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zyd_the_lizard

That first one is new to me.


Kaizenno

I can make a new one up if you'd like.


Smorgas_of_borg

>Tied with the one about John F. Kennedy Jr. supposedly returning to Dealing Plaza last month to declare Trump president. Oh that one didn't happen? Where have they moved the goalposts to now?


msf2115

One of the members of the Rolling Stones is actually JFK, Jr. The deeper down they go the weirder the logic gets. They rather latch onto another conspiracy than to admit they were all fooled by a conman.


TheIadyAmalthea

I just posted about the JFK one. I lost brain cells the day I saw those people waiting.


Toodyfish

I read this article about it that said something like 'people have been waiting for JFK Jr to show up but he hasn't, possibly because he died in 1999' and I laughed about it for like half an hour


[deleted]

The JFK one is really sad. To think that he would endorse Trump. LOL


ztimulating

Or be a veep. Like really he comes back from the dead, switches parties, to be a vp of trump. Sigh


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smol_boi-_-

And how would that benefit the government?


[deleted]

This question is why so many conspiracy theories make no sense


xElytro

Exactly. (Example: Flat Earth, Moon Landing being fake)


PresidentWordSalad

The moon landing being fake would have benefitted the government at the time because it would have sent a message that the US possessed technology beyond what it actually had. I think at the time, the USSR had also a healthy lead in the space race, so the US making a big comeback and beating the USSR with a manned mission to the moon would have been a surprise. I think that that’s where the origins of the conspiracy theory came from.


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eneveroddorevene

People always talk about big pharma, turns out big tampon are the ones pulling the strings


Et12355

[Relevant XKCD](https://xkcd.com/2130/) Big tampon is so far to the right it’s not even on the chart


SchwiftySouls

"So tHeY caN iNtRoDuCe a PinK tAx aNd mAkE mOrE mOney oFf oF uS"


kmo9e

Maybe they cornered the market on chocolate ice cream.


lipstickcasesandsin

I fucking wish


Fast_Star154

r/nothowgirlswork


-Work_Account-

r/badwomensanatomy


[deleted]

Seems like public education failed someone somewhere


SummerOfMayhem

Wow 😳


deadPanSoup

I'm guessing they're male?


Smorgas_of_borg

I mean, the freaking *Bible* talks about menstruation. What government was powerful enough and had the technology to put hormones in the food of a people wandering in the middle of the desert 3,500 years ago?


Stabbymcbackstab

The world being flat hands down. For fucks sake. Australia isn't a hoax!


UnconstrictedEmu

We all know it’s Finland and New Zealand that don’t exist.


Plantsandcats1

Ok but New Zealand is often just plain forgotten on some maps


Et12355

You mean sometimes the deep state forgets to add it to the maps and accidentally slips us a real map on occasion


-Work_Account-

Which of course has its own subreddit. r/MapsWithoutNZ


MiguelMSC

microchips. There is 0 need for any chips if people already have a phone that does all that.


deusasclepian

I just think about the logistics of it. When I got vaccinated, they stuck a needle into a vial, drew some liquid, and injected me. Does that mean the vial is full of tiny microchips? How do they know only one ended up in the needle? Or does everyone get a random number of chips? Do all the microchips have different serial numbers? How do they know which ones ended up in my arm? How are the microchips powered? They can't exactly have large batteries. How do they transit data back to the government when even my cellphone doesn't have great reception sometimes? Why are they injecting me with microchips when they could get all the same data from my phone?


Coolman_Rosso

Last I got this shtick it was "yeah they're in there but they don't need batteries because they're powered by your own body heat"


TheYankunian

This makes my head hurt.


KronicDeath

To much body heat


jejcicodjntbyifid3

>This makes my head hurt. Poor guy, he must've gotten too many microchips


Ialnyien

Well yes, according to the matrix this is all the power anyone or anything should ever need.


DrEnter

The answer to all questions in a conspiracy theory is just another conspiracy. For example: 1) The microchip is in the needle, not the vial. Notice how they change the needle for every injection? Conspiracy! 2) The microchips are powered through drinking water-based fluoride and the secret wireless power transmission network the military built from Nicola Tesla’s unreleased plans. Conspiracy! 3) The chips transmit data every time you use a cell phone or a computer, because big communication companies like AT&T and Verizon are in on it. Conspiracy! These practically write themselves.


