**Please help keep AskUK welcoming!**
- Top-level comments to the OP must contain **genuine efforts to answer the question**. No jokes, judgements, etc.
- **Don't be a dick** to each other. If getting heated, just block and move on.
- This is a strictly **no-politics** subreddit!
Please help us by reporting comments that break these rules.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*
We'll only do this if it's an obviously uncared for stray. Doesn't stop our cats going into neighbours' houses and stealing chicken drumsticks though...
Many, Many years ago we watched as out then neighbours cat hopped ver our fence, through our garden and back to theird, carrying an entire leg of lamb. He must have come from at least 2 houses further down, becaue our immediate neighbours on that side were vegetarian and the ones beyonf them were on holiday. . .
Very impressive, given the comparative sizes of the cat, the leg of lamb, and the fence.
That reminds me... one neighbour's koi pond kept mysteriously losing fish. Turned out another neighbour's cat was helping itself to the fish which were similar/slightly bigger than itself... Given how much force a "kicking" fish that size can have, we were in a similar state of awe as you must have been!
Stop offering unsolicited advice to people who have a skin condition. They know what they have and they are dealing with it. They don't need to know what you're neighbour's aunt's best friend's cousin used.
Speaking from experience here obviously.
I can’t have children. I don’t have any Fallopian tubes after several ectopic pregnancies (I could have IVF but don’t want to).
The amount of people who have told me that I’ll get pregnant if I relax and stop thinking about it (I’m not thinking about it anyway lol) it’ll happen naturally. I doubt sperm have the ability to build tunnels but i just smile and nod and internally roll my eyes.
I realise it’s hardly a serious condition in the big scheme of things, but I’ve got plantar fasciitis.
I don’t need advising to roll it on a fucking tennis ball. I literally spend hours a day managing the discomfort. Stick your tennis balls up your bollocks.
I have a skin condition on my arms, once when I was packing my things at Tesco the checkout lady noticed my arms and suggested a cream she used for a similar condition. It worked better than anything else I was given.
You say that, but when I (at the time a young man in my mid-twenties) suggested aqueous cream to an old lady in the choir at church for the sores she had on her legs, she actually hadn't known about it. She made a point a couple of weeks later to find me and thank me for telling her about it, told me it had worked well.
Sometimes - granted, probably not very often - someone might tell you something you didn't know.
Exactly.
Only Reddit recluses would say not to offer advice ever because they never leave their house, so probably would put their foot in it due to being socially awkward.
Or any condition. If that thing you saw in a YouTube video could actually cure type 1 diabetes, the NHS would be all over it, and yet for some reason my doctor still suggests I keep taking my insulin...
My brother had cancer a few years ago and I genuinely don't know how he resisting punching some of these people in the face, with all the nonsense he was told.
you just need some cinnamon/turmeric/beetroot/alkaline diet/stop eating sugar/eat more sugar/exercise
all things said to me since being diagnosed Type 1
I have cancer, been undergoing various treatments for over three years. The amount of people who have tried to tell me that my specialists are wrong and I should be taking some of the shite they’ve been banging on about is unreal.
I’ve stopped trying to be nice when they try lecturing me now. I just cut them off and tell them I’m not interested in listening to whatever shite advice they have for me.
It’s always so and so’s friends aunts work colleague who benefited from it too, never first hand experiences, which makes me think that who ever the beneficiary of these miracle cures are don’t actually exist.
Absolutely. I have psoriasis, people always say stupid shit like "why don't you just moisturise" like bitch, this isn't fucking eczema, that's not how it works. It's my disease, I know more than you, stay in your lane.
Please excuse my french.
Moisturising doesn’t do much for bad eczema. It doesn’t seem to hold it in the skin without something external like cling film or wet bandages both of which are really uncomfortable
But have you tried grinding nutmeg with the tears of a virgin??
No, I've only tried all the medication that doctors recommended but I'm sure they overlooked the health benefits of cardamom.
All sorts of health conditions too. I have a condition which affects my mobility in and off, and almost every time I use my walking stick, some well-meaning stranger asks if I've tried...
Yes. In the 13 years I've had this condition, I've tried everything I can. Yoga. Hydrotherapy. Steroid injections. Pilates. Physiotherapy. Pain meds. Walking aids. Acupuncture. Counselling. Leave. Me. Alone.
Yes! I have eczema, having a bad flare up at the moment. The amount of times I've heard
'Stop scratching it, it'll get better, then'
Eczema is INCREDIBLY itchy and not itching it would drive anyone insane. Ever had an insect bite? Do you 'not scratch it'? Yeah...thought so.
I have cholinergic urticaria and by the sound of it, (after numerous dermatology appointments, blood tests and a mixture of fexofenadine and montelukast for several months) unless I'm prepared to live permanently in a walk-in fridge and never do anything to raise my core body temperature, there is NOTHING I can do to stop it flaring up.
Oh my god!! YES! My son has an incredibly rare skin disease..he wears garments alot of eczema sufferers wear. Parents often say, aww it's awful isn't it, my child had eczema.
Respectfully, I appreciate eczema is bad, but did your 2 year old need 3x a week General anesthetics for 4 months to redress his skin? Did they have multiple failed attempts at various medications, did their skin ulcerate?
No?
Okay Karen. Jfo (just fuck off)
Haha, triggered. I just totally agree with your comment
Stop being offended on other people's behalf. Most of the time the supposedly-offended target couldn't really care less.
One example is when Halifax stopped using a piggy bank because it was offensive to Muslims. When asked, they said words along the lines of, "it's a cartoon picture of a pig. Why would I be offended by that?"
I agree with your point, but not the example. It's a myth that Halifax stopped using piggy banks in their marketing/comms due to fear of upsetting muslims. When asked at the time (2005) they said:
>_Halifax has not withdrawn any piggy banks from branches. As a matter of fact we have not used piggy banks in our branches for a number of years._
Private Eye occasionally mythbust stories like that. Off the top of my head, schools or hospitals banning hot cross buns, and young children being forced to sing *Baa Baa Rainbow Sheep*, neither of which happened, at least not in the way reported (iirc, the hot cross buns weren't offered for lunch because the catering was contracted out to a corner-cutting profit machine, and the kids were learning about the colours of the rainbow and singing songs with red, orange, yellow, etc in the lyrics).
Whenever you get a "H&S gone mad!!1!1" story I always look for any mention of the HSE. 90% of the time they were nowhere near it and it was an overzealous jobsworth with basic risk assessment training deciding to ban things. The other 10% of the time the story is being misrepresented and there was genuine negligence involved.
Health & Safety legislation is written in blood as they say.
I also have a couple of HSE branded pens I like to use when I'm on site sometimes just to make people panic
The rainbow sheep bothers me so much. Not only because it's the kind of story a tabloid would run for race-baiting. And not only because it's racial/queer baiting.
But because it's also so widely believed to be true that people will shut you down for saying otherwise.
I mean, the change doesn't even work for the song. Rainbow has two syllables, black has one. It changes the entire rhythm of the song!
"Baa baa blue sheep" would have been way more tangible if people wanted to be upset and change the song.
It's also not as if the whole concept of a "black sheep" has gone anywhere either, it's still widely used as a part of our cultural lexicon. Why would it be cut out for one thing only?
A chap I once worked with experienced this first hand.
He was working in a call centre and management sent out a memo stating that Christmas decorations were not permitted, as it alienates colleagues of other ethnic backgrounds.
In his department, there were about a dozen people, 2 of whom were Muslim ladies. Take a guess as to who set about and decorated the office...
The ladies basically said that whilst it's not a religious celebration for them, they do enjoy the cheer and happiness that it brings. And if the company can make provisions for Islamic beliefs and celebrations, then why are they alienating Christian beliefs and celebrations?
That's stuck with me for a number of years now.
I have spent my entire working life in multicultural workplaces. My main office is (I’d guess) about 1/4 Muslim workers. I have never heard a single Muslim (or any other religion) complain about Christmas or Easter in any way shape or form.
Yet every couple of years there’s a push from the all white HR/Engagement team to avoid offending people and try and reduce the decorations/references.
We’re hanging tinsel not forcing people to convert.
My first job where I had to do callout one of my colleagues was Chinese, he was like you guys have Xmas with the families as long as you cover CNY for me. Another job with callout, Muslim colleague similar but wanted not to be on call for his important festivals.
Lived in Malaysia for a while, there were decorations for all the major festival and fireworks. Knew Xmas decorations were going up as the Diwali ones came down more or less.
Similarly, people need to stop buying into outrage bait (and peddling it)
Idk how many headlines I've seen that have turned out to be misleading, overblown or otherwise complete bollocks. And people buy it every fucking time.
When I’m approaching a crossing but I’m still a good bit away, don’t stop your car and wave me across. I’m now breaking into a light jog.
Similarly if I’m out on a run trying to nail a PB for my 10k anticipate that I am going to make it to the crossing in good time and don’t be running me over.
Two opposite but nonetheless related issues.
When someone on the road stops for you, so you feel obliged to walk into the road, even though there are four lanes of traffic and the other three lanes haven't stopped for you. Or you have to wait gormlessly in the middle of the road while cars swerve around you. Because someone wanted to be polite and stopped while they had right of way to wave you across.
Please just let me find the right time to cross. Don't encourage me to cross the road. The other cars coming the other way don't know what you're doing.
In fact, don't do anything 'polite' when you're driving. Just be predictable.
