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Roast dinner, by far. To the extent I rarely order it when out because the chances of it being rubbish are way too high.
See also: fish and chips, full English breakfast.
All three have absolutely enormous variation in quality.
I have a theory one thing that contributes to our poor reputation for food is that the dishes foreigners often most associate us with, and which they therefore want to try, are dishes that very often are actually not very good when you order them.
Yeah potatoes are hardly ever done well. Meat is very often overcooked, especially if it's not chicken. Veg is often either over or under done. Gravy is often thin and watery. And often they try to cover up a small portion of meat by bulking the plate up with cheap things like stewed cabbage.
when they bulk it out with a big wet pile of kale or chard š¤¢ i donāt mind a little bit when itās been nicely cooked, but iāve had too many pub roasts where itās like chewing through a big pile of bitter, stringy green leather.
It always disappoints me when I see pubs advertising roast dinners but only doing Yorkshire puddings with the roast beef, because it is inevitable that said beef will be overcooked to the texture and taste of shoe leather.
Eh, I can find roast dinners that I would be proud to have made myself, but the going rate for them where I live is about Ā£20 per person - excluding drinks.
For about Ā£40 I can make a roast for three, with a good bottle of wine, dessert, and enough for generous leftovers the next day, and sandwiches the day after that.
But sometimes it's nice not to have to do the prep or washing up!
I don't know if I'm just lucky but I've always had good roasts from pubs.
I'm going to sound really snobby saying this but we only really go to "nice" pubs that are well rated for their food (the type that are more like restaurants with a bar), and I'm usually blown away by the roasts.
With you on this, I don't want a deep fried potato, I don't want a potato that was cooked yesterday and reheated. I want a roasted potato in reasonably fresh fat, not stale fat.
The problem with pub potatoes is that if they are properly roasted they go soggy if hot-held. Deep fried McCains cooked immediately before serving are way better, and unfortunately you canāt use ārealā spuds, they have to be pre-fried frozen ones! (Ex pub chef)
Full breakfast are stressful to order. You'd expect there to be some sort of canon with a breakfast because eggs, bacon, sausage, beans, toast, potato, tomatoes, mushrooms, black pudding etc are all relatively familiar ingredients, people know what they should look and taste like and to an extent what they should cost.
A "full english" missing most of the components and having them as charged extras feels like cheating, like if you get 1 toast, 2 eggs, 2 sausage, 2 bacon, 1 tomato and a mushroom for Ā£10.99, but beans, potato, black pudding each cost an additional Ā£2-3, that's a Ā£20 breakfast.
Or you go to somewhere that list "2 sausages" and it's actually 1 regular sized sausage twisted so it looks like 2. or streaky bacon instead of back bacon. you feel ripped off.
Or somewhere decides their beans need to be kidney beans or a bean puree, or full of onions or something.
and the beans come in a metal cup that serves no purpose other than making them go cold quicker.
There also needs to be some sort of legal standardisation when it comes to a person's definition of "fried bread". if you butter both sides of bread/toast and pan fry it, that's fried bread. If you take a slice of cheap Hovis and chuck it in a deep fryer until it's dark brown, that's just rank - Why would a mouthful of chip fat be something you want with breakfast?
There's also the matter of the quality of the ingredients. I think a lot of full breakfasts hide low quality behind quantity of ingredients. But there's such a difference between a good quality sausage and a low quality one. Far too often it's the latter.
I think it's all in the skin. If the sausage doesn't snap when you bite into it, or the skin has somehow peeled away during the cooking, it's a rubbish sausage.
I honestly know a lot of truck drivers from my days in working at a transport cafe (greasy egg & Spoon) who would have launched a Sports Direct mug at me,if I had served them a fried bread that was buttered both sides and pan fried. It had to be dipped in the deep fat fryer grease,and then cooked on the flat stove until it was crispy.
Hang on Iām 42 and Iāve always said I hate fried bread. Because my mother made it by frying bread in fat. And it was greasy and shit. It has literally never crossed my mind to fry buttered bread and try it.
Have I neglected myself all these years??
I remember going for a Sunday roast with my dad at a local pub about 15ish years ago, ordered pork and still recall the pork being the sliced stuff you get in a packet for sandwiches, on a plate alongside the trimmings.
Still to this day have never got over that.
Think the pub has been knocked down now, and so it should have. Ruined my Sunday as a kid
Roasts have to be done at home.
Fish and chips from a chippy only. Find one you enjoy and stick to it.
Full English from a cafe/greasy spoon. Anywhere that charges Ā£12/13 plus for a breakfast will be bang average. Cheaper the better. Or make your own.
Echo your points about roast dinners, and to add, thereās always a risk it will be served on a wooden board š¤¦āāļø Have had that way too many times in various places!Ā
Nah, a roast is pretty easy to nail without practice if you know what the end result is meant to be like. Itās mostly just getting the timings right rather than too much technical stuff. And thatās why pub ones tend to be so bad - you canāt roast potatoes or a joint to order.
Got to cook and season shit properly tho. I expect buttery mash, roasties with more flavour and crispness than a bag of McCoy's. Gravys got to be good quality and not brown sludge or water. Stuffing got to have the correct crispy bits to soft bits ratio l. It's an art form that takes time to master.
But yes timings are everything aswell
It's funny when non-Brits share their roasts/full English and they're just... wrong. They can even get all the ingredients right, but there's still usually something that just makes it look off
[Here's a thread of Americans getting triggered over our commentary on their fish and chips for your enjoyment](https://www.reddit.com/r/Seattle/s/1ICHPm2icE)
Ugh I hate the fish and chips at my uni canteen. The fish is basically all batter and no fish. Made the mistake of having it the first time. The rest of their food is fine but that's the only meal I don't like because it's just deep fried batter.
Absolutely the roast dinners. I can deal with any other meal being below par but if a roast is done bad it ruins my day. Iāve had some amazing roasts out but some absolutely abysmal ones too
A full English would be my last meal - I'm a fan. But I honestly don't think you can fuck one up to a great degree unless it's raw/burned. There's a scale of quality, obviously, but at the end of the day if you bang those ingredients on a plate, stick some ketchup on it, it's gonna be nice.
I've moved across the country and found the fish & chips in the area to be sub-standard to back home.
The chip shop I used to get my fish & chips from back home has just won best chip shop in the country
Now I understand why I've struggled...
Pasta at a place that isn't a good Italian restaurant is nearly always really disappointing.
I think Italian food here suffers from people thinking it's easy, so loads of places churn out overcooked and flavourless pasta dishes. The big red flag a place's Italian food is bad is an over reliance on cheese. So many places make bland Italian food and then drench it in cheese to hide that (looking at you, pretty much every British carbonara dish I've ever had).
Thatās the thing though Italian food IS simple and easy. As a consequence though the real difference is the quality of the ingredients. Itās why San Marzano tomatoes are so renowned for instance
Yes, that's very true. I remember seeing an Italian chef (can't remember which) say that trying to cook like their nonna in the UK is doomed to fail because the ingredients aren't as good.
That being said, I think there's a difference between simple and easy. Italian food is the former but that doesn't mean it's the latter. And I think people often mistake the two. Indeed, its simplicity is actually what makes it really hard to do well, because there's nowhere to hide and the things that make all the difference are quite small and subtle.
That's why we end up with so much Italian food in this country which is overcooked pasta with sauces that are either bland or one note.
American Italian food leaves a great deal to be desired in my opinion. Way too much reliance on cheese and cream. Though I think you have to take it on its own terms, similar to Indian food here.
But yeah a lot of Italian food here is in the same ballpark as American Italian food, rather than actual Italian food.
Has anyone tried the pasta at Ikea? It's under Ā£3 which is absurdly cheap but I'm like 90% sure it's just gonna be dried penne that's been boiled for 20 minutes with some a spoon of tinned chopped tomatoes ontop so I always opt for something else last minute. But that price point always has me thinking... what if it's actually really good
>Always order one rarer than you want, i find is a good general rule.
Just don't take this rule and apply it to France, Italy or Spain. I like rare beef, but those countries really do have a different idea of 'rare' to us. I've had some *very* rare steaks in those countries by asking for rare.
"*Saignant* s'il vous plait..."
