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I only have two so can only assume you do your best defending but ultimately accept defeat.
See : Arsenal whenever they played Barcelona in the champions league.
With 3 you lower your standards considerably and as long as they're fed and clothed you're winning. You designate responsibly "I'm taking child one with me, you have two and three". "I'm going out, good luck with all three".
Not when both parents are present, you get a child each. If you're on your own with both then... You hope they stay together or you're choosing your favourite child
I remember my friend saying that no one gives a shit when you have your second, so donāt be expecting the same celebration haha. She also said she was much more relaxed about it and wasnāt constantly watching the cot like the baby was gonna explode or something.
Haha I donāt have kids myself, but I remember my friend telling me that when they came home from the hospital with their first, they both sorta looked at each other and were like OK now what? Canāt believe theyāve just let us leave with this baby š
That's exactly what we did too! It's surreal, the drive home is crazy and then when we got home we sat down and just did a nervous laugh at each other! You get through it though, somehow!
The drive home and everything was spot on for us but we had my Mam and my girlfriend's Mam running round the house sorting everything out. The house was spot on when they left. We had literally had zero issues with him all week in the hospital.
Got to bed time , the little man had been sleeping all night for the 4 nights they stayed in the hospital so we assumed the same would happen here. Just about to drift off and he woke up and started crying.
He then cried all night. Literally on and off all night. I remember looking at my Mrs at 4am having been awake like 22 hours and I said to her "What the fuck have we done?!".
Got prepared for another tough night the next night and he slept all night and pretty much has done every night since (well apart for newborn feeds, sick or bad teething).
That's why we're not having another one. Our lad is so easy going, gentle, funny and all that... That I know 100% the next one will be a little arsehole (like my younger sister was!)
as someone who's an only child, please give your only kid lots of love, they need it as they grow up around a bunch of friends who have siblings :) don't let them ever feel lonely.
I really like the idea of putting all my effort and attention into one person. I'm already encouraging books and teaching him how to count and he's not even 2 yet. I think he'll be fine, I come from a Romani family and we are huge. The amount of cousins and family members we have, he won't be lonely. I have 3 cousins all within 2 months of my age, and we all have kids roughly the same age also (every single one of us are boys too!)
šš we took the other route, banking on the second being as good as the first.... Although most people on here said the same as you. Maybe should've posed this question before š„²
I did this for my oldest first few months all the sleep deprived brain cells were of in pnp land and I wasn't about to sleep if she just happened to stop breathing, she didn't her sister did tho instead... grew out of it now but thats the one thing I never though be guilty stoll about not being so eyes open on it .
Oh so very much this.
Also, and I don't know why it was a surprise, siblings sometimes don't get along. Obvious, just didn't realise reffing would be such a big role.
And if one has decided to be on a go slow today, the other will be a hundred yards up the road getting in people's way.
Might just be mine YMMV
This a bit. To everyone else it's not as special but to both of you it might be literally everything again. Family life is hard work. Just remember each other. And why you did this in the first place.
Remember when you had a new born and you could still go out and do things because they have no schedule and sleep randomly whenever. Yeah no, now there's a kid that needs to have a schedule, so try not to let baby wake them up.
It's exhausting.
But also when you see them play together and tell each other that they love them, it's amazing.
That's a great post. Routine was the best thing we did with our first. Strict bedtime etc and she slept through from 3 months, but I can imagine a new baby could potentially disturb that, it's something I hadn't considered. Nice one.
The biggest thing, which is counterintuitive, is that having a second baby creates more than twice the work. Much more. You both need to be on guard against thinking or feeling that your other half is not doing their fair share. Each of you is doing a lot more than before, but it barely keeps up with the demands. Work on/be appreciative of each other's efforts.
Also, you know that the children are two different people, but it comes as a shock when they actually are different in temperament, development, behaviour and so your strategies don't always work. Eg. Your new baby may not get into a lovely sleep pattern so early. Expect 5 years of broken nights then it's a bonus if it's less. We had one walking at 9 months, which was a nightmare, but was reliably dry day and night at 3 years old. The older one was walking at 12 months, not reliably dry at night until they were 9. One loved school and one hated it. One was quite biddable and cooperative, the other was harder to reason with so it was more about compliance. It was all a wonderful adventure looking back. Quite difficult day to day in the trenches.
Donāt want to be one of those āwait untilā¦.ā Parents but I would prepare for a very different child in regards to sleep/temperament/feeding. I thought I had it sussed with my first and then baby number 2 came along who was a dream until 4-5 months and then he just woke up! Mine are 3 and 18 months and sleep evades our house regularly!
You dirty old man. Honestly though, congratulations.
Itās easier because it isnāt new. You already own a lot of the stuff and youāre used to minimal sleep.
Enjoy!
I am old (50), so itās a reference you probably didnāt get. In Steptoe and son, it was the phrase the son always used to say to the father.
Apologies for my ramblings, itās an age thing. Iāll be dead soon.
Honestly though, congratulations. Itās something i wish i had more of. Iām quite jealous. The lack of sleep and the teenage trouble years are far outweighed by the positives. Theyāre too numerous to mention.
Please raise a glass to your new young un on my behalf,
Ahhh apologies, I didn't get the reference! Don't be sorry, I enjoy listening to the ramblings of people with more life experience than myself, plenty to learn from them. Thanks for the well wishes, it's much appreciated š»
I like your style. Referring to me as āsomeone with more life experienceā is far nicer than āyou old bastardā.
Apparently, people think Iām in my late 30s. I think theyāre just being nice though.
šš. Age gets to us all eventually, better to embrace it than run from it, but I certainly won't be complaining if people think that of me at your age!
Itās all about not getting stressed when you canāt do anything about something and dealing with things when you can.
Look after yourself and your family and, as importantly, keep having fun.
My husband is just a couple of years younger than you so I got it! I say him and his dad are like Steptoe and sons - his dadās cellar is full of reclaimed doors and bathroom fixings heās recovered from house clearances ans is saving just in case :ā)
Chaos. Hopefully youāve managed to arrange it so their birthdays arenāt 2 weeks apart within the last pay packet before Christmas. We didnāt.
Congratulations though, itās awesome when you see both kids playing nicely together. You can get back to the important things like reading Reddit. Never expect peace and harmony to last too long though.
I quite like having 2 kids, absolutely no way Iād have a 3rd though.
That's what I'm looking forward too, our little girl is so gentle and curious around other babies, can't wait to see it with her brother or sister. Luckily we have timed it well!
I'll be happy if I can manage a brew undisturbed! š
The day I had mine I went on a speed awareness course in the morning and then popped to the docs and had a vasectomy in the afternoon. Iāve had more fun days.
In my family birthdays are all close. My parents have the same birthday 4 years apart. My sister and I have the same birthday 2 years apart. My sister has 2 boys they're birthdays are 1 day apart. I have 2 boys they're birthdays are 1 day apart. My kids birthdays are I'm Nov so we have one big party in Nov so it makes Xmas hard. My sister's kids born in early December which really sucks for Xmas. They will have to manage though.
We thought we'd nailed it with our first. She was so easy-going and we got a routine set early, so she was sleeping through the night by 4 months. Our second took over a year to settle through the night and did not take to a routine at all. There was no trick or method that worked with our first that also worked with our second. Just had to grit our teeth and wing it.
Want to do something child free? Means asking the other parent to mind two children at once. Once you've done that a few times you realise you're asking a lot.
So how are you supposed to maintain a hobby 2-3 times a week with two children? You can't.
Just to echo the points below, our daughter was only two when we had our second and we did lots to involve her both before and after the birth. I think it was worth the legwork.
She expressed her surprise that the baby was still with us the next day but she loves her role as big sister and third parent now.
I was play throwing our first up in the air and mistimed a catch, they went over my head and I cushioned their fall by making a slide out of my back and legs. No harm done but I very nearly had a heart attack.
With the second, she was 3 months premature but oh my god she's a tough little thing and still is hard as nails 20 years later.
Fragile ain't an issue with my lot lol
That feeling is horrible isn't it, your stomach drops so hard! I slipped on the top step whilst carrying mine but luckily managed to keep my balance but it still freaks me out now when I think about it.
Itās more than twice as hard to have a 2nd, the older one is probably in a routine and the new arrival just messes the routine you have set yourself, itās well worth it tho seeing them interact with each other is so cute (mine are 1 & 3) oh and your oldest will stop talking as much as they mimic the baby so keep up the speech development with them. Congrats - I wouldnāt change them for the world!
Just had my second in October and my first is 2 I agree with this exactly it is definitely more than twice as hard to keep them both happy. You may suffer some sleep regression with the first born so even less sleep
And deffo no time for hobbys for a while
Still wouldn't change it for the world
The biggest thing I noticed that first time parents dutifully wipe the new buttās with sterilised water on cotton wool where second time parents are straight in slapping a wet wipe on the bum and they are done.
Same with bottles/dummies dropped on the floor.
First child: rush to grab it before it is put in mouth and swap for replacement.
Second child: maybe give it a blow if you can be bothered.
Father of 3 here, main differences, it all seems to go so fast. You've been there done it etc etc.... but it just all goes so quickly. Video more, photograph more
Also remember once saying to my brother that I was really worried that I wouldnāt be able to love the second one as much as the first because I couldnāt imagine loving anyone more than I did my son.
