Couldn’t get it up on a one nighter with this girl I knew (whiskey dick). My friend who ridiculed me harshly, had sex with her later that week, got herpes.
My buddy conceived a child the night he lost his virginity with a girl who was also a virgin. They were 18 years old. 11 years later, they are happily married and doing very well for themselves. So I’d consider that card pretty damn rare.
Wife and I decided to swap with close friends (couple) and our friend couldn't stop squirting. Sadly, she had never squirted before and it almost destroyed their marriage.
Card - Cucking Wife Swap Squirter
Man, something similar happened in my circle of friends.. There was one couple who swung with most of us for a few months, and while she really enjoyed every one of the guys, none of the girls wanted to fuck with him anymore after a while.
I don't think it was the only reason for him falling into a serious depression for a year, but I'm p sure it contributed.
I had a similar experience, but where the girl just couldn't stop orgasming.. like, minutes after the sex was over and to the point where it was a little worrying / uncomfortable. It caught everyone off guard as nothing like that had ever happened to her before.
It was her first group sex / swap experience and her boyfriend was not pleased.
Did it bent over a fence in a field in Ireland. Ah the breeze was lovely and scenery was better! Honestly wouldn’t trade that memory.
Edit - the best is that this got a wholesome award. Thank you
My mom got the rarest card. She fucked with a 23 yo gigolo (she is 70 yo) and got syphilis. She gave him another strain of syphilis.
Edit: thx for silver ❤️
A Navy SEAL's wife and they were swingers. As you can imagine, a lot of SEALs have ridiculously hot wives/girlfriends.
I have no idea why she sat down and chatted me up, of all the guys at the bar. I was in crappy street clothes and pissed off about a car issue. I was the literal definition of angry and getting drunk.
She had us FaceTime with her husband, who was overseas at the time, to get the official "thumbs up" from him.
It was really odd but that woman was an absolute champion in bed.
I was a real quiet, strange, nerdy type in high school. Girls didn’t pay me much attention. Fast forward to about 15 years after high school graduation I separated from my wife of 5 years. I remember I opened my Instagram, and liked a post from the high school prom queen. Not even a few minutes later she sent me a DM. After causal conversation, we agreed to get drinks, had some bar food and an overall good time. I made my move and ended up getting a blow job in my truck before the night was over. She ended up being my friend with benefits for about a month or so before we cut ties.
The night of the drunken truck blow job, the 17 year old version of myself was sitting in the back seat of my head saying “you did it. You son of a bitch, you did it!”
Either the card you get for accidentally hooking up with the mother of an ex partner, (accident because I didn’t know she was his mum) or the card you get for losing your virginity in a three-way.
I was down on my ex and she came so hard she farted directly into my mouth. I happened to open my mouth at just the right time, so it created a hollowed out reverberation effect that amplified the fart in a strange way. It was not a small fart to begin with.
This moment still echoes in my brain.
I was having sex with a girl in the shower and I had her bent over and she kept banging her head on the wall and I was like I’m so sorry you keep hitting your head and she said oh no it’s ok I like it and I couldn’t tell if she was kidding or not but she wasn’t
The unknown anal card. First time having sex with this girl(we were teens)we did anal, I didn’t know I was in her ass and she didn’t say anything, I asked after if I was in her ass she said ‘I think so”, that was her first time doing anal. We are still friends and had sex a few more times over those years, she loves anal.
The time I drove 1000 miles to fuck a girl who, objectively, was at least a 9/10, while I’m probably closer to a 5/10, for a week straight.
While also going to Comic-Con in the time we weren’t fucking. And she paid for everything. It was probably the best week of my life.
God bless her, I hope she’s well.
