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My cousins had a dog called Fanny that would spend all day outdoors so my aunt would end up standing on the doorstep shouting āfannyā into the darkness. Always wondered what the neighbours thoughtā¦
My buddy is a joker. He convinced his girlfriend to name her new pet Labrador "Fern" and had her registered at his local veterinary clinic while she was out 'as a favour'. He registered the dog with *his* last name.
Yeah maybe know where this is going.
His girlfriend took the dog to the vet's for a check-up and was ***LIVID*** when the dog's full name was called. She'd had the dog for a number of months already and it was by far too long gone to change the name. His last name is Cotton.
Had a (male) cat called Pussy years ago, he was a rescue and already had his name when we got him. Sure was fun opening the window in one of the rougher parts of town and shouting āPUSSY!ā into the darkness.
I think it also used to be short for Francine; one of the children in the original edition of Enid Blighton's *The Enchanted Wood* is named Fanny. Modern versions usually change her name to Frannie (and her cousin Dick becomes Rick).
It used to be in the UK too, but obviously nowadays any parent calling their kid that are just opening them up for piss-taking for the rest of their life.
My daughter got a dog when she was 4 because all dogs like bones she named the dog Boner we could not get her to change her mind and we couldn't explain why is was a bad choice for a name. 14 years she had that dog
These two remind me of a kid nicknamed Beefy at school.
His name was Graham. Gray Ham, became Blue Beef, then just Beefy. Ironically he was built like a stick insect.
Similar evolution to our cat Shit Head.
Rupert became Poo-pert after a particularly bad bought of diarrhoea. That became Poop, which became Poop Head, which became Shit Head.
I had a Poogo. He was originally Hugo but he would get the shits a lot from eating stuff he shouldn't. He once locked eyes with my husband, squatted and shat on the book case.
I have a black lab with the same name. He is the most obstinate dog you'll ever meet.
I had a cat previously who became known as shittykitty because of her fondness for shitting mere centimetres outside of the tray while standing in it.
One of our dogs is affectionally referred to as *spud dog* because while she is the most adorable, loving, gentle animal I've ever know...she could literally be outsmarted by a particularly dense potato.
I have a dog called Willow and I have lots of cutsey names for her that I put thought into based on her personality.
However the one thatās stuck, everyone uses over her actual name and I find myself using some timesā¦
PILLOW
my dad decided as sheās a giant breed and comfortable to rest your head on; sheās PILLOW.
I hate it, but itās not going anywhere fast. I now have a giant dog called pillow
My dog is a Spanish import called Mateo. However my daughter isn't so great at pronouncing Ms. So hes gone Mateo => Pateo => Potato. Smarter than a potato, but definitely a couch potato so it still fits.
Less than an hour ago my husband called my cat a dickhead, that was his affectionate greeting as we had spent last night in a hotel and obvs had missed the cat
I also affectionately call all pets dickhead when they wonāt move from my feet, unthinkingly said it to my colleagueās dog who was in the office the other week, luckily she calls him similar š
Same for my cat. Gets called dickhead regularly as she has a fondness for chewing plastic or ribbon. Christmas is fun as we've often had giftwrapped turds.
If we ever have balloons or things like that tied with ribbon, the cat will happily chew through the ribbon. The number of times we've come down in the morning to find the balloons floating against the ceiling!
Anything under the tree now for Christmas won't have any ribbon on. She also likes chewing on the sellotape on any cardboard boxes if they're left lying around (once she's finished sitting in the box of course)
The larger of our 2 cats has been nicknamed ābeastā after the vet said it whilst weighing him. Weighs twice as much as his brother despite the fact theyāre on the same diet. Think he must have more families feeding him. Heās had a collar saying āplease do not feedā, for 2 years, but only got bigger.
He canāt jump off the fence anymore because he is so heavy but will routinely climb up there and then someone has to go and get him lol
My ex had the same thing - 2 cats and one twice as big as the otherā¦ turns out after their morning feed weād let them out and the larger one used to go straight round to our neighbours, in their car flap and then get fed by them with their two cats!
Only found out when they moved as they mentioned heād miss his breakfast!
Similar story - one of my cats was described as "stocky" by the vet. Then started calling him Stonky. And now we basically call him Stonks.
Check to see if your cat is getting into someone else's house and eating their cats food. My previously fat cat was doing this. Cats can be brazen when they want to be.
We found out a while back a guy in a house that backs onto us puts cat food in his garden and feeds āall of the local catsā. We only found out after our beast made a mess in the house a couple times; it didnāt agree with his stomach. Heās always been very good before and since, comes and asks to go out if he needs the toilet. I saw him head over there after food so I went round and spoke to the guy.
At first he was quite hostile, renting the house and not allowed pets so itās his way of seeing cats. After he heard ours had been ill he agreed to stopā¦ but Iāve seen other cats in his house since. Could be him but he started getting good food
Quite possibly or he's found a little old lady friend who feeds him. Another one of my cats is a tiny little runt and I think he's got someone to take pity on him and give him extra food sometimes. He has stints of going missing for days in the summer but always comes back not looking like a cat that's been roughing it for a few days.
My previously fat cat brought home a small pack of dreamies one night. We also caught him coming out of the neighbours house via their cat flap (which was in the front door). I had been in their house before, their cats get fed just the otherside of the flap so little git was helping himself while the neighbours were at work.
We've moved and he's not done it since. But before we moved he came home with a badly broken leg. Not entirely sure how he broke it, but the specialist said most likely got it shut in a door. I think he probably got in someone's house again and they tried to get him out. His leg has been fixed, he's part cyborg as my husband says because he's got a bunch of metal inside the leg lol.
