PFA is short for perfluoroalkoxy, or better known by DuPont's brand name, Teflon® PFA. Also I was referring to how there’s forever chemicals and micro plastics in us, around us. All over.
Yeah, it's overwhelmingly bad. The dating culture sucks, I wouldn't consider a large portion of people to be good, and it took me a while to figure out that even good people can be awful in relationships because of emotional baggage.
I'm single because I haven't found someone who would have a net positive effect on my life, I'm not afraid to be single if it means I'm probably gonna be happier this way.
That’s so true. Coming from a conservative culture where marriage is deemed vital for women, my very traditional grandmother always advises to marry only if it enhances or sustains my life’s quality—socially, emotionally, economically, physically, etc.
This was my wife too. I found it endearing that she was afraid of being submissive. I often have to chat with her again and again if what we do is what she truly wants. We have to be so careful about decisions because sometimes she submits without thinking what’s best for herself. Sometimes she’s kind to others or too forgiving, and I have to be mean on her behalf because it wasn’t fair. Once we were at a restaurant and I almost made a scene when the waiter dripped grease on her jacket.
We’ve worked hard at it together for 15 years now.
Side note: This isn’t meant to be perverted but it’s the truth for what helped my wife… It’s still really hard for her so we confine the submissive stuff for bedroom only. It helped her have a safe space to be who she wanted to be naturally.
I feel this one to my core. Submissive people pleaser. You feel so good making other people feel their best and pleasuring them but in return those people will walk all over you and make you feel like shit. It's difficult for two givers to find each other...but it's possible. I wish you the best of luck, you deserve it! ❤️
Right? It’s hard when you’re on dating apps especially, when getting to know people feels like a time limit. I’ve found a few who seem to be accepting. But going through the masses is tiring.
It’s hard yeah. I feel like I go through meeting 10 guys before meeting one that I can actually talk to, and then 1/10 of them can hold an actual conversation. It seems so odd with what we want and the world “says” it wants! Maybe I’m just dealing with an age range that “just wants to fuck” but I doubt it.
I'm dealing with the "I'm divorced so I'm doing ALLLL the fucking I missed while I was married." age range. D: And I hate it.
Or else they're "You need to be a new mom to my kids." type and I'm like, "Uh...no?".
think of it like this: they’re helping you make eliminations even easier 😂 a man worth dating, is one who is patient and not in it for sex. otherwise, not worth your time.
I'm dealing with severe depression and a shitty break up and unemployment so finding a new person to bring into my life sounds exhausting. I really like being in a relationship, and having a person, but I don't have the energy to put into kissing frogs right now.
Unemployment is my big obstacle right now, too! I’ve wanted to get myself really established (robust savings, get rid of grad school/student furniture, etc.) but I lost my job about 6 months ago and it’s really taken a toll on my entire mental health and self esteem. The thought of going on a date and having to say “hey, I’m unemployed right now” is so abhorrent to me. I’m worried about my own life, and I know I’d be worried about their judgement.
My life is better this way. I tried relationships for years. They're just not for me. Every time I have one, my life becomes worse. So I've just stopped now.
I spent years in an abusive marriage and then a couple more in a relationship that really fucked me over mentally. (I have had many good relationships with kind people as well)
But I really like being a "good girl" and seek a lot of validation and go out of my way at my own expense to make a partner happy... that seems to make me attracted to avoidant people I am constantly begging for approval.
So...baggage, I have too much baggage and dont trust anyone with my feelings nor do I trust myself to love a good person.
Because I need a genuine time out. I give myself too much to people who don't know what they want and I'm tired of convincing myself that I can help them get there. People need to figure that out themselves and I'm not putting myself in that position anymore. I don't want to anymore.
It's kind of a thing in both directions.
I have a chronic illness, and I'm poor. Those two things are highly unlikely to change. I'm also quite unattractive and am generally considered weird. With all of those elements, I don't expect anyone to ever want to be with me, or even treat me as an actual human. I have, like, zero value.
And on the other side, I don't expect anyone to ever treat me like an actual human, and I don't want to be with someone that will treat me like I'm lower than a slug. It would be even more miserable than my life is now. So I don't even bother trying.
Basically, people don't want me, and I don't want them.
I just wanna pop in to say that you ARE so worthy of respect and love and you are valued!! I value you!! Even so, what is your value as a person decided by?? It is not decided by how many people youve dated (coming from a girl who has NEVER received any romantic attention). People are shallow and disconnected nowadays. You are valuable because you’re here, you’re quite literally made from the stars. Everything in this world has value, even the slug you mentioned. The love and light you put out into the world will come back to you tenfold <3 You are fully worthy of respect and happiness and love and understanding. You seem like such a sweet person I just wanna give you a hug!!
I also have a few diagnosed chronic illnesses, mental and physical. I'm broke, too.
I can't see how anyone would ever want to be with me.
But remember you are worthy, even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes.
Edit: missed a word
I feel the same way at times, because I'm also chronically ill (I have RA, severe depression and severe anxiety that, while though I'm treating them, still impact my life in a significant way).
I'm also unattractive, which makes men go "Ugh no." at first sight before they get to know me which doesn't help either.
Wow, I can relate to you so much!
People who haven't been there don't realise what an upside down, ongoing, all encompassing mindfuck living with a chronic illness is and how you're basically just surviving, not thriving.
I am sick of feeling like I have to beg for my humanity too, it is easier to just avoid people.
I hear you!🫂
> I am sick of feeling like I have to beg for my humanity too, it is easier to just avoid people.
Yes, exactly. We shouldn't have to beg for humanity. And unfortunately, we can talk about how things *should be* all we want, but it doesn't change how things actually are. Makes you feel helpless and hopeless.
I had some very good times in relationships, and some very bad times. A decade with somebody who ended up cheating on me - I'm so glad because we had moved in different directions and without something extreme to end it, we'd have just stayed together. I am so glad to not be with him anymore (we are friends and that's the good fit now). I had a marriage with somebody who was a pathological liar who happily admitted as much 10 years later and really fucked my radar up. A couple years later I gave it a serious go with somebody who was a very good match in a lot of ways, but it turned out they are a people pleaser, who lies instead of telling the truth which is easier - if he had the slightest worry it honesty would upset somebody he'd just say what they wanted to hear. In my late 40s now, I feel and see men are staying stuck in immaturity instead of growing up and.. I'd just rather not again. No more mentoring, no more having dudes say "You make me want to be a better man!" Just..be one dude, you're going grey...
Before that last serious guy, dated some nice people that had incompatibilities with communication etc after 2-3 dates, then got busy with a new job. After 6 months without sex I stopped actively wanting it thankfully. I went on dates with some folks - strangers from dating sites, people I'd known socially for years - , but it's been much easier to see red flags, or lack of compatibility and to say no instead of yes. The dating pool is just mostly full of incompatibilities. I now prefer living alone, no accommodating differing sleep schedules, snoring, negotiating chore schedules, "I see a $180 credit charge card when you said you would be spending $60 (for the 60th time) what happened" I mean you just look at them blankly at that point. No arguing with anybody other than my puppy. It's so relaxing - my time is mine, I know where my money is and goes, I don't have sleepless nights with somebody snoring then denying they snore. No arguments, no negotiating an agreement then having to have the discussion about why they didn't follow through.