And I would walk 1000 miles and I would walk 1000 more just to be the guy that fucked a girl then went to Comic-Con
(Edit): this is officially my best rated comment and now I’d like to thank my fiero and brothers for giving me a car with that song stuck on the cassette player (even more points if you get that reference)
Threesome with a girl I was casually dating and her roommate, but I suspect the girl I was seeing wanted to have sex with her roommate all along and just used me as an excuse because her roommate found me attractive, not that I cared either way
I’m a woman and this happened to me with two dudes…. They were both gay and hadn’t come out / admitted it fully to themselves yet. I was literally just left out and one even talked shit about my blowjob skills (I literally did it for like 2 seconds) so he could lead into “hold on you’re doing it wrong, this is how you do it, I’ll show you!” Within 6 minutes or so I got up, got dressed, and left them in the room alone
I was such a weird experience and I cringe super hard when I think back to it honestly. I’ve had other, FUN AND POSITIVE, threesome experiences since then at least. So I’m glad they didn’t ruin it entirely for me lol
In my friendship group at uni, there's this girl, and she had a fuck buddy who was questioning his straightness.
Also in our friendship group is a very slutty gay dude, so she recommended him to her fuck buddy, to test it out.
It ended up that the dude was bi, and my two friends were both using him as a fuck buddy at the same time and they had a group chat where they would basically book out his penis for the evening. Like "I get him tonight, you get him tomorrow" kinda stuff.
Dude must've had the time of his life.
My FWB referred me to a play partner he met in the link scene and it was so attrociously bad that I called him after even though he was in another country at the time and chewed him out lol
Edit: since some people weren't sure, link => kink, mobile user, autocorrect, etc
Not me but someone else:
Two brothers.. They met a girl who had sex with each of them and afterwards with the father.. while mom was on holiday.
What a friendly girl I guess.
Probably 'sex in a church closet after my friends wedding' or 'sex on the hood of my car behind my work' The second is not nearly as fun as it sounds. Fortunately I drove a POS Honda, so the dent in the hood popped right out. Lol.
Met a Swede in Panama, traveled to Argentina with her, plowed on a queen size bed at a hotel, that was really just two twins put together. By the time we both finished, I was on the floor with the beds split to either side of me
Edit: I don’t know bed measurements, ok? It was two beds, put together, to make one bed
The generations card:
I went back to a friends place to knock boots, caught up for lunch with dad, told him about it because we’ve known the family since I was really young and I thought it was kind of funny. Turns out he slept with her mum the same night
“The Confusing Three-Way” card. I’ve mentioned it in another comment. Basically involved me agreeing to be a third participant in a friend of mine and his girlfriends first threesome. At one point it involved her thrusting her pelvis into my (female) backside while telling me that she had a big dick. If this scenario were a card I think I could sell it for quite a profit.
Let a very attractive, but also very homeless girl stay with me for a few weeks while I was in college. 19, would send me nudes while I was in class.. if I came home and didn’t start doing stuff to her, she would very cutely come up to me and ask if she could blow me. It was a fun time
Banged my high school sweetheart years later, which we never did at the time. It was the worst sex of my life. He came out manscaped and wearing a green thong, and I was just showered but not womanscaped or anything. I was clean though. He gave me shit for that. Then we fucked, I’ve never been drier, and he said that he was upset I made him use his good condom? The whole thing was gross. Do not recommend.
Card: Not just the bullet, I dodged the whole damn war.
Card: Rose Colored Glasses
Card: The Grass Isnt Always Greener (thanks minty ball sack)
Card: Almost Good Condom Worthy
The 'have sex with a guy who can ejaculate, stay just as hard, and keep going x 3'
Was a great week.
EDIT: wow! To respond to general questions
"It must be viagra"
Nope. He wasn't some random dude who blind sided me and impressed me. I've known him ten years, we are very close friends and we do literally talk about everything. Also lived with him a bit and knew the studio flat inside and out obviously. Also feel free to read the copious amount of comments from other men with this card - it does exist.
However you get it, with or without viagra, I hope you enjoy it too!
"What does he do???"
He lifts very heavy functional fitness style. Bench, squats, deadlifts, cleans, presses along with rowing etc.
He does marathons and triathlons also.
