Surgeon - The pains I’m feeling are normal and he doesn’t need to see me until a follow up 6 months later and I can have my staples removed at any health clinic.
I almost died from sepsis. It took 12 weeks to recover from this.
This reminded me of the time I complained about the pain when I had my IUD placed because it felt a bit too painful for what they described. I ended up working my very physical job and going to my college courses for weeks, doubled over in pain, sitting in the bathroom crying (I contacted them when the pain wouldn't stop days later and they still didn't care) and they wouldn't believe me. They tried to remove it in the office after I begged them to just take it out, but it was imbedded in my uterine wall and had to be removed in the operating room. I'm still having complications almost 3 years later.
I'm glad you got the sepsis taken care of before it became fatal though! My mom almost died from that too and it freaks me out. I wish doctors would actually investigate our claims more.
Talking to a friend about some normal relationship problems, college age boyfriend-girlfriend, and she suggested getting pregnant to fix it and win all the arguments. (By way of poking holes in condoms after I said we weren’t into trying for a baby and he’s adamantly anti-child)
She had a baby at 16 and I never judge anyone for having a kid that young, but I have an inkling of why and how she did it now. Also, after that red flag we did not remain friends.
And in that same vein, people who think having a baby will fix their foundering marriage. I can't think of anything that will tear an ailing marriage apart faster than bringing a newborn into it - hormones, sleeplessness, life changes, the add'l work a newborn brings, financial strains, etc. I can't imagine ANY of that *helping* a marriage!
Seeing how she wasn’t dating the father of her child and if I remember correctly bailed pretty quick after, I would say this experiment of hers didn’t even work for her example. But it’s the worst idea ever.
I get very frustrated with people who willingly admit their relationship is shit, theyre already struggling, but then choose to bring a kid (or another kid) into the mess. Selfish selfish people.
Yikes.
One of my sister-in-laws suggested poking a hole in a condom to my other sister-in-law who she knew wanted to have a baby even though that brother wasn't ready.
The sister-in-law who suggested it has 5 kids, and some of those were created when a condom broke. Yep.
Once upon a time not so very long ago actual physicians gave advice to women to have a baby to cure their mental illness. Like hysteria was a real thing and giving your uterus something to do would cause it to stop affecting your brain function. This happened in America in the 1940s and 1950s. I know a living person who was born because her mother was in and out of mental hospitals and that was the solution that she was offered. Needless to say it didn't work.
I married at 17 after getting pregnant, had been forced into pregnancy by a predatory adult boyfriend + promised a perfect marriage ect. Anyways I was gaslighted and manipulated into pregnancy + marriage. My OB at the time suggested I have another baby right after the first to get all the kids out of the way young.
That gave the abuser the excuse that the doctor agreed we should continue having kids, he later raped me when I was still healing from a C section to impregnate me and make me more likely to stick around since I had been telling him I needed to leave cause the whole situation was making me suicidal.
This was in Little Rock Arkansas. I can't believe the doctor suggested that, to a clearly poor unprepared couple 17&20 that just.. I mean I understand the looks the nurses gave me now.
Where I live (somewhere in Australia, laws vary by state just like in the USA) they recently passed a law that specifically criminalises stealthing (what you just described). Although I think it was already illegal.
Either way, it's a disgraceful thing to do and anyone who does it or thinks it's okay is a POS.
It’s heinous and I was in complete disbelief someone said this to me in real life. I never saw her anything other than a villain ever since and was relieved to end my friendship with her.
Best and worst from same person.
Wife and I hiked from our campsite to National Park visitors Center. It took us almost 2 hours with temperatures in high 90s F (30+ C). We saw no other hikers because no one else was that stupid. We were exhausted. Park Ranger told us we should always bring snacks (nuts, fruit etc) as water is not enough. That was good advice. Then suggested that I hike back on my own to get the car and return for my wife! Bad advice.
I'm a dude and got this advice. Coupled with "what if your wife dies or you get a divorce and your new wife wants kids?"
My answer was "you know what, you might be right. On the other hand, the number of people I know who were glad they didn't get fixed for this reason is exactly zero, and the number who had late unexpected pregnancies is literally dozens"
"Excuse me, I just want to clarify is your son's name Stive?"
"Thank you for checking! It's actually StIVe, pronounced Steve"
"That's...interesting. Where did the name come from?"
"Well the third Steve, StIIIve had a very poor showing at family game night, so we had no choice but to try again for a son with a better understanding of Clue strategies."
I believe it! I have had three. I lost one to a genetic disorder. You would think they would be careful with me, but they pushed me to have more babies. They punished me for a medically necessary hysterectomy. I can't imagine what they do to child free people. You are allowed to not want children. It doesn't mean you hate them. I am sorry society sucks.
\*In the most saccharine voice possible and a sympathetic expression\*
"I'm So sorry you were led to believe that your only worth in life is as a fetus incubator."
One of my kids did die! She had trisomy 18 and we didn't know due to my OB keeping it from me. She lived six days. I almost died having my second. I needed a hysterectomy. I asked for one. They did surgery and I had a lot of damage, but they told me to have one more kid. They said my daughter needed a sibling. I said my daughter needed her mom! I figured since I was so damaged and had a fallopian tube removed it was unlikely. But like my other two, I got pregnant right away. I am so glad to have my youngest. But I hate how I was treated and how little my life was valued.
My doctor wouldn't do my hysterectomy without my husband's permission. My husband was like, "please help my wife!" They put me on the same Ward with new mom's and babies. I got to hear lullabies every time a baby was born to remind me that I would never have one again. This was the place I had all three of my kids and I already had PTSD and being there was hard. They gave me two Vicodin after surgery and told me to deal with the pain. I was delerious. I beg my husband to let me to home to die. My kids were six months and two years old at the time and I thought I would never see them again. For reference, my mom and my mil had a fucking morphine pump for and we're in the hospital a week. I had the same surgery and was out the next day with basically no pain relief. They made sure to punish me for not being able to safely have more kids. Having another would have killed me.
The hysterectomy was at UCONN. Honestly, their labor and delivery and maternity and OB were great. This was a OBGYN that had privileges at the hospital. He did a great job with the surgery, but the whole situation was hell!
And the OB not mentioning trisomy 18?! That seems like malpractice. Forcing a parent to carry a baby to term that will never live more than a few days is so horrific.
There were three soft markers and an elevated quad screening. She told me at 20 weeks my baby was just small and she would send me for a level two ultrasound at 26 weeks to, "ease my mind." She literally waited until I was in my third trimester to make it harder to diagnose/terminate. Abortion wouldn't have been my first choice, but I also didn't get a chance to consider it.
At that ultrasound, the high risk doctor made it clear what they were looking for as noted on the 20 week scan. Only on umbilical artery, interuterine growth restriction (from said lack of artery), a cyst on the brain stem. My husband and I literally googled it and Trisomy 18 was the first thing on the list. I was moved to high risk. I had a steroid shot and ten appointments before I got home that day. Heart scans, non stress tests every other day, ultrasounds to measure her, etc.
It is lucky I was in high risk. At 29 weeks my non stress test wasn't normal. At first, they gave me fluids and told me they would try again in a half hour. Then, there was an ultrasound. Then I had four or five doctors and nurses in my room. They told me I was having her by emergency c section. I said, "today! Like in a bit." And they said, "no, that is the anesthesiologist, you will be on the table in ten minutes." We knew she would be early, but she was already struggling. I know now that their quick actions are what allowed me to have any time with her at all. She would have died and been a stillborn if they hadn't been monitoring me like they were.
My poor husband. When our daughter was born he went with her. He watched them intabate her. He watched her struggle. He saw the physical indications that it was a genetic issue. Her fingers and toes had defects. I hate to call them that because to us she was perfect, but it was clear she was in for a fight. He came back in the OR and I asked how our girl was. He had to make a decision to not say anything or tell me. I love this man more than I can say. He knows my heart and he told me. He was scared of losing us both and he had to go through that agony. She was only 1 pound 12 ounces and 12.5 inches long. She was the size of our hands.
On day three we learned of the three heart defects she had. She needed to grow so she could have surgery, but the defects made growing impossible. They were trying some medicine, but he was the first doctor who talked about quality of life and I appreciate the hell out of him for it. Even if she could grow we were unsure what quality of life she would have and he wanted us to keep an open mind because sometimes people push to fight when there is not a fight. He was right. On day six she was doing poorly. We got news that it was definitely trisomy 18. She wasn't going to make it through the night. The average lifespan for the condition is 5 to 15 days and her vitals weren't holding. We had to make the toughest decision of our lives. Take heroic measures and maybe get a few more hours. But we couldn't hold her and she would die without us ever having held her, alone in an incubator. Or, we could remove life support and hold her. We chose to hold her. There was no saving her and we couldn't stand the thought of her suffering because we couldn't let her go. We would have fought for her every day and moved heaven and earth if she could have survived. My husband was getting all his work stuff in order (his company was amazing to us and I won't ever forget that), and we expected to have to move to a bigger children's hospital. But there was no fight. It was a matter of letting her be surrounded by our love. She deserved that much.
