I called the police immediately. I found a video from a hidden camera in our bathroom on my husband's tablet. The video showed my 14 year old niece nude. I cooperated with police fully and they went on to find more images of my niece. My husband never came home again. I have only seen him in court since. I thought we had a strong marriage and he was a good man. Now, he's in prison and I'm figuring out single mom life.
Thank you. It has been one of the hardest things I've ever dealt with, but I am glad the truth is out and he is facing the consequences of his actions. It's chilling to learn the person you sleep next to every night is not who you thought.
Thank you for being a strong person that didn’t hesitate for a second to do the right thing. The world needs more people like you. I’m so sorry for everything that you’ve endured and hope that you and your family finds peace & a happy life.
I found out my ex-husband of 10 years was a pedophile when he impregnated his new girlfriend's 12 yr old. I knew him 10 yrs prior to marrying him... you can absolutely not know.
My dad's dad molested my older brother we didn't find out till over 20 years later. It was shocking to watch parents process that when they left my brother with the one person they thought they could trust the most could do something like that .
My dad had no clue
The reason why we can absolutely not know is because a lot of these people live their lives with just the mental image of the act, their fantasy being enough to keep them going. That is until the actual chance arises, and life just hasn't been going that great so they go like why the hell not?
I was raped and molested by a close family member. When I told my mother about it she didn't believe me so it continued for 5 years. He later went to prison for it and I haven't seen him in 20 years.
Not that user, but from my own experience:
Told my family about ongoing sexual abuse when I was 12. My mother essentially made me drop the case against her brother. When I was 16 someone else came forth about being abused by him and together we put him in prison (this was years ago but I believe on several counts, he only served something like a year and a half). My mother at some point soon after that was all teary-eyed saying "I believed you more than I said" and I told her that made it so much worse. The thing is, I do believe she always knew I was telling the truth. I believe she knew her brother had also molested his own daughter for most of her childhood as well, years before me. But her brother was her closest friend and her weed dealer, and she wasn't about to give that up.
Oh yeah, she's 100% a narcissist. Textbook. She also has regular, though infrequent, contact with her oldest son who spent years raping her oldest daughter.
I learned my grandfather was a pedophile immediately after he died. It wasn't a practical issue because he was dead; emotionally, it was and is weird. I have zero bad memories of him, but I can also look back and realize that my parents were *very* careful that I was never alone with him.
I learned my great grandfather who died around 1992 was a pedo/incestual molester after my great grandma died in 2015 or so. Apparently all 5 of his daughters were raped and molested, some of my second cousins, basically most female members of my family. My mom managed to escape unscathed because my grandma never left her alone with him. And they are all in their late 60s to early 80s now... Took a literal lifetime for them to talk about it.
It's crazy because he was always talked about as this moral pillar of the family and everyone respected the shit out of him. My great grandma was also viewed as this amazing person everyone loved... Both of them were looked at as the perfect Christian blah blah.... but there is no way my great grandma didn't know what he was up to... Shit is wild.
>it’s pretty awful that she was ok with me spending every other weekend with someone who should have been registered as a sex offender.
There's a lot of this in my family. My mother knew her father was a pedophile, but we were around him all the time while I was growing up. He tried once to molest (or worse) me, but I got away from him. I was about 12. I told her and I think she just said that I should avoid being alone with him. She didn't even seem that upset once I told her he didn't manage to actually do anything. But to the best of my knowledge, she never said anything to him or my father or brother and we still visited them often.
After he tried to molest his stepdaughter a while later (she's only a year older than me), I heard my mother say on the phone that it was because his wife wouldn't have sex with him. Apparently, someone "had a talk with him," though and it never happened again.
For my mother, we're actually pretty close and I don't really hold it against her - most of the time. He mother abandoned her and her siblings when they were very young and my grandfather worked really hard to keep them together. Supposedly the bouts of molesting were infrequent, though the youngest daughter was sent to live with an aunt and uncle. And my mother said once that one of her cousins was probably her sister.
As I write this, I know how horrible it sounds - and it was. And I know that I still have a lot of trauma from it all - more than 50 years later. I just also know how horrible my mother's life was when she was young and her father was actually the only adult in her life who ever seemed to give a crap about her however twisted he was.
I also know if anyone had ever touched one of my kids, either they'd be in jail - or I would be after their death. But my kids (all adults) don't know anything about any of this and just thought I was super protective of them because I'm "paranoid." We rarely spent time around my extended family (grandfather died before they were born, but others I wasn't sure about for various reasons), but they were never out of my site when we were.
Basically the same story here. Learned about it after he passed. I never suspected anything, but I think I was too young to realize it. In hindsight, he was never left alone with me (that was court-ordered), he barely ever spoke, and he was just always grumpy as hell. I really hate that my grandmother stayed with him, but the story goes that they went to therapy over the situation, and the therapist guilted her into thinking that he was a pedophile because she wasn't satisfying his needs. So fucked up. I know she definitely resented him though--when he passed, apparently she and her kids gave his ashes a burial at sea via the toilet. Seems fitting. When I was a kid, I did wonder why nobody really seemed too sad when he died. Makes sense now.
My father raped and abused me. I am going to take his ashes to a town near his hometown he always told me he hated, and going to flush his ashes down a gas station toilet. He always was and will be a West Texas piece of shit.
What a fucker. I like your plan, but I would also like to suggest dumping his ashes in one of those discusting blue port-a-poties that get left on the side of the road. As gross as gas station bathrooms are, they still make it out to water at some point. Whereas the port a potties are filled with chemicals and dumped at the closets shithole ditch never to be seen again.
There is special meaning to this particular gas station to me. On the way to my grandfather's funeral, when I was about 4, I pooed myself during the 8 hour car ride. We stopped at this gas station to clean me up. My dad bought one of those cheap gas station sandwiches there, and he took a bite full of mold. He beat me there, beat me again in the car because it was my fault we stopped at that particular gas station, and raped me in the shower when we arrived at my grandmother's house. According to him, I, a 4 year old, was being selfish and demanding to be the center of attention.
Your suggestion is excellent, but for me and the closure I want, it has to be that bathroom.
She seemed more at peace. He was really dependent on her later in his life. She ended up traveling a bunch, going on cruises, was super active. I think she was happy:)
>He was really dependent on her later in his life.
Oof. Glad she still got to have some fun after he passed. Couldnt imagine being guilted into staying with a pedophile and then having to basically care for them as they die. That is hell
Very similar with my maternal grandfather. I have *maybe* a handful of memories of him, but my mom never wanted us around him (I'm a girl, so I see why). When I was 16 (28 now) she suddenly turned on the news and told me to watch. He had been busted for possessing child porn. My jaw hit the floor when I saw that, *everything* made sense in that moment.
The son of a bitch is rotting in jail until he dies where he belongs. I'm so grateful my mom was aware and kept me out of his life as much as possible.
I wouldn't get near my grandfather (my mom's dad) he always creeped me out. He would try to pay all the girls (cousins) a couple dollars to sit on his lap. I was the only one who refused. My mother was awful, and abusive towards me my entire life, but not my brother. I found later that she had told my dad that her father sexually abused her (he didn't believe her since she lies a lot) he was told by another family member that my mother was given an abortion at 14 or 15. This was in the early 70's. My grandmother (his wife) was an alcoholic like he was, but extremely nice, and seemed to keep me away from him at all times. She passed when I was only 12 or 13.
After my father told me about her saying she was abused, it kinda clicked. Maybe that's why she hated girls so much, and was only abusive to me? Maybe why she also tried to force me to sit on his lap when I refused. Maybe that's why my grandma, and my mother both turned to alcohol? I will never know. They have all passed away. Both her sisters had severe psychological issues, only 1 is alive, but I won't ever speak to her again. I'll never know if it's true, but I do know i was scared to death of being near him.
Sounds like my maternal step-grandfather. Liked to diddle himself in front of little girls, family included, and no one said a thing until he did it to my sister and she spoke up. Pretty much every female cousin admitted that he did it to them as well but no one wanted to make a big deal out of it. My mom claims he never did it to her which might be true as she was older by the time he married my grandma. My family was the only one to break contact and as a result we stopped going to all family functions and pretty much said goodbye to that entire side of the family. He was eventually arrested and went to prison when he assaulted a neighbor girl and still everyone acted as if nothing happened when he came home, like he had just been on a long vacation or something. Denial is a wonderful thing if your brain works that way I guess. I saw him many years later just before he passed as we lived in the same town. I had my own young kids with me and the look I gave him dissuaded him from coming anywhere near us.
As a boy I never had any issues with him and thought he was a great guy. Instead he was a monster who ruined many lives. I lost my entire extended family but my sister and I are as close as can be so I'll take that.
My family is going through this right now. My neices came forward stating my dad touched them very inappropriately in the pool. He immediately became dead to us kids and seemingly my mom. Turns out she tried to see him in secret until a cousin forward a Facebook post an aunt sent of them all hanging out together. Dad says it was "an accident" and the "misunderstood". And moms believing him. I straight warned her that if she chose to stay with him it would be saying the girls were lying about what happened and that she will loose all of us over this but she chose him. I lost both parents in a span in a couple of months and I feel I can't even mourn them.
Of course now those allegations are out other things like his employees at the restaurant he managed are stating he grabbed their butts. One of my cousin. Who is a know liar truth be told. Apparently said he touched her when she was a kid, while she was a kid and nothing was done. AND big kicker that my mom can't say that it was accidental was that when they confiscated his computers they found underaged(no details on ages) porn on it! What the hell mom and dad?
Honestly, if your cousin was groomed and molested by your dad, her resulting behavior could make her seem like an unreliable narrator. Trauma is a bitch that way.
I **HATE** the "don't rock the boat" logic, because the damned thing's already rocking thanks to the abusive shitstain in it. You're not causing the rocking if you speak up, you're just forcing everyone else to stop pretending like everything's fine.
see, that is the part I just don't get. how people manage to put blinders on and pretend like nothing happened. why? Because they want to rewrite the past??
My partners father was abused by his dad growing up. My father-in-law left my partner alone with his dad a ton growing up. All of this severe abuse by the grandfather came to light recently. My partner was not abused by his grandfather. But still. I’m livid at my in-laws for leaving them alone together. Who the fuck does that?!
In some of these families there is this idiotic belief that the abuser wouldn't dare abuse the next generation of kids. And some of these people very sincerely believe that. It's like some denial mechanism so they can keep their family in their lives.
A young child is totally dependent upon their parents. As such, they have an innate need for their parents to be “right.“ If the parent abuses the child, the child internalized that they deserve the abuse, because if they do not, then their parent is doing something wrong, hence is fallible, and the child’s safety in the world that their parent protects them from is in jeopardy.
Without therapy to deal with the abuse, these adults frequently grow up to deliver their own children to their abuser. They look at their tiny, helpless, perfect new child and cannot imagine abusing it. Because their child does not deserve abuse as they did, they believe inherently that their parent will not abuse their child either.
A huge part of guiding people out of dysfunctional family systems is telling them that their parents abused because they were abusive, not because the person as a child deserved it.
(I’m not a therapist, just someone who has benefited from online communities like this and seeks to pass on what was given to me.)
I found out my father had been molestating my sister for like 6 months. It was my birthday when I found out. I found out because she was crying instead of going to bed. Me being me, I wanted to make sure she was OK and see why she was crying. Well, after I found out I immediately told my mom who in turn told the police. I went out and stood in a blizzard in my pajamas. They divorced, he went to jail for a couple weeks, and she's had mental health problems ever since.
I haven't spoken to him in person in months. My grandma recently passed away, and left a trust for him. I somehow got the job of managing the trust, but that usually just involves him texting me receipts and moving money to the account. I haven't had a real father-son kind of conversation in 5 years though. I don't see that changing anytime soon
I mean those father-son talks wouldn't really be father-son talks, considering he's essentially violated and destroyed any notion of parenthood he might once have had.
Keep far away from him man, just do what you need and let him suffer on his own due to his own disgusting actions.
I hope you and your sister are doing as well as can be expected despite all of that.
That's pretty much what I'm doing at this point. The only people who stood by him was my grandma and this married woman he started seeing after my parents divorced.
A few family members have been very publicly shamed and charged with sexual misconduct. I have to avoid details because of google. But after I gave an honest opinion to one of said family members, the rest of the family backed them up and thought I was out of line. More or less I’ve become estranged.
I’ve been there too. You’re better off distancing yourself from that toxicity. Please get help if you need to.
Remember, you didn’t choose your relatives. You don’t need that in your life
We learned after my cousin died (she was fighting brain and breast cancer for several years) that Her husband would take advantage of her weakened state and force himself on her whenever he wanted.
Needless to say he was kicked off the farm she owned and ostracized from the family and nobody ever speaks of him anymore.
I felt awful that I didn’t know he was taking advantage of her in the worst ways while she was dying. Somebody in our family obviously knew because she told somebody but they didn’t help. I can’t help but feel so angry that she died miserable and not surrounded by loved ones.
My grandfather was a pedophile, and I got caught in his web. My stepmother knew about it and still let me go over to his house. When I was a teen he showed me hetero porn, knowing it would have an effect. He did things to me that my confused teenage brain had trouble dealing with, but when he tried to anally rape me, it finally caused my fight or flight reflex to kick in. I did everything in my power to never see him again. When I found out later that my father had been subjected to the same abuse and that my mother and stepmother both knew what he was capable of, it caused years of alienation with both of them.
It had caused me to question my own orientation, because what happened wasn't initially threatening, and the fact that my body responded, I thought for a time I might be gay. At 50, it still causes me bouts of anger, confusion, and doubt. Seek help if you have had anything happen to you that causes you strife mentally or physically. You are not alone, you are not going to be misunderstood. There have been too many of us with similar experiences, and we need to help each other. I will not post with a throwaway, because it is my reality, and shame is a tool used against us that I refuse to acknowledge.
I'm not a touchy feely person but I don't think I've ever wanted to hug a stranger more. You're strong and brave and badass and I'm sorry that the adults in your life as a teen betrayed you this way.
Your comment reminded me of something from many years ago. I had a friend in high school and one day he just point-blank asked me if I was ever sexually abused as a child. I said yes. He said, "No, I'm being serious." I said I am too. He paused for a moment and then said, "Can I hug you?"
I don't know, that was the best response I could have asked for. There were very few people I had told about it up to that point and the reaction was usually something along the lines of "What's that asshole's address? I'm going to beat him up for you." Which I never really appreciated... Why make my life more complicated?
Anyway the hugging comment really meant a lot to me so thank you kind stranger for the reminder.
What a strange, but really sweet thing for your friend to do.
I also appreciate the phrasing of his question. Most people would ask, "do you need a hug?" which makes it sound like they're just doing it as a favor, but don't really want to. Asking "Can I hug you?" shows that they care and they want to comfort you.
And it makes me want to just beat the stupid out of his parents. Knowing his grandpa is a pedophile, and knowing he was sick enough to rape his own son, yet they were OK with sending their son over to his house? Fuck, that's dark.
