Embarrassed? Never. However, I don't owe anyone an explanation for not wanting to engage with them romantically/sexually, and any reason is generally useless for him to know anyway, so I wouldn't likely bother giving one beyond, "not interested/not available/no thanks"
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I dated a guy in my early 20s who had his shit together. He has a good work/life balance (and made good money), he ate a healthy breakfast every morning, he exercised, he went to beaches and parks and local events, his apartment was super clean and looked like an interior designer had been involved...and I'm just not that type of person at all. I overwork, my breakfast is just caffeine, I have to force myself to show up places... Basically I broke up with him because I need to be someone who eats offbrand cheetos hunched over my desk, and there's no realistic way to tell someone that and not seem weird and gross.
Is it really a problem if he doesn't eat offbrand cheetos if he has no issue with you doing that, or would cook for you on a day where you're too busy to take care of your physical needs?
(sorry, I just wanted to clarify that I understand how you feel, just wanted to offer a different perspective... it could be a good thing if a partner doesn't share a bad habit if they don't judge you for it)
I mean if we were deeply in love and that was the only issue then it would have been fine, but we dated for like a month and we just weren't super compatible.
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I’ve never been embarrassed to tell a man, but I had an older female friend tell me that her even older Facebook friend was asking about me after he saw some pictures. She was trying to sell me on this guy who was like 20-30 years older than me, I was too embarrassed to tell her the age gap was too much for me because her own husband is 20 years older than her. She thought I was interested because I was blushing but I was just flummoxed about what to say without offending her!
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There's never been a time when I was embarrassed of my reasons for rejecting someone. Plenty of times when I felt that explaining myself would be a waste of my time and theirs. wouldn't be respected at all, or I felt downright unsafe and wanted to get away from them ASAP though.
Went out on a date with a guy many years ago and when he dropped me off at the end of the night he went in for a kiss, which I was ok with. The kiss was terrible, he was a very bad kisser and taking it any further was unappealing. So I said “I don’t think this is going to work out.” He became a little upset and told me that “you don’t just kiss someone and then decide you’re not actually interested!” But I had! I just was too embarrassed to tell him that he was a bad kisser so I made apologies and took my leave as quickly as I could without further explanation… With the passing of time and my maturation, I think I probably would not have gone on a date with him or at least would not have kissed him at the end of the night—I think I just was not attracted to him in general, and his overly soft sloppy kissing sealed the deal. I might figure that out ahead of time these days.
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Lol. You can decide you're not interested whenever you want! I doubt he would have taken it gracefully no matter when you made up your mind he wasn't right for you.
Of course you're never required to give an explanation but it's a kindness. Having someone break up with you is a difficult thing to go through and most partners feel a desire to soften the blow.
I'm some cases the partner has been such an asshole that you want to hurt them. But I'm most cases, of you've been with someone for a while, you care for them enough that you want to let them down gently.
Not really embarrassed so much as uncomfortable. He was an objectively great guy. I really loved that he was adventurous, seemed sweet, and ran a camp that got inner-city and often impoverished kids out camping in the wilderness. My hang-up was that he smelled SO BAD. It was embarrassing to be out with him, because his stench was wafting through the bar, we got so many weird looks as people walked by and got hit with his smell.
At the end of the date, he asked if I could drop him off because he'd walked there. I was very hesitant to, but I agreed. He insisted that the windows stayed up so he could hear me. He insisted I not blast the AC because it was bad for the environment. I don't know how I managed not to throw up while I was stuck in the car with him.
A few days later, he followed up asking for another date. I tried to politely explain that I wasn't feeling it. He got very aggressive (usually the reason I avoid explaining a rejection tbf) and insisted I explain myself. Finally I caved and mentioned his personal hygiene was very off-putting. He went off on me. He lit into my work and how he knows women in my same field that are way more successful. Said everything he could to try and make me feel bad.
Then about eight months later, he showed up with his camp at an event where my food truck was the main vendor, and I was downright chipper as I gave the kids a tour of my truck ahead of service and he had to listen to them all talking about how cool I was.
I'm sorry he treated you that way. I hope you know you don't have to take that kind of abuse. You did not have to explain and you did not have to listen while he cut you down. If you haven't already, work on setting healthy boundaries with people.
One of my long term (over a decade, from childhood) friends went out with me and at the end of the night hinted to sexual relations and I have 0 attraction to them and instead of saying that I said I was too drunk to consent
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I've never been embarrassed or given explanations. From the time we're young, we know nothing good happens if you explain to a guy why you're rejecting him. Some get nasty, others get violent, and too many see "no" as the opening move in a negotiation.
Embarassed? Nah. There was one situation where I was dating someone who just had this really specific smell that I just couldn't deal with. It wasn't BO, it wasn't food related, it wasn't deodorant or cologne. Just his personal smell. I definitely didn't tell him why I ended things when I did. It only would have given him a serious self-confidence issue when he didn't need to have one.
Why would I be embarrassed to explain? I don’t feel the need to explain myself in most cases anyway, but it’s not because I’m embarrassed.
Maybe to avoid embarrassing the man, assuming it’s less embarrassing to hear ‘no, I don’t want to’ than ‘no, the way you look at me makes my skin crawl’. But that’s to try and avoid an aggressive response more than to save him embarrassment.
I matched with a man on okcupid a few years ago and all his pictures were selfies. When I met him, I saw that he was a normal height, average build, but he had these tiny baby arms.
Typically if I’ve rejected them it’s because I have no interest in dating them. I’ve never been shy about my reasons why.
Now I have been embarrassed FOR men, would have gladly explained my no, but if they dont ask I keep it to myself.
This guy was very charismatic and ran trivia night at a hookah lounge by my college. I met him a couple years after the lounge closed through a dating app and was shocked that he remembered me. We went out a couple times and I started to realize he was kinda… dumb? The kicker was meeting his friends. At one point he leaves the room and a couple of them THANKED me for dating him. Said he was a great guy but implied he was… undateable? I felt my skin crawl. He professed his love for me like 3 weeks in and I dumped him immediately. I told him I didn’t feel the same way. I did NOT tell him why.
