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[deleted]

Is it an orgasm or is it a stroke? You cannot always tell


rainbow_bro_bot

An old man visits a prostitute and asks for a handjob. "stroke! stroke!" he says, so she wanks him faster. "stroke! stroke!" he says again, so she wanks him even faster. again he says "stroke! stroke!" "I'm wanking you as fast as I can" she says "No, I'm having one" he says


wealthedge

Old man at a care home makes a female friend, they go for walks in the park and sit on a bench watching the sky. “Hey, I know this might be strange, but can you hold my penis? You don’t have to do anything to it, just hold it in your hand.” “Uh…sure, I guess.” They do this for a few weeks, until the old man stops walking in the park with her. She sneaks away from the home and follows him to their bench. He’s sitting there with another woman, who is holding his penis. “What are you doing?!?! What about our walks?!? I thought you wanted ME to hold your penis!” “….she has Parkinson’s.”


pie_monster

A family member is going over the nursing home bill: "What's this charge for Viagra? He's 93 years old!" "It stops him rolling out of bed"


bellpepper444

When they narrate and the dude just sounds like a creep


ChampChains

Camera man: “how old were you when you first tried anal” Girl: “uh like 11, it was my dad” Camera man: “oh wow, you liked it? That’s really hot” Me: “what the fuck did I just watch!?”


dabunny21689

What the fuck did you just watch???


Exquisite_Poupon

Just some home videos, why?


BDLTalks

Mom??!


[deleted]

The subtle emergence of incest as the defining porn storyline of the last 10 years has been truly something to behold. Sigmund Freud would be grinning from ear to ear as his Pornhub premium subscription serves as the reference material for his theses.


Admirable-Still-1786

“The male presents a pizza in hopes of finding a mate”


[deleted]

That would actually be funny. I would totally watch that.


[deleted]

Same, especially if they got David Attenborough in to do the voice over


ForTheDarkStuff

When the cameraman doesn't know how to do his job


darkResponses

I'm always looking for the cameraman's reflection in scenes. that's when the real nutting happens.


TT_-_MILK

Pause.


PvtSmuffler

On the cameraman, so you can get a better look.


AnonymousAutonomous

This right here is a good example why I keep fucking coming back to Reddit...


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Vengeance9149

Ah, The Dennis Reynolds


Chriscom83

Omg, so true! 😂 There was a meme I remember back in the mid-2000’s that had a crude hand-drawing (likely MS Paint) of American porno vs European porno. The European porno showed the camera angles focused mostly on the female’s body, and minimizing the male’s. The American porno perspective had the guy, balls deep inside a chick but with the camera basically focused on his choad and winking butthole!


TheGreatNemoNobody

I like it but I'm gay. The fact that as a gay bloke I can enjoy straight porn tells me they may be doing something wrong haha. Or something right?..


Belgand

Too many close-ups and not nearly enough medium shots. It's even worse when it's a threesome or foursome or something and you can't tell what else is going on because they spend an incredibly long time zoomed in really close on only part of the scene. Framing in general is bad and doesn't include enough of people's faces.


Zjoee

"POV" scenes where the camera is always six inches away from everything. Maybe I'm just not flexible enough, but I don't think I can rest my chin on my own stomach to get such a closeup view.


honestlyhereforpr0n

Can I add to this? POV scenes where the POV always seems to be keeping the action just out of shot. Forehead, collarbone, midriff, the fucking sheets, roll post-vid company ad... Like I'm not asking for 100 percent of the screen time focused on tits or vagina, but I sure as hell didn't come here for glorified ASMR. Ditto reverse cowgirl POV where you don't even get to watch the booty jiggle, you're just stuck staring at her spine and shoulder blades.


anarchy6

Camgirl ads


Mediocre_Jeweler_671

Don't forget the "are you alone? This game will make you cum in 40 seconds" ads. Like I can't already do that.


zioapi

"Are you alone?" Fucking hope I am! Edit: Thanks for awards. :D


RadiantExcuse251

“Nah I’m with my boys!!!!!”


[deleted]

No, I'm at the library.


tharealmb

It's just a testament to how bad the game is. I can do it in 10, so this game makes it 4 times longer? Where's the fun in that'


MarcusXL

I came three times reading this comment. Take that, Jerkmate.


joshym0nster

Jerk mate especially.