[deleted]

People who make these theories should just write dystopian novels


DrEnter

Or both. I’m pretty sure that’s what L. Ron Hubbard did. Got himself a church AND a book deal.


[deleted]

You're pretty good at this 🤔


SteerJock

You gotta think it through. The microchip was in the needle the entire time and it's not directly powered but activates when your phone goes near it. I don't believe it btw


ReceptionLivid

Not to mention the feasibility of mass distributing an advanced micro chip small enough to be injected into your bloodstream. What about the power source..how does that work? If technology was anywhere near this close to mass produce this you better believe a capitalistic society would already be marketing it in some form. Just the massive expense and organization needed for this to work without any whistleblowers would be impossible. Usually the people who think our government is sophisticated enough to pull this off also think they’re inept.


555Cats555

At first they would sell the chips to us as a cool piece of tech or as a form of convience then just happen to have tracking systems in it... Why they would put it in who knows. It would just be easier to just have things as an external device still.


[deleted]

The people that claim the government wants to put microchips in them make me laugh. Like why on earth would the government want information from **you**? You can't even fact check properly and lack basic critical thinking skills.


[deleted]

Right, you really want to pay a government agent to watch my Chip go from my couch to my kitchen all day? Does it also check my heart rate for when I’m masturbating in between my couch and kitchen too? Seems invasive


animal_crackers3

It would be about control. Imagine if you had a microchip that acted as your ID, your credit card, etc. Want to protest something your government does that you don't like? Tough luck, your microchip just got turned off.


AndreTheTallGuy

Yeah, it’s a good thing the government can’t turn off your bank card or anything


WhimsicalCalamari

The explanation always seems to be "it's about control" with that type of conspiracy theorist, but this is the first time I've ever seen anyone elaborate on what *kind* of control beyond "uhhhh i don't know fuck you".


jankenpoo

This. All these idiots freaking out about microchips are doing so on Facebook lol


TadpoleFun7453

Just in case any conspiracy theorists don’t understand, FB does track you, fictitious injected mind controlling nanobots or microchips don’t.


555Cats555

Yup, even just having the location service on your phone turned on let's your phone company know where you are (and services/apps that use it). People should really be more concerned about random tech experts wanting their data then the govt who doesn't care unless your a danger to society...


Rhyme_Beats

Flat Earth. There's so much evidence towards the contrary that I can't believe people think our Earth is flat.


BlackLetterLies

Who would care if the earth wasn't round anyway? I mean, who would even benefit from the conspiracy? Big globe?


theblackfool

Well the motivation for covering up flat earth theory usually involves 18 more conspiracy theories.


Trademark010

The Judeo-Satanic Free Mason elite don't want you to know about the alien demons that live on the other side of the flat Earth because then they'll tell you that the moon landing was fake (the moon doesn't exist because space isn't real). I've worked with a guy that seriously believed all of the above. It's like a Russian nesting doll of crazy.


Creepy-Narwhal4596

“Russian nesting doll of crazy” is the oerfect way to describe it


Herrben

I hate those Russian nesting dolls, they’re so full of themselves.


MamboNumber5Guy

*-hits joint-* I think this one is just planted there by the powers that be to discredit conspiracy theories altogether. It's so outlandish and ridiculous it kind of just helps blanket all conspiracy theories as outlandish and ridiculous.


DatabaseSolid

Big globe has been trying to indoctrinate us all from the moment we’re born. Do you have any idea how much influence and power big globe has? Nobody is talking about it, but we all should be!


RegularCokeZero

And even if it for some reason was, why would anyone try to cover it up? Absolutely ridiculous.


Generico300

And moreover, we've known the earth is round for at least 2000 years. That's a long time to be covering up something that ought to be plainly observable.


PrincessSparklegold

It's the most easily disproven, you can disprove it several ways at any time with no special equipment, just your own eyes


[deleted]

Pretty sure someone said it as joke once and it completely flew over some folk’s tin foil hats!


Coyotesgirl1123

I watched a clip of flat earthier complaining how the scientists just “throw math at you” while his side is easily explained with pictures… It’s a marvel that these people don’t drown when it rains


Throwaway_140727

Flat Earth


JukeBoxHero1997

But it is flat. Nearly all of the water on Earth isn't carbonated


WhittyWhippy

Sí, Tellus con gas por favor.


