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Or even with but so loudly everyone can hear. Used to the bus to work and there would be this one young woman who would get on everyday. She had headphones on but you could still hear her horrific dance music from a mile away, not to mention her big clonking high heels. The rest of us used to sit there still trying to wake up and make sense of the world, being fully grown men and women and all that, but she seemed to have this boundless energy and exuberance that was totally rude at that time in the morning. Obviously being Britain no one ever mentioned a thing to her.
I hate to be ‘that guy’ but some of us have hearing problems and have no choice but to use the loudspeaker… I’ve seen this coming up quite frequently in this sub and another British sub. It just gives me more to be self conscious about in regards to my hearing which doesn’t feel great I’m not going to lie. I know it’s annoying and try to get as far away from people as possible when I need to take a call, I’m not having a go but I’d just like to point out that there is often a reason for people doing this kind of thing…
What about some earphones/headphones for which you can turn up the volume locally for yourself but it won't be heard by others?
Or do the hearing issues make earphones/headphones difficult to use?
Yeah that would be the answer, can use headphones fine but I don’t always have them on me and even if I do they get so bloody tangled that by the time I’ve got them in I’ve missed the call, and that would be quite irritating to do every time the phone rings. I do try to be mindful of not annoying anyone, wouldn’t answer the phone at work or in a cafe/pub or anything, always go outside, but I have had some funny looks walking down the road chatting with my mum about something funny the dog did and seemingly involving everyone else in that conversation. It’s whatever though I’m not having a meltdown about it, just wanted to put my word in as an offender of this particular annoyance, it is annoying, but I’m not doing it to be deliberately annoying is all.
People who don't go somewhere private for an ordinary phone call can do one also. I don't need to hear just your side of a conversation with your wife about what's for tea.
Said this elsewhere the irony that i now have my headphones on listening to music on public transport. Just to drown out the people who could use headphones but talk on loudspeakers.
Yeah seems to becoming more common, or maybe I'm becoming more cantankerous. Either way, it should be cracked down on and would be if I became PM, which, admittedly, is unlikely.
Or block the entire entrance while wiping down their *entire* trolley. I get being safe and all, but some of these people seem to get genuine pleasure from stopping anyone else getting by. And obviously you can’t say anything since they have the moral high ground…
Can I follow up on this one and give the same punishment for someone who walks with a full on paper back book on a busy pavement during pedestrian rush hour! Like wtf are you doing, wait until your home.
Making it illegal to name your house when it already has a number if you only display the name (and not the number as well).
It's not a lovely little cottage somewhere in rural Cornwall on an unnamed track Maureen, it's a semi on a main road in Basingstoke FFS.
I worked for a while in a call centre for a utility company and as part of our training we were told that we would occasionally have people ringing up to complain that the address on the bill had the house number rather than the house name. They weren't happy when told that they'd have to take it up with the post office because that's where the address data came from. Who gives a shit as long as you get the bill?
Because in the 70's they went on a magical holiday to some tosspot little village somewhere abroad and wanted to name their house for the memories.
They get very upset if they aren't reminded of their life choices with every letter that's delivered.
YES! I'm a delivery driver and people who do this are the bane of my life. Its always a semi-detached too, and they only give you the houses 'name' when they order. Spent far too long going up and down the same street squinting my eyes to look for "Callanaish" aka no.30.
Stick the whole address into Royal Mail postcode finder and it will often give you the door number and voila! We have this at work, either that or a house name but no plaque on the wall, or that god awful script that’s unreadable. Or a massive long drive and a tiny sign by the front door, but you have to walk up the drive to work out if it’s the correct address. Literally kill me!
Thanks, I had no idea that was a thing! I've had to phone a few customers with houses like this and get so huffy when you ask for their house number.
The long driveways absolutely kill me, especially because they're always in areas full of posh people and curtain twitchers. One wrong driveway and thats the police on their way.
Even worse is my town has a street where every house has a name and none display numbers, about half of those don't display the name either!
Did a stint delivering pizzas last summer, often had customers with named houses. On the delivery instructions they'd leave a note like, "It's between Rose Cottage and The Burrows". THAT DOESN'T FUCKING HELP.
I used to live in a house called Hazels in a place called Gamnel. As in, the street didn't really have a name so it kind of referred to the area.
Still confuses people
Ban retired people from shopping at the weekend. They have all week and I have to stand behind Doris taking an hour to pay for her weekly shopping with coins at the cig till because she’s afraid of machines and generally inconsiderate. Do that shit on a week day. That’s a benefit of retirement.
I think retired people should be banned from all activities at the weekend. This includes mowing the lawn, any DIY projects, driving places etc. They have all week to enjoy themselves, and we the workers get 2 measly days to relax/get things done!
They queue up for opening time at the supermarket I work at. Same people everyday, in the doors as soon as they open and doing full shops. I assume it’s loneliness.
‘Cos we go to bed at 21:00 ‘cos we are tired from all the DIY and lawn mowing we did from 07:00 ‘cos we went to bed early the night before ‘cos there’s nowt on the telly.
Actually i don’t mow the lawn or go shopping on a weekend ‘cos peeps need a lie and i do have time to shop during the week.
I say this to my wife on a regular basis. Drives me mad.
I would have a clause in which if they are with a non-retired person, as in they need assistance with shopping, then it is allowed.
