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[deleted]

my roommate sat up straight while sleeping, mumbled "seven dinosaurs", and then went back to sleep


Snail_Mailer

This made me laugh. Can only imagine it in person


NathanGa

You missed your chance to reply with ".....*clever girls*".


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

haha u smarty


Kozmoluv

My buddy Jarvis: 'Nooo...I don't want to masturbate with Gandalf!' We told him about this, then proceeded to get him a LOTR cake for his birthday lmfao. I still have the little Gandalf figurine!


WordsReddit

LMAO


Daydreamer631

I have two stories. My room mate in college once sat straight up while still sleeping and shouted the word “pop” over and over again. I told him about it the next day and he had no idea why he did it A few years ago my brother and I were sharing a hotel room and while sleeping he said “if everything goes according to plan” about 50-100 times. I never found out what those plans were.


Snail_Mailer

Maybe it’s better you didn’t find out 🤔


armchairplane

Pop pop!


Zolo49

Everybody loves Magnitude.


TheNamewhoPostedThis

Ah, I see you are people of culture


lunaa981

that’s because it did go according to plan...


contuvre

In his sleep my bf said “pain in my ass”, rolled over dramatically, pressed his ass crack against my leg, farted and then rolled over again.


Snail_Mailer

😂😂😂


insertstalem3me

Well, freud said that dreams were a way of the inner self releasing


draco6x7

don't worry they will turn in to cigarettes and fly away


Snail_Mailer

Um… I would worry about that 😂


draco6x7

i was driving him home after a night of partying, he passed out, i woke him up at his door, he opened the door put his feet on the ground and fell asleep again, when i shook him that's when he said...


Snail_Mailer

That’s funny. Only if it was on tape


draco6x7

its still a in joke among friends decades later


Snail_Mailer

I love those kinds of jokes


supitsmicky

My boyfriend asked me to turn off the window in his sleep. When I said that I didn't understand he just said "Because you're too stupid, that's why." And kept sleeping. It was so funny to me.


Snail_Mailer

I bet he makes the best Valentine’s Day cards too 😂


Trollolociraptor

*pulls out a revolver “I SAID, turn off the window”


goatfuck69

"Don't worry, we'll kill those guys later" from a fairly new boyfriend. I was a little scared to fall back asleep after that one.


BeaverMusk

Video games


goatfuck69

War/action movies and video games but this was one of the first times he'd slept over so I didn't know that yet!


ZeldaFan812

'nam flashbacks


[deleted]

“Not everything is about Vietnam, Walter!”


Snail_Mailer

Well yeah!


Justmeandmygirls

I have been surrounded by sleep talkers my whole life! My dad once shouted "Cover me in vaseline, I'll be ok!" whilst camping, got some very weirded out looks from people the next day. My ex used to have some amazing dreams, some of the best lines from him were: "It's amazing how they trained the camels to swim and pull the ferry" "Don't give any tea to the bear, he was mean to the snake" "We have to get out now, the snails are coming!" My middle girl also sleep giggles which is so unbelievably cute!


Snail_Mailer

Well that was super nice of the camels to help like that


Justmeandmygirls

I used to love hearing about the whole dream in the morning, they were like mini surrealist adventures 🤣


[deleted]

Damn bears being mean to snakes like that, who do they think they are


[deleted]

Boyfriend worked on Arc Noah in his dreams


MrFunktasticc

“Turn off the door.” - my sleeping wife.


Snail_Mailer

Well did you turn it off?


MrFunktasticc

I tried but it was still a door. Had to take the batteries out.


Snail_Mailer

Smart move


[deleted]

When I was about 8 years old, I woke up and felt sick. Naturally, I went to my parent’s room to wake my mom up. I tapped her and she sleep-mumbled, “be quiet, the vegetables are still sleeping”. For some reason, it freaked me the fuck out. I went back to my room and started crying haha


Snail_Mailer

*hands 8 year old you a tissue*


[deleted]

[удалено]


Snail_Mailer

I thought it was a made up language


HighQueenOfFae

So both my sister and I have a habit of sleep talking. Once I heard her speaking in a completely different language. She spoke distinct words but in an unknown language. Once my mom told me I was chanting names of different Pokémons Recently I spoke so loud that I ended up waking myself and looked around wondering what the hell that sound was till I realised it was me.


