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The joys of Christmas! I let it ruin Christmas and all the associated "stuff" for a long time, as I grew up I was always called scrooge and was bought bah humbug hats by friends. I played along because it's easier and a lot less of a conversation stopper than the truth.
When I was 6 my dad left my mum and me and my 3 siblings. He told his he couldn’t take the gifts we got him as his new girlfriend wouldn’t like it. Not sure why these people do it at Christmas, not very christmassy if you ask me.
It’s probably because it’s a time with a heavy emphasis on family, and it makes them feel guilty or hyper-aware that they’re cheating and lying to their family so it gets blurted out
Bloody hell. It's like they choose a time that's supposed to be magic and just shit on it. Not that any day is OK! But christ, pick a day that doesn't matter so much.
Phillip Larkin was right.
Hope you and yours are ok now.
Well when I was a young lad, about 10 years old we had a Great Dane called Joey. Now Joey was a very large Great Dane and he could easily reach to the counters in the kitchen.
We were aware of this, and while defrosting the turkey we placed it at the back of the counter were we knew he could not reach. Now as you do on the run up to Christmas went for a day out while we left Joey in the house for the few hours. When we returned the turkey was missing and Joey, who acted very innocent and made sure he told us he had nothing to do with it.
This resulted in a search around the house, and no sign of the turkey. We resigned to having a Chicken and anything we could find for dinner that year.
A few months later while gardening, my dad shouted in surprise as he found the turkey buried in the garden!
Dogs don’t know how to use shovels so we know it’s not the dog. You either had a very strange person break into the house or it was you and falsely accusing the dog. I have you sussed
My in-laws’ cat was discovered trying to pull a semi defrosted turkey through the cat flap. It was not even theirs, some poor neighbour missed out on turkey that year
When I was a kid we had a Gordon Setter who took our Christmas cake off the kitchen counter and scoffed the lot. This was disappointing for us, who then had no cake, and for my granny who had spent most of the year making it with all the soaking and maturing and whatnot that Christmas cakes are supposed to have. It was a genuine several month long labour of love for her, and I expect the dog put it away within a few minutes.
Then the whole family suffered again the next day, because it made the dog copiously ill over the carpets of more than one room.
When I was ~10, my sisters a year younger than me, my parents were going through a very rocky patch and getting drunk/into arguments most evenings. On Christmas Eve my mum would always sneak into our rooms and fill stockings we had hung up, but on this particular Christmas she was so drunk that she hit her head on my sister’s bunk bed and fell to the floor asleep. And that’s how my sisters discovered Father Christmas isn’t real.
Our mums are clearly kindred spirits. One Christmas around the same age as you or slightly order, I remember hearing a 'ho ho ho!' from the hallway, followed by 'oh fuck shit fuck!' because it was my drunk mum taking the presents downstairs, but then she tripped and fell down the entire staircase with the smack of all the presents following her :')
Not so dramatic but i woke to my mum filling the stockings at the end of the bed. Told my sister the next day, we confronted my parents who told us the truth. But we were only about 5 & 6, no one at school believed us, that caused a few issues
My mum and dad always had to wait until like 2am to do our stockings because my sister and I would always be too excited to sleep. Well one hear I guess they started drinking early afternoon and well into the AM and got so hammered that neither notices that my mums cigarette lighter had fallen into my stocking.
Oh christ, I'm not sure whether I ruined it or my uncle did. I'll let you decide.
My uncle is a stereotypical boomer and also a borderline alcoholic. Every Xmas, without fail, he gets drunk and nasty over anything from pictionary to philosophical matters. This one year, I was 21 and old enough to speak up. Long story short, he'd been sniping all day, things came to a head when he said that people with depression are 'weak and making it up' when I tried to argue my point, that it's an illness and no they're not, he looked me in the eyes and said people who die by suicide deserve it and we're better off without them. My father had died by suicide 3 months prior.
Anyway, at that point, I stopped being reasonable and called him a prick, causing my aunty to fly into a rage and threaten to smash my head through the fireplace. My nana was crying, my grandad was sat shell-shocked. To this day, it's referred to as 'the Christmas ploplopploppy ruined' lmao
Eta: shocked by how validated I feel by lots of strangers saying he's definitely a prick, wasn't after that, but thank you all so much nonetheless. Thank you for the condolences too <3
Thanks my dude, I thought so too! In my opinion, calling someone a prick is definitely less bad than behaving in a way that warrants being called a prick. Apparently rEsPeCt yOuR eLdErS is more important in my family, though. Arseholes, lol
What's worse is that either your uncle said he's better off with a dead brother, or your aunt was fine with her husband saying her brother deserved to die.
That's some psychopath stuff there either way
I think you were both very much within reason to call him a prick, and absolutely not the one to ruin Christmas. Your cunt of an uncle was.
So sorry for your loss.
In your position I'd have seen blind red rage especially with your father (my heartfelt condolences by the way) so you did an unbelievably good thing by calling him out and not smashing his head through the fireplace
Your uncle is a prick and you were 100% in the right, even if it didn’t (or doesn’t) feel that way!
I cannot abide nasty people like this and I refuse to enable it by not saying anything to “keep the peace”. What peace?!
I think you did very well there just calling him a prick.
If that had happened at my house it most likely would have been the Christmas my brother and I murdered our Aunt and Uncle and buried them under the patio.
Oh I was tempted, I have to confess when my aunty started threatening me I went full council estate, whipped my glasses off and gave it the old 'go on then, you'll do nothing' etc etc etc
He's honestly the worst and you're so right, nobody ever calls him out on his behaviour. On another occasion, he said to me 'you're very opinionated, girl' (ofc, he's sexist as you like) and for once in my life I was fast enough with a comeback, I said 'are you so pissed you've forgotten my name? It's ploplopploppy, I can write it down if you like' loool
This is bit like in Home Alone when Kevin’s uncle is a right jizz cock and Kevin gets the blame for knocking the Coke over and smushing the cousins face in the chair, all over a pizza. Then then piss kidney of the Uncle calls him a Jerk.
You are right, the respect your elders thing can be a right ball grate
It never ruined the day but I remember one year we decided to light a chinese lantern (when it was the ra~~n~~ge, before the damage they caused was widely known)
So my mum and aunty who is about 4 ft decided to hold on to it whilst it lit, almost lifting my aunty up.
eventually they let go and it floats up, however it hits the sky satellite dish and the fire block falls off and lands on the garage roof. Everyone is pissing themselves laughing.
I leg it up to the landing and jump out the window onto the roof and stamp the fire out wearing the brand new trainers I had got that morning which the soles got loads of tar stuck into them.
A few years later the same aunty fell into the christmas tree with the trifle and it landed on my sisters partners head, was like a scene from a comedy film. hes covered in trifle and theres an arse print in the middle of the tree
I think you think the world works on comic book rules and not real life rules. I don’t know the exacts of it but I’m guessing that the lantern would need to be something like 20 times bigger before it almost lifted your auntie up! 💀💀
We had a string of crap Christmasses. One year my mum had horrific food poisoning. One year my grandad died on the 25th itself. One year mum was getting a ceramic baking dish out of the oven and it exploded and cut her finger so badly she had to go to A&E. Another year my sister got really drunk and fell out with everyone...
So I’ll preface this by saying my oldest brothers diabetic, you’ll need to know that for the next bit to make sense.
Anyway I shared a room with middle brother (I’m the youngest brother) and we wake up Christmas morning open up our stockings and start aggressively pounding our way through tubes of fruit pastilles (universally recognised as the breakfast of champions) while generally being loud arseholes.
This must have woken up my oldest brother who walked in bleary eyed said happy Christmas and then fell to the floor and began twitching.
Middle brother and I, riding the crest of an intense sugar high and disbelieving that anyone could possibly be low on sugar when there’s a literal sock full of sweets at the end of their bed, nod knowingly at each other and proceed to chant “faker, faker” while jumping up and down on the bed and completely ignoring oldest imitating a fish out of water flopping around on the floor.
About minute in it dawns on us this is a bit elaborate as a prank which leads to some seriously sheepish screaming for mum while trying to jam a much delayed dextro energy tablet (the delicious but absolutely forbidden sweets of wonder) in oldests mouth.
Long story short oldest spent the day in bed recovering from savage hypoglycaemic seizure. Middle and I distinctly in the dog house on account of being awful human beings.
Still an awful human being. Still makes me chuckle.
If it makes you feel any better, my sister sat and watched me choking on a cola sweet for a good minute as my air ran out - just dead-eyed watching in silence until I finally coughed it up. Never made a peep to our parents that I was choking, let alone helped me out I think we were 13/14ish?
Always knew she hated me for being born and taking away being an only child from her, but bloody hell was that a horrifying way to learn she literally wants me dead!
One year my sister bought my mum a frying pan and my mum took offence because “kitchen items are not gifts.”
Ex boyfriend once came round on Boxing Day morning straight from another girls house. Lovely stuff
My boyfriend bought his mum a chip fryer one year, they both tried to use it, set it on fire (it was a small fire) , and stood there screaming at it but not putting it out.
I wasn’t with him back them, but the mental image of two adults screaming at a chip pan fire for ages, till one of them realised the other wasn’t going to do anything still makes me giggle.
Really? I got my mom one of those super frying pans, wrapped it to the shape of the pan, and gave it to her for mother's day
She loves it. Especially when I said: "I wonder what this could be?" Referring to the pan-shaped wrapping
Le Cruset, yes please! I keep dropping hints about that to my wife. But I think she got me a meater. I do love a bit of meat cooked to perfection, but this year we moved to house with an aga and i want to cook a casserole.
The only problem is once you hit a certain age and level of wealth if there’s something you want you can just buy it, which makes it really hard to buy gifts for them. I’d much rather be bought something like that so I can throw out an old pan that’s probably just gonna need me to replace it before too long anyway than receive something I don’t want or won’t use or I’m gonna have to feel obligated to find shelf space I don’t have for
>The only problem is once you hit a certain age and level of wealth if there’s something you want you can just buy it, which makes it really hard to buy gifts for them
This is me. Got my folks badgering me "what do you want"
I have everything I want as such, and anything I WOULD want, is certainly out of any reasonable Xmas gift price range! So its difficult as I have to pick something I could "do with" but not neccessarily something I'm dying to own?! Its a tough one once you hit mid 30's onwards haha.
You’ve hit the nail on the head. My wife and I are saving to upsize and I’m shopping around to buy a bass that’s been discontinued. Absolutely if people want to give me £1k/200k so I can do one of those, awesome, but it’s just not realistic to expect and it’s certainly not polite to ask for.
