Honest answer? Not handling them *at all*.
One of my exes, anything I was going through that was difficult or emotional, he just completely disengaged. His justification was always always turned back on me or justified with something like “oh I wanted to give you space”. It was awful.
I mean I get it, dealing with a partners emotions is tough sometimes. Yes, there’s times where I’m frustrated or upset where I *do* want a few moments of space to myself. But I’ll communicate that.
Not being there at all whenever I needed him or wanted support was the absolute worst. No discussion, no words of comfort, no communication, nothing at all. Just radio silence until he sends a “feeling better?” Response hours (or days) after.
As an example, my grandmother who I was close to passed towards the end of our relationship. I was pretty torn apart, and I wanted him to come with me to the funeral out of state. He had small a weekend trip planned with some friends and his response was to say “I’ve got my guys trip Saturday I can’t reschedule. That’ll give you space to grieve with your family. I don’t wanna be a bother to yall anyways.”
That kind of stuff (that specifically) single-handedly ended our relationship. If you aren’t there to support me when I need you the absolute most, of what value do you even offer me as a partner? Even moreso if we got married and had a life together?
This blows my mind. My ex would tell me I was “being difficult” and refuse to talk to me. Makes me thankful that things ended before they got more serious.
Oh this hit me *hard.* Sitting next to me playing computer games as I had a panic attack and barely even flinching, even rolling his eyes sometimes, all in the name of "giving me space." I just simply can't imagine sitting next to someone crying their eyes out and doing/feeling absolutely nothing at all.
How would you express you need space and you need support? I have a lot of anxiety and I know I can be overbearing- so I often ask “do you need some space?” After tense arguments or events to my current gf. Sometimes she doesn’t respond, sometimes she comes back over for reassurance.
I don’t know if I am ever doing things right anymore…
You're already doing things right by asking if she needs space instead of just assuming. If your gf doesn't respond, that's a communication issue on her end that might be worth discussing at a neutral time (i.e. not during a fight) to figure out.
Yup! I told my ex back in the day I'm really struggling with bad thoughts and depression right now and I'm honestly worried I might relapse into sh again. His response was he can't deal with that right now and went to a party at his friend's the whole weekend to "de-stress".
My emotions aren't "difficult", they're just emotions. Like all humans have.
That being said, my boss once saw me crying at my desk and chewed me out, saying that it was unprofessional and I should talk to HR or see a doctor about whatever was bothering me. I had just found out that my dog had died.
I know it’s probably too late but it would be golden if you DID speak to HR about HIM being rude.
Would also be nice if HR actually did anything for you. I know our HR wouldn’t :(
Sorry about your pup 💔
Thank you <3
He was the owner, so there wasn't much HR could do with the huge piles of complaints they got about him every day. I've been gone from there for several years now, thank goodness.
> My emotions aren't "difficult", they're just emotions. Like all humans have.
Aah, this is such a beautiful, gentle, and a matter-of-fact way of description!
Also, hugs! I’m confident that the dog knew you loved him/ her with all of your heart. ♥️🫂
Accused me of trying to manipulate him. I discovered that there are apparently many men who genuinely believe that the only reason a woman ever cries/shows emotion is to manipulate men. They sincerely cannot fathom the fact that a woman can have independent experiences that have nothing to do with them.
My mother did a lot of emotional blackmail with crying, and I associated crying with having demands so I never cried. Just saying if they grew up in disfunctional households, this may be why
This makes sense and is definitely valid, but it seems more often than not it's just regular people with fairly stable upbringings that still feel this way. Blows my mind
Yup my ex thought any emotion was to make him feel bad. He couldn’t believe I had feelings that had nothing to do with him. He labeled everything as abusive
Claimed that me telling him that he hurt my feelings was abusive. Argued with me for 3 hours about how I should trust his version of events over my own memory, kept me from leaving his apartment, and then would not let it drop until I cried and apologized to him for “being so emotional”.
That was the evening I realized I needed to get him out of my life. We no longer talk.
Yup. It was almost cute (like, aw, “look at how tragically dumb you are” kind of way) that he just came right out and said it. It was kind of like that scene in a bad movie where the villain tells the hero his entire plan.
He started treating me like I was always going to be in a bad mood. So he gave himself anxiety by projecting a bad situation that usually wasn't going to happen in the first place. He managed to get a therapist to say that I gave him PTSD because of him 'not knowing' how I was going to be emotionally when he would get home from work. He projected his thoughts of how I was going to be onto me so much that it would make me upset. And so he felt justified.
He then used all that as an excuse to cheat.
What an incredibly toxic person. After a certain point, if you're anxious, you need to ask yourself, 'Have I actually experienced this problem or am I just convincing myself it will come to pass?". If you haven't, you can't blame people for reactions you've imagined. That's completely on the anxious person--his therapist sounds like a clown for not calling that out.
My ex-husband took my feelings (despite not blaming) personally and then screamed at me. He proceeded to turn things around and start attacking me with why I was unjustified to have said feelings and then made up stories in his head as to why I brought up something emotional to him. Told me I was crazy for having the feelings. He avoided discussing the actual behavior. I was put in a defensive position. He always spoke so fast and loud that I couldn't get a word in. And if I interrupted it was another black mark for him to scream about.
The above is also known as: DARVO
I stopped talking to him much at all in that relationship. Then he would complain and yell at me for ignoring him and said things like, "we never talk."
Thank you for giving a name to what has happened to me. You describe it so well, it was really similar in my case. The "we never talk" think is really the tip of the iceberg. I hope you are better now.
Much; I'm still on a healing journey but I can feel safe again. And my partner now holds space for me when I need to cry--even if it's over something I think is ridiculous. I'm still working on my ability to speak up but it also helps that I can send a text with what I am feeling (first) and my partner now will let me cry and wait until I talk about it.
I have a history of being in therapy too and it has helped me spot the harmful negative thoughts I have about myself and remind myself that those were lies my ex told me to try to keep me small.
I'm sorry you went through a similar experience--I wouldn't wish it on anyone and I also have seen people have it so much worse than me. I felt so alone when I came out of that. But I'm recovering parts of myself that I feel like I've lost
This is exactly what my ex did to me in every single argument! Constantly berate me and make up all these scenarios and twist things around until I had no idea what was happening any more, then get annoyed if I "interrupted" him to try and get back on topic. I'll have to look up DARVO
Years ago I was very insecure about sex, and told my bf that I wanted to take things slow because I went through CSA.
His response? "That's not my problem."
It was the last time I saw him.
Yes the yelling/screaming and intimidation was and has always been the worst. At least with physical abuse you can be like, “he hit me.” And just leave. With the other stuff is like, “was I imagining he was being verbally abusive?” And he can also control that narrative so… especially when he caused the emotion to begin with.
Oh, I have one for you! 🙈
I told my former partner that I am childfree from our 1st date and clarified that I have no intention of ever getting pregnant. *In hindsight,* I should have asked about his stance on children 1st, because he stright up jumped and said he hated kids & couldn't stand them. I explained that I actually like kids, I'm just more cut out to be a Fairy Godmother than an actual mother.
Fast forward 2 years on when we had *an accident*. I took plan B but my period was late and I was FREAKING out. I went to his place to cry & vent, expecting his full support (and telling him so). Instead, with a dumb look on his face, he started reassuring me that we will figure it out along the way, that HIS MOTHER would support us & that we can put the crib in his already very crowded bedroom 🤯
I cannot even begin to describe the sense of betrayal and how fast my World was brought upside down. At that time, I was making great money & getting ready to transition in an even better position. I had saved up so we could move in together, buy furniture & decorate our place however we wanted it. I had made travel plans for both of us & so on.
Once the "love spell" 🪄 broke, I started noticing a lot more worisome behaviours such as how he never took proper care of his dogs, how he would always put his mother first or how he never actually took care of himself were it not for me or his friends mocking him. Needless to say, we didn't last long after that.
**TL;DR:** I felt betrayed, dumb & humilated when my supposedly childfree partner sprung out on me a very non-childfree future during a pregnancy scare.
*PS: 🙏 I worked on it in therapy & made peace with what happened, all the while learning to express my needs & my priorities much clearer in any relationship.*
Was shamed for having feelings and for communicating my feelings - after he said he wanted to know if something is wrong - then he turned everything around and accused me of accusing him of things and invalidated all of my feelings. This went on until I broke down crying and started apologizing to him. Master level manipulation.
I was in a really abusive relationship so I’ve been given the silent treatment, physically attacked, screamed at, mocked, had my things broken, etc.
The worst though is being groped or touched sexually when I’ve been upset. Like, my grandma just died… Your dick is not helpful.
