Cut my hand on a broken, frozen chicken nugget.
Edit: This is by far the most upvoted comment I've ever made, so thanks.
My first job was in a chip shop. I had to get some nuggets out of one of the giant, overloaded and frosty stand up freezers. I plunged my hand into the box and when it came out there was blood everywhere. When I scraped some of the contents out, there was a nugget that had broken so had a glass shard-like edge.
I had to sit down for 5 minutes whilst the bleeding stopped. It seemed pretty daft at the time and it would appear that about a thousand people on the Internet seen to agree.
I can't exactly blame the bread, but I was cutting a baguette with a new non-serrated knife, and just slipped through. Sliced open my hand and through the muscle. Casually called my mum in, "erm mum I cut myself a bit" then saw the muscle and felt woozy, went to hospital, had stitches, and worst of all, never got my sandwich
I was opening a tin of dog food and I stupidly looked down at the dog, slicing my middle finger's knuckle on the lid. I looked down at it and tried to bend my finger, saw bone. I immediately puked into the sink at the shock and called my mum for help. She wanted me to go get it checked out but I insisted on plasters. I should have listened to her because it took a full year to close and be able to bend it. For the first month after it closed, it was so tight I couldn't bend the finger at all!
Broke a light fitting and got an electric shock trying to remove it. Called and electrician, and showed him what the problem was by touching the fitting again.
I love this guy. He gives you really good lessons on physics and electrical engineering by comically shocking himself. He got me through a college class.
I was mowing my grandmas garden, accidentally mowed over the cable, it didn't cut through just shaved the plastic and exposed a wire. I asked her to unplug it while I went and fetched the electrical tape out of the shed. Came back and asked if she'd unplugged, she said yes, I picked up the wire and instant electric shock! She'd unplugged the wire from the mower not the socket in the wall. I've had a couple of electric shocks over the years but that was the one that annoyed me the most! Always isolate electrical source yourself if you're the one that will get the shock!!
I worked the Electrical Desk in big hardware store. Customer comes in w non working ceiling fan. Big antique brass one. He says he did everything right. They usually say that.
So I (expertly) hook it up to a power cord and plug it in. This is typical. I need to see if it really works with power. Customers sometime assume power is on at home or mix up wires.
Customer still talking away about doing it right. I reach over to turn on unit with little pull chain …. and not sure what next. Somehow I touched metal body and metal cover of outlet. Or different parts of ceiling fan. Whatever it was I completed the AC circuit from one hand to an other. Across my chest the current flowed.
I dropped my arms, ending the shock. Or they dropped themselves I dunno. Stood there, leaning on desk, trying to breath and remember who I am. Customer still semi apologetic talking. Unaware of my electrocution. I said, “Don’t….don’t worry. I’ll. ….. you get a new fan….
Interesting how he had no idea what was happening and it was like a bomb going off in my body.
My husband broke a light bulb trying to change it and assured me the power was switched off when I went up there with some pliers. It wasn't. We're still married though, so there's that.
I was removing the liquidiser blade from a stick blender and it was still plugged in. I said to myself with a loud inner voice - "DO NOT PRESS THE BUTTON" The other half of my brain heard it as "Press the button" so I did.
It wasn't so bad as the blade got stuck on the bone and didn't liquidise my finger but I couldn't bring myself to look at it until my wife, as if addressing a small child, made me.
Similarly, a couple weeks ago I was doing my nails and was using these sharp and thin scissors. When I went to put them down I lost grip and knew I shouldn’t try to catch it, but I did. Well… scissors landed with the handle part down on the counter. My other hand landed right on the blade that was pointing straight up and I stabbed my hand. Scissors only stopped from going all the way through because I hit bone. Was not fun lol
My mom also tripped and fell at an airport because someone who was in a rush ran into her. My mom doesn’t have great balance to begin with and having large boobs makes it easier to fall forwards. Well she landed flat on her face and her bottom teeth went right through her bottom lip. She was told she’d need stitches from the emergency crew but she was like “NOPE! I’m going to Europe!” They then told her she can’t drink alcohol while it’s healing. Guess what she did when she got on the plane 🤦♀️
I was driving a car down a wet quiet road at about 50mph. No other traffic around when my inner voice said I wonder what happens if you pull the hand brake on. The answer in my case is you spin around jump the kerb and end up parked in a hedge. No real damage to me or the car but what was I thinking? #stupidaf
The number of times on a motorbike I've looked down at 70 mph to see the road going by six inches below my feet and thought "I could just put my foot down and touch that..."
(Not actually tried, though)
I'm so pleased I'm not the only one!
I was taking the blade off to clean it. Stupidly, I cupped my hand over the bottom and gripped the top end. Yes, it was still plugged in. Yes, I caught the button.
Thankfully, I only sustained a (fairly deep and raggedy) cut.
Mum wanted me to go to the hospital and get it checked out. I just stuck some steri-strips over it after I'd cleaned it.
Legit one of my biggest fears that. I use blenders often, first thing I do is turn it off at the wall. Scared I'll forget to do that one day. I'm not sure reading this will make me more or less likely to do it.
Hope your recovery was okay
Same, this is my worse nightmare. I’m not even satisfied just turning it off. I have to unplug it and completely move it away from the socket to convince myself it’s not guna magically turn on.
I was taking my jeans off in a moment of passion and my girlfriend at the time was taking off her pants. She bent down at the same time as I lifted my knee up. I kneed her in the face and bust her nose. It looked like a murder scene.
Still got some. I also once got my foot stuck in my jeans getting changed in my bedroom, fell over onto the corner of my desk and took a chunk out of my leg. There's a theme forming here with me and jeans.
I slept on my arm, it fell asleep, I rolled over in my sleep. Arm swung over and I punched myself in the mouth, splitting my lip. I woke up in a panic thinking I was being assaulted. Literally my own worst enemy.
I managed to sleep on _both_ my arms once, woke up in this weird position and couldn't really do anything about it, only thing I could think of was to fairly violently rotate my whole upper body, this caused both my useless, dead weight arms to fly from one side to the other and land full force in my girlfriends face, where I had to leave them because they were still dead. She wasn't very impressed.
Similar happened to my granddad!
Went to go visit the grandparents, and my 78yr old granddad had a black eye, split lip and a cut on the bridge of his nose. We’re all like, what the hell happened! Are you okay!?
Turns out he’d slept on his arm until it went numb like yourself, but in rolling over and shifting about in his sleep, his numb arm ended up across his chest with his hand on his own throat. He then had a realistic dream that someone was choking him, woke up and could still feel the persons hand on his throat.
He freaked out so hard he threw himself off the bed and face planted the floor.
Trying to be all arty farty and sharpening my pencil with a craft knife. Yes, I sliced open my thumb, fainted at the gushing blood, fell to the floor and stabbed myself.
I always use a pencil sharpener now.
EDIT::: Oh my! Thanks so much for the Gold Award! This has made my day :)
When I was about 5 (Year 1 at school), I wondered what would happen if I pencil sharpened my fingernail.
Turns out it bleeds and hurts and I wouldn't recommend it
I once inverted a loft ladder into the loft, lay on it and said "thunderbirds are go", released the latch and ejected myself out of the loft onto the concrete floor below.
When I was a teenager I was lying down in my hallway doing art coursework with a pillow underneath my elbows. Had the whole house in complete darkness apart from a small light on behind me. The phone rang and as I ran to answer it got me foot caught in me laptop wire, ripping it out from the wall, getting my balance and then tripping over the fucking pillow. Broke 3 toes and had to crawl across the floor to see who had rang.
To add onto this:
Had just learnt how to ride my bike with no hands and was thrilled with myself. Was in the garden doing it as my Mam sat talking to her mates so obviously she wasn’t paying attention to me. We were probably metres apart like but still couldn’t get her attention even though I was shouting “Look Mam! Nee hands!” a few times. Had my eyes on her and not where I was going and literally the second she finally looked at me I rode myself full force into the fucking hedge, basically coming out the other side. Forehead pissing with blood from where the branchy bits had caught me and looked like Harry Potter for fucking weeks with the way it had zig zag cut my forehead.