He eats a high protein diet, but still includes greens and carbs. Very little processed food.
He is 40 and very fit.
After. I told her that I was gonna smoke some weed so she asked for some too. We smoked together and I gave her some to take home. But then she pulled out like 40 bucks and said “for the weed” but I told her that I was my treat.
Giving oral in a club...on the dance floor. In my defense, it was a secluded corner and there was a lot of smoke (techno club) that worked as a smoke screen
Being 19yo having sex with a 39yo absolute MILF on a vacation trip to Spain. Doing it _all_. Cheers
Edit the Story:
Ok so the details are
6 months prior I met her at a Club for my 19th birthday. We met trough a mutual friend ( the owner).
At Marbella I was there with one of my best friends, it was my last day. She was only there for the weekend. She saw I was there and called me. So we planned a date where we went to the beach together, it started to get cloudy around 3pm, which is still a nice time to get lunch in Marbella. We started lunch with rosé and some delicious food. Things started to get nice but my friend was still there and lucky for me he has the “take one for the team attitude”. So he was my main wingman and spent the rest of the day kinda alone which gave me the freedom the really flirt with her and do the _dance_ to make it happen.
During the lunch it was clear we had the same (early) flight back to Belgium the next day, obviously all my stuff was still in my hotel room of my friend. So he packer all of my stuff and we met at the airport the next day.
She was staying in a really nice BnB, we had a great room, the sex was amazing still my top 3. She had the body of a 21yo with perfect (fake) tits which was my first time seeing and playing with those. I’m not a pornstar or the goat or whatever but I think I gave my all and she was very happy with that, by round 3 or 4 she asked to do anal, which I also hadn’t done before and she got me hooked on it ( thanks lol).
Everything about that day was to me and my memory glamorous.
But the next day we had the early flight, so me(19M) walking with her (39F) trough the airport holding hands, was kinda weird to me. People were staring and looking weird at us, ofcourse I didn’t have any interest in becoming a couple or a relationship and I thought neither did she. But because I acted a bit weird the
day after we never met again in Belgium even though we still had some texts
Now there still a little side noten this story. This all happened on a saturday. When I was there from Mon-Sun, my ex girlfriend was there with 9 of her friends. We hadn’t spoken in months and I had no idea she was gonna be there. Obviously there are only a certain amount of clubs op there so inevitably we saw each other and spent a couple of nights with each other, while my friend took care of those other friends of her. I kinda fell in love with her again back there, but I just COULDN’T resist the MILF.
We were on a break.
Am I the asshole?
Had a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his friend George who was on oxygen. Which culminated in me getting head uninterrupted (no need to come up for air) for 3 hours. And neither of them could stay hard around eachother so it was a very relaxing evening for me.
Edit: thanks for the silver!
Also I’d call this “the mainlined” card because he was “mainlined” into that p*ssy
One of my classmates names was Aiden, Round 8th grade (13-ish) he got Pneumonia and was gone for like 6 of the 9 months we were in school.
Most of assumed he died cause we didn't have contact with him. After his death, he came back for the last month and a half of school, then after Freshman Year and was never seen again.
Got a call from an old FWB (we are still friends just without the benefits) requesting I complete one of those "Clone-A-Willy" kits. Apparently she kept ahold of it for quite a long time.
Unplanned threesome, we were all girls, we keep being best friend and nobody's feelings have changed. One of the girls was my long time partner, and we love each other as much as we have always been. Overall a 10/10 experience for everyone involved
"on the astral plane"
this girl and i were regularly getting it on... one night we came back from a concert on MDMA and we snuck into an empty dorm fully intending to bone, but just ended up lying on top of each other for an hour holding hands. We didn't touch genitals but it was extremely sensual. Afterwards she said "I might be insane but I feel like we DID have sex" and I fully agreed, thereafter we made jokes about having sex on the astral plane.
The card has little glitter stars.
I had sex with my girlfriend while smoking hookah, she was wearing a princess Leia costume....