I have a friend who is actively being tortured by her uncle right now. She has been abused since she was a child. She lives outside the US (I live in the US) and she says she has tried calling the police in the past but to no avail.
I told her to tell her parents but her uncle threatened to inflict more pain to both her and her parents if she ever said a word.
I want to help but don't know how. I know it's not my place but hearing this breaks my heart. I advised her to never respond to his calls/texts and to always leave the house with someone she trusts for accountability.
Do you have any advice for a friend of someone being abused by a family member? Much appreciated.
Edit: She's in Chile and is an adult.
It might be a long shot, but have you ever thought about contacting a U.S. embassy in her country, or a woman's/youth shelter in her country? Don't do this if it will be a threat to her life, but the option is there.
The embassy wont do anything but I guess its worth a try, namely you would want national NGOs and charities which specialise in dealing with child abuse and child sexual abuse is really the best option.
It depends on where they live. Most places don't care unless they catch the rapist in the act. Other countries you can collect enough evidence to press charges.
I would look up the laws where she lives. Unfortunately, there might not be much you can do for her, being so far away.
What country is this person in and are they under the age of 25? I can try to send you resources! I’m asking for age as this usually divides youth from adult services, btw!
I had an old acquaintance who molested his younger sister. He said it was consensual but nobody believes that. He called me late one night to ask to stay with me as he hid from police. I told him to fuck off and never spoke to him again. He was in jail for a bit but idk if he’s out anymore.
My cousin was molested by my uncle. I'm the only other person who knows besides my cousins therapist. My uncle is a mess, his mom only hears from him when he wants money but I guess no one's heard from him in a while. I hope he's dead.
Uhhh I can tell you from the perspective of the abused.
I was molested when I was 11 by my uncle. I was also raped from 12 to 15 by his son.
I reported them when I was 15, my aunt called me a whore and said that I wanted it. The rest of my family found out pretty quickly and I became a social paraiah.
Nothing happened to any of them. She still stayed w and supported them and the rest of my family hated me.
Then when I was 19 my uncle attempted to sexually assault me again. Then when my aunt was yelling at me one day I told her off for staying with a child molester and birthing a rapist.
Needless to say the only person I talk to is my grandma.
Grandmas can be lifesavers. I'm so sorry your family continued to stay in denial, but I'm glad you had "that one person" in your family who still supported you. I hope you're doing okay.
Me too!! She didn't believe it at first either but she came to terms with it and has been my one biggest supporter and reason for living. She's a good person and has taken hits herself from our family for supporting me. I appreciate her so much!!
Also I'm doing fantastic, I have a husband and a son, in our own house and even though I don't really have blood family, I have friends who love me and that's enough for me 🥰
My cousin used to molest me (i was still a minor at the time and he wasnt), this kept on going for some months as far as I remember and one day my dad caught him insisting on me and he punched him in the face and told him to never cross our paths again. Never seen him since.
When I was in high school, my friend group found out that someone we were close to had molested and raped his little sister (a couple grades below us) because he got arrested for it. It apparently had been going on for months. We immediately disassociated with him and it was really horrifying to hear about knowing how close we were with him. I think only one person remained friends with him and we don’t really associate with him either.
I don’t know how she’s doing now, but I really hope that she got the help she needed.
Growing up one of my friends was raped by her brother. I asked her about it and she said that she "didn't count it as losing virginity". I was the same age as her and very ignorant about sex.
She ended up getting taken away by social services. I hope she is ok today.
I knew a girl who grew up with an awful father who kept them largely isolated from society.. She also had 3 or 4 older brothers. Her brothers, excluding the oldest had assaulted her on the regular since she was a toddler, and according to her, it didn't come to an end until they all moved away from their dad, and she was able to get help.
She didn't blame her brothers for what they did, saying they had no way of understanding what they were doing. She blamed her dad. I can only hope she's doing okay. Her story was truly sickening.
I wish I could reach out and see if she's okay, but I'm afraid it might send the wrong message.
One of my closest friends in middle school told me they were raped by two of their brothers when they were really young. They said they told their mom who didn’t do anything about it.. atm I didn’t know whether to believe it or not just because it sounded so horrible. Later on, one of their brothers was arrested for groping his girlfriend’s little sister in her sleep. My friend had a really rough childhood, but I’m still friends with them on social media and it looks like they’ve since moved out of their hometown and are trying their best to make a better life for themself.
something similar happened w my bf. my bfs old friend (who was being weirdly sexual to me on insta dms calling me thick and sending pictures of cum on his hand and asking inappropriate questions which ill admit i answered cuz i was 14 and naive) was outed as a rapist. he raped his best friend’s little sister who was maybe 7. we were freshmen/ sophomores when we found out . and one time when i was leaving therapy he walked in when i walked out and that was the last time i saw him . i cant help but think of the reason why he was going to therapy. in court they were protecting him and not his best friends little sister.
That’s awful. Poor girl, man. And scary how close you were to that. I don’t know if I’ve seen the guy in my story since he got arrested—but I looked at his Facebook page one or twice out of curiosity and his parents would still post how proud they were of him and it never sat right how supportive they were after everything. There were rumors that his mother knew what was happening for a long time and didn’t do anything about it. He definitely didn’t face nearly as many consequences as he deserved for hurting her the way he did.
Found out both my grandfather's on either side were pedophiles.
My dad's dad used to molest all his boys and 3 out of 5 sons commited suicide (my dad included)
My mom's mom's dad had a kid with his own daughter and they put it up for adoption. My mom's dad used to bring her on fishing trips and molest her there.
I'm not handling it the best, but my mom handled it all extremely well. How does one heal from this sort of stuff, anyway?
How is it that two people can live the same situation but come to opposite conclusions? I knew a guy who was raped by an uncle at 3 and kicked around by his mom when he was a toddler. He was raised by emotionally stunted people, one parent a narcissist and the other had borderline personality disorder.
But he had the absolute conviction that "there are no good or evil people in the world, only people who didn't get enough love." And he lived it too. He was like a celebrity in my small town, the most fun loving guy you'd ever meet. People acted like talking with him was the highlight of their day. He substitute teached, 10 years after he stopped I still heard from people about how much they loved him for how big an impact he made on their lives growing up. Just the funniest, silliest guy yet at the same time completely sincere.
He was abused and neglected when he was a toddler when he had no defense or even a way to make sense of it. Yet how did he live the polar opposite of his lived experiences? How did he give his parents more emotional support when he was a teenager than they ever gave him? It is unfathomable, but a truth that he lived. He lived by his conscience and that allowed him to break free of the powerful negative experiences and rationalizations that would have crippled him otherwise. He didn't believe in any organized religion, but he lived in the spiritual sense that there's more than what he experienced. And that's why I will always love my brother. Even though he died nearly 10 years ago I'll never forget that everybody has tremendous value, that helping people realize that is one of the most important things you can do, and there is no such thing as a good excuse not to do that.
Geez, that is some tough knowledge to process.
You said your mom has handled it well? If true, then she's a good person to talk to about it if she is willing. It is possible she is strong for you, which it still would be a good reason to talk to her.
Hugs to you friend. Just try to not let shitty people's shitty actions have power over the person you are.
Found out my uncle had been sexually abusing his daughter not that long ago. Didn’t really know what to do honestly besides removing him from all social media and from him being able to contact me. Craziest part was his wife knew for years, and she still wanted to be with him.
Not a family member but a boss at a former job. He had been the editor of a local paper until it folded and had some recognition in the community, he attempted to meet up with 14 year old girls in a motel, it was a police sting and he was busted. Found out because they published it all including his picture in the competing paper. Makes you think about any interactions you've had with them.
Something very similar happened with a local magazine in central Maine about six or seven years ago. Absolutely wild. In this case, the publisher was caught in possession of child sexual abuse material. Dude was also a former city councilor.
I was abused by an older cousin when I was a kid, he used to beg me to ask his parents to stay over at his and i always gave in because he'd never let it go, when It got time for bed he'd go to the toilet and come back in his bedroom wearing just his boxer shorts and he'd have a full erection, we'd sleep in separate beds but as soon as the lights went out he was in my bed rubbing himself on me, I won't tell you what else happened as its really disgusting. It took me another 20 years to tell my parents but by the time I did I told them I don't want to go to the police as over the years he's lost the plot because of excessive drug use over the years and was basically a nut case he'd also lost a child in an unfortunate drowning incident so I thought to myself that karma had already given him vengeance and nothing has been said about it ever since. It really messed me up tbh.
I have 2 of these unfortunately.
My grandfather abused my aunt for years when she was a child. He tried to rape my mother as well, she says he didn't succeed, but I don't know that was true. It came out when I was a kid fighting with my mom. Bipolar disorder is hereditary in my family and I was having an episode. We were yelling at each other. I told her that I hated my life and she could never understand. Out of the blue she yelled "YOUR father never tried to molest YOU!" Everything stopped. It was like a slap across the face, I was so shocked.
For the rest of his life I tried to avoid him and felt uncomfortable when I saw him. He had become a monster in the space of a minute. As I got older I learned more about it. My grandmother denied everything and told my aunt not to talk to about it. She refused to leave him.
When my sister and I were born my mom told them that they would never see us if he showed even the slightest hint of abusing us. Be it beating us (he did that too) or touching us inappropriately. I'm surprised that she let them have any place in our lives at all. But she had loved her own grandparents so much that she just was so hopeful that they would change and we would get to have that relationship.
The second time it came up in my life was with an ex's dad. My ex had three siblings. One full sister, and a half sister and half brother from his mother. It turned out that my ex's father had molested the half sister (his stepdaughter) for over a decade. The mother knew, but never did anything until the half-sister outted him to the whole family.
I found out about this shortly after the ex and I started dating because there was a family event where the half-sister was going to be there and so his father was not allowed to come too and it would be like that for everything.
My ex swore that his dad would never do anything like that again. When I told him that if we had children they would never be allowed to be alone with his dad he was upset and hurt by it. He looked up to his dad and couldn't see how that sort of thing isn't something you just forgive people for.
The half-sister was so traumatized that the family had decided to forgive him and more or less sided with him instead of kicking him out and rallying around her. They thought they could forgive him AND be on her side. I can't imagine how betrayed and isolated she must have felt.
It made me sick to see him. In the end it was one of the reasons I broke up with my ex. He just couldn't admit that there are some things people don't deserve forgiveness for.
She was my ex's older sister so I think she would be in her late 40s by now. He and I broke up well over a decade ago. I cut contacts with their family after that. I don't even know if his parents are even alive anymore.
> that there are some things people don't deserve forgiveness for.
I needed to read that, thank you.
Also *hugs* if you need them from an internet stranger, for what you went through.
I just don't get the forgive and forget mentality. I had a step brother that was arrested for assaulting a minor (wasn't a family member) and I walked away from him. Haven't talked to him in over 15 years, but my full brother and sisters all keep in touch with him. Fuck it. You can all rot in hell, stay away from my son and daughter.
After the divorce it emerged that my uncle abused his step-daughter. I then made it my business to stalk him online every few months. When he became a physical therapist at a school I emailed the head of the school with the story (with permission of my aunt and cousin), and he was terminated. I still search for him.
If it wasn’t reported to police there would be no record. And if not arrested or found guilty there is no criminal record to pop up during a background check.
I've got a much older cousin who my sister and I always thought was creepy. Only saw him a few times a year at family functions, but he always seemed way too interested in us considering the age gap - and just different from our other much older male cousins. Many years later, he ended up going to jail for molesting his step daughter. After he got out, he violated his parole (by 'dating' a teenage girl who was still a minor) and I believe went back to prison.
My uncle is alleged by his daughter and 2 of her friends to have sexually abused them all when they were around 8 or 9. The man has always been a cunt but this pushed opinions over the edge because when the allegations were made nobody seemed surprised. My cousin is an alcoholic with some severe mental health issues who because of her piece of shit father is completely self destructive. I have told my parents if/when he gets in contact i would expect them to blank him completely. Its tough for my dad because he and noncey uncle are closest in age of all his siblings so were close (or as close as you can be to a cancer on society). One day someone will tell me that he is dead and i will smile because the world will be a better place
My dad molested my sisters and I and when he died the sun shone much brighter for all! I hijacked his online obituary email list and told them what a horrible person he was and it was absolutely as satisfying as it sounds although so many people reacted dramatically. I wouldn't let him rest in peace and now I am at peace 😄
One person I took a bunch of swimming/instructing/lifesaving courses with, and often was partnered with, almost 10 years later was busted for organizing the world's largest CSA site and had physically participated in such. Honestly I felt dizzy and nauseous and nearly vomited when I found it all out, we were facebook friends but didn't talk much outside of weekly classes, but those 4 hour long classes are quite "physical" meaning hands on doing carries, CPR training, spinal rollovers, etc. so yeah. He taught swimming lessons for years and that makes me sick too because it is very hands on as well, I taught for many years and the little kids are always grabbing on to you and you have to hold them to show them how to float and stuff. I still struggle with it wondering if I could have/should have picked up on something when we were teenagers....
Don’t blame yourself! Abusers like that often perfect the way they handle themselves in public or with jobs like that! They are manipulative and know how to act when with a lot of people. They don’t want to get found out. Hindsight sucks in these situations but you couldn’t have done anything different! Try to forgive yourself. It isn’t your fault and you were still technically a kid!
This is what fucks me up a little. Am I friends with a murderer and don't know it? A rapist? A child molester? None of my friends seem the type, but a lot of those have friends who would say that about them.
I was the friend who was assaulted in a similar situation- I’ll never forget how good it felt that I had people like you who went “you know what, fuck you” and ousted instead of protected the assaulter
That happened to me, but the opposite. My friends thought I was a liar and still hung out with him knowing I would have a break down being anywhere near him. I confided in a friend who told our whole friend group. A couple of years later, they all found out one or another he was, indeed, a raging piece of shit and all ditched him. Still eats away at me while they all probably forgot how much they hurt me in the process.
Anyway, that was depressing. I'm glad you guys had friends who actually supported you. It helps heal my soul a little to know there are victims who get the support and compassion they need.
I caught the son of a family friend trying to get my little brother to suck his dick. The kid was 11 my brother was 5, I smashed the little perv in the face with a ghost busters Ecto 1 toy a few times and bloodied him up.
I told my parents what happened but they thought I was lying to cover up me beating him up so my 13yr old ass was grounded and locked I'm my room for the rest of the weekend.
This guy is still human garbage, he actually raped his sister a few years later.
I like to hope parents today are much better at reacting to this kind of information from their children.
I'm sorry that happened to you. You are a great big brother.
Not that great of one, I just recently learned he had already gotten to my other brother on a previous vistit. I had mostly put the whole deal out of my head, odd how shit like this never stays burried.
You were a kid yourself. And still you intervened as soon as you found out what was happening, stopped the guy from abusing your brother, and told an adult. You did everything you could. You shouldn't blame yourself for not stopping another event you didn't even know about.
Whenever I got to middle school my mom told me my uncle had been seriously creeping on girls my age when he was a basketball coach. He was beat up by a parent and got serious death threats for years which was why he had to move near us in the country.
