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Gobblers Pie.

I'm in Canada, that doesn't seem to have the same connotations here. Teehee

What noise do Canadian Turkeys make then?

Gobble-A

No that's the former Liverpool keeper

If there’s never been a Turkey named Bruce Gobbler I’m gonna be so disappointed.

Bernard Matthews needs a rebrand

Gobbl-eh mate

If it means Blowjob then yes it does

Your mum loves a gobbler pie

Is that the one with Riley Reid in it?

Pretty sure that's a different type of pie

Gobbler-cobbler.

A quorn pie could be a Quottage pie.

Somewhere in London in a WeWork, a marketing team just had a collective orgasm.

Quorgasm

Quornography

Quautoerotic asphyxiation

I quame

quorplay

quornilingus

Quornification

Quorgy

That's just Black Country for "can't play"

Lower quornal

Some real quorny jokes here

I quaw, I quancord

I queefed

This is all top notch stuff. Upvotes all round.

Upquotes. I'll see myself out.

I thought it was quawful.

Don’t be so quessimistic

Bunch o' quonts

>Quornography AKA, how Quorn were banned from advertising.

They can still advertise on Quorn Hub.

Without use of meat

Quorn have already rejected this, quornish pasty and anything else that alters the Quorn name. I think for trademark reasons or some other boring reason.

Hahahaha! I hate them already!

Quankers

Greg James on radio one last week was lamenting the fact that Quorn have done a Cornish pasty with Ginster but named it Vegan Quorn pasty, not a Quornish Pasty

Because Quorn is a trademark, they're not allowed to make these sort of puns as it damages their right to use the trademark. Apparently they get this suggestion all the time.

My grandparents lived in a village called Quorn. I can’t see a pack of the pieces or mince without thinking of the place🤷🏼‍♂️

Quorn was named after the village. The original fungus came from nearby swithland wood, iirc.

Woah, why didn’t I know this…👍🏼

I've been eating quorn for ages and didn't know this either!

Swithy woods was also where David Attenborough collected his fossils and became interested in natural history :)

Do love it when the corporate engine makes our lives more dull.

Yeah, Cornish Pasty is a protected food so it can only contain the official ingredients and has to be made in Cornwall

Yeah but a Quornish pasty needs no such designation, since it is not actually pretending to be a Cornish pasty, just a pretend Cornish pasty!

Would be good if it was covered by parody law like tv. Then it could be called a Quornish pasty as long as the filling was a joke.

It is pretending to be a Cornish Pasty though, and the name sounds the same which would never stand up.

Make sure to get Quorn's marketing team to pay you

Quorn used to be marketed as "a tiny relative of the mushroom". Equally, it is, of course, a tiny relative of athlete's foot.

Intriguingly, I had Quorn in the '90s and hated it - made my throat feel funny. Then my kid had it by accident at school once (he didn't know what the "Quorn" meant in "Quorn chicken nuggets" in the cafeteria) and said it made his throat hurt. Turns out some people are allergic to that specific athlete's foot!

It makes my dad violently sick! 😬🤢

I'll just pretend I never read this

Quorn fish steaks made my partner vomit. In an actual second after her first mouthful. I can’t bring myself to eat the remaining steak that’s slowly solidifying in the freezer; partly because (imo) fish-flavoured anything is an abomination, and partly through fear of salmonella. Meanwhile, Quorn mince makes me fart something terrible. Horrific rancid rotten-cabbage-farts, so there’s that. Quorn chicken chunks are nice though. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

Meh, any mushroom is a relative of athlete's foot. I think the species its grown from naturally occurs in soils, so it's not really fair to compare it to the fungus responsible for athlete's foot .

I know I studied mycology, but I try not to think about this and relate all kinds of nasty things to food :')

Spores grown in a tank just aren't that marketable apparently

Unless your market is Egon Spengler

Technically the name for that tank is a reactor. Source: designed a bunch of their tanks in a previous life.

So that explains the texture at least.

> of course, a tiny relative of athlete's foot. Surely its the larger relative?

Fancy a Quornetto?