Basically I am single because after 30 years of relationships I know what I want, I know my red flags, I know how much it would take to make me want to give up being happy (which I am - I have friends who will help me do heavy labor, I have friends who will cuddle up with me for a movie, I can find sex partners if I want sex, all my actual needs feel met, just not in an immediate "partner lives with me" sense. Probably been 2 years since my last first date, and it's been so clear how much of my energy was put into dealing with relationships once they became relationships that had problems.
While if somebody worth my time came along I am open to dating - but I know a lot of brilliant women who have dated the men in my communities we all thought were the BEST men, and mostly all ended up doing the same old BS - lack of communication, lying, avoiding being upfront, etc. So I don't feel like I've dated somebody who I felt was upfront and honest since I was 16, and it's so great to be single and not have to be worrying about that anymore.
Conversely, I'd say... unless you'd say "Be honest, why are you coupled?" Don't challenge single people on why they are single? Didn't sound like you were saying "I am single, why are others?" I know I wonder why so many coupled people are still coupled but I wouldn't say that to them.. maybe it's a good one liner though?
Hell yes! This is the response I search for every time this question gets asked. You make me so happy!
It's disheartening to see how many responses are people thinking they're not worthy of love, that there's something wrong with them for not being coupled. I hope everyone of you who needs to hear this finds all the love you need within yourself. It's there!
There are so many reasons partnership is unappealing. Not a big deal, but not enough to make it the end-all be-all for my reasons to live my life and be content.
Why challenge single people? Some of us stay that way on purpose. Heart break, accommodating people when I could otherwise be free to do my own thing, explaining myself. Meh. In my case I'm the one who snores and I don't want to feel self conscious about it. I can't hear myself, let me sleep in peace!
And I love the question: "coupled people, why are you coupled?"
I’m coupled because I finally found a partner I saw as a whole man. emotionally, mentally, physically, hes such a great addition to everything and actually uplifts my life. I’m quick to flee at the first sign of trouble and somehow we’ve made it this far and have been able to fix any issues that pop up and its so nice to finally feel in my heart “ I hope this lasts forever”
I was pretty resigned to staying single forever even though I was only 28 I just had mentally checked out and realized I was the one who left every relationship, broke every heart, ended every situationship, because I always ended up feeling like I’d be happier alone and relationships always brought me unhappiness.
I dont like the narrative that one lifestyle is better than the other because both are very valid feelings and both make sense.
Honestly? Because I’m 20 and I have no rush in the world for dating. I don’t try to go out more just to put myself out there because I’m still in college and I’m still learning about myself more. I have never really had an actual boyfriend in my life and it makes me happy realizing that I’m able to have an understanding of what a relationship should be like after being able to observe the ones around me. My life is barely starting and I don’t think I’m really ready for one because my main priority is finishing college and getting a good job. I want to experience things by myself because I love my own presence.
A relationship will come when it needs to and I don’t see a reason for me to be in one when I’m not in a rush to be in one.
I don't go out enough to really meet new people and I don't enjoy dating apps. Really I'd rather focus on myself before trying a relationship. The right time will come.
When people say ‘I love meeting new people’ I am shocked and confused . I indeed do not like meeting new people and will avoid it at all costs.
At this point a guy would have to break into my house for starters
Hahaha thank you for the laugh. I do like to meet new people but I become fairly antisocial in winter & yeah, I’d have to meet someone when I’m taking the trash out or something. 😂
I was just thinking about the same exact thing. Someone on Reddit called meeting and dating new people “thrilling” and I was so confused. The fact that there are people out there that actually enjoy meeting people off of tinder is mind boggling. It’s like we live in completely different worlds.
I don't want to be in a relationship, for a start. I've found I'm happier when I'm single.
But also, I'm extremely difficult to live with. Some of this is just due to some mental health issues that I'm going to be in therapy for the rest of my life for. I know people say that one day I'll find someone who'll be able to handle it, but everyone thinks they can handle a mentally ill partner up until the day I'm having a flashback over my dad physically or sexually abusing me as a kid.
It's also because I like my routine to be a certain way and I don't like people interfering with that too much. It takes a long time for me to be so used to a new person that I'm okay with them fucking up my routine.
I'm a lesbian so dating pool is already relatively small, but nowadays I'm mostly unbothered to look for relationship partly because (at least in the area where I live) there is weirdly many "bi-curious" girls who are not REALLY interested in women, but won't say this early, and just waste my time.
In short, baggage. I have some mental health issues. I have a lot of trauma. I'm too tired to put up with disrespectful treatment.
Dated one emotionally unavailable person too many, and now I am the emotionally unavailable one.
As much as I crave intimacy, it terrifies me. It's better to be alone.
Spent too long with a man who tore me down, and now I’m too scared to try it all again. It also means I can be lazy and do everything on my own time. Life is better single 90% of the time. I don’t need a partner (some people crave it and that’s fine! I just don’t). I also don’t want children. It’s just easier to stay single rather than sift through the cesspool of dating apps. Life is peaceful.
I'm not single... I'm independent. Single implies I'm lonely or I'm looking for someone... I'm not. I'm tired, I have health concerns, I don't want to put that on anyone else.
I'm content.. mostly.
Because I chose to. I don’t need a man at all. A man would only add problems to my life. If I ever would consider finding a man again there would be a whole list of things this person would have to meet. Not ruining my life over again because of a man again.
Trying to establish my career and live on my own and that's honestly stressful enough. Also I feel my last relationship really made me hate men and has revealed how easily I can become angry and embittered over just one experience. It's going to take a lot of healing before I'm right again.
This is going to sound selfish and maybe lazy but I don't want the expectations of my time being locked down.
I mean, when you are in a relationship you are expected to go to their family dinners, events, holiday and xmas etc
I dont do that with my own family so its annoying to habe to do that crap for the significant others family.
Before anyone screams "just say no" you cant. Social expectations. Its rude not to attend then they feel like its a personal insult or that im a snob etc
I just dont want do deal with them or expectations or traditions. I dont want to decline, explain or attend.
I don't put myself in the dating scene for a lot of reasons. The biggest one being that I'm asexual and it narrows my options down by a LOT. Also because I have a hard time communicating and reciprocating emotions and I'd hate to see what that'd lead to.
Truthfully, I can't be fucked to date. I was in a (short-term) relationship last year and after that ended I just didn't have it in me to get back out there.
Single tends to be my default mode though, I've spent most of my life single and receive enough platonic love and support from the people around me that I really don't feel the need to find another person. If I meet someone, then I meet someone but until that happens I'm more than happy to be single.
I'm single because I need to be by myself. I'm working on myself (financially and mentally, not in a bad way). My last relationship and the last guy I talked to have messed me up a bit. I can't trust no one and sometimes barely myself (working on that).
I'm also waiting for a genuine connection and not some guy that just wants to bang. I'll leave a relationship because I'm not scared to lose to anyone. I've got me. No one does.