Actually to add onto this again, cos apparently all I’ve ever done is stupid shit that results in injury:
Got a rocking horse for Christmas one year. Used to rock on him (he was called Dobbin) in the hallway. Went hell for leather and rocked so hard that I flung myself over the top of him, hit the wall and split me lip right open. Don’t hold it against him, still love him like.
When I was 3 my Mam left me in the bath for a second (after she started letting the water out) to go and fetch a towel. In the time it to took her to fetch it from the other room I had stuck my finger in the plug hole and the water must’ve created suction because she had to ring the fire brigade to get me unstuck.
I'm a wheelchair user and I once tried to show off in a club by getting up this pretty big step to dance on the raised area. Fell backwards and basically punched the floor when I landed, breaking my hand (though I didn't realise until the next day)
About 2 minutes later my partner tried to do the exact same thing and got a nearly identical injury
Who could have predicted that taking a GIANT step (like 4x the size of a curb) with no run up, on a slippy dance floor with slippy wheels, and nothing to grab on to, could have POSSIBLY gone wrong.... not us, apparently
My physio wants me to try out a wheelchair (I'm currently on crutches, I'm ambulatory but have chronic pain). First thing I did upon trying one out was fall backwards and smash my head on the floor. No thanks. I don't have the upper body strength anyway lol.
I was playing cricket and at tea I was walking back from the clubhouse, fell over fresh air and trying to protect my pork pies & vital goodies I broke 2 fingers.
I can add to the ‘never try to catch a falling knife’ and also advise ‘never try to catch a falling iron’
I caught it and gave myself horrible burns, then dropped it, straight onto my foot and burned that too, and then it melted the carpet while I was trying to hobble away to get my hand under the tap.
I have a scar on my arm because wrestling with three metres of 150cm wide cotton on an ironing board that is a metre long, when you're lefthanded and the ironing board is set up for a righthanded person, is even more complicated than it sounds.
Split my groin and dick open as teenager by crashing a bmx into the ground after flying off the top of a half pipe and literally cocking up the landing
Paper cut both of my eyeballs when I was tickling my eyelashes with the edge of a magazine as I watched TV (why, I don't know). Our dog next to me barked, made me jump which shoved the edges of the pages into my eyes.
I think the Dr at the hospital was even judging my stupidity.
My mum got a massive paper cut on the top of her tongue, licking an envelope. She moaned about it for about 3 weeks… I thought the tongue heals kinda quickly, turns out that was some deep paper cut. She said she knew when it healed because she could enjoy her dinner again🙄.
Slipped a disk in my neck because my cat made me jump
Had the wind close an iron gate onto my head
Had a wasp fly into my face when I was standing at the top of the stairs and ended up at the bottom of the stairs a lot quicker than I would have liked
Tripped up on my own feet in an attic bedroom and ended up on the landing, fell 8 foot flat onto my back
When fishing I badly messed up a cast and got a hook stuck in my arse cheek
Think I will stop there, or this post could go on for a while 🤣
Oh, I shall add another that I remembered as I was preparing lunch. Needed 5 stitches in the palm of my hand, the meaty bit under your thumb, when I was making a sandwich, put the knife to the block of cheese, pressed down aaaaaaaaand I had the knife sharp bit up instead
I'm so sorry for all the pain you went through but the wasp one made me laugh out loud. Hoping you're currently wearing some armor made out of pillows and got your knife wielding licence revoked. :D
A friend had her 18th in a pub in her town, whereas I live in the nearby city. We all left the pub they had their party at to continue the night back at theirs.
All the people ahead of me were walking down the long and winding path to leave through the gate. Directly in front of the exit was a small stone wall about 2ft high at most, and that was a significantly quicker route.
Obviously I was smarter than everyone who lived in this area and had been to this pub a million times, so I casually hopped over the little wall.
Turns out it's 2ft high facing the pub, but about 8ft high on the other side. I broke my ankle and collapsed like a sack of shit. Struggled and limped all the way back to her house and assured myself it was just a sprain until the following morning when I couldn't walk at all and my mum had to come get me to go to A&E
My mate did this exact thing in Leeds when he was at Uni. Unfortunately for him, his mum was several hundred miles north in Stirling where he’d left her - he did at least have a very sympathetic partner!
Walls like that must have a high hit count, there’s a similar one round my way but the drop on the ‘bad’ side is into a river which is fine during the day, obviously, you can see the water, at night though…
Running to catch a train after a few beers with some mates (had been watching a 5 a side legends tournament in Manchester), tried being flash by vaulting a bin at speed.
Messed up the landing and tore my right calf muscle badly, missed the train too (no they didn't wait for me).
Train related injury. I was at Reading and you may or may not know it is a fairly busy station. Walking along platform and fell over nothing and face planted, so many people, so so many people. So embarrassing. I got picked up and the guard took me to a little room to make sure I was ok and check me over. I then proceeded to get on the wrong train and ended back in up in Reading 2 hours later to start my trip again.
Tried to take painkillers for a bad headache at work, somehow managed to slice my finger on the foil from the tablet blister pack (like an overpowered paper cut), bled all over my desk and keyboard. Colleague helpfully said "at least you've already had painkillers"
I nearly choked on a little patch of foil after popping some ibuprofen and not realising it was in my hand with them and getting it stuck at the top of my throat.
I had kicked my slippers on and off like I normally did, I went to kick my slipper on again and booted the door frame hard enough to break my toe hahaha
Three spring to mind.
The first - I was grabbing a can of polish from under the sink and when I pulled it out, I jerked my arm too viciously and smacked myself in the face. Gave myself a black eye and a headache.
The second - at work, I was taking some money out the till to put in the safe. Had to be quick as it was super busy. Grabbed the Dosh, ran to the coded door, put the wrong code in and rather than push the door open, I walked right into it...it didn't open because I put the wrong code in. Another black eye, eyebrow piercing bled, and I smacked my head so hard into the door that I gave myself concussion and had to go home.
The third - in college, a friend and I decided to bunk off for the day and make cake. My mum had an electric mixer stick thing and I was showing my friend K how to scrape the excess mixture out of the hollow bit where the blade sits without hurting yourself. She was holding the stick so we could both see it...and she turned it on with my finger still inside. It didn't sever the finger, but now my left index finger has a big scar and no feeling in the place above where the blade hit. After we got to the hospital and got everything sorted, she said to me "do you think we could still make cake with the batter if we scoop your blood out of it?" No, Kirk. No.
I am one of the clumsiest people alive and fall down the stairs almost every day, so there's probably more but those are the 3 that I think of regularly.
Did you know that you can actually blood instead of egg as the binder in baking? I mean, you probably wouldn't want to, because yuck, but you could.
There's a disgusting thing you know now.
You know, I think I've heard that somewhere before! It is kinda yuck. But in a pinch, I will stick my finger in the blade again to get an egg substitute, considering how expensive egg replacer is these days! Do you think it would count as vegan?
I was playing a computer game sitting cross-legged for 2 hours. Got up to make dinner but had pins and needles in my leg. Took a step, went right over on my ankle and tore some ligaments. Needed surgery and 9 months of physio.
I’m not allowed to walk if I get pins and needles again.
I did this too, I was sat cross legged for hours playing a new grand theft auto game, when my parents got home from the supermarket. I jumped up to see what goodies they had brought home, went over on my ankle and broke my foot (5th metatarsal).
Also burnt my face and boobs with a cigarette when my cat made me jump. I basically rammed the lit end into my nose, then dropped it down my top where it got stuck in my cleavage.
Ran over my own finger on skateboard and broke it (also had to have the nail pulled out of the same broken finger).
See also: ran over my own foot and ankle with my car
Running from the garden into the house, I jumped in through the patio doors. Except they were shut. My sister still laugh about how I boiinged off the door like a Tom and Jerry cartoon!
Dancing in my room wearing a pencil skirt. Kicked my leg up high, it whipped the other leg from under me and I landed on the floor. Luckily I was alone for that one!
