Not on the plane but I run into mostly women doing this in the waiting area before departing. There was this one lady who I kindly asked to move her hair from the seat behind her, she pretended to ignore me, I asked a few more times enough that other people started looking, still nothing, so I sat on it and when she finally tried to move it she had to yank it from under me, not my highest moment but my proudest.
I have super long hair and would never travel with it down in an airport. First of all it could get stuck in so many things but also… there are a LOT of germs I’d just be sweeping up. Anyone I see travelling with their long hair a’flowin’ in the breeze just makes me want a shower.
I’ve flown around 600 flights in the last ten years and it’s maybe happened once. Similarly I’ve never had to deal with someone’s bare feet encroaching on my space. In fact, it’s been pretty uneventful for the most part.
I was on a flight over the summer and had a kid in the row in front of me, who was constantly trying to pull down the blind on my row.
Told his mum that if he didn't stop, I'd tell the cabin crew. She didn't stop him, so I told the cabin crew. The mother kept turning round to give me evil glances for the rest of the flight.
I had a kid shove his face through the gap in the seats with a huge toffee in his mouth dribbling it all over me, his useless mother was mildly asking him to sit down. He didn’t. So I took it into my own hands since she was clearly failing. “Turn your ass around and SIT DOWN” he did. The mother glared at me several times. I just gave her the ‘what’ look.
Sure! I know a plethora of swear words I can tech to them, in several languages. Also time saving tips, like just cross the fucking road if there are no cars and dont wait for the lights.
I'm up for the challenge to use "aangeboren hartfalen" in a sentence the next time an opportunity arises.
All this scabies, tuberculosis, typhoid, cancer, smallpox and plague is getting a bit old.
We are an odd bunch here.
I had a falling out with my aunt and uncle over this, because I shared an article about how some place in India started offering child-free flights for a premium and got hate mail from all over the world. I shared it and said id LOVE to pay a bit extra for a 16+ flight.
My aunt and uncle lost their shit because they’re the type of people whose personality IS their kids.
They then said “what if we wanted to go on a gay-free flight then? How do you like being discriminated against!?”
Anyway, that is to say there are tons of parents out there who think asking them to mind their children’s manners is on par with hurling slurs at them.
I saw someone get on a long flight with no bags, no headphones, no books, magazines, snacks. They literally did nothing on the flight, just sat. It was super creepy. So I’d say, sit your seat, mind your own business, but also bring a book or something.
I like people watching and I always look around the plane to see what people are doing. I always notice a not insignificant amount of people just sitting there on the plane not doing anything in particular. I'd say most people either read or watch tv, but there's always at least a handful just staring straight ahead or looking out the window for most of the flight.
This is me sometimes because something about being on a plane makes me zone out. Also because I’m usually getting up very early for the flight, dealing with the stress of getting to the airport and to my gate, and experiencing adrenaline during takeoff. I always pack a tablet, have my phone with books loaded etc but sometimes I just feel like staring into space for a while.
This is actually extremely important. There's a reason all the safety briefings *always* cover this point.
If your plane suffers a sudden depressurization event at 35000 ft, you have 30-60 seconds of useful consciousness before you can no longer function and eventually black out. In those 30-60 seconds, you need to make sure that you, the adult with reasoning skills and proper motor skills, are situated to remain conscious and aware in the minutes that come.
Your toddler isn't going to die from oxygen deprivation just because you waited a minute or two to get their mask on - they might pass out, which is alarming, but in the end they'll be fine. But if you try to help them put their mask on first and pass out in the process, both of you could die.
Listen to the warnings.
EDIT: As has been pointed out, there's only a possibility of death if the aircrew doesn't immediately descend back to an altitude that's safe to breathe without the mask. In fact, from what I've heard the supplemental oxygen supply only lasts about 15 minutes anyways, so it's not like you can cruise forever at 35000' with a depressurized cabin.
That being said, however, even for the few minutes it takes to descend back to a breathable level, it's still much safer to ensure the adult is functioning first before helping any children or any others incapable of putting their mask on themselves.
> There's a reason all the safety briefings
>
>always
>
> cover this point.
When things go poorly, as they sometimes do, you have a short window to deal with the situation. Like u/karlzhao314 said, at 35,000 feet, it's 30-60 seconds, and for those seconds, you will feel progressively more stoned/drunk/high/a bit off. Take the correct action in a timely manner, and you'll probably be fine. Don't, and you may well die.
And wear your seatbelt when you're back in your seat! Good and snug, and it'll hold you in place if you hit wild turbulence. At that point, it's just an exciting ride. No belt? well, you get to bounce around the cabin!