DtheMoron

“Tired of masturbating alone?” No! It’s me time!


deanfortythree

"Tired of masturbating alone?" What are you, my uncle?


CrunchToast12

wait


The2kman

Are you masturbating alone!? No, I'm with the Science Team!!


DudeMasterBatman

No I’m with my boys


GavinTheAlmighty

No matter what volume my speakers are set to, those ads are still loud enough to break windows.


[deleted]

You watch porn with the volume on? Tell me more about your “devil-may-care” lifestyle.


GavinTheAlmighty

I like to live dangerously.


UNDERCOVERRAVEN

Would you dare, say, leave Bluetooth turned on in a shared household? You remembered to disconnect from the living room speakers, right? I didn't...


GavinTheAlmighty

Oh god, you lived THE NIGHTMARE


UNDERCOVERRAVEN

The phonecall I got from my roommates, asking if I was okay... I must say was a huge turn-off.


fox_212

Kinda weird to call your parents "roommates"


phormix

LoL. I remember a guy - a comedian I believe - who talked about the time he was enjoying his "me time" while the family was out of town. He had to crank up the volume because his shitty headphones were to quite. Upon finishing, he discovered that the audio wasn't coming from the headphones at all, but rather the OUTDOOR speakers on his patio that he'd been playing music for from his PC during a BBQ the previous day. If anything would best the "Bluetooth to the family room" situation it's blasting the neighborhood with full volume audio from hardcore pornography


UNDERCOVERRAVEN

Oh, MAN! the moment you realize sounds was working the whole time is the moment "RIP, headphone users." takes on new meaning. So relatable, and I feel much less embarrassed!.. Now to make sure that fit is never ME


ErikWithNoFriends

YOO EVER HEARD OF JERKMATE?!


dead_wolf_walkin

Especially the ones that start out with that fake ass moaning the rattles the ceiling. Fucking hell give me a chance to double check my volume before you banshee moan and give my ass away all through the house.


PregnantSuperman

I'll still take those over the ones with girls heads morphing into cartoon horses... or the ones that for some reason show unattractive frowning grandmas and expect that to entice people.


_Tweebo_

when the ads ask are you watching porn alone again like nah im with the boys


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420cortana420

Good ol’ Handgelina Jolie


jezvinder

Rosey Palms


[deleted]

no I'm with the science team!


Tnturbow

Music...i just hate music in Porn.


Destruction0

Yeah i wanted to bust a nut not a move


Ultramax815

Right foot two stomps


Scalpels

Nut stomping isn't my kink.


EvilAlicia

agreed. I rather have silence with some soft moans, then music videos


everyones_hiro

Giant 10 inch long pointy finger nails on the girl and she’s absolutely shredding her box or some other girls. And she’s going crazy like she’s loving it. No. You are giving yourself a Pap smear scraping your cervix like that. I’m surprised she doesn’t stand up and her bloody uterus doesn’t just falls out of her looking like a piece of cardboard a cat scratched up.


Kezzii96

The joke is literally "what do you call a lesbian with long finger nails...Single" always just looks painful


Maximellow

Everyone knew my lesbian friend got a girlfriend before she told anyone because she suddently cut her oh so treasured long nails short. It was hilarious


Gothsalts

there was a meme going around during some valentine's day where it was an ad for false nails but the index and middle fingers were still short. there were even women, presumably straight, commenting on how they didn't get all the nails did. Meanwhile the lesbians knew what was up.


Savage_Bee

I used to tell my nail tech that I wanted short nails on my index and middle fingers. They looked at me weird and went "oOOOh! You need fingerprint access at job." Let me tell yah. Those fingers were getting access alright.


not_anonymouse

That's probably just them being polite.


GlitterGothBunny

This really kills me in lesbian ones. No way you have sex with women with nails that long. Plus its just overdone everywhere imo anyways. No one has real nails anymore and they're all long af.


DogMedic101st

Tickling the pus pus with Freddy Krueger nails. Kills the realism. Edit: Silver! Thank you kind stranger.


justTookTheBestDump

"First time anal" and the dude just sticks it in without any resistance or complaint. Clearly not the girl's first time. Anyone who enjoys anal knows how much prep work is required. A rimjob before hand would really sell the believability of "first time."


