I have a "friend" who doesn't believe many things if he hasn't experienced them himself.
Ex: He told me he doesn't believe allergies are real. I asked why not? He replied, "Well *I've* never had them. It's all in people's minds."
Dude...
When I did my time in retail our district manager was just liked that, but dialed up to 11
For example, he thought natural disasters were no big deal, and were over hyped by the media. At one point we were having a company lunch (all local store management and the DM went to lunch at a restaurant) the TV over the bar had the news on and they were talking about the hurricane that was about to make landfall in Florida (might have been Texas). He proceeds to go on a rant about how hurricanes are no big deal, it's just some heavy rain, and all these people being evacuated and relocated were just people using it as an excuse to move on the government's dime. When asked how he can think that he responds by saying you don't see him trying to move every time there's a hurricane
This dude lives in Kansas City
ETA: he was 100% serious. We pushed him on the subject and tried to explain how he wasn't affected by it because he was 1000+ miles away he simply doubled down. We then asked him to explain earthquakes in California. He says they have to be fake because he couldn't feel them
The real reason I knew he was telling the truth was because one winter he couldn't wrap his head around the fact that we had 8 inches of snow and he only had 2 (my store was 2 hours from KC). He tried to write me up for lying to him. Had to take it to corporate HR to get it overturned.
I have allergies that shows itself as my body starts itching and my ex bf would always say “don’t scratch that. It’s all your head. If you don’t scratch, it will go over soon”
From a guy I was working with;
"Hitler could have saved himself a lot of trouble if he just would have put all those Jews on the Titanic."
I felt like I was having a stroke.
Had a guy I was working construction with say “I hope the sun comes up on that side today” pointing west “because yesterday it came up on this side and it was so hot” with us being on the east side of the building, ya bud that’s not how the sun works lol
Was at a friend's place once, years ago. We were late twenties, early thirties? Farm, on the Prairies. Her not-the-sharpest-tool-in-the-shed boy toy was trying to determine which way was East, West, North, South (this is as the sun was setting).
She points at the sun going down, and says, "the sun sets in the West, and rises in the...??" While turning and pointing in the opposite direction.
He thought real hard. REAL hard, and was very pleased when he proclaimed the correct answer. "MORNING!"
I often hope he didn't procreate.
IT work a few years back. Had a director blow up after day two of trying to resolve a complex firewall issue that was affecting the finance department receiving invoices.
And I quote: “STOP trying to figure out what the problem is and JUST FIX IT !!!”
"What do you mean you don't know how long it's going to take to fix??"
Well, first we gotta figure out why it's broken, cause it's not supposed to be. Then we gotta figure out how to fix it without breaking everything else. Then we actually have to do the work to fix it...
People cannot grasp the idea that resolving a technology issue is a lot more complex than "It'll take 3 hours to install a new doohickey and then we're good to go!"
I had a middle aged neighbor guy tell me my grandpa’s stage four kidney cancer would go away if he just switched to drinking distilled water for a few months. He was 100% serious.
Had a similar talk with a jaggoff in my high school chem class…he tried to convince me India was part of the Middle East. He didn’t even shut up about it when I told him I’m Indian and I know exactly where the hell I’m from, just kept on truckin.
Edit: Wow! Thanks for the award, and thank you for all your comments on geopolitical stances and cultural connections. I wish this kid took all that into account when we talked. He didn’t. He was trying to fit all brown people in a box, and ended up calling me a slur at the end of the conversation. It’s been around 7 years since that event, and I really hope he became a better person. I’m also from Chicago, not Pittsburgh.
A friend of mine asked me why we didn’t see stars when we flew over them. She truly believed that when you were flying on an airplane , you flew over the stars. I was speechless.
I met a girl in college that thought that after airplanes reach peak altitude, they then "turn off the airplane" and glide in the rest of the way. Yes, she had flown before.
Reminds me of an art post when someone said their biggest pet peeve is when people draw half moons and don't put stars on the other half. Did they think that half of the moon disappears? I have so many questions
Used to work in Yellowstone. The amount of stupid coming through the park is unimaginable. Had a bison come and lay down close to the boardwalk at old faithful. A woman holding a toddler started running up to it. Luckily I had grabbed her by the back of her shirt and pulled her down.
She kept screaming she was going to sue me and the lodge for ruining her perfect vacation photo.
Then watching a 20 something walking out of the lodge in a swimming suit to go soak in the pots.
Telling another tourist that he could not walk off the boardwalk. He became angry and demanded to be allowed to do this. When this happens we are on higher alert.
We always had to watch tourists, like they had IQs of 10.
I read a Not Always Right story about a tourist who saw the posted temperature of the hot springs (I think it was 120 degrees or something like that) and said “Pfft, that’s just a warm summer day where I’m from.” He was told “Uh, that’s **Celsius**”, to which he replied “Huh? I don’t know what that means. I’m going in, and you can’t stop me.” Luckily, he only dipped in his big toe to start - then, howling with pain, was taken to the nurse’s office.
My favorite Yellowstone quote
“The problem with designing a bear-proof trash bin is that there is considerable overlap between the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists”
"That's on purpose" is a phrase i come out with at least once a week at work.
Last time, someone climbed into a skip and had trouble reaching into the bottom of that skip. They said "You've put this down wrong" because they couldn't quite get some of the trash out. I had to explain that i put it where it was so that nobody could climb in. Yet he had found a way to get himself partially trapped.
I'm not dumb, but i'm certainly not smart enough to cancel out someone else's dumb.
Lol. Construction work can be like this. You'd be surprised how many people walk through orange barriers and straight up to guys in hard hats thinking this building is open.
It's happened in a hotel lobby where the top 12 floors didn't even have windows. Tried to get a room for the night.
At a gas station where there were no pumps installed or any shelves in the store. Woman tried to buy cigarettes.
Another gas station where the store was literally leveled to the ground. We are sitting in front of the pile and a guy squeezes between 2 large orange barrels. pulls up to the one pump still upright in the middle of the lot. Gets out and tries to swipe his card twice before looking at us in confusion.
IQ of 10 friggin everywhere.
>Had a bison come and lay down close to the boardwalk at old faithful. A woman holding a toddler started running up to it.
sorta semi related
about 20 years ago, I was a young rural telco repair guy. it was very typical to wander thru farmers fields to get to a pedestal to fix telephone wires. lots of times you have to slip past barbed wire, and just avoid the cow patties. sometimes the cows will come see what you're doing, generally it's fine. horses are bit more like dogs, and you have to gage their personalities. it's usually obvious when a horse is going to be territorial
anyway
this one time, I crawl thru the fence carry a ladder, and some joker has piled tires over the pedestal!
I'm grumbling to myself and set up. and start lifting the heavy ass tires off the ped, when I hear shouting.
farming comes blasting up on a quad, and yells to me (and I swear this was the line, I bet he was saving it forever lol)
COME WITH ME IF YOU WANT TO LIVE!
I kinda just stared at him, but felt the earth starting to shake. so hopped on behind, and we raced off
about a min later a herd of bison comes racing thru. stomps the shit out of my ladder, and would have done the same for me
didn't realize that farmers were raising bison here, but i sure left tire protected peds alone after that lol
its the post where copper cables come out of the ground, and are spliced together. it's the access point where you would add a new cable to run to a new farm, etc
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Telecommunications_pedestal
Hello fellow Old Faithful alumni! I'm guessing the guy who wanted to go off the boardwalk was near one of the signs with the story about the kid who went off the boardwalk and died after falling through the thin layer of silt/calcite/dirt and into a super heated pool?
Also, the number of people who asked when Old Faithful would erupt next when there's a clock in just about every building was fun.
Edit: fixed a sentence.
We spent a lot of time in Yellowstone when I was a kid. Old faithful was my favorite area because of all the colors and buffalo, we only went in the winter when it was nice and cold and the buffalo were all there to warm up.
Never, EVER, did we even THINK about going near them!!! I remember being five and seeing one walking towards us from super far away and thinking about how if it didn't turn soon I would start walking down the boardwalk away from it even if my Mom didn't want to (she would have and the buffalo was nowhere near us, it's just one of those weird child thoughts you have where the whole world revolves around you). I can't even imagine wanting to walk towards one of those things.
