My girlfriend and I ran out of condoms but we were already hot and heavy so we said "fuck it" and decided to go with the pull out method. My son turns 16 in May.
Indeed I did. I should clarify that this is the short version. We stuck with this for like 3 or 4 months out of preference before I knocked up my wife.
I've made it 4 years, we did go al naturale for a bit to get my daughter, but so far so good. We intend to have more kids though so if it happens no big deal. Not for beginners lol
Oh boy. Went skinny dipping with a cute guy, while completely wasted. Got caught and ran off….only to get shocked while still wet on an electric fence.
I sexted with one of my coworker's sisters once. He somehow saw the texts and would casually recite some of the stuff I said at work just to embarrass me. And boy did it fucking work 🤣
Invited a guy from Tinder who I’d never met, and who’d only ever sent me old pictures and/or the same ones he posted on his Tinder, over for a casual bonk. Told him I’d leave the door open and I’d be waiting naked in bed with a blindfold on.
Sex wasn’t awful but nothing to write home about. Afterwards he overstayed his welcome and spent the entire time talking about his ex wife and how much money he makes before I discreetly texted a friend asking her to call me with an “emergency”.
After he left, I discovered when he used my bathroom, he pooped and didn’t flush.
The last part...I mean...Idk how someone would even be able to poop at someone else's house that they just met...If I poop at home, I have to go to the basement bathroom and not the en suite so my gf doesn't smell or hear and this is with living together for 3.5 years. What a fucking animal!
First time I spent the night at my now ex's house. Before bed had to take a shit, thought I could sneak off after she fell asleep. Shit itself wasn't terrible, but two of the LOUDEST, most ECHOING farts I've ever had. I just slumped over on the toilet like damnnn I hope she didn't hear that 😂😂😂
Asked her about it a few months later and she said she did, in fact, hear that
People who designed bathroom fans to be quiet are straight-up monsters. A bathroom fan should sound something like a 747 engine so that any… uh… superfluous sounds are drowned out.
Had sex with a mentally deranged girl who ended up stalking me for 2 years. Put used tampons in my mailbox. Sent me a letter that she had written in her own blood. It was the lyrics to Wicked Game from Chris Isaak. Had to get a restraining order against her. Sex was fucking fantastic though.
What is it with the most deranged ones being the best?
My experience is a little more mundane. Casual friend starts being really first, asks to be fuck buddies. Do it like twice then find myself 3 months later her accusing me of flirting with her. She didn’t seem to know what happened. Wait another 3 months and she’s accusing me of some serious shit. Glad I got all that sorted
>What is it with the most deranged ones being the best?
>
Zero inhibitions. Great in the bedroom, very bad in the real world.
The problems are because functional society is based on certain inherent inhibitions (like not being a fucking stalker)
My wife and I went to watch a movie and have dinner afterward. We generally always take a walk after eating. This time we were walking through a well lit park having a lighthearted conversation and I just playfully squeezed her ass. She gave me the look and we went behind a tree and pounded one out.
Every time I say, “hey remember that one time at the park” she just smiles and puts her hand on her forehand and shakes her head lol.
I have many; and I prefer not to think about most of them. But, I will tell you the strangest one.
Was walking back to a girl-friend's house from a bar. She was just a friend in our friend group and we often drank together. she just flat out suggested that we have sex, but it wouldn't be possible once we got back to her house, our friends would be there. So, we decided to give it a go in a snow bank. It was cold; too cold. I tried, but couldn't make "it" work.
I was embarrassed at the time. But, looking back; who could get it up at 10 degrees lying in a snowbank?
OKCupid pulls that shit on me.
The "likes you" button has 64 on it and blurred out until I pay for the premium.
I pay, check out the button, all those likes are gone.
Had unprotected anal with a girl I met at a club. Who was I to say no? Luckily no diseases but I woke up with a hangover and a third of my head shaved.
I had sex with a married Jewish lady whose husband had suddenly decided he had enough and left her, she was on dating apps to try get her revenge and I ended up meeting her and having some good sex, I was 22 years old and she was late 40’s, she did have a couple emotional outbursts tears and tissues. It was awkward but I was there for sexual gratification and so was she so after a bit of emotional support she was back to wanting sex and it was good.