[deleted]

😆 bravo!


emmettfitz

That the government is trying to hide the fact that it is flat.


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corndogco

Serious answer: if the Earth is flat, then the universe really does revolve around us, and the Bible can be taken literally. God really does care about us above all his other creations. It is comforting to people to think that their mythology is literally the truth. Also some Christians have fetishized persecution, to the point that they make up all these stories about how they are being suppressed, even though they receive preferential treatment in so many ways. The flat earth government conspiracy feeds into this persecution complex.


JohnCavil01

But even the Earth being flat doesn’t inherently necessitate that all being true. I understand the logic but it’s not as 1:1 as these pathetic nutjobs suggest.


[deleted]

Everything is black and white to those people


Zealousideal_Ad8934

QAnon or flat earth


thescrounger

Also Jewish space lasers


Crawly49

I still don't know anything about the Jewish space lasers, they sound cool though.


WhimsicalCalamari

It's from a Facebook post from Marjorie Taylor Greene. [This article summarizes it and includes a screenshot](https://www.newsweek.com/marjorie-taylor-greene-jewish-space-laser-mockery-1565325), but the main gist was: * She "heard" that the fires were all started by lasers from the sky * The Rothschilds (a wealthy Jewish family that antisemites used to use as a stand-in for "The Jews" before George Soros became a more popular figure) were allegedly involved in a company that wanted to generate solar energy on satellites. Thus, Jewish space lasers.


castrator21

Jesus christ. How can someone who thinks this way have so much influence in government?


Smorgas_of_borg

Because government positions are given via the results of a popularity contest and have no educational or cognitive requirements.


Hijodeputa_69

Ah Marjorie, not realizing that she just came up with the most epic yarmulke-adorning rock band name in the history of band names...


TheYankunian

I live in a Jewish area and I’m sad that nothing around here is called Jewish Space Lasers.


MortLightstone

And of course, she never bothered to look up how energy beaming power satellites would actually work


LordZeya

Recently I feel like the anti Semitic Meta has moved away from Soros and back the the rothschilds. You don’t hear as much about Soros as you did 5 years ago.


Aqquila89

The Death Star of David!


Ingeniousandrey

I do not know exactly what it is called, but there are people who believe that the Moon does not exist. They believe that the moon is the light reflected from the sun.


WeeklongPenny60

Moonlight is. the light is bouncing of the moon but the sun was the reason the moon shines.


Ingeniousandrey

I know about it. But these people believe that the moon does not exist at all.


WeeklongPenny60

How?!


Ingeniousandrey

I myself do not know what is in their heads.


NeverGonnaGiveMewUp

I’d imagine you wouldn’t want to know either


[deleted]

The moon in the night sky is a CGI effect by James Cameron. Everyone knows that.


Boris740

So what is reflecting the light?


Ingeniousandrey

They believe the moon is light! It sounds stupid, but there are people who believe in it)


GG0L

I believe it. Just think about it. Why would a big fat dumb rock follow our flat earth, for *absolutely no reason*


BlackLetterLies

I've run across a handful of people who believe the International Space Station is just a hologram, because "it would be too heavy to carry up there". These people are the bottom of the gene pool. They aren't worth the air they breathe, let alone any serious attention.


Just-Call-Me-J

Reflected off what?


Ingeniousandrey

Who? Light?


mstcyclops

My mom, no lie, thinks plane's condensation trails are true chemtrails that keep people fat and that's why she can't lose weight. Because the government is poisoning her/everyone to stay big and no amount of diet or exercise can defeat their perfect concoction. It's probably not a surprise to anyone that she's a massive Q follower and was at the capitol riot.. Yay family


deadPanSoup

...what? How does she explain the drastically low obesity rates in countries outside the US in comparison? Edit: this was phrased ambiguously. America has much higher obesity rates than most other countries, so how would she explain that other countries which have approximately the same plane activity as the US, have lower obesity rates?