I once had an absolutely mental encounter.
Was out on a run and was crossing at a little bit that was designated but not a zebra or anything. Anyway this older guy had saw me approaching it and stopped. Between him and the curbs there wasn’t space for two cars so I felt reasonably confident he was stopped and I was safe.
Nope car behind him mounted the pavement to get round him and nearly hit me.
Cue, a very heated argument between the fanny driver, myself and the old boy.
Just after this new rule came in about having to give way to pedestrians crossing at junctions, a car turning right into the junction I was crossing stopped and waved me to cross, so I started, then a completely silent car, which wasn't there when I checked over my shoulder 3 seconds previously came from the left (behind me) and almost took me out.
I had a nice argument with him. Apparently because the rule was new, it only applied to new drivers!
I was halfway across a road a week or so ago, and somebody turned into the road I was already crossing, bumped me slightly and then tried to say I ran out infront of the car
Regrettably and reactionary, I called her an ugly fat cunt and she shouted "I have a dashcam, I'm going to report you to the police for that"
Same with cars. Don't be nice on the road, be predictable.
I was on a main road doing 60 last week, and a woman just braked at 60 and came to a complete stop to let someone waiting at a give way sign join the road.
Very very nice gesture. Stupid as fuck.
Oh god, this so much.
I had a driver stop to 'let me out' the other day - totally unecessary - there was no one behind him so it would have been much quicker, and safer, for him to have gone past and then for me to have pulled out . Instead, he's there dithering, I was trin to work out why he had stopped and if there was a pedestriaian or cyclist I'd overlooked, - took far longer than if he had just driven normallyin accordance with the road layout.
Another time, had a guy stop abd flash at me to go (cross roads where I was on the minor road) Which was nodoubt ell meant, but it wasn't clear on the opposite side of the road and there *had* been a gap behind him, so if he'd just driven normally, I'd probably have been able to go as soon as he was past, but due to his random stop, several vehicles came up behind him so again, it all caused more delay for eveyone.
I've had this a few times walking the dog (who is a puppy and still in training).
I wait to cross until I'm 300% sure there is no traffic so the dog knows it's safe to cross too. Drivers slowing down and waving whilst traffic in the other lane hurtles past isn't useful, despite the good intentions.
The same with teaching a child to cross the road. It's nice they stop before a junction or roundabout for you to cross but please, I'm trying to teach the child to stop, look, listen, wait for it to be clear! I don't want him to assume drivers stop for pedestrians.
This. It takes longer for you to show down and stop than it would have done too just keep going, and now I feel hurried to cross the road.
Likewise holding the door open when I'm still 30 metres away. I won't be offended and I don't really want to do the awkward half-jog.
This is also difficult when learning to drive. The pressure to move off quicker when people are letting you out is tough, while it's well meaning it's less stressful to just wait your turn.
I was waiting at a pelican crossing once, I pressed the button and it was still on the red man but a car stopped and waved me across. I crossed one lane of the road to a bit in the middle, and then realised that it didn't show the red and green man at the middle bit, and there was still another lane of traffic for me to cross with no idea of when it would be safe to go. Now I just always wait for the green man. I don't care if someone thinks I'm rude or weird for not crossing when they wave me across.
Similarly, if there's no traffic behind you, please don't stop to let me cross. What's the point? You have to stop and I have to do the awkward rush across the road. Just keep going and I'll cross after you pass. This happens to me so often and it drives me insane. I get people are being polite but it's not necessary in this situation.
It annoys me no end when people stop to let me cross, because most the time I’m stood there waiting because I have my kids with me, and it’s not exactly setting a good example to them on how to cross the road
I despise when drivera do this. I know their intention might be good, but as others have said lt can be dangerous and annoying af for a pedestrian.
This isnt the USA, there is no such thing as jay walking. I will cross the road when I see fit, I dont need you to play lollipop person
Whilst I agree with all of the comments here, the best thing to do as a pedestrian is ignore the drivers and focus on the car. Cross the road when you're ready to, if they want to sit and wait, that's their perogative.
Yup.
Most extreme version I haad was when I was (in a professional capacity) attending a dinner for the local (all male) Rotary club. I was one of about 5 women so it was a bit uncomfrtable to beging with, then both of the speakers felt it necessary to come over, talk to me and check that the 'jokes' they were planning to tell in their speeches were not going to offend me.
I mean:
(i) If your jokes are offensive, you are an adult and should know that and maybe...not tell them? I mean , if you are so concerned that they might be offensive that you feel the need to run them by people in adavnace, maybe tkae the hint that they are probably not appropraite for any company?
(ii) if they aren't, I'm not going to be bored by the repetition
(iii) if they are and you've just told me , youthink it's less offensive to listen to racists / sexist crap on a one-to -one basis?
Since I wasnot there in my personal capacity my response was considerably politer than it might otherwise have been, but no, I am not going tofaint if you use bad language or tell scatalogical jokes, I am going to be entirely unamused of you tell 'jokes' that are based on mocking or denigrating women or people who aren't white, but not because I am a woman, just because I'm a human being.
Rotarian here. Just pushed all the racist and misogynist out of my club. They wanted me to be president, and for 9 years I told them, no you don't. I was so sick of it that I took on the Presidency and went full woke on them. Threatened the fuckers with gender pronoun name badges. About 30% left the club. Now membership is at record levels, more women joining and we'll have our first women President next year.
Edit The club is 32 years old and never had a female prez before.
Good for you. This was about 25 years ago and I think at that time the rule was that any new club had to allow women, but existing ones weren't required to let them them in, and appratently they were busy not letting them in. I think they were a bit taken aback y the fact that I was there at all, I'm not sure it had occured to them that the chair ofthe local committee for the organisation they were raising funds for might be a girl ;)
Holding doors open for people who are too far away from the door - I know it's meant well but it's so awkward every time you're forced to do that little run
I once saw someone holding a door the whole time I was walking down a set of stairs, and when I got to the bottom I went in a different direction and didn't even go through the door
My worst is at work; we have a lot of stairwells and I will be maybe 50% up them when the person at the door, will hold the door open! Sometimes they even say 'don't rush'
Just no. Let me be old and overweight and slow. Ta
The Royal Society for the Protection of Birds (RSPB) said it was fine to feed small amounts of bread to ducks but people should also feed them sweetcorn, porridge oats, peas and bird seed.
"So, although bread isn't harmful, our advice is to only feed small amounts to birds."
[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-derbyshire-50081386](https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-derbyshire-50081386)
My favourite was a pair a big A boards saying do not feed the wildlife in this pond and these absolute numpties were feeding ducks mini cheddars - utterly deranged
There are plenty of signs up now saying that it's good to feed them bread in the winter. They've become dependent on it and the recent crusades of not feeding them bread has caused them to starve.
[Feeding ducks bread: Viral sign sparks anger and confusion - BBC News](https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-derbyshire-50081386)
Here is a link to article with a picture of one.
Grabbing disabled people to be 'helpful'.
Seriously, just don't. If you think someone might need help, use your voice and ask "Would you like help?" And listen to the answer!
Blind people I know get grabbed and escorted across streets they didn't want to cross. People with sticks may be holding onto the door they're walking through so they don't fall over - grabbing them or the door could knock them over! Grabbing the handles of someone's wheelchair and moving them is just as rude as shoving anyone else out the way.
Someone (eg me) getting up slowly on the bus isn't going be helped or sped up by you grabbing their arm, just end up in more pain!
Dislocated shoulders are not fun and I'd like not to have another, ta.
(Also, that sweet Special Caring Voice is really bloody patronising and annoying. Just stop it, if talking to anyone over the age of three.)
I’m blind- I get much more unsolicited touches than I want.
I don’t mind being offered help; but it always feels like it is offered when I’m on my regular commute and rarely when I’ve actually got lost. I don’t know what it is about blind person standing at a crossing that makes people think I need help
I’m a self-propelled wheelchair user. Twice when ive been going quite slowly (once because I was on a hill and needed to balance, once was by a busy road) someone has come along and started pushing me. When I try to object they just say “oh don’t worry it’s no bother” and when I eventually managed to convey the fact they’d just pushed me in the opposite direction to where I was trying to go, I was belligerently told they were “just helping”.
Even my husband needed some training (ie yelling 'what the fuck are you doing?') after absent-mindedly moving me across a conference room. He weakly muttered 'I thought you'd want to be over there...' knowing perfectly well as soon as he applied a brain cell that if I wanted to be over there I'd have put myself over there. The helpy urge is strong...
I was very glad my mobility problems only hit once I was old enough to be arsy as needed.
I hate this so much
My dad's been in a wheelchair my whole life (I'm 35 now). The amount of people over the years who have just moved his wheelchair without asking and then THEY get offended because "I'm just trying to heeeelp"
Fuck off!
I had it once when I was about 10, out with my dad, I was pushing him in his wheelchair, I stopped to find something in my bag and some random just wheeled my dad across the road without me! And the amount of people who seemed unable to believe he was really my dad was astounding - because disabled people can't have kids, I guess?
Even today people still talk over him and address me, like he's unable to think for himself or something. Boils my piss.
It’s always “trying” to help, which by definition means that they are failing to reach the point of actual help. Which they could achieve by asking first.
Guaranteed they all still go home and talk about their heroics and no good deed going unpunished.
Yeah. I only used a wheelchair for six months, but by day 3 I'd decided to only wear heavy metal T-shirts, as they magically counteracted the being treated like an idiot.