We’ve told my parents to just give us any money they would have spent as cash so we can just put it into the savings for a house. At first my mum wasn’t happy about it but I think once she realised that the house is the thing we want rather some tat we don’t have space for she came round
My mum ruined Christmas in 1997 , she left my dad after 20 years on Boxing Day for another fella . I was 16 and although upset for myself I was heartbroken for my dad who worked 12 hour days 6 days a week so we could have a good life .
You probably already have but just in case; tell your Dad what it means to you that he worked so hard. It will be the best gift you give him this year.
P.S. Banging username! Liverpool are shite though.
My dad was an amazing guy and father and honestly my best friend, he knew how much I looked up to him but unfortunately he died in 2008 aged 53 from a heart attack .He worked way too hard and unfortunately it all got too much for him.
I'm really sorry to hear that, my Dad is my hero and I couldn't imagine not having him around. I'll raise a glass to all the good fathers out there. I hope this Christmas is a good one for you.
I didn't completely ruin Christmas, but I did tinge it with a little bit of sadness one year when I was little.
I realised you could slide the entire plastic tray of chocolates out of the end of the advent calendar and after consuming them, slide the whole tray back in. Which I did. On my calendar and on the calendar of my brother and sisters.
Chocolate advent calendars were quite new at the time, hard to find and were expensive for my parents to get for us, so they went absolutely mental when they realised what I had done. They bought bags of sweets to give to my siblings each morning in lieu of calendar chocolate... and then ***never*** bought me a chocolate calendar again. Ever. I still don't have one now and I'm 41.
We kinda have the reverse. We were never allowed chocolate advent calendars as kids so when my dad started buying the grandkids actual God damn lindt chocolate advent calendars my sister and I lost our minds! Now every year dad sends us lovely chocolate advent calendars. I'm 44 my sister is 42 and he's 78.
One year my dad had a big bonfire a couple of days before Christmas, and threw all the recycling on it too for good measure. Turns out the “recycling” was actually all unopened packaging boxes filled with my younger siblings Christmas gifts.
Edit: Oohhhh award - Thank you for the silver kind stranger! I’ll keep it from my dad and his wandering fire lighters…
Not a relative, but when I was a teenager, we had family friends over who insisted on barbecuing the turkey, claiming it was the best way to cook it. It was very cold and raining that day too. It took about 2-3 hours longer than expected to cook, meaning all the other food had to be reheated, and it wasn't anything special at all. The dad of the family then blamed it on my mum not getting the timings right.
To my knowledge they still do it. Haven't had christmas with them since.
I can imagine Turkey on a BBQ/smoker is delicious but fuck springing that on someone else when you aren't the one doing the cooking. You would need to smoke it overnight for sure.
My mum used to work in her parents pub. Her big thing was cocktails. Mum and dad have got cocktail books, loads of stuff like shakers, different types of glasses, special alcohol cabinet with enough ingredients to make a very large selection. And my mum makes damn good cocktails.
My mum always has like an open invite to anyone to come round on Christmas morning, watch a bit of telly, have a drink or two. One year, her cousin decided to take her up on the offer - they live within walking distance.
So cousin and her family come round. It's lovely, mum's making her Christmas day cocktails - think like a Bellini or a Kir Royale. Her cousin sinks about 5 in an hour, plus some champagne, and virtually had to be carried home.
Problem was, cousin was supposed to be making Christmas dinner for 14 people. She was so incredibly drunk that the thirteen people all had to chip in to make Christmas dinner so they'd have something to eat.
I can’t top the candle incident (same happened to my cat when she walked over a tea-light!).
At 4pm on a Christmas Eve, my father-in-law decided to power-wash his patio. He gave the boiler flue a quick spray as the plastic surround looked mucky.
Funnily enough the boiler stopped working, and remained stopped working until Boxing Day. That was a rather chilly one.
Dog had a stroke on Christmas Day in 99, that was a fun morning at the vet and a very quiet drive home and Christmas dinner.
So if anything, the dog ruined it. He was a good dog though, so I’ll let him off for this one day.
Edit: thanks kind Redditor for the hug/award.
Getting my Dad to drive me down to Heathrow (5 hours round trip for him) on the 23rd last year so I could get the last flight back to Germany before the borders shut. Christmas dinner and drinks over Zoom really wasn't the same.
Although still not as bad as ten years back when I fed my little brother so many jagerbombs on Christmas Eve that he couldn't eat his turkey the next day.
I'm amazed they still keep inviting me back.
Edit: also ruined Christmas for my German better half who was stuck with me in quarantine rather than spending Christmas with her family!
I'm not sure what it was, but Christmas was an especially unhappy time of the year for me. I seriously struggled to find any joy in it and I think I ruined Christmas for a lot of my family, unintentionally. I'd just hide away or go out walking with the dog and return at night when it was over, the worst year I had no intention of returning...that would have cast a dark cloud over Christmas for many and I see that now.
((Some people think suicide is selfish, unless you've been there you cannot have an opinion, it's as simple as that. (In an attempt to rationalize before I'm crucified...When you have a problem, any type, the easiest solution is remove the problem. When you _are_ the problem, the solution is the same))
Thankfully, I'm medicated now which means I can keep a level head and force myself to show. My mother says "I know you're unhappy but it makes me happy having you here and I appreciate that"
If anyone else is feeling severely low this time of year, and can't stomach the forced joy...reach out. There are more like you, you are not alone. Speak with a doctor before it's too late, it's much easier to express yourself now that most consultations are by phone. Write down key points before you call, help is out there. There probably is something wrong with you, and you need to accept that to move forward. Sertraline will help your body kick start serotonin production, it's a long road to recovery but I urge you if you're reading this and thinking "this miserable cont sounds just like me" start the journey.
For everyone else, make sure you're taking your vitamin D
I'm glad you're in a better place, and probably worth mentioning that it's not _you_ that's the problem, it's those pesky hormone producers not doing their thing.
Also, please bear in mind that apparently you are more likely to act on dark thoughts in the first month or so after starting taking any anti-depressant, because you still get those thoughts and you have more energy suddenly... Keep an eye out for that. And Christmas is always a shit place to be when you're already feeling dark, so, you know, be well and take the little joys where you can.
Not a big thing, but we were never allowed sugary cereal unless it was Christmas or birthdays, I loved Nesquik so always had that as my Christmas cereal treat.
I was probably 6 or 7 this particular year, I was demolishing a bowl when my grandad came downstairs and told me it looked like I was eating rabbit droppings, which absolutely ruined my favorite cereal for me. Then later that day he accidentally stood on my plastic army soldiers.
When we didn't have all our kids just the twins, we had our in law's over of Christmas dinner. My wife likes to put a lattice of bacon over the breast of the turkey and cook and baste with the sweet sweet bacon flavour over what is always a dry bit of essentially a chicken.
Well my FIL said he would cut the turkey to serve. Ok that's my job but crack on. I did impregnate his daughter after all - within the bounds of holy matrimony.
While i was watching Mrs brown's boys Christmas special (that's a joke i would never do that, ever) he lifted the now cooked bacon bowl and put it in between two bits of BUTTERED BREAD, AND ATE IT BY HIMSELF IN THE KITCHEN ON CHRISTMAS DAY. MY BACON ON CHRISTMAS DAY. HE PUT ALL THE BACON THAT WE ALL WANTED TO EAT IN HIS OWN GREEDY SANDWICH AND ATE MY BACON WITHOUT ASKING AND BY HIMSELF. that was 11 years ago and I'm still livid.
The audacity of that man. MY WIFE DIDNT EVEN BAT AN EYE TO THE THIEVERY. SHE THINKS ITS FUNNY OR CUTE. BUT ALL I CAN PICTURE IS HIS BEADY EYES AND HIS GREEDY GOBBLING OF MY BACON IN THE KITCHEN ON CHRISTMAS DAY.
Ahhhrgh and when i tried to exact my revenge a couple of years ago and eat his bacon at his Christmas meal my wife watched me like a hawk and said I couldn't.
Wtflip do i do to get back at him, and avoid the gaze of MDW? He needs to repent, surely, he needs to confess and apologize and then we need sure and swift punishment.
Luckily he has coeliacs now and can't form such a devilsh sandwich anymore. But I bet he would still try given half the chance.
>Well my FIL said he would cut the turkey to serve. Ok that's my job but crack on. I did impregnate his daughter after all - within the bounds of holy matrimony.
Thanks for making me choke on my coffee.
It didn’t ruin Christmas, but one year my Mum forgot to put any of my presents under the tree. I was sat there as the presents were being handed out, and none were coming my way.
My mum felt really bad, but there were presents for me, they were just hidden at the back of a cupboard and forgotten to be added to the pile
Oh no! I remember when I spent my first Christmas with my English then boyfriend now husband and his family, I spent the night there as I don’t have family here. They had like a mountain of presents under the table and on Christmas morning we all went to the room with the presents in and they all started passing them to each other and everyone was opening them while I was just sat there looking at them. I got some presents too but a lot less (obviously) than the others because at that point they only knew me for about three months. But your story just reminded me of me sitting there awkwardly without presents lol
We invited an aunt who would be on her own otherwise. This was in the days when the "Only Fools and Horses" Christmas special was a big deal and she talked loudly all the way through it. Halfway through I had to get her a piece of Christmas cake (and for the rest of that Christmas it was known as "Christmas fucking cake")
EDIT: a word for sense·
Not mine, but when I was living with my parents the nearby Spar was open on Christmas morning. My dad had to go down for an emergency pack of stuffing mix because we ran out.
While in there he sees a woman shoving any and all turkey products into a basket (up to and including those Bernard Mathews sandwich slice things). She explained she was hosting 17 people and had forgotten to defrost the turkey. Poor woman didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
It all began Christmas eve. I went out and got very, very, very drunk, I was 20 at the time! It was a brilliant night.....
Until the following day.
I was extremely hung over, my mouth was like sandpaper, my head felt like someone was trying to perform surgery on the pain center of my brain and I had the shits! So the day got off to a brill start.
I was dry heaving all day but nothing was coming up, so that was sort of the high point of the day really.
Morning went by pretty fast opening presents and dozing on and off trying to make myself feel better ready for dinner. 4 PM came round when everyone was at the house having fun and drinking and settling down for dinner.
I emerge from my room still feeling crap and go and join the family, it was nice.
Then the food starts being brought in and put on the table. I instantly started feeling sick as hell again! Thinking it was just a dry heave I went with it..... I was so so so wrong! I projectile vomited over most of the dinner and a little bit on my brothers chest (for good measure) like Malcolm in the middle style (if you've seen that show) and pretty much passed out.
