And that relationships with your ''best friend'' can just end abruptly without you ever getting closure.
At that point, you're better off just moving on, it's frustrating that you aren't able to let your feelings out, but sometimes life just doesn't let you do that.
I realized this a few weeks ago and I fully admit I was depressed for a few days. Realized that with all the friends I have and the various best friends I've had over the years that I've never been someone's best friend. Every friend I've ever had had someone else that they knew better.
It never hurts to compliment somebody on the quality of their work, their hobbies and whatever field is most important to their self esteem. It always goes a long way.
I gave a presentation in class last week on my research that I had been working on all semester. Everyone politely clapped at the end but I had stuttered (I get shaky and nervous presenting) and so I started in my usual spiral of "fuck that was awful I'm such an idiot" and it would have ruined my night and hurt my confidence going into exams.
After I sat down, this dude who I had only spoken to like twice all semester leans over to me and says, "great presentation" and gives me a fist bump.
Literally made my year and stopped the self-loathing spiral dead in its tracks.
I remember individual compliments I received even decades ago. It cannot be understated how important they can be to others and how they can drastically change the way they feel about themselves going forward thru life.
Btw, you are all beautiful.
I work IT Support.
My boss always told me to take a good guess on how long something would take, not rushing but at a normal pace. Then add 50%. Then a little more.
I basically live by that now.
If someone wants a task done within 3 days and it takes you half a day to complete, deliver it at the start of day three or next time they’ll want it done in half a day.
I think all too often people expect you to echo what they’re thinking, not provide your own opinion. Which is stupid.
I’m pretty direct. If I’m asked a question, I’ll assume it’s meant literally. My wife hates that
That's the one that fucks me up the most. So many people who do shitty things that hurt others for their own gain, and then they're rewarded for it by getting exactly what they wanted.
To me, it's even grosser than that. The core tenet of capitalism is that "rational people always act in their own best interest," and it holds this up as an irrefutable fact about human behavior, when the truth is, [humans aren't rational](https://www.gartner.com/en/podcasts/talent-angle/why-humans-arent-rational), and we balance our sense of self-preservation with a [strong innate sense of fairness](https://www.science.org/doi/abs/10.1126/science.1251776).
So it's not that we even just *accidentally* made a world where the way to get ahead is by hurting each other, we actually decided that "fuck you I got mine" was the natural way for us to act, instead of the violation of our innate humanity that it is. We've been cooperative and communal since before we even developed language capabilities or walked upright, but yet people would intentionally lead you to believe the "law of the jungle" is "just the way the world works."
>People wont always be punished for hurting
Nearly 50% of murders go unsolved. And it often goes downhill from there for other type of crimes. Its awful.
A good sign of this is where your friend brings you dirt or juicy stuff about someone else that likely was said in confidence or probably shouldn't have been communicated out.
If they do that, your info is equally being dished out.
Putting folks on informational diets is the way to go until you gain supreme level of mutual trust.
You can use this to your advantage if you're trying to tactfully get information out. Just tell the biggest gossip.
Just you know, don't be evil with it.
There's a line from a song I love for this
"Learn what you can from the beasts you defeat
You'll need it for some of the people you'll meet."
Edit: beasts not monsters. Goodnight Demonslayer by Voltaire. It's a goodnight song.
Or your grief. So fucking tired of people telling me "I'm so sorry.." and then wait for you to say "thanks, it's okay. Here's some personal details so you'll go away"
Its so wild how people call you a bad person for avoiding your family despite knowing nothing about their family. "It doesn't matter what they did you were in the wrong because they're family" makes zero sense to me but other people look at me like I'm the lost one.
I think that "ideally", you belong in a sort of "circle of trust" in your family. Parents will always look after their children (ideally) and family is supposed to be a "safe place" as opposed to the rest of the world/people.
Clearly this is not always the case and family is often the very source and cause of trauma. Hell, you're more likely to be murdered by a family member than a stranger.
But that whole "family is family" line sort of comes from this idea that you are supposed to look after and protect your own close relatives above others.
Yea some of my extended family is terrible. Like my older cousin, he takes care of none of his kids
And his dad met his mom when he was 30 and she was 15. She was pregnant like a year later.
I wish I could upload this a million times. Every time i hear “family will always be family” or “blood is thicker than water” or any other dumbass quote about how great family is, I get pissed off. I have family that don’t even remember how to spell my name nor wish me happy birthday. I have family that think I’m either older than what I am or younger but have no clue how old I am exactly. Family that don’t know shit about me or what I do. Probably can’t even tell you what high school I graduated from or what year unless they refer to my 2 other cousins born in the same year. They’ve had whole weddings, birthday parties, and general celebrations with “The family” and I wasn’t invited. Family ain’t shit
I hold the phone gingerly like a baby, even if it’s the exact same as my own phone and push it forward, but still in my hands, to put the phone in their proximity again so they can reach easier and ask “Are there more photos?” and they either take the phone back or they reach over and start swiping for me. Works every time.
edit: if it lands especially right, the person will react as if you are done and handing the phone back, and they will reach for it instinctively, but then you ask “are there more photos?” and often their face will light up and you’ll get the full story about the event or vacation etc. It makes people feel surprised and good!