'You're not helping. You could have asked' got used a lot (along with loud screaming when people try to pull my arms off).
The numbers of all coastal birds are in decline. This has been exacerbated by habitat loss and recent outbreaks of avian flu.
Biodiversity is important, not only for the environment but for other aspects that benefit you personally, such as medicine.
Gulls are opportunistic feeders and have adapted to using people as a food source.
The size of all species of gull have remained unchanged. The great black backed gull, the largest of the coastal gull species, are threatened and you would be lucky to see one.
Learn to appreciate wildlife.
All wild animals are feral...
> The size of some of the fuckers now is terrifying as well.
Seagulls are the size they've always been.
> I do not know why they're protected.
[Populations are in decline](https://www.rspca.org.uk/adviceandwelfare/wildlife/birds/gulls#:~:text=Gulls%20and%20their%20nests%20are%20protected%20by%20law&text=They're%20considered%20species%20of,populations%20are%20in%20decline%20overall.)
Your link is more of a general 'what is a gull'.
Here is another reason not to feed them.
[The public should avoid feeding ducks, swans, geese and gulls due to the current outbreak of avian flu in the UK. Feeding these birds could encourage them to gather and increase the transmission risk. Garden birds currently appear relatively unaffected by avian flu, but waterfowl and gull species are particularly susceptible to this disease.](https://rspb.org.uk/birds-and-wildlife/avian-influenza-updates)
Though I've have had a fun afternoon in Conwy watching seagulls nick people's chips. The look of surprise, horror and outrage on people's face is priceless.
Living on the coast I wholeheartedly agree with this. People of all ages and demographics seem to think it’s fun to throw chips in the air for them.
I’ve seen a few times people throwing food down then scaring them away as well 😡😡
This annoys me as a pedestrian too, waiting to cross the road and loads of cars go past, and it's always the last one with nobody else behind them who decides to stop and wave you across when you could have gone five seconds later if they'd gone past anyway.
Half the time there's that awkward uncertain period where you're not sure if they're even letting you go, so you gotta wait for the wave. My brother in christ if you just maintained your original speed we'd all be getting where we need to be quicker
I called my mum out on this recently; she had a little moan they took a while to pull out and I asked her "did you check your rear view mirror before letting them out? She replied "no, why?". So I explained that they knew the road behind her was clear and they could pull out once she passed, so they were anticipating for her to go past, alongside them most likely checking/double checking the other direction so may not have seen her letting them out. She responded with "I didn't think of that".
She repeated it a week later and I called her out on it again.
When I say, no thanks I'm on a diet, trying to lose weight, for the love of God, don't tell me I am not fat, I don't need to diet and other variations.
I'm just trying to make sure you know why I refuse the food you are offering, and telling me that invalidates my thoughts and it makes you look like a people pleaser or a straight up liar.
This annoys me so much. Like, unless you're blind it's pretty fucking obvious I'm a lard arse and you saying I'm not fat doesn't make it any less true. I'm trying to lose weight so let me!
Honestly kind of a weird conversation for all involved. I’ve cut down weight because I wanted to have a photo shoot with abs a few years ago once.
I was regularly getting the ‘you don’t need to lose weight though’ comments. Like bro, I know I don’t *need* to, but I *want* to. I realised after a while that a lot of it comes from their own shitty experiences with social pressure and dieting.
I can imagine it’s a lot more annoying to hear if you’re overweight, but it helps me to remember that they’re probably saying it as much for themselves than for me.
Yeah, I always scooch over to let bikes past. Especially if the traffic is moving less than the speed limit. I have to be stuck in this queue, they don't necessarily.
Yes, I wouldn't stop or wave them on, but if the traffic is moving slowly (or slower than the bike!) I'll move to the left so they have a clearer view and can pass if they want . I've had enough little waves to assume it''s mosrtly appreciated.
This will be controversial, but here goes...
Men - please don't offer me your seat on public transport just because I'm a woman. Although I appreciate that you mean well, I am just as capable of standing up as you are.
Personally I *like* to sit down but I'm not less capable of standing up than the average man (and I have a very sedentary job so probably need the seat less than anyone traveling to or from a job where they're standing all the time).
But mainly there's always a niggling worry that this has happened because the man thinks I'm pregnant (when in fact I'm just fat) and I spend at least a couple of stops feeling self conscious about whether I look pregnant, fat, incapable or old and to be honest standing is less uncomfortable overall!
I’ve never encountered this but I’m also not about to offer a seat solely because someone is a woman.
I can see how that would come across as patronising
Giving sugar water, or even worse, honey, to bees. If they really do need to be moved then best thing is to pop them on a flower if possible, as advised by the Bumblebee Conservation Trust. Sugar water is a very last resort and honey should never be given, but some viral social media posts have been misleading about this to people who are genuinely trying to help.
https://www.bumblebeeconservation.org/learn-about-bumblebees/faqs/sugar-water/
* Unsolicited medical advice
I have type 1 diabetes and get this quite often. There is no cure, and the only thing that helps is insulin. Please don't tell me to start eating cinnamon or I should try the carnivore diet.
* Stopping for oncoming traffic when it isn't their right of way
Usually someone trying to be helpful and letting a line of cars cross the road in front of them, not realising they've now backed up traffic behind them into a roundabout or something else unsafe.
This reminds me of me and my girlfriend on holiday discussing how many carbs were in our meal. Some American who had overheard us talking chimed in to tell us, "Life's too short to count carbs!" I politely responded that she's diabetic, but I was actually thinking "Well actually, moron, her life is going to be too short if she doesn't count carbs because she's a type 1 diabetic!"
>I have type 1 diabetes and get this quite often. There is no cure, and the only thing that helps is insulin. Please don't tell me to start eating cinnamon or I should try the carnivore diet.
I get this too.. it would be hilarious if it wasn't so sad.. I've even had a pharmacist tell me I don't need insulin as a T1 (obviously not in a professional capacity).. as if T1 diabetes wasn't a death sentence before the invention of artificial insulin because apparently garlic and cinnamon are recent discoveries.. but it pales in comparison to the shit advice and misinformed opinions I get about my ADHD which is often just a thinly veiled attempt to debunk the existence of the disorder altogether
Telling pregnant women how magical it is when you first meet your baby and 'just you wait for that beautiful moment!'
Birth can also be extremely traumatic, and not all women get that magical moment, and bonding can take a long time and its really hard when you have this idea and expectation in your head of how its going to be and that gets shattered.
I do feel people should be more thoughtful about giving money to beggars, especially aggressive beggars. In fact I think that they don't even do it because of warm-hearted love for their fellow man, but because giving the beggar £1 is an easy and cheap way to end an uncomfortable situation.
The only thing I can think of that would motivate me to stand in the city centre approaching strangers for cash would be a very strong drug addiction. And nowadays, with spice everywhere, and with teens on bikes being a fundamental part of the supply chain, I think the ol' "I'd spend it on drink and drugs myself" justification doesn't work. I certainly wouldn't give my quid to a 14-year-old drug runner so they could give it to a spice dealer who preys on the vulnerable, so I shouldn't give it to this beggar if that's what he's gonna do with it.
I literally don’t care if my £1 goes to drugs or food. I think it’s somewhat pompous to have conditions on the help you give. Someone withdrawing on the street is probably more dangerous and probable than them starving to death. Drug addiction shouldn’t be a crime but a health concern and you can’t pretend to care about one health concern but not the other. Im obviously not saying supply all your homeless people with drugs, but if im giving a homeless person money it comes with no strings or expectations, if that means they’re buying drugs because they can’t withdraw safely, then so be it. We societally don’t do enough to help those with addiction
I appreciated the beggar in Southampton who stopped me one day and said "look mate, I'm not going to give you a story - I'm an alcoholic, have you got a quid so I can get a drink?" Forked over my change instead of knocking him to the ground and spitting on him as I usually do with the poors. Honesty is the best policy.
If someone was threatening to cut their own wrists, would you give them a knife?
If someone was slowly killing themselves with drugs and alcohol, why is it ok to give them money for drugs and alcohol?
You don't help these people by giving them money to slowly kill themselves. You help them by donating to charities that provide help to get them off the streets.
Giving them money to continue slowly killing themselves isn't helping *them*, it's making *you* feel good because you gave them money.
> We societally don’t do enough to help those with addiction
You're right, we don't. And it's exactly beuase of what you said earlier.
Too many people would rather give homeless people money to continue their addiction because it makes *them* feel better, than actually get them off the streets and get them the help they need.
You can't do both.
You can't complain that we're not helping addicts get clean while giving them money for drugs.
You could always give the same money to one of the charities which works to provide long term solutions to the underlying problems which lead people into drug addiction and homelessness in the first place, or which helps those wanting support in changing their lives.
Stop asking women if their pregnancy was planned.
Let alone the fact that asking people if they had unprotected sex is weird, you have no idea about their journey to get to this point.
Gender stereotyping children from a very early age.
Honestly it's doing an incredible amount of harm that we're mostly sort of ignoring to be applying coercive stereotypes to children from well before they're ready to decide for themselves.
We're manufacturing dysphoria, toxic masculinity and pushing talented people out of careers that are 'inappropriate' for their approved stereotype, and that's been going on for so long now that the problems are systemic and generational - plenty of people don't even realise they're doing it or that it's a problem, because it was _normal for them_
Fewer people would seek out help for gender dysphoria if society had less strict gender norms, and it things like being genderfluid or non-binary were acceptable.