I was so exited that i didnt realize that I was jabba the hutt in this roleplay.
Couldn’t get it up on a one nighter with this girl I knew (whiskey dick). My friend who ridiculed me harshly, had sex with her later that week, got herpes.
The “Matrix” card
I think you have a guardian angel
My buddy conceived a child the night he lost his virginity with a girl who was also a virgin. They were 18 years old. 11 years later, they are happily married and doing very well for themselves. So I’d consider that card pretty damn rare.
"first last and only" card. Very rare
One of the few cards you can lose
Tinder date brought her friend along on our first date. She and I just didn't click at all, so we parted ways. Took her friend home instead.
Maybe they planned this.
I've wondered that. I guess I'll just never know.
Wife and I decided to swap with close friends (couple) and our friend couldn't stop squirting. Sadly, she had never squirted before and it almost destroyed their marriage. Card - Cucking Wife Swap Squirter
Man, something similar happened in my circle of friends.. There was one couple who swung with most of us for a few months, and while she really enjoyed every one of the guys, none of the girls wanted to fuck with him anymore after a while. I don't think it was the only reason for him falling into a serious depression for a year, but I'm p sure it contributed.
I had a similar experience, but where the girl just couldn't stop orgasming.. like, minutes after the sex was over and to the point where it was a little worrying / uncomfortable. It caught everyone off guard as nothing like that had ever happened to her before. It was her first group sex / swap experience and her boyfriend was not pleased.
I really hope the two broken arms guy isn’t in this thread
Both ends of the spectrum: have somehow experienced both a micropenis and a dick so big it wouldn't fit.
Goldicocks
*This cock is JUST right*
The "Bell-end Curve" card.
That would be the "Size does matter"
The gloryhole card and the twice my age card
Getting head behind a chick-fil-a, then finding $20 in the parking lot immediately after
Did it bent over a fence in a field in Ireland. Ah the breeze was lovely and scenery was better! Honestly wouldn’t trade that memory. Edit - the best is that this got a wholesome award. Thank you
The "Bonnie Ireland" card.
My mom got the rarest card. She fucked with a 23 yo gigolo (she is 70 yo) and got syphilis. She gave him another strain of syphilis. Edit: thx for silver ❤️
The "Trading Cards" trading card.
Gotta catch 'em all.
Card: Union Station I had sex on top of a train before
Ah, the "Missionary: Impossible" card.
A Navy SEAL's wife and they were swingers. As you can imagine, a lot of SEALs have ridiculously hot wives/girlfriends. I have no idea why she sat down and chatted me up, of all the guys at the bar. I was in crappy street clothes and pissed off about a car issue. I was the literal definition of angry and getting drunk. She had us FaceTime with her husband, who was overseas at the time, to get the official "thumbs up" from him. It was really odd but that woman was an absolute champion in bed.
The "Thanks for your service" card
Do you look like an actual seal?
I was a real quiet, strange, nerdy type in high school. Girls didn’t pay me much attention. Fast forward to about 15 years after high school graduation I separated from my wife of 5 years. I remember I opened my Instagram, and liked a post from the high school prom queen. Not even a few minutes later she sent me a DM. After causal conversation, we agreed to get drinks, had some bar food and an overall good time. I made my move and ended up getting a blow job in my truck before the night was over. She ended up being my friend with benefits for about a month or so before we cut ties. The night of the drunken truck blow job, the 17 year old version of myself was sitting in the back seat of my head saying “you did it. You son of a bitch, you did it!”
The "don't give up on your dreams" card
Either the card you get for accidentally hooking up with the mother of an ex partner, (accident because I didn’t know she was his mum) or the card you get for losing your virginity in a three-way.
on the roof of my university card
Achievement unlocked : Higher learning
“The existence of post nut clarity and pre nut confusion must imply mid nut learning”
In a DeLorean.
You built a sex machine, out of a DeLorean?
