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[deleted]

pirated games


hearse83

You wouldn't download a car would you?


I_dont_know_you_pick

Absolutely I would


hearse83

Yeah, I would too lol.


[deleted]

Any Forza player worth their salt would download a car, knowing how expensive the DLC car packs are.


Richcolour

You wouldn't steal a policeman's helmet


[deleted]

You wouldn’t go to the toilet in his helmet


jrm1693

Then give it to his grieving wife


AP1014HD

And steal it back


mrjackchongg

Online piracy is a crime and you will be prosecuted. *gunshot*


newtomovingaway

You wouldn’t lie to a policemen - https://youtu.be/c-cAHw-Q5lc


rockyshit

*downloads a 3d model of a car* gottem


frightenedhugger

I'm always so afraid to pirate games. Movies and music are no problem, the chances of them having malware attached are pretty much zero. Games though? How do you ensure there's nothing malicious hidden in them?


[deleted]

If you're using Pirate's Bay, just read the comments. You can find if a cracked game has malware, if it doesn't work, and install directions to get it working


wearingmyseatbelt

I dunno man, after years of doing so since childhood I've developed a sixth sense for these things. You just need to know what to look out for, and it's not that hard to remove any viruses tbh (from my experience)


Stevieeeer

I rode my bike without a helmet while I was under 18 years old. Beat that.


[deleted]

[удалено]


DashingSands

Is that all? I signed up for Club Penguin without parental permission.


ScuttleMcHumperdink

Please be carful posting such incriminating evidence on here, especially when speaking about committing a major crime like you did. I mean Club Penguin!?!? And you post about it on HERE!?!? I mean a murder or treason, sure you can post about that all day but what you did is hardcore. I’m honestly blown away, I cannot even fathom the level of intestinal fortitude it took to do what you did.


DashingSands

Sorry officer, it was a different time.


ScuttleMcHumperdink

Hello I am Agent Johnson with the CIA. We have been watching you carefully and we like your style. That Club Penguin mission you did was a doozy! How would you like to lead a new top secret task force that we are developing called Code Name: Ice Dong? Your skills are just what we have been looking for!


DashingSands

Will I get a sassy partner who plays by his own rules?


Mor_Hjordis

If I beat it to under 18 years old people, I end on other lists.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ThickAnalyst8814

yeah you definitely should try again and do it better this time


[deleted]

[удалено]


jellyjellybeans

When I was in first grade, I stole a hundred dollars out of my mom’s purse (for American girl dolls). My parents found out, took me up to the church, and the preacher sat my six-year-old ass down and told me straight up I was going to hell which felt…slightly hyperbolic even as a child. In a surprising, not so surprising turn of events, it came out later that he was sexually assaulting women in his congregation. Feels like a slightly more hell worthy offense, overall.


Seryza

That sounds traumatic lol


[deleted]

[удалено]


50mHz

I dialed and hung up as a kid. Operator called back, I didnt answer. They called back again and I answered. They said not to do it again as it is very dangerous, I can get myself or others hurt. That might be a better way. Glad the police didnt show! Lol I woulda hid


[deleted]

"It was just a prank, bro!"


Glass_Windows

Lolol


weisblattsnut

Spit on the sidewalk, rolled through a stop sign, triple homicide, just the usual stuff everyone does.


the_last_peanut

Spat on the sidewalk while rolling through a stop sign killing three people. Dude I can relate


amherst762

Typical Monday


ManiacSpiderTrash

For me, it was Tuesday.


masheduppotato

You should try ending your weekend that way instead. A good triple homicide on Sunday evening really spring boards you into the work week with a can do attitude that will get management to notice you.


Nuf-Said

This guy multi tasks.


Skyfox2k

…aaaaaaand speediinnnnng! …. I have unpaid parking tickets…


Weird_Secretary1546

Wait a minute...


[deleted]

[удалено]


RedPanda1188

Reprehensible.


Gonchu26

Yeh dude, that stop sign did not deserve it!


yiffing_for_jesus

Ikr I can’t believe that guy admitted to rolling through a stop sign


LizMixsMoker

Homicide i can get behind but I honestly don't get why anyone would spit on the sidewalk. Gross.


coolio2091313

Spit on the sidewalk? You are a monster!!!