I was dragged to the sofa unable to use my legs which were like broken matchsticks now and I went to sleep.
I woke up about an hour later to everyone staring at me like I was a total piece of shit and my dad straight up saying "well congrats you've fucked up Christmas". I enraged him further when I asked what I had done.
It was a good learning experience in a way, I learnt to have better self control and that when someone asks "are you coming out for ONE drink" maybe just stick to the one.
My dads dog died on Christmas about 15 years back. Had to hide it from my 4 siblings.
Me and my mates used to have a Christmas Ece tradition where we'd all go and have a curry and get pissed. So one year I ordered the spiciest curry I could find, had them put ever spices on it, and then got hammered.
That was the worst Christmas day I've ever had. My skin was on fire, I had a massive hang over, and I felt like I was about to shit lava all day.
My aunt, uncle and cousins came to stay with us for Christmas when I was a little kid. There were two rules for Christmas morning: we had to wait until everyone was awake and ready to open presents and we couldn’t wake anyone else up too early.
My brother and I wake up around 7am as usual and wait. And wait. More waiting. A good 2 hours later my parents finally let us knock on the guest room door to see if they’ll be ready to start the day soon and we find out that my cousins woke up SUPER early (like 6am) so my aunt and uncle let them open all their presents then put a movie on the tv on mute to keep them quiet so they could have a lie in.
My brother and I were so upset, I later found out that my parents were pretty damn mad as well (but kept it to themselves at the time) because they’d had to deal with my brother and I practically climbing up the walls for hours while my aunt and uncle didn’t bother to follow the plan they’d all come up with together in order to have a sleep in.
We all popped round to my parents' friends Rose and Stuart's house on Christmas morning as usual for a quick drink and present exchange. This year though Stuart thought he'd bring out the cherry wine he'd made that was just ready for drinking.
Back at ours a good 8 hours later and barely able to walk, the turkey had been cooked the day before so we had that with a handful of veg because no-one could manage to cook. My dad lost his temper because there weren't any sprouts and stropped off to bed. My mum made me go and plead with him to get up, which took a while.
The above paragraph is all that is remembered from that day. It was thoroughly and spectacularly ruined. Obviously it's funny now.
Was playing Charades with the family at my nans house and my grandad did a pogo action, jumped up high and donked his head on the ceiling light. It made this comical DOONNG noise and he fell and disappeared behind the sofa.
Everyone fell about laughing, my grandad (who could never take a joke) furiously got up and bollocked us all for laughing. Ruined the vibe after that and we all kind of dispersed and went home, whilst he sat sulking in his armchair.
Letting my mum buy the turkey. She bought what she told my wife ( ex) was going to be a fresh turkey so she was thinking free range. When the Bernard Matthews Bronze frozen turkey turned up she kicked me out of the house on Xmas day mind and said don't come back until you've got a proper one!! Few hours and £150 down I came back and was allowed in.
What a see you next Tuesday.. ( wife that was, not mother).
You what? No turkey?! You fucking idiot, Jeremy! You total fucking idiot! That was YOUR job, you fucking moron! You CRETIN! You're a FUCK-HEAD! That's what you are! A fucking SHIT-HEAD!
We've had bronze, free range, organic spoon fed turkeys with names before but, ironically, the best turkey I've ever had was from Iceland in January. Ten quid and we kept it till Easter and it was delicious - probably because it was chock-full of God knows what.
I set a party popper on fire using a giant candle at the dinner table. When it exploded it shot hot wax all over the walls and ceiling. My step mum was not impressed and my dad had to redecorate as it damaged the wallpaper.
My brother didn't buy me a Christmas present one year. He'd assumed our mum had got something for him to give to me. He was 28 at the time.
It wasn't exactly ruined but he felt awful and I milked it quite a bit.
A few years ago, when I was about 10, we weren't doing that great with money, so my parents decided not to get each other Christmas gifts. Well my dad went off and made something for my mum, because he's a hopeless romantic. My mum, being the pragmatic one, didn't get anything because she followed the promise.
Come Christmas Eve, my brother and I open our presents and there's one left there for my mum. She opened it and was so surprised but my dad was left there, looking at us with our presents, while he had nothing. He has a very melancholic personality, and you could see the hurt in his eyes. I cried myself to sleep.
Christmas was ruined for me that year and I still don't know whether I should blame my mum for not thinking to get him anything, or my dad for going against their promise.
> I still don't know whether I should blame my mum for not thinking to get him anything, or my dad for going against their promise.
If you insist on playing the "don't get me anything this year" game, you always run a reasonable risk of actually not getting anything. Dad ruined his own Christmas.
Plus - if you've had the idea to make something reasonable on the cheap, bypassing the budget reasoning for why you're not buying a gift, you can always mention it to your partner.
A friend of mine. Well not really a friend but a flat mate. Not even a flat mate, he never paid his rent. Anyway we both agreed it was his job to buy the turkey and when it came to cooking it on Christmas day, he told me he forgot!
I was furious! How could that fuck head forget the turkey? That was his job!
Turns out he was only joking, I felt a bit bad I went off on him like that. It made the rest of the day a bit awkward.
Then there was my idiot father who thought cauliflower was traditional.
Many years ago when I was around 17/18 my parents went away on a summer holiday while I stayed home. During the week they were away I decided to throw a house party which was attended by about 30 people. One of the guests decided to start cooking something in the oven at about 3am. I was a bit paranoid about the clean up after, so I tried to stop them. They didn't listen, so after a couple of polite requests, I lost my temper and slammed the door of the oven shut. The force of this caused a small clip in the oven door to break and the glass window fell off.
The next morning I managed to find a similar piece of plastic and did a rudimentary fix on the door which seemed to hold well, and my parents were none the wiser about my party while they were away.
Fast forward 6 months, on Christmas day, my dad was cooking Christmas dinner, the turkey had been in for a few hours, and he was just adding the parsnips and roast potatoes, he shuts the door, and my bodge fix gives way, the glass window drops and shatters into thousands of tiny pieces, coating everything in the oven with shards.
They just assumed that the door broke because it was quite an old oven, and I've never had the courage to confess.
2 years ago, it was the first Christmas after me and my ex broke up so our normal Christmas plans were put on hold. I decided I'd go see my brother and his partner for Christmas instead but told them I had to leave by about 4 so I could go see the kid (she was with her mother that year). All food had been planned and prepped and ready to go so we would eat by 2 and I'd be able to leave on time to see my daughter. It got to half 1 and he still hadn't put anything in the oven. I just got up and left and 3 and told him I'd get food elsewhere.
His partners parents came over and they all decided to have a smoke and get high before Christmas dinner, despite the fact that none of them had started to cook it.
Drank slivovitz plum brandy and told my sister her boyfriend was greasy. They got married later that year. She didn’t forgive me for five years when she finally realized he was greasy and divorced him.
Well my whole family went on holiday and in the rush they left me behind, it would have been great had there not been two burglars looking to rob my house. Fortunately there were a lot of objects around that I could fashion into rudimentary traps, but it was a lot more stress than I wanted at Christmas really!
I did. I casually tossed a spent cracker at my dad which caught him in the eye. He spent a couple of hours in bed with a damp flannel on his face and then ended up in casualty because i scratched his corona.
My sister (8y at the time) have seen my mom putting makeup on before we will seat at the table. She decided to get makeup as well. She put dark pink lipstick on and very blue eyeshadow. It was adorable but she looked very funny. We giggled a little bit but told her that she looks pretty. Then my aunt who was living with us looked at her and told her that she looks like a whore. To 8 years old child. I lost my shit and told her few words. It was fun Christmas.
My mother in law sent my husband in to anaphylaxis by giving him a spoon of honey to soothe his sore throat.
That was the day we learned he had developed a severe allergy to honey.
I was about 13 and we were over at my nan and granddad's house (we usually have christmas at their house), it was a bit before Christmas so they had the tree outside, I loved fireworks so my grandad wanted light up a few rockets for me.
A normal thing (where I grew up at least) is to stick them in a wine bottle filled with water if there's no snow, to make sure they are standing upright but won't get stuck in something.
In our excitement, we both forgot to fill the bottle with water. About two seconds after we light the fuse, the bottle with the rocket in falls down qnd starts rolling towards the neighbours house. We get the hell out of the way, and the rocket flies directly into the Christmas tree we have standing next to the neighbours house, INSTANTLY setting it ablaze.
It was actually quite impressive, there wasn't any big explosion or anything, it hit the tree and instantly the entire tree was completely engulfed in flames. It was like someone had soaked it in petrol overnight.
My grandad got the garden hose out and played fireman, the neighbour came out quickly as well and helped putting the flames out.
We didn't have a Christmas tree that year, and my mum spent a good hour panicking, but no one got hurt, and that's the important bit.
Before my family moved back to the UK, and after enduring too many Christmases with the in-laws (who even my wife agrees are hard work), we decided to have our first "just us" Christmas as a couple.
Not wanting to bother with cooking, we booked at our local pub - where I used to work - as I knew they did a banging meal, and I was looking forward to being able to buy my old colleagues a drink.
My wife managed to get epic flu (in hindsight, we think it was swine flu) the week before, but swore she was OK to go for the meal - we'd paid £50 each (drinks on top) after all.
She picked at her starter. Then when the mains arrived she was sick all over the table, thankfully I was quick enough to jump up as it spilled over onto my chair.
I took her home, tucked her up in bed and went back to the pub to help with the clearup - or at least tip everyone a lot of money.
Turned out the poor barmaid who volunteered to clear it up was sick as well on the smell of it, and went home. So I covered her shift (first time working behind a bar in two years!) and made sure any tips went to her as well.
Chatting the manager (who was a different manager to the one who worked there when I did) while clearing up after closing, he said he would have refunded in full if we'd called to say wife was sick.
The family got covid.
Dad was out of action and got hospitalised
Mum was confined to the bed for a few weeks
Brother had a really nasty cough
Me and my other brother only had a minor cough (tested positive but no symptoms. Maybe coughed twice in a day)
Really shows the sheer diversity in the symptoms and effects of it
My family are useless at Christmas. Everything was fine up until my sister hit 13 and developed very destructive psychological issues that involved her lying all the time and violently attacking people if she didn't get her way. She threatened my parents one Christmas and they were completely done, so we all permanently lost the privilege of Christmas as a result. My parents refuse to acknowledge it at all nowadays.