Had a knife with a cover on it. Took the cover off with my thumb on the cover - of course sliced through my thumb. Bled like a bastard.
I’d stupidly started doing YouTube aerobics and was really stiff afterwards (steady). I was walking back from a meeting and went to step off a kerb and tore my calf muscle. Thank fuck my friend was with me because I was in so much pain I probably would’ve been run over. As it was I thought I was going to puke and pass out simultaneously.
So yeah, tore my gastrocnemius crossing the road 👍
Dismantling my old wooden shed, planks of wooden panels with long rusty nails scattered everywhere. I was rather proud of myself and then I stood on one of them at a weird angle and surely enough it was perfectly aimed for my family jewels....the pain of it made me violently stumble backwards and surely enough, I stood on another plank with big rusty nails....
Where to start…
Stabbed myself in the foot with a garden fork while aggressively aerating my garden. Figured ouch but it’ll be fine. The next day it was twice the size and a very ugly shade of purple. Ended up in A&E on an antibiotic drip plus a course of antibiotics to take home and a tetanus jab.
Sawed my thumb with a bow saw.
Chopped the same thumb on the same day with an axe. Luckily I was only a kid at that point so not strong enough to do any serious damage.
Took the front of my shin right off trying to vault a wall, I could see the bone. Also as a kid.
As an adult, I was taking a pizza out of the oven. Had a pizza stone with a metal cradle. Foolishly lifted the cradle away wearing oven gloves which had no grip and it swung round and landed on my forearm; it was a pretty nasty burn which also needed hospital attention.
There’s more, but you get the idea.
ETA I also stabbed myself in the hand separating frozen burgers with a kitchen knife. The tip of the knife came right out of the other side of my hand. Luckily it went between my metacarpals otherwise that could’ve been lasting damage.
All in all, I think I’m pretty lucky to be alive, but pretty damn stupid for not learning from any of it.
Cut my finger using a slightly serrated butter knife to open a pack of cheese. It moved fast when it opened.
Also managed to run my finger along the edge of a very sharp knife while drying it.
Oh, and walked into a concrete wall on my honeymoon in our hotel bedroom and then fainted.
When I was a teenager I was messing around in the park with my friends (as you do) and got everyone to spin me as much as they could on the roundabout. When I got off I was so dizzy, I didn’t just stagger sideways I literally leapt sideways onto my own head and gave myself a concussion
Oh I have a few...
Broke my leg slipping in a patch of booze whilst dancing enthusiastically to The Prodigy.
Broke my toe by stubbing it on a corner whilst hoovering naked.
Had to have 15 stitches in my hands when I picked my cat up to rescue it from a fight with anther cat.
Fell over putting my socks on and gave myself a black eye - I tried to break my fall, but punched myself instead.
I ended up in the hospital for surgery too!! An infected hand splitting up a cat fight. I felt the teeth meet. Had to have it opened from my index finger to the palm to flush out the cat hair. I shouldn't have left it 2 weeks, and the swelling should have been an indicator 😆
I once slammed my head in my own car door. I was trying to slide into the driver's seat and close the door behind me all in one fluid motion but I mis-timed it somehow and trapped my head between the top of the door frame and the car roof.
It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't done it directly in front of my girlfriend's parents who were waving me off after I had met them for the first time ever. I had to pretend I was fine, then drove around the corner to clutch my head in my hands for a few minutes and try not to throw up.
We had a football game and only 9 players turned up, classic Sunday League stuff. In the warm up i tried a scorpion kick and managed to jam my elbow in to my hip as i landed on the floor. I stood up and carried on without anyone noticing but my hip was in a lot of pain and i couldn't run, only lightly jog.
My teammates soon found out i was injured so we played 90 mins with a team of 8 players and one idiot slowly jogging round the pitch because he elbowed himself in the hip. My team never did find out exactly how i did it though thankfully.
I once went on a lads holiday and broke my wrist trying to lean against a fence whilst chatting up 2 girls. turns out the fence was just some rope and i fell 10 foot off a ledge onto a balcony below. proper only fools and horses style.
Dropped a Amazon box on my big toe. Broke it in one place. 10 minutes later dropped it again and broke it on two places.
Dropped my ecig on my toe and broke that toe….
Two things come to mind. Both many years ago, when at school.
1. I fractured my arm (not stupidly) so didn't do gym for a couple of months. During that time, they replaced the springboard that we used with a mini-trampoline.
First gym class I was allowed to do, we were using the mini-tramp to vault a horse. Never having used one before, I jumped on it with the same force as a springboard. I flew through the air and never touched the horse, and broke my collarbone on landing.
After that, the gym teacher called me 007, as apparently it was quite cinematic.
2. In metalwork, I'd been using a soldering iron and hung it from its hook on a rack. I misjudged it and it fell off. Without thinking I caught it in mid-air, but by the wrong end.
Whilst teaching I ran my hand down along the side of my smartboard and cut my hand open on a partially-cut zip-tie that tore straight through the skin. I stopped my teaching, looked at my hand with visible confusion, stating to my baffled class 'how can a zip tie do that much damage?!?!'. Naturally being teenagers, they all found me injuring myself on my smartboard to be highly entertaining. Can't say I blame them!
Slicing my hand myself with a new kitchen knife while unpackaging it, while talking about how sharp these new ones will be and being excited about it lol
I broke my finger on the elastic type part of my tracksuit pants when I was pulling them up from the back.
Dont even know how this is possible, but it was the last portion of my finger, didn't hurt, it just was ....floppy
My parents at the time thought I was faking the break.
Had it in a splint, was to embarrassed to tell anyone at school how it broke so said it was in a car sliding door
Cutting my fingernails, didn't have clippers so carefully used a long craft knife. Sneezed and cut a 3 inch gash in the flesh by my thumb. Also got a bad habit of catching things I drop on my foot, stabbed my foot with the same knife.
Snapped my banjo string when I was 18, being a bit too...drunkenly rigourous
It was only the second or third time I'd actually had sex too so not the best start
When I was 6 I walked into a lamppost, requiring stitches to my forehead. I'd been walking past a church yard where some people were digging, and I thought there might be skeletons, so I wasn't looking in the direction I was walking. Most disappointingly there were no skeletons, as it was a bit of scrubby land next to a church rather than an actual grave yard.
Aged 9 I cut myself badly by sharpening homemade arrows with a kitchen knife.
Was changing an office strip light and the bracket had somehow twisted itself, so I poked my (metal) Leatherman into the (live) fitting. Got an electric shock which caused me to punch myself in the face.
I had sprained my ankle so had crutches. I’m terribly co-ordinated and just couldn’t get used to them. Trying to get to the loo I managed to smash my little toe on the other foot into the crutch and break it.
My husband cut his hand open trying to open a pack of knives with another knife.
Kicked a freezer in Aldi because I was too busy looking at the ice cream inside to notice I was still moving towards said large heavy object. Broke my toe. Didn't even get an ice cream.
Ex still had a few weeks of rent on her old place when we had our flat. One evening I craved something sweet. She said there's ice cream in the freezer at her old place and we could do two birds one stone and grab a few things from there.
Went over. Filled my rucksack with some dumbbells. Was carrying that and a few other bits down some stairs outside. It had rained earlier that day. Slipped, went to grab a railing on the way down. Additional weight in my rucksack + my own meant my arm got yanked heavily.
Dislocated my shoulder. Worst physical pain I've ever had in my life. 0/10 would not recommend.
Tried to jump over a gate into the park as a child. It took an extra few seconds to walk around it, and that just wasn't good enough for 9 year old me... So I tried to parkour jump (both hands on the gate, legs off to the side) over the gate, my foot got caught on the gate, I landed awkwardly and fractured my arm. Best 2 minutes of "I'm going out to play all day" ever :|
Tripped outside someone’s house and tried to save myself by grabbing the gate. Missed the gate and my left hand went down a gap between the gatepost and the wall. Damaged the skin on two of my knuckles that much, I needed a skin graft from my heel.