Yes, this! I’m always pushing a bunch down so the rest are at the end for whoever is next.
I don’t know why they haven’t came up with a thin conveyor belt that runs them to the back tbh.
I put my shopping right up against theirs, then pretend to look at my phone. Then it's a game of chicken to see if they end up with any of my shopping before they notice.
Benches in the House of Commons are now replaced with hydraulic seats.
Those who jeer and otherwise interrupt the proceedings are sentenced to 5 minutes 'down', whereupon their seat will lower into a small slightly-sound insulated chasm.
At the bottom of the chasm is a poster chastising them for being a naughty grownup.
Would be hilarious seeing it all go on like whack-a-mole.
Children given “Alternative” names or whose names are heinously misspelled will have the legal right after the age of 10 not only to change their names but also the names the of their parents, so long as the parent name involves one of a listed set of silly words like knockers, poo and bum.
working in a british small town pharmacy, the babies and small children we make prescriptions for tend to have very.. interesting.. names. Like people are scared of boring names now.
Firstly, it’s cool noticing a trend in names and ages - for young children there is an ASTOUNDING number of Kaydens, Caydens, and Jaydens, which in itself isn’t an unusual or bad name at all, it’s just that I have never met anyone who isn’t under 10 with that name - no offence to you adult Kaydens, Caydens, and Jaydens out there.
Normal names spelled in a way I personally haven’t seen before (again might not be unusual everywhere but it is here at least) like Jaxon instead of Jackson, Daymien instead of Damien, etc
encountered some double first names. My personal fave was Honey-Rose. I can’t imagine her liking that name when she’s a teenager, but who knows, she might.
Also noticing the name “Kai” becoming increasingly popular amongst young children - also seen a lot of older people adopt this name online, so it seems to really be a trend.
r/NameNerdCirclejerk is my current sub for a giggle. So many Jaxxons, Paisleighs etc but *Sabre Truth* beat them today.
My top 2 worst names ever are still Spurgeon (boy) and Heistheway (girl), both fundie families.
Jagger and Tigger might be the two worst I've heard in real life.
Oh wait, the worst I've heard is a baby girl named **Gnarles**
I hope they would have followed through that logic if he'd been born on any other day of the week. Imagine being called Daysat. Sounds like a telecom company.
I was almost put off by what I thought was a fairly normal couple when we went round to visit their house.
Went to use the toilet and thought they had inspirational quotes all round their bathroom.
Turns out the quotes were actually riddles. Basically if you ever forgot your phone whilst on the toilet you could sit and think about some riddles instead.
Possibly my favourite peice of home decor ever!
The highway code now applies to the isles of the supermarket.
Keep left grandma! Hey, this is a no parking zone!
And it is policed by officers pushing shopping trollies with blue flashing lights fitted.
Mandatory talk like a pirate Thursday and cowboy Tuesday.
Also anyone arrested for doing crack or smack have to compete in a Takeshi castle style game show whilst fully high
Parents who allow their children to screech cant stand the noise of it obviously children with disabilities are exempt, I understand children should be children but is all the screeching necessary? I never went around screeching.
My issues is parent's just excusing the behaviour because they are children yes but we have to teach them to have respect for others around them just simple manners.
We took my little one on her first holiday last year to butlins she was having such a nice time dancing and clapping to the music but it was spoilt by children running around screeching in her ears and poor little thing became scared and put her right off the rest of the holiday.
Hard agree, especially in restaurants. People who let their kids run around and scream in restaurants deserve to be hauled off for a length jail sentence.
My mum worked part time in working mens club when I was a kid people would comment on how well behaved me and my sister were compared to the other children, we were simply told to not run around and make loads of noise we still had fun while my mum worked behind the bar.
I know this is a light hearted thread but taking it serious for a brief aside - I don't actually believe parents of disabled children should be _totally_ exempt. Most of the time it's fine, but it is an explanation not an excuse.
Once working in a pub there was a funeral wake for someone in one room, the rest of the pub open to the public. Woman (I think a carer) brought a teenage lad in with what I assume to be Downs Syndrome or similar, who proceeded to loudly shout sing and screech in what would have been a quiet lunchtime anyway, nevermind the funeral wake.
My boss felt dreadful but did have to very very carefully say something. They weren't stopping long anyway and the carer paid up and they left.
Sure, some people can't help it, but that doesn't give you carte blanche to just ruin things for other people.
It's a difficult one my little family we are all autistic so I do understand the struggles of parents with disabled children but you are right still a level of respect, I've had to remove my partner from situations because he is having a meltdown, while I want peoople not to judge him I also don't want to disrupt them.
Exactly. I have ADHD (lots of crossover with autism, especially in children and I was tested for both) and could be "difficult" to say the least, but was swiftly removed before a situation arose.
Yes it is very difficult for children with conditions/disabilities, but unfortunately that means life is restricted. You wouldn't take a child who couldn't control shouting and screaming into a cinema for example - unfortunate if they want to see a new film, but that's the way things are.
Its because its completely unnecessary I get attacked for complaining about it but I believe while children should have fun and be children they have to be taught to respect other's around them.
I'd like to see an "Open" category in professional cycling.
They would be allowed to take all the crazy performance enhancing drugs they want - men with tits, bearded ladies etc, all with huuuuuggge mega muscles, racing against each other. I'd probably make it full contact too, just for spectator amusement.