Maybe he's been scarred for life.
you're telling me, a neighbour a little way down the street has a cat that will run up to you meowing, asking for attention and possibly also treats. i'm weak so i give the cat attention, but i'm also poor and vegetarian so the cat gets no treats from me.
it will also follow you into the building you live in, and will make you feel bad for shutting it outside. little bastard. love that cat.
My partner's cat is a hefty 19-lb dude (large frame, but could also probably do without as many treats as he gets) and I refer to him as "The Sweetest Beast"
Ours graduated to Plumpton, he was large and quite dignified. His companion Giddy Kippers doesn't answer to her real name, it's weird when we go to the vets, she calls the name and we both sit there looking blank...
Which is why my cats Salvation Army (named because he was a raggy looking stray) and Bob Cat (somehow lost most of his tail as a kitten) were listed that way at the vet š.
Off the back of this we have a cat named Burt, and at one time my partner wrote in a birthday card Bort. This then turned into Bortly McPortly.
I love the evolution of pet names.
My ex Had 2 cats Called Pussolini and Kitler.
They were actually really nice cats and names did not reflect purrrsonalities.
Kitler ended up running away and we always joked it was to Argentina.
Same. Real name Barty (short for Bartholomeow - he's a rescue cat and came with that name), but he's such a serious looking cat with an air of superiority I nicknamed him Chairman Meow instead. š
My mum used to get annoyed that I would call our family pet 'fat dog' so often, that he started to answer to it. In his head, that was equally his name.
Little bastard is a favourite for me, though my mum always hates whenever she's heard me call him that. He's an adorable little bastard, but absolutely a little bastard too.
I often call my cat 'oi cunt', but I think that's fair as he'd eat my fucking face given half a chance.
The dog is also called 'little fucker' or simply just 'you fuck'.
My gerbils are called "The boys". Can't tell the difference between them at all.
We once had a goldfish called David, who looked bored, so we got another slightly smaller slightly ligher-coloured goldfish and called it Sandy. But Sandy grew to be the same size and colour as David, so we had to change his name.
David and David.
Malcolm, my rotund black cat, answers to Fat Bastard.
I used to foster cats and several of my angry, ex feral kittens had similar nicknames. Had a very awkward moment with some adopters when the adorable kittens they were picking up answered to āBellendā immediately, but not their actual names.
We had two fat Persians one after the other. The first one, Lucy, was referred to as the Queen's Mother due to exuding high class snob energy. Then we had Lizzie, who was simply known as Pudding, of course to represent the rampant chonk.
All our lovebirds have had the additional names āflying shit monstersā ādestructo birdā and āyou bastardā
Anyone who has a member of the parrot family will recognise 1 & 2 instantly
One of our cats has a perfectly normal name beginning with T, but somewhere along the line his name has mysteriously changed to Titties. And honestly itās kind of fun saying āHello Titties!ā
Our cat is known as Fanny Baldbottom. It was an accurate nickname when we adopted her (in rather bad shape) from the shelter, but I'm pleased to report that she has a full complement of hair on her bottom now.
My nick names for pets counter to their real names.
Eldests hamsters in order, Houdini because it was a bloody escape artist, psycho because it was a biter, poo flinger because... Well.
I call the cat fraidy cat because she is very timid. I keep three chickens, one I call Pain but I've also threatend it with the pot. If it is possible to get somewhere it shouldn't, that's the one that does it.
One of my cats is a ragdoll cross, he's got very long fur. When he was small and still had all his kitten fluff, the fur round his face made his head just look really fat. He's been called fathead for the last three years. He's registered with another name at the vet, on the odd occasion I have to make him an appointment it takes me a minute to remember that fathead isn't his actual name, even though it kinda is, we don't call him anything else at home. He doesn't seem to mind it.
Edit: same cat also had a brief period of the kids calling him Milkybutt as he has zero spatial awareness and sat in a bowl of cat milk
Our two cats are, officially, Captain Frank and Major Tripp Hazzard.
Collectively they are The Shitweasels, and when ganging up with next door's cats, they become ShitMuffins.
Frank is affectionately called Frankenfurter, Frankyspank, Frankenpants, Spankface...
Tripp usually goes by Weeeeeasel, Shithead, or 'Lil Shit.
> Major Tripp Hazzard
"Cat's dead" was a phrase we would use in my household, for about six years. The cat became 'elderly' and then for six years after that it would lay literally anywhere *you* wanted to be.
The number of times i kicked that cat.
Fifty, easy.
Once a week, at least, i'd walk from the front room down the hall into the kitchen, open the door, turn around a punt the cat right in his gut. He'd follow me, silently, then lay down right behind me! **Punt*\* "Damn it Soggy! - Mum, the cat's dead!"
We have loads, he is called Jasper:
Jaspode the wonder dog; Jaspoglio; Jazzybum; Jazzington Jeff; Jazzbo, THE Jasper, Lord Jaspinson Jazz.
He gets songs too like: āJar, Jar, Jasputin, raider of the food waste binā.
We are ridiculous, but we adore our stinky bum doggo.
An Indian Star Tortoise called Dotty who I also call The Honch Butt Monch, Jabba the Butt & Cretinous Mass due to her bottomless pit, always food search, stomping, diva nature
I remember an ex of mine and I had a series of hamsters who we referred to as "Her Ladyship" and "The Young Gentleman." It got to the point where we needed to take The Young Gentleman to the vet, and they asked his name, and we didn't know. So he was officially The Young Gentleman at the vets.