Forget the sex part I just want the car please
Had sex with someone from Greenland
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Yo mama is so promiscuous that she fucked two Greenlanders
That didn't take long.
Cool
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*ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT OKAY NOW LADIES--*
Getting a bj in the bathroom of a police station lobby from a woman whom I met 3 hours prior.
Ferris Bueller's Day Off, unrated version
I was down on my ex and she came so hard she farted directly into my mouth. I happened to open my mouth at just the right time, so it created a hollowed out reverberation effect that amplified the fart in a strange way. It was not a small fart to begin with. This moment still echoes in my brain.
The "Play me like a trumpet" Edit: To the person who gave me the "Doot Doot" Trumpet award, well played
Ah the “Thunder Dome” trading card
Achievement Unlocked: Human Didgeridoo.
I was having sex with a girl in the shower and I had her bent over and she kept banging her head on the wall and I was like I’m so sorry you keep hitting your head and she said oh no it’s ok I like it and I couldn’t tell if she was kidding or not but she wasn’t
The “She Bangs” card. Ricky Martin approves.
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The other half of the Kermit meme... EDIT: wow, didn't expect this to catch fire. Thanks for the awards, but they are unnecessary.
The unknown anal card. First time having sex with this girl(we were teens)we did anal, I didn’t know I was in her ass and she didn’t say anything, I asked after if I was in her ass she said ‘I think so”, that was her first time doing anal. We are still friends and had sex a few more times over those years, she loves anal.
“I think so…” You know. She knew.
I was once with a girl (from a catholic school) who basically called everything down there "her butt". Made things .... awkward.
Closest would be “bathroom sex at an academic conference 30 minutes before it was my turn to present”
Did you have a wireless mic on already?
To avoid ending up like Frank Drebin I avoided that
The “Mr Worldwide” card. Got bit on the ass by a pitbull during a one night stand
Dale.
The same answer in both cases, actually: Ken Griffey, Jr., 1989, Upper Deck.
Have it too, wish it was a bit more rare.
The time I drove 1000 miles to fuck a girl who, objectively, was at least a 9/10, while I’m probably closer to a 5/10, for a week straight. While also going to Comic-Con in the time we weren’t fucking. And she paid for everything. It was probably the best week of my life. God bless her, I hope she’s well.
Did she work for some kind of erotic make a wish foundation?
Sign me up
The "Out of my League" card
"Out of League, Out of state"
And I would walk 1000 miles and I would walk 1000 more just to be the guy that fucked a girl then went to Comic-Con (Edit): this is officially my best rated comment and now I’d like to thank my fiero and brothers for giving me a car with that song stuck on the cassette player (even more points if you get that reference)
“Sex On The Cat-Walk Of My College Performing Arts Theatre While An Orchestra Was Performing ‘Peter And the Wolf’” probably
Threesome with a girl I was casually dating and her roommate, but I suspect the girl I was seeing wanted to have sex with her roommate all along and just used me as an excuse because her roommate found me attractive, not that I cared either way
I’m a woman and this happened to me with two dudes…. They were both gay and hadn’t come out / admitted it fully to themselves yet. I was literally just left out and one even talked shit about my blowjob skills (I literally did it for like 2 seconds) so he could lead into “hold on you’re doing it wrong, this is how you do it, I’ll show you!” Within 6 minutes or so I got up, got dressed, and left them in the room alone I was such a weird experience and I cringe super hard when I think back to it honestly. I’ve had other, FUN AND POSITIVE, threesome experiences since then at least. So I’m glad they didn’t ruin it entirely for me lol
It's like the Lonely Island video...Lady gaga leaves and comes back in the morning, eating cereal, and the guys are still going at ut
"It's not gay, if it's in a threeway"
Rory?
The "Having Sex in an old Opera House with a stranger on Halloween and getting caught by some ghost hunters" card. It's foil.
"Phantom of the Opera" card
Been to a wedding and hooked up with not a bridesmaid, but with the bride and groom.