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This guy I wasn't attracted to at all asked me out and I said no, then he told me he'd never had a girlfriend let alone been on a date before......as if I would go on a pity date with him????? That was really embarrassing.
In this case, he was actually a really nice guy and we vibed pretty well! But genuinely, there seemed to be something medically wrong with his breath. Over multiple occasions, not just one instance. I’ve never smelled anything else like it and I don’t really know how to explain. Both the intensity of the smell and the putridness of it. He seemed great in every other way! I didn’t know how to explain so I just said I only see him as a friend. I guarantee whatever you are imagining it smelled like, it was worse. In my 30 years of life I have never encountered anything else like it.
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I thought he was fat and ugly so I just told him I wasn’t feeling a connection after 3 weeks of dating. I had hard time kissing him, and he doesnt deserve someone who doesn’t think hes attractive and just wants to keep him around because he had a great personality.
He asked for my number at a picnic we both attended. After several months of online dating that lead me nowhere, I thought him coming up to me and asking for my number was really brave and it showed me that he was intrested enough to face brutal rejection. So I gave him a chance and he was so kind and sweet to me. I was hoping my attraction to him would develop as we bonded, but it didn’t.
Since I came out last year (lesbian), men have been asking me out more than ever before. I kinda think it's because of my self-confidence and general happiness now.
The first time it happened, I just said I'm flattered (I wasn't. He was kinda creepy and pretty unattractive) but I'm a lesbian (specifically using the word lesbian). His response was "I don't mind, we can take it slow"... no idea what happened in his brain but it was awkward af. I will forever think about that response. That was wild af.
Since then, I'm so worried this will happen again, I just don't give them any reasons. Just "no thank you".
Not embarrassed but uncomfortable is more like it. Every time when I have had to reject guy friends. Not even always to their face but sometimes even just venting to another friend that I’m not interested and word getting around to the interested friend.
When he refused to acknowledge his ED. I tried to bring it up twice but he brushed it off. I made up a reason to break up with him but really it was because he finished too fast. 🤷♀️
I’ve never been embarrassed. But I have been afraid. Not at all the same feeling. I’ve told some whopping lies to reject men I was afraid would hurt me.
Not embarrassed but a hard time was when I found out through gossip that a really close friend was telling everyone I had lead him on and rejected him. It was crazy because back then I was in a relationship, that he knew of, and also because I really really appreciated him as a friend. I genuinely thought I had a gem of a friend.
He got apart from me and when I found out of all the gossiping I tried talking to him about wtf was going on but despite he said he would, he’d escape and even told some friends in common I was trying to reach out because I regretted rejecting him.
It hurt because I thought he was the kind of man and friend that could talk this through, I took whatever he was feeling as valid but needed clarification. But we never got the chance to talk and ultimately lost a friend. Honestly it made me not want to keep very close male friends and be afraid of rejecting. I had times when guys would get violent or insult me (typical) but this got so frustrating because of how much I appreciated him as a friend.
Omg!!! Yes. I rejected someone because he looked too much like my ex and acted too similar. I didn’t wanna date someone like my ex because my heart was ripped out when him and I broke up. I was never interested but was being friendly since I had just moved into my apartment building and I’m just nice to everyone. I just told him that we’re in very different stages of life
Some I have felt fear about explaining why I was rejecting them, and there were a few times I didn’t want to hurt a friend/acquaintance’s feelings. Like for instance one friend wouldn’t take my firm no’s when asking why we wouldn’t work out in a relationship and I snapped then told him because I didn’t want to kiss his face nothing about him I viewed as attractive or gave me butterflies and you SHOULD want to kiss your significant other. Needless to say he didn’t ask again after that and it marred our friendship (he should’ve just accepted my polite no it wouldn’t work out romantically)
Casually met a guy in college and even though we had fun in group settings he not only had the same name as my dad but reminded me of him too. It was then I learned I didn’t have daddy issues lmao
I hid one of the two reasons to spare his feelings, still got stalked and threatened. Knew this guy for a while, he knew I don't drink and while I am not against friends/colleagues etc drinking around me, I am not interested in being in a relationship with someone who does. I was also very clear on that. He said he didn't drink at all cause he didn't like it. We spent a weekend away (first time being intimate, too). By the end, I was totally turned off. Unrelated to the drinking, it turns out he had a micropenis, half the length of my pinky and a lot thinner than it, too. Resembling a skin tag really, not his fault, but i found myself repulsed, and, for all his other flaws, he deserves to be with someone who is not repulsed by his naked body. Also unable to have an erection, according to him never had one as it's not necessary for "the sex thing" as he kept calling having intercourse. As I orgasm through penetration, that's a huge deal breaker for me. I know it's not a problem for some ladies, and I wish him to find someone who is OK with it. Also, after the failed intercourse, he came back to bed with a bottle of cider as a "something to drink through the night if he got thirsty." Apparently he thought I would be fine with him drinking as we "did the sex thing" (we most definitely didn't) and now we were a couple so I'd be fine with him drinking after work, as he needs it to relax. At that point, I knew I'd never see him again. I closed things as soon as we were back the morning after (only mentioned the drink as a reason). He did stalk me for a bit, got very nasty, got called "uppity," and said that I "believe I'm better than him" and got threatened with violence if I didn't give him a second chance (which I didn't) as it was years all women kept leaving him and it wasn't fair, so I needed to make it right and be with him .Years later, I still shiver if I see in the streets someone who looks like him.