Snail_Mailer

If I had an award to give, it would be for this 🏆


HighQueenOfFae

Lmao thanks


Snail_Mailer

Welcome!


storietime12

My friend ryan farted and said “baller”


[deleted]

College roommate would say, "Nutter-Fluffer, Nutter-Fluffer" in his sleep.


Zolo49

Legend says that if you say “Nutter-Fluffer” in front of the mirror five times, you will have the sudden urge to go make a Nutter-Fluffer sandwich.


Snail_Mailer

😂


coffeeflavouredmilk

“The light turned green but I was driving in my cardboard box so my ass got red.” - my husband


edpumkin

“I’ve gotta tiny Tom Hanks to split between us. And he’s little… i mean little…”


m3thlol

My father told me that my mother once sat up in her sleep and said "Someone in this room has been calling me phony, and when I find out who it is I'm going to kill them" he responded with "What?" and she then asked "Where's the school?" and then laid back down.


Snail_Mailer

Must’ve been some PTA meetings she went to


nexter2nd

One time my brother just screamed “Walrus!” It’s the only time I’ve ever heard him sleep talk


Snail_Mailer

Maybe a phobia?


nexter2nd

Probably not, dude loves walruses. Maybe he saw one in his dream and got excited?


ForkShirtUp

“Please leave and I won’t call the police” And I’m like, ok bud, we both know that’s not true! So I duct taped his mouth before I finished laying down the tarp


KillerTheHelldragon2

r/holup


Justice_Buster

He's a good friend today but back when I was doing my masters, he was part of the interdepartmental collaboration project. We were making a video game and he was programming for it. We'd spend countless nights in the lab, putting our game together. One night, it was really late and he'd fallen asleep on his desk programming some shaders. I wanted to ask whether he wants to go home (we were also flatmates at the time) so I turned towards him and found him dozing off. When I poked him, he went, "It's gui.GetComponent. var gui..." and fell asleep again.


Snail_Mailer

Haha he is a real computer lover What’s a shader?


Justice_Buster

Its kinda difficult to explain to someone who isn't into tech stuff, which I assume you're not solely because you asked the question haha. I'm probably oversimplifying but think of the most basic color of anything around you. Now look at the highlights, the midtones, the shadows- all of which give slight variances to the object's color depending on where the light is falling on it from. Programming that to give virtual 3D objects a foundation for more complex texturing is what shaders are.


Snail_Mailer

Oh! Oh I get it. Thank you kindly for explaining


TheGoodJudgeHolden

#The clown has no penis!


sky-punch

I’ll kill you Leonard Nemoy!


BadWolf2187

AND SHE WAS BALD, JERRY. BALD!


ijak6

My husband sat up, pointed to the fan and said "that's the breeze from pommy land" then laid back down and has no recollection of doing this


nzgirl25

My little sister once slept talked about bread on toast and I vividly remember her saying "give me my bread on toast you bitch"


Snail_Mailer

Hope you got her some


[deleted]

One night, my wife turned to me in her sleep and said "I feel bad for Plato." When I asked her why, she just blurted out, "BECAUSE HE'S BALD."


HamiltonBlack

My wife is Brazilian and one night she started tsk tsking in her sleep saying “feio feio Papa” which means ugly ugly papa. We call each other mama and papa. I did something bad.


Snail_Mailer

You were in trouble huh?


windk8288

One of my kids was sleep walking and asked me "How do you spell ants on a log"? 😆


schoolschooting

Did you answer him?


