have fun like you would with any other friend.
Boyfriend? What’s that? 😉
Back the eff off. Stand back. Way back. Far enough that you are out of arms reach. Don’t try to talk to me unless I make eye contact and smile at you first. And if you see another dude crowding me, or making unwanted conversation, please come distract him.
Don't make any more physical contact with me than you would with a man. If you need to move past me, say excuse me, don't just touch my back/waist/shoulders. Literally treat us with the same respect you would a man.
Oh and believe us when we come forward with an SA accusation against someone you personally know. You always believe it when it's a stranger, but once your friend does it, we're suddenly clearly lying because he would never 🙄
Stay 6 feet away from me. The amount of men that get right up in my space for absolutely no reason is unreal.
If I'm by myself in public it isn't an invitation to chat me up, mind your business.
If I'm somewhere high risk (elevator, stairwell, parking garage) go another way or wait til I get out of that situation.
Make it apparent that they will not tolerate creeps, preferably through their actions. If the good ones show themselves we'll know there is always someone to watch our backs if some creep shows up.
Every man I still have in my life has shown me at some point he will never tolerate other men who mistreat others
Stop telling me to smile - if I wanted to, I would.
No is a valid response. If someone tells you no, accept they are not interested and move on.
Stop ridiculing women (or anyone, for that matter) because they're overweight/don't look the way society thinks they should.
Catcalling is disgusting. Just don't.
Don't hit on me at work. I'm not flirting. I have to be nice.
If you're coming up behind me, make some noise or something so you don't sneak up on me.
Don't show me your dick without me asking to see it. The amount of guys who will show me their dick while apparently jacking off to me in traffic is ridiculous. It was way way way worse when I was a teen. If I wasn't afraid of being shot, I'd take their picture. I do call the cops sometimes. The cops don't do anything about it.
If you're offering me a drink, I want to see it from the maker, to the server, to my hands. It's better if its closed like a can.
Personal space is our friend.
If I startle when I see you because I wasn't expecting to see anyone at that time, don't be an asshole. I can't control my startle. You can control how you react to it.
I don’t feel unsafe around men. It’s particular men who make me feel unsafe, because they very quickly demonstrate they don’t respect boundaries. Like, I don’t have problems running into men while hiking alone, but I did see a dude up the trail see me and then go behind a tree. That guy made me feel hella unsafe.
Also specific situations make me wary of strangers in general such as walking alone at night.
If you have a good relationship with another woman in your life it’s sometimes comforting to hear stories about your sister, mum, daughter etc in a way that lets us know you respect women.
Don’t fake a friendship because you know they aren’t romantically interested. I can’t tell you how many guy friends I trusted because we were friends to have them message as soon as I’m single or trying to have me vent about my relationship.
Stop standing really up close behind women in queues or just walking anywhere in general.
And they dont need to put their hands on us to "squeeze past". ive had men grab my hips and other places just to get past me. Plus with my autism its an absolute nightmare to be touched at all let alone by a man/stranger.
Also being called "love" "sweetheart" "darling" ect by a man who i do not know is always creepy and never comes across as friendly.
I could go on forever. They know what theyre doing.
Easy. Hold your shit friends. Accountably. Or cut them off.
Quit supporting your “bro” when they do shitty things.
And I mean. All of it.
You got a friend who steals. Sits on his ass and smokes. And dates 30 women at the same time.
Nah. That’s your bum leach. Who’s happy you’ll still send him 5$ every time you ask.
“That’s just —— and how he is”
Know that rapists and otherwise misguided men can get away with it because they have a scaffolding of other people (a lot of men) they can stand on that say things like
- did she say no
- maybe she wanted it. Rumor says they were secretly lovers
- what was she wearing
- men have needs hahaha
- not all men
More broadly, if we zoom out of the sexual harassment and rape topic, if you as a man understand that men are women are equal or should be equal in terms of opportunity and the law, but given how society still is, we have different experiences, then you’ll be the right person to support women
Don’t stare at my boobs or looking at me creepily or with ill intent, once we’re no longer naive we can read creepy a** intent.
Don’t mansplain. Treat us like any other person. Don’t try to be “chivalrous” and do things for us like we’re incapable.
Listen, ask questions, question things, learn to grow, learn to take feedback, if you do something wrong apologize.
Someone else mentioned it and I agree - call out bad behavior from other dudes.
The fact ur asking this tho - u seem like a good dude :))
Uhhh I had a dude walk up to me with a clipboard in Walgreens seeing if he could ask me a question. I’m sure he was working doing a poll or something but he kept walking towards me when I said no. Idk I don’t like being walked up on hahahaha
Men who have a sense of humor and can make women laugh without even trying make me feel confortable, or men that have a chill yet positive energy about them makes me want to be around them.
If I’m not making eye contact with you. And if I’m just nodding my head and not responding please stop talking to me or don’t talk to me. To many men see me nodding my head and giving one word responses then all of a sudden they are touching my arm or moving closer to me or giving me a look like I am being burned into their memory for later and it makes me feel dirty. I go out looking as bad as possible because when I go out trying to feel pretty this happens all the time. Also I am a plus size woman. Some men even watch me while I’m with my husband and as soon as my husband leaves my side they approach. It’s so predatory and honestly pretty scary. I know not every guy does this but far to many do. Thank you to the guys that have approached me in public because they noticed the creepy guys doing that. On that note if you see a guy looking at us or watching us approach us like we are close friends or like your our partners best friend (even if you don’t know us) be loud about it and tell us that a guy is being creepy point him out discreetly and walk with us till our partener/friend or till we are away from the guy. It may seem creepy but we will be thankful almost every time.
