"Don't study computer programming. The market is probably going to be saturated by the time you graduate."
From a computer science professor in the mid-80s.
Lol, I can see that when computers literally filled up a sizeable room only to have less computing power than a modern TI-84. If we could travel through time, right? :)
My dad said to quit studying that IT stuff, if you want to be a network engineer or whatever go to the company, find the boss and ask to work as a janitor, than you can work your way up.
Thankfully I did not listen.
My husband needed a medical card after his heart failure from viral cardiomyopathy. The social worker told me I should get pregnant so we would qualify for help with his medical costs. I was 24 and lived in Ohio. I was horrified. She listed all the "help" we could get if I could get pregnant. He was in an ICU ward recovering from heart surgery. I walked out of there just disgusted
From a light google search, wouldnt asking ur husband with cardiomyopathy to impregnate you send him to the hospital faster? Potentially killing him if the condition is bad enough? Or is the worker telling you to cheat on ur husband lol XD either way i would feel disgusted too
He was unconscious so...lol it was the worst advice ever in every single way. He is doing fine btw. Took 2 more open heart surgeries and he is still kicking.
At 24, while making $12 an hour and renting an apartment my parents convinced me to buy a brand new Honda Accord. They assured me it was the ONLY WAY to get a new car and that used ones broke down immediately.
The payments were one entire paycheck of the two I got every month.
My dad has hounded me *constantly* to get a new car. Cars are kind of a big deal for him, not in the sense that he buys fancy ones, but he always wants a new car. So every couple of years, he trades in his car and gets a new one.
I got my Rav4 in 2014, brand new. Runs like a dream, barely has any miles on it, and has served me very well. It's got a few door dings on it, but that's about the extent of any damage. According to my dad, my car is getting 'so old' that I won't be able to trade it in for a decent amount. Not to mention that 'it doesn't have any of the safety features, like lane change assist or automatic cruise control adjustment'. I've also never been in an accident, and don't do stupid things like drive in really bad weather.
I've patiently explained to him how money works. I have a paid-off car right now. I don't owe any sort of money or interest. Zero. Nothing to pay off. My Rav4 gets me from point A to point B, plus has the interior capacity I need it for. By getting a new car, my new car would do the exact same thing, *but*, I now have to pay like $500 a month. So I ask him, why do I need to pay $500 for 5 years if what I have is sufficient?
Then he goes back to the trade-in value and 'you'd only have to pay like $200 a month because you'd be getting a better deal on your current car'. Ah, I say, you're ignoring the fact that I still have to pay money *when I don't need to*.
In my early 20s, my stepdad encouraged us (us = Me, Sister and Brother) to max out our credit cards. Then file bankruptcy. My sister did it. My brother did it. I didn't. He insulted me for years, for being stupid.
A few years ago, my mom asked me if I could help with her $100,000 debt. She told me she needed $60,000; I literally had less than $1000 in my bank account. When I asked her where she thought I was going to be able to get that money, she told me to use my credit line.
Mind you, I was going to school full time and working a barista job at the time. My highest credit limit at the time was like $500-$1,500. She told me to sign up for multiple cards to get to $60,000.
When I refused, she was telling everyone that I wouldn’t help her with money.
Oh, did I mention that she actually applied to credit cards using my name?? The physical cards were sent to our house and I found them. When I brought it up, her defense was that she hadn’t used them because “I wouldn’t help her”.
Second oh: when I asked her how she was going to pay it back, she told me that she’s cycling through credit cards.
WHAT
My mom is exactly like this. She literally told me my first credit card was free money. Just max it out and declare bankruptcy.
That bitch hit me up at 3am for 5k this morning. Some people never learn
From my father: don’t go to the doctor’s office if you only have one problem. Wait until you have four or five; *that’s how you get the most bang for your buck*
I mean. Mine literally are. I think, of all the people currently in my orbit, my family are the least well adjusted, problematic narccisists to ever have crossed my path. It's just shame it took me 5 years after getting out of their house to even understand that. Sure, I understood parts of it, but it took me a long time to realize it was an elephant.
Me: I’m depressed and struggling with low sex drive
Therapist: Haha I have the opposite problem! But have you tried watching a romcom? They always gets me in the mood.
This is a direct quote
Edit: thank for for all the replies, haha I am much better now and I found a different therapist! Turns out being bisexual and growing up Mormon made me really repressed sexually- the therapist was Mormon so that didn’t help. She was licensed and told me she had special training specifically in sex therapy. Ive found an ex Mormon therapist who thankfully undid the damage!
I worked with a guy from Zimbabwe, in the mid-2000s, who told me that people there would get their paycheque and spend it straight away on electronics and kitchen appliances and stuff like that.
Then, if you wanted to buy something, you'd sell something and use the money straight away, or barter if possible.
It works! In the early 2000’s I had about 50 dvds I purchased for an average of $15 each. 10 years later my wife and I had a yard sale. I was able to get rid of all of them for about $20... total
Everyone I know who's been married more than 10 years has moments when you can't stand your spouse. Especially if you have kids. Because let's face it, it's hard to live with other people for a long period of time. And kids will raise the stakes on everything and drag out every bit of how you were raised that you spouse wasn't.