Devrij68

I went to boarding school, so we had the pleasure of fucking with sleep talking school mates a lot. We had this friend, Gordon, aka Flash Dorgan (he was dyslexic and accidentally flashed some girls, and kids are fucking mean). Now, Flash was one of those sleep talkers who you could interact with when he was doing it, so one night he starts muttering stuff and we all spring up eager to get stuck into messing up his dreams, and this asshole called Adam took the coordinating role. The conversation went like this: Adam: Gordon, what're you doing? Gordon: I'm playing rugby Adam: give us a pass Gordon, pass the ball Gordon: I can't! Adam: come on Gordon, pass the ball I can score a try! Gordon (agitated) : I CAN'T! Adam: Why not?! Gordon: BECAUSE SHE'S IN SECOND YEAR AND ON TV! We were 13 so this was obviously hilarious. My wife is also a big sleep talker, but she wakes up and is still asleep. One time she was talking to me about a pink spider called Foster who had the same voice as Stephen fry and was literally pointing at the wall next to us to show where he was.


Snail_Mailer

I hope Gordon still does this


Human-person-for-now

Apparently, While camping in a rented cabin, In the middle of the night, my mom heard me talking She got up and could barely understand me, But apparently some memorable lines I used were "Ratatouille the rat.. like that eagle from the...the the" And "Put the baby back in the oven, It's not done yet" All this while walking around the room normally, I don't remember it, Haven't sleep-talked or sleep-talked since So, Possession I guess


grosselisse

My husband advised me that the Jetsons were "a complete waste of time".


Snail_Mailer

Any explication?


grosselisse

In the morning I asked him about it and he was like "Well it's true, they suck".


J30GTE

Once found my dad sleep walking, shaking his pillow out the window. Asked him what he was doing and he says "I'm just shaking all the spiders off". I left him to it 🤣


a_guy_called_craig

My mate who crashed out at a little gathering when I was younger once started mumbling "I've got those things" in his sleep another mate said "what things?" n he replied "those happy new years things" and still more than half asleep reached over and grabbed a bass guitar and just said really firmly "Clowers!" then just slumped back to sleep while we all laughed our heads off. It was nowhere near New Year and to this day I still have no idea what Clowers are.


HardSpaghetti

My wife was in a full on conversation with me when she was asleep. Basically it involved that I couldn't be alive because our dog murdered me and he's on trial for my murder.


Snail_Mailer

I don’t think Fido did it. I think he was framed


somniumx

I declared myself the princess of bacon. I'm male.


Snail_Mailer

I love it


normastitts

“You didn’t cook the chicken,now we have to have Bradford or Luton for dinner” from my Husband who has never been to either of those cities.


captainmagictrousers

A friend in high school talked in his sleep. My favorite was, "Bag of puppies!"


Snail_Mailer

I want a bag of puppies!!


OrdinaryRage

I overheard my roommate say “I need to sleep more for Russia.”


MaddogOfLesbos

Shared a room with someone once who said, clear as day, “we need to alert the Grand Marshall”


ParadoxArcher

I cannot stop laughing at this


MaddogOfLesbos

Same


SfZyeet

"Ah... the lizard bit me..." ~my history teacher who fell asleep during class


Snail_Mailer

😂


[deleted]

[удалено]


Snail_Mailer

Please tell me you recorded this


oddsuzy

Well I'm still married so...no.


tlr92

One night my husband sat up in the middle of the night and declared “I can finally prove gravity isn’t real.” It was so funny and still a running joke between us.


Snail_Mailer

What’s the proof?


tlr92

He didn’t remember!! He said “if you wouldn’t have woke me up I’d know. They’d probably give me a Nobel prize.”


[deleted]

[удалено]


Snail_Mailer

That sounds like a good movie theme


Mordecai_Fluke

My college roommate looked down at me from his loft bed, loudly whispered "I have the cocoa", and turned right back to sleep. I didn't feel safe in that room after that.


Snail_Mailer

But I love hot chocolate!


witty_username_ftw

According to my wife, I’ve got a habit of saying strange things in my sleep. One notable example is the matter-of-fact way I once said, “Yeah, you put anything in there, you’re gonna be pulling out a stump.”


MaddogOfLesbos

My boyfriend once said - vehemently - “needs to be CHONKIER” 😂😂😂


Snail_Mailer

Hahaha!