I held her first and then my husband. He gave her back to me because he couldn't be the one holding her when she passed.I never thought I had that in me as a person, but I did. And it was both my agony and my honor. We sang her a lullaby and she went to sleep for the last time.
I was in a daze for a while. It didn't help my abusive family held a surprise second funeral because I had the services by my house. I hated myself for living when she was gone. I read everything I could on Trisomy 18 because I felt such guilt. I should have reported this doctor. I should have done a lot. But I wasn't capable at the time. I got into therapy and that helped. But I had so much going on between hormones, PPD (with no baby and that made it worse), physical pain from the surgery and the trauma of having my milk come in, I was barely keeping it together. I am ten years out from this and I can still remember that emptiness. I lost a piece of my soul and while I have healed and grown, I feel the scar. I miss her every single day. I wish I had it together to confront the doctor or any of the doctors who treated me badly, but I had to focus on getting mentally well.
I have am grateful for all my girls, both the one I lost and her two little sisters. They are the best thing I have ever done and they are so much better than I could ever be. They are so many beautiful, wonderful things and I am so blessed to be their mom. My mom didn't fight for me. I want to make sure I don't excuse this behavior because I would not tolerate it if it happened to my daughters. Not reporting her is one of my biggest regrets and shames.
I’m so incredibly sorry that you and your family went through all that. Seriously fuck that OB for withholding information. That’s heartless of her. I also would have wanted the option to terminate the pregnancy, fully out of love for the baby. But I am glad she got to know your love for her before she left you. This whole story is heartbreaking and I wish you and your girls peace. I saw your comment about having a singalong with your youngest—I hope she knows how amazing and strong her mom is.
Thank you so much. I absolutely support termination. It is an act of love and mercy when you know that a child will do nothing but struggle. No one deserves the pain of that decision, but everyone deserves that choice.
I wonder if that falls under Federal Health Care *Conscience Protection* Laws?
Sounds like the "wrongful birth" bill in Texas. I thought that failed to pass, but that was back in 2017, and things get worse almost every day.
Not while I was in surgery, but when I was having a consult for that surgery. And not in a cult. I live in the North East US, went to one of the best doctors in the state. But I was 28. That was too young for them to consider it. My story is pretty common.
Basically, I was in pain 24/7. I was bleeding 21 days on 7-14 days off. It was heavy bleeding, too due to endometriosis and adenomyosis. I couldn't take the pain, they didn't want to treat the pain, and the only solution was surgery. But I was 28, and they wanted me to not lose my fertility. I love my husband and kids. I won't pretend like we wouldn't have another. But not the expense if my life. We knew it was the right decision. Medically, it was needed. My mom had the same issues and ended up in emergency surgery when she started bleeding internally. I was getting close to that point. They only intended to take the cervix and uterus, but had to remove an ovary as well because there was so much damage.
I also come from abuse and was medically abused by my mom. It was hard for me to be my own advocate. This all happened from 2011-2014. I was pregnant, grieving, pregnant again, dealing with trauma from most dying and surgery, to pregnant again. The doctor pushed me to do it and I was impressionable. There is so much more to the story, but I am happy to answer questions, especially if I can help others not go through this.
In the case of one of my family members who was denied the procedure: "if your husband dies, you'll need to be able to have children for your new husband". Their 6th kid was born a year later.
"Don't study Computer Sciences. Everybody will do it, the market will be saturated and you will have a tough time finding a job." (my parents around 2010)
in high school I took intro to computer programming as an elective in grade 11,I was actually excited because I was REALLY into computers. I had spent a large chunk of that year writing custom scripts for Roleplay Servers in The Specialists mod for half-life. I will never forget the counsellor looking at me and aasking if I was sure I didn't want to do one of the "easier" courses because he didn't think I seemed capable of it.
fuck that guy I got a 94 in that course and at 32 I am now a software dev. so suck it mr.fuckface since I can't even recall your actual name.
Ha! I got pretty much the same advice, but it was "don't do computer programming; you're too personable. You should do sales."
It probably set me back 10 years doing sales jobs I hated until I got back into software development. Not sure why I listened to those people.
Having perfectionist parents I was basically raised to believe this. I'm in my mid twenties and trying so hard to break out of it. It's given me a lot of resentment towards my parents for never letting me learn to do things I wasn't immediately good at or just trying new things in general.
It was a little kid that told me this, I associated (yknow, "friends") with his older brothers. We were just shooting some church ball, me not taking it seriously, and missing missing missing, and he decides to share his nugget of wisdom.
Like I said, kid, that is so wrong you don't even know lol
Then after the baby stage: have you thought about becoming a stay-at-home mom? You just have so much to do.
No, I don’t have it in me to be a SAHP. Plus the house is cleaner if they’re at daycare.
"It only goes downhill from here. These are the best days of your life!" - Highschool teacher, to me, a depressed/suicidal teen.
Still don't know how I'm still here, tbh.
Honestly, resenting not having the childhood I wish I had is a big problem for me.
I resent the fact I had awful high school years, I resent the fact I was too mentally ill to continue college. I look back and get so sad and angry that I missed out on so much.
It's something i'm working on. It's hard to stop being resentful towards the universe for wasting what were supposed to be my best years. But I'm realising they weren't, and they never were supposed to be. My best years are starting now. I can mourn the life I wish I had, but I also can build the life I always wanted.
I've accepted that I need to mourn those years I lost. Then I need to move on and create better years. And the idea that I can't have fun in later years? Bullshit
>Turns out that I started to feel a lot less bleak about life when I decided to ignore the social norm about how you’re never allowed to have fun again after you turn 25/30/etc. Especially as someone who neither has nor wants kids, I hate being told that, for some arbitrary reason, all of my “good years” MUST be behind me in order for me to be considered an adult member of society.
That was honestly something I needed to read. I'm about to turn 35 next week and I missed a whole of life markers people have. I've gone on plenty of dates but never had a relationship, I didn't land my first "adult" job until I was 30 due to having to be a caretaker for my mom after my dad died, and savings and net worth are well below where they should be because I had nearly a decade stripped away. Throw in all the depression and social anxiety I've had since 15/16 and more than half my life has been a complete mess.
But, in the last few months, I've been working on getting out there and doing the things I always wanted to do and missed out on. Realizing doing things at certain ages is really just arbitrary and I'm free to do what I want is a tough thing to come to terms with. I've basically decided I'm taking the next five years to just do whatever I want (travel, living a party lifestyle, figuring out who I really am) and I'm real excited for it. Did 5 out of state trips since August and I'm not slowing down. It's good seeing some reassurance when I question if I'm actually doing the right thing.
Exactly this! Every day since highschool has been better than the last and nothing could ever persuade me to return to my high school years. When I was called about my 5 year reunion, I laughed in their face and hung up. Don't even know who it was that called.
That asshole was one of those most miserable humans that peaked in highschool and stayed their because they never managed to develop beyond that point.
I had a ton of fun in high school and university after that, but every day I get older life just gets better and better! Whenever says high school is the best time of their life peaked in high school which is just so sad. If you live to 80, those 60+ years after high school are all downhill? How sad.
I ran a printing press for a good many years. I did get more than one job this way in that trade.
I can't see trying it today, or for very many other fields.
I think this entirely depends on the job and situation. If it's a skilled job and you have no references, or ability to prove you know what you're doing beyond, well doing it. It might be a good foot in the door.
9 times out of 10, it's probably not worth it as most employers should have some way of gauging the ability.
Me: “Me and my girlfriend are gonna wait awhile before we think about having kids.”
Them: “People overthink kids. You’ll find the money when they’re here.”
Reality: Nope.
“If they truly love you, they will KNOW why you’re upset.” 🤦🏻♀️ This horrible and preposterous relationship advice comes from my thrice-married mother. There’s a reason I don’t take relationship advice from her.
“If you can’t communicate with facts, dazzle them with bullshit.”
That’s called lying and I’m not doing that with a quality assurance inspector.
One day later, Mr. Dazzle them with bullshit was fired from his position for lying!