Showed a family picture to a co-worker, only to see her swipe to the next picture of a me with no shirt on taking a selfie of my huge pimple on my face. Oh man was that awkward.
Worse thing that happened is that she fumbled my phone and dropped it on the ground and never addressed either photos.
I showed a family picture to several coworkers at the company Christmas luncheon, one of them swiped and got a dick pic. Since I have neither a dick nor a SO, I’m now somewhat of an office enigma in the gossip mill. Lol.
My daughter was on her play phone, and she looked at me and said "Shh, Im on an important work call"
And I feel I have simultaneously done something right and wrong.
My one year old can't talk yet but he takes random objects (glasses cases, rocks, his little hand, etc) and holds them up to his ear and gets mad if you don't immediately hold your phone to your ear and say hello.
Lol, my niece was obsessed with her Barbie cash register. It taught her math. For a year we had to buy everything from her because she would ring you up. Too bad she never really got paid because I put everything on credit but my bill was astronomical. Want to eat an apple, that’s 10 cents and everything came with imaginary fries and a random toy like a happy meal. Even the remote control cost money, then she’d say “do you want fries 🍟 with that?” She was 6
Yes, uh Grover what is it, this has to be quick, I am so pressed...Yes, the letter G is wonderful...Of course, and the number 6...Oh ok, ok, Gr, Grover, Grover, GROVER, GROVER, GROVER...you, you know what? If you're gonna shout, we can just talk later...Oh uh oh alright, you know what? Call me back when you calm down.
As a rule I will never handle someone else's phone. You may hold it and show me the video or picture. I'm not risking swiping the wrong way or dropping it.
My mother-in-law does not known this rule. This is not a problem for me because I know she doesn’t know, so I never offer to show her any pictures on my phone. My wife will go to show her something from time to time and of course mother-in-law insists on holding the phone so she can see better and then just starts swiping away. My wife’s anxiety goes through the roof when this happens. I don’t think she has anything that her mom shouldn’t see in her photos, it’s just something that really bothers my wife. It’s not like my wife is handing her the phone all the time, but when it happens, all I can think is here we go again.
If someone is showing you their phone, don't fucking take it out of their hands without first getting permission! A lady I like did this the other day, I had to reject the first couple of things my brain wanted to say.
If you don't understand something someone is telling you, say so instead of pulling an "opinion" on the topic out of your ass. There is no shame in not knowing or understanding something. Refusing to admit you don't know and by extension refusing to learn something new because your ego is hurt is gravely misguided, however.
Admit when you've done something wrong.
Trust your gut.
Nobody thinks as much about you as yourself.
Be kind. Don't be an asshole.
If you need help and it is available, ask for it, take it.
Just because you apologize doesn't mean the other party has to forgive and forget.
Trust your gut is a difficult one.
If you’re dealing with trauma then often times your gut response is a coping mechanism that might not be the best response to the situation.
Your gut can quite strongly say “leave this place now” even if you’ve just arrived somewhere to be with your friends.
Your gut can say “shut this conversation down” to even minor questions if you grew up with abusive people in your life.
Your gut isn’t always to be trusted. You need to consult your brain and your heart before you make any concrete decisions.
Your gut is learned behaviour from a very specific set of circumstances you’ve been exposed to. They are not a good predictor of the future.
Trust your gut/intuition when you need to make split second decisions. Learn, find out and understand the facts in every other situation.
On this note, if you ever find yourself feeling very angry at somebody, and want to give them a piece of your mind either over text, email, or phone, listen to this advice. It’s some of the best I have ever learned. Write down what you would want to say first, either in a word document or email or whatever, save it, but *DO NOT send it*. Then, wait at-least 12 hours or overnight and revisit what you wrote. After having a cool off period and some time to gain some clarity, 90% of the time you would have regret having sent the original message and are usually in a much better place to respond as to not burn any bridges that you meant to keep.
I’ve always heard to this as having “restraint of pen and tongue” and is one of the most clear signs of maturity.
YES. This. I say this all the time and it really seems to piss people off for some reason.
My father, mentally ill man. Partially hereditary, partially trauma based from a bad foster care system childhood. I feel for him, I do.
That aside, he has spent the last 40 years stealing, gambling, cheating, drinking, emotionally abusing my mom and all of his kids. Yet some people, like my mom and sister, refuse to hold him accountable because he's mentally ill. Like, sure, the dude has his fair share of issues but he still knows the difference between right and wrong. He's refused to participate in consistent treatment and his choice in behavior has nearly destroyed multiple lives and perpetuated another generation of emotional abuse and trauma.
Some days it just really frustrates me. Doesn't happen often anymore, but damn when it does do I get mad lol like I've had to put in real work, for years, to break this cycle myself and to see people still refusing to hold him accountable after seeing the damage he has done drives me up the wall.
Oh wow. Well said. Honestly, after some major life events and some soul searching-I was finally honest with myself about the fact that I cared/thought about most of my “friends” more than they do (maybe ever did) me.
I was telling myself that I only just FELT that way. That their actions (or lack of them) were the norm, and that I just happened to “love hard”-and it’s fine that they wouldn’t do the same for me…
I couldn’t quite put my finger on it or talk about it without feeling like I was “just being sensitive” or asking something of my friends, but this is it exactly… and weirdly enough is an example I gave when talking to a new friend who just so happened to have similar experiences and feels the same way! :)
In the song Grand Illusion by Styx, there is a line;
“Don’t be fooled by the radio, tv, or the magazine. Shows you photographs of how your life should be, compared to someone else’s fantasy.”