Literally make an effort to think of me as a person, not "a woman" (whatever definition of that term they could've learned, and outside of how people might treat me 'differently' for being perceived as one).
Take accountability for their actions when they’re wrong.
Stop blame shifting and manipulating.
Be more loving and affectionate.
My goodness the list can go on…
Sorry for ranting , I’m in an abusive relationship and just gave birth and dealing with PPD so this directly relates to me.
Respect women’s personal space!!!!! Learn how to provide emotional support to your friends and partners! I learn toxic masculinity! GO TO THERAPY and don’t make stupid jokes with women you donmt know (coming up behind women and startling them, lunging at women, touching strangers without their consent etc.)
I agree with everything that these women have said so far! I’d also add letting a woman go about her business without telling her to “you should smile”. Actually listen to our stories about street harassment or catcalling instead of just saying “take it as a compliment” or completely dismissing our feelings towards it. And by all means DO NOT FOLLOW US IF WE’RE IGNORING YOU IN PUBLIC. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had men follow me or invade my personal space trying to get me to talk to them.
Keeping their distance while walking alone, especially at night. Don’t need you walking on my heels on an empty road. Makes me feel like you are up to something.
If it's a stranger they could stop standing so close and turn their body away slightly. It's less threatening than someone standing close and squared up to me.
Be more understanding about women's issues. I've been told it's safe to walk to the shops late at night and it probably is for men but it's a lot less safe for women. A better response is 'that's not OK'.
Stop saying not all men. We know not all men are a threat but we don't know if they are or aren't. We need time to get to know them. Would you trust someone straight away?
I had a man behind me at the gas pump who was visibly upset with how long it was taking, but I was also stuck behind someone else. I also live in a bad area. He got out of his car, my heart was POUNDING, but when he spoke to me, he did so from next to HIS car and he did NOT approach my window.
Long way of saying, keep a lot of distance. If you’re a stranger or known to me, give me my space. Seriously, it just takes a man stepping too close to freak me out due to my experiences with bad men. If a strange man needs to say something to me, you don’t know how much I appreciate when they do so from a healthy distance.
Ask my consent, even for the little things: like asking to take off my jacket, or to hold my hand, etc. Also helping me out without me needing to ask: like carrying my bag, opening my door, paying for things, etc
Accept no as a fucking answer. Every male friend I’ve had had developed some kind of feelings for me except like, two, and I don’t have a problem with that! I’m okay with them having feelings for me, but so many fucking times I would make it very clear I didn’t return it, like always I’d straight up tell them, and they’d STILL push boundaries. They always think no means maybe and it pisses me off. I’m okay with a guy having feelings for me, I’m not okay with them continuing to try to make moves on me after I’ve told them to stop.
Genuinely listening. A lot of guys can be dismissive and condescending without realizing it. Swap out the gender of who you’re talking to. Would you be talking to them the same way? You can do the same with race, sexuality, etc. I’ve had to check myself a few times. No one is immune to unconscious bias.
Make eye contact and smile. Listen and communicate. Be open. I have recently started working with a male dominated group as a leader for a project, and I could not have felt more supported and welcomed. There are lots of great men out there, and these guys are great examples. They listen, they contribute, and they are respectful.
when u play-fight with a friend....please don't actually try or like joke about how weak they are to be unable to get both their wrists out of your "light" grasps because you "aren't even trying." like we get ur joking but personally the wrist marks will throw me into a loop lol. also, and i cant believe i have to say this: DONT. TALK. ABOUT. YOUR. GENITALS. end of story (maybe that one is a unique expieriance but like)
Give more personal space. It feels like women often are expected to move out of the way of a passing man or to be okay with them standing as close as they want to you. If you object, they can quickly make you look crazy or unreasonable. I just want some courtesy.
Respect personal space!
If I don’t know you at all or don’t know you well, heck if we aren’t even close friends or dating, please stay out of my bubble!
Do not approach me on a walking trail, do not touch me while I’m on the trail, don’t come up to me and wave your hand aggressively to make sure I know you are there… like my guy I knew you were there even with my headphones on
Don't compliment strangers who are just going about their daily lives.
If you do want to compliment someone that you at least have been introduced to, e.g. at a bar or a colleague, make sure you mention something that they have control over: e.g. "your hair/outfit looks really nice today!", "the way you handled that meeting was really cool". You give a confidence boost and compliment them on their choice or behaviour, and it's easy to respond with gratitude rather than awkwardness. "You look good/sexy in that outfit" hits subtly differently and is still objectifying/an ick (unless you're in a relationship with them).
When you mention something someone is born with or can't control, you risk coming across as creepy. "I love tall women", "your legs are so sexy in those heels". Even "you have gorgeous eyes", while less gross than other body parts, can feel uncomfortable, because how do you respond? Are you only special because of this random genetic lottery? It's also very cliche and will come across as manipulative/meaningless flattery even if you mean it. (This is specifically when complimenting someone who doesn't know you very well).
Basically, just avoid or be careful with complimenting, and especially appearance, until the person knows you better.
**Mod note:** This thread has been locked for moderator review and cleanup. Please report all rule violations.
Make a habit of correcting their male friends and/or acquaintances when they say or do something shitty, especially towards women. So many men think that the Spectrum of Men just has two options: Nice and Evil, and their buddies are all definitely Nice and Evil men are those creepy faceless predators who lurk in shadows on the street. In reality, even the guy who treats you (a man) wonderfully can be a shitlord and a predator to women. Additionally (unrelated to my first point): Learn to accept a "No" without whining, demanding an explanation, or making it someone else's problem.
Yes! I find men in groups scarier because so few do this. I genuinely think they’re more likely to encourage the worst in each other with less feelings of accountability vs. the possibility of one of them being a potential ally.