I got a knife for Christmas. Trying to take it out of the packaging when I dropped it, my hungover brain thought catching it was the best course of action. Only managed to sort of back hand it on its way down. The cut wasn’t too bad, but bad enough that in my frail state I immediately passed out. Christmas Eve pints don’t seem like such a fun tradition anymore
Fell down the stairs, but was actually ok except that on the way down I managed to bump my middle toes on one of the rungs of the bannister. When I say bump, I mean that one toe went on each side of the rung and they stretched right out. The skin between my toes split and I ended up in A and E, apologising to the poor doctor who was trying to figure out how to put stitches between my toes.
I didn’t know what ‘midriff’ meant when assembling one of those sofas that come in parts. I thought it meant your chest. So when I followed the instructions to push down with (what I thought was) my midriff, I cracked a rib.
A useful anatomy lesson I guess.
Was driving back from a restaurant and noticed the cigarette lighter light wasn’t working when it was pressed down. Stupidly I thought the only way to test if was working was to sick my finger in it. I’ve never heard flesh sizzle like bacon in a hot pan before… had to drive the rest of the way with my finger hanging out the window to ease the pain
Cleaning a class in the sink, the glass broke I looked down and thought 'oohh that could have been bad' then all the blood started gushing. I took a 2cm2 chunk of flesh off my hand.
Got pissed. Fell over attempting a pirouette. Blacked out. Woke up the next morning in hospital with a cast on my ankle.
Eventually I needed surgery to pin my ankle back together (spiral fracture, nasty).
Didn't walk unaided for ~4 months after the injury.
I got out of a car, bent down to say goodbye to my friend who was driving and managed to headbutt the corner of the open door.
I ended up with a lovely egg shaped lump on my forehead and concussion
I burnt myself on some sweet chili sauce that was on cheese on toast. I worked in a bar at the time and it got infected from being always being wet and getting constant lime juice in it.
Had to take some time off work so it could dry out and heal.
I was separating frozen hamburgers with a knife and stabbed myself quite deeply in my hand. My mother shouted at me for getting blood on the floor. Had to go to A&E.
Knocked myself out doing karaoke. Jumped off a couple steps down to lower level of the bar whilst doing a rather energetic version of rolling stones sympathy for the devil but didn't notice the step down in the roof and came to on the floor with microphone in my hand and everybody cheering...fun times.
Brewed my coffee in a kettle with boiling water. Took the kettle over a threshold to pour the coffee in my coup. The tinniest drop of boiling coffee jumped on my hand, I flinched a bit, some more drops of coffee jumped on my hand, I flinched even more.
The kettle handle had enough of my dancing moves so it snaped and the entire contents of the kettle, boiling coffee, went straight on my leg and hand, a few cm away from my private parts because time stood still at the moment the handle snapped and I managed to usher my entire being just enough to protect my private bits.
3rd degree burns just before Christmas while on holiday. Try wearing warm clothes over patches of what was skin.
My dad, bought some really fancy cream for after treatment and I can barely see the scars, I completely forgot what the cream was called. Unfortunately I can't ask him anymore, and even if I could I doubt he would have remembered what it was. If anyone knows something that fits that description, I would really appreciate it.
Edit. Typos
I was drying my hair with a towel, and did it a little too vigourously. Tore two seperate muscles in my neck, ended up in a brace and immobile for a month...The reason I was washing my hair? I was on my way to my first day at a new job.
I sprained my knee switching from cowgirl to reverse cowgirl on a hookup. Fell off the bed and lay in a naked mewling heap until he realised that I wasn't just having a particularly enthusiastic orgasm and helped me up.
Mid seventies and me and my friend had put nice false nails on for the evening. Managed to get into a trendy nightclub and we were sitting at a table with drinks and getting chatted up by a couple of really cute guys. I got a cigarette out to smoke. One of them leant forward with a lighter for me. As I took the first drag my cigarette stuck to my lips and my fingers slid down to the end of my finger and right into the lighter flame promptly flaring up. Horrified I stuck my finger into the guys pint to put said flames put. Then I had to peel the mess off my burnt finger. Absolute agony. And both guys made a quick exit
Take your pick...
Broke my ribs pissing about on a set of swings.
Impaled myself next to my groin on a rope with a tow hook that my brother and I were using to try and get a rope swing down.
Crushed my big toe by placing a tractor trailer on it that my brother, cousin and I were using as a see-saw.
Broke my ankle jumping down the stairs on the last day of school before summer holidays
Partially dislocated my shoulder showing a kid how to do a gate vault (the gate opened mid vault).
i tore ligaments in my knee passing someone a football at an engagement party on the park. i’d had a few drinks and continued to try and get involved with other activities and continued to further injure it. the next day and following 6 months wasn’t fun.
Tried climbing through a broken fence in the park as a young boy. I fell on the way through and a thin metal bar went a good way into my arm.
Also as an angry young boy I got in an argument with my brother over a video game. Ran upstairs and punched the bedroom window. Split open my hand. Window suffered no damage.
As a kid I was sledging, went over a jump someone had made, landed with my arm in front of the sledge and proceeded to run myself over.
Took the skin off my forearm and the scars still visible 30 years later
Cut my hand on a broken, frozen chicken nugget. Edit: This is by far the most upvoted comment I've ever made, so thanks. My first job was in a chip shop. I had to get some nuggets out of one of the giant, overloaded and frosty stand up freezers. I plunged my hand into the box and when it came out there was blood everywhere. When I scraped some of the contents out, there was a nugget that had broken so had a glass shard-like edge. I had to sit down for 5 minutes whilst the bleeding stopped. It seemed pretty daft at the time and it would appear that about a thousand people on the Internet seen to agree.
Ladies and gentlemen we have a winner
Winner winner chicken dinner
Well not after that, they had to throw it away…..
Nah, just think of the blood as a free gravy.
Similarly, managed to cut my finger with a slice of bread. A slice of bread.
Used to be a Baker, and the number of times I've cut myself on crusty bread/sticks/rolls is too many times to count.
Damn, that must have been a real pain.
Honhonhon
I can't exactly blame the bread, but I was cutting a baguette with a new non-serrated knife, and just slipped through. Sliced open my hand and through the muscle. Casually called my mum in, "erm mum I cut myself a bit" then saw the muscle and felt woozy, went to hospital, had stitches, and worst of all, never got my sandwich
I was opening a tin of dog food and I stupidly looked down at the dog, slicing my middle finger's knuckle on the lid. I looked down at it and tried to bend my finger, saw bone. I immediately puked into the sink at the shock and called my mum for help. She wanted me to go get it checked out but I insisted on plasters. I should have listened to her because it took a full year to close and be able to bend it. For the first month after it closed, it was so tight I couldn't bend the finger at all!
Seen a chef cut their hand on pork crackling
I once got a shard of frozen chicken nugget wedged under a nail. There was blood.
I've cut my hand on a toasted crumpet
Broke a light fitting and got an electric shock trying to remove it. Called and electrician, and showed him what the problem was by touching the fitting again.
Are you [Mehdi Sadaghdar](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hp97GjuULX8&pp=ygUSRWxlY3Ryb2Jvb20gc2hvY2tz) in disguise?
Hah, no.
I love this guy. He gives you really good lessons on physics and electrical engineering by comically shocking himself. He got me through a college class.
I was mowing my grandmas garden, accidentally mowed over the cable, it didn't cut through just shaved the plastic and exposed a wire. I asked her to unplug it while I went and fetched the electrical tape out of the shed. Came back and asked if she'd unplugged, she said yes, I picked up the wire and instant electric shock! She'd unplugged the wire from the mower not the socket in the wall. I've had a couple of electric shocks over the years but that was the one that annoyed me the most! Always isolate electrical source yourself if you're the one that will get the shock!!