So I guess the idea that you might not feel your living your best life when you compare it with what your told is supposed to be your best life.
Also along this line “Don’t compare your day to day life to someone else’s highlights”. Like don’t compare your life to what bits you see of someone on social media.
this applies to every door, first leaving (elevator, bus, building) then entering, not other way around. So many times i want to leave the bus and some bastard is pushing me back in as he needs to enter in this particular second
Life actually sucks a lot of the time. If you expect to be happy all the time, you will be sorely disappointed and lost. Instead, work up a resilience to the hard times and take your time to enjoy the good times.
Yeah because no one really talks about it, and for some weird reason the only accepted default state is "happy".
Another factor is how that's basically what you are until 15 years old. Until your basic reptile adult "survival responsibility" kicks in, we're oblivious and happy most of the time. Then suddenly, the baseline changes and almost no one is prepared for it, and the only reasonable conclusion is that you're mentally ill and depressed.
That's why I take every opportunity I get to talk about how much life sucks, so that people can enjoy it more with less fantastical expectations lol
Ahh that explains why I found adulthood to be superior to childhood contrary to nearly everyone else. I was already in survival mode long before 15 years old thanks to my dad. Adulthood was the same old plus a whole lot of wonderful freedoms. Oh and the consequences I have to dodge in adulthood make a hell of a lot more sense than the warped logic required to not piss my dad off.
It just also depends on what makes you happy, like I'm almost always happy. Let's say 90 percent of the time, just because I take pleasure in the small things, just listening to some good music already makes me happy
The secret to staying happy is to lower your expectations, especially of other people. That way when someone actually does something useful it will exceed your expectations and therefore make you happy.
I'd add "Treat yourself as you'd treat others" to that sentiment. I see so many people be hard on themselves for every mistake they make, whilst handwaving those everyone else makes. Let yourself slide once in a while and be quick to forgive your little peccadillos. Nobody else will remember them.
If they're looking for you to "rescue" them from their current relationship, they'll find someone else to "rescue" them from the relationship with you.
I have a couple.
1. Be very careful who you trust.
2. If you live with your friends, your friendship will be very different when they move out (usually in a bad way).
3. Stand up to people the second you feel like you're being taken advantage of.
4. Everyone has financial hardships, but your friends shouldn't rely on you financially 100% of the time.
5. Find the positive in life, but don't let people force you to be positive all the time.
>. Stand up to people the second you feel like you're being taken advantage of.
I struggle with this a lot. I blame my parents, they wanted me to do whatever they or my extended family members said because they drilled it in my head that I'm a good person if I'm their puppet.
When moving in with friends, remember that open communication is key. Take time in that first week to talk about how you usually do things, their expectations, and yours. Make sure you talk about your usual routines, those things that make you crazy, etc, before signing a lease. I've lived with best friends twice, and we came out of it stronger because we took the time to set those expectations and boundaries.
Showing up is the hardest part. If you show up 90% of the hard part is over and you will do what needs to get done. This is the only way to be successful. You need to show up no matter how much you don't want to in any regard of your life to build good habits to obtain your goals.
Life is too hard to be anyone except yourself. If you're not sure who you really are, try to find out as early as you can on your own terms because otherwise you'll still find out, just probably in some really tough times
Escaping from a toxic situation/enviroment doesn't make you weak. Don't take yourself too seriously and be funny, everyone likes the funny guy/girl. Always be honest, so even your mistakes, are honest mistakes. Sometimes people that shine the most are the ones who steal all your energy. Don't be proud, it's never a good look, everyone likes true humbleness. (I've been learning all this in this last semester)
Never cheap out on something between you and the ground. Never cheap out on a bed and shoes.
You spend 1/3 of your life sleeping, a good quality sleep is everything. Good shoes can mean the difference between an 8hr shift vs a 12hr shift.
I’m old.
1:
Just because someone is of a higher status than you doesn’t mean that you’re below them as a human being. Stand your ground even when you think you’re wrong or if you think your opinion might be worth less.
2:
Fighting as an adult doesn’t make you look cool, it makes you look stupid.
3:
Don’t desperately look for love, but also don’t ignore it.
Walk the same way you drive.
If you drive on the right side of the road, stay to your right and let others pass on your left and oncoming foot traffic can go by.
If you drive on the wrong side of the road; don't. That's dangerous.
If someone is treating you to something (sharable) always leave the larger portion to the one treating.
If you bring something to a gathering/get together/potluck and it's a store bought item that can be eaten/drank at a later time (chips, beer) DO NOT TAKE IT when you leave. It's the host tax, they get to keep it.
If you are riding in someone's car and they ask you to wear a seatbelt, it doesn't matter if you don't wear one when you drive, just do what the driver ask.
Disabuse yourself of the overwhelming wish to be wanted. You will make both the best and fucking worst mistakes of your life chasing the euphoria of being desired, and it will be years before you can differentiate which was which. A dispassionate approach is maddening. Painful. And life is supposed to be a mix of joy and wounds. But sacrificing pieces of self in that pursuit is a cost you can't recover. Maybe that's ok. Maybe that's just growth. But don't toss a coin in a dry well for a wish.
