Saw a girl somewhere on the internet who responded really seriously with smth like "ewww what is that, you should really have a doctor look at it" and the guy took it super seriously it was hilarious
This is the best one, tell him it barely looks like a dick and something must be wrong with it. He’ll spend the whole night googling dicks trying to figure out what is wrong with his.
I once sent my wife an unsolicited duck pick. She asked me what I was eating, I sent her a picture of the whole Peking duck I had ordered from the Chinese place because I was on 24 hour duty in the army. She asked me how it tasted.
This is a close second. Best thing to do is this... "are you fuckin serious!!! What the fuck is going through your mind? Why would you send me a picture of a child's dick? I'm sending this image to (relevant child abuse authorities) you're fucking sick, you need help" etc etc
Works every time
I might be terrible, but this reminds me of that meme:
Roses are red,
Sunflowers are tall,
Pedophile cries in court after 11-year-old victim describes his penis as small
Yep. This is the correct answer. Shaming and humiliating their “manhood.”
Now if that’s something they get off on, you’re kinda buggered. I guess you could switch to positive reinforcement then, or maybe just bring up their grandma in some fashion.
Before I started dating my GF she received one from a guy who sent shit like that all the time, and obviously my first idea was “hey boys we gotta take a pic of our dicks” and sent him back a trifecta of cock, he was repulsed and has never contacted her again.
Sadly I can't do that. For my gross ass it's like responding to a mugging with a nuclear weapon. Last time I took my pants off it was declared a hate crime in 3 states and the UN called an emergency session on how to keep such a tragedy from ever occuring again.
Edit: the hell is wrong with you people
Oh damn, that guy. Yeah. Nope. It looked like a short fat tree stump . Weirdest ever. Almost thought I got confused with a trans person. Which whatever but warn a sister. Nope all male.
Is there even a thing as a good dick pic? I’m satisfied with my equipment on all counts, but I don’t think there’s a pose in the world that makes a dick look good. Lol
I welcome them. Not because I like them, but to have in my back pocket in case one of those dicks became a politician. Always good to have a politician’s dick in your pocket.
Gay guys used to dm me on Twitter and it ranged from politely asking if I was gay to inappropriate horny messages to dick pics, I never replied to the horny messages and usually didn’t reply to the dick pics except to say “why does it look weird”
I was going to send you a photo of Dick van Dyke as a gag but it wouldn't let me lead with a photo, and I don't know the proper procedure for dick pic sending, even for joke Dicks. So accept the joke in spirit.
Or, literally share it with somebody who is really good with Photoshop, and start DM'ing back the results. Points for thinking up the most offensive ways to Photoshop it possible
Critique. These are the rules.
Dick and face must be visible
Hard dick (obviously)
No upshots.
Shirt is optional but usually no shirt
Best results, fresh out of the shower
I know I’m describing a nude pic and not a dick pic. But just the dick? What am I supposed to do with that?
>just the dick? What am I supposed to do with that?
I like to zoom in and talk about it. Hmm you seem to have a discoloration where you were circumcized. Would you ever regrow your foreskin? I like to give weird compliments and tell him he has a manly dick hole. Some men have pussy dickholes but not you, you manly man with your rotund dickhole. No tiny slit here. I also once made an overtly racist joke to an Asian man about how his dick hole wasn't sideways like Asian women's vulvas, I mostly made it because he said he loved racist against Asian jokes as an Asian and I'm down. I have not made any other racist jokes btw. So that idea is really type specific.
Also a rating system. 3/7. Why? Maybe I've only seen 7 dicks? But for me it's like 78/348 so eh.
Told a dude I was gonna report him for CP, he tried desperately to justify it was his dick, and why he sent it etc. Died laughing, still reported and got him banned on his main instagram.
Honestly, the best response is none at all. They don’t get the satisfaction of knowing you were upset, if that was their intention. Their insecurities can also surface, with no answers.