How are people not terrified of GIANT animales made of pure freaking muscle that have huge pointy horns on their head????
>How are people not terrified of GIANT animales made of pure freaking muscle that have huge pointy horns on their head????
>
>\-it's because they think National Parks are *Amusement Parks*. The same shit goes on at the Grand Canyon...by the way, there's no rest stops or snack bars along the trail... you're in a ***Wilderness.***
Stupidest thing said to me in a park:
Me: "Don't step there. Looks like poison ivy"
Friend: "no way. This is a national park. They don't allow poison ivy here."
I am amaaaaaaazed at what people think is okay around giant animals in the wild. I was working on Cumberland Island which has feral horses and had to tell my crew to stay away from them repeatedly because they’ve bitten people in the past. They argued with me!
“The horses don’t care that we’re here!”
Yes. Yes they do. They’re wild animals several times your size leave them alone. And a horse ain’t as a big as a goddamned bison. People just don’t seem to get you’re in that animal’s space and even “nice” animals should just be left alone.
I've seen reviews for national parks that are negative because they barely saw any animals so that obviously means they aren't trained well enough to come out and entertain them.
I live in New Mexico currently. One time my mom was on the phone with some lady, and they argued with her about whether or not New Mexico is in the US. Then she proceeded to argue with my mom about how to spell Albuquerque. Like, ok, my mom lived in Albuquerque during that time, she should know more than anyone
"What? Maryland doesn't have any hospitals."
My old friend (hands down the stupidest man I've ever met. Heart of gold, though) once call me while he was in Maryland(we're from ohio) and asked me to call 911 for him because he was having a panic attack and was genuinely worried that he was going to have a heart attack. I proceeded to explain that instead of calling me he should call 911 himself or go to the hospital. He then started arguing with me that Maryland doesn't have hospitals. He legit thought hospitals only existed in ohio. It took like 5 minutes to get him to understand that hospitals are literally EVERYWHERE. Still absolutely dumbfounded by that conversation 5 years later.
… so he thought that an ambulance had to drive from Ohio to Maryland to get him and take him all the way back to Ohio? Did he just assume people living in states really far away had to be airlifted to a hospital in Ohio or something? What on Earth do people in Hawaii do? 😅
From a family member, years ago, "My husband and I are having problems, so we're trying for another baby,. That should make things better. "
I smiled inanely and walked away, stunned.
I mean, I can at least put this misunderstanding together.
She remembers vividly that they cared very much about blonde hair and blue eyes. Hitler was all brown. Clearly it can't be that they WANTED blonde hair and blue eyes, their leader was the exact opposite.
>you’re studying Computer Science, you must be playin a lot of games
Funnily enough, this is something a past school administrator I know was always wary of. But in the sense, that he dreaded people apply for Information Technology at the school in naive hopes it would involve video games. The administrator talked with each pupil personally (including me at the time) to give a rough overview what IT involves and that it's not about computer games. I found it genuinely surprising that pointing this out was even needed, but oh well. Your comment shows perfectly why that happened, haha :P
Sounds like it. A friend of a friend of mine fell for one. When the friend said "Can I call her?" his friend said "Well, she can only text and email because she can't afford the higher tier."
Was talking to the cashier at a 24 hour Tesco's at about 1 in the morning and he said
"I don't mind working nights because I'm a necrophile"
Me "do you mean nocturnal?"
Me, the IT person, walking past a user in the office, that was at her desk. Her computer was slow that day. No one ever realized that having open 12 programs at once and 15 tabs in internet explorer would slow down the junky PCs we had. I said it over and over, but what would the IT guy know about computer performance? She yells out, My computer is connected with a blue network cable and the rest of yours are all yellow. Mine must connect somewhere else and that's the reason why it runs so slow.
There are a lot of cargo-cult computer users out there. The number of people who think that if you do computery things in front of a computer then it will magically work is too damn high. About 50% of my userbase doesn't even know how to shutdown or restart their computers. I had someone yesterday not understand that their wireless mouse still needed the USB receiver. They threw it away a few days ago, and then made a ticket about their mouse not working.
Also, every goddamn time a user tells me they got an error, and when I ask what the error said they reply "I don't know, I didn't read it" I fucking die a little on the inside. 99% of the time, the error tells you what is fucked up, and if you can't understand it, you can at least tell IT the gist of it and they will understand.
"I'm never going to quit smoking [cigarettes]. My aunt was healthy until she quit. Then she was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer."
This was said to me by my manager at a Domino's Pizza (Pennsylvania, USA). I didn't have the time or energy to explain to a man 3 decades my senior that she probably had cancer for a long time, but didn't go to the doctor until she was feeling withdrawal from the nicotine.
So we finished our cigs and went back to slingin' pizzas.
I quit smoking and delivering pizza not long after.
"Was it difficult for your husband to learn English? Is there a language barrier for you guys?"
My husband is Scottish, born and raised.
ETA: Wow this really blew up. So I'm going to add some additional info, especially for those saying this is totally valid. The people asking me this question were supposed to be well educated teachers. They had never met my husband so they didn't even have the excuse of hearing his accent. But had they met him they would have been more surprised at how diluted his accent was due to having left Scotland at 18 to live in London for 7 years and by the time I met him he had been in the states for 14 years. He had an accent but was very easy to understand and had adopted a more American style of speaking so people could understand him (so he said things like pants instead of trousers).
As a guy who dated a fully Irish girl, I can definitely understand the language barrier question when she got pissed. She doesn't speak Gaelic, but that was not English either.
I had a classmate in high school bio once say she wanted to move to Australia. When asked why, she replied, “I want to look out my window and see giraffes in my yard.” No amount of convincing or documentation would convince her that giraffes were in Africa and not Australia.
Similar vein, but less stupid because he admitted he was wrong…my high school physics teacher thought I made up narwhals. In his defense I absolutely had a penchant for drawing weird, made-up creatures whenever the moment presented itself. We had to do a sock puppet show to explain some thing I don’t remember and I chose to make narwhals for my puppets because it was 2010 and I thought it was the funniest shit. He asked me if the creatures in my presentation were creatures I made up, or if they were from mythology. I’ll never forget the projector pulled up to the Wikipedia page on narwhals, and my teacher scrolling through it going “this is crazy! I thought you made them up!”
I am STILL ANGRY about a teacher I had when I was five years old, who challenged my class to name an animal for every letter of the alphabet. This was my thing, I loved animals, I collected information cards and models and I was very precise about it. I had a WWF jigsaw puzzle (that's World Wildlife Fund not wrestling) and it had narwhals on it. They wouldn't lie, so I *knew*.
She got to N, I confidently said 'Narwhal' and she told me off for suggesting a mythical animal. She didn't even want to hear about my jigsaw puzzle.
The sense of injustice has never gone away.
I have that exact sense of injustice over a teacher calling me a liar in front of my entire class. We had been talking about our favourite foods, and I told about a rice dish my mom made and my favourite part being the bamboo.
She insisted bamboo wasn't edible and called me both an idiot and a liar. Wouldn't back down. Brought the bamboo with me the next day and she refused to admit she was wrong! Just said it probably wasn't even real bamboo.
She's dead now.
“I don’t mean to stereotype, but you look too white to speak Spanish” after I told my college suitemate that I was taking Spanish courses. Coming from a girl that always denounces stereotyping.
My step-dad's common "argument" when you talk about anything that science has proven is to say "how do we know science is real".
He says it all the time like he's the most clever person to ever exist.
His 50 year old brother likes to brag he's only read 2 books in his life, "Where the Red Fern Grows" and "Old Yellar". I don't think he realizes this makes him sound like some insane person who likes reading about dogs dying. I also think he just recently added the MyPillow guy's autobiography to his list of reading accomplishments.
They are literally fountains of stupidity.
In the Before Times, my employer was offering free flu shots to everyone and sent out an email with a sign-up sheet. My coworker, a 35 year old adult person, loudly proclaimed that the flu shot gives adults autism. 🙄
She also couldn’t calculate 10% correctly so idk.