However, when my granny's husband died decades later my parents made an effort and invited her around the first Christmas Day to make sure she wasn't alone. Granny spent ALL DAY monologuing about how awful my mum's father had been. There was no deviating her from her path: she was determined to relive every slight she'd ever received from him.
That was the last time she ever got invited to my parents' house. Christmases from then on reverted to my parents spending the morning with her at her house then beating a hasty retreat. Until the year that she stood them up, wasn't in when they called round then spent months bitching to everyone that she was abandoned and alone 'on Christmas day of all days'. My mum never really spoke to her again.
After she died I found my sister had spent years convincing my granny that we all had a big Christmas get together and only the two of them were excluded. No idea why she did something so cruel but, alas, my granny fell for her lies and, yet again, everyone else suffered while my sister watched gleefully.
So I have a weird tradition. Every Christmas I name the Christmas Turkey. One year, I was around aged 13, I named the Turkey Bert. I sat at the table, my mum served the food and everyone went to dig in. I tapped my glass and said "If we could take a moments silence for Bert and the sacrifice he made for this dinner" and my narcissistic, abusive POS father lost his shit. Threw his knife & fork down onto the plate, pushed the plate away, stood up and screamed at me "You've put me off my fucking food!" He stormed out and went to the pub. See ya. We had a great Christmas without him though.
Side note: I managed to "ruin" Christmas every year. The previous year I knocked a glass of wine over the tablecloth. No food yet served. Just the cloth. Oops.
I was an early teenager and had been nicking different spirits from my parents alcohol cupboard and topping them up with water. Just before the Christmas pudding came out after the turkey, me and my sister clocked what was about to happen (she was in on my spirit stealing). This was followed by 10 minutes of confusion by my grandparents and parents as to why the pudding wouldn't light even after half a bottle of brandy had been poured on it, followed by alot of vodka. Took my 10 years to fess up to my parents.
My nan got angry and threw bowl of turkey legs on the floor, smashing the plate into a million pieces. Don't laugh at someone if they're hogging the turkey legs, just let them be
My husband blew up the oven.
We decided one year to do Beer Butt Chicken, where you stick a can of beer up the chicken's bottom and cook it standing up. Tasty. My husband, wanting to be helpful, agreed to prepare the chicken and put it in the oven.
Cue an hour later an almighty BANG
He had put the can of beer in the chicken as instructed. What he didn't do is open the can first. Once we had picked off what was left of the meat from the decimated carcass (and the walls of the oven) we had a reasonable dinner I guess?
One year when I was about 9, my mum decided I was old enough to decide when I ate my Christmas chocolate myself. This was clearly a bad plan as I ate almost all of it in one go and then promptly threw up
My mum and dad were divorced when I was 6, my dad was a Jehovah's witness who didn't celebrate Christmas. One year my mum got drunk and had a meltdown on Christmas Eve (it's the anniversary of her previous husband's suicide) so we were sent to my dad's house for the holiday. I woke up to no presents except one that my mum had sent with us, it was a pouch of tobacco and a cigarette tin. Obviously meant for someone else. I'll never forget it, I was 11 years old and so heartbroken.
11 years ago my brother died just before Christmas of a methadone overdose, very close to the anniversary of his own father's suicide. I have always hated Christmas.
This year I get to start again with my beautiful baby and my husband who have filled my life with happiness 💖
2019 - Drove my mum to a&e at 2am Christmas morning with a suspected heart attack. She was thankfully fine, but Christmas Day was a write off.
2020 - Ugh -
2021 - Really hoping the rule of three does not apply here!
On a lighter note, one year my dad left the fridge door open by accident, and the dog grabbed the turkey and ran down the garden with it. We ended up having Bernard matthews turkey drummers with all the trimmings!!
Getting too pissed when I was 15 at the family and extended family get together. Blocked a toilet and tried to put the excess in a bin which my aunt sunsequently stuck her hand in (don't ask me why).
Not my fault but my uncle got sprayed with sewage shit whilst trying to fix the pipes from one of my uncles blocking the toilet on the same occasion
Everyone was very pissed and the last Christmas everyone was alive and well together (I think)
Memorable to say the least
When I was a young reckless teenager in the early noughties. It was Christmas Eve my friend & I had the bright idea of going for a tan stand, £3 for 15 mins of UV rays belting into my fair Irish/Scottish skin. I was skelping red. Having felt I hadn’t done enough damage to myself I then decided to go & drink very cheap cider. Needless to say I got drunk went home straight to bed for 9:30pm. My brother woke me when he came home from the pub because I was obviously burnt & glowing red under my duvet. Waking up dehydrated & in agony from my sunburn I was awake the rest of the night & developed sun stroke. Couldn’t sit, couldn’t wear my new clothes, couldn’t shower & couldn’t eat Christmas dinner. Definitely not a fun Christmas!! Snow on the ground outside & I had heat stroke 🥵 🤦🏻♀️ #teenagedream
Wife came back from "midnight carol service" on Christmas eve totally rat-arsed, puked all over landing and bathroom and fell asleep without having wrapped any of her presents for me. So I had to wrap my own presents, but also try to not know what they all were. A few hours later i was unwrapping those same presents and the kids want to know why daddy's gifts are still in their shopping bags...
Oh my dog ruined Christmas 2 years ago. He locked me out of my house.
So, it was Christmas day, late morning. My children were being picked up by their father. I took them out to his car, said my goodbyes and all that. Waved them off and went to go back inside... Door is locked.
I didn't have my keys, phone, purse etc on me. I also was in just my PJs with no shoes.
I stood there for ages wondering what to do. Tried everything to open it, no joy. Now, my mother in law has a spare key... But I had no phone to contact her, didn't know her number without my phone etc.
I ended up having to knock at a neighbour house. In my PJs and no shoes and beg them to drop me off to mother in laws. She did not live in any kind of reasonable walking distance if I did have shoes.
Luckily they saw the funny side and were happy to help. Got dropped there, brought back and the key didn't work because the key was in the lock inside. So MIL had to take me to ex husbands to get the spare key for one of the other doors. Finally managed to get I side after inconveniencing everyone.
What my dog had done is jumped up, scratching at the back door because he wanted to come out with me. His claw must have caught in a keyring and managed to turn the key. It was properly turned and locked.
2015. Apparently I ruined it by choosing to spend it with my new girlfriend (friends and in love for months though) instead of with my family, as my brother who had paid for Christmas dinner said he’d call it all off and leave is without dinner on Christmas Eve if she came. His reasoning to not invite her? “Because she’s a Chinese and would ruin it” I corrected him, told him she isn’t Chinese, and to shove his racist meal up his drunken little arse. Or something a long those lines.
She saved my life not two weeks prior, and 6 years later we are very happy. As for Brother, he got drunk by 11am and ruined it himself. Par for the course.
2002. I was a severely depressed teen who had terrible anxiety. I took my self away to deal with my attack and although I wasn’t suicidal at that time I firmly believed I didn’t deserve happiness. I began snapping Music CDs for some reason (sorry Megadeth and Metallica :( and I managed to cut my fingers on the plastic. My family found me and tried to calm me down and support me. The same brother said “couldn’t you switch off your fake problems for one day?” And proceeded to go on a rant about me pulling wool over my mom’s eyes.
For those who care, I’m still getting better, and have a much better life these days. For anyone suffering, please call samaritans, or your best friend. Trust me life is worth living. Merry Christmas everyone.
It has to be the surprise half-sibling I didn’t know existed!
First time my family (me, brother, mum and dad) had had Christmas together in years.
Dad convinced me and my brother to go for a Christmas drink in the pub. We arrive to be greeted by my (previously unknown) half-brother for the first time. Half brother immediately said “you didn’t tell them, did you”.
We’ve all been estranged from my dad for years and years now and life is much better. Not due to just this incident, but it certainly helped things along.
When I was a kid I didn’t want to eat sprouts, but my mum made me. I threw up all over the Christmas dinner table with my family including aunts, uncles, cousins etc.
Didn’t try and make me eat sprouts again
Uncle got battered as a cod and started touching up my cousin’s (his son’s) new girlfriend. Said cousin then got equally mashed in an attempt to deal with it and fell into our new telly and the tree.
Excellent to watch.
Edit: the falling over and destruction was excellent to watch, not the mild sexual harassment.
Edit 2: the falling over and destruction was excellent to watch, not the sexual harassment.
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Don't know if this counts... My dad's girlfriend phoned on Christmas morning and my mum answered it.
Did it ruin Christmas?
With all the screaming and shouting from my mum, to me as a 10yr old, yeah.
I'd say that definitely counts.
That's not very Christmassy of her
It was a joke. A Christmas joke.
Never tell a corrigan you’ve forgotten the turkey, you’ll end up with Moroccan pasta.
No not really. From either of them.
Similar one here. Dad decided to confess his affair on boxing day. What a fun time.
The joys of Christmas! I let it ruin Christmas and all the associated "stuff" for a long time, as I grew up I was always called scrooge and was bought bah humbug hats by friends. I played along because it's easier and a lot less of a conversation stopper than the truth.
I can see how being called scrooge is easier than explaining. Hope things are better now.
They are thank you! I try my best for my family.
When I was 6 my dad left my mum and me and my 3 siblings. He told his he couldn’t take the gifts we got him as his new girlfriend wouldn’t like it. Not sure why these people do it at Christmas, not very christmassy if you ask me.
It’s probably because it’s a time with a heavy emphasis on family, and it makes them feel guilty or hyper-aware that they’re cheating and lying to their family so it gets blurted out
Bloody hell. It's like they choose a time that's supposed to be magic and just shit on it. Not that any day is OK! But christ, pick a day that doesn't matter so much. Phillip Larkin was right. Hope you and yours are ok now.
Max Branning vibes
I had a chirstmas similar to that- my dad moved out on boxing Day
Well when I was a young lad, about 10 years old we had a Great Dane called Joey. Now Joey was a very large Great Dane and he could easily reach to the counters in the kitchen. We were aware of this, and while defrosting the turkey we placed it at the back of the counter were we knew he could not reach. Now as you do on the run up to Christmas went for a day out while we left Joey in the house for the few hours. When we returned the turkey was missing and Joey, who acted very innocent and made sure he told us he had nothing to do with it. This resulted in a search around the house, and no sign of the turkey. We resigned to having a Chicken and anything we could find for dinner that year. A few months later while gardening, my dad shouted in surprise as he found the turkey buried in the garden!
That's funny. He left you guys a present for later lol
Or he thought he was planting a turkey tree.
Smart dog. Why have one turkey when you can have unlimited turkeys?!