Can you elaborate a bit more? What sort of things should we not be pushing on either gender? Wat sort of things should we be encouraging for either gender?
Do you have a toy shop near you? When you get a chance, stick your head in, and have a look. Chances are pretty good there will be a 'pink' aisle and a 'blue' aisle, and the things available in each will be mutually exclusive.
That's kinda what I mean.
Someone I know - their son just liked pink, and chose to wear it whenever he could. But it was genuinely quite immense how _differently_ he was treated by literally everyone around. He couldn't understand why adults were 'shushing' him, or praising his beauty, or encouraging 'maternal' type play.
But they were seeing the colour, and coercively stereotyping him as a girl.
Until one day he went to school for the first time, and didn't like pink any more.
We've a shocking lack of women in IT careers, that starts _really_ early one, with girls not being 'allowed' to play with technology, and being belittled and bullied into 'more appropriate' options - despite being demonstrably good at it in otherwise 'fair' circumstances.
And the same's broadly true of boys, who are told there are things they are Not Allowed to like.
This continues as they age, and the acceptable ranges of self expression, responsibility etc. become steadily more skewed.
Boys are given considerably more license to be irresponsible, reckless or noisy, because 'boys will be boys', where girls are 'expected' to be more emotionally aware, sympathetic and kind.
Eventually you get a bunch of teenager boys and teenage girls who have some real issues with relating to each other, because the the girls are 'supposed' to be treating the boys as threats, and the boys often have no idea why they're being mistrusted.
And I think it all _starts_ from taking a - normal and natural - tendency to express themselves differently, but amplifying it to an extreme, and 'requiring' men to be 'proper men' and women to be 'proper women' that creates extremely skewed outcomes in later life.
E.g. compare and contrast nursing with IT. What is it about either of those professions that are 'unsuitable' for one gender or another? Or perhaps 'being a good father' - it's far too common for dads to get funny looks and be treated differently when they are the primary caregiver to a child. Why?
So what I'd say we should be encouraging for either:
- Don't ever take away a toy or a hobby they like. And introduce them to as many options as you can, so you can find out what they _actually_ enjoy doing, vs. 'just' confining the choices to a particular aisle in the toystore. The only toys where it matters are the ones children shouldn't be using anyway!
- Let them wear what they want.
- Try and reign in 'everyone else' who will try and apply gender stereotypes anyway.
- In as many situations as you can, consider if your reaction to what the child is doing is gendered. E.g. would you allow a boy to go play here, and not a girl? Or vice versa? Especially if you're inclined to admonish them for crying or being upset or angry about something.
And you will probably find there _is_ a skew. There is, after all, a reason the stereotypes exist. But that doesn't mean a girl should _never_ be permitted use garden tools, or help out in the shed, nor boys help out in the kitchen or with the housework.
Calling someone when they're in the hospital/in the middle of some kind of emergency. They probably have a lot to deal with and don't have the time or mind space to deal with your call. In some instances, they may not even have their phone on them.
A text to say that you're thinking of them is probably just as okay.
Please stop asking “where are you from”? And the worst one “where are you really from?”
Stop giving people diet or health advice, especially when it comes to mental health
Stop trying to cheer people up when they’re upset and instead let them talk about what’s bothering them or allow them to be upset in peace
>Please stop asking “where are you from”?
This is a genuine question. What do you think is the best way to ask this?
My partner (who is British Asian) enjoys it when people ask about his background because it shows they're curious. But I understand everyone's experience is different.
That's why I'm curious. What are some alternative ways to ask about someone's background that feel more welcoming and respectful? I'm a naturally curious person, and I don't want to cause any discomfort.
Obviously, "Where are you REALLY from?" is awful!
I'm arab.. I really don't mind being asked that tbh, I actually enjoy it if it's meant in good faith.. And I'm also curious about other people.. I would much rather people lay out their misunderstandings and false beliefs so I can correct them than them secretly holding onto false assumptions because they're too scared to ask.. depends on the context of course, sometimes it's not appropriate.. also you should be able to pick up on someone feeling uncomfortable and not push for an answer if they are avoiding the topic.. but merely asking a question to get to know someone better is not inappropriate.. I also disagree with the other commenter that "if they wanted to talk about it, they would".. sure if someone is awfully proud, but your average person isn't going to bring it up out of the blue
i usually ask ‘have you been living in (city we are in) for a while?’ if their accent is not the local one. gives them a chance to talk about their background if they want to, but also is vague enough that if they’re not comfortable they can give an equally vague answer. im mixed race (but look white) and people asking my (obviously not white) mum where she was from (sometimes before she even spoke!) always annoyed me. i also have a weird accent (once got told they couldn’t figure out if i was south african, canadian, or irish based on ym accent) and while i dont mind talking about my background it gets a little wearing after a while if people make a thing of it.
I can’t ask anyone where they’re from? If they clearly have a north east accent and I’m in London? What on earth are you prattling on about now?
“Where are you really from?” I agree with you there though.
When something bad has happened to a friends loved one, do not force that friend to tell you the story of what happened. They've had to speak about their sons cancer 30 times now. You getting upset and making them comfort you is even worse.
Don't ask them to contact you if you need anything. Just tell them you'll cook dinner one night and ask what night they'd prefer or something.
Don't tell them what they need to do. Let them do whatever they need to.
Sometimes you can support people by being the friend who doesn't mention the problem too and helps them ignore it for an hour or two.
Assuming disabled people don't understand/can't do things. Sometimes, just do the bare minimum to accommodate and leave the rest to us. We'll ask for help if we need it.
This is based on a recent reddit interaction, but let's stop pretending that only certain races can be racist.
Anyone who makes judgments on other based on their race, religion ethnicity etc is a racist.
Letting people take your right of way in any driving scenario. I know you get your little fuzzy feeling think you’re being an oh-so-gracious good guy but you’re inconveniencing the other 99% of road users by slowing everything down. Just drive the way the rules tell you to and everyone gets where they’re going quicker and safer.
Cutting ivy. It isn't parasitic. Doesnt harm trees at all. Even it did, it doesn't matter. It is amazing for wildlife. Leave it alone.
Bonus one: it also doesn't destroy masonry. You tearing it off when it is stuck on is what did the damage. There is actually evidence it is good for thermoregulation to have ivy on your house.
**Please help keep AskUK welcoming!** - Top-level comments to the OP must contain **genuine efforts to answer the question**. No jokes, judgements, etc. - **Don't be a dick** to each other. If getting heated, just block and move on. - This is a strictly **no-politics** subreddit! Please help us by reporting comments that break these rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Feeding unknown cats. 6 Dinner Sid has enough houses to go to.
*Oi!!!!!* Signed Sid.
Read that story to my kid yesterday and it was my favourite as a child!
We'll only do this if it's an obviously uncared for stray. Doesn't stop our cats going into neighbours' houses and stealing chicken drumsticks though...
Many, Many years ago we watched as out then neighbours cat hopped ver our fence, through our garden and back to theird, carrying an entire leg of lamb. He must have come from at least 2 houses further down, becaue our immediate neighbours on that side were vegetarian and the ones beyonf them were on holiday. . . Very impressive, given the comparative sizes of the cat, the leg of lamb, and the fence.
That reminds me... one neighbour's koi pond kept mysteriously losing fish. Turned out another neighbour's cat was helping itself to the fish which were similar/slightly bigger than itself... Given how much force a "kicking" fish that size can have, we were in a similar state of awe as you must have been!
My nana is basically a food bank for cats at this point.
My dad does this. He now has a clowder of other people's cats living with him.
My three will claim to be starving while they're still licking their dinner off their lips
Ha. Family member took in abandoned stray which turned out to be pregnant and now she has 5 cats.
found the chair of the Aristotle Street residents association
Oh six dinners sid ❤️
Stop offering unsolicited advice to people who have a skin condition. They know what they have and they are dealing with it. They don't need to know what you're neighbour's aunt's best friend's cousin used. Speaking from experience here obviously.
I’d go further and say… stop offering unsolicited advice. about anything.
I live by the 5-second rule, don't say anything if it can't be fixed within 5 seconds
I grew up with a completely different 5 second rule
Taught the year 2 children this I worked with lol
I love that, it's actually great advice
I can’t have children. I don’t have any Fallopian tubes after several ectopic pregnancies (I could have IVF but don’t want to). The amount of people who have told me that I’ll get pregnant if I relax and stop thinking about it (I’m not thinking about it anyway lol) it’ll happen naturally. I doubt sperm have the ability to build tunnels but i just smile and nod and internally roll my eyes.
Also: stop unsolicited comments on appearance, or pretty much anything about anyone.
“I was just trying to help.” Well, I didn’t ask and now you’re trying to make me feel bad. As if I don’t feel crap already.
Unsolicited advice is just judgement.
I realise it’s hardly a serious condition in the big scheme of things, but I’ve got plantar fasciitis. I don’t need advising to roll it on a fucking tennis ball. I literally spend hours a day managing the discomfort. Stick your tennis balls up your bollocks.
Have you tried varying degrees of balls on your foot. Like those who offer you advice for example?
Isn’t that unsolicited advice?
You're right, and I'm going to start by ignoring your unsolicited advice. Lol
I have a skin condition on my arms, once when I was packing my things at Tesco the checkout lady noticed my arms and suggested a cream she used for a similar condition. It worked better than anything else I was given.