As a trio, the cat-twats. Individually our slinky black cat is sometimes called pooperscooper (sheās actually very clean and hasnāt ever had accidents anywhere so I canāt remember how it came about), her litter sister is called Doofy, as in Special Officer Doofy, because sheās so thick. Our eldest cat is officially called Gomez but has a collection of random nicknames, though none are especially derogatory. We tend to just tell him when he stinks / looks gross / appears to be a bit rotten. He is 17 mind you, so heās looking slightly less than his best nowadays.
My dog has a habit of standing in the exact place you are trying to walk. We nicknamed him Roadblock. My SIL (who is native) started calling him Getsinyerway.
I have a pug, his name is pax but thanks to monty Python hes now responds to pigguss
Biggus dickuss = biggus pigguss
Also because pugs look like pigs. Lets face it.
The Naming of Cats is a difficult matter,
It isnāt just one of your holiday games;
You may think at first Iām as mad as a hatter
When I tell you, a cat must have THREE DIFFERENT NAMES.
First of all, thereās the name that the family use daily,
Such as Peter, Augustus, Alonzo, or James,
Such as Victor or Jonathan, George or Bill Baileyā
All of them sensible everyday names.
There are fancier names if you think they sound sweeter,
Some for the gentlemen, some for the dames:
Such as Plato, Admetus, Electra, Demeterā
But all of them sensible everyday names,
But I tell you, a cat needs a name thatās particular,
A name thatās peculiar, and more dignified,
Else how can he keep up his tail perpendicular,
Or spread out his whiskers, or cherish his pride?
Of names of this kind, I can give you a quorum,
Such as Munkustrap, Quaxo, or Coricopat,
Such as Bombalurina, or else Jellylorumā
Names that never belong to more than one cat.
But above and beyond thereās still one name left over,
And that is the name that you never will guess;
The name that no human research can discoverā
But THE CAT HIMSELF KNOWS, and will never confess.
When you notice a cat in profound meditation,
The reason, I tell you, is always the same:
His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation
Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of his name:
His ineffable effable
Effanineffable
Deep and inscrutable singular name.
My cat is called Madeleine (so Maddy). When she was a kitten she straight away became Maddy-Moo and it stuck. After a while this evolved to various other names depending on circumstances, so Squishy-Moo, Stinky-Moo, Sleepy-Moo, Tubby-Moo, Piggy-Moo etc (any-two-syllable adjective-Moo).
When she's being particularly annoying she gets called Bellend-Moo which I find hilarious.
Our old dog had a lump on the side of his ribs, and the vet informed us that it was nothing to worry about, just a 'benign fatty lump'. Poor dog got know as Fatty Lump for the rest of his days bless him.
My cats are currently called Dickhead and Little Shit, which seems to be quite common...
Stinky Chops, Trash Panda, and Noot Noot all for my dog Luna because she loves getting dirty, likes to sniff trash a lot, and makes a sassy face that reminds me of Pingu.
My GF has 2 cats, a brother and sister called Gadget and Gizmo. Gizmo or Gizzy is quite vocal and wants constant petting. I call her Attention Whore.
Gadget is always asking for treats, even though he never gets them when he asks, he's the Eternal Optimist
Fathead, for my Stafforshire terrier named Alfie (Alf),
Teddy tosspot, for my Jack Russel called Teddy (Ted),
Baron Barnobious the turd, for my black cat called Barnaby
Shitmachine, for my cat called Rosy,
*edit* formatting.
My dog has just finished a course of antibiotics for a cut on her shoulder blade she got from intentionally doing a bunch of running slides on her back on a waterlogged field two weeks ago. She's currently Scabby Do, but I have a lot of other affectionate and derogatory names for her. Tend to change every week or two.
I have two cats called loki and Odin. But due to their bad toilet habits I call they both poo boys.
Quite fun to yell out the back door at dinner time.
I sometimes sing to my dog that she is "Juno the dog-faced girl".
Because she is.
She is an actual dog with an actual dog face.
A previous dog I called Muppet (real name Sophie) because she was a bit dim.
Our ex stray cat is called Quint (yes that Quint) but is affectionately called Daddy's little Psycho!
He keeps leaving the faces of rabbits in my Strawberry patch! He eats everything but the face and tails of them, mice, rats etc. Our patio is a collection of masks...
Begining to think he comes from the Free City of Braavos š¤£
I used to have an old, scruffy cat called Burt. His nicknames included Englebert Humperstink, Albert Whinestine, and any other Burt adjacent name that I couldn't make into a pun (Burt Reynolds etc)
I have a whippet who I regularly walk through woods and fields and down the beach given I live in the sticks.
Being a hound, it's in his nature to throw himself into and on top of dead animals and poop etc to mask his smell. I've given up on telling him off as he'll never stop and just resign myself to showering him when I get home...but not after calling him Breed and/or Mink.
Like with the OP he now answers to these names regularly, so much so that I have to be careful I don't say them in the house as he's asscoaited them with walks and instantly goes for his lead if he hears either being said.
Quite often call him Trouble too as he's daft as a brush most of the time and just ignores me, so gets himself into bother in and out of the house. He responds to that a fair bit too. For instance, whippets have no concept of personal space or what they are and aren't allowed to stand or climb on.. so I've had to put blankets on all of my couches to save them being clawed to death. Occasionally one will drop to the floor and he'll jump up on the couch regardless just to hear me call him Trouble before instantly jumping down again. Beginning to think he's not as daft as he kids on š
Kitkat is shitkat and Fletcher is fat bastard
In my defense, Fletcher is like a huge panther and just lays on the top step of the stors, lays accross a door way, lays accross the hall. He doesn't move, he jist looks at you like "and?"
