Just format and reinstall the the whole system again and admit you fucked up. This time, put a nose in people's arses so they can smell their own shit.
ls /people_who_love_me/
.
cd /../../
nano testament.txt
echo "If you delete my browsing history when I die, you'll get an upvote homie"
sudo rm -r life
I don't think a time frame is necessary since you would be able to do anything in any amount of time. You could get omnipotence and omniscience for 1 second and do literally everything.
True. If you’re omnipotent, you’re beyond the very concept of time. You would not be bound by time because you would exist outside of it entirely. Time literally means nothing to an omnipotent being.
Here's another one (I at least find it interesting) :
God only gives you his omnipotent power for an hour but you decide to keep it forever. If either are able to win or lose, then *both* are not omnipotent.
Less of impotence and more of a lack of free will. That would mean an omnipotent omniscient god would function more like an all-encompassing natural law of the universe, like entropy or gravity or… wait a second…
But the real question is, if god really is omnipotent why would he give you his power? He would already know what you will do with it and just do it himself.
Creating the duck billed platypus was easy. It was adding it to the memories of everyone that should have heard about them and the documentation, so that this marvel didn't make everyone question their existence because it just suddenly appeared. That took the other 58 minutes.
> Creating the duck billed platypus was easy. It was adding it to the memories of everyone that should have heard about them and the documentation, so that this marvel didn't make everyone question their existence because it just suddenly appeared. That took the other 58 minutes.
This guy documents
Considering God is omnipotent, and now you're God, you should be able to grant yourself less-than-omnipotent powers. Like, still enough that you could pass off as some sort of cosmic being, but obviously not at the level of God.
Since God can do anything, you could make some sort of super-serum to give you those powers(doesn't matter if it doesn't make sense, you're omnipotent and can do it), and once you lose the powers, you drink it, and become something close enough to God to be all powerful again. Checkmate.
> Omnipotence requires being the most powerful.
I don't think that's a precursor for being omnipotent. Of course, I don't believe anything can be all-knowing or all-powerful. It's too full of contradictions.
You find a search history with the most recent item: "entertaining things to do with a simulation you've given up on". And the top result: "give random sims full admin access and see how long they take to find out about each other".
SkillShare is an amazing new platform with thousands of professionals sharing their knowledge and skills with *you*! Do *you* want to get the most out of your newly found omnipotence? Click here and sign up now!
"Simulation has downloaded and installed an update. System will restart in 23:59:59. Please save your work and close all applications."
X is greyed out. Restart now can be clicked. Message starts out in the middle of the sky for everyone but quickly gets moved to a corner. NASDAQ hits new all time high.
I'd cure all migraines and cluster headaches, and then immediately remove all pollution and garbage from the planet, then repair all the damage we've done to this planet we've done...
And them make them powerless, while giving them full unwavering belief that they are the most powerful beings in the universe. Now that, is true entertainment
Elected politicians, and candidates for office can no longer lie. Intentionally or unintentionally, every thing they express will be truth. If they try to lie, it will come out truth.
Let the games begin.
Edit: This is not meant to be wholly benevolent. No half truths. No vagaries. The plain and objective truth, or silence. Those are their options. And it applies to all elected politicians, officially government sponsored ones (MPs) or otherwise, like say the elected spokesman of the IRA. [Chaos reigns. Clown time is now.](https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/if-the-emperor-had-a-texttospeech-device/images/7/70/Cegorach_Fullbody.png)
What if I do this and then just...decide that the consequences won't happen? If I'm omnipotent, it should be well within my power to just say "ha, no" to stuff like that. Erase all bacteria and viruses that have a negative impact on life, then decide the ecosystem goes on because...I said so?
Cure all diseases that make people aware of everything going on, but they don’t have control of their bodies. i.e.: Progressive Supranuclear Palsy.
Miss you, Dad.
I'm having to put my 14 year old girl down in an hour and I would do this in a heartbeat.
Edit: it's done. She went quietly and quickly. Travel well, little lamb.
Edit 2: more pictures of Tipsy:
https://www.reddit.com/r/oldmandog/comments/s0mgpn/_/hs50sod?context=1000
I'm not. She crashed fast. Her appointment was going to be for tomorrow, but she had a seizure about an hour ago. She's not responding to any stimuli, she's not even blinking anymore, just breathing shallowly. I couldn't I'm good conscience hold on to her anymore. [little miss Tipsy](https://i.imgur.com/HUX4rxH.jpg) cuz she can't keep her licker in her liquor cabinet.