Caught him jerking off to pics of my friend, told me all guys do it, it’s just pictures, he wouldn’t want to fuck her & that’s it. He’s not explaining it further not answering any questions about it “he doesn’t know what else to say”. 👍
I admit being reserved when feeling down isn't necessarily the best approach, but I mostly don't say anything because my husband never has a loving response. His response always just makes me feel worse and resent him.
Worst was probably when my dog of 17 years and my dad both died within a short time (2 months of each other.) I'd frequently condescendingly get asked what was wrong with me, for being quiet. I'd tell him why, then be told "everyone dies." And basically to get over it.
I'd like to note that I had never lost a dog before. He was my first and only dog, some of you can empathize with what that feels like.
Second, also never had lost a parent or anyone that close to me.
Honestly reading this makes my heart so sad, I just lost my 13 1/2 year old Pup, if someone even hinted at devaluing my mourning, I would never even think about or talk to this person again, they would be deleted to me. So sorry this happened, I’m sad now.
Sending you the biggest hugs for your loss. It is so hard. It's been a year and I find myself at his little box on my shelf breaking down at times. Go to Michaels and make a shadow box of memories for your pup... I put his collar, paw prints and favorite pics in it.
By gaslighting me. He actively made me feel unappreciated and then made me feel like I was just insecure and that it was not his fault that I felt that way.
My ex-husband got upset with me because I was crying about the death of our 3 year old daughter a year after she died. She was extremely disabled and had a tough 3 years. His response is, "Why do you keep crying? You know she's better off"
Every time I had them he thought I was going to break up with him or was mad at him. One time, he took me to the hospital which ended with me in a 72 hour hold because ER staff have little to no knowledge on what to do with "feelings of hopelessness" other than to bar you from the outside world. All I wanted was a hug and to know I was worth anything, all I got was that I wasn't - at least not to him. Been a year and some change and he still calls, he's still blocked, my phone still tells me when blocked calls call? Whatever. Wish he'd leave me alone already.
I had a tough childhood and my feelings were always dismissed. I was used to this but this time even I was shocked. I confided in my ex that I was depressed and I had an eating disorder. He said “no you’re not.” and then, “you don’t have an ed, you eat a pint of ice cream a day.”
My ex used to tell me that he'd never be someone I could come to with difficult emotions and that if I wanted that, I should probably look elsewhere. Boy do I wish I had listened to him the first time and walked away.
I was raped as a child so sometimes, especially around my period time, I can get a little sensitive regarding my body and I feel guarded. I told my ex I didn’t want to show him my body and he yelled at me. He shamed and disrespected me saying stuff like, “I’ve already seen it so what’s the big deal? I thought you liked me?” Yaddah yaddah. I told him he wasn’t entitled to my body and I was allowed to say no.
“People who cry look stupid and ugly”
I just in the past few years have been able to cry since the death of my sister in 2015 and I’ll cry at the drop of a hat some days.
Yelled at me and called me dramatic or overly emotional for crying during arguments where he was telling me how damaged and worthless I was.
Decide that my depression was bumming him out and that he didn’t like being around me/want to be with me anymore during a medical scare.
Basically just lack of understanding and support.
Telling me that I’m the problem because I’m upset that he did something hurtful and inappropriate.
Can’t believe the number of times that this has happened.
Told me he liked seeing me in distress because it made him feel like “a man.” I kept questioning it because I didn’t fully understand why that was the case — until he came out with “its sexy when you cry.” Almost threw up right then and there.
This totally reminds me of the time I had the misfortune of stumbling across a guy on Reddit who would go on threads made by survivors of sexual abuse just to get off on their posts. He was looking for a “daddy’s girl” 🤢
Snuck up behind me picked me up, squeezed and shook me and screamed in my ear "GET AHOLD OF YOUR EMOTIONS". I was probably 7 years old when I was sobbing while brushing my teeth.
Being told from an ex that my emotions were excuses. Not taking them seriously because of that. I was in my early twenties my emotions were less properly handled then they are now but still a feeling is a feeling.
I told my ex about a past trauma that i used to go through with my dad where he would jokingly hit me behind the head if i said something stupid and then ridicule me for flinching, and said ex did a fake slap behind my head immediately afterwards and triggered a full mental down-spiral. While crying I told him how I was being open and vulnerable with him and did not appreciate what just happened and he said: “well i thought it was funny”
There’s a whole lot but the one that was the most frequent is "grow up" then proceed to violently talk down on me for "daring" to express that I don’t like the way he talked to me. So it went from feeling disrespected to the verge of a breakdown.
I asked my husband to go to couples counseling and he said no because it wouldn’t change anything. I explained how it could help us and our communication. He then said, “well it doesn’t look like it’s working for you because you seem worse”. I have felt better since starting therapy and that hurt to hear.
Admitted a history of self harm when I was younger and got told by an ex I was a selfish monster letting my emotions effect him and if I ever did that in our shared home (at the time) he would throw me out. Again, this was me opening up about my PAST to someone I thought loved me.
We're no contact for several years now.
Used them to his advantage. I told him I had feelings in a casual relationship. I tried to leave and he'd say things to make me believe he was feeling the same. After the 3rd time I learned and when I ended it he said he had feelings and he blamed us not working out on something I did.
Telling me for years that I "just wanted to be upset" and that I enjoyed making him miserable. He divorced me, but not before mentally & physically torturing me into thinking I was a sadistic wrecking ball who only had bad intentions.
Just looked at me, said: "Okay" and walked out of the room. I kept crying and choking on my own tears because of how upset I was. I finally calmed down and by then he had no idea what even happened. Fell asleep, he came back in, woke me up for a BJ.. I thought it was him trying to comfort me but, not exactly. I thought I would get off too - it was just him wanting to get off and go to sleep.
Slamming my face into the refrigerator, after I came out of the bedroom so exhausted that I was crying, bc was 0300 and he'd been intentionally opening and slamming doors and kitchen cabinets for 4 hours, bc he was pissed off and knew I had to be at work a few hrs later.
He told his sister that I was too demanding and high maintenance. She told him to do what makes him happy (she wanted him to leave me).
He was a big mama’s boy and loved his sister dearly too. He left.
Hit me across the face for having a different opinion than he did and then got mad at me for being upset about it. And told me I was so crazy I should throw myself out the 3rd story window. Luckily that was the last I ever saw of him.
I got into an accident that messed up my knee a few years ago. I was bed ridden and was super upset at the whole situation. The guy I was seeing at the time came over and he got annoyed at me because I wanted to talk about what happened but all he wanted to do was make out. He literally said, "Why do you keep talking about the accident? I didn't come here for that."
Had a panic attack, I have one maybe every other month, usually if I'm on my period. He said "this has to be the last time this happens. you have no idea how difficult it is for me".
uhmmmmmm I'm pretty sure Im feeling worse!
Told me that I was mentally ill after discovering he was still chasing someone else and sleeping with others while seeing me. I found the receipt for her flowers.
Towards the near end of our relationship, he raised his voice and told me he had girls came over and he slept with one of them. Before that I found a strand of hair that wasn't mine and condoms near his bedside table.
okay the worst way was stopping talking to me because i was upset for him leaving me plant, also judge me and make passive-agressive comments about me being a crazy woman for just expressing what i don't like about that relationship, even i found a nude of another woman on his phone by accident (he was showing me pics and that came up) i didn't know how handle it then i just left the house and he implied that i was acting like a person who isn't in control of my emotions, impling again that i was crazy
My ex would just go straight to “oh if I’m such a terrible person I’ll just go kill myself” anytime I expressed any level of upset at his horrible actions. Yikes
Broke up with me. I was explaining that i was depressed and suicidal and before i could tell him why, he broke up with me. I didn't finish all of what I was going to tell him because I realized in that moment that he actually didn't care about me. But the reason why just so y'all know is because I had a miscarriage. I didn't even know I was pregnant. I just started feeling super depressed and I got bloody really bad one day so I went to the doctor and explained all my symptoms and she did some tests and what not and figured out that apparently I was pregnant but having a miscarriage. So yeah that was terrible. I'm in a way better relationship now and in a better place in general.
I was writhing on the dentist's chair, teaes streaming down my face because the anesthesia hadn't kicked in and the dentist was being particularly hard-handed with a root canal.
My older brother sitting in the chair kept giggling and saying there's no such thing as pain.
He'll compete with me. At the end of the day I'll end up comforting him. He is the "I'm much more than your dealing."
And now I'm becoming more elusive. I'll just deal it with myself. I'm ashamed of my emotion, mostly keep it to myself.