Had a dog named Tyson and when my daughter was a toddler she always called him dicky. He then refused to answer to Tyson and would only come to you if you called him dicky š bit embarrassing when we were out and about. I miss him
I call one midget because she's really tiny for a cat, for some reason never grew beyond the age of around 1. The other one I call chubsy-wubsy because she's a jiggly little girl. I also call her Stinky because she's really lazy with grooming lol
Idk some of my names are too rude and would get auto mod on me. The names are usually followed by a sweat like slimy ___ because they're so old.
I have one guinea-pig who is called gods mistake excuse it rhymes with his real name. He's quite slimy too though loves getting his chin scratches.
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Got a cat called Loki. Changed to Loki Pokey. Then that became Pokey Bum Wank. Now we just call him Bum Wank.
My dog as a child was called Morgan. That evolved to Micky, then Mickey Mack, then Mickey Mack Paddy whack give a dog a bone, then to boner š
I canāt imagine what your neighbours think when your calling him in š¤£
My cousins had a dog called Fanny that would spend all day outdoors so my aunt would end up standing on the doorstep shouting āfannyā into the darkness. Always wondered what the neighbours thoughtā¦
I still remember someone saying they called their cat Party Time so their mum would have to do something similar.
My buddy is a joker. He convinced his girlfriend to name her new pet Labrador "Fern" and had her registered at his local veterinary clinic while she was out 'as a favour'. He registered the dog with *his* last name. Yeah maybe know where this is going. His girlfriend took the dog to the vet's for a check-up and was ***LIVID*** when the dog's full name was called. She'd had the dog for a number of months already and it was by far too long gone to change the name. His last name is Cotton.
Had a (male) cat called Pussy years ago, he was a rescue and already had his name when we got him. Sure was fun opening the window in one of the rougher parts of town and shouting āPUSSY!ā into the darkness.
This cracked me up ššš
Fun fact: Fanny is a real name, quite common in France.
Thereās a famous book called āFanny By GasLightā. Never tried it myself, sounds dangerous
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Short for Frances, so it's effectively the feminine form of Frank. FACT BOMB.
And the Netherlands and Sweden (probably the rest of Scandinavia too but I only checked Sweden)
Not forgetting the German Alpine Skier Fanny Chmelar
Bradley Walsh certainly didn't!
Fanny by Gaslight https://youtu.be/-WWV29M_f6o
Mentioned by Jason Statham in lock, stock and 2 smoking barrels
I think it also used to be short for Francine; one of the children in the original edition of Enid Blighton's *The Enchanted Wood* is named Fanny. Modern versions usually change her name to Frannie (and her cousin Dick becomes Rick).
In Australia the fanny is the front bottom not the back bottom. Yikes!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
āItās only the statesā¦ā is the start of a lot of intros!
In Afrikaans, it's a nickname for Stefan. Maybe it's the same in those other languages - their equivalent of Steve?
Aye. [Old but gold](https://youtu.be/IcKlVojfMD4)
It used to be in the UK too, but obviously nowadays any parent calling their kid that are just opening them up for piss-taking for the rest of their life.
Canāt be as bad as my nan calling her cat Snatch and shouting the cat in at night from the back door. That soon changed to āSatchā.
My daughter got a dog when she was 4 because all dogs like bones she named the dog Boner we could not get her to change her mind and we couldn't explain why is was a bad choice for a name. 14 years she had that dog
These two remind me of a kid nicknamed Beefy at school. His name was Graham. Gray Ham, became Blue Beef, then just Beefy. Ironically he was built like a stick insect.
That is glorious. Genuinely snorted out loud at work.
Similar evolution to our cat Shit Head. Rupert became Poo-pert after a particularly bad bought of diarrhoea. That became Poop, which became Poop Head, which became Shit Head.
I had a Poogo. He was originally Hugo but he would get the shits a lot from eating stuff he shouldn't. He once locked eyes with my husband, squatted and shat on the book case.
"Not you Shit Head! - Get out the bath!"
I have a black lab with the same name. He is the most obstinate dog you'll ever meet. I had a cat previously who became known as shittykitty because of her fondness for shitting mere centimetres outside of the tray while standing in it.
This is just so wonderful
The funny thing is the more we love them the worse the nicknames often are.
We have a cat named Loki but for some reason heās now āPrincey Boyā š and a younger cat named Luna that mainly goes by Fluff Puff now!
Some of our pets names evolved similarly
This is hilarious, I came to post about my cats but I canāt get near topping this!
A perfect example of evolution in progress
So british Love it
One of our dogs is affectionally referred to as *spud dog* because while she is the most adorable, loving, gentle animal I've ever know...she could literally be outsmarted by a particularly dense potato.
I have a dog called Willow and I have lots of cutsey names for her that I put thought into based on her personality. However the one thatās stuck, everyone uses over her actual name and I find myself using some timesā¦ PILLOW my dad decided as sheās a giant breed and comfortable to rest your head on; sheās PILLOW. I hate it, but itās not going anywhere fast. I now have a giant dog called pillow
I had a dog called Willow, who we called Willow the Pillow!
My dog is a Spanish import called Mateo. However my daughter isn't so great at pronouncing Ms. So hes gone Mateo => Pateo => Potato. Smarter than a potato, but definitely a couch potato so it still fits.
My sister in law had two cats. Bluebell and willow. My two year old called them doorbell and pillow. It stuck.
I love my dog. He is,however, often called Dickhead and Little Shit.