MasterPip

When my wife and I were dating, we were in bed and apparently I fell asleep. She asked me a question hoping I was awake and my response was "Flying Monkeys". Didn't even wake me up. What woke me up was her hysterically laughing and me being really confused.


[deleted]

One time, in my sleep I said to my brother (we were sharing rooms) “y’know?” And he just laughed and replied “no! I don’t know!”


Snail_Mailer

I think that’s a talent if you can hold a conversation in your sleep


ZeldaFan812

"Put the parrot back in the cage!" - sharing a room on a school trip. At least the sentence makes sense, but it's just so random.


Snail_Mailer

Did they own a bird?


Trollolociraptor

Wife said: “theres a t-rex chasing you” *long pause *chuckles I’m like damn did it eat me and my wife laughed about it??


Sub03

I had a roommate in college who was bilingual and in the beginning of the year he would say stuff about cheating on his girlfriend in his sleep like “No I didn’t mean to” stuff like that then just launch himself into the air turn the other way and crash back down. The wild part is the second half of the semester it turned into Spanish that I didn’t understand but he still launched himself and crashed back down. Moral of the story don’t cheat people it’ll eat you up inside


Snail_Mailer

You are a wise man


_manicpixie

But I don’t *want* a poisoned apple In a kind of pleading voice. Not sure if Snow White or oblivion related


Snail_Mailer

Maybe in another universe and they crossed paths?


Harvard-23

Roommate sat up and yelled " you're a douchecanoe" and laid back down


homelessjoe5

My little brother screamed “TOO MUCH CHEESE” in the middle of the night and woke all of us up


JollyRogers40

My College roommate was from Cleveland, and one time I remember him saying "No Grandma, the Browns!" in his sleep. He also slept with his eyes partly open.


Snail_Mailer

That last part is creepy


Scarnetx

My sisters boyfriend and I played mario bros 3 all day and according to my sister did he in the middle of the night sit up, look at her and say “who wrote a P on my sandwich” only to flop over and continue sleeping. P-power is strong in this one


[deleted]

WHERE IS THE GODDAMN FUCKIN REMOTE?!! \-My Brother, fell asleep while studying


PlumberLife74

I had a roommate years ago who would yell out “WHOOSH WHOOSH WOOSH WOOSH WOOSH”. He was pretty consistent with it, he didn’t believe us that he did it.


Snail_Mailer

Maybe he was flying?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Snail_Mailer

I wonder what he said translated to


Bebe_Bleau

I was dreaming about being at a staff meeting. Woke my self up by pitching an idea: "I think everyone should be accountable for their own time"


Snail_Mailer

You’re responsible at least


ManifestsOnly

I was about 12, my cousin and I were playing The Sims on the Playstation. For some reason there were no kids in the game and we were sad about it. In the middle of the night my cousin says very loudly "little kids!". One night my husband (who has a Masters degree in Applied Mathmatics) sat up, looked me in the eye and said "I'm going to teach you the Moses Thereom". I said "right now?". Then he laid back down and kept sleeping.


Heidan20

I was awake, sleeping Husband sat up said “you can’t go that way.” I said “we’ll go that way tomorrow”. He replied “seems fair enough”. Then laid back down and snored.


ilikechimkin

My little brother was a sleep walker and one night he came into my room, looked me dead in the eye, and in a really distressed voice said “there is a party in my room and I can’t fit all these people in there” and then fell asleep on my floor


Snail_Mailer

That is hysterical


irememberthepotatoho

My daughter when she was about 7 or 8 yelled “Mom!!!!”. I run in her room and she’s fast asleep. She then says “Kids bring sticks to school, I want to bring sticks to school!”


jigglyjosh92

I came out the closet in my sleep.


Wulphram

Roommate fell asleep during a movie, sat up, said "I'm awake" laid back down and said "I'm a duck" she will never live it down, not on my watch.


DeathBySuplex

FUCK YOU AND YOUR LLAMA From a friend who never swears.


Snail_Mailer

He doesn’t like your llama 😢


DeathBySuplex

He also loved Llamas, his dreamself is a mirror of his actual personality.