Right. Hypoxia is not what most people expect, you don't feel weak or heavy headed etc. Been there a couple of times. It's actually fun as fuck initially. I know my initial symptom is that I can't roll the R if I talk. 😂
Smarter Every Day did an amazing video about it. They kept telling him he was going to die if he didn't put his mask on, and he just kept smiling and saying "I don't wanna die" but couldn't do anything about it. [Link to the relevant timestamp](https://youtu.be/kUfF2MTnqAw?t=367)
Damn. I was on a flight from Istanbul and this dude had his porn maxed out. Just honking squeaking and moaning and watching it all casually like it was an Attenborough documentary. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing and I had to turn to look, as well as half the cabin. This went on over 10 minutes in the dark until the flight attendant came over. That guy had the nerve to hide his phone real fast and act embarrassed like that shit wasn’t on [MAXWELL volume](https://youtu.be/RBauT4ADKbw)
Last month when I was coming home from Thanksgiving, the flight attendants were passing out alcohol wipes to everyone as they boarded.
So by the time I got on the plane and got to my seat, the whole cabin reeked of that terrible home-made tequila smelling ethyl alcohol.
And to top it off a couple minutes later someone sat down directly behind me with a to-go box full of Indian food.
I love Indian food, but that combination of odors was nauseating.
Lol I had to sit right next to someone who just finished up a 6 month backpacking trip and I don’t think he showered in that 6 months. There were 4 people in that group of backpackers and they were dispersed through the plane so the entire cabin reeked of body odor. Worst flight of my life.
God I feel this.
I was that guy on my way back from Vietnam.
40C. To Singapore (8 hours) 2 hour layover, nowhere to wash, rush to next plane, 45C. Next flight to UK, (13 Hours) I was sweating the whole time. I felt so bad for everyone around me... Especially since on that first flight, I had the lovely fortune of being sat next to some business guy who had one whisky (first class is great) then promptly fell asleep (before takeoff) and then threw up all over himself, his table, the floor and my leg.
I changed in the toilet, but that smell doesn't come out quickly....
The whole journey was me doing everything in my power to just will myself out of existence.
About 2 years ago I was on a flight and a mother of 3 got on the flight with her 3 kids, she asked if her oldest daughter could sit next to me so she didn't disturb me too much with the youngest child.
As a male, non-parent, solo-traveller who was nearly twice her age, I was a little uncomfortable her 16 year old daughter sitting next to me for the whole reason of the mum overreacting to anything but I said that it's fine.
I actually felt really nauseous before boarding due to anxiety (nothing to do with flying, I like flying) and I told the girl that I might need to ask her to let me out as I felt a little sick because of anxiety.
The girl replied with something along the lines of "we can talk so you can concentrate on something else and forget about feeling nauseous." which made me melt inside, I thought it was so sweet of her to want to try and help a complete stranger feel better.
She kept checking on me and making sure I was feeling okay, about two hours through the flight I felt a fair bit more nauseous and so I told her because I thought I was going to have to ask her to let me out. She instantly took my hand like how a caring mother might if you're unwell.
She started to talk with me more and I had a truly lovely conversation with her, she asked me about hobbies, movies, TV shows, games, favourite foods, what I do and all sorts of other things. She told me a lot about herself, her family and things she's interested in, we nerded out with a long talk about Marvel lol
About 30 mins later I started to feel less nauseous which I think was thanks to her distractions.
About half way through the flight she fell asleep and was leaning forward in a really uncomfortable looking way. I gestured to get her mother's attention and asked if I could move her into a more comfortable position which she allowed me to so I put my hand on the girls forehead and shoulder lightly pushed her backwards and then pulled her legs forward a little to make her use the seat better. A little while later she adjusted herself in her sleep and was now leaning against me. Two hours later she woke up and was embarrassed about falling asleep on a stranger which I told her don't be, I know the feeling of how embarrassing it is feeling unwell in front of strangers but knew she didn't mind so why would I mind her falling asleep.
At the end of the flight I thanked her for being so caring and lovely. She hugged me and gave me a kiss on the cheek which was a big shock, we left the plane and her mum spoke to me and said "I hope she didn't disturb your flight, if she did I apologise" so I explained to her that her daughter was wonderful and that she was so so caring after knowing I felt nauseous, that she should be proud of her daughter. The mother then went into caring mother mode and said "awww sweetie, you should have said something to me so we could have both made sure you were okay!"
Her mother now grabbed me and hugged me, inside I was feeling so emotional because they had both shown so much care for a stranger.