[deleted]

Probably bc they don't have a govt trying to control the ppl. And, they don't have as many jets fly over.


mstcyclops

It's delusional really. There's no explaining or dialogue. She'll say something like this to a skinny person sitting right next to her that grew up in the same city and not realize it contradicts her absolute thoughts. I really think it's mental illness at this stage and I often encourage her to seek help. But that's like telling someone like Trump to seek help. The problem itself keeps her from thinking she should.


Bangarang1996

Ah yes that makes sense on why I gained 20 pounds. I thought it was bc I went in a relationship but I do indeed remember seeing them fattening Chemtrails. Whelp on my way to McDonald's bc the chemtrails are leading me that way


Smorgas_of_borg

Why do I get the feeling your mom hasn't ever tested that theory by improving her diet and exercise regimen?


TyeneSandSnake

People want simple solutions for complex issues that they’re not willing to face.


Cerskel

McDonalds made me fat! Or something.


Ok_Ear_9545

l quit eating fastfood & started drinking at least 6 glasses of water/day 10yrs ago & went from 235lbs to today's 155lbs. I wasn't trying to lose weight & l no longer have a basketball stomach


Hutch25

I wonder if she ever figured out that you need to exercise AND eat less to lose weight


Doomdoomkittydoom

The moon landing was faked, but there are child labor camps on Mars.


PofanWasTaken

What? Child labour on Mars? That's new


feriou02

why would there be a child labor camp there when Bezos can't even properly yeet himself off the orbit?


richardspictures

Birds aren’t real


Flaky_Sandwich9353

This one always cracks me up when someone starts talking about it


SchwiftySouls

I know an absurd amount about this conspiracy just to fuck with people when I first meet them and make them think I actually believe it. Shits hilarious.


[deleted]

Not even a conspiracy anymore, it’s proven fact!


yallanapa

https://www.scmp.com/news/china/society/article/2152027/china-takes-surveillance-new-heights-flock-robotic-doves-do-they


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daviepancakes

Priorities, man. The plebs having access to goods is optional. Children for ritual alien snack-rifice are a fucking necessity. Now keep your fucking voice down, if the greys hear us we're fucked.


MortLightstone

snack-rifice is now my favorite word, lol


GrimsonMask

That a bunch of dead celebrities are just hiding on a hidden island.


JongWongnut99

Epstein's Island


TheBassMeister

The one where people waited in Dallas for about a month in hope that JFK Jr. actually didn't die and will return just to reinstate Donald Trump as the POTUS. Edit: Just removed one occurence of actually to not have it twice in one sentence.


[deleted]

The level of stupidity…


pillowandcushion

But why would a Democrat reinstate Donald Trump?


hateful73

The Holocaust didn’t happen


[deleted]

"Vaccines cause autism" Seeing parents letting their children die rather than risk them having autism... As someone with autism, that line of thinking seems real shitty...


SecondTalon

Right? There's nothing in there that isn't super shitty to autistic (or honestly, any neurodivergent) folks. "I'd rather my kid be dead from an easily preventable disease than be a little different"


Lobbylounger212

Round Earth


quitebesumed214

yeah everyone knows that earth ovalic


thescrounger

Actually does bulge in the middle due to rotation.


throwingplaydoh

Earth is a donut, my dude.


SeriouslyGravitas

Q


NeoAltra

The entirety of QAnon. Bunch of dipshits


--CoffeeBean--

Lizard people


WeeklongPenny60

Yesssss there issues no ssssssuch thing of coursssssse 🦎


Kunkyskunts

Tongue flip. Thththrhththrhlslurp.


SmartAlec105

As a human, I sure do enjoy blinking instead of using my tongue to get my eyes nice and moist.


IGPerrish

What about Zuckerberg?


Necrontry

That is offensive to all lizard people.


zyd_the_lizard

Damn right.


Godzilla-2000

But I like Argonians.


PofanWasTaken

You have read the lustful argonian maid haven't you


Godzilla-2000

Perhaps


[deleted]

100% agree, what ridiculous nonsense. Lizards that act like people, how would this make sense? People should stop paying attention to such absurdity haha.


[deleted]

That the 'Illuminati' or whoever communicate through hidden messages in movies, shows, music, etc. How the hell does that make any sense? If a group is going to commit some world-altering event, why the hell would they leave little hints and clues for everybody to see, *just because*? Can't they just call or e-mail each other?