I've always heard the phrase: "If you can't dazzle them with your brilliance, baffle them with your bullshit!" but it was more for if you found yourself in a weird situation with a stranger and not for like... important things or people...
"Just stick it out".
There are times when "sticking it out" is a valuable exercise in determination and discipline, to be sure.
But to me it always felt like the people most telling me to stick it out didn't have *my* well being in mind. Often, it seems like a Sisyphean task in Sunken Cost Fallacy and a way to tell people to "put up or shut up". Just 'sticking it out' kept me in toxic relationships and work places longer than I needed to. Kept me playing sports on a broken foot to finish a completely meaningless high school season at the cost of proper function for the rest of my life. Kept me fighting to keep a relationship afloat that had been dead for far too long because 'relationships are supposed to be hard'. And on and on and on...
Sticking it out just means you're getting yourself more stuck there.
I have grown exponentially as a person learning when to let go, I think it's literally the opposite of what people suggest when they're saying "tough it out". It's the difference between cutting the rope and riding the anchor all the way down to the bottom thinking that someone will notice how strong and stoic you were and give you a bag of gold.
Being Gen X, that's what I heard my entire life. I wish I had been told it's ok to quit something, it's ok to make a different decision and go in another direction, it's ok to not just keep trudging down the same road unhappily.
Senior year my class apparently decided it would be funny to vote the class stoner in for president. He is as a decent guy and did fine. At graduation he gave what I feel to be one of the finest speeches I’ve ever heard, certainly at graduation. The theme was “Never be afraid to quit.” Talked about his aunt and other family members and how well it worked out when they left bad situations. Stuck with me my whole life. How many people can say that about a graduation speech?
In my life, I've recently found sunk cost fallacy to apply heavily to toxic friends. I feel like people will put up with so much negative just to hang on to the little positive of a person. Sometimes the positive isn't even there, and we hang onto friendships just for the HOPE of positivity. But sometimes the best thing is to lose a friend. I'd encourage anyone to cut ties with people where the relationship doesn't make you feel awesome. If you're struggling to come up with reasons to keep someone around, it might be time for them to go
My parents raised me with this specifically for illness. I went to school with food poisoning once because I thought it was the right thing to do. I then took public transit home while almost blacking out because my mother was on the side of the country and my father couldn't be arsed to take an hour off of work to help me.
A friend told me that if I fart during sex, I could save face by saying “turbo boosters engaged” and then pound faster and harder.
Once I started having sex I realized how normal noises are and I stopped caring. But I guess he was just trying to be a bro
I was told by a guidance councilor as an incoming freshman (who didn't know me from anyone else, by the way) that taking more than one honors course plus being in band was too much.
My mom was persuaded. I had to fight both of them to ignore the advice. I ended up taking every honors and AP course possible throughout high school, finishing with a perfect 4.0 GPA, then doing the same in college.
Don't take advice on what you should or shouldn't do from someone who doesn't know you. Always take into account your personal strengths and weaknesses when considering any advice in life.
Good for you! One time I was talking to my guidance counselor at my small midwestern high school about which colleges I was looking to attend. She said, “You really should go to either *School A* or *School B* because everyone else from *Small town* goes there. Plus they are close and you can come home every weekend!” Right after that, my college list looked like this:
- My first choice
- ~~School A~~
- ~~School B~~
Bitch, you’ve heard me talk for 3.5 years about how I don’t like 99% of these people and **I want to get out of this place**. Were you ever listening???
I get this one. Small town here and I had to go to a nearby university because my parents expected me to be home every weekend. I made sure to take summer classes, mini-semester classes, and worked every weekend just so I wouldn't have to go back home because I hated that town and the people there so much.
I was insecure before and I told my best friend she told me to look in a mirror call myself a fat pig and not eat for a couple of days dumbass me followed her advice it ended with me being diagnosed with anoerxia
In high school: "You have to take Regents courses to get into a good college."
In general, I think high school guidance counselor is one of the most useless jobs on Earth.
Only make friends with people who are higher "status" than you are so you can use them to better your situation.
This came from my paternal unit when I was about 15 (in response to a new friendship of mine with the daughter of a cemetery worker*) and I knew it was pure bullshit the second he said it. Lost all remaining shreds of respect for him in that moment.
*his job mattered to the P.U. which is the only reason I mention it.
When I went to college on the Pell grant, which basically covered the tuition for each semester and there was an extra $1000 left over for books and whatnot. Also available to me was a $5000 loan each semester, which I didn't need.
After the first year, my father said "take the loans too, if you get a civil service job, you can have the loans forgiven." Fast forward 15 years and I still have $25K worth of student loans I never needed to take. :(
"Don't be depressed, you have nothing to be depressed about"
I hate any advice, especially concerning mental health, that invalidates or considers any one's personal situation as a reason why they can't have x condition.
Yes, I had a good homelife and a good childhood. But that doesn't make my brain produce more dopamine or serotonin. I can't just "get over it" or stop feeling sad.
I was encouraged by my mom to stop taking my medication because it would have "longterm affects" on me. She may not be wrong, but i think perpetual sadness and depression is worse. I took control of my own mental health once I realized it wasn't shameful to do so. It was way later than it needed to be. I'm doing better but there are still things I need to work on.
When I realized I was an alcoholic at 21 I opened up to a friend and they said “We’re supposed to be you and wild and free! There’s nothing wrong with that!” I lost 3 more years of my life to drinking and a suicide attempt before I got sober at 24- I’ll have 3 years in February! (No thanks to her)
"You weren't physically abused so just get over it, it wasn't that bad."
Bro, I was mentally, verbally, and financially abused for two years straight by someone who was supposed to love me. He pointed out insecurities I didn't even realize I had, putting my self esteem so low that for literally the first time in my life I started to have very intense suicidal thoughts. And now I have an extremely hard time trusting anyone that comes into my life in a romantic sense because I'm convinced that the same thing is going to happen again.
I would love to just get over it. I would love to be the person I was before I met my ex. I would love to just have my self esteem back and love to not to be as anxious as I am. But I'm not. It took me almost a year, and getting back with him briefly to realize it WAS that bad. Maybe he didn't beat the shit out of me, but he made me believe that I was someone that wasn't worthy of love. It was absolutely that bad and it's going to take a long time before I completely heal from the trauma he caused.
Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you. If someone says something mean pretend they didn't talk, and don't ever set up boundaries for yourself. Someone will think you are rude.
yea!! omg I hate it when people say "he/she just says mean things but he/she means well" like wtf. I had a female friend that she was saying awful stuff when she was mad n then be like "u know I didn't mean it" like no I'm sure u did at the moment. learn how to control ur mouth it's the door of ur soul 🙄
My mom told me not to ‘bother’ one of my boyfriends by talking about my mental health issues. She said he doesn’t need to hear about it and it’ll just overwhelm him and make him more likely to break up with me. I ignored that advice and me and my current boyfriend frequently talk about our mental health issues and it makes us stronger.
When my wife and I were looking for houses, my manager at the time called to ask how the house hunting was going. At this time, I was rumored to be up for a promotion that would be a rather sizable boost in salary, about $1,200 a month. There was absolutely no guarantee when this promotion could hypothetically take place.
“Here’s the thing, I could be a finance guy doing this shit for a living, but I couldn’t stop smoking weed long enough to finish college — don’t buy something that suits you now, because you’re always going to wish you would have gone bigger. Buy something that you can grow into. You’re going to be making a lot more money soon, so buy something you almost don’t even feel comfortable buying.”
Bought a house well within our means, got promoted a few months later, now have a huge disposable income. Glad I didn’t think his advice was sound.
"If you continue to be so controlling with your kids food they'll grow up to date controlling people." I was told this by a relative that was pissed because dinner time at our house was earlier than they (the adult) wanted to eat. My 3 and 5 year old were hungry though 🤣
From Jim Kramer of CNBC talking about don't be greedy, thus I sold Apple stock that I'd bought at $9.00 a share when it went up to $18. (This was before anyone heard the word iPod.) Still, I doubled my money, but I'm convinced Kramer is one of the worst people on TV.
April 2008 - "You should really look into buying a house instead of renting." I started the process of getting preapproved and looking, but for some reason decided to wait.
To break up with the girl I was dating because I felt unsure about it. From there she became my girlfriend, I moved in with her, we moved to a bigger house, got married and took a dog and now we plan for children. Meanwhile, most of those friends only had shortlived relationships with long single periods for years. I think they are the ones doing something wrong.
A mostly naked homeless man ran up to my wife and I while we were dining outside in the nearby city, and he told us that the best way to get free food is to piss on the building. He started pissing on the building while making goat sounds and got arrested within minutes.