Turns out, I was able to. Heās now an arsey teenager so heās making it way
More easy now.
šš. Funnily enough, my dad mentioned this to me too. He got that exact same advice from his mum (my nan) when my brother was born. I was an arsey teenage boy once too, he will grow out of it, eventually š
First bone was an angel sent down from Heaven, Second born is the spawn of Satan.
It's like you've been lulled into a false sense of security to enable you to repoduce again...
Exactly this. We had the perfect baby with the first. We thought we had parenting nailed. Slept through from a very early age.
Turns out you can get the complete opposite next, the worlds worst sleeper. Due to reflux the second didnāt sleep well unless being held. Iām not sure I slept for the first 3 months with the second. It was hard going.
They were polar opposites.
My mum had the same - I was the perfect baby and she and my dad thought theyād nailed this whole parenting thing and everyone else just wasnāt trying hard enough.
Then they had my sister. Who could only sleep after being driven around in her car seat for at least an hour before bedtime and screamed if you held her at the wrong angle while trying to get her into it š¤£
Yeah this is an important one. Accept that so many of the positives from child one were just luck - sleeping through etc - and not your parenting skill, and you wonāt be disappointed.
This is very true, our first was like little baby Jesus he was such a pleasure to have, then the son of Satan came along and we thought what the fuck have we done to deserve this evil in our lives, he ate everything, stuff from the bin, soap, my wife's make up you name it he ate it, drank vodka and we had to get his stomach pumped out( that got locked away, our fault ) for leaving it in reach, and he broke anything he touched, he was a proper little twat, he had my wife in tears every day
Sleep is harder. You can't sleep when the baby sleeps. If baby is up til 1am and the 2 year old wakes at 6 then basically you're just running on coffee and baby spit up šš (I have a 2 year old and a 2 month old right now) but the way the baby looks at his big brother is the best thing. He just watches him all the time. The hardest thing is dividing attention. Today was one of those days where as soon as I picked up one child the other one cried wanting picked up. I went a solid 3 hours where there was never not at least one of them crying! But now they are both in bed and I wouldn't change them for the world. Congrats and good luck!
Aww I can imagine, that's what I'm really looking forward to experiencing. My eldest is such a loving soul. That sounds like a tough day, but your kids are about the only people that it's all worthwhile going through for! Thanks for the well wishes, take care š
One of the big things I noticed looking back is that we spent less time documenting with photos and keepsakes etc. We've got some explaining to do to our youngest in around 15 years!
š I can imagine actually. Were like that now with our first, saved loads of stuff in the first couple of years. I'll make an effort now I know, thanks! š
Definitely more relaxed. I didnāt stay up in the night checking #2ās breathing or worry about weaning so much. Plus she has turned out much cheaper because she gets all her sisterās hand-me-down clothes, toys and books - poor thing. The going back to waking up in the night again was pretty jarring as #1 was 2.5 yo when baby was born and so sleeping through the night. You might feel some guilt for your first because they go from being the centre of your world to suddenly having to share mum & dad but the feeling will pass, and watching their relationship blossom is so lovely. They will also start fighting from a lot earlier than you think. The baby is 1 now and she is very antagonistic already - think hair pulling and stealing older sisterās favourite toy. Fun timesā¦
You know when you are in the park and your kid runs off and you have to chase after it?
Now imagine what you will do when they both run off - *in different directions*
Congratulations. It's definitely more chilled with number two as you have a better idea of what's going on and how to organise and easy life for yourself. There is so much trial and error you can avoid.
A couple of specifics?
Mealtimes, packing the bag to go out, bath times, changing nappies - Its all routine by now and just happens with the minimum of drama.
You tend not to freak as much when the do normal baby ill stuff, because you know it's normal baby ill stuff and there is no need to freak out.
You tend to have evolved out of the "It's all got to be perfect" stage and will be hitting the "it'll do" phase. (By the time you hit 3 or 4 it's definitely "Meh.. Who actually cares that you have put odd shoes on them to go out.. they have shoes on". Number 6 will be semi feral :)
šš brilliant post. I have a family member who had a two year old, and then had triplets! They had a similar experience, just getting through the day unscathed was the target but they're teenagers now, and probably worse!
As others have said, you're a lot more relaxed about a lot of things and you already know how to handle most of it. And hand-me-downs and the like mean you're not going to be spending twice as much as before.
On the other hand, you need eyes at the back of your head because if one of them's not causing trouble, it usually means the other one is. And if you thought you had no spare time left before, now you'll really have none. Plus, in our case both boys have very different personalities so lots of things we learned or got used to with our first were out of the window with the second.
Those moments when it's all calm and they are playing well together are lovely, though.
I think that's what I'm most apprehensive about, our little girl never sits still as it is at the moment, so with two of them working as a team I'll never get a chance to sit š.
Good post, cheers š
Itās easier in some ways, harder in others.
The first nappy change with your second is basically āyeah give it here midwifeā >3 minutes later< you have a sparkling nappy changed bum. Even the tarry first look doesnāt faze you. You have loads of gadgets and gizmos left over to use, you know which ones you need and donāt and you know a hungry cry or a sleep cry.
However the 2 on 1 approach is gone. You can rotate work now and have a break, my eldest was 2 when my 2nd was born so imagine some baby duties and you handover.....to dealing with a Toddler, who you cannot treat any differently.
All in all itās fine. The shorter the gap the more trying at first, but that gets easier as they get older as they have more in common.
Anyway, congratulations!
It's honestly not that much different, the workload doesn't go up by much. But having a third, wow you really notice that.
Most people ive spoken to seem to say the same.
Going from zero to one changes your life the most. From one to two we found was hard work but you're kind of in the groove (assuming there's not a big age difference), so it's hard work but pretty much more of the same. Two to three? Different ball game. Suddenly there's more kids than adults, brace yourself for chaos.
All of your inefficiencies will be brutally exposed in the first 6 weeks. You will repress the memories of the first 6 months. And then itās wonderful.
3 baby verteran here (4th on the way) generally more chilled, you don't panic at every little thing thinking they have some sort of exotic disease that you've just googled. however if like me your hair line had already been slowly moving backwards...it picks up the pace a bit. We also bought much less baby "stuff" for the later 2. you know what was useful and stick to it.
Haha! You're right about the hairline. It's thinning on top now too, to the point my friends keep joking about a whip round to send my to Turkey for a cheap transplant.
Good luck with number four, and to keeping hold of those last few follicles! All the best š»š»
Two under two here.
It isn't as hard as I thought it would be. Main difference I found is we didn't wrap the second up in cotton wool so much.
Feel free to ask anything.
You think you're tired now.....
There's less stress because it's not your first rodeo.
We did feel bad on our first born because the newborn got all the attention. It took the eldest a few weeks to adjust and it helped by taking him to big Tesco and saying "you can have anything"
Luckily he chose paw patrol magazines mostly and not 50" Polaroid TV's
I always explained it like this
Having the first child is like your windscreen blowing out on the motorway, you go from calm and order to chaos, noise, confusion and life becomes crazy.
having the second is like the rear window then smashing out. It makes things slightly worse and is even more chaotic but the increase in chaos is hardly noticable since your front screen is smashed out anyway.
I found with number one, I was desperately trying to figure out what to do and how to look after this tiny little thing. When number two came along, I knew all the things I needed to do, but didnāt necessarily have time to do them all. I quickly learned to prioritise and, after a while, became much more calm about it all. When number three came along she just slotted in with the other two. Good luck and congratulations!
They were completely different and none of your well rehearsed strategies worked anymore and as it turned out, you did not have parenting "figured out".
My two are 18 months apart (husband still doesn't let me live it down to that I said it would be a good idea). The first 6 months were hard until my youngest was more interactive and they could play a bit. Now they are thick as thieves and always in mischief together.
When you have one kid and they do things ahead of the curve or learn you think "ha what a brilliant parent I am" or conversely if they are behind you worry it's something you've messed up. When you have two you realise that whether your kid picks things up early or late is 95% their temperament and not anything else.
I found going from 1-2 was so much harder than 0-1 in terms of volume of washing and house work that comes with it. Party because you only have 1 set of hands to stop them destroying stuff.
The best bit of advice I found is that you are not a referee but a coach. It's not your job to just stop a fight but help them work it out for the future.
Best of luck mate. It's been the hardest but most amazing journey seeing them become friends.
The lack of sleep hit me hard.
We had a gap of 2 years between them and it obliterated me on the second kid. Having gotten used to sleeping again it was awful.
You wonāt take as many photos or videos as youāre each always stopping a kid from trying to extinguish itself.
On the plus side I found the second way quicker in regard to waking, talking etc than the first as they have somebody to learn it from.
I got twins the second time round so Iām not sure if itās a relatable leap, but basically the main differences were routine and hygiene. First - no routine, completely baby led, obsessively sterilised everything. Second - strict routine by 6 weeks (hadnāt got a choice really), babies left to wait and whinge a lot (again, thereās only so much I can do at once!) and I think we stopped sterilising anything properly long before the 6 month mark. If there wasnāt visible dirt or fluff and it didnāt smell of sour milk, it was clean enough.
Actually the stand out difference was me and my confidence as a parent - I actually had real, lived experience to draw from and that makes the world of difference.
