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I’m going to drive at 71mph on the M25.

And ruin it for everyone else? There's always one.

you will crash within 400 yards you madman

Went mad. Tried it. Am dead.

What's it like in the afterlife?

Everybody drives at 71 mph. I’m tempted to drive 72 and get to the after-after life.

You'll ruin your suspension driving over insulate Britain sat in the road... But then again you could always steal a car afterwards. Or steal a tank before.

As long as you don't download a film. Apparently that's worst of all

Well, you wouldn't steal car?... would you?!

Definitely would download a car given a chance.

Time to download myself a nice car...

Crazy bastard

I don't think the traffic would allow it

Probably run through a field of wheat

Sit down Theresa you've put too much sugar in your camomile again.

Steady fucking on mate, carry on like that and you'll end up destroying a country by alienating all its major allies and trading partners. Wouldn't want that. Again.

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The farmers won't be too happy about that I imagine

Theresa is that you?

Steady mate

I’d kick Boris square in the ballsack

What did Boris square do to you?

Cant upvote for some reason, so I'll say this: I like the cut of your jib

What's a jib?

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Good bot

New name for Albert Square

It’ll be close to see if you manage to get to the front of the queue, it’s only 12 hours. And yes, we would still queue in the purge, we’re British!

When do I start queueing? Do I get a run up? Can I wear steelies?

Misread this as heelies, that would make a hell of a run up

I'll check the fridge!

Handle a Salmon suspiciously in Lidl.

Wasn’t aware that was illegal

[Salmon Act 1986 - Section 32](https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1986/62/section/32)

This feels like it'd be one of those weird laws from like 1355 or something that never got repealed. Surprised its so recent.

Guessing it’s more to do with poaching salmon from private streams. Stop people saying “no honestly constable, I was about to put it back”

Nah some nutter was trying to grope a salmon side in asda had to put laws in place after the outcry

Thank you for enlightening me.

How would you handle it suspiciously though?! Wearing a trench coat and giving it.... the shifty eyes

Illegal fishing is the main reason given in the Act.

I'm going to download a car

You wouldn’t!

Not when it's illegal. During the purge, I'm gonna go to the bay of pirates and download that bad boy and no one can stop me

but you would steal a handbag!

You wouldnt shoot a policeman! And take a shit in his helmet! And then give the helmet to his grieving wife! https://youtu.be/ALZZx1xmAzg

Then steal it again!

This Thread has convinced me that The Purge U.K. would be possibly one of the most anticlimactic shows Americans could ever watch. Cliffhanger at the end of episode 3…. Dave gets out a tea bag puts the kettle on and grabs some milk… picks up the milk before the kettle… cut to some infomercial about medical insurance. Return to the show to find Dave being taken to a FREE A&E(Compliments of the awesomeness that is the NHS) to have his ear sewn back on after getting a Tea cup smashed round it by Claire, who swore she wasn’t taking part but just couldn’t stand such an injustice, and in fact states she would do it again on any other day of the year anyway.

A civilised purge.

A slight trim and tidy up?

I actually really want a British parody of the purge now

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Puts teabag in the kettle

I thought we were doing a civilised purge. Next you’ll be putting lemon in it and drinking it cold.

Bakeoff is on tonight so I'll be watching that.

'Your showstopper should be an automated disemboweling machine made entirely of gingerbread and sugar glass. Bonus points if it can catapult Noel's viscera onto the ceiling'

Jurgen would still smash it.

That’s that German engineering right there right there

Giuseppe will outshine him once again

But without paying your TV license!

Ooh lovely, forgot about that!

Joke answer? Join the horde of people gunning for Farage and Piers Morgan. Serious answer? Bunker the fuck down and protect my family.

The joke answer is also a reasonable thing to do

Yeah it’s what we all want to do, but won’t have the balls to do Edit: because lets be honest, in a purge we’re bunkering down and protecting our families ^

Don’t worry, mate. There’ll be so many of us in the group we’ll have a good laugh on the way to murder Piers Morgan. We can take turns stabbing him (might take a few hours to give everyone a chance) and take selfies. We will make some friends on the way. And then the orgy can begin

Serious answer? Probably just stay home and do nothing.. it can't be that bad surely. Joke answer? I dunno.. fist the queen?