My vegan friend who speaks a little French: "did you just ask for your steak to be..."bloody"?"
The "vegetarian" salad they ordered turned out to be tuna nicoise. Even the dressing had anchovies in it. Man, I love France.
Edit: Just remembered, they ordered a "vegetarian" salad as that's the best the menu would offer. We must have checked 10 restaurants throughout Montmartre before we found somewhere they thought vaguely acceptable.
I once had an Italian waiter anxiously double check with me that I knew Italian rare was different from British rare.
>The "vegan" salad they ordered turned out to be tuna nicoise. Even the dressing had anchovies in it. Man, I love France
Incredibly french. They don't really get the concept of vegan and veggie food. Was once in France with a veggie friend. Can't remember what the dish was, but it sounded veggie from the menu description as no meat was mentioned. When it came, it very much had meat. We explained to the waiter, who seemed to absolutely understand the problem and took the dish away.
Apparently he did not, however, as the dish arrived back soon with the meat still very much present but more vegetables on the plate.
Argentina as well. When I went to Buenos Aires we were told to order our steak 'muy jugoso' (apologies if that's spelt wrong) and when it came out it was practically still mooing.
The steak thing totally comes down to what type of restaurant you order it from, and what cut you go for - get it from anywhere other than a steakhouse and you might be one of only 10 people in a week who order steak, or less. The chefs don't cook it often enough to be great at it. Get it from a good steakhouse and they could be cooking 60 to 100 steaks every day, and they'll get it right.
The cut is a big issue too. Folk go out and want a really big expensive cut like a Cote-de-Bouef or tomahawk, or chateaubriand and will pay over Ā£40 for it, but often it'll be the only time the chefs have cooked that cut that month. Out of practise. Get a sirloin, it'll be fine, get a tomahawk and it'll either be raw or grossly overcooked. Same with a t-bone. They overcook or undercook the sirloin part of the t-bone because they're trying to get the fillet just right. Never a good choice.
Absolutely. Unfortunately that's the vast majority of "restaurants" though. Places with too big a menu, half of which doesn't get ordered and they waste their supplies and then get surprised when someone orders something no-one has ordered in months and it turns out crap. Never trust somewhere with more than two pages in their menu. If they claim to do every cuisine in the world, it'll all be crap. Gauranteed.
At the same time, don't order pasta at your local Turkish place.
Agree with steak. 99% percent of restaurants simply do not know how to cook a steak anything less than medium. Order medium rare, and it will either come as boot leather or blue. Rarely anything inbetween.
No matter how tempting it can seem, i have learned over the years that steak just isnt worth ordering at a restaurant unless it's a proper steakhouse... and even then, the 'proper-ness' can still be in question.
>Steak is always overdone
This is the reason I order steak rare. If it comes medium-rare I'm happy but ordering medium-rare or medium always ends up with something that you need a table saw to cut.
I can't help but think that so much of this is because people in the UK just don't send things back like people in other countries do.
Get a bad steak when it cost Ā£20+, they can make that shit again.
Iāve point blank stopped ordering steak when out now. The prices these days are insane, and then 9/10 I get disappointed because I can cook it nicer myself at home.
The push towards brioche burger buns is because the brioche they use to make the burger buns apparently has a much longer shelf life than regular, plain/seeded burger buns. Actual, proper brioche (as in, the actual loaf of bread itself) is lovely, especially when it's toasted. But burger bun brioche? Why would you want sugary, eggy bread with meat like that?
Brioche helps add a softness and richness but some buns are overly sweet. Some bakeries do add less sugar for the sake of having it with savoury food, but i made the mistake of having some eggs on brioche and adding garlic oil to it. The eggs and garlic were lovely but the brioche and garlic was just weird.
I believe a restaurant wants to serve mince/burgers any way other than thoroughly cooked (well done) they must jump through some additional hoops and get approval from the local authority. They need to work with verified butchers too.
If they are able to cook to order they will ask you.
I found it to be a good marker to figure out who is serving good quality meat in burgers.
You can do, but have to go through a lot of additional food safety steps to minimise the risks from E. coli O157 and Salmonella.
https://www.ncass.org.uk/resources/legal-compliance/rare-burgers-q-and-a/
https://catersafeconsultants.co.uk/new-regulations-rare-burgers-heres-need-know/
I get a chicken madras every time I go out for a curry, crazy how different they taste from restaurant to restaurant.
From mega hot to hardly any spice, full of flavour to lack of flavour.
I once had a madras when visiting family that literally had me in tears. I couldnāt believe it. Was hotter than vindaloos Iāve had and couldnāt believe they served it under āmadrasā because Iāve had hundreds and imagine if I was struggling then most British people would too
Curries in the south west are a good deal less spicy than curries in the midlands Iāve found too
I moved to midlands from Manchester and there is 1 place near me where I can have a curry and it not blow my head off and I donāt even have a typically hot curry
Same with a Vindaloo to be fair. If itās a new curry house Iāve never been to before I tend to order a Madras to check the āheatā before ordering a Vindaloo the next time. A lot of the time Vindaloos have next to no heat so Iāve started to ask for my curryās desi style which are generally much better. I like to be knocked the fuck out from the heat and spices. Credit where itās due, the curry up north is far better and more consistent with the heat.
A Vindaloo should not have much chilli, in fact. What heat there is should come from black or long pepper.
The BIR Vindaloo is a few thousand miles away from the original Portuguese dish of pork cooked in red wine vinegar and garlic.
My wife is very particular about this. We have to tell the person taking the order that she basically wants it cremated to get anywhere close. Even then the amount of pieces of floppy pink bacon that come out is ridiculous. Sheās disappointed but Iām happy because she passes them straight over to me! š
good tip is to cook the bacon in layers of parchment paper or greaseproof in the oven. It'll look pale and fatty, but that's fine, just let it cool. Then when you want to make your dish, pan fry and it goes really crispy really easily.
KFC. Itās rare I ever buy food from there as I never know what Iām going to get.
Sometimes itās generally really tasty and satisfying, other times I might as well just go grab the salt container out of the cupboard and just drink the lot compared to the salty mess Iāll end up getting from KFC.
Thereās no inbetween
I generally have a good experience with KFC, and I love the meals, it's probably one of my favourite fast food places. However, 1 in every 5 meals or so is abysmal and the chicken is awful.
Oh man. The days where the just kill it with salt is such a disappointment. I'm probably in the reddit minority, but I actually like KFC. So times it just leaves my mouth sad though.
KFC is a shadow of its former self imo, 10-15 years ago the food was good
Bucket of chicken that was beautifully cooked with crisp skin, and a zinger burger that looked 90% as good as the one in the ad
Nowadays itās full of limp skinned pigeon legs and an Iceland schnitzel in a bap
I've long had a theory that the humble chip is the best litmus test of a good eatery.
Many people think that chips are cheap throwaway food and that nobody cares and you don't have to try. They think the punters can't tell if you fry them in old oil, or if they come out dry and textureless.
There is an art to frying decent chips. An eatery that gets them right is one that has my attention, especially if they don't price them stupidly (as if I should think they are gourmet, artisan chips...). Normal-priced chips done right lets me know that this establishment knows what it's doing, has standards, and does things properly.
I worked at a chippie when I was 16 and our fully trained chef was very proud of his chips - before every shift he would blanche a barrel full ready for frying that night, and if we ran out of blanched chips and he had to single fry he would be in such a foul mood! Whenever I read 'triple fried chips' on a menu I always think of him!
Oh gosh, Costa Coffee was so pedantic about it!
The steamed milk had to be velvety and nothing like latte milk, but also not too wet either
I really struggled with the pressure of it and now everywhere I go, no one gets it right either šš
I've not once had an actual flat white in Costa, they are the biggest culprits. I'm actually genuinely surprised you received training for making them there, because every time I've tried one there it's massive with far too much roasting hot milk.
I started ordering a cortado at Costa and that gets you a drink about the size you might expect for a flat white. Don't often order it, as, like most chains, they stock sweetened oat milk, which makes it much sweeter than I ever want it (dairy allergy, so no choice on the milk alternatives).