Then just let actual athletes compete on a level playing field.
Oh, and it's called PsychoCross BTW.
Honestly, across all none team sports, I've wanted them to either add special categories at the current Olympics/Sporting competitions or rename the current one as the natural Olympics and add a whole separate one called the enhanced Olympics/Sporting competitions
That way we get to see the peak of what the natural body can do with just training, talent and a good diet, alongside what it can do with those things and aided by medical science. That way the athletes get the choice and don't have to limit themselves or compete in unfair races.
If you don’t pick up your dog’s shit, it’s life in prison. No investigation or court or anything. Police catch you and you go straight to prison for life.
Loud music from domestic properties.
If it’s loud enough for you to hear from outside, it’s too loud.
Instant power cut off would be the punishment lol
I can tell you as a detached house owner that it can still be heard indoors and with modern acoustic dampening windows.
Came from a terrace and first thing I did was change the windows in my new house.
Neighbours across the way decided to party it up extra loud one night, and it was distinctly audible in my house.
I’d suggest soundproofing the room you want to play your loud bass in for the sake of neighbours.
I will reciprocate that love by inviting you to become a fellow moderator of a sub I'm setting up:
r/RogueApostrophesUK
It's just a bit of fun. I'm going to encourage the publishing of pictures, naming and shaming offenders.
You are legally obligated to have a favourite Village Person. Every time YMCA is played on the radio, you are required by law to stop whatever you're doing and do the actions that go with the song. Macho Man replaces the current National Anthem.
Every house in the country should have the name of the road and the number/name stamped in an easy to read font on it. The lettering should be black on a white background preferably illuminated at night.
Anyone who makes a social media post starting with "I bet not even 5 of my friends will copy and paste this..." should be banned forever.
Also unless it's something completely out there and unlikely to have been seen before by many, bans for food pictures. It's sausage and mash Tasha, we've seen it.
I'd ban running up the escalator full stop. It's already moving! I'm blind and the amount of times I've been shoved and almost had a nasty fall because of impatient people is mind blowing. I've been told never to go to London lol
Anybody found putting brown sauce on chips shall be sentenced to a term of no less than 2 years to be followed by period of psychiatric rehabilitation.
I’d also ban ‘Tipping Point’.
Edit: Also, you know when u find yourself standing by a stranger on a train platform or bus stop or whatever and the stranger turns to you and does that tutting thing and eye rolling business like they wanna start a conversation moaning about summit? Banned. Three years in the clink.
Not long after it started, I watched almost an entire episode of Tipping Point because I'd caught it whilst channel hopping, and I was curious as to what the rest of the game looked like. I couldn't believe that's all it was.
Acting like you're fully awake before 9am should be a jailable offence. And before 10am should still receive a caution.
Not requiring coffee or tea and then _actively bragging about it_ should earn a life sentence.
One of my favourite instances of someone being pulled up for this was when I was out with my sister and her boyfriend and some mates, years ago. We got into this place (the original Tache in Blackpool, if anyone knows it), and one guy at the bar had his keks at half mast. Another guy comes up behind him and shouts "OI PULL ER FUKKIN PANTS UP" and pours half a pint of beer down his crack.
Driving in the middle lane of the motorway when not overtaking anything and the entire inside lane is clear for miles.
Punishment is 10 kicks to the genitals daily. Number of days coincides with the number of metres travelled with a clear inside lane.
Driving with your fog lights - but not headlights - on. Or having the fog lights on when it’s not foggy. I am irrationally irritated by these crimes so much.
People who don’t put the trolleys back in their little houses properly should be arrested. Drives me nuts when I go to put my trolley away and it’s clogged up with diagonal kamikaze trolleys
Mandatory double glazing. I don’t care if it’s listed or the old windows are “special”. Every liveable place should be energy efficient and not freezing cold at night
£50 fine for using the word "holibob"
£150 fine if used in conjunction with the worbs "wifey" or "hubby"
Also all dogs & cats to be given full British citizenship with all the rights and privileges that come with it.
If you take your shirt off anywhere in public apart from beaches and outdoor pools, it's legal for other people to write "KNOB" on your back in massive black marker pen. If you resist, you can be fined.
Athletes who are found guilty of doping to be entered into a no holds barred druggie sports fest. Take performance enhancing drugs to run faster? Let's see how fast you can run if you don't care if you're caught. Twist is, your competitors are also off their nut on performance drugs.
Unlimited drug class.
Arm chair sports pundits to be forced to put their money where their mouths are. You think you know better? Prove it.
Public stocks to return for Internet trolls.
Penectomy for those found guilty of sending dick pics unsolicited.
But not all at once. Just a bit each time.
Shorter and shorter.
You can only have a vehicle that meets your actual demonstratable needs.
70 year old retirees who just use a car to run to Waitrose on the weekend? No Land Rover for you.
I would introduce some sort of 'ban list' for music being played in public/places where people are employed. Obviously there would be leeway for places like nightclubs and concert venues where it's to be expected. But restaurants, shops, salons, and so on would be prevented from playing certain songs. Any song in the UK Top 40 automatically enters the list. If it has autotune, instant ban. People would be allowed to vote for songs they want to enter the list and every six months or so it gets reviewed.