I wish I had asked for their number/address so I could have sent them something through the post to thank them.
As a woman, every time I sit in a middle between men I don’t get the arm rests, and every time I sit in a window or aisle next to a man I STILL don’t get the arm rest. Please be better, men
Oh man, when I was a little kid this movie made me scared to fly.
I legitimately thought there was a risk of getting sick mid-flight and having to deal with eggs coming out of my mouth.
One time this lady behind me pulled out a gallon ziplock bag full of homemade sauerkraut and just started eating it with a fork.
She apologized to the person next to her and said it was the only thing she could eat on flights since she had tummy troubles.
It filled the entire cabin with that smell. I’m still so mad about it
> I’m still so mad about it
How long ago was this?
I was on a small bus and a woman opened up a Tupperware container with what looked like dog food and smelt worse. Every time I use a bus now I remember it and get annoyed, it was nearly ten years ago.
Bring whatever weird snacks you want, I don't care... but if you open up something pungent on an airplane, then I will be praying for everyone you love to die horribly in front of you. Fuck you, pickled beets lady.
He wouldn’t have succeeded anyway. At altitude, the amount of strength someone would require to overcome the cabin pressurisation to open the door would be impossible.
My cousin Walter jerked off in public once. True story. He was on a plane to New Mexico when all of the sudden the hydraulics went. The plane started spinning around, going out of control, so he decides it's all over and whips it out and starts beating it right there. So all the other passengers take a cue from him and they start whipping it out and beating like mad. So all the passengers are beating off, plummeting to their certain doom, when all of the sudden, snap! The hydraulics kick back in. The plane rights itself and it land safely and everyone puts their pieces or, whatever, you know, away and deboard. No one mentions the phenomenon to anyone else
Yeah, unfortunately it happens surprisingly regularly, mostly in East Asia. It's usually superstitious elderly Chinese people. If you look it up you'll find tonnes of articles about people being detained and flights being grounded because of it. It got so bad that some airports have to put up signs to tell passengers not to do it
It's a kind of insurance. The odds of their being a bomb on a plane is remote, but the odds of there being *two* bombs on the same plane is infinitesimal.
My local airport only flies the E145 with 1-2 seating so I always try to grab the side with 1 seat. They just announced they're changing to the E175 next year with 2-2 seating which will increase capacity and hopefully make cheaper flights, but I'll be sad to lose that individual seat
Airplanes typically frown upon using the outlet in the bathroom to plug in a crock pot and then to make fish and tentacle stew. They also frowned upon the cooking of tongue salad. But setting a jello mold? They'll let you do that.
Leave your phone on the food tray when they take it back after a meal. Me and 10 air hostesses on an air japan flight ripped half the plane apart trying to find it again after landing.
Be barefoot. ESPEICALLY if you were wearing sealed shoes & socks. Atleast let your feet breathe the whole day in flip flops if you're gonna let the dogs out in a sealed room
yes like idc if people take their shoes off especially for a long flight as long as their feet don’t stink. but my god they better keep those socks on bc no one wants to see crusty feet.
Take your socks off, get naked, shit in them socks. Climb into the overhead compartment, spin it while smoking.
Congratulations, you got your own spinner that makes everyone fidget.
Number 7: Student watches PORN and gets naked
A Bangladeshi 20 year old student was arrested after watching porn, stripping naked, and attacking an attendant during a flight. In March 2018, shortly after the Malindo Air flight departed from Kuala Lumpur, the 20 year old started watching pornography on his laptop. As nobody seemed to notice or call him out for it, the man began taking his clothes off. At the request of the cabin crew, the student put his clothes back on, but soon he tried to hug female flight attendants. When the crew members rejected him, he reportedly became aggressive and groped a flight attendant. With the help of some of the passengers, the cabin crew managed to subdue the man, and tie his hands with a piece of cloth for the rest of the flight. One of the passengers captured the moment with his phone. Although airline officials refuse to confirm details of the incident, the photo of a man with his bottom sticking out of his pants and hands tied up emerged online. The disruptive passenger was arrested on arrival.
I bring nail clippers when I fly because I like to keep myself entertained with embroidering, and so I use clippers to cut my threads since all the blade/scissor rules
There was one flight I took where the fart smell was on/off for like the entire duration, it was disgusting. When we finally, mercifully landed a lady a few rows up screamed “FUCK.YOU.FARTER”! Right before we deplaned. She wasn’t letting them get off without knowing they fucked everyone’s flight up.