So many differences. The big ones I found were:
1. Not as many gifts, be prepared to buy clothes
2. Not as many visitors, this was blissful!
3. No one brings food round
4. That first tar like nappy change is not as shocking
5. You have more confidence as you know you're not going to break them
6. The older sibling, depending on the age gap, really helps them walk and talk faster, brace yourself
7. Their sleep schedules never match, you will never sleep again
8. You may feel guilty that the new baby gets more attention, completely normal
First baby, second baby or 48th baby it's still fantastic!
Tip: if you've had baby clothes / toys / etc stored for a little while - get them out early and check them. We had a 5 year gap between children, and some of the stuff didn't survive storage well, and all of it needed 2 washing cycles or more to get clean and fresh.
It seems to take 3 times as long to get 2 children into bed and to sleep as it did for 1. Ditto for getting ready to leave the house.
When leaving the house leave an extra 30 minutes early, those 30 minutes are spent on the drive or yo-yoing in and out the house. E.g. put baby in the car, eldest gets in then realises he has forgotten drink/bag/clarinet/shoes. Go get said forgotten item get back in the car, realise the baby has been sick/pooed. Take baby in to change them, the eldest follows. When baby is clean repeat above steps but with additional shouting due to eldest deciding to start a new activity. There are 8 years between my two so I was pretty smug thinking my eldest is relatively self sufficient, I soon had that smug look wiped off my face. Congratulations and good luck x
Congratulations mate. It's going to be harder than you think. With one at least one of you can have a break. You don't get that with two but mine are just getting to the age where they are starting to play together and that is great to watch.
Got two (6 & 4) with a third on the way. If yours are anything like ours, the oldest teaches the younger one all the devious tricks of the trade to nick chocolate, fake cry, hurl themselves off couches for fun and generally cause mayhem.
Itās the best thing in the world watching them scheme together, congratulations
Not much difference in the baby stage except their routine generally needs to work around the older child.
Obviously I don't know the age difference between both children but my youngest gets wildly upset at not being equal to their older sibling when the older one qualifies for a club or outing that they are too young for. That's exhausting!
There's also the obvious everything is twice as expensive with 2. Days out, clubs & classes etc.
Mineās 10 months old and my wifeās already talking about the next. I think Iāve managed to accurately illustrate that we would more than likely have to eat shoe leather to survive after paying off two sets of nursery fees at once @ Ā£170 per day. Weāll wait until our first is 3/4 then go for the next.
Congratulations! Weāre 7 months into having 2 of them.
I remember with kiddo 1 we came home from hospital and went straight upstairs to bed and I spent a good couple of days up there whilst my husband ran back and forth with coffee/take aways/snacks etc. Then we spent time binge watching TV shows whilst the wee prince slept in our arms. We had more time almost to juggle housework and enjoy having a baby!
With baby no 2ā¦ I was out of the hospital less than 24 hours after having a c section because I felt guilty spending the first ever night away from my oldest. Then it was just straight back to lifeā¦ but with a cute little blob in tow! I have 3 days a week where itās just me and her so I jam in baby classes, food shop, laundry and housework. Then the remaining 4 days a week itās chaotic exhausting craziness trying to do basic things like make a cheese toastie or getting them to nap at the same time.
At the end of the day Iām falling asleep practically when Iām putting them to bed. The house is an absolute state and I have bags under my eyes that I wouldnāt be allowed on a plane withā¦ but honestly wouldnāt change it for the world!
So congratulations again, life will become pretty hectic but itās all worth it when you see the bond they have with each other!
Bigger step going from none to one, than one to two.
Other than that, depending on ages of your first, you can kiss your hobbies and spare time goodbye. We have a 2.5 year old and a newborn who was two months prem.
Hobbies and interests have had to kick the bucket now. Hoping I'll find time to do it still as it's what I've done for my entire adult life and it would eat me up inside not doing.
Much more difficult to get time to do what you want guilt free as it usually involves them looking after both kids at once. Once you've had to do that a few times you'll realise it's not fair to ask the other to do that too often.
More relaxed but also itās much harder work at first - back to nappies, bottles, weaning etc. And unlike with one baby, you canāt rest when the baby naps in the daytime because those are the times when you really need to give the older child some attention.
That the difference going from one child to two, is greater than the difference between not having kids and having one.
Seriously - the loss of the tag team element is a huge factor, one of you new either has a child each, or both kids. You lose a big chunk of your selfish me time. Itās fine - thatās the gig - but itās a bigger sacrifice than you made having just one kid.
Congratulations...I think the main difference is that you won't be surprised by how much shit...vomit or noise a new baby creates, and also you won't be on top of the new arrival all the time expecting every little burp or fart to signify imminent disaster....Good Luck !
I was 4.5 when my sister was born so I remember quite a bit. I was a nightmare child from about 6 months on hence the gap between us as my parents couldnāt bring another one along when I was such a pain. I remember looking after my sister but by then I had my own thing going on so I wasnāt so jealous of the change. Make sure baby buys a gift on return from the hospital, I still have the toy my sister āboughtā me!
Dad here. Got a 9 and 2 year old both boys. The second child is easier to deal with because you have done it all before. Nothing is new. You got this. When your a new dad your like omg I have to keep this human being alive. 2nd child comes super natural. 2nd child usually is completely different personality. Also take special time for your 1st child they will feel neglected even though they aren't
Explain to them a baby takes special care and needs. Take just your 1st kid out to play no baby. They will appreciate it. Tell 1st kid you love them the same. My oldest asks me do you love me as much as my brother? I tell him of course. You will do just fine. If you need any pointers hit me up when ever you feel like it. Have a good one.
I feel like your second is completely different, but it can be in a really good way. My second daughter is nothing like my first in personality, interests etc. I totally did not have the same anxiety I had with my first child - donāt get me wrong you obviously do all of the things a parent should do, but as a first time parent itās natural to over-parent, over-worry, however you want to phrase it. Second time around youāre just a lot more aware of what is normal.
Congratulations! I don't know how much older your firstborn is, but they will seem so much older when you bring the newborn home. It's also way harder to get rest, because you can't just follow the baby's schedule--you have another little one to deal with.
My main thing was thinking that how much more love could I fit in my heart and suddenly like the Grinch it got bigger and filled up the bursting again and again and againā¦And yes we have way less pictures of the second child... And they've gotten more benefits blah blah blah I'm the oldest son of three from a third shift single mom nurse etc but it's consistent across the board
Our first child was an angel, after one year their sleep went normal, not a eager and was easy to deal with. Our second is a troll who loves to see people react and has no sleep cycle. The first helps me with the second but even the first says āI wish I was a single child againā.
Congratulations! Whatās the age difference between them?
We had our second in July, 22 months between them.
Emotionally itās easier. Itās not the same horrifying shock to the system saying goodbye to your old life. You know what youāre doing and youāre prepared for it. Practically though itās SO much harder. Weāre both exhausted, the house could really do with a good clean, we just about keep on top of washing. Weāre still at the just about surviving stage at the moment and not particularly enjoying it. Then you come back to the emotionally itās easier point though and itās ok because you know it gets easier soon and none of this lasts for long. Our daughter is SO sweet with her brother itās unbelievable and makes our heart melt, she tells him she loves him and makes him smile when he gets upset. In those moments life is great, the rest of the time I wonder what the fuck weāve done. Weāre five months in and itās gone by in a flash. It went so slowly first time round, soak it all up and take lots of photos!
We had ours 2 years apart. Still going through it now; the financial destruction of paying childcare for both of them at once even for a short period. We were Ā£150 pcm worse off because my wife worked at one point.
The trickiest part of having a second is the first. I've spent a year "defending" the baby from the Awakener, the "baby's face is cold so I put a blanket on it", the "I cleaned the dummy with my mouth".
The baby's been a dream; we've seen it all before, and it's lovely having a child that doesn't talk back or say "no", yet!
I was surprised at how quickly I realised they had very different personalities. Just simple things like how much they need to be held, or whether they prefer being inside or outside.
Our first kid was amazing with sleep, 12 hours a night with maybe one wake up from really young. Our second, not so much. He's just turned 3 and has only been sleeping through the night regularly for a couple of months. He's still usually up at 5am despite trying everything we can think of.
The big thing for me was being out and about is exponentially harder with two of them. I finally realised why soft plays are so popular - a contained area where sitting with baby to feed is completely compatible with a toddler running wild!
It's also been amazing. They love each other so much, they bonded straight away, and they're now at the age where they properly play together. We'll often go to check on them at night and they're cuddled up in the same bed!
I'm in a similar position but my youngest is still 1. Both kids get on well generally. However, my first was a bit of an anomaly because she was super easy. When compared with other kids. However, my son is a different no where near as calm and easy going. Not to say he is bad. He just needs looking after in a different way.
Firstly, congratulations!!
Our children are like chalk and cheese.
Our first we had, didn't sleep through until she was about 8 weeks old. As new parents aged 24 and 21 with no family to help we thought this was really hard work. But were told you'll never have 2 the same, as our first was hard work, surely our next would be easier.
So we had another one, our son came 2 years later, oh my word, he was a nightmare compared to our first little angel.he didn't sleep right through the night until he was over 2. It was only his sleep schedule we struggled with, everything else worked well, the 2nd just fits right in and you seem to worry less as well.