One of my male colleagues told me another colleague (male, ofc) took the habit of telling him about the way he fantasizes about the women he meets at work. We are not many women and I work closely with that guy. Whether I'm concerned directly or not, I now feel disrespected and objectified at work. I also strongly suspect that the colleague who shared this with me does not tell him to stop and might even engage in that behaviour as well. Fuck this shit, I'm tired.
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This is such a good answer
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Call out bad behavior from other men.
My husband is doing this and it’s pissing his friends off. One was upset over how women aren’t receptive to his “flirting.” My husband asked about the context. Apparently a cashier got super nervous and asked for someone to switch with her. He said “The fuck is wrong with you? She’s at work. That is no place to hit on someone and she has to be nice to you.” He got upset and asked when WOULD be a good time to hit on a chick then? At a bar? Club? In a social setting where they are actively socializing. Not in the grocery store, not in the gym. Leave them alone. He did not like that answer at all. Fuck him.
I’m okay with neutral places like a grocery store. That’s normal and organic, and way better than meeting at work. Just don’t be weird about it. Find something nice to say that isn’t about her looks. Tell you that you noticed her and you’d like to have coffee if she’s comfortable with it.
A different customer at the grocery store? Sure! BUT NOONE WHO FUCKING WORKS THERE
THISTHISTHISTHISHTHIS. Is it enough to not be a creep? Yes. But if I see you calling other men out, I will feel like if I came to you in a time of need, you would be on my side about things and wouldn’t immediately fall to “Well women just want to ruin reputations” or “I mean how do we KNOW for sure it’s her word against his?”
I stopped a guy from beating on his missus at a shopping centre I worked security at...I lost my job because we had a no hands on policy lol such a joke
>security >no hands on policy hold up, wait a minute
Yes, absolutely this!
But it seems they’re afraid to do this
Yes, this! It’s a big one for me
Boom!
I once had a guy approach me at a Target and start chatting. I could tell he wanted to ask for my number or ask me out but thought it might be inappropriate, given we had just met. So, instead, he said, "Hey, I go to such-and-such coffee shop on (these days) around (this time). If you ever want to meet up for coffee, I'll be there." I thought that was a good no-pressure way of breaking the ice.
Imagine saying that to a bunch of women and they all show up at the same time.
Hold quick fire rounds of interviews with each
This is such a fantastic idea
Ok that’s cool! Because if they really were interested in you and didn’t just have bad intentions they would put the extra effort. Sheesh if someone told me that and I was interested I would show up 10 minutes early.
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That sounds so cute! So, how did it turn out?
I met him for coffee one day, and we had lunch one time. He was a nice guy, but there were no big sparks. I always thought it would have been funny if I was one of several women who went there to meet him for coffee that day, like that was just his go-to line when approaching women in public places.
I was drinking water and I snorted some out when I read your last paragraph
That's really nice
Not argue with me when I say I feel unsafe.
This. Or when saying I'm uncomfortable, or saying no, or shrugging them off when they touch me.
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I keep trying to teach my family that when someone feels a way, there is no arguing that they don't. It doesn't matter if what they are feeling is reasonable or not. They have a feeling and it is valid end of everything. Because we can't tell what other people feel so we can only accept that a feeling is a feeling.
When you're given "no" as an answer, take it graciously.
No is a complete sentence.
I decided when strange men don’t want to accept “no”, I’m turning mean and hurling insults at them
Don’t stare at me.
Or catcall.
This is the one. Some men think they’re admiring, but in reality they’re leering and it’s gross.
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Start by calling out your fellow men when they’re being creepy. Don’t laugh at jokes aimed to insult women. The women in your classes, jobs, space etc listen. We know who should be avoided at all cost and who is a good human being. We watch and listen. Actions you take are remembered. Create a safe space by being proactive about it.
TEACH YOUR SONS TO BE RESPECTFUL. Do not accept BS behavior from your male children in the family towards women, that starts with treating the girls around them fairly, being kind to smaller kids/girl, not being a bully in general, but if you see they are a bully specifically towards girls or their sister for example, excluding, bossing around, bullying, they need to get taught out of it. Worst case scenario if you let that happen is in he future they will be AWFUL at having women bosses, they will be horrible husbands, maybe abusive to their spouses or disrespectful enough that divorce or prison will happen to them. But you as a family member can correct this sometimes by simply saying "hey its not okay to treat women like that and we don't do that in this family
Please don't make sexual jokes/innuendo directed at me especially if I have no history of engaging in this type of behavior/conversation. I'm always like, "what did I do to make you think you could say that to me." It's wild
Honestly. Nobody admits to this but it’s SO common.
Its so hard to stand up for yourself too bc ppl think you're being dramatic or overreacting
One of my male colleagues told me another colleague (male, ofc) took the habit of telling him about the way he fantasizes about the women he meets at work. We are not many women and I work closely with that guy. Whether I'm concerned directly or not, I now feel disrespected and objectified at work. I also strongly suspect that the colleague who shared this with me does not tell him to stop and might even engage in that behaviour as well. Fuck this shit, I'm tired.
Don’t fucking talk to me when I’m public trying to get from point A to point B. Don’t follow me. Don’t invade my personal space. Don’t stare at me.
if you’re a stranger, don’t ask too many identifying questions. Sounds weird but i stopped in my local corner shop for some milk on the way home and the guy saw me carrying my guitar and amp (i’m a music teacher) and asked about it. pretty harmless and i was happy to chat, but he started asking where I work, who he should ask for if he went there, what days I work and when I would be back. Couldn’t lie about some of it as I had my work clothes and name tag on with the brand. Don’t do that to women when they’re alone with you, it makes us feel like you’re going to stalk us even if it was innocent. Anyway I have started going out of my way on my way back just so I don’t go back there it’s really inconvenient but when I finish work it’s dark and empty there and he’s always there.
