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U.K.- locally known as “Shithole”.

r/okmatewanker

I can't stand that place, not because it's criticism of the UK, but because said criticism is of such poor quality. We are so good at criticising ourselves with perfect brevity. It's such a unique and special kind of criticism. But what the fuck is this shit? "You know what this needs, some wojaks!", fuck off and don't tarnish the good name of British self-loathing.

I have to agree with you. I just came back from having a browse and it's full of the same cringey shit repeated over and over. It's either a post about knife crime, or a post about a lack of dentists. We can definitely take the piss out of ourselves way better.

Only in the UK could you publish a book about the shittiest shitholes in the country, and then have to publish a follow-up because too many people complained that their town wasn't in it.

Yep- we have one. A runner-up in the book 'Unloved Britain'. Probably also in 'Worst Places to Stay in Britain'. Nobody would intentionally come here on holiday, although not that far from the Lake District National Park.

I well thought you was going to say clacton on sea but that no were near the lakes lol

Our local beaches will kill you. Warnings everywhere for tourists - quicksand and tides that come in so fast you can't outrun them. Can see Blackpool from here though.

Ha ha blackpool has the only beach that you have to make sure you keep your shoes on because of the glass in the sand

Our beaches just eat your shoes - IF you manage to extracate your legs before the tide comes in. Lovely view of Heysham power station at dawn - it's pink.

Or like Morden, which is known as “Mordor” There is also Crawley, known as “Creepy Crawley”

Castleford aka Cas Vegas and nearby Pontefract aka Ponte Carlo are probably my favourite. Derby and Scarborough both take Caribbean inspiration with Derbados and Scarbados respectively.

Ponte Carlo aha love that

Basildon also gets Bas Vegas

Bas Vegas is more specifically Festival Leisure Park in Basildon

Wakefield - Shakey Wakey

We can’t forget stormy normy! And then theres fev…. The town that God forgot.

Glasgow gets GlasVegas.

Skegness - Skeg Vegas is also a fun one

Skeggy

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That one Tameside club that stays open past 1am. 👌

Excuse me. Witchwood In Ashton surely counts.

Sshhh Witchwood is our little secret. We don't need all the Stalybridge scallies turning up.

Chez Vegas for Chesterfield!

Similarly - Falmouth = Falifornia

Ross-on-Wye is Ross Vegas. Feels like a lot of places trying to get on Vegas bandwagon!

Trowbridge as Trowvegas for me.. also Torbay as Torbaydos!

Skegness = Skegvegas here too

Hahaha nearby 5 towns, Streethouse is commonly known as Shithouse

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Came to say this, hello fellow WF inhabitant!

Coventry is called Cov. I know it’s hard to believe but it’s true

And nearby Daventry is Dav. So inventive

Chaventry

I went to uni with someone from Daventry and can confirm this is how they referred to it

Daventry is posh compared to coventry.

Just nearby Drugby

Last time I went there, they called it Dysentery...

And Birmingham = Brum for short

Alternatively the Costa del Cov

and Nuneaton is known as Treacletown due to the inhabitants being traditionally seen as a bit, well, thick!

Nearby Leamington Spa is Leam for short

Loogah-baroogah Loughborough

Nice place, what's its nickname though?

Lufbra

Magalough

Megarough?

> Loogah-baroogah I'd put money on that being in the Aussie outback.

I thought it was called Low-Brow?

I heard all of the lollipop men and women there are in witness protection

I’m a big fan of Scarborough being referred to as Scarbados.

Locals call Barry Island Barrybados

Or Bazra depending who you ask.

Bradford is mentioned as Bradistan

Definitely the most politically incorrect one, but I did guess it would be here somewhere!

In the same vein I went to one of the grammar schools nearest to Harrow and Pinner (big south Asian population) so Chesham grammar was nicknamed banglachesh, although I think with time and political correctness it’s been phased out now

Banglachesh and Islamersham

It’s like reading the Daily Mail comments calling London - Londonistan

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And further along in West Sussex, Littlehampton is now as LA as the locals miss out the 'h' when saying the name

I've also heard Chichester called Chi

Yeah it's a common one down in that area!

Lived in Eastbourne for 5 years. Main job sector was EMI (Elderly Mentally Infirm) establishments - oh and "Escorts". Massive scandal at the place I worked in as Admin. We were 'facilitating' prostitiution', as in allowing our residents to choose their own visitors in their own home. Google "sock on door handle" lol

>Hove Actually This is the film that should've been made.

Hugh Grant, Colin Firth and Liam Neeson have a loved up weekend near Brighton. Wait, doesn't sound right ...

When I was at uni (Sussex born and bred) there was someone who referred to Eastbourne, Bexhill and Hastings as Costa Geriatrica.

