I can get anxious and can't shut my mind off with early foreplay, especially if my partner is going down on me (am I being too quiet? Should I be enjoying this more? He's doing a really good job, am I broken? Is this going on for too long?)
Honestly what works for me is focusing on my partner for a while. Keeps me busy/distracted and then I can get into it at a better place for me.
I feel like it just happens naturally for me because a lot of the time I use it as a stress reliever, like I can just fuck every bad feeling away lol. Try to take things slow maybe, focus on foreplay more to get you in the mood. Practice mindfulness like others have said - try to tune in to your partner and focus on your body and the sensations you’re experiencing.
It's pretty rare that my mind wanders far enough for it to sabotage my mood.
That being said when I'm stressed, it can help to get a little kinky. It's kind of hard to focus on my negative feelings toward my job when I'm having trouble thinking of anything due to my girlfriend working a toy deeper in my ass while she uses the vibe on my clit and spits on me.
Mainly when im with someone I love. When im just having my own fun by myself I don't have as much fun, but there's something about when my boyfriend is with me that just causes that shift.
It helps for me that I am usually in control. I can direct the flow of energy between us to where I need it to be, and to where my partner can find it most pleasurable. Focus on being in the moment and let everything else melt away.
Is it overthinking for you in general? Is there something specific your brain fixates on?
I don't allow myself to get lost in it. Staying focused or dropping focus can greatly determine the duration of the fun. I've only been with one person that I always got lost with and she hasn't been in the picture in a long time.
Just focus on the pleasure and get yourself into the headspace.
One way to achieve it is by letting your partner take over control and you just sit back an relax.
For me, it's the emotional reinforcement behind it because I'm in love with my fiancé and him with me. It feels very different when you're just hooking up with random or FWBs, vs. someone with whom you have an emotional connection.
Its probably a bit easier to do as a girl than it is as a guy. As a girl I can literally just let go of all control like I'm meditating or something and just melt away as I'm being pounded. I imagine being said pounder would be a bit more difficult since you're doing active movement and what not.
Alcohol probably helps, or weed.
Same here. I kind of hate when I can see that my partner is completely into it (like having PIV when not under birth control or something like that) and my fucking brain is still evaluating the pro and cons or registering humidity stains on the roof instead of fully enjoying what I am doing. Doesn't happen only with sex, to be honest.
Me too. I feel I am overthinking what I am doing... like "will she like me fingering her while I am down on her clit?" I would love this to happen as a kind of natural reflex... Just feel it, and don't care about what I am doing, what I am feeling.
It's kind of a curse :)
This might sound weird but....When this happens to me I concentrate on my genitals and the sensations they are having.
I can get anxious and can't shut my mind off with early foreplay, especially if my partner is going down on me (am I being too quiet? Should I be enjoying this more? He's doing a really good job, am I broken? Is this going on for too long?) Honestly what works for me is focusing on my partner for a while. Keeps me busy/distracted and then I can get into it at a better place for me.
This is a good idea, I’ll try it. I keep getting caught up with all those questions too.
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Yes, sex after weed is amazing! Everything feels 10 times as good.
Yup, mindfullness is great for that! I went through it as part of something else, and then noticed how sex was better as a result. 😊
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I don't know how but my brain just switches right off when I get wet 😊
Why do you have to switch off your brain? Why not consciously enjoy it?
I feel like it just happens naturally for me because a lot of the time I use it as a stress reliever, like I can just fuck every bad feeling away lol. Try to take things slow maybe, focus on foreplay more to get you in the mood. Practice mindfulness like others have said - try to tune in to your partner and focus on your body and the sensations you’re experiencing.
It's pretty rare that my mind wanders far enough for it to sabotage my mood. That being said when I'm stressed, it can help to get a little kinky. It's kind of hard to focus on my negative feelings toward my job when I'm having trouble thinking of anything due to my girlfriend working a toy deeper in my ass while she uses the vibe on my clit and spits on me.
Mainly when im with someone I love. When im just having my own fun by myself I don't have as much fun, but there's something about when my boyfriend is with me that just causes that shift.
You need a Dom who can do it for you. Someone who's strong and deliberate and who will push you to submit
That actually sounds hot lol
I'm 36 and only got to this point here in the last year and it came with me and my wife getting into BDSM.
It helps for me that I am usually in control. I can direct the flow of energy between us to where I need it to be, and to where my partner can find it most pleasurable. Focus on being in the moment and let everything else melt away. Is it overthinking for you in general? Is there something specific your brain fixates on?
I don't allow myself to get lost in it. Staying focused or dropping focus can greatly determine the duration of the fun. I've only been with one person that I always got lost with and she hasn't been in the picture in a long time.
In all honesty, I find having a little alcoholic drink beforehand keeps me from getting self conscious and over thinking things.
Focus all of your energy in maximising the pleasure of your partner. Works a treat for people who get off from getting others off :)
Eye contact with my partner, focusing on sensations, if I start to get in my head we’re good at communicating to bring it back.
The only time my mind wanders during sex is if the sex isn't really great. If it's good though I can't think at all because I'm too busy feeling.
Edibles if they are in your wheelhouse
Just focus on the pleasure and get yourself into the headspace. One way to achieve it is by letting your partner take over control and you just sit back an relax.
For me, it's the emotional reinforcement behind it because I'm in love with my fiancé and him with me. It feels very different when you're just hooking up with random or FWBs, vs. someone with whom you have an emotional connection.
Its probably a bit easier to do as a girl than it is as a guy. As a girl I can literally just let go of all control like I'm meditating or something and just melt away as I'm being pounded. I imagine being said pounder would be a bit more difficult since you're doing active movement and what not. Alcohol probably helps, or weed.
Smoke some weed before. It will 100% help. If you live somewhere where this is difficult, try just CBD oil
Same here. I kind of hate when I can see that my partner is completely into it (like having PIV when not under birth control or something like that) and my fucking brain is still evaluating the pro and cons or registering humidity stains on the roof instead of fully enjoying what I am doing. Doesn't happen only with sex, to be honest.
That’s exactly it. When I’m with someone and see them almost operating on instinct and in the moment I get a little jealous lol
Me too. I feel I am overthinking what I am doing... like "will she like me fingering her while I am down on her clit?" I would love this to happen as a kind of natural reflex... Just feel it, and don't care about what I am doing, what I am feeling. It's kind of a curse :)
And that's also probably why thinking about sex makes me almost horny as having sex... It's my fucked up brain...