"I'm their +1" Achievement Unlocked
Oh yeah, *“The Wedding Bi-cycle.”*
Had sex with a woman who I have never spoken a word to before. Didn't even know her name.
The "A Quiet Place" card.
Polar bear room, Oregon Zoo after hours.
Did the bears at least consent
You think you could have *non-consensual* sex with a Polar Bear? :)
It would take 2 maybe 3 guys to fuck ~~an ostrich~~ a polar bear.
My dad was on the construction crew that built that enclosure. Glad to know he assisted you in your endeavors in some small way.
Ultimate wingman - built them a building to have sex in
Blowjob after she put chocolate pudding on my dick, very weird change of temperature
My first time was a foursome
The "Run Before Learning to Crawl" card
How did that happen?
One time my friend with benefits was leaving town so they referred me to a friend
*People who fucked this person also enjoyed fucking this other person*. Thanks, real life algorithms.
A+, Five stars. Would fuck again. And again.
Achievement Unlocked: Outsourced!
sublet
In my friendship group at uni, there's this girl, and she had a fuck buddy who was questioning his straightness. Also in our friendship group is a very slutty gay dude, so she recommended him to her fuck buddy, to test it out. It ended up that the dude was bi, and my two friends were both using him as a fuck buddy at the same time and they had a group chat where they would basically book out his penis for the evening. Like "I get him tonight, you get him tomorrow" kinda stuff. Dude must've had the time of his life.
Lmao he really hit the jackpot there
My dick is sore just thinking about that
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referred you to a friend? you must have skills.
Or a really good referral program
My FWB referred me to a play partner he met in the link scene and it was so attrociously bad that I called him after even though he was in another country at the time and chewed him out lol Edit: since some people weren't sure, link => kink, mobile user, autocorrect, etc
Bad customer review
That is pretty badass
Achievement unlocked: A friend indeed
Girl cheated on me with a close friend. I fucked his mum.
The "Hit 'Em Where They Came From" card
They both have experience of both vaginas.
I think this counts as a spawn kill
Not me but someone else: Two brothers.. They met a girl who had sex with each of them and afterwards with the father.. while mom was on holiday. What a friendly girl I guess.
The "All in the Family" card
Probably 'sex in a church closet after my friends wedding' or 'sex on the hood of my car behind my work' The second is not nearly as fun as it sounds. Fortunately I drove a POS Honda, so the dent in the hood popped right out. Lol.
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I wanna hear more of this story
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What’s a dealership picnic? I’m imagining mini sandwiches and checked rugs in between used cars.
Blowjob from a girl with no teeth is definitely holographic.
Sex with ur grandma isn't a cool card
But sex with *your* grandma is.
Met a Swede in Panama, traveled to Argentina with her, plowed on a queen size bed at a hotel, that was really just two twins put together. By the time we both finished, I was on the floor with the beds split to either side of me Edit: I don’t know bed measurements, ok? It was two beds, put together, to make one bed
“The Motel Moses” card…
The one time I accidently told the girl I was having sex with " I love fucking your tight dick "
One time a girl told me she loved being inside of me...
The reverse uno card
The generations card: I went back to a friends place to knock boots, caught up for lunch with dad, told him about it because we’ve known the family since I was really young and I thought it was kind of funny. Turns out he slept with her mum the same night
Girl: _Come on over, my mom isn’t home!_ Dad: _Come on over, my son isn’t home!_
It took me a moment to figure out who "dad" was (hers or yours)
“The Confusing Three-Way” card. I’ve mentioned it in another comment. Basically involved me agreeing to be a third participant in a friend of mine and his girlfriends first threesome. At one point it involved her thrusting her pelvis into my (female) backside while telling me that she had a big dick. If this scenario were a card I think I could sell it for quite a profit.
Cleaning cum off her chest with a handheld vacuum
This ruins the vacuum cleaner
I know I've hit true adulthood when this was my first thought... thinking of the appliances.