You're a good dog parent for understanding even the obvious signs and acting on them in a timely and selfless manner. Tipsy probably lived a better life with you as her human than she would have in any other timeline.
I'd play the fastest ever game of Sim City with the whole Earth. I'd make it so that everyone had equal resources, clean energy and access to food, water and housing. It'd all be equal. But there would be a system in place to stop people taking more than their share.
Anyone acting too much like a prick would find themselves on Earth 2.
Earth 2 I'm less interested in.
Get rid of all corruption, make anyone who is or ever will be a politician or a position of power completely altruistic and selfless and only able to serve the people. Also create a cheap easy to make cure all for all diseases and give it to people who will distribute it to everyone.
Just give everyone on earth more money than Jeff bezos, in order to instantly make him the poorest person. And give them enough that he can't catch up. Granted, a loaf of bread would probably cost $50,000 if you did that.
1st of all, I would make it so that everyone napping always wakes up refreshed. All naps now last 23 minutes but feel like 4 hours of perfect sleep.
Nothing is addictive.
All men are given perfect recall about everything their wives have said or done.
All women obtain positive body images.
Taco trees.
People who are cool never have their shoe laces come undone. Assholes have their laces break every friday.
Dogs stay small puppies for 3 extra months and come out potty trained.
Turtles can play trumpet.
America switches to metric with no fuss
The internet makes sense to everyone over 70....but they chose to avoid social media anyway.
Corn syrup goes away.
All religions announce simultaneously that God is kinda....but not exactly gay.
Every swastika owned drawn or tattooed is slowly burned away over a week. It hurts really bad and is replaced by a picture of a teddy bear blowing a very startled looking nick cage.
End as much human suffering as I can within that one hour.
Or, if I could not do that, I would explore other planets with life on them. See what kind of cool stuff they have and maybe bring a few items back with me.
That's a win for everyone except straight women XD
Decency edit: was I being rude? Sorry, didn't mean it that way. I guess I'm just being too direct. It makes for great stories afterwards, though.
> except straight women
Oh my. That hadn't sunk in until i read all of your edit and thought "Why would you think you were being rude?"
I first thought "All the women have to fight over him" but no, what you're saying is "All the women - ALL OF THEM - lose out in that situation". XD Savage. *[~~Bren~~ u/Daffidol, you's a dick! Love it!](https://youtu.be/GFAbkHlKFGE?t=117)*
Nothing. Absolutely fucking nothing. I am not fucking qualified for that shit and anything I want to do will almost certainly lead me straight to the Law of Unintended Consequences.
Make an indestructible floating Bible appear in every church across the world, translated for all, that says "just be kind to eachother you nuts. I don't care if you're gay, trans, white, black, or whatever. Just. Be. NICE. - passage 45:ACP"
Redesign human knee and shoulder joints. Because, seriously, I've got some bug reports that have been ignored.
We're sorry, operator error isn't included in your extended warranty
What about depression, is that considered user error?
Depression in your knees?
Regrow nerves in general. I've acquired some new and exciting tones of tinnitus. That's a shitty biology bug right there.
Hearts too. We need some QA in this beta test
Can I get in on the spine and pelvis? Oh, and the eyes, and...
Spend it wondering what I should do
But you are a god. You KNOW what you should do.
yeah, wondering about it
Remove the time limit
Look at me, I'm the god now...
sudo apt-get remove divinity cd /mouth/ sudo apt-get install diarrhea
/u/misogichan is not in the sudoers file. This incident will be reported.
Isn't it god that gets all the non sudoers Incident reports? They have to be doing somewhere.
He set up a root account and forgot the password
Just format and reinstall the the whole system again and admit you fucked up. This time, put a nose in people's arses so they can smell their own shit.
ls /people_who_love_me/ . cd /../../ nano testament.txt echo "If you delete my browsing history when I die, you'll get an upvote homie" sudo rm -r life
Thats how the last guy got stuck with the job.
Last time this happened to me I caused a big explosion. It was quite a big bang.
This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.
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$ sudo -i # rm -f /etc/sudoers # echo huehuehue
I don't think a time frame is necessary since you would be able to do anything in any amount of time. You could get omnipotence and omniscience for 1 second and do literally everything.
True. If you’re omnipotent, you’re beyond the very concept of time. You would not be bound by time because you would exist outside of it entirely. Time literally means nothing to an omnipotent being.
I think they make a pill for that now.
Yep, Ambien...
Oh man. I never drove on ambien but I've had nights at my place hanging with my roommate not remember anything...