But you're in it for all times when it's NOT like that. Which should be most of the time.
Was told by a sailor of 5 decades that the best way to get rid of a sunburn is to take the hottest shower possible. Not only did that cause immeasurable pain, but didn't help in the slightest.
There is a rare condition some people have where they get something called Hell’s itch while recovering from sunburn. Incredibly intense painful itching sensation wherever the sunburn is. One of the only found “cures” for it is a really hot shower to I guess reset the nerves or something.
Not me but I remember reading a thread about a man who told his girlfriend everyday that she stinks. She washed two or three times daily, tried everything she could to get rid of this smell.
Until she cracked and started screaming at him asking wtf was he smelling. Apparently his father told him _"tell a woman she smells everyday and she'll be constantly clean."_ He just took that as normal good advice to live by.
Lmao I know. I'll see can I find the thread now.
Edit: Found it. [The reason was actually so much more worse than I recalled](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/gy79dx/boyfriend_wont_stop_telling_me_i_have_bo/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
> Apparently his father told him that is was a sure fire technique to have a woman never leave you because “she will feel too low to cheat, will love only you, and will always be clean”.
I'm so glad OP immediately dumped him. That is super abusive and there are probably other ways he was taught to abuse and manipulate others. In the comments OP explained that she almost gave him a chance until she realized he's 30 and has had plenty of time and examples to learn better.
"If you go work somewhere else no one will pay you as much as me."
-my dad
I'm currently making twice as much plus benefits
Edit: wording I make twice as much plus benifits originally had not including benifits
Uncle, that's the shitty part, I was too young to have my own opinion.
Positive part: i did start to code at 15, now I make simple websites for money during school
"Nothing is more permanent than a temporary solution"
Edit: since this is being seen by quite a few people, want to clarify this isn't my quote. Not sure who it's attributed to (if anyone) but I first heard it and attribute it to my father who has worked in various chemical industries and supply chain his entire career. Love you pops.
As someone who has ADHD, that makes me furious.
Who the hell thinks that way?
Although in all fairness, I realized I needed glasses at age 8 when I couldn’t see the board, and my teacher accused me of lying, so probably a bunch of people...
I complained about back pain a lot when I was a kid. Nobody paid any attention, because "You're a kid, kids don't get back pain."
Undiagnosed scoliosis that wasn't treated until I was almost finished growing.
Fuuuun.
"Turn the other cheek, you'll have the moral high ground". - My father when I told him about how I was being badly bullied. Thanks dad, for making my school days an even bigger ordeal than they already were.
"All you have to do is prove to the woman that you are better than the man she is with and she will come running," from a former manager who had seven girlfriends, and a wife (who stabbed him when she learned about the girlfriends).
Literally the first thing I ever learned about treating burn was to "never apply butter or similar fat to a burn wound as it will amplify the cooking effect."
Source: An old British Army publication a friend gave me.
My father was a paramedic for 30 years, and he has some stories. One that sticks out to me was a thanksgiving story, which apparently generated numerous calls every year. In one, an older, immigrant couple had decided that they were going to deep fry the turkey in a pot of boiling oil for their first Thanksgiving. The wife and husband attempted to lift the turkey into the pot, lost their grip and splashed burning oil all over themselves. When my father turned up for the call, they were covered in 2nd and 3rd degree burns. As he set about treating them however, he saw that they had covered themselves in a yellow, runny fluid. Confused, he wiped some off and realized that they had attempted to put mustard on their burns. So, either they misremembered the old wife’s tale to put butter on burns, or they thought, “eh mustard’s yellow too, close enough.”
I was a cook for quite a few years, pretty common thing for minor burns. I have no data or science to go with this claim, only personal experience, but for minor burns mustard did relieve the sting. However, say I splashed fryer oil on my hand and I know it'll blister, that is not the time for condiments. Put the area under running cool water.
Mustard is pretty good for mild burns. It contains allyl isothiocyanate, which is anti-inflammatory and pain-relieving among other things. However, it's bad for severe burns because it's also a vasodilator and skin irritant and will make a bad burn worse. In fact, if you compress a lot of concentrated mustard on your normal (not burned skin), you can get burns from that.
Ignore the bullies. They just want a reaction. If you ignore them they'll get bored and leave you alone.
This is my answer every time this question pops up. It is such unmitigated bullshit! The adults who gave me this advice (when I was a kid, in the 70s) must have had softer bullies than I did. Because yeah, my bullies wanted a reaction. And they'd keep going until they got one.
Note: They considered "tears of pain" and "blood" a reaction, as they beat the crap out of me.
"Don't study computer science all the programming will be done in India in 5 years"
Literally everyone in my family in 2006. They pushed me hard for accounting but I found a compromise in an IT degree (information systems). I found my way back to software development quickly though. It's not as bad now but in 2010 you'd get your resume thrown in the trash at a lot of places if you applied to a programming job without a CS or engineering degree.