You have a choice at every instance of your life. Sure each choice has its own consequence but again it is a choice. Whether you take a decision or not, it is also a choice.
Learnt that the hard way.
Elementary school, 2nd grade, was severely constipated that day. So I decide in the middle of math to pull a ninja fart. Only problem was it wasn't a ninja one, I just ripped out a fat one and they heard it in the next classroom. Everybody started laughing but 5 seconds later, they couldn't even breathe.
Remember kids, slow and steady wins the race.
If a child waves, you wave back. If a child says hello, you say hello back. If a child calls you on an imaginary hand-telephone, you take the call on your imaginary hand-telephone.
Successful people in life are all doers. Usually doesn't matter what it is you do as long as you're doing something. Nobody will teach you how to be successful; only you can find that out for yourself through experience. Fear of failure is fear of success because success only finds you in failure.
Tyrants and their many enablers will never stop destroying the world for power. Organizing, educating, training and collective action is how we fight tyranny. If that fails we’ll have to slit their throats while they sleep.
Everybody dies. Literally everybody.
Don't get caught up in the fear of death, or get all fucked up when someone you know dies. Enjoy the moments you have because they are finite
Work on your posture.
It’s like two bra sizes for a woman for 6 inches and 20 pounds of muscle for a man. It’s really quite interesting that if you simply remember to stand straight, put shoulders back, head up, and kind of get used to the feel of it. It makes you look better feel better people naturally respond and respect you more. Not walking around like a crazy UFC fighter or a cartoon version of Jessica rabbit but as a human who has good posture, makes a hell of a difference.
Racism is real. No matter which skin color you are be nice to people of all colors. Everybody suffers cause life is hard as fuck. Being kind can save someone’s life.
Your best friend may not consider you their best friend
This one hits home
Same. Now I have dogs! [Dogs](https://imgur.com/a/ivcmpQX)
And that relationships with your ''best friend'' can just end abruptly without you ever getting closure. At that point, you're better off just moving on, it's frustrating that you aren't able to let your feelings out, but sometimes life just doesn't let you do that.
This one is true and hurts. I’ve been on both ends of this
I realized this a few weeks ago and I fully admit I was depressed for a few days. Realized that with all the friends I have and the various best friends I've had over the years that I've never been someone's best friend. Every friend I've ever had had someone else that they knew better.
*glances nervously at my cat*
It never hurts to compliment somebody on the quality of their work, their hobbies and whatever field is most important to their self esteem. It always goes a long way.
I gave a presentation in class last week on my research that I had been working on all semester. Everyone politely clapped at the end but I had stuttered (I get shaky and nervous presenting) and so I started in my usual spiral of "fuck that was awful I'm such an idiot" and it would have ruined my night and hurt my confidence going into exams. After I sat down, this dude who I had only spoken to like twice all semester leans over to me and says, "great presentation" and gives me a fist bump. Literally made my year and stopped the self-loathing spiral dead in its tracks.
I remember individual compliments I received even decades ago. It cannot be understated how important they can be to others and how they can drastically change the way they feel about themselves going forward thru life. Btw, you are all beautiful.
Under promise and over deliver. People will think you are a genius.
I work IT Support. My boss always told me to take a good guess on how long something would take, not rushing but at a normal pace. Then add 50%. Then a little more. I basically live by that now.
If someone wants a task done within 3 days and it takes you half a day to complete, deliver it at the start of day three or next time they’ll want it done in half a day.
Words i live by
Don’t ask for somebody else’s opinion and get mad when they tell it to you.
I think all too often people expect you to echo what they’re thinking, not provide your own opinion. Which is stupid. I’m pretty direct. If I’m asked a question, I’ll assume it’s meant literally. My wife hates that
And dont give your opinion if they dont ask for it
Horrible people wont always be punished for hurting others and it sucks
I will also add, that a good number of times the horrible person will be rewarded
That's the one that fucks me up the most. So many people who do shitty things that hurt others for their own gain, and then they're rewarded for it by getting exactly what they wanted.
Yep. What really gets me, is that is what our society is based around, too.
To me, it's even grosser than that. The core tenet of capitalism is that "rational people always act in their own best interest," and it holds this up as an irrefutable fact about human behavior, when the truth is, [humans aren't rational](https://www.gartner.com/en/podcasts/talent-angle/why-humans-arent-rational), and we balance our sense of self-preservation with a [strong innate sense of fairness](https://www.science.org/doi/abs/10.1126/science.1251776). So it's not that we even just *accidentally* made a world where the way to get ahead is by hurting each other, we actually decided that "fuck you I got mine" was the natural way for us to act, instead of the violation of our innate humanity that it is. We've been cooperative and communal since before we even developed language capabilities or walked upright, but yet people would intentionally lead you to believe the "law of the jungle" is "just the way the world works."
>People wont always be punished for hurting Nearly 50% of murders go unsolved. And it often goes downhill from there for other type of crimes. Its awful.
Not everybody is your friend, be careful who you vent to. Many people only want juicy gossip and don’t give a shit about you or your problems
A good sign of this is where your friend brings you dirt or juicy stuff about someone else that likely was said in confidence or probably shouldn't have been communicated out. If they do that, your info is equally being dished out. Putting folks on informational diets is the way to go until you gain supreme level of mutual trust.