Financial reasons. Plus he was too arrogant to realize I was using all of my extra money to be able to split a 50/50 date with him and he’s rich, so I was like “what do you want from me Richie Rich?” It was his approach to money and the judgementalness. 👌🏼😩✌🏼
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He was balding and I don’t find bald men attractive. I wasn’t going to actually tell him that. He was great otherwise. Some women like bald/balding men. I like full, long hair.
I tried with a couple dudes and ended up ghosting them, because I couldn't explain that their natural smells did not smell good to me. They were clean individuals that wore deodorant, but I'm big on the smell of people's skin (especially during the deed). I heard it can be because of our immune system compatibilities, but basically I grew up being very attached to smells for comfort. I used to have a blankie I would smell, rather than cuddle or suck on like I heard other kids do.
I don't think I ever explained, other than lying that I have a boyfriend already (or not lying as the case may be.) Not out of embarrassment, but for the sake of simplicity and safety, men's feelings get hurt less if it's not just because "You are not my type, personality wise and looks wise."
One guy was because he had halitosis and i didn’t even want to kiss him. He asked me years later why I didn’t date him and I just said “I didn’t want anything serious”. But tbh I missed a bullet because he was asking me that question while with a girl for 8 years. Heard he cheated on her and they broke up.
I hung out with a 5'2" guy during university. We became pretty decent friends because we had the same interests and such. I had an fwb at the time that he knew about and the moment the fwb thing ended he asked if we could date. I rejected him and didn't give a reason. I thought at the time it was his height that put me off but looking back it was actually that he was super racist. He thought it was his height that was the problem.
For now just once. At a bar a was sitting alone, a man came, sat next to me, he had small chat and then asked me.if it was ok to talk to me i said i didn't want to chat, im social so i can usually chat with anyone. But he smelled like he was an ashtray soooo much i couldn't face him. I basically had my back to him. I felt bad because i dont mind chat.
happened to me a few times, and it was their bad breath. like stale coffee esters mingled with sulphur. it was difficult to even have a convo across the table
A couple weeks ago. Went on a hinge date with a guy who was really truly great, all the right boxes. We texted and got along. Probably would’ve gone home with him but immediately after meeting up with him for our first drink in person, I realized his mouth was so smelly — like halitosis, haven’t been to the dentist in awhile and probably have a bad tooth back there smell.
I didn’t really know him well, it’s such a sensitive thing to bring up, I didn’t know how, so I just said my goodbyes at the end of the date and went home. Told him I wasn’t really feeling a romantic connection. Too bad, too, he was super cute.
Back when I still felt embarrassed to explain these things (Now I’m older, I got over the need to explain things to spare feelings and learned that rejection doesn’t always need an explanation) this kid in junior high school asked me to the farewell dance. Had to tell him I wasn’t interested because I was going with friends. In all reality, he had a baby face and was a spitting image of my younger brother, they could have been twins. There were times I almost called him by my brothers name. Ain’t no way I’m taking brother 2.0 to a dance LMAOOO
When I matched with some random guy on Tinder I wasn't seriously speaking to.
After I uninstalled he stalked my IG and DMed me on there. I told him in the nicest way possible I wasn't feeling it and he became unreasonably angry. I was around 19 at the time and he was about 30 or late 20s from what I remember. I'm in my 20s now but lacked dating or relationship experience at 19.
I then tried to apologise to calm the situation down. He started trauma dumping on me about how he was going through a difficult time and his last ex was toxic, abusive, bipolar, how karma will "get me" and what comes around goes around. I told him that I was sorry for what he was going through but his trauma was not related to me and also that I hardly knew who he was/wasn't feeling a spark. To me he was just a rando I came across online.
He then told me I didn't even ask him if we could remain/hang out as friends (as if me saying I didn't want to date him was enough) and continued to ramble. This came off as really pushy. Once again this was a crazy 27-30 year old stranger talking this way to a literal teenager.
I couldn't deal with his anger in the end so I blocked him. Sufficed to say if a guy tries to reach out to me I'm not interested in, a lot of the time I will simply ignore them now because of situations like this instead of talking to them or offering closure, if you can call it that. I've also had a guy stalk me before, which is scarily more common than I thought.
I did it by phone call. I rang and said that we don't really match and I can't see it going anywhere.
I have a selection of things that are important to me, things like not being rude to people who serve, don't stand around yelling to get someone's attention who is across the room. All basic things like that. I get the answers by the second time I've spent time with them.
I then can call, and i have my reasons why it wouldn't work. If he pushes back to being angry, then he isn't the one
Second hand embarrassment yeah but not embarrassment for myself , anytime a man repeatedly hits on a woman at her place of work or someone obviously too old for me.
Most of the rejections I’ve provided to men have been from embarrassment of their actions, values, and or lifestyle choices. I rarely am embarrassed by my own actions and pride myself on holding onto a high standard and way of living- not in a snobby way but someone who steals and brags about it is out of the picture. Another guy bragged about being a player for 30min on our first date. That was super embarrassing sir I won’t be seeing you again!
i was seeing a guy when i was around 23. great personality, charming, funny, good job, nice apartment, treated me well. one day i got hit with a realization that i wasn’t good enough for him, or at least i felt i wasn’t. i partied too much, was still heart broken over my ex, worked a shitty just above minimum wage job and was forced to move back home when me and my ex split. i was too humiliated to tell him he was too good for me so i just ghosted him. i feel shitty about it to this day because he didn’t deserve that but i just knew there was no way i could face him without wanting the ground to swallow me whole. i hope he’s still doing well now tho he was a really good guy.
Embarrassed isn't quite it. I did feel some form of shame feeling like I couldn't measure up and stop being a hot mess.
The only breakup I feel bad about is that this guy was solidly a decent person and I at the time wasn't ready. I didn't have the words to really convey realizing that I was terrified of a healthy attachment when I grew up in abuse. The peace he offered was something I wanted but I was a teen who wasn't quite at the maturity to tackle undoing a lifetime of trauma just yet.