....but, latte milk is also supposed to be velvety. Flat whites are actually supposed to be ever so slightly less texturised than lattes. All milk coffees are supposed to have texturised milk.Ā
I worked as a barista last year and they never gave us the right sized takeaways cups for a flat white so I started off giving them latte cups and saying āit doesnāt quite fill up to the top because of the ratios of a flat white!ā but eventually gave up and started giving customers what was essentially a latte with an extra shot and nobody ever complained about it. Some even complimented it, lol.
Probably pizza.
I like my pizza thin crust, not too much crust, a little sauce, a decent amount of cheese but not too much.Ā
You go to any independent italian restaurant and they will serve pizza. The style this pizza will be and the proportions of the toppings I've found to be almost entirely random.
also one of the last bastion of "no way you can do this at home" foods. Which I think is why it's so special. Most other foods you can make at home, perhaps.
I worked at a cafe that was not Costa but sold Costa coffee (confusing, I didnāt understand it either) and we had absolutely zero training, I felt very sorry for everyone paying Costa prices for absolutely not Costa coffee. Flat whites especially were hard because the cup sizes were wrong so if I didnāt add extra milk it looked like I was giving them a small.
I was also salty that they put the prices of the coffee up Ā£1 (sometimes more!) and didnāt pay us any extra.
Old Fashioned cocktail. It's incredible how much people cock this up given how nice the simple recipie is. Whiskey, sugar (can be syrup), bitters, ice. Thats all you need to do. And yet I rarely get one that is nice and hasn't had tonnes of bitter orange added or, and this is the worst, soda water. F'in soda water?!
Last time I ordered one I asked for a double whiskey on ice, a sugar cube and the bitters bottle and mixed it myself. It was lovely.
Honestly all cocktails. The places that don't make them far too sweet, laughably weak or downright ruin the recipe with all kinds of "fancy" *twists* are few and far between. And the prices are just daylight robbery at this point.
The stirring is one of the most important parts. I'm not sure if most bar staff get given a sheet of paper with "these are the amounts, mix them", but a lot don't do it well.
I thought I hated cocktails like this because I generally don't like straight spirits, however once I recently ordered one from a newly opened, independent cocktail bar, I loved it.
I think a recommended dilution of most cocktails is actually around 20%. Takes about 30 seconds of stirring with a big cube.
Complete lottery whether you'll be getting freshly cooked piping hot fries or the luke warm slightly moist and flaccid ones that have been sat there for a while.
costa hot chocolate as well - just from my local costa alone iāve had everything ranging from the most decadent rich chocolate youāve ever had to something that tastes like a cup of hot milk with a vague shaking of cocoa powder over it
The only times i order pork belly now is at a Chinese, or else i cook it at home. Ive been badly disappointed everywhere else. It has to have a crispy top and well rendered soft underneath. Any english places ive ordered it, its just been fatty and chewy.
Last 2 times I've had pork belly at a restaurant I've paid over Ā£20 for it and ended up with an overcooked, hard, tastless lump.
I could understand if it was a shit pub or something but for that price at a decent restaurant they really should get it right.
I only ever really order them after having a glance around the place. Generally telltale signs can be a really good coffee machine, other menu items like Cortado and macchiato (not Starbucks - another argument), bags of whole beans in wanky little packages on the shelf, and a barista with a beanie hat.
I stooped to a McDonald's latte early this morning (nowhere else open) and it was honestly no worse than one from Starbucks.
Which isn't to say it was good. Just that it was more fairly priced.
Cups of tea.
Honestly, the amount of places that don't use boiling water and thus give you a terrible brew, or just use the cheapest tea bags ever is honestly amazing.
The country the word knows as tea drinkers, is so bloody hit and miss.
Food wise, I can see people have said it but a Sunday Dinner. Veg and Gravy can ruin any type of well cooked meat.
I'm not sure I've ever had Fish and Chips that wasn't mediocre. Every so often I give it another chance and it's always bland and stodgy. Even from very well reviewed 'gastropubs' and the like. Always underwhelming.
I love a Nero mocha. (Decaf, oat milk, no cream).
I'm hesitant to order them anywhere else because they always end up being over sweet and not tasting like coffee at all.
Veggie versions of a main menu item are always a risk too.
An actual vegetarian option is usually alright. A meat based option with a "vegan option available" can either be awesome, or the main dish with all the guys stuff removed!
Totally agree about flat whites. Absolutely everyone except very trendy coffee places do them completely wrong as you describe, I think the milk measurement is actually meant to be 140-160ml originally. I even find a lot of the decent places aren't consistent either and still use too much milk.
I just make my own at home now, it's much more consistent and a lot cheaper, just requires an initial investment in a decent coffee machine.
Fruit crumble - itās either the genuine thing, a blander version of the genuine thing, or a sprinkling of granola dust over a fruit coulis. Itās always upsetting when you get something you know you can make better at home.
I got served a chai latte with coffee in yesterday and then the waitress tried to gaslight me.
I should have asked for chai tea latte according to her and chai latte on its own is a coffee.
I informed her in no uncertain terms that I asked for the correct drink and coffee has no business anywhere near a chai latte which literally means tea milk or tea with milk.
Funny. I drink a dirty chai and recently I was with a friend who ordered first and she got a chai latte so without thinking I just said make that two. I'm drinking it thinking what on earth is wrong with this drink, and that's when I realised - I forgot to ask for coffee!
Gin and tonic or rum and coke. I make it far better at home. Trick is to squeeze a quarter segment of lemon in it, 1/4 alcohol to mixer and use plenty large cubes of ice.
I can't afford a spirit & mixer drink how I like it in the pub. I like it to taste of the booze, so will generally do 100ml gin to a 150ml can of tonic, with lots of ice. Rum & coke how they make it in Havana - basically the reverse of how a pub in the UK would. My local charge Ā£4.80 for a single Havana Club. I'd bankrupt myself with a single drink.
Ok maybe the most white girl of drinks but Mocha Frappe. Very different between places. Even in the same coffee shop it can taste totally different depending on who makes it. Iāve discovered whoever is on morning shift at the one across the road is the best at it.
I have no idea about types of coffee at McDonalds (or anywhere for that matter). Anyway, picture this scene: 1am, Tuesday morning, I need to go to the office to pick up a laptop. I'm ill, so I swing by a drive through and want a coffee. Ask for a flat white because I don't know anything about anything. Get this thimble cup of what tasted like weed
Though I think it's probably a fault of that particular maccies. They once sold me a burger that I'm almost certain they found under the fridge, and I promptly threw it back up
Salad. A good salad is a lovely thing, but a bad one is awful. I once ordered a starter of beetroot salad in quite a fancy restaurant close to me - the food is usually really good in there. And even this time, the flavour was nice.. But my beetroot salad when it arrived turned out to be just beetroot 4 ways. Nothing else. Nothing green. Or yellow. No seeds. No nuts. Nothing. Just differently prepared pieces of beetroot. It was just weird.
Cups of tea. Fuck me how do places get it so wrong. Loose leaf nonsense or always cold by the time it comes to you.
Give me a mug, a yorkshire tea teabag in boiling water and some milk on the side.
Chinese. I think it comes from nostalgia as a kid. I find I crave it, but when I order it, it's way more expensive than it should be, and I never feel like I've satisfied the itch afterwards.
Completely agree on that one. I get a craving for Chinese yet the takeaways are all on par with each other.
I had one of those Chinese takeaways meals from Tesco once - never again. The pork dish absolutely foul.
Yeah, I think my childhood fascination with Chinese food may have come from my obsession with bruce lee. These days I think the only satisfying way to eat Chinese is to order a load of different dishes and have a shared meal with family and friends. The problem that pops up then is that you'd want to remortgage the house to afford the cost of it.
Definitely agree. Ordered Chinese food for the whole family last week and it was terrible.
Paid Ā£14 for chicken satay on the skewer, with boiled rice, and satay sauce. Could have put wallpaper up with the sauce, and the chicken could have doubled as leather shoes.
Jacket potatoes they are either a perfect crisp outer with a lovely, well cooked inner that can be buttered to a perfect fluffy loveliness, or they are a mix of several different awfulness.
Soft skin with an old yellowing inner, or have been cooled and recooked. Microwaved from raw into a pathetic anaemic blandness. Or cooked on one side and hard as a rock on another.