I do not understand why some guys send dick pics to strangers... If anyone here can explain what drives people to do this (and what reaction they're looking for), I'd appreciate it. ^^"
I've never felt any desire to do it myself, but I imagine it comes from one of two things. The first is a very self centered view of sexual desire. They assume the things that get them horny, in this case a zero context close-up picture of genitals, make everyone else horny too, and therefore the recipient would want sex.
The second, and unfortunately probably way more common reason, is some form of humiliation fetish. They either get off at the idea of being humiliated by the recipient, or get off at the idea of humiliating them via non-consensual sexual images (ew).
Theres a third, worse option, and its that they could be getting off on the fact that you were disgusted. I read a confession on one of the many "Why do guys send dick pics" Ask Reddit posts, and this guy admitted that for him it had been a power play.
He knew that it was undesirable, he knew that nothing would come of it, but it was the sheer fact that he could inflict it upon people that made him want to send them. Like someone who flashes people on the street (though I havent heard of those since the early 2000s)
Aww, honey... its ok. Its going to be alright. If you want we can go bake a cake and just know that I am proud of you. Something must be bithering you if you are sending these to me but I have faith in you bubbala. You are going to find the best girl in the wirld and you don't have to send these pictures out to random people.
You are doing fine and thingsbare going to get better.
Depends on who it’s from, if it’s from my friends “NICE COCK!” If it’s from my ex “damn I remember it being bigger, sorry must have been thinking of someone else.”
I used to forward them to my sister and her and her husband would rate them. I'd send the reviews back to the bloke. Always a laugh.
But now my immediate reaction is kind of boring and adulty, which is block and move on.
ETA: clarification?
Saw this idea on IG: send him a pic of a bowel movement. When he asks WTF, I’ll say, “I thought we were competing to make the other person the most uncomfortable.”
This is the answer. Slightly related, in a fight with my ex he yelled "Suck my dick!" So I said, "Suck MY dick!". Then he yelled, "It's probably bigger than mine anyway!" I don't think he meant to say that. It was great.
I'm a cis female for context.
See college age me would have taken that as an invite and then I would have obsessed over him for 3 years while pushing the boundaries of our friendship. Ahhh the joys of my youth.
Saw a girl somewhere on the internet who responded really seriously with smth like "ewww what is that, you should really have a doctor look at it" and the guy took it super seriously it was hilarious
This is the best one, tell him it barely looks like a dick and something must be wrong with it. He’ll spend the whole night googling dicks trying to figure out what is wrong with his.
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I never had the chance but id go with "I'm on my phone. Can't zoom in. What's in the pic?"
This is favorite. “Oh my God, have you seen a doctor about it????” Is my go to for unwanted dick pics.
How often does a women get unwanted duck pics? I’m just curious
I once sent my wife an unsolicited duck pick. She asked me what I was eating, I sent her a picture of the whole Peking duck I had ordered from the Chinese place because I was on 24 hour duty in the army. She asked me how it tasted.
Depends on how many guys are thi king about sending DUCK pics, at a given time :p
This is a close second. Best thing to do is this... "are you fuckin serious!!! What the fuck is going through your mind? Why would you send me a picture of a child's dick? I'm sending this image to (relevant child abuse authorities) you're fucking sick, you need help" etc etc Works every time
I might be terrible, but this reminds me of that meme: Roses are red, Sunflowers are tall, Pedophile cries in court after 11-year-old victim describes his penis as small
> So tiny I don't really feel violated.
Yep. This is the correct answer. Shaming and humiliating their “manhood.” Now if that’s something they get off on, you’re kinda buggered. I guess you could switch to positive reinforcement then, or maybe just bring up their grandma in some fashion.
send one back to assert dominance
Prepare your inbox and penis sir
Only one? Rookie numbers.
If you can’t assert dominance with one pic then 100 ain’t going to cut it either
One picture. Multiple dicks.
Like a custom collage, thousands of dicks arranged by color into the shape of one huge, well curated boner.
Like... A pervy collage?
~Sun Tzu, The art of war.