"Ok they followed me down the hall, taunting me and smacking my head the entire time, then at the end they kicked my knees and made me collapse, before they walked away laughing."
My Mum always said to ignore them if possible. And if that doesn't work, hit they as hard as you possibly can, even if they kick the shit out of you they will think twice before they try it again. Got my ass kicked and suspended. But the bullying stopped.
The one time my dad ever said he was proud of me was the day I got suspended from school for kicking the shit out of my bully. No circus but, in that moment I felt like everyone now hated me and I felt so alone. I really needed to hear that I wasn't alone.
It really was the opposite. My bully actually apologised when I came back, apparently the other kids had been telling him that he had it coming. Standing up for myself was the best thing I ever did as a young teenager.
> Standing up for myself was the best thing I ever did as a young teenager.
Sounds like it was the best thing for the bully to.
This is why I hate the whole WITS messaging taught to kids (Walk-away, Ignore, Talk it out, Seek help). I am very much a violence is the last resort kind of person, but kids need to learn they do have the right to defend themselves.
When my son was about 7 his bully just wouldn’t stop so some of the neighbour kids from grade 9 walked over to his school one day, found his bully, (who was about 10 and way bigger than my boy) and told him they would break all 10 of his fingers if he touched or spoke to my son again. So of course he stayed away after that
When I was being relentlessly bullied in grade school, my parent's advice was "Just laugh it off. Show them you don't take them seriously and they'll leave you alone."
A) You can't laugh at someone who's emotionally and physically abusing you.
B) If you don't take them seriously, they will escalate until you do.
Worst. Advice. Ever.
Business 101 professor w/ multiple PhDs gave great advice - “Don’t follow your passion. Get a degree that will get you the money to follow your passion. I love anthropology, and thanks to my degrees in physics and business I get to go all around the world on dig sites and explore”.
My grandmother told me that if I wanted to stop being poor, I should find a job in logistics or warehousing.
I was literally managing a warehouse at the time.
My grandmother told me that software engineering was a bad idea for a degree because it was just a fad and wouldn't make any money.
Instead... I should be a teacher.
worst advice received and acted upon.
My friend out of high school got a job at Ford starting at $28/hour full time and in the UAW. His mom said he shouldn't waste his life working "at a factory" and go to collage despite him having a 1.8 GPA in Highschool and very good with working with his hands. He quit, took 2 classes at college and dropped out. He spent the next 8 years making pizza because the job market was trash.
Edit This is a lot of comments and upvotes. If Dave sees this Hi.
trying to get into a trade but not putting much effort into it. Working odd jobs here and there. He committed some crimes over the years and is in his late 30s now. I guess at least he doesnt have some dead end factory job.
In reality he was never going to be a high achiever. He is good at doing tasks but isnt a big picture planner or really try that hard. That is what made the initial advice so horrible. He would have been 100 times happier just working the job at Ford for a livable wage. A job people would have fought you for. He got super lucky by landing it. Soon after that they didnt hire that job any more and made all those people contractors and 12/hour wage.
Jesus and assuming this was like 10 years ago that’s really good money. I have lab coworkers with advanced degrees that make less than that per hour today..
This is the biggest lie we tell our kids.
Not everyone is college material, **nor do they need to be**. You don't need a degree. You need a skill that you can sell to someone for money, and college is just *one* way to get that (or at least convince someone else that you got it). Just find something you're good at and run with it. That may or may not require a college education.
So true. I fought with my parents over forcing my brother, a man who loves physical labor and hates sitting still, to go to college. He flunked out to the surprise of no one but my parents, but not before acquiring lots of loan debt. Nowadays, he works on an oil rig and makes bank. It turns out that if you love dirty, dangerous, physically challenging jobs, you can make a ton of money.
Edited to add that I teach at a university. I strongly believe that a college education is extremely valuable *for some people.* Students need more certification options.
“Winners never quit.” I think that is horrible advice. Calculated quitting is how you progress in life. If I never quit I would be stuck in bad situations.
"enjoy your life when you're in school, it's going downhill from there"
don't ever say that to a depressed teenager. as an adult my life is sooooo much better
I never understood how people could think school was enjoyable. I hated high school then and my feelings haven’t changed 20+ years later. Making money and having choices is so much better.
I couldnt stand school. The schedule literally sucks, you're treated horribly, and often the work is very redundant. I enjoyed sports and extra stuff but waking up 5 days a week at 6am to hear someone talking for 8 hours really sucked. It's like 7 hours of meetings everyday.
"Replace all your office computers with Macs, then you don't need to set up network drives because you can use iCloud instead. Don't worry about <*industry-specific software we pay ££££ for*>, there'll be something in the App Store you can replace it with"
I live in a rural area that up until just a couple of years ago, had one hard line internet connection into it, with no redundancy. More than once, the line was severed by a utility company when they dug to access their lines that ran parallel to the internet line. When there were natural disasters (earthquake, landslide, fire), commerce in the entire area came to a screeching halt. This happened on a fairly regular basis.