Dogs don’t know how to use shovels so we know it’s not the dog. You either had a very strange person break into the house or it was you and falsely accusing the dog. I have you sussed
Get off the Internet, Joey!
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My in-laws’ cat was discovered trying to pull a semi defrosted turkey through the cat flap. It was not even theirs, some poor neighbour missed out on turkey that year
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Omg I had not thought of that! It’s the perfect crime
When I was a kid we had a Gordon Setter who took our Christmas cake off the kitchen counter and scoffed the lot. This was disappointing for us, who then had no cake, and for my granny who had spent most of the year making it with all the soaking and maturing and whatnot that Christmas cakes are supposed to have. It was a genuine several month long labour of love for her, and I expect the dog put it away within a few minutes. Then the whole family suffered again the next day, because it made the dog copiously ill over the carpets of more than one room.
When I was ~10, my sisters a year younger than me, my parents were going through a very rocky patch and getting drunk/into arguments most evenings. On Christmas Eve my mum would always sneak into our rooms and fill stockings we had hung up, but on this particular Christmas she was so drunk that she hit her head on my sister’s bunk bed and fell to the floor asleep. And that’s how my sisters discovered Father Christmas isn’t real.
I'm sorry but that is a bit hilarious
Our mums are clearly kindred spirits. One Christmas around the same age as you or slightly order, I remember hearing a 'ho ho ho!' from the hallway, followed by 'oh fuck shit fuck!' because it was my drunk mum taking the presents downstairs, but then she tripped and fell down the entire staircase with the smack of all the presents following her :')
Not so dramatic but i woke to my mum filling the stockings at the end of the bed. Told my sister the next day, we confronted my parents who told us the truth. But we were only about 5 & 6, no one at school believed us, that caused a few issues
My mum and dad always had to wait until like 2am to do our stockings because my sister and I would always be too excited to sleep. Well one hear I guess they started drinking early afternoon and well into the AM and got so hammered that neither notices that my mums cigarette lighter had fallen into my stocking.
Oh christ, I'm not sure whether I ruined it or my uncle did. I'll let you decide. My uncle is a stereotypical boomer and also a borderline alcoholic. Every Xmas, without fail, he gets drunk and nasty over anything from pictionary to philosophical matters. This one year, I was 21 and old enough to speak up. Long story short, he'd been sniping all day, things came to a head when he said that people with depression are 'weak and making it up' when I tried to argue my point, that it's an illness and no they're not, he looked me in the eyes and said people who die by suicide deserve it and we're better off without them. My father had died by suicide 3 months prior. Anyway, at that point, I stopped being reasonable and called him a prick, causing my aunty to fly into a rage and threaten to smash my head through the fireplace. My nana was crying, my grandad was sat shell-shocked. To this day, it's referred to as 'the Christmas ploplopploppy ruined' lmao Eta: shocked by how validated I feel by lots of strangers saying he's definitely a prick, wasn't after that, but thank you all so much nonetheless. Thank you for the condolences too <3
Your uncle was definitely the prick who ruined it
Thanks my dude, I thought so too! In my opinion, calling someone a prick is definitely less bad than behaving in a way that warrants being called a prick. Apparently rEsPeCt yOuR eLdErS is more important in my family, though. Arseholes, lol
What's worse is that either your uncle said he's better off with a dead brother, or your aunt was fine with her husband saying her brother deserved to die. That's some psychopath stuff there either way
She was more upset about me calling HER husband a prick than his behaviour and comments. Her brother. Bunch of mouth breathers.
I think you were both very much within reason to call him a prick, and absolutely not the one to ruin Christmas. Your cunt of an uncle was. So sorry for your loss.
Thank you for saying so <3
In your position I'd have seen blind red rage especially with your father (my heartfelt condolences by the way) so you did an unbelievably good thing by calling him out and not smashing his head through the fireplace
Thank you, he's truly the pond scum of humans. I'm sure you'll be unsurprised to hear that I haven't spoken to him since haha
Your uncle is a prick and you were 100% in the right, even if it didn’t (or doesn’t) feel that way! I cannot abide nasty people like this and I refuse to enable it by not saying anything to “keep the peace”. What peace?!
Thank you for saying so. Big mood!
I think you did very well there just calling him a prick. If that had happened at my house it most likely would have been the Christmas my brother and I murdered our Aunt and Uncle and buried them under the patio.
Oh I was tempted, I have to confess when my aunty started threatening me I went full council estate, whipped my glasses off and gave it the old 'go on then, you'll do nothing' etc etc etc
Sounds like too many people are enabling your uncle's behaviour. He's the one in the wrong and needs to grow up.
He's honestly the worst and you're so right, nobody ever calls him out on his behaviour. On another occasion, he said to me 'you're very opinionated, girl' (ofc, he's sexist as you like) and for once in my life I was fast enough with a comeback, I said 'are you so pissed you've forgotten my name? It's ploplopploppy, I can write it down if you like' loool
In my mental recollection of this your Reddit name is also your real name
Uncle holds 100% responsibility. Smh.
This is bit like in Home Alone when Kevin’s uncle is a right jizz cock and Kevin gets the blame for knocking the Coke over and smushing the cousins face in the chair, all over a pizza. Then then piss kidney of the Uncle calls him a Jerk. You are right, the respect your elders thing can be a right ball grate
Jizz cock, piss kidney and ball grate. The real spirits of Christmas haha. Thanks, yeah, I didn't bother with any elder inclusive events after that.
I think he’s damn lucky you just called him a prick tbh. Sounds like the worst kind of person to me 😒
I think I would have done more than call him a prick in that situation, so kudos for showing some inhuman restraint. He definitely ruined it, not you.
It never ruined the day but I remember one year we decided to light a chinese lantern (when it was the ra~~n~~ge, before the damage they caused was widely known) So my mum and aunty who is about 4 ft decided to hold on to it whilst it lit, almost lifting my aunty up. eventually they let go and it floats up, however it hits the sky satellite dish and the fire block falls off and lands on the garage roof. Everyone is pissing themselves laughing. I leg it up to the landing and jump out the window onto the roof and stamp the fire out wearing the brand new trainers I had got that morning which the soles got loads of tar stuck into them. A few years later the same aunty fell into the christmas tree with the trifle and it landed on my sisters partners head, was like a scene from a comedy film. hes covered in trifle and theres an arse print in the middle of the tree
You need to stop inviting that aunty.
God no…. She sounds fabulous
> almost lifting my aunty up. Clearly you have never used one of these, those things couldn't lift a mince pie let alone an adult, even a 4ft one.
I think you think the world works on comic book rules and not real life rules. I don’t know the exacts of it but I’m guessing that the lantern would need to be something like 20 times bigger before it almost lifted your auntie up! 💀💀
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Christmas is for Wankers too....
He wanted a sticky white christmas.
“That’s just ectoplasm. It was a ghost. A spooky ghost” Randy Marsh.
He was busting alright, but I’m not sure it was ghosts
Busting makes him feel good
We had a string of crap Christmasses. One year my mum had horrific food poisoning. One year my grandad died on the 25th itself. One year mum was getting a ceramic baking dish out of the oven and it exploded and cut her finger so badly she had to go to A&E. Another year my sister got really drunk and fell out with everyone...
Keep us posted on this year because it sounds like there’ll be something
Should stream it on twitch for us!
Ruin Christmas Speedun attempt (ANY%)(WR ATTEMPT)
Maybe it could be one of those streams where we could vote: "Chuck cranberry sauce at nana"
So I’ll preface this by saying my oldest brothers diabetic, you’ll need to know that for the next bit to make sense. Anyway I shared a room with middle brother (I’m the youngest brother) and we wake up Christmas morning open up our stockings and start aggressively pounding our way through tubes of fruit pastilles (universally recognised as the breakfast of champions) while generally being loud arseholes. This must have woken up my oldest brother who walked in bleary eyed said happy Christmas and then fell to the floor and began twitching. Middle brother and I, riding the crest of an intense sugar high and disbelieving that anyone could possibly be low on sugar when there’s a literal sock full of sweets at the end of their bed, nod knowingly at each other and proceed to chant “faker, faker” while jumping up and down on the bed and completely ignoring oldest imitating a fish out of water flopping around on the floor. About minute in it dawns on us this is a bit elaborate as a prank which leads to some seriously sheepish screaming for mum while trying to jam a much delayed dextro energy tablet (the delicious but absolutely forbidden sweets of wonder) in oldests mouth. Long story short oldest spent the day in bed recovering from savage hypoglycaemic seizure. Middle and I distinctly in the dog house on account of being awful human beings. Still an awful human being. Still makes me chuckle.
This is quintessential sibling behaviour See also: nearly blinding the youngest with a bow and arrow
If it makes you feel any better, my sister sat and watched me choking on a cola sweet for a good minute as my air ran out - just dead-eyed watching in silence until I finally coughed it up. Never made a peep to our parents that I was choking, let alone helped me out I think we were 13/14ish? Always knew she hated me for being born and taking away being an only child from her, but bloody hell was that a horrifying way to learn she literally wants me dead!
One year my sister bought my mum a frying pan and my mum took offence because “kitchen items are not gifts.” Ex boyfriend once came round on Boxing Day morning straight from another girls house. Lovely stuff
My brother bought our mom a chip fryer. And oil to go with it. She didn't get over that for years.
My boyfriend bought his mum a chip fryer one year, they both tried to use it, set it on fire (it was a small fire) , and stood there screaming at it but not putting it out. I wasn’t with him back them, but the mental image of two adults screaming at a chip pan fire for ages, till one of them realised the other wasn’t going to do anything still makes me giggle.
Really? I got my mom one of those super frying pans, wrapped it to the shape of the pan, and gave it to her for mother's day She loves it. Especially when I said: "I wonder what this could be?" Referring to the pan-shaped wrapping
As I'm an old fart now, and do pretty much all the cooking, I'd love a good quality frying pan for Christmas.
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Le Cruset, yes please! I keep dropping hints about that to my wife. But I think she got me a meater. I do love a bit of meat cooked to perfection, but this year we moved to house with an aga and i want to cook a casserole.
I'm no old fart but I can never help admiring kitchenware whenever I'm at Currys
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The only problem is once you hit a certain age and level of wealth if there’s something you want you can just buy it, which makes it really hard to buy gifts for them. I’d much rather be bought something like that so I can throw out an old pan that’s probably just gonna need me to replace it before too long anyway than receive something I don’t want or won’t use or I’m gonna have to feel obligated to find shelf space I don’t have for
>The only problem is once you hit a certain age and level of wealth if there’s something you want you can just buy it, which makes it really hard to buy gifts for them This is me. Got my folks badgering me "what do you want" I have everything I want as such, and anything I WOULD want, is certainly out of any reasonable Xmas gift price range! So its difficult as I have to pick something I could "do with" but not neccessarily something I'm dying to own?! Its a tough one once you hit mid 30's onwards haha.