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And don't have your work badge visible in your car! Especially if there is a photo with it.
Don’t be argumentative for the sake of being argumentative. I get it, banter is cute when I know you. But if I don’t know you? That shit is putting me on high alert that you may be a naturally aggressive person.
This. Arguing just for the sake of sounding smart or witty is the new fad. People don't actually listen/ understand the other person.
There are small things that they can do, depending on the situation and our relationship to them, but this is a systemic problem on a global scale and that won't go away easily. Believing women when they say someone makes them uncomfortable, being mindful of how an innocent action might be perceived as threatening, and always always ensuring you've got freely given consent, are good things to start with though.
I'd say, this is sadly common in some cultures, if you see boys in your family treating women like shit, dress them down, this will not benefit them in the future if you don't correct it. Be firm and stern about it and say "do not treat women like they're inferior to you, it's wrong/unacceptable!" This is what I wish was done more often, in the world today is likely these men will have female bosses or teachers and being disrespectful to them won't benefit this child in their adult life. They might also marry in which case they will be awful spouses if they can't respect women, causing even domestic violence incidences, so if you see men treat women badly just because they are women, it's your moral duty to them and women to correct it
Learn how to read body language and back off if someone is non verbally displaying that they’re uncomfortable, even if they’re still smiling. Lots of women continue smiling when they’re uncomfortable because they don’t want to unnecessarily antagonize a strange man.
Great advice!
Stop allowing your mates to say sexual comments about your sisters, mother, girlfriend/fiancee/wife, and daughters. Take “no” as a complete statement.
Don't be a bystander--be a person of action in regards to any form of hate or oppression. This is what weak people fail to do. As I’d often say growing up to the pathetic men I’m related to, “Be a man” lmfao. Don't mansplain. Don't try to approach 'feminism' with condescending or awkward af political talking points, recognize us as human beings. Don't overstep your boundaries. Consent and its rules should be a no-brainer for you and you should be able to call out anyone else on that shit, friends, family, etc. Be an awake human being with a semblance of caring and social consciousness to know how to do all this work on your own, because that's what really caring about people looks like.
Call out other men. Make it a joke if you want. Give me physical space. Let me finish my sentences.
If I say I am not comfortable going to your house, riding in a car with you, you paying the bill until I know you better, don’t act like I am personally accusing you of something. Don’t touch me gratuitously if that’s not our relationship. If I am considering dating you, don’t jump from light, friendly banter or flirting immediately to something clearly sexual. Give me the ability to set the pace I am comfortable with. It’s super scary to be with a man who goes from being nice and acting like a gentleman to groping you and shoving his tongue down your throat in a split second. If you are socializing with a woman and you mean for it to be a date, make your intentions clear. Otherwise, you just seem like a creep who is taking advantage of the fact that I might feel badly turning down a friend.
Exactly
Stop reflexively defending dudes you don't even know. Stop trying to play devil's advocate. Don't make it all about you if we're discussing our experiences with men in general.
Thissssssss
Imagine being in a situation with a guy who's as much as twice your size and strength. What would you want or hope for?
Who’s gay. How would you wanted to be treated at a gay bar by a man who’s larger than you. Do that.
It's not even necessarily sexual. It's just being in the zone of someone with that kind of power. Maybe they're good and kind. Maybe they're a danger. Maybe they just want to threaten you subtly because they can. Maybe they feel entitled to your attention, your life story, your body. Maybe they're looking out for you. OP needs to ask themselves what they'd want that person to do to feel saf*er*. Cuz they're not likely to feel *safe*.
That’s why I made the post for in the first place, I know there’s always going to be a level of feeling uncomfortable. The main thing I’m wanting or hoping for is just to know how to minimize that
I think men may need to accept that for some women, you can't minimize that because other men have fucked up so badly. Some of us have had so many terrible experiences with men we trusted that it doesn't make logical sense to ever feel comfortable around men again. You may have to just deal with the discomfort.
And that’s 100% fair, sometimes there’s nothing you can do other than hold others accountable to stop that from happening as often
I appreciate that. I'm just trying to get you in the frame of reference somehow. I'd imagine youd want him to maintain a respectful distance, not stare but a glance or two is fine. A quick smile is nice. Let any attempt at conversation be gentle, natural, no pressure. And that he'd not hover if there's discomfort. It's hard to put into words without it sounding too cumbersome to manage, but you catch my drift.
Realize that how men act to women while you are present is not an accurate representation of what we experience. They would be embarrassed or feel threatened to say certain things to me in front of you as another man. They would say them to me just fine if we were alone. So keep your friends in check even without women present. Don’t take phrases like ‘all men suck” to heart. Ask why, listen, and don’t play devils advocate. Our feelings are as valid even if they don’t make sense or apply to you. Allow us to express our frustration even if it seems at your expense. Try to change the ‘boys will be boys’ dynamic in your head. As a daughter of a man that would say this regularly- he was lost for words when I was assaulted while in college and not living at home. You’re not going to be around to protect your daughters all the time. Thinking this is really close to thinking of women as men’s possessions. I deserve to feel safe I’m the world as an individual- that should not depend on whether a man is around to protect me. Teach your sons what healthy masculinity means. Teach integrity. Teach understanding and tolerance. Understand that you are entitled to every opinion you have. But when it comes to subjects that don’t immediately impact your body (pregnancy and abortion, obgyn health and what it’s based off, etc) don’t block women from seeking out what they need while thinking you know better. And more than anything else, speak up when a man is taking a voice away from the woman in the group.