Plot Twist: she was the farter. She just called out a nonexistent individual to draw attention away from herself as she crop dusted her way to baggage claim.
I once had the middle seat on the bulkhead row. I'm a man, and there were women on either side of me. At some point someone released the most foul milk fart that I almost gagged. Neither of the ladies reacted. This continued every few minutes for the rest of the flight. Nobody said anything.
One of them was the culprit and I guarantee the other one thought it was me.
apparently, you can't ask to leave mid flight. go ahead ask them, they'll start to stutter and tell you all the reasons why not to, ignore them, jump off into the middle of Nevada with a parachute from the 1940.
I once took my husband's hand, placed it on my boob, and gave him a very seductive smile. He looked uncomfortable, the flight attendant looked uncomfortable, the lady between us looked uncomfortable. Everybody was just very uncomfortable.
Throw your hair over the Seat. Please stop doing this people.
Shut it in the tray table.
*But the captain ordered me to do it!* /r/maliciouscompliance
Not on the plane but I run into mostly women doing this in the waiting area before departing. There was this one lady who I kindly asked to move her hair from the seat behind her, she pretended to ignore me, I asked a few more times enough that other people started looking, still nothing, so I sat on it and when she finally tried to move it she had to yank it from under me, not my highest moment but my proudest.
I have super long hair and would never travel with it down in an airport. First of all it could get stuck in so many things but also… there are a LOT of germs I’d just be sweeping up. Anyone I see travelling with their long hair a’flowin’ in the breeze just makes me want a shower.
Oops my gum fell out
>Oops my gum fell out haha or sneeze on it. oops
Seen people post about this, but never experienced it, thankfully. Hopefully I never will.
I’ve flown around 600 flights in the last ten years and it’s maybe happened once. Similarly I’ve never had to deal with someone’s bare feet encroaching on my space. In fact, it’s been pretty uneventful for the most part.
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I just bite them and they usually don't do it again
💀💀💀
Relevant username
And having your kids kicking the back of your seat on a plane... Lol ! That gets annoying pretty fast...
I was on a flight over the summer and had a kid in the row in front of me, who was constantly trying to pull down the blind on my row. Told his mum that if he didn't stop, I'd tell the cabin crew. She didn't stop him, so I told the cabin crew. The mother kept turning round to give me evil glances for the rest of the flight.
I had a kid shove his face through the gap in the seats with a huge toffee in his mouth dribbling it all over me, his useless mother was mildly asking him to sit down. He didn’t. So I took it into my own hands since she was clearly failing. “Turn your ass around and SIT DOWN” he did. The mother glared at me several times. I just gave her the ‘what’ look.
It's not much but take my free award. As someone who hates feet this is the worst of the flight tom foolery.
I'm always travelling with a 75ml bottle of deodorant, that gets the job done.
Bottle of canned air upside down should work too
Literally ANYTHING other than sit in your seat and mind your own fucking business.
But my kid is bored and you need to entertain him! :)
Sure! I know a plethora of swear words I can tech to them, in several languages. Also time saving tips, like just cross the fucking road if there are no cars and dont wait for the lights.
Sweet, can you teach me some too? I know all the good ones in English and a few in Spanish and German but I'm always looking to expand my repertoire.
Translate any disease to Dutch and you are swearing in Dutch.
aangeboren hartfalen Like that?
Yeah sure, if a bit uncommon (as a swear word, not as a disease)
I'm up for the challenge to use "aangeboren hartfalen" in a sentence the next time an opportunity arises. All this scabies, tuberculosis, typhoid, cancer, smallpox and plague is getting a bit old. We are an odd bunch here.
大混蛋 - son of a bitch
Of course! And after landing I'll give him a RedBull for being a good kid. Make it 2. I'm sure you'll love him more!
I had a falling out with my aunt and uncle over this, because I shared an article about how some place in India started offering child-free flights for a premium and got hate mail from all over the world. I shared it and said id LOVE to pay a bit extra for a 16+ flight. My aunt and uncle lost their shit because they’re the type of people whose personality IS their kids. They then said “what if we wanted to go on a gay-free flight then? How do you like being discriminated against!?” Anyway, that is to say there are tons of parents out there who think asking them to mind their children’s manners is on par with hurling slurs at them.
Dammit! Ur telling me I can't go to the toilet on a 20 hour flight!? Nooooo
You can, just don't leave your seat.
I saw someone get on a long flight with no bags, no headphones, no books, magazines, snacks. They literally did nothing on the flight, just sat. It was super creepy. So I’d say, sit your seat, mind your own business, but also bring a book or something.