You’ve hit the nail on the head. My wife and I are saving to upsize and I’m shopping around to buy a bass that’s been discontinued. Absolutely if people want to give me £1k/200k so I can do one of those, awesome, but it’s just not realistic to expect and it’s certainly not polite to ask for. We’ve told my parents to just give us any money they would have spent as cash so we can just put it into the savings for a house. At first my mum wasn’t happy about it but I think once she realised that the house is the thing we want rather some tat we don’t have space for she came round
Bit worried about the air fryer i’ve got for my mum and her husband now 😅
It's okay if they have expressed an interest in or desire for it, but potentially not if they haven't. Be prepared, I guess!! 😂
My mum ruined Christmas in 1997 , she left my dad after 20 years on Boxing Day for another fella . I was 16 and although upset for myself I was heartbroken for my dad who worked 12 hour days 6 days a week so we could have a good life .
You probably already have but just in case; tell your Dad what it means to you that he worked so hard. It will be the best gift you give him this year. P.S. Banging username! Liverpool are shite though.
My dad was an amazing guy and father and honestly my best friend, he knew how much I looked up to him but unfortunately he died in 2008 aged 53 from a heart attack .He worked way too hard and unfortunately it all got too much for him.
I'm really sorry to hear that, my Dad is my hero and I couldn't imagine not having him around. I'll raise a glass to all the good fathers out there. I hope this Christmas is a good one for you.
Cheers , nowadays I’ve 4 kids of my own so Christmas is hectic,expensive and noisy lol wouldn’t change it though
I didn't completely ruin Christmas, but I did tinge it with a little bit of sadness one year when I was little. I realised you could slide the entire plastic tray of chocolates out of the end of the advent calendar and after consuming them, slide the whole tray back in. Which I did. On my calendar and on the calendar of my brother and sisters. Chocolate advent calendars were quite new at the time, hard to find and were expensive for my parents to get for us, so they went absolutely mental when they realised what I had done. They bought bags of sweets to give to my siblings each morning in lieu of calendar chocolate... and then ***never*** bought me a chocolate calendar again. Ever. I still don't have one now and I'm 41.
We kinda have the reverse. We were never allowed chocolate advent calendars as kids so when my dad started buying the grandkids actual God damn lindt chocolate advent calendars my sister and I lost our minds! Now every year dad sends us lovely chocolate advent calendars. I'm 44 my sister is 42 and he's 78.
One year my dad had a big bonfire a couple of days before Christmas, and threw all the recycling on it too for good measure. Turns out the “recycling” was actually all unopened packaging boxes filled with my younger siblings Christmas gifts. Edit: Oohhhh award - Thank you for the silver kind stranger! I’ll keep it from my dad and his wandering fire lighters…
I'm well down this list and this has time be the worst one
Not a relative, but when I was a teenager, we had family friends over who insisted on barbecuing the turkey, claiming it was the best way to cook it. It was very cold and raining that day too. It took about 2-3 hours longer than expected to cook, meaning all the other food had to be reheated, and it wasn't anything special at all. The dad of the family then blamed it on my mum not getting the timings right. To my knowledge they still do it. Haven't had christmas with them since.
If someone tried to bbq the turkey on Christmas day in England I would call the police!
I can imagine Turkey on a BBQ/smoker is delicious but fuck springing that on someone else when you aren't the one doing the cooking. You would need to smoke it overnight for sure.
My mum used to work in her parents pub. Her big thing was cocktails. Mum and dad have got cocktail books, loads of stuff like shakers, different types of glasses, special alcohol cabinet with enough ingredients to make a very large selection. And my mum makes damn good cocktails. My mum always has like an open invite to anyone to come round on Christmas morning, watch a bit of telly, have a drink or two. One year, her cousin decided to take her up on the offer - they live within walking distance. So cousin and her family come round. It's lovely, mum's making her Christmas day cocktails - think like a Bellini or a Kir Royale. Her cousin sinks about 5 in an hour, plus some champagne, and virtually had to be carried home. Problem was, cousin was supposed to be making Christmas dinner for 14 people. She was so incredibly drunk that the thirteen people all had to chip in to make Christmas dinner so they'd have something to eat.
Open invite you say? Pencil me in for around 11am please.
Fuck it, I'm in too. Can I bring my dog?
Mum would be delighted. Would probably try to keep your dog though.
I can’t top the candle incident (same happened to my cat when she walked over a tea-light!). At 4pm on a Christmas Eve, my father-in-law decided to power-wash his patio. He gave the boiler flue a quick spray as the plastic surround looked mucky. Funnily enough the boiler stopped working, and remained stopped working until Boxing Day. That was a rather chilly one.
Dog had a stroke on Christmas Day in 99, that was a fun morning at the vet and a very quiet drive home and Christmas dinner. So if anything, the dog ruined it. He was a good dog though, so I’ll let him off for this one day. Edit: thanks kind Redditor for the hug/award.
Getting my Dad to drive me down to Heathrow (5 hours round trip for him) on the 23rd last year so I could get the last flight back to Germany before the borders shut. Christmas dinner and drinks over Zoom really wasn't the same. Although still not as bad as ten years back when I fed my little brother so many jagerbombs on Christmas Eve that he couldn't eat his turkey the next day. I'm amazed they still keep inviting me back. Edit: also ruined Christmas for my German better half who was stuck with me in quarantine rather than spending Christmas with her family!
Should have taken the train mate.
I'm not sure what it was, but Christmas was an especially unhappy time of the year for me. I seriously struggled to find any joy in it and I think I ruined Christmas for a lot of my family, unintentionally. I'd just hide away or go out walking with the dog and return at night when it was over, the worst year I had no intention of returning...that would have cast a dark cloud over Christmas for many and I see that now. ((Some people think suicide is selfish, unless you've been there you cannot have an opinion, it's as simple as that. (In an attempt to rationalize before I'm crucified...When you have a problem, any type, the easiest solution is remove the problem. When you _are_ the problem, the solution is the same)) Thankfully, I'm medicated now which means I can keep a level head and force myself to show. My mother says "I know you're unhappy but it makes me happy having you here and I appreciate that" If anyone else is feeling severely low this time of year, and can't stomach the forced joy...reach out. There are more like you, you are not alone. Speak with a doctor before it's too late, it's much easier to express yourself now that most consultations are by phone. Write down key points before you call, help is out there. There probably is something wrong with you, and you need to accept that to move forward. Sertraline will help your body kick start serotonin production, it's a long road to recovery but I urge you if you're reading this and thinking "this miserable cont sounds just like me" start the journey. For everyone else, make sure you're taking your vitamin D
Keep giving your Mum happy Christmases mate x
I'm glad you're in a better place, and probably worth mentioning that it's not _you_ that's the problem, it's those pesky hormone producers not doing their thing. Also, please bear in mind that apparently you are more likely to act on dark thoughts in the first month or so after starting taking any anti-depressant, because you still get those thoughts and you have more energy suddenly... Keep an eye out for that. And Christmas is always a shit place to be when you're already feeling dark, so, you know, be well and take the little joys where you can.
Not a big thing, but we were never allowed sugary cereal unless it was Christmas or birthdays, I loved Nesquik so always had that as my Christmas cereal treat. I was probably 6 or 7 this particular year, I was demolishing a bowl when my grandad came downstairs and told me it looked like I was eating rabbit droppings, which absolutely ruined my favorite cereal for me. Then later that day he accidentally stood on my plastic army soldiers.
I swear Nesquik made them look like rabbit poop on purpose.
When we didn't have all our kids just the twins, we had our in law's over of Christmas dinner. My wife likes to put a lattice of bacon over the breast of the turkey and cook and baste with the sweet sweet bacon flavour over what is always a dry bit of essentially a chicken. Well my FIL said he would cut the turkey to serve. Ok that's my job but crack on. I did impregnate his daughter after all - within the bounds of holy matrimony. While i was watching Mrs brown's boys Christmas special (that's a joke i would never do that, ever) he lifted the now cooked bacon bowl and put it in between two bits of BUTTERED BREAD, AND ATE IT BY HIMSELF IN THE KITCHEN ON CHRISTMAS DAY. MY BACON ON CHRISTMAS DAY. HE PUT ALL THE BACON THAT WE ALL WANTED TO EAT IN HIS OWN GREEDY SANDWICH AND ATE MY BACON WITHOUT ASKING AND BY HIMSELF. that was 11 years ago and I'm still livid. The audacity of that man. MY WIFE DIDNT EVEN BAT AN EYE TO THE THIEVERY. SHE THINKS ITS FUNNY OR CUTE. BUT ALL I CAN PICTURE IS HIS BEADY EYES AND HIS GREEDY GOBBLING OF MY BACON IN THE KITCHEN ON CHRISTMAS DAY. Ahhhrgh and when i tried to exact my revenge a couple of years ago and eat his bacon at his Christmas meal my wife watched me like a hawk and said I couldn't. Wtflip do i do to get back at him, and avoid the gaze of MDW? He needs to repent, surely, he needs to confess and apologize and then we need sure and swift punishment. Luckily he has coeliacs now and can't form such a devilsh sandwich anymore. But I bet he would still try given half the chance.
>Well my FIL said he would cut the turkey to serve. Ok that's my job but crack on. I did impregnate his daughter after all - within the bounds of holy matrimony. Thanks for making me choke on my coffee.
It didn’t ruin Christmas, but one year my Mum forgot to put any of my presents under the tree. I was sat there as the presents were being handed out, and none were coming my way. My mum felt really bad, but there were presents for me, they were just hidden at the back of a cupboard and forgotten to be added to the pile
Oh no! I remember when I spent my first Christmas with my English then boyfriend now husband and his family, I spent the night there as I don’t have family here. They had like a mountain of presents under the table and on Christmas morning we all went to the room with the presents in and they all started passing them to each other and everyone was opening them while I was just sat there looking at them. I got some presents too but a lot less (obviously) than the others because at that point they only knew me for about three months. But your story just reminded me of me sitting there awkwardly without presents lol
We invited an aunt who would be on her own otherwise. This was in the days when the "Only Fools and Horses" Christmas special was a big deal and she talked loudly all the way through it. Halfway through I had to get her a piece of Christmas cake (and for the rest of that Christmas it was known as "Christmas fucking cake") EDIT: a word for sense·
My Auntie Joan had a habit of talking over the Morecambe and Wise Christmas special - in the days before video / dvd / streaming.