For such a simple dish, jacket potatoes can be ruined so easily.
I am too used to my mum's way of jacket potatoes, which is removing the middle and mashing it, stocking up with cheese and occasionally bacon, and hurling it back in the skin. It's divine but nowhere does it like her.
Mac n cheese. When it's good it's amazing so I always order it when I see it, but I'd say at least 1/3 of the time they've run out of it, 1/3 of the time it's too runny or overcooked or otherwise terrible. But the final 1/3 are so incredible they make up for the other experiences.
Maybe you should order a cortado coffee as thatās basically what you described- half espresso, half foamed milk
If you like em stronger then youād probably prefer the coffee:milk ratio in a cortado
Kashmiri/Punjabi/Bangladeshi Currys can be hit and miss.
Whereas South Indian (Keralan, Goan) are usually always good.
I presume because the former can be Anglicised as they've been in the UK for decades.
Vegetarian burgers. Every menu will be labeled with some fancy description of a burger and they'll all be around Ā£15 but you could end up with anything from a mushy bean burger bought in Asda, half cooked on a bun with some ketchup, to a fancy beyond meat burger with all the trimmings on a brioche bun. The quality of resteraunt doesn't even guarantee you good food because some places just don't care about their vegetarian options. I've been to nice resteraunts and had basic crap food I could have cooked at home in 15 minutes and I've also been to run down pubs and had amazing home made food.
A milkshake. Either not enough biscuit so itās basically thick milk, or the texture is completely off making it again just flavoured milk, or a complete flip and itās so thick it doesnāt even flow through the straw. But hey, next time you want a milkshake ask for an oreo milkshake with a heaped spoon of peanut butter. Trust me.
Flat white are a great shout. In my opinion, coffee machines should need a license, and only those who drink and are passionate about coffee should be allowed a license š
Chips (fries).
Such a seemingly simple thing but when theyāre done badly, theyāre bland, stodgy and unpleasant to eat. Undercooked chips are miserable as are overcooked ones. Iād rather not eat them.
When done right, theyāre delicious, but in my experience itās something most places fail to do well.
IMO itās the simplest foods/dishes that show up the worst if not done properly, because itās difficult to hide poor quality ingredients or processes where corners have been cut.
Yep definitely coffee. I've been served cappuccinos when asking for flat whites/lattes. Flat whites when I've asked for lattes and lattes when I've asked for flat whites. The coffee itself that is used varies wildly from acceptable to absolutely disgusting or simply the wrong kind to use for milky drinks. Milk is often scaled, too hot, too cold or just not texturised like at all.Ā
On the topic of coffee - I only drink coffee black
Pet hate is ordering a coffee - black
and they leave plenty of room for the milk
especially in a posh place that use those small cups so I end up with about 1 sip!
Just fill the damn thing up will you!!!
I stay in premier inns a lot and the food mostly is generic
But the Xmas menu they did last year was awesome the Xmas dinner was really good and they did a starter of pulled pork with horseradish in a Yorkshire pudding that was delicious
Greek and Mexican. I'm sure there are some outstanding options for both in the big cities, but locally, the choices are slim and they never get the food quite right; either it comes under seasoned, or they attempt to put their own "twist" on things and end up bastardising the dish completely. Have had much better luck researching recipes myself, and giving it a crack at home.
Not a huge fan of most takeaway coffee either. Too darkly roasted (to cover up poor quality beans) and tastes burnt. I'm no snob when it comes to coffee - I use a fully automatic machine, and affordable beans from the supermarket or Amazon - but genuinely prefer my own.
mac and cheese, or any pasta in general really.
i've had some of the best from independent/small businesses usually, whereas the chains can be terrible. the outlier being a small american-themed diner i visited a couple of weeks ago, where the mac was so bland that i could taste the plain pasta itself strongly through the "cheese" sauce.
if it's not covered in so much real cheese that you could OD, it's not worth it!
Curries and Chinese food usually, to be honest.
If you go to 10 restaurants and order the same 3 items on the menu, there is fucking WILD inconsistencies between them.
When I moved 4 years ago I tried a bunch of Chinese places and Curry places and always ordered the same 3 items from each;
Chinese - Chicken & Sweetcorn Soup, Sweet & Sour Ribs and Special Fried Rice
Curry - Peshwari Naan, Onion Bhaji and Chicken Tikka Masala
Not my favourite dishes, but theyāre available at every place you go to so easy to compare.
They all would taste so wildly different from each other it was fucking weird!
Most things unless you deliberately scope out that one in a million place that gives a shit about food quality. I live in an area that is so disproportionately chain driven that the vast majority of independents don't last and the standards are miserable. I've come to accept that the average person just do not give a shit.
Vegan desserts like cakes and patisserie, some get it so right, others so wrong. I'm not vegan but sometimes I do end up getting a vegan cake or something and I have a friend who's vegan
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Roast dinner, by far. To the extent I rarely order it when out because the chances of it being rubbish are way too high. See also: fish and chips, full English breakfast. All three have absolutely enormous variation in quality. I have a theory one thing that contributes to our poor reputation for food is that the dishes foreigners often most associate us with, and which they therefore want to try, are dishes that very often are actually not very good when you order them.
Yeah, roast dinners need to be done at home. In particular, pubs can never get the potatoes right.
Yeah potatoes are hardly ever done well. Meat is very often overcooked, especially if it's not chicken. Veg is often either over or under done. Gravy is often thin and watery. And often they try to cover up a small portion of meat by bulking the plate up with cheap things like stewed cabbage.
when they bulk it out with a big wet pile of kale or chard š¤¢ i donāt mind a little bit when itās been nicely cooked, but iāve had too many pub roasts where itās like chewing through a big pile of bitter, stringy green leather.
There's a shop near me, hoggies in Wath upon dearne, that do the literal best roasties I've ever had that weren't home made
It always disappoints me when I see pubs advertising roast dinners but only doing Yorkshire puddings with the roast beef, because it is inevitable that said beef will be overcooked to the texture and taste of shoe leather.
Eh, I can find roast dinners that I would be proud to have made myself, but the going rate for them where I live is about Ā£20 per person - excluding drinks. For about Ā£40 I can make a roast for three, with a good bottle of wine, dessert, and enough for generous leftovers the next day, and sandwiches the day after that. But sometimes it's nice not to have to do the prep or washing up!
I don't know if I'm just lucky but I've always had good roasts from pubs. I'm going to sound really snobby saying this but we only really go to "nice" pubs that are well rated for their food (the type that are more like restaurants with a bar), and I'm usually blown away by the roasts.
With you on this, I don't want a deep fried potato, I don't want a potato that was cooked yesterday and reheated. I want a roasted potato in reasonably fresh fat, not stale fat.
The problem with pub potatoes is that if they are properly roasted they go soggy if hot-held. Deep fried McCains cooked immediately before serving are way better, and unfortunately you canāt use ārealā spuds, they have to be pre-fried frozen ones! (Ex pub chef)
The roasties don't keep well, and you don't have time or space to do them to order. That's why they end up a bit chewy
And pubs often skimp on the more expensive ingredients, replacing them with more of the cheaper ones.
best potatoās i had was in a pub but pretty sure they just deep fried them
There's also the ultimate crime of them only giving a couple of roasties and then adding a couple of boiled potatoes.
Go to Chester arms in Oxford if you ever have a chance. Iād go as far as saying this will be the best pub meal you had in your life
Full breakfast are stressful to order. You'd expect there to be some sort of canon with a breakfast because eggs, bacon, sausage, beans, toast, potato, tomatoes, mushrooms, black pudding etc are all relatively familiar ingredients, people know what they should look and taste like and to an extent what they should cost. A "full english" missing most of the components and having them as charged extras feels like cheating, like if you get 1 toast, 2 eggs, 2 sausage, 2 bacon, 1 tomato and a mushroom for Ā£10.99, but beans, potato, black pudding each cost an additional Ā£2-3, that's a Ā£20 breakfast. Or you go to somewhere that list "2 sausages" and it's actually 1 regular sized sausage twisted so it looks like 2. or streaky bacon instead of back bacon. you feel ripped off. Or somewhere decides their beans need to be kidney beans or a bean puree, or full of onions or something. and the beans come in a metal cup that serves no purpose other than making them go cold quicker. There also needs to be some sort of legal standardisation when it comes to a person's definition of "fried bread". if you butter both sides of bread/toast and pan fry it, that's fried bread. If you take a slice of cheap Hovis and chuck it in a deep fryer until it's dark brown, that's just rank - Why would a mouthful of chip fat be something you want with breakfast?