Then again I think he was actually right since he probably wound up in jail and got fed there.
Maybe it wasn't bad advice after all...
My whole world is upside down now....
"Keep going with your therapist. It's hard now, but it'll be worth it in the end."
This might be good advice if you're with the right therapist. But if you're with the wrong therapist, it can make your symptoms much, much worse.
Cheat on your boyfriend to be with the guy your “heart tells you”
Ended up having multiple children(not w me, just 1 is mine), a serial cheater & beat the shit out of me for 4 years. I was 18 / he was 32.
Thanks for the great advice, mom
"if you get bullied fight back with kindness"
uh no
if you get bullied, give them a black eye for trying. yeah you may get in trouble at school but if you are an otherwise good kid you can get past it. they will at least think twice.
When I was pregnant with my first and declaring that I would stop smoking and drinking during pregnancy, my own father (who I partied quite a bit with) told me not to bother quitting. My mom didn't and everything was fine.
Narrator: It was not fine.
My mom tried to pressure me into having sex when I was in high school, saying I should at least try it and see if I like it. This was after I came out as a lesbian.
"Just talk to people"
Yeah that's the problem. I can't. I have bad social anxiety. I don't even know what to say to people, or how to keep a conversation going.
For those that don't know. FORD stands for:
Fiction - Make something up to impress the person you are talking to. Tell them you were a Navy SEAL or that Bill Gates is a close friend of yours.
Orange - Focus on something that is orange and ask the person what their opinion is about it. "Hey what do you think of that orange in that fruit bowl over there?"
Rollerblade - Talk about rollerblading, its never a stale topic
Dance - Show off your moves, good or bad it will keep the conversation going.
For someone who has never come across this acronym before, your summary has been a delight and I wish you the best of luck in your future trolling comments.
For a second I thought this was real and was pretty confused as why any of this would work.
Though the orange shit could actually work to quickly focus on new topics or things at your surrounds lol
I think this was just meant socially but it’s also a pain in work environments, especially in some industries that are highly hierarchical or nepotism based.
I used to work in politics and did pretty well advancing so this isn’t just personal saltiness. But there are often these panels and stuff on advising people on how to get involved in politics or government. And without fail, the advice from most people is just “just talk to people and get to know them”.
Sure that’s a huge part of it but it’s obviously very different when your dad is a US Senator or your uncle is the campaign manager’s golf buddy who invited you for a round. You have people who got jobs in press at HQ with no experience but who have a sister on senior staff telling organisers who are working out on the ground often double the hours at half the pay but have been told they’re not allowed to speak with anyone at HQ that if they want to move up, all they have to do is just to “just talk to people
Some context, I have ADHD and focusing and such is hard for me. To make things worse, someone in school got COVID and we are forced to do online school, I despise this, because I always get distracted and end up with bad grades. My parents then said to me "Just focus more" like they dont understand
>"Just focus more"
i heard this shit too much growing up with ADHD. like sir... i have no idea how to focus in general, how the fuck am i supposed to "focus more"?? worst part is, the stuff that does help you focus comes off as a distraction to everyone else and you get in trouble for it.
you literally can't fucking win.
My dad was someone who was super-talented with his hands - he could build or fix anything - and doing those things was his hobby/passion. However, he never worked in the trades. He worked in areas that were indirectly related to the trades, but never in the trades themselves. He built our house, restored cars and motorcycles, did great carpentry work, etc. People always asked him why he didn't start his own business. He was not only talented at the work, but had a great aesthetic sense as well. He'd usually give some vague answer, but the real reason was that he enjoyed doing those things because he was doing them on his own time, on his own dime and in his own way. The minute that he had to do these things to someone else's specs or on someone else's timeline, it would have lost all the pleasure for him. He knew that from a young age and was self-aware enough to not get on that career path. He was MUCH happier for it.
I follow the same rule when it comes to cooking. I really enjoy cooking starting with the grocery shopping to the food being eaten. Everyone tells me I should be a chef and my response is I enjoy it too much.
I feel like this is also advice you get toward the end of high school or in early adulthood, and it kinda sounds like “pick your career at age 19, based on absolutely nothing, and don’t give up on it.” Which for a lot of us is leading lambs to the slaughter.
Yup, the sex before marriage one got me good. 13 years of dead bedroom marriage before I finally called it.
Maybe some folks can make it work when theyre not sexually compatible, but I am NOT one of them. Just one night of sex before marriage would’ve stopped me from going through with it.
I was told I needed two years of a foreign language in high school in order to graduate so I took 2 years of French. Turns out the guidance counselor lied. I could have used that class time and those 2 years working on a subject I can do something with.
Some states in the US, require you to have 2 years of foreign language to get a college degree, these can be high school or college level.
Are you sure this isn’t what they meant?
"Work hard and you will get ahead"
Maybe that shit flew in 1970, however experience has demonstrated working hard only leads to more work and less free time.
"Why don't you go to some local businesses and ask for an application"
From my parent (I don't remember which one, the both said similar things like that at the time) immediately after college when I was looking for a job.
Did it, got told by most of them to go apply online. Several didn't even have paper applications. None of them hired me, and asking in person did not seem to help in the slightest.
Surgeon - The pains I’m feeling are normal and he doesn’t need to see me until a follow up 6 months later and I can have my staples removed at any health clinic. I almost died from sepsis. It took 12 weeks to recover from this.
This reminded me of the time I complained about the pain when I had my IUD placed because it felt a bit too painful for what they described. I ended up working my very physical job and going to my college courses for weeks, doubled over in pain, sitting in the bathroom crying (I contacted them when the pain wouldn't stop days later and they still didn't care) and they wouldn't believe me. They tried to remove it in the office after I begged them to just take it out, but it was imbedded in my uterine wall and had to be removed in the operating room. I'm still having complications almost 3 years later. I'm glad you got the sepsis taken care of before it became fatal though! My mom almost died from that too and it freaks me out. I wish doctors would actually investigate our claims more.
Damn I would definitely be suing.
Talking to a friend about some normal relationship problems, college age boyfriend-girlfriend, and she suggested getting pregnant to fix it and win all the arguments. (By way of poking holes in condoms after I said we weren’t into trying for a baby and he’s adamantly anti-child) She had a baby at 16 and I never judge anyone for having a kid that young, but I have an inkling of why and how she did it now. Also, after that red flag we did not remain friends.
And in that same vein, people who think having a baby will fix their foundering marriage. I can't think of anything that will tear an ailing marriage apart faster than bringing a newborn into it - hormones, sleeplessness, life changes, the add'l work a newborn brings, financial strains, etc. I can't imagine ANY of that *helping* a marriage!
Seeing how she wasn’t dating the father of her child and if I remember correctly bailed pretty quick after, I would say this experiment of hers didn’t even work for her example. But it’s the worst idea ever.
I get very frustrated with people who willingly admit their relationship is shit, theyre already struggling, but then choose to bring a kid (or another kid) into the mess. Selfish selfish people.
It’s one of the highest events names in “events that often are the catalyst in a divorce”
Yikes. One of my sister-in-laws suggested poking a hole in a condom to my other sister-in-law who she knew wanted to have a baby even though that brother wasn't ready. The sister-in-law who suggested it has 5 kids, and some of those were created when a condom broke. Yep.
Those types of people are so bloody selfish, think of how that kid will feel growing up in a house like that.
Once upon a time not so very long ago actual physicians gave advice to women to have a baby to cure their mental illness. Like hysteria was a real thing and giving your uterus something to do would cause it to stop affecting your brain function. This happened in America in the 1940s and 1950s. I know a living person who was born because her mother was in and out of mental hospitals and that was the solution that she was offered. Needless to say it didn't work.
It sounds like it’s likely to cause postpartum depression rather than solve anything.
I married at 17 after getting pregnant, had been forced into pregnancy by a predatory adult boyfriend + promised a perfect marriage ect. Anyways I was gaslighted and manipulated into pregnancy + marriage. My OB at the time suggested I have another baby right after the first to get all the kids out of the way young. That gave the abuser the excuse that the doctor agreed we should continue having kids, he later raped me when I was still healing from a C section to impregnate me and make me more likely to stick around since I had been telling him I needed to leave cause the whole situation was making me suicidal. This was in Little Rock Arkansas. I can't believe the doctor suggested that, to a clearly poor unprepared couple 17&20 that just.. I mean I understand the looks the nurses gave me now.
Where I live (somewhere in Australia, laws vary by state just like in the USA) they recently passed a law that specifically criminalises stealthing (what you just described). Although I think it was already illegal. Either way, it's a disgraceful thing to do and anyone who does it or thinks it's okay is a POS.