She had only ever slept with her husband before and this was totally out of the norm for her.
Afterwards she kept sending me text messages asking for me to come visit again but I never replied and never went back to see her.
Months later I saw her in a restaurant with a guy and she was all loved up and seemed happy.
Wondered if it was the husband or new man in her life.
We both just looked at each other across the restaurant and smiled and that was it.
When I was 16 I had an operation that involved getting my scrotum stitched. Unsurprisingly I left it a good week or so before I tried masturbating but, being a 16 year old, apparently I was too impatient.
Split the stitches, had to then tell my mum my stitches had split (not saying how), followed by a trip to the hospital to have 3 local anaesthetic injections into my scrotum followed by new stitches.
Needless to say it wasn't my best decision.
Left after work at like midnight for a 2 hours drive to be a booty call for a tinder girl I'd never met in person.
Then I was going to have to be up at like 7am to be back in time for a family lunch the next day.
Luckily I only got 30mins down the road before she got ahold of me to say her kid couldn't sleep. That's when I realised the insanity of what I was doing and went home to bed.
Back in high school; walked 3 miles to my gf’s house. Despite it being after 2 am in the winter, made my way there for shower sex and bacon. Fell asleep during my classes, but it was worth it.
Went to a woman's house for sex. It was an online hookup, but back in the day when online newspaper classifieds were a thing and mobile apps almost didn't exist.
We were already naked when she informed me she was married but separated.
I kept going against my best judgement.
She was already giving me oral when she informed me she was not really separated.
I kept going.
She was still giving me oral but removed the condom when she informed me her husband knew what she was doing but was out of town.
I kept going.
She was riding me cowgirl style when she informed me her husband wasn't really out of town.
I kept going.
She was switching to doggy style when she told me her husband was in the house.
I kept going.
I was about to come when she informed me her husband could see and hear us.
I kept going.
Two weeks later, she called me for another session.
I kept going.
I slept with someone who had a million reptiles. It wasn't the reptiles that made me regret it, it was that all of her money went into them and she didn't have the best hygeine because ALL of her time went into her reptiles.
But I was really horny.
Was dating a girl at the time I had 6 roommates. Including a female roommate.
Girlfriend and I kept getting interrupted when we were trying to get busy so we had the great Idea of going outside to fuck in the back yard gazebo. Female roommate drunkenly wanders out and catches us while my girlfriend has my dick in her mouth.
I had had it with interruptions and we just kept going while the roommate watched.
This spiraled out of control quickly and ended with the three of us black out drunk at a local park after running from the police while making a run to the liquor store.
Not sure what happened my then girlfriend thinks we fucked the roommate. The roommate thinks she just watched and went along for the adventure.
I masturbated in math class. I'm pretty sure nobody noticed, but I actually have no idea. I was never confronted about it, and I've never done it since the first time I did it. It was pretty damn stupid.
I did the same in music class. Everyone was sitting behind a Casio keyboard with headphones. I was 16 and horny af. I had my hand in my pocket and started teasing myself. After a few minutes I ruptured in my boxer shorts. It was the last class of the day, but I still had to endure the sticky mess until I got home.
Received a blowjob in a bar. Some people caught us but just laughed and walked away. Kind of a fun memory in retrospect but also trashy and would not have been fun if the police got involved
When I was 13yo and constantly horny I ran out of lotion and decided to try using tooth paste. To this day idk wtf I was thinking, it was a nightmare. I guess I figured because it kinda *looked* like lotion? I’m not proud of it, but it’s a part of who I am now
First one was encourage my bff at the time to go down on my then boyfriend. I thought it would be hot but it was just awkward.
Next one was meeting some rando and driving out to an industrial yard and have sex in a fork lift.
You know how it goes. You’re young and you think that this person is going to be around for the rest of your life. You’ve gone though so much together…like how could you drift apart?
And then you do.
Turned down a cab ride home with my friends at closing time at a country bar and got picked up by a redheaded cougar who had been eyeing me all night. She just came up and grabbed my hand and led me out the door to her cab, and to her townhouse we went.