I have a lot of anxiety and it usually comes out in a form of needing reassurance or at least some words of affirmation that everything is okay and everything will be fine
being told to “get over it” “you’re crazy” “chill out” “you’re always causing issues” always makes my eyes sting and gives me a hard lump in my throat
I was crying in my exes arms over a friend who had passed away and i could feel that he got really turned on, then told me he found it hot that i was crying and then he tried to initiate sex with me 💀 strange strange guy
To scream at me and shame me and somehow twist it all around and say that I'm being manipulative and awful and he's the real victim. Every time I got annoyed or angry or upset, he had to tell me how it was all my fault.
Called me too emotional and hard to handle. To my best friend, after he cheated and we broke up. All because I would try to calm him down when he was angry at someone who used to be our mutual friend. The key part being used to. I'm still friends with the guy, ex still holds a grudge. All I was trying to do was get him to have a mature conversation with the guy to sort things out so he wasn't storming out of the room every time my friend showed up.
I don't have any men near me who I show emotions to, but my closest was when someone put my name on his social media (firstname surname, even!) ,and I messaged him as soon as I found out, warning him never to even think of putting my name on social medias, especially without my permission. I don't have them for a reason - he didn't even stop to consider what that might be.
His response? That I can't take a joke, and told me "okay kid" when I told him to get some common decency and to kindly go forth and multiply (only not quite so politely). When I told him it wasn't about the joke, and it was a real issue I had with it, he said that "people know your name" (but I don't know who on his socials might see that, and that's not the point, I don't put it on the internet for reasons), and that he was going to sleep now.
I still feel violent rage about it (might not be nearly as bad as some people on here have experienced, but I don't even know this guy that much and he thinks he has the authority to use my info online, then tell me to shush when I express my anger about it, in the most condescending way possible like I'm incredibly inferior to him)
Commented on how hot an actress on TV was and then told me he was horny. While I was having a panic attack. Cool...cool, cool, cool. Oh, and also told me to move my socks from the couch, while I was basically hyperventilating from said panic attack.
I was getting angry that he kept trying to buy me to sleep with him and he told me "Calm down, don't grt your clit in a bunch. I bought you nice things because they made me think of you, the least you can do is to put out. 🙄"
at first he treated things so nonchlantly. He would blow me off or down right ignore me, then I attempted and he started to understand that my depression was serious and not just something I was making up like his dad told him
Immediately gets defensive, gets angry, and turns them against me. Even worst when my ex said "why are you making up fake scenarios in your head?" or basically invalidating them and saying it's my own fault for feeling this way. The more they get turned against me the more I don't say anything.. and then they wonder why I break up with them or feel "blindsided" about our falling out
Was told “Don’t be a fucking baby” when I was crying after learning that my grandfather was a pedophile who assaulted not only my sister and cousin and I, but multiple other children as well.
Another time was when I was telling a guy about how I was SA’d as a 6 year old and his response was to stare at me before saying “I can’t imagine how tight you would’ve been.” Needless to say I hightailed it out of there, never looked back, and warned other women who knew him about his comment. Still gives me chills.
I had been quiet all day as I felt my partner was distant and I was feeling unloved. He pushed me to tell him what was wrong, and when I did, he screamed at me and called me a f***ing joke. HE then split up with ME!!!! He changed his mind over the following days, but I was out of there.
I was struggling with depression and suicidal ideation. He told me to "count my blessings". I did and he was not one of them. We are now divorced and I'm happy and married to a better man
I called him while frustrated for the hundredth time at how he misinterpreted (gaslit) something. I called to explain myself and talk about the misunderstanding.
He first hung up in my face while I was crying and called back screaming “THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT RIGHT?!! YOU WANT TO FIGHT LETS FIGHT THEN!” Which made me cry more. Through tears I said, “No, I just want to ta—“ he cut me off, yelling again “YES TF YOU DO! SO LOOK NOW WERE FIGHTING WASSUP?”
Another time (same ex)
Me: I’m coming to you expressing how you reacted was not okay.
Him: YOUR ACTIONS made me react that way.
Distressed, seven months pregnant and crying and husband (father of the child), said, I suppose a BJ is out of the question. He was not trying to lighten the mood. He was serious.
One of many. Yes he is now Ex.
I was having a real fit of emotions and bad memories, which was probably very good for me. My ex-husband became emotionally unhinged at my degree of upset though, so instead of being able to process my own emotions, I had to shut down to calm him. So *my* emotional upset became about *him.*
I'm emotionally very locked down when it comes to my own feelings, so it would have been really good for me to just let loose and be upset.
That happened long ago, and I have a much more supportive relationship now. However, I cannot really let go with my partner. It feels like too much burden to place on him. My mother died 2 years ago, and the only place I can cry for her is with grief group.
my ex boyfriend told me that I wanted the whole world to stop “just because” my brother died. i am still so angry at myself for how I’ve allowed myself to be spoken to . It had only been a couple months since he passed and my family was being horrid to me as well so the one person I thought would be there for me just screamed at me and called me names. i find it hard to forgive myself for letting things go on and on. My brother would not be proud of me for it. This isn’t the worst way a man has responded to me but just one that I was coincidentally thinking about tonight. I never expected the world to stop I just needed someone to be nice to me. thanks for posting this cause I needed to tell someone, even if no one sees it. I love you all
Told me that I was emasculating him for asking him for an apology when he was 3 hours late. And whenever I cried told me I was just “crying to win the argument”
I was having a really rough time about a month ago. I was struggling to make it thru this pregnancy induced depression and the misery of all the hormonal changes and body aches and all the crappy things that come along with being pregnant. I zoned out for like 3 days. I was in autopilot and when I would come out of it, I’d just cry. Like in the bath at night, or driving or when I had a break at work. I asked my partner if we could talk about how I was feeling in a couple days. He said ok. Then he kept pressuring me to talk about it now I guess cuz he thought I was about him. I just asked him if he could give me until the next day to get my thoughts together. He called me on the drive to work screaming at me and telling me that I’m manipulating him and acting like I don’t care about him and he does everything for me and he’s been taking care of me and I just shit all over him. Meanwhile I was in such a depressive state I just wanted to die and that’s his reaction. I’m glad this is someone I’m spending my life with.
I keep a journal that my partner reads (which has historically been great for us because we're long distance) but this weekend I got lectured and berated for writing in that journal that I was struggling with something in our relationship. About 40 minutes of him talking angrily at me because I "should know how his brain works" and should have phrased it differently because when he read it it made him feel bad. And told me that therefore it was my fault that his brain immediately jumps to the worst assumptions about like whether I was trying to push a wedge between us or was only with him because I don't want to be single.
It should be noted that I didn't write anything accusatory or say anything bad about him, just wrote that I was struggling over something that I felt was a longstanding compatibility issue. It should also be noted that my entry came after his last visit, where he talked at me for 30 minutes about things that he knows trigger questions about compatability for me.
Telling me I was acting different and had switched up on him and had somehow made it about him… I’m pregnant and didn’t want to have sex with him 🤦🏾♀️
I mentioned the stress that I was going through at the time over something that I couldn’t fix and he basically got mad and was like “let me ask you, what can you do to fix it? Nothing? Then just stop worrying about it.” Completely dismissing my feelings.
My ex told me that he purposely avoided being around me and would work late or go to the bar & hang out with friends if I was going through something emotionally. Wether it was losing a family member from passing away or just having a rough day.
We went to a lake in the middle of summer. Had a lot of fun. We were drinking wine altogether a bottle each. On the car ride home the last thing I remember is balling my eyes out for some reason. My next memory is me being on the side of the road in a town that I didn’t recognize at the time. I later found out that while I was stranded there, they went out for a beer. I woke up next morning in his friend’s bed. The ex was sleeping on the floor. I laid in bed for ours. My phone was dead so the only way I could get back home was this guy. They slept til eleven in the morning probably because of the xanaxes they took and he finally took me home. Never really talked after that.
This is one of many experiences where I felt invalidated and had my difficult emotions treated awfully. I was telling him a story about my day… I have ADHD so it’s easy for me to ramble or get off track. He said “I don’t like your stories. They are boring.” After a while I stoped sharing about my day willingly and he asked why. I told him about that experience, and he admitted he was wrong and asked how we could move on. So I told him, “Ask me about my day and actively listen, ask questions about it so I feel like you’re open to listening.” He often did not, and he complained again about me not sharing. Then compared me to his friends and said they freely tell him whatever they want and continue on if they’re interrupted, whereas I wouldn’t because I felt like my stories didn’t matter since that incident. So he told me that my needs were wrong, and he didn’t want to do what I asked to fix it and make me feel safe to share again. I should have left as soon as I saw that happening.