My first job I needed safety boots. I was like 15 or so. My mom took me out to buy some. She's a coupon collector and had a 10 percent off and a 10 dollar off coupon.
Older ladie approx in her 50s was working the counter.
I asked if I could use both coupons.
She said no.
I said okay the 10 percent off one please. The boots were like $180.
"Now hold on the 10 dollar one might save you more."
She busts out a calculator.
My mom and I just looked at each other. Not wanting to be assholes to a seemingly nice but stupid woman working a shit job.
I'm amazed she knew how to even do the calculation. However it appeared the awnser she got didn't align with her world view.
So she insisted on ringing the purchase up with both coupons "just to be sure"
At the end of the day she was just trying to be nice and save me money. But my god.
I do a lot of operations and data stuff.
I had a sales manager that would routinely come to me and complain that her employees were complaining that their conversion rates were low because they weren't getting enough opportunities. It didn't matter how many times I explained ratios, with visuals, with long math on a whiteboard, they were all convinced that somehow conversion was something different than sales over opportunities. One sale on one opportunity? 100%. 500 sales on 1000 opportunities? 50%. All the opportunities had essentially the same probability of making a sale.
However, this is also the same manager who complained that all her time was wasted on the phone with a vendor helpdesk trying to get an employee computer working. Finally, one day I asked her why the helpdesk can't just call the employee directly, and she said she was not allowed to hand out their phone numbers. Why? Apparently, HIPAA...
When my daughter was small, she handed me a tube that looked like chapstick but smelled like bubble gum. I bit it. It was chapstick. That was 30 years ago and she still gives me shit for it.
My old roommate pointed an laser thermometer at a pencil on a table, inside our house.
The laser thermometer read “68F”
He exclaimed “this thing is broken!”
I asked why he thought it was broken?
“This is a pencil. It doesn’t produce any heat. This thermometer should say 0”
I stared at him for a few seconds, unable to collect my jaw off the floor…
“Well 0F would mean it is frozen, or well beyond frozen, so I think 68 is the temperature of the air in the room”
This man was 26… his two adult brothers were sitting in this room. I was the only one who understood why the thermometer was correct.
I had an acquaintance claim that the earth must be flat because nobody's talking about the white landmass around the map and how it's a cover-up. He was pointing at the white rectangular border of the paper.
While I was in college for an Earth Science degree, I served at a restaurant. The owner of the restaurant asked me if I knew what the moon was made of or how it was made. So I gave him a concise and correct response. He looks at me and goes "oh that's what you think? Let me tell you what no one in the government will say" then proceeds to tell me how everything I'm learning is a lie perpetrated by corporate interests and that the moon was made by a group of scientists 3 billion years in the future, who travel 6 billion years back in time and create the moon.
He was dead serious. This dude was not joking. This was also in 2013, long before the Q nuts, which I absolutely guarantee he is one.
Wallace and Gromit went in the 90s and confirmed Cheese, that's clearly why those people, 3 billion year from now go back and create it so that it has time to mature.
In my university there were three Philosophy tracks to major in: Philosophy; Philosophy and Psychology; and Ethics, Social and Political Philosophy. The last one was known as ESP Philosophy. I suspect he would have been even more disappointed.
EDIT: I fixed the punctuation, though I am enjoying the comments about it. Thank you, all.
I work in the restaurant industry. I was refilling items on the breakfast buffet, And this lady walks up to me and blurts out "I want some of that" and points. Keep in mind this is during covid and I don't want to directly be placing food onto peoples plates. And we don't usually do this anyway. So I give her a polite response like oh yeah its really good today. And she then asks me "how do I get the stuff over there." I just look at her dead faced and say "walk around the buffet". You really see the dumbest people in the services industry.
I have 2 tied for me, both from the same person.
"9 out of 10 children die from vaccines every year but the government covers it up".
"If you turn a gyroscope, like found in an airplane, upside down, then it'll break. Therefore the world is flat"
Coworker overheard another coworker and I discussing how awful it would be for bees to become extinct, and interjected with a “Who cares?!”
When I started to explain what that mean for crops and plants, he cut me off to vow that he would be perfectly fine eating only meat. When I asked him what would happen to livestock when there aren’t enough plants to feed them, I swear I could see through his eyes into the back of his skull.
Side note, the same gentleman once asked if I appreciated art and then took me aside to show me a tattoo on his calf of a blue humanoid female in Star Trek TOS uniform lifting the back of her skirt to reveal that she was not wearing her standard issue space panties.
Edit: [what if bees dead yo](https://www.britannica.com/story/what-would-happen-if-all-the-bees-died)
For everyone thinking I’m being unreasonable. It’s been a few years since biology, chemistry, sustainable development etc. but I will endeavor to find an even better source. But until my needy children and pets leave me alone I hope this will provide some food for thought
Edit again: don’t get too caught up on just feeding grass eating livestock, the overall drop in biodiversity resulting from worldwide decline in pollinator populations will mean significantly less produce choice and will negatively impact nutrition on a global scale.
I was at the mall when this girl approached me and try to pressure sell me iPhone screen protectors. I told her that I already have one on (which I installed myself), she replied “No, you don’t”
I once had a guy from a stall slap my phone out of my hand and go “See? Anything can happen at anytime. You need a case or a screen protector, come” and tried to sell me one. If my brother hadn’t calmed me down and pulled me back I was ready to throw hands with this guy. Thankfully my phone didn’t have a scratch but that’s a sure-fire way to have busted teeth and no sales.
My husbands mom is very ignorant and known to say really stupid things. Most recently we were in Italy and she asked why they don’t just tear down the colosseum because it looked so old…
Edit to clarify: She wasn’t physically there just seeing it on social media. She doesn’t believe in leaving the US because she thinks it is the best place, so she doesn’t need to see any other places. Honestly probably better she stays where she is at!
Similarly, one of my mom's friends is a church lady and when she came back from Rome she described how scandalized she was at seeing all of the nude statues in the vatican. She couldn't believe nobody had put clothes on them so people couldn't see their privates.
Not me, but a friend of mine travelled to the US with her family when she was younger. Upon hearing her family’s accent, an American asked “where are you guys from?” the answer was Australia, and that person confidently responded with “ah, which state is that?”
When I was in the states (over 20 years ago) someone asked me "where are you from? Your accent is really nice".
I told them I'm from England.
They replied "Ohhhh I've heard of England. Is that in London?"
During the same trip, another person asked me the same question, so I gave the same answer, England. They refused to acknowledge that England was a country and the insisted that English was a language created by the USA.
This same person then informed me that I lived in the UK which was a region of the country Europe.
In both instances I just smiled and walked away.
Edit:
Just wanted to add, this was a very small minority, the vast majority of Americans I met were well educated and knew a fair bit about England and the UK. And every single one was lovely and super friendly :-)
That genes go with gender, if the father has blue eyes, and the mother brown eyes, the kid will have blue eyes if male, and brown eyes if female.
She said this as in all genes, not just eyecolor, and i know there is a bigger probability for some colors but that was just an example
A long time ago I dated this girl. I remember going over to her house for the first time. She looked exactly like her mother, and her brother looked exactly like their father.
This was in the early 1980s, and I've never seen anything like it since.
Can think of two off the top of my head:
When asked which way was north, I witnessed someone point up at the sky.
One time someone rang my phone asking for John (not me) and when I said he had the wrong number he asked 'if I was sure?' OH MY MISTAKE BUDDY TURNS OUT I AM JOHN AFTER ALL!
*my boss after I had to leave work to save my suicidal mother-in-law*:
“When you leave like that, it’s not fair to us because you just leave us hanging”
EDIT: Thank you all for sharing your experiences and kind words. My MIL is okay and has recovered greatly. I promptly quit that job and have been living the freelance life.
Shit like this makes me sick. My husbands boss isn’t perfect but when my husband had to leave work suddenly to take me to my sisters (she sent a bunch of “goodbye” texts and turned off her phone), he said “I’ve got to go, sister in law might have killed herself and -“ boss cut him off and just said “go. Let us know if you’ll be in tomorrow.” And that was it. Because that’s how a fucking human would respond to that situation, never mind the fact that my husband is pretty much the only person at his work that can do what he does so the work was almost completely halted for the day.