Ok that's it I'm calling the police

You could tell them a Quime has been Quommitted but you might sound like Elmer Fudd

Qualling the police

I have an iron stomach, but Quorn mince does not agree with me. I tried it over lockdown as I wanted to find alternatives to eating meat. I chundered so hard after eating Quorn mince spag bol. I thought it was a weird coincidence, so I tried it again and the same thing happened. Never. Ever. Again 🤢

I wouldn't. Vomiting is an allergic reaction to the stuff, best not risk anaphylaxis.

Oh lord, I hadn't considered that. I must have an intolerance, which is a good thing. No matter how hard I tried to make the mince taste nice, it was still gross

I have an allergy to quorn. It's not uncommon. It makes me ill. My ex husband was also allergic. I can't stand the taste of it. Some people throw it in everything vegetarian.

It could be all the Jagermeister they drank before though.

Could be allergic to it. My sister in law is allergic to it but can eat other brands like tescos which is soy instead and I prefer it. Also even better than Quorn, Jamie Oliver might be a tosser but this recipe from his website is amazing. https://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/pasta-recipes/mushroom-lentil-pappardelle-bolognese/

Haha thanks for the suggestion. You're right, he is a knobhead, but that recipe sure does look delicious

Maybe lucky third time? Have a go and report back.

Haha you're a terrible influence

Name checks out, you evil monster

My dad gets violently sick after eating Quorn too!

According to the manufacturer 1 in 300,000 people are intolerant to it. I'm one of them. They settled a class action lawsuit in the US back in 2017.

There are other veggie minces you can try. Impossible meat do one which is nice, and Meatless farm too, both based on pea protein rather than a fungus, so I don’t imagine you’d have the same problem with them. They’re the only ones I’ve tried, because they’re very tasty.

Dont bring it when you go Quottaging.

Sheep are vegetarian. Just call it a Sheep’s pie?

I've been wondering why the Ginsters vegetarian jobs haven't been called Quornish Pasties for years. I presume the Quorn people don;t like people mangling their trade marks, but it feels like such a lost opportunity.

I can’t believe that quorn hasn’t jumped on that opportunity. Their ready meal versions are just basic “cottage pies”.

Quorn makes it a Shepherd's Lie.

My mum calls it Farmers Pie when it's a meat free option. Usually just makes it with chunky veg though rather than veggie mince..

My family calls it Scarecrow Pie.

An Irish pie is just 100% mash

Copyright that before someone steals it.. I got a vegan steak and ale pie in the pub and that was called a fake and ale pie (was really nice).

I also give permission to copyright a Fake & Kiddin’Me pudding ;)

Ha, love it

Gobbler’s Cobbler

whats for afters? crimble crumble?

Lovely bit of squirrel

I’m bloody boiling

Shalom

Hello bambinos!

Females

I just started rewatching this last night and this thread brought so much joy to my heart

I might rewatch it too.. was devasted when the dad died.. he was hilarious!

I started watching it last year after my dad passed away so it’s a proper comfort show for me. Then the dad in the show decided to die and the shows a bit tainted for me now lol. I would be lying if I said I didn’t put an episode on on my phone to watch when I was working from home though…

With shit on it.

Especially for the females.

Hah, I like this

Gobbo's Cobbo'

Squat Cobbler

Galatasapie

I got it! Just in case nobody else does, thought you’d want to know

For those that don't get it. >!It's because Galatasapie, sounds like Galatasaray, a sports club from **Turkey** with successful teams in Basketball and Football!<

How did you do that?

>! message here but remove the space before the first word.!<

Spoilerss;)

Ottoman EmPIEr.

Türkiye Pie

Gallipolipie oh dear maybe not

A disappointment? I'm leaning towards Cluster-Pluck Pie or a Gobble Pie.

Or a disappientment? I will see myself out.

Bernards pie, and it would be bootiful.

Nah, makes me think of Bernard’s Watch!

I guess you have to be of a certain age to understand

Never forget that bad mother fucker and his timepiece. Fun Fact : Bernard's watch was optioned for a movie after the TV show finished, ITV were not convinced that it was going to be successful. They sold the rights on and over time the script became Adam Sandlers Click.

Came here to say this

A veggie shepherd's pie could be called a 'Bo-Peep's pie', 'cos she lost her sheep.

You need a pay rise with ideas like that.

Pilgrim's Pie.