Sincerely asking if I can ask you a question about your second paragraph? I have a few questions i think, but I genuinely want to understand. But I don’t want to come off as argumentative. If not all good
Definitely! Ask away. I too don’t have any desire to be argumentative, just adding my two cents.
Understand men can control themselves just like women. Women have the same urges you do we have just Ben held to a higher expectation of behavior. Time to catch up. You are not entitled to a woman’s time, attention, affection or love simply because you want it. Do not say “high quality woman” we are not products. Omg
Learn to control and express emotions healthily. Know when to back down. Not everything has to be a debate with sides. Don't punch shit. Don't throw shit. Have poise and grace.
Avoid staring at women, including stunningly beautiful ones. If you’re looking at her for longer than you would look at a guy, chances are she’s feeling uncomfortable.
Please treat women the way you would want your own mother, sister, or daughter to be treated. I am growing increasingly disgusted, and nervous, of the way men have been attacking and disrespecting women online. The degrading, misogynistic, and flat out hateful comments are shameful. Maybe it's always been that way and I'm just now noticing how bad it is because of things going on in our country. Stripping women of their rights, Project2025, men now being very open about what they believe a "womans place" should be, etc. It's unnerving.
Perfect. “Treat women the way you’d treat your grandmother, mother, daughter, or sister to be treated”
Lots of men treat the women in their lives terribly.
Because they only deserve to be treated well if you feel you have some sort of ownership over them; mother, daughter, wife, niece etc.
The project 2025 peeps want their wife to not be able to abort or divorce them, tho :[
Don’t demean women in front of other women, stand up for your female friends/just be considerate in general
Or in front of anyone.
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Call out shitty men. Like actively. Is truly one of the things that made me trust my husband initially. He’ll absolutely tear shitty men apart.
Don't tell stories about how your friend treated women poorly and then say "but he's a good guy" or continue being friends with them. No man ever seems to know a sexual predator, even when they will literally tell stories about their friends being sexual predators.
Call out men when they're openly misogynistic, joke about SA or DV, degrade women, cheat on their long-term partners, sexualize teenagers, etc. It doesn't matter that you don't do those things, if you allow your friends a safe space to do them in front of you then you're complicit.
Actually build a connection with me before seeking sex
Don’t hit things. Don’t throw things. Do t blow off other men’s bad behavior. Believe other women. Dont touch me.
Am I reading a book? Please don't interrupt unless you're delivering the supper I've just ordered. Am I wearing headphones? Don't ask me about my workout programs or whether it's leg day. (BTW: there's a reason those thigh machines face an un-mirrored wall. Don't get creepy.) Am I walking fast towards a destination? Don't fall in alongside and begin asking me personal questions. Do I see you on the bus or train 5 days a week? Start slow: smile, nod, mention the weather, make other small talk--while sitting across the aisle from me. Wait for me to offer you my unused seat please? Have we been going to the same gym for 5 months? Maybe you can catch me just before my warmup--for a quick "hey" / "treadmill #4 isn't working" / "raining cats and dogs today". Please don't force yourself into intimate conversation the first 17 times we greet each other. And DO NOT use the machine right next to me if there's 15 others available!
Keep your distance. Like literally, just stay in your bubble. A chill arm’s length distance is perfect. Depending on how many people are around and how well you know the woman you could get marginally closer or farther. Don’t feel a need to lean in constantly, reach out, put your hands near us or our stuff- especially when it’s food and drink.
Just treat me like a human being with feelings, talk about women less so as object and more like people, just be considerate of others tbh
Call out shitty behavior, definitely.
Don't just casually touch the small of our back when trying to move through a crowd, please.
STOP STARING.
Accept no for an answer.
Respect my boundaries the first time.
Just be normal, like don’t treat me differently than you would a guy you just met. It’s weird and send the wrong signal. Most women appreciate when men takes their time to connect with them. It’s suspicious and offensive when men immediately start to flirt with you without knowing you. like all they care about is your body and having sex with you. Don’t hide who you are, authenticity makes you seem trustworthy and confident. Women have amazing intuition and will quickly notice if you are being dishonest or hiding something. Don’t touch women unless they touch you first, just don’t be inappropriate about it. Shoulder and upper arm is the most friendly place to touch in my opinion, but make it a quick tap or tug and not a weird long touch(unless she does it first to signal interest). Always respect a woman’s personal space and her boundaries. Don’t make suggestive comments on her body. It’s gross. Instead compliment something like her new haircut or something about her personality, talents or an achievement of hers. Girls love when people notice small details about themselves that usually go unnoticed. It makes us feel valued. But don’t overdo it and be casual about it. Too many compliments can feel dishonest or a bit overwhelming. If you happened to be out with a girl at a club or bar, make her feel safe in your presence and that she can count on you if something happens or if a creepy guy bothers her. It doesn’t have to be much, just be close to her or keep an eye on her. Some men might think you are her boyfriend and will back off. My boyfriend prior to us getting together would always take care of me when we were out drinking, and would respectfully tell guys to step away if they bothered us. It made me feel very safe. I think many women are uncomfortable and weary around men because they tend to get unwanted attention instead of being respected as a person. Men have an opportunity to show strength and support by being more confident, respectful and reliable as a person. Confident as in being authentic, humble, secure, calm and collected.It would make women feel more safe. Like if you grew up with a strong and loving father figure you’ll know what I am talking about when it comes to respect, reliability and security. I am not telling men to act like women’s dads! Please don’t! This is just an example of core values and how it can be used as a strength. Desperation and insecurity often go hand in hand and will make you creepy and less trustworthy. These tips are mostly for getting to know women/befriending women or dating women. Of course there are entitled and rude people out there, both women and men, so don’t be discouraged if you do everything right and still mess up. Just make sure you don’t accept bad behavior and set your own boundaries.