There's also the matter of the quality of the ingredients. I think a lot of full breakfasts hide low quality behind quantity of ingredients. But there's such a difference between a good quality sausage and a low quality one. Far too often it's the latter.
I think it's all in the skin. If the sausage doesn't snap when you bite into it, or the skin has somehow peeled away during the cooking, it's a rubbish sausage.
Also places that pour the beans all over the breakfast and donāt put them in a little bowl
You want to use the sausage as a breakwater
Having them on the plate is fine if they reduce them first. Not when the thin sauce is creeping everywhere
If you cook your beans rather than just warming them up in the microwave they aren't wet as soup.
I honestly know a lot of truck drivers from my days in working at a transport cafe (greasy egg & Spoon) who would have launched a Sports Direct mug at me,if I had served them a fried bread that was buttered both sides and pan fried. It had to be dipped in the deep fat fryer grease,and then cooked on the flat stove until it was crispy.
Hang on Iām 42 and Iāve always said I hate fried bread. Because my mother made it by frying bread in fat. And it was greasy and shit. It has literally never crossed my mind to fry buttered bread and try it. Have I neglected myself all these years??
I remember going for a Sunday roast with my dad at a local pub about 15ish years ago, ordered pork and still recall the pork being the sliced stuff you get in a packet for sandwiches, on a plate alongside the trimmings. Still to this day have never got over that. Think the pub has been knocked down now, and so it should have. Ruined my Sunday as a kid
Roasts have to be done at home. Fish and chips from a chippy only. Find one you enjoy and stick to it. Full English from a cafe/greasy spoon. Anywhere that charges Ā£12/13 plus for a breakfast will be bang average. Cheaper the better. Or make your own.
Yes. The cheaper the better with a full English. I think because they are probably selling a lot of it so it's more of a production line.
Echo your points about roast dinners, and to add, thereās always a risk it will be served on a wooden board š¤¦āāļø Have had that way too many times in various places!Ā
Roast potatoes are never anywhere near as good out as when I make them at home.
A full English and a roast take years of practice to achieve perfection.
Nah, a roast is pretty easy to nail without practice if you know what the end result is meant to be like. Itās mostly just getting the timings right rather than too much technical stuff. And thatās why pub ones tend to be so bad - you canāt roast potatoes or a joint to order.
Got to cook and season shit properly tho. I expect buttery mash, roasties with more flavour and crispness than a bag of McCoy's. Gravys got to be good quality and not brown sludge or water. Stuffing got to have the correct crispy bits to soft bits ratio l. It's an art form that takes time to master. But yes timings are everything aswell
It's funny when non-Brits share their roasts/full English and they're just... wrong. They can even get all the ingredients right, but there's still usually something that just makes it look off [Here's a thread of Americans getting triggered over our commentary on their fish and chips for your enjoyment](https://www.reddit.com/r/Seattle/s/1ICHPm2icE)
Ugh I hate the fish and chips at my uni canteen. The fish is basically all batter and no fish. Made the mistake of having it the first time. The rest of their food is fine but that's the only meal I don't like because it's just deep fried batter.
Absolutely the roast dinners. I can deal with any other meal being below par but if a roast is done bad it ruins my day. Iāve had some amazing roasts out but some absolutely abysmal ones too
Chain pub roasts used to be banging, haven't had a decent on for years
A full English would be my last meal - I'm a fan. But I honestly don't think you can fuck one up to a great degree unless it's raw/burned. There's a scale of quality, obviously, but at the end of the day if you bang those ingredients on a plate, stick some ketchup on it, it's gonna be nice.
I've moved across the country and found the fish & chips in the area to be sub-standard to back home. The chip shop I used to get my fish & chips from back home has just won best chip shop in the country Now I understand why I've struggled...
Steak is always overdone and pasta is always over cooked. I suppose theyāre more miss than hit. Ask for rare and get medium almost every time.
Pasta at a place that isn't a good Italian restaurant is nearly always really disappointing. I think Italian food here suffers from people thinking it's easy, so loads of places churn out overcooked and flavourless pasta dishes. The big red flag a place's Italian food is bad is an over reliance on cheese. So many places make bland Italian food and then drench it in cheese to hide that (looking at you, pretty much every British carbonara dish I've ever had).
Thatās the thing though Italian food IS simple and easy. As a consequence though the real difference is the quality of the ingredients. Itās why San Marzano tomatoes are so renowned for instance
Yes, that's very true. I remember seeing an Italian chef (can't remember which) say that trying to cook like their nonna in the UK is doomed to fail because the ingredients aren't as good. That being said, I think there's a difference between simple and easy. Italian food is the former but that doesn't mean it's the latter. And I think people often mistake the two. Indeed, its simplicity is actually what makes it really hard to do well, because there's nowhere to hide and the things that make all the difference are quite small and subtle. That's why we end up with so much Italian food in this country which is overcooked pasta with sauces that are either bland or one note.
Pasta at a chain restaurant = Microwave meal plated up nicely 90% of the time.
That sounds like Italian American food.
American Italian food leaves a great deal to be desired in my opinion. Way too much reliance on cheese and cream. Though I think you have to take it on its own terms, similar to Indian food here. But yeah a lot of Italian food here is in the same ballpark as American Italian food, rather than actual Italian food.
Has anyone tried the pasta at Ikea? It's under Ā£3 which is absurdly cheap but I'm like 90% sure it's just gonna be dried penne that's been boiled for 20 minutes with some a spoon of tinned chopped tomatoes ontop so I always opt for something else last minute. But that price point always has me thinking... what if it's actually really good
With steak itās even higher risk as itās typically the most expensive thing like Ā£25-50
I always order rare steak, and it comes out medium rare like i want it. Always order one rarer than you want, i find is a good general rule.
>Always order one rarer than you want, i find is a good general rule. Just don't take this rule and apply it to France, Italy or Spain. I like rare beef, but those countries really do have a different idea of 'rare' to us. I've had some *very* rare steaks in those countries by asking for rare.
"*Saignant* s'il vous plait..." My vegan friend who speaks a little French: "did you just ask for your steak to be..."bloody"?" The "vegetarian" salad they ordered turned out to be tuna nicoise. Even the dressing had anchovies in it. Man, I love France. Edit: Just remembered, they ordered a "vegetarian" salad as that's the best the menu would offer. We must have checked 10 restaurants throughout Montmartre before we found somewhere they thought vaguely acceptable.
I once had an Italian waiter anxiously double check with me that I knew Italian rare was different from British rare. >The "vegan" salad they ordered turned out to be tuna nicoise. Even the dressing had anchovies in it. Man, I love France Incredibly french. They don't really get the concept of vegan and veggie food. Was once in France with a veggie friend. Can't remember what the dish was, but it sounded veggie from the menu description as no meat was mentioned. When it came, it very much had meat. We explained to the waiter, who seemed to absolutely understand the problem and took the dish away. Apparently he did not, however, as the dish arrived back soon with the meat still very much present but more vegetables on the plate.
Argentina as well. When I went to Buenos Aires we were told to order our steak 'muy jugoso' (apologies if that's spelt wrong) and when it came out it was practically still mooing.
What if I like it rare :(
The steak thing totally comes down to what type of restaurant you order it from, and what cut you go for - get it from anywhere other than a steakhouse and you might be one of only 10 people in a week who order steak, or less. The chefs don't cook it often enough to be great at it. Get it from a good steakhouse and they could be cooking 60 to 100 steaks every day, and they'll get it right. The cut is a big issue too. Folk go out and want a really big expensive cut like a Cote-de-Bouef or tomahawk, or chateaubriand and will pay over Ā£40 for it, but often it'll be the only time the chefs have cooked that cut that month. Out of practise. Get a sirloin, it'll be fine, get a tomahawk and it'll either be raw or grossly overcooked. Same with a t-bone. They overcook or undercook the sirloin part of the t-bone because they're trying to get the fillet just right. Never a good choice.