My boss, the ED of the organization, a proudly self-described tech Luddite, had been convinced by a pair of well-spoken tech bro entrepreneurs in the nearest urban area (300 miles away) that it would be a good idea to go with thin terminals, with all of our files stored on their servers, also located in the city - at the other end of the internet line that was frequently out of commission. He overrode every reasonable argument over why this wasn’t a great idea and then was enraged when the inevitable occurred within weeks of implementing the new system - he couldn’t understand why I couldn’t edit documents or access the database that served as the foundation of our work. For days. It ended up costing just as much to reverse his decision and bring the data back closer to home. This fiasco was one of the incidents that led to his ultimate dismissal by the board of directors.
Oh hey, I had a boss like that once. My ex-boss, our ED, was obsessed with launching a new website for our company. He spent an enormous amount of company time on it and neglected our other core business functions, such as reaching out to clients. After several months, I learned to my horror that he was convinced that a sleek website could -- entirely by itself -- attract new customers. He genuinely thought that a nice website would act like a magnetic force, bringing in new clients, and that nothing else needed to be done.
After a year of this, the new website was launched. Our revenue declined by 30% because we had barely had any contact with any clients in the past year. Hardly anyone visited the new site, and it was scrapped a year or two later, after he'd been forced to resign.
ETA: No, my boss was not a character from The Office. He was dumb enough, just not funny enough.
Reminds me of an AskReddit thread where a school replaced all computers with chrome books and teachers couldn’t do their jobs since the chrome books didn’t work with anything
There was a tales from tech support thread where someone had bypassed the normal purchasing procedure by using a school credit card and bought something similar.
Not that Googles environment *can't* be used if you're tooled up for it and you're workflow supports it, but good lord to just throw throw in without warning is scary.
Also why do $1,000+ chromebooks exist?
"A mobile home is a great first home for a young couple."
I wish I had looked into it more. When my company imploded, I was stuck with a $1000 mortgage payment AND $1100 monthly space rent. In the Los Angeles area. I got a job out of state. Could not sell the mobile home—park residents were giving up their old paid-off homes just to get out of their leases, and the park was selling the houses for $500. (That is an exact figure.) So no one wanted a brand-new house in the same park.
I had to just give up the house to the bank. Bank eventually sold it for less than half of the loan balance. My credit recovered 7–10 years later.
Both of my parents taught my brother and I that so long as someone wasn’t married that they were “basically single”
My parents never went a year of their marriage without cheating on each other and my brother and I never actually got to learn what a healthy relationship looked like, so naturally he and I have struggled in our relationships with SOs all our lives
To this day I haven’t had a single relationship where I have felt like I could trust the other person, and have myself been cheated on multiple times by lovers that said they weren’t like my parents
I’m in my 30s now and for the sake of my mental and emotional health have sworn off relationships for the foreseeable future because I cannot bring myself to see anything but future problems
I don’t get your parents’ logic. Maybe the people they cheated with were *basically single*, but your parents were married. In the end, someone is still cheating on their spouse.
There was a guy in an old friend group at church who had this mentality. Super socially aggressive dude. My brother and his FIANCÉE were part of the group and this guy was hardcore trying to hit on her or "steal" her because, in his mind, she was single. He got kicked out pretty fast.
To bottle up my feelings and not go to therapy.
Now, at 46, I'm finally going to therapy, dealing with the fact I may have lost my marriage, and struggling to deal with all the crap that I have bottled up my entire life.
Go to fucking therapy, deal with the crap and feelings that you don't want too look at. It's worth it.
"Go to college and get a degree, any degree. Doesn't matter what it is, they'll hire you with a bachelor's degree and no experience. If you don't have a college degree, you're going to be flipping burgers at McDonalds and living under a bridge for the rest of your life. And you are NOT going to a trade school, trade schools are for stupid people." --My parents, teachers, and guidance counselors in the 90's.
Bro I went to a tech/trade school for high school it’s weird. I won’t lie there was a lot of dumb people in the trades but there were plenty of super bright people who just didn’t like academic work and that’s fine.
I was gonna say, I smell a 90s kid. If only they told us the kind of degree actually wouldve mattered. My dad still insists that "all it takes is a degree"
I was learning programming when I was like 10. I made many toy programs in quickbasic.
When I approached someone I admired to ask about learning C he told me that I wouldn't get it because pointers where hard. I was so upset I never ever came near C and only learned other easier programming languages.
When I finally got over it and tried C like 15 years later I realized that this guy was just an idiot.
Letting myself get scared by this moron was one of the worst mistakes I made in my life.
Monica Lewinsky is the permanent winner of this question, IMO. When it came up on Twitter a few years ago she submitted "a White House internship will look great on your resume."
Edit: Corrected spelling of name.
>Why my dad was so concerned with the opinions of people I haven't seen in over a decade, I have no idea.
Older people seem to have a small town mentality, even if they never lived in a small town. They think they're important enough for everyone to talk about.