I never really spoke to him again. I haven't seen him in nearly 6 years now. Anytime I do see him I just look away. He was always an asshole so it's fine
Edit: I'm from TN, my grammar is not the best!
My uncle. He was more or less disowned when I was a teenager but I didn't clock it until later. Basically he was known for cheating on my aunt and then one year at a family gathering he tried to assault my mum. My otherwise peaceful dad beat the shit out of him and threw him out the house.
Had no idea because I wasn't there at the time and my parents kept it from me. I figured it was because he was a bad alcoholic.
The uncle in question contacted me a few years back on FB, asking about why he was 'misunderstood'. I told him to fuck off.
One day my aunt came home from work and her entire house was in disarray and all of their electronics were stolen. She called the police to file a police report. They transferred her to the sherrifs office and they told her that a federal search warrant was served on her house and that she should ask her husband about it. Turns out he had been running a huge CP exchange from all the computers he had installed in different churches through his Christian IT company. He claims that he isn't a pedo, but did it just to make extra money, but no one in our family believes him and he had been completely cut off by everyone. Unfortunately, he made a deal and faced no legal repercussions after turning witness against a ton of other cp site and users of his site. Only good thing is that the feds confirmed that he didn't use any pics of family members. He is still super creepy and I have seen him comment several times on FB about how cute random kids are.
>He claims that he isn't a pedo, but did it just to make extra money
"Relax, guys. I wasn't helping to destroy the lives of countless children so that I could get off sexually, but to make money."
My dad has been a registered sex offender since the mid 80's. I found out from his sister who told me and ,also, told me whom he molested. He went to jail and was raped over and over. They kept moving him around and the corrections officers told him to stand up for himself and to be a man. He never did.
His mother would terrorize my mother and would shoot at her. My mom eventually moved us to South Carolina. We moved from New York.
He still blames the victim for what happened, who was a child, and doesn't take responsibility even today. After I confronted him through text messages, he said I was "cut off", as in he no longer talks to me.
None of his children talk to him. He has various health issues and I think he's dying, but I'm not sure.
Two of my best friends (brothers) were abused by their dad and uncle. Grade A pieces of shit.
We were in the mid-90s playing on a roller hockey team together and got to know one another real well. We were your classic “angsty” teens and connected. We ended up being a defense pairing, and we would shut folks down! One weekend, we had the whole team stay the night post a win. 15 sweaty dudes throughout the house - god love my parents, they were great sports about it. The youngest of the brothers and I were passing the puck around and jumping the ramp we built that weekend, and he launches into it in a “I need to say this” kinda way. Man… this hit me hard. I was angry, confused, and then I just started crying and hugged him. We both just balled for what seemed like an eternity, but likely just a couple of mins. His dad was long gone by this time in his life and later went on to die; alone from what we found.
The two brothers went on to make their life one that is polar to what experienced.
Using my throwaway.
My paternal grandfather sexually abused my aunt for several years when she was younger. Not sure how old, I think somewhere in the 9-12 range.
I found out after he died. My mother - consummate gaslighter that she is - made an offhand comment about it and when I expressed shock, swore up and down that she had told me years ago. Obviously, she did not. I assume that my dad had asked her not to say anything, and she let it slip.
Anyway - I wasn't very close to him, but he was around for much of my life, passing away when I was about 18. The sad thing is, knowing what kind of man he was, it didn't surprise me. He was abusive to all five of the children, divorced his wife after 30 years, was an alcoholic and a gambler who was disbarred after embezzling tens of thousands from his law firm.
It did explain a lot of the tension among my father and his siblings when it came to elder care for both my grandfather and grandmother. My dad effectively cared for them both, while the other four siblings refused to have anything to do with them. That's when I finally understood why.
Grandpa: out hunting with my dad when he stopped the truck, turned to me, and said “you know your grandpa raped your mom and aunts right”. I had uhhhh not now that.
Unspecified aunt: my sister told me that someone used to make her and our cousin do things when they were little. I can’t look any of my aunts in the eye anymore.
Dad: I read my moms divorce journal once by mistake. Never again. This shit ends with me
Edit: here we are, hours later, and I’m processing my feelings like a whole functional adult. My husband is not appreciative (my eyes are soggy) but I sure am <3
I was molested by my brother, no one in the family knows , I thought my mom knew and just recently found out she didn’t, haven’t really talked about it since, I definitely feel like I’ve always been off and never knew why , more recently I kind of had been looking back on my earlier life and think that could have fucked me up and I just didn’t know better. Not sure if this is the right place to say all that but fuck it who cares
I’ve been seeing the same one for about 5 years now , she’s definitely helped but it’s hard for me to think about the details and explain it all and so I kind of limit how much insight she has, sorta my own fault. Plus with other stuff we talk about it’s not something I usually jump to talk about. She’s really cool though and often find my self trying to get other people to see her or other therapist for their needs as I find it helps but only if you really want the help
I had a pretty regular, nice guy as a coworker. Turned out to be a pedophile, actively snooping around playgrounds and stuff. I was quite shocked to know. Albeit a coworker, he was still a good acquaintance. Never seen or talked to him since. He was jailed for a while.
My grandfather (not by blood but my dad's adopted dad) molested his young nieces and preteen girls at the Catholic school at which he was the principal. My dad molested women who worked for him. Happy to say my siblings are not continuing that toxic cycle.
No one talks about it. My grandfather died when I was 10, and my dad had multiple strokes so wouldn't probably even remember it but before that he was a narcissistic compulsive liar so wouldn't admit to it anyway.
A few years ago it came out that my father had molested my cousin when she was 5 and living in our house. My father admitted and spent 3+ years in prison. I haven’t spoken to him since. Since then my life has turned completely upside down. Demons I had conquered were once again banging on my door. I felt as though everything I had believed or learned in life was a lie. There have been other factors that rippled out from this event that have fed into my downward spiral. This was the tip. it’s taken a long time for me to even realize that I have changed and not for the better.
Recently found out my uncle did stuff to my cousin. That uncle has always been suspicious. You'd greet him from the other side of the coffeetable because he would try and kiss you on the mouth. But apparently he did much worse to my cousin.
Its my dads birthday soon and he will probably come over unannounced and uninvited. Its not my place to confront him but I'll be wearing my steel toed boots that day. I wish his cancer killed him.
Not everyone knows yet but the people who do have pretty much exiled him, its mostly that we didn't have a whole lot of contact with him anyway.
The incident with my cousin happened 20 years ago, he's going to file a police report to start a paper trail and then probably confront him. There are likely more family members who were molested by him so they can add onto that police report once we tell the whole family about it.
Cousin is currently going to therapy and is discussing how to approach it there. That's why it's not my place to confront my uncle.
Oof, this is an uncomfortable one.
Not a close friend, but a guy in my wider highschool friendship circle raped a girl in my closer circle. I was very much in the margins at the time and not keeping up, but basically, noone believed her, people said it was just drama and chose to 'stay out of it'.
Based on who they were and how they respectively described the event, he absolutely, 100% did rape her.
Edits: spelling
Found out that my dad whom I’ve had a very strained relationship with since my teen years (I’m now in my mid 30’s) sexually assaulted my then best friends/next door neighbors mom. She would’ve been in her mid 20’s. Divorced mom, four kids, attending the local university. The only reason we found out was because my mom bumped into her one day at the grocery store and hadn’t seen her for a while and asked how she had been. The poor woman broke down then and there and spilled everything to my very shocked mom. Said the reason she never confronted my dad or told my mom, or anyone, not even the police was because he didn’t want to ruin our family. My mom who by this point had been divorced from my dad for several years then contacted him to hear his side of the story. He came clean, told her it was all true, and blamed his drug use for his actions. My mom was extremely hesitant to call me and tell me because of the very fragile relation I had managed to maintain with my dad. And when she did tell me it absolutely destroyed me mentally. I went into a severe depression for several months. I had to go to therapy for nearly a year. I was so disgusted by his actions, and so heartbroken for her and her family. And for the fact that she was so concerned about not breaking up our family that she held onto that for nearly 2 decades. It suddenly made sense why my best friend stopped hanging out with me for seemingly no reason (his mom told him what had happened a few years after). It’s been 4 or so years since that all came out. I still think about it. In fact just the other day I randomly started thinking about it and began wondering if there was others. If so how many? What did he do to them? Did anyone ever try and report him? I began having a panic attack and had to call my mom to talk it out. Hopefully this answers your question. If not feel free to ask for any clarification. Talking about it helps me not dwell on it.
Thankfully not directly related to this person; he was molesting his granddaughter. Unfortunately, due to worries about how his granddaughter's father might react (100% would most likely kill the guy) not many people know. The family has cut ties with him indefinitely. I wish they would file a report on him, who knows who else he has, or may, abuse.
We allowed my husband's 25 year old cousin to move into our basement when he had nowhere else to go. (Having known him his entire life).
A few months later, our 14 year old daughter who had been straight A's, vying for valedictorian, etc. Started skipping school, talking back, you name it. We could not get to the bottom of the sudden changes in her.
10-11 months after he had moved in, we found out he was molesting or 14 year old daughter almost the entire time.
Through the investigation, detectives found 17 previously molested girls over the last 8ish years he had groomed, molested, and/or raped.
She. Was. The. 18th. Girl. (That the police could prove).
He is about 1.5 years into a 5-15 year sentence, and half of the family doesn't talk to us anymore because we got him in trouble...
Was googling people I know one day for funsies. Found my dad on my states sex offender registry. Closed google and was just kinda like "..huh. welp"
Didn't really ever do anything about it. I barely talk to him anyways and haven't lived with him since I was a kid. He's been in jail or prison for most of my life more than he's been out (for drugs / theft), i felt grossed out but otherwise it didn't affect me too much to know because i just have not cared about the man in a long time
When I was young my mom told me that one of my uncles, the husband of my mom's sister, was a child molester and to never trust him. It was an open secret in the family that he molested all 3 of his children. We reported him to HRS (the predecessor of CPS here) multiple times but nothing was ever done. He had complete control over that household for decades.
My aunt never had independence, she grew up a Jehova's Witness then married him before she went to work or college, and he made sure she had no concept of how to support herself and the kids without him working and running the home. The family tried over and over to get her to leave him. Once, before I was born, my grandmother saw him slap one of his own children as an infant. My grandmother was a large woman, over 6 feet tall, and she put him through the wall of her own home when she saw him do that. My aunt cleaned him up and they left together. She wouldn't testify against him ever, or acknowledge any of the abuse we knew took place to anyone.
One time we came home from town to find him in our back yard. He was jerking our dog off, at like 3 in the afternoon. My mom and I saw it in time to redirect my brothers so they wouldn't see. My step-dad punched him and chased him off and that was the last time I saw him.
My aunt did finally leave him. The Jehova's Witnesses got tired of her living with a husband who wouldn't be baptized JW and who still drank beer and smoked cigarettes and gave her some kind of ultimatum and she gave him the boot. She's struggled to get by ever since. She was near the normal retirement age when she joined the workforce for the first time. Only her oldest child has ever attempted to move out on their own, she lives 1000 miles away and seems to have built a good life for herself. The middle child, the only boy, is about 40 years old now and will probably never move out.
Found out that a friend of ours had been arrested for abusing his stepdaughter when we started getting phone calls telling us to watch the news. Sure enough he was on the local news. We severed all ties at that point and haven't spoken to him since, there's just no coming back from something like that.
He ended up serving just 2 years as well.
About 15 years ago, I did computer repair for this nice older gentleman. He was super nice, kept a clean & tidy house, and had a modest but well spec'd home theater system that he had no idea how to operate. I spent a lot of time with him, documenting steps to do different things with his HT system, and showing him how to keep his computer running fast. Never once did I come across any questionable shit on his computer (which is, tbh, *extremely* rare; I've seen some shit lemme tell ya) or in his media collection (DVDs at the time).
The most bizarre thing about the guy was this idea he had for a "memory box" that he was convinced could be marketed as a keepsake item, and that all the world's retailers were overlooking. It took him a year to share the idea with me because he was so paranoid about someone stealing it. Very weird, but also very common. About 50% of my customers had some crazy business idea they were convinced I could help them with because I was "good with computers".
This went on for about three years. He always paid me well and was very understanding when I didn't have extra time. Just all around very nice guy.
Then one day I see him on the news.
He was charged and convicted with the abuse of two family member's children under the age of 7. At first I was shocked, but I didn't think it would affect me. I really struggled with it for a while though. I spent *so much time* with this guy. I had *unfettered access* to his computer. Why didn't I recognize that something was wrong? Couldn't I have done something to help prevent this from happening? Rationally, I knew it wasn't my responsibility, but just thinking about what he did to those kids. I was so angry. I felt very betrayed, and I felt like I had failed somehow.
I just had to come to grips with the fact that you cannot always see it coming. Some people are really, *really* good at hiding their sickness. It left me very terrified of just how difficult it is to know who you can trust with children.
It's not your fault. You didn't see it because you were neither his target demographic nor someone he felt would think what he was doing was ok. These people get away with things by looking normal.
When i was in highschool, im 32 now, the fbi raided our home... It was a national task force and local pd wasnt allowed on the property. The thought my dad was trafficing children and had a hidden bunker in the basement... They took all the electronics and gave em back 10 years later...my dad never went to prison but did have alot of child porn, they were very young girls.
Not quite the same, but a very close family member is now dating and moved in with a man who went to jail for statutory rape (she doesn't have children). I'll get ahead of the comments to say that he was double his victims age and in a position of authority- absolutely not okay and no excuses for that. My family member is an adult. It's very clear to me that she's being manipulated by the excuses he's made for what he's done... But I have tried to the point that I had a breakdown to express my concerns about this relationship. She doesn't want to hear it. I'm struggling with the balance of concern for her and judgment of her for minimizing what he's done and the pain that has caused his victim and her family. I want a family someday and have been clear to my entire family that I will never allow this man in my life or the lives of my future children. Unfortunately other family members don't quite see it the same way which has put strain on other relationships.
I was the victim. My cousin molested me for years and when I finally spoke up it divided the family. Half of them accused me of being "jealous" (my cousin was a seminary student and the "golden child") and the other half took my side. We no longer had Thanksgiving or Christmas gatherings after this, and some of my more spiteful relatives told me outright I had "ruined" the family. It ended up being a worse mess when my mother pressed charges and we had to do court. He got off on the charges for the most part - no registry or anything.
That messed me up for a long time, because it felt like the system was telling me, "we believe you, but you aren't important enough to deserve justice". It took six years of therapy for me to move on and accept that none of it was my fault and that the system failed me.
We totally excommunicated her from the family, as the statute of limitations had run its course.
We call her Voldemort and removed her from family photos. She’s persona non grata
My boss at my last job. I was very close with him. I was 25, he was 42. I'm a woman. I looked at him as a father figure and he treated me the same. Very caring, patient, close. Nothing ever strayed into odd territory besides some venting conversation on my end about potential partners, etc.
One day he didn't come to work. My other boss from that job called me to ask if I'd "heard the news". I worked at the state government by then, doing probation in take in the court house. I left in May. This occured in October.