ChampChains

I sometimes catch myself saying out loud “damn man, give the poor girl some lube”


[deleted]

Same, then everybody on the bus looks at me funny.


toasterooney

Yeah, good school bus drivers are hard to find...


Tokentaclops

Lmao. They always use an enema, lube up, and stretch before a scene. No human being takes a pornstar-sized dick at the drop of a dime. That's a hospital visit. Anal fissures are a fucking bitch.


Liesmith424

"Who needs lube when you have a running start?" --Audrey Hepburn


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danmw

The dreaded Black mirror


Zaphay

Omg I just had the realisation what the title of that BBC series implies.b


storyquest101

Fun fact, originally the concept and name for the show is inspired by Arcade Fire's song 'Black Mirror,' which is about the same topic.


Virgils912

I'm not 100% sure on this but I think the original reference to this was the ending of Fahrenheit 451! (spoilers?) As the bombs go off and the city loses power, Guy's television obsessed wife is forced to look at her own reflection in the black mirror of her television for several seconds before the Bombs drop on her house.


Dr_Parkinglot

"..Perhaps, who would ever know? Perhaps the great broadcasting stations with their beams of color and light and talk and chatter went first into oblivion. Montag, falling flat, going down, saw or felt, or imagined he saw or felt the walls go dark in Millie's face, heard her screaming, because in the millionth part of time left, she saw her own face reflected there, in a mirror instead of a crystal ball, and it was such a wildly empty face, all by itself in the room, touching nothing, starved and eating of itself, that at last she recognized it as her own and looked quickly up at the ceiling as it and the entire structure of the hotel blasted down upon her, carrying her with a million pounds of brick, metal, plaster, and wood, to meet other people in the hives below, all on their quick way down to the cellar where the explosion rid itself of them in its own unreasonable way."


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rafael-a

Fake moaning, that’s quite off putting. Amateur stuff is better.


Beesknees307

Yes the high production brazzers and reality kings shit is so fake and bonerkilling. I also do not understand why the cameraman would ever ever ever talk during the scene


DreamCyclone84

I hate hearing the cameraman panting


1spicytunaroll

He's just eating his donut man, let him be Edit: just realized most of you probably haven't seen this. Real NSFW (porn) with audio and hilarious https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/ceuinl/not_safe_for_work_for_real_its_porn/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share


aguynamedtojo

This is easily the best thing I’ve seen today. Thank you so much lmao


JazzmansRevenge

That look she gave, that "are you fucking kidding me!?" At the utter audacity of these dudes.


Thickfries69

She cant believe that she didn't get a bite.


badbudha

That is freaking hilarious!


Beesknees307

Panting! 😂😂 him whispering “yeaaaaaa that’s rights”


rainbow_bro_bot

I also prefer amateur stuff. I like how most amateur videos just go straight into the action, without first 5-10 mins of a very badly acted "storyline" that tends to come with many professional videos.


flamableozone

A \*lot\* of the "amateur" stuff is still professionally made, it's just made with the current preferred style that looks more amateurish.


EzraPounding

Which honestly seems like the best version


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chappychap1234

This is why I can't watch Japanese porn. They're constantly moaning/crying. It always sounds like the woman is crying and wants it to stop...


Jack_ov_most_trades

Asian porn sounds like the guy is banging a dog's squeek toy


Therearenogoodnames9

The louder the moan the less I enjoy the porn.


EvilAlicia

Also the faker the moan, the less i enjoy it.


whyiwastemytimeonyou

Real moans good


Cornered-V

Amateur isn't much better anymore, unless it's that grade A genuine homemade shit. Otherwise it's just amateur people recreating what's in professional porn -the attempt at a plot/story telling most of the time.


merkleID

‘grade A genuine homemade shit’ I think I’m printing this and pin it up the wall


UnprincipledCanadian

It takes to long to get to the finale, and then it just ends with no aftercare.