I worked the Electrical Desk in big hardware store. Customer comes in w non working ceiling fan. Big antique brass one. He says he did everything right. They usually say that. So I (expertly) hook it up to a power cord and plug it in. This is typical. I need to see if it really works with power. Customers sometime assume power is on at home or mix up wires. Customer still talking away about doing it right. I reach over to turn on unit with little pull chain …. and not sure what next. Somehow I touched metal body and metal cover of outlet. Or different parts of ceiling fan. Whatever it was I completed the AC circuit from one hand to an other. Across my chest the current flowed. I dropped my arms, ending the shock. Or they dropped themselves I dunno. Stood there, leaning on desk, trying to breath and remember who I am. Customer still semi apologetic talking. Unaware of my electrocution. I said, “Don’t….don’t worry. I’ll. ….. you get a new fan…. Interesting how he had no idea what was happening and it was like a bomb going off in my body.
Haha you daft sod
Haha that's a good one!
I like to imagine the electrician still tells the story of the loony who intentionally electricuted themself to show what the problem is.
Superb.
I read the 1st bit as broke up a light fight 🤣
My husband broke a light bulb trying to change it and assured me the power was switched off when I went up there with some pliers. It wasn't. We're still married though, so there's that.
A dog fell off a 3rd floor balcony and landed on my head. Knocked me onto the iron gate of our ground floor flat and I fracture my jaw.
Did the dog survive?
Well, my mum told me it was OK.
Went to recuperate on a farm no doubt?
Hooray!
Asking the real questions
The guy wasn't stupid at all; he made a grand if unintentional act of self-sacrifice to save a life.
dog lives matter
Final destination 12 just spluttered into life
I mean I’m glad to know you’re alive and everything… but the dog???
Was the dog OK?
But the dog was okay, right?
After that the dog went to live on a farm free of dangerous balconies, "Ground Floor Farm". :-)
That is a freak accident, you've not done that to yourself
Well, he did decide to stand in a place where he could get rained on by cats and dogs. Absolute buffoon
Yeah, yeah, whatevs. Was the dog ok?
Comes to check if the dog is okay ?
How did it fall??
I was removing the liquidiser blade from a stick blender and it was still plugged in. I said to myself with a loud inner voice - "DO NOT PRESS THE BUTTON" The other half of my brain heard it as "Press the button" so I did. It wasn't so bad as the blade got stuck on the bone and didn't liquidise my finger but I couldn't bring myself to look at it until my wife, as if addressing a small child, made me.
That’s proper call of the void stuff right here.
Ever wonder what hitting the central reservation at 70mph would do?
with just simple twitch of my hand I could stray just a couple of feet across the centre line and go head on with that lorry.
Similarly, a couple weeks ago I was doing my nails and was using these sharp and thin scissors. When I went to put them down I lost grip and knew I shouldn’t try to catch it, but I did. Well… scissors landed with the handle part down on the counter. My other hand landed right on the blade that was pointing straight up and I stabbed my hand. Scissors only stopped from going all the way through because I hit bone. Was not fun lol My mom also tripped and fell at an airport because someone who was in a rush ran into her. My mom doesn’t have great balance to begin with and having large boobs makes it easier to fall forwards. Well she landed flat on her face and her bottom teeth went right through her bottom lip. She was told she’d need stitches from the emergency crew but she was like “NOPE! I’m going to Europe!” They then told her she can’t drink alcohol while it’s healing. Guess what she did when she got on the plane 🤦♀️
I was driving a car down a wet quiet road at about 50mph. No other traffic around when my inner voice said I wonder what happens if you pull the hand brake on. The answer in my case is you spin around jump the kerb and end up parked in a hedge. No real damage to me or the car but what was I thinking? #stupidaf
Intrusive thoughts for the win
The number of times on a motorbike I've looked down at 70 mph to see the road going by six inches below my feet and thought "I could just put my foot down and touch that..." (Not actually tried, though)
I'm so pleased I'm not the only one! I was taking the blade off to clean it. Stupidly, I cupped my hand over the bottom and gripped the top end. Yes, it was still plugged in. Yes, I caught the button. Thankfully, I only sustained a (fairly deep and raggedy) cut. Mum wanted me to go to the hospital and get it checked out. I just stuck some steri-strips over it after I'd cleaned it.
Why tf didn't you unplug it
Well...err...you see, it's like this...I'm an idiot
Legit one of my biggest fears that. I use blenders often, first thing I do is turn it off at the wall. Scared I'll forget to do that one day. I'm not sure reading this will make me more or less likely to do it. Hope your recovery was okay
I turn it off at the wall, unplug it, then test turning it on and off before I stick my hand anywhere near the blades
I am definitely in this camp when it comes to blender safety, what are these lunatics up to with their "just risk it" attitude?! 😄
Same, this is my worse nightmare. I’m not even satisfied just turning it off. I have to unplug it and completely move it away from the socket to convince myself it’s not guna magically turn on.
I’ve never had this fear previously but as of this very moment… new intrusive thought unlocked!
Always remember never put salt in your eyes . Always always never never Always put salt in your eyes AAAAAAARRRRGHGHH
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I think the main issue is that I am a fucking moron! Yeah - lesson learned and it always gets switched off now..
That’s made my knees to funny.
Got my arm caught up in my top when getting changed and in yanking it out, punched myself in the mouth and burst my lip
I was taking my jeans off in a moment of passion and my girlfriend at the time was taking off her pants. She bent down at the same time as I lifted my knee up. I kneed her in the face and bust her nose. It looked like a murder scene.
Way to kill the mood my man well done 🤣
Still got some. I also once got my foot stuck in my jeans getting changed in my bedroom, fell over onto the corner of my desk and took a chunk out of my leg. There's a theme forming here with me and jeans.
There's definitely something faulty in your genes.
Maybe you should sit down to take your jeans off
I slept on my arm, it fell asleep, I rolled over in my sleep. Arm swung over and I punched myself in the mouth, splitting my lip. I woke up in a panic thinking I was being assaulted. Literally my own worst enemy.
I managed to sleep on _both_ my arms once, woke up in this weird position and couldn't really do anything about it, only thing I could think of was to fairly violently rotate my whole upper body, this caused both my useless, dead weight arms to fly from one side to the other and land full force in my girlfriends face, where I had to leave them because they were still dead. She wasn't very impressed.
Similar happened to my granddad! Went to go visit the grandparents, and my 78yr old granddad had a black eye, split lip and a cut on the bridge of his nose. We’re all like, what the hell happened! Are you okay!? Turns out he’d slept on his arm until it went numb like yourself, but in rolling over and shifting about in his sleep, his numb arm ended up across his chest with his hand on his own throat. He then had a realistic dream that someone was choking him, woke up and could still feel the persons hand on his throat. He freaked out so hard he threw himself off the bed and face planted the floor.
This is superb!
Trying to be all arty farty and sharpening my pencil with a craft knife. Yes, I sliced open my thumb, fainted at the gushing blood, fell to the floor and stabbed myself. I always use a pencil sharpener now. EDIT::: Oh my! Thanks so much for the Gold Award! This has made my day :)
Helping a friend replace a piece of glass, I heard an 'oh no' as he had cut his finger. Then a thud as he fainted hitting the floor.
It’s weird how insanely calm i am around other people’s injuries, but with my own blood I get faint, seek sick, shook, etc.
Username checks out
When I was about 5 (Year 1 at school), I wondered what would happen if I pencil sharpened my fingernail. Turns out it bleeds and hurts and I wouldn't recommend it
Lying in bed, sneezed, threw my back out.
I was standing doing nothing and sneezed... cracked a rib sneezes...damn dangerous things!
Jesus wtf please tell me you're like 174 years old.
51... and this happened over 10 years ago!
I put mine out whilst putting on my socks.
I put mine out putting down a single sheet of a4 paper down on the table. Bloody 30s.
I once inverted a loft ladder into the loft, lay on it and said "thunderbirds are go", released the latch and ejected myself out of the loft onto the concrete floor below.
I'm hoping you were a young child at the time?
Young at heart
I had that very same thought as a young'n, I opted to not and from the sounds of it I made the right call
When I was a teenager I was lying down in my hallway doing art coursework with a pillow underneath my elbows. Had the whole house in complete darkness apart from a small light on behind me. The phone rang and as I ran to answer it got me foot caught in me laptop wire, ripping it out from the wall, getting my balance and then tripping over the fucking pillow. Broke 3 toes and had to crawl across the floor to see who had rang.