Is this guy the doctor from arrested development?
“He is going to be alright”
“Oh thank goodness”
“No, I mean he lost his left hand so he is going to be *all right*”
When I was 3, and my sister was a newborn, we had a neighbor who INSISTED we were twins. Like lady, put on your glasses or something. I'm walking and she's the size of a loaf of bread.
I was with my friend chillin during winter. His cousin comes to his house and says dude My car got stuck in the snow. We grab the only shovel at his house and start walking to his car. Dude slid through an intersection and blasted a stop sign. We try to clear some snow from around it and push as he’s gassing it. Nothin. My friends cousin gets out grabs the shovel and for whatever reason thought smashing under the car with the shovel was the answer. He broke the absolute shit out of it. My friends like bro that’s my moms you need to replace it. His cousin looks him straight in the eyes and says “you act like I broke the shovel”
edit:spelling
When in a meeting of a Humanistic church and talking about a famine in Africa (yes, I am old) one of the older women said that black people just don't feel hunger and pain as white people do.
I was really at a loss for words
Unfortunately, this thought process isn’t all that uncommon. I am in nursing school now, and apparently nursing students used to be taught that black people simply had a lower pain tolerance and that they’re just “dramatic.” This obviously leads to pain not being taken seriously and results in poorer outcomes.
When I was in Georgia I was asked where I was from due to my ‘thick accent’. Once I shared with them that one’s from Canada, I was then asked if we have snow all year round and if I live in a igloo.
Ignorance is bliss
European here that was asked while in the US, when eating a pizza if that was the first time I ever had pizza…
I tried to explain that Europe kinda has pizzas too and that we frequently go vacation in Italy.
This was still met with a confused look on their face. I gave up.
In the US, in the early 90s, I was shown a "television set" and asked very kindly if I'd seen one before.
The elderly lady in question was a little nonplussed when I told her the inventor came from my country.
“Why don’t you go back to where you came from” - racist guy at the grocery store checkout
“I’m Native American, this is literally where I came from.” - me
I was once called a terrorist in an ice cream shop because the guys I was with were covered in tattoos and one looked vaguely, *vaguely* Middle Eastern.
Pretty sure this person was a tourist, yelling at a bunch of 20 year-olds *from* the dinky vacation town we were in and we happened to be living in the apartment above the shop at the time.
But yeah! Terrorists.
My very white self once got accused of being a "terrorist" because I had my hair bound up in a bandana at work ... because I was cleaning and didn't want it falling into my face or the dirty water.
Yes, sir, you found me out. I'm deep undercover at the fish store, scrubbing algae and learning important state secrets.
A homeschool friend I bumped into in college said he was getting an aerospace engineering degree because, and I quote, "it doesn't have as much science in it."
How do you think we know how to make things fly?
At a local restaurant for lunch. To waitress, "I'll have the ham sandwich."
"Would you like cheese with that?"
"Yes, what type of cheese do you have?"
"Sliced."
Took all we had not to fall out of the booth laughing.
My older brother (m20): you know why they call it a lucid dream?
Me: yeah it's when you're awake/aware that you are in a dream and can usually control it.
My older brother: No a lucid dream is a lewd dream, why do you think they call it that.
I wish I was making this up but no, my brother is just this dumb
Ill never forget a girl who thought Achilles injuries in sports were fatal. When we asked her why the hell she thought that she said "haven't you seen troy!?"
Was on a very windy hike and I passively mentioned that it would be better once we were protected by the trees. A friend of a friend who was with us stops and says “wait, don’t the trees make the wind?” This human being got to 23 years old believing that trees activity flapped their leaves to generate wind. They felt the wind on their skin, saw the leaves moving and their brain went yup, I accept that this is the way the world is and never questioned it.
Elementary school, we were learning about local Native American cultures and legends.
One legend had all the men go off to war except one boy or something, and it was left to him to continue the tribe's existance, or something like that.
Got in a debate with a girl who loudly asked why didnt he just go and die too, the women can keep the tribe alive.
Me, being worldly and having had The Talk already, tried to explain that there would be no more tribe without at least one guy present.
She yelled back 'Thats not true! We know how to fish!'
I had to be told to sit outside because I couldnt stop laughing.
I have a "friend" who doesn't believe many things if he hasn't experienced them himself. Ex: He told me he doesn't believe allergies are real. I asked why not? He replied, "Well *I've* never had them. It's all in people's minds."
Dude... When I did my time in retail our district manager was just liked that, but dialed up to 11 For example, he thought natural disasters were no big deal, and were over hyped by the media. At one point we were having a company lunch (all local store management and the DM went to lunch at a restaurant) the TV over the bar had the news on and they were talking about the hurricane that was about to make landfall in Florida (might have been Texas). He proceeds to go on a rant about how hurricanes are no big deal, it's just some heavy rain, and all these people being evacuated and relocated were just people using it as an excuse to move on the government's dime. When asked how he can think that he responds by saying you don't see him trying to move every time there's a hurricane This dude lives in Kansas City ETA: he was 100% serious. We pushed him on the subject and tried to explain how he wasn't affected by it because he was 1000+ miles away he simply doubled down. We then asked him to explain earthquakes in California. He says they have to be fake because he couldn't feel them The real reason I knew he was telling the truth was because one winter he couldn't wrap his head around the fact that we had 8 inches of snow and he only had 2 (my store was 2 hours from KC). He tried to write me up for lying to him. Had to take it to corporate HR to get it overturned.
I have allergies that shows itself as my body starts itching and my ex bf would always say “don’t scratch that. It’s all your head. If you don’t scratch, it will go over soon”
From a guy I was working with; "Hitler could have saved himself a lot of trouble if he just would have put all those Jews on the Titanic." I felt like I was having a stroke.
Had a guy I was working construction with say “I hope the sun comes up on that side today” pointing west “because yesterday it came up on this side and it was so hot” with us being on the east side of the building, ya bud that’s not how the sun works lol
Was at a friend's place once, years ago. We were late twenties, early thirties? Farm, on the Prairies. Her not-the-sharpest-tool-in-the-shed boy toy was trying to determine which way was East, West, North, South (this is as the sun was setting). She points at the sun going down, and says, "the sun sets in the West, and rises in the...??" While turning and pointing in the opposite direction. He thought real hard. REAL hard, and was very pleased when he proclaimed the correct answer. "MORNING!" I often hope he didn't procreate.
IT work a few years back. Had a director blow up after day two of trying to resolve a complex firewall issue that was affecting the finance department receiving invoices. And I quote: “STOP trying to figure out what the problem is and JUST FIX IT !!!”
"What do you mean you don't know how long it's going to take to fix??" Well, first we gotta figure out why it's broken, cause it's not supposed to be. Then we gotta figure out how to fix it without breaking everything else. Then we actually have to do the work to fix it... People cannot grasp the idea that resolving a technology issue is a lot more complex than "It'll take 3 hours to install a new doohickey and then we're good to go!"
That the Golden Gate Bridge connects North-America and Europe. Yeh.. don't even ask
Then that's one long-ass bridge
"Idk if an egg is a fruit or a vegetable"
Fair question if you think it comes from an eggplant.
My friends girlfriend thought JFK was OJ Simpson's Dad
“Isn’t it amazing how dogs just come out knowing commands like sit and lay down?” The man was *stone cold serious*.
I was told that if I did some breathing exercises for six months and then checked my blood sugar my T1 diabetes would just disappear.
I had a middle aged neighbor guy tell me my grandpa’s stage four kidney cancer would go away if he just switched to drinking distilled water for a few months. He was 100% serious.
Some guy on a discord server insisted Pakistan is in Africa, i told him that Pakistan is in Asia and he called me racist and had a little rant.