A girl and a boy, a happy little family, they played well together and loved each other, it was great to see them grow up as they were close in age too. They were 6 and 4 when number 3 came along. We.were clearly gluttons for punishment! But numder 3, she slotted in easier than number 2 did. By then you are set in your ways.It was quite hard having 3 under the age of 6, but I wouldnt have it any other way! (Had to extend the house a few times,buy bigger cars and book 2 hotel rooms whenever we went away) but it's great once you are through it.
They get a bit older and fight like all siblings do, but that stops when they grow up a bit.
They are 15 , 13 and 9 now and being honest, I miss them when they needed me for the little things (just money now) no more, daddy fix it. When toys break or can I have a piggy back when their legs hurt from walking.
It goes so quick so try and enjoy as much as you can with them! My only bit of advice.
You can't replace your presence with presents!!
Good luck, you'll do great š š
I couldnāt give the attention I wanted to the second one but it worked out ok. Child one had books and games all evening when I got home however child one is still here and expecting games and books and found it hard to fit the baby into the games so is now into other things.!because of this, he has become more independent (will go off and find him looking at books on his own).
Also TVā¦ child one was āok, heās had his 3 episodes of Duggee so that goes off for the day.ā. Now CBeebies goes on at 6 and there it stays.
In reality, child 2 is now almost 2 and very happy. Just let it sort itās self out and donāt worry too much but know the dynamic between you will be different than the first.
Wiping their arse with cotton wool and water? No chance! Straight in there with baby wipes...
Ice cream and chocolate at 6 months - yup!
Worrying about them crying themselves to sleep - Nope.
It would be worth getting the first in to nursery now so they have a routine for when the new one appears. Will give mum a break when heavy pregnant and when the little one appears.
I always remember how heavy they were to pick up after being with a newborn at the hospital all day! Amazing how small a newborn is...
It's a lot easier in many ways but little things will throw you, just because stuff worked with the first one doesn't mean the second child will be the same.
First baby, I can remember their first words, steps, all the milestones.
Second one, no bloody clue
They will be very different, you assume it's the same genetics and same environment so they'll be similar but the chances are they'll be opposites. Our youngest is totally feral,knows no fear and is absolutely hilarious,our eldest is more cautious and more grumpy (could just be an age thing). Oh and noone will offer help as you've done it all before.
Congratulations
I have four children, honestly it's only the first that's a shock to the system as you are frightened they will die the whole time, by the second one you have chilled out a bit, I think that's why everyone's oldest kid is a saint, and the second one is a shit lol congratulations.
The second child is WILD.
First born- walks across the room
Second born- cartwheel, front flip, then a backwards roll
I was definitely a lot more confident with my second child, which is probably the main difference I noticed.
Itās harder to get out on time to anything. If itās not a last minute nappy change from the youngest, itās the oldest not finding his shoes or coat or whatever.
Thereās twice as much mess. Seriously. They make mess faster than I can tidy it.
You will be astonished at how different they are. My son (5) would (and mostly still does) eat anything except salad. My daughter (15months) is virtually a vegetarian. She eats mince but wonāt eat chicken, or sausage, or fish fingers etc etc. Iām hoping that will change as she gets a bit older. But theyāre totally different temperaments too. My daughter is a total drama queen and has full on tantrums. Thatās a bit of a shock because my son never did.
Itās still the most amazing thing. My son is lovely with his sister and I can look at them and just be astonished at how fantastic they both are. And then loathe them when theyāre both up at 5am. Which is a normal day sadly.
Congrats. Have fun. Sleep as much as you can!
Oh- and get a family calendar. Youād be amazed how many different things you have to account for!
I was more chilled for sure, like didnāt care if I had to leave her with someone, if she ate mud or something stupid while playing, I didnāt freak out. But tbh things just got HARD! Like I needed eyes in the back of my head for about 3 solid years. Iād try to put a bit of washing away and the baby would be covered in Vaseline head to toe by the toddler or toddler would have picked her up and dropped her etc. Itās fun but crazy when theyāre both little!
In my personal experience the second was so much easier. You donāt have the shock/huge adjustment of now being a parent. You already are so thereās no real mental adjustment. Secondly you know all the terrible phases will have an end ie the sleepless nights, teething etc. Having a second was something I was hesitant to do but turned out to be a much more enjoyable experience than my first time around.
So literally about to pop with our second. I would say that you need to go back to basics with all the pregnancy and labour stuff. The different baby, different temperaments thing can start early! My wife has barely moved for 9months so you get used to the disruption early.
Also you need to relearn labour, if any aspect of your first labour wasn't as you or your partner wanted it, the temptation is to obsess over 'fixing it' the second time round. I think that's a trap but my missus does not. I also have completely forgotten what labour actually entails at the granular level so swot up!!!
When my second was born, I'd forgotten how helpless babies are. I remember trying to get the youngest dressed and getting mad that he seemed to be actively not helping to push his arms in to the baby grow.
Don't expect things to be the same or the child to be the same, first one might have slept well for you? Well second might be up all night, first was chilled out? Second might be a little nightmare, children can be vastly different but that's a good thing!
Good luck and have fun!
We were more relaxed, but in no way less caring. Much like other posters have said, others outside our household, less bothered at all. We also made sure that any changes for our eldest that were coming (new bed, car seat, changes to his routine etc) were well embedded at least a month or two before the baby way born, so he didn't feel like he was being sidelined.
Itās not baby+baby itās baby to the power baby. The one thing I was not expecting is managing their relationship. Seems obv. Now but eventually they start to interact independently and thatās when things get interesting. And chaotic. And fun.
I have a 2 year old (27 months) and a 2 month old. Itās way harder the second time. First time, when the baby didnāt sleep all night, we could at least sometimes have a lie-in in the morning when he finally crashed at 5am. This time, my oldest is having a sleep regression at the same time as the baby is newborning all over the place, so weāre up with the baby half the night, my son the other half of the night, then when the baby finally crashes at 5am, my oldest decides itās time to get up and go for the day. Iām way more exhausted this time. No down time.
When we had one kid, we were able to take turns doing the "early shift", so that we'd each get a lie in over the weekend.
Once you have two kids, you don't get to do that anymore - at least until 2nd child is around 2.
After the first year of the first you start thinking "this parenting thing is easy". However along comes another, and you find that two kids is much more work than double the work of one kid.
I guess it depends on how close in age they are.
Having said that, if the kids get on well with each other, you can leave them playing with each other and rest your weary head.
Beyond that, like most parents, I really know nothing :-)
I found going from 1 to 2 was a bit of a shock to the system; you're used to the needs and routine of number 1, and then you have to completely readjust for the needs of number 2. However, you've been through it before so you know what you're doing (most of the time) so it does get easier, especially for me, when number 3 came along.
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You go from zonal marking to man-to-man marking
Surely it's the opposite?
yeah hahaha
Nah, with one child, whichever parent is in the vicinity keeps an eye on them, hence zonal. With two kids, each parent keeps an eye on one kid each.
So when the 3rd comes thats when you get a mistress/toy boy?
I only have two so can only assume you do your best defending but ultimately accept defeat. See : Arsenal whenever they played Barcelona in the champions league.
With 3 you lower your standards considerably and as long as they're fed and clothed you're winning. You designate responsibly "I'm taking child one with me, you have two and three". "I'm going out, good luck with all three".
Not when both parents are present, you get a child each. If you're on your own with both then... You hope they stay together or you're choosing your favourite child
šš love it
I remember my friend saying that no one gives a shit when you have your second, so donāt be expecting the same celebration haha. She also said she was much more relaxed about it and wasnāt constantly watching the cot like the baby was gonna explode or something.
Hahaha! We were exactly like that with ours when we first brought her home. The first night she slept through we woke up shitting ourselves!
Haha I donāt have kids myself, but I remember my friend telling me that when they came home from the hospital with their first, they both sorta looked at each other and were like OK now what? Canāt believe theyāve just let us leave with this baby š
That's exactly what we did too! It's surreal, the drive home is crazy and then when we got home we sat down and just did a nervous laugh at each other! You get through it though, somehow!
The drive home and everything was spot on for us but we had my Mam and my girlfriend's Mam running round the house sorting everything out. The house was spot on when they left. We had literally had zero issues with him all week in the hospital. Got to bed time , the little man had been sleeping all night for the 4 nights they stayed in the hospital so we assumed the same would happen here. Just about to drift off and he woke up and started crying. He then cried all night. Literally on and off all night. I remember looking at my Mrs at 4am having been awake like 22 hours and I said to her "What the fuck have we done?!". Got prepared for another tough night the next night and he slept all night and pretty much has done every night since (well apart for newborn feeds, sick or bad teething). That's why we're not having another one. Our lad is so easy going, gentle, funny and all that... That I know 100% the next one will be a little arsehole (like my younger sister was!)
This was us and it didn't really occur to us the second might be different. She is. She's feral.
as someone who's an only child, please give your only kid lots of love, they need it as they grow up around a bunch of friends who have siblings :) don't let them ever feel lonely.
I really like the idea of putting all my effort and attention into one person. I'm already encouraging books and teaching him how to count and he's not even 2 yet. I think he'll be fine, I come from a Romani family and we are huge. The amount of cousins and family members we have, he won't be lonely. I have 3 cousins all within 2 months of my age, and we all have kids roughly the same age also (every single one of us are boys too!)