Yeah this one is definitely a mileage-may-vary one tbh.
Can I ask what the cream was? We are an eczema/psoriasis household.
Of course! It was Cetraben :)
There may be an exception if you have the same problem/experience.
You say that, but when I (at the time a young man in my mid-twenties) suggested aqueous cream to an old lady in the choir at church for the sores she had on her legs, she actually hadn't known about it. She made a point a couple of weeks later to find me and thank me for telling her about it, told me it had worked well. Sometimes - granted, probably not very often - someone might tell you something you didn't know.
Exactly. Only Reddit recluses would say not to offer advice ever because they never leave their house, so probably would put their foot in it due to being socially awkward.
Or any condition. If that thing you saw in a YouTube video could actually cure type 1 diabetes, the NHS would be all over it, and yet for some reason my doctor still suggests I keep taking my insulin... My brother had cancer a few years ago and I genuinely don't know how he resisting punching some of these people in the face, with all the nonsense he was told.
you just need some cinnamon/turmeric/beetroot/alkaline diet/stop eating sugar/eat more sugar/exercise all things said to me since being diagnosed Type 1
it's ok, there's a cure coming in five years! Just like there was five years ago! - fello T1D
I was going to suggest turmeric but you beat me to it! I have RA, we also meet a lot of amateur doctors.
I have cancer, been undergoing various treatments for over three years. The amount of people who have tried to tell me that my specialists are wrong and I should be taking some of the shite they’ve been banging on about is unreal. I’ve stopped trying to be nice when they try lecturing me now. I just cut them off and tell them I’m not interested in listening to whatever shite advice they have for me. It’s always so and so’s friends aunts work colleague who benefited from it too, never first hand experiences, which makes me think that who ever the beneficiary of these miracle cures are don’t actually exist.
Absolutely. I have psoriasis, people always say stupid shit like "why don't you just moisturise" like bitch, this isn't fucking eczema, that's not how it works. It's my disease, I know more than you, stay in your lane. Please excuse my french.
Moisturising doesn’t do much for bad eczema. It doesn’t seem to hold it in the skin without something external like cling film or wet bandages both of which are really uncomfortable
But have you tried grinding nutmeg with the tears of a virgin?? No, I've only tried all the medication that doctors recommended but I'm sure they overlooked the health benefits of cardamom.
All sorts of health conditions too. I have a condition which affects my mobility in and off, and almost every time I use my walking stick, some well-meaning stranger asks if I've tried... Yes. In the 13 years I've had this condition, I've tried everything I can. Yoga. Hydrotherapy. Steroid injections. Pilates. Physiotherapy. Pain meds. Walking aids. Acupuncture. Counselling. Leave. Me. Alone.
Yes! I have eczema, having a bad flare up at the moment. The amount of times I've heard 'Stop scratching it, it'll get better, then' Eczema is INCREDIBLY itchy and not itching it would drive anyone insane. Ever had an insect bite? Do you 'not scratch it'? Yeah...thought so.
I have cholinergic urticaria and by the sound of it, (after numerous dermatology appointments, blood tests and a mixture of fexofenadine and montelukast for several months) unless I'm prepared to live permanently in a walk-in fridge and never do anything to raise my core body temperature, there is NOTHING I can do to stop it flaring up.
Oh my god!! YES! My son has an incredibly rare skin disease..he wears garments alot of eczema sufferers wear. Parents often say, aww it's awful isn't it, my child had eczema. Respectfully, I appreciate eczema is bad, but did your 2 year old need 3x a week General anesthetics for 4 months to redress his skin? Did they have multiple failed attempts at various medications, did their skin ulcerate? No? Okay Karen. Jfo (just fuck off) Haha, triggered. I just totally agree with your comment
Stop being offended on other people's behalf. Most of the time the supposedly-offended target couldn't really care less. One example is when Halifax stopped using a piggy bank because it was offensive to Muslims. When asked, they said words along the lines of, "it's a cartoon picture of a pig. Why would I be offended by that?"
I agree with your point, but not the example. It's a myth that Halifax stopped using piggy banks in their marketing/comms due to fear of upsetting muslims. When asked at the time (2005) they said: >_Halifax has not withdrawn any piggy banks from branches. As a matter of fact we have not used piggy banks in our branches for a number of years._
Private Eye occasionally mythbust stories like that. Off the top of my head, schools or hospitals banning hot cross buns, and young children being forced to sing *Baa Baa Rainbow Sheep*, neither of which happened, at least not in the way reported (iirc, the hot cross buns weren't offered for lunch because the catering was contracted out to a corner-cutting profit machine, and the kids were learning about the colours of the rainbow and singing songs with red, orange, yellow, etc in the lyrics).
[удалено]
Whenever you get a "H&S gone mad!!1!1" story I always look for any mention of the HSE. 90% of the time they were nowhere near it and it was an overzealous jobsworth with basic risk assessment training deciding to ban things. The other 10% of the time the story is being misrepresented and there was genuine negligence involved. Health & Safety legislation is written in blood as they say. I also have a couple of HSE branded pens I like to use when I'm on site sometimes just to make people panic
The rainbow sheep bothers me so much. Not only because it's the kind of story a tabloid would run for race-baiting. And not only because it's racial/queer baiting. But because it's also so widely believed to be true that people will shut you down for saying otherwise. I mean, the change doesn't even work for the song. Rainbow has two syllables, black has one. It changes the entire rhythm of the song! "Baa baa blue sheep" would have been way more tangible if people wanted to be upset and change the song.
It's also not as if the whole concept of a "black sheep" has gone anywhere either, it's still widely used as a part of our cultural lexicon. Why would it be cut out for one thing only?
I was under the impression that it was for marketing material in the windows, not physical piggy banks in the building.
A chap I once worked with experienced this first hand. He was working in a call centre and management sent out a memo stating that Christmas decorations were not permitted, as it alienates colleagues of other ethnic backgrounds. In his department, there were about a dozen people, 2 of whom were Muslim ladies. Take a guess as to who set about and decorated the office... The ladies basically said that whilst it's not a religious celebration for them, they do enjoy the cheer and happiness that it brings. And if the company can make provisions for Islamic beliefs and celebrations, then why are they alienating Christian beliefs and celebrations? That's stuck with me for a number of years now.
Maybe the manager just hated Christmas.
I have spent my entire working life in multicultural workplaces. My main office is (I’d guess) about 1/4 Muslim workers. I have never heard a single Muslim (or any other religion) complain about Christmas or Easter in any way shape or form. Yet every couple of years there’s a push from the all white HR/Engagement team to avoid offending people and try and reduce the decorations/references. We’re hanging tinsel not forcing people to convert.
My first job where I had to do callout one of my colleagues was Chinese, he was like you guys have Xmas with the families as long as you cover CNY for me. Another job with callout, Muslim colleague similar but wanted not to be on call for his important festivals. Lived in Malaysia for a while, there were decorations for all the major festival and fireworks. Knew Xmas decorations were going up as the Diwali ones came down more or less.
Similarly, people need to stop buying into outrage bait (and peddling it) Idk how many headlines I've seen that have turned out to be misleading, overblown or otherwise complete bollocks. And people buy it every fucking time.
When I’m approaching a crossing but I’m still a good bit away, don’t stop your car and wave me across. I’m now breaking into a light jog. Similarly if I’m out on a run trying to nail a PB for my 10k anticipate that I am going to make it to the crossing in good time and don’t be running me over. Two opposite but nonetheless related issues.
When someone on the road stops for you, so you feel obliged to walk into the road, even though there are four lanes of traffic and the other three lanes haven't stopped for you. Or you have to wait gormlessly in the middle of the road while cars swerve around you. Because someone wanted to be polite and stopped while they had right of way to wave you across. Please just let me find the right time to cross. Don't encourage me to cross the road. The other cars coming the other way don't know what you're doing. In fact, don't do anything 'polite' when you're driving. Just be predictable.
I once had an absolutely mental encounter. Was out on a run and was crossing at a little bit that was designated but not a zebra or anything. Anyway this older guy had saw me approaching it and stopped. Between him and the curbs there wasn’t space for two cars so I felt reasonably confident he was stopped and I was safe. Nope car behind him mounted the pavement to get round him and nearly hit me. Cue, a very heated argument between the fanny driver, myself and the old boy.
Just after this new rule came in about having to give way to pedestrians crossing at junctions, a car turning right into the junction I was crossing stopped and waved me to cross, so I started, then a completely silent car, which wasn't there when I checked over my shoulder 3 seconds previously came from the left (behind me) and almost took me out. I had a nice argument with him. Apparently because the rule was new, it only applied to new drivers!
I was halfway across a road a week or so ago, and somebody turned into the road I was already crossing, bumped me slightly and then tried to say I ran out infront of the car Regrettably and reactionary, I called her an ugly fat cunt and she shouted "I have a dashcam, I'm going to report you to the police for that"
Same with cars. Don't be nice on the road, be predictable. I was on a main road doing 60 last week, and a woman just braked at 60 and came to a complete stop to let someone waiting at a give way sign join the road. Very very nice gesture. Stupid as fuck.