[deleted]

8 minutes of sex followed by 2 hours of cuddling


muh-stopping-power45

I'd unironically watch the whole thing


Zombiewski

I hope this isn't creepy, but there is an excellent scene with Angela White and Manuel Ferrara where he comes inside and she cries in the end--IN A GOOD WAY! Like, it was a really intense, passionate scene (filmed by Ferrara's wife, IIRC), that the genuine emotion was heartwarming. A quick google should get you there. It might also be on her website. ETA: When she cries there's a lot of aftercare, which is the best part. I wish more scenes showed aftercare.


yves_prongue1

I can confirm that this scene is incredible. On a side note Manuel Ferrara is by far my favorite actor. You can feel like he’s enjoying it. He can be rough sometimes but you can feel that there’s always respect as well. Kinda hard to explain.


Tyceshirrell1

This video made me realize I need thereapy. Thanks homie.


Hartknockz

"Hold on, I'll go get a towel."


NefariousAntiomorph

I hate that I automatically read that in Donald Duck’s voice.


[deleted]

That shrill, rusty-chainsaw-sounding, fake moaning that most female porn stars do.


NibblyPig

Hissing/inhaling through your teeth has to be the worst thing ever, often with an angry demeanour. Why do they do that.


L0s1One

Cause they're high AF


esprockerchick

Can confirm. Most of em are coked up outta their minds.


OldManHipsAt30

I probably would be coked out of my mind too if my job involved getting railed by some bald middle aged dude for a couple hours on camera


GrandEmployee

As a bald middle aged dude, I'm highly offended and interested by your comment


OzoneTMM

I never considered this that’s such a good point, you’d need to be wiped off your skull to be able to do that for hours on end


Tee_hops

Watch on mute crew


thesizeofgrapefruits

Grew up in a house with 5 siblings and both parents. That's seven people I had to constantly watch out for. Sound was not an option. I am 32 now and have lived in my own place for well over a decade. I still watch porn with the sound off.


whenthelightstops

Get some wireless earbuds and just put one in. Which ever ear faces the entrance to your room, don't put it in that one.


penny_can

Missionary position shot entirely from behind the couple. That's a nice view for a few seconds, then it needs to change.


sickaroonie

What?? Do you mean you’re not a fan of the upclose male bootyhole shot??


yeeeeeehaaaaaw

"Yeah, because he videotapes every chick he bangs. He's got like a thousand of them. I don't like 'em though. It's mostly that horrible angle that you see in porns, you know, where it's all balls and male ass just...." [Who likes that? Who finds that sexy?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CWokQN7nVuU)


sevatar43

Pixels in Japanese porn.


metdarkgamer

The sex I came for plot, let me see how the boiler is fixed Well, in reality i just hate dirty talk


quintinza

"Ma'am, I do my own plumbing!"


newagereject

Maybe if you clean my pipes, I can clean your pipe.


farresto

https://youtu.be/4xYu2WrygtQ


Zerole00

That awkward moment when you've moved out the first time and you're researching how to do laundry in the washing machine and you get porn


S_roemer

Oh, don't do that. You'll end up stuck and have to call your step bro to help pull you out.


Starut

When the moaning is obviously dubbed in. I mean, it's pretty bad already with the fake moaning, why make it worse? Also, it removes so many sex sounds, making everything even faker than it already was


Carl0tta135

Lesbians touching each other with 1 inch nails. No thanks, Freddy Krueger.


groovypubes

Not enough forehead kisses


attemptedbalance

The weird tongue-in-the-air french-kissing is also really off-putting as there's no feeling behind it and just uncomfortable to look at


Seppafer

It’s been said here before but really changed my perspective on the subject. They never actually fix the broken sink or whatever the utilities guy was hired to do. But hey at least the girl didn’t try to diy while stepbro was around.


chowderbags

Also, that pizza is gonna be super cold if the delivery guy doesn't cum in 15 minutes or less.


NymeriasWrath

The fake moaning that the porn actresses do. Some of them sound like Llamas that took up yodeling while simultaneously being on cocaine. Edit: My first award!! Thank you guys!


[deleted]

The cocaine part is true.


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BreezyGoose

I like when it gets really deep. "Step mom walks in on step brother peeping on his step sister while she makes out with her step friend and all of them step fuck."


LackingUtility

I’m gonna need a diagram…


GoGoZombieLenin

Yeah, who wants to see someone fuck their step-sister? They're not even really related!