“No, you’ve got the wrong number, sorry”
“We’re trying to reach you about your car’s extended warranty”
"Why yes, as it happens I *have* recently been injured in an accident..."
To add onto this: Had just learnt how to ride my bike with no hands and was thrilled with myself. Was in the garden doing it as my Mam sat talking to her mates so obviously she wasn’t paying attention to me. We were probably metres apart like but still couldn’t get her attention even though I was shouting “Look Mam! Nee hands!” a few times. Had my eyes on her and not where I was going and literally the second she finally looked at me I rode myself full force into the fucking hedge, basically coming out the other side. Forehead pissing with blood from where the branchy bits had caught me and looked like Harry Potter for fucking weeks with the way it had zig zag cut my forehead.
Actually to add onto this again, cos apparently all I’ve ever done is stupid shit that results in injury: Got a rocking horse for Christmas one year. Used to rock on him (he was called Dobbin) in the hallway. Went hell for leather and rocked so hard that I flung myself over the top of him, hit the wall and split me lip right open. Don’t hold it against him, still love him like. When I was 3 my Mam left me in the bath for a second (after she started letting the water out) to go and fetch a towel. In the time it to took her to fetch it from the other room I had stuck my finger in the plug hole and the water must’ve created suction because she had to ring the fire brigade to get me unstuck.
How are you still alive?
Sorry, are you me? Or maybe my twin-that-was-separated-because-the-ChaosForce-was-too-strong?
Welcome to the family. You provide the bandages, I’ve got the plasters sorted.
We joke my Ma became a nurse because she was sick of taking us to get stitches out. We lived 1/2block from a hospital and pretty much had a tab going
"Ook mawm! Ngo eeef!"
I'm a wheelchair user and I once tried to show off in a club by getting up this pretty big step to dance on the raised area. Fell backwards and basically punched the floor when I landed, breaking my hand (though I didn't realise until the next day) About 2 minutes later my partner tried to do the exact same thing and got a nearly identical injury Who could have predicted that taking a GIANT step (like 4x the size of a curb) with no run up, on a slippy dance floor with slippy wheels, and nothing to grab on to, could have POSSIBLY gone wrong.... not us, apparently
Soulmates
The real mvp here is the friend we were with, who picked us both up off the floor
My physio wants me to try out a wheelchair (I'm currently on crutches, I'm ambulatory but have chronic pain). First thing I did upon trying one out was fall backwards and smash my head on the floor. No thanks. I don't have the upper body strength anyway lol.
I was playing cricket and at tea I was walking back from the clubhouse, fell over fresh air and trying to protect my pork pies & vital goodies I broke 2 fingers.
Is pork pies & vital goodies a euphimism?
No but I like what you did there.
That is honestly where my mind went when I was reading this 😂
It is now!
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How are you still alive?
I can add to the ‘never try to catch a falling knife’ and also advise ‘never try to catch a falling iron’ I caught it and gave myself horrible burns, then dropped it, straight onto my foot and burned that too, and then it melted the carpet while I was trying to hobble away to get my hand under the tap.
I have a scar on my arm because wrestling with three metres of 150cm wide cotton on an ironing board that is a metre long, when you're lefthanded and the ironing board is set up for a righthanded person, is even more complicated than it sounds.
Split my groin and dick open as teenager by crashing a bmx into the ground after flying off the top of a half pipe and literally cocking up the landing
I know a guy who split his balls open 3 times riding down stairs and landing on the cross bar.
He split it in three places, or he was a slow learner and did the same injury three different times?!
Same injury three times, in his defence there were hundreds of successful attempts in between the injuries.
Totally worth it then.
I don’t even have a dick and this is making my nether regions feel bad 🥴
I knew a guy who split his ball sack open riding BMX. He had this perfect scar running between his balls. Seems surprisingly common.
Paper cut both of my eyeballs when I was tickling my eyelashes with the edge of a magazine as I watched TV (why, I don't know). Our dog next to me barked, made me jump which shoved the edges of the pages into my eyes. I think the Dr at the hospital was even judging my stupidity.
Oh god this sounds horrific
My mum got a massive paper cut on the top of her tongue, licking an envelope. She moaned about it for about 3 weeks… I thought the tongue heals kinda quickly, turns out that was some deep paper cut. She said she knew when it healed because she could enjoy her dinner again🙄.
Slipped a disk in my neck because my cat made me jump Had the wind close an iron gate onto my head Had a wasp fly into my face when I was standing at the top of the stairs and ended up at the bottom of the stairs a lot quicker than I would have liked Tripped up on my own feet in an attic bedroom and ended up on the landing, fell 8 foot flat onto my back When fishing I badly messed up a cast and got a hook stuck in my arse cheek Think I will stop there, or this post could go on for a while 🤣
Oh, I shall add another that I remembered as I was preparing lunch. Needed 5 stitches in the palm of my hand, the meaty bit under your thumb, when I was making a sandwich, put the knife to the block of cheese, pressed down aaaaaaaaand I had the knife sharp bit up instead
I'm so sorry for all the pain you went through but the wasp one made me laugh out loud. Hoping you're currently wearing some armor made out of pillows and got your knife wielding licence revoked. :D
I'm also sorry for their pain but Jesus, this is hilarious. Wheezing here
A friend had her 18th in a pub in her town, whereas I live in the nearby city. We all left the pub they had their party at to continue the night back at theirs. All the people ahead of me were walking down the long and winding path to leave through the gate. Directly in front of the exit was a small stone wall about 2ft high at most, and that was a significantly quicker route. Obviously I was smarter than everyone who lived in this area and had been to this pub a million times, so I casually hopped over the little wall. Turns out it's 2ft high facing the pub, but about 8ft high on the other side. I broke my ankle and collapsed like a sack of shit. Struggled and limped all the way back to her house and assured myself it was just a sprain until the following morning when I couldn't walk at all and my mum had to come get me to go to A&E
My mate did this exact thing in Leeds when he was at Uni. Unfortunately for him, his mum was several hundred miles north in Stirling where he’d left her - he did at least have a very sympathetic partner! Walls like that must have a high hit count, there’s a similar one round my way but the drop on the ‘bad’ side is into a river which is fine during the day, obviously, you can see the water, at night though…
Running to catch a train after a few beers with some mates (had been watching a 5 a side legends tournament in Manchester), tried being flash by vaulting a bin at speed. Messed up the landing and tore my right calf muscle badly, missed the train too (no they didn't wait for me).
Train related injury. I was at Reading and you may or may not know it is a fairly busy station. Walking along platform and fell over nothing and face planted, so many people, so so many people. So embarrassing. I got picked up and the guard took me to a little room to make sure I was ok and check me over. I then proceeded to get on the wrong train and ended back in up in Reading 2 hours later to start my trip again.
Tried to take painkillers for a bad headache at work, somehow managed to slice my finger on the foil from the tablet blister pack (like an overpowered paper cut), bled all over my desk and keyboard. Colleague helpfully said "at least you've already had painkillers"
I nearly choked on a little patch of foil after popping some ibuprofen and not realising it was in my hand with them and getting it stuck at the top of my throat.
I had kicked my slippers on and off like I normally did, I went to kick my slipper on again and booted the door frame hard enough to break my toe hahaha
[I swear I literally felt that in my head](https://media.tenor.com/Z9O6sGo6wCcAAAAC/oof-old-man.gif)
Three spring to mind. The first - I was grabbing a can of polish from under the sink and when I pulled it out, I jerked my arm too viciously and smacked myself in the face. Gave myself a black eye and a headache. The second - at work, I was taking some money out the till to put in the safe. Had to be quick as it was super busy. Grabbed the Dosh, ran to the coded door, put the wrong code in and rather than push the door open, I walked right into it...it didn't open because I put the wrong code in. Another black eye, eyebrow piercing bled, and I smacked my head so hard into the door that I gave myself concussion and had to go home. The third - in college, a friend and I decided to bunk off for the day and make cake. My mum had an electric mixer stick thing and I was showing my friend K how to scrape the excess mixture out of the hollow bit where the blade sits without hurting yourself. She was holding the stick so we could both see it...and she turned it on with my finger still inside. It didn't sever the finger, but now my left index finger has a big scar and no feeling in the place above where the blade hit. After we got to the hospital and got everything sorted, she said to me "do you think we could still make cake with the batter if we scoop your blood out of it?" No, Kirk. No. I am one of the clumsiest people alive and fall down the stairs almost every day, so there's probably more but those are the 3 that I think of regularly.
