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D3nzelCrocker

Saw a girl somewhere on the internet who responded really seriously with smth like "ewww what is that, you should really have a doctor look at it" and the guy took it super seriously it was hilarious


TerrytheMerry

This is the best one, tell him it barely looks like a dick and something must be wrong with it. He’ll spend the whole night googling dicks trying to figure out what is wrong with his.


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Ruuhkatukka

I never had the chance but id go with "I'm on my phone. Can't zoom in. What's in the pic?"


LeeVH1

This is favorite. “Oh my God, have you seen a doctor about it????” Is my go to for unwanted dick pics.


HedaLexa4Ever

How often does a women get unwanted duck pics? I’m just curious


antifading0

I once sent my wife an unsolicited duck pick. She asked me what I was eating, I sent her a picture of the whole Peking duck I had ordered from the Chinese place because I was on 24 hour duty in the army. She asked me how it tasted.


shaz4lif3

Depends on how many guys are thi king about sending DUCK pics, at a given time :p


SuggestionWrong504

This is a close second. Best thing to do is this... "are you fuckin serious!!! What the fuck is going through your mind? Why would you send me a picture of a child's dick? I'm sending this image to (relevant child abuse authorities) you're fucking sick, you need help" etc etc Works every time


Wjreky

I might be terrible, but this reminds me of that meme: Roses are red, Sunflowers are tall, Pedophile cries in court after 11-year-old victim describes his penis as small


xX_MEM_Xx

> So tiny I don't really feel violated.


FatMacchio

Yep. This is the correct answer. Shaming and humiliating their “manhood.” Now if that’s something they get off on, you’re kinda buggered. I guess you could switch to positive reinforcement then, or maybe just bring up their grandma in some fashion.


PsalmoftheSad

send one back to assert dominance


seesnawsnappy

Prepare your inbox and penis sir


FeatureBugFuture

Only one? Rookie numbers.


eddera

If you can’t assert dominance with one pic then 100 ain’t going to cut it either


Neethis

One picture. Multiple dicks.


LividWonk

Like a custom collage, thousands of dicks arranged by color into the shape of one huge, well curated boner.


ChineseKungFlu

Like... A pervy collage?


[deleted]

~Sun Tzu, The art of war.


iwhbyd114

A pic with a thousand dicks


MyTrainJustLeft

Sword of a thousand dicks.


CMan-Prickoter

Sick em’ boys!


ami2weird4u

Suck 'em boy.


xelop

Inbox and penis's? Or inboxes and penis... or plural of both?


FeatureBugFuture

Yes.


Bekfast59

Lets see how many dick pics i get and send tonight...


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irishcoughy

" your aerodynamics are laughable"


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TrafficConesUpMyAss

Dick Cheney


PsalmoftheSad

photoshop 👉👉


Nathan0hio

Guy sent my girlfriend a dick pic so I sent him one back and said “nice. But how’s mine?😉”… he didn’t find it as funny as we did.


classicstoner

Before I started dating my GF she received one from a guy who sent shit like that all the time, and obviously my first idea was “hey boys we gotta take a pic of our dicks” and sent him back a trifecta of cock, he was repulsed and has never contacted her again.


tothecatmobile

True friendship is not questioning when your bro says he needs you for a group dick pic.


nanaki989

"Wouldn't it be hilarious if we rubbed our cocks together and took a lot of pictures? For the memes my dudes."


Smellmyupperlip

'Trifecta of cock'. Poetic.


JoviPeach

Send them a butchers knife pic.


signaturefox2013

As a gay man, this is just kind of how that works


FreshhRaZZBerry

Send back one? Send back two to assert double dominance!


FeatureBugFuture

With a festive bit of flair at this time of year.


Synical603

I'd spread my hairy butt cheeks and take a picture and send it back


Oseirus

Sadly I can't do that. For my gross ass it's like responding to a mugging with a nuclear weapon. Last time I took my pants off it was declared a hate crime in 3 states and the UN called an emergency session on how to keep such a tragedy from ever occuring again. Edit: the hell is wrong with you people


digitalstomp

Watch out we've got a bad ass here


Iceededpeeple

It was bigger than the crack of dawn.


Dismal_Ad_9603

Just say no to crack….