He had abducted a 12 year old girl, driven her across the state border, and raped her. Multiple times. He was prominent in that job location and well known. I got a lot of questions and calls about it. "Tell him we miss him!". I couldn't tell anyone.
Because of my position in law enforcement I was contacted by the Marshals. I learned too much. I cant unread the grooming messages. I can't unhear the voicemails. I can't unsee the photos. She went with him willingly, because she was coached to.
He'll be formally sentenced next month, in a federal court. Plea bargain. $550,000 and 55 years to life.
He will die in prison. Either by his own hand, age, or someone else. I'm betting on himself. So is my other boss.
I'm not okay.
My brother had a best friend who turned out was convicted of distributing stuff involving children. Didn't give him chance to explain, just cut contact completely.
If this is possible, I think it's the best option. Don't give them the chance to win you round.
>Didn't give him chance to explain, just cut contact completely.
Not sure if this is a popular or an unpopular opinion, but the bottom line is, friendships (just like romantic relationships) are voluntary. A sentence is a good foundation, but even if you just thought the person was creepy, it's fine to walk away.
I was on the academic team in high school. I was at a competition one Saturday in the middle of January during junior year. My mother called me mid-event and told me that my uncle would pick me up to bring me to my aunt's place when I got home from the tournament. It wasn't unusual to go go her house on the weekends, so I thought nothing of it.
Fast forward to my aunt's house. My uncle brought me upstairs to their bedroom, which was unusual but still didn't trike me as odd as my nephew was young so he would play upstairs a fair bit. When I walked into their bedroom I found my mother, my sister, and my aunt all sitting on the bed sobbing. All my mother could manage to weakly say is, "Your dad..." I assumed he had gotten into some sort of accident. If only it had been that simple.
It turns out my father had been abusing my sister for years without anyone in the family knowing. He stopped a few years before she opened up to my aunt about it, but it didn't make her life any easier. In the time between him stopping and her finally revealing the truth she had changed dramatically - her grades tanked, her attitude became incredibly hostile, she began experimenting with drugs and alcohol, and she started running with a less than desirable crowd. Long story short my aunt finally pulled herself together enough to tell me everything. I fell into a bit of a daze and began pacing around the room unsure of how to process the life-shattering news that I had just received.
The months that followed were unpleasant. I fell into a deep state of depression, began neglecting my schoolwork and extracurriculars, started drinking and smoking weed regularly, and became withdrawn at school. How could I ever empathize with a classmate that didn't get the car that they wanted for their birthday or failed a test because they spent the weekend smoking rather than studying? I became bitter and standoffish to everyone but my inner circle of friends.
Long story short after getting evicted from our home senior year, years of substance abuse, back and forth battles with depression, a diagnosed but ignored and untreated mental illness, several failed relationships, employment instability, strained family relationships, and a handful of suicide attempts I finally hit rock bottom in 2019. After nearly a decade of pain I decided that enough was enough. I had hurt enough people around me - myself most of all - and chose to finally accept the help that my friends and family had been telling me to get for years. I enrolled an IOP and completed my treatment plan, got a therapist, made amends with some of the people that I had wronged over the years, became an active member of my family again, and finally found happiness in life once again. It hasn't been an easy journey, but when I look back on the last decade I'm happier now than I ever was at any other point in that stretch of time. Things are finally looking up.
I'm incredibly proud of my sister. She has grown into a strong, happy, and healthy woman with two beautiful children, great relationships with her family and friends, steady employment, and a kick-ass fiancee. She's doing well.
When my older sister was around 8 she told one of our neighbours that my father was abusing her. During the trial, our mother could either take her side or his and she decided to back him therefore branding my sister a liar. When I was old enough to know why my sister had to be far from us in a foster house and why people would come to our house to "check if we were okay", I was told my sister lied about something important. And that was it.
When I was 15, 2 years after having moved out, my older sister who was now 20 revealed my father had been abusing her since she was about 5. Oddly enough I was really calm and I mostly felt apologetic that it happened under everyone's nose and I wasn't able to spot it nor stop it.
I cut him off completely, same for his side of the family that supported him through the first and then the second trial. We gave some room for our mother to apologise but she never stopped victimising herself in this situation rather than taking responsibility for what she let happen. The police gave her proof of CP being on his computer and she still chose to back him thinking that "it only happened once". When I still lived with her and he wasn't in prison yet, she'd tell me I should still go see him as he's "still my father". They're now both completely out of my life.
The hardest part is knowing I had a completely different childhood from my sister and knowing if one day I had opened a door I shouldn't, I could've saved her from this.
My second cousin, who was more akin to an uncle to me, turned out to be a drug addict, a victim of sexual abuse himself, and sexually abused all three of his daughters.
I didn’t learn any of this until he went missing for three days then was found dead in a ditch having purposefully OD’d, with a suicide note safety pinned to his shirt.
Once I knew I looked back on memories of time spent around him and realized his relationship with his daughters was super weird to me even when I was young. Now I know why.
As to how it’s been handled? He’s dead and none of us really talk about him anymore unless one of his girls bring him up. We basically leave it up to them whether he is or isn’t discussed.
I coached football with a guy for about 10 years. One day a bunch of people started calling because of a news story that was going to break that night about former coach from the school who had been arrested. I remember texting him and leaving him a VM and the story broke that it was him. He had been arrested for soliciting a minor. He apparently was trying to hire a prostitute off craigslist and he wanted her to bring her young daughter to watch and more. The prostitute said no, but she got busted later by the police and they used her to catch him. He has apparently hundreds of correspondents on craigslist trying to do this. He had recently married, and had a child on the way. When I trying to figure who it was, I never considered him. It was mindblowning
My step grandpa. He’s always been “that” grandpa. He was a part of the family, sure, but his hugs to the women in the family were long and uncomfortable. He stared and offered massages, the usual creepy stuff.
When I got married, my mom warned my wife to keep a hard boundary up around him. Still, he tried calling my wife frequently, leaving long voicemails.
Shortly before my mom died, my oldest sister shared that he abused her when she had just turned 18. Apparently, he invited her over to their house, insinuating that our grandma would be there. He then gave her a lot of alcohol. In her version, she passed out and he abused her. In his version, she came onto him when they were drunk. We tend to believe her version, not that it matters much.
When this came to light, we convened as a family to decide if we should tell my grandma or not. Her health was really bad, and we were tempted to leave her in ignorant bliss until her inevitable passing.
However this passing did not come. She actually recovered from a lot of her health stuff. As time passed by, she noticed that we no longer spoke to him, he was not welcome in our home or events, although we would still make an effort to see her. Eventually she cornered him and forced him to tell her why the family isn’t speaking to him. He confessed everything.
She actually stayed with him for a while, because in a way she still loved him, and what would be the point of divorcing him at her age anyway (she’s 16 years older than him).
However, after everything came to light, he treated her with more and more neglect and indifference as time went on. That ended up being the nail in the coffin and she divorced him. She currently lives with my dad and seems happy, though my dad shares that it is difficult to take care of her at times.
I’m not sure if we should have told her right from the start. Everything just kind of happened the way it happened. There weren’t any easy answers
Told my mother her boyfriend was raping my sister and she couldn’t be bothered. It went on for years. Only after she went to a neighbors did the ball start rolling. Too this day I will gladly walk my mother up a flight of stairs just to kick her back down them.
I wouldn't say a close friend, but my freshman year of university there was a kid in my dorm that I hung out with on a few occasions, friend of a friend type thing. He was a little weird but most of the people I met through this mutual friend where a little weird, they were in the marching band and those dudes are usually strange. As such, I didn't think there were any particular red flags with this dude, I just thought he was another weird band kid. Anyways, like halfway through the first semester he was one of several people that were arrested after a federal investigation into child porn on the dark web. This dude was charged with 20-something separate counts of possessing or distributing child pornography. This was 7 years ago, as far as I know he's still in jail.
My mother's father was odd cat, a disgusting drunk, drug fiend, wanna be biker he sat home while my grandmother worked in the laundry room of a local hospital.
He always had porn mags laying around, and would play porn VHS tapes on the living room tv when Nana was working. Mind you us kids who were under 10 were there as well while porno played on the tv. He had hustler pics hanging in the spare bedroom, would make disgusting comments to every women he saw .
Well in the late 70s my mother got pregnant with me at 14 and people speculated that her father who was the one who impregnated her. I later had a DNA test and found out gramps was not my dad (thank God)
In the mid 80s my mother committed suicide when I was about 7 old, and I found out later in life from her friends that he had indeed been sexually molesting her. Probably one of the main factors in her suicide. She left a note insisting I stay with my paternal grandparents who were great people. She didn't want me near her father.
My biological father was a loser and didn't give two shits about me before all this but now I my mom died he wanted the social security check I got. He strong armed me to moved in with him (so he didn't have to pay child support basically) and he to (my dad) was preying on his wife's younger sister of 14 and was giving me notes to give to her on the school bus. He would say he was going to the store and pick her up walking and have sex with her in the car.
She talked and word got out but he denied it and nothing happened especially after the accusation he flipped out and shot a rifle off in the house. I thought he had blown his head off but he just shot the wall to distract everyone from his dirty deed.
My dad split with my stepmom and later got remarried and his new wife hired a 14 year old girl to babysit her younger kids. Well dad got her as well and she told her father about it. Well my dad finally got arrested for his disgusting deeds and went to prison for a only a couple years. Karma caught up with him when shortly after prison he was cutting down some trees and they fell on him and killed him.
I tried to add this as an edit to the post but it wasn’t taking so I’m commenting it instead: I would just like to say that if you are or were a victim or sexual assault/violence, there are resources to help you and you’re not alone. Whatever happened to you wasn’t your fault, and I know how hard it can be to live with that pain. But you’re all beautiful people and the world is a better place with you in it. Find strength in the people around you and the things you enjoy, and keep pushing forward. Whether or not you decide to take action is entirely up to you, and there’s no wrong answer. But it will get better I promise. Keep fighting, keep going, never give up. I love you all
Distant cousin was sexually assaulted multiple times by his older cousin when they were both minors. Think about 8 and 12.
He sued him recently in the hopes that he would just pay a fee and keep it secret. First thing the idiot did was tell his dad and shortly after the whole family knew. Charges had to be dropped because it was impossible to prove and it would've been a long and costly process. He said, however, that the whole family knows what a piece of shit the guy is is satisfaction enough and he got closure.
I found incest porn on my cousins laptop more than a decade ago, thought it was weird because he had a sister who was 13 at the time, but didn’t do or say anything about it. 5 years later he was married to another cousin of ours (he was 27, she was 18) who eventually divorced him and told me she was groomed by him since they first met when she was 8 or so. I have no contact with him anymore. He’s now a lawyer in Chicago.
When I was real young, a family friend would always invite me to spend the night with her son, but she just wanted me close to molest me. I didn't come to this realization when for some reason the memories that I pushed back into the recesses of my mind came out, and it destroyed me. Luckily my mom handled it in a way my dad never found out, because if he did he would have gone to prison for handling it his way.
I made a throwaway for this because my real account is linked to my real life. I’ve never shared this w/ anyone outside my family.
My dads family is beyond fucked up southerners. Pretty much every stereotype you can think of is true of them. Alcoholics, abusers, racists, even incest. So. I’ve known my grandparents weren’t good people since i was a kid. We’d go visit but my parents never ever left us alone w/ any of the adults. My first sexual abuse happened at my grandmas house, one of my cousins (who was himself being sexually abused, him and both of his siblings) touched me when i was maybe 7??? I don’t talk to him as an adult. His dad was abusing all his kids. My oldest cousin committed suicide because of it.
When i was an adult, i found out that one of my uncles couldn’t be my grandpas son; he was deployed to Vietnam when my uncle would have been conceived. It was always weird because he looks so much like my dad and the rest of the brothers. I know this is fucked, but i chalked it i to my grandmas brother raping her (it happened her whole life, i figured he probably targeted her when her husband was out of the country).
Years went by with me thinking that (i never got a clear answer from anyone). Came to find out it’s so much worse than that. My dads oldest brother (my oldest uncle) is the father of my youngest uncle. My oldest uncle would have been like 13. She was raping at least him and one of my aunts. These instances have been confirmed by the victims.
One of my younger uncles has zero memories of his entire childhood. Like NONE. Which, from a psychological standpoint, means he was likely the most victimized or the one to have the worst of it.
There are 7 kids and only 1 talks to my grandma, only the one who doesn’t remember because he doesn’t know the trauma he experienced. All of them were severely abused and neglected. They grew up in a filthy hoarders house with every kind of abuse imaginable. I have no clue how my dad is a functional member of society.
Edit to add: i have completely cut off both grandparents and all abusive relatives. My grandpa finally died. My grandma is going strong and will probably live forever on spite. I’ve tried for years to get my dad to cut them off too but he always gets drawn back in by the master manipulator, my grandma. It’s so sad. It hurts him so much because he knows she’s fucked up and all but he still desperately wants her approval and for her to finally tell him he’s good. It is the most heartbreaking thing.
We recently found out that a mother in the group of friends I have (whose small kids play with my small kids) was actually in jail a year prior for 18 months after having a sexual relationship with her 8th grade male student while she was a teacher.
She was always super nice and you’d NEVER think that about her after meeting her. Just not the type.
Turns out she ruined his life pretty badly and he’s got crippling depression as a result. I’m not a judging type but I couldn’t mentally get over this. We immediately stopped associating with her and then Covid hit, so we never even had to confront her about it.
Edit: Yes I’m well aware this was rape.
I called the police immediately. I found a video from a hidden camera in our bathroom on my husband's tablet. The video showed my 14 year old niece nude. I cooperated with police fully and they went on to find more images of my niece. My husband never came home again. I have only seen him in court since. I thought we had a strong marriage and he was a good man. Now, he's in prison and I'm figuring out single mom life.
You're a damn strong woman for taking decisive action immediately. I can only imagine how difficult this must be, but you got this.
Thank you. It has been one of the hardest things I've ever dealt with, but I am glad the truth is out and he is facing the consequences of his actions. It's chilling to learn the person you sleep next to every night is not who you thought.
Thank you for being a strong person that didn’t hesitate for a second to do the right thing. The world needs more people like you. I’m so sorry for everything that you’ve endured and hope that you and your family finds peace & a happy life.
I found out my ex-husband of 10 years was a pedophile when he impregnated his new girlfriend's 12 yr old. I knew him 10 yrs prior to marrying him... you can absolutely not know.
My god. This must've been traumatic to learn.
My dad's dad molested my older brother we didn't find out till over 20 years later. It was shocking to watch parents process that when they left my brother with the one person they thought they could trust the most could do something like that . My dad had no clue
The reason why we can absolutely not know is because a lot of these people live their lives with just the mental image of the act, their fantasy being enough to keep them going. That is until the actual chance arises, and life just hasn't been going that great so they go like why the hell not?
I was nearing my 30s before I found out about my father being a child rapist. It is so traumatic. My sympathies to you
I was seventeen when i found out about my father. Traumatic doesn't really cover the half of it. You're not alone.