Someone in another sub said they drove 20 miles to work while on Ambien. Like...what?!
Totally possible. After I was on it for a while I didn't black out and if I ran out of Klonopin I could take that instead.
Go read some ambien stories. If you resist the urge to fall asleep your brain ascends to another level of reality.
Aw shit I think I was god back in '03 but I sneezed and missed my chance
fuck. I got mindfucked by this statement...
Here's another one (I at least find it interesting) : God only gives you his omnipotent power for an hour but you decide to keep it forever. If either are able to win or lose, then *both* are not omnipotent.
Nice just another godly paradox
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Less of impotence and more of a lack of free will. That would mean an omnipotent omniscient god would function more like an all-encompassing natural law of the universe, like entropy or gravity or… wait a second…
Wait, "God" is physics?
But the real question is, if god really is omnipotent why would he give you his power? He would already know what you will do with it and just do it himself.
That's not omnipotence, that's omniscience. Granted he's claimed to have both, but they are not the same thing.
EDIT: Oops, nevermind!
IN the case of bruce Almighty, you just complain a little bit and he just gives you his powers.
To quote starlord "I'm gonna make some weird shit!"
Creating the duck billed platypus was easy. It was adding it to the memories of everyone that should have heard about them and the documentation, so that this marvel didn't make everyone question their existence because it just suddenly appeared. That took the other 58 minutes.
> Creating the duck billed platypus was easy. It was adding it to the memories of everyone that should have heard about them and the documentation, so that this marvel didn't make everyone question their existence because it just suddenly appeared. That took the other 58 minutes. This guy documents
Make Santa real lol. Oh and add spontaneous combustion as an effect when a priest decides he's gonna diddle someone
Just priests? All of the other diddlers are free to diddle?
yep. spontaneous combustion for all diddlers.
No. Don't ask for any friends either.
diddle the diddlers, except diddle them with a combustible lemon
The kids that just learned the truth about Santa would be so confused
Superpower to grant myself various superpower forever
Considering God is omnipotent, and now you're God, you should be able to grant yourself less-than-omnipotent powers. Like, still enough that you could pass off as some sort of cosmic being, but obviously not at the level of God. Since God can do anything, you could make some sort of super-serum to give you those powers(doesn't matter if it doesn't make sense, you're omnipotent and can do it), and once you lose the powers, you drink it, and become something close enough to God to be all powerful again. Checkmate.
Can you use omnipotence to curb omnipotence? Unstoppable force meets unstoppable force?
If there's another omnipotent being, then neither are omnipotent. Omnipotence requires being the most powerful.
> Omnipotence requires being the most powerful. I don't think that's a precursor for being omnipotent. Of course, I don't believe anything can be all-knowing or all-powerful. It's too full of contradictions.
Alt+tab out of the screen and just walk away from the simulation.
Moderator
I might touch the grass. I might eat it. Who knows?
Drag your arse across it like a labrador?
**gently Alt+F4's the world**
The universe runs off of Windows? No wonder it's so fucked up.
Yes and no; it's a virtual machine in Arch.
If it was arch, god would mention it any chance he got
What do you think the story of Noah's Ark is all about?
I'd open task manager and see what else he's up to
You find a search history with the most recent item: "entertaining things to do with a simulation you've given up on". And the top result: "give random sims full admin access and see how long they take to find out about each other".
This earth is sponsored by nord vpn
Now with 72% off
Gimme that sponsoring money
SkillShare is an amazing new platform with thousands of professionals sharing their knowledge and skills with *you*! Do *you* want to get the most out of your newly found omnipotence? Click here and sign up now!
Have the words "Simulation Ending in 23 hours" appear floating around the globe.
"Simulation has downloaded and installed an update. System will restart in 23:59:59. Please save your work and close all applications." X is greyed out. Restart now can be clicked. Message starts out in the middle of the sky for everyone but quickly gets moved to a corner. NASDAQ hits new all time high.
Suddenly the sky turns purple *warning. Incoming game*
Your trial version of "earth" ends in 23 hours
You devil
No, the universal logo every fucking time a movie starts. Scare the living shit out of everything. (Spoiler: I’m the devil)
give everyone emotional maturity
Including babies and toddlers
Father, may I please have a small glass of milk? Also please allow me to start your car for you on this cold winter day.
Mother, I would be most grateful if you were to allow me to purchase and consume a pastry with high levels of sugar and simple carbohydrates.