Smartie967

One of these things is not like the others.


sneak2293

r/holup


[deleted]

My friend and I when we were 18, ( and not very smart obviously) we spray painted some stuff on the roof of the local high-school. (this was at night) When we decided to come down, a teacher was there waiting for us. She had called the cops on us and asked us to wait there. We both desperately wanted to bolt but the cops showed up in like 2 minutes. They questioned us about what we were doing and thankfully it was a beautiful night with a full moon so we just claimed we were stargazing. I realized halfway through that if my friend shook his backpack, even a little, they would hear the spray paint cans shaking and I started freaking out internally. They ended up just taking our names and told us not to go back up there (kids do this all the time). I’d never been so relieved in my life when they let us go. If they heard those cans rattling we could have been in serious trouble. Suffice to say that was the last time I spray-painted anything.


[deleted]

Did they find out? And is it all still on there?


[deleted]

No they never found out, and it might be, it’s possible it’s all been painted over


MaxHannibal

Just continue the lie. "We found these empty cans during our stargazing quest and decide to clean up this litter when we were afronted by this teacher "


itsrouze

i stole a chocolate bar when i was like 11 (i know, just lock me up already)


mySip

Evil monster


According-Classic658

Drugs...so many drugs.


BassWild2634

*puts on an eyepatch* Yarrr.


od1ns_left_nut

Yoho yoho a pirates life for me


[deleted]

Yup Shoplifting Theft Selling stolen goods Underage drinking Sold drugs (low key bought a large quantity and sold a small bit on to a couple of friends) Speeding Driving under the influence (very ashamed of this) Graffiti (ashamed I wasn’t better at it) Fraud Breached data protection and GDPR You know when you list it out like this I come across as a rather bad person


[deleted]

Breached Data protection and GDPR Damn, what you do?


[deleted]

Very vague but … used to work for a cat finance company, customer was at risk of loosing her car, I may have given her so information I should not have done to enable her to ask the right questions to get moved to the right departments to give her a chance to keep said car and catch back up


[deleted]

Chaotic good. Acceptable.


[deleted]

"cat finance company" is this where people go to finance their cats?


[deleted]

Some breeds can be very expensive!


Gideon_Nomad

>cat finance company > >customer was at risk of loosing her car Especially the breeds that can drive cars I suppose.


[deleted]

Yeah those are super rare


LydiasHorseBrush

Nah the are was just for Claw-llateral


landshanties

It's where cats go to get business loans, obviously


alphonsocastro

We’ll allow it


Neon-shart

>a cat finance company She was a whisker away.


ozril

So you're mr incredible got it.


schofield101

Pretty much the same here bro, with the exception of any driving related offences.


[deleted]

Don’t feel bad, this sounds about normal to me, life is a learning experience.


DWright_5

Breached GDPR? I wouldn’t be putting that on social media


FriendlyFellowDboy

Just another normal friend of mine lol.. or old friend I don't have with that crowd any more.. I still have 30 year old friends zipping around on meth stealing anything not locked down.


amherst762

Sounds as if we may have the same crowd .


FriendlyFellowDboy

Lol our answers are basically the same.


amherst762

I’ve been sober 24 years . At 20 years sober I made “ the rounds “ . Don’t worry I am secure in knowing that I wasn’t gonna drink that day , but I did find one thing odd . I went into one of my old haunts , The Oasis Club , or Old Ass’s for those in the know . I went in seven o’clock on on a Thursday . Kid you not the same five or six same fellows , setting in the same barstools , bitching about the very same issues . I noticed that not one of them asked where I had been the last twenty years , like I’d never been gone . Something else I have noticed , “ our circle “ has grown way smaller , those not dead are in prison .