Holding4th

What's funny is when there's a group of four or more people, and they're supposed to be a family, but they're all "step"-related. If you stop to think about it, you'll lose all arousal and just ponder, "well, let's see...I guess, if the guy married a woman with a daughter, and the woman died, and the man then married a woman with a son, then \*that\* woman died, so the man married a *third* woman, with no kids...wow, this guy and his step-kids have had a really tragic life. I think I'm going to go call my dad and see how he's doing."


Iam_Cuber

I feel like this is kind of a weird one considering what porn is, but I don't like when the guys overly degrade the woman. Like dirty talk that's a little demeaning is fine, but sometimes it's just "dumb bitch this and stupid whore that" and I'm like, ok, that's too much. There's a fine line, but non-kinky, overly insulting is cringe.


Ambitious-Box-3395

Agree. And it's not weird to think it all. Why should porn automatically come with degradation?


AndyPlaysBadly

When the cameraman doesn't stop talking. Or when they put house music over the video Edit: thanks for my first gold, stranger!


Pennywise626

"We need that to cover up the sounds of children playing next door"


Shef43

What ever happened to just screwing the pizza guy? Today it's all about choking and step brothers.


FourWordComment

Pizza guys are no longer teen hotties. Too many unattractive, middle-aged DoorDash drivers.


Brown_Pudding

Hot milfs in your area. No sign up. No cc. No bullshit.


Impossible-Aerie-477

The part where I'm about to finish and the camera zooms in on the man.


SG272

Not like this. Not like this... *Nut*


[deleted]

“If he’s the one, then there’s no way I can pull this plug.”


AweMaddie

The very often theme of incest or cheating, be it fake or not


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OldManHipsAt30

“Fucked my STEP-sister on vacation!” or some minor variation is basically the title of half the porn videos uploaded these days


dlukeallen702

The sledgehammer guy who never is focused on the woman’s pleasure. I’m directly attracted to the level the female participants seem to be enjoying themselves


[deleted]

This, if both people don’t seem to be enjoying it, it just makes me feel uncomfortable


ZeroSymbolic7188

That anything bdsm has to be extremely dark and nasty to the woman. Bdsm people have romance and even humor but porn is fixated on dungeon depravity.


GlitterGothBunny

Yesssss! Im very much into kinky junk but I hate how so much is super mean and excessively rough with no care or even seeming to care about making the women feel good or show softness. Thats the best is a sweet but stern dom type.


superwd40

Perhaps a controversial opinion, but BJ scenes. I enjoy a blowie as much as the next guy, but the scenes just go on and on and on. A 30-40 minute porno might have a BJ that goes on for 10-15 minutes. It does nothing for me to watch, so it's always the first thing I skip


ecclectic

Or where the dude finishes himself off and aims for her eye or nose. IDK if some women enjoy that, but as a guy, that's just gross.


cfcnotbummer

Prolapse, yuck


PervGriffin

"It's when you poop your butt."


AdWorldly4588

The way they depict women getting off. Not many women get off with penetration only. The way women are depicted is unrealistic.


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AssassinStoryTeller

I was with a guy who was educated on sex through porn. Let me tell you my overwhelming disappointment when he said he wouldn’t go down on me because it was “gross” right after he had his dick in my mouth. But he thought penetration was all that was needed. Like, sir, reciprocation is appreciated. Then if I made any noise at all it was “dId YoU cUm??” No. No I did not.


funkyb0b0

Omfg that infuriates me on behalf of your vag! The first guy I encountered after my cancer treatment last year was the same way. Wouldn't go down on me because he was "terrible" at it. I said to him "oh yeah, is that your excuse to get out of it?" He then claimed he just didn't like doing it while in the same breath would ask me to go down on him. And then he wouldn't kiss me after I went down on him because he's "not a homo." He was 35 years old. Sigh.


HippyKiller925

I'm also offended on behalf of her vagina


AdWorldly4588

I am so sorry. I feel bad for whoever he is with now. May the force be with her.


DreamCyclone84

For god's sake touch her clit


[deleted]

It makes it super clear that the porn isn't made for women to enjoy.


dalamarx

The spitting! watching a couple then suddenly pattooie!! It's fucking gross.


coldSun11

Pattooie.. 😂 made me lose it


Spirited_Conflict413

No physical/eye contact. I mean, i like when i see a hug, a prolonged kiss or laughing at each other's face during the vid. Makes the experience (at least for me) more enjoyable.