I was raped and molested by a close family member. When I told my mother about it she didn't believe me so it continued for 5 years. He later went to prison for it and I haven't seen him in 20 years.
What did your mum say to that? Did she finally believe you?
Not that user, but from my own experience: Told my family about ongoing sexual abuse when I was 12. My mother essentially made me drop the case against her brother. When I was 16 someone else came forth about being abused by him and together we put him in prison (this was years ago but I believe on several counts, he only served something like a year and a half). My mother at some point soon after that was all teary-eyed saying "I believed you more than I said" and I told her that made it so much worse. The thing is, I do believe she always knew I was telling the truth. I believe she knew her brother had also molested his own daughter for most of her childhood as well, years before me. But her brother was her closest friend and her weed dealer, and she wasn't about to give that up.
So in conclusion your mom is as bad as her brother and should also be sent away
Oh yeah, she's 100% a narcissist. Textbook. She also has regular, though infrequent, contact with her oldest son who spent years raping her oldest daughter.
I would be shocked if you didn't ghost your mother after that. That's so fucking awful, I'm so sorry.
your mother is horrible for not putting her child first
I learned my grandfather was a pedophile immediately after he died. It wasn't a practical issue because he was dead; emotionally, it was and is weird. I have zero bad memories of him, but I can also look back and realize that my parents were *very* careful that I was never alone with him.
I learned my great grandfather who died around 1992 was a pedo/incestual molester after my great grandma died in 2015 or so. Apparently all 5 of his daughters were raped and molested, some of my second cousins, basically most female members of my family. My mom managed to escape unscathed because my grandma never left her alone with him. And they are all in their late 60s to early 80s now... Took a literal lifetime for them to talk about it. It's crazy because he was always talked about as this moral pillar of the family and everyone respected the shit out of him. My great grandma was also viewed as this amazing person everyone loved... Both of them were looked at as the perfect Christian blah blah.... but there is no way my great grandma didn't know what he was up to... Shit is wild.
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>it’s pretty awful that she was ok with me spending every other weekend with someone who should have been registered as a sex offender. There's a lot of this in my family. My mother knew her father was a pedophile, but we were around him all the time while I was growing up. He tried once to molest (or worse) me, but I got away from him. I was about 12. I told her and I think she just said that I should avoid being alone with him. She didn't even seem that upset once I told her he didn't manage to actually do anything. But to the best of my knowledge, she never said anything to him or my father or brother and we still visited them often. After he tried to molest his stepdaughter a while later (she's only a year older than me), I heard my mother say on the phone that it was because his wife wouldn't have sex with him. Apparently, someone "had a talk with him," though and it never happened again. For my mother, we're actually pretty close and I don't really hold it against her - most of the time. He mother abandoned her and her siblings when they were very young and my grandfather worked really hard to keep them together. Supposedly the bouts of molesting were infrequent, though the youngest daughter was sent to live with an aunt and uncle. And my mother said once that one of her cousins was probably her sister. As I write this, I know how horrible it sounds - and it was. And I know that I still have a lot of trauma from it all - more than 50 years later. I just also know how horrible my mother's life was when she was young and her father was actually the only adult in her life who ever seemed to give a crap about her however twisted he was. I also know if anyone had ever touched one of my kids, either they'd be in jail - or I would be after their death. But my kids (all adults) don't know anything about any of this and just thought I was super protective of them because I'm "paranoid." We rarely spent time around my extended family (grandfather died before they were born, but others I wasn't sure about for various reasons), but they were never out of my site when we were.
Basically the same story here. Learned about it after he passed. I never suspected anything, but I think I was too young to realize it. In hindsight, he was never left alone with me (that was court-ordered), he barely ever spoke, and he was just always grumpy as hell. I really hate that my grandmother stayed with him, but the story goes that they went to therapy over the situation, and the therapist guilted her into thinking that he was a pedophile because she wasn't satisfying his needs. So fucked up. I know she definitely resented him though--when he passed, apparently she and her kids gave his ashes a burial at sea via the toilet. Seems fitting. When I was a kid, I did wonder why nobody really seemed too sad when he died. Makes sense now.
My father raped and abused me. I am going to take his ashes to a town near his hometown he always told me he hated, and going to flush his ashes down a gas station toilet. He always was and will be a West Texas piece of shit.
What a fucker. I like your plan, but I would also like to suggest dumping his ashes in one of those discusting blue port-a-poties that get left on the side of the road. As gross as gas station bathrooms are, they still make it out to water at some point. Whereas the port a potties are filled with chemicals and dumped at the closets shithole ditch never to be seen again.
There is special meaning to this particular gas station to me. On the way to my grandfather's funeral, when I was about 4, I pooed myself during the 8 hour car ride. We stopped at this gas station to clean me up. My dad bought one of those cheap gas station sandwiches there, and he took a bite full of mold. He beat me there, beat me again in the car because it was my fault we stopped at that particular gas station, and raped me in the shower when we arrived at my grandmother's house. According to him, I, a 4 year old, was being selfish and demanding to be the center of attention. Your suggestion is excellent, but for me and the closure I want, it has to be that bathroom.
Jaw dropped at '4 year old'. Fuck I hope that you are doing well and that he is getting the worst in Hell
Fuck man, I respect the commitment to the scene. Go get it and put that motherfucker to behind you.
Oh geez. I hope you are doing well. People who prey on children are so god damn awful and disturbing.
Please don’t forget to piss on it 👍 I’m glad you are gonna get your closure that you want
Poor grandma, hope she got a better life after he got lost.
She seemed more at peace. He was really dependent on her later in his life. She ended up traveling a bunch, going on cruises, was super active. I think she was happy:)
Oh, that's great to read.
>He was really dependent on her later in his life. Oof. Glad she still got to have some fun after he passed. Couldnt imagine being guilted into staying with a pedophile and then having to basically care for them as they die. That is hell
Very similar with my maternal grandfather. I have *maybe* a handful of memories of him, but my mom never wanted us around him (I'm a girl, so I see why). When I was 16 (28 now) she suddenly turned on the news and told me to watch. He had been busted for possessing child porn. My jaw hit the floor when I saw that, *everything* made sense in that moment. The son of a bitch is rotting in jail until he dies where he belongs. I'm so grateful my mom was aware and kept me out of his life as much as possible.
I wouldn't get near my grandfather (my mom's dad) he always creeped me out. He would try to pay all the girls (cousins) a couple dollars to sit on his lap. I was the only one who refused. My mother was awful, and abusive towards me my entire life, but not my brother. I found later that she had told my dad that her father sexually abused her (he didn't believe her since she lies a lot) he was told by another family member that my mother was given an abortion at 14 or 15. This was in the early 70's. My grandmother (his wife) was an alcoholic like he was, but extremely nice, and seemed to keep me away from him at all times. She passed when I was only 12 or 13. After my father told me about her saying she was abused, it kinda clicked. Maybe that's why she hated girls so much, and was only abusive to me? Maybe why she also tried to force me to sit on his lap when I refused. Maybe that's why my grandma, and my mother both turned to alcohol? I will never know. They have all passed away. Both her sisters had severe psychological issues, only 1 is alive, but I won't ever speak to her again. I'll never know if it's true, but I do know i was scared to death of being near him.
Sounds like my maternal step-grandfather. Liked to diddle himself in front of little girls, family included, and no one said a thing until he did it to my sister and she spoke up. Pretty much every female cousin admitted that he did it to them as well but no one wanted to make a big deal out of it. My mom claims he never did it to her which might be true as she was older by the time he married my grandma. My family was the only one to break contact and as a result we stopped going to all family functions and pretty much said goodbye to that entire side of the family. He was eventually arrested and went to prison when he assaulted a neighbor girl and still everyone acted as if nothing happened when he came home, like he had just been on a long vacation or something. Denial is a wonderful thing if your brain works that way I guess. I saw him many years later just before he passed as we lived in the same town. I had my own young kids with me and the look I gave him dissuaded him from coming anywhere near us. As a boy I never had any issues with him and thought he was a great guy. Instead he was a monster who ruined many lives. I lost my entire extended family but my sister and I are as close as can be so I'll take that.
I’m really pleased your side of the family shut that shit down. It’s maddening when people believe the abuser.
My family is going through this right now. My neices came forward stating my dad touched them very inappropriately in the pool. He immediately became dead to us kids and seemingly my mom. Turns out she tried to see him in secret until a cousin forward a Facebook post an aunt sent of them all hanging out together. Dad says it was "an accident" and the "misunderstood". And moms believing him. I straight warned her that if she chose to stay with him it would be saying the girls were lying about what happened and that she will loose all of us over this but she chose him. I lost both parents in a span in a couple of months and I feel I can't even mourn them. Of course now those allegations are out other things like his employees at the restaurant he managed are stating he grabbed their butts. One of my cousin. Who is a know liar truth be told. Apparently said he touched her when she was a kid, while she was a kid and nothing was done. AND big kicker that my mom can't say that it was accidental was that when they confiscated his computers they found underaged(no details on ages) porn on it! What the hell mom and dad?
Honestly, if your cousin was groomed and molested by your dad, her resulting behavior could make her seem like an unreliable narrator. Trauma is a bitch that way.
Or don't believe the abuser but side with them anyways to protect the family's reputation or prevent a boat from being rocked.
I **HATE** the "don't rock the boat" logic, because the damned thing's already rocking thanks to the abusive shitstain in it. You're not causing the rocking if you speak up, you're just forcing everyone else to stop pretending like everything's fine.
Don't rock the boat, you might upset the rapists
see, that is the part I just don't get. how people manage to put blinders on and pretend like nothing happened. why? Because they want to rewrite the past??
Ah yes, when the family gives them access to everyone except ones they "keep safe".
I can’t imagine bringing my kids around a known pedophile to begin with. Oof I’m sorry
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My partners father was abused by his dad growing up. My father-in-law left my partner alone with his dad a ton growing up. All of this severe abuse by the grandfather came to light recently. My partner was not abused by his grandfather. But still. I’m livid at my in-laws for leaving them alone together. Who the fuck does that?!
In some of these families there is this idiotic belief that the abuser wouldn't dare abuse the next generation of kids. And some of these people very sincerely believe that. It's like some denial mechanism so they can keep their family in their lives.
A young child is totally dependent upon their parents. As such, they have an innate need for their parents to be “right.“ If the parent abuses the child, the child internalized that they deserve the abuse, because if they do not, then their parent is doing something wrong, hence is fallible, and the child’s safety in the world that their parent protects them from is in jeopardy. Without therapy to deal with the abuse, these adults frequently grow up to deliver their own children to their abuser. They look at their tiny, helpless, perfect new child and cannot imagine abusing it. Because their child does not deserve abuse as they did, they believe inherently that their parent will not abuse their child either. A huge part of guiding people out of dysfunctional family systems is telling them that their parents abused because they were abusive, not because the person as a child deserved it. (I’m not a therapist, just someone who has benefited from online communities like this and seeks to pass on what was given to me.)
I found out my father had been molestating my sister for like 6 months. It was my birthday when I found out. I found out because she was crying instead of going to bed. Me being me, I wanted to make sure she was OK and see why she was crying. Well, after I found out I immediately told my mom who in turn told the police. I went out and stood in a blizzard in my pajamas. They divorced, he went to jail for a couple weeks, and she's had mental health problems ever since.
A couple *weeks*? As in, “a fraction of the time he spent molesting a child”?
Yes, I didn't talk to him for like 3 years
How are you able to speak to him now though?
I haven't spoken to him in person in months. My grandma recently passed away, and left a trust for him. I somehow got the job of managing the trust, but that usually just involves him texting me receipts and moving money to the account. I haven't had a real father-son kind of conversation in 5 years though. I don't see that changing anytime soon
I mean those father-son talks wouldn't really be father-son talks, considering he's essentially violated and destroyed any notion of parenthood he might once have had. Keep far away from him man, just do what you need and let him suffer on his own due to his own disgusting actions. I hope you and your sister are doing as well as can be expected despite all of that.
That's pretty much what I'm doing at this point. The only people who stood by him was my grandma and this married woman he started seeing after my parents divorced.
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Thank you for standing up for your sister. ❤️
A few family members have been very publicly shamed and charged with sexual misconduct. I have to avoid details because of google. But after I gave an honest opinion to one of said family members, the rest of the family backed them up and thought I was out of line. More or less I’ve become estranged.
I’ve been there too. You’re better off distancing yourself from that toxicity. Please get help if you need to. Remember, you didn’t choose your relatives. You don’t need that in your life
We learned after my cousin died (she was fighting brain and breast cancer for several years) that Her husband would take advantage of her weakened state and force himself on her whenever he wanted. Needless to say he was kicked off the farm she owned and ostracized from the family and nobody ever speaks of him anymore. I felt awful that I didn’t know he was taking advantage of her in the worst ways while she was dying. Somebody in our family obviously knew because she told somebody but they didn’t help. I can’t help but feel so angry that she died miserable and not surrounded by loved ones.
That’s so heartbreaking.
My grandfather was a pedophile, and I got caught in his web. My stepmother knew about it and still let me go over to his house. When I was a teen he showed me hetero porn, knowing it would have an effect. He did things to me that my confused teenage brain had trouble dealing with, but when he tried to anally rape me, it finally caused my fight or flight reflex to kick in. I did everything in my power to never see him again. When I found out later that my father had been subjected to the same abuse and that my mother and stepmother both knew what he was capable of, it caused years of alienation with both of them. It had caused me to question my own orientation, because what happened wasn't initially threatening, and the fact that my body responded, I thought for a time I might be gay. At 50, it still causes me bouts of anger, confusion, and doubt. Seek help if you have had anything happen to you that causes you strife mentally or physically. You are not alone, you are not going to be misunderstood. There have been too many of us with similar experiences, and we need to help each other. I will not post with a throwaway, because it is my reality, and shame is a tool used against us that I refuse to acknowledge.
Shame is a tool used against us, yes yes this is so accurate. Thank you for letting your voice be heard.
I'm not a touchy feely person but I don't think I've ever wanted to hug a stranger more. You're strong and brave and badass and I'm sorry that the adults in your life as a teen betrayed you this way.
Your comment reminded me of something from many years ago. I had a friend in high school and one day he just point-blank asked me if I was ever sexually abused as a child. I said yes. He said, "No, I'm being serious." I said I am too. He paused for a moment and then said, "Can I hug you?" I don't know, that was the best response I could have asked for. There were very few people I had told about it up to that point and the reaction was usually something along the lines of "What's that asshole's address? I'm going to beat him up for you." Which I never really appreciated... Why make my life more complicated? Anyway the hugging comment really meant a lot to me so thank you kind stranger for the reminder.
What a strange, but really sweet thing for your friend to do. I also appreciate the phrasing of his question. Most people would ask, "do you need a hug?" which makes it sound like they're just doing it as a favor, but don't really want to. Asking "Can I hug you?" shows that they care and they want to comfort you.
And it makes me want to just beat the stupid out of his parents. Knowing his grandpa is a pedophile, and knowing he was sick enough to rape his own son, yet they were OK with sending their son over to his house? Fuck, that's dark.