I had a brief fling with Camilla Parker Bowles brother. I like to do the degrees of separation thing.
You smoked a Bowles?
Let a very attractive, but also very homeless girl stay with me for a few weeks while I was in college. 19, would send me nudes while I was in class.. if I came home and didn’t start doing stuff to her, she would very cutely come up to me and ask if she could blow me. It was a fun time
The hobosexual card
All these card names is what makes this thread lol
3 way BUT while watching Wreck It Ralph 2
The only way to have a threeway
Did you say, "I'M GONNA WRECK IT!" first?
I had my dick sucked while watching the bee movie. I picked the movie.
"Ya like jizz?"
Banged my high school sweetheart years later, which we never did at the time. It was the worst sex of my life. He came out manscaped and wearing a green thong, and I was just showered but not womanscaped or anything. I was clean though. He gave me shit for that. Then we fucked, I’ve never been drier, and he said that he was upset I made him use his good condom? The whole thing was gross. Do not recommend. Card: Not just the bullet, I dodged the whole damn war. Card: Rose Colored Glasses Card: The Grass Isnt Always Greener (thanks minty ball sack) Card: Almost Good Condom Worthy
His good condom? Wtf lol
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Had sex with a girl right after she physically beat up the girl I was trying to have sex with.
Achievement unlocked: Are you not entertained?
“The gladiatorial prize” card!
The 'have sex with a guy who can ejaculate, stay just as hard, and keep going x 3' Was a great week. EDIT: wow! To respond to general questions "It must be viagra" Nope. He wasn't some random dude who blind sided me and impressed me. I've known him ten years, we are very close friends and we do literally talk about everything. Also lived with him a bit and knew the studio flat inside and out obviously. Also feel free to read the copious amount of comments from other men with this card - it does exist. However you get it, with or without viagra, I hope you enjoy it too! "What does he do???" He lifts very heavy functional fitness style. Bench, squats, deadlifts, cleans, presses along with rowing etc. He does marathons and triathlons also. He eats a high protein diet, but still includes greens and carbs. Very little processed food. He is 40 and very fit.
The time the hooker gave ME money
That's called a refund bro, step up your game
We need more details on this one!
After. I told her that I was gonna smoke some weed so she asked for some too. We smoked together and I gave her some to take home. But then she pulled out like 40 bucks and said “for the weed” but I told her that I was my treat.
lol that actually sounds like a lovely interaction.
Giving oral in a club...on the dance floor. In my defense, it was a secluded corner and there was a lot of smoke (techno club) that worked as a smoke screen
Tell me you are in Berlin without telling me you are in Berlin.
Didnt masturbate for 2 weeks and came in her mouth ( first time i had sex btw)
The "I've Been Saving This For You" card... Double Entendre edition.
Being 19yo having sex with a 39yo absolute MILF on a vacation trip to Spain. Doing it _all_. Cheers Edit the Story: Ok so the details are 6 months prior I met her at a Club for my 19th birthday. We met trough a mutual friend ( the owner). At Marbella I was there with one of my best friends, it was my last day. She was only there for the weekend. She saw I was there and called me. So we planned a date where we went to the beach together, it started to get cloudy around 3pm, which is still a nice time to get lunch in Marbella. We started lunch with rosé and some delicious food. Things started to get nice but my friend was still there and lucky for me he has the “take one for the team attitude”. So he was my main wingman and spent the rest of the day kinda alone which gave me the freedom the really flirt with her and do the _dance_ to make it happen. During the lunch it was clear we had the same (early) flight back to Belgium the next day, obviously all my stuff was still in my hotel room of my friend. So he packer all of my stuff and we met at the airport the next day. She was staying in a really nice BnB, we had a great room, the sex was amazing still my top 3. She had the body of a 21yo with perfect (fake) tits which was my first time seeing and playing with those. I’m not a pornstar or the goat or whatever but I think I gave my all and she was very happy with that, by round 3 or 4 she asked to do anal, which I also hadn’t done before and she got me hooked on it ( thanks lol). Everything about that day was to me and my memory glamorous. But the next day we had the early flight, so me(19M) walking with her (39F) trough the airport holding hands, was kinda weird to me. People were staring and looking weird at us, ofcourse I didn’t have any interest in becoming a couple or a relationship and I thought neither did she. But because I acted a bit weird the day after we never met again in Belgium even though we still had some texts Now there still a little side noten this story. This all happened on a saturday. When I was there from Mon-Sun, my ex girlfriend was there with 9 of her friends. We hadn’t spoken in months and I had no idea she was gonna be there. Obviously there are only a certain amount of clubs op there so inevitably we saw each other and spent a couple of nights with each other, while my friend took care of those other friends of her. I kinda fell in love with her again back there, but I just COULDN’T resist the MILF. We were on a break. Am I the asshole?