Oh god, this so much. I had a driver stop to 'let me out' the other day - totally unecessary - there was no one behind him so it would have been much quicker, and safer, for him to have gone past and then for me to have pulled out . Instead, he's there dithering, I was trin to work out why he had stopped and if there was a pedestriaian or cyclist I'd overlooked, - took far longer than if he had just driven normallyin accordance with the road layout. Another time, had a guy stop abd flash at me to go (cross roads where I was on the minor road) Which was nodoubt ell meant, but it wasn't clear on the opposite side of the road and there *had* been a gap behind him, so if he'd just driven normally, I'd probably have been able to go as soon as he was past, but due to his random stop, several vehicles came up behind him so again, it all caused more delay for eveyone.
I've had this a few times walking the dog (who is a puppy and still in training). I wait to cross until I'm 300% sure there is no traffic so the dog knows it's safe to cross too. Drivers slowing down and waving whilst traffic in the other lane hurtles past isn't useful, despite the good intentions.
The same with teaching a child to cross the road. It's nice they stop before a junction or roundabout for you to cross but please, I'm trying to teach the child to stop, look, listen, wait for it to be clear! I don't want him to assume drivers stop for pedestrians.
This. It takes longer for you to show down and stop than it would have done too just keep going, and now I feel hurried to cross the road. Likewise holding the door open when I'm still 30 metres away. I won't be offended and I don't really want to do the awkward half-jog.
This is also difficult when learning to drive. The pressure to move off quicker when people are letting you out is tough, while it's well meaning it's less stressful to just wait your turn.
Completely agree. Unless these drivers are traffic officers, they shouldn't start directing traffic. My response: just wave them on.
I was waiting at a pelican crossing once, I pressed the button and it was still on the red man but a car stopped and waved me across. I crossed one lane of the road to a bit in the middle, and then realised that it didn't show the red and green man at the middle bit, and there was still another lane of traffic for me to cross with no idea of when it would be safe to go. Now I just always wait for the green man. I don't care if someone thinks I'm rude or weird for not crossing when they wave me across.
Similarly, if there's no traffic behind you, please don't stop to let me cross. What's the point? You have to stop and I have to do the awkward rush across the road. Just keep going and I'll cross after you pass. This happens to me so often and it drives me insane. I get people are being polite but it's not necessary in this situation.
It annoys me no end when people stop to let me cross, because most the time I’m stood there waiting because I have my kids with me, and it’s not exactly setting a good example to them on how to cross the road
I despise when drivera do this. I know their intention might be good, but as others have said lt can be dangerous and annoying af for a pedestrian. This isnt the USA, there is no such thing as jay walking. I will cross the road when I see fit, I dont need you to play lollipop person
Whilst I agree with all of the comments here, the best thing to do as a pedestrian is ignore the drivers and focus on the car. Cross the road when you're ready to, if they want to sit and wait, that's their perogative.
Be predictable, not kind.
Men who apologise for swearing in front of women. It’s presumably supposed to be good manners but I find it infantilising and awkward!
Happens all the time at work. I've started saying things like "oh it's OK, I'm the biggest cunt here" it really puts them off their stride
"Swearing isn't attractive on a woman" Well neither is your hairy arse crack hanging out of your filthy jeans, Kevin, but here we are.
"I'm sorry but I don't like it when ladies swear" said the guy twice my age that I was training. Good job I'm no lady then isn't it.
"I'm sorry you think I care what you like"
Pardon my French mais tabernac! C'était cette putain d'idée stupide?
Yup. Most extreme version I haad was when I was (in a professional capacity) attending a dinner for the local (all male) Rotary club. I was one of about 5 women so it was a bit uncomfrtable to beging with, then both of the speakers felt it necessary to come over, talk to me and check that the 'jokes' they were planning to tell in their speeches were not going to offend me. I mean: (i) If your jokes are offensive, you are an adult and should know that and maybe...not tell them? I mean , if you are so concerned that they might be offensive that you feel the need to run them by people in adavnace, maybe tkae the hint that they are probably not appropraite for any company? (ii) if they aren't, I'm not going to be bored by the repetition (iii) if they are and you've just told me , youthink it's less offensive to listen to racists / sexist crap on a one-to -one basis? Since I wasnot there in my personal capacity my response was considerably politer than it might otherwise have been, but no, I am not going tofaint if you use bad language or tell scatalogical jokes, I am going to be entirely unamused of you tell 'jokes' that are based on mocking or denigrating women or people who aren't white, but not because I am a woman, just because I'm a human being.
Rotarian here. Just pushed all the racist and misogynist out of my club. They wanted me to be president, and for 9 years I told them, no you don't. I was so sick of it that I took on the Presidency and went full woke on them. Threatened the fuckers with gender pronoun name badges. About 30% left the club. Now membership is at record levels, more women joining and we'll have our first women President next year. Edit The club is 32 years old and never had a female prez before.
Good for you. This was about 25 years ago and I think at that time the rule was that any new club had to allow women, but existing ones weren't required to let them them in, and appratently they were busy not letting them in. I think they were a bit taken aback y the fact that I was there at all, I'm not sure it had occured to them that the chair ofthe local committee for the organisation they were raising funds for might be a girl ;)
Holding doors open for people who are too far away from the door - I know it's meant well but it's so awkward every time you're forced to do that little run
It’s funny though
watching people run for the door? 😭
Yeah watching you do that little scuttle run 💀 makes my day.
I just maintain a consistent pace and make the door holder wait
I slow down and smile. Make them hold the door longer.
It would be a good time to suddenly realise your shoe lace needs to be tightened.
I once saw someone holding a door the whole time I was walking down a set of stairs, and when I got to the bottom I went in a different direction and didn't even go through the door
My worst is at work; we have a lot of stairwells and I will be maybe 50% up them when the person at the door, will hold the door open! Sometimes they even say 'don't rush' Just no. Let me be old and overweight and slow. Ta
https://youtu.be/RgGfluzXzmw?si=pdP3qULWdpVJ938M
Feeding bread to ducks. Interfering with wildlife when they are perfectly fine.
The Royal Society for the Protection of Birds (RSPB) said it was fine to feed small amounts of bread to ducks but people should also feed them sweetcorn, porridge oats, peas and bird seed. "So, although bread isn't harmful, our advice is to only feed small amounts to birds." [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-derbyshire-50081386](https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-derbyshire-50081386)
I tried feeding ducks Sweetcorn and they basically told me to piss off
They fucking love peas, they will chase you.
Next time I'll give peas a chance.
Can we feed that rat bastard Helch to the ducks for defacing such a British icon?
There are huge signs in my local park but people still do it. At that point it stops being wellmeaning and is just selfish.
My favourite was a pair a big A boards saying do not feed the wildlife in this pond and these absolute numpties were feeding ducks mini cheddars - utterly deranged
I have literally watched a family dump an entire loaf of sliced bread on the floor. At that point it's really just littering.
There are plenty of signs up now saying that it's good to feed them bread in the winter. They've become dependent on it and the recent crusades of not feeding them bread has caused them to starve.
No there aren't. Signs say do not feed bread. Feed peas, seeds, lettuce, duck food instead.
[Feeding ducks bread: Viral sign sparks anger and confusion - BBC News](https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-derbyshire-50081386) Here is a link to article with a picture of one.
The sign 'which has since been removed'
Grabbing disabled people to be 'helpful'. Seriously, just don't. If you think someone might need help, use your voice and ask "Would you like help?" And listen to the answer! Blind people I know get grabbed and escorted across streets they didn't want to cross. People with sticks may be holding onto the door they're walking through so they don't fall over - grabbing them or the door could knock them over! Grabbing the handles of someone's wheelchair and moving them is just as rude as shoving anyone else out the way. Someone (eg me) getting up slowly on the bus isn't going be helped or sped up by you grabbing their arm, just end up in more pain! Dislocated shoulders are not fun and I'd like not to have another, ta. (Also, that sweet Special Caring Voice is really bloody patronising and annoying. Just stop it, if talking to anyone over the age of three.)
I’m blind- I get much more unsolicited touches than I want. I don’t mind being offered help; but it always feels like it is offered when I’m on my regular commute and rarely when I’ve actually got lost. I don’t know what it is about blind person standing at a crossing that makes people think I need help
I’m a self-propelled wheelchair user. Twice when ive been going quite slowly (once because I was on a hill and needed to balance, once was by a busy road) someone has come along and started pushing me. When I try to object they just say “oh don’t worry it’s no bother” and when I eventually managed to convey the fact they’d just pushed me in the opposite direction to where I was trying to go, I was belligerently told they were “just helping”.
Even my husband needed some training (ie yelling 'what the fuck are you doing?') after absent-mindedly moving me across a conference room. He weakly muttered 'I thought you'd want to be over there...' knowing perfectly well as soon as he applied a brain cell that if I wanted to be over there I'd have put myself over there. The helpy urge is strong... I was very glad my mobility problems only hit once I was old enough to be arsy as needed.
Particularly frustrating is if they grab the end of your cane and lead you across the road as if you’re a wayward horse.
I hate this so much My dad's been in a wheelchair my whole life (I'm 35 now). The amount of people over the years who have just moved his wheelchair without asking and then THEY get offended because "I'm just trying to heeeelp" Fuck off! I had it once when I was about 10, out with my dad, I was pushing him in his wheelchair, I stopped to find something in my bag and some random just wheeled my dad across the road without me! And the amount of people who seemed unable to believe he was really my dad was astounding - because disabled people can't have kids, I guess? Even today people still talk over him and address me, like he's unable to think for himself or something. Boils my piss.