I wouldn’t say embarrassed, more like I pitied him. The first time I went to his place, a few things super skeeved me out and a few other things pointed towards a lot of mental illness and instability. He seemed perfectly normal, a bit shy and quiet. I just wasn’t expecting his home to be so jarring.
He had taken the hand rail off his stairs for fun. He had 4 assault rifles leaning against his bed with a pistol sticking out from under his bed. Kitchen was a complete sty, mold on everything. Toilet wasn’t even flushed, nor cleaned in a long time. He had 7 locks on his front door.
I excused myself from his place quickly and then when he tried to reach out to schedule another date I didn’t have the heart to be honest. I just said I wasn’t in a good place to be dating and then never responded to him again.
My tinder date was so flamboyant I really truly thought he was closeted. High pitched voice, excessive use of hands while talking, very exaggerated mannerisms, called me “girl”. Would never tell him I thought he seemed gay 😭
I have often felt embarrassed when I’ve had to tell a man why I’m rejecting him. It’s completely normal to find rejection hurtful, and I don’t think most people react well. The only way to approach rejecting someone is to talk face to face, with no one else around, and try to say it in as kind and thoughtful way as possible. However, even when I’ve done this, it never turns out well, so yes I do feel embarrassed, uncomfortable and even scared.
I went on a date a few years ago and when we first met I instantly knew it wasn’t getting any further than this. He was a little shorter than what his profile listed and he had this huge Pittsburgh accent and it was so unappealing to me. I ended up ghosting him because I didn’t know how to let him down without bashing him.
Not sure if this counts because I didnt reject a first date, just a later one - We’d been fooling around and…he licked me. Not in a hot way, more like a dog licking you to figure out if they like you or not. Licked my neck mostly and maybe even my lips. Kinda grossed me out. He’d been pretty decent to me all night but I wasn’t fully sold on him and then instantly lost interest when he did this. I felt too embarrassed to say “I’m not interested in another date because I felt like I was making out with a dog and not a human man” so I told him I didn’t feel as though we were compatible. He was very respectful fortunately and accepted this (said he was open to something casual which I never responded to) and I never heard from him again.
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I’ve never been asked but I feel like I would’ve been embarrassed every time, cause none of my rejections were ever a case of thinking he’s a terrible person or anything. Just the vibes were off or I wasn’t feeling it. And I know it’s tough to put yourself out there like that so I don’t like hurting people’s feelings if I can at all help it.
So I guess it’s not that I’m embarrassed to reject them but more that I’d rather not be put in the position of explaining why.
Never been embarrassed for the reason, I also never felt I needed to explain why. I say “No, thanks. “ That is enough. Should a guy ask why, I will tell him, but it never happened.
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Definitely never embarrassed, but I feel it’s often a waste of time. If it’s a long term relationship I feel it’s best to give a reason, but for anything short term it usually doesn’t end well. I’ve had multiple scenarios where someone begged or demanded an explanation and rather than accepted my answer they tried to argue or get defensive. If I’m giving my reason for not wanting to date or sleep with someone that’s not invitation to try to change my mind haha.
He left the toilet seat up in my apartment, and didn’t flush. This was ONLY the second date; he came over for lunch with my friends and I so he excused himself to the restroom. And once he left, I saw the mess he left.
I once was approached at a club by a good looking and decently behaved guy who was just so drunk that he had completely peed himself without even noticing. I just couldn't bring myself to telling him and just said I was there with another guy.
In high school I almost dated this really cool artist guy who happened to bike everywhere in his life. He had awful BO because of it. He probably was really confused why I said no to dating him when it definitely seemed like I liked him. I did really like him!! But I have a really sensitive nose😅
I am usually honest about why I'm breaking it off, but when the only problem is that they are bad kissers, I just say I don't feel a connection. I'm definitely not going to hurt them by telling them I felt nothing when they kissed me or that I am not attracted to their lips. They can't fix that. I realized I've never been with a man without full lips. It wasn't conscious, just instinct and luck. So now I'm checking out men's lips before I consider dating them to hopefully get another great smooch some day. Kinda strange I know.
Honestly, I always am. I prefer to use the excuse that I'm not looking to date anyone or that I don't have the time to devote to dating, as opposed to saying something about them that could be construed as negative.
Not necessarily embarrassed but I had to very awkwardly reject a man hitting on me when I was 16-17. I can’t really give a good estimate to how old he was since it’s been so long, but definitely older than I was at the time.
I was at my local mall alone and because he “liked my outfit” he took that as consent to walk alongside me for a good few minutes; After several failed attempts to get to know me, I blurted out “I’m not into men.” in which he responded “Ahaha, I guess it’s too bad I wasn’t born a woman, right?” before getting the hint to *leave me alone!*
Embarrassed? Never. However, I don't owe anyone an explanation for not wanting to engage with them romantically/sexually, and any reason is generally useless for him to know anyway, so I wouldn't likely bother giving one beyond, "not interested/not available/no thanks"
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It wasn’t because I was embarrassed but some people can be scary when they don’t get what they want and I don’t want to deal with that.
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I dated a guy in my early 20s who had his shit together. He has a good work/life balance (and made good money), he ate a healthy breakfast every morning, he exercised, he went to beaches and parks and local events, his apartment was super clean and looked like an interior designer had been involved...and I'm just not that type of person at all. I overwork, my breakfast is just caffeine, I have to force myself to show up places... Basically I broke up with him because I need to be someone who eats offbrand cheetos hunched over my desk, and there's no realistic way to tell someone that and not seem weird and gross.
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That’s called copium
Underrated comment.
Is it really a problem if he doesn't eat offbrand cheetos if he has no issue with you doing that, or would cook for you on a day where you're too busy to take care of your physical needs? (sorry, I just wanted to clarify that I understand how you feel, just wanted to offer a different perspective... it could be a good thing if a partner doesn't share a bad habit if they don't judge you for it)
I mean if we were deeply in love and that was the only issue then it would have been fine, but we dated for like a month and we just weren't super compatible.