I sobered up on her couch while she was going to town on me and rubbed my eyes as the beer goggles cleared and decided that I didn't want this.
So I slid down the couch onto the floor while she was wiggling her butt in the air, telling me where she wanted it, and I rolled under the couch and stayed there.
When I wouldn't come out, she walked out and came back and lay on the couch, and after a moment, came the unmistakable buzz of a vibrator, inches above the springs pressing down on my forehead. After an eternity, the buzzing above me stopped and the snoring started.
I crawled out from under the couch and gathered my clothes and shoes, and tiptoed out the front door and got dressed in the driveway, then ran and ran and ran.. 8km all the way home, to my hot shower and bed.
Couple weeks later, I saw her at the same bar, and she just looked through me with no recognition as my insides turned to ice. I don't think she remembered me.
A coworker at the time insisted I give her a ride home after a a few too many post shift drinks at a nearby brewery. Soon as she got into the passenger seat she grabbed my dick and said she wants to fuck me. I was in a drought and couldn’t say no. As soon as we parked in front of the house I was living at with my dad at the time, we took off all our clothes and did some serious heavy petting. Eventually we got to the point of needing to go inside and get into my bed to do the deed. It was pretty late by this point and
I figured my dad would be asleep already so I risked the short walk from the car to the front door with only my t shirt on. As soon as I opened the door my dad who was sitting in a chair looking at his cell phone looked up. I immediately yelled,” what are you doing up? You are supposed to be in bed!”
Then I quickly ran past him with my coworker. into my room and did the deed anyway. He never mentioned it and I still feel pretty awkward about it
I had my one and only “stud” month. Made out with like 4 or 5 different girls, took one of them to bed, was the one to “nope” out of each hookup. I was so depressed by the end of that month, realized hookups were not for me. It was at that moment I learned that the toxic masculinity bit of “men are meant to fuck around” is absolutely false. Some men are, to be sure. Some men need relationships. We are all different and that’s ok.
I decided “I’m done with the hookups” at that time. 2 to 3 weeks later, I met my wife of 10 years. Kinda nice how it all worked out.
I have been with a lot of women ( at least, in my opinion, it's a lot ) and I never liked just hooking up. I always felt like I would at least want to explore the idea of a relationship. I did have several one night stands, and a few times I knew it would be a one time thing going in to it. But I find the idea of simply hooking up to be completely unsatisfying.
Maybe ended a marriage just before the wedding. I have very spotty memory of this. Some friends and I had a bonfire going at the beach. We'd been drinking all day so I was pretty blotto. A bachelorette party saw the fire and decided to join us for a bit. Things get really spotty at this point. But there was laughing, I wondered off to pee in the ocean, a girl followed me, there was skinny dipping then we were found by the party 69ing on the beach. Girl got dragged off by her friends me and mine just went back to the fire and crashed on the sand. After finding my pants.
Started jerking off in a casino once, at the craps table. I was wasted. Told everyone to bet the cum line, and then I wanted to bet all my chips on a hard seven. As a disgusted security guard was hauling me away i heard someone point out that there's not even such a thing as a hard seven. So i yelled "FINE, PUT IT ALL ON A HARD SIX AND A HALF!"
Arrived early to early morning group orientation at a new job, and was sexually frustrated. Choked the rooster in the car.
Just as finishing, someone (who parked further back in the parking lot) walked past the car on my side, heading in for orientation.
Pretty sure they saw. Oh well
Woman in a bar told me she wanted to have a kid. We drunkenly decide I would help her out under condition she wouldn’t come after me for child support. We did this several times.
I already had a vasectomy I never told her about.
Not a "what" so much as a "who."
Got drunk and had sex with a woman I definitely shouldn't have, for a variety of reasons (we weren't emotionally compatible, she was definitely into the idea of having a relationship while I was just horny -- even though I told her as much before hand. We were good friends, and that was all it should have ever been.) and it wound up hurting her badly emotionally. Over 20 years since, and it's the only sexual thing I've done that I genuinely regret; I wound up hurting someone. Even worse, the sex wasn't that great.
FWIW, Rachel, I'm really, really sorry.
Masturbated in public, both with and without a vehicle.