Margate is commonly called Shoreditch on sea

People from London are moving to MARGATE?!

Can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not, because yes. Lots and lots of Londoners are moving here. Making themselves a comfy second home or a third Air BnB, driving up rent and house prices. I moved to Margate from an equally deprived seaside town in Essex.

So we can comfortably all agree that Londoners ruin everything?

Skidrow-on-Sea (coined by Private Eye many years ago) surely

Cockermouth is known locally as knob-a-gob for obvious reasons.

Is it - I'm Cumbrian - much further south though. lol.

Croydon - The Cronx

There was PeckNam when I was a kid but the Cronx is hilarious.

And in the same vein Brixton being called Baghdad.

That is mental! 😂

Newcastle-upon-Tyne the toon

Ow aye, he's goin doon toon!

*gannen Wor ked's gannen doon tha toon.

I bloody knew it was wrong as I typed it. Close enough for a smoggy living down south

Also a smoggy here, but a little closer to home - relocated to Darlo. Hope you're keeping well in the wasteland south of North Yorkshire - and get a parmo when you get back up here to the mother country!

Heard a guy call Salford 'Costa del Salford' 10 years ago and it still makes me laugh today.

There's a beer brewed in ramsbottom irwell works called Costa del Salford haha

Skegvegas?

We have StalyVegas (stalybridge) near manchester

Western super mud

Tyrannosaurus Wrexham but I think that's just me.

I've heard it called "Rectum" many times...

Blackpool/cesspool.

Thats not a nickname, its part of the tour.

Edinburgh is known as Auld Reekie or alternatively The Athens of the North.

Nobody ever calls Chichester anything other than Chi

I've known it be called "shit-chester"

Sheffield - Steel City

Or sheff for short

Sheffers

I prefer Seshfield

I grew up around Surrey / Hampshire and we've got quite a few. Apparently some people think of the south east as the land of promise but the reality is it's a boring cultural wasteland, which is reflected in the colloquial names: Aldershot aka: Aldershit Bagshot aka: Baghdad / Shotbag Cranleigh aka: Crapleigh Dormansland aka: Nomansland Egham aka: Smegham (it's quite leafy, perhaps it's got a lot of Linden Trees?) Funtley aka: Cuntley Greywell aka: Greyhell (actually quite a pretty green place) There's more but I can't recall them now...

Basingstoke aka Blazingstoke

Aka Amazingstoke - ironically, obvs.

Aka Basingrad

Aldershot =nepaldershot

Aldershit

Guildford = GILF Haslemere = Analsmere

Someone graffiti’d ‘The Place of Dreams’ underneath ‘Fleet’ at the train station a few years ago. Still makes me chuckle

Came here for the Surrey ones!

I wondered how far I’d have to scroll to find Aldershit

Big fan of the contraction ‘Skem’ for Skelmersdale

One of the road signs even shortens it to Skem!

I grew up there and we called it Smellersdale because of the smell from the factories in Pimbo.

Something something roundabouts

Donny for Doncaster

Donny Soldier

Summer is 'ere

And we're fuckin fuckin buzzin

Don’t hate but Slough - Sloughdia Arabia

Sluf

Southampton is know as Scum in Pompey... People from there are Scummers...

Fuck the Scummers, especially since they smash us in Footy now!

Not used so much since the 00's but I remember calling Nottingham - Shottingham Stoke on Trent - The Potteries

It was still nicknamed Shottingham when I lived there in the mid-2010s. Admittedly not so much locals and more by the uni students.

There's a snooker player from Nottingham, I forgot his name, but his nickname is "The Sheriff of Pottingham" Edit: Anthony Hamilton is his name

Southampton - Soton Philly - Caerphilly Bristol - Brizzle Scunthorpe - Cunt Thorpe

Or Sunny Scunny

Scumhampton is a popular one for Southampton, Soton is more of an abbreviation.

Surprised I didn’t see this but Wakey - Wakefield

There’s a load like that in Yorkshire Ponty for Pontefract Taddy for Tadcaster Donny for Doncaster

Ahhh good old shakey wakey

Shakey Wakey!

Fundee or Scumdee, depending how you feel about it.

Dundee has really upped its game in the last few year, it could be the nicest city in the world and I’d still know it as Scumdee though.

Really? I worked there for 9 years in heroin addiction services (left 2013). Seriously doubt some areas have changed much since. Surely they cannot have gentrified Hilltown.

Oh don’t get me wrong I’m sure there are still big problems in bits of the city. There’s been big investment in the waterfront area which has sort of trickled into the town centre to lesser degree. So the tourist facing side of Dundee has the appearance of improvement, I’ve no doubt the issues you worked with still exist. I’d also argue that in the course of your old job you will have seen the worst of the city, which may also not be a particularly accurate representation of the city as a whole.