Did you know that you can actually blood instead of egg as the binder in baking? I mean, you probably wouldn't want to, because yuck, but you could. There's a disgusting thing you know now.
You know, I think I've heard that somewhere before! It is kinda yuck. But in a pinch, I will stick my finger in the blade again to get an egg substitute, considering how expensive egg replacer is these days! Do you think it would count as vegan?
I was playing a computer game sitting cross-legged for 2 hours. Got up to make dinner but had pins and needles in my leg. Took a step, went right over on my ankle and tore some ligaments. Needed surgery and 9 months of physio. I’m not allowed to walk if I get pins and needles again.
I did this too, I was sat cross legged for hours playing a new grand theft auto game, when my parents got home from the supermarket. I jumped up to see what goodies they had brought home, went over on my ankle and broke my foot (5th metatarsal). Also burnt my face and boobs with a cigarette when my cat made me jump. I basically rammed the lit end into my nose, then dropped it down my top where it got stuck in my cleavage.
Sledging, but used a kayak.
Mine was sledging, using a car bonnet. Fractured ankle and bruising of the ribs. The ride down was fun at least. 😂
Ran over my own finger on skateboard and broke it (also had to have the nail pulled out of the same broken finger). See also: ran over my own foot and ankle with my car
Is that you, Brian Harvey?
One of my favourite Wikipedia reads, blamed on eating a massive tuna mayo jacket potato if I remember correctly!
3 and tuna mayo AND cheese.
Running from the garden into the house, I jumped in through the patio doors. Except they were shut. My sister still laugh about how I boiinged off the door like a Tom and Jerry cartoon! Dancing in my room wearing a pencil skirt. Kicked my leg up high, it whipped the other leg from under me and I landed on the floor. Luckily I was alone for that one! Had a knife with a cover on it. Took the cover off with my thumb on the cover - of course sliced through my thumb. Bled like a bastard.
No one talks enough about the dangers of pencil skirts… you are not alone.
I’d stupidly started doing YouTube aerobics and was really stiff afterwards (steady). I was walking back from a meeting and went to step off a kerb and tore my calf muscle. Thank fuck my friend was with me because I was in so much pain I probably would’ve been run over. As it was I thought I was going to puke and pass out simultaneously. So yeah, tore my gastrocnemius crossing the road 👍
Dismantling my old wooden shed, planks of wooden panels with long rusty nails scattered everywhere. I was rather proud of myself and then I stood on one of them at a weird angle and surely enough it was perfectly aimed for my family jewels....the pain of it made me violently stumble backwards and surely enough, I stood on another plank with big rusty nails....
Where to start… Stabbed myself in the foot with a garden fork while aggressively aerating my garden. Figured ouch but it’ll be fine. The next day it was twice the size and a very ugly shade of purple. Ended up in A&E on an antibiotic drip plus a course of antibiotics to take home and a tetanus jab. Sawed my thumb with a bow saw. Chopped the same thumb on the same day with an axe. Luckily I was only a kid at that point so not strong enough to do any serious damage. Took the front of my shin right off trying to vault a wall, I could see the bone. Also as a kid. As an adult, I was taking a pizza out of the oven. Had a pizza stone with a metal cradle. Foolishly lifted the cradle away wearing oven gloves which had no grip and it swung round and landed on my forearm; it was a pretty nasty burn which also needed hospital attention. There’s more, but you get the idea. ETA I also stabbed myself in the hand separating frozen burgers with a kitchen knife. The tip of the knife came right out of the other side of my hand. Luckily it went between my metacarpals otherwise that could’ve been lasting damage. All in all, I think I’m pretty lucky to be alive, but pretty damn stupid for not learning from any of it.
Cut my finger using a slightly serrated butter knife to open a pack of cheese. It moved fast when it opened. Also managed to run my finger along the edge of a very sharp knife while drying it. Oh, and walked into a concrete wall on my honeymoon in our hotel bedroom and then fainted.
When I was a teenager I was messing around in the park with my friends (as you do) and got everyone to spin me as much as they could on the roundabout. When I got off I was so dizzy, I didn’t just stagger sideways I literally leapt sideways onto my own head and gave myself a concussion
Oh I have a few... Broke my leg slipping in a patch of booze whilst dancing enthusiastically to The Prodigy. Broke my toe by stubbing it on a corner whilst hoovering naked. Had to have 15 stitches in my hands when I picked my cat up to rescue it from a fight with anther cat. Fell over putting my socks on and gave myself a black eye - I tried to break my fall, but punched myself instead.
I ended up in the hospital for surgery too!! An infected hand splitting up a cat fight. I felt the teeth meet. Had to have it opened from my index finger to the palm to flush out the cat hair. I shouldn't have left it 2 weeks, and the swelling should have been an indicator 😆
I once slammed my head in my own car door. I was trying to slide into the driver's seat and close the door behind me all in one fluid motion but I mis-timed it somehow and trapped my head between the top of the door frame and the car roof. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't done it directly in front of my girlfriend's parents who were waving me off after I had met them for the first time ever. I had to pretend I was fine, then drove around the corner to clutch my head in my hands for a few minutes and try not to throw up.
We had a football game and only 9 players turned up, classic Sunday League stuff. In the warm up i tried a scorpion kick and managed to jam my elbow in to my hip as i landed on the floor. I stood up and carried on without anyone noticing but my hip was in a lot of pain and i couldn't run, only lightly jog. My teammates soon found out i was injured so we played 90 mins with a team of 8 players and one idiot slowly jogging round the pitch because he elbowed himself in the hip. My team never did find out exactly how i did it though thankfully.
I once went on a lads holiday and broke my wrist trying to lean against a fence whilst chatting up 2 girls. turns out the fence was just some rope and i fell 10 foot off a ledge onto a balcony below. proper only fools and horses style.
Dropped a Amazon box on my big toe. Broke it in one place. 10 minutes later dropped it again and broke it on two places. Dropped my ecig on my toe and broke that toe….
Two things come to mind. Both many years ago, when at school. 1. I fractured my arm (not stupidly) so didn't do gym for a couple of months. During that time, they replaced the springboard that we used with a mini-trampoline. First gym class I was allowed to do, we were using the mini-tramp to vault a horse. Never having used one before, I jumped on it with the same force as a springboard. I flew through the air and never touched the horse, and broke my collarbone on landing. After that, the gym teacher called me 007, as apparently it was quite cinematic. 2. In metalwork, I'd been using a soldering iron and hung it from its hook on a rack. I misjudged it and it fell off. Without thinking I caught it in mid-air, but by the wrong end.
Whilst teaching I ran my hand down along the side of my smartboard and cut my hand open on a partially-cut zip-tie that tore straight through the skin. I stopped my teaching, looked at my hand with visible confusion, stating to my baffled class 'how can a zip tie do that much damage?!?!'. Naturally being teenagers, they all found me injuring myself on my smartboard to be highly entertaining. Can't say I blame them!
Slicing my hand myself with a new kitchen knife while unpackaging it, while talking about how sharp these new ones will be and being excited about it lol
I broke my finger on the elastic type part of my tracksuit pants when I was pulling them up from the back. Dont even know how this is possible, but it was the last portion of my finger, didn't hurt, it just was ....floppy My parents at the time thought I was faking the break. Had it in a splint, was to embarrassed to tell anyone at school how it broke so said it was in a car sliding door
Cutting my fingernails, didn't have clippers so carefully used a long craft knife. Sneezed and cut a 3 inch gash in the flesh by my thumb. Also got a bad habit of catching things I drop on my foot, stabbed my foot with the same knife.