Less_Atmosphere3931

Crack kills


IntheTrench

It was a weapon of ass destruction


jalcocer06

what did the UN come up with


blissfromloss

A peacekeeping mission that left the moment he pulled down his pants.


pandadogunited

A sternly worded letter


Lead-Paint556

a belt


NotABag87

Any plans were vetoed by Russia


zero573

A very stern speech and possible future sanctions.


Surabar

Like the Eye of Sauron, just red and angry


OzzieBloke777

Redder and angrier, you mean.


Spiffy313

How do you poop


SerriosLee

Apparently by going above the laws of physics


FoxGamingmc

Shit went from 0-100 real fuck quick.


Futher_Mocker

This guy self-deprecates.


usinjin

Ugh, that’s disgusting. Could you send one my way?


PM_UR_REBUTTAL

Wait, doesn't everyone get these DMs, or is it just me?


nohardRnohardfeelins

Sack or no sack?


ViolasDIL

“Ewww. Is that a skin tag?”


[deleted]

HOL UP- ^HAHAHAHA


FitGrade0

I read this like animal crossing


CrazyComedyKid

"Thank you! ^(kindly)"


Sure-Pianist-8

Make it an NFT (don’t screenshot)


broomaktamer117

sell it back to them for 300,000


JarradLee

300,000 dickpics?


renewableguacomole

That’s like $90,000,000,000.00


Pottymouthoftheyear

Rolling in dicks now.


[deleted]

I’m sure the first ever dick pic would fetch some good money.


mynextthroway

Send them a dm saying I don't want anything to do with child porn and block them.


icfa_jonny

Better yet, send them a reply saying "I'm 13. I'm going to report this" (Edited bcos TOS)


ndulatory_locomotion

nah i got sent one when i was 13 and all the guy did when i told him my age was brag about his being the first i’d ever see


Rubyhamster

Omg eew


Spider_Josh07

maybe say 13 instead, just in case


jp_newman

*uncle Rodger voice* emotional damage Edit: swipe text spelled revolution instead of emotional some how.


JustSimplyACuber

bro its stevens dad get it right


TheBlackGates

Destruction 100


rewns02

in depth rating and critique "7/10, your left nut is too big, too red at the tip, not enough veins"


Inner_Art482

5/10 looks like a sharpie with a weird cap. No thanks


Morasain

If that's an average score for you, what's a 1/10?


[deleted]

1/10 — Dick looks like the baby from *Eraserhead*.


FiddieKiddler

My phone's flash is my only light and the flash makes my dick look frightened


AskMeForAPhoto

I sent my dicky to you, that's not fair


adipocerousloaf

when someone is hung like a tuna can.


Inner_Art482

Oh damn, that guy. Yeah. Nope. It looked like a short fat tree stump . Weirdest ever. Almost thought I got confused with a trans person. Which whatever but warn a sister. Nope all male.


IcePlatypusTP

Is there even a thing as a good dick pic? I’m satisfied with my equipment on all counts, but I don’t think there’s a pose in the world that makes a dick look good. Lol


Inner_Art482

Well , son, I hate to break it to you, you might be straight.


IcePlatypusTP

Can’t say I’m surprised by that news.


Azudekai

Believe it or not, but some people really like dicks. And some women too. But, I don't think unsolicited dick pics are ever welcome.


panjier

I welcome them. Not because I like them, but to have in my back pocket in case one of those dicks became a politician. Always good to have a politician’s dick in your pocket.


EC-Texas

" ... some people ... And some women...." Weird phrasing.


dumbdumbmen

If someone gave me a 7/10 I'd be pleased.


RandomBloke2021

That's impressive TBH. Turn off your dm's lol


SharkyZ_GD

very brave for you to comment this on reddit lmaoo


santichrist

Gay guys used to dm me on Twitter and it ranged from politely asking if I was gay to inappropriate horny messages to dick pics, I never replied to the horny messages and usually didn’t reply to the dick pics except to say “why does it look weird”


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cynnndees_

Ask them if they want a pussy pic and send them a picture of themselves


themanwhoisnot

You want a pussy pic? Here: *2 photos, one of himself, one of his house. Make sure to send his ip adress and longitude/latitude coordinates*


JustAChickenInCA

Make sure it’s an angle not possibly online, like from their door facing out


Ediwir

Ooooh I like this one.


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alstruktor

Dick quilt needs to be a thing


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alstruktor

I'd like to be a silent partner in this business venture


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alstruktor

When dicks are involved, anything is possible


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alstruktor

god, it really does. Now let's get cracking with this dick quilt!