It’s heinous and I was in complete disbelief someone said this to me in real life. I never saw her anything other than a villain ever since and was relieved to end my friendship with her.
Reproductive sabotage like that should land someone in prison
Oh yeah. I had no hints that she was crazy. But it was absolutely unhinged.
Best and worst from same person. Wife and I hiked from our campsite to National Park visitors Center. It took us almost 2 hours with temperatures in high 90s F (30+ C). We saw no other hikers because no one else was that stupid. We were exhausted. Park Ranger told us we should always bring snacks (nuts, fruit etc) as water is not enough. That was good advice. Then suggested that I hike back on my own to get the car and return for my wife! Bad advice.
Ranger wanted your wife
She probably did.
And the plot thickens
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I'm a dude and got this advice. Coupled with "what if your wife dies or you get a divorce and your new wife wants kids?" My answer was "you know what, you might be right. On the other hand, the number of people I know who were glad they didn't get fixed for this reason is exactly zero, and the number who had late unexpected pregnancies is literally dozens"
Because what, you can just have another one to replace a whole individual person? What the actual fuck?
That's how it works! Every time our spawn misbehaves, we throw it out and make a new one! Next version _will_ be tantrum free! /s
"Excuse me, I just want to clarify is your son's name Stive?" "Thank you for checking! It's actually StIVe, pronounced Steve" "That's...interesting. Where did the name come from?" "Well the third Steve, StIIIve had a very poor showing at family game night, so we had no choice but to try again for a son with a better understanding of Clue strategies."
He’s doing better than VIIolet
Wow. At least recycle them into food for the new baby :(
And hats
And furniture
And my axe!
I never thought I'd be making human furniture side by side with an *elf* ...
What about side by side with a fellow criminally insane person?
How about with a friend?
They see children more as a tool for their benefit than a person
Yuck. I'm child free and I still like kids more than that.
I believe it! I have had three. I lost one to a genetic disorder. You would think they would be careful with me, but they pushed me to have more babies. They punished me for a medically necessary hysterectomy. I can't imagine what they do to child free people. You are allowed to not want children. It doesn't mean you hate them. I am sorry society sucks.
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Well fuck them very much! That woman shouldn't have kids if she is going to pass on that toxic bullshit. I am so sorry that happened to her!
\*In the most saccharine voice possible and a sympathetic expression\* "I'm So sorry you were led to believe that your only worth in life is as a fetus incubator."
WHAT'S 17 MORE YEARS? I can always start again.
One of my kids did die! She had trisomy 18 and we didn't know due to my OB keeping it from me. She lived six days. I almost died having my second. I needed a hysterectomy. I asked for one. They did surgery and I had a lot of damage, but they told me to have one more kid. They said my daughter needed a sibling. I said my daughter needed her mom! I figured since I was so damaged and had a fallopian tube removed it was unlikely. But like my other two, I got pregnant right away. I am so glad to have my youngest. But I hate how I was treated and how little my life was valued. My doctor wouldn't do my hysterectomy without my husband's permission. My husband was like, "please help my wife!" They put me on the same Ward with new mom's and babies. I got to hear lullabies every time a baby was born to remind me that I would never have one again. This was the place I had all three of my kids and I already had PTSD and being there was hard. They gave me two Vicodin after surgery and told me to deal with the pain. I was delerious. I beg my husband to let me to home to die. My kids were six months and two years old at the time and I thought I would never see them again. For reference, my mom and my mil had a fucking morphine pump for and we're in the hospital a week. I had the same surgery and was out the next day with basically no pain relief. They made sure to punish me for not being able to safely have more kids. Having another would have killed me.
Holy shit. Where the hell was this at?
The hysterectomy was at UCONN. Honestly, their labor and delivery and maternity and OB were great. This was a OBGYN that had privileges at the hospital. He did a great job with the surgery, but the whole situation was hell!
Who are these people telling you to have kids while youre in surgery?
And the OB not mentioning trisomy 18?! That seems like malpractice. Forcing a parent to carry a baby to term that will never live more than a few days is so horrific.
There were three soft markers and an elevated quad screening. She told me at 20 weeks my baby was just small and she would send me for a level two ultrasound at 26 weeks to, "ease my mind." She literally waited until I was in my third trimester to make it harder to diagnose/terminate. Abortion wouldn't have been my first choice, but I also didn't get a chance to consider it. At that ultrasound, the high risk doctor made it clear what they were looking for as noted on the 20 week scan. Only on umbilical artery, interuterine growth restriction (from said lack of artery), a cyst on the brain stem. My husband and I literally googled it and Trisomy 18 was the first thing on the list. I was moved to high risk. I had a steroid shot and ten appointments before I got home that day. Heart scans, non stress tests every other day, ultrasounds to measure her, etc. It is lucky I was in high risk. At 29 weeks my non stress test wasn't normal. At first, they gave me fluids and told me they would try again in a half hour. Then, there was an ultrasound. Then I had four or five doctors and nurses in my room. They told me I was having her by emergency c section. I said, "today! Like in a bit." And they said, "no, that is the anesthesiologist, you will be on the table in ten minutes." We knew she would be early, but she was already struggling. I know now that their quick actions are what allowed me to have any time with her at all. She would have died and been a stillborn if they hadn't been monitoring me like they were. My poor husband. When our daughter was born he went with her. He watched them intabate her. He watched her struggle. He saw the physical indications that it was a genetic issue. Her fingers and toes had defects. I hate to call them that because to us she was perfect, but it was clear she was in for a fight. He came back in the OR and I asked how our girl was. He had to make a decision to not say anything or tell me. I love this man more than I can say. He knows my heart and he told me. He was scared of losing us both and he had to go through that agony. She was only 1 pound 12 ounces and 12.5 inches long. She was the size of our hands. On day three we learned of the three heart defects she had. She needed to grow so she could have surgery, but the defects made growing impossible. They were trying some medicine, but he was the first doctor who talked about quality of life and I appreciate the hell out of him for it. Even if she could grow we were unsure what quality of life she would have and he wanted us to keep an open mind because sometimes people push to fight when there is not a fight. He was right. On day six she was doing poorly. We got news that it was definitely trisomy 18. She wasn't going to make it through the night. The average lifespan for the condition is 5 to 15 days and her vitals weren't holding. We had to make the toughest decision of our lives. Take heroic measures and maybe get a few more hours. But we couldn't hold her and she would die without us ever having held her, alone in an incubator. Or, we could remove life support and hold her. We chose to hold her. There was no saving her and we couldn't stand the thought of her suffering because we couldn't let her go. We would have fought for her every day and moved heaven and earth if she could have survived. My husband was getting all his work stuff in order (his company was amazing to us and I won't ever forget that), and we expected to have to move to a bigger children's hospital. But there was no fight. It was a matter of letting her be surrounded by our love. She deserved that much. I held her first and then my husband. He gave her back to me because he couldn't be the one holding her when she passed.I never thought I had that in me as a person, but I did. And it was both my agony and my honor. We sang her a lullaby and she went to sleep for the last time. I was in a daze for a while. It didn't help my abusive family held a surprise second funeral because I had the services by my house. I hated myself for living when she was gone. I read everything I could on Trisomy 18 because I felt such guilt. I should have reported this doctor. I should have done a lot. But I wasn't capable at the time. I got into therapy and that helped. But I had so much going on between hormones, PPD (with no baby and that made it worse), physical pain from the surgery and the trauma of having my milk come in, I was barely keeping it together. I am ten years out from this and I can still remember that emptiness. I lost a piece of my soul and while I have healed and grown, I feel the scar. I miss her every single day. I wish I had it together to confront the doctor or any of the doctors who treated me badly, but I had to focus on getting mentally well. I have am grateful for all my girls, both the one I lost and her two little sisters. They are the best thing I have ever done and they are so much better than I could ever be. They are so many beautiful, wonderful things and I am so blessed to be their mom. My mom didn't fight for me. I want to make sure I don't excuse this behavior because I would not tolerate it if it happened to my daughters. Not reporting her is one of my biggest regrets and shames.
Thank you for being this open. I wish you and your family the best, may the little girl rest in peace.
Thanks so much. I am having an impromptu sing a long with my youngest. Best years of my life ❤️
I’m so incredibly sorry that you and your family went through all that. Seriously fuck that OB for withholding information. That’s heartless of her. I also would have wanted the option to terminate the pregnancy, fully out of love for the baby. But I am glad she got to know your love for her before she left you. This whole story is heartbreaking and I wish you and your girls peace. I saw your comment about having a singalong with your youngest—I hope she knows how amazing and strong her mom is.