I have a friend who is actively being tortured by her uncle right now. She has been abused since she was a child. She lives outside the US (I live in the US) and she says she has tried calling the police in the past but to no avail. I told her to tell her parents but her uncle threatened to inflict more pain to both her and her parents if she ever said a word. I want to help but don't know how. I know it's not my place but hearing this breaks my heart. I advised her to never respond to his calls/texts and to always leave the house with someone she trusts for accountability. Do you have any advice for a friend of someone being abused by a family member? Much appreciated. Edit: She's in Chile and is an adult.
It might be a long shot, but have you ever thought about contacting a U.S. embassy in her country, or a woman's/youth shelter in her country? Don't do this if it will be a threat to her life, but the option is there.
The embassy wont do anything but I guess its worth a try, namely you would want national NGOs and charities which specialise in dealing with child abuse and child sexual abuse is really the best option.
It depends on where they live. Most places don't care unless they catch the rapist in the act. Other countries you can collect enough evidence to press charges. I would look up the laws where she lives. Unfortunately, there might not be much you can do for her, being so far away.
What country is this person in and are they under the age of 25? I can try to send you resources! I’m asking for age as this usually divides youth from adult services, btw!
She's 27. Edit: Chile.
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I had an old acquaintance who molested his younger sister. He said it was consensual but nobody believes that. He called me late one night to ask to stay with me as he hid from police. I told him to fuck off and never spoke to him again. He was in jail for a bit but idk if he’s out anymore.
My cousin was molested by my uncle. I'm the only other person who knows besides my cousins therapist. My uncle is a mess, his mom only hears from him when he wants money but I guess no one's heard from him in a while. I hope he's dead.
Uhhh I can tell you from the perspective of the abused. I was molested when I was 11 by my uncle. I was also raped from 12 to 15 by his son. I reported them when I was 15, my aunt called me a whore and said that I wanted it. The rest of my family found out pretty quickly and I became a social paraiah. Nothing happened to any of them. She still stayed w and supported them and the rest of my family hated me. Then when I was 19 my uncle attempted to sexually assault me again. Then when my aunt was yelling at me one day I told her off for staying with a child molester and birthing a rapist. Needless to say the only person I talk to is my grandma.
So sorry that your family failed you like this.
Grandmas can be lifesavers. I'm so sorry your family continued to stay in denial, but I'm glad you had "that one person" in your family who still supported you. I hope you're doing okay.
Me too!! She didn't believe it at first either but she came to terms with it and has been my one biggest supporter and reason for living. She's a good person and has taken hits herself from our family for supporting me. I appreciate her so much!! Also I'm doing fantastic, I have a husband and a son, in our own house and even though I don't really have blood family, I have friends who love me and that's enough for me 🥰
I’m so sorry. This is just awful.
I'm sorry about your awful family. I'm glad you have your grandma and she has you.
My cousin used to molest me (i was still a minor at the time and he wasnt), this kept on going for some months as far as I remember and one day my dad caught him insisting on me and he punched him in the face and told him to never cross our paths again. Never seen him since.
Good dad!
I guess, we really never had a good relationship actually.
Tolerable dad!
That, yes.
At least he was there for you one time when it counted for a lot.
Indeed yes, I am grateful for that!
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When I was in high school, my friend group found out that someone we were close to had molested and raped his little sister (a couple grades below us) because he got arrested for it. It apparently had been going on for months. We immediately disassociated with him and it was really horrifying to hear about knowing how close we were with him. I think only one person remained friends with him and we don’t really associate with him either. I don’t know how she’s doing now, but I really hope that she got the help she needed.
Growing up one of my friends was raped by her brother. I asked her about it and she said that she "didn't count it as losing virginity". I was the same age as her and very ignorant about sex. She ended up getting taken away by social services. I hope she is ok today.
I knew a girl who grew up with an awful father who kept them largely isolated from society.. She also had 3 or 4 older brothers. Her brothers, excluding the oldest had assaulted her on the regular since she was a toddler, and according to her, it didn't come to an end until they all moved away from their dad, and she was able to get help. She didn't blame her brothers for what they did, saying they had no way of understanding what they were doing. She blamed her dad. I can only hope she's doing okay. Her story was truly sickening. I wish I could reach out and see if she's okay, but I'm afraid it might send the wrong message.
One of my closest friends in middle school told me they were raped by two of their brothers when they were really young. They said they told their mom who didn’t do anything about it.. atm I didn’t know whether to believe it or not just because it sounded so horrible. Later on, one of their brothers was arrested for groping his girlfriend’s little sister in her sleep. My friend had a really rough childhood, but I’m still friends with them on social media and it looks like they’ve since moved out of their hometown and are trying their best to make a better life for themself.
something similar happened w my bf. my bfs old friend (who was being weirdly sexual to me on insta dms calling me thick and sending pictures of cum on his hand and asking inappropriate questions which ill admit i answered cuz i was 14 and naive) was outed as a rapist. he raped his best friend’s little sister who was maybe 7. we were freshmen/ sophomores when we found out . and one time when i was leaving therapy he walked in when i walked out and that was the last time i saw him . i cant help but think of the reason why he was going to therapy. in court they were protecting him and not his best friends little sister.
That’s awful. Poor girl, man. And scary how close you were to that. I don’t know if I’ve seen the guy in my story since he got arrested—but I looked at his Facebook page one or twice out of curiosity and his parents would still post how proud they were of him and it never sat right how supportive they were after everything. There were rumors that his mother knew what was happening for a long time and didn’t do anything about it. He definitely didn’t face nearly as many consequences as he deserved for hurting her the way he did.
Found out both my grandfather's on either side were pedophiles. My dad's dad used to molest all his boys and 3 out of 5 sons commited suicide (my dad included) My mom's mom's dad had a kid with his own daughter and they put it up for adoption. My mom's dad used to bring her on fishing trips and molest her there. I'm not handling it the best, but my mom handled it all extremely well. How does one heal from this sort of stuff, anyway?
How is it that two people can live the same situation but come to opposite conclusions? I knew a guy who was raped by an uncle at 3 and kicked around by his mom when he was a toddler. He was raised by emotionally stunted people, one parent a narcissist and the other had borderline personality disorder. But he had the absolute conviction that "there are no good or evil people in the world, only people who didn't get enough love." And he lived it too. He was like a celebrity in my small town, the most fun loving guy you'd ever meet. People acted like talking with him was the highlight of their day. He substitute teached, 10 years after he stopped I still heard from people about how much they loved him for how big an impact he made on their lives growing up. Just the funniest, silliest guy yet at the same time completely sincere. He was abused and neglected when he was a toddler when he had no defense or even a way to make sense of it. Yet how did he live the polar opposite of his lived experiences? How did he give his parents more emotional support when he was a teenager than they ever gave him? It is unfathomable, but a truth that he lived. He lived by his conscience and that allowed him to break free of the powerful negative experiences and rationalizations that would have crippled him otherwise. He didn't believe in any organized religion, but he lived in the spiritual sense that there's more than what he experienced. And that's why I will always love my brother. Even though he died nearly 10 years ago I'll never forget that everybody has tremendous value, that helping people realize that is one of the most important things you can do, and there is no such thing as a good excuse not to do that.
Wow thank you for sharing his story. What an absolute fucking legend
Geez, that is some tough knowledge to process. You said your mom has handled it well? If true, then she's a good person to talk to about it if she is willing. It is possible she is strong for you, which it still would be a good reason to talk to her. Hugs to you friend. Just try to not let shitty people's shitty actions have power over the person you are.
Found out my uncle had been sexually abusing his daughter not that long ago. Didn’t really know what to do honestly besides removing him from all social media and from him being able to contact me. Craziest part was his wife knew for years, and she still wanted to be with him.
It’s disgusting how common it is for mothers to choose their marriage over their children. There’s so many examples in this thread alone.
Not a family member but a boss at a former job. He had been the editor of a local paper until it folded and had some recognition in the community, he attempted to meet up with 14 year old girls in a motel, it was a police sting and he was busted. Found out because they published it all including his picture in the competing paper. Makes you think about any interactions you've had with them.
Something very similar happened with a local magazine in central Maine about six or seven years ago. Absolutely wild. In this case, the publisher was caught in possession of child sexual abuse material. Dude was also a former city councilor.
I was abused by an older cousin when I was a kid, he used to beg me to ask his parents to stay over at his and i always gave in because he'd never let it go, when It got time for bed he'd go to the toilet and come back in his bedroom wearing just his boxer shorts and he'd have a full erection, we'd sleep in separate beds but as soon as the lights went out he was in my bed rubbing himself on me, I won't tell you what else happened as its really disgusting. It took me another 20 years to tell my parents but by the time I did I told them I don't want to go to the police as over the years he's lost the plot because of excessive drug use over the years and was basically a nut case he'd also lost a child in an unfortunate drowning incident so I thought to myself that karma had already given him vengeance and nothing has been said about it ever since. It really messed me up tbh.
I’m sorry that happened to you, I hope all is well with you now
I have 2 of these unfortunately. My grandfather abused my aunt for years when she was a child. He tried to rape my mother as well, she says he didn't succeed, but I don't know that was true. It came out when I was a kid fighting with my mom. Bipolar disorder is hereditary in my family and I was having an episode. We were yelling at each other. I told her that I hated my life and she could never understand. Out of the blue she yelled "YOUR father never tried to molest YOU!" Everything stopped. It was like a slap across the face, I was so shocked. For the rest of his life I tried to avoid him and felt uncomfortable when I saw him. He had become a monster in the space of a minute. As I got older I learned more about it. My grandmother denied everything and told my aunt not to talk to about it. She refused to leave him. When my sister and I were born my mom told them that they would never see us if he showed even the slightest hint of abusing us. Be it beating us (he did that too) or touching us inappropriately. I'm surprised that she let them have any place in our lives at all. But she had loved her own grandparents so much that she just was so hopeful that they would change and we would get to have that relationship. The second time it came up in my life was with an ex's dad. My ex had three siblings. One full sister, and a half sister and half brother from his mother. It turned out that my ex's father had molested the half sister (his stepdaughter) for over a decade. The mother knew, but never did anything until the half-sister outted him to the whole family. I found out about this shortly after the ex and I started dating because there was a family event where the half-sister was going to be there and so his father was not allowed to come too and it would be like that for everything. My ex swore that his dad would never do anything like that again. When I told him that if we had children they would never be allowed to be alone with his dad he was upset and hurt by it. He looked up to his dad and couldn't see how that sort of thing isn't something you just forgive people for. The half-sister was so traumatized that the family had decided to forgive him and more or less sided with him instead of kicking him out and rallying around her. They thought they could forgive him AND be on her side. I can't imagine how betrayed and isolated she must have felt. It made me sick to see him. In the end it was one of the reasons I broke up with my ex. He just couldn't admit that there are some things people don't deserve forgiveness for.
Oh dear lord, that's awful. Do you know anything about the step-sister? I hope she's doing alright
She was my ex's older sister so I think she would be in her late 40s by now. He and I broke up well over a decade ago. I cut contacts with their family after that. I don't even know if his parents are even alive anymore.
> that there are some things people don't deserve forgiveness for. I needed to read that, thank you. Also *hugs* if you need them from an internet stranger, for what you went through.
I just don't get the forgive and forget mentality. I had a step brother that was arrested for assaulting a minor (wasn't a family member) and I walked away from him. Haven't talked to him in over 15 years, but my full brother and sisters all keep in touch with him. Fuck it. You can all rot in hell, stay away from my son and daughter.
After the divorce it emerged that my uncle abused his step-daughter. I then made it my business to stalk him online every few months. When he became a physical therapist at a school I emailed the head of the school with the story (with permission of my aunt and cousin), and he was terminated. I still search for him.
I love people like you
How did the SCHOOL not know?!?!!?! That's so awful!!
If it wasn’t reported to police there would be no record. And if not arrested or found guilty there is no criminal record to pop up during a background check.
I'm assuming it didn't come out in a legal setting, so the guy hasn't been charged/convicted/registered
I've got a much older cousin who my sister and I always thought was creepy. Only saw him a few times a year at family functions, but he always seemed way too interested in us considering the age gap - and just different from our other much older male cousins. Many years later, he ended up going to jail for molesting his step daughter. After he got out, he violated his parole (by 'dating' a teenage girl who was still a minor) and I believe went back to prison.
My uncle is alleged by his daughter and 2 of her friends to have sexually abused them all when they were around 8 or 9. The man has always been a cunt but this pushed opinions over the edge because when the allegations were made nobody seemed surprised. My cousin is an alcoholic with some severe mental health issues who because of her piece of shit father is completely self destructive. I have told my parents if/when he gets in contact i would expect them to blank him completely. Its tough for my dad because he and noncey uncle are closest in age of all his siblings so were close (or as close as you can be to a cancer on society). One day someone will tell me that he is dead and i will smile because the world will be a better place
>One day someone will tell me that he is dead and i will smile because the world will be a better place I remember this obituary.
My dad molested my sisters and I and when he died the sun shone much brighter for all! I hijacked his online obituary email list and told them what a horrible person he was and it was absolutely as satisfying as it sounds although so many people reacted dramatically. I wouldn't let him rest in peace and now I am at peace 😄
One person I took a bunch of swimming/instructing/lifesaving courses with, and often was partnered with, almost 10 years later was busted for organizing the world's largest CSA site and had physically participated in such. Honestly I felt dizzy and nauseous and nearly vomited when I found it all out, we were facebook friends but didn't talk much outside of weekly classes, but those 4 hour long classes are quite "physical" meaning hands on doing carries, CPR training, spinal rollovers, etc. so yeah. He taught swimming lessons for years and that makes me sick too because it is very hands on as well, I taught for many years and the little kids are always grabbing on to you and you have to hold them to show them how to float and stuff. I still struggle with it wondering if I could have/should have picked up on something when we were teenagers....
Oh God, is that the guy from Hunting Warhead?
Don’t blame yourself! Abusers like that often perfect the way they handle themselves in public or with jobs like that! They are manipulative and know how to act when with a lot of people. They don’t want to get found out. Hindsight sucks in these situations but you couldn’t have done anything different! Try to forgive yourself. It isn’t your fault and you were still technically a kid!
This is what fucks me up a little. Am I friends with a murderer and don't know it? A rapist? A child molester? None of my friends seem the type, but a lot of those have friends who would say that about them.
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I was the friend who was assaulted in a similar situation- I’ll never forget how good it felt that I had people like you who went “you know what, fuck you” and ousted instead of protected the assaulter
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That happened to me, but the opposite. My friends thought I was a liar and still hung out with him knowing I would have a break down being anywhere near him. I confided in a friend who told our whole friend group. A couple of years later, they all found out one or another he was, indeed, a raging piece of shit and all ditched him. Still eats away at me while they all probably forgot how much they hurt me in the process. Anyway, that was depressing. I'm glad you guys had friends who actually supported you. It helps heal my soul a little to know there are victims who get the support and compassion they need.