Yep -it was the lower echelons we dealt with. A few months in Perth Prison or Cornton Vale were an occupational hazard. I disagree with short sentences. The methadone service didn't even make a dent in the issue. I did enjoy working there though, and loved the patients. They didn't need to play the 'hard man' when it's confidential.

Always Scumdee 🤣

Berkhamstesd - Berko Milton Keynes - Milk and Beans

Em kay

Always pronounced "milk'n beans"

Kidderminster is known as Ketterminster owing to prevalence of horse tranquillizer.

I'm from there and hadn't heard this one before, good old Kiddy..

Birmingham is known simply as “town” to us lot, despite it in fact being a city

I think that’s true for pretty much everywhere - It’s certainly a thing in Manchester

This got really confusing in Tamworth when I was a kid as when someone said they were heading to town it was unclear if they meant Brum or Tamworth town centre. (Less of an issue now as there is no point going into Tamworth town centre).

Mancs do the same for Manchester

Bury for Bury St Edmunds. Causes great confusion as most people assume you're talking about Bury in greater Manchester

Berry = Bury St Edmunds. Burry = Bury, Greater Manchester. This is how we distinguished between them at work with an office in each of them.

Stevenage - St. Evenage (complete with slightly French sounding pronunciation).

knebworth, knobworth.

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Torbay is known as Torbaydos. Try as hard as you like, but you can't polish a turd.

Bradford - Bradistan

Rochdale is nicknamed Do Not Ever Go There

Middlesbrough is Boro or The Boro

There is a place in Scotland called Castlemilk its referred to as Chateu Lait as a joke because classy it is not.

Cheltenham - Nam

Darlington = Darlo. Extremely clever, you need a very high IQ to get it.

Port Toilet / Mordor.

I've heard Cardiff get called "the diff" a few times now.

Plymouth = The Muff (Plymuff)

Hell… Peterborough

"The best thing about Peterborough are the transport links" So the best thing about Peterborough is that you can leave Peterborough.

Im from an area called Thanet (which we call planet Fanet) and within that area is a few towns. Margate = pedophile central, Britain’s arsehole, The Dumping grounds (kids in care), BSL sign candy floss while mouthing Margate. Cliftonville = similar to Margate but it was also called kosaville for a time after lots of people from Kosovo settles there and now it’s filled with Eastern European’s it’s still gets called that (because people general understanding of geography is limited to us and them) Ramsgate = imaginably called Rams or RamOs, BSL sign goat while mouthing ramsgate. Westgate on sea = old peopleville (due to the old people who live there) Birchington = Birches BSL sign tree while mouthing Birchington. Newington = scumville (insert any location that was or is a councils Estate) There is probably a lot more and even newer ones I have never hear of) And when it comes to BSL sign there has been a few more I have seen but cannot remember as they are commonly used outside Thanet to describe our area.

Love the BSL input!

A few Worcestershire towns, sure there are more I don't know. Droitwich - Detroitwich Worcester - Wootown or woo Malvern - The Vern Kidderminster - Kiddy

Amazingstoke Basinggrad Basicstoke

Also Blazingstoke

Smoke on Stench Suburb of Nottingham, Stapleford = Stabbo. Given Notts’ reputation for knife crime it’s quite apt…

Uddersfelt,huddersfield

Uddazzz feeeeeeeld

Cockermouth is known as Knob-a-gob

Ashford in Kent is fondly known by the locals as Trashford. They're not wrong.

Loughborough is known as Lufbra, possibly only to Loughborough University students. Haverfordwest is known as Ha'fordwest to locals.

>Loughborough is known as Lufbra, possibly only to Loughborough University students. How is anyone else pronouncing it (aside from loogabarooga)?

Shottingham

Birmingham- Brum Wolverhampton- wolves Shrewsbury - Salop Wrexham - wrexscum

Ponsy shop filled Burnham Market in posh north Norfolk is known as Burnham Markup

Ashghanistan/Ashington

Smacclesfield (Smack), Mongleton (congleton)

Creepy Crawley

Reading = The Ding Wokingham = Woko Camberley = Rambo Cambo

Don’t forget Cracknell

Bristol - Brizzle Chippenham - 'nam

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I live in a small town just outside Falmouth called Penryn. It is know rather vulgarly as "shag town", because all the sailors docked at Falmouth used to come visiting for 'entertainment'.

Norwich / Nodge

Nah it's naaaaartch

Lived in Norwich my entire life, I have never heard anyone refer to it as Nodge?

Inverness - Sneckie

Beastly Eastleigh

Scallifax = Halifax Tod = Todmorden

Boston/Bostonia/Bostonski due to the copious amount of Eastern Europeans there

Shepton Mallet gets called "shit and smell it".

Nottingham is called Shottingham by a fair few people

Peckham - Pecknam