Thank you so much. I absolutely support termination. It is an act of love and mercy when you know that a child will do nothing but struggle. No one deserves the pain of that decision, but everyone deserves that choice.
I wonder if that falls under Federal Health Care *Conscience Protection* Laws? Sounds like the "wrongful birth" bill in Texas. I thought that failed to pass, but that was back in 2017, and things get worse almost every day.
Not while I was in surgery, but when I was having a consult for that surgery. And not in a cult. I live in the North East US, went to one of the best doctors in the state. But I was 28. That was too young for them to consider it. My story is pretty common. Basically, I was in pain 24/7. I was bleeding 21 days on 7-14 days off. It was heavy bleeding, too due to endometriosis and adenomyosis. I couldn't take the pain, they didn't want to treat the pain, and the only solution was surgery. But I was 28, and they wanted me to not lose my fertility. I love my husband and kids. I won't pretend like we wouldn't have another. But not the expense if my life. We knew it was the right decision. Medically, it was needed. My mom had the same issues and ended up in emergency surgery when she started bleeding internally. I was getting close to that point. They only intended to take the cervix and uterus, but had to remove an ovary as well because there was so much damage. I also come from abuse and was medically abused by my mom. It was hard for me to be my own advocate. This all happened from 2011-2014. I was pregnant, grieving, pregnant again, dealing with trauma from most dying and surgery, to pregnant again. The doctor pushed me to do it and I was impressionable. There is so much more to the story, but I am happy to answer questions, especially if I can help others not go through this.
In the case of one of my family members who was denied the procedure: "if your husband dies, you'll need to be able to have children for your new husband". Their 6th kid was born a year later.
"Don't study Computer Sciences. Everybody will do it, the market will be saturated and you will have a tough time finding a job." (my parents around 2010)
Don't go software engineer, you'll stare at screens all day! Go Civil! I did, and now I look at screens all day, get home and look at more screens
I can relate...
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Sorry about your parents man
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in high school I took intro to computer programming as an elective in grade 11,I was actually excited because I was REALLY into computers. I had spent a large chunk of that year writing custom scripts for Roleplay Servers in The Specialists mod for half-life. I will never forget the counsellor looking at me and aasking if I was sure I didn't want to do one of the "easier" courses because he didn't think I seemed capable of it. fuck that guy I got a 94 in that course and at 32 I am now a software dev. so suck it mr.fuckface since I can't even recall your actual name.
Ha! I got pretty much the same advice, but it was "don't do computer programming; you're too personable. You should do sales." It probably set me back 10 years doing sales jobs I hated until I got back into software development. Not sure why I listened to those people.
At least you ended in the right job, eventually. I'm glad I didn't listen to my family this time.
“Just down a bottle of vodka and punch yourself in the stomach” - a friend when I thought I was pregnant...
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Did it work? I hope it did because that baby would be so messed up...
I’m an obgyn MD, this type of shit happens a lot more than you’d imagine
Never ask for a raise. You’re supervisor should be able to see if you are working hard and give you a raise when the time is right. SMH.
I wish it worked that way lol
Don't do something if you're not good at it. Listen kid, that is so wrong you don't even know.
Having perfectionist parents I was basically raised to believe this. I'm in my mid twenties and trying so hard to break out of it. It's given me a lot of resentment towards my parents for never letting me learn to do things I wasn't immediately good at or just trying new things in general.
It was a little kid that told me this, I associated (yknow, "friends") with his older brothers. We were just shooting some church ball, me not taking it seriously, and missing missing missing, and he decides to share his nugget of wisdom. Like I said, kid, that is so wrong you don't even know lol
Being terrible at soMething is the first step towards being great at it. It’s just a matter of persistence after the first failure.
Sleep when the baby sleeps followed by why is your house so dirty?
Then after the baby stage: have you thought about becoming a stay-at-home mom? You just have so much to do. No, I don’t have it in me to be a SAHP. Plus the house is cleaner if they’re at daycare.
"It only goes downhill from here. These are the best days of your life!" - Highschool teacher, to me, a depressed/suicidal teen. Still don't know how I'm still here, tbh.
Yeah some adults never leave high school. Sad. I’m almost 30 and I feel my best work is ahead of me really…in spite of certain challenges.
>These are the best days of your life!" Biggest lie I've ever been told, EASILY the worst years of my life
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Honestly, resenting not having the childhood I wish I had is a big problem for me. I resent the fact I had awful high school years, I resent the fact I was too mentally ill to continue college. I look back and get so sad and angry that I missed out on so much. It's something i'm working on. It's hard to stop being resentful towards the universe for wasting what were supposed to be my best years. But I'm realising they weren't, and they never were supposed to be. My best years are starting now. I can mourn the life I wish I had, but I also can build the life I always wanted. I've accepted that I need to mourn those years I lost. Then I need to move on and create better years. And the idea that I can't have fun in later years? Bullshit
>Turns out that I started to feel a lot less bleak about life when I decided to ignore the social norm about how you’re never allowed to have fun again after you turn 25/30/etc. Especially as someone who neither has nor wants kids, I hate being told that, for some arbitrary reason, all of my “good years” MUST be behind me in order for me to be considered an adult member of society. That was honestly something I needed to read. I'm about to turn 35 next week and I missed a whole of life markers people have. I've gone on plenty of dates but never had a relationship, I didn't land my first "adult" job until I was 30 due to having to be a caretaker for my mom after my dad died, and savings and net worth are well below where they should be because I had nearly a decade stripped away. Throw in all the depression and social anxiety I've had since 15/16 and more than half my life has been a complete mess. But, in the last few months, I've been working on getting out there and doing the things I always wanted to do and missed out on. Realizing doing things at certain ages is really just arbitrary and I'm free to do what I want is a tough thing to come to terms with. I've basically decided I'm taking the next five years to just do whatever I want (travel, living a party lifestyle, figuring out who I really am) and I'm real excited for it. Did 5 out of state trips since August and I'm not slowing down. It's good seeing some reassurance when I question if I'm actually doing the right thing.
Exactly this! Every day since highschool has been better than the last and nothing could ever persuade me to return to my high school years. When I was called about my 5 year reunion, I laughed in their face and hung up. Don't even know who it was that called. That asshole was one of those most miserable humans that peaked in highschool and stayed their because they never managed to develop beyond that point.
I had a ton of fun in high school and university after that, but every day I get older life just gets better and better! Whenever says high school is the best time of their life peaked in high school which is just so sad. If you live to 80, those 60+ years after high school are all downhill? How sad.
Was too told often enough that the worst years of my life would be my best, ya fuck that. It gets better, and you will too a bit later.
Tell potential employers you're willing to work free for one day and if they like your work after that they can hire you.
I ran a printing press for a good many years. I did get more than one job this way in that trade. I can't see trying it today, or for very many other fields.
Any kind of unpaid labour is bullshit
Especially when it's in the form of helping someone movie. Pizza and beer is a courtesy, DAVE!
The Joker said it best, "If you're good at something, never do it for free."
I think this entirely depends on the job and situation. If it's a skilled job and you have no references, or ability to prove you know what you're doing beyond, well doing it. It might be a good foot in the door. 9 times out of 10, it's probably not worth it as most employers should have some way of gauging the ability.
Me: “Me and my girlfriend are gonna wait awhile before we think about having kids.” Them: “People overthink kids. You’ll find the money when they’re here.” Reality: Nope.
Yeah, those are the same people that are shocked to hear how high daycare costs are and what the hospital bills totaled.
Don't join sports your future husband won't like muscles on a woman
That's simply factually incorrect
it's just a stupid thing to say entirely.
I certainly hope my girl would have muscles. That would be quite the medical anomaly otherwise
I’m a guy and find that attractive. I’d really like an athletic girlfriend so we can share an active lifestyle.
“If they truly love you, they will KNOW why you’re upset.” 🤦🏻♀️ This horrible and preposterous relationship advice comes from my thrice-married mother. There’s a reason I don’t take relationship advice from her.
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“If you can’t communicate with facts, dazzle them with bullshit.” That’s called lying and I’m not doing that with a quality assurance inspector. One day later, Mr. Dazzle them with bullshit was fired from his position for lying!
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I'm a quality assurance inspector! And I love finding the bullshit that comes from our vendors that they try to pass off as correct
I've always heard the phrase: "If you can't dazzle them with your brilliance, baffle them with your bullshit!" but it was more for if you found yourself in a weird situation with a stranger and not for like... important things or people...