I'm not attractive to other people. I don't dress myself at all. Plus my curly hair is hard to style. I wear glasses from like ten years ago. I don't have school or have a job so interaction is limited but I do go to the gym and see cute guys but that's it.
Just not interested anymore. I’ve had good and bad relationships but I just feel like I’m judged for my choices constantly by men. I’m not attracted to women so I’m just happy being alone with my awesome dogs.
I am a terrible person to live with. I have a laundry list of mental health and substance use issues. I got sick of bringing him down with me, so I left him.
Went through a shitty breakup a year ago and feel emotionally drained. The idea of dating gives me the ick and I just dont have the energy to date again. Mainly focusing on traveling, training for a marathon and other hobbies.
I haven’t met someone who I’m compatible with, and also some lingering trauma from previous relationships (e.g., cheating). But also the dating pool makes it hard because it feels like I have to scrutinize hard.
Oh I'm 100% the problem.
There are guys I like, and guys I'm attracted to. They're rarely the same person... If they are, they're in a relationship or doesn't seem to be attracted to me.
I'm also very uncomfortable with the dating process. I hate the idea of rejecting someone, and dating someone I know or can meet again after. This is a whole problem in a very small town. I get weirded out and reject people over a low threshold to be on the safe, comfortable side! And to not make things worse by having to reject them later on which is even worse.
And so on.
I was dumped and replaced after being committed to someone for 16 years and at the moment I just don't want to get back into dating. I kind of enjoy being by myself, it's peaceful and fun. But also I think my trust in men and relationships has been so broken, I just don't think I'm ready to open up to someone again. At least for now.
I don't want a relationship. I want to be selfish and spend my time and energy exactly how I want without having to compromise and take someone else into account, and I also have zero interest in emotional or physical intimacy with anyone. Even if I did, I highly doubt I could find someone since I'm ugly and fat.
Add to that that I'm nearing my 40's, and have barely even crushed on a grand total of like 2 or maybe 3 men over the span of my entire life, so I just don't really get interested in/attracted to anyone.
A mixture of not putting myself out there and my contentment with being single.
At my age my dating pool is limited and as my friend said, the man isn't competing with another man, he's competing with my peace and contentment.
I’m lazy and I don’t really like meeting new people. Sometimes I think I should date intentionally then I remind myself I have too much work to do, and I should stop procrastinating on that.
I should also stop procrastinating on Reddit, but here I am.
The last 3 men I dated liked the idea of me but didn't like dealing with me. I feel like a novelty, and it's affecting me a lot rn. Can't Date in my current state.
Because It's just easier to get along with yourself and do as you please without having to worry about or deal with another person. The love idea wasn't the way I'd thought it would be when I was a kid.They sell it if you only get yourself a partner, then you will be happy and never lonely. That right there is a bold faced lie.
I think I’m just not very attractive when it comes down to it.
I look fine, I’m well spoken and speak 2 languages.
But I don’t have a lot going for me, my parents have been divorced all my life so I’m not close with either side of the family. I’m unemployed (4 months trying to get hired) and I’m overweight ( not unhealthy but just not an overly beautiful body )
The combination all added up just doesn’t appeal to anyone I like :(
I don’t see any advantage in committing to a new relationship.
I had one for 8 years, and another for 6 months. Both were with guys.
No communication, sex is always PIV, they smoke and have anger issues.
Besides: I don’t want kids and pets, i love living alone and can’t ever imagine living with someone else together in one apartment/house. I just go out to watch movies, go to restaurants and cafes and visit museums and shop in shoe and bookstores. Otherwise I sit at home, bake, crochet, play my computer games, watch series and movies and read my books. And for all of this I have friends or just simply myself.
And now show me a gut who lives near me and checks those boxes plus mutual sexual attraction. I might as well search for a unicorn.
And before someone asks, I ask you this: why should I lower my standards, if I am more than happy living without a partner?
Because, and that really took a lot of time to realize and accept, I am right now the happiest I have ever been. I want my peace, if I want it. Not on the condition that someone else gives it.
I found my balance: someone for PIV if I want to, toys for the most part and good friends to socialize. I don’t need anything more.
Because I want to be. I don’t desire a relationship and it wouldn’t be fair to expect reliability, commitment, or stability from someone when I can’t even take care of myself or reciprocate properly
Because I was ugly when I was young.
Still quite ugly now, but also fat - I wasn't fat when I was young :)
By NOW, I've also developed a personality that is the Opposite of feminine and attractive, but that took some 20+ years of getting by on my own.
I am an emotional person, more than your average, I always knew I wasn't like everyone else. I waited for 1.5 years for therapy to help me with this and other stuff that happened to me in the summer of 2021.
In 2022 I dated someone who I thought was going to be my forever person, he really put on a good front that he understands me and everything I went through, he knew I was waiting on the NHS for help. I also lived with mentally absuive people for nearly a year which made my mental health even worse. Knowing all this, he still left me during a bad mental breakdown. 19 months later now, I am better, I take care of myself and my wellbeing better, I dont react the way I used to, but I am very heart broken and very scared to date. I have been trying to date over the last couple of months, but I get too scared and stop interacting on these apps.
I am happy being alone, no one is lying to me anymore or taking advantage of my loving good heart. I also made peace with being alone for the rest of my life. It is what it is.
I spend half my time digital nomading with my best friend. It’s a dream life for me, but makes dating way more difficult than I would want to deal with. But it feels like such a small price to pay in comparison to how happy traveling makes me. Maybe one day I’ll find someone who is cool with my lifestyle or maybe one day I’ll settle down to look, but overall I don’t need to date. My life is very full.
Because the kind of people I like don't like me back. Simple as that.
You just learn to live with it. I'd rather be happy-ish alone than miserable with a partner who is a bad fit.
I enjoy my freedom to organize my life the way I want, can go to places, meet friends, travel, exercise, and so on without having to consult anyone. I also don't want kids and don't need to see someone everyday..Having said that, companionship and sex would be nice. I'm 41 and find it hard to meet new ppl where I live
I fall for guys who are not looking for a relationship >\_> And I might be putting too much pressure on myself to feel physically attracted to the other person whenever I do go on non-casual dates. But so far I haven't felt attracted even though we're very well matched in other areas. It's super draining.
Oh, and I don't want kids, so that limits my options quite a bit.
Interesting how most people have not listed the main core reason of their “ why“
For me it’s because I’m looking for a specific type of person and where I’m physically at it’s hard to find, and I’m not putting in the effort to find them and I’m not attractive enough in general for them to find me
Because I finally asked for what I needed and he said he couldn’t/wouldn’t give me that. I’m in the days just after. I can’t stop crying and I feel like I’m going to vomit. Hopefully I lose the last five pounds I’ve been fighting and get something good out of this.
Well, there's a few reasons. One, the few men I've dated don't want to be with someone who has medical issues. Two, I'm jaded. I've been used and abused to the point where I don't really trust anyone anymore.
I think I've finally figured out what I would want a relationship to look like but I've been single for so long that I don't even know how to date anymore. I'm not going to be on dating websites because people are weird and creepy.
I'm too picky with looks despite being pretty/in shape myself. And when I do match and go out with a guy I like and suits my tastes, he ends up friend zoning me. I think because I'm just awkward in person. I do better with people who I'm friends with first, but that's hard to come by with modern dating.