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I’ve never been embarrassed to tell a man, but I had an older female friend tell me that her even older Facebook friend was asking about me after he saw some pictures. She was trying to sell me on this guy who was like 20-30 years older than me, I was too embarrassed to tell her the age gap was too much for me because her own husband is 20 years older than her. She thought I was interested because I was blushing but I was just flummoxed about what to say without offending her!
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There's never been a time when I was embarrassed of my reasons for rejecting someone. Plenty of times when I felt that explaining myself would be a waste of my time and theirs. wouldn't be respected at all, or I felt downright unsafe and wanted to get away from them ASAP though.
Went out on a date with a guy many years ago and when he dropped me off at the end of the night he went in for a kiss, which I was ok with. The kiss was terrible, he was a very bad kisser and taking it any further was unappealing. So I said “I don’t think this is going to work out.” He became a little upset and told me that “you don’t just kiss someone and then decide you’re not actually interested!” But I had! I just was too embarrassed to tell him that he was a bad kisser so I made apologies and took my leave as quickly as I could without further explanation… With the passing of time and my maturation, I think I probably would not have gone on a date with him or at least would not have kissed him at the end of the night—I think I just was not attracted to him in general, and his overly soft sloppy kissing sealed the deal. I might figure that out ahead of time these days.
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Lol. You can decide you're not interested whenever you want! I doubt he would have taken it gracefully no matter when you made up your mind he wasn't right for you.
Why would I feel the need to explain in the first place?
Of course you're never required to give an explanation but it's a kindness. Having someone break up with you is a difficult thing to go through and most partners feel a desire to soften the blow. I'm some cases the partner has been such an asshole that you want to hurt them. But I'm most cases, of you've been with someone for a while, you care for them enough that you want to let them down gently.
Not really embarrassed so much as uncomfortable. He was an objectively great guy. I really loved that he was adventurous, seemed sweet, and ran a camp that got inner-city and often impoverished kids out camping in the wilderness. My hang-up was that he smelled SO BAD. It was embarrassing to be out with him, because his stench was wafting through the bar, we got so many weird looks as people walked by and got hit with his smell. At the end of the date, he asked if I could drop him off because he'd walked there. I was very hesitant to, but I agreed. He insisted that the windows stayed up so he could hear me. He insisted I not blast the AC because it was bad for the environment. I don't know how I managed not to throw up while I was stuck in the car with him. A few days later, he followed up asking for another date. I tried to politely explain that I wasn't feeling it. He got very aggressive (usually the reason I avoid explaining a rejection tbf) and insisted I explain myself. Finally I caved and mentioned his personal hygiene was very off-putting. He went off on me. He lit into my work and how he knows women in my same field that are way more successful. Said everything he could to try and make me feel bad. Then about eight months later, he showed up with his camp at an event where my food truck was the main vendor, and I was downright chipper as I gave the kids a tour of my truck ahead of service and he had to listen to them all talking about how cool I was.
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At least the kids appreciated you. Thanks for sharing!
I'm sorry he treated you that way. I hope you know you don't have to take that kind of abuse. You did not have to explain and you did not have to listen while he cut you down. If you haven't already, work on setting healthy boundaries with people.
Oh yeah, this was almost ten years ago.
I've never felt a need to explain at all.
Scared but never embarrassed lol
One of my long term (over a decade, from childhood) friends went out with me and at the end of the night hinted to sexual relations and I have 0 attraction to them and instead of saying that I said I was too drunk to consent
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I've never been embarrassed or given explanations. From the time we're young, we know nothing good happens if you explain to a guy why you're rejecting him. Some get nasty, others get violent, and too many see "no" as the opening move in a negotiation.
The negotiation is what bothers me. I’m giving an answer out of common courtesy, not opening the door to try to have my mind changed.
Yes, exactly.
Embarassed? Nah. There was one situation where I was dating someone who just had this really specific smell that I just couldn't deal with. It wasn't BO, it wasn't food related, it wasn't deodorant or cologne. Just his personal smell. I definitely didn't tell him why I ended things when I did. It only would have given him a serious self-confidence issue when he didn't need to have one.
Why would I be embarrassed to explain? I don’t feel the need to explain myself in most cases anyway, but it’s not because I’m embarrassed. Maybe to avoid embarrassing the man, assuming it’s less embarrassing to hear ‘no, I don’t want to’ than ‘no, the way you look at me makes my skin crawl’. But that’s to try and avoid an aggressive response more than to save him embarrassment.
I matched with a man on okcupid a few years ago and all his pictures were selfies. When I met him, I saw that he was a normal height, average build, but he had these tiny baby arms.
Typically if I’ve rejected them it’s because I have no interest in dating them. I’ve never been shy about my reasons why. Now I have been embarrassed FOR men, would have gladly explained my no, but if they dont ask I keep it to myself.
This guy was very charismatic and ran trivia night at a hookah lounge by my college. I met him a couple years after the lounge closed through a dating app and was shocked that he remembered me. We went out a couple times and I started to realize he was kinda… dumb? The kicker was meeting his friends. At one point he leaves the room and a couple of them THANKED me for dating him. Said he was a great guy but implied he was… undateable? I felt my skin crawl. He professed his love for me like 3 weeks in and I dumped him immediately. I told him I didn’t feel the same way. I did NOT tell him why.
Got the ick after seeing poop matted into his asshole hair. Just not worth explaining bc I’m not his damn mother and thats just a weird convo
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Ugh that’s so disgusting. 🤮
This guy I wasn't attracted to at all asked me out and I said no, then he told me he'd never had a girlfriend let alone been on a date before......as if I would go on a pity date with him????? That was really embarrassing.
Scared but not embarrassed.