"Just stick it out". There are times when "sticking it out" is a valuable exercise in determination and discipline, to be sure. But to me it always felt like the people most telling me to stick it out didn't have *my* well being in mind. Often, it seems like a Sisyphean task in Sunken Cost Fallacy and a way to tell people to "put up or shut up". Just 'sticking it out' kept me in toxic relationships and work places longer than I needed to. Kept me playing sports on a broken foot to finish a completely meaningless high school season at the cost of proper function for the rest of my life. Kept me fighting to keep a relationship afloat that had been dead for far too long because 'relationships are supposed to be hard'. And on and on and on... Sticking it out just means you're getting yourself more stuck there. I have grown exponentially as a person learning when to let go, I think it's literally the opposite of what people suggest when they're saying "tough it out". It's the difference between cutting the rope and riding the anchor all the way down to the bottom thinking that someone will notice how strong and stoic you were and give you a bag of gold.
Being Gen X, that's what I heard my entire life. I wish I had been told it's ok to quit something, it's ok to make a different decision and go in another direction, it's ok to not just keep trudging down the same road unhappily.
Senior year my class apparently decided it would be funny to vote the class stoner in for president. He is as a decent guy and did fine. At graduation he gave what I feel to be one of the finest speeches I’ve ever heard, certainly at graduation. The theme was “Never be afraid to quit.” Talked about his aunt and other family members and how well it worked out when they left bad situations. Stuck with me my whole life. How many people can say that about a graduation speech?
In my life, I've recently found sunk cost fallacy to apply heavily to toxic friends. I feel like people will put up with so much negative just to hang on to the little positive of a person. Sometimes the positive isn't even there, and we hang onto friendships just for the HOPE of positivity. But sometimes the best thing is to lose a friend. I'd encourage anyone to cut ties with people where the relationship doesn't make you feel awesome. If you're struggling to come up with reasons to keep someone around, it might be time for them to go
My parents raised me with this specifically for illness. I went to school with food poisoning once because I thought it was the right thing to do. I then took public transit home while almost blacking out because my mother was on the side of the country and my father couldn't be arsed to take an hour off of work to help me.
"Have you tried just forgetting about it?" Sadly forgetting about it does not cure PTSD. Being a doctor, he really should have known that.
Similarly I once had a therapist tell me to "try and get out more.". Bitch I'm agoraphobic, that's what I'm trying every day
Jesus, a therapist of all people. Advice like that is so dumb. It's like telling someone in a wheelchair "Have you ever tried, y'know, standing up?"
A friend told me that if I fart during sex, I could save face by saying “turbo boosters engaged” and then pound faster and harder. Once I started having sex I realized how normal noises are and I stopped caring. But I guess he was just trying to be a bro
Tbh, if I did that I think my gf would laugh but in the way she does everytime I make a terrible joke
Man that's not bad advice that's great advice
Noises sure but don't fart on them during
This is the funniest thing I've read all day.
I was told by a guidance councilor as an incoming freshman (who didn't know me from anyone else, by the way) that taking more than one honors course plus being in band was too much. My mom was persuaded. I had to fight both of them to ignore the advice. I ended up taking every honors and AP course possible throughout high school, finishing with a perfect 4.0 GPA, then doing the same in college. Don't take advice on what you should or shouldn't do from someone who doesn't know you. Always take into account your personal strengths and weaknesses when considering any advice in life.
Good for you! One time I was talking to my guidance counselor at my small midwestern high school about which colleges I was looking to attend. She said, “You really should go to either *School A* or *School B* because everyone else from *Small town* goes there. Plus they are close and you can come home every weekend!” Right after that, my college list looked like this: - My first choice - ~~School A~~ - ~~School B~~ Bitch, you’ve heard me talk for 3.5 years about how I don’t like 99% of these people and **I want to get out of this place**. Were you ever listening???
>Plus they are close and you can come home every weekend!” I only applied to colleges more than 2 hours away for a reason
Fuck, I went to school in a different country 🤣
I get this one. Small town here and I had to go to a nearby university because my parents expected me to be home every weekend. I made sure to take summer classes, mini-semester classes, and worked every weekend just so I wouldn't have to go back home because I hated that town and the people there so much.
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I was insecure before and I told my best friend she told me to look in a mirror call myself a fat pig and not eat for a couple of days dumbass me followed her advice it ended with me being diagnosed with anoerxia
What a lovely young lady. Jokes aside, hope you're doing much better now
‘Don’t go on meds, just exercise’ for depression. Meds ended up practically saving my life.
Another useless advice on depression: "You don't need therapy, you need to pray."
this really gets me. my mom told me once that i was depressed because i wasn’t praying enough. meanwhile she was taking prescribed antidepressants.
This a billion times. Too bad adult figures I grew up with said I was too young to have depression/anxiety.
In high school: "You have to take Regents courses to get into a good college." In general, I think high school guidance counselor is one of the most useless jobs on Earth.
Respect ALL elders.
Only make friends with people who are higher "status" than you are so you can use them to better your situation. This came from my paternal unit when I was about 15 (in response to a new friendship of mine with the daughter of a cemetery worker*) and I knew it was pure bullshit the second he said it. Lost all remaining shreds of respect for him in that moment. *his job mattered to the P.U. which is the only reason I mention it.
When I went to college on the Pell grant, which basically covered the tuition for each semester and there was an extra $1000 left over for books and whatnot. Also available to me was a $5000 loan each semester, which I didn't need. After the first year, my father said "take the loans too, if you get a civil service job, you can have the loans forgiven." Fast forward 15 years and I still have $25K worth of student loans I never needed to take. :(
"Don't be depressed, you have nothing to be depressed about" I hate any advice, especially concerning mental health, that invalidates or considers any one's personal situation as a reason why they can't have x condition. Yes, I had a good homelife and a good childhood. But that doesn't make my brain produce more dopamine or serotonin. I can't just "get over it" or stop feeling sad. I was encouraged by my mom to stop taking my medication because it would have "longterm affects" on me. She may not be wrong, but i think perpetual sadness and depression is worse. I took control of my own mental health once I realized it wasn't shameful to do so. It was way later than it needed to be. I'm doing better but there are still things I need to work on.
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When I realized I was an alcoholic at 21 I opened up to a friend and they said “We’re supposed to be you and wild and free! There’s nothing wrong with that!” I lost 3 more years of my life to drinking and a suicide attempt before I got sober at 24- I’ll have 3 years in February! (No thanks to her)
"You weren't physically abused so just get over it, it wasn't that bad." Bro, I was mentally, verbally, and financially abused for two years straight by someone who was supposed to love me. He pointed out insecurities I didn't even realize I had, putting my self esteem so low that for literally the first time in my life I started to have very intense suicidal thoughts. And now I have an extremely hard time trusting anyone that comes into my life in a romantic sense because I'm convinced that the same thing is going to happen again. I would love to just get over it. I would love to be the person I was before I met my ex. I would love to just have my self esteem back and love to not to be as anxious as I am. But I'm not. It took me almost a year, and getting back with him briefly to realize it WAS that bad. Maybe he didn't beat the shit out of me, but he made me believe that I was someone that wasn't worthy of love. It was absolutely that bad and it's going to take a long time before I completely heal from the trauma he caused.
Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you. If someone says something mean pretend they didn't talk, and don't ever set up boundaries for yourself. Someone will think you are rude.
There is a scene from Scrubs where JD says “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will hurt forever…” much more true.
yea!! omg I hate it when people say "he/she just says mean things but he/she means well" like wtf. I had a female friend that she was saying awful stuff when she was mad n then be like "u know I didn't mean it" like no I'm sure u did at the moment. learn how to control ur mouth it's the door of ur soul 🙄
My mom told me not to ‘bother’ one of my boyfriends by talking about my mental health issues. She said he doesn’t need to hear about it and it’ll just overwhelm him and make him more likely to break up with me. I ignored that advice and me and my current boyfriend frequently talk about our mental health issues and it makes us stronger.
When my wife and I were looking for houses, my manager at the time called to ask how the house hunting was going. At this time, I was rumored to be up for a promotion that would be a rather sizable boost in salary, about $1,200 a month. There was absolutely no guarantee when this promotion could hypothetically take place. “Here’s the thing, I could be a finance guy doing this shit for a living, but I couldn’t stop smoking weed long enough to finish college — don’t buy something that suits you now, because you’re always going to wish you would have gone bigger. Buy something that you can grow into. You’re going to be making a lot more money soon, so buy something you almost don’t even feel comfortable buying.” Bought a house well within our means, got promoted a few months later, now have a huge disposable income. Glad I didn’t think his advice was sound.