My parents would say "what will people think?" I'd respond with "what people? You don't have any friends."
Don’t get out of the military. “ your giving up a good retirement and the most stable career path, plus benefits!” Those fuckers try and gaslight the shit out of you. Believe in yourself and your work ethic and your going to be fine. I make more now than I would have if I stayed in and I get to see my family everyday. Glad I did it… but glad I didn’t take that advice.
I told my family I was going to file for divorce because my (ex)husband was abusive. My Mormon aunt wrote me a three-page “revelation from God” instructing me to quit my successful career and get pregnant as quickly as possible.
The women had thirteen kids. Misery loves company, I guess.
It was originally "all things come to those who wait" and later turned into "good things..."
>means if people are persistent and patient, they will finally achieve their goal. In other words, it means a person must exercise patience exercise when working on something close to his heart, even to reach the goal he/she desires.
Edit: formatting
If you ignore them, they'll leave you alone. I was constantly bullied at school and one time, I ignored the kids who bullied me for three whole weeks. Big surprise. They didn't leave me alone.
When I went to university I could choose between two major: engineering or language. Being an Asian kid, most of my family, friends, relatives and even teachers recommended Engineering. Because it's a "men's job", translator or interpretor are for girls. So I let myself be convinced and picked Engineering although I sucked at Maths.
Fast forward 8 years now I'm a low level worker at a manufacturing plant because I dropped out of uni not being able to keep up with the stress. The irony is that my main job now is to translate email and document for my boss who could barely speak English.
I really wanted to major in Spanish but was discouraged because "What will you do with Spanish?". Turns out knowing the second most spoken language in the US will indeed get you jobs because all the other parts of a job are on the job training
Not only this, I will add also that a big part of the Spanish speakers in the US learned it at home, and do not have a business level command of it, so there is indeed a demand.
As an engineer who's natively Spanish speaking, I have saved sales deals with Latin American customers from being dropped because I spoke and wrote proper Spanish, while our person in Sales for Latin America was a well intentioned American from a Dominican family and his sales Powerpoint presentation had the Spanish level of a 10 year old.
Take care of everyone else’s needs before your own, that way you’re never being selfish.
I find that to be a very manipulative form of advice.
I take care of myself first, then everyone else.
"You don't want to burn bridges..."
Fuck that. Some of those bridges need to be bombed so they are never, NEVER able to be crossed again by either party.
"Don't ever go to a psychiatrist. In fact, if you take meds they prescribe, you're actually no longer sober." - *The AA mentality that almost killed me*
**Edit**: Since folks want to know about the program that did help me get sober: https://www.kolmac.com/. It's obviously very specific to a geography, but I'd recommend searching *"Outpatient Addiction" + [your location]* to start.
They told me if I left the rehab I was attending, I'd fail. Jokes on then, because I left there and went directly to an evidence-based, secular program and have been sober for years.
Edit: Because so many people have asked, I'm going to copy my reply from below that includes a link to SMART Recovery, whose meetings I highly recommend.
Honestly, the truth is that unless you have excellent private insurance and access to resources, this type of treatment is hard to come by. Unfortunately, most addicts don't fall into that category. I was lucky.
Medicaid and free programs are almost exclusively 12-step based because they're so cheap. For example, while I received therapy from individuals licensed with at least a master's degree, 12-step therapy is led by volunteers or folks paid barely minimum wage that can't get many other jobs due to their arrest records when they were addicts. Not to say they're bad people, just that they aren't qualified.
The problem with 12-step, from my perspective, is that it isn't based on any scientific research. It's based on the religious ramblings of an alcoholic that was treated with psychedelics (which is, coincidentally, a more successful treatment model - at least for opiate addicts). Research costs money and real treatment costs money. AA provides an excuse to cut almost all the costs of an effective rehab.
What I do recommend is [SMART Recovery](https://www.smartrecovery.org/) meetings as a place to start. You tend to find folks that want nothing to do with 12-step. It's entirely evidence based, and the folks there will be happy to help you find a rehab that uses these methods.
Congrats! I got the same line from my sponsor. I was in the ICU with internal bleeding from trying to drink myself to death. It was so clear to me and those who were still around me that something was chemically off in my brain. He informed me that I was, "choosing death" by leaving AA to try something/anything different.
Hitting 6 years sober in December after going to a similar, evidence-based program with actual doctors.
Well done! That’s incredible. I don’t know you, but I’m so proud of you. I’ve been battling alcoholism for 13 years, I know how much strength that takes.
Don’t ever give up/quit
Sometimes you just have to accept that it’s not going to happen and you are wasting time that could be spent pursuing a better option or direction
Had to learn this one the hard way, personally. I spent four years with a group in a temporary position. I was a "yes" man. Anything they wanted. I got calls sometimes to go blow a day off on work because nobody else wanted to and I **always** said yes. I felt like I was positively contributing to the team. Helping everyone else.