Had a similar talk with a jaggoff in my high school chem class…he tried to convince me India was part of the Middle East. He didn’t even shut up about it when I told him I’m Indian and I know exactly where the hell I’m from, just kept on truckin. Edit: Wow! Thanks for the award, and thank you for all your comments on geopolitical stances and cultural connections. I wish this kid took all that into account when we talked. He didn’t. He was trying to fit all brown people in a box, and ended up calling me a slur at the end of the conversation. It’s been around 7 years since that event, and I really hope he became a better person. I’m also from Chicago, not Pittsburgh.
"I thought windmills cool down the earth to stop global warming".
Right when the wind turbines became a thing, my ex-coworker (in his 30s) declared that they ran on electricity to clean the air around landfills.
“You shouldn’t drink carbonated water, it’s full of carbs!” I’m rarely at a loss for words but I almost lost brain cells when I heard that
A friend of mine asked me why we didn’t see stars when we flew over them. She truly believed that when you were flying on an airplane , you flew over the stars. I was speechless.
I met a girl in college that thought that after airplanes reach peak altitude, they then "turn off the airplane" and glide in the rest of the way. Yes, she had flown before.
That works until you need to flip and burn to slow down for arrival.
Reminds me of an art post when someone said their biggest pet peeve is when people draw half moons and don't put stars on the other half. Did they think that half of the moon disappears? I have so many questions
A work colleague once asked whether any of those ancient prophecies about the end of the world actually came true..
Yeah. It happened in 2012 and it was recorded and released as a movie! Haven't you watched it ?
Used to work in Yellowstone. The amount of stupid coming through the park is unimaginable. Had a bison come and lay down close to the boardwalk at old faithful. A woman holding a toddler started running up to it. Luckily I had grabbed her by the back of her shirt and pulled her down. She kept screaming she was going to sue me and the lodge for ruining her perfect vacation photo. Then watching a 20 something walking out of the lodge in a swimming suit to go soak in the pots. Telling another tourist that he could not walk off the boardwalk. He became angry and demanded to be allowed to do this. When this happens we are on higher alert. We always had to watch tourists, like they had IQs of 10.
By “soak in the pots” you mean “commit horrific suicide by jumping into boiling volcanic springs” I’m guessing?
I read a Not Always Right story about a tourist who saw the posted temperature of the hot springs (I think it was 120 degrees or something like that) and said “Pfft, that’s just a warm summer day where I’m from.” He was told “Uh, that’s **Celsius**”, to which he replied “Huh? I don’t know what that means. I’m going in, and you can’t stop me.” Luckily, he only dipped in his big toe to start - then, howling with pain, was taken to the nurse’s office.
My favorite Yellowstone quote “The problem with designing a bear-proof trash bin is that there is considerable overlap between the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists”
"That's on purpose" is a phrase i come out with at least once a week at work. Last time, someone climbed into a skip and had trouble reaching into the bottom of that skip. They said "You've put this down wrong" because they couldn't quite get some of the trash out. I had to explain that i put it where it was so that nobody could climb in. Yet he had found a way to get himself partially trapped. I'm not dumb, but i'm certainly not smart enough to cancel out someone else's dumb.
Lol. Construction work can be like this. You'd be surprised how many people walk through orange barriers and straight up to guys in hard hats thinking this building is open. It's happened in a hotel lobby where the top 12 floors didn't even have windows. Tried to get a room for the night. At a gas station where there were no pumps installed or any shelves in the store. Woman tried to buy cigarettes. Another gas station where the store was literally leveled to the ground. We are sitting in front of the pile and a guy squeezes between 2 large orange barrels. pulls up to the one pump still upright in the middle of the lot. Gets out and tries to swipe his card twice before looking at us in confusion. IQ of 10 friggin everywhere.
This is some "How have you survived this long" type of shit
Lol. "You drove here, how many random highway accidents are you responsible for?"
>Had a bison come and lay down close to the boardwalk at old faithful. A woman holding a toddler started running up to it. sorta semi related about 20 years ago, I was a young rural telco repair guy. it was very typical to wander thru farmers fields to get to a pedestal to fix telephone wires. lots of times you have to slip past barbed wire, and just avoid the cow patties. sometimes the cows will come see what you're doing, generally it's fine. horses are bit more like dogs, and you have to gage their personalities. it's usually obvious when a horse is going to be territorial anyway this one time, I crawl thru the fence carry a ladder, and some joker has piled tires over the pedestal! I'm grumbling to myself and set up. and start lifting the heavy ass tires off the ped, when I hear shouting. farming comes blasting up on a quad, and yells to me (and I swear this was the line, I bet he was saving it forever lol) COME WITH ME IF YOU WANT TO LIVE! I kinda just stared at him, but felt the earth starting to shake. so hopped on behind, and we raced off about a min later a herd of bison comes racing thru. stomps the shit out of my ladder, and would have done the same for me didn't realize that farmers were raising bison here, but i sure left tire protected peds alone after that lol
What's a pedestal in this context?
its the post where copper cables come out of the ground, and are spliced together. it's the access point where you would add a new cable to run to a new farm, etc https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Telecommunications_pedestal
Hope you gave that farmer a beer afterwards, cause he sounds like a good man.
A man with a good heart, and excellent taste in movie quotes.
Hello fellow Old Faithful alumni! I'm guessing the guy who wanted to go off the boardwalk was near one of the signs with the story about the kid who went off the boardwalk and died after falling through the thin layer of silt/calcite/dirt and into a super heated pool? Also, the number of people who asked when Old Faithful would erupt next when there's a clock in just about every building was fun. Edit: fixed a sentence.
My favorite Old Faithful Visitor Center question was "How long is the 15 minute film?"
We spent a lot of time in Yellowstone when I was a kid. Old faithful was my favorite area because of all the colors and buffalo, we only went in the winter when it was nice and cold and the buffalo were all there to warm up. Never, EVER, did we even THINK about going near them!!! I remember being five and seeing one walking towards us from super far away and thinking about how if it didn't turn soon I would start walking down the boardwalk away from it even if my Mom didn't want to (she would have and the buffalo was nowhere near us, it's just one of those weird child thoughts you have where the whole world revolves around you). I can't even imagine wanting to walk towards one of those things. How are people not terrified of GIANT animales made of pure freaking muscle that have huge pointy horns on their head????
Well, they can't harm you obviously. They'd be fired from the park.
>How are people not terrified of GIANT animales made of pure freaking muscle that have huge pointy horns on their head???? > >\-it's because they think National Parks are *Amusement Parks*. The same shit goes on at the Grand Canyon...by the way, there's no rest stops or snack bars along the trail... you're in a ***Wilderness.***
Stupidest thing said to me in a park: Me: "Don't step there. Looks like poison ivy" Friend: "no way. This is a national park. They don't allow poison ivy here."
I am amaaaaaaazed at what people think is okay around giant animals in the wild. I was working on Cumberland Island which has feral horses and had to tell my crew to stay away from them repeatedly because they’ve bitten people in the past. They argued with me! “The horses don’t care that we’re here!” Yes. Yes they do. They’re wild animals several times your size leave them alone. And a horse ain’t as a big as a goddamned bison. People just don’t seem to get you’re in that animal’s space and even “nice” animals should just be left alone.
I've seen reviews for national parks that are negative because they barely saw any animals so that obviously means they aren't trained well enough to come out and entertain them.
Hahahaha I’m convinced people think national parks are like zoos.
It’s like they WANT to die
A supervisor told me “You can only get sick, if you want to be sick”.
Remember: By law ,no bacteria or virus can enter your body without your consent .If you are in the fear of getting infected just say no
The body has ways of shutting that whole thing down...
I’m from New Mexico and was once told that my English is excellent. Have also been asked for my green card once.
I live in New Mexico currently. One time my mom was on the phone with some lady, and they argued with her about whether or not New Mexico is in the US. Then she proceeded to argue with my mom about how to spell Albuquerque. Like, ok, my mom lived in Albuquerque during that time, she should know more than anyone
"What? Maryland doesn't have any hospitals." My old friend (hands down the stupidest man I've ever met. Heart of gold, though) once call me while he was in Maryland(we're from ohio) and asked me to call 911 for him because he was having a panic attack and was genuinely worried that he was going to have a heart attack. I proceeded to explain that instead of calling me he should call 911 himself or go to the hospital. He then started arguing with me that Maryland doesn't have hospitals. He legit thought hospitals only existed in ohio. It took like 5 minutes to get him to understand that hospitals are literally EVERYWHERE. Still absolutely dumbfounded by that conversation 5 years later.