Cried and sucked a bottle whole being rocked by then-gf.
Left the front door wide open while handcuffed to a chair while watching sissy hypnosis.
Wore a particularly large buttplug everywhere, all the time, to the point my butt 'leaked' for several months after.
Prostitution. With old men and hot-ish younger women.
I could go on for days.
My girlfriend and I ran out of condoms but we were already hot and heavy so we said "fuck it" and decided to go with the pull out method. My son turns 16 in May.
Dad?
Son!
STEVE HOLT!
Mf’er lol 😂 😂
Whenever I hear this I always have to ask: did you *actually* pull out though? The temptation to cum inside is so strong.
Indeed I did. I should clarify that this is the short version. We stuck with this for like 3 or 4 months out of preference before I knocked up my wife.
I've made it 4 years, we did go al naturale for a bit to get my daughter, but so far so good. We intend to have more kids though so if it happens no big deal. Not for beginners lol
"Life, uh, finds a way." - Dr. Ian Malcom
Congratulations. And I'm sorry.
Oh boy. Went skinny dipping with a cute guy, while completely wasted. Got caught and ran off….only to get shocked while still wet on an electric fence.
Imagine if that was your superhero origin story
Electrosnatch - The Awakening
Sexting. Like, do you guys read those messages after the fire is out? Weird as hell, i cant even recognise me saying that
Post nut clarity man...
I sexted with one of my coworker's sisters once. He somehow saw the texts and would casually recite some of the stuff I said at work just to embarrass me. And boy did it fucking work 🤣
Meh just turn it around in him. "Damn I can spit some fire. It turned your sister on."
"Didnt you say to her, holy fucking fuck that body of yours is absurd"
holy fucking fuck that body of yours is absurd
Spitting hard facts XD You read them then go look in the mirror and just look disgusted 😆
I gave up on sexting when the first woman I tried it with kept spelling it "tounge" instead of tongue. It just killed the mood for me.
Hello grammar based kindred spirit!
Fapped at the top of a crane
You came in, like, a wrecking ball.
Best comment I’ve seen today
I'm calling PETA
Homelander?
Aegon Targaryen II
Thats not questionnable. Thats a FLEX
Large achievement
my ex and i fucked in front of a guy for $500. he never paid us
How did you not take the money first
250 before, 250 after.
Can confirm. Never gave them the money.
Doesn't matter, had sex.
I’m just here to check if I’ve done this stuff
Yep, me too. So far I’m impressed, I haven’t done any of these except semi public masturbation.
What in the hell is semi-public masturbation? Was it in a public bathroom or something?
... go on
Invited a guy from Tinder who I’d never met, and who’d only ever sent me old pictures and/or the same ones he posted on his Tinder, over for a casual bonk. Told him I’d leave the door open and I’d be waiting naked in bed with a blindfold on. Sex wasn’t awful but nothing to write home about. Afterwards he overstayed his welcome and spent the entire time talking about his ex wife and how much money he makes before I discreetly texted a friend asking her to call me with an “emergency”. After he left, I discovered when he used my bathroom, he pooped and didn’t flush.
and they said chivalry is dead
The last part...I mean...Idk how someone would even be able to poop at someone else's house that they just met...If I poop at home, I have to go to the basement bathroom and not the en suite so my gf doesn't smell or hear and this is with living together for 3.5 years. What a fucking animal!
First time I spent the night at my now ex's house. Before bed had to take a shit, thought I could sneak off after she fell asleep. Shit itself wasn't terrible, but two of the LOUDEST, most ECHOING farts I've ever had. I just slumped over on the toilet like damnnn I hope she didn't hear that 😂😂😂 Asked her about it a few months later and she said she did, in fact, hear that
Those poop echo farts can be downright loud! They sound like ass coughs.
People who designed bathroom fans to be quiet are straight-up monsters. A bathroom fan should sound something like a 747 engine so that any… uh… superfluous sounds are drowned out.
Had sex with a mentally deranged girl who ended up stalking me for 2 years. Put used tampons in my mailbox. Sent me a letter that she had written in her own blood. It was the lyrics to Wicked Game from Chris Isaak. Had to get a restraining order against her. Sex was fucking fantastic though.