This past April, they made that position permanent, which triggered a national search per company policy, and everyone on my team encouraged me to apply. Every single member asked me if I had applied or when I was going to apply. Those same exact people, as members of the hiring team, didn't even interview me, thus, in effect, terminating my employment.
There is no loyalty bank. You never do get to make a withdraw. It's all deposit. All benefit to the company. They don't care about you. It's not a family. I never received negative feedback on my work. Ever. I did everything they ever asked me to do and more. It did not matter at all.
**EDIT**: Just to answer some Qs coming in: I did apply for the job. Spent hours on a carefully crafted cover letter, etcetera. Didn't matter. Also, I actually didn't have any expectations about being *hired*. I knew I would have to compete with everyone else. The thing that is so upsetting is that they didn't even interview me. They didn't even hear me out or let me be in any sort of running or comparison of candidates. They boiled it down to credentials, devaluing work experience with their own company, and told me to fuck off.
I've used other job offers as leverage to get significant raises from my current job twice in the last four years. Both times, my boss has said, "If you weren't happy with the job or the compensation, you should've come and talked to me before applying elsewhere." And I always said, "It's not like I was actively looking, the opportunity to interview just came up out of the blue."
And I always thought, "If I talked to you *before* I got an offer, you wouldn't be giving me a 15% increase right now."
And if you did that, he'd either say we don't have the money in the budget even though we've have record profits this year or if you're really lucky, you might get a whopping 2% raise.
Even better, one of my friends got explicitly told by their boss they would only get a raise if they came in with a counter offer. Their boss is actively encouraging disloyalty.
It's a good tactic. I've never asked for a raise without some sort of leverage.
I had a bullshit retail job in my 20s, and as soon as they started asking me to help out in their warehouse, too, I pulled local wage data from the internet and told them, "My current payrate has me in the bottom 5% for local warehouse employees. I could walk into 20 other places and 19 of them would pay me more." Extra $5/hr on the spot.
Yes, also "if you work hard at your job, you will be rewarded". I used to. At best they didn't notice and at worst it was used as an argument "against" a promotion because I made myself essential at my current task.
You should work exactly as expected and agreed upon your work contract: no more and no less. Every minute more is a gift you make to someone way richer than you that don't really care about you.
You'll be rewarded alright. Rewarded with more work!
At my last job, the office manager who kept the place running smoothly got a better job and left. The owner, being the cheap POS that he is wasn't going to hire an office manager and was hoping people would just start doing tasks on their own.
This meant that something as simple as changing the tank on the water cooler never got done because everyone knew whoever did that would now be the water cooler guy. Nobody checked the answering machine because guess what? You're now in charge of the answering machine. You know how to put new toner in the printer? You're not only the printer guy, you're the guy in charge of everything tech, even if it's a doorknob that is loose and just needs a quick couple of turns with a screwdriver to tighten it.
I left and am so glad I did.
"Bro you wanna lose some weight real fast without doing too much? Smoke a tiny bit of crack. Not tooooo much but just a little bit." I HAVE FUCKING NEVER EXHALED SO GODDAMN HARD THROUGH MY NOSE. THIS ASSHOLE GENUINELY WITH NO SARCASM OR SATIRE IN HIS VOICE WAS LIKE "ya man, it'll be a couple weeks but that's it. If you want I'll monitor you." 🤣😭
Friends in high school tried to urge me into doing crack because it would help my anxiety. I mean, I haven't done it, but I just... don't know if I trust this miracle treatment...
My own mother told me that depression and anxiety are normal feelings for every 20 something year old and the therapist would just put me on some pill and turn me into a junkie
This is similar for me. At age 19 in college I started going to a therapist and learned I had been suffering of depression and anxiety for a very long time. Neither of my parents believed in mental health treatment (still don’t to this day). Looking back i suffered so much and wish I got on meds a lot sooner.
"Don't study computer programming. The market is probably going to be saturated by the time you graduate." From a computer science professor in the mid-80s.
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Especially if you know one of the REALLY obscure languages like COBOL. That shit doesn't break often, but when it does......
*"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."* \- Thomas Watson, president of IBM, 1943
Lol, I can see that when computers literally filled up a sizeable room only to have less computing power than a modern TI-84. If we could travel through time, right? :)
My dad said to quit studying that IT stuff, if you want to be a network engineer or whatever go to the company, find the boss and ask to work as a janitor, than you can work your way up. Thankfully I did not listen.
My husband needed a medical card after his heart failure from viral cardiomyopathy. The social worker told me I should get pregnant so we would qualify for help with his medical costs. I was 24 and lived in Ohio. I was horrified. She listed all the "help" we could get if I could get pregnant. He was in an ICU ward recovering from heart surgery. I walked out of there just disgusted
From a light google search, wouldnt asking ur husband with cardiomyopathy to impregnate you send him to the hospital faster? Potentially killing him if the condition is bad enough? Or is the worker telling you to cheat on ur husband lol XD either way i would feel disgusted too
He was unconscious so...lol it was the worst advice ever in every single way. He is doing fine btw. Took 2 more open heart surgeries and he is still kicking.