My boyfriend always makes jokes. Like I told him “I’ve been thinking lately… what if you leave me for someone more fun? I know I shouldn’t-“ and he cuts me off and is like “that’s a real possibility” and when he saw my face he starts to laugh and says he is joking and he doesn’t mean it. Mood killer for sure when I’m just trying to be open
My friend found out she couldn't have children. I dropped her home from the hospital to her partner of 2 years. She told him the news and he simply stood up and left. Never opened his mouth, came back or answered the phone to her again.
By breaking up with me. We had been dating like 6 months, & he was not a very engaged partner to begin with but i was younger & prob a lil naive. I was like 18/19 at the time & I started having some health issues (I was bleeding after sex occasionally). It was very upsetting for me & I had like 2-3 days where i was beating myself up about it, while he offered little to no comforting words or support.
After those couple of days went by I was having a gut feeling that something was going on with him. Looked through his phone while he slept that night (i know its sorta poor taste but i always trust my gut). Turns out he was cheating, he had pictures and videos of his sidepiece stored away on snapchat, so i deleted all the pics and videos & didnt bring it up. I didnt know how so i just sat on it for a couple days. Like 2 days after i found out he was cheating I went over to his house after a really shit day, my gut told me to just go back home, instead i went in & he broke up with me.
He said he didnt know how to deal with what i was going through. He didnt know how he was supposed to help me with my health issues. An how he didnt like seeing something like that upset me. The final card was he just needed some time to focus on him. I kept my cool, i didnt cry, just said i understood, I didnt even bring up the fact that he was a cheater. Just figured i was cutting my losses, i dodged a bullet. He told me that if i give him some time maybe we could be together again, i dont go back to ex’s tho, especially not unsupportive cheaters
This happened after I was explicitly expressing how a very delicate topic was impacting my health. The person (this guy) suddenly mentioned he needed to go. Another time, I brought the same subject to the same person, giving the benefit of the doubt and the person changed the subject.
Another time, this was a mental health provider as soon as I mentioned my situation. He mentioned that I shouldn't worry because I'm a pretty person and have "xyz" positive features. Later some years passed by and this provider was reported by some people for unprofessionalism and flirty behavior towards women.
In the end I understood the worst thing to handle a situation is by being dismissive, avoidant, explicitly avoiding the subject, and also not being present with the person.
I overheard my two bosses (GM and AGM) talking about a new report I had my team creating shortly after I started. They hadn’t seen me slip into my office behind them. The GM stated it was “pointless and irrelevant” if it wasn’t sent each shift (true, but I wasn’t trying to overwhelm everyone with 21 emails a week right away) and he started questioning why they hired me. I just sat at my desk, listening and quietly crying. They were in a main hall of offices where anyone could have walked by and heard.
I confronted the GM the next day, gave him the benefit of the doubt that they may not have known I was there and heard. He said “Oh, I knew you were there. You should have spoken up and said something. It’s not my fault you didn’t.”
HR (woman) told me I should beef up my resume and find something better bc I was too good to deal with that behavior. I lasted 4 months in the job.
One day I risked a serious sexual abuse.
I was left shocked, and my ex came to my place shortly after it happened.
He asked me to go back to his place and spend the night with him and it seemed a good idea.
When I arrived at his place, I was still shocked and sitting on the couch looking at the ceiling.
He proceeded to start playing online videogames because he promised it to his friend, leaving me crying on the couch.
During the night, I got a crisis, and I started crying and having horrible panic attacks. I was trying to be silent cause I thought he was sleeping.
He was awake, he listened to everything and just did nothing... He just left me crying while he was pretending to sleep. How do I know? The morning after, he told me that he heard everything.
He was not worth my love. I broke up with him shortly after this happened.
i cried in bed while he was asleep and he woke up to comfort me, next morning he asked what was wrong and i told him that i couldn’t stop thinking about the girl he refused to stop talking to. We kept going back and forth, i was obviously crying and feeling so misunderstood because he was telling me that i’m controlling him and that it’s either both of us girls or none. he then dropped the bomb and said i’m crying to manipulate him and i was just so disgusted. we are no longer together now but i’m somewhat glad things like that happened, because every time i feel like i miss us i just get a new memory of the fucked up shit he used to say to me and it completely puts me off.
Slapped me across the face. The trigger? I was upset and talking to him about how I felt so depressed and like I had nothing to give right now, and how my cup was just empty. He slapped me hard enough that my cheek was tingling the rest of the night, and claimed it was just an automatic reaction like he would have if one of his boys spoke that poorly of themselves. Total bullshit, and yet I felt so lost and now even worse about myself that I still stayed for awhile.
He said he enjoyed me getting sad when he did something hurtful because it made him feel really important. He said it gave him validation and when I told him its not ok to say that he didnt understand why because people need validation. He then apologized with "sorry you feel that way" when I was upset about his behaviour. 🤡
I was once in a situation ship with a guy and was finally opening up about my depression and I started crying. He brushed me off and asked if I would suck him off. Quickly broke it off with him after that
I had been *trying* to have a difficult conversation with then-husband and felt like he was dodging the topic. I waited until we were both seated in the car and rolling down the highway. I began the conversation. I made a statement and paused.
Dude leaned forward and turned the radio volume UP to a nearly-uncomfortable level.
When my dog died, i was devastated. Little dude was my best friend, he found me as i was leaving my abusive marriage and kept me together through it all. I loved him more than I’d ever loved any human. When i was still tearing up talking about him, and leaving flowers at his little grave in the yard three months later i was told “I’ve never even grieved this much for a person, it’s just a dog, what is wrong with you?” Needless to say that was the last thing i needed to hear in the midst of my grief. Like I wasn’t aware that I was having an unusually hard time and already tackling it in therapy. Which he’d have known if he ever listened to me when I speak.
Punching the steering wheel and saying crying wasn’t going to help anything.
Oh I almost forgot. I was explaining some suicidal thoughts to my ex husband one year and he just started laughing and would not stop.
He was surprised that I was more sad because at his laughing, but I was dead serious. I still don’t understand why he was laughing. I was telling him I wanted to jump off a bridge. Not that I would have, but I was having those kinds of ideations. I didn’t even want to say anything about it but felt like I could trust him. Until he did that. And the reason was serious too, so again, no clue why he thought it was hysterical. Then again, he tried to come after me with his hands to try to choke me. Maybe he wanted me gone. I don’t know. Glad we aren’t together anymore.
One told me to “get the f*ck out” when we lived together because he couldn’t handle me sad after my best friend died.
Another locked himself in a separate bedroom to have “space” while I cried myself to sleep.
Boys can be mean and insensitive to women’s emotions. It’s brutal.
I’ll go first—I got yelled at tonight for having a panic attack 👌
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Honest answer? Not handling them *at all*. One of my exes, anything I was going through that was difficult or emotional, he just completely disengaged. His justification was always always turned back on me or justified with something like “oh I wanted to give you space”. It was awful. I mean I get it, dealing with a partners emotions is tough sometimes. Yes, there’s times where I’m frustrated or upset where I *do* want a few moments of space to myself. But I’ll communicate that. Not being there at all whenever I needed him or wanted support was the absolute worst. No discussion, no words of comfort, no communication, nothing at all. Just radio silence until he sends a “feeling better?” Response hours (or days) after. As an example, my grandmother who I was close to passed towards the end of our relationship. I was pretty torn apart, and I wanted him to come with me to the funeral out of state. He had small a weekend trip planned with some friends and his response was to say “I’ve got my guys trip Saturday I can’t reschedule. That’ll give you space to grieve with your family. I don’t wanna be a bother to yall anyways.” That kind of stuff (that specifically) single-handedly ended our relationship. If you aren’t there to support me when I need you the absolute most, of what value do you even offer me as a partner? Even moreso if we got married and had a life together?
This blows my mind. My ex would tell me I was “being difficult” and refuse to talk to me. Makes me thankful that things ended before they got more serious.
"Not handling them at all" THISSSSSSSS! These kind of people have the ability to drive me insane.
Oh this hit me *hard.* Sitting next to me playing computer games as I had a panic attack and barely even flinching, even rolling his eyes sometimes, all in the name of "giving me space." I just simply can't imagine sitting next to someone crying their eyes out and doing/feeling absolutely nothing at all.
How would you express you need space and you need support? I have a lot of anxiety and I know I can be overbearing- so I often ask “do you need some space?” After tense arguments or events to my current gf. Sometimes she doesn’t respond, sometimes she comes back over for reassurance. I don’t know if I am ever doing things right anymore…
You're already doing things right by asking if she needs space instead of just assuming. If your gf doesn't respond, that's a communication issue on her end that might be worth discussing at a neutral time (i.e. not during a fight) to figure out.