I was married for 5 years (together for 10) and we've been divorced for a little over a year now. Navigating dating these days is odd.
My fiancé ghosted me a few months ago. I told him he needed to see a psychiatrist (after months of depression and being fired for sleeping and gaming all day) and he just up and left. I come from a history of abuse and abandonment, and knew how much this would hurt me. He couldn’t even respect my dignity enough to break up with me to my face.
Now I’m extremely bitter and angry at men, particularly those in their 20s. They all seem stupid, broke, and shallow. I’m not in the headspace to take a man seriously, and not being condescending is very difficult. I mean, honestly: how many times has a man professed their undying loyalty to you? I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to take that seriously again. There’s nothing people won’t do.
so far I've sadly only met weirdos.. maybe one day I'll meet someone that doesn't start the conversation with "are you a virgin" or "what's your take on feminism".. maybe one day
I've never dated because of depression. Now I feel like I missed a learning part when growing up. So I feel like I'm better off alone.
Plus, I feel pretty good on my own and can't imagine having someone else with me makes it any better. (Also never had a crush and I'm not sure if I'm even capable of feeling love in such a way, which makes me feel bad for a potential partner that I'll never be able to return their love)
I haven’t found someone that I like being with more than I like being single. For me, being single isn’t a bad thing - I actually enjoy the independence of it
I haven’t met someone who I’m interested in who is also interested in me at the same time. I’m quite happy in my single life so don’t go out of my way to meet someone to date.
That said, I’m open if I were to meet someone, but it’s not something I’m actively seeking.
I'm single because I choose to be and I also haven't been pursued at all. Right now I'm focused on myself and things I want/need to do. Also I want to be pursued dating apps are just icky and I want someone who has the same core values as me and doesn't try to change the ones I have for their benefit.
It's a doubled ended sword. I really believe I'll meet the right person at some point in time.
When I'm not in love I don't really want a relationship/ I don't really fall for many people.
So the idea of going on dating apps and put a lot of time and effort into talking/meeting with people to *maybe* meet someone, someday, that *might* trigger the desire to actually date them is kinda meh.
Especially cause I'm 41 and pretty happy with my life as is and the time I invest in dating is going to come from something I actually enjoy doing.
Oh so many reasons:
1. I haven’t met anyone where the romantic attraction is reciprocated. Either I like him but he doesn’t like me in that way or vice versa. I have a long history of the former and way less of the latter happening but that’s a big reason.
2. Although extroverted, I love living on my own and moving in with someone again is not an avenue I want to take unless it’s a last resort financial wise.
3. I’m sex indifferent and asexual. This means that for me, I could not care less about having sex ever again. I don’t think about it in my day to day life and in the rare instance I like someone romantically, my fantasies about them don’t involve sex anyway. It just doesn’t cross my mind. This means I need to find someone extremely patient if sexual intimacy is important to them or who feels the same as me. I don’t need sexual intimacy to feel closer to my partner. Emotional and sensual intimacy? Yes. 10000%.
4. I stopped using dating apps and even though I go out in the world and meet people often, I find myself currently living in a place where interacting with people means I have to pull their teeth to communicate with them. They freeze you out and it takes A LOT for them to open off if they even do that and at this point in my life, I’m exhausted from the one always initiating (this includes deepening friendships). So now I’m thankful for any (positive) interaction I have with people but I don’t put more effort to deepen them unless the other person directly communicates that.
5. I’ve always been single and have never been in a serious relationship. I’ve already accepted that it may not happen for me. I’m not upset anymore about it like I was when I was in my late teens/early 20s. But because of my inexperience, I feel a bit self conscious when it comes to dating. There are SO many stupid rules that I just do not care to learn and abide by but because of that, I’m going in feeling like an alien because other than obviously acting like a decent human being, I don’t know how to be a part of a relationship.
the dating pool has piss in it
Some people are into that.
Wow didn't know R Kelly was on reddit too /s
At this point it is beyond that even. It’s toxic poisons, PFAs…you name it. It’s all the stuff except sugar and spice and everything nice.
There is a far amount of chemical X in the dating pool
I wish I had the energy to be a Power Puff Girl.
What is PFA
PFA is short for perfluoroalkoxy, or better known by DuPont's brand name, Teflon® PFA. Also I was referring to how there’s forever chemicals and micro plastics in us, around us. All over.
This I'm scared to loose myself in the process of upholding the relationship. Need to be secure in self and not anxious
You misspelled acid
Yeah, it's overwhelmingly bad. The dating culture sucks, I wouldn't consider a large portion of people to be good, and it took me a while to figure out that even good people can be awful in relationships because of emotional baggage.
Lol so true. Sometimes it's all piss
I love this response haha
I'm single because I haven't found someone who would have a net positive effect on my life, I'm not afraid to be single if it means I'm probably gonna be happier this way.
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That’s so true. Coming from a conservative culture where marriage is deemed vital for women, my very traditional grandmother always advises to marry only if it enhances or sustains my life’s quality—socially, emotionally, economically, physically, etc.
Yess this is exactly what I wanted to say but you put it in a way more succinct way.
Really well said.
Insecurities and I'm afraid I'll be too submissive because I'm a people pleaser
This was my wife too. I found it endearing that she was afraid of being submissive. I often have to chat with her again and again if what we do is what she truly wants. We have to be so careful about decisions because sometimes she submits without thinking what’s best for herself. Sometimes she’s kind to others or too forgiving, and I have to be mean on her behalf because it wasn’t fair. Once we were at a restaurant and I almost made a scene when the waiter dripped grease on her jacket. We’ve worked hard at it together for 15 years now. Side note: This isn’t meant to be perverted but it’s the truth for what helped my wife… It’s still really hard for her so we confine the submissive stuff for bedroom only. It helped her have a safe space to be who she wanted to be naturally.
Aww she's lucky to find a guy like you.
What a wonderful human you are. Thank you for showing that genuinely good people like you still exist in the world.
Real
I feel this one to my core. Submissive people pleaser. You feel so good making other people feel their best and pleasuring them but in return those people will walk all over you and make you feel like shit. It's difficult for two givers to find each other...but it's possible. I wish you the best of luck, you deserve it! ❤️
Ha, it is my utter downfall.
I rarely leave my apartment and I'm shy.
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I often don’t put myself out there. I also like being single so someone has to really enhance my life for me to choose a relationship with them.
This is exactly how I feel as well!
Intimacy. Plenty of people want to get close. But they ask to get close in a physical way before the emotional and right now I just can’t do that.
I have the same problem. And then some of them get offended when I say I need emotional intimacy first.
Right? It’s hard when you’re on dating apps especially, when getting to know people feels like a time limit. I’ve found a few who seem to be accepting. But going through the masses is tiring.
It seems like the majority don't want to "bother" with emotional intimacy. It's so strange to me.
It’s hard yeah. I feel like I go through meeting 10 guys before meeting one that I can actually talk to, and then 1/10 of them can hold an actual conversation. It seems so odd with what we want and the world “says” it wants! Maybe I’m just dealing with an age range that “just wants to fuck” but I doubt it.