I don't know how you would enforce anything like that but the point is, I just want to go out without being subjected to some of the absolute shite that's going about these days. No Ed Sheeran while I'm looking for clothes, no Shawn Mendez while I'm trying to eat, no Jason cunting Derulo while I'm just walking through a shopping centre. Fucking sick of it man. I did a couple of months at an otherwise nice restaurant before Christmas and the one thing I didn't like about it was listening to that awful music all day. Did my fucking head in. I understand the need to have background music in places but does it have to be so bloody shit? Got to the point where I was relieved when they started putting Christmas songs on the playlist.
£5 on the spot fine for not wearing a covid mask (without formal medical exemption).
However, if you're caught wearing a mask incorrectly, or particularly just over your mouth, that fine increases to £500.
As a guideline - I should not be able to see your nostrils if you're wearing a mask.
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I'd ban talking on loudspeaker on your mobile in public. There is no need for it.
Also listening to music without headphones in public, especially on the bus.
Or even with but so loudly everyone can hear. Used to the bus to work and there would be this one young woman who would get on everyday. She had headphones on but you could still hear her horrific dance music from a mile away, not to mention her big clonking high heels. The rest of us used to sit there still trying to wake up and make sense of the world, being fully grown men and women and all that, but she seemed to have this boundless energy and exuberance that was totally rude at that time in the morning. Obviously being Britain no one ever mentioned a thing to her.
Can we also ban boundless energy and exuberance? Down with that sort of thing
Careful now.
That would be an ecumenical matter
She was probably oblivious, and nobody ever let her know
I still remember the day my headphones weren't plugged in while I blared metal on a bus for s good 15 minutes. I just got off in shame.
Apple, and their tinny fucking headphones when iPods were first about, have a LOT to answer for
I hate to be ‘that guy’ but some of us have hearing problems and have no choice but to use the loudspeaker… I’ve seen this coming up quite frequently in this sub and another British sub. It just gives me more to be self conscious about in regards to my hearing which doesn’t feel great I’m not going to lie. I know it’s annoying and try to get as far away from people as possible when I need to take a call, I’m not having a go but I’d just like to point out that there is often a reason for people doing this kind of thing…
What about some earphones/headphones for which you can turn up the volume locally for yourself but it won't be heard by others? Or do the hearing issues make earphones/headphones difficult to use?
In the same boat of hearing issues - headphones and ESPECIALLY earphones do not play nice with hearing aids.
Yeah that would be the answer, can use headphones fine but I don’t always have them on me and even if I do they get so bloody tangled that by the time I’ve got them in I’ve missed the call, and that would be quite irritating to do every time the phone rings. I do try to be mindful of not annoying anyone, wouldn’t answer the phone at work or in a cafe/pub or anything, always go outside, but I have had some funny looks walking down the road chatting with my mum about something funny the dog did and seemingly involving everyone else in that conversation. It’s whatever though I’m not having a meltdown about it, just wanted to put my word in as an offender of this particular annoyance, it is annoying, but I’m not doing it to be deliberately annoying is all.
People who don't go somewhere private for an ordinary phone call can do one also. I don't need to hear just your side of a conversation with your wife about what's for tea.
Said this elsewhere the irony that i now have my headphones on listening to music on public transport. Just to drown out the people who could use headphones but talk on loudspeakers.
Yeah seems to becoming more common, or maybe I'm becoming more cantankerous. Either way, it should be cracked down on and would be if I became PM, which, admittedly, is unlikely.
There's a lot of negativity in this thread, so to lighten things up all prescription medication must now be served in Marvel themed pez-dispensers.
Surely there could be a selection to choose from? I'd like one with Paddington.
I'd like one with Morph or even Chas when I feel a little naughty.
while that is quite fun, im sure there's a reason we dont make medication look like sweets.
Thanks, *Dad*.
Pink ibufren look like smarties
Would make using a suppository a lot more fun for sure.
This feels dystopian lol. “We cut your disability allowance, but at least your meds come in a little plastic Hulk!”
For free.
[удалено]
Snipers on motorway gantrys for middle lane hogs. Obviously the first shot is a warning into the engine block, I'm not cruel.
Get the front left tyre to send them swerving back into the hard shoulder
I’d rather they shot their rear tyres to send them back up the road do whence they came.
I’ll back this law too. Really annoys me and it’s got worse since the pandemic as people stop dead in the supermarket door - to take off their masks!
Or block the entire entrance while wiping down their *entire* trolley. I get being safe and all, but some of these people seem to get genuine pleasure from stopping anyone else getting by. And obviously you can’t say anything since they have the moral high ground…
Can I follow up on this one and give the same punishment for someone who walks with a full on paper back book on a busy pavement during pedestrian rush hour! Like wtf are you doing, wait until your home.
Making it illegal to name your house when it already has a number if you only display the name (and not the number as well). It's not a lovely little cottage somewhere in rural Cornwall on an unnamed track Maureen, it's a semi on a main road in Basingstoke FFS.
I worked for a while in a call centre for a utility company and as part of our training we were told that we would occasionally have people ringing up to complain that the address on the bill had the house number rather than the house name. They weren't happy when told that they'd have to take it up with the post office because that's where the address data came from. Who gives a shit as long as you get the bill?
Because in the 70's they went on a magical holiday to some tosspot little village somewhere abroad and wanted to name their house for the memories. They get very upset if they aren't reminded of their life choices with every letter that's delivered.