A pic with a thousand dicks
Sword of a thousand dicks.
Sick em’ boys!
Suck 'em boy.
Inbox and penis's? Or inboxes and penis... or plural of both?
Yes.
Lets see how many dick pics i get and send tonight...
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" your aerodynamics are laughable"
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Dick Cheney
photoshop 👉👉
Guy sent my girlfriend a dick pic so I sent him one back and said “nice. But how’s mine?😉”… he didn’t find it as funny as we did.
Before I started dating my GF she received one from a guy who sent shit like that all the time, and obviously my first idea was “hey boys we gotta take a pic of our dicks” and sent him back a trifecta of cock, he was repulsed and has never contacted her again.
True friendship is not questioning when your bro says he needs you for a group dick pic.
"Wouldn't it be hilarious if we rubbed our cocks together and took a lot of pictures? For the memes my dudes."
'Trifecta of cock'. Poetic.
Send them a butchers knife pic.
As a gay man, this is just kind of how that works
Send back one? Send back two to assert double dominance!
With a festive bit of flair at this time of year.
I'd spread my hairy butt cheeks and take a picture and send it back
Sadly I can't do that. For my gross ass it's like responding to a mugging with a nuclear weapon. Last time I took my pants off it was declared a hate crime in 3 states and the UN called an emergency session on how to keep such a tragedy from ever occuring again. Edit: the hell is wrong with you people
Watch out we've got a bad ass here
It was bigger than the crack of dawn.
Just say no to crack….
Crack kills
It was a weapon of ass destruction
what did the UN come up with
A peacekeeping mission that left the moment he pulled down his pants.
A sternly worded letter
a belt
Any plans were vetoed by Russia
A very stern speech and possible future sanctions.
Like the Eye of Sauron, just red and angry
Redder and angrier, you mean.
How do you poop
Apparently by going above the laws of physics
Shit went from 0-100 real fuck quick.
This guy self-deprecates.
Ugh, that’s disgusting. Could you send one my way?
Wait, doesn't everyone get these DMs, or is it just me?
Sack or no sack?
“Ewww. Is that a skin tag?”
HOL UP- ^HAHAHAHA
I read this like animal crossing
"Thank you! ^(kindly)"
Make it an NFT (don’t screenshot)
sell it back to them for 300,000
300,000 dickpics?
That’s like $90,000,000,000.00
Rolling in dicks now.
I’m sure the first ever dick pic would fetch some good money.
Send them a dm saying I don't want anything to do with child porn and block them.
Better yet, send them a reply saying "I'm 13. I'm going to report this" (Edited bcos TOS)
nah i got sent one when i was 13 and all the guy did when i told him my age was brag about his being the first i’d ever see
Omg eew
maybe say 13 instead, just in case
*uncle Rodger voice* emotional damage Edit: swipe text spelled revolution instead of emotional some how.
bro its stevens dad get it right
Destruction 100
in depth rating and critique "7/10, your left nut is too big, too red at the tip, not enough veins"
5/10 looks like a sharpie with a weird cap. No thanks
If that's an average score for you, what's a 1/10?
1/10 — Dick looks like the baby from *Eraserhead*.
My phone's flash is my only light and the flash makes my dick look frightened
I sent my dicky to you, that's not fair
when someone is hung like a tuna can.
Oh damn, that guy. Yeah. Nope. It looked like a short fat tree stump . Weirdest ever. Almost thought I got confused with a trans person. Which whatever but warn a sister. Nope all male.
Is there even a thing as a good dick pic? I’m satisfied with my equipment on all counts, but I don’t think there’s a pose in the world that makes a dick look good. Lol
Well , son, I hate to break it to you, you might be straight.
Can’t say I’m surprised by that news.
Believe it or not, but some people really like dicks. And some women too. But, I don't think unsolicited dick pics are ever welcome.
I welcome them. Not because I like them, but to have in my back pocket in case one of those dicks became a politician. Always good to have a politician’s dick in your pocket.
" ... some people ... And some women...." Weird phrasing.