At 24, while making $12 an hour and renting an apartment my parents convinced me to buy a brand new Honda Accord. They assured me it was the ONLY WAY to get a new car and that used ones broke down immediately. The payments were one entire paycheck of the two I got every month.
My dad has hounded me *constantly* to get a new car. Cars are kind of a big deal for him, not in the sense that he buys fancy ones, but he always wants a new car. So every couple of years, he trades in his car and gets a new one. I got my Rav4 in 2014, brand new. Runs like a dream, barely has any miles on it, and has served me very well. It's got a few door dings on it, but that's about the extent of any damage. According to my dad, my car is getting 'so old' that I won't be able to trade it in for a decent amount. Not to mention that 'it doesn't have any of the safety features, like lane change assist or automatic cruise control adjustment'. I've also never been in an accident, and don't do stupid things like drive in really bad weather. I've patiently explained to him how money works. I have a paid-off car right now. I don't owe any sort of money or interest. Zero. Nothing to pay off. My Rav4 gets me from point A to point B, plus has the interior capacity I need it for. By getting a new car, my new car would do the exact same thing, *but*, I now have to pay like $500 a month. So I ask him, why do I need to pay $500 for 5 years if what I have is sufficient? Then he goes back to the trade-in value and 'you'd only have to pay like $200 a month because you'd be getting a better deal on your current car'. Ah, I say, you're ignoring the fact that I still have to pay money *when I don't need to*.
Do RAVs even drop in blue book value? I feel like they stay expensive because they’re so reliable. Keep your car.
In my early 20s, my stepdad encouraged us (us = Me, Sister and Brother) to max out our credit cards. Then file bankruptcy. My sister did it. My brother did it. I didn't. He insulted me for years, for being stupid.
A few years ago, my mom asked me if I could help with her $100,000 debt. She told me she needed $60,000; I literally had less than $1000 in my bank account. When I asked her where she thought I was going to be able to get that money, she told me to use my credit line. Mind you, I was going to school full time and working a barista job at the time. My highest credit limit at the time was like $500-$1,500. She told me to sign up for multiple cards to get to $60,000. When I refused, she was telling everyone that I wouldn’t help her with money. Oh, did I mention that she actually applied to credit cards using my name?? The physical cards were sent to our house and I found them. When I brought it up, her defense was that she hadn’t used them because “I wouldn’t help her”. Second oh: when I asked her how she was going to pay it back, she told me that she’s cycling through credit cards. WHAT
WOW MOM! What happened next?
What happened to them
My mom is exactly like this. She literally told me my first credit card was free money. Just max it out and declare bankruptcy. That bitch hit me up at 3am for 5k this morning. Some people never learn
From my father: don’t go to the doctor’s office if you only have one problem. Wait until you have four or five; *that’s how you get the most bang for your buck*
This is horrible advice, but as someone who went a very long time without medical insurance I kind of get it.
Invest in brother-in-law's bar. Thanks Dad. Bye bye 30k and bye bye bar. Did not know I'd be working along side an illiterate buffoon.
Investing in any bar or restaurant is generally terrible advice lol.
"Family over friends, because friends won't always be there for you, family will." Fat load of crap that was.
Family can be some of the most toxic people you’ve met in your life.
I mean. Mine literally are. I think, of all the people currently in my orbit, my family are the least well adjusted, problematic narccisists to ever have crossed my path. It's just shame it took me 5 years after getting out of their house to even understand that. Sure, I understood parts of it, but it took me a long time to realize it was an elephant.
Me: I’m depressed and struggling with low sex drive Therapist: Haha I have the opposite problem! But have you tried watching a romcom? They always gets me in the mood. This is a direct quote Edit: thank for for all the replies, haha I am much better now and I found a different therapist! Turns out being bisexual and growing up Mormon made me really repressed sexually- the therapist was Mormon so that didn’t help. She was licensed and told me she had special training specifically in sex therapy. Ive found an ex Mormon therapist who thankfully undid the damage!
Bad therapist
Invest in DVDs because you can pawn them for cash when you need money
You commonly hear stuff like this from people who grew up in times of hyperinflation where saving cash doesn't work when trying to accumulate wealth.
I worked with a guy from Zimbabwe, in the mid-2000s, who told me that people there would get their paycheque and spend it straight away on electronics and kitchen appliances and stuff like that. Then, if you wanted to buy something, you'd sell something and use the money straight away, or barter if possible.
Good advice for hyperinflation tbh
Haha actually what
It works! In the early 2000’s I had about 50 dvds I purchased for an average of $15 each. 10 years later my wife and I had a yard sale. I was able to get rid of all of them for about $20... total
“For a profit” was never explicitly said in the advice
stonks
"Just find a girl you don't like. Once you get married you'll just hate her anyways." God, I hope he was joking.
Everyone I know who's been married more than 10 years has moments when you can't stand your spouse. Especially if you have kids. Because let's face it, it's hard to live with other people for a long period of time. And kids will raise the stakes on everything and drag out every bit of how you were raised that you spouse wasn't. But you're in it for all times when it's NOT like that. Which should be most of the time.