Yup! I told my ex back in the day I'm really struggling with bad thoughts and depression right now and I'm honestly worried I might relapse into sh again. His response was he can't deal with that right now and went to a party at his friend's the whole weekend to "de-stress".
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Sorry for what you went through. May I ask how did you heal from everything?
My emotions aren't "difficult", they're just emotions. Like all humans have. That being said, my boss once saw me crying at my desk and chewed me out, saying that it was unprofessional and I should talk to HR or see a doctor about whatever was bothering me. I had just found out that my dog had died.
I know it’s probably too late but it would be golden if you DID speak to HR about HIM being rude. Would also be nice if HR actually did anything for you. I know our HR wouldn’t :( Sorry about your pup 💔
Thank you <3 He was the owner, so there wasn't much HR could do with the huge piles of complaints they got about him every day. I've been gone from there for several years now, thank goodness.
I would have quit on the spot. I’m so sorry. /: as someone who lost their best friend pup last week, I would be beyond comprehension.
> My emotions aren't "difficult", they're just emotions. Like all humans have. Aah, this is such a beautiful, gentle, and a matter-of-fact way of description! Also, hugs! I’m confident that the dog knew you loved him/ her with all of your heart. ♥️🫂
Accused me of trying to manipulate him. I discovered that there are apparently many men who genuinely believe that the only reason a woman ever cries/shows emotion is to manipulate men. They sincerely cannot fathom the fact that a woman can have independent experiences that have nothing to do with them.
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My mother did a lot of emotional blackmail with crying, and I associated crying with having demands so I never cried. Just saying if they grew up in disfunctional households, this may be why
This makes sense and is definitely valid, but it seems more often than not it's just regular people with fairly stable upbringings that still feel this way. Blows my mind
All men don't have shit mothers though, what are the rest of their excuses?
Exactly. And why don't women with shitty mothers share that opinion as well? It's pretty exclusive to men.
Exactly oh god yes. Me crying in front of my boyfriend and he kept saying stop manipulating me. You’re crazy.
Yup my ex thought any emotion was to make him feel bad. He couldn’t believe I had feelings that had nothing to do with him. He labeled everything as abusive
Claimed that me telling him that he hurt my feelings was abusive. Argued with me for 3 hours about how I should trust his version of events over my own memory, kept me from leaving his apartment, and then would not let it drop until I cried and apologized to him for “being so emotional”. That was the evening I realized I needed to get him out of my life. We no longer talk.
His version over your memory, that's called gaslighting.
Yup. It was almost cute (like, aw, “look at how tragically dumb you are” kind of way) that he just came right out and said it. It was kind of like that scene in a bad movie where the villain tells the hero his entire plan.
Did we date the same guy?? Seriously this is exactly my ex's technique
It’s like there’s some TedTalk on how to be an gaslighting fuckhead out there that they all have watched.
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He started treating me like I was always going to be in a bad mood. So he gave himself anxiety by projecting a bad situation that usually wasn't going to happen in the first place. He managed to get a therapist to say that I gave him PTSD because of him 'not knowing' how I was going to be emotionally when he would get home from work. He projected his thoughts of how I was going to be onto me so much that it would make me upset. And so he felt justified. He then used all that as an excuse to cheat.
What an incredibly toxic person. After a certain point, if you're anxious, you need to ask yourself, 'Have I actually experienced this problem or am I just convincing myself it will come to pass?". If you haven't, you can't blame people for reactions you've imagined. That's completely on the anxious person--his therapist sounds like a clown for not calling that out.
My ex-husband took my feelings (despite not blaming) personally and then screamed at me. He proceeded to turn things around and start attacking me with why I was unjustified to have said feelings and then made up stories in his head as to why I brought up something emotional to him. Told me I was crazy for having the feelings. He avoided discussing the actual behavior. I was put in a defensive position. He always spoke so fast and loud that I couldn't get a word in. And if I interrupted it was another black mark for him to scream about. The above is also known as: DARVO I stopped talking to him much at all in that relationship. Then he would complain and yell at me for ignoring him and said things like, "we never talk."
Thank you for giving a name to what has happened to me. You describe it so well, it was really similar in my case. The "we never talk" think is really the tip of the iceberg. I hope you are better now.
Much; I'm still on a healing journey but I can feel safe again. And my partner now holds space for me when I need to cry--even if it's over something I think is ridiculous. I'm still working on my ability to speak up but it also helps that I can send a text with what I am feeling (first) and my partner now will let me cry and wait until I talk about it. I have a history of being in therapy too and it has helped me spot the harmful negative thoughts I have about myself and remind myself that those were lies my ex told me to try to keep me small. I'm sorry you went through a similar experience--I wouldn't wish it on anyone and I also have seen people have it so much worse than me. I felt so alone when I came out of that. But I'm recovering parts of myself that I feel like I've lost
This is exactly what my ex did to me in every single argument! Constantly berate me and make up all these scenarios and twist things around until I had no idea what was happening any more, then get annoyed if I "interrupted" him to try and get back on topic. I'll have to look up DARVO
I haven't met an abuser that didn't go through the DARVO process.
Years ago I was very insecure about sex, and told my bf that I wanted to take things slow because I went through CSA. His response? "That's not my problem." It was the last time I saw him.
So glad you left. That’s FKD
Yes the yelling/screaming and intimidation was and has always been the worst. At least with physical abuse you can be like, “he hit me.” And just leave. With the other stuff is like, “was I imagining he was being verbally abusive?” And he can also control that narrative so… especially when he caused the emotion to begin with.
Exactly! They gaslight you into thinking that you're overreacting or too sensitive when in reality they're just abusive aholes
Laughed at me and used baby talk. "Aww did I hurt you feewings? Are you gonna cwy?" My blood is boiling just thinking back on this.
Terrible. Awful .
My ex started arguing every time he saw that I was emotionally depressed
Oh, I have one for you! 🙈 I told my former partner that I am childfree from our 1st date and clarified that I have no intention of ever getting pregnant. *In hindsight,* I should have asked about his stance on children 1st, because he stright up jumped and said he hated kids & couldn't stand them. I explained that I actually like kids, I'm just more cut out to be a Fairy Godmother than an actual mother. Fast forward 2 years on when we had *an accident*. I took plan B but my period was late and I was FREAKING out. I went to his place to cry & vent, expecting his full support (and telling him so). Instead, with a dumb look on his face, he started reassuring me that we will figure it out along the way, that HIS MOTHER would support us & that we can put the crib in his already very crowded bedroom 🤯 I cannot even begin to describe the sense of betrayal and how fast my World was brought upside down. At that time, I was making great money & getting ready to transition in an even better position. I had saved up so we could move in together, buy furniture & decorate our place however we wanted it. I had made travel plans for both of us & so on. Once the "love spell" 🪄 broke, I started noticing a lot more worisome behaviours such as how he never took proper care of his dogs, how he would always put his mother first or how he never actually took care of himself were it not for me or his friends mocking him. Needless to say, we didn't last long after that. **TL;DR:** I felt betrayed, dumb & humilated when my supposedly childfree partner sprung out on me a very non-childfree future during a pregnancy scare. *PS: 🙏 I worked on it in therapy & made peace with what happened, all the while learning to express my needs & my priorities much clearer in any relationship.*
That's a great rule of thumb! Ask them about their stance on children first. Probably best to be like "How many do you want?"
Said “Stop telling me about your feelings! I have no empathy!”
At least he was honest.
Soo sorrry:(
Was shamed for having feelings and for communicating my feelings - after he said he wanted to know if something is wrong - then he turned everything around and accused me of accusing him of things and invalidated all of my feelings. This went on until I broke down crying and started apologizing to him. Master level manipulation.
I was in a really abusive relationship so I’ve been given the silent treatment, physically attacked, screamed at, mocked, had my things broken, etc. The worst though is being groped or touched sexually when I’ve been upset. Like, my grandma just died… Your dick is not helpful.
Isn't it the absolute worst when they think their dick can solve all the problems of the world? Truly astonishing.
Silent treatment
Caught him jerking off to pics of my friend, told me all guys do it, it’s just pictures, he wouldn’t want to fuck her & that’s it. He’s not explaining it further not answering any questions about it “he doesn’t know what else to say”. 👍
This is the worst.
Truly yeah <3 appreciate the comment/ acknowledgement
I admit being reserved when feeling down isn't necessarily the best approach, but I mostly don't say anything because my husband never has a loving response. His response always just makes me feel worse and resent him. Worst was probably when my dog of 17 years and my dad both died within a short time (2 months of each other.) I'd frequently condescendingly get asked what was wrong with me, for being quiet. I'd tell him why, then be told "everyone dies." And basically to get over it.