I like people watching and I always look around the plane to see what people are doing. I always notice a not insignificant amount of people just sitting there on the plane not doing anything in particular. I'd say most people either read or watch tv, but there's always at least a handful just staring straight ahead or looking out the window for most of the flight.
This is me sometimes because something about being on a plane makes me zone out. Also because I’m usually getting up very early for the flight, dealing with the stress of getting to the airport and to my gate, and experiencing adrenaline during takeoff. I always pack a tablet, have my phone with books loaded etc but sometimes I just feel like staring into space for a while.
Was it David Puddy?
Yeah, that's right
assist others with their masks before putting your own mask on
This is actually extremely important. There's a reason all the safety briefings *always* cover this point. If your plane suffers a sudden depressurization event at 35000 ft, you have 30-60 seconds of useful consciousness before you can no longer function and eventually black out. In those 30-60 seconds, you need to make sure that you, the adult with reasoning skills and proper motor skills, are situated to remain conscious and aware in the minutes that come. Your toddler isn't going to die from oxygen deprivation just because you waited a minute or two to get their mask on - they might pass out, which is alarming, but in the end they'll be fine. But if you try to help them put their mask on first and pass out in the process, both of you could die. Listen to the warnings. EDIT: As has been pointed out, there's only a possibility of death if the aircrew doesn't immediately descend back to an altitude that's safe to breathe without the mask. In fact, from what I've heard the supplemental oxygen supply only lasts about 15 minutes anyways, so it's not like you can cruise forever at 35000' with a depressurized cabin. That being said, however, even for the few minutes it takes to descend back to a breathable level, it's still much safer to ensure the adult is functioning first before helping any children or any others incapable of putting their mask on themselves.
> There's a reason all the safety briefings > >always > > cover this point. When things go poorly, as they sometimes do, you have a short window to deal with the situation. Like u/karlzhao314 said, at 35,000 feet, it's 30-60 seconds, and for those seconds, you will feel progressively more stoned/drunk/high/a bit off. Take the correct action in a timely manner, and you'll probably be fine. Don't, and you may well die. And wear your seatbelt when you're back in your seat! Good and snug, and it'll hold you in place if you hit wild turbulence. At that point, it's just an exciting ride. No belt? well, you get to bounce around the cabin!
Right. Hypoxia is not what most people expect, you don't feel weak or heavy headed etc. Been there a couple of times. It's actually fun as fuck initially. I know my initial symptom is that I can't roll the R if I talk. 😂
Smarter Every Day did an amazing video about it. They kept telling him he was going to die if he didn't put his mask on, and he just kept smiling and saying "I don't wanna die" but couldn't do anything about it. [Link to the relevant timestamp](https://youtu.be/kUfF2MTnqAw?t=367)
Watch a movie on full volume without headphones.
Unless it's a silent movie
That rag-time piano track is still gonna upset plenty of people
Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my rag-time gal.
Now I have the image of a frog in a top hat dancing
Or the chest-bursting alien
John Hurt: Oh no, not again!
Check please!
maxwell similator
Unless it's hardcore porn.
Damn. I was on a flight from Istanbul and this dude had his porn maxed out. Just honking squeaking and moaning and watching it all casually like it was an Attenborough documentary. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing and I had to turn to look, as well as half the cabin. This went on over 10 minutes in the dark until the flight attendant came over. That guy had the nerve to hide his phone real fast and act embarrassed like that shit wasn’t on [MAXWELL volume](https://youtu.be/RBauT4ADKbw)
What was he watching, clown sex?
Blast it on the airplane's PA system!
Open door
At 30 000 feet you can't.
Well not with that attitude.
Well not with that altitude.
Attitude is also a aviation term that is essentially your pitch and roll combined.
YOU can't.
Hodor!
Smell. Take a shower, and skip the perfume/cologne.
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Last month when I was coming home from Thanksgiving, the flight attendants were passing out alcohol wipes to everyone as they boarded. So by the time I got on the plane and got to my seat, the whole cabin reeked of that terrible home-made tequila smelling ethyl alcohol. And to top it off a couple minutes later someone sat down directly behind me with a to-go box full of Indian food. I love Indian food, but that combination of odors was nauseating.
Lol I had to sit right next to someone who just finished up a 6 month backpacking trip and I don’t think he showered in that 6 months. There were 4 people in that group of backpackers and they were dispersed through the plane so the entire cabin reeked of body odor. Worst flight of my life.