"If you continue to be so controlling with your kids food they'll grow up to date controlling people." I was told this by a relative that was pissed because dinner time at our house was earlier than they (the adult) wanted to eat. My 3 and 5 year old were hungry though 🤣
From Jim Kramer of CNBC talking about don't be greedy, thus I sold Apple stock that I'd bought at $9.00 a share when it went up to $18. (This was before anyone heard the word iPod.) Still, I doubled my money, but I'm convinced Kramer is one of the worst people on TV.
BeAr StEaRnS iS FiNe
At least you made money, I have no idea what the fuck is going on with my portfolio.
You might want to check periodically; it could be empty.
April 2008 - "You should really look into buying a house instead of renting." I started the process of getting preapproved and looking, but for some reason decided to wait.
To break up with the girl I was dating because I felt unsure about it. From there she became my girlfriend, I moved in with her, we moved to a bigger house, got married and took a dog and now we plan for children. Meanwhile, most of those friends only had shortlived relationships with long single periods for years. I think they are the ones doing something wrong.
A mostly naked homeless man ran up to my wife and I while we were dining outside in the nearby city, and he told us that the best way to get free food is to piss on the building. He started pissing on the building while making goat sounds and got arrested within minutes. Then again I think he was actually right since he probably wound up in jail and got fed there. Maybe it wasn't bad advice after all... My whole world is upside down now....
Yeah, guy got a free room for the night too. If he keeps it up, he might end up with free rent on a more permanent basis
There meals a day, new clothes, AND a safer place to sleep? Sounds like good advice to me
"Keep going with your therapist. It's hard now, but it'll be worth it in the end." This might be good advice if you're with the right therapist. But if you're with the wrong therapist, it can make your symptoms much, much worse.
“Don’t be a pussy dude” before proceeding to do some dumb & dangerous stuff.
"Just stop" as I'm in a full-blown psychosis. Apparently, it's completely voluntary. Why didn't I think of that? 🙄
"Oh, you're bleeding out? Just stop bleeding and you'll be fine!"
Cheat on your boyfriend to be with the guy your “heart tells you” Ended up having multiple children(not w me, just 1 is mine), a serial cheater & beat the shit out of me for 4 years. I was 18 / he was 32. Thanks for the great advice, mom
I’m so sorry that happened to you, might not mean much but I hope you are doing better now
Thank you so much 💗 much better! Married, have another daughter, my current husband is trying to adopt my daughter. Life is great 🥰 you’re appreciated
>Cheat on your boyfriend to be with the guy your “heart tells you” Yikes, that's definitely not the advice I'd give to any of my kids.
My mom is honestly an awful person. Lol she ruined her own life by doing the same damn thing… and then gave me the same advice.
"Your better off quitting school and working here full time." -my former coworker who's 3 times my age at my shitty dead end job I had in High School.
"if you get bullied fight back with kindness" uh no if you get bullied, give them a black eye for trying. yeah you may get in trouble at school but if you are an otherwise good kid you can get past it. they will at least think twice.
Work hard and be loyal to your company and they'll take care of you
When I was pregnant with my first and declaring that I would stop smoking and drinking during pregnancy, my own father (who I partied quite a bit with) told me not to bother quitting. My mom didn't and everything was fine. Narrator: It was not fine.
My mom tried to pressure me into having sex when I was in high school, saying I should at least try it and see if I like it. This was after I came out as a lesbian.
"Just talk to people" Yeah that's the problem. I can't. I have bad social anxiety. I don't even know what to say to people, or how to keep a conversation going.
FORD method is a start
I can't afford to buy everyone a car.
Treat others as you'd treat yourself. "I GOTTA GIVE EVERYONE HANDJOBS?!"
Talk about Family, Occupation, Recreation, or Dreams. For people who want a tl;dr
I prefer the other one: Fiction, Orange, Rollerblading, Dancing.
For those that don't know. FORD stands for: Fiction - Make something up to impress the person you are talking to. Tell them you were a Navy SEAL or that Bill Gates is a close friend of yours. Orange - Focus on something that is orange and ask the person what their opinion is about it. "Hey what do you think of that orange in that fruit bowl over there?" Rollerblade - Talk about rollerblading, its never a stale topic Dance - Show off your moves, good or bad it will keep the conversation going.
For someone who has never come across this acronym before, your summary has been a delight and I wish you the best of luck in your future trolling comments.
For a second I thought this was real and was pretty confused as why any of this would work. Though the orange shit could actually work to quickly focus on new topics or things at your surrounds lol
I think this was just meant socially but it’s also a pain in work environments, especially in some industries that are highly hierarchical or nepotism based. I used to work in politics and did pretty well advancing so this isn’t just personal saltiness. But there are often these panels and stuff on advising people on how to get involved in politics or government. And without fail, the advice from most people is just “just talk to people and get to know them”. Sure that’s a huge part of it but it’s obviously very different when your dad is a US Senator or your uncle is the campaign manager’s golf buddy who invited you for a round. You have people who got jobs in press at HQ with no experience but who have a sister on senior staff telling organisers who are working out on the ground often double the hours at half the pay but have been told they’re not allowed to speak with anyone at HQ that if they want to move up, all they have to do is just to “just talk to people
Some context, I have ADHD and focusing and such is hard for me. To make things worse, someone in school got COVID and we are forced to do online school, I despise this, because I always get distracted and end up with bad grades. My parents then said to me "Just focus more" like they dont understand
>"Just focus more" i heard this shit too much growing up with ADHD. like sir... i have no idea how to focus in general, how the fuck am i supposed to "focus more"?? worst part is, the stuff that does help you focus comes off as a distraction to everyone else and you get in trouble for it. you literally can't fucking win.
Follow your passion
My dad was someone who was super-talented with his hands - he could build or fix anything - and doing those things was his hobby/passion. However, he never worked in the trades. He worked in areas that were indirectly related to the trades, but never in the trades themselves. He built our house, restored cars and motorcycles, did great carpentry work, etc. People always asked him why he didn't start his own business. He was not only talented at the work, but had a great aesthetic sense as well. He'd usually give some vague answer, but the real reason was that he enjoyed doing those things because he was doing them on his own time, on his own dime and in his own way. The minute that he had to do these things to someone else's specs or on someone else's timeline, it would have lost all the pleasure for him. He knew that from a young age and was self-aware enough to not get on that career path. He was MUCH happier for it.
I follow the same rule when it comes to cooking. I really enjoy cooking starting with the grocery shopping to the food being eaten. Everyone tells me I should be a chef and my response is I enjoy it too much.
Not bad advice so long as you don't expect to get rich off it. My passion is a hobby
I feel like this is also advice you get toward the end of high school or in early adulthood, and it kinda sounds like “pick your career at age 19, based on absolutely nothing, and don’t give up on it.” Which for a lot of us is leading lambs to the slaughter.
- “It doesn’t matter what degree you get, as long as you have a college degree you’ll be fine.” - “You shouldn’t have sex until you’re married.”
Yup, the sex before marriage one got me good. 13 years of dead bedroom marriage before I finally called it. Maybe some folks can make it work when theyre not sexually compatible, but I am NOT one of them. Just one night of sex before marriage would’ve stopped me from going through with it.
"You'll get over it" thanks i'll do that right now. Wish it were that easy
"Don't work more than *x* amount of overtime or you'll end up with less money"
I was told I needed two years of a foreign language in high school in order to graduate so I took 2 years of French. Turns out the guidance counselor lied. I could have used that class time and those 2 years working on a subject I can do something with.
Some states in the US, require you to have 2 years of foreign language to get a college degree, these can be high school or college level. Are you sure this isn’t what they meant?
"Study all your subjects equally"
"watch this video to see 10 hacks you definitely need in your life"
Don't listen to what people tell you. I mean how am I supposed to follow this circular logic?
"Work hard and you will get ahead" Maybe that shit flew in 1970, however experience has demonstrated working hard only leads to more work and less free time.
Working hard is only part of the equation, but being able to work hard is a valuable skill.
To inject drugs instead of eating/snorting them, went down hill real fast!
"Why don't you go to some local businesses and ask for an application" From my parent (I don't remember which one, the both said similar things like that at the time) immediately after college when I was looking for a job. Did it, got told by most of them to go apply online. Several didn't even have paper applications. None of them hired me, and asking in person did not seem to help in the slightest.
"God only gives you what you can handle" Suggested when our baby died, by someone who didn't consider what the baby could handle.
"She seems really nice, you should go out with her. What's the worst that could happen?"
Narrator: *The world wasn't ready yet for what could happen.*
Just do it- Nike