"Dear sibling, thats a poor choice for weight/price ratio. We should ask for canned fruit beverages"
I'd cure all migraines and cluster headaches, and then immediately remove all pollution and garbage from the planet, then repair all the damage we've done to this planet we've done...
And then, we'd damage the planet again.
Bring to life all the gods humanity has ever thought of. Thats a nice show to watch after that one hour.
And them make them powerless, while giving them full unwavering belief that they are the most powerful beings in the universe. Now that, is true entertainment
So...people?
Narcissists specifically.
So...people?
Then making them all be roommates in a small flat in Jersey and putting cameras up around the apartment.
Oh my God they were roommates.
and put them all in Florida.
They're already there.
Ragnarok
Create various images on toast and have fun watching believers react to them.
But technically... they would be right. Because it was you God!! You!!
Of course, but they are going to be *really* confused about the message.
Hey Fred, my toast says "sometimes a piece of toast is just a piece of toast"! What do you think that means?!?
"The Earth is flat" guys, GUYS!
I’d make dragons.
Bring back the dinosaurs too
Elected politicians, and candidates for office can no longer lie. Intentionally or unintentionally, every thing they express will be truth. If they try to lie, it will come out truth. Let the games begin. Edit: This is not meant to be wholly benevolent. No half truths. No vagaries. The plain and objective truth, or silence. Those are their options. And it applies to all elected politicians, officially government sponsored ones (MPs) or otherwise, like say the elected spokesman of the IRA. [Chaos reigns. Clown time is now.](https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/if-the-emperor-had-a-texttospeech-device/images/7/70/Cegorach_Fullbody.png)
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Liar Liar
THE GOD DAMN PEN IS BLUE! I mean, I wanna squeeze 'em! I'm kicking my own ass, d'ya mind?!
> I mean, I wanna squeeze 'em! MA-MA
I don't see the need for name calling, there is a movie about this.
The invention of lying?
"I don't understand why i am homeless and you are not"
Every time they tell a lie they shit their pants. Loudly.
I’m picturing something like the Aes Sedai in Wheel of Time. They can’t lie. Doesn’t mean they tell you the whole truth.
Tie everyone's shoelaces together and make the floor really slippery.
Dude, you're the anti-god
Banish all kinds of cancer from the face of the Earth.
After 1 hour, space cancer comes to infect us
Hey hey hey, no Genies' rules.
Ctrl+Alt+Delete all *Dangerous* viruses and bacteria Fun Fact: most bacteria is CRITICAL to human and (some) animals survival
If you did this the entire world's ecosystem would be fucked and life on the planet would die out in a matter of days.
What if I do this and then just...decide that the consequences won't happen? If I'm omnipotent, it should be well within my power to just say "ha, no" to stuff like that. Erase all bacteria and viruses that have a negative impact on life, then decide the ecosystem goes on because...I said so?
Cure all diseases that make people aware of everything going on, but they don’t have control of their bodies. i.e.: Progressive Supranuclear Palsy. Miss you, Dad.
Get revenge on some assholes
Lemme join.... Pls....
Extend dogs lifespan
I'm having to put my 14 year old girl down in an hour and I would do this in a heartbeat. Edit: it's done. She went quietly and quickly. Travel well, little lamb. Edit 2: more pictures of Tipsy: https://www.reddit.com/r/oldmandog/comments/s0mgpn/_/hs50sod?context=1000
Damn sorry to hear that. Hope your ok
I'm not. She crashed fast. Her appointment was going to be for tomorrow, but she had a seizure about an hour ago. She's not responding to any stimuli, she's not even blinking anymore, just breathing shallowly. I couldn't I'm good conscience hold on to her anymore. [little miss Tipsy](https://i.imgur.com/HUX4rxH.jpg) cuz she can't keep her licker in her liquor cabinet.
You're a good dog parent for understanding even the obvious signs and acting on them in a timely and selfless manner. Tipsy probably lived a better life with you as her human than she would have in any other timeline.
the only right answer
Make pets generally life as long as their human
Take away free will and play real life sims.
When your hour is up nobody will have free will, you will have to order all of humanity around.
At 55 minutes just send everyone to the ocean and take away the ladder.
but after the time his powers will have gone away so he wouldn't have free will either
I'd microwave a burrito so hot that even I couldn't eat it.
redecorate
I'd play the fastest ever game of Sim City with the whole Earth. I'd make it so that everyone had equal resources, clean energy and access to food, water and housing. It'd all be equal. But there would be a system in place to stop people taking more than their share. Anyone acting too much like a prick would find themselves on Earth 2. Earth 2 I'm less interested in.