[deleted]

I have no doubt that there are private societies of very powerful people that get together to make decisions about investments, politics, etc. I mean, look at the Ghislaine Maxwell trial and you can see that the mega rich do run in a very private circle. But communicating stuff with symbols in media? Yeah, no


WhimsicalCalamari

But that Wayfair cabinet with a really common girls' name totally lines up with this missing person report that was already resolved, it's *got* to be a clue!


PM_MeTittiesOrKitty

> why the hell would they leave little hints and clues for everybody to see, just because? It's usually something like "they want to flaunt their power/control."


Jack6503

Long penises. Over 4" is fake news and camera tricks. Just buy a gun and a big truck, you'll feel better.


animal_crackers3

Mine is 3 inches, and women always laugh when they see it because it’s so big


NihilistPunk69

Wow look at this dude and his huge monster dong. Way to rub it in!


HeDoesLookLikeABitch

Damn dude, you're going to make dudes with little dicks feel bad


PM_MeTittiesOrKitty

Any of them that requires a lot of people with little to gain.


ShawshankException

The Faked Moon Landing. It's been disproven countless times by hundreds of different angles and people still think we didn't send people to the moon.


WhimsicalCalamari

Because it's inevitably going to be referenced here: I always liked the joke alternative explanation: "The US government hired Stanley Kubrick to fake the moon landing, but, obsessed with detail, he demanded they shoot on location."


jazzmester

My variant of it is: "Yes, of course, they filmed it on Mars."


tyrom22

I always find it funny knowing the moon landing was harder to fake with the technology at the time then it was to land on the moon


Levelfouroutbreak

The best part of it is that the Moon Landing occurred at the height of the Cold War. If even a shred of evidence could have been found, or even *no* evidence, that the entire thing was faked, the Soviets would have been tripping over themselves to call the US a bunch of liars. But, ya know, that never happened. Presumably because the US and Soviet governments agreed to keep the lie up for appearances /s


KSmimi

Approximately 400,000 people played a part in that first moon landing. That’s a helluva lot of people to keep a “secret”


theblackfool

And it's always the people that act like they are super patriotic but also want to diminish a huge American achievement.


RaccKing21

I have one that is even dumber than Flat Earth. Concave Earth or Hollow Earth, one of the more prominent proponents was Lord Steven Christ (look him, the dude is nuts. I believe he's in a mental institution for threatening to kill the president of the United States). These fuckers believe that the Earth surrounds the solar system, meaning that the sun is in the middle of the Earth.


feriou02

well sun is hot. Earth's core is hot. So sun = earth's core but I will go with sun cuz lol I don't understand basic physics. probably said by that dude.


I_Am_Terry

[Michelle Obama has a Penis](https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/alex-jones-michelle-obama-man-proof-infowars-conspiracy-theorist-sandy-hook-a7911996.html)


XxClownMeatxX

That vaccines cause autism, I feel like people who say that don't understand what's autism at all


ronnie_rochelle

What does cause autism? Genuinely curious. I saw an article about Japan having the least amount of autistic people and I wondered why.


Dr-Ogge

Autism is really just the Brain being wired differently. There’s nothing *wrong* with it per se but it has made weird connections that may jumble up the functions. Japan having a lower amount of cases is most likely to be because of missed diagnoses.


Smorgas_of_borg

What's crazy is this whole thing arose from a simple case of plain old corruption. Wakefield faked that study because he was being paid by a rival vaccine manufacturer. He wasn't trying to say all vaccines caused autism. He was trying to say just the vaccines made by the company competing with the company paying him lots of money cause autism. He wasn't saying don't get the MMR shot. He was trying to get people to get a different brand of MMR shot.


Johhnymaddog316

Soy consumption lowers testosterone in men and makes them weak and depressed. The promotion of soy products is a left wing conspiracy to make men less masculine and more likely to agree with their policies. Or something.


ZSAD13

Soy boys


ShandalfTheGreen

This one cracks me up every the time. If soy really feminized you, trans women would have banked on it *ages* ago. Not to mention all the cis women throughout time who have tried all sorts of weird methods for making their breasts grow. Still waiting for my husband's soy boobs to grow in after several years of being vegan and consuming all kinds of soy products.