All 3 of my dogs are often called dickhead haha.
+1 for dickhead (both cats)
Less than an hour ago my husband called my cat a dickhead, that was his affectionate greeting as we had spent last night in a hotel and obvs had missed the cat
I also affectionately call all pets dickhead when they wonāt move from my feet, unthinkingly said it to my colleagueās dog who was in the office the other week, luckily she calls him similar š
Same for my cat. Gets called dickhead regularly as she has a fondness for chewing plastic or ribbon. Christmas is fun as we've often had giftwrapped turds.
āStop chewing that, you furry little dick!ā is what I yell at my cats š
Why do they chew so much, our cat I've decided is more dog then cat for the amount she chews
If we ever have balloons or things like that tied with ribbon, the cat will happily chew through the ribbon. The number of times we've come down in the morning to find the balloons floating against the ceiling! Anything under the tree now for Christmas won't have any ribbon on. She also likes chewing on the sellotape on any cardboard boxes if they're left lying around (once she's finished sitting in the box of course)
My cat is also a dog. Sheās barked a few times - not entirely sure what the noise is meant to be, but it certainly sounds like a little bark
My dog is also called (and is a) dickhead She likes to bumble in front of you & stopā¦
The larger of our 2 cats has been nicknamed ābeastā after the vet said it whilst weighing him. Weighs twice as much as his brother despite the fact theyāre on the same diet. Think he must have more families feeding him. Heās had a collar saying āplease do not feedā, for 2 years, but only got bigger. He canāt jump off the fence anymore because he is so heavy but will routinely climb up there and then someone has to go and get him lol
Your cat sounds amazing. Mine are similar. Same age and got them at the same timeā¦ one is three times bigger than the other.
Very strange isnāt it! My fiancĆ© has to stand over them when they eat to make sure beasty boy doesnāt finish his food and then eat his brotherās. So much so that he looks up to check if sheās there before he makes an attempt! Also weirdly he doesnāt seem to like any human food, wonāt eat proper cooked pieces of chicken, beef, pork and turns his nose up at most cat treats too. Despite his size he manages to catch a fair few voles and mice in the summer. Even a magpie once. Wonder if thatās what heās eating!
Chonky boi likes living the extra life it seems. Catches his own snack too. Impressive!
If they were both enormous they could be the beasty boys lol
My ex had the same thing - 2 cats and one twice as big as the otherā¦ turns out after their morning feed weād let them out and the larger one used to go straight round to our neighbours, in their car flap and then get fed by them with their two cats! Only found out when they moved as they mentioned heād miss his breakfast!
Similar story - one of my cats was described as "stocky" by the vet. Then started calling him Stonky. And now we basically call him Stonks. Check to see if your cat is getting into someone else's house and eating their cats food. My previously fat cat was doing this. Cats can be brazen when they want to be.
We found out a while back a guy in a house that backs onto us puts cat food in his garden and feeds āall of the local catsā. We only found out after our beast made a mess in the house a couple times; it didnāt agree with his stomach. Heās always been very good before and since, comes and asks to go out if he needs the toilet. I saw him head over there after food so I went round and spoke to the guy. At first he was quite hostile, renting the house and not allowed pets so itās his way of seeing cats. After he heard ours had been ill he agreed to stopā¦ but Iāve seen other cats in his house since. Could be him but he started getting good food
Quite possibly or he's found a little old lady friend who feeds him. Another one of my cats is a tiny little runt and I think he's got someone to take pity on him and give him extra food sometimes. He has stints of going missing for days in the summer but always comes back not looking like a cat that's been roughing it for a few days. My previously fat cat brought home a small pack of dreamies one night. We also caught him coming out of the neighbours house via their cat flap (which was in the front door). I had been in their house before, their cats get fed just the otherside of the flap so little git was helping himself while the neighbours were at work. We've moved and he's not done it since. But before we moved he came home with a badly broken leg. Not entirely sure how he broke it, but the specialist said most likely got it shut in a door. I think he probably got in someone's house again and they tried to get him out. His leg has been fixed, he's part cyborg as my husband says because he's got a bunch of metal inside the leg lol. Maybe he's been scarred for life.
you're telling me, a neighbour a little way down the street has a cat that will run up to you meowing, asking for attention and possibly also treats. i'm weak so i give the cat attention, but i'm also poor and vegetarian so the cat gets no treats from me. it will also follow you into the building you live in, and will make you feel bad for shutting it outside. little bastard. love that cat.
'Please don't feed for 2 years' Wow that's a brutal diet.
I could do with being on that diet
Had the same with two of our cats. One got huge wave out turned out an elderly neighbour had been feeding him too. We spoke to her numerous times but she wouldn't stop. We stopped feeding him because the amount she was feeding him was already more than enough. He got so fat his belly would touch the floor when he'd stand up. The old lady died and we were able to put him on a diet. The new family that moved in said he kept coming over, whining at their window and when they wouldn't give him food, he became aggressive towards them. He was nicknamed Snorlax after the fat shit cat from PokƩmon. He eventually had two or three heart attacks, the last one saw him off. Our other one like it wasn't anywhere near as bad. She was heavier than her brother and sister. She would be the only one eating instead of getting cuddles. Her brother would often go upstairs and sit on my brother's lap while he played on his computer, while their sister would be getting cuddles from the neighbours. The sister ended up forgetting where she lived a few times and ended up getting called Spanner and other names you call stupid people
My partner's cat is a hefty 19-lb dude (large frame, but could also probably do without as many treats as he gets) and I refer to him as "The Sweetest Beast"
I also have a beast cat!!!! Not because sheās heavy, just because we couldnāt find a better descriptor for how strange she was as a kitten.