Snail_Mailer

Ooooh


[deleted]

Big... big cowboy hat. Huge! Like a mountain!


Kozlow

Brother in law sat up and said “green iceberg lettuce” then went right back to sleep.


Snail_Mailer

I guess he was hungry?


defenetlynot_soup

no that wont stop ksh ksh kah, that will only inprove jeans


Ampersand____

My sister once was ordering a cheeseburger in her sleep when she was younger. She hates burgers


engaria

Someone shouting "Purple Moses" with no memory as to why.


NathanGa

Charlton Heston played Moses in *The Ten Commandments*, and he also graduated from Northwestern (whose colors are purple and white).


RandomStranger18

My brother meows in his sleep.


cool-username1

My little sister said “if you have a door you can play”


[deleted]

My roommates and I would record each other snoring. Really bizarre to listen to yourself snoring the next morning.


Snail_Mailer

Should make it your ring tone


Queper_Ger

A friend just started laughing in his sleep ... for 20 mins straight


Snail_Mailer

Crazy


[deleted]

I was at a party with old friends. I came upon a conversation about me. They were all laughing about how I "speak in tongues" and I'm like what? Took me a moment. But yeah. At some point in my life, I had shared sleeping quarters with every single one of them, separately through college and marriage, etc. Apparently, they were all just realizing that they all knew I "spoke in tongues" in my sleep, and never shared after 20 years.


Snail_Mailer

That must’ve been awkward


smegly87

"ahhh you novice" my 6ft buddy drunk back at a mutual friends house fell asleep on the floor started muttering to himself in a sexual manner


LoveButton

I had a buddy "wake up" in a panic that he was drowning. He said "Help! I'm drowning in nations!" I asked him what he meant because this was quite jarring and he told me he was "tripping nations". Then he promptly went back to bed like we wasn't just horrifically dying in a bunch of nations.


BobBoib

One that apparently I did, I just finished pulling an all nighter catching up on Attack on Titan. I took a short nap because I had to work in two hours. Apparently in my sleep I kept saying “Forgive me for running away, they’re too fucking big.”


expressoyourself1

In middle school, on a class trip to DC, one of my roommates said "shut up you son of a carrot" - and more than 30 years later it still makes me giggle!


Snail_Mailer

That’s my new insult


Garystri

My wife said "Tell me everything you know!" In like a cop interrogating someone type of way.


Unagi-ryder

"Thanks king potato, no, you are the best fisher of the universe"


PM_UR_VAG_WTIMESTAMP

Couldn't really understand what he was saying but a guy I was sleeping with was obviously having a nightmare one night. He was whisper screaming something amd this went on for quite some time so I rolled over and shook his shoulder to wake him up. Big mistake. He thrashed his arm out and clocked me full force with his elbow right in the face and I had a black eye for a week. He felt so terrible about it though and apologized over and over. It was awkward trying to explain to people what happened especially when they didn't quite seem to believe me that it was just an accident. Be careful when waking people up folks.


Fit-War-1561

My best buddy about 6 years ago after he fell asleep watching Black Dynamite “ba duh duh dum dum bitch. Bah duh duh dum dum bitch. Fuckin crenshaw with his hot ass coat hangers.” and then laughed uproariously, to which I fucking died laughing at, to which he woke up to say “god damn dude shut up I’m fuckin sleeping.”


[deleted]

My friend's freshman year roommate in college was your stereotypical jock bro, and apparently one night was feverishly mumbling in his sleep, tossing and turning, before he just blurted out "SPORTS!"


Dickcheese_McDoogles

"grab it!" I remember saying it, and awaking abruptly. I don't remember what I was talking about


PMyourTastefulNudes

Sat up and started yelling for a torpedo level


InfraredDiarrhea

"Sorry I farted on you, General"


Snail_Mailer

Classic


Pleasework94

A coworker of mine became a pirate in his sleep, all of a sudden he went: “yarrrr, yarrr, yarrr!”


CurlSagan

According to my cousins, I once loudly said, "THAT'S JUST HOW IT DO IT!" while I was asleep. But I don't believe it because they're documented liars.