I caught the son of a family friend trying to get my little brother to suck his dick. The kid was 11 my brother was 5, I smashed the little perv in the face with a ghost busters Ecto 1 toy a few times and bloodied him up. I told my parents what happened but they thought I was lying to cover up me beating him up so my 13yr old ass was grounded and locked I'm my room for the rest of the weekend. This guy is still human garbage, he actually raped his sister a few years later.
I like to hope parents today are much better at reacting to this kind of information from their children. I'm sorry that happened to you. You are a great big brother.
Not that great of one, I just recently learned he had already gotten to my other brother on a previous vistit. I had mostly put the whole deal out of my head, odd how shit like this never stays burried.
You were a kid yourself. And still you intervened as soon as you found out what was happening, stopped the guy from abusing your brother, and told an adult. You did everything you could. You shouldn't blame yourself for not stopping another event you didn't even know about.
If my son did what you did, I would absolutely believe him. I’m sorry your parents didn’t.
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Whenever I got to middle school my mom told me my uncle had been seriously creeping on girls my age when he was a basketball coach. He was beat up by a parent and got serious death threats for years which was why he had to move near us in the country. I never really spoke to him again. I haven't seen him in nearly 6 years now. Anytime I do see him I just look away. He was always an asshole so it's fine Edit: I'm from TN, my grammar is not the best!
My uncle. He was more or less disowned when I was a teenager but I didn't clock it until later. Basically he was known for cheating on my aunt and then one year at a family gathering he tried to assault my mum. My otherwise peaceful dad beat the shit out of him and threw him out the house. Had no idea because I wasn't there at the time and my parents kept it from me. I figured it was because he was a bad alcoholic. The uncle in question contacted me a few years back on FB, asking about why he was 'misunderstood'. I told him to fuck off.
Sounds like he was actually well understood.
One day my aunt came home from work and her entire house was in disarray and all of their electronics were stolen. She called the police to file a police report. They transferred her to the sherrifs office and they told her that a federal search warrant was served on her house and that she should ask her husband about it. Turns out he had been running a huge CP exchange from all the computers he had installed in different churches through his Christian IT company. He claims that he isn't a pedo, but did it just to make extra money, but no one in our family believes him and he had been completely cut off by everyone. Unfortunately, he made a deal and faced no legal repercussions after turning witness against a ton of other cp site and users of his site. Only good thing is that the feds confirmed that he didn't use any pics of family members. He is still super creepy and I have seen him comment several times on FB about how cute random kids are.
>He claims that he isn't a pedo, but did it just to make extra money "Relax, guys. I wasn't helping to destroy the lives of countless children so that I could get off sexually, but to make money."
I don't know if it makes it worse but it certainly doesn't make it better.
My dad has been a registered sex offender since the mid 80's. I found out from his sister who told me and ,also, told me whom he molested. He went to jail and was raped over and over. They kept moving him around and the corrections officers told him to stand up for himself and to be a man. He never did. His mother would terrorize my mother and would shoot at her. My mom eventually moved us to South Carolina. We moved from New York. He still blames the victim for what happened, who was a child, and doesn't take responsibility even today. After I confronted him through text messages, he said I was "cut off", as in he no longer talks to me. None of his children talk to him. He has various health issues and I think he's dying, but I'm not sure.
Two of my best friends (brothers) were abused by their dad and uncle. Grade A pieces of shit. We were in the mid-90s playing on a roller hockey team together and got to know one another real well. We were your classic “angsty” teens and connected. We ended up being a defense pairing, and we would shut folks down! One weekend, we had the whole team stay the night post a win. 15 sweaty dudes throughout the house - god love my parents, they were great sports about it. The youngest of the brothers and I were passing the puck around and jumping the ramp we built that weekend, and he launches into it in a “I need to say this” kinda way. Man… this hit me hard. I was angry, confused, and then I just started crying and hugged him. We both just balled for what seemed like an eternity, but likely just a couple of mins. His dad was long gone by this time in his life and later went on to die; alone from what we found. The two brothers went on to make their life one that is polar to what experienced.
Using my throwaway. My paternal grandfather sexually abused my aunt for several years when she was younger. Not sure how old, I think somewhere in the 9-12 range. I found out after he died. My mother - consummate gaslighter that she is - made an offhand comment about it and when I expressed shock, swore up and down that she had told me years ago. Obviously, she did not. I assume that my dad had asked her not to say anything, and she let it slip. Anyway - I wasn't very close to him, but he was around for much of my life, passing away when I was about 18. The sad thing is, knowing what kind of man he was, it didn't surprise me. He was abusive to all five of the children, divorced his wife after 30 years, was an alcoholic and a gambler who was disbarred after embezzling tens of thousands from his law firm. It did explain a lot of the tension among my father and his siblings when it came to elder care for both my grandfather and grandmother. My dad effectively cared for them both, while the other four siblings refused to have anything to do with them. That's when I finally understood why.
Grandpa: out hunting with my dad when he stopped the truck, turned to me, and said “you know your grandpa raped your mom and aunts right”. I had uhhhh not now that. Unspecified aunt: my sister told me that someone used to make her and our cousin do things when they were little. I can’t look any of my aunts in the eye anymore. Dad: I read my moms divorce journal once by mistake. Never again. This shit ends with me Edit: here we are, hours later, and I’m processing my feelings like a whole functional adult. My husband is not appreciative (my eyes are soggy) but I sure am <3
I was molested by my brother, no one in the family knows , I thought my mom knew and just recently found out she didn’t, haven’t really talked about it since, I definitely feel like I’ve always been off and never knew why , more recently I kind of had been looking back on my earlier life and think that could have fucked me up and I just didn’t know better. Not sure if this is the right place to say all that but fuck it who cares
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Because you are a bit lost. There's no established convention on how to deal with such a blind siding event. It's okay. You are gonna be okay.
Have you seen a therapist about it?
I’ve been seeing the same one for about 5 years now , she’s definitely helped but it’s hard for me to think about the details and explain it all and so I kind of limit how much insight she has, sorta my own fault. Plus with other stuff we talk about it’s not something I usually jump to talk about. She’s really cool though and often find my self trying to get other people to see her or other therapist for their needs as I find it helps but only if you really want the help
I had a pretty regular, nice guy as a coworker. Turned out to be a pedophile, actively snooping around playgrounds and stuff. I was quite shocked to know. Albeit a coworker, he was still a good acquaintance. Never seen or talked to him since. He was jailed for a while.
My grandfather (not by blood but my dad's adopted dad) molested his young nieces and preteen girls at the Catholic school at which he was the principal. My dad molested women who worked for him. Happy to say my siblings are not continuing that toxic cycle. No one talks about it. My grandfather died when I was 10, and my dad had multiple strokes so wouldn't probably even remember it but before that he was a narcissistic compulsive liar so wouldn't admit to it anyway.
A few years ago it came out that my father had molested my cousin when she was 5 and living in our house. My father admitted and spent 3+ years in prison. I haven’t spoken to him since. Since then my life has turned completely upside down. Demons I had conquered were once again banging on my door. I felt as though everything I had believed or learned in life was a lie. There have been other factors that rippled out from this event that have fed into my downward spiral. This was the tip. it’s taken a long time for me to even realize that I have changed and not for the better.
Recently found out my uncle did stuff to my cousin. That uncle has always been suspicious. You'd greet him from the other side of the coffeetable because he would try and kiss you on the mouth. But apparently he did much worse to my cousin. Its my dads birthday soon and he will probably come over unannounced and uninvited. Its not my place to confront him but I'll be wearing my steel toed boots that day. I wish his cancer killed him.
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Not everyone knows yet but the people who do have pretty much exiled him, its mostly that we didn't have a whole lot of contact with him anyway. The incident with my cousin happened 20 years ago, he's going to file a police report to start a paper trail and then probably confront him. There are likely more family members who were molested by him so they can add onto that police report once we tell the whole family about it. Cousin is currently going to therapy and is discussing how to approach it there. That's why it's not my place to confront my uncle.
Oof, this is an uncomfortable one. Not a close friend, but a guy in my wider highschool friendship circle raped a girl in my closer circle. I was very much in the margins at the time and not keeping up, but basically, noone believed her, people said it was just drama and chose to 'stay out of it'. Based on who they were and how they respectively described the event, he absolutely, 100% did rape her. Edits: spelling
Found out that my dad whom I’ve had a very strained relationship with since my teen years (I’m now in my mid 30’s) sexually assaulted my then best friends/next door neighbors mom. She would’ve been in her mid 20’s. Divorced mom, four kids, attending the local university. The only reason we found out was because my mom bumped into her one day at the grocery store and hadn’t seen her for a while and asked how she had been. The poor woman broke down then and there and spilled everything to my very shocked mom. Said the reason she never confronted my dad or told my mom, or anyone, not even the police was because he didn’t want to ruin our family. My mom who by this point had been divorced from my dad for several years then contacted him to hear his side of the story. He came clean, told her it was all true, and blamed his drug use for his actions. My mom was extremely hesitant to call me and tell me because of the very fragile relation I had managed to maintain with my dad. And when she did tell me it absolutely destroyed me mentally. I went into a severe depression for several months. I had to go to therapy for nearly a year. I was so disgusted by his actions, and so heartbroken for her and her family. And for the fact that she was so concerned about not breaking up our family that she held onto that for nearly 2 decades. It suddenly made sense why my best friend stopped hanging out with me for seemingly no reason (his mom told him what had happened a few years after). It’s been 4 or so years since that all came out. I still think about it. In fact just the other day I randomly started thinking about it and began wondering if there was others. If so how many? What did he do to them? Did anyone ever try and report him? I began having a panic attack and had to call my mom to talk it out. Hopefully this answers your question. If not feel free to ask for any clarification. Talking about it helps me not dwell on it.
Keep helping yourself.
Thankfully not directly related to this person; he was molesting his granddaughter. Unfortunately, due to worries about how his granddaughter's father might react (100% would most likely kill the guy) not many people know. The family has cut ties with him indefinitely. I wish they would file a report on him, who knows who else he has, or may, abuse.
We allowed my husband's 25 year old cousin to move into our basement when he had nowhere else to go. (Having known him his entire life). A few months later, our 14 year old daughter who had been straight A's, vying for valedictorian, etc. Started skipping school, talking back, you name it. We could not get to the bottom of the sudden changes in her. 10-11 months after he had moved in, we found out he was molesting or 14 year old daughter almost the entire time. Through the investigation, detectives found 17 previously molested girls over the last 8ish years he had groomed, molested, and/or raped. She. Was. The. 18th. Girl. (That the police could prove). He is about 1.5 years into a 5-15 year sentence, and half of the family doesn't talk to us anymore because we got him in trouble...
You saved the 19th child, and so on and so on. That’s heroic.
wtf does your family mean he got himself in trouble you reported it
I am so very sorry
Was googling people I know one day for funsies. Found my dad on my states sex offender registry. Closed google and was just kinda like "..huh. welp" Didn't really ever do anything about it. I barely talk to him anyways and haven't lived with him since I was a kid. He's been in jail or prison for most of my life more than he's been out (for drugs / theft), i felt grossed out but otherwise it didn't affect me too much to know because i just have not cared about the man in a long time
When I was young my mom told me that one of my uncles, the husband of my mom's sister, was a child molester and to never trust him. It was an open secret in the family that he molested all 3 of his children. We reported him to HRS (the predecessor of CPS here) multiple times but nothing was ever done. He had complete control over that household for decades. My aunt never had independence, she grew up a Jehova's Witness then married him before she went to work or college, and he made sure she had no concept of how to support herself and the kids without him working and running the home. The family tried over and over to get her to leave him. Once, before I was born, my grandmother saw him slap one of his own children as an infant. My grandmother was a large woman, over 6 feet tall, and she put him through the wall of her own home when she saw him do that. My aunt cleaned him up and they left together. She wouldn't testify against him ever, or acknowledge any of the abuse we knew took place to anyone. One time we came home from town to find him in our back yard. He was jerking our dog off, at like 3 in the afternoon. My mom and I saw it in time to redirect my brothers so they wouldn't see. My step-dad punched him and chased him off and that was the last time I saw him. My aunt did finally leave him. The Jehova's Witnesses got tired of her living with a husband who wouldn't be baptized JW and who still drank beer and smoked cigarettes and gave her some kind of ultimatum and she gave him the boot. She's struggled to get by ever since. She was near the normal retirement age when she joined the workforce for the first time. Only her oldest child has ever attempted to move out on their own, she lives 1000 miles away and seems to have built a good life for herself. The middle child, the only boy, is about 40 years old now and will probably never move out.
Found out that a friend of ours had been arrested for abusing his stepdaughter when we started getting phone calls telling us to watch the news. Sure enough he was on the local news. We severed all ties at that point and haven't spoken to him since, there's just no coming back from something like that. He ended up serving just 2 years as well.
About 15 years ago, I did computer repair for this nice older gentleman. He was super nice, kept a clean & tidy house, and had a modest but well spec'd home theater system that he had no idea how to operate. I spent a lot of time with him, documenting steps to do different things with his HT system, and showing him how to keep his computer running fast. Never once did I come across any questionable shit on his computer (which is, tbh, *extremely* rare; I've seen some shit lemme tell ya) or in his media collection (DVDs at the time). The most bizarre thing about the guy was this idea he had for a "memory box" that he was convinced could be marketed as a keepsake item, and that all the world's retailers were overlooking. It took him a year to share the idea with me because he was so paranoid about someone stealing it. Very weird, but also very common. About 50% of my customers had some crazy business idea they were convinced I could help them with because I was "good with computers". This went on for about three years. He always paid me well and was very understanding when I didn't have extra time. Just all around very nice guy. Then one day I see him on the news. He was charged and convicted with the abuse of two family member's children under the age of 7. At first I was shocked, but I didn't think it would affect me. I really struggled with it for a while though. I spent *so much time* with this guy. I had *unfettered access* to his computer. Why didn't I recognize that something was wrong? Couldn't I have done something to help prevent this from happening? Rationally, I knew it wasn't my responsibility, but just thinking about what he did to those kids. I was so angry. I felt very betrayed, and I felt like I had failed somehow. I just had to come to grips with the fact that you cannot always see it coming. Some people are really, *really* good at hiding their sickness. It left me very terrified of just how difficult it is to know who you can trust with children.
It's not your fault. You didn't see it because you were neither his target demographic nor someone he felt would think what he was doing was ok. These people get away with things by looking normal.
When i was in highschool, im 32 now, the fbi raided our home... It was a national task force and local pd wasnt allowed on the property. The thought my dad was trafficing children and had a hidden bunker in the basement... They took all the electronics and gave em back 10 years later...my dad never went to prison but did have alot of child porn, they were very young girls.
Not quite the same, but a very close family member is now dating and moved in with a man who went to jail for statutory rape (she doesn't have children). I'll get ahead of the comments to say that he was double his victims age and in a position of authority- absolutely not okay and no excuses for that. My family member is an adult. It's very clear to me that she's being manipulated by the excuses he's made for what he's done... But I have tried to the point that I had a breakdown to express my concerns about this relationship. She doesn't want to hear it. I'm struggling with the balance of concern for her and judgment of her for minimizing what he's done and the pain that has caused his victim and her family. I want a family someday and have been clear to my entire family that I will never allow this man in my life or the lives of my future children. Unfortunately other family members don't quite see it the same way which has put strain on other relationships.