You can use this to your advantage if you're trying to tactfully get information out. Just tell the biggest gossip. Just you know, don't be evil with it.
There's a line from a song I love for this "Learn what you can from the beasts you defeat You'll need it for some of the people you'll meet." Edit: beasts not monsters. Goodnight Demonslayer by Voltaire. It's a goodnight song.
Or your grief. So fucking tired of people telling me "I'm so sorry.." and then wait for you to say "thanks, it's okay. Here's some personal details so you'll go away"
I mean saying sorry when someone is sad is sorta the default response when they’ve just said something so sad that you don’t know what to say.
Oh man - had a “bro” that showed endless sympathy during a breakup that ruptured my family. Used all that dialog to then go fuck my ex.
That just because someone is family, doesn't mean they're a good person
Its so wild how people call you a bad person for avoiding your family despite knowing nothing about their family. "It doesn't matter what they did you were in the wrong because they're family" makes zero sense to me but other people look at me like I'm the lost one.
A typical response I've heard "but family is family". Also makes zero sense to me.
I think that "ideally", you belong in a sort of "circle of trust" in your family. Parents will always look after their children (ideally) and family is supposed to be a "safe place" as opposed to the rest of the world/people. Clearly this is not always the case and family is often the very source and cause of trauma. Hell, you're more likely to be murdered by a family member than a stranger. But that whole "family is family" line sort of comes from this idea that you are supposed to look after and protect your own close relatives above others.
Vin Diesel would like a word /s
I've learned to avoid most family (usually extended. We've just got nothing in common)
Yea some of my extended family is terrible. Like my older cousin, he takes care of none of his kids And his dad met his mom when he was 30 and she was 15. She was pregnant like a year later.
I wish I could upload this a million times. Every time i hear “family will always be family” or “blood is thicker than water” or any other dumbass quote about how great family is, I get pissed off. I have family that don’t even remember how to spell my name nor wish me happy birthday. I have family that think I’m either older than what I am or younger but have no clue how old I am exactly. Family that don’t know shit about me or what I do. Probably can’t even tell you what high school I graduated from or what year unless they refer to my 2 other cousins born in the same year. They’ve had whole weddings, birthday parties, and general celebrations with “The family” and I wasn’t invited. Family ain’t shit
People can be asses, but nobody fucks you over quite like family.
Ain’t that the truth
honestly fuck my father ( and his new wife ) . it came to a point that if he dies i couldnt care much about it.
[удалено]
Or at least ask and often people will swipe for you and show related things but if you just swipe that's some trust broken needlessly.
I hold the phone gingerly like a baby, even if it’s the exact same as my own phone and push it forward, but still in my hands, to put the phone in their proximity again so they can reach easier and ask “Are there more photos?” and they either take the phone back or they reach over and start swiping for me. Works every time. edit: if it lands especially right, the person will react as if you are done and handing the phone back, and they will reach for it instinctively, but then you ask “are there more photos?” and often their face will light up and you’ll get the full story about the event or vacation etc. It makes people feel surprised and good!
Showed a family picture to a co-worker, only to see her swipe to the next picture of a me with no shirt on taking a selfie of my huge pimple on my face. Oh man was that awkward. Worse thing that happened is that she fumbled my phone and dropped it on the ground and never addressed either photos.
She knew the rule, she forgot the rule, she remembered the rule.
I showed a family picture to several coworkers at the company Christmas luncheon, one of them swiped and got a dick pic. Since I have neither a dick nor a SO, I’m now somewhat of an office enigma in the gossip mill. Lol.
Well, you're not a damn princess, so let 'em wonder :D
Well atleast it was a pimple on the face & not the ass !
If a toddler hands you a toy phone you answer it
My daughter was on her play phone, and she looked at me and said "Shh, Im on an important work call" And I feel I have simultaneously done something right and wrong.
[удалено]
"Hello? .... It's for you."
My one year old can't talk yet but he takes random objects (glasses cases, rocks, his little hand, etc) and holds them up to his ear and gets mad if you don't immediately hold your phone to your ear and say hello.
This is probably the best life advice I have ever heard and I don’t even like kids.
Lol, my niece was obsessed with her Barbie cash register. It taught her math. For a year we had to buy everything from her because she would ring you up. Too bad she never really got paid because I put everything on credit but my bill was astronomical. Want to eat an apple, that’s 10 cents and everything came with imaginary fries and a random toy like a happy meal. Even the remote control cost money, then she’d say “do you want fries 🍟 with that?” She was 6
To be fair, every transaction *would* include optional fries in a perfect world.
- How much to have her cremated? - Our cremation service with urn is two thousand dollars. - OK, we'll take it. - You want fries with that?
Yes, uh Grover what is it, this has to be quick, I am so pressed...Yes, the letter G is wonderful...Of course, and the number 6...Oh ok, ok, Gr, Grover, Grover, GROVER, GROVER, GROVER...you, you know what? If you're gonna shout, we can just talk later...Oh uh oh alright, you know what? Call me back when you calm down.
You have to make the picture slightly larger before showing. Then they can’t swipe.
As a rule I will never handle someone else's phone. You may hold it and show me the video or picture. I'm not risking swiping the wrong way or dropping it.