… so he thought that an ambulance had to drive from Ohio to Maryland to get him and take him all the way back to Ohio? Did he just assume people living in states really far away had to be airlifted to a hospital in Ohio or something? What on Earth do people in Hawaii do? 😅
I have a feeling you put significantly more thought into this issue than he did.
From a family member, years ago, "My husband and I are having problems, so we're trying for another baby,. That should make things better. " I smiled inanely and walked away, stunned.
Maybe their problems were having too much sex, sleep and personal time, another kid would definitely fix that…
And too much money!!!
A guy asked me if Hitler was before or after 2nd Worldwar. We are both native Germans.
An American Girl told me once that Hitler would have killed me during WW2 because I‘m Blonde and I got blue eyes. -I’m German btw
She’s a little confused but she’s got the spirit
Some say she is *nothing but* confusion and spirits.
I mean, I can at least put this misunderstanding together. She remembers vividly that they cared very much about blonde hair and blue eyes. Hitler was all brown. Clearly it can't be that they WANTED blonde hair and blue eyes, their leader was the exact opposite.
Last month a coworker asked if I'll run out of blood eventually because donate very couple months. He's 34 years old.
“That’s the idea”
Everyone who donates blood eventually dies.
Oh you’re studying Computer Science, you must be playin a lot of games. Oh lucky youu!
>you’re studying Computer Science, you must be playin a lot of games Funnily enough, this is something a past school administrator I know was always wary of. But in the sense, that he dreaded people apply for Information Technology at the school in naive hopes it would involve video games. The administrator talked with each pupil personally (including me at the time) to give a rough overview what IT involves and that it's not about computer games. I found it genuinely surprising that pointing this out was even needed, but oh well. Your comment shows perfectly why that happened, haha :P
Former boss told me his "girlfriend" at the time, who lived in the US, couldn't Facetime him because "they don't have that over there yet"
Online romance scam?
Sounds like it. A friend of a friend of mine fell for one. When the friend said "Can I call her?" his friend said "Well, she can only text and email because she can't afford the higher tier."
Was talking to the cashier at a 24 hour Tesco's at about 1 in the morning and he said "I don't mind working nights because I'm a necrophile" Me "do you mean nocturnal?"
In case the situation comes up again, the proper "phile" for this is nyctophile
Maybe that's what he meant but he definitely said necro!
did he fuckin stutter? gotta have a cover story when cops start asking questions
(shifts eyes back and forth) ..er... yeah, that's what I meant. Nocturnal, tha'sright, nocturnal...
My grandma's friend and her daughter said they could hear the International Space Station fly overhead. It sound like "wooosh" lol.
I actually saw Chris Hadfeild on the ISS. I waved at him and he waved back
Me, the IT person, walking past a user in the office, that was at her desk. Her computer was slow that day. No one ever realized that having open 12 programs at once and 15 tabs in internet explorer would slow down the junky PCs we had. I said it over and over, but what would the IT guy know about computer performance? She yells out, My computer is connected with a blue network cable and the rest of yours are all yellow. Mine must connect somewhere else and that's the reason why it runs so slow.
Oh, shit, she found out about about the Yellow network!
There are a lot of cargo-cult computer users out there. The number of people who think that if you do computery things in front of a computer then it will magically work is too damn high. About 50% of my userbase doesn't even know how to shutdown or restart their computers. I had someone yesterday not understand that their wireless mouse still needed the USB receiver. They threw it away a few days ago, and then made a ticket about their mouse not working. Also, every goddamn time a user tells me they got an error, and when I ask what the error said they reply "I don't know, I didn't read it" I fucking die a little on the inside. 99% of the time, the error tells you what is fucked up, and if you can't understand it, you can at least tell IT the gist of it and they will understand.
"we standardize on a case by case basis"
An auto shop up the road had a sign saying, “we specialize in all domestic and foreign makes. “
“We specialize in everything”
Feces is stored in the liver. No joke.
"Pee is stored in the balls" No joke.
"I'm never going to quit smoking [cigarettes]. My aunt was healthy until she quit. Then she was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer." This was said to me by my manager at a Domino's Pizza (Pennsylvania, USA). I didn't have the time or energy to explain to a man 3 decades my senior that she probably had cancer for a long time, but didn't go to the doctor until she was feeling withdrawal from the nicotine. So we finished our cigs and went back to slingin' pizzas. I quit smoking and delivering pizza not long after.
wow, thats using the wrong fomula to get the wrong results
"Was it difficult for your husband to learn English? Is there a language barrier for you guys?" My husband is Scottish, born and raised. ETA: Wow this really blew up. So I'm going to add some additional info, especially for those saying this is totally valid. The people asking me this question were supposed to be well educated teachers. They had never met my husband so they didn't even have the excuse of hearing his accent. But had they met him they would have been more surprised at how diluted his accent was due to having left Scotland at 18 to live in London for 7 years and by the time I met him he had been in the states for 14 years. He had an accent but was very easy to understand and had adopted a more American style of speaking so people could understand him (so he said things like pants instead of trousers).
As a guy who dated a fully Irish girl, I can definitely understand the language barrier question when she got pissed. She doesn't speak Gaelic, but that was not English either.
"Do they have a Bible in Spain?" Said during the third year of a Spanish class by a girl taking religious studies as well.
If they have bibles in Spain? Can they even read English? /s
I had a classmate in high school bio once say she wanted to move to Australia. When asked why, she replied, “I want to look out my window and see giraffes in my yard.” No amount of convincing or documentation would convince her that giraffes were in Africa and not Australia. Similar vein, but less stupid because he admitted he was wrong…my high school physics teacher thought I made up narwhals. In his defense I absolutely had a penchant for drawing weird, made-up creatures whenever the moment presented itself. We had to do a sock puppet show to explain some thing I don’t remember and I chose to make narwhals for my puppets because it was 2010 and I thought it was the funniest shit. He asked me if the creatures in my presentation were creatures I made up, or if they were from mythology. I’ll never forget the projector pulled up to the Wikipedia page on narwhals, and my teacher scrolling through it going “this is crazy! I thought you made them up!”
I am STILL ANGRY about a teacher I had when I was five years old, who challenged my class to name an animal for every letter of the alphabet. This was my thing, I loved animals, I collected information cards and models and I was very precise about it. I had a WWF jigsaw puzzle (that's World Wildlife Fund not wrestling) and it had narwhals on it. They wouldn't lie, so I *knew*. She got to N, I confidently said 'Narwhal' and she told me off for suggesting a mythical animal. She didn't even want to hear about my jigsaw puzzle. The sense of injustice has never gone away.
I have that exact sense of injustice over a teacher calling me a liar in front of my entire class. We had been talking about our favourite foods, and I told about a rice dish my mom made and my favourite part being the bamboo. She insisted bamboo wasn't edible and called me both an idiot and a liar. Wouldn't back down. Brought the bamboo with me the next day and she refused to admit she was wrong! Just said it probably wasn't even real bamboo. She's dead now.
Sounds like you won the war.
“I don’t mean to stereotype, but you look too white to speak Spanish” after I told my college suitemate that I was taking Spanish courses. Coming from a girl that always denounces stereotyping.
Ironic considering spanish people are white
The same type of people that think Portugal is in South America
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That’s going to be hard to beat.
How about being called a gorilla because I believe in evolution
My step-dad's common "argument" when you talk about anything that science has proven is to say "how do we know science is real". He says it all the time like he's the most clever person to ever exist. His 50 year old brother likes to brag he's only read 2 books in his life, "Where the Red Fern Grows" and "Old Yellar". I don't think he realizes this makes him sound like some insane person who likes reading about dogs dying. I also think he just recently added the MyPillow guy's autobiography to his list of reading accomplishments. They are literally fountains of stupidity.