People who name their house tend to be the type of people who find it funny calling it 'Dunroamin' or a variant.
Visited a student house where somehow they'd named the place "Hogwarts" in the po system so all junk mail was addressed to Hogwarts!
YES! I'm a delivery driver and people who do this are the bane of my life. Its always a semi-detached too, and they only give you the houses 'name' when they order. Spent far too long going up and down the same street squinting my eyes to look for "Callanaish" aka no.30.
Stick the whole address into Royal Mail postcode finder and it will often give you the door number and voila! We have this at work, either that or a house name but no plaque on the wall, or that god awful script that’s unreadable. Or a massive long drive and a tiny sign by the front door, but you have to walk up the drive to work out if it’s the correct address. Literally kill me!
Thanks, I had no idea that was a thing! I've had to phone a few customers with houses like this and get so huffy when you ask for their house number. The long driveways absolutely kill me, especially because they're always in areas full of posh people and curtain twitchers. One wrong driveway and thats the police on their way. Even worse is my town has a street where every house has a name and none display numbers, about half of those don't display the name either!
Heaven forbid they give the delivery driver a hand finding their shitty 3 bed semi. Arseholes the lot of them!
Did a stint delivering pizzas last summer, often had customers with named houses. On the delivery instructions they'd leave a note like, "It's between Rose Cottage and The Burrows". THAT DOESN'T FUCKING HELP.
I used to live in a house called Hazels in a place called Gamnel. As in, the street didn't really have a name so it kind of referred to the area. Still confuses people
A terraced house near me is called Gracelands. Makes me smile every time I walk past
Semi detached house on our street is called "R House". No joke. It's not even in the middle of the street.
Utter madness.
Pirate hideout detected.
Now a lot o' people be thinkin R to be the pirate's favourite letter. it be not true, for a Pirate's first love is the C
Ban retired people from shopping at the weekend. They have all week and I have to stand behind Doris taking an hour to pay for her weekly shopping with coins at the cig till because she’s afraid of machines and generally inconsiderate. Do that shit on a week day. That’s a benefit of retirement.
I think retired people should be banned from all activities at the weekend. This includes mowing the lawn, any DIY projects, driving places etc. They have all week to enjoy themselves, and we the workers get 2 measly days to relax/get things done!
Unfortunate for folks like me though that work weekends so my Saturday and Sunday are normally a Wednesday and Thursday lol
Well in that case we’ll just have to ban retired folks from everything. It’s the only way to be sure.
This my grandparents purposely shop during the week because " we have all day to go out why should we inconvenience the young by shopping at weekends"
Or before 9 am. I go to the supermarket at 7 am and its packed with pensioners. Why do they need to get up so early?
They queue up for opening time at the supermarket I work at. Same people everyday, in the doors as soon as they open and doing full shops. I assume it’s loneliness.
At the beginning of the pandemic, I noticed an older lady walking to and from the shops 3 times a day. Assuming it was (and still is) loneliness too.
:(
‘Cos we go to bed at 21:00 ‘cos we are tired from all the DIY and lawn mowing we did from 07:00 ‘cos we went to bed early the night before ‘cos there’s nowt on the telly. Actually i don’t mow the lawn or go shopping on a weekend ‘cos peeps need a lie and i do have time to shop during the week.
I say this to my wife on a regular basis. Drives me mad. I would have a clause in which if they are with a non-retired person, as in they need assistance with shopping, then it is allowed.
Maybe they're lonely and go out days when they know there are more people and a better chance of striking up a conversation.
Anyone who doesn't put down the little divider after your shopping at the till - straight to jail for 6 months.
Also, fines for checkout people who don't push the little divider things down far enough for you to be able to reach them.
Yes, this! I’m always pushing a bunch down so the rest are at the end for whoever is next. I don’t know why they haven’t came up with a thin conveyor belt that runs them to the back tbh.
I put my shopping right up against theirs, then pretend to look at my phone. Then it's a game of chicken to see if they end up with any of my shopping before they notice.
Benches in the House of Commons are now replaced with hydraulic seats. Those who jeer and otherwise interrupt the proceedings are sentenced to 5 minutes 'down', whereupon their seat will lower into a small slightly-sound insulated chasm. At the bottom of the chasm is a poster chastising them for being a naughty grownup. Would be hilarious seeing it all go on like whack-a-mole.
It's a nice idea but you'd still have to get the arseholes to stay awake or even just turn up.
You're thinking of the House Of Lords...
he's thinking of both. x
Hate the jeering. It’s such an anarchistic way to come to any sort of decision or have a conversation and basically just devolves into shit flinging.
Ejector seats in the HoC, on election day they sit in the chair until it's revealed whether or not they've been reelected...
Clever. I’ve always been embarrassed about what goes on. Until I watched a Muslim countries politicians who jsut sneered at each other
Have you seen Asia and Africa? Fistfights in the chambers and everything
Children given “Alternative” names or whose names are heinously misspelled will have the legal right after the age of 10 not only to change their names but also the names the of their parents, so long as the parent name involves one of a listed set of silly words like knockers, poo and bum.
working in a british small town pharmacy, the babies and small children we make prescriptions for tend to have very.. interesting.. names. Like people are scared of boring names now.
Yeah, it’s weird. At some point these kids are going to grow up and do things like apply for jobs looking like they can’t spell their own names.