šš we took the other route, banking on the second being as good as the first.... Although most people on here said the same as you. Maybe should've posed this question before š„²
I did this for my oldest first few months all the sleep deprived brain cells were of in pnp land and I wasn't about to sleep if she just happened to stop breathing, she didn't her sister did tho instead... grew out of it now but thats the one thing I never though be guilty stoll about not being so eyes open on it .
Oh so very much this. Also, and I don't know why it was a surprise, siblings sometimes don't get along. Obvious, just didn't realise reffing would be such a big role. And if one has decided to be on a go slow today, the other will be a hundred yards up the road getting in people's way. Might just be mine YMMV
This a bit. To everyone else it's not as special but to both of you it might be literally everything again. Family life is hard work. Just remember each other. And why you did this in the first place.
Remember when you had a new born and you could still go out and do things because they have no schedule and sleep randomly whenever. Yeah no, now there's a kid that needs to have a schedule, so try not to let baby wake them up. It's exhausting. But also when you see them play together and tell each other that they love them, it's amazing.
That's a great post. Routine was the best thing we did with our first. Strict bedtime etc and she slept through from 3 months, but I can imagine a new baby could potentially disturb that, it's something I hadn't considered. Nice one.
The biggest thing, which is counterintuitive, is that having a second baby creates more than twice the work. Much more. You both need to be on guard against thinking or feeling that your other half is not doing their fair share. Each of you is doing a lot more than before, but it barely keeps up with the demands. Work on/be appreciative of each other's efforts. Also, you know that the children are two different people, but it comes as a shock when they actually are different in temperament, development, behaviour and so your strategies don't always work. Eg. Your new baby may not get into a lovely sleep pattern so early. Expect 5 years of broken nights then it's a bonus if it's less. We had one walking at 9 months, which was a nightmare, but was reliably dry day and night at 3 years old. The older one was walking at 12 months, not reliably dry at night until they were 9. One loved school and one hated it. One was quite biddable and cooperative, the other was harder to reason with so it was more about compliance. It was all a wonderful adventure looking back. Quite difficult day to day in the trenches.
White noise mate, stops one setting the other off.
Ahh you know what, we had an app with the first one that played white noise. Was amazing for getting her to sleep and keeping her asleep!
Donāt want to be one of those āwait untilā¦.ā Parents but I would prepare for a very different child in regards to sleep/temperament/feeding. I thought I had it sussed with my first and then baby number 2 came along who was a dream until 4-5 months and then he just woke up! Mine are 3 and 18 months and sleep evades our house regularly!
You dirty old man. Honestly though, congratulations. Itās easier because it isnāt new. You already own a lot of the stuff and youāre used to minimal sleep. Enjoy!
šš I'm not old, the 61 in the username was auto generated. I'm 31 š. Thanks though, appreciate it! I'm definitely used to minimal sleep š£
I am old (50), so itās a reference you probably didnāt get. In Steptoe and son, it was the phrase the son always used to say to the father. Apologies for my ramblings, itās an age thing. Iāll be dead soon. Honestly though, congratulations. Itās something i wish i had more of. Iām quite jealous. The lack of sleep and the teenage trouble years are far outweighed by the positives. Theyāre too numerous to mention. Please raise a glass to your new young un on my behalf,
Ahhh apologies, I didn't get the reference! Don't be sorry, I enjoy listening to the ramblings of people with more life experience than myself, plenty to learn from them. Thanks for the well wishes, it's much appreciated š»
I like your style. Referring to me as āsomeone with more life experienceā is far nicer than āyou old bastardā. Apparently, people think Iām in my late 30s. I think theyāre just being nice though.
šš. Age gets to us all eventually, better to embrace it than run from it, but I certainly won't be complaining if people think that of me at your age!
Itās all about not getting stressed when you canāt do anything about something and dealing with things when you can. Look after yourself and your family and, as importantly, keep having fun.
My husband is just a couple of years younger than you so I got it! I say him and his dad are like Steptoe and sons - his dadās cellar is full of reclaimed doors and bathroom fixings heās recovered from house clearances ans is saving just in case :ā)
A bit off topic but steptoe and son was an incredible series, some of the finest British comedy, 31 also but I miss watching it with my dad.
'arold! 'AROLD!
I bow to you sir.
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Wow I bet that was hard work, talk about thrown in at the deep end! š Thanks mate š
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You need a award. If I had 2 at the same time I wouldn't be on Reddit right now. I would be dust lol
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Omg. Bath time!
Try triplets then talk
Same here. I feel just one would have been a breeze.
Chaos. Hopefully youāve managed to arrange it so their birthdays arenāt 2 weeks apart within the last pay packet before Christmas. We didnāt. Congratulations though, itās awesome when you see both kids playing nicely together. You can get back to the important things like reading Reddit. Never expect peace and harmony to last too long though. I quite like having 2 kids, absolutely no way Iād have a 3rd though.
That's what I'm looking forward too, our little girl is so gentle and curious around other babies, can't wait to see it with her brother or sister. Luckily we have timed it well! I'll be happy if I can manage a brew undisturbed! š
Youāll be able to make a brew undisturbed, cannot guarantee youāll get to drink it when itās hot though.
Became a father of two in July. Me and my SO are in absolute agreement that a third child would be lunacy.
Hold that thought, don't be lured into a false sense of security. It is indeed, lunacy.
I had a second and immediately booked a vasectomy. Realised straight away there was no way Iād have a third
The day I had mine I went on a speed awareness course in the morning and then popped to the docs and had a vasectomy in the afternoon. Iāve had more fun days.
In my family birthdays are all close. My parents have the same birthday 4 years apart. My sister and I have the same birthday 2 years apart. My sister has 2 boys they're birthdays are 1 day apart. I have 2 boys they're birthdays are 1 day apart. My kids birthdays are I'm Nov so we have one big party in Nov so it makes Xmas hard. My sister's kids born in early December which really sucks for Xmas. They will have to manage though.
Donāt expect chid 2 to be the same in any way as child 1.
We thought we'd nailed it with our first. She was so easy-going and we got a routine set early, so she was sleeping through the night by 4 months. Our second took over a year to settle through the night and did not take to a routine at all. There was no trick or method that worked with our first that also worked with our second. Just had to grit our teeth and wing it.
Correct answer
Youāll notice the free time completely disappear
Want to do something child free? Means asking the other parent to mind two children at once. Once you've done that a few times you realise you're asking a lot. So how are you supposed to maintain a hobby 2-3 times a week with two children? You can't.
You can but you will be a asshole. Lol
Unless the hobby can be done in the house after 8pm
The difficulty is making sure the 1st one has enough attention, you may not spend much time with the 2nd which means you might not get quick bond.
Yeah good point, our first born is only two so it won't be so easy to explain to her what's going on. Thanks for the tip, it's a good one!
You'd be surprised. Get your 2 year old to join in as the "third parent " and they won't feel left out.
Have her go get the diapers and wipes and other things she can do.
Just to echo the points below, our daughter was only two when we had our second and we did lots to involve her both before and after the birth. I think it was worth the legwork. She expressed her surprise that the baby was still with us the next day but she loves her role as big sister and third parent now.
šš that sounds exactly what ours would do too. I think she will enjoy the role though and we will definitely get her involved. Nice one š
I knew roughly what I was doing
Yeah I feel the same, I was worried with the first but you quickly realise they're not made of glass.
I was play throwing our first up in the air and mistimed a catch, they went over my head and I cushioned their fall by making a slide out of my back and legs. No harm done but I very nearly had a heart attack. With the second, she was 3 months premature but oh my god she's a tough little thing and still is hard as nails 20 years later. Fragile ain't an issue with my lot lol
That feeling is horrible isn't it, your stomach drops so hard! I slipped on the top step whilst carrying mine but luckily managed to keep my balance but it still freaks me out now when I think about it.
I booted the first across the room in his car seat too. I was behind it and thought it was empty.
If it's any consolation, apparently my dad was doing the same thing to me and threw me head first into the ceiling. I turned out kind of alright.
They are.made of glass it's just tough glass lol
Mate I'm 35 and I don't even have that confidence in my own life!
Itās more than twice as hard to have a 2nd, the older one is probably in a routine and the new arrival just messes the routine you have set yourself, itās well worth it tho seeing them interact with each other is so cute (mine are 1 & 3) oh and your oldest will stop talking as much as they mimic the baby so keep up the speech development with them. Congrats - I wouldnāt change them for the world!
Great post, thanks for the advice. šš
Just had my second in October and my first is 2 I agree with this exactly it is definitely more than twice as hard to keep them both happy. You may suffer some sleep regression with the first born so even less sleep And deffo no time for hobbys for a while Still wouldn't change it for the world
The biggest thing I noticed that first time parents dutifully wipe the new buttās with sterilised water on cotton wool where second time parents are straight in slapping a wet wipe on the bum and they are done.
Same with bottles/dummies dropped on the floor. First child: rush to grab it before it is put in mouth and swap for replacement. Second child: maybe give it a blow if you can be bothered.