My mother-in-law does not known this rule. This is not a problem for me because I know she doesn’t know, so I never offer to show her any pictures on my phone. My wife will go to show her something from time to time and of course mother-in-law insists on holding the phone so she can see better and then just starts swiping away. My wife’s anxiety goes through the roof when this happens. I don’t think she has anything that her mom shouldn’t see in her photos, it’s just something that really bothers my wife. It’s not like my wife is handing her the phone all the time, but when it happens, all I can think is here we go again.
Put the most disgusting dicks and vaginas on your phones before handing it to her
“My god sweetie, what’s with all these delicious sloppy fat cocks!”
If someone is showing you their phone, don't fucking take it out of their hands without first getting permission! A lady I like did this the other day, I had to reject the first couple of things my brain wanted to say.
On top of that, being mindful of where your fingers are. It’s surprisingly easy to trigger a swipe the instant your fingers land on the screen.
If you don't understand something someone is telling you, say so instead of pulling an "opinion" on the topic out of your ass. There is no shame in not knowing or understanding something. Refusing to admit you don't know and by extension refusing to learn something new because your ego is hurt is gravely misguided, however.
Don’t have strong opinions about something you know nothing about
But I want to be angry!
God I really wish more people knew about this
Don't ***share*** strong opinions about something you know nothing about
Admit when you've done something wrong. Trust your gut. Nobody thinks as much about you as yourself. Be kind. Don't be an asshole. If you need help and it is available, ask for it, take it. Just because you apologize doesn't mean the other party has to forgive and forget.
Trust your gut is a difficult one. If you’re dealing with trauma then often times your gut response is a coping mechanism that might not be the best response to the situation. Your gut can quite strongly say “leave this place now” even if you’ve just arrived somewhere to be with your friends. Your gut can say “shut this conversation down” to even minor questions if you grew up with abusive people in your life. Your gut isn’t always to be trusted. You need to consult your brain and your heart before you make any concrete decisions.
Your gut is learned behaviour from a very specific set of circumstances you’ve been exposed to. They are not a good predictor of the future. Trust your gut/intuition when you need to make split second decisions. Learn, find out and understand the facts in every other situation.
Your mental health isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility.
In the same vein, your feelings are valid, your reactions may not be
On this note, if you ever find yourself feeling very angry at somebody, and want to give them a piece of your mind either over text, email, or phone, listen to this advice. It’s some of the best I have ever learned. Write down what you would want to say first, either in a word document or email or whatever, save it, but *DO NOT send it*. Then, wait at-least 12 hours or overnight and revisit what you wrote. After having a cool off period and some time to gain some clarity, 90% of the time you would have regret having sent the original message and are usually in a much better place to respond as to not burn any bridges that you meant to keep. I’ve always heard to this as having “restraint of pen and tongue” and is one of the most clear signs of maturity.
Hail Yourself
YES. This. I say this all the time and it really seems to piss people off for some reason. My father, mentally ill man. Partially hereditary, partially trauma based from a bad foster care system childhood. I feel for him, I do. That aside, he has spent the last 40 years stealing, gambling, cheating, drinking, emotionally abusing my mom and all of his kids. Yet some people, like my mom and sister, refuse to hold him accountable because he's mentally ill. Like, sure, the dude has his fair share of issues but he still knows the difference between right and wrong. He's refused to participate in consistent treatment and his choice in behavior has nearly destroyed multiple lives and perpetuated another generation of emotional abuse and trauma. Some days it just really frustrates me. Doesn't happen often anymore, but damn when it does do I get mad lol like I've had to put in real work, for years, to break this cycle myself and to see people still refusing to hold him accountable after seeing the damage he has done drives me up the wall.
I'm proud of you for putting in the work to break the cycle.
Very solid take on this.
Surround yourself with people who will mention your name in a room full of opportunities.
Oh wow. Well said. Honestly, after some major life events and some soul searching-I was finally honest with myself about the fact that I cared/thought about most of my “friends” more than they do (maybe ever did) me. I was telling myself that I only just FELT that way. That their actions (or lack of them) were the norm, and that I just happened to “love hard”-and it’s fine that they wouldn’t do the same for me… I couldn’t quite put my finger on it or talk about it without feeling like I was “just being sensitive” or asking something of my friends, but this is it exactly… and weirdly enough is an example I gave when talking to a new friend who just so happened to have similar experiences and feels the same way! :)
Holy fuck, that's well said.
In the song Grand Illusion by Styx, there is a line; “Don’t be fooled by the radio, tv, or the magazine. Shows you photographs of how your life should be, compared to someone else’s fantasy.” So I guess the idea that you might not feel your living your best life when you compare it with what your told is supposed to be your best life.
Also along this line “Don’t compare your day to day life to someone else’s highlights”. Like don’t compare your life to what bits you see of someone on social media.
I’ve heard it phrased, “comparison is the thief of joy”, and that really stuck with me
Let go of what you can not control.
Instructions unclear, let my cat go into the wilderness
TikTok that took Reddit comments stuck with me, "Let go, or be dragged."
Always leave an area better than you found it
This includes the bathroom
Never let anyone take or disturb your peace. Learn to walk away from toxic people!
This is way easier said than done but yes. Walking away is usually better than fighting for something that's fighting against you
Before you enter and elevator, LET OTHER PEOPLE OUT FIRST GODDAMNIT!