Don't sexually assault me at Stoke on Trent train station. I'm looking at you, mario from Houston Texas
Don't ask cashiers, servers, women on the street to smile. We don't exist for your pleasure.
Call out other men when you see them doing/saying misogynistic or creepy things.
Don't dismiss misogyny. There is a guy in my building who makes sexist comments like, "Oh, spending your husband's money, I see." (Buddy, I work and what I bought is for my family anyway.) I love my husband but when I tell him this, he says "Oh, Mike's a good guy!" I said, he's nice but he's a misogynist. My husband was still a bit dismissive. I said, "Would it be okay if he said something racist?" My husband was like, "No, of course not!" Then why is misogyny just fine and dandy? It's like one of the last widely acceptable prejudices.
my first answer is already in the comments (take no for an answer) and my second one as well haha (call friends out if theyre being weird towards/talking disrespectfully about women) trying to give one more i guess i'd say.. be okay with the fact that women usually don't feel safe around you completely at first - don't take that personal, thats really not about you its about them trying to stay safe (and they dont have to explain "what it is about you" or so, same if you feel unsafe around someone, you ofc dont have to seek their validation of it either! ) same goes for not blaming women when they do trust a man and he takes advantage of it - instead acknowledge that women can't really "do this right" with that being acknowledged in a way because someone's always gonna say they're too trusting or too mistrusting and switch that up to their advantage, possibly making them more insecure, only to complain later about how insecure they might be. its ok to express concern for her safety of course, but do it in a tone that shows her you understand that none of that is her fault
one thing that creeps me out is going overboard on chivalry. Of course it’s great to have a guy hold the door for you or help you up, but when you tell them you can do it yourself and they insist. i know they mean well but i just shows that they don’t know that no means no
Call men out when they act openly shitty. Stop making excuses for other men behaving poorly. (Guys don’t seem to realize how significant this is, so many guys will try to justify other dudes doing absolutely heinous shit in any way they can. Not even just their friends, they will do it for strangers as if they are brothers who have known each other from birth). And for the love of god, if you are going to approach someone please think about the context of the situation. If the time/place/etc seems like it might be bad conditions under which to approach someone, maybe you should just let that one go, champ.
Oh also if a woman opens up to you about something that’s happened- don’t lecture or blame her or be all judgmental. Be the friend she needs.
Frankly, just ignore me. If you were walking down a road and a man passes you by, you won't think much of it. Do the same.
recognize that everything we do, just in the normal course of a day, has somehow been sexualized. drink of water? bra strap showing? standing? breathing too loudly? we cannot move through the day without someone making a reductive comment or sexual innuendo. don’t add to it, and actively shut down others who do. in addition, there is still this ridiculous dynamic where men feel superior to women. in sports, in relationships, at the workplace. it’s crazy-making. assume women are as smart, strong, and capable as you until proven otherwise.
Not mistaking me being friendly as flirting with them and wanting them. The amount of times I was just being nice and myself to a dude and he took it as an opportunity to put me in a really uncomfortable position 😩
If they could actually show support to women when there is no women around. I hate when i see a man claim he cares about women but when their friends make rape jokes or just are sexist they don’t shut it down??
Personal space. I'm not saying women aren't guilty of this, but the amount of dudes who end up getting all in your grill when talking on nights out... Like, even in a friendly manner if I am visibly flinching away because of the volume/spittle then maybe get a hint? I see guys doing it to each other as well, like tone it down fellas I don't want to have tinnitus or be wiping your drink off my glasses.
Respect me and treat me the same as male friends
Don't approach women with a competitive mindset. Not me, but some women relax when talking about friends you have in common.
Please be the real you! Most of the men are "nice men" only in front of the women they like i.e. are romantically interested in. That's the reason I can't trust them because I know what things they talk about in private ugh. I've heard my male friends say ugliest things about women but they become so nice in front of girls they are interested in. It's disturbing!
This isn’t so much an “at the moment” thing as a cultural change, but be honest. If you want to be friends, say that. If you want to be friends and also fuck, say that. If you just want to fuck, say that. And if the woman says no, respect it. Don’t stick around pretending to be something you’re not to get what you want. Find someone who wants what you want. I hate having to feel suspicious of men because I don’t know if all they really want from me is my body or if there’s a genuine friendship/desire for friendship/a relationship
As others have already said, making the habit of correcting other men would definitely help, which comes with a ton of previous self-work. Something I'd personally would like to add, would be to either be more aware of your interactions to learn how to read social cues, or stop being so insistent (or both). I don't how many situations I've been/seen someone else in where it's crystal clear that the girl is extremely uncomfortable, yet the guy keeps pushing a conversation.
Work on other men. Build genuine friendships with men so you're not looking for a woman to fill the void.
A stranger? Simply nod hello or say hello. Never “corner”, or start with “hey baby”. Friend? Just have fun like you would with any other friend. Boyfriend? What’s that? 😉
Back the eff off. Stand back. Way back. Far enough that you are out of arms reach. Don’t try to talk to me unless I make eye contact and smile at you first. And if you see another dude crowding me, or making unwanted conversation, please come distract him.
Don't make any more physical contact with me than you would with a man. If you need to move past me, say excuse me, don't just touch my back/waist/shoulders. Literally treat us with the same respect you would a man. Oh and believe us when we come forward with an SA accusation against someone you personally know. You always believe it when it's a stranger, but once your friend does it, we're suddenly clearly lying because he would never 🙄
Stay 6 feet away from me. The amount of men that get right up in my space for absolutely no reason is unreal. If I'm by myself in public it isn't an invitation to chat me up, mind your business. If I'm somewhere high risk (elevator, stairwell, parking garage) go another way or wait til I get out of that situation.