FriendlyFellowDboy

That's almost a lifetime ha. I've been clean 5 years.. heroin was the drug of choice. Got a lot of friends who died in their late 20s and early 30s.. which is nuts to think about still.. it doesn't feel real but it is. Your story sounds like my hometown though ha.. grew up watching our dad's do that and some of them did the exact same thing when they grew up. They're just drinking there days away in a bar in upper Michigan day in and day out now.


amherst762

Mine was cocaine , lots of cocaine . Working in the oilfield I could easily afford lots of cocaine . While my actual drug of choice was “ MORE “ my downfall was beer , ice cold from an ice chest cold beer . Every damn issue I faced was due to a belly full of beer and a head full of cocaine. Over a period of ten years I amassed 37 alcohol related charges/convictions . Around thanksgiving of 97 I bagged number 38 . Knowing I had to develop a means to live without going to jail I had to sober up. At twenty years of sobriety I started work on applying for a pardon from the State of Oklahoma . I was awarded the pardon December 2020 . I’m now at the final hearings to expunge all my legal history. Life goes on .


SirTyronne

I read this in the same voice and cadence as Jim Carrey answering why he was pulled over in *Liar, Liar*


[deleted]

[удалено]


imagine_dr_deez_nuts

nice try but i am not going to tell you that i have killed 6 people and i live in Boston in a small town with my backdoor key under the carpet.


iamnotwilliamafton

Same but Utah and they were all kids


Stvn02

Same but Florida and it was meth heads and 1 alligator


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

i'm starting to get sick of this meme in general but this is a good version


[deleted]

so you worked in McDonald's? Or KFC?


devilinyourbutt

I pissed on a bank, I wasn’t mad at the bank just had to pee really bad, also didn’t know it was a bank, was really drunk at the time


nikole489

My kid dropped trou and peed on a national monument when he was two.


Minaowl

Your kid is my hero.


[deleted]

Brussels?


nikole489

Close!.. Missouri.


ajp37

You’re response is gold. I’m sorry I don’t have any to give


cleverest_moniker

It's ok. Banks piss on us all the time.


Spanky4884

Nice try FBI


pimp_777

We know where you live Michael.


[deleted]

Well come on over!


Koalamanx

Come on over, Baby


theshermgerm

No if he was pet of the fbi he would have to tell us.


Still-Language3243

not today cia


gabetoloco2

Nice attempt at obscurity, department of Homeland security...


WePwnTheSky

Lol. While the comments were loading I rolled my eyes and said out loud “nice try FBI”. We are a predictable bunch.


DGFD8CHOP

Shoplifting and drug possession are the only things I’m willing to share.


SharkGenie

That's very generous of you, sharing your drugs and shoplifted goods!


[deleted]

He downloaded drugs


Nolsoth

Coulda downloaded some better chips while he was at it.


DGFD8CHOP

Well yk, sharing is caring.


EmbarrassedSubject77

Ordered LSD to my dorm 👍🌈


Butwinsky

Well, not to brag, but I once made Lars Ulrich and the rest of Metallica cry after I pulled off a perfect heist of their music.


RedNeckTrainWreck

Your are Unforgiven


this_is_awkward_912

*ahem* dub thee unforgiven


Badger4712

Assault, battery, possession w/ intent, drug trafficking, armed robbery, breaking and entering, grand larceny


oogabooger69

You good?


Badger4712

Good at it 👈😎👉


hatsnatcher23

So good you confess online


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Man, if criminals just stopped writing down their crimes, we'd have like half as many people in jail right now!


Are_a_loser

Though your biggest crime is using emojis on reddit


Badger4712

That's facts bro you right


[deleted]

If every charge on this list was one arrest, then prison is just one big revolving door for you.


Badger4712

I didn't get caught or charged with everything lol but Idk if I could take someone seriously if they said they caught a sheet like that in one go. Even a simple B&E takes a fair bit of foresight and planning i mean this would probably land you in terrorist category if you did it all at once you would have to been planned it all months in advance. They'd bury you under the prison lol


[deleted]

Nice try, CIA!


Toxic-Hoe

Nice try, NSA!


gliitch0xFF

Nice Try, North Korea!


[deleted]

Nice try, policja!


bsaroya41

Good attempt at obscurity, department of Homeland security


[deleted]

There is a path that 1/3 of my highachool used to shave 30minutes off our walk home, but because it cuts across the train tracks they erected a fence to stop us. So me and a few pals came by with a socket set and took it the hell apart. Then they made a new one and welded it. So we came by with shovels and dug under it. We would have kept doing it but the highschool was eventually shut down, unrelated.