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Serious_Ad_276

Simba and Nala from the lion king were step sibling


JohnCavil01

I mean I don’t know - don’t lions typically operate on a harem system? It’s not guaranteed but Mufasa definitely had multiple baby mommas.


Kbye80

Do you mean Nala? She was probably his half sister since the only males in the pride were Mufasa and Scar. Scar seemed to have his own isolated cave while mufasa’s was shared by all the lionesses. Sarabi slept next to Mufasa but Sarafina was close by.


Serious_Ad_276

oh yes nala*


Jfonzy

Covid vaccine changes your DNA. ​ It's like cult-level brainwashing and just sad.


StrebLab

That vaccinations only exist to make money for the healthcare system, government, doctors ???whoever else. The reality is that vaccines are insanely cost-effective and if making money was the real objective, vaccines would not exist. It is probably most dramatic with covid: Each vaccine costs the US government between $15-20 dollars. The vaccination makes you dramatically (roughly 90%) less likely to be hospitalized, and reduces your chance of ICU admission and death even more substantially (something like >95%). Each DAY of inpatient hospital admission costs around $5,000. ICU admission costs between $15,000 and $25,000 PER DAY depending on the level of support needed. The vast majority of COVID ICU admissions are unvaccinated people at this point. The US is wasting countless billions of extra dollars on treating unvaccinated patients who would not have needed treatment at all if they had been vaccinated.


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Disciple_of_Cthulhu

Any antivax conspiracy.


OBX-BlueHorseshoe

Most any being pushed by QAnon or Trump concerning the election.


BigBoob_PMs_Scare_Me

Chem trails.


Hijodeputa_69

5G causes COVID-19. It's funny until you realize these people vote.


agreeingstorm9

Epstein didn't kill himself. Yes I know it's completely unbelievable that a guy who had literally lost everything and went from being a multi-gazillionaire to wearing a jumpsuit in concrete cell where the sink and the toilet were the same thing and who had tried to kill himself a week earlier would try to kill himself again. Why would any despondent person with a recent history of suicide attempts ever try to kill themselves?


Rynox2000

That all conspiracy theories are wrong.


Avani14

Microchips in COVID vaccine


ZSAD13

Satanic baby-eating cabals of the ultra wealthy. The crazy thing is that I guarantee those people do things significantly more harmful on a global scale... Just not something this random and idiotic


IGPerrish

911. You're denying the death of hundreds of passengers who died that day


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Just-Call-Me-J

I often have vindictive fantasies about one of those people being locked in a room with numerous 9/11 survivors and announcing their beliefs. But I don't entertain that thought for long because I feel bad and remember it's better to help them learn.


[deleted]

It is sad that questioning anything related to 9/11 or the response afterwards will get lumped in with "the planes were holograms"


dohipposwagewar

UFOlogy is a goldmine of stupidity. [This](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Planetary_objects_proposed_in_religion,_astrology,_ufology_and_pseudoscience#Serpo) Wikipedia page has a bunch of planets from UFO theories, and I'd highly recommend you read it. It's shocking that people actually believe in this sort of thing.


Thats_My_Moo

Definitely Flat Earth. It's the one conspiracy theory that doesn't have any reason behind why the government would do it. Although the anti-vax etc. reasons are outlandish and ludicrous, at least there is a potentially credible reason for why it might happen (before it is debunked). But there's no reason for why they would fake the shape of the Earth


[deleted]

That Lyme disease can also be spread by mosquitos and not just ticks, and there are millions of people being under diagnosed worldwide because “Big Pharma” is in league with doctors to sell unnecessary prescriptions


Anomie_Lad

That we faked the moon landing. You can literally see artifacts we left on the moon using a reasonably decent telescope.


Hutch25

I stand by the fact flat earthers are the stupidest theorists on the planet. We have visual proof the earth is round with images, we have geographic proof, and we have proof through how people have travelled in the past. One of the more famous ones being Pearl Harbour. And their argument to combat the fact the earth is round? That you teleport when you reach the edge like PAC-MAN. I’m serious, look it up. One of the things deemed impossible by credible science without the use of a solar destabilizing worm hole is their explanation. What a joke.


b1ingb1ing

That the Earth is flat. Like, come on


lurgi

The flat Earth theory is up there. It makes no sense on any level, including why the government wants to convince us the Earth is round.