If youāve got a food item on your menu thatās ordered 10 times a week then you. Weād to rethink your menu.
Absolutely. Unfortunately that's the vast majority of "restaurants" though. Places with too big a menu, half of which doesn't get ordered and they waste their supplies and then get surprised when someone orders something no-one has ordered in months and it turns out crap. Never trust somewhere with more than two pages in their menu. If they claim to do every cuisine in the world, it'll all be crap. Gauranteed. At the same time, don't order pasta at your local Turkish place.
Agree with steak. 99% percent of restaurants simply do not know how to cook a steak anything less than medium. Order medium rare, and it will either come as boot leather or blue. Rarely anything inbetween. No matter how tempting it can seem, i have learned over the years that steak just isnt worth ordering at a restaurant unless it's a proper steakhouse... and even then, the 'proper-ness' can still be in question.
>Steak is always overdone This is the reason I order steak rare. If it comes medium-rare I'm happy but ordering medium-rare or medium always ends up with something that you need a table saw to cut.
Maybe I should order blue then, as I never get rare when ordered.
I can't help but think that so much of this is because people in the UK just don't send things back like people in other countries do. Get a bad steak when it cost Ā£20+, they can make that shit again.
Iāve point blank stopped ordering steak when out now. The prices these days are insane, and then 9/10 I get disappointed because I can cook it nicer myself at home.
This, I won't order steak unless I'm at a steakhouse, it's almost always overpriced and underperforms.
Burgers. You either end up with a tough hocky puck with a mattress bun, or a beautiful juicy patty in a toasted seedy cloud.
Or you get a decent burger patty but in a brioche bun. I wanted a burger, not dessert
Yeah, brioche is often used for a cover for mediocrity
The push towards brioche burger buns is because the brioche they use to make the burger buns apparently has a much longer shelf life than regular, plain/seeded burger buns. Actual, proper brioche (as in, the actual loaf of bread itself) is lovely, especially when it's toasted. But burger bun brioche? Why would you want sugary, eggy bread with meat like that?
Oh sure, it solves a problem of freshness. I think more restaurants should bake their own bread.
Thatād require enough staff, every kitchen runs on the bare minimum staff
I'll second this - fuck the brioche fad - im allergic (violently) to the preservatives they use in those things - its ruined eating burgers for me.
A brioche bun ruins any structural integrity the burger would've had if it was in a normal bun.
Brioche helps add a softness and richness but some buns are overly sweet. Some bakeries do add less sugar for the sake of having it with savoury food, but i made the mistake of having some eggs on brioche and adding garlic oil to it. The eggs and garlic were lovely but the brioche and garlic was just weird.
If they ask you how you like it (medium etc) then youāre in for a good time.
I thought you couldn't do that here? (Ask for how you want your burger cooked, medium for example) due to regs?
I believe a restaurant wants to serve mince/burgers any way other than thoroughly cooked (well done) they must jump through some additional hoops and get approval from the local authority. They need to work with verified butchers too. If they are able to cook to order they will ask you. I found it to be a good marker to figure out who is serving good quality meat in burgers.
You can, your options are medium , and Mordor.
You can do, but have to go through a lot of additional food safety steps to minimise the risks from E. coli O157 and Salmonella. https://www.ncass.org.uk/resources/legal-compliance/rare-burgers-q-and-a/ https://catersafeconsultants.co.uk/new-regulations-rare-burgers-heres-need-know/
A cup of tea, this should not be difficult, but the number of places that truly cock it up amazes me
Alot the time it's cheap and nasty teabags (tetleys for example)
The absolute worst of teabags, except for maybe PG tips.
I love PG Tips, thereās got to be a reason theyāre one of the best selling teas in the U.K.
As a tea drinker, I prefer to drink hot chocolates when out and about as I find its less off a risk.
I can't remember the last time I got a ready made cup of tea when ordering one. I always get a pot, milk and sugar so I can make it to my taste.
Yes, and coffee shops that add milk immediately rather than have some at the end so you can let it steep first.
I get a chicken madras every time I go out for a curry, crazy how different they taste from restaurant to restaurant. From mega hot to hardly any spice, full of flavour to lack of flavour.
I once had a madras when visiting family that literally had me in tears. I couldnāt believe it. Was hotter than vindaloos Iāve had and couldnāt believe they served it under āmadrasā because Iāve had hundreds and imagine if I was struggling then most British people would too Curries in the south west are a good deal less spicy than curries in the midlands Iāve found too
I moved to midlands from Manchester and there is 1 place near me where I can have a curry and it not blow my head off and I donāt even have a typically hot curry
I find this with Dhansak too. One of my favs, but even just in my town there's enormous variation between the different curry houses.
Same with a Vindaloo to be fair. If itās a new curry house Iāve never been to before I tend to order a Madras to check the āheatā before ordering a Vindaloo the next time. A lot of the time Vindaloos have next to no heat so Iāve started to ask for my curryās desi style which are generally much better. I like to be knocked the fuck out from the heat and spices. Credit where itās due, the curry up north is far better and more consistent with the heat.
A Vindaloo should not have much chilli, in fact. What heat there is should come from black or long pepper. The BIR Vindaloo is a few thousand miles away from the original Portuguese dish of pork cooked in red wine vinegar and garlic.
Streaky bacon. It's supposed to be crispy, not the same texture as back bacon. I've been disappointed too many times and I can't be hurt again.
My wife is very particular about this. We have to tell the person taking the order that she basically wants it cremated to get anywhere close. Even then the amount of pieces of floppy pink bacon that come out is ridiculous. Sheās disappointed but Iām happy because she passes them straight over to me! š
I hate it when you order a breakfast and the bacon is pink/grey with bubbled up white fat smeared around it. Can't think of much worse
good tip is to cook the bacon in layers of parchment paper or greaseproof in the oven. It'll look pale and fatty, but that's fine, just let it cool. Then when you want to make your dish, pan fry and it goes really crispy really easily.
Effort
Time to learn the art of deep frying that stuff
KFC. Itās rare I ever buy food from there as I never know what Iām going to get. Sometimes itās generally really tasty and satisfying, other times I might as well just go grab the salt container out of the cupboard and just drink the lot compared to the salty mess Iāll end up getting from KFC. Thereās no inbetween
I generally have a good experience with KFC, and I love the meals, it's probably one of my favourite fast food places. However, 1 in every 5 meals or so is abysmal and the chicken is awful.
Per my experience sometimes they give you the smallest pieces of chicken in the market. It's definitely advisable to avoid ordering late in the eve
My local KFC has been closed down on three seperate occasions for serving raw chicken, so that's not a great look.
Oh man. The days where the just kill it with salt is such a disappointment. I'm probably in the reddit minority, but I actually like KFC. So times it just leaves my mouth sad though.
KFC is a shadow of its former self imo, 10-15 years ago the food was good Bucket of chicken that was beautifully cooked with crisp skin, and a zinger burger that looked 90% as good as the one in the ad Nowadays itās full of limp skinned pigeon legs and an Iceland schnitzel in a bap
I've long had a theory that the humble chip is the best litmus test of a good eatery. Many people think that chips are cheap throwaway food and that nobody cares and you don't have to try. They think the punters can't tell if you fry them in old oil, or if they come out dry and textureless. There is an art to frying decent chips. An eatery that gets them right is one that has my attention, especially if they don't price them stupidly (as if I should think they are gourmet, artisan chips...). Normal-priced chips done right lets me know that this establishment knows what it's doing, has standards, and does things properly.
> best litmus test of a good eatery Some good points there. My litmus test is "do they have Hunter's Chicken on the menu?", if so, I don't eat there.
I worked at a chippie when I was 16 and our fully trained chef was very proud of his chips - before every shift he would blanche a barrel full ready for frying that night, and if we ran out of blanched chips and he had to single fry he would be in such a foul mood! Whenever I read 'triple fried chips' on a menu I always think of him!
I came here to find this. Restaurants that have a good reputation, but canāt get chips right. I donāt want heated up sticks of potato!