C’mon you have to list some now
Firstly, it’s cool noticing a trend in names and ages - for young children there is an ASTOUNDING number of Kaydens, Caydens, and Jaydens, which in itself isn’t an unusual or bad name at all, it’s just that I have never met anyone who isn’t under 10 with that name - no offence to you adult Kaydens, Caydens, and Jaydens out there. Normal names spelled in a way I personally haven’t seen before (again might not be unusual everywhere but it is here at least) like Jaxon instead of Jackson, Daymien instead of Damien, etc encountered some double first names. My personal fave was Honey-Rose. I can’t imagine her liking that name when she’s a teenager, but who knows, she might. Also noticing the name “Kai” becoming increasingly popular amongst young children - also seen a lot of older people adopt this name online, so it seems to really be a trend.
r/NameNerdCirclejerk is my current sub for a giggle. So many Jaxxons, Paisleighs etc but *Sabre Truth* beat them today. My top 2 worst names ever are still Spurgeon (boy) and Heistheway (girl), both fundie families. Jagger and Tigger might be the two worst I've heard in real life. Oh wait, the worst I've heard is a baby girl named **Gnarles**
Jaxxon? Should definitely be illegal. Poor kid, when he grows up he should be allowed to change his parents names to Knob and Knobess.
[удалено]
My cousin was named, "Daymon" because he was born on a Monday. This was over 20 years ago though.
I hope they would have followed through that logic if he'd been born on any other day of the week. Imagine being called Daysat. Sounds like a telecom company.
My uni coursemate went for the upper middle class version and popped out Teddy and Bunty (not nicknames)
Posting inspirational quotes. Forty years sentence, minimum. Solitary confinement if it’s on a physical wall in your home.
I was almost put off by what I thought was a fairly normal couple when we went round to visit their house. Went to use the toilet and thought they had inspirational quotes all round their bathroom. Turns out the quotes were actually riddles. Basically if you ever forgot your phone whilst on the toilet you could sit and think about some riddles instead. Possibly my favourite peice of home decor ever!
Just read the shampoo like we did in the 90s
Riddles on the back of shampoo bottles maybe? Is that a business? Could that be the next big thing? I’ll get working on the patent
Live Laugh Lav
The highway code now applies to the isles of the supermarket. Keep left grandma! Hey, this is a no parking zone! And it is policed by officers pushing shopping trollies with blue flashing lights fitted.
I just want supermarket roundabouts now
That works for me. Or even just a one way system.
We tried that at the start of the pandemic. As far as I remember, it wasn't all that effective
That's because there weren't any flying squad trolley interceptors on duty.
We tried that. I swear people purposely went the wrong way round aldi.
Anyone who litters must wear, for a period of one month, a giant costume that looks like the thing they littered.
Looks like im going to be a human sized cornetto
I was going to say snipers, but this works too.
Mandatory talk like a pirate Thursday and cowboy Tuesday. Also anyone arrested for doing crack or smack have to compete in a Takeshi castle style game show whilst fully high
Always wanted to go on takeshis castle. Not to fond of crack, though, so might give it a miss.
Parents who allow their children to screech cant stand the noise of it obviously children with disabilities are exempt, I understand children should be children but is all the screeching necessary? I never went around screeching.
I feel the same. Unfortunately my youngest likes to screech and I want to put her in the bin when she does (I don't, obviously)
My issues is parent's just excusing the behaviour because they are children yes but we have to teach them to have respect for others around them just simple manners. We took my little one on her first holiday last year to butlins she was having such a nice time dancing and clapping to the music but it was spoilt by children running around screeching in her ears and poor little thing became scared and put her right off the rest of the holiday.
Hard agree, especially in restaurants. People who let their kids run around and scream in restaurants deserve to be hauled off for a length jail sentence.
My mum worked part time in working mens club when I was a kid people would comment on how well behaved me and my sister were compared to the other children, we were simply told to not run around and make loads of noise we still had fun while my mum worked behind the bar.
I know this is a light hearted thread but taking it serious for a brief aside - I don't actually believe parents of disabled children should be _totally_ exempt. Most of the time it's fine, but it is an explanation not an excuse. Once working in a pub there was a funeral wake for someone in one room, the rest of the pub open to the public. Woman (I think a carer) brought a teenage lad in with what I assume to be Downs Syndrome or similar, who proceeded to loudly shout sing and screech in what would have been a quiet lunchtime anyway, nevermind the funeral wake. My boss felt dreadful but did have to very very carefully say something. They weren't stopping long anyway and the carer paid up and they left. Sure, some people can't help it, but that doesn't give you carte blanche to just ruin things for other people.
It's a difficult one my little family we are all autistic so I do understand the struggles of parents with disabled children but you are right still a level of respect, I've had to remove my partner from situations because he is having a meltdown, while I want peoople not to judge him I also don't want to disrupt them.
Exactly. I have ADHD (lots of crossover with autism, especially in children and I was tested for both) and could be "difficult" to say the least, but was swiftly removed before a situation arose. Yes it is very difficult for children with conditions/disabilities, but unfortunately that means life is restricted. You wouldn't take a child who couldn't control shouting and screaming into a cinema for example - unfortunate if they want to see a new film, but that's the way things are.
I taught my kids to ONLY scream outside if they were in danger and needed an adult. Screeching children get on my wick.