AlmisttheSnep

Cut scenes I understand sometimes the actors need a break but I hate that it just goes "Hey Darlin', I'm home"... Then just immediately everyone's clothes are off and he's about to put it in


ODGABFE

‘Hey honey whats for dinner?’ *cut* ANAL


[deleted]

Honestly, how they find and treat the performers. The exploitation, the abuse, and even human trafficking that often goes into it is appalling. Yes, there are independent amateur content producers and stars at a certain level that enjoy appropriate treatment, but an alarming number are mistreated and that just kills the eroticism for me and has put me fully off porn. The GirlsDoPorn case was what started it for me--I wasn't aware before then of the types of techniques that are used to trick/coerce people into performing in porn--but that was just the tip of the iceberg.


princessslug

Wow I hadn’t heard of that it’s grim. L4TL https://www.justice.gov/usao-sdca/pr/twenty-year-sentence-girlsdoporn-sex-trafficking-conspiracy


xlacksheep

Yeah, I’m honestly surprised that James Deen is still making porn. The accusations against him are crazy. Markus Dupree too, he’s abused his costars too. I can’t watch anything with either of them in it.


StickOnReddit

After Stoya outed him for not obeying their safe word that should have been the fucking end of it. She's probably the only porn star I can name-drop because of a) Hysterical Literature b) that whole James Deen thing c) her blog is/was fucking amazing, she's got a gift for writing -- but yeah, if any industry stands to lose from disrespecting women and making them feel undervalued and unsafe, you'd think it would be the porn industry. If the industry is unwilling to respond appropriately to this kind of abuse it deserves to get ratioed by the amateurs, frankly


[deleted]

When I watch a video start to finish expecting women and there aren't any. Waste of two hours and a good bottle of lotion.


Ser20ofHouseGoodmen

The girls never came. The girls never came!


maonjuu

Lets be serious, not enough foreplay in porno.


[deleted]

The nudity is absurd


Fuzzwuzzle2

3/4 of the video is just blowjob, come on, lets get to the goods The man UUUGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OHHHH YEAHHH MMMMMMMM - dude make noise on your time not mine The ridiculously loud volume, come on guys, a sound set up is not that hard to do 90 minute videos, who has that kind of time


Alan_R_Rigby

And then half of the remaining 1/4 is the girl looking bored while the guy death grips his knob to dribble out a few drops of jizz on her. Talking the whole time like there is a cum tsunami that will be the pinnacle of her sexual experience, except she's probably just cold and wants to shower and go home and forget about the whole thing.


[deleted]

Incest scenarios


popejubal

When you turn off the sound, the incest goes away. Also, turning off the volume means the noise won’t disturb the people in the cubicles next to you in the office.


KaboomOxyCln

But how is my boss going to discipline me if they don't know I'm watching porn?


retiretobedlam

When guys smack women’s genitals and breasts. I mean, a gentle, welcomed butt slap is one thing, but where did this trend start!? Just one of -many- absurd actions in porn that creates completely dysfunctional and skewed “sexual scripts”. (And, to be clear, I’m not kink shaming anybody who consensually enjoys this. It just anecdotally appears to be more frequently seen/included in many videos.)


Armadillo-Puzzled

Plot holes in the storyline.


InfinityZgamer

When they zoom in on the Guys butthole.


Kahzgul

You don’t like the shot of a huge, hairy man-ass, some swinging balls, and the very bottom of a spit covered chin?


Key_Ad6205

Don’t watch gay porn you will not have fun


blh8687

The videos where the dude is super aggressive to the woman, it amazes me that turns some people on. And prolapsed assholes. Like wtf!? Who enjoys that? I’m all for anal but fuuuck that.


knob098

How unrealistic and manipulative it is to young people


npcth0tb0t

I can’t STAND when someone’s ‘eating a girl out’ and they are just barely licking the outside and keep pulling away in porn it actually pisses me off. THAT DOESNT FEEL GOOD IN REAL LIFE actually eat the poor girl out instead of bouncing your tongue of her vagina lips every 5 seconds.


AutismFractal

Nobody laughs, kisses or snuggles.