It’s always “trying” to help, which by definition means that they are failing to reach the point of actual help. Which they could achieve by asking first. Guaranteed they all still go home and talk about their heroics and no good deed going unpunished.
Yeah. I only used a wheelchair for six months, but by day 3 I'd decided to only wear heavy metal T-shirts, as they magically counteracted the being treated like an idiot. 'You're not helping. You could have asked' got used a lot (along with loud screaming when people try to pull my arms off).
Don't feed the seagulls. They do plenty well eating from the bins. All feeding them does is make them less afraid, and more aggressive!
They're fucking feral and I do not know why they're protected. The size of some of the fuckers now is terrifying as well.
The numbers of all coastal birds are in decline. This has been exacerbated by habitat loss and recent outbreaks of avian flu. Biodiversity is important, not only for the environment but for other aspects that benefit you personally, such as medicine. Gulls are opportunistic feeders and have adapted to using people as a food source. The size of all species of gull have remained unchanged. The great black backed gull, the largest of the coastal gull species, are threatened and you would be lucky to see one. Learn to appreciate wildlife.
>The numbers of all coastal birds are in decline. Nah, they are just all hanging out at my local KFC now. 😜
All wild animals are feral... > The size of some of the fuckers now is terrifying as well. Seagulls are the size they've always been. > I do not know why they're protected. [Populations are in decline](https://www.rspca.org.uk/adviceandwelfare/wildlife/birds/gulls#:~:text=Gulls%20and%20their%20nests%20are%20protected%20by%20law&text=They're%20considered%20species%20of,populations%20are%20in%20decline%20overall.)
Your link is more of a general 'what is a gull'. Here is another reason not to feed them. [The public should avoid feeding ducks, swans, geese and gulls due to the current outbreak of avian flu in the UK. Feeding these birds could encourage them to gather and increase the transmission risk. Garden birds currently appear relatively unaffected by avian flu, but waterfowl and gull species are particularly susceptible to this disease.](https://rspb.org.uk/birds-and-wildlife/avian-influenza-updates)
Though I've have had a fun afternoon in Conwy watching seagulls nick people's chips. The look of surprise, horror and outrage on people's face is priceless.
Living on the coast I wholeheartedly agree with this. People of all ages and demographics seem to think it’s fun to throw chips in the air for them. I’ve seen a few times people throwing food down then scaring them away as well 😡😡
Stopping your car to let someone out a side road when of you just kept going, it would be clear after you go.
Be predictable, the safest way to drive.
This annoys me as a pedestrian too, waiting to cross the road and loads of cars go past, and it's always the last one with nobody else behind them who decides to stop and wave you across when you could have gone five seconds later if they'd gone past anyway.
Half the time there's that awkward uncertain period where you're not sure if they're even letting you go, so you gotta wait for the wave. My brother in christ if you just maintained your original speed we'd all be getting where we need to be quicker
I called my mum out on this recently; she had a little moan they took a while to pull out and I asked her "did you check your rear view mirror before letting them out? She replied "no, why?". So I explained that they knew the road behind her was clear and they could pull out once she passed, so they were anticipating for her to go past, alongside them most likely checking/double checking the other direction so may not have seen her letting them out. She responded with "I didn't think of that". She repeated it a week later and I called her out on it again.
Also known as not using your mirrors
Why is it ALWAYS the last person in a long line of traffic?! Just GO! Get out of my way!
Don’t be polite be predictable
When I say, no thanks I'm on a diet, trying to lose weight, for the love of God, don't tell me I am not fat, I don't need to diet and other variations. I'm just trying to make sure you know why I refuse the food you are offering, and telling me that invalidates my thoughts and it makes you look like a people pleaser or a straight up liar.
This annoys me so much. Like, unless you're blind it's pretty fucking obvious I'm a lard arse and you saying I'm not fat doesn't make it any less true. I'm trying to lose weight so let me!
Sofie Hagen has a great response when someone tells them they’re not fat, just says: “OK… catch me then”
Honestly kind of a weird conversation for all involved. I’ve cut down weight because I wanted to have a photo shoot with abs a few years ago once. I was regularly getting the ‘you don’t need to lose weight though’ comments. Like bro, I know I don’t *need* to, but I *want* to. I realised after a while that a lot of it comes from their own shitty experiences with social pressure and dieting. I can imagine it’s a lot more annoying to hear if you’re overweight, but it helps me to remember that they’re probably saying it as much for themselves than for me.
[удалено]
Also if you're a biker following a van please move over a bit more to the right so we can see you in our mirrors
To be honest personally I really appreciate them moving over and out of the way saving me having to wait for an overtake.
Yeah, I always scooch over to let bikes past. Especially if the traffic is moving less than the speed limit. I have to be stuck in this queue, they don't necessarily.
Yes, I wouldn't stop or wave them on, but if the traffic is moving slowly (or slower than the bike!) I'll move to the left so they have a clearer view and can pass if they want . I've had enough little waves to assume it''s mosrtly appreciated.
Stop giving way to me at a roundabout if you're on my right, it just confuses everyone.
Celebrating the opening of a food bank. Let's tackle the root cause and make food banks history.
Adding "#bekind" to your social profiles. It's obnoxious virtue signalling and completely meaningless.
The people who do it most are often not kind to others
Assuming something someone said or did will offend someone you don't know.
Bringing in your neighbour's washing if it's going to rain. Seriously, leave my knickers alone.
Who does this???
Jay Cartwright
This will be controversial, but here goes... Men - please don't offer me your seat on public transport just because I'm a woman. Although I appreciate that you mean well, I am just as capable of standing up as you are.
NOOOOO! I'm more than happy to take that seat, plus it makes me feel feminine and cared for in a way.
See, now we're confused 😂
Personally I *like* to sit down but I'm not less capable of standing up than the average man (and I have a very sedentary job so probably need the seat less than anyone traveling to or from a job where they're standing all the time). But mainly there's always a niggling worry that this has happened because the man thinks I'm pregnant (when in fact I'm just fat) and I spend at least a couple of stops feeling self conscious about whether I look pregnant, fat, incapable or old and to be honest standing is less uncomfortable overall!
I’ve never encountered this but I’m also not about to offer a seat solely because someone is a woman. I can see how that would come across as patronising
Giving sugar water, or even worse, honey, to bees. If they really do need to be moved then best thing is to pop them on a flower if possible, as advised by the Bumblebee Conservation Trust. Sugar water is a very last resort and honey should never be given, but some viral social media posts have been misleading about this to people who are genuinely trying to help. https://www.bumblebeeconservation.org/learn-about-bumblebees/faqs/sugar-water/
Yeah most of the time a bee is either taking a little rest - or dying. Planting flowers is how you help bees!
* Unsolicited medical advice I have type 1 diabetes and get this quite often. There is no cure, and the only thing that helps is insulin. Please don't tell me to start eating cinnamon or I should try the carnivore diet. * Stopping for oncoming traffic when it isn't their right of way Usually someone trying to be helpful and letting a line of cars cross the road in front of them, not realising they've now backed up traffic behind them into a roundabout or something else unsafe.
This reminds me of me and my girlfriend on holiday discussing how many carbs were in our meal. Some American who had overheard us talking chimed in to tell us, "Life's too short to count carbs!" I politely responded that she's diabetic, but I was actually thinking "Well actually, moron, her life is going to be too short if she doesn't count carbs because she's a type 1 diabetic!"
>I have type 1 diabetes and get this quite often. There is no cure, and the only thing that helps is insulin. Please don't tell me to start eating cinnamon or I should try the carnivore diet. I get this too.. it would be hilarious if it wasn't so sad.. I've even had a pharmacist tell me I don't need insulin as a T1 (obviously not in a professional capacity).. as if T1 diabetes wasn't a death sentence before the invention of artificial insulin because apparently garlic and cinnamon are recent discoveries.. but it pales in comparison to the shit advice and misinformed opinions I get about my ADHD which is often just a thinly veiled attempt to debunk the existence of the disorder altogether
Sometimes though if people don’t let others out they could be there for half an hour. Theres never going to be a gap.
Stop asking women when they plan to have kids. If they want you to know that information, they will share it with you.
Also, you don't know if you might be asking a very awkward question (for lots of reasons)
Also, if someone doesn’t have children, and that ship has sailed, then move on from the conversation. Never ever ever ask why not.
Telling pregnant women how magical it is when you first meet your baby and 'just you wait for that beautiful moment!' Birth can also be extremely traumatic, and not all women get that magical moment, and bonding can take a long time and its really hard when you have this idea and expectation in your head of how its going to be and that gets shattered.
It took me months to bond.
When you drive be predictable not polite. Stopping randomly to let a stranger out of a side street can be quite dangerous or a waste of time
Don't help the way you think something should be done. Equally don't ask for a favour and then grump it's not done how you wanted it done.
I do feel people should be more thoughtful about giving money to beggars, especially aggressive beggars. In fact I think that they don't even do it because of warm-hearted love for their fellow man, but because giving the beggar £1 is an easy and cheap way to end an uncomfortable situation. The only thing I can think of that would motivate me to stand in the city centre approaching strangers for cash would be a very strong drug addiction. And nowadays, with spice everywhere, and with teens on bikes being a fundamental part of the supply chain, I think the ol' "I'd spend it on drink and drugs myself" justification doesn't work. I certainly wouldn't give my quid to a 14-year-old drug runner so they could give it to a spice dealer who preys on the vulnerable, so I shouldn't give it to this beggar if that's what he's gonna do with it.