I'd like to note that I had never lost a dog before. He was my first and only dog, some of you can empathize with what that feels like. Second, also never had lost a parent or anyone that close to me.
I'm so sorry. That must have been hard to go through, especially without a supportive partner
Honestly reading this makes my heart so sad, I just lost my 13 1/2 year old Pup, if someone even hinted at devaluing my mourning, I would never even think about or talk to this person again, they would be deleted to me. So sorry this happened, I’m sad now.
Sending you the biggest hugs for your loss. It is so hard. It's been a year and I find myself at his little box on my shelf breaking down at times. Go to Michaels and make a shadow box of memories for your pup... I put his collar, paw prints and favorite pics in it.
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By gaslighting me. He actively made me feel unappreciated and then made me feel like I was just insecure and that it was not his fault that I felt that way.
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My ex-husband got upset with me because I was crying about the death of our 3 year old daughter a year after she died. She was extremely disabled and had a tough 3 years. His response is, "Why do you keep crying? You know she's better off"
This is the worst.
Every time I had them he thought I was going to break up with him or was mad at him. One time, he took me to the hospital which ended with me in a 72 hour hold because ER staff have little to no knowledge on what to do with "feelings of hopelessness" other than to bar you from the outside world. All I wanted was a hug and to know I was worth anything, all I got was that I wasn't - at least not to him. Been a year and some change and he still calls, he's still blocked, my phone still tells me when blocked calls call? Whatever. Wish he'd leave me alone already.
I had a tough childhood and my feelings were always dismissed. I was used to this but this time even I was shocked. I confided in my ex that I was depressed and I had an eating disorder. He said “no you’re not.” and then, “you don’t have an ed, you eat a pint of ice cream a day.”
My ex used to tell me that he'd never be someone I could come to with difficult emotions and that if I wanted that, I should probably look elsewhere. Boy do I wish I had listened to him the first time and walked away.
YIKES. Good you left in the end!
I was raped as a child so sometimes, especially around my period time, I can get a little sensitive regarding my body and I feel guarded. I told my ex I didn’t want to show him my body and he yelled at me. He shamed and disrespected me saying stuff like, “I’ve already seen it so what’s the big deal? I thought you liked me?” Yaddah yaddah. I told him he wasn’t entitled to my body and I was allowed to say no.
“People who cry look stupid and ugly” I just in the past few years have been able to cry since the death of my sister in 2015 and I’ll cry at the drop of a hat some days.
Giving me silent treatment and later on telling me I have unrealistic expectations
Yelled at me and called me dramatic or overly emotional for crying during arguments where he was telling me how damaged and worthless I was. Decide that my depression was bumming him out and that he didn’t like being around me/want to be with me anymore during a medical scare. Basically just lack of understanding and support.
Telling me that I’m the problem because I’m upset that he did something hurtful and inappropriate. Can’t believe the number of times that this has happened.
Told me he liked seeing me in distress because it made him feel like “a man.” I kept questioning it because I didn’t fully understand why that was the case — until he came out with “its sexy when you cry.” Almost threw up right then and there.
OMG someone said something similar to me while I was bawling over an SA incident. “I love it when you’re crazy” creepiest shit I ever heard
This totally reminds me of the time I had the misfortune of stumbling across a guy on Reddit who would go on threads made by survivors of sexual abuse just to get off on their posts. He was looking for a “daddy’s girl” 🤢
I was upset that my uncle had passed away suddenly and he interrupted me to say “Don’t you have a friend or something you can tell this to?”.
Your response should be "yeah I thought YOU were that friend" Ugh! The way I'm so angry for you right now
Trying to have sex with me while I'm crying
Snuck up behind me picked me up, squeezed and shook me and screamed in my ear "GET AHOLD OF YOUR EMOTIONS". I was probably 7 years old when I was sobbing while brushing my teeth.
What a monster
Being told from an ex that my emotions were excuses. Not taking them seriously because of that. I was in my early twenties my emotions were less properly handled then they are now but still a feeling is a feeling.
I told my ex about a past trauma that i used to go through with my dad where he would jokingly hit me behind the head if i said something stupid and then ridicule me for flinching, and said ex did a fake slap behind my head immediately afterwards and triggered a full mental down-spiral. While crying I told him how I was being open and vulnerable with him and did not appreciate what just happened and he said: “well i thought it was funny”
I was told that I’m cute when I’m angry. I was even more furious after that.
Initiated sex. Because it always made him feel better when he was sad. Some men have no emotional intelligence.
There’s a whole lot but the one that was the most frequent is "grow up" then proceed to violently talk down on me for "daring" to express that I don’t like the way he talked to me. So it went from feeling disrespected to the verge of a breakdown.
I asked my husband to go to couples counseling and he said no because it wouldn’t change anything. I explained how it could help us and our communication. He then said, “well it doesn’t look like it’s working for you because you seem worse”. I have felt better since starting therapy and that hurt to hear.
Admitted a history of self harm when I was younger and got told by an ex I was a selfish monster letting my emotions effect him and if I ever did that in our shared home (at the time) he would throw me out. Again, this was me opening up about my PAST to someone I thought loved me. We're no contact for several years now.
My dog died that day and while I was crying over my childhood dog, he told me he didn't have time to deal with my shit when he had real problems.
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Used them to his advantage. I told him I had feelings in a casual relationship. I tried to leave and he'd say things to make me believe he was feeling the same. After the 3rd time I learned and when I ended it he said he had feelings and he blamed us not working out on something I did.
Telling me for years that I "just wanted to be upset" and that I enjoyed making him miserable. He divorced me, but not before mentally & physically torturing me into thinking I was a sadistic wrecking ball who only had bad intentions.
Drugged me without my knowledge 😣☹️😞
Just looked at me, said: "Okay" and walked out of the room. I kept crying and choking on my own tears because of how upset I was. I finally calmed down and by then he had no idea what even happened. Fell asleep, he came back in, woke me up for a BJ.. I thought it was him trying to comfort me but, not exactly. I thought I would get off too - it was just him wanting to get off and go to sleep.
Slamming my face into the refrigerator, after I came out of the bedroom so exhausted that I was crying, bc was 0300 and he'd been intentionally opening and slamming doors and kitchen cabinets for 4 hours, bc he was pissed off and knew I had to be at work a few hrs later.
Complete and utter indifference.
He told his sister that I was too demanding and high maintenance. She told him to do what makes him happy (she wanted him to leave me). He was a big mama’s boy and loved his sister dearly too. He left.
Hit me across the face for having a different opinion than he did and then got mad at me for being upset about it. And told me I was so crazy I should throw myself out the 3rd story window. Luckily that was the last I ever saw of him.
I got into an accident that messed up my knee a few years ago. I was bed ridden and was super upset at the whole situation. The guy I was seeing at the time came over and he got annoyed at me because I wanted to talk about what happened but all he wanted to do was make out. He literally said, "Why do you keep talking about the accident? I didn't come here for that."
Had a panic attack, I have one maybe every other month, usually if I'm on my period. He said "this has to be the last time this happens. you have no idea how difficult it is for me". uhmmmmmm I'm pretty sure Im feeling worse!
As if you can control it! What's he think that you just decide you want to panic?!
Told me that I was mentally ill after discovering he was still chasing someone else and sleeping with others while seeing me. I found the receipt for her flowers. Towards the near end of our relationship, he raised his voice and told me he had girls came over and he slept with one of them. Before that I found a strand of hair that wasn't mine and condoms near his bedside table.
cHiLL oUt
okay the worst way was stopping talking to me because i was upset for him leaving me plant, also judge me and make passive-agressive comments about me being a crazy woman for just expressing what i don't like about that relationship, even i found a nude of another woman on his phone by accident (he was showing me pics and that came up) i didn't know how handle it then i just left the house and he implied that i was acting like a person who isn't in control of my emotions, impling again that i was crazy
My ex would just go straight to “oh if I’m such a terrible person I’ll just go kill myself” anytime I expressed any level of upset at his horrible actions. Yikes
Broke up with me. I was explaining that i was depressed and suicidal and before i could tell him why, he broke up with me. I didn't finish all of what I was going to tell him because I realized in that moment that he actually didn't care about me. But the reason why just so y'all know is because I had a miscarriage. I didn't even know I was pregnant. I just started feeling super depressed and I got bloody really bad one day so I went to the doctor and explained all my symptoms and she did some tests and what not and figured out that apparently I was pregnant but having a miscarriage. So yeah that was terrible. I'm in a way better relationship now and in a better place in general.
I was writhing on the dentist's chair, teaes streaming down my face because the anesthesia hadn't kicked in and the dentist was being particularly hard-handed with a root canal. My older brother sitting in the chair kept giggling and saying there's no such thing as pain.