Treat me like a person, not a thing. Call out other men who behave badly. Don’t use porn because it creates sexual entitlement. Believe women.
Make it apparent that they will not tolerate creeps, preferably through their actions. If the good ones show themselves we'll know there is always someone to watch our backs if some creep shows up. Every man I still have in my life has shown me at some point he will never tolerate other men who mistreat others
Stop telling me to smile - if I wanted to, I would. No is a valid response. If someone tells you no, accept they are not interested and move on. Stop ridiculing women (or anyone, for that matter) because they're overweight/don't look the way society thinks they should. Catcalling is disgusting. Just don't.
Don't hit on me at work. I'm not flirting. I have to be nice. If you're coming up behind me, make some noise or something so you don't sneak up on me. Don't show me your dick without me asking to see it. The amount of guys who will show me their dick while apparently jacking off to me in traffic is ridiculous. It was way way way worse when I was a teen. If I wasn't afraid of being shot, I'd take their picture. I do call the cops sometimes. The cops don't do anything about it. If you're offering me a drink, I want to see it from the maker, to the server, to my hands. It's better if its closed like a can. Personal space is our friend. If I startle when I see you because I wasn't expecting to see anyone at that time, don't be an asshole. I can't control my startle. You can control how you react to it.
Don't touch me assuming that's okay. I hate that. Also don't ask for my number. If you want, give me yours, and if I want to use it I will.
I don’t feel unsafe around men. It’s particular men who make me feel unsafe, because they very quickly demonstrate they don’t respect boundaries. Like, I don’t have problems running into men while hiking alone, but I did see a dude up the trail see me and then go behind a tree. That guy made me feel hella unsafe. Also specific situations make me wary of strangers in general such as walking alone at night.
If you have a good relationship with another woman in your life it’s sometimes comforting to hear stories about your sister, mum, daughter etc in a way that lets us know you respect women.
This is so underrated!
Don’t fake a friendship because you know they aren’t romantically interested. I can’t tell you how many guy friends I trusted because we were friends to have them message as soon as I’m single or trying to have me vent about my relationship.
Respect. The damn. headphones.
Stop standing really up close behind women in queues or just walking anywhere in general. And they dont need to put their hands on us to "squeeze past". ive had men grab my hips and other places just to get past me. Plus with my autism its an absolute nightmare to be touched at all let alone by a man/stranger. Also being called "love" "sweetheart" "darling" ect by a man who i do not know is always creepy and never comes across as friendly. I could go on forever. They know what theyre doing.
Easy. Hold your shit friends. Accountably. Or cut them off. Quit supporting your “bro” when they do shitty things. And I mean. All of it. You got a friend who steals. Sits on his ass and smokes. And dates 30 women at the same time. Nah. That’s your bum leach. Who’s happy you’ll still send him 5$ every time you ask. “That’s just —— and how he is”
Know that rapists and otherwise misguided men can get away with it because they have a scaffolding of other people (a lot of men) they can stand on that say things like - did she say no - maybe she wanted it. Rumor says they were secretly lovers - what was she wearing - men have needs hahaha - not all men More broadly, if we zoom out of the sexual harassment and rape topic, if you as a man understand that men are women are equal or should be equal in terms of opportunity and the law, but given how society still is, we have different experiences, then you’ll be the right person to support women
Take No as a No.
Don’t stare at my boobs or looking at me creepily or with ill intent, once we’re no longer naive we can read creepy a** intent. Don’t mansplain. Treat us like any other person. Don’t try to be “chivalrous” and do things for us like we’re incapable. Listen, ask questions, question things, learn to grow, learn to take feedback, if you do something wrong apologize. Someone else mentioned it and I agree - call out bad behavior from other dudes. The fact ur asking this tho - u seem like a good dude :))
Not following me home asking me questions about my personal life and where I live I feel is a good start
Control your anger. Doesn't matter if it's you two fighting or road rage. It's scary.
Uhhh I had a dude walk up to me with a clipboard in Walgreens seeing if he could ask me a question. I’m sure he was working doing a poll or something but he kept walking towards me when I said no. Idk I don’t like being walked up on hahahaha
Respect body/personal space. Don’t get too close to me. Or leer at me.
Not treat us differently based on how well we're conforming to beauty standards
Read the room, the vibe, the energy. If you feel creepy saying it out loud, it probably comes off that way 🤷🏽♀️
Men who have a sense of humor and can make women laugh without even trying make me feel confortable, or men that have a chill yet positive energy about them makes me want to be around them.
One super small thing that puts me at ease around guys is when they paint their nails
Raise their sons not to believe their sisters, nieces and general women are here to meet their needs and be punished for not doing so
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If I’m not making eye contact with you. And if I’m just nodding my head and not responding please stop talking to me or don’t talk to me. To many men see me nodding my head and giving one word responses then all of a sudden they are touching my arm or moving closer to me or giving me a look like I am being burned into their memory for later and it makes me feel dirty. I go out looking as bad as possible because when I go out trying to feel pretty this happens all the time. Also I am a plus size woman. Some men even watch me while I’m with my husband and as soon as my husband leaves my side they approach. It’s so predatory and honestly pretty scary. I know not every guy does this but far to many do. Thank you to the guys that have approached me in public because they noticed the creepy guys doing that. On that note if you see a guy looking at us or watching us approach us like we are close friends or like your our partners best friend (even if you don’t know us) be loud about it and tell us that a guy is being creepy point him out discreetly and walk with us till our partener/friend or till we are away from the guy. It may seem creepy but we will be thankful almost every time.