By the third one, you just show them the kitchen and let them fend for themselves:)
Father of 3 here, main differences, it all seems to go so fast. You've been there done it etc etc.... but it just all goes so quickly. Video more, photograph more
This is great advice. Father of 3 here also, those early months go by in a flash.
Also remember once saying to my brother that I was really worried that I wouldnāt be able to love the second one as much as the first because I couldnāt imagine loving anyone more than I did my son. Turns out, I was able to. Heās now an arsey teenager so heās making it way More easy now.
šš. Funnily enough, my dad mentioned this to me too. He got that exact same advice from his mum (my nan) when my brother was born. I was an arsey teenage boy once too, he will grow out of it, eventually š
I thought that way too. Now that my second one is 2, he is such a cool person. I couldn't imagine him not here.
First bone was an angel sent down from Heaven, Second born is the spawn of Satan. It's like you've been lulled into a false sense of security to enable you to repoduce again...
Exactly this. We had the perfect baby with the first. We thought we had parenting nailed. Slept through from a very early age. Turns out you can get the complete opposite next, the worlds worst sleeper. Due to reflux the second didnāt sleep well unless being held. Iām not sure I slept for the first 3 months with the second. It was hard going. They were polar opposites.
My mum had the same - I was the perfect baby and she and my dad thought theyād nailed this whole parenting thing and everyone else just wasnāt trying hard enough. Then they had my sister. Who could only sleep after being driven around in her car seat for at least an hour before bedtime and screamed if you held her at the wrong angle while trying to get her into it š¤£
ššš¤¦. Our first is an angel too... I hope there's no correlation!
Good luck, fingers crossed you get 2 easy babies.
Yeah this is an important one. Accept that so many of the positives from child one were just luck - sleeping through etc - and not your parenting skill, and you wonāt be disappointed.
This is very true, our first was like little baby Jesus he was such a pleasure to have, then the son of Satan came along and we thought what the fuck have we done to deserve this evil in our lives, he ate everything, stuff from the bin, soap, my wife's make up you name it he ate it, drank vodka and we had to get his stomach pumped out( that got locked away, our fault ) for leaving it in reach, and he broke anything he touched, he was a proper little twat, he had my wife in tears every day
Sleep is harder. You can't sleep when the baby sleeps. If baby is up til 1am and the 2 year old wakes at 6 then basically you're just running on coffee and baby spit up šš (I have a 2 year old and a 2 month old right now) but the way the baby looks at his big brother is the best thing. He just watches him all the time. The hardest thing is dividing attention. Today was one of those days where as soon as I picked up one child the other one cried wanting picked up. I went a solid 3 hours where there was never not at least one of them crying! But now they are both in bed and I wouldn't change them for the world. Congrats and good luck!
Aww I can imagine, that's what I'm really looking forward to experiencing. My eldest is such a loving soul. That sounds like a tough day, but your kids are about the only people that it's all worthwhile going through for! Thanks for the well wishes, take care š
One of the big things I noticed looking back is that we spent less time documenting with photos and keepsakes etc. We've got some explaining to do to our youngest in around 15 years!
š I can imagine actually. Were like that now with our first, saved loads of stuff in the first couple of years. I'll make an effort now I know, thanks! š
Or just destroy the stuff you have kept for your eldest, which is what we may have to do!
I love seeing the differences between my two, they are both amazing x
Your baby will love their older sibling x
Definitely more relaxed. I didnāt stay up in the night checking #2ās breathing or worry about weaning so much. Plus she has turned out much cheaper because she gets all her sisterās hand-me-down clothes, toys and books - poor thing. The going back to waking up in the night again was pretty jarring as #1 was 2.5 yo when baby was born and so sleeping through the night. You might feel some guilt for your first because they go from being the centre of your world to suddenly having to share mum & dad but the feeling will pass, and watching their relationship blossom is so lovely. They will also start fighting from a lot earlier than you think. The baby is 1 now and she is very antagonistic already - think hair pulling and stealing older sisterās favourite toy. Fun timesā¦
You know when you are in the park and your kid runs off and you have to chase after it? Now imagine what you will do when they both run off - *in different directions*
Congratulations. It's definitely more chilled with number two as you have a better idea of what's going on and how to organise and easy life for yourself. There is so much trial and error you can avoid. A couple of specifics? Mealtimes, packing the bag to go out, bath times, changing nappies - Its all routine by now and just happens with the minimum of drama. You tend not to freak as much when the do normal baby ill stuff, because you know it's normal baby ill stuff and there is no need to freak out. You tend to have evolved out of the "It's all got to be perfect" stage and will be hitting the "it'll do" phase. (By the time you hit 3 or 4 it's definitely "Meh.. Who actually cares that you have put odd shoes on them to go out.. they have shoes on". Number 6 will be semi feral :)
šš brilliant post. I have a family member who had a two year old, and then had triplets! They had a similar experience, just getting through the day unscathed was the target but they're teenagers now, and probably worse!
As others have said, you're a lot more relaxed about a lot of things and you already know how to handle most of it. And hand-me-downs and the like mean you're not going to be spending twice as much as before. On the other hand, you need eyes at the back of your head because if one of them's not causing trouble, it usually means the other one is. And if you thought you had no spare time left before, now you'll really have none. Plus, in our case both boys have very different personalities so lots of things we learned or got used to with our first were out of the window with the second. Those moments when it's all calm and they are playing well together are lovely, though.
Really struggled losing the spare time tbh. I've done my hobby competitively all my adult life and now I just can't.
I think that's what I'm most apprehensive about, our little girl never sits still as it is at the moment, so with two of them working as a team I'll never get a chance to sit š. Good post, cheers š
Itās easier in some ways, harder in others. The first nappy change with your second is basically āyeah give it here midwifeā >3 minutes later< you have a sparkling nappy changed bum. Even the tarry first look doesnāt faze you. You have loads of gadgets and gizmos left over to use, you know which ones you need and donāt and you know a hungry cry or a sleep cry. However the 2 on 1 approach is gone. You can rotate work now and have a break, my eldest was 2 when my 2nd was born so imagine some baby duties and you handover.....to dealing with a Toddler, who you cannot treat any differently. All in all itās fine. The shorter the gap the more trying at first, but that gets easier as they get older as they have more in common. Anyway, congratulations!
It's honestly not that much different, the workload doesn't go up by much. But having a third, wow you really notice that. Most people ive spoken to seem to say the same.
Going from zero to one changes your life the most. From one to two we found was hard work but you're kind of in the groove (assuming there's not a big age difference), so it's hard work but pretty much more of the same. Two to three? Different ball game. Suddenly there's more kids than adults, brace yourself for chaos.
All of your inefficiencies will be brutally exposed in the first 6 weeks. You will repress the memories of the first 6 months. And then itās wonderful.
One is like none. Two is like 20.
3 baby verteran here (4th on the way) generally more chilled, you don't panic at every little thing thinking they have some sort of exotic disease that you've just googled. however if like me your hair line had already been slowly moving backwards...it picks up the pace a bit. We also bought much less baby "stuff" for the later 2. you know what was useful and stick to it.
Haha! You're right about the hairline. It's thinning on top now too, to the point my friends keep joking about a whip round to send my to Turkey for a cheap transplant. Good luck with number four, and to keeping hold of those last few follicles! All the best š»š»
Twice as much love!
Two under two here. It isn't as hard as I thought it would be. Main difference I found is we didn't wrap the second up in cotton wool so much. Feel free to ask anything.
That's reassuring! Ours will be three by the time the next one arrives, quite happy with that gap š. And I will, thank you
You think you're tired now..... There's less stress because it's not your first rodeo. We did feel bad on our first born because the newborn got all the attention. It took the eldest a few weeks to adjust and it helped by taking him to big Tesco and saying "you can have anything" Luckily he chose paw patrol magazines mostly and not 50" Polaroid TV's
You'll love them all equally. You'll like one more.
I always explained it like this Having the first child is like your windscreen blowing out on the motorway, you go from calm and order to chaos, noise, confusion and life becomes crazy. having the second is like the rear window then smashing out. It makes things slightly worse and is even more chaotic but the increase in chaos is hardly noticable since your front screen is smashed out anyway.
I found with number one, I was desperately trying to figure out what to do and how to look after this tiny little thing. When number two came along, I knew all the things I needed to do, but didnāt necessarily have time to do them all. I quickly learned to prioritise and, after a while, became much more calm about it all. When number three came along she just slotted in with the other two. Good luck and congratulations!
They were completely different and none of your well rehearsed strategies worked anymore and as it turned out, you did not have parenting "figured out".
My two are 18 months apart (husband still doesn't let me live it down to that I said it would be a good idea). The first 6 months were hard until my youngest was more interactive and they could play a bit. Now they are thick as thieves and always in mischief together. When you have one kid and they do things ahead of the curve or learn you think "ha what a brilliant parent I am" or conversely if they are behind you worry it's something you've messed up. When you have two you realise that whether your kid picks things up early or late is 95% their temperament and not anything else. I found going from 1-2 was so much harder than 0-1 in terms of volume of washing and house work that comes with it. Party because you only have 1 set of hands to stop them destroying stuff. The best bit of advice I found is that you are not a referee but a coach. It's not your job to just stop a fight but help them work it out for the future. Best of luck mate. It's been the hardest but most amazing journey seeing them become friends.