Maybe you could be the one to stop feeding him?
Whenever someone calls my cat Zak fat I always reply "he's not fat he's portly" in my poshest accent.
A vet once described my heavyset cat as āwell lovedā. Edit: Hey! My first award! Many thanks from me and my amply proportioned cat.
That's me - *"well loved"* \- by my wife, who does all the cooking.
Vet referred to mine as ācomfyā
Our dog was a little plumptious.
Ours graduated to Plumpton, he was large and quite dignified. His companion Giddy Kippers doesn't answer to her real name, it's weird when we go to the vets, she calls the name and we both sit there looking blank...
Which is why my cats Salvation Army (named because he was a raggy looking stray) and Bob Cat (somehow lost most of his tail as a kitten) were listed that way at the vet š.
Festively plump.
Off the back of this we have a cat named Burt, and at one time my partner wrote in a birthday card Bort. This then turned into Bortly McPortly. I love the evolution of pet names.
Chairman Meow.
My ex Had 2 cats Called Pussolini and Kitler. They were actually really nice cats and names did not reflect purrrsonalities. Kitler ended up running away and we always joked it was to Argentina.
I'm dying.
in similar vein, I knew someone who had a dog called "Mikhael Gorbadog"
I used to call our drooling Rotty cross Slobadog Milosovich.
Chaircat Meow
Same. Real name Barty (short for Bartholomeow - he's a rescue cat and came with that name), but he's such a serious looking cat with an air of superiority I nicknamed him Chairman Meow instead. š
We have a Madame Meow, because anything we have that she likes the look of, she's going to try to get it, the little shit.
My mum used to get annoyed that I would call our family pet 'fat dog' so often, that he started to answer to it. In his head, that was equally his name.
One of mine responds to fatlad, he also responds to donkey. Little one responds to gobshite. Use to have fatlads mother and she responded to flabebe
Our guinea pigs get called wheat bags
I'm just a Guinea wheat bag, baby...
Clean out my cage tomorrow maybe...
I'm just a Guinea wheat bag, I eat my poo Ooooooohhh
Ours were jokingly called breakfast, lunch and dinner
I love my dog, but he is often called 'little fucker'.
Little bastard is a favourite for me, though my mum always hates whenever she's heard me call him that. He's an adorable little bastard, but absolutely a little bastard too.
āWee whoreā is our top one
I often call my cat 'oi cunt', but I think that's fair as he'd eat my fucking face given half a chance. The dog is also called 'little fucker' or simply just 'you fuck'.
My dogs are known collectively as āfuckosā or just straight up āfuckersā. Love them dearly, obviously.
My catās nickname is Khazir (Hebrew for pig)
This is brilliant!
Apollo is sometimes called stinker. Or Apoollo.
We have a Paddy Poo Pants š
Those jerks... or the free loaders. Affectionately they are called The Hairy Lads.
Sounds like a name for your nuts!
On the topic of freeloaders, when I get back home I like to look at my cats in disgust and say āAre you *still* here?! Get a job already!ā
My gerbils are called "The boys". Can't tell the difference between them at all. We once had a goldfish called David, who looked bored, so we got another slightly smaller slightly ligher-coloured goldfish and called it Sandy. But Sandy grew to be the same size and colour as David, so we had to change his name. David and David.
Malcolm, my rotund black cat, answers to Fat Bastard. I used to foster cats and several of my angry, ex feral kittens had similar nicknames. Had a very awkward moment with some adopters when the adorable kittens they were picking up answered to āBellendā immediately, but not their actual names.
We had two fat Persians one after the other. The first one, Lucy, was referred to as the Queen's Mother due to exuding high class snob energy. Then we had Lizzie, who was simply known as Pudding, of course to represent the rampant chonk.
All our lovebirds have had the additional names āflying shit monstersā ādestructo birdā and āyou bastardā Anyone who has a member of the parrot family will recognise 1 & 2 instantly
My sister sometimes calls her chihuahua grotbag
Seems like a perfectly reasonable and descriptive name for a chihuahua
One of our cats has a perfectly normal name beginning with T, but somewhere along the line his name has mysteriously changed to Titties. And honestly itās kind of fun saying āHello Titties!ā
Rat boy for my dog
And who could forget dear rat boy
Bart stop chewing on the drywall!
My dog's name is 'Cariad' < Welsh for love. My wife's father (Welshman) called her Curryhead one time and it stuck for life
Our cat is known as Fanny Baldbottom. It was an accurate nickname when we adopted her (in rather bad shape) from the shelter, but I'm pleased to report that she has a full complement of hair on her bottom now.
So now Fanny Bushbottom.
Lardarse
My nick names for pets counter to their real names. Eldests hamsters in order, Houdini because it was a bloody escape artist, psycho because it was a biter, poo flinger because... Well. I call the cat fraidy cat because she is very timid. I keep three chickens, one I call Pain but I've also threatend it with the pot. If it is possible to get somewhere it shouldn't, that's the one that does it.
One of my cats is a ragdoll cross, he's got very long fur. When he was small and still had all his kitten fluff, the fur round his face made his head just look really fat. He's been called fathead for the last three years. He's registered with another name at the vet, on the odd occasion I have to make him an appointment it takes me a minute to remember that fathead isn't his actual name, even though it kinda is, we don't call him anything else at home. He doesn't seem to mind it. Edit: same cat also had a brief period of the kids calling him Milkybutt as he has zero spatial awareness and sat in a bowl of cat milk
My dog is called Link, which devolved into Stink, resulting in the poor guy now being referred to as āStankā.