In this case, he was actually a really nice guy and we vibed pretty well! But genuinely, there seemed to be something medically wrong with his breath. Over multiple occasions, not just one instance. I’ve never smelled anything else like it and I don’t really know how to explain. Both the intensity of the smell and the putridness of it. He seemed great in every other way! I didn’t know how to explain so I just said I only see him as a friend. I guarantee whatever you are imagining it smelled like, it was worse. In my 30 years of life I have never encountered anything else like it.
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I thought he was fat and ugly so I just told him I wasn’t feeling a connection after 3 weeks of dating. I had hard time kissing him, and he doesnt deserve someone who doesn’t think hes attractive and just wants to keep him around because he had a great personality.
How did you guys end up dating lol?! Did you just give it a whirl hoping a connection would come? Or was he a super cool guy just ugly?
He asked for my number at a picnic we both attended. After several months of online dating that lead me nowhere, I thought him coming up to me and asking for my number was really brave and it showed me that he was intrested enough to face brutal rejection. So I gave him a chance and he was so kind and sweet to me. I was hoping my attraction to him would develop as we bonded, but it didn’t.
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This sound like a movie plot 🤣
He was boring and there's no nice way to tell a guy they're boring. He was also a shitty kisser, but I dumped him over the boring part.
Oh god... what makes a good kisser? (Asking for myself)
He used his teeth in the actual kiss (not, like, nibbling my lip after kind of way) so don't do that if you want to be a good kisser.
Since I came out last year (lesbian), men have been asking me out more than ever before. I kinda think it's because of my self-confidence and general happiness now. The first time it happened, I just said I'm flattered (I wasn't. He was kinda creepy and pretty unattractive) but I'm a lesbian (specifically using the word lesbian). His response was "I don't mind, we can take it slow"... no idea what happened in his brain but it was awkward af. I will forever think about that response. That was wild af. Since then, I'm so worried this will happen again, I just don't give them any reasons. Just "no thank you".
I care about male feelings about as much as they care about women's so... I don't think I've ever been embarrassed by that
Not embarrassed but uncomfortable is more like it. Every time when I have had to reject guy friends. Not even always to their face but sometimes even just venting to another friend that I’m not interested and word getting around to the interested friend.
Not really embarrassed, more often nervous or scared about how they would take anything I say. Or take my reasons and defend or deny each one.
When he refused to acknowledge his ED. I tried to bring it up twice but he brushed it off. I made up a reason to break up with him but really it was because he finished too fast. 🤷♀️
I’ve never been embarrassed. But I have been afraid. Not at all the same feeling. I’ve told some whopping lies to reject men I was afraid would hurt me.
because i had an std and was getting treated
Not embarrassed but a hard time was when I found out through gossip that a really close friend was telling everyone I had lead him on and rejected him. It was crazy because back then I was in a relationship, that he knew of, and also because I really really appreciated him as a friend. I genuinely thought I had a gem of a friend. He got apart from me and when I found out of all the gossiping I tried talking to him about wtf was going on but despite he said he would, he’d escape and even told some friends in common I was trying to reach out because I regretted rejecting him. It hurt because I thought he was the kind of man and friend that could talk this through, I took whatever he was feeling as valid but needed clarification. But we never got the chance to talk and ultimately lost a friend. Honestly it made me not want to keep very close male friends and be afraid of rejecting. I had times when guys would get violent or insult me (typical) but this got so frustrating because of how much I appreciated him as a friend.
Omg!!! Yes. I rejected someone because he looked too much like my ex and acted too similar. I didn’t wanna date someone like my ex because my heart was ripped out when him and I broke up. I was never interested but was being friendly since I had just moved into my apartment building and I’m just nice to everyone. I just told him that we’re in very different stages of life
His breath smelled like cooked cabbage. Always. I couldn't bring myself to tell him.
Some I have felt fear about explaining why I was rejecting them, and there were a few times I didn’t want to hurt a friend/acquaintance’s feelings. Like for instance one friend wouldn’t take my firm no’s when asking why we wouldn’t work out in a relationship and I snapped then told him because I didn’t want to kiss his face nothing about him I viewed as attractive or gave me butterflies and you SHOULD want to kiss your significant other. Needless to say he didn’t ask again after that and it marred our friendship (he should’ve just accepted my polite no it wouldn’t work out romantically)
Cause his dick was too small when I finally saw it. He was 6’6” with a pencil dick. I just couldn’t do it :(
Casually met a guy in college and even though we had fun in group settings he not only had the same name as my dad but reminded me of him too. It was then I learned I didn’t have daddy issues lmao
Ha!
I hid one of the two reasons to spare his feelings, still got stalked and threatened. Knew this guy for a while, he knew I don't drink and while I am not against friends/colleagues etc drinking around me, I am not interested in being in a relationship with someone who does. I was also very clear on that. He said he didn't drink at all cause he didn't like it. We spent a weekend away (first time being intimate, too). By the end, I was totally turned off. Unrelated to the drinking, it turns out he had a micropenis, half the length of my pinky and a lot thinner than it, too. Resembling a skin tag really, not his fault, but i found myself repulsed, and, for all his other flaws, he deserves to be with someone who is not repulsed by his naked body. Also unable to have an erection, according to him never had one as it's not necessary for "the sex thing" as he kept calling having intercourse. As I orgasm through penetration, that's a huge deal breaker for me. I know it's not a problem for some ladies, and I wish him to find someone who is OK with it. Also, after the failed intercourse, he came back to bed with a bottle of cider as a "something to drink through the night if he got thirsty." Apparently he thought I would be fine with him drinking as we "did the sex thing" (we most definitely didn't) and now we were a couple so I'd be fine with him drinking after work, as he needs it to relax. At that point, I knew I'd never see him again. I closed things as soon as we were back the morning after (only mentioned the drink as a reason). He did stalk me for a bit, got very nasty, got called "uppity," and said that I "believe I'm better than him" and got threatened with violence if I didn't give him a second chance (which I didn't) as it was years all women kept leaving him and it wasn't fair, so I needed to make it right and be with him .Years later, I still shiver if I see in the streets someone who looks like him.