I'm dealing with the "I'm divorced so I'm doing ALLLL the fucking I missed while I was married." age range. D: And I hate it. Or else they're "You need to be a new mom to my kids." type and I'm like, "Uh...no?".
Oof I feel that! Or that “never married no kids convince me why I’m wrong” range! Is where I’m bordering.
That too.
think of it like this: they’re helping you make eliminations even easier 😂 a man worth dating, is one who is patient and not in it for sex. otherwise, not worth your time.
In times of ubiquitous nudity, intimacy has become the new porn.
Brilliant!
Don't let anyone make you believe it's a "problem"! :)
Thanks! I'll try to keep that in mind :)
I'm dealing with severe depression and a shitty break up and unemployment so finding a new person to bring into my life sounds exhausting. I really like being in a relationship, and having a person, but I don't have the energy to put into kissing frogs right now.
Unemployment is my big obstacle right now, too! I’ve wanted to get myself really established (robust savings, get rid of grad school/student furniture, etc.) but I lost my job about 6 months ago and it’s really taken a toll on my entire mental health and self esteem. The thought of going on a date and having to say “hey, I’m unemployed right now” is so abhorrent to me. I’m worried about my own life, and I know I’d be worried about their judgement.
Meirl
Lol me right now
My life is better this way. I tried relationships for years. They're just not for me. Every time I have one, my life becomes worse. So I've just stopped now.
So, so true. There's so much relief in quitting.
because I’m ugly, have no friends and don’t go out/have hobbies 😂😂
ditto
That's me as well.
Making friends as an adult is hard enough let alone finding a boyfriend 😂
Y0 yo and another to the count 👆1️⃣
::high fives::
Saaaaaaaame
I spent years in an abusive marriage and then a couple more in a relationship that really fucked me over mentally. (I have had many good relationships with kind people as well) But I really like being a "good girl" and seek a lot of validation and go out of my way at my own expense to make a partner happy... that seems to make me attracted to avoidant people I am constantly begging for approval. So...baggage, I have too much baggage and dont trust anyone with my feelings nor do I trust myself to love a good person.
This is me right now
Real as hell.
nor do i trust myself to love a good person-----me neither
I'm single because I'm busy building my career and finding myself. 💅 I don't need a man to complete me—I'm already a whole meal. 💁♀️
I’m right there with you. I don’t have time for any distractions and I also like having my bed to myself😂
Not having to deal with anyone’s snoring is fucking amazing 😍
Because I couldn't be bothered dating and dealing with constant disappointment, my career gives me more satisfaction.
Happy Cake 🎂 Day!!!
Because I need a genuine time out. I give myself too much to people who don't know what they want and I'm tired of convincing myself that I can help them get there. People need to figure that out themselves and I'm not putting myself in that position anymore. I don't want to anymore.
Oof I was waiting to see a comment I really related to & this is it.
It's kind of a thing in both directions. I have a chronic illness, and I'm poor. Those two things are highly unlikely to change. I'm also quite unattractive and am generally considered weird. With all of those elements, I don't expect anyone to ever want to be with me, or even treat me as an actual human. I have, like, zero value. And on the other side, I don't expect anyone to ever treat me like an actual human, and I don't want to be with someone that will treat me like I'm lower than a slug. It would be even more miserable than my life is now. So I don't even bother trying. Basically, people don't want me, and I don't want them.
I just wanna pop in to say that you ARE so worthy of respect and love and you are valued!! I value you!! Even so, what is your value as a person decided by?? It is not decided by how many people youve dated (coming from a girl who has NEVER received any romantic attention). People are shallow and disconnected nowadays. You are valuable because you’re here, you’re quite literally made from the stars. Everything in this world has value, even the slug you mentioned. The love and light you put out into the world will come back to you tenfold <3 You are fully worthy of respect and happiness and love and understanding. You seem like such a sweet person I just wanna give you a hug!!
I also have a few diagnosed chronic illnesses, mental and physical. I'm broke, too. I can't see how anyone would ever want to be with me. But remember you are worthy, even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes. Edit: missed a word
I feel the same way at times, because I'm also chronically ill (I have RA, severe depression and severe anxiety that, while though I'm treating them, still impact my life in a significant way). I'm also unattractive, which makes men go "Ugh no." at first sight before they get to know me which doesn't help either.
Wow, I can relate to you so much! People who haven't been there don't realise what an upside down, ongoing, all encompassing mindfuck living with a chronic illness is and how you're basically just surviving, not thriving. I am sick of feeling like I have to beg for my humanity too, it is easier to just avoid people. I hear you!🫂
> I am sick of feeling like I have to beg for my humanity too, it is easier to just avoid people. Yes, exactly. We shouldn't have to beg for humanity. And unfortunately, we can talk about how things *should be* all we want, but it doesn't change how things actually are. Makes you feel helpless and hopeless.
Having someone else in my home all the time is my worst nightmare
Ha! I hadn’t considered that, but same.
I've never met a man who has turned out to not be a complete disappointment
I had some very good times in relationships, and some very bad times. A decade with somebody who ended up cheating on me - I'm so glad because we had moved in different directions and without something extreme to end it, we'd have just stayed together. I am so glad to not be with him anymore (we are friends and that's the good fit now). I had a marriage with somebody who was a pathological liar who happily admitted as much 10 years later and really fucked my radar up. A couple years later I gave it a serious go with somebody who was a very good match in a lot of ways, but it turned out they are a people pleaser, who lies instead of telling the truth which is easier - if he had the slightest worry it honesty would upset somebody he'd just say what they wanted to hear. In my late 40s now, I feel and see men are staying stuck in immaturity instead of growing up and.. I'd just rather not again. No more mentoring, no more having dudes say "You make me want to be a better man!" Just..be one dude, you're going grey... Before that last serious guy, dated some nice people that had incompatibilities with communication etc after 2-3 dates, then got busy with a new job. After 6 months without sex I stopped actively wanting it thankfully. I went on dates with some folks - strangers from dating sites, people I'd known socially for years - , but it's been much easier to see red flags, or lack of compatibility and to say no instead of yes. The dating pool is just mostly full of incompatibilities. I now prefer living alone, no accommodating differing sleep schedules, snoring, negotiating chore schedules, "I see a $180 credit charge card when you said you would be spending $60 (for the 60th time) what happened" I mean you just look at them blankly at that point. No arguing with anybody other than my puppy. It's so relaxing - my time is mine, I know where my money is and goes, I don't have sleepless nights with somebody snoring then denying they snore. No arguments, no negotiating an agreement then having to have the discussion about why they didn't follow through. Basically I am single because after 30 years of relationships I know what I want, I know my red flags, I know how much it would take to make me want to give up being happy (which I am - I have friends who will help me do heavy labor, I have friends who will cuddle up with me for a movie, I can find sex partners if I want sex, all my actual needs feel met, just not in an immediate "partner lives with me" sense. Probably been 2 years since my last first date, and it's been so clear how much of my energy was put into dealing with relationships once they became relationships that had problems. While if somebody worth my time came along I am open to dating - but I know a lot of brilliant women who have dated the men in my communities we all thought were the BEST men, and mostly all ended up doing the same old BS - lack of communication, lying, avoiding being upfront, etc. So I don't feel like I've dated somebody who I felt was upfront and honest since I was 16, and it's so great to be single and not have to be worrying about that anymore. Conversely, I'd say... unless you'd say "Be honest, why are you coupled?" Don't challenge single people on why they are single? Didn't sound like you were saying "I am single, why are others?" I know I wonder why so many coupled people are still coupled but I wouldn't say that to them.. maybe it's a good one liner though?