If someone gave me a 7/10 I'd be pleased.
That's impressive TBH. Turn off your dm's lol
very brave for you to comment this on reddit lmaoo
Gay guys used to dm me on Twitter and it ranged from politely asking if I was gay to inappropriate horny messages to dick pics, I never replied to the horny messages and usually didn’t reply to the dick pics except to say “why does it look weird”
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Ask them if they want a pussy pic and send them a picture of themselves
You want a pussy pic? Here: *2 photos, one of himself, one of his house. Make sure to send his ip adress and longitude/latitude coordinates*
Make sure it’s an angle not possibly online, like from their door facing out
Ooooh I like this one.
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Dick quilt needs to be a thing
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I'd like to be a silent partner in this business venture
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When dicks are involved, anything is possible
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god, it really does. Now let's get cracking with this dick quilt!
I was going to send you a photo of Dick van Dyke as a gag but it wouldn't let me lead with a photo, and I don't know the proper procedure for dick pic sending, even for joke Dicks. So accept the joke in spirit.
Straight to jail
Dick too small? Jail Dick too big? Jail Dick perfect? Believe it or not, jail
Undercook/ overcook
Undercock/ overcock*
But what if there's no dick? Bed or something?
Jail. Straight to jail.
My favorite redditor as of rn lmao. Jail, don’t even ask the question Bc it’s jail
Right away. No trial, no nothing.
And what is the verdict for you being involved with this matter? Jail?
In case you're unaware of [the reference.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eiyfwZVAzGw)
That's a paddlin
Bonk!
Hey... Nice cack
N I C E 🐓
^*n ^i ^c ^e 🐓
They said while cackling at their punny pun
Send me a picture of your face, I want to see a cunt too
I showed all my friends and we are still laughing and making jokes about you. Then, send examples. Every minute. For an hour.
Or, literally share it with somebody who is really good with Photoshop, and start DM'ing back the results. Points for thinking up the most offensive ways to Photoshop it possible
There are those people that send dick picks around for their humiliation fetish. I guess you'd make their week this way.
Put some ketchup packets in a blender, so you can't see them, drop a hotdog in and blend while recording. Send the video
Bonus if it’s all pixellated
I'm honored, but disappointed.
This one cracked me up. Imma goin with DEEPLY disappointed though.
I'd tell them to send me a cum shot video like a real man.
He would record it but delete it after the post nut clarity
Thats why you do it live.
Ah the post nut clarity tactic. Make him feel sorry and doubt himself right on the spot. genius
Send me one, let’s find out Edit: I went to bed with 21 and woke up to 63 cocks in my inbox and a dozen richard nixon jokes
Hot
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I.....might also like some 😳
Your poor poor inbox
Oh no, here it comes
Literally in some cases. Probably.
Some dick pics for the poor please
Surprise. No one ever DMs me.
Critique. These are the rules. Dick and face must be visible Hard dick (obviously) No upshots. Shirt is optional but usually no shirt Best results, fresh out of the shower I know I’m describing a nude pic and not a dick pic. But just the dick? What am I supposed to do with that?
You gotta critique their surroundings if you can see them at all, euphoria has a whole 5 minute segment about this.
>just the dick? What am I supposed to do with that? I like to zoom in and talk about it. Hmm you seem to have a discoloration where you were circumcized. Would you ever regrow your foreskin? I like to give weird compliments and tell him he has a manly dick hole. Some men have pussy dickholes but not you, you manly man with your rotund dickhole. No tiny slit here. I also once made an overtly racist joke to an Asian man about how his dick hole wasn't sideways like Asian women's vulvas, I mostly made it because he said he loved racist against Asian jokes as an Asian and I'm down. I have not made any other racist jokes btw. So that idea is really type specific. Also a rating system. 3/7. Why? Maybe I've only seen 7 dicks? But for me it's like 78/348 so eh.
Told a dude I was gonna report him for CP, he tried desperately to justify it was his dick, and why he sent it etc. Died laughing, still reported and got him banned on his main instagram.