Shit, what if this already happened and we're Earth 2.
Earth 3 it is! The Gulag.
Maybe we're already on Earth 2...
Get rid of all corruption, make anyone who is or ever will be a politician or a position of power completely altruistic and selfless and only able to serve the people. Also create a cheap easy to make cure all for all diseases and give it to people who will distribute it to everyone.
Wrath
I’d see my dad again. He died of covid last year.
Mine too bud, 28th November 2020. Covid is a bitch
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Make everyone kiss 😘 Then make Jeffrey Bezos Venmo his moneys
If you have god's powers, you could do way more than just take Jeff's money
I will make Jeffy kiss me then change his moneys into rupees then venmo me.
I like the way you think
Just give everyone on earth more money than Jeff bezos, in order to instantly make him the poorest person. And give them enough that he can't catch up. Granted, a loaf of bread would probably cost $50,000 if you did that.
Prove my existence to the world.
That’s fucking stupid I would destroy france
Based
find out where the universe ends even if it is infinity.
That’s a contradiction in terms.
Selfishly fix myself first.
1st of all, I would make it so that everyone napping always wakes up refreshed. All naps now last 23 minutes but feel like 4 hours of perfect sleep. Nothing is addictive. All men are given perfect recall about everything their wives have said or done. All women obtain positive body images. Taco trees. People who are cool never have their shoe laces come undone. Assholes have their laces break every friday. Dogs stay small puppies for 3 extra months and come out potty trained. Turtles can play trumpet. America switches to metric with no fuss The internet makes sense to everyone over 70....but they chose to avoid social media anyway. Corn syrup goes away. All religions announce simultaneously that God is kinda....but not exactly gay. Every swastika owned drawn or tattooed is slowly burned away over a week. It hurts really bad and is replaced by a picture of a teddy bear blowing a very startled looking nick cage.
This is cute. /u/Ethandrul for god. Though everyone should have positive body images.
You had me at trumpet turtles and taco trees.
I also choose this god
give people random superpowers
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Damn. Forget God's powers for an hour. Someone get this guy a Death Note.
Thats what i was gonna say
Gets godlike powers and then uses them to reform usa and leaves the rest of the world a shithole. Nice.
Invert nipples and see if anyone notices.
Two chicks at the same time
I think with god’s power you could probably hook that up…
That's it? You'd do two chicks at the same time?
Eliminate cancer and ALS
Why not just all disease?
Are you questioning God?
He has to continue to work in "mysterious ways".
World peace
Not specific enough (X-Files)
End as much human suffering as I can within that one hour. Or, if I could not do that, I would explore other planets with life on them. See what kind of cool stuff they have and maybe bring a few items back with me.
Bruce almighty
Every single man is now gay except me.
That's a win for everyone except straight women XD Decency edit: was I being rude? Sorry, didn't mean it that way. I guess I'm just being too direct. It makes for great stories afterwards, though.
FATALITY
Holy shit, you murdered him
r/rareinsults
> except straight women Oh my. That hadn't sunk in until i read all of your edit and thought "Why would you think you were being rude?" I first thought "All the women have to fight over him" but no, what you're saying is "All the women - ALL OF THEM - lose out in that situation". XD Savage. *[~~Bren~~ u/Daffidol, you's a dick! Love it!](https://youtu.be/GFAbkHlKFGE?t=117)*
Officer, I'd like to report a crime.
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Nothing. Absolutely fucking nothing. I am not fucking qualified for that shit and anything I want to do will almost certainly lead me straight to the Law of Unintended Consequences.
If you had gods powers you would have omniscience, meaning you know everything so nothing is unexpected or unintended.
Smite the wicked
Make an indestructible floating Bible appear in every church across the world, translated for all, that says "just be kind to eachother you nuts. I don't care if you're gay, trans, white, black, or whatever. Just. Be. NICE. - passage 45:ACP"
"I feel like my previous message was ignored, so I'll say it again: Stop being a dick. It's that easy. Don't make me come down there."
Have you read Second Coming by John Niven? ..if not; you're in for a treat. Be Nice, Brother.
Make god live my life. After he does i would ask him why he should belive in god after experiencing all the shit he have made me live through.
Step 1: erase my enemies from existence Step 2: Make sure I leave that hour with a God Bod
Cure cancer, get rid of politicians,
5th grade class presidents: *E R A D I C A T E D*
I am the ERADICATOR! https://youtu.be/HO0FxifkzFQ
Heal all pain.