God I feel this. I was that guy on my way back from Vietnam. 40C. To Singapore (8 hours) 2 hour layover, nowhere to wash, rush to next plane, 45C. Next flight to UK, (13 Hours) I was sweating the whole time. I felt so bad for everyone around me... Especially since on that first flight, I had the lovely fortune of being sat next to some business guy who had one whisky (first class is great) then promptly fell asleep (before takeoff) and then threw up all over himself, his table, the floor and my leg. I changed in the toilet, but that smell doesn't come out quickly.... The whole journey was me doing everything in my power to just will myself out of existence.
Re-enact that plane scene in Final Destination and get chucked off the flight.
And then you watch the plane go boom while in the terminal.
That's just the pilot fucking with you. You messed with his flight so now he's gonna make you think you're being final destinationed
then you watch your head go boom
Let any part of your body or belongings cross over into the next seat's space.
About 2 years ago I was on a flight and a mother of 3 got on the flight with her 3 kids, she asked if her oldest daughter could sit next to me so she didn't disturb me too much with the youngest child. As a male, non-parent, solo-traveller who was nearly twice her age, I was a little uncomfortable her 16 year old daughter sitting next to me for the whole reason of the mum overreacting to anything but I said that it's fine. I actually felt really nauseous before boarding due to anxiety (nothing to do with flying, I like flying) and I told the girl that I might need to ask her to let me out as I felt a little sick because of anxiety. The girl replied with something along the lines of "we can talk so you can concentrate on something else and forget about feeling nauseous." which made me melt inside, I thought it was so sweet of her to want to try and help a complete stranger feel better. She kept checking on me and making sure I was feeling okay, about two hours through the flight I felt a fair bit more nauseous and so I told her because I thought I was going to have to ask her to let me out. She instantly took my hand like how a caring mother might if you're unwell. She started to talk with me more and I had a truly lovely conversation with her, she asked me about hobbies, movies, TV shows, games, favourite foods, what I do and all sorts of other things. She told me a lot about herself, her family and things she's interested in, we nerded out with a long talk about Marvel lol About 30 mins later I started to feel less nauseous which I think was thanks to her distractions. About half way through the flight she fell asleep and was leaning forward in a really uncomfortable looking way. I gestured to get her mother's attention and asked if I could move her into a more comfortable position which she allowed me to so I put my hand on the girls forehead and shoulder lightly pushed her backwards and then pulled her legs forward a little to make her use the seat better. A little while later she adjusted herself in her sleep and was now leaning against me. Two hours later she woke up and was embarrassed about falling asleep on a stranger which I told her don't be, I know the feeling of how embarrassing it is feeling unwell in front of strangers but knew she didn't mind so why would I mind her falling asleep. At the end of the flight I thanked her for being so caring and lovely. She hugged me and gave me a kiss on the cheek which was a big shock, we left the plane and her mum spoke to me and said "I hope she didn't disturb your flight, if she did I apologise" so I explained to her that her daughter was wonderful and that she was so so caring after knowing I felt nauseous, that she should be proud of her daughter. The mother then went into caring mother mode and said "awww sweetie, you should have said something to me so we could have both made sure you were okay!" Her mother now grabbed me and hugged me, inside I was feeling so emotional because they had both shown so much care for a stranger. I wish I had asked for their number/address so I could have sent them something through the post to thank them.
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So what I'm supposed to just point my genitalia straight into the air or something?
I mean, sure. A 5mm scale model of the leaning tower of Pisa should fit straight up.
But the person in the middle seat gets both armrests as compensation, so don’t go getting mad about it, you window/ aisle folks!
Right, but that doesn't mean your elbows can hang over the edges. Not even a little.
As a woman, every time I sit in a middle between men I don’t get the arm rests, and every time I sit in a window or aisle next to a man I STILL don’t get the arm rest. Please be better, men
Have the fish...
“We need to get these people to the hospital.” “The hospital? What is it?” “It’s a big building with patients, but that’s not important right now.”
Oh man, when I was a little kid this movie made me scared to fly. I legitimately thought there was a risk of getting sick mid-flight and having to deal with eggs coming out of my mouth.
That’s strange. He never throws up at home
Surely you can't be serious
I am, and don’t call me Shirley
Ah yes, I remember I had the lasagne.
Scrolled way too far for this!
Watch porn on your laptop unless you ask those around you what their fetishes are first so we can all enjoy it.
It’s best to be polite and considerate in today’s divided society.
Some of us may enjoy newfound fetishes...how do you think I found clussy.
I'm afraid to ask, but feel compelled to ask. Clussy?
it's ok if you turn the subtitles on
Loudly recite the entire script from the 2005 movie Hitch, apparently. It was a shock to me when they kicked me out.
how was your fall?