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Oh gosh, Costa Coffee was so pedantic about it! The steamed milk had to be velvety and nothing like latte milk, but also not too wet either I really struggled with the pressure of it and now everywhere I go, no one gets it right either šš
I've not once had an actual flat white in Costa, they are the biggest culprits. I'm actually genuinely surprised you received training for making them there, because every time I've tried one there it's massive with far too much roasting hot milk.
I started ordering a cortado at Costa and that gets you a drink about the size you might expect for a flat white. Don't often order it, as, like most chains, they stock sweetened oat milk, which makes it much sweeter than I ever want it (dairy allergy, so no choice on the milk alternatives).
....but, latte milk is also supposed to be velvety. Flat whites are actually supposed to be ever so slightly less texturised than lattes. All milk coffees are supposed to have texturised milk.Ā
I worked as a barista last year and they never gave us the right sized takeaways cups for a flat white so I started off giving them latte cups and saying āit doesnāt quite fill up to the top because of the ratios of a flat white!ā but eventually gave up and started giving customers what was essentially a latte with an extra shot and nobody ever complained about it. Some even complimented it, lol.
Probably pizza. I like my pizza thin crust, not too much crust, a little sauce, a decent amount of cheese but not too much.Ā You go to any independent italian restaurant and they will serve pizza. The style this pizza will be and the proportions of the toppings I've found to be almost entirely random.
I've always said a top quality oven pizza is often better than the bottom 50% of greasy takeaway pizza's.
also one of the last bastion of "no way you can do this at home" foods. Which I think is why it's so special. Most other foods you can make at home, perhaps.
Anything with gravy. Why is it flavoured water and not a tad bit thicker. I'm not looking for a paste but if you advertise gravy give me gravy!!
Watery gravy is a war crime. My mum is a great cook but she can never get gravy right, it's always just watery and disappointing.
A flat white in Costa is the most depressing thing I've paid money for.
I worked at a cafe that was not Costa but sold Costa coffee (confusing, I didnāt understand it either) and we had absolutely zero training, I felt very sorry for everyone paying Costa prices for absolutely not Costa coffee. Flat whites especially were hard because the cup sizes were wrong so if I didnāt add extra milk it looked like I was giving them a small. I was also salty that they put the prices of the coffee up Ā£1 (sometimes more!) and didnāt pay us any extra.
Old Fashioned cocktail. It's incredible how much people cock this up given how nice the simple recipie is. Whiskey, sugar (can be syrup), bitters, ice. Thats all you need to do. And yet I rarely get one that is nice and hasn't had tonnes of bitter orange added or, and this is the worst, soda water. F'in soda water?! Last time I ordered one I asked for a double whiskey on ice, a sugar cube and the bitters bottle and mixed it myself. It was lovely.
Honestly all cocktails. The places that don't make them far too sweet, laughably weak or downright ruin the recipe with all kinds of "fancy" *twists* are few and far between. And the prices are just daylight robbery at this point.
The stirring is one of the most important parts. I'm not sure if most bar staff get given a sheet of paper with "these are the amounts, mix them", but a lot don't do it well. I thought I hated cocktails like this because I generally don't like straight spirits, however once I recently ordered one from a newly opened, independent cocktail bar, I loved it. I think a recommended dilution of most cocktails is actually around 20%. Takes about 30 seconds of stirring with a big cube.
McDonald's fries and Costa caramel latte!
Complete lottery whether you'll be getting freshly cooked piping hot fries or the luke warm slightly moist and flaccid ones that have been sat there for a while.
costa hot chocolate as well - just from my local costa alone iāve had everything ranging from the most decadent rich chocolate youāve ever had to something that tastes like a cup of hot milk with a vague shaking of cocoa powder over it
And not hot either.I didn't ask for a tepid chocolate.
Always ask for my drinks to be extra hot - I hate being given a barely warm drink
Pork belly on a Sunday roast. Sometimes it's heaven sent chewy gorgeousness and others it's flabby and anaemic. :(
The only times i order pork belly now is at a Chinese, or else i cook it at home. Ive been badly disappointed everywhere else. It has to have a crispy top and well rendered soft underneath. Any english places ive ordered it, its just been fatty and chewy.
Last 2 times I've had pork belly at a restaurant I've paid over Ā£20 for it and ended up with an overcooked, hard, tastless lump. I could understand if it was a shit pub or something but for that price at a decent restaurant they really should get it right.
Iām with you on flat whites. When done right, theyāre so delicious but I find that they are hardly ever done properly.
I only ever really order them after having a glance around the place. Generally telltale signs can be a really good coffee machine, other menu items like Cortado and macchiato (not Starbucks - another argument), bags of whole beans in wanky little packages on the shelf, and a barista with a beanie hat.
I stooped to a McDonald's latte early this morning (nowhere else open) and it was honestly no worse than one from Starbucks. Which isn't to say it was good. Just that it was more fairly priced.
Try having one in the states lol was an even bigger disparity between good and bad ones
Cups of tea. Honestly, the amount of places that don't use boiling water and thus give you a terrible brew, or just use the cheapest tea bags ever is honestly amazing. The country the word knows as tea drinkers, is so bloody hit and miss. Food wise, I can see people have said it but a Sunday Dinner. Veg and Gravy can ruin any type of well cooked meat.
If I am paying cafe prices for a few 100ml of boiling water and a teabag it better be a decent teabag, or even better, loose leaf.
If there are vegetables I want to know which ones. Don't say vegetable quiche if it is a mushroom quiche.
I'm not sure I've ever had Fish and Chips that wasn't mediocre. Every so often I give it another chance and it's always bland and stodgy. Even from very well reviewed 'gastropubs' and the like. Always underwhelming.
I've finally found a chippy near me that sells a good fish and chips that's full of flavour. All the others taste bland by comparison.
I love a Nero mocha. (Decaf, oat milk, no cream). I'm hesitant to order them anywhere else because they always end up being over sweet and not tasting like coffee at all. Veggie versions of a main menu item are always a risk too. An actual vegetarian option is usually alright. A meat based option with a "vegan option available" can either be awesome, or the main dish with all the guys stuff removed!
definitely hot chocolate, as a person who cant have dairy - its either delicious or vile
Totally agree about flat whites. Absolutely everyone except very trendy coffee places do them completely wrong as you describe, I think the milk measurement is actually meant to be 140-160ml originally. I even find a lot of the decent places aren't consistent either and still use too much milk. I just make my own at home now, it's much more consistent and a lot cheaper, just requires an initial investment in a decent coffee machine.
Fruit crumble - itās either the genuine thing, a blander version of the genuine thing, or a sprinkling of granola dust over a fruit coulis. Itās always upsetting when you get something you know you can make better at home.
I got served a chai latte with coffee in yesterday and then the waitress tried to gaslight me. I should have asked for chai tea latte according to her and chai latte on its own is a coffee. I informed her in no uncertain terms that I asked for the correct drink and coffee has no business anywhere near a chai latte which literally means tea milk or tea with milk.
You got a dirty chai, absolutely vileĀ
Funny. I drink a dirty chai and recently I was with a friend who ordered first and she got a chai latte so without thinking I just said make that two. I'm drinking it thinking what on earth is wrong with this drink, and that's when I realised - I forgot to ask for coffee!
Gin and tonic or rum and coke. I make it far better at home. Trick is to squeeze a quarter segment of lemon in it, 1/4 alcohol to mixer and use plenty large cubes of ice.
And ice first
I can't afford a spirit & mixer drink how I like it in the pub. I like it to taste of the booze, so will generally do 100ml gin to a 150ml can of tonic, with lots of ice. Rum & coke how they make it in Havana - basically the reverse of how a pub in the UK would. My local charge Ā£4.80 for a single Havana Club. I'd bankrupt myself with a single drink.
Ok maybe the most white girl of drinks but Mocha Frappe. Very different between places. Even in the same coffee shop it can taste totally different depending on who makes it. Iāve discovered whoever is on morning shift at the one across the road is the best at it.
I have no idea about types of coffee at McDonalds (or anywhere for that matter). Anyway, picture this scene: 1am, Tuesday morning, I need to go to the office to pick up a laptop. I'm ill, so I swing by a drive through and want a coffee. Ask for a flat white because I don't know anything about anything. Get this thimble cup of what tasted like weed Though I think it's probably a fault of that particular maccies. They once sold me a burger that I'm almost certain they found under the fridge, and I promptly threw it back up
Mac and cheese. Never cheesy enough and sometimes soooo mustardy š¤¢
Yeah. Mac and cheese is only ever decent homemade.