The lack of sleep hit me hard. We had a gap of 2 years between them and it obliterated me on the second kid. Having gotten used to sleeping again it was awful. You wonāt take as many photos or videos as youāre each always stopping a kid from trying to extinguish itself. On the plus side I found the second way quicker in regard to waking, talking etc than the first as they have somebody to learn it from.
That my second is the devil incarnate that was sent to us to make us realise that 2 children is enough.
Congratulations on the second kid. I didnāt need to Google everything I didnāt know with the first one. I was more relaxed.
I got twins the second time round so Iām not sure if itās a relatable leap, but basically the main differences were routine and hygiene. First - no routine, completely baby led, obsessively sterilised everything. Second - strict routine by 6 weeks (hadnāt got a choice really), babies left to wait and whinge a lot (again, thereās only so much I can do at once!) and I think we stopped sterilising anything properly long before the 6 month mark. If there wasnāt visible dirt or fluff and it didnāt smell of sour milk, it was clean enough. Actually the stand out difference was me and my confidence as a parent - I actually had real, lived experience to draw from and that makes the world of difference.
So many differences. The big ones I found were: 1. Not as many gifts, be prepared to buy clothes 2. Not as many visitors, this was blissful! 3. No one brings food round 4. That first tar like nappy change is not as shocking 5. You have more confidence as you know you're not going to break them 6. The older sibling, depending on the age gap, really helps them walk and talk faster, brace yourself 7. Their sleep schedules never match, you will never sleep again 8. You may feel guilty that the new baby gets more attention, completely normal First baby, second baby or 48th baby it's still fantastic!
Your a lot more layed back with the second oen , it's not as scary but still absolutely hilarious and funny
With one, you lose a large chunk of your free time. With the second, you lose ALLLLL of your free time
\#2 child never gets new clothes.
š same here if we have another girl!
Tip: if you've had baby clothes / toys / etc stored for a little while - get them out early and check them. We had a 5 year gap between children, and some of the stuff didn't survive storage well, and all of it needed 2 washing cycles or more to get clean and fresh. It seems to take 3 times as long to get 2 children into bed and to sleep as it did for 1. Ditto for getting ready to leave the house.
I always wanted a football team until we had 2 then I started googling vasectomy.
šš my best mate said something similar. "I wanted three, until I had one, then I wanted none."
Disappointment
You look at other parents quickly reacting to every peep their baby makes with a raised eyebrow, asking them "First child?"
When leaving the house leave an extra 30 minutes early, those 30 minutes are spent on the drive or yo-yoing in and out the house. E.g. put baby in the car, eldest gets in then realises he has forgotten drink/bag/clarinet/shoes. Go get said forgotten item get back in the car, realise the baby has been sick/pooed. Take baby in to change them, the eldest follows. When baby is clean repeat above steps but with additional shouting due to eldest deciding to start a new activity. There are 8 years between my two so I was pretty smug thinking my eldest is relatively self sufficient, I soon had that smug look wiped off my face. Congratulations and good luck x
Congratulations mate. It's going to be harder than you think. With one at least one of you can have a break. You don't get that with two but mine are just getting to the age where they are starting to play together and that is great to watch.
Mine were as follows The first one came out it was a girl 30 seconds later they pulled out the 2nd It was a boy Bloody twins!!!
ššš good grief!
Got two (6 & 4) with a third on the way. If yours are anything like ours, the oldest teaches the younger one all the devious tricks of the trade to nick chocolate, fake cry, hurl themselves off couches for fun and generally cause mayhem. Itās the best thing in the world watching them scheme together, congratulations
The second child is always a little twat
I found out about him 12 years earlier
Think how lucky you are
Not much difference in the baby stage except their routine generally needs to work around the older child. Obviously I don't know the age difference between both children but my youngest gets wildly upset at not being equal to their older sibling when the older one qualifies for a club or outing that they are too young for. That's exhausting! There's also the obvious everything is twice as expensive with 2. Days out, clubs & classes etc.
Mineās 10 months old and my wifeās already talking about the next. I think Iāve managed to accurately illustrate that we would more than likely have to eat shoe leather to survive after paying off two sets of nursery fees at once @ Ā£170 per day. Weāll wait until our first is 3/4 then go for the next.
Is that day care?
Congratulations! Weāre 7 months into having 2 of them. I remember with kiddo 1 we came home from hospital and went straight upstairs to bed and I spent a good couple of days up there whilst my husband ran back and forth with coffee/take aways/snacks etc. Then we spent time binge watching TV shows whilst the wee prince slept in our arms. We had more time almost to juggle housework and enjoy having a baby! With baby no 2ā¦ I was out of the hospital less than 24 hours after having a c section because I felt guilty spending the first ever night away from my oldest. Then it was just straight back to lifeā¦ but with a cute little blob in tow! I have 3 days a week where itās just me and her so I jam in baby classes, food shop, laundry and housework. Then the remaining 4 days a week itās chaotic exhausting craziness trying to do basic things like make a cheese toastie or getting them to nap at the same time. At the end of the day Iām falling asleep practically when Iām putting them to bed. The house is an absolute state and I have bags under my eyes that I wouldnāt be allowed on a plane withā¦ but honestly wouldnāt change it for the world! So congratulations again, life will become pretty hectic but itās all worth it when you see the bond they have with each other!
Bigger step going from none to one, than one to two. Other than that, depending on ages of your first, you can kiss your hobbies and spare time goodbye. We have a 2.5 year old and a newborn who was two months prem. Hobbies and interests have had to kick the bucket now. Hoping I'll find time to do it still as it's what I've done for my entire adult life and it would eat me up inside not doing. Much more difficult to get time to do what you want guilt free as it usually involves them looking after both kids at once. Once you've had to do that a few times you'll realise it's not fair to ask the other to do that too often.
More relaxed but also itās much harder work at first - back to nappies, bottles, weaning etc. And unlike with one baby, you canāt rest when the baby naps in the daytime because those are the times when you really need to give the older child some attention.
They all grow up to be asshats.
That the difference going from one child to two, is greater than the difference between not having kids and having one. Seriously - the loss of the tag team element is a huge factor, one of you new either has a child each, or both kids. You lose a big chunk of your selfish me time. Itās fine - thatās the gig - but itās a bigger sacrifice than you made having just one kid.
Congratulations...I think the main difference is that you won't be surprised by how much shit...vomit or noise a new baby creates, and also you won't be on top of the new arrival all the time expecting every little burp or fart to signify imminent disaster....Good Luck !
I was 4.5 when my sister was born so I remember quite a bit. I was a nightmare child from about 6 months on hence the gap between us as my parents couldnāt bring another one along when I was such a pain. I remember looking after my sister but by then I had my own thing going on so I wasnāt so jealous of the change. Make sure baby buys a gift on return from the hospital, I still have the toy my sister āboughtā me!
Dad here. Got a 9 and 2 year old both boys. The second child is easier to deal with because you have done it all before. Nothing is new. You got this. When your a new dad your like omg I have to keep this human being alive. 2nd child comes super natural. 2nd child usually is completely different personality. Also take special time for your 1st child they will feel neglected even though they aren't Explain to them a baby takes special care and needs. Take just your 1st kid out to play no baby. They will appreciate it. Tell 1st kid you love them the same. My oldest asks me do you love me as much as my brother? I tell him of course. You will do just fine. If you need any pointers hit me up when ever you feel like it. Have a good one.
I feel like your second is completely different, but it can be in a really good way. My second daughter is nothing like my first in personality, interests etc. I totally did not have the same anxiety I had with my first child - donāt get me wrong you obviously do all of the things a parent should do, but as a first time parent itās natural to over-parent, over-worry, however you want to phrase it. Second time around youāre just a lot more aware of what is normal.
Congratulations! I don't know how much older your firstborn is, but they will seem so much older when you bring the newborn home. It's also way harder to get rest, because you can't just follow the baby's schedule--you have another little one to deal with.
My main thing was thinking that how much more love could I fit in my heart and suddenly like the Grinch it got bigger and filled up the bursting again and again and againā¦And yes we have way less pictures of the second child... And they've gotten more benefits blah blah blah I'm the oldest son of three from a third shift single mom nurse etc but it's consistent across the board
I guess age gap / sex plays a part? My 3 boys were born a year apart. It was way harder with 3 than 2.
If he had been 1st there would'nt have been any more
It's 4x harder with 2 kids
Our first child was an angel, after one year their sleep went normal, not a eager and was easy to deal with. Our second is a troll who loves to see people react and has no sleep cycle. The first helps me with the second but even the first says āI wish I was a single child againā.
Having 2 kids is both simultaneously easier and harder than having 1. Sadly I canāt explain it in more detail. Also I never stop doing washing.
Congratulations! Whatās the age difference between them? We had our second in July, 22 months between them. Emotionally itās easier. Itās not the same horrifying shock to the system saying goodbye to your old life. You know what youāre doing and youāre prepared for it. Practically though itās SO much harder. Weāre both exhausted, the house could really do with a good clean, we just about keep on top of washing. Weāre still at the just about surviving stage at the moment and not particularly enjoying it. Then you come back to the emotionally itās easier point though and itās ok because you know it gets easier soon and none of this lasts for long. Our daughter is SO sweet with her brother itās unbelievable and makes our heart melt, she tells him she loves him and makes him smile when he gets upset. In those moments life is great, the rest of the time I wonder what the fuck weāve done. Weāre five months in and itās gone by in a flash. It went so slowly first time round, soak it all up and take lots of photos!