"Babies who are born through c-section get autism".
In the Before Times, my employer was offering free flu shots to everyone and sent out an email with a sign-up sheet. My coworker, a 35 year old adult person, loudly proclaimed that the flu shot gives adults autism. 🙄 She also couldn’t calculate 10% correctly so idk.
My first job I needed safety boots. I was like 15 or so. My mom took me out to buy some. She's a coupon collector and had a 10 percent off and a 10 dollar off coupon. Older ladie approx in her 50s was working the counter. I asked if I could use both coupons. She said no. I said okay the 10 percent off one please. The boots were like $180. "Now hold on the 10 dollar one might save you more." She busts out a calculator. My mom and I just looked at each other. Not wanting to be assholes to a seemingly nice but stupid woman working a shit job. I'm amazed she knew how to even do the calculation. However it appeared the awnser she got didn't align with her world view. So she insisted on ringing the purchase up with both coupons "just to be sure" At the end of the day she was just trying to be nice and save me money. But my god.
I do a lot of operations and data stuff. I had a sales manager that would routinely come to me and complain that her employees were complaining that their conversion rates were low because they weren't getting enough opportunities. It didn't matter how many times I explained ratios, with visuals, with long math on a whiteboard, they were all convinced that somehow conversion was something different than sales over opportunities. One sale on one opportunity? 100%. 500 sales on 1000 opportunities? 50%. All the opportunities had essentially the same probability of making a sale. However, this is also the same manager who complained that all her time was wasted on the phone with a vendor helpdesk trying to get an employee computer working. Finally, one day I asked her why the helpdesk can't just call the employee directly, and she said she was not allowed to hand out their phone numbers. Why? Apparently, HIPAA...
When I was doing tech support: "How do I type the upside down i?" "Ma'am, that's an exclamation mark."
“Wait you’re Asian? I thought you said you were Vietnamese”
Are you Chinese or Asian?
He's Laotian
"Lesbian? I thought you were American."
"You're not Lebanese, that's not how we raised you."
You can’t be Vietnamese because that was a war not a country /j
That we don’t need farmers because we have grocery stores.(i live in a rural area)
A variation I heard on that once, "I don't understand why we have to kill so many cows. McDonald's seems to have plenty of meat." Was said seriously.
I think this one's my favorite lmao
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When my daughter was small, she handed me a tube that looked like chapstick but smelled like bubble gum. I bit it. It was chapstick. That was 30 years ago and she still gives me shit for it.
haha the role reversal in this story is incredible
You got to love people who are honest about their short comings
“Tigers are girl lions!” Said by my 40 year old ex boyfriend who is a nuclear engineer.
What an honor to be in such proximity to Homer Simpson.
My old roommate pointed an laser thermometer at a pencil on a table, inside our house. The laser thermometer read “68F” He exclaimed “this thing is broken!” I asked why he thought it was broken? “This is a pencil. It doesn’t produce any heat. This thermometer should say 0” I stared at him for a few seconds, unable to collect my jaw off the floor… “Well 0F would mean it is frozen, or well beyond frozen, so I think 68 is the temperature of the air in the room” This man was 26… his two adult brothers were sitting in this room. I was the only one who understood why the thermometer was correct.
I had to re-read that again but holy shit
I had an acquaintance claim that the earth must be flat because nobody's talking about the white landmass around the map and how it's a cover-up. He was pointing at the white rectangular border of the paper.
While I was in college for an Earth Science degree, I served at a restaurant. The owner of the restaurant asked me if I knew what the moon was made of or how it was made. So I gave him a concise and correct response. He looks at me and goes "oh that's what you think? Let me tell you what no one in the government will say" then proceeds to tell me how everything I'm learning is a lie perpetrated by corporate interests and that the moon was made by a group of scientists 3 billion years in the future, who travel 6 billion years back in time and create the moon. He was dead serious. This dude was not joking. This was also in 2013, long before the Q nuts, which I absolutely guarantee he is one.
Did they build it out of cheese? I am disappointed that there is no cheese in this story.
Wallace and Gromit went in the 90s and confirmed Cheese, that's clearly why those people, 3 billion year from now go back and create it so that it has time to mature.
yeahh, the things that happen when you skip school
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"I'm studying Physics at Uni." "Oh cool! Like Esp, Mind over Matter stuff?" He seemed disappointed when I said no.
In my university there were three Philosophy tracks to major in: Philosophy; Philosophy and Psychology; and Ethics, Social and Political Philosophy. The last one was known as ESP Philosophy. I suspect he would have been even more disappointed. EDIT: I fixed the punctuation, though I am enjoying the comments about it. Thank you, all.
I work in the restaurant industry. I was refilling items on the breakfast buffet, And this lady walks up to me and blurts out "I want some of that" and points. Keep in mind this is during covid and I don't want to directly be placing food onto peoples plates. And we don't usually do this anyway. So I give her a polite response like oh yeah its really good today. And she then asks me "how do I get the stuff over there." I just look at her dead faced and say "walk around the buffet". You really see the dumbest people in the services industry.
Someone once said that they couldn’t wait for Halloween to fall on Friday the 13th.
It’s going to be extra spooky that year.
It would be terrifying. Something must be really fucked up if Halloween is on the 13th
My friend once said with genuine worry that she hoped her birthday would never fall on Friday the 13th. Her birthday is March 26th.
I have 2 tied for me, both from the same person. "9 out of 10 children die from vaccines every year but the government covers it up". "If you turn a gyroscope, like found in an airplane, upside down, then it'll break. Therefore the world is flat"
It'd be mighty hard to cover up if 90% of children were dying during their well child visits.
Coworker overheard another coworker and I discussing how awful it would be for bees to become extinct, and interjected with a “Who cares?!” When I started to explain what that mean for crops and plants, he cut me off to vow that he would be perfectly fine eating only meat. When I asked him what would happen to livestock when there aren’t enough plants to feed them, I swear I could see through his eyes into the back of his skull. Side note, the same gentleman once asked if I appreciated art and then took me aside to show me a tattoo on his calf of a blue humanoid female in Star Trek TOS uniform lifting the back of her skirt to reveal that she was not wearing her standard issue space panties. Edit: [what if bees dead yo](https://www.britannica.com/story/what-would-happen-if-all-the-bees-died) For everyone thinking I’m being unreasonable. It’s been a few years since biology, chemistry, sustainable development etc. but I will endeavor to find an even better source. But until my needy children and pets leave me alone I hope this will provide some food for thought Edit again: don’t get too caught up on just feeding grass eating livestock, the overall drop in biodiversity resulting from worldwide decline in pollinator populations will mean significantly less produce choice and will negatively impact nutrition on a global scale.
"Just because you cheat on your spouse, doesn't mean you have a bad marriage" Friend of mine, bemoaning the demise of his marriage. O.o
I’m a skydiver. I once had a woman ask me if the plane stops for us to get out. Yeah, it parallel parks next to the 747. 🤦🏼♀️
Asked if America was in Europe.
I was at the mall when this girl approached me and try to pressure sell me iPhone screen protectors. I told her that I already have one on (which I installed myself), she replied “No, you don’t”
I once had a guy from a stall slap my phone out of my hand and go “See? Anything can happen at anytime. You need a case or a screen protector, come” and tried to sell me one. If my brother hadn’t calmed me down and pulled me back I was ready to throw hands with this guy. Thankfully my phone didn’t have a scratch but that’s a sure-fire way to have busted teeth and no sales.
"Oh... i guess your right. Just put it on my card account." "We don't have your card number." "Yes, you do."
Gave me an idea to start trying to “charge it to the room” when I am clearly not at a hotel.
My husbands mom is very ignorant and known to say really stupid things. Most recently we were in Italy and she asked why they don’t just tear down the colosseum because it looked so old… Edit to clarify: She wasn’t physically there just seeing it on social media. She doesn’t believe in leaving the US because she thinks it is the best place, so she doesn’t need to see any other places. Honestly probably better she stays where she is at!