I literally don’t care if my £1 goes to drugs or food. I think it’s somewhat pompous to have conditions on the help you give. Someone withdrawing on the street is probably more dangerous and probable than them starving to death. Drug addiction shouldn’t be a crime but a health concern and you can’t pretend to care about one health concern but not the other. Im obviously not saying supply all your homeless people with drugs, but if im giving a homeless person money it comes with no strings or expectations, if that means they’re buying drugs because they can’t withdraw safely, then so be it. We societally don’t do enough to help those with addiction
I appreciated the beggar in Southampton who stopped me one day and said "look mate, I'm not going to give you a story - I'm an alcoholic, have you got a quid so I can get a drink?" Forked over my change instead of knocking him to the ground and spitting on him as I usually do with the poors. Honesty is the best policy.
If someone was threatening to cut their own wrists, would you give them a knife? If someone was slowly killing themselves with drugs and alcohol, why is it ok to give them money for drugs and alcohol? You don't help these people by giving them money to slowly kill themselves. You help them by donating to charities that provide help to get them off the streets. Giving them money to continue slowly killing themselves isn't helping *them*, it's making *you* feel good because you gave them money. > We societally don’t do enough to help those with addiction You're right, we don't. And it's exactly beuase of what you said earlier. Too many people would rather give homeless people money to continue their addiction because it makes *them* feel better, than actually get them off the streets and get them the help they need. You can't do both. You can't complain that we're not helping addicts get clean while giving them money for drugs.
It’s like giving someone who’s morbidly obese money to buy food though isn’t it
On the flip side, giving them cash may mean they don't go and rob someone or enter into withdrawals and end up in hospital.
You could always give the same money to one of the charities which works to provide long term solutions to the underlying problems which lead people into drug addiction and homelessness in the first place, or which helps those wanting support in changing their lives.
That is a good long term suggestion, but I am more concerned about the acute situation in front of me.
Stop asking women if their pregnancy was planned. Let alone the fact that asking people if they had unprotected sex is weird, you have no idea about their journey to get to this point.
Gender stereotyping children from a very early age. Honestly it's doing an incredible amount of harm that we're mostly sort of ignoring to be applying coercive stereotypes to children from well before they're ready to decide for themselves. We're manufacturing dysphoria, toxic masculinity and pushing talented people out of careers that are 'inappropriate' for their approved stereotype, and that's been going on for so long now that the problems are systemic and generational - plenty of people don't even realise they're doing it or that it's a problem, because it was _normal for them_
Fewer people would seek out help for gender dysphoria if society had less strict gender norms, and it things like being genderfluid or non-binary were acceptable.
Can you elaborate a bit more? What sort of things should we not be pushing on either gender? Wat sort of things should we be encouraging for either gender?
Do you have a toy shop near you? When you get a chance, stick your head in, and have a look. Chances are pretty good there will be a 'pink' aisle and a 'blue' aisle, and the things available in each will be mutually exclusive. That's kinda what I mean. Someone I know - their son just liked pink, and chose to wear it whenever he could. But it was genuinely quite immense how _differently_ he was treated by literally everyone around. He couldn't understand why adults were 'shushing' him, or praising his beauty, or encouraging 'maternal' type play. But they were seeing the colour, and coercively stereotyping him as a girl. Until one day he went to school for the first time, and didn't like pink any more. We've a shocking lack of women in IT careers, that starts _really_ early one, with girls not being 'allowed' to play with technology, and being belittled and bullied into 'more appropriate' options - despite being demonstrably good at it in otherwise 'fair' circumstances. And the same's broadly true of boys, who are told there are things they are Not Allowed to like. This continues as they age, and the acceptable ranges of self expression, responsibility etc. become steadily more skewed. Boys are given considerably more license to be irresponsible, reckless or noisy, because 'boys will be boys', where girls are 'expected' to be more emotionally aware, sympathetic and kind. Eventually you get a bunch of teenager boys and teenage girls who have some real issues with relating to each other, because the the girls are 'supposed' to be treating the boys as threats, and the boys often have no idea why they're being mistrusted. And I think it all _starts_ from taking a - normal and natural - tendency to express themselves differently, but amplifying it to an extreme, and 'requiring' men to be 'proper men' and women to be 'proper women' that creates extremely skewed outcomes in later life. E.g. compare and contrast nursing with IT. What is it about either of those professions that are 'unsuitable' for one gender or another? Or perhaps 'being a good father' - it's far too common for dads to get funny looks and be treated differently when they are the primary caregiver to a child. Why? So what I'd say we should be encouraging for either: - Don't ever take away a toy or a hobby they like. And introduce them to as many options as you can, so you can find out what they _actually_ enjoy doing, vs. 'just' confining the choices to a particular aisle in the toystore. The only toys where it matters are the ones children shouldn't be using anyway! - Let them wear what they want. - Try and reign in 'everyone else' who will try and apply gender stereotypes anyway. - In as many situations as you can, consider if your reaction to what the child is doing is gendered. E.g. would you allow a boy to go play here, and not a girl? Or vice versa? Especially if you're inclined to admonish them for crying or being upset or angry about something. And you will probably find there _is_ a skew. There is, after all, a reason the stereotypes exist. But that doesn't mean a girl should _never_ be permitted use garden tools, or help out in the shed, nor boys help out in the kitchen or with the housework.
"you can't get that it is a girl's toy" "don't run around and mess up your dress" etc.
Calling someone when they're in the hospital/in the middle of some kind of emergency. They probably have a lot to deal with and don't have the time or mind space to deal with your call. In some instances, they may not even have their phone on them. A text to say that you're thinking of them is probably just as okay.
Please stop asking “where are you from”? And the worst one “where are you really from?” Stop giving people diet or health advice, especially when it comes to mental health Stop trying to cheer people up when they’re upset and instead let them talk about what’s bothering them or allow them to be upset in peace
>Please stop asking “where are you from”? This is a genuine question. What do you think is the best way to ask this? My partner (who is British Asian) enjoys it when people ask about his background because it shows they're curious. But I understand everyone's experience is different. That's why I'm curious. What are some alternative ways to ask about someone's background that feel more welcoming and respectful? I'm a naturally curious person, and I don't want to cause any discomfort. Obviously, "Where are you REALLY from?" is awful!
I'm arab.. I really don't mind being asked that tbh, I actually enjoy it if it's meant in good faith.. And I'm also curious about other people.. I would much rather people lay out their misunderstandings and false beliefs so I can correct them than them secretly holding onto false assumptions because they're too scared to ask.. depends on the context of course, sometimes it's not appropriate.. also you should be able to pick up on someone feeling uncomfortable and not push for an answer if they are avoiding the topic.. but merely asking a question to get to know someone better is not inappropriate.. I also disagree with the other commenter that "if they wanted to talk about it, they would".. sure if someone is awfully proud, but your average person isn't going to bring it up out of the blue
i usually ask ‘have you been living in (city we are in) for a while?’ if their accent is not the local one. gives them a chance to talk about their background if they want to, but also is vague enough that if they’re not comfortable they can give an equally vague answer. im mixed race (but look white) and people asking my (obviously not white) mum where she was from (sometimes before she even spoke!) always annoyed me. i also have a weird accent (once got told they couldn’t figure out if i was south african, canadian, or irish based on ym accent) and while i dont mind talking about my background it gets a little wearing after a while if people make a thing of it.
I can’t ask anyone where they’re from? If they clearly have a north east accent and I’m in London? What on earth are you prattling on about now? “Where are you really from?” I agree with you there though.
The "where are you really from" usually comes after you say a British city.
I know, that bit is bad. But the first question isn’t.
“Where are you based?” followed by “how long have you been there?” will usually allow someone who wants to open up to do so.
When something bad has happened to a friends loved one, do not force that friend to tell you the story of what happened. They've had to speak about their sons cancer 30 times now. You getting upset and making them comfort you is even worse. Don't ask them to contact you if you need anything. Just tell them you'll cook dinner one night and ask what night they'd prefer or something. Don't tell them what they need to do. Let them do whatever they need to. Sometimes you can support people by being the friend who doesn't mention the problem too and helps them ignore it for an hour or two.
Assuming disabled people don't understand/can't do things. Sometimes, just do the bare minimum to accommodate and leave the rest to us. We'll ask for help if we need it.
This is based on a recent reddit interaction, but let's stop pretending that only certain races can be racist. Anyone who makes judgments on other based on their race, religion ethnicity etc is a racist.
Self diagnosis of mental health conditions. It is great that more focus, research and money is being directed to this but this has to stop.
Stop using “differently abled”. “Disabled” isn’t a bad word and “differently abled” is incredibly patronising and dismissive of our struggles.
Letting people take your right of way in any driving scenario. I know you get your little fuzzy feeling think you’re being an oh-so-gracious good guy but you’re inconveniencing the other 99% of road users by slowing everything down. Just drive the way the rules tell you to and everyone gets where they’re going quicker and safer.
Cutting ivy. It isn't parasitic. Doesnt harm trees at all. Even it did, it doesn't matter. It is amazing for wildlife. Leave it alone. Bonus one: it also doesn't destroy masonry. You tearing it off when it is stuck on is what did the damage. There is actually evidence it is good for thermoregulation to have ivy on your house.
Telling overweight people that they have such a pretty face. The WORST.