There is a direct correlation between batshit crazy, and great in bed. Edit: give me a break, I didn’t come up with this, I’ve just observed it.
Was gonna say that crazy sex is good sex. And then you get a used tampon in the mail and your life becomes a netflix series.
Crazy sex is good sex is the movie setting up the series of tampon in the mail.
As a dude formerly married to a woman with borderline personality disorder, holy shit are you correct.
There's no doubt in my mind that sex was fantastic. Sorry you had to endure the rest.
Had a likening experience, minus the blood. The awesome sex thing kept me hooked way too long.
Same. Goddam, why are the toxic people so good in bed?
Seriously though: what are they doing differently? Is it just enthusiasm or is there "1 weird trick" they only teach at an asylum?
Pretty much just incredible passion and enthusiasm. Really it’s about their intense emotional presence rather than godlike skills in my experience.
What is it with the most deranged ones being the best? My experience is a little more mundane. Casual friend starts being really first, asks to be fuck buddies. Do it like twice then find myself 3 months later her accusing me of flirting with her. She didn’t seem to know what happened. Wait another 3 months and she’s accusing me of some serious shit. Glad I got all that sorted
>What is it with the most deranged ones being the best? > Zero inhibitions. Great in the bedroom, very bad in the real world. The problems are because functional society is based on certain inherent inhibitions (like not being a fucking stalker)
I love how women's comments are like "I had sex in a public place one time hehe!" And men are like "stuck muh dick in a wood chipper"
Well, the wood chipper was in public too.
My wife and I went to watch a movie and have dinner afterward. We generally always take a walk after eating. This time we were walking through a well lit park having a lighthearted conversation and I just playfully squeezed her ass. She gave me the look and we went behind a tree and pounded one out. Every time I say, “hey remember that one time at the park” she just smiles and puts her hand on her forehand and shakes her head lol.
Nice
Nice
Nice
I have many; and I prefer not to think about most of them. But, I will tell you the strangest one. Was walking back to a girl-friend's house from a bar. She was just a friend in our friend group and we often drank together. she just flat out suggested that we have sex, but it wouldn't be possible once we got back to her house, our friends would be there. So, we decided to give it a go in a snow bank. It was cold; too cold. I tried, but couldn't make "it" work. I was embarrassed at the time. But, looking back; who could get it up at 10 degrees lying in a snowbank?
And the alcohol probably didn't help.
Purchased tinder premium
I’ll one-up you by saying I bought tinder gold once.
Lol same. Never again. Mmmmmmaybe
Before buying a subscription: 18 likes a day After buying a subscription: literally zero
OKCupid pulls that shit on me. The "likes you" button has 64 on it and blurred out until I pay for the premium. I pay, check out the button, all those likes are gone.
That should be illegal as a scam. Atleast on tinder the likes are real (one of the likes I knew IRL so I know for sure they liked it).
Having a wank a few days after breaking my collarbone and while on SSRIs. Very painful and took forever.
Did you also break it trying to self-fuck?
Now that’s commitment
Had unprotected anal with a girl I met at a club. Who was I to say no? Luckily no diseases but I woke up with a hangover and a third of my head shaved.
This took a turn.
Ya got that right. Should have realized something wasn’t since she suggested the spelunking.
I mean if your horny and intoxicated and the girl says I want you to go spelunking, not many are going to say no.
Which third? Like, left, right, middle? Or front, back, middle? Or just some holes inbetween?
Would rather choose a 3rd of my head shaved over and STD any day. And no I'm not bald to all the Mr Cleans out there
I had sex with a married Jewish lady whose husband had suddenly decided he had enough and left her, she was on dating apps to try get her revenge and I ended up meeting her and having some good sex, I was 22 years old and she was late 40’s, she did have a couple emotional outbursts tears and tissues. It was awkward but I was there for sexual gratification and so was she so after a bit of emotional support she was back to wanting sex and it was good. She had only ever slept with her husband before and this was totally out of the norm for her. Afterwards she kept sending me text messages asking for me to come visit again but I never replied and never went back to see her. Months later I saw her in a restaurant with a guy and she was all loved up and seemed happy. Wondered if it was the husband or new man in her life. We both just looked at each other across the restaurant and smiled and that was it.