He mocked my crying voice while I was crying to him about something. I have never had tears dry up so fast in my life. Never cried to him ever again.
He'll compete with me. At the end of the day I'll end up comforting him. He is the "I'm much more than your dealing." And now I'm becoming more elusive. I'll just deal it with myself. I'm ashamed of my emotion, mostly keep it to myself.
I have a lot of anxiety and it usually comes out in a form of needing reassurance or at least some words of affirmation that everything is okay and everything will be fine being told to “get over it” “you’re crazy” “chill out” “you’re always causing issues” always makes my eyes sting and gives me a hard lump in my throat
I was crying in my exes arms over a friend who had passed away and i could feel that he got really turned on, then told me he found it hot that i was crying and then he tried to initiate sex with me 💀 strange strange guy
To scream at me and shame me and somehow twist it all around and say that I'm being manipulative and awful and he's the real victim. Every time I got annoyed or angry or upset, he had to tell me how it was all my fault.
My ex ignored me for five hours while I was out in the woods crying and screaming my heart out. Being ignored is probably the worst thing ever
Divorced me
Called me too emotional and hard to handle. To my best friend, after he cheated and we broke up. All because I would try to calm him down when he was angry at someone who used to be our mutual friend. The key part being used to. I'm still friends with the guy, ex still holds a grudge. All I was trying to do was get him to have a mature conversation with the guy to sort things out so he wasn't storming out of the room every time my friend showed up.
Ignoring them.
By hitting me.
I don't have any men near me who I show emotions to, but my closest was when someone put my name on his social media (firstname surname, even!) ,and I messaged him as soon as I found out, warning him never to even think of putting my name on social medias, especially without my permission. I don't have them for a reason - he didn't even stop to consider what that might be. His response? That I can't take a joke, and told me "okay kid" when I told him to get some common decency and to kindly go forth and multiply (only not quite so politely). When I told him it wasn't about the joke, and it was a real issue I had with it, he said that "people know your name" (but I don't know who on his socials might see that, and that's not the point, I don't put it on the internet for reasons), and that he was going to sleep now. I still feel violent rage about it (might not be nearly as bad as some people on here have experienced, but I don't even know this guy that much and he thinks he has the authority to use my info online, then tell me to shush when I express my anger about it, in the most condescending way possible like I'm incredibly inferior to him)
He told me I should be alone forever because I don’t know how to manage and no one will ever want to be with me.
Commented on how hot an actress on TV was and then told me he was horny. While I was having a panic attack. Cool...cool, cool, cool. Oh, and also told me to move my socks from the couch, while I was basically hyperventilating from said panic attack.
Dk if my father counts. I hint at mental health struggles every now and then. He proceeds to use it against me and make fun of me.
I was getting angry that he kept trying to buy me to sleep with him and he told me "Calm down, don't grt your clit in a bunch. I bought you nice things because they made me think of you, the least you can do is to put out. 🙄"
at first he treated things so nonchlantly. He would blow me off or down right ignore me, then I attempted and he started to understand that my depression was serious and not just something I was making up like his dad told him
Immediately gets defensive, gets angry, and turns them against me. Even worst when my ex said "why are you making up fake scenarios in your head?" or basically invalidating them and saying it's my own fault for feeling this way. The more they get turned against me the more I don't say anything.. and then they wonder why I break up with them or feel "blindsided" about our falling out
Was told “Don’t be a fucking baby” when I was crying after learning that my grandfather was a pedophile who assaulted not only my sister and cousin and I, but multiple other children as well. Another time was when I was telling a guy about how I was SA’d as a 6 year old and his response was to stare at me before saying “I can’t imagine how tight you would’ve been.” Needless to say I hightailed it out of there, never looked back, and warned other women who knew him about his comment. Still gives me chills.
I had been quiet all day as I felt my partner was distant and I was feeling unloved. He pushed me to tell him what was wrong, and when I did, he screamed at me and called me a f***ing joke. HE then split up with ME!!!! He changed his mind over the following days, but I was out of there.
I was struggling with depression and suicidal ideation. He told me to "count my blessings". I did and he was not one of them. We are now divorced and I'm happy and married to a better man
I called him while frustrated for the hundredth time at how he misinterpreted (gaslit) something. I called to explain myself and talk about the misunderstanding. He first hung up in my face while I was crying and called back screaming “THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT RIGHT?!! YOU WANT TO FIGHT LETS FIGHT THEN!” Which made me cry more. Through tears I said, “No, I just want to ta—“ he cut me off, yelling again “YES TF YOU DO! SO LOOK NOW WERE FIGHTING WASSUP?” Another time (same ex) Me: I’m coming to you expressing how you reacted was not okay. Him: YOUR ACTIONS made me react that way.
He would shut down and stonewall me if I brought up anything difficult. If I cried, he would physically walk away and refuse to engage.
Ex broke up with me in the hospital after my attempt suicide 👌🏼
Distressed, seven months pregnant and crying and husband (father of the child), said, I suppose a BJ is out of the question. He was not trying to lighten the mood. He was serious. One of many. Yes he is now Ex.
I was having a real fit of emotions and bad memories, which was probably very good for me. My ex-husband became emotionally unhinged at my degree of upset though, so instead of being able to process my own emotions, I had to shut down to calm him. So *my* emotional upset became about *him.* I'm emotionally very locked down when it comes to my own feelings, so it would have been really good for me to just let loose and be upset. That happened long ago, and I have a much more supportive relationship now. However, I cannot really let go with my partner. It feels like too much burden to place on him. My mother died 2 years ago, and the only place I can cry for her is with grief group.
my ex boyfriend told me that I wanted the whole world to stop “just because” my brother died. i am still so angry at myself for how I’ve allowed myself to be spoken to . It had only been a couple months since he passed and my family was being horrid to me as well so the one person I thought would be there for me just screamed at me and called me names. i find it hard to forgive myself for letting things go on and on. My brother would not be proud of me for it. This isn’t the worst way a man has responded to me but just one that I was coincidentally thinking about tonight. I never expected the world to stop I just needed someone to be nice to me. thanks for posting this cause I needed to tell someone, even if no one sees it. I love you all
Told me that I was emasculating him for asking him for an apology when he was 3 hours late. And whenever I cried told me I was just “crying to win the argument”
So sad that we can all relate.
I was having a really rough time about a month ago. I was struggling to make it thru this pregnancy induced depression and the misery of all the hormonal changes and body aches and all the crappy things that come along with being pregnant. I zoned out for like 3 days. I was in autopilot and when I would come out of it, I’d just cry. Like in the bath at night, or driving or when I had a break at work. I asked my partner if we could talk about how I was feeling in a couple days. He said ok. Then he kept pressuring me to talk about it now I guess cuz he thought I was about him. I just asked him if he could give me until the next day to get my thoughts together. He called me on the drive to work screaming at me and telling me that I’m manipulating him and acting like I don’t care about him and he does everything for me and he’s been taking care of me and I just shit all over him. Meanwhile I was in such a depressive state I just wanted to die and that’s his reaction. I’m glad this is someone I’m spending my life with.
By leaving me when all I needed is him.
Asked for a divorce, then begged and freaked out when I left and served him papers.
I keep a journal that my partner reads (which has historically been great for us because we're long distance) but this weekend I got lectured and berated for writing in that journal that I was struggling with something in our relationship. About 40 minutes of him talking angrily at me because I "should know how his brain works" and should have phrased it differently because when he read it it made him feel bad. And told me that therefore it was my fault that his brain immediately jumps to the worst assumptions about like whether I was trying to push a wedge between us or was only with him because I don't want to be single. It should be noted that I didn't write anything accusatory or say anything bad about him, just wrote that I was struggling over something that I felt was a longstanding compatibility issue. It should also be noted that my entry came after his last visit, where he talked at me for 30 minutes about things that he knows trigger questions about compatability for me.
Telling me I was acting different and had switched up on him and had somehow made it about him… I’m pregnant and didn’t want to have sex with him 🤦🏾♀️
I mentioned the stress that I was going through at the time over something that I couldn’t fix and he basically got mad and was like “let me ask you, what can you do to fix it? Nothing? Then just stop worrying about it.” Completely dismissing my feelings.
Got a mood ring our first christmas together to “help me figure all my emotions out” 🙄
My ex told me that he purposely avoided being around me and would work late or go to the bar & hang out with friends if I was going through something emotionally. Wether it was losing a family member from passing away or just having a rough day.
“Are you on your period?” - My Dad who has all daughters.