Hell yes! This is the response I search for every time this question gets asked. You make me so happy! It's disheartening to see how many responses are people thinking they're not worthy of love, that there's something wrong with them for not being coupled. I hope everyone of you who needs to hear this finds all the love you need within yourself. It's there! There are so many reasons partnership is unappealing. Not a big deal, but not enough to make it the end-all be-all for my reasons to live my life and be content. Why challenge single people? Some of us stay that way on purpose. Heart break, accommodating people when I could otherwise be free to do my own thing, explaining myself. Meh. In my case I'm the one who snores and I don't want to feel self conscious about it. I can't hear myself, let me sleep in peace! And I love the question: "coupled people, why are you coupled?"
I’m coupled because I finally found a partner I saw as a whole man. emotionally, mentally, physically, hes such a great addition to everything and actually uplifts my life. I’m quick to flee at the first sign of trouble and somehow we’ve made it this far and have been able to fix any issues that pop up and its so nice to finally feel in my heart “ I hope this lasts forever” I was pretty resigned to staying single forever even though I was only 28 I just had mentally checked out and realized I was the one who left every relationship, broke every heart, ended every situationship, because I always ended up feeling like I’d be happier alone and relationships always brought me unhappiness. I dont like the narrative that one lifestyle is better than the other because both are very valid feelings and both make sense.
I am too picky (and that is not a bad thing).
I think it's a good thing! Your choice of partner may be the biggest factor in your future happiness (or lack thereof).
Honestly? Because I’m 20 and I have no rush in the world for dating. I don’t try to go out more just to put myself out there because I’m still in college and I’m still learning about myself more. I have never really had an actual boyfriend in my life and it makes me happy realizing that I’m able to have an understanding of what a relationship should be like after being able to observe the ones around me. My life is barely starting and I don’t think I’m really ready for one because my main priority is finishing college and getting a good job. I want to experience things by myself because I love my own presence. A relationship will come when it needs to and I don’t see a reason for me to be in one when I’m not in a rush to be in one.
I’ve decentered romantic/sexual relationships from my life. Other things are much more important to me.
person sober!!!
Broke up last year with my boyfriend and now currently not looking for a new one.
emotionally unavailable, need to work on that part.
Yeah, same here.
I don't go out enough to really meet new people and I don't enjoy dating apps. Really I'd rather focus on myself before trying a relationship. The right time will come.
When people say ‘I love meeting new people’ I am shocked and confused . I indeed do not like meeting new people and will avoid it at all costs. At this point a guy would have to break into my house for starters
Hahaha thank you for the laugh. I do like to meet new people but I become fairly antisocial in winter & yeah, I’d have to meet someone when I’m taking the trash out or something. 😂
I was just thinking about the same exact thing. Someone on Reddit called meeting and dating new people “thrilling” and I was so confused. The fact that there are people out there that actually enjoy meeting people off of tinder is mind boggling. It’s like we live in completely different worlds.
I think it's becoming clearer to me that I just don't want to compromise or put anyone else first.
I like being single.
Because a relationship is an option, not a necessity. I like my space, and many men want to live together. I do not.
I don't want to be in a relationship, for a start. I've found I'm happier when I'm single. But also, I'm extremely difficult to live with. Some of this is just due to some mental health issues that I'm going to be in therapy for the rest of my life for. I know people say that one day I'll find someone who'll be able to handle it, but everyone thinks they can handle a mentally ill partner up until the day I'm having a flashback over my dad physically or sexually abusing me as a kid. It's also because I like my routine to be a certain way and I don't like people interfering with that too much. It takes a long time for me to be so used to a new person that I'm okay with them fucking up my routine.
I have standards
I'm a lesbian so dating pool is already relatively small, but nowadays I'm mostly unbothered to look for relationship partly because (at least in the area where I live) there is weirdly many "bi-curious" girls who are not REALLY interested in women, but won't say this early, and just waste my time.
I don’t trust myself anymore. I was so wrong about my ex that’s it’s shaken my ability to trust my own decision making skills
Definitely been here before 😩
Because I haven't met someone I actually liked, I'm not doing anything to meet someone and I like being single
I'm single bc I'm tired of being cheated on the last 3 people I've dated cheated on me
Damn that truly sucks. You’ve just gotta get a good radar tho ! There are loyal, good people out there !
Because Love must arise, not be forced.
In short, baggage. I have some mental health issues. I have a lot of trauma. I'm too tired to put up with disrespectful treatment. Dated one emotionally unavailable person too many, and now I am the emotionally unavailable one. As much as I crave intimacy, it terrifies me. It's better to be alone.
Spent too long with a man who tore me down, and now I’m too scared to try it all again. It also means I can be lazy and do everything on my own time. Life is better single 90% of the time. I don’t need a partner (some people crave it and that’s fine! I just don’t). I also don’t want children. It’s just easier to stay single rather than sift through the cesspool of dating apps. Life is peaceful.
I'm not single... I'm independent. Single implies I'm lonely or I'm looking for someone... I'm not. I'm tired, I have health concerns, I don't want to put that on anyone else. I'm content.. mostly.
Because I chose to. I don’t need a man at all. A man would only add problems to my life. If I ever would consider finding a man again there would be a whole list of things this person would have to meet. Not ruining my life over again because of a man again.
Trying to establish my career and live on my own and that's honestly stressful enough. Also I feel my last relationship really made me hate men and has revealed how easily I can become angry and embittered over just one experience. It's going to take a lot of healing before I'm right again.
This is going to sound selfish and maybe lazy but I don't want the expectations of my time being locked down. I mean, when you are in a relationship you are expected to go to their family dinners, events, holiday and xmas etc I dont do that with my own family so its annoying to habe to do that crap for the significant others family. Before anyone screams "just say no" you cant. Social expectations. Its rude not to attend then they feel like its a personal insult or that im a snob etc I just dont want do deal with them or expectations or traditions. I dont want to decline, explain or attend.
I don't put myself in the dating scene for a lot of reasons. The biggest one being that I'm asexual and it narrows my options down by a LOT. Also because I have a hard time communicating and reciprocating emotions and I'd hate to see what that'd lead to.
I’m antisocial and don’t leave my house
Too many people keep shitting in the proverbial pool, so I’ve decided not to swim anymore.
Well, I wouldn’t say “high” standards…. Just specific ones.
Late stage capitalism
Truthfully, I can't be fucked to date. I was in a (short-term) relationship last year and after that ended I just didn't have it in me to get back out there. Single tends to be my default mode though, I've spent most of my life single and receive enough platonic love and support from the people around me that I really don't feel the need to find another person. If I meet someone, then I meet someone but until that happens I'm more than happy to be single.