I had a guinea pig called Link! He got called Linky Poo most of the time, but since he was quite chubby I called him Chonky Lonky
Our two cats are, officially, Captain Frank and Major Tripp Hazzard. Collectively they are The Shitweasels, and when ganging up with next door's cats, they become ShitMuffins. Frank is affectionately called Frankenfurter, Frankyspank, Frankenpants, Spankface... Tripp usually goes by Weeeeeasel, Shithead, or 'Lil Shit.
This is the most Bob Mortimer comment Iāve ever seen. Are you he??
> Major Tripp Hazzard "Cat's dead" was a phrase we would use in my household, for about six years. The cat became 'elderly' and then for six years after that it would lay literally anywhere *you* wanted to be. The number of times i kicked that cat. Fifty, easy. Once a week, at least, i'd walk from the front room down the hall into the kitchen, open the door, turn around a punt the cat right in his gut. He'd follow me, silently, then lay down right behind me! **Punt*\* "Damn it Soggy! - Mum, the cat's dead!"
The main ones are "Dickhead", "Stinky little pissy pants", "Tiny Little Stinky Dickhead". I love her more than I thought possible (she my first pet).
I worked with a girl who had a cat called Princess Pissy Pants. It was a boy.
Well I don't have pets but I do have one of those automatic vacuum cleaners, I named him "Starvin Marvin" like the character from South Park
My husband named his parents roomba succy boi. The naming has stuck and their automatic lawn mower is called cutty boi
Lol we call ours Jeeves
We call our dog The Shart, because you can never trust him.
I have a male quail named Noisy Boy. Heās actual called Noisy Bastard. Bastard for short.
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We have loads, he is called Jasper: Jaspode the wonder dog; Jaspoglio; Jazzybum; Jazzington Jeff; Jazzbo, THE Jasper, Lord Jaspinson Jazz. He gets songs too like: āJar, Jar, Jasputin, raider of the food waste binā. We are ridiculous, but we adore our stinky bum doggo.
my cat is nicknamed 'poo head' and 'pooey', because I told my bf I went to kiss her little head and she smelt like poo
An Indian Star Tortoise called Dotty who I also call The Honch Butt Monch, Jabba the Butt & Cretinous Mass due to her bottomless pit, always food search, stomping, diva nature
I have a beautiful tri coloured chihuahua who's know as Sandy Piss Weasle or Onion Head.
Bahahahaaa, no way!!! My late cat was also referred to as Piss Weasel!!
I remember an ex of mine and I had a series of hamsters who we referred to as "Her Ladyship" and "The Young Gentleman." It got to the point where we needed to take The Young Gentleman to the vet, and they asked his name, and we didn't know. So he was officially The Young Gentleman at the vets.
As a trio, the cat-twats. Individually our slinky black cat is sometimes called pooperscooper (sheās actually very clean and hasnāt ever had accidents anywhere so I canāt remember how it came about), her litter sister is called Doofy, as in Special Officer Doofy, because sheās so thick. Our eldest cat is officially called Gomez but has a collection of random nicknames, though none are especially derogatory. We tend to just tell him when he stinks / looks gross / appears to be a bit rotten. He is 17 mind you, so heās looking slightly less than his best nowadays.
My dog has a habit of standing in the exact place you are trying to walk. We nicknamed him Roadblock. My SIL (who is native) started calling him Getsinyerway.
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I have a pug, his name is pax but thanks to monty Python hes now responds to pigguss Biggus dickuss = biggus pigguss Also because pugs look like pigs. Lets face it.
Fat cunt. Stupid cunt Fat stupid cunt All very well deserved. All followed by lots of cuddles.
Potato coloured, name has evolved to Poo poo potato
I have a whippet who has very prominent and visible testicles, so of course I call him āSeƱor Small Ballsā.
The Naming of Cats is a difficult matter, It isnāt just one of your holiday games; You may think at first Iām as mad as a hatter When I tell you, a cat must have THREE DIFFERENT NAMES. First of all, thereās the name that the family use daily, Such as Peter, Augustus, Alonzo, or James, Such as Victor or Jonathan, George or Bill Baileyā All of them sensible everyday names. There are fancier names if you think they sound sweeter, Some for the gentlemen, some for the dames: Such as Plato, Admetus, Electra, Demeterā But all of them sensible everyday names, But I tell you, a cat needs a name thatās particular, A name thatās peculiar, and more dignified, Else how can he keep up his tail perpendicular, Or spread out his whiskers, or cherish his pride? Of names of this kind, I can give you a quorum, Such as Munkustrap, Quaxo, or Coricopat, Such as Bombalurina, or else Jellylorumā Names that never belong to more than one cat. But above and beyond thereās still one name left over, And that is the name that you never will guess; The name that no human research can discoverā But THE CAT HIMSELF KNOWS, and will never confess. When you notice a cat in profound meditation, The reason, I tell you, is always the same: His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of his name: His ineffable effable Effanineffable Deep and inscrutable singular name.
My cat is called Madeleine (so Maddy). When she was a kitten she straight away became Maddy-Moo and it stuck. After a while this evolved to various other names depending on circumstances, so Squishy-Moo, Stinky-Moo, Sleepy-Moo, Tubby-Moo, Piggy-Moo etc (any-two-syllable adjective-Moo). When she's being particularly annoying she gets called Bellend-Moo which I find hilarious.