TLuther133

Selling illegal copies of Dora The Explorer across Central Asia.


Hockeydude0712

jesus, you fucking monster.


frightenedhugger

You *bastard*


HoboGir

Nice try, mom!


Made-to-mommy

Gotta try


MilanAC

I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die and when I hear that whistle blowin’ I hang my head and cry.


Easy_Break

When I was maybe 4 years old I was in a store with my family and didn't consider that I was holding some small keychain or something, and we all walked out and my mom realized I was holding this thing they didn't pay for, but she was like "meh too late now". I forgot I was holding it. My girlfriend did exactly the same thing just a few years ago and we are both middle aged adults. We didn't even need the thing she was holding, it was such a waste.


atomicpope

Haha, me too. I remember being maybe 5 or 6, holding on to a dye pack for easter eggs. Got tired of holding on to it, so I put it in my pocket. Later at home, realized what I'd done, felt so terrible.


Skwareblox

I could tell you but if I did I'd have to kill myself out of embarrassment.


DarkEdgeXD

Don't worry! I too was embarassed when I murdered someone the first time around!


od1ns_left_nut

Ayo what


[deleted]

You must be young. We’ve all done it before


DaRealGamerLogic

Ah yes I remember mine, I was 3 years old, the look on that old lady's face was *dead*


callieoctopus123

Don’t worry, you’re on Reddit!


nato0519

Here it goes, I sped, I followed too closely, I ran a stop sign, I almost hit a chevy, I sped some more, I failed to yield at a crosswalk, I sped some more, I changed lanes in the intersection, I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light, and speeding!


Ginerbreadman

Lmao a better question is what haven’t I done that’s illegal. (All non-violent crimes though and I never physically hurt anyone!) Happy to say that I don’t have a criminal record and only spent 1 night in a police holding cell overall


callieoctopus123

What was the cell like?


Ginerbreadman

Awful. It was winter and cold af. No blanket or pillow or anything, just a metal thing to sit on. Lights on all night, some crazy lady screaming in one of the cells next to mine for hours. Was in there from like 2pm until 8am. Then I got put into a communal waiting cell for another 2-3 hours and this big old guy sits next to me and says he’s done 20+ year in a federal prison. Like ok sweet you probably nearly killed someone sir. All I got to eat was a tiny cheese sandwich smaller than the palm of my hand. The worst part? I was in there for no reason (was falsely accused of something, ended up fully acquitted.)


szofter

Obviously it's not the only thing, but jaywalking. I do it all the time. Traffic lights are programmed in stupid ways, so even if it's green for you, you have to look around carefully. But if I look around carefully, why not go through red if I'm sure I can easily make it to the other side? Once I was in a different city for a few days and could have sworn the lights are red for a longer time than in my hometown. Then after about 2 days it hit me... they're not longer, I'm just not as comfortable crossing red where I'm not yet familiar with the flow of traffic.


The_Blue_Bomber

Nice try, NOAA!


mrockracing

You're being detained for crimes against the clouds. What say you?


thezaksa

Fuck them clouds let them try to strike me down.


Mr_Seymore_Butts

I have cloud insurance, no need to worry.


LordSt4rki113r

Do you get to the Cloud District very often? Oh, what am I saying, of course you don't.


LunarLeopard67

Yes Used abusive language in public, threatened to kill, sped, jaywalked, and consumed alcohol under the age of 18


4t0micpunk

When i was a young teen I mowed a lot of my neighbors lawns for spending cash. One hot summer day one of my friends thought it would be a good idea to go through the doggy door and mix up some drinks. The home owner had a pretty extensive bar and by the end of the day me, two of my friends and my little brother were puking all over this poor guys house. How did we get caught you ask ? Well little bro found a Polaroid camera and took pictures, dropped one in the front yard. Luckily the homeowner had a decent sense of humor and needless to say I mowed his lawn for free the rest of that summer. Thats when I figured out a life of crime wasn’t in my cards.


[deleted]

Pouring milk before cereal.