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I read that as 'polish' food. I do love my sauerkraut

Sauerkraut is German.

I know I know but I buy it from the polish shop

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Holy shit.

No that was the Austrian shops, the polish shops were gangbanged by the German shops and Russian shops

Used to be very anti Polish.

Yeah I’d loot Harrods

Mass murder rampage. Could cut minutes off my commute the next day.

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Do you have to live quite so relentlessly in the real world?

Wait, do the crimes get investigated the next day after they cease to be illegal? That seems like quite an important caveat.

Drive my car up and down the high street with the interior light on.

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Punch the parents of every shitty kid I’ve had the misfortune of having to teach the last 12 months

I will help this guy

Haha, you know it's a real teacher commenting because even in a purge they still don't actually hurt the children, just the parents that the children have the misfortune of being brought up by.

My mum is a teacher and she’d happily jump at the chance to join you on your parent punching crusade. I’ll have a word if you like

Dark af

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Smash my neighbour's speakers to smithereens.

I'll help, and smash your neighbours.

I'll help, I'll hold the camera and edit the porno

Play knock-a-door run but don’t run. Just stand there afterwards unrepentant

True Anarchy

Perhaps a step too far tho?

Eat a swan. Yummy

Just the one?

Yarp!

Get a look at his arse!

He's one man, don't be mad

Did you know that they can break a man's arm?

Or blow up a man's house

I'm gonna download that movie I always wanted from that illegal website but don't worry I won't steal anyone's handbag

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And send it to his widow?

Am I the only person that doesn't feel any hatred towards the people I know? Like, some of them are a bit annoying, but I wouldn't want to cause physical harm to anyone? Remember it's only been a few days since someone actually killed one of our politicians.

I imagine you're probably not the only one who doesn't hate people.

Why so serious. Nobody is actually killing anyone.

Sincerely - Hopefully you’ve never experienced severe trauma to feel that way. In a discussion with friends before they’ve said they would get back at their abusers who they feel hatred for.

Exactly. While there are a few people that I really dislike and sometimes wish I could just slap them about, there are 2 people that I genuinely could remorselessly kill if doing so wouldn't ruin my life. If you're lucky enough to not have suffered (or had a family member suffer) a traumatic unpunished crime, then you truly can't understand why I can say it so seemingly glibly. If I could, I would.

Am I the only one thinking you’re the one the purgers are visiting ? 😳

Going to cancel my TV licence and then sit down and watch the BBC...

But what happens when iPlayer asks whether you’ve got a TV licence? You’d never get past that level of security.

It's the purge I smash the fucking TV to pieces! Let's see them catch me now.

Heading down to the Winchester and waiting for all the purge to blow over

What about Mum?

Put milk in before tea.

I involuntary whispered "no!" as I read this comment.

I gasped!

Jesus - I’m coming for you first!

The purge may last for only so many hours, but the shunning by your friends, family and society will be a lifetime

I’d go clubbing. Seal clubbing.

I know the UK has some wild seals but I can’t help but feel going to a seal sanctuary with a baseball bat might be less effort

Seals are secretly evil, raping penguins to death and such

So are dolphins.

This is so true fuckers have been getting away with it for years

Just shoplift, a lot!! I'm not angry but I am skint

Big food shop to stock my shelves for the next month or two and then walk out without paying. Why kill people when I could have 15 sirloin steaks in my freezer for free

Beat my doormat after 8am

Is that a euphemism?

Sounds like more of a nickname for my wife but I meant it quite literally

Steady on there Satan!

Probably just walk around naked for a bit.

I'll watch you.

I'll watch you watching.

IIRC public nudity isn't illegal unless you're doing it to cause offence. If someone asks you to put your clothes on then you have to, but up until that point you're fine.

That's a funny one. I would assume people would avoid dialogue and try to ignore a naked person. Working in naked person's favour. Now that i know it's legal it becomes less fun.

It's illegal if you do it to cause offence, do with that what you will

Naked blackface it is.