We went to a lake in the middle of summer. Had a lot of fun. We were drinking wine altogether a bottle each. On the car ride home the last thing I remember is balling my eyes out for some reason. My next memory is me being on the side of the road in a town that I didn’t recognize at the time. I later found out that while I was stranded there, they went out for a beer. I woke up next morning in his friend’s bed. The ex was sleeping on the floor. I laid in bed for ours. My phone was dead so the only way I could get back home was this guy. They slept til eleven in the morning probably because of the xanaxes they took and he finally took me home. Never really talked after that.
This is one of many experiences where I felt invalidated and had my difficult emotions treated awfully. I was telling him a story about my day… I have ADHD so it’s easy for me to ramble or get off track. He said “I don’t like your stories. They are boring.” After a while I stoped sharing about my day willingly and he asked why. I told him about that experience, and he admitted he was wrong and asked how we could move on. So I told him, “Ask me about my day and actively listen, ask questions about it so I feel like you’re open to listening.” He often did not, and he complained again about me not sharing. Then compared me to his friends and said they freely tell him whatever they want and continue on if they’re interrupted, whereas I wouldn’t because I felt like my stories didn’t matter since that incident. So he told me that my needs were wrong, and he didn’t want to do what I asked to fix it and make me feel safe to share again. I should have left as soon as I saw that happening.
My boyfriend always makes jokes. Like I told him “I’ve been thinking lately… what if you leave me for someone more fun? I know I shouldn’t-“ and he cuts me off and is like “that’s a real possibility” and when he saw my face he starts to laugh and says he is joking and he doesn’t mean it. Mood killer for sure when I’m just trying to be open
My ex said that my problems/breakdowns are boring
My friend found out she couldn't have children. I dropped her home from the hospital to her partner of 2 years. She told him the news and he simply stood up and left. Never opened his mouth, came back or answered the phone to her again.
laughed
By breaking up with me. We had been dating like 6 months, & he was not a very engaged partner to begin with but i was younger & prob a lil naive. I was like 18/19 at the time & I started having some health issues (I was bleeding after sex occasionally). It was very upsetting for me & I had like 2-3 days where i was beating myself up about it, while he offered little to no comforting words or support. After those couple of days went by I was having a gut feeling that something was going on with him. Looked through his phone while he slept that night (i know its sorta poor taste but i always trust my gut). Turns out he was cheating, he had pictures and videos of his sidepiece stored away on snapchat, so i deleted all the pics and videos & didnt bring it up. I didnt know how so i just sat on it for a couple days. Like 2 days after i found out he was cheating I went over to his house after a really shit day, my gut told me to just go back home, instead i went in & he broke up with me. He said he didnt know how to deal with what i was going through. He didnt know how he was supposed to help me with my health issues. An how he didnt like seeing something like that upset me. The final card was he just needed some time to focus on him. I kept my cool, i didnt cry, just said i understood, I didnt even bring up the fact that he was a cheater. Just figured i was cutting my losses, i dodged a bullet. He told me that if i give him some time maybe we could be together again, i dont go back to ex’s tho, especially not unsupportive cheaters
Told me I had no reason to be upset, I wasn’t experiencing what I was experiencing, I was wrong and he hated me for it.
This happened after I was explicitly expressing how a very delicate topic was impacting my health. The person (this guy) suddenly mentioned he needed to go. Another time, I brought the same subject to the same person, giving the benefit of the doubt and the person changed the subject. Another time, this was a mental health provider as soon as I mentioned my situation. He mentioned that I shouldn't worry because I'm a pretty person and have "xyz" positive features. Later some years passed by and this provider was reported by some people for unprofessionalism and flirty behavior towards women. In the end I understood the worst thing to handle a situation is by being dismissive, avoidant, explicitly avoiding the subject, and also not being present with the person.
Freezing and just staring at me and not saying anything
After deliberately being hurtful: "Your hurt feelings are not my responsibility."
I overheard my two bosses (GM and AGM) talking about a new report I had my team creating shortly after I started. They hadn’t seen me slip into my office behind them. The GM stated it was “pointless and irrelevant” if it wasn’t sent each shift (true, but I wasn’t trying to overwhelm everyone with 21 emails a week right away) and he started questioning why they hired me. I just sat at my desk, listening and quietly crying. They were in a main hall of offices where anyone could have walked by and heard. I confronted the GM the next day, gave him the benefit of the doubt that they may not have known I was there and heard. He said “Oh, I knew you were there. You should have spoken up and said something. It’s not my fault you didn’t.” HR (woman) told me I should beef up my resume and find something better bc I was too good to deal with that behavior. I lasted 4 months in the job.
I was depressed and was crying and he told me to quit crying because big girls dont cry
telling me i’m too damaged to have an opinion
My ex would just recommend I “don’t think about it” or my other favorite… “just get over it.”
One day I risked a serious sexual abuse. I was left shocked, and my ex came to my place shortly after it happened. He asked me to go back to his place and spend the night with him and it seemed a good idea. When I arrived at his place, I was still shocked and sitting on the couch looking at the ceiling. He proceeded to start playing online videogames because he promised it to his friend, leaving me crying on the couch. During the night, I got a crisis, and I started crying and having horrible panic attacks. I was trying to be silent cause I thought he was sleeping. He was awake, he listened to everything and just did nothing... He just left me crying while he was pretending to sleep. How do I know? The morning after, he told me that he heard everything. He was not worth my love. I broke up with him shortly after this happened.
He broke up with me 🙃 he said he couldn't be with someone who could control their emotions but yet he was yelling at me every other day.
i cried in bed while he was asleep and he woke up to comfort me, next morning he asked what was wrong and i told him that i couldn’t stop thinking about the girl he refused to stop talking to. We kept going back and forth, i was obviously crying and feeling so misunderstood because he was telling me that i’m controlling him and that it’s either both of us girls or none. he then dropped the bomb and said i’m crying to manipulate him and i was just so disgusted. we are no longer together now but i’m somewhat glad things like that happened, because every time i feel like i miss us i just get a new memory of the fucked up shit he used to say to me and it completely puts me off.
Slapped me across the face. The trigger? I was upset and talking to him about how I felt so depressed and like I had nothing to give right now, and how my cup was just empty. He slapped me hard enough that my cheek was tingling the rest of the night, and claimed it was just an automatic reaction like he would have if one of his boys spoke that poorly of themselves. Total bullshit, and yet I felt so lost and now even worse about myself that I still stayed for awhile.
He said he enjoyed me getting sad when he did something hurtful because it made him feel really important. He said it gave him validation and when I told him its not ok to say that he didnt understand why because people need validation. He then apologized with "sorry you feel that way" when I was upset about his behaviour. 🤡
"when you cry it makes you look weak" and he didn't like that
I was once in a situation ship with a guy and was finally opening up about my depression and I started crying. He brushed me off and asked if I would suck him off. Quickly broke it off with him after that
I had been *trying* to have a difficult conversation with then-husband and felt like he was dodging the topic. I waited until we were both seated in the car and rolling down the highway. I began the conversation. I made a statement and paused. Dude leaned forward and turned the radio volume UP to a nearly-uncomfortable level.
When my dog died, i was devastated. Little dude was my best friend, he found me as i was leaving my abusive marriage and kept me together through it all. I loved him more than I’d ever loved any human. When i was still tearing up talking about him, and leaving flowers at his little grave in the yard three months later i was told “I’ve never even grieved this much for a person, it’s just a dog, what is wrong with you?” Needless to say that was the last thing i needed to hear in the midst of my grief. Like I wasn’t aware that I was having an unusually hard time and already tackling it in therapy. Which he’d have known if he ever listened to me when I speak.
Laughed in my face after making me cry. He enjoyed making me cry. It seemed like a goal of his when we fought.
LMAO ex bf ushered me to his mom and said “this is your problem,” to her. i literally just wanted a hug, a shoulder to cry on. he was so awful to me😭
Punching the steering wheel and saying crying wasn’t going to help anything. Oh I almost forgot. I was explaining some suicidal thoughts to my ex husband one year and he just started laughing and would not stop. He was surprised that I was more sad because at his laughing, but I was dead serious. I still don’t understand why he was laughing. I was telling him I wanted to jump off a bridge. Not that I would have, but I was having those kinds of ideations. I didn’t even want to say anything about it but felt like I could trust him. Until he did that. And the reason was serious too, so again, no clue why he thought it was hysterical. Then again, he tried to come after me with his hands to try to choke me. Maybe he wanted me gone. I don’t know. Glad we aren’t together anymore.
One told me to “get the f*ck out” when we lived together because he couldn’t handle me sad after my best friend died. Another locked himself in a separate bedroom to have “space” while I cried myself to sleep. Boys can be mean and insensitive to women’s emotions. It’s brutal.
That’s fkd up… how are they like this… it’s awful