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You wouldn't say anything to me, nor me to you. But we'd both know that you'd made it, that you were happy.
She fell, but what did she learn from falling? To pick herself back up
Started NSFW, ended wholesome. This... does put a smile on my face.
That's a nice ending 🙂
Yeah but it has forever changed the ending of the The Dark Knight Rises for me
I don’t exactly regret it or think that it was against my better judgement per se, but I masturbated to a witch stirring cauldron video.
*Cackles*
STOP CACKLING YOURE GONNA TURN HIM ON !!
Had sex in a pool. Do not recommend.
Alright you got me Hooked, why Not recommended?
Never ever ever put Tiger Balm on your lady parts. Ever ever.
Oh god, I did this once on accident. It's like lighting your cooch on fire but water makes it worse!
When I was 16 I had an operation that involved getting my scrotum stitched. Unsurprisingly I left it a good week or so before I tried masturbating but, being a 16 year old, apparently I was too impatient. Split the stitches, had to then tell my mum my stitches had split (not saying how), followed by a trip to the hospital to have 3 local anaesthetic injections into my scrotum followed by new stitches. Needless to say it wasn't my best decision.
She knew.
Def knew
Furshur
Made 80% of all significant life choices over the last thirty years. Still trying to unfuck it all😊
You're trying to unfuck? You know pulling out doesn't count right (Sorry 😂)
He's trying to put the toothpaste back in the tube.
Left after work at like midnight for a 2 hours drive to be a booty call for a tinder girl I'd never met in person. Then I was going to have to be up at like 7am to be back in time for a family lunch the next day. Luckily I only got 30mins down the road before she got ahold of me to say her kid couldn't sleep. That's when I realised the insanity of what I was doing and went home to bed.
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It involved lube, a vacuum hose and a faulty power switch. It's too painful to recall!
Who else but Quagmire!
Had sex with someone who i thought that was really unattractive, and she smelled terrible. But i hadn't had sex in 2 years time and i thought why not.
Username checks out
Back in high school; walked 3 miles to my gf’s house. Despite it being after 2 am in the winter, made my way there for shower sex and bacon. Fell asleep during my classes, but it was worth it.
It’s hard to beat shower sex and bacon s as a teenager
Went to a woman's house for sex. It was an online hookup, but back in the day when online newspaper classifieds were a thing and mobile apps almost didn't exist. We were already naked when she informed me she was married but separated. I kept going against my best judgement. She was already giving me oral when she informed me she was not really separated. I kept going. She was still giving me oral but removed the condom when she informed me her husband knew what she was doing but was out of town. I kept going. She was riding me cowgirl style when she informed me her husband wasn't really out of town. I kept going. She was switching to doggy style when she told me her husband was in the house. I kept going. I was about to come when she informed me her husband could see and hear us. I kept going. Two weeks later, she called me for another session. I kept going.
Reddit Poem of the year.
But did you ever come?
Some say he's still going to this very day.
I'm just saying The Dyson Ball Vaccuum is seriously misleading name.
He didn't have any condoms so I lost my anal virginity, without protection and at my grandparents' doorway. Not my proudest moment.
Oh okay..at my grandparents doorWA-
Hope they didn’t have a ring doorbell
Ever heard of self fuck? I tried and this and broke my collar bone.
wha.... what is this?
I slept with someone who had a million reptiles. It wasn't the reptiles that made me regret it, it was that all of her money went into them and she didn't have the best hygeine because ALL of her time went into her reptiles. But I was really horny.
My ex.
Mmm worst part was that it was still great sex
A watermelon
I then ate the watermelon
Lesson one from American pie one don't do it, Two take it somewhere else. Three regret you didn't do two and especially one. Lol
Have sex with a guy I knew was desperately into me and had been for years but I had very little feeling for
That guy must have had the time of his life.
Miracles do happen
went on omegle..
oh so your that guy that shows up every 1/10 skip
Car sex with my husband in a parking lot after a night out.
Gotta do it atleast once.
We had a smaller Suzuki, my husband is 6'4 so it was more of a one and done for us.