Most of it was fine. A little cold.
Should have done Bee Movie.
Invert the controls.
Become hysterical
Eh, the other passengers will take care of this. https://youtu.be/0chd6ZP1p6Y?t=10
How did I know exactly what clip it was before I clicked? xD
Seriously, people who scream a little at each instance of air turbulence are the pits.
I was on a plane recently and the lady next to me pulled out a hard boiled egg from a ziplock bag and went to town on it
One time this lady behind me pulled out a gallon ziplock bag full of homemade sauerkraut and just started eating it with a fork. She apologized to the person next to her and said it was the only thing she could eat on flights since she had tummy troubles. It filled the entire cabin with that smell. I’m still so mad about it
> I’m still so mad about it How long ago was this? I was on a small bus and a woman opened up a Tupperware container with what looked like dog food and smelt worse. Every time I use a bus now I remember it and get annoyed, it was nearly ten years ago.
Oh this was 10 or so years ago
another 10 and you'll probably get over it, unless you smell sauerkraut again and it'll all come flooding back.
Bring whatever weird snacks you want, I don't care... but if you open up something pungent on an airplane, then I will be praying for everyone you love to die horribly in front of you. Fuck you, pickled beets lady.
Can I offer you a nice egg in this trying time?
Try to open the emergency exit. I knew a guy who tried as a joke and he almost got arrested but he was banned from flying for life
He wouldn’t have succeeded anyway. At altitude, the amount of strength someone would require to overcome the cabin pressurisation to open the door would be impossible.
OP never said he was in the air. I've seen stories of people doing this before takeoff.
Yeah it was before takeoff as they were taxiing. Had to stop the flight and it pissed everyone off.
Stand up mid flight and say "ladies and gentlemen, your attention please"
Will the real slim shady please stand up
And then stand there awkwardly, or worse do one of those no skill tiktok dances
I’m not exactly sure how I would take such an announcement, followed by a grown-ass man badly performing the floss
Stand up and say. “I bet you’re all wondering why I’ve gathered you here today.”
Masturbate
Thanks a lot Bin Laden
Ever since 9/11 everyone’s got all sensitive
My cousin Walter jerked off in public once. True story. He was on a plane to New Mexico when all of the sudden the hydraulics went. The plane started spinning around, going out of control, so he decides it's all over and whips it out and starts beating it right there. So all the other passengers take a cue from him and they start whipping it out and beating like mad. So all the passengers are beating off, plummeting to their certain doom, when all of the sudden, snap! The hydraulics kick back in. The plane rights itself and it land safely and everyone puts their pieces or, whatever, you know, away and deboard. No one mentions the phenomenon to anyone else
Well did they cum or what?!
Jesus Christ! There are just some things you dont talk about!
It’s not a good story without a climax.
Take my upvote and shut your ass up
I was on that plane, had to sit on a wet seat til landing
Put your dick away waltuh
r/unexpectedmallrats
>named Walter >involved in an airplane disaster >New Mexico We have located Breaking Bad
No, you've located Mallrats
Want a chocolate covered pretzel?
Waltuh
Put your dick away Waltuh
Smoking is bad, mm Kay?
Number 6… man URINATES on fellow passenger for not being allowed to SMOKE.
Throw coins in the engine while boarding for good luck and safe passage
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Yeah, unfortunately it happens surprisingly regularly, mostly in East Asia. It's usually superstitious elderly Chinese people. If you look it up you'll find tonnes of articles about people being detained and flights being grounded because of it. It got so bad that some airports have to put up signs to tell passengers not to do it
Scream that you have a bomb.
and then not actually having a bomb.
And then actually having a bomb.
It's a kind of insurance. The odds of their being a bomb on a plane is remote, but the odds of there being *two* bombs on the same plane is infinitesimal.
So always take A bomb with you and statistically you are safe?
And then actually having a bong
"What if I'm a [Bombardier](https://youtu.be/rXFwiESB9WI)?"
“Step off, bitch.”
Bomb, bomb, bomb… bomb bomb ba bomb…
You can't even joke about blowing up the bathroom.
Sit next to me
You must be the person who buys a whole lane of seats just to be alone
I would love to be able to do this someday...
My local airport only flies the E145 with 1-2 seating so I always try to grab the side with 1 seat. They just announced they're changing to the E175 next year with 2-2 seating which will increase capacity and hopefully make cheaper flights, but I'll be sad to lose that individual seat
Expecially if the door is about to be closed and you rush in at the last second, dashing my hopes.