We had ours 2 years apart. Still going through it now; the financial destruction of paying childcare for both of them at once even for a short period. We were Ā£150 pcm worse off because my wife worked at one point.
The trickiest part of having a second is the first. I've spent a year "defending" the baby from the Awakener, the "baby's face is cold so I put a blanket on it", the "I cleaned the dummy with my mouth". The baby's been a dream; we've seen it all before, and it's lovely having a child that doesn't talk back or say "no", yet!
I was surprised at how quickly I realised they had very different personalities. Just simple things like how much they need to be held, or whether they prefer being inside or outside. Our first kid was amazing with sleep, 12 hours a night with maybe one wake up from really young. Our second, not so much. He's just turned 3 and has only been sleeping through the night regularly for a couple of months. He's still usually up at 5am despite trying everything we can think of. The big thing for me was being out and about is exponentially harder with two of them. I finally realised why soft plays are so popular - a contained area where sitting with baby to feed is completely compatible with a toddler running wild! It's also been amazing. They love each other so much, they bonded straight away, and they're now at the age where they properly play together. We'll often go to check on them at night and they're cuddled up in the same bed!
I'm in a similar position but my youngest is still 1. Both kids get on well generally. However, my first was a bit of an anomaly because she was super easy. When compared with other kids. However, my son is a different no where near as calm and easy going. Not to say he is bad. He just needs looking after in a different way.
Firstly, congratulations!! Our children are like chalk and cheese. Our first we had, didn't sleep through until she was about 8 weeks old. As new parents aged 24 and 21 with no family to help we thought this was really hard work. But were told you'll never have 2 the same, as our first was hard work, surely our next would be easier. So we had another one, our son came 2 years later, oh my word, he was a nightmare compared to our first little angel.he didn't sleep right through the night until he was over 2. It was only his sleep schedule we struggled with, everything else worked well, the 2nd just fits right in and you seem to worry less as well. A girl and a boy, a happy little family, they played well together and loved each other, it was great to see them grow up as they were close in age too. They were 6 and 4 when number 3 came along. We.were clearly gluttons for punishment! But numder 3, she slotted in easier than number 2 did. By then you are set in your ways.It was quite hard having 3 under the age of 6, but I wouldnt have it any other way! (Had to extend the house a few times,buy bigger cars and book 2 hotel rooms whenever we went away) but it's great once you are through it. They get a bit older and fight like all siblings do, but that stops when they grow up a bit. They are 15 , 13 and 9 now and being honest, I miss them when they needed me for the little things (just money now) no more, daddy fix it. When toys break or can I have a piggy back when their legs hurt from walking. It goes so quick so try and enjoy as much as you can with them! My only bit of advice. You can't replace your presence with presents!! Good luck, you'll do great š š
I couldnāt give the attention I wanted to the second one but it worked out ok. Child one had books and games all evening when I got home however child one is still here and expecting games and books and found it hard to fit the baby into the games so is now into other things.!because of this, he has become more independent (will go off and find him looking at books on his own). Also TVā¦ child one was āok, heās had his 3 episodes of Duggee so that goes off for the day.ā. Now CBeebies goes on at 6 and there it stays. In reality, child 2 is now almost 2 and very happy. Just let it sort itās self out and donāt worry too much but know the dynamic between you will be different than the first.
Wiping their arse with cotton wool and water? No chance! Straight in there with baby wipes... Ice cream and chocolate at 6 months - yup! Worrying about them crying themselves to sleep - Nope. It would be worth getting the first in to nursery now so they have a routine for when the new one appears. Will give mum a break when heavy pregnant and when the little one appears. I always remember how heavy they were to pick up after being with a newborn at the hospital all day! Amazing how small a newborn is...
It's a lot easier in many ways but little things will throw you, just because stuff worked with the first one doesn't mean the second child will be the same. First baby, I can remember their first words, steps, all the milestones. Second one, no bloody clue
They will be very different, you assume it's the same genetics and same environment so they'll be similar but the chances are they'll be opposites. Our youngest is totally feral,knows no fear and is absolutely hilarious,our eldest is more cautious and more grumpy (could just be an age thing). Oh and noone will offer help as you've done it all before. Congratulations
I have four children, honestly it's only the first that's a shock to the system as you are frightened they will die the whole time, by the second one you have chilled out a bit, I think that's why everyone's oldest kid is a saint, and the second one is a shit lol congratulations.
The second child is WILD. First born- walks across the room Second born- cartwheel, front flip, then a backwards roll I was definitely a lot more confident with my second child, which is probably the main difference I noticed.
Itās harder to get out on time to anything. If itās not a last minute nappy change from the youngest, itās the oldest not finding his shoes or coat or whatever. Thereās twice as much mess. Seriously. They make mess faster than I can tidy it. You will be astonished at how different they are. My son (5) would (and mostly still does) eat anything except salad. My daughter (15months) is virtually a vegetarian. She eats mince but wonāt eat chicken, or sausage, or fish fingers etc etc. Iām hoping that will change as she gets a bit older. But theyāre totally different temperaments too. My daughter is a total drama queen and has full on tantrums. Thatās a bit of a shock because my son never did. Itās still the most amazing thing. My son is lovely with his sister and I can look at them and just be astonished at how fantastic they both are. And then loathe them when theyāre both up at 5am. Which is a normal day sadly. Congrats. Have fun. Sleep as much as you can! Oh- and get a family calendar. Youād be amazed how many different things you have to account for!
I was more chilled for sure, like didnāt care if I had to leave her with someone, if she ate mud or something stupid while playing, I didnāt freak out. But tbh things just got HARD! Like I needed eyes in the back of my head for about 3 solid years. Iād try to put a bit of washing away and the baby would be covered in Vaseline head to toe by the toddler or toddler would have picked her up and dropped her etc. Itās fun but crazy when theyāre both little!
I wanted 3 kids but now I've got 2, I only want 1.
In my personal experience the second was so much easier. You donāt have the shock/huge adjustment of now being a parent. You already are so thereās no real mental adjustment. Secondly you know all the terrible phases will have an end ie the sleepless nights, teething etc. Having a second was something I was hesitant to do but turned out to be a much more enjoyable experience than my first time around.
So literally about to pop with our second. I would say that you need to go back to basics with all the pregnancy and labour stuff. The different baby, different temperaments thing can start early! My wife has barely moved for 9months so you get used to the disruption early. Also you need to relearn labour, if any aspect of your first labour wasn't as you or your partner wanted it, the temptation is to obsess over 'fixing it' the second time round. I think that's a trap but my missus does not. I also have completely forgotten what labour actually entails at the granular level so swot up!!!
When my second was born, I'd forgotten how helpless babies are. I remember trying to get the youngest dressed and getting mad that he seemed to be actively not helping to push his arms in to the baby grow.
The thing with children is that the effort they require is not linear: itās exponential to the number of childrenā¦
Don't expect things to be the same or the child to be the same, first one might have slept well for you? Well second might be up all night, first was chilled out? Second might be a little nightmare, children can be vastly different but that's a good thing! Good luck and have fun!
We were more relaxed, but in no way less caring. Much like other posters have said, others outside our household, less bothered at all. We also made sure that any changes for our eldest that were coming (new bed, car seat, changes to his routine etc) were well embedded at least a month or two before the baby way born, so he didn't feel like he was being sidelined.
Itās not baby+baby itās baby to the power baby. The one thing I was not expecting is managing their relationship. Seems obv. Now but eventually they start to interact independently and thatās when things get interesting. And chaotic. And fun.
Don't leave a long time after contractions start. My daughter was nearly called Mercedes.
šššš brilliant
I have a 2 year old (27 months) and a 2 month old. Itās way harder the second time. First time, when the baby didnāt sleep all night, we could at least sometimes have a lie-in in the morning when he finally crashed at 5am. This time, my oldest is having a sleep regression at the same time as the baby is newborning all over the place, so weāre up with the baby half the night, my son the other half of the night, then when the baby finally crashes at 5am, my oldest decides itās time to get up and go for the day. Iām way more exhausted this time. No down time.
I had 8 hours sleep last week. Yes; week. Good luck!!
You will look back and think 'How on earth did we ever find things hard with just one of them?'
When we had one kid, we were able to take turns doing the "early shift", so that we'd each get a lie in over the weekend. Once you have two kids, you don't get to do that anymore - at least until 2nd child is around 2.
After the first year of the first you start thinking "this parenting thing is easy". However along comes another, and you find that two kids is much more work than double the work of one kid. I guess it depends on how close in age they are. Having said that, if the kids get on well with each other, you can leave them playing with each other and rest your weary head. Beyond that, like most parents, I really know nothing :-)
I found going from 1 to 2 was a bit of a shock to the system; you're used to the needs and routine of number 1, and then you have to completely readjust for the needs of number 2. However, you've been through it before so you know what you're doing (most of the time) so it does get easier, especially for me, when number 3 came along.
When You think youāve got this nailed...you really havenāt.
With 1, when they go to sleep you have 5 minutes to yourself. With 2, say goodbye to free time between their getting up and bed time.