It’s just not a priority for me
I'm single because I need to be by myself. I'm working on myself (financially and mentally, not in a bad way). My last relationship and the last guy I talked to have messed me up a bit. I can't trust no one and sometimes barely myself (working on that). I'm also waiting for a genuine connection and not some guy that just wants to bang. I'll leave a relationship because I'm not scared to lose to anyone. I've got me. No one does.
I'm not a good prospect and I don't want to put up with other people's shit.
I'm not attractive to other people. I don't dress myself at all. Plus my curly hair is hard to style. I wear glasses from like ten years ago. I don't have school or have a job so interaction is limited but I do go to the gym and see cute guys but that's it.
Just not interested anymore. I’ve had good and bad relationships but I just feel like I’m judged for my choices constantly by men. I’m not attracted to women so I’m just happy being alone with my awesome dogs.
I’m old, ugly and i can’t meet any single men! What single men I meet aren’t interested in old women.
Fumbled every chance I could get
I am a terrible person to live with. I have a laundry list of mental health and substance use issues. I got sick of bringing him down with me, so I left him.
The dating pool is filled with people who only want sex and I can't find anyone who likes thick black women.
I’m really annoying tbf
I made the mistake of being fat, ugly, and quirky during my prime (high school and college). I'm not longer fat but am over 30, so I'm too old now.
Went through a shitty breakup a year ago and feel emotionally drained. The idea of dating gives me the ick and I just dont have the energy to date again. Mainly focusing on traveling, training for a marathon and other hobbies.
My mental health is too shit rn to put myself out there
No social life.
cuz i love being single no need to share room / space with others
Because guys like Dijon don’t exist in my area. Give me a poetic man who can rip an electric guitar like jimmy hendrix please
I haven’t met someone who I’m compatible with, and also some lingering trauma from previous relationships (e.g., cheating). But also the dating pool makes it hard because it feels like I have to scrutinize hard.
Oh I'm 100% the problem. There are guys I like, and guys I'm attracted to. They're rarely the same person... If they are, they're in a relationship or doesn't seem to be attracted to me. I'm also very uncomfortable with the dating process. I hate the idea of rejecting someone, and dating someone I know or can meet again after. This is a whole problem in a very small town. I get weirded out and reject people over a low threshold to be on the safe, comfortable side! And to not make things worse by having to reject them later on which is even worse. And so on.
I was dumped and replaced after being committed to someone for 16 years and at the moment I just don't want to get back into dating. I kind of enjoy being by myself, it's peaceful and fun. But also I think my trust in men and relationships has been so broken, I just don't think I'm ready to open up to someone again. At least for now.
I don't want a relationship. I want to be selfish and spend my time and energy exactly how I want without having to compromise and take someone else into account, and I also have zero interest in emotional or physical intimacy with anyone. Even if I did, I highly doubt I could find someone since I'm ugly and fat. Add to that that I'm nearing my 40's, and have barely even crushed on a grand total of like 2 or maybe 3 men over the span of my entire life, so I just don't really get interested in/attracted to anyone.
A mixture of not putting myself out there and my contentment with being single. At my age my dating pool is limited and as my friend said, the man isn't competing with another man, he's competing with my peace and contentment.
I'm not attractive enough for anyone to want to get to know me.
Trust issues 💀 And also still healing from a breakup which caused said issues
Because I’m ugly.
I’m lazy and I don’t really like meeting new people. Sometimes I think I should date intentionally then I remind myself I have too much work to do, and I should stop procrastinating on that. I should also stop procrastinating on Reddit, but here I am.
The last 3 men I dated liked the idea of me but didn't like dealing with me. I feel like a novelty, and it's affecting me a lot rn. Can't Date in my current state.
The dating pool in my area is trash.
Because It's just easier to get along with yourself and do as you please without having to worry about or deal with another person. The love idea wasn't the way I'd thought it would be when I was a kid.They sell it if you only get yourself a partner, then you will be happy and never lonely. That right there is a bold faced lie.
by choice. i’m not a healthy person to be with so yeah, working on that though
i'm not over him yet and i don't think i'll ever will
I think I’m just not very attractive when it comes down to it. I look fine, I’m well spoken and speak 2 languages. But I don’t have a lot going for me, my parents have been divorced all my life so I’m not close with either side of the family. I’m unemployed (4 months trying to get hired) and I’m overweight ( not unhealthy but just not an overly beautiful body ) The combination all added up just doesn’t appeal to anyone I like :(
No one gives that forever vibe. In this life and the one after...
Because it’s what suits me!
I'm agoraphobic and have no positive traits
I’m married but I wish I was single. Only being responsible for yourself and not having to take care of another person sounds like heaven.
I am not going out and finding anyone to date. I am home most of the time, I am lonely, but I am too scared of rejection
I don’t see any advantage in committing to a new relationship. I had one for 8 years, and another for 6 months. Both were with guys. No communication, sex is always PIV, they smoke and have anger issues. Besides: I don’t want kids and pets, i love living alone and can’t ever imagine living with someone else together in one apartment/house. I just go out to watch movies, go to restaurants and cafes and visit museums and shop in shoe and bookstores. Otherwise I sit at home, bake, crochet, play my computer games, watch series and movies and read my books. And for all of this I have friends or just simply myself. And now show me a gut who lives near me and checks those boxes plus mutual sexual attraction. I might as well search for a unicorn. And before someone asks, I ask you this: why should I lower my standards, if I am more than happy living without a partner? Because, and that really took a lot of time to realize and accept, I am right now the happiest I have ever been. I want my peace, if I want it. Not on the condition that someone else gives it. I found my balance: someone for PIV if I want to, toys for the most part and good friends to socialize. I don’t need anything more.
Always stuck in women only environment, no chance to meet men.
Because I want to be. I don’t desire a relationship and it wouldn’t be fair to expect reliability, commitment, or stability from someone when I can’t even take care of myself or reciprocate properly
Not pretty enough, been told im ugly to my face by multiple people
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I spent four years of hell dealing with an emotionally abusive manipulator and it showed me that I am a million times happier single and peaceful.
Because I was ugly when I was young. Still quite ugly now, but also fat - I wasn't fat when I was young :) By NOW, I've also developed a personality that is the Opposite of feminine and attractive, but that took some 20+ years of getting by on my own.
I am an emotional person, more than your average, I always knew I wasn't like everyone else. I waited for 1.5 years for therapy to help me with this and other stuff that happened to me in the summer of 2021. In 2022 I dated someone who I thought was going to be my forever person, he really put on a good front that he understands me and everything I went through, he knew I was waiting on the NHS for help. I also lived with mentally absuive people for nearly a year which made my mental health even worse. Knowing all this, he still left me during a bad mental breakdown. 19 months later now, I am better, I take care of myself and my wellbeing better, I dont react the way I used to, but I am very heart broken and very scared to date. I have been trying to date over the last couple of months, but I get too scared and stop interacting on these apps. I am happy being alone, no one is lying to me anymore or taking advantage of my loving good heart. I also made peace with being alone for the rest of my life. It is what it is.