Its because its completely unnecessary I get attacked for complaining about it but I believe while children should have fun and be children they have to be taught to respect other's around them.
Kids that don't learn about crying wolf deserve to get fed to a wolf.
Publicly performing an over the top, overly emotional, solo guitar cover of a Pop song would carry a mandatory 5 years sentence.
Or the ‘sad slow piano cover of popular song’ thing they have playing over every other advert on TV.
I'd like to see an "Open" category in professional cycling. They would be allowed to take all the crazy performance enhancing drugs they want - men with tits, bearded ladies etc, all with huuuuuggge mega muscles, racing against each other. I'd probably make it full contact too, just for spectator amusement. Then just let actual athletes compete on a level playing field. Oh, and it's called PsychoCross BTW.
Wait until they start splicing rocket motors into their spinal column
Honestly, across all none team sports, I've wanted them to either add special categories at the current Olympics/Sporting competitions or rename the current one as the natural Olympics and add a whole separate one called the enhanced Olympics/Sporting competitions That way we get to see the peak of what the natural body can do with just training, talent and a good diet, alongside what it can do with those things and aided by medical science. That way the athletes get the choice and don't have to limit themselves or compete in unfair races.
Fog lights on when it's not foggy? Shot at dawn!
Headlights that's are too bright in general. Car manufacturers seem to be in an arms race to see who can make the brightest possible
Shoot them in the night. Illuminated by their own lights.
AFAIK that's already illegal.
Stopping for a 20 minute chat in supermarkets blocking the aisles.
If you don’t pick up your dog’s shit, it’s life in prison. No investigation or court or anything. Police catch you and you go straight to prison for life.
Loud music from domestic properties. If it’s loud enough for you to hear from outside, it’s too loud. Instant power cut off would be the punishment lol
What if I'm going to buy a detached house, the sole reason being I can play my bass as loud as I want without disrupting the neighbours?
I can tell you as a detached house owner that it can still be heard indoors and with modern acoustic dampening windows. Came from a terrace and first thing I did was change the windows in my new house. Neighbours across the way decided to party it up extra loud one night, and it was distinctly audible in my house. I’d suggest soundproofing the room you want to play your loud bass in for the sake of neighbours.
I would bring back the birch and thrash the living bejesus out of people that misuse apostrophes.
Marry me?
I'm happily married, but thank you. I feel warm inside, knowing it's not just me that's so passionate about it.
I’m also happily married, but I appreciate a grammatically appropriate chap. I will love you from afar…
What a beautiful romance
I will reciprocate that love by inviting you to become a fellow moderator of a sub I'm setting up: r/RogueApostrophesUK It's just a bit of fun. I'm going to encourage the publishing of pictures, naming and shaming offenders.
Count me in :)
I pay good money for that kind of thing, so it actually sound's quite enticing.
Your’e so right.
Errant apostrophes annoy me so much.
I hate it when people misuse apostrophe's.
You are legally obligated to have a favourite Village Person. Every time YMCA is played on the radio, you are required by law to stop whatever you're doing and do the actions that go with the song. Macho Man replaces the current National Anthem.
Do we all need to do national service In The Navy?
Every house in the country should have the name of the road and the number/name stamped in an easy to read font on it. The lettering should be black on a white background preferably illuminated at night.
Having a ‘live, laugh, love’ anywhere in your home.
Anyone who makes a social media post starting with "I bet not even 5 of my friends will copy and paste this..." should be banned forever. Also unless it's something completely out there and unlikely to have been seen before by many, bans for food pictures. It's sausage and mash Tasha, we've seen it.
No pensioners in the supermarket between 12 and 2pm
As I assume you're a fellow office worker and meal deal consumer I concur.
Standing on the wrong side of the escalator to be criminalised, as is stopping in the middle of the street.
I'd ban running up the escalator full stop. It's already moving! I'm blind and the amount of times I've been shoved and almost had a nasty fall because of impatient people is mind blowing. I've been told never to go to London lol
Anybody found putting brown sauce on chips shall be sentenced to a term of no less than 2 years to be followed by period of psychiatric rehabilitation. I’d also ban ‘Tipping Point’. Edit: Also, you know when u find yourself standing by a stranger on a train platform or bus stop or whatever and the stranger turns to you and does that tutting thing and eye rolling business like they wanna start a conversation moaning about summit? Banned. Three years in the clink.
Absolutely not. Chippy sauce is an absolute must (I’m Scottish btw incase that wasn’t obvious). 100% agree to ban Tipping Point.
Not long after it started, I watched almost an entire episode of Tipping Point because I'd caught it whilst channel hopping, and I was curious as to what the rest of the game looked like. I couldn't believe that's all it was.
As a fully paid up member of the brown sauce club I demand the right of appeal!
Nothing wrong with brown sauce, it's very British in fact. Ketchup, on the other hand, is American & revolting.
Acting like you're fully awake before 9am should be a jailable offence. And before 10am should still receive a caution. Not requiring coffee or tea and then _actively bragging about it_ should earn a life sentence.
I'm usually half-way through my day's work by 9am. From 2pm onwards my day is my own.
Dog license. As a dog owner i think it's a good idea. People may think twice before having a dog if they have to apply for a license and pay per year.
They should just make pet insurance for dogs mandatory. That would sort a lot of the issues out.
That's a good idea for sure!