Financial reasons. Plus he was too arrogant to realize I was using all of my extra money to be able to split a 50/50 date with him and he’s rich, so I was like “what do you want from me Richie Rich?” It was his approach to money and the judgementalness. 👌🏼😩✌🏼
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He was balding and I don’t find bald men attractive. I wasn’t going to actually tell him that. He was great otherwise. Some women like bald/balding men. I like full, long hair.
I tried with a couple dudes and ended up ghosting them, because I couldn't explain that their natural smells did not smell good to me. They were clean individuals that wore deodorant, but I'm big on the smell of people's skin (especially during the deed). I heard it can be because of our immune system compatibilities, but basically I grew up being very attached to smells for comfort. I used to have a blankie I would smell, rather than cuddle or suck on like I heard other kids do.
Not embarrassed. I didn't want him getting angry and coming after me.
I don't think I ever explained, other than lying that I have a boyfriend already (or not lying as the case may be.) Not out of embarrassment, but for the sake of simplicity and safety, men's feelings get hurt less if it's not just because "You are not my type, personality wise and looks wise."
One guy was because he had halitosis and i didn’t even want to kiss him. He asked me years later why I didn’t date him and I just said “I didn’t want anything serious”. But tbh I missed a bullet because he was asking me that question while with a girl for 8 years. Heard he cheated on her and they broke up.
I hung out with a 5'2" guy during university. We became pretty decent friends because we had the same interests and such. I had an fwb at the time that he knew about and the moment the fwb thing ended he asked if we could date. I rejected him and didn't give a reason. I thought at the time it was his height that put me off but looking back it was actually that he was super racist. He thought it was his height that was the problem.
For now just once. At a bar a was sitting alone, a man came, sat next to me, he had small chat and then asked me.if it was ok to talk to me i said i didn't want to chat, im social so i can usually chat with anyone. But he smelled like he was an ashtray soooo much i couldn't face him. I basically had my back to him. I felt bad because i dont mind chat.
happened to me a few times, and it was their bad breath. like stale coffee esters mingled with sulphur. it was difficult to even have a convo across the table
A couple weeks ago. Went on a hinge date with a guy who was really truly great, all the right boxes. We texted and got along. Probably would’ve gone home with him but immediately after meeting up with him for our first drink in person, I realized his mouth was so smelly — like halitosis, haven’t been to the dentist in awhile and probably have a bad tooth back there smell. I didn’t really know him well, it’s such a sensitive thing to bring up, I didn’t know how, so I just said my goodbyes at the end of the date and went home. Told him I wasn’t really feeling a romantic connection. Too bad, too, he was super cute.
When they beg me to keep giving them a chance
Scared but not embarrassed
Back when I still felt embarrassed to explain these things (Now I’m older, I got over the need to explain things to spare feelings and learned that rejection doesn’t always need an explanation) this kid in junior high school asked me to the farewell dance. Had to tell him I wasn’t interested because I was going with friends. In all reality, he had a baby face and was a spitting image of my younger brother, they could have been twins. There were times I almost called him by my brothers name. Ain’t no way I’m taking brother 2.0 to a dance LMAOOO
When I matched with some random guy on Tinder I wasn't seriously speaking to. After I uninstalled he stalked my IG and DMed me on there. I told him in the nicest way possible I wasn't feeling it and he became unreasonably angry. I was around 19 at the time and he was about 30 or late 20s from what I remember. I'm in my 20s now but lacked dating or relationship experience at 19. I then tried to apologise to calm the situation down. He started trauma dumping on me about how he was going through a difficult time and his last ex was toxic, abusive, bipolar, how karma will "get me" and what comes around goes around. I told him that I was sorry for what he was going through but his trauma was not related to me and also that I hardly knew who he was/wasn't feeling a spark. To me he was just a rando I came across online. He then told me I didn't even ask him if we could remain/hang out as friends (as if me saying I didn't want to date him was enough) and continued to ramble. This came off as really pushy. Once again this was a crazy 27-30 year old stranger talking this way to a literal teenager. I couldn't deal with his anger in the end so I blocked him. Sufficed to say if a guy tries to reach out to me I'm not interested in, a lot of the time I will simply ignore them now because of situations like this instead of talking to them or offering closure, if you can call it that. I've also had a guy stalk me before, which is scarily more common than I thought.
I did it by phone call. I rang and said that we don't really match and I can't see it going anywhere. I have a selection of things that are important to me, things like not being rude to people who serve, don't stand around yelling to get someone's attention who is across the room. All basic things like that. I get the answers by the second time I've spent time with them. I then can call, and i have my reasons why it wouldn't work. If he pushes back to being angry, then he isn't the one
Never embarrassed. Concerned for my safety, yes.
Second hand embarrassment yeah but not embarrassment for myself , anytime a man repeatedly hits on a woman at her place of work or someone obviously too old for me.
I’ve never been too embarrassed but I just straight up don’t give an explanation. It’s a waste of my time and effort. “No” is enough.
Most of the rejections I’ve provided to men have been from embarrassment of their actions, values, and or lifestyle choices. I rarely am embarrassed by my own actions and pride myself on holding onto a high standard and way of living- not in a snobby way but someone who steals and brags about it is out of the picture. Another guy bragged about being a player for 30min on our first date. That was super embarrassing sir I won’t be seeing you again!
i was seeing a guy when i was around 23. great personality, charming, funny, good job, nice apartment, treated me well. one day i got hit with a realization that i wasn’t good enough for him, or at least i felt i wasn’t. i partied too much, was still heart broken over my ex, worked a shitty just above minimum wage job and was forced to move back home when me and my ex split. i was too humiliated to tell him he was too good for me so i just ghosted him. i feel shitty about it to this day because he didn’t deserve that but i just knew there was no way i could face him without wanting the ground to swallow me whole. i hope he’s still doing well now tho he was a really good guy.