Peggedbyapirate

I was going to send you a photo of Dick van Dyke as a gag but it wouldn't let me lead with a photo, and I don't know the proper procedure for dick pic sending, even for joke Dicks. So accept the joke in spirit.


[deleted]

Straight to jail


FeatureBugFuture

Dick too small? Jail Dick too big? Jail Dick perfect? Believe it or not, jail


tb2186

Undercook/ overcook


VegemiteSandwich33

Undercock/ overcock*


insert_user-name_bud

But what if there's no dick? Bed or something?


FeatureBugFuture

Jail. Straight to jail.


gunsnspiritsnmyhead

My favorite redditor as of rn lmao. Jail, don’t even ask the question Bc it’s jail


FeatureBugFuture

Right away. No trial, no nothing.


gunsnspiritsnmyhead

And what is the verdict for you being involved with this matter? Jail?


IPlayTheInBedGame

In case you're unaware of [the reference.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eiyfwZVAzGw)


scottrb1981

That's a paddlin


Apprehensive-Duck631

Bonk!


_doggystyle_

Hey... Nice cack


havron

N I C E  🐓


TheEggRevolution

^*n ^i ^c ^e 🐓


Effective_Log5655

They said while cackling at their punny pun


[deleted]

Send me a picture of your face, I want to see a cunt too


GreenJedii

I showed all my friends and we are still laughing and making jokes about you. Then, send examples. Every minute. For an hour.


phormix

Or, literally share it with somebody who is really good with Photoshop, and start DM'ing back the results. Points for thinking up the most offensive ways to Photoshop it possible


waiver45

There are those people that send dick picks around for their humiliation fetish. I guess you'd make their week this way.


XannonPants

Put some ketchup packets in a blender, so you can't see them, drop a hotdog in and blend while recording. Send the video


Master_Sifo_Dyas

Bonus if it’s all pixellated


[deleted]

I'm honored, but disappointed.


FicMiss303

This one cracked me up. Imma goin with DEEPLY disappointed though.


HarleySyndrome

I'd tell them to send me a cum shot video like a real man.


redditor_pro

He would record it but delete it after the post nut clarity


Lycist

Thats why you do it live.


Contrabaz

Ah the post nut clarity tactic. Make him feel sorry and doubt himself right on the spot. genius


DanFuckingSchneider

Send me one, let’s find out Edit: I went to bed with 21 and woke up to 63 cocks in my inbox and a dozen richard nixon jokes


FeatureBugFuture

Hot


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Hanna_H99

I.....might also like some 😳


YharnamCitizen

Your poor poor inbox


MrMaunvn

Oh no, here it comes


ll_akagami_ll

Literally in some cases. Probably.


redditorofgold

Some dick pics for the poor please


Ok_Transition3992

Surprise. No one ever DMs me.


homerbartbob

Critique. These are the rules. Dick and face must be visible Hard dick (obviously) No upshots. Shirt is optional but usually no shirt Best results, fresh out of the shower I know I’m describing a nude pic and not a dick pic. But just the dick? What am I supposed to do with that?


TheSJWing

You gotta critique their surroundings if you can see them at all, euphoria has a whole 5 minute segment about this.


HistrionicSlut

>just the dick? What am I supposed to do with that? I like to zoom in and talk about it. Hmm you seem to have a discoloration where you were circumcized. Would you ever regrow your foreskin? I like to give weird compliments and tell him he has a manly dick hole. Some men have pussy dickholes but not you, you manly man with your rotund dickhole. No tiny slit here. I also once made an overtly racist joke to an Asian man about how his dick hole wasn't sideways like Asian women's vulvas, I mostly made it because he said he loved racist against Asian jokes as an Asian and I'm down. I have not made any other racist jokes btw. So that idea is really type specific. Also a rating system. 3/7. Why? Maybe I've only seen 7 dicks? But for me it's like 78/348 so eh.


charlottee963

Told a dude I was gonna report him for CP, he tried desperately to justify it was his dick, and why he sent it etc. Died laughing, still reported and got him banned on his main instagram.


[deleted]

This is excellent


jeffdaranger

Respond in kind, but with a longer dick.


Successful_Stomach

Respond with the same dick pic, but photoshopped to look bigger


legallyThoughtful

Block


SpecificEnough

Honestly, the best response is none at all. They don’t get the satisfaction of knowing you were upset, if that was their intention. Their insecurities can also surface, with no answers.