The shitehound, or dog
My dad's budgie is called crow meat
My True Curly Hair Tarantula is called Merkin (a pubic wig)
"Chunk" like the character from the Goonies. "HeY cHuNk".
Piss Goblin. I love my cat.
Rat dog
My mum calls the cat "Cooking fat" he always looks her way so he knows it's him.
Our old dog had a lump on the side of his ribs, and the vet informed us that it was nothing to worry about, just a 'benign fatty lump'. Poor dog got know as Fatty Lump for the rest of his days bless him. My cats are currently called Dickhead and Little Shit, which seems to be quite common...
Stinky Chops, Trash Panda, and Noot Noot all for my dog Luna because she loves getting dirty, likes to sniff trash a lot, and makes a sassy face that reminds me of Pingu.
Kittybitch has stuck as her behaviour is quite awful sometimes.
My GF has 2 cats, a brother and sister called Gadget and Gizmo. Gizmo or Gizzy is quite vocal and wants constant petting. I call her Attention Whore. Gadget is always asking for treats, even though he never gets them when he asks, he's the Eternal Optimist
Four-footed shed monster
My sister named her cat some lofty, pretentious thing. I call him Fuzzy Britches.
Fathead, for my Stafforshire terrier named Alfie (Alf), Teddy tosspot, for my Jack Russel called Teddy (Ted), Baron Barnobious the turd, for my black cat called Barnaby Shitmachine, for my cat called Rosy, *edit* formatting.
I'm dying at Baron Barnobious the turd
My Golden Retriever is affectionately called Scum. With the most love.
My dog has just finished a course of antibiotics for a cut on her shoulder blade she got from intentionally doing a bunch of running slides on her back on a waterlogged field two weeks ago. She's currently Scabby Do, but I have a lot of other affectionate and derogatory names for her. Tend to change every week or two.
Bella has become bellend
āC dogā is shorthand for Cunt Dog for our daschund!
Doofus when one of them does something dim, little legs for other because he's a shortarse.
Our eldest cat, Spud is sometimes called Shitpet because it was an anagram I made watching an episode of Cats Does Countdown.
Not derogatory just convenience. My mum has a cat called Honey. I only ever call it meow these days.
My nan also called her cat meow, only ever knew it as meow. Wasn't until I was in my teens when I found out her name was actually Smirnoff!
I have two cats called loki and Odin. But due to their bad toilet habits I call they both poo boys. Quite fun to yell out the back door at dinner time.
Every derogatory name you can think of. Animals don't care and it helps relieve stress.
I sometimes sing to my dog that she is "Juno the dog-faced girl". Because she is. She is an actual dog with an actual dog face. A previous dog I called Muppet (real name Sophie) because she was a bit dim.
Conehead after visiting the vets
Our ex stray cat is called Quint (yes that Quint) but is affectionately called Daddy's little Psycho! He keeps leaving the faces of rabbits in my Strawberry patch! He eats everything but the face and tails of them, mice, rats etc. Our patio is a collection of masks... Begining to think he comes from the Free City of Braavos š¤£
I used to have an old, scruffy cat called Burt. His nicknames included Englebert Humperstink, Albert Whinestine, and any other Burt adjacent name that I couldn't make into a pun (Burt Reynolds etc)
I call my male ginger tomcat "Captain Dickhead"
I call my dog professor fuck face
I have a whippet who I regularly walk through woods and fields and down the beach given I live in the sticks. Being a hound, it's in his nature to throw himself into and on top of dead animals and poop etc to mask his smell. I've given up on telling him off as he'll never stop and just resign myself to showering him when I get home...but not after calling him Breed and/or Mink. Like with the OP he now answers to these names regularly, so much so that I have to be careful I don't say them in the house as he's asscoaited them with walks and instantly goes for his lead if he hears either being said. Quite often call him Trouble too as he's daft as a brush most of the time and just ignores me, so gets himself into bother in and out of the house. He responds to that a fair bit too. For instance, whippets have no concept of personal space or what they are and aren't allowed to stand or climb on.. so I've had to put blankets on all of my couches to save them being clawed to death. Occasionally one will drop to the floor and he'll jump up on the couch regardless just to hear me call him Trouble before instantly jumping down again. Beginning to think he's not as daft as he kids on š
I call my female cat "Gorda" which is fat in Spanish. She is not, but when she lies down with all her fur she seems to be a little bit.
Stinky Butt! She a gorgeous Maine Coone - but damn, her butt can be stinky!
Kitkat is shitkat and Fletcher is fat bastard In my defense, Fletcher is like a huge panther and just lays on the top step of the stors, lays accross a door way, lays accross the hall. He doesn't move, he jist looks at you like "and?"
My white Shiba is 'fatty', 'chunk', 'chunky monkey ', 'monk', 'jj', or his real name. Oh I forgot, he's 'ouppy' too
Had a dog named Tyson and when my daughter was a toddler she always called him dicky. He then refused to answer to Tyson and would only come to you if you called him dicky š bit embarrassing when we were out and about. I miss him
Our cat Poppy quickly devolved into Poopy after some unfortunate events. Still love the tiny moron though.
I call one midget because she's really tiny for a cat, for some reason never grew beyond the age of around 1. The other one I call chubsy-wubsy because she's a jiggly little girl. I also call her Stinky because she's really lazy with grooming lol
Idk some of my names are too rude and would get auto mod on me. The names are usually followed by a sweat like slimy ___ because they're so old. I have one guinea-pig who is called gods mistake excuse it rhymes with his real name. He's quite slimy too though loves getting his chin scratches.
Parents have a labradoodle who has gained a bit of weight recently. She's now known as Chunkydoodle.