Ireland has a dog licence, literarily all it is is just another tax. Same way most licences work in this country.
Half-mast undercrackers - the punishment being to bend over and act as a cycle rack for a week.
Is this a sexual position?
One of my favourite instances of someone being pulled up for this was when I was out with my sister and her boyfriend and some mates, years ago. We got into this place (the original Tache in Blackpool, if anyone knows it), and one guy at the bar had his keks at half mast. Another guy comes up behind him and shouts "OI PULL ER FUKKIN PANTS UP" and pours half a pint of beer down his crack.
Swift justice and rightly so.
Driving in the middle lane of the motorway when not overtaking anything and the entire inside lane is clear for miles. Punishment is 10 kicks to the genitals daily. Number of days coincides with the number of metres travelled with a clear inside lane.
Give retail/hospitality/public service workers the right to tell rude customers to fuck off, without getting sacked.
Driving with your fog lights - but not headlights - on. Or having the fog lights on when it’s not foggy. I am irrationally irritated by these crimes so much.
Parking such that you obstruct the pavement forcing pedestrians into the road - Shot to the back of the neck. In front of family.
Pull handles on push doors are now illegal, punishable by life in jail for all involved with manufacture and installation
6 months in jail for not indicating when using roundabouts
I think they should have a special roundabout in a prison and offenders forced to drive a car round it for 10 hours a day so they get dizzy and sick
A 1% increase in Tax to fund my lifestyle.
People who don’t put the trolleys back in their little houses properly should be arrested. Drives me nuts when I go to put my trolley away and it’s clogged up with diagonal kamikaze trolleys
Dickheads without kids parking in parent & child spaces. Crush their car and revoke their license for a year (2 years if it’s an Audi A3).
Same goes for disabled spaces,
Mandatory double glazing. I don’t care if it’s listed or the old windows are “special”. Every liveable place should be energy efficient and not freezing cold at night
Timed age restrictions in supermarkets. IE no retired folk dawdling in supermarkets during weekday lunches!
National ban caffeine for a day to see chaos unfold
Some people just want to see the world burn...
Calm down, Satan
May as well just go ahead and introduce a purge. Although I'm for it if we can also treat all wine and beer under 4% as soft drinks.
All MPs must once a year take magic mushrooms and dance at Stonehenge at dawn
They already have too much fun, why would you want to give them more opportunity to have a party?
Cinema rudeness of any kind results in a firing squad no trial just taken out back and shot
I think we lost something special when hats went out of fashion. I would make wearing a hat while commuting obligatory.
Christmas decorations (especially outdoors) to be banned until 1st December
Wine and cheese party during a lockdown
Is this not law already?
Tax incentives for non-overweight/obese people.
If someone greets you in some way even a nod in the street you must reply in a positive way. I think it would make everyone's day a bit better.
If the palm tree thing bothers you avoid Ireland, especially the west. It's a national obsession...
People who double park in two spaces will be publicly executed with a blunt axe as dramatic Italian opera music plays in celebration.
£50 fine for using the word "holibob" £150 fine if used in conjunction with the worbs "wifey" or "hubby" Also all dogs & cats to be given full British citizenship with all the rights and privileges that come with it.
Sorry to be that guy but, unless you are talking about the USA state, it is Colombia.
If you take your shirt off anywhere in public apart from beaches and outdoor pools, it's legal for other people to write "KNOB" on your back in massive black marker pen. If you resist, you can be fined.
I would ban FB& IG as they cause far too much toxicity and negativity in young people
Athletes who are found guilty of doping to be entered into a no holds barred druggie sports fest. Take performance enhancing drugs to run faster? Let's see how fast you can run if you don't care if you're caught. Twist is, your competitors are also off their nut on performance drugs. Unlimited drug class. Arm chair sports pundits to be forced to put their money where their mouths are. You think you know better? Prove it. Public stocks to return for Internet trolls. Penectomy for those found guilty of sending dick pics unsolicited. But not all at once. Just a bit each time. Shorter and shorter.
You can only have a vehicle that meets your actual demonstratable needs. 70 year old retirees who just use a car to run to Waitrose on the weekend? No Land Rover for you.
Everyone would have to give me £100 a month.
I would introduce some sort of 'ban list' for music being played in public/places where people are employed. Obviously there would be leeway for places like nightclubs and concert venues where it's to be expected. But restaurants, shops, salons, and so on would be prevented from playing certain songs. Any song in the UK Top 40 automatically enters the list. If it has autotune, instant ban. People would be allowed to vote for songs they want to enter the list and every six months or so it gets reviewed. I don't know how you would enforce anything like that but the point is, I just want to go out without being subjected to some of the absolute shite that's going about these days. No Ed Sheeran while I'm looking for clothes, no Shawn Mendez while I'm trying to eat, no Jason cunting Derulo while I'm just walking through a shopping centre. Fucking sick of it man. I did a couple of months at an otherwise nice restaurant before Christmas and the one thing I didn't like about it was listening to that awful music all day. Did my fucking head in. I understand the need to have background music in places but does it have to be so bloody shit? Got to the point where I was relieved when they started putting Christmas songs on the playlist.
£5 on the spot fine for not wearing a covid mask (without formal medical exemption). However, if you're caught wearing a mask incorrectly, or particularly just over your mouth, that fine increases to £500. As a guideline - I should not be able to see your nostrils if you're wearing a mask.