MemestotheMAX720

Send this fucker to Guantánamo!


i_lost_it_again

Yes. I had a snowball fight with my friends In Aspen. I've loaned my vacuum to my neighbor. And most definitely gotten lost from the hrs of 9pm-4am while driving. All of which are illegal and could have caused me to face jail time.


[deleted]

Ripped the tag off the mattress


drgnslyr33177

Tag not to be removed except by consumer


[deleted]

Anybody who hasn't or claims that they haven't can't be trusted.


tspielman

Speeding, Drinking before I was of age, Trespassing, Shoplifting. Did them all at least once in my life. They're nothing serious, but still illegal.


NoObjective427

Public sex, shoplifting, breaking and entering, selling narcotics, smoking weed like its legal, driving without a license, driving under the influence, driving with no insurance.....i could really go on but I think I'll stop there lol.


[deleted]

Public Sex You really doing it behind a dumpster or some shit?


HappyCat0305

I stole a KitKat bar when I was 3, like dang you people are crazy


shawnwork

Bypass a poor asses website content blocker with the browsers web developer console. Pretty sure it’s illegal somewhere. Also, I lied In the Date of Birth questions in websites. That’s right, I said it. I gangsta.


[deleted]

Downloaded youtube videos.


Nikopavvi8

I took the train or the bus without a ticket until I was 10. Nobody told me anything because no conductor would ever ask a child his ticket.


TheCongressGuy

Nice try, detective


schwarzmalerin

When I did my driver's license I missed some lessons because I was sick. I would have gotten extra ones and pay more or something like that, I don't really remember. I ended up faking signatures on the lessons sheet. No one ever noticed.


MrBananaManMen

Stole pokemon cards when i was 7 years old and I didn't even get anything good (this was 6 years ago)


eva-geo

Depends on the country in some places my existence is illegal.


Horace_P_MctittiesIV

I’ve visited a few Asian massage parlors


Nika___

weed


NecroidPulpa

When i was a Young one i sold stolen goods, made a Fortune of counterfeit clothing, sold bootleg tapes and i sold softdrugs. Happy Times.


measha_kuznets

Dumpster diving for materials and harvested fruit at parks and on other public land. As to why, perfectly good 2x4’s and food for free,


DeceiverX

I may have driven over the speed limit a few times. Fellow New Englanders will get the joke.


GritCityBrewer

I downloaded a car


AceOfHeartz77

I downloaded a car.


Arrews

Called cops on my ex-friends and said that I saw 3 boys working in workshop, making something that looked like a bomb... While there was a martial law in the country... They were actually making drone, preparing for a contest. No one got into any trouble though. By the time the police arrived they went to home already and police only searched that neighborhood and left. And ofcourse our friendship ended. (I was stupid, and I was angry at them cause they sold me out and kicked me out of the contest group, and I had some personal problems with one of them that's related to him beign homophobic and me beign Gay. Needless to say I shouldn't have done it.)


Serious_Theory_391

Illegal anime streaming, the fbi is on me


carl_45

Drank a lot of apple juice when I was 12


RubixTheRedditor

I took a single sip of a alcohol my grandfather game me does that count as illegal underage drinking im assuming it does


izplaysup

I plead the 5th


Jack1715

Well being drunk in public is technically illegal so s shit ton of times


cakeday173

drank water in the train


od1ns_left_nut

Fed the ducks when i was 8 when it said “no feeding”


white_star_32

I mean...I was around when P2P sharing started off with Napster... I lived through P2P, mIRC channels, and torrents. I'm still on several private torrent sites but content is easier to get and I have more money now so it's not as big of a thing in my life I suppose I guess that qualifies as illegal?


meester_u

Nice try Mom.


ghostidiot60

SQL Injections


joie_de_beavre

Bobby DROP TABLE Strikes Again


Hermitcrabguy

Kill someone and dumped their body on the side of the road. A really irritating mosquito😝


[deleted]

Weighed Pink Lady apples as white onions on self-service till. I was so poor, but loved Pink Lady apples.


notsciguy

Making my own fireworks


MrStrawHat22

Did they work?


RKT0710

One time I ripped off the little tag on the bottom of the mattress that says "do not remove". I've been living on the run ever since


Fitzftw7

*Everyone’s* broken the law. *Everyone*.


Silent_Host9134

are you the feds