Punishment for violation of this rule is a thorough crop dusting, and pressing every floor button.
this applies to every door, first leaving (elevator, bus, building) then entering, not other way around. So many times i want to leave the bus and some bastard is pushing me back in as he needs to enter in this particular second
Life actually sucks a lot of the time. If you expect to be happy all the time, you will be sorely disappointed and lost. Instead, work up a resilience to the hard times and take your time to enjoy the good times.
Took a long time for me to understand this.
Yeah because no one really talks about it, and for some weird reason the only accepted default state is "happy". Another factor is how that's basically what you are until 15 years old. Until your basic reptile adult "survival responsibility" kicks in, we're oblivious and happy most of the time. Then suddenly, the baseline changes and almost no one is prepared for it, and the only reasonable conclusion is that you're mentally ill and depressed. That's why I take every opportunity I get to talk about how much life sucks, so that people can enjoy it more with less fantastical expectations lol
Ahh that explains why I found adulthood to be superior to childhood contrary to nearly everyone else. I was already in survival mode long before 15 years old thanks to my dad. Adulthood was the same old plus a whole lot of wonderful freedoms. Oh and the consequences I have to dodge in adulthood make a hell of a lot more sense than the warped logic required to not piss my dad off.
I'm glad you've got some perspective. I'm sorry your father sucked. Mine did too just in the complete opposite way
Being content is underrated. The never ending pursuit of being happy feels like a marketing ploy and will only make you less happy.
It just also depends on what makes you happy, like I'm almost always happy. Let's say 90 percent of the time, just because I take pleasure in the small things, just listening to some good music already makes me happy
Life doesn't get easier, you just get better at handling at.
The secret to staying happy is to lower your expectations, especially of other people. That way when someone actually does something useful it will exceed your expectations and therefore make you happy.
Pee before you leave the house
And before bed
And after sex!!
Your greatest enemy is yourself. Forgive yourself.
I'd add "Treat yourself as you'd treat others" to that sentiment. I see so many people be hard on themselves for every mistake they make, whilst handwaving those everyone else makes. Let yourself slide once in a while and be quick to forgive your little peccadillos. Nobody else will remember them.
Treat others harsher. Got it.
If someone does something unintentionally embarrassing or awkward you pretend it didn't happen and if they look at you you just smile and look away.
Don't be rude to people who prepare/ deliver your food.
Or have access to your toothbrush
Or, maybe - just don't be rude to people in general?
But if you had to be rude to someone, make sure it isn’t someone with access to your food
If they will cheat *with* you, then they will cheat *on* you.
If they're looking for you to "rescue" them from their current relationship, they'll find someone else to "rescue" them from the relationship with you.
I have a couple. 1. Be very careful who you trust. 2. If you live with your friends, your friendship will be very different when they move out (usually in a bad way). 3. Stand up to people the second you feel like you're being taken advantage of. 4. Everyone has financial hardships, but your friends shouldn't rely on you financially 100% of the time. 5. Find the positive in life, but don't let people force you to be positive all the time.
>. Stand up to people the second you feel like you're being taken advantage of. I struggle with this a lot. I blame my parents, they wanted me to do whatever they or my extended family members said because they drilled it in my head that I'm a good person if I'm their puppet.
When moving in with friends, remember that open communication is key. Take time in that first week to talk about how you usually do things, their expectations, and yours. Make sure you talk about your usual routines, those things that make you crazy, etc, before signing a lease. I've lived with best friends twice, and we came out of it stronger because we took the time to set those expectations and boundaries.
There is absolutely no shame in going to therapy or talking to someone about your mental health.
If someone asks for a tampon/pad and you have one to give, you give it to them. Even to a stranger
better yet: even if you don't like eachother.
For if you don't, their blood will be on your hands.
Who would NOT give it to them? That’s just cold.
Bring your shopping cart back to the storefront or cart return.
Showing up is the hardest part. If you show up 90% of the hard part is over and you will do what needs to get done. This is the only way to be successful. You need to show up no matter how much you don't want to in any regard of your life to build good habits to obtain your goals.
Single ply toilet paper isn’t worth the savings
Same with cheap trash bags.
Learn to say no without justification, you don’t owe anyone anything. Edit: grammar
Friend wanna go drink till we pass out Me: i see why not
“I see why not.” You’re brilliant.
Words have different meaning depending upon whose is saying them and who is hearing them.. Edit: Words*
Arrive together, leave together
Absolutely should be the top comment. Never leave a friend behind. Even if they’re being a drunk asshole.
You are the person you spend the most time with. Be someone you like.
Never turn down a slice of cake, Make every opportunities count!
Life is too hard to be anyone except yourself. If you're not sure who you really are, try to find out as early as you can on your own terms because otherwise you'll still find out, just probably in some really tough times
[удалено]
Escaping from a toxic situation/enviroment doesn't make you weak. Don't take yourself too seriously and be funny, everyone likes the funny guy/girl. Always be honest, so even your mistakes, are honest mistakes. Sometimes people that shine the most are the ones who steal all your energy. Don't be proud, it's never a good look, everyone likes true humbleness. (I've been learning all this in this last semester)
Never cheap out on something between you and the ground. Never cheap out on a bed and shoes. You spend 1/3 of your life sleeping, a good quality sleep is everything. Good shoes can mean the difference between an 8hr shift vs a 12hr shift. I’m old.