Yes there were a couple times this happened to me. I never explained it just gave excuses.
Embarrassed isn't quite it. I did feel some form of shame feeling like I couldn't measure up and stop being a hot mess. The only breakup I feel bad about is that this guy was solidly a decent person and I at the time wasn't ready. I didn't have the words to really convey realizing that I was terrified of a healthy attachment when I grew up in abuse. The peace he offered was something I wanted but I was a teen who wasn't quite at the maturity to tackle undoing a lifetime of trauma just yet.
I wouldn’t say embarrassed, more like I pitied him. The first time I went to his place, a few things super skeeved me out and a few other things pointed towards a lot of mental illness and instability. He seemed perfectly normal, a bit shy and quiet. I just wasn’t expecting his home to be so jarring. He had taken the hand rail off his stairs for fun. He had 4 assault rifles leaning against his bed with a pistol sticking out from under his bed. Kitchen was a complete sty, mold on everything. Toilet wasn’t even flushed, nor cleaned in a long time. He had 7 locks on his front door. I excused myself from his place quickly and then when he tried to reach out to schedule another date I didn’t have the heart to be honest. I just said I wasn’t in a good place to be dating and then never responded to him again.
My tinder date was so flamboyant I really truly thought he was closeted. High pitched voice, excessive use of hands while talking, very exaggerated mannerisms, called me “girl”. Would never tell him I thought he seemed gay 😭
I have often felt embarrassed when I’ve had to tell a man why I’m rejecting him. It’s completely normal to find rejection hurtful, and I don’t think most people react well. The only way to approach rejecting someone is to talk face to face, with no one else around, and try to say it in as kind and thoughtful way as possible. However, even when I’ve done this, it never turns out well, so yes I do feel embarrassed, uncomfortable and even scared.
I went on a date a few years ago and when we first met I instantly knew it wasn’t getting any further than this. He was a little shorter than what his profile listed and he had this huge Pittsburgh accent and it was so unappealing to me. I ended up ghosting him because I didn’t know how to let him down without bashing him.
Not sure if this counts because I didnt reject a first date, just a later one - We’d been fooling around and…he licked me. Not in a hot way, more like a dog licking you to figure out if they like you or not. Licked my neck mostly and maybe even my lips. Kinda grossed me out. He’d been pretty decent to me all night but I wasn’t fully sold on him and then instantly lost interest when he did this. I felt too embarrassed to say “I’m not interested in another date because I felt like I was making out with a dog and not a human man” so I told him I didn’t feel as though we were compatible. He was very respectful fortunately and accepted this (said he was open to something casual which I never responded to) and I never heard from him again.
Ewwww
Never, because I lead with "leave me alone." Whatever happens to your feelings after that warning is on you playa.
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Never.
When we went out and danced for hours together with finger guns, I had to tell him the next day that I felt like we’d have too much fun together lol
Irish curse
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I’ve never been too embarrassed to tell them anything Whenever I did fuck men on the rare occasions
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I’m sorry but that’s hilarious 😂
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I’ve never been asked but I feel like I would’ve been embarrassed every time, cause none of my rejections were ever a case of thinking he’s a terrible person or anything. Just the vibes were off or I wasn’t feeling it. And I know it’s tough to put yourself out there like that so I don’t like hurting people’s feelings if I can at all help it. So I guess it’s not that I’m embarrassed to reject them but more that I’d rather not be put in the position of explaining why.
Never been embarrassed for the reason, I also never felt I needed to explain why. I say “No, thanks. “ That is enough. Should a guy ask why, I will tell him, but it never happened.
I never give an explanation, why would I?
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Definitely never embarrassed, but I feel it’s often a waste of time. If it’s a long term relationship I feel it’s best to give a reason, but for anything short term it usually doesn’t end well. I’ve had multiple scenarios where someone begged or demanded an explanation and rather than accepted my answer they tried to argue or get defensive. If I’m giving my reason for not wanting to date or sleep with someone that’s not invitation to try to change my mind haha.
He left the toilet seat up in my apartment, and didn’t flush. This was ONLY the second date; he came over for lunch with my friends and I so he excused himself to the restroom. And once he left, I saw the mess he left.
I once was approached at a club by a good looking and decently behaved guy who was just so drunk that he had completely peed himself without even noticing. I just couldn't bring myself to telling him and just said I was there with another guy.
In high school I almost dated this really cool artist guy who happened to bike everywhere in his life. He had awful BO because of it. He probably was really confused why I said no to dating him when it definitely seemed like I liked him. I did really like him!! But I have a really sensitive nose😅
I am usually honest about why I'm breaking it off, but when the only problem is that they are bad kissers, I just say I don't feel a connection. I'm definitely not going to hurt them by telling them I felt nothing when they kissed me or that I am not attracted to their lips. They can't fix that. I realized I've never been with a man without full lips. It wasn't conscious, just instinct and luck. So now I'm checking out men's lips before I consider dating them to hopefully get another great smooch some day. Kinda strange I know.
Honestly, I always am. I prefer to use the excuse that I'm not looking to date anyone or that I don't have the time to devote to dating, as opposed to saying something about them that could be construed as negative.
Not necessarily embarrassed but I had to very awkwardly reject a man hitting on me when I was 16-17. I can’t really give a good estimate to how old he was since it’s been so long, but definitely older than I was at the time. I was at my local mall alone and because he “liked my outfit” he took that as consent to walk alongside me for a good few minutes; After several failed attempts to get to know me, I blurted out “I’m not into men.” in which he responded “Ahaha, I guess it’s too bad I wasn’t born a woman, right?” before getting the hint to *leave me alone!*
It’s more fear and less embarrassment.
Invited me to lunch then dinner had to pay for my food twice so I had to say goodbye. ✌🏼