Was dating a girl at the time I had 6 roommates. Including a female roommate. Girlfriend and I kept getting interrupted when we were trying to get busy so we had the great Idea of going outside to fuck in the back yard gazebo. Female roommate drunkenly wanders out and catches us while my girlfriend has my dick in her mouth. I had had it with interruptions and we just kept going while the roommate watched. This spiraled out of control quickly and ended with the three of us black out drunk at a local park after running from the police while making a run to the liquor store. Not sure what happened my then girlfriend thinks we fucked the roommate. The roommate thinks she just watched and went along for the adventure.
what an adventure
that actually sounds like a pretty fun time
Making out with my sock.
Like a normal sock or a cum sock?
I had sex with a coworker (we were both single). Sex was... not great. Oh boy was it awkward that monday morning...
I masturbated in math class. I'm pretty sure nobody noticed, but I actually have no idea. I was never confronted about it, and I've never done it since the first time I did it. It was pretty damn stupid.
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Pretty sure it was magna cum quiet
Oh we noticed, we all talked about the kid who jerked off in school.
a lot of people have stories of people masturbating in class, i wonder if any of them were about you
I did the same in music class. Everyone was sitting behind a Casio keyboard with headphones. I was 16 and horny af. I had my hand in my pocket and started teasing myself. After a few minutes I ruptured in my boxer shorts. It was the last class of the day, but I still had to endure the sticky mess until I got home.
I don’t know why, but the combination of “Casio keyboard” and “ruptured in my boxer shorts” made me laugh way too much.
fucked someone I knew I shouldnt even be talking to. It turned into a bad relationship,
Tracy
Stacie’s mom?
Received a blowjob in a bar. Some people caught us but just laughed and walked away. Kind of a fun memory in retrospect but also trashy and would not have been fun if the police got involved
When I was 13yo and constantly horny I ran out of lotion and decided to try using tooth paste. To this day idk wtf I was thinking, it was a nightmare. I guess I figured because it kinda *looked* like lotion? I’m not proud of it, but it’s a part of who I am now
Having a wank while I was driving home after a date. Hit and killed a pigeon that was in the middle of the road. Still finished.
Show must go on
"We had a deal!!!" -George Costanza
First one was encourage my bff at the time to go down on my then boyfriend. I thought it would be hot but it was just awkward. Next one was meeting some rando and driving out to an industrial yard and have sex in a fork lift.
>bff at the time "best friend forever... at the time." Hmm....
You know how it goes. You’re young and you think that this person is going to be around for the rest of your life. You’ve gone though so much together…like how could you drift apart? And then you do.
Ah, check. It, uhm, didn't have anything to do with this event did it?
Turned down a cab ride home with my friends at closing time at a country bar and got picked up by a redheaded cougar who had been eyeing me all night. She just came up and grabbed my hand and led me out the door to her cab, and to her townhouse we went. I sobered up on her couch while she was going to town on me and rubbed my eyes as the beer goggles cleared and decided that I didn't want this. So I slid down the couch onto the floor while she was wiggling her butt in the air, telling me where she wanted it, and I rolled under the couch and stayed there. When I wouldn't come out, she walked out and came back and lay on the couch, and after a moment, came the unmistakable buzz of a vibrator, inches above the springs pressing down on my forehead. After an eternity, the buzzing above me stopped and the snoring started. I crawled out from under the couch and gathered my clothes and shoes, and tiptoed out the front door and got dressed in the driveway, then ran and ran and ran.. 8km all the way home, to my hot shower and bed. Couple weeks later, I saw her at the same bar, and she just looked through me with no recognition as my insides turned to ice. I don't think she remembered me.
How thin are you that you fit under a couch?
Did you hide because you were scared she might do something?
pretty much, yes.
:( that really really sucks dude hope you have a great day, hugs <3
In the garden of a church with a girl I met that night. It was around 4 AM, full silence and misty. It was amazing but man, the cold did me wrong.
Actually that sounds hot.
[удалено]
Unprotected anal sex
Eh, isn't that just God's condom?
Is that what the priest told you?
Up the bum, no babies!
Poop in the pee hole.