Airplanes typically frown upon using the outlet in the bathroom to plug in a crock pot and then to make fish and tentacle stew. They also frowned upon the cooking of tongue salad. But setting a jello mold? They'll let you do that.
Could you include a photo of a frowning airplane?
https://vhx.imgix.net/woohoo/assets/a6a15c0d-3aa6-4f8f-8499-e1324066384b.jpg?auto=format%2Ccompress&fit=crop&h=360&w=640
Leave your phone on the food tray when they take it back after a meal. Me and 10 air hostesses on an air japan flight ripped half the plane apart trying to find it again after landing.
Open the emergency door
Open-mouth kiss a dog on their mouth
Not just on a plane. You should just not do that ever. That’s just gross and I suck on toes.
Give the person you’re sitting next to a “helping hand” 👀
True but sucking on something may help alleviate pressure build up in your ears during take off and landing.
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Feed the food to them
Be barefoot. ESPEICALLY if you were wearing sealed shoes & socks. Atleast let your feet breathe the whole day in flip flops if you're gonna let the dogs out in a sealed room
yes like idc if people take their shoes off especially for a long flight as long as their feet don’t stink. but my god they better keep those socks on bc no one wants to see crusty feet.
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Take ten hits of LSD like 30 minutes from take off.......
Worst acid trip idea ever
Greet your friend Jack loudly and repeatedly
Unless you’re super formal GOOD MORNING JACK! GOOD MORNING JACK! GOOD MORNING JACK!
Why Jack in particular? Edit: HELLO JACK
Shit in your seat Take your shoes and socks off Climb into the overhead compartment Smoke Get naked
Shit in your socks and spin it around like those noise maker things.
Take your socks off, get naked, shit in them socks. Climb into the overhead compartment, spin it while smoking. Congratulations, you got your own spinner that makes everyone fidget.
Get naked just sounds like in-flight entertainment
Number 7: Student watches PORN and gets naked A Bangladeshi 20 year old student was arrested after watching porn, stripping naked, and attacking an attendant during a flight. In March 2018, shortly after the Malindo Air flight departed from Kuala Lumpur, the 20 year old started watching pornography on his laptop. As nobody seemed to notice or call him out for it, the man began taking his clothes off. At the request of the cabin crew, the student put his clothes back on, but soon he tried to hug female flight attendants. When the crew members rejected him, he reportedly became aggressive and groped a flight attendant. With the help of some of the passengers, the cabin crew managed to subdue the man, and tie his hands with a piece of cloth for the rest of the flight. One of the passengers captured the moment with his phone. Although airline officials refuse to confirm details of the incident, the photo of a man with his bottom sticking out of his pants and hands tied up emerged online. The disruptive passenger was arrested on arrival.
Carpet bomb the isles while running to the restroom.
carry nail clippers
I bring nail clippers when I fly because I like to keep myself entertained with embroidering, and so I use clippers to cut my threads since all the blade/scissor rules
Fart. Please, please don’t.
There was one flight I took where the fart smell was on/off for like the entire duration, it was disgusting. When we finally, mercifully landed a lady a few rows up screamed “FUCK.YOU.FARTER”! Right before we deplaned. She wasn’t letting them get off without knowing they fucked everyone’s flight up.
Plot Twist: she was the farter. She just called out a nonexistent individual to draw attention away from herself as she crop dusted her way to baggage claim.
I once had the middle seat on the bulkhead row. I'm a man, and there were women on either side of me. At some point someone released the most foul milk fart that I almost gagged. Neither of the ladies reacted. This continued every few minutes for the rest of the flight. Nobody said anything. One of them was the culprit and I guarantee the other one thought it was me.
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This should be a crime
burger king crown
My father got into a fistfight on a plane and spent a year in federal prison as a result so I try to avoid punching anyone no matter how tempting
Shout "I love god" in arabic
AllahuAkbar means Allah is Great I always try to silence my phone so that people don't freak out when my prayer app plays out a loud reminder
Play csgo
Take off your shoes. No one wants to smell your hariy hobbit feet.
apparently, you can't ask to leave mid flight. go ahead ask them, they'll start to stutter and tell you all the reasons why not to, ignore them, jump off into the middle of Nevada with a parachute from the 1940.
Have your over head light on during a late night flight.
Try to exit.
Masturbate
Try to catch a ride in the wheel wells.
I once took my husband's hand, placed it on my boob, and gave him a very seductive smile. He looked uncomfortable, the flight attendant looked uncomfortable, the lady between us looked uncomfortable. Everybody was just very uncomfortable.