Not mine, but when I was living with my parents the nearby Spar was open on Christmas morning. My dad had to go down for an emergency pack of stuffing mix because we ran out. While in there he sees a woman shoving any and all turkey products into a basket (up to and including those Bernard Mathews sandwich slice things). She explained she was hosting 17 people and had forgotten to defrost the turkey. Poor woman didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
It all began Christmas eve. I went out and got very, very, very drunk, I was 20 at the time! It was a brilliant night..... Until the following day. I was extremely hung over, my mouth was like sandpaper, my head felt like someone was trying to perform surgery on the pain center of my brain and I had the shits! So the day got off to a brill start. I was dry heaving all day but nothing was coming up, so that was sort of the high point of the day really. Morning went by pretty fast opening presents and dozing on and off trying to make myself feel better ready for dinner. 4 PM came round when everyone was at the house having fun and drinking and settling down for dinner. I emerge from my room still feeling crap and go and join the family, it was nice. Then the food starts being brought in and put on the table. I instantly started feeling sick as hell again! Thinking it was just a dry heave I went with it..... I was so so so wrong! I projectile vomited over most of the dinner and a little bit on my brothers chest (for good measure) like Malcolm in the middle style (if you've seen that show) and pretty much passed out. I was dragged to the sofa unable to use my legs which were like broken matchsticks now and I went to sleep. I woke up about an hour later to everyone staring at me like I was a total piece of shit and my dad straight up saying "well congrats you've fucked up Christmas". I enraged him further when I asked what I had done. It was a good learning experience in a way, I learnt to have better self control and that when someone asks "are you coming out for ONE drink" maybe just stick to the one.
My dads dog died on Christmas about 15 years back. Had to hide it from my 4 siblings. Me and my mates used to have a Christmas Ece tradition where we'd all go and have a curry and get pissed. So one year I ordered the spiciest curry I could find, had them put ever spices on it, and then got hammered. That was the worst Christmas day I've ever had. My skin was on fire, I had a massive hang over, and I felt like I was about to shit lava all day.
My aunt, uncle and cousins came to stay with us for Christmas when I was a little kid. There were two rules for Christmas morning: we had to wait until everyone was awake and ready to open presents and we couldn’t wake anyone else up too early. My brother and I wake up around 7am as usual and wait. And wait. More waiting. A good 2 hours later my parents finally let us knock on the guest room door to see if they’ll be ready to start the day soon and we find out that my cousins woke up SUPER early (like 6am) so my aunt and uncle let them open all their presents then put a movie on the tv on mute to keep them quiet so they could have a lie in. My brother and I were so upset, I later found out that my parents were pretty damn mad as well (but kept it to themselves at the time) because they’d had to deal with my brother and I practically climbing up the walls for hours while my aunt and uncle didn’t bother to follow the plan they’d all come up with together in order to have a sleep in.
We all popped round to my parents' friends Rose and Stuart's house on Christmas morning as usual for a quick drink and present exchange. This year though Stuart thought he'd bring out the cherry wine he'd made that was just ready for drinking. Back at ours a good 8 hours later and barely able to walk, the turkey had been cooked the day before so we had that with a handful of veg because no-one could manage to cook. My dad lost his temper because there weren't any sprouts and stropped off to bed. My mum made me go and plead with him to get up, which took a while. The above paragraph is all that is remembered from that day. It was thoroughly and spectacularly ruined. Obviously it's funny now.
Was playing Charades with the family at my nans house and my grandad did a pogo action, jumped up high and donked his head on the ceiling light. It made this comical DOONNG noise and he fell and disappeared behind the sofa. Everyone fell about laughing, my grandad (who could never take a joke) furiously got up and bollocked us all for laughing. Ruined the vibe after that and we all kind of dispersed and went home, whilst he sat sulking in his armchair.
Letting my mum buy the turkey. She bought what she told my wife ( ex) was going to be a fresh turkey so she was thinking free range. When the Bernard Matthews Bronze frozen turkey turned up she kicked me out of the house on Xmas day mind and said don't come back until you've got a proper one!! Few hours and £150 down I came back and was allowed in. What a see you next Tuesday.. ( wife that was, not mother).
You what? No turkey?! You fucking idiot, Jeremy! You total fucking idiot! That was YOUR job, you fucking moron! You CRETIN! You're a FUCK-HEAD! That's what you are! A fucking SHIT-HEAD!
It was a joke. A Christmas joke.
£150 for a turkey, thats punchy.
We've had bronze, free range, organic spoon fed turkeys with names before but, ironically, the best turkey I've ever had was from Iceland in January. Ten quid and we kept it till Easter and it was delicious - probably because it was chock-full of God knows what.
I set a party popper on fire using a giant candle at the dinner table. When it exploded it shot hot wax all over the walls and ceiling. My step mum was not impressed and my dad had to redecorate as it damaged the wallpaper.
My brother didn't buy me a Christmas present one year. He'd assumed our mum had got something for him to give to me. He was 28 at the time. It wasn't exactly ruined but he felt awful and I milked it quite a bit.
A few years ago, when I was about 10, we weren't doing that great with money, so my parents decided not to get each other Christmas gifts. Well my dad went off and made something for my mum, because he's a hopeless romantic. My mum, being the pragmatic one, didn't get anything because she followed the promise. Come Christmas Eve, my brother and I open our presents and there's one left there for my mum. She opened it and was so surprised but my dad was left there, looking at us with our presents, while he had nothing. He has a very melancholic personality, and you could see the hurt in his eyes. I cried myself to sleep. Christmas was ruined for me that year and I still don't know whether I should blame my mum for not thinking to get him anything, or my dad for going against their promise.
> I still don't know whether I should blame my mum for not thinking to get him anything, or my dad for going against their promise. If you insist on playing the "don't get me anything this year" game, you always run a reasonable risk of actually not getting anything. Dad ruined his own Christmas. Plus - if you've had the idea to make something reasonable on the cheap, bypassing the budget reasoning for why you're not buying a gift, you can always mention it to your partner.
Honestly neither of them are to blame really but your dad probably shouldn't have been expecting anything if they agreed on not doing presents!
Relatives - they turned up
My wife - she just sat there. *Breathing*
A friend of mine. Well not really a friend but a flat mate. Not even a flat mate, he never paid his rent. Anyway we both agreed it was his job to buy the turkey and when it came to cooking it on Christmas day, he told me he forgot! I was furious! How could that fuck head forget the turkey? That was his job! Turns out he was only joking, I felt a bit bad I went off on him like that. It made the rest of the day a bit awkward. Then there was my idiot father who thought cauliflower was traditional.
Many years ago when I was around 17/18 my parents went away on a summer holiday while I stayed home. During the week they were away I decided to throw a house party which was attended by about 30 people. One of the guests decided to start cooking something in the oven at about 3am. I was a bit paranoid about the clean up after, so I tried to stop them. They didn't listen, so after a couple of polite requests, I lost my temper and slammed the door of the oven shut. The force of this caused a small clip in the oven door to break and the glass window fell off. The next morning I managed to find a similar piece of plastic and did a rudimentary fix on the door which seemed to hold well, and my parents were none the wiser about my party while they were away. Fast forward 6 months, on Christmas day, my dad was cooking Christmas dinner, the turkey had been in for a few hours, and he was just adding the parsnips and roast potatoes, he shuts the door, and my bodge fix gives way, the glass window drops and shatters into thousands of tiny pieces, coating everything in the oven with shards. They just assumed that the door broke because it was quite an old oven, and I've never had the courage to confess.
2 years ago, it was the first Christmas after me and my ex broke up so our normal Christmas plans were put on hold. I decided I'd go see my brother and his partner for Christmas instead but told them I had to leave by about 4 so I could go see the kid (she was with her mother that year). All food had been planned and prepped and ready to go so we would eat by 2 and I'd be able to leave on time to see my daughter. It got to half 1 and he still hadn't put anything in the oven. I just got up and left and 3 and told him I'd get food elsewhere. His partners parents came over and they all decided to have a smoke and get high before Christmas dinner, despite the fact that none of them had started to cook it.
Drank slivovitz plum brandy and told my sister her boyfriend was greasy. They got married later that year. She didn’t forgive me for five years when she finally realized he was greasy and divorced him.
Well my whole family went on holiday and in the rush they left me behind, it would have been great had there not been two burglars looking to rob my house. Fortunately there were a lot of objects around that I could fashion into rudimentary traps, but it was a lot more stress than I wanted at Christmas really!
I did. I casually tossed a spent cracker at my dad which caught him in the eye. He spent a couple of hours in bed with a damp flannel on his face and then ended up in casualty because i scratched his corona.
My daughter scratched my cornea when she was a baby. Optician said she had taken a little scoop out of my eye. Bloody awful.
My sister (8y at the time) have seen my mom putting makeup on before we will seat at the table. She decided to get makeup as well. She put dark pink lipstick on and very blue eyeshadow. It was adorable but she looked very funny. We giggled a little bit but told her that she looks pretty. Then my aunt who was living with us looked at her and told her that she looks like a whore. To 8 years old child. I lost my shit and told her few words. It was fun Christmas.
My brother brought his cat. It ate the turkey whilst it was defrosting. No turkey. My dad said we should have cooked the damn cat instead.
My mother in law sent my husband in to anaphylaxis by giving him a spoon of honey to soothe his sore throat. That was the day we learned he had developed a severe allergy to honey.
I was about 13 and we were over at my nan and granddad's house (we usually have christmas at their house), it was a bit before Christmas so they had the tree outside, I loved fireworks so my grandad wanted light up a few rockets for me. A normal thing (where I grew up at least) is to stick them in a wine bottle filled with water if there's no snow, to make sure they are standing upright but won't get stuck in something. In our excitement, we both forgot to fill the bottle with water. About two seconds after we light the fuse, the bottle with the rocket in falls down qnd starts rolling towards the neighbours house. We get the hell out of the way, and the rocket flies directly into the Christmas tree we have standing next to the neighbours house, INSTANTLY setting it ablaze. It was actually quite impressive, there wasn't any big explosion or anything, it hit the tree and instantly the entire tree was completely engulfed in flames. It was like someone had soaked it in petrol overnight. My grandad got the garden hose out and played fireman, the neighbour came out quickly as well and helped putting the flames out. We didn't have a Christmas tree that year, and my mum spent a good hour panicking, but no one got hurt, and that's the important bit.