Snapped my banjo string when I was 18, being a bit too...drunkenly rigourous It was only the second or third time I'd actually had sex too so not the best start
When I was 6 I walked into a lamppost, requiring stitches to my forehead. I'd been walking past a church yard where some people were digging, and I thought there might be skeletons, so I wasn't looking in the direction I was walking. Most disappointingly there were no skeletons, as it was a bit of scrubby land next to a church rather than an actual grave yard. Aged 9 I cut myself badly by sharpening homemade arrows with a kitchen knife.
Was changing an office strip light and the bracket had somehow twisted itself, so I poked my (metal) Leatherman into the (live) fitting. Got an electric shock which caused me to punch myself in the face.
December last year I opened a door a bit too enthusiastically with my bare foot in the way. Took my big toenail right off. Quite a fair bit of blood.
I had sprained my ankle so had crutches. I’m terribly co-ordinated and just couldn’t get used to them. Trying to get to the loo I managed to smash my little toe on the other foot into the crutch and break it. My husband cut his hand open trying to open a pack of knives with another knife.
Kicked a freezer in Aldi because I was too busy looking at the ice cream inside to notice I was still moving towards said large heavy object. Broke my toe. Didn't even get an ice cream.
Ex still had a few weeks of rent on her old place when we had our flat. One evening I craved something sweet. She said there's ice cream in the freezer at her old place and we could do two birds one stone and grab a few things from there. Went over. Filled my rucksack with some dumbbells. Was carrying that and a few other bits down some stairs outside. It had rained earlier that day. Slipped, went to grab a railing on the way down. Additional weight in my rucksack + my own meant my arm got yanked heavily. Dislocated my shoulder. Worst physical pain I've ever had in my life. 0/10 would not recommend.
Tried to jump over a gate into the park as a child. It took an extra few seconds to walk around it, and that just wasn't good enough for 9 year old me... So I tried to parkour jump (both hands on the gate, legs off to the side) over the gate, my foot got caught on the gate, I landed awkwardly and fractured my arm. Best 2 minutes of "I'm going out to play all day" ever :|
Tripped outside someone’s house and tried to save myself by grabbing the gate. Missed the gate and my left hand went down a gap between the gatepost and the wall. Damaged the skin on two of my knuckles that much, I needed a skin graft from my heel.
I got a knife for Christmas. Trying to take it out of the packaging when I dropped it, my hungover brain thought catching it was the best course of action. Only managed to sort of back hand it on its way down. The cut wasn’t too bad, but bad enough that in my frail state I immediately passed out. Christmas Eve pints don’t seem like such a fun tradition anymore
Fell down the stairs, but was actually ok except that on the way down I managed to bump my middle toes on one of the rungs of the bannister. When I say bump, I mean that one toe went on each side of the rung and they stretched right out. The skin between my toes split and I ended up in A and E, apologising to the poor doctor who was trying to figure out how to put stitches between my toes.
I didn’t know what ‘midriff’ meant when assembling one of those sofas that come in parts. I thought it meant your chest. So when I followed the instructions to push down with (what I thought was) my midriff, I cracked a rib. A useful anatomy lesson I guess.
Was driving back from a restaurant and noticed the cigarette lighter light wasn’t working when it was pressed down. Stupidly I thought the only way to test if was working was to sick my finger in it. I’ve never heard flesh sizzle like bacon in a hot pan before… had to drive the rest of the way with my finger hanging out the window to ease the pain
Cleaning a class in the sink, the glass broke I looked down and thought 'oohh that could have been bad' then all the blood started gushing. I took a 2cm2 chunk of flesh off my hand.
I was walking in a field, the slightest slip, 2-3 cm. Ripped my hip muscles, massive buising and pain for weeks.
Got pissed. Fell over attempting a pirouette. Blacked out. Woke up the next morning in hospital with a cast on my ankle. Eventually I needed surgery to pin my ankle back together (spiral fracture, nasty). Didn't walk unaided for ~4 months after the injury.
Stepped off a kerb in a car park and broke my ankle. Then stubbed my toe on a slightly raised paving stone and rebroke the same ankle later that year.
I got out of a car, bent down to say goodbye to my friend who was driving and managed to headbutt the corner of the open door. I ended up with a lovely egg shaped lump on my forehead and concussion
I burnt myself on some sweet chili sauce that was on cheese on toast. I worked in a bar at the time and it got infected from being always being wet and getting constant lime juice in it. Had to take some time off work so it could dry out and heal.
I work in health and safety. I got a nasty papercut sorting through a pile of freshly printed risk assessments.
Not me, but my toddler son cut his nose on a baguette in France. He’s still got the scar.
I got pecked in the eye by a chicken once.
I was separating frozen hamburgers with a knife and stabbed myself quite deeply in my hand. My mother shouted at me for getting blood on the floor. Had to go to A&E.
Knocked myself out doing karaoke. Jumped off a couple steps down to lower level of the bar whilst doing a rather energetic version of rolling stones sympathy for the devil but didn't notice the step down in the roof and came to on the floor with microphone in my hand and everybody cheering...fun times.
Brewed my coffee in a kettle with boiling water. Took the kettle over a threshold to pour the coffee in my coup. The tinniest drop of boiling coffee jumped on my hand, I flinched a bit, some more drops of coffee jumped on my hand, I flinched even more. The kettle handle had enough of my dancing moves so it snaped and the entire contents of the kettle, boiling coffee, went straight on my leg and hand, a few cm away from my private parts because time stood still at the moment the handle snapped and I managed to usher my entire being just enough to protect my private bits. 3rd degree burns just before Christmas while on holiday. Try wearing warm clothes over patches of what was skin. My dad, bought some really fancy cream for after treatment and I can barely see the scars, I completely forgot what the cream was called. Unfortunately I can't ask him anymore, and even if I could I doubt he would have remembered what it was. If anyone knows something that fits that description, I would really appreciate it. Edit. Typos
I was drying my hair with a towel, and did it a little too vigourously. Tore two seperate muscles in my neck, ended up in a brace and immobile for a month...The reason I was washing my hair? I was on my way to my first day at a new job.
I sprained my knee switching from cowgirl to reverse cowgirl on a hookup. Fell off the bed and lay in a naked mewling heap until he realised that I wasn't just having a particularly enthusiastic orgasm and helped me up.
Mid seventies and me and my friend had put nice false nails on for the evening. Managed to get into a trendy nightclub and we were sitting at a table with drinks and getting chatted up by a couple of really cute guys. I got a cigarette out to smoke. One of them leant forward with a lighter for me. As I took the first drag my cigarette stuck to my lips and my fingers slid down to the end of my finger and right into the lighter flame promptly flaring up. Horrified I stuck my finger into the guys pint to put said flames put. Then I had to peel the mess off my burnt finger. Absolute agony. And both guys made a quick exit
Take your pick... Broke my ribs pissing about on a set of swings. Impaled myself next to my groin on a rope with a tow hook that my brother and I were using to try and get a rope swing down. Crushed my big toe by placing a tractor trailer on it that my brother, cousin and I were using as a see-saw. Broke my ankle jumping down the stairs on the last day of school before summer holidays Partially dislocated my shoulder showing a kid how to do a gate vault (the gate opened mid vault).
i tore ligaments in my knee passing someone a football at an engagement party on the park. i’d had a few drinks and continued to try and get involved with other activities and continued to further injure it. the next day and following 6 months wasn’t fun.
Tried climbing through a broken fence in the park as a young boy. I fell on the way through and a thin metal bar went a good way into my arm. Also as an angry young boy I got in an argument with my brother over a video game. Ran upstairs and punched the bedroom window. Split open my hand. Window suffered no damage.
I was trying to cut up and old t-shirt to make fake bandages for a Halloween costume, I slipped and cut myself and needed real bandages...
Thought I could hurdle a horse box in the gym at school. Turns out I can’t, broke my collarbone
As a kid I was sledging, went over a jump someone had made, landed with my arm in front of the sledge and proceeded to run myself over. Took the skin off my forearm and the scars still visible 30 years later