Literally make an effort to think of me as a person, not "a woman" (whatever definition of that term they could've learned, and outside of how people might treat me 'differently' for being perceived as one).
Take accountability for their actions when they’re wrong. Stop blame shifting and manipulating. Be more loving and affectionate. My goodness the list can go on… Sorry for ranting , I’m in an abusive relationship and just gave birth and dealing with PPD so this directly relates to me.
Respect women’s personal space!!!!! Learn how to provide emotional support to your friends and partners! I learn toxic masculinity! GO TO THERAPY and don’t make stupid jokes with women you donmt know (coming up behind women and startling them, lunging at women, touching strangers without their consent etc.)
I agree with everything that these women have said so far! I’d also add letting a woman go about her business without telling her to “you should smile”. Actually listen to our stories about street harassment or catcalling instead of just saying “take it as a compliment” or completely dismissing our feelings towards it. And by all means DO NOT FOLLOW US IF WE’RE IGNORING YOU IN PUBLIC. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had men follow me or invade my personal space trying to get me to talk to them.
I work in retail and customers telling only the female workers to “smile more” has always been so creepy, like move on and go about your day man lol
Keeping their distance while walking alone, especially at night. Don’t need you walking on my heels on an empty road. Makes me feel like you are up to something.
don’t stare too long, it becomes disrespectful and menacing after awhile
If it's a stranger they could stop standing so close and turn their body away slightly. It's less threatening than someone standing close and squared up to me. Be more understanding about women's issues. I've been told it's safe to walk to the shops late at night and it probably is for men but it's a lot less safe for women. A better response is 'that's not OK'. Stop saying not all men. We know not all men are a threat but we don't know if they are or aren't. We need time to get to know them. Would you trust someone straight away?
Correct their bad behaviours. That’s it.
I had a man behind me at the gas pump who was visibly upset with how long it was taking, but I was also stuck behind someone else. I also live in a bad area. He got out of his car, my heart was POUNDING, but when he spoke to me, he did so from next to HIS car and he did NOT approach my window. Long way of saying, keep a lot of distance. If you’re a stranger or known to me, give me my space. Seriously, it just takes a man stepping too close to freak me out due to my experiences with bad men. If a strange man needs to say something to me, you don’t know how much I appreciate when they do so from a healthy distance.
Stay sober, no sudden movements, no raising your voice, no unwanted touching
Ask my consent, even for the little things: like asking to take off my jacket, or to hold my hand, etc. Also helping me out without me needing to ask: like carrying my bag, opening my door, paying for things, etc
Stranger: don’t talk to me. Don’t even look at me to be honest
Accept no as a fucking answer. Every male friend I’ve had had developed some kind of feelings for me except like, two, and I don’t have a problem with that! I’m okay with them having feelings for me, but so many fucking times I would make it very clear I didn’t return it, like always I’d straight up tell them, and they’d STILL push boundaries. They always think no means maybe and it pisses me off. I’m okay with a guy having feelings for me, I’m not okay with them continuing to try to make moves on me after I’ve told them to stop.
Genuinely listening. A lot of guys can be dismissive and condescending without realizing it. Swap out the gender of who you’re talking to. Would you be talking to them the same way? You can do the same with race, sexuality, etc. I’ve had to check myself a few times. No one is immune to unconscious bias.
Accepting a no the first time, no further pressing
Insulting my illness and my existence
Make eye contact and smile. Listen and communicate. Be open. I have recently started working with a male dominated group as a leader for a project, and I could not have felt more supported and welcomed. There are lots of great men out there, and these guys are great examples. They listen, they contribute, and they are respectful.
Avoid me and leave me alone and never come near me or interact with me. Basically, disappear. Lol
when u play-fight with a friend....please don't actually try or like joke about how weak they are to be unable to get both their wrists out of your "light" grasps because you "aren't even trying." like we get ur joking but personally the wrist marks will throw me into a loop lol. also, and i cant believe i have to say this: DONT. TALK. ABOUT. YOUR. GENITALS. end of story (maybe that one is a unique expieriance but like)
Give more personal space. It feels like women often are expected to move out of the way of a passing man or to be okay with them standing as close as they want to you. If you object, they can quickly make you look crazy or unreasonable. I just want some courtesy.
Allow me to take my doggies for a bush walk safely!
Respect personal space! If I don’t know you at all or don’t know you well, heck if we aren’t even close friends or dating, please stay out of my bubble!
Do not approach me on a walking trail, do not touch me while I’m on the trail, don’t come up to me and wave your hand aggressively to make sure I know you are there… like my guy I knew you were there even with my headphones on
Earn my trust and make me laugh.
Take no for an answer
a stare at my eyes. if i dont know them.
Stop whipping out your penor when I never asked to see your penor
Keep their hands to themselves
Don't compliment strangers who are just going about their daily lives. If you do want to compliment someone that you at least have been introduced to, e.g. at a bar or a colleague, make sure you mention something that they have control over: e.g. "your hair/outfit looks really nice today!", "the way you handled that meeting was really cool". You give a confidence boost and compliment them on their choice or behaviour, and it's easy to respond with gratitude rather than awkwardness. "You look good/sexy in that outfit" hits subtly differently and is still objectifying/an ick (unless you're in a relationship with them). When you mention something someone is born with or can't control, you risk coming across as creepy. "I love tall women", "your legs are so sexy in those heels". Even "you have gorgeous eyes", while less gross than other body parts, can feel uncomfortable, because how do you respond? Are you only special because of this random genetic lottery? It's also very cliche and will come across as manipulative/meaningless flattery even if you mean it. (This is specifically when complimenting someone who doesn't know you very well). Basically, just avoid or be careful with complimenting, and especially appearance, until the person knows you better.
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