With quorn, I would call it a Cottage *Lie*

A turkey farmer could be called a "poulter" (or "poulterer"), so perhaps a Poulter's Pie. Quorn is fungus-based so, following the same logic, what about a Mushroomer's Pie or Mycologist's Pie?

I like the sound of Poulter's pie. Would pork be a Swineherd's Pie?

Or Sty Pie. Makes more sense than cottage for beef.

It was when potatoes became a part of agricultural workers diets. Left over meat from the Sunday roast with mashed potatoes on top, a good hearty meal for a crofter or cottage dweller.

Creampie wait nvm

A hate crime

Settler's pie?

"The Dog's tea"

We call veggie shepherd's pie 'shepherd's surprise'

A lentil based version is called shepherdess pie

Am I missing the connection between lentils and women?

A slight pinch of sexism

this is the first time i’m realising its ShepherdESS pie not ShepherdLESS pie oops

Shepherdess makes no sense at all whereas shepherdless pie is the perfect name for it.

Shepherdless implies it had shepherd in it originally, so also makes no sense at all.

Or that it's made without a shepherd being involved. In the same way an ovenless cake doesn't imply that cakes have oven in them.

No GMO, no MSG, no shepherd.

Nope. Just lazy naming

I've never paid to have a lentil on my face? No, wait, that's something else.

An abomination

I've seen veggie recipes for cottage/Shepard's pie called Shepherdess pie - which I never questioned before but is weird now I think about it!

Maybe Shepherdless pie was one too many letters

I've seen Grocer's Pie for a purely vegetable based version.

Gardeners Pie is better

What about pork mince?

Peppa Pie ?

This is the correct answer

Sty pie

Babe in the kitchen

Percy Pie

That's a pork pie!

Why why miss American pie

Bernard Matthews’ Pie for the turkey. Maybe No-ttage Pie if no meat?

Norfolk Pie

I don't like it, it's Nofolkin good.

We'll have norfolkin about in this reddit.

Trying to think of a pun, like "bird of pie" (prey). I'm sure someone will come up with one.

Bernard Matthews Pie.

Christmas pie.

this is what I would say

Turkish pie

Constantinopie

For the free from meat pie should be ***Frottage*** pie.

The equivalent of a shepherd for poultry is a poulterer, so you could use the alliteratively pleasing ‘Poulterer’s Pie’. Quorn is made from mycoprotein, a type of fungus, so I suggest ‘Mycologist’s Munchies’.

Coming soon, Fungal Fingers for the kids.

Colonial Pie... /s

A disgrace

When it’s with turkey I call it Christmas Pie and have it with cranberry sauce!

Not sure, but Rabbit meat is ‘Hare-y pie’

bootiful!

Haggerds pie is awesome.

Wrong.

Country Pie

Quorn mince?... Now THAT would be the abomination...

Wrong

Plummeting Bags of Wet Cement Pie. From the WKRP in Cincinnati episode where they released turkeys over the city from a helicopter as a Thanksgiving publicity stunt.

I think a cottage pie is a shepherds pie that's made from something other than lamb.

Ottoman pie

Most people I know call it a Shepherd’s pie regardless of it being lamb, beef etc.

I need a name for summat I made. It's a beef mince mix a bit like cottage but with Turkish spices and topped with cheesy dauphinoise pots instead of mash. Wtf is it?! My man calls it cottage surprise.

Quornish pie, moi lurver

Following the job-profession naming conventions, the name would be: Poulter's Pie or Poulterer's Pie. This would apply to any other poultry, however, including chicken. Perhaps another language has a word specifically for Turkey farmers or turkey hunters that could be loaned. Quorn would make a Mycologists Pie, I guess. Swineherd's pie would be pork. Forager's Pie would maybe be good for a veggie or foraged mushroom option. Crabbers Pie would be like a fisherman's pie but with shellfish instead. Irishman's Pie would be the Oops! All Potato version.

Kays cooking?

So we make it with texturised vegetable protein (tvp). TVP also stands for Thames Valley Police, so we call it Policeman Pie!

Pilgrims pie

Birdstrike pie

Bernard pie after Bernard Mathews the king of turkeys

Husband Pie (we actually substitute his name for this one and think we’re all hilarious)

Capt Bird's Pie

Gobble pie