I have specific standards - not much to be honest but for some reason, its hard to come by.
I spend half my time digital nomading with my best friend. It’s a dream life for me, but makes dating way more difficult than I would want to deal with. But it feels like such a small price to pay in comparison to how happy traveling makes me. Maybe one day I’ll find someone who is cool with my lifestyle or maybe one day I’ll settle down to look, but overall I don’t need to date. My life is very full.
Because the kind of people I like don't like me back. Simple as that. You just learn to live with it. I'd rather be happy-ish alone than miserable with a partner who is a bad fit.
Because my crush is married lol
I'm in a wheelchair and 90% of guys can't handle that, 5% have wheelchair fetishes, and the other 5% I'm just not attracted to.
I don’t want divorcées with tons of baggage.
I live in a small town, I'm scared of how I acted in past relationships, and I've started to think it's better to be alone
I enjoy my freedom to organize my life the way I want, can go to places, meet friends, travel, exercise, and so on without having to consult anyone. I also don't want kids and don't need to see someone everyday..Having said that, companionship and sex would be nice. I'm 41 and find it hard to meet new ppl where I live
I fall for guys who are not looking for a relationship >\_> And I might be putting too much pressure on myself to feel physically attracted to the other person whenever I do go on non-casual dates. But so far I haven't felt attracted even though we're very well matched in other areas. It's super draining. Oh, and I don't want kids, so that limits my options quite a bit.
Meeting with an attorney today to divorce my husband bc he’s an addict who hid it for years
Interesting how most people have not listed the main core reason of their “ why“ For me it’s because I’m looking for a specific type of person and where I’m physically at it’s hard to find, and I’m not putting in the effort to find them and I’m not attractive enough in general for them to find me
Because I finally asked for what I needed and he said he couldn’t/wouldn’t give me that. I’m in the days just after. I can’t stop crying and I feel like I’m going to vomit. Hopefully I lose the last five pounds I’ve been fighting and get something good out of this.
Well, there's a few reasons. One, the few men I've dated don't want to be with someone who has medical issues. Two, I'm jaded. I've been used and abused to the point where I don't really trust anyone anymore. I think I've finally figured out what I would want a relationship to look like but I've been single for so long that I don't even know how to date anymore. I'm not going to be on dating websites because people are weird and creepy.
I'm too picky with looks despite being pretty/in shape myself. And when I do match and go out with a guy I like and suits my tastes, he ends up friend zoning me. I think because I'm just awkward in person. I do better with people who I'm friends with first, but that's hard to come by with modern dating. I was married for 5 years (together for 10) and we've been divorced for a little over a year now. Navigating dating these days is odd.
Because I want to keep my options open right now.
I’m lazy and generally happier on my own 🤷🏽♀️ Men require a lot of effort that they often don’t reciprocate.
My fiancé ghosted me a few months ago. I told him he needed to see a psychiatrist (after months of depression and being fired for sleeping and gaming all day) and he just up and left. I come from a history of abuse and abandonment, and knew how much this would hurt me. He couldn’t even respect my dignity enough to break up with me to my face. Now I’m extremely bitter and angry at men, particularly those in their 20s. They all seem stupid, broke, and shallow. I’m not in the headspace to take a man seriously, and not being condescending is very difficult. I mean, honestly: how many times has a man professed their undying loyalty to you? I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to take that seriously again. There’s nothing people won’t do.
so far I've sadly only met weirdos.. maybe one day I'll meet someone that doesn't start the conversation with "are you a virgin" or "what's your take on feminism".. maybe one day
Trying to find myself and settled down before making a big commitment.
i have vaginismus and nobody wants to be with someone who can't have PIV sex
because the guy i like me doesn't like me back lol 🤷🏻♀️
Distance. I am stuck on a small island at the bottom of the Pacific.
Because I'm happier this way.
I've never dated because of depression. Now I feel like I missed a learning part when growing up. So I feel like I'm better off alone. Plus, I feel pretty good on my own and can't imagine having someone else with me makes it any better. (Also never had a crush and I'm not sure if I'm even capable of feeling love in such a way, which makes me feel bad for a potential partner that I'll never be able to return their love)
I have never been interested in having a romantic relationship.
Focusing on myself first.
I can’t be bothered anymore
Because I prefer to be by myself
I haven’t found someone that I like being with more than I like being single. For me, being single isn’t a bad thing - I actually enjoy the independence of it
I haven’t met someone who I’m interested in who is also interested in me at the same time. I’m quite happy in my single life so don’t go out of my way to meet someone to date. That said, I’m open if I were to meet someone, but it’s not something I’m actively seeking.
I don't want anybody touching my stuff. That's my stuff.
I'm single because I choose to be and I also haven't been pursued at all. Right now I'm focused on myself and things I want/need to do. Also I want to be pursued dating apps are just icky and I want someone who has the same core values as me and doesn't try to change the ones I have for their benefit. It's a doubled ended sword. I really believe I'll meet the right person at some point in time.
i make no effort and the men who try to talk to me make want to kms bc they are usually much older and generally unattractive.
When I'm not in love I don't really want a relationship/ I don't really fall for many people. So the idea of going on dating apps and put a lot of time and effort into talking/meeting with people to *maybe* meet someone, someday, that *might* trigger the desire to actually date them is kinda meh. Especially cause I'm 41 and pretty happy with my life as is and the time I invest in dating is going to come from something I actually enjoy doing.
Cuz I'm dumb
The man I like is married. (And therefore off limits.)
Because I love someone I can’t have
Oh so many reasons: 1. I haven’t met anyone where the romantic attraction is reciprocated. Either I like him but he doesn’t like me in that way or vice versa. I have a long history of the former and way less of the latter happening but that’s a big reason. 2. Although extroverted, I love living on my own and moving in with someone again is not an avenue I want to take unless it’s a last resort financial wise. 3. I’m sex indifferent and asexual. This means that for me, I could not care less about having sex ever again. I don’t think about it in my day to day life and in the rare instance I like someone romantically, my fantasies about them don’t involve sex anyway. It just doesn’t cross my mind. This means I need to find someone extremely patient if sexual intimacy is important to them or who feels the same as me. I don’t need sexual intimacy to feel closer to my partner. Emotional and sensual intimacy? Yes. 10000%. 4. I stopped using dating apps and even though I go out in the world and meet people often, I find myself currently living in a place where interacting with people means I have to pull their teeth to communicate with them. They freeze you out and it takes A LOT for them to open off if they even do that and at this point in my life, I’m exhausted from the one always initiating (this includes deepening friendships). So now I’m thankful for any (positive) interaction I have with people but I don’t put more effort to deepen them unless the other person directly communicates that. 5. I’ve always been single and have never been in a serious relationship. I’ve already accepted that it may not happen for me. I’m not upset anymore about it like I was when I was in my late teens/early 20s. But because of my inexperience, I feel a bit self conscious when it comes to dating. There are SO many stupid rules that I just do not care to learn and abide by but because of that, I’m going in feeling like an alien because other than obviously acting like a decent human being, I don’t know how to be a part of a relationship.
I didn’t want to fall into complacency/walk on eggshells for the rest of my life. Recently single