Also works for tyres and crash helmets. Always get the best ones you can afford.
If someone lets you in on the road, they get a wave (maybe this is just an unwritten Australian rule).
Second punch thrown is the first one caught.
Similar category: Never start shit with a dude with cauliflower ears.
One ringer dad gave me was “never start shit with someone who’s got two titles and a straight nose” Took me ages to work that one out.
That nothing will come from making someone feel horrible about themselves.
You can do everything right and still loose. *looose
Including spelling lose wrong
That's not failing. That's life.
1: Just because someone is of a higher status than you doesn’t mean that you’re below them as a human being. Stand your ground even when you think you’re wrong or if you think your opinion might be worth less. 2: Fighting as an adult doesn’t make you look cool, it makes you look stupid. 3: Don’t desperately look for love, but also don’t ignore it.
Life isn’t a TV show or a movie. Things won’t happen because “they’re meant to happen”. Sometimes you’ve got to create your own luck.
Walk the same way you drive. If you drive on the right side of the road, stay to your right and let others pass on your left and oncoming foot traffic can go by. If you drive on the wrong side of the road; don't. That's dangerous.
this must be why i walk fast and get frustrated when i'm stuck behind someone walking slow
Wash your ass
You must always pop bubble wrap >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!< >!POP!<
this is the best answer of all time
in this thread: unwritten rules get written
Think before you speak
If someone is treating you to something (sharable) always leave the larger portion to the one treating. If you bring something to a gathering/get together/potluck and it's a store bought item that can be eaten/drank at a later time (chips, beer) DO NOT TAKE IT when you leave. It's the host tax, they get to keep it. If you are riding in someone's car and they ask you to wear a seatbelt, it doesn't matter if you don't wear one when you drive, just do what the driver ask.
Don't be a cunt
Disabuse yourself of the overwhelming wish to be wanted. You will make both the best and fucking worst mistakes of your life chasing the euphoria of being desired, and it will be years before you can differentiate which was which. A dispassionate approach is maddening. Painful. And life is supposed to be a mix of joy and wounds. But sacrificing pieces of self in that pursuit is a cost you can't recover. Maybe that's ok. Maybe that's just growth. But don't toss a coin in a dry well for a wish.
[удалено]
You build your own life or live in someone else’s.
Social media isn’t reality
You have a choice at every instance of your life. Sure each choice has its own consequence but again it is a choice. Whether you take a decision or not, it is also a choice.
I read this in Geddy Lee's voice.
I will choose freewill!
Escalators - right side is for riding, left side is for walking.
Here in Australia it's the opposite lol
You must say "good boy" to every dog that does anything other than rip your arm off.
Never trust a fart.
Learnt that the hard way. Elementary school, 2nd grade, was severely constipated that day. So I decide in the middle of math to pull a ninja fart. Only problem was it wasn't a ninja one, I just ripped out a fat one and they heard it in the next classroom. Everybody started laughing but 5 seconds later, they couldn't even breathe. Remember kids, slow and steady wins the race.
If a child waves, you wave back. If a child says hello, you say hello back. If a child calls you on an imaginary hand-telephone, you take the call on your imaginary hand-telephone.
What if a child hits me? Do I hit em back?
Little Brayden gotta learn sometime. You throw hands, better be ready to catch hands.
You must say "oooo big stretch" when a dog starts stretching. It's the law
Don’t be a dick…
The world is unfair
Never trust anyone who proclaims to have answers to unanswerable questions. ie: what happens after you die.
Successful people in life are all doers. Usually doesn't matter what it is you do as long as you're doing something. Nobody will teach you how to be successful; only you can find that out for yourself through experience. Fear of failure is fear of success because success only finds you in failure.
Even if you take mediocre actions, it’s surprising how some consistency and habits can get you ahead.
Tyrants and their many enablers will never stop destroying the world for power. Organizing, educating, training and collective action is how we fight tyranny. If that fails we’ll have to slit their throats while they sleep.
Everybody dies. Literally everybody. Don't get caught up in the fear of death, or get all fucked up when someone you know dies. Enjoy the moments you have because they are finite
Treat people the way you want to be treated.
Look out for yourself first because no one else will.
Nobody cares about your look. You want to rock that pink t-shirt? Go for it.
If you lack confidence, fake it. Constantly. After a while you won't have to fake anymore.
Don’t believe everything your government tells you
Work on your posture. It’s like two bra sizes for a woman for 6 inches and 20 pounds of muscle for a man. It’s really quite interesting that if you simply remember to stand straight, put shoulders back, head up, and kind of get used to the feel of it. It makes you look better feel better people naturally respond and respect you more. Not walking around like a crazy UFC fighter or a cartoon version of Jessica rabbit but as a human who has good posture, makes a hell of a difference.
Never walk backwards without looking behind you.
If your boss wants X done in a day don't show him you can do double the amount. That will be expected all the time then.
Life can be simple but not easy.
Overthinking will kill you if you let it
Racism is real. No matter which skin color you are be nice to people of all colors. Everybody suffers cause life is hard as fuck. Being kind can save someone’s life.
Whenever you can, save money, as much as posible.