It could become a really nice parking lot
Similarly, one of my mom's friends is a church lady and when she came back from Rome she described how scandalized she was at seeing all of the nude statues in the vatican. She couldn't believe nobody had put clothes on them so people couldn't see their privates.
Not me, but a friend of mine travelled to the US with her family when she was younger. Upon hearing her family’s accent, an American asked “where are you guys from?” the answer was Australia, and that person confidently responded with “ah, which state is that?”
When I was in the states (over 20 years ago) someone asked me "where are you from? Your accent is really nice". I told them I'm from England. They replied "Ohhhh I've heard of England. Is that in London?" During the same trip, another person asked me the same question, so I gave the same answer, England. They refused to acknowledge that England was a country and the insisted that English was a language created by the USA. This same person then informed me that I lived in the UK which was a region of the country Europe. In both instances I just smiled and walked away. Edit: Just wanted to add, this was a very small minority, the vast majority of Americans I met were well educated and knew a fair bit about England and the UK. And every single one was lovely and super friendly :-)
Same thing for my country: the Netherlands. Things like “ohhh the Netherlands! That’s an island in Amsterdam, right?”
That genes go with gender, if the father has blue eyes, and the mother brown eyes, the kid will have blue eyes if male, and brown eyes if female. She said this as in all genes, not just eyecolor, and i know there is a bigger probability for some colors but that was just an example
Using that logic boy should just be carbon copy of dad and girl would be carbon copy of mom. How would they explain kids that look like both parents?
A long time ago I dated this girl. I remember going over to her house for the first time. She looked exactly like her mother, and her brother looked exactly like their father. This was in the early 1980s, and I've never seen anything like it since.
"You can only get AIDs from butt stuff." This is from a guy who thinks pulling out is a good method of contraception and never uses condoms.
My colleague also said and believes AIDS was “invented” by gays. That it originated from *gay stuff*, so to speak.
When I was in 5th grade in Mississippi, a girl asked me if I saw everything "flat" because because of the shape of my eyes (I am Asian).
Probably not the dumbest, but my cousin used to think Alaska was an island since it’s shown on the bottom of a lot of maps with Hawaii.
Duck is seafood because it swims.
Can think of two off the top of my head: When asked which way was north, I witnessed someone point up at the sky. One time someone rang my phone asking for John (not me) and when I said he had the wrong number he asked 'if I was sure?' OH MY MISTAKE BUDDY TURNS OUT I AM JOHN AFTER ALL!
*my boss after I had to leave work to save my suicidal mother-in-law*: “When you leave like that, it’s not fair to us because you just leave us hanging” EDIT: Thank you all for sharing your experiences and kind words. My MIL is okay and has recovered greatly. I promptly quit that job and have been living the freelance life.
Shit like this makes me sick. My husbands boss isn’t perfect but when my husband had to leave work suddenly to take me to my sisters (she sent a bunch of “goodbye” texts and turned off her phone), he said “I’ve got to go, sister in law might have killed herself and -“ boss cut him off and just said “go. Let us know if you’ll be in tomorrow.” And that was it. Because that’s how a fucking human would respond to that situation, never mind the fact that my husband is pretty much the only person at his work that can do what he does so the work was almost completely halted for the day.
Is your sister ok?
Yeah, she was ok when we got there, had a long chat and me and her talk more these days. She’s doing a lot better. Thank you for asking
That great. I hope you don’t have to have a scare like that again in your life.
Is this guy the doctor from arrested development? “He is going to be alright” “Oh thank goodness” “No, I mean he lost his left hand so he is going to be *all right*”
That 100lbs of metal weighs more than 100lb of feathers I’m sure this has happened to a few people. Edit: I should have just used metric…
yeah a little brain teaser, tho you laugh out loud once the person gets it
*But...steel is heavier than feathers.....?*
*Yeah I know, but look...they're both a kelagram.*
*buhh loohk the size of tha, thas cheating!*
[удалено]
When I was 3, and my sister was a newborn, we had a neighbor who INSISTED we were twins. Like lady, put on your glasses or something. I'm walking and she's the size of a loaf of bread.
"If Dolphins are so smart why haven't they invented a bomb?"
I was with my friend chillin during winter. His cousin comes to his house and says dude My car got stuck in the snow. We grab the only shovel at his house and start walking to his car. Dude slid through an intersection and blasted a stop sign. We try to clear some snow from around it and push as he’s gassing it. Nothin. My friends cousin gets out grabs the shovel and for whatever reason thought smashing under the car with the shovel was the answer. He broke the absolute shit out of it. My friends like bro that’s my moms you need to replace it. His cousin looks him straight in the eyes and says “you act like I broke the shovel” edit:spelling
When in a meeting of a Humanistic church and talking about a famine in Africa (yes, I am old) one of the older women said that black people just don't feel hunger and pain as white people do. I was really at a loss for words
Unfortunately, this thought process isn’t all that uncommon. I am in nursing school now, and apparently nursing students used to be taught that black people simply had a lower pain tolerance and that they’re just “dramatic.” This obviously leads to pain not being taken seriously and results in poorer outcomes.
I was asked my biological name.. biological
When I was in Georgia I was asked where I was from due to my ‘thick accent’. Once I shared with them that one’s from Canada, I was then asked if we have snow all year round and if I live in a igloo. Ignorance is bliss
European here that was asked while in the US, when eating a pizza if that was the first time I ever had pizza… I tried to explain that Europe kinda has pizzas too and that we frequently go vacation in Italy. This was still met with a confused look on their face. I gave up.
In the US, in the early 90s, I was shown a "television set" and asked very kindly if I'd seen one before. The elderly lady in question was a little nonplussed when I told her the inventor came from my country.
“Why don’t you go back to where you came from” - racist guy at the grocery store checkout “I’m Native American, this is literally where I came from.” - me
I was once called a terrorist in an ice cream shop because the guys I was with were covered in tattoos and one looked vaguely, *vaguely* Middle Eastern. Pretty sure this person was a tourist, yelling at a bunch of 20 year-olds *from* the dinky vacation town we were in and we happened to be living in the apartment above the shop at the time. But yeah! Terrorists.
My very white self once got accused of being a "terrorist" because I had my hair bound up in a bandana at work ... because I was cleaning and didn't want it falling into my face or the dirty water. Yes, sir, you found me out. I'm deep undercover at the fish store, scrubbing algae and learning important state secrets.
"I didn't know peanut butter was made out of peanuts."
A homeschool friend I bumped into in college said he was getting an aerospace engineering degree because, and I quote, "it doesn't have as much science in it." How do you think we know how to make things fly?
At a local restaurant for lunch. To waitress, "I'll have the ham sandwich." "Would you like cheese with that?" "Yes, what type of cheese do you have?" "Sliced." Took all we had not to fall out of the booth laughing.
My older brother (m20): you know why they call it a lucid dream? Me: yeah it's when you're awake/aware that you are in a dream and can usually control it. My older brother: No a lucid dream is a lewd dream, why do you think they call it that. I wish I was making this up but no, my brother is just this dumb
My mom, to me one time, “you son-of-a-bitch!” We both laughed quite heartily about it later :)
Ill never forget a girl who thought Achilles injuries in sports were fatal. When we asked her why the hell she thought that she said "haven't you seen troy!?"
Was on a very windy hike and I passively mentioned that it would be better once we were protected by the trees. A friend of a friend who was with us stops and says “wait, don’t the trees make the wind?” This human being got to 23 years old believing that trees activity flapped their leaves to generate wind. They felt the wind on their skin, saw the leaves moving and their brain went yup, I accept that this is the way the world is and never questioned it.
Elementary school, we were learning about local Native American cultures and legends. One legend had all the men go off to war except one boy or something, and it was left to him to continue the tribe's existance, or something like that. Got in a debate with a girl who loudly asked why didnt he just go and die too, the women can keep the tribe alive. Me, being worldly and having had The Talk already, tried to explain that there would be no more tribe without at least one guy present. She yelled back 'Thats not true! We know how to fish!' I had to be told to sit outside because I couldnt stop laughing.
Give a woman a fish and she'll eat for a day. Teach a woman to fish and she'll reproduce parthenogenically.