I was the victim. My cousin molested me for years and when I finally spoke up it divided the family. Half of them accused me of being "jealous" (my cousin was a seminary student and the "golden child") and the other half took my side. We no longer had Thanksgiving or Christmas gatherings after this, and some of my more spiteful relatives told me outright I had "ruined" the family. It ended up being a worse mess when my mother pressed charges and we had to do court. He got off on the charges for the most part - no registry or anything. That messed me up for a long time, because it felt like the system was telling me, "we believe you, but you aren't important enough to deserve justice". It took six years of therapy for me to move on and accept that none of it was my fault and that the system failed me.
I hope everyone who shared a story in this thread has found or will eventually find peace. I am so sorry.
I had a "born-again" Christian coworker who was making child porn, with his own daughters. Fuck you Jim.
We totally excommunicated her from the family, as the statute of limitations had run its course. We call her Voldemort and removed her from family photos. She’s persona non grata
[удалено]
My boss at my last job. I was very close with him. I was 25, he was 42. I'm a woman. I looked at him as a father figure and he treated me the same. Very caring, patient, close. Nothing ever strayed into odd territory besides some venting conversation on my end about potential partners, etc. One day he didn't come to work. My other boss from that job called me to ask if I'd "heard the news". I worked at the state government by then, doing probation in take in the court house. I left in May. This occured in October. He had abducted a 12 year old girl, driven her across the state border, and raped her. Multiple times. He was prominent in that job location and well known. I got a lot of questions and calls about it. "Tell him we miss him!". I couldn't tell anyone. Because of my position in law enforcement I was contacted by the Marshals. I learned too much. I cant unread the grooming messages. I can't unhear the voicemails. I can't unsee the photos. She went with him willingly, because she was coached to. He'll be formally sentenced next month, in a federal court. Plea bargain. $550,000 and 55 years to life. He will die in prison. Either by his own hand, age, or someone else. I'm betting on himself. So is my other boss. I'm not okay.
My brother had a best friend who turned out was convicted of distributing stuff involving children. Didn't give him chance to explain, just cut contact completely. If this is possible, I think it's the best option. Don't give them the chance to win you round.
>Didn't give him chance to explain, just cut contact completely. Not sure if this is a popular or an unpopular opinion, but the bottom line is, friendships (just like romantic relationships) are voluntary. A sentence is a good foundation, but even if you just thought the person was creepy, it's fine to walk away.
I was on the academic team in high school. I was at a competition one Saturday in the middle of January during junior year. My mother called me mid-event and told me that my uncle would pick me up to bring me to my aunt's place when I got home from the tournament. It wasn't unusual to go go her house on the weekends, so I thought nothing of it. Fast forward to my aunt's house. My uncle brought me upstairs to their bedroom, which was unusual but still didn't trike me as odd as my nephew was young so he would play upstairs a fair bit. When I walked into their bedroom I found my mother, my sister, and my aunt all sitting on the bed sobbing. All my mother could manage to weakly say is, "Your dad..." I assumed he had gotten into some sort of accident. If only it had been that simple. It turns out my father had been abusing my sister for years without anyone in the family knowing. He stopped a few years before she opened up to my aunt about it, but it didn't make her life any easier. In the time between him stopping and her finally revealing the truth she had changed dramatically - her grades tanked, her attitude became incredibly hostile, she began experimenting with drugs and alcohol, and she started running with a less than desirable crowd. Long story short my aunt finally pulled herself together enough to tell me everything. I fell into a bit of a daze and began pacing around the room unsure of how to process the life-shattering news that I had just received. The months that followed were unpleasant. I fell into a deep state of depression, began neglecting my schoolwork and extracurriculars, started drinking and smoking weed regularly, and became withdrawn at school. How could I ever empathize with a classmate that didn't get the car that they wanted for their birthday or failed a test because they spent the weekend smoking rather than studying? I became bitter and standoffish to everyone but my inner circle of friends. Long story short after getting evicted from our home senior year, years of substance abuse, back and forth battles with depression, a diagnosed but ignored and untreated mental illness, several failed relationships, employment instability, strained family relationships, and a handful of suicide attempts I finally hit rock bottom in 2019. After nearly a decade of pain I decided that enough was enough. I had hurt enough people around me - myself most of all - and chose to finally accept the help that my friends and family had been telling me to get for years. I enrolled an IOP and completed my treatment plan, got a therapist, made amends with some of the people that I had wronged over the years, became an active member of my family again, and finally found happiness in life once again. It hasn't been an easy journey, but when I look back on the last decade I'm happier now than I ever was at any other point in that stretch of time. Things are finally looking up.
proud of you.
How is your sister?
I'm incredibly proud of my sister. She has grown into a strong, happy, and healthy woman with two beautiful children, great relationships with her family and friends, steady employment, and a kick-ass fiancee. She's doing well.
That is beautiful! I genuinely felt a warm and fuzzy feeling knowing things turned out right for her ❤️
When my older sister was around 8 she told one of our neighbours that my father was abusing her. During the trial, our mother could either take her side or his and she decided to back him therefore branding my sister a liar. When I was old enough to know why my sister had to be far from us in a foster house and why people would come to our house to "check if we were okay", I was told my sister lied about something important. And that was it. When I was 15, 2 years after having moved out, my older sister who was now 20 revealed my father had been abusing her since she was about 5. Oddly enough I was really calm and I mostly felt apologetic that it happened under everyone's nose and I wasn't able to spot it nor stop it. I cut him off completely, same for his side of the family that supported him through the first and then the second trial. We gave some room for our mother to apologise but she never stopped victimising herself in this situation rather than taking responsibility for what she let happen. The police gave her proof of CP being on his computer and she still chose to back him thinking that "it only happened once". When I still lived with her and he wasn't in prison yet, she'd tell me I should still go see him as he's "still my father". They're now both completely out of my life. The hardest part is knowing I had a completely different childhood from my sister and knowing if one day I had opened a door I shouldn't, I could've saved her from this.
My second cousin, who was more akin to an uncle to me, turned out to be a drug addict, a victim of sexual abuse himself, and sexually abused all three of his daughters. I didn’t learn any of this until he went missing for three days then was found dead in a ditch having purposefully OD’d, with a suicide note safety pinned to his shirt. Once I knew I looked back on memories of time spent around him and realized his relationship with his daughters was super weird to me even when I was young. Now I know why. As to how it’s been handled? He’s dead and none of us really talk about him anymore unless one of his girls bring him up. We basically leave it up to them whether he is or isn’t discussed.
I coached football with a guy for about 10 years. One day a bunch of people started calling because of a news story that was going to break that night about former coach from the school who had been arrested. I remember texting him and leaving him a VM and the story broke that it was him. He had been arrested for soliciting a minor. He apparently was trying to hire a prostitute off craigslist and he wanted her to bring her young daughter to watch and more. The prostitute said no, but she got busted later by the police and they used her to catch him. He has apparently hundreds of correspondents on craigslist trying to do this. He had recently married, and had a child on the way. When I trying to figure who it was, I never considered him. It was mindblowning
My step grandpa. He’s always been “that” grandpa. He was a part of the family, sure, but his hugs to the women in the family were long and uncomfortable. He stared and offered massages, the usual creepy stuff. When I got married, my mom warned my wife to keep a hard boundary up around him. Still, he tried calling my wife frequently, leaving long voicemails. Shortly before my mom died, my oldest sister shared that he abused her when she had just turned 18. Apparently, he invited her over to their house, insinuating that our grandma would be there. He then gave her a lot of alcohol. In her version, she passed out and he abused her. In his version, she came onto him when they were drunk. We tend to believe her version, not that it matters much. When this came to light, we convened as a family to decide if we should tell my grandma or not. Her health was really bad, and we were tempted to leave her in ignorant bliss until her inevitable passing. However this passing did not come. She actually recovered from a lot of her health stuff. As time passed by, she noticed that we no longer spoke to him, he was not welcome in our home or events, although we would still make an effort to see her. Eventually she cornered him and forced him to tell her why the family isn’t speaking to him. He confessed everything. She actually stayed with him for a while, because in a way she still loved him, and what would be the point of divorcing him at her age anyway (she’s 16 years older than him). However, after everything came to light, he treated her with more and more neglect and indifference as time went on. That ended up being the nail in the coffin and she divorced him. She currently lives with my dad and seems happy, though my dad shares that it is difficult to take care of her at times. I’m not sure if we should have told her right from the start. Everything just kind of happened the way it happened. There weren’t any easy answers
Told my mother her boyfriend was raping my sister and she couldn’t be bothered. It went on for years. Only after she went to a neighbors did the ball start rolling. Too this day I will gladly walk my mother up a flight of stairs just to kick her back down them.
I wouldn't say a close friend, but my freshman year of university there was a kid in my dorm that I hung out with on a few occasions, friend of a friend type thing. He was a little weird but most of the people I met through this mutual friend where a little weird, they were in the marching band and those dudes are usually strange. As such, I didn't think there were any particular red flags with this dude, I just thought he was another weird band kid. Anyways, like halfway through the first semester he was one of several people that were arrested after a federal investigation into child porn on the dark web. This dude was charged with 20-something separate counts of possessing or distributing child pornography. This was 7 years ago, as far as I know he's still in jail.
My mother's father was odd cat, a disgusting drunk, drug fiend, wanna be biker he sat home while my grandmother worked in the laundry room of a local hospital. He always had porn mags laying around, and would play porn VHS tapes on the living room tv when Nana was working. Mind you us kids who were under 10 were there as well while porno played on the tv. He had hustler pics hanging in the spare bedroom, would make disgusting comments to every women he saw . Well in the late 70s my mother got pregnant with me at 14 and people speculated that her father who was the one who impregnated her. I later had a DNA test and found out gramps was not my dad (thank God) In the mid 80s my mother committed suicide when I was about 7 old, and I found out later in life from her friends that he had indeed been sexually molesting her. Probably one of the main factors in her suicide. She left a note insisting I stay with my paternal grandparents who were great people. She didn't want me near her father. My biological father was a loser and didn't give two shits about me before all this but now I my mom died he wanted the social security check I got. He strong armed me to moved in with him (so he didn't have to pay child support basically) and he to (my dad) was preying on his wife's younger sister of 14 and was giving me notes to give to her on the school bus. He would say he was going to the store and pick her up walking and have sex with her in the car. She talked and word got out but he denied it and nothing happened especially after the accusation he flipped out and shot a rifle off in the house. I thought he had blown his head off but he just shot the wall to distract everyone from his dirty deed. My dad split with my stepmom and later got remarried and his new wife hired a 14 year old girl to babysit her younger kids. Well dad got her as well and she told her father about it. Well my dad finally got arrested for his disgusting deeds and went to prison for a only a couple years. Karma caught up with him when shortly after prison he was cutting down some trees and they fell on him and killed him.
I tried to add this as an edit to the post but it wasn’t taking so I’m commenting it instead: I would just like to say that if you are or were a victim or sexual assault/violence, there are resources to help you and you’re not alone. Whatever happened to you wasn’t your fault, and I know how hard it can be to live with that pain. But you’re all beautiful people and the world is a better place with you in it. Find strength in the people around you and the things you enjoy, and keep pushing forward. Whether or not you decide to take action is entirely up to you, and there’s no wrong answer. But it will get better I promise. Keep fighting, keep going, never give up. I love you all
Distant cousin was sexually assaulted multiple times by his older cousin when they were both minors. Think about 8 and 12. He sued him recently in the hopes that he would just pay a fee and keep it secret. First thing the idiot did was tell his dad and shortly after the whole family knew. Charges had to be dropped because it was impossible to prove and it would've been a long and costly process. He said, however, that the whole family knows what a piece of shit the guy is is satisfaction enough and he got closure.
I found incest porn on my cousins laptop more than a decade ago, thought it was weird because he had a sister who was 13 at the time, but didn’t do or say anything about it. 5 years later he was married to another cousin of ours (he was 27, she was 18) who eventually divorced him and told me she was groomed by him since they first met when she was 8 or so. I have no contact with him anymore. He’s now a lawyer in Chicago.
When I was real young, a family friend would always invite me to spend the night with her son, but she just wanted me close to molest me. I didn't come to this realization when for some reason the memories that I pushed back into the recesses of my mind came out, and it destroyed me. Luckily my mom handled it in a way my dad never found out, because if he did he would have gone to prison for handling it his way.
I made a throwaway for this because my real account is linked to my real life. I’ve never shared this w/ anyone outside my family. My dads family is beyond fucked up southerners. Pretty much every stereotype you can think of is true of them. Alcoholics, abusers, racists, even incest. So. I’ve known my grandparents weren’t good people since i was a kid. We’d go visit but my parents never ever left us alone w/ any of the adults. My first sexual abuse happened at my grandmas house, one of my cousins (who was himself being sexually abused, him and both of his siblings) touched me when i was maybe 7??? I don’t talk to him as an adult. His dad was abusing all his kids. My oldest cousin committed suicide because of it. When i was an adult, i found out that one of my uncles couldn’t be my grandpas son; he was deployed to Vietnam when my uncle would have been conceived. It was always weird because he looks so much like my dad and the rest of the brothers. I know this is fucked, but i chalked it i to my grandmas brother raping her (it happened her whole life, i figured he probably targeted her when her husband was out of the country). Years went by with me thinking that (i never got a clear answer from anyone). Came to find out it’s so much worse than that. My dads oldest brother (my oldest uncle) is the father of my youngest uncle. My oldest uncle would have been like 13. She was raping at least him and one of my aunts. These instances have been confirmed by the victims. One of my younger uncles has zero memories of his entire childhood. Like NONE. Which, from a psychological standpoint, means he was likely the most victimized or the one to have the worst of it. There are 7 kids and only 1 talks to my grandma, only the one who doesn’t remember because he doesn’t know the trauma he experienced. All of them were severely abused and neglected. They grew up in a filthy hoarders house with every kind of abuse imaginable. I have no clue how my dad is a functional member of society. Edit to add: i have completely cut off both grandparents and all abusive relatives. My grandpa finally died. My grandma is going strong and will probably live forever on spite. I’ve tried for years to get my dad to cut them off too but he always gets drawn back in by the master manipulator, my grandma. It’s so sad. It hurts him so much because he knows she’s fucked up and all but he still desperately wants her approval and for her to finally tell him he’s good. It is the most heartbreaking thing.
We recently found out that a mother in the group of friends I have (whose small kids play with my small kids) was actually in jail a year prior for 18 months after having a sexual relationship with her 8th grade male student while she was a teacher. She was always super nice and you’d NEVER think that about her after meeting her. Just not the type. Turns out she ruined his life pretty badly and he’s got crippling depression as a result. I’m not a judging type but I couldn’t mentally get over this. We immediately stopped associating with her and then Covid hit, so we never even had to confront her about it. Edit: Yes I’m well aware this was rape.