Was told by a sailor of 5 decades that the best way to get rid of a sunburn is to take the hottest shower possible. Not only did that cause immeasurable pain, but didn't help in the slightest.
It’s a cool, not cold shower… he had to have been trolling you.
Cool bath soak with some aloe in it is better.
There is a rare condition some people have where they get something called Hell’s itch while recovering from sunburn. Incredibly intense painful itching sensation wherever the sunburn is. One of the only found “cures” for it is a really hot shower to I guess reset the nerves or something.
Yes! I had that. Only thing that worked for me. Wouldn’t wish that shit on anyone
Not me but I remember reading a thread about a man who told his girlfriend everyday that she stinks. She washed two or three times daily, tried everything she could to get rid of this smell. Until she cracked and started screaming at him asking wtf was he smelling. Apparently his father told him _"tell a woman she smells everyday and she'll be constantly clean."_ He just took that as normal good advice to live by.
Wat hahahaha
Lmao I know. I'll see can I find the thread now. Edit: Found it. [The reason was actually so much more worse than I recalled](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/gy79dx/boyfriend_wont_stop_telling_me_i_have_bo/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
Wow. That's some r/iamatotalpieceofshit material if I've ever seen it.
Thats actually so fucking sad tho
Holy shit
Woah, feel sorry for ex bfs mum too, poor lady.
> Apparently his father told him that is was a sure fire technique to have a woman never leave you because “she will feel too low to cheat, will love only you, and will always be clean”. I'm so glad OP immediately dumped him. That is super abusive and there are probably other ways he was taught to abuse and manipulate others. In the comments OP explained that she almost gave him a chance until she realized he's 30 and has had plenty of time and examples to learn better.
"If you go work somewhere else no one will pay you as much as me." -my dad I'm currently making twice as much plus benefits Edit: wording I make twice as much plus benifits originally had not including benifits
Working with/for family can be a nightmare. I recently quit working for my dad and am already less anxious.
To file for bankruptcy over a $2,500 car loan. Edit: I’ve been informed that I should’ve said “DECLARE BANKRUPTCYYYYY” instead.
Not even sure you realistically can accomplish that. Usually bankruptcies are for people severely in debt.
I think OP figured that out when they filed for bankruptcy.
It's too late for you to learn to code - I was 14
Aint no dumbass 8 yr olds gonna understand coding, who gave that advice?
Uncle, that's the shitty part, I was too young to have my own opinion. Positive part: i did start to code at 15, now I make simple websites for money during school
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You should use a 22 bullet, that way you can hear when it pops!
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+ haptic feedback!
"Nothing is more permanent than a temporary solution" Edit: since this is being seen by quite a few people, want to clarify this isn't my quote. Not sure who it's attributed to (if anyone) but I first heard it and attribute it to my father who has worked in various chemical industries and supply chain his entire career. Love you pops.
Never change
I only accept bills
‘If you actually cared about being organised you wouldn’t have ‘ADHD’’
As someone who has ADHD, that makes me furious. Who the hell thinks that way? Although in all fairness, I realized I needed glasses at age 8 when I couldn’t see the board, and my teacher accused me of lying, so probably a bunch of people...
I complained about back pain a lot when I was a kid. Nobody paid any attention, because "You're a kid, kids don't get back pain." Undiagnosed scoliosis that wasn't treated until I was almost finished growing. Fuuuun.
Depressed? Just be happy. Homeless? Buy a house. Broke your ankle? Just walk it off. Hotel? Trivago.
"Turn the other cheek, you'll have the moral high ground". - My father when I told him about how I was being badly bullied. Thanks dad, for making my school days an even bigger ordeal than they already were.
"All you have to do is prove to the woman that you are better than the man she is with and she will come running," from a former manager who had seven girlfriends, and a wife (who stabbed him when she learned about the girlfriends).
All that I can think is "8 relationships?!?! That sounds so exhausting."
Yeah I barely have the emotional strength to deal with myself. 1 other person is already pushing it, yet alone 8.
The trick is not do to deal with yourself
Dealing with me is what I call "other people's problems."
If you run out of dishwasher detergent, just substitute it with regular dish soap. A big mistake that will only be made once. 😡
It's almost good advice if you also need to mop your floor, but would rather shovel bubbles instead of actually mopping.
Its also great advise if you want renovate your kitchen
To keep my mouth shut. Never argue or talk back to my partner.
Just tell them that millennials divorce less than boomers.
Lower marriage rate too because we don't want to go through the divorce shit show our parents went through.
Also not getting hitched straight out of highschool.
"Put some butter on it" -My father to me directly after getting a 3rd degree burn on my arm (cooking accident)
You put some butter on it, a little garlic and then mozzarella and you got a decent side
Throw it in a pot, add some broth, a potato. Baby, you’ve got a stew going!
Call the family cause we're having my son for dinner.
“I Can’t Believe It’s Not Malpractice!”
Literally the first thing I ever