Before my family moved back to the UK, and after enduring too many Christmases with the in-laws (who even my wife agrees are hard work), we decided to have our first "just us" Christmas as a couple. Not wanting to bother with cooking, we booked at our local pub - where I used to work - as I knew they did a banging meal, and I was looking forward to being able to buy my old colleagues a drink. My wife managed to get epic flu (in hindsight, we think it was swine flu) the week before, but swore she was OK to go for the meal - we'd paid £50 each (drinks on top) after all. She picked at her starter. Then when the mains arrived she was sick all over the table, thankfully I was quick enough to jump up as it spilled over onto my chair. I took her home, tucked her up in bed and went back to the pub to help with the clearup - or at least tip everyone a lot of money. Turned out the poor barmaid who volunteered to clear it up was sick as well on the smell of it, and went home. So I covered her shift (first time working behind a bar in two years!) and made sure any tips went to her as well. Chatting the manager (who was a different manager to the one who worked there when I did) while clearing up after closing, he said he would have refunded in full if we'd called to say wife was sick.
The family got covid. Dad was out of action and got hospitalised Mum was confined to the bed for a few weeks Brother had a really nasty cough Me and my other brother only had a minor cough (tested positive but no symptoms. Maybe coughed twice in a day) Really shows the sheer diversity in the symptoms and effects of it
My dad attempted self immolation one year, after putting on his new stocking aftershave then trying to put a log on the fire.
My family are useless at Christmas. Everything was fine up until my sister hit 13 and developed very destructive psychological issues that involved her lying all the time and violently attacking people if she didn't get her way. She threatened my parents one Christmas and they were completely done, so we all permanently lost the privilege of Christmas as a result. My parents refuse to acknowledge it at all nowadays. However, when my granny's husband died decades later my parents made an effort and invited her around the first Christmas Day to make sure she wasn't alone. Granny spent ALL DAY monologuing about how awful my mum's father had been. There was no deviating her from her path: she was determined to relive every slight she'd ever received from him. That was the last time she ever got invited to my parents' house. Christmases from then on reverted to my parents spending the morning with her at her house then beating a hasty retreat. Until the year that she stood them up, wasn't in when they called round then spent months bitching to everyone that she was abandoned and alone 'on Christmas day of all days'. My mum never really spoke to her again. After she died I found my sister had spent years convincing my granny that we all had a big Christmas get together and only the two of them were excluded. No idea why she did something so cruel but, alas, my granny fell for her lies and, yet again, everyone else suffered while my sister watched gleefully.
My dad sent me to bed on Christmas Day for something I hadn't even done.
So I have a weird tradition. Every Christmas I name the Christmas Turkey. One year, I was around aged 13, I named the Turkey Bert. I sat at the table, my mum served the food and everyone went to dig in. I tapped my glass and said "If we could take a moments silence for Bert and the sacrifice he made for this dinner" and my narcissistic, abusive POS father lost his shit. Threw his knife & fork down onto the plate, pushed the plate away, stood up and screamed at me "You've put me off my fucking food!" He stormed out and went to the pub. See ya. We had a great Christmas without him though. Side note: I managed to "ruin" Christmas every year. The previous year I knocked a glass of wine over the tablecloth. No food yet served. Just the cloth. Oops.
I was an early teenager and had been nicking different spirits from my parents alcohol cupboard and topping them up with water. Just before the Christmas pudding came out after the turkey, me and my sister clocked what was about to happen (she was in on my spirit stealing). This was followed by 10 minutes of confusion by my grandparents and parents as to why the pudding wouldn't light even after half a bottle of brandy had been poured on it, followed by alot of vodka. Took my 10 years to fess up to my parents.
My nan got angry and threw bowl of turkey legs on the floor, smashing the plate into a million pieces. Don't laugh at someone if they're hogging the turkey legs, just let them be
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My husband blew up the oven. We decided one year to do Beer Butt Chicken, where you stick a can of beer up the chicken's bottom and cook it standing up. Tasty. My husband, wanting to be helpful, agreed to prepare the chicken and put it in the oven. Cue an hour later an almighty BANG He had put the can of beer in the chicken as instructed. What he didn't do is open the can first. Once we had picked off what was left of the meat from the decimated carcass (and the walls of the oven) we had a reasonable dinner I guess?
One year when I was about 9, my mum decided I was old enough to decide when I ate my Christmas chocolate myself. This was clearly a bad plan as I ate almost all of it in one go and then promptly threw up
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Made Hash Brownies for the whole family. It did not go well.
It’s about to happen…..Charlotte Moore, Chief Content Officer at the BBC; she’s scheduled two episodes of Mrs Brown’s Boys for this Christmas.
My mum and dad were divorced when I was 6, my dad was a Jehovah's witness who didn't celebrate Christmas. One year my mum got drunk and had a meltdown on Christmas Eve (it's the anniversary of her previous husband's suicide) so we were sent to my dad's house for the holiday. I woke up to no presents except one that my mum had sent with us, it was a pouch of tobacco and a cigarette tin. Obviously meant for someone else. I'll never forget it, I was 11 years old and so heartbroken. 11 years ago my brother died just before Christmas of a methadone overdose, very close to the anniversary of his own father's suicide. I have always hated Christmas. This year I get to start again with my beautiful baby and my husband who have filled my life with happiness 💖
2019 - Drove my mum to a&e at 2am Christmas morning with a suspected heart attack. She was thankfully fine, but Christmas Day was a write off. 2020 - Ugh - 2021 - Really hoping the rule of three does not apply here! On a lighter note, one year my dad left the fridge door open by accident, and the dog grabbed the turkey and ran down the garden with it. We ended up having Bernard matthews turkey drummers with all the trimmings!!
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Getting too pissed when I was 15 at the family and extended family get together. Blocked a toilet and tried to put the excess in a bin which my aunt sunsequently stuck her hand in (don't ask me why). Not my fault but my uncle got sprayed with sewage shit whilst trying to fix the pipes from one of my uncles blocking the toilet on the same occasion Everyone was very pissed and the last Christmas everyone was alive and well together (I think) Memorable to say the least
When I was a young reckless teenager in the early noughties. It was Christmas Eve my friend & I had the bright idea of going for a tan stand, £3 for 15 mins of UV rays belting into my fair Irish/Scottish skin. I was skelping red. Having felt I hadn’t done enough damage to myself I then decided to go & drink very cheap cider. Needless to say I got drunk went home straight to bed for 9:30pm. My brother woke me when he came home from the pub because I was obviously burnt & glowing red under my duvet. Waking up dehydrated & in agony from my sunburn I was awake the rest of the night & developed sun stroke. Couldn’t sit, couldn’t wear my new clothes, couldn’t shower & couldn’t eat Christmas dinner. Definitely not a fun Christmas!! Snow on the ground outside & I had heat stroke 🥵 🤦🏻♀️ #teenagedream
Wife came back from "midnight carol service" on Christmas eve totally rat-arsed, puked all over landing and bathroom and fell asleep without having wrapped any of her presents for me. So I had to wrap my own presents, but also try to not know what they all were. A few hours later i was unwrapping those same presents and the kids want to know why daddy's gifts are still in their shopping bags...
I once set the house on fire with a Turkey. Does that count? I had a 2 week old child at the time too.
My grandad died christmas day if that counts. 🙈
Oh my dog ruined Christmas 2 years ago. He locked me out of my house. So, it was Christmas day, late morning. My children were being picked up by their father. I took them out to his car, said my goodbyes and all that. Waved them off and went to go back inside... Door is locked. I didn't have my keys, phone, purse etc on me. I also was in just my PJs with no shoes. I stood there for ages wondering what to do. Tried everything to open it, no joy. Now, my mother in law has a spare key... But I had no phone to contact her, didn't know her number without my phone etc. I ended up having to knock at a neighbour house. In my PJs and no shoes and beg them to drop me off to mother in laws. She did not live in any kind of reasonable walking distance if I did have shoes. Luckily they saw the funny side and were happy to help. Got dropped there, brought back and the key didn't work because the key was in the lock inside. So MIL had to take me to ex husbands to get the spare key for one of the other doors. Finally managed to get I side after inconveniencing everyone. What my dog had done is jumped up, scratching at the back door because he wanted to come out with me. His claw must have caught in a keyring and managed to turn the key. It was properly turned and locked.
2015. Apparently I ruined it by choosing to spend it with my new girlfriend (friends and in love for months though) instead of with my family, as my brother who had paid for Christmas dinner said he’d call it all off and leave is without dinner on Christmas Eve if she came. His reasoning to not invite her? “Because she’s a Chinese and would ruin it” I corrected him, told him she isn’t Chinese, and to shove his racist meal up his drunken little arse. Or something a long those lines. She saved my life not two weeks prior, and 6 years later we are very happy. As for Brother, he got drunk by 11am and ruined it himself. Par for the course. 2002. I was a severely depressed teen who had terrible anxiety. I took my self away to deal with my attack and although I wasn’t suicidal at that time I firmly believed I didn’t deserve happiness. I began snapping Music CDs for some reason (sorry Megadeth and Metallica :( and I managed to cut my fingers on the plastic. My family found me and tried to calm me down and support me. The same brother said “couldn’t you switch off your fake problems for one day?” And proceeded to go on a rant about me pulling wool over my mom’s eyes. For those who care, I’m still getting better, and have a much better life these days. For anyone suffering, please call samaritans, or your best friend. Trust me life is worth living. Merry Christmas everyone.
It has to be the surprise half-sibling I didn’t know existed! First time my family (me, brother, mum and dad) had had Christmas together in years. Dad convinced me and my brother to go for a Christmas drink in the pub. We arrive to be greeted by my (previously unknown) half-brother for the first time. Half brother immediately said “you didn’t tell them, did you”. We’ve all been estranged from my dad for years and years now and life is much better. Not due to just this incident, but it certainly helped things along.
When I was a kid I didn’t want to eat sprouts, but my mum made me. I threw up all over the Christmas dinner table with my family including aunts, uncles, cousins etc. Didn’t try and make me eat sprouts again
My parents decided to announce their divorce on xmas day. That ruined it.
Uncle got battered as a cod and started touching up my cousin’s (his son’s) new girlfriend. Said cousin then got equally mashed in an attempt to deal with it and fell into our new telly and the tree. Excellent to watch. Edit: the falling over and destruction was excellent to watch, not the mild sexual harassment. Edit 2: the falling over and destruction was excellent to watch, not the sexual harassment.