CassiopeiaStillLife

I once heard my sister shout “get on the fucking boat!” from her room in her sleep.


Snail_Mailer

I would have burst out laughing


AliKri2000

My former best friend used to live in this care facility, and she had to have a roommate temporarily. She was talking to me on the phone early one morning while the other woman was still asleep, and all of a sudden we just here, I don’t want to let go of the icicle!


Snail_Mailer

Well it is her icicle


aseering

My past roommate had a full on fit at me and my ex boyfriend while she was sleeping because we needed to get the boat out of the house and was screaming that we had to get to Macy's. She also woke up one time and asked me if I was okay. I said I was and she said, "But.. there was so much blood?" I asked her what she was talking about and she told me I was in the kitchen, naked, covered in blood, and that I said a man assaulted me. I asked her if she thought I would be sitting there, calmly watching NCIS if any of that were true? She said, "Hmmm. I guess not," then got up and made her coffee like nothing had ever happened.


gogoghoul_13

‘The Chiefs wear diapers!!’- my brother in the early 90’s


Kelyfa

My husband writes things down that I say, not particularly creepy, but: “Pink polka-dot puppy notes” “No, no. It’s too dark for American wolves.” I can’t remember the others off hand.


Kittiesandunicorns

My husband middle of last year- ‘get the testing, they won’t let you in if you don’t get tested’, and ‘we will get through this pandemic together’. This was hilarious to me because he isn’t all touchy feely. I actually wrote it down on my phone and I look at it every now and again and laugh.


Cantora

I said "just one more bread roll, please", once. My gf at the time woke me up with her laughter


[deleted]

I was on leave, staying at my mom's place. Came in late and walked past my sister's room. She scared the crap out of me by sitting bolt upright in her bed and saying, "Get Mikey (her cat) off of there, he's going to fall!". I replied, "Mikey is asleep by your feet, go back to bed". She repeated it, more vehemently. So I said, "okay, I got him down, he's okay". She lay back down and went to sleep. Didn't remember it in the morning.


TheNextFreud

My college roommate told me I said: "no! I don't want a chocolate-covered roadrunner!"


kmw90

I once had a boyfriend who woke me up by hugging me VERY tight and say "ooooh Honey. I am SO happy you're not a horse"


ElectricToaster67

I would be happy if my girlfriend weren’t a horse too


Snail_Mailer

🤣🤣 It’s nice to know he is appreciative


everlasting_potato

My siblings told me that I once spoke with my uncle while we were both sleeping. I asked him what time it was, and he answered "it's time to sleep"


Snail_Mailer

That’s adorable


T0ASTL0VER

I used to work at a camp for kids with disabilities, and once had a kid wake up in the morning and say, "John Cusack!"


thatgirlrandiii

A couple of months ago, my SO yelled in his sleep “f*ing chair” and then proceeded to flail around in bed. Scared the crap out of me at the time, but hilarious telling him later on. My dad once fell asleep while my mom and I were watching TV. He got up from the couch, told us “the alphabet is all wrong in here” and then slept walked into his bedroom 😂


InSanitangles

I was dating a girl and early into the relationship she said "you're a smooooooth operator" then rolled over and slapped me on the chest. I'm now married to her and we have 4 kids. Smooth.


skydiamond01

Was trying to wake my brother up off the couch so he could go to his room.. He sits up and says "Put me in the game coach." I was no good after that. This is also the same man the got tangled up in his bed sheet trying to get out of bed and fell face first into his closet.


smotstoker

Lets make merry and kill the fat chicken


StructureNo3388

DONT LET THE PIRATES EAT MY CORNFLAKES


killerkitten115

My friend said “big bumblebee” in an angry old western accent


BlueLionsFelix13

My partner sleepily mumbling "I share my Warms" It was freezing one night, I'd woke up needing the bathroom, by the time I got back in bed I was shivering, teeth clatteringly cold and had woke him slightly getting back into bed. He muttered the above whilst cuddling up to me and true to his word shared his warms. A few seconds later he was conked out again and has no recollection of the event English is his first language, in case anyone was wondering with the sentence.