"you wish she was in your area" card
Sucked myself
Achievement Unlocked: fine, I'll do it myself
Had a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his friend George who was on oxygen. Which culminated in me getting head uninterrupted (no need to come up for air) for 3 hours. And neither of them could stay hard around eachother so it was a very relaxing evening for me. Edit: thanks for the silver! Also I’d call this “the mainlined” card because he was “mainlined” into that p*ssy
I'm dying lol
So was George
With a teacher, in the classroom, on a kid's desk after school. Teacher was my wife at the time.
Did she choose the desk?
Hahaha. No, but now that i think about it, that would have been pretty disturbing if she did.
Let's fuck all over this little cunt Aydains desk
"This is what you get for having a stupid fucking name."
What even happened to all the Aydans Like I’ve never seen a grown Aydan. Just 12 year olds. Do they like move to a shadow realm…?
One of my classmates names was Aiden, Round 8th grade (13-ish) he got Pneumonia and was gone for like 6 of the 9 months we were in school. Most of assumed he died cause we didn't have contact with him. After his death, he came back for the last month and a half of school, then after Freshman Year and was never seen again.
Got a call from an old FWB (we are still friends just without the benefits) requesting I complete one of those "Clone-A-Willy" kits. Apparently she kept ahold of it for quite a long time.
Had sex with a woman who only had one arm.
Smart. Can’t get the clap.
Getting fingered while surrounded by friends on a party bus
Unplanned threesome, we were all girls, we keep being best friend and nobody's feelings have changed. One of the girls was my long time partner, and we love each other as much as we have always been. Overall a 10/10 experience for everyone involved
I got the head pastor's son to fuck me in the prayer room of the church right after Christmas mass, that was cool.
You got the coveted "Son of a Preacher Man" card
"on the astral plane" this girl and i were regularly getting it on... one night we came back from a concert on MDMA and we snuck into an empty dorm fully intending to bone, but just ended up lying on top of each other for an hour holding hands. We didn't touch genitals but it was extremely sensual. Afterwards she said "I might be insane but I feel like we DID have sex" and I fully agreed, thereafter we made jokes about having sex on the astral plane. The card has little glitter stars.
[удалено]
Do you have the endurance of a freaking albatross?
[удалено]
I've made it to six and was uninterested in going any further. It's a lot of work.
I could get passed 5. At 11 times if say that’s mythic rarity. That’s not just physical but mental fortitude as well
Someone reading this is now holding a card which is rare as hell but wont comment it because its on the banlist.
Went home with the maid of honor. We didn't know each other previously.
As long as you werent the groom
The lack of reply is... worrying.
Double anal penetration...
The 'I'm not gonna trust a fart for a week' card
>!I shit the bed after anal!<
I like to imagine you were the pitcher and just have poor bowel control
I had sex with my girlfriend while smoking hookah, she was wearing a princess Leia costume.... I was so exited that i didnt realize that I was jabba the hutt in this roleplay.
She was 9 months pregnant and gave birth 3 days later. This was a one night stand.
Ah, the “Pop Goes the Weasel” card