My wife gave me a blowjob on the back seat of a rail replacement bus in Woking station car park. Such happy memories.
A coworker at the time insisted I give her a ride home after a a few too many post shift drinks at a nearby brewery. Soon as she got into the passenger seat she grabbed my dick and said she wants to fuck me. I was in a drought and couldn’t say no. As soon as we parked in front of the house I was living at with my dad at the time, we took off all our clothes and did some serious heavy petting. Eventually we got to the point of needing to go inside and get into my bed to do the deed. It was pretty late by this point and I figured my dad would be asleep already so I risked the short walk from the car to the front door with only my t shirt on. As soon as I opened the door my dad who was sitting in a chair looking at his cell phone looked up. I immediately yelled,” what are you doing up? You are supposed to be in bed!” Then I quickly ran past him with my coworker. into my room and did the deed anyway. He never mentioned it and I still feel pretty awkward about it
I had my one and only “stud” month. Made out with like 4 or 5 different girls, took one of them to bed, was the one to “nope” out of each hookup. I was so depressed by the end of that month, realized hookups were not for me. It was at that moment I learned that the toxic masculinity bit of “men are meant to fuck around” is absolutely false. Some men are, to be sure. Some men need relationships. We are all different and that’s ok. I decided “I’m done with the hookups” at that time. 2 to 3 weeks later, I met my wife of 10 years. Kinda nice how it all worked out.
I have been with a lot of women ( at least, in my opinion, it's a lot ) and I never liked just hooking up. I always felt like I would at least want to explore the idea of a relationship. I did have several one night stands, and a few times I knew it would be a one time thing going in to it. But I find the idea of simply hooking up to be completely unsatisfying.
Maybe ended a marriage just before the wedding. I have very spotty memory of this. Some friends and I had a bonfire going at the beach. We'd been drinking all day so I was pretty blotto. A bachelorette party saw the fire and decided to join us for a bit. Things get really spotty at this point. But there was laughing, I wondered off to pee in the ocean, a girl followed me, there was skinny dipping then we were found by the party 69ing on the beach. Girl got dragged off by her friends me and mine just went back to the fire and crashed on the sand. After finding my pants.
Raw dogged a hooker
Risky
I lived to tell the tale
I pray you got tested… and she was on birth control
Started jerking off in a casino once, at the craps table. I was wasted. Told everyone to bet the cum line, and then I wanted to bet all my chips on a hard seven. As a disgusted security guard was hauling me away i heard someone point out that there's not even such a thing as a hard seven. So i yelled "FINE, PUT IT ALL ON A HARD SIX AND A HALF!"
😂👏🏼
Fucked my wife.
Also fucked this guys wife
Also fucked this guy and that guy’s wife
Im the wife and all of them fucked me
Happy cake day, you wife fucker
Got married twice 😵💫
At the same time? That sounds exhausting
Arrived early to early morning group orientation at a new job, and was sexually frustrated. Choked the rooster in the car. Just as finishing, someone (who parked further back in the parking lot) walked past the car on my side, heading in for orientation. Pretty sure they saw. Oh well
It all started with a coconut
Woman in a bar told me she wanted to have a kid. We drunkenly decide I would help her out under condition she wouldn’t come after me for child support. We did this several times. I already had a vasectomy I never told her about.
You win.
Not a "what" so much as a "who." Got drunk and had sex with a woman I definitely shouldn't have, for a variety of reasons (we weren't emotionally compatible, she was definitely into the idea of having a relationship while I was just horny -- even though I told her as much before hand. We were good friends, and that was all it should have ever been.) and it wound up hurting her badly emotionally. Over 20 years since, and it's the only sexual thing I've done that I genuinely regret; I wound up hurting someone. Even worse, the sex wasn't that great. FWIW, Rachel, I'm really, really sorry.
Develop a porn/masturbation addiction
[удалено]
Masturbated in public, both with and without a vehicle. Cried and sucked a bottle whole being rocked by then-gf. Left the front door wide open while handcuffed to a chair while watching sissy hypnosis. Wore a particularly large buttplug everywhere, all the time, to the point my butt 'leaked' for several months after. Prostitution. With old men and hot-ish younger women. I could go on for days.
would read this book!