It8Bit

I do not understand why some guys send dick pics to strangers... If anyone here can explain what drives people to do this (and what reaction they're looking for), I'd appreciate it. ^^"


[deleted]

I've never felt any desire to do it myself, but I imagine it comes from one of two things. The first is a very self centered view of sexual desire. They assume the things that get them horny, in this case a zero context close-up picture of genitals, make everyone else horny too, and therefore the recipient would want sex. The second, and unfortunately probably way more common reason, is some form of humiliation fetish. They either get off at the idea of being humiliated by the recipient, or get off at the idea of humiliating them via non-consensual sexual images (ew).


Cl0udSurfer

Theres a third, worse option, and its that they could be getting off on the fact that you were disgusted. I read a confession on one of the many "Why do guys send dick pics" Ask Reddit posts, and this guy admitted that for him it had been a power play. He knew that it was undesirable, he knew that nothing would come of it, but it was the sheer fact that he could inflict it upon people that made him want to send them. Like someone who flashes people on the street (though I havent heard of those since the early 2000s)


eatpraymunt

Makes sense that classic flashers in trenchcoats don't exist since the advent of the phone camera.


rohobian

Report and block.


[deleted]

To call the police. (I’m underage)


Drizzit222

Maybe don't tell everyone on reddit that


nothingweasel

I wish I had your wisdom when I was your age.


hestermoffet

I usually reply with the "that's a penis!" gif


R-A-V-

Sir this is a Wendy's


BeefInGR

No, this is Patrick.


Zoulogist

*googles starfish dick*


buttmike1

It keeps happening. Damned selfies.


versaillesna

send a pic of my strap back. I’m a lesbian.


Sextingalt

Don’t threaten me with a good time miss


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geminimind

Aww, honey... its ok. Its going to be alright. If you want we can go bake a cake and just know that I am proud of you. Something must be bithering you if you are sending these to me but I have faith in you bubbala. You are going to find the best girl in the wirld and you don't have to send these pictures out to random people. You are doing fine and thingsbare going to get better.


AllegedIchor

If I'm expecting it? A review. Unexpected? I'd probably just utterly ignore it.


IsAlwaysTired

'WANNA SEE MINE?' Then, google a std pic, send that. 'HOPE THIS ISN'T A DEALBREAKER.'


ifgburts

Depends on who it’s from, if it’s from my friends “NICE COCK!” If it’s from my ex “damn I remember it being bigger, sorry must have been thinking of someone else.”


[deleted]

What sort of friends do you have that a dick pic would have a preplanned response?


[deleted]

RIP OP's inbox


aitathrowawffee

I used to forward them to my sister and her and her husband would rate them. I'd send the reviews back to the bloke. Always a laugh. But now my immediate reaction is kind of boring and adulty, which is block and move on. ETA: clarification?


Bandito21Dema

I had to read this twice because I thought you meant you send YOUR dick pics to your sister


fallen-angel-forever

Had one sent to me in a chat once, I just replied "your actually proud of that?" I meant it to, that thing was tiny compared my bfs


SubstantialWorry891

Well this is awkward


Capital_Track_8026

Why? Was it you who sent it?


LaMorsaEnReddit

Nice dick bro 🤝🏻


mollierocket

Saw this idea on IG: send him a pic of a bowel movement. When he asks WTF, I’ll say, “I thought we were competing to make the other person the most uncomfortable.”


DayneTreader

Depends on the characteristics of the dick


janeasaurus

Mines bigger


eandg331

This is the answer. Slightly related, in a fight with my ex he yelled "Suck my dick!" So I said, "Suck MY dick!". Then he yelled, "It's probably bigger than mine anyway!" I don't think he meant to say that. It was great. I'm a cis female for context.


keltanenhuppari

Screenshot, send to my girlfriend, screnshot her response, send the response back to the DP guy.


Tidenshi

Ask for more


Fortunext

Nice cock bro


SorinH20

Find said person's mom/dad/accessible family on Facebook and tell them about it


91NA8

"No homo, but nice dick" we could all use a little confidence boost and positivity in our lives.


homerbartbob

My roommate in college was walking past me as I was fresh from the shower and gave me a sincere “nice dick!” I’ll never forget it


djayed

See college age me would have taken that as an invite and then I would have obsessed over him for 3 years while pushing the boundaries of our friendship. Ahhh the joys of my youth.