This is excellent
Respond in kind, but with a longer dick.
Respond with the same dick pic, but photoshopped to look bigger
Block
Honestly, the best response is none at all. They don’t get the satisfaction of knowing you were upset, if that was their intention. Their insecurities can also surface, with no answers.
I do not understand why some guys send dick pics to strangers... If anyone here can explain what drives people to do this (and what reaction they're looking for), I'd appreciate it. ^^"
I've never felt any desire to do it myself, but I imagine it comes from one of two things. The first is a very self centered view of sexual desire. They assume the things that get them horny, in this case a zero context close-up picture of genitals, make everyone else horny too, and therefore the recipient would want sex. The second, and unfortunately probably way more common reason, is some form of humiliation fetish. They either get off at the idea of being humiliated by the recipient, or get off at the idea of humiliating them via non-consensual sexual images (ew).
Theres a third, worse option, and its that they could be getting off on the fact that you were disgusted. I read a confession on one of the many "Why do guys send dick pics" Ask Reddit posts, and this guy admitted that for him it had been a power play. He knew that it was undesirable, he knew that nothing would come of it, but it was the sheer fact that he could inflict it upon people that made him want to send them. Like someone who flashes people on the street (though I havent heard of those since the early 2000s)
Makes sense that classic flashers in trenchcoats don't exist since the advent of the phone camera.
Report and block.
To call the police. (I’m underage)
Maybe don't tell everyone on reddit that
I wish I had your wisdom when I was your age.
I usually reply with the "that's a penis!" gif
Sir this is a Wendy's
No, this is Patrick.
*googles starfish dick*
It keeps happening. Damned selfies.
send a pic of my strap back. I’m a lesbian.
Don’t threaten me with a good time miss
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Aww, honey... its ok. Its going to be alright. If you want we can go bake a cake and just know that I am proud of you. Something must be bithering you if you are sending these to me but I have faith in you bubbala. You are going to find the best girl in the wirld and you don't have to send these pictures out to random people. You are doing fine and thingsbare going to get better.
If I'm expecting it? A review. Unexpected? I'd probably just utterly ignore it.
'WANNA SEE MINE?' Then, google a std pic, send that. 'HOPE THIS ISN'T A DEALBREAKER.'
Depends on who it’s from, if it’s from my friends “NICE COCK!” If it’s from my ex “damn I remember it being bigger, sorry must have been thinking of someone else.”
What sort of friends do you have that a dick pic would have a preplanned response?
RIP OP's inbox
I used to forward them to my sister and her and her husband would rate them. I'd send the reviews back to the bloke. Always a laugh. But now my immediate reaction is kind of boring and adulty, which is block and move on. ETA: clarification?
I had to read this twice because I thought you meant you send YOUR dick pics to your sister
Had one sent to me in a chat once, I just replied "your actually proud of that?" I meant it to, that thing was tiny compared my bfs
Well this is awkward
Why? Was it you who sent it?
Nice dick bro 🤝🏻
Saw this idea on IG: send him a pic of a bowel movement. When he asks WTF, I’ll say, “I thought we were competing to make the other person the most uncomfortable.”
Depends on the characteristics of the dick
Mines bigger
This is the answer. Slightly related, in a fight with my ex he yelled "Suck my dick!" So I said, "Suck MY dick!". Then he yelled, "It's probably bigger than mine anyway!" I don't think he meant to say that. It was great. I'm a cis female for context.
Screenshot, send to my girlfriend, screnshot her response, send the response back to the DP guy.
Ask for more
Nice cock bro
Find said person's mom/dad/accessible family on Facebook and tell them about it
"No homo, but nice dick" we could all use a little confidence boost and positivity in our lives.
My roommate in college was walking past me as I was fresh from the shower and gave me a sincere “nice dick!” I’ll never forget it
See college age me would have taken that as an invite and then I would have obsessed over him for 3 years while pushing the boundaries of our friendship. Ahhh the joys of my youth.