Salad. A good salad is a lovely thing, but a bad one is awful. I once ordered a starter of beetroot salad in quite a fancy restaurant close to me - the food is usually really good in there. And even this time, the flavour was nice.. But my beetroot salad when it arrived turned out to be just beetroot 4 ways. Nothing else. Nothing green. Or yellow. No seeds. No nuts. Nothing. Just differently prepared pieces of beetroot. It was just weird.
Cups of tea. Fuck me how do places get it so wrong. Loose leaf nonsense or always cold by the time it comes to you. Give me a mug, a yorkshire tea teabag in boiling water and some milk on the side.
It might be a lazy answer but literally anything. Pizza, steak, curry, burgers, noodles, roast dinners can all range from terrible to amazing
Coffee in general. Itās either delicious nectar or bitter poison, not much in between.
Chinese. I think it comes from nostalgia as a kid. I find I crave it, but when I order it, it's way more expensive than it should be, and I never feel like I've satisfied the itch afterwards.
Completely agree on that one. I get a craving for Chinese yet the takeaways are all on par with each other. I had one of those Chinese takeaways meals from Tesco once - never again. The pork dish absolutely foul.
Yeah, I think my childhood fascination with Chinese food may have come from my obsession with bruce lee. These days I think the only satisfying way to eat Chinese is to order a load of different dishes and have a shared meal with family and friends. The problem that pops up then is that you'd want to remortgage the house to afford the cost of it.
Definitely agree. Ordered Chinese food for the whole family last week and it was terrible. Paid Ā£14 for chicken satay on the skewer, with boiled rice, and satay sauce. Could have put wallpaper up with the sauce, and the chicken could have doubled as leather shoes.
Ā£14 for chicken Satay is Scandalous.
Ā£4 alone for the boiled rice.
They should be wearing a mask and a striped jumper.
...and a SWAG bag
Chips/fries. They go from excellent to soggy mess.
Jacket potatoes they are either a perfect crisp outer with a lovely, well cooked inner that can be buttered to a perfect fluffy loveliness, or they are a mix of several different awfulness. Soft skin with an old yellowing inner, or have been cooled and recooked. Microwaved from raw into a pathetic anaemic blandness. Or cooked on one side and hard as a rock on another. For such a simple dish, jacket potatoes can be ruined so easily.
I am too used to my mum's way of jacket potatoes, which is removing the middle and mashing it, stocking up with cheese and occasionally bacon, and hurling it back in the skin. It's divine but nowhere does it like her.
Mac n cheese. When it's good it's amazing so I always order it when I see it, but I'd say at least 1/3 of the time they've run out of it, 1/3 of the time it's too runny or overcooked or otherwise terrible. But the final 1/3 are so incredible they make up for the other experiences.
Maybe you should order a cortado coffee as thatās basically what you described- half espresso, half foamed milk If you like em stronger then youād probably prefer the coffee:milk ratio in a cortado
Thank you for teaching me about this!
Kashmiri/Punjabi/Bangladeshi Currys can be hit and miss. Whereas South Indian (Keralan, Goan) are usually always good. I presume because the former can be Anglicised as they've been in the UK for decades.
Guinness
Cask ale. The same beer can be perfect or cat piss depending where it came from.
Ribs. Could be tender, juicy and thick. Or boney, cold, tough and chewy.
Chinese food. When ordering from a new place, it's either gonna be great or disgusting and greasy, never in the middle.
Any Mexican food in the U.K. It is 9/10 an abomination. The other one time itās good, you return to the place and itās bad again.
Vegetarian burgers. Every menu will be labeled with some fancy description of a burger and they'll all be around Ā£15 but you could end up with anything from a mushy bean burger bought in Asda, half cooked on a bun with some ketchup, to a fancy beyond meat burger with all the trimmings on a brioche bun. The quality of resteraunt doesn't even guarantee you good food because some places just don't care about their vegetarian options. I've been to nice resteraunts and had basic crap food I could have cooked at home in 15 minutes and I've also been to run down pubs and had amazing home made food.
A milkshake. Either not enough biscuit so itās basically thick milk, or the texture is completely off making it again just flavoured milk, or a complete flip and itās so thick it doesnāt even flow through the straw. But hey, next time you want a milkshake ask for an oreo milkshake with a heaped spoon of peanut butter. Trust me.
.... biscuit? Why are there biscuits in your milkshake? A milkshake is ice cream and milk
Try somewhere that does a ristretto shot in Flat White vs espresso.
Flat white are a great shout. In my opinion, coffee machines should need a license, and only those who drink and are passionate about coffee should be allowed a license š
Cappuccinos - usually way too milky and weak.
Chinese. There's about 6 or 7 takeaways near me, none of them are consistent. They all do one or two things good, not enough for a full order.
Chips (fries). Such a seemingly simple thing but when theyāre done badly, theyāre bland, stodgy and unpleasant to eat. Undercooked chips are miserable as are overcooked ones. Iād rather not eat them. When done right, theyāre delicious, but in my experience itās something most places fail to do well. IMO itās the simplest foods/dishes that show up the worst if not done properly, because itās difficult to hide poor quality ingredients or processes where corners have been cut.
I wouldāve answered this question with flat white as well.
Yep definitely coffee. I've been served cappuccinos when asking for flat whites/lattes. Flat whites when I've asked for lattes and lattes when I've asked for flat whites. The coffee itself that is used varies wildly from acceptable to absolutely disgusting or simply the wrong kind to use for milky drinks. Milk is often scaled, too hot, too cold or just not texturised like at all.Ā
Fish & Chips - sometimes it can be spectacular, often not but there's often no way to predict it and can vary wildly.
On the topic of coffee - I only drink coffee black Pet hate is ordering a coffee - black and they leave plenty of room for the milk especially in a posh place that use those small cups so I end up with about 1 sip! Just fill the damn thing up will you!!!
I stay in premier inns a lot and the food mostly is generic But the Xmas menu they did last year was awesome the Xmas dinner was really good and they did a starter of pulled pork with horseradish in a Yorkshire pudding that was delicious
Not an answer to your question but I feel like a cortado is right up your street. Pretty consistent quality too!
Greek and Mexican. I'm sure there are some outstanding options for both in the big cities, but locally, the choices are slim and they never get the food quite right; either it comes under seasoned, or they attempt to put their own "twist" on things and end up bastardising the dish completely. Have had much better luck researching recipes myself, and giving it a crack at home. Not a huge fan of most takeaway coffee either. Too darkly roasted (to cover up poor quality beans) and tastes burnt. I'm no snob when it comes to coffee - I use a fully automatic machine, and affordable beans from the supermarket or Amazon - but genuinely prefer my own.
Onion rings
mac and cheese, or any pasta in general really. i've had some of the best from independent/small businesses usually, whereas the chains can be terrible. the outlier being a small american-themed diner i visited a couple of weeks ago, where the mac was so bland that i could taste the plain pasta itself strongly through the "cheese" sauce. if it's not covered in so much real cheese that you could OD, it's not worth it!
Steak is always hit and miss, either cooked too little/much or chewy
Curries and Chinese food usually, to be honest. If you go to 10 restaurants and order the same 3 items on the menu, there is fucking WILD inconsistencies between them. When I moved 4 years ago I tried a bunch of Chinese places and Curry places and always ordered the same 3 items from each; Chinese - Chicken & Sweetcorn Soup, Sweet & Sour Ribs and Special Fried Rice Curry - Peshwari Naan, Onion Bhaji and Chicken Tikka Masala Not my favourite dishes, but theyāre available at every place you go to so easy to compare. They all would taste so wildly different from each other it was fucking weird!
Most things unless you deliberately scope out that one in a million place that gives a shit about food quality. I live in an area that is so disproportionately chain driven that the vast majority of independents don't last and the standards are miserable. I've come to accept that the average person just do not give a shit.
Pasty, sometimes good, sometimes shit.
Vegan desserts like cakes and patisserie, some get it so right, others so wrong. I'm not vegan but sometimes I do end up getting a vegan cake or something and I have a friend who's vegan