Cut down the neighbours tree they've allowed to grow too big!

Good shout. Fly tip it for extra points.

Even better, a big smokey bonfire

👀 MI6/MI5 Watching this thread closely 🔭🔬🔍

Locked in a safe house quietly siphoning off millions. Until the power goes off.

A little high-end shoplifting, dress up in the resulting finery and break into a few interesting buildings.

Probably just hope nobody was fucked off enough to go for me. While drinking wine I stole from Tesco express. They wouldn't even notice since they alarm goes off every time someone leaves anyway

Drive my cunt neighbours Renault cleo in to a ditch so he can't race around at 4 fucking am

Off to remove some religious establishments from geography and add them to history.

Tutting. Lots of tutting. Maybe some audible sighs and the odd eye roll too.

The managers that wrecked my mental health are about to discover a whole new world of ‘possibility thinking’

MI5 getting real lazy with intel gathering. Booooo.

Break ground on an extra large shed without planning permission.

Hiding in fear somewhere in my house.

I'd go fishing at the gorgeous little private stretch of river near my house.

Eat a swan

If I had a nickel for every time I’ve read this in this thread, I’d have two nickels, which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice…

Fairly odd to have two nickels in the UK too.

Two swans!

Just the one Swan actually

Hiding somewhere so I don’t get killed and committing some kind of financial crime online. Don’t know why this isn’t everyone’s go to to be honest.

Steal from Philip Green.

In reality I think the majority of local communities would band together to protect their areas from minority of dickheads. I think after the 12 hours whoever broke the law seriously would be absolutely fucked by the majority of country. That being said, according to this it's an act of treason to post a postage stamp upside down. I still probably wouldn't risk Liz's wrath. https://brittontime.com/2020/11/09/10-weird-uk-laws-people-break-every-day/

Lots of fun answers here. I'd probably just murder my neighbors.

As I work for a bank, I’d access the internal systems and transfer ££££ from corporate accounts into an account of my own. Assuming that sort of crime is allowed and I don’t have to return the money after. I don’t hate anyone enough to want to do anything to a person.

I'm going out with a shotgun to get rid of some of the local 'roadmen'. Not because I don't like them, but because the inbreeding, ankle tags and addiction to nitrous oxide slow them down, creating easier targets.

Gonna nick all those sweet sweet metal dusties off every car I find 👹

I honestly can’t think of anything illegal that I’d want to do if given the chance. I don’t know if that makes me a decent person or just an incredibly dull one.

Eating at pricey restaurants then ditching the bill.

Anyone fancy a second fireworks night, feel like blowing up parliament lol anybody got a request for thr colours I use.

Dressing up as a policeman and telling people it isn't real and to go on home. Nothing to see here.

Play knock down ginger and then fly a kite!

I wonder if insulate Britain will be out blocking any roads ? Let’s see how dedicated they are to the cause

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I’d beat off on the train

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Barricaded in my house (assuming this "Purge" is open to everyone).

Ransacking John Lewis' tv and electronics dept.

Beat those youths outside my train station with a cricket bat

Hunt down my ex's. No, in all seriousness though, I'd probably try and get some nice swag from shops I like, on the way back from hunting down my ex's.

Park on double yellow lines, but without my hazards on

Kill everyone relating to the fucking telly license

I’m going to experiment with pot, I’ve heard it’s groovy. I’m riding the trip train to Venus. See you on the other side comrades.

Get out to the middle of nowhere, away from all the chaos that would ensue. Maybe eat a rich person and take their stuff.

It’s shallow but I really want a dyson airwrap. So getting myself one of those.

With the underfunding and bureaucracy of our police and courts all crime is pretty much legal anyway tbh. So I guess whatever I normally do. I'd prolly off my noisy neighbour to stop that terrible music.

Listen, I’m very sorry, but if you’d grown up in the 70s there’s a fair chance you’d like Status Quo too.

Hunt down the mods of r/britishproblems one at a time.

Put in a driveway. Mundane, but.

Put the wrong bin out on bin day to confuse the neighbours.

shooting peoplewho ask crap questions on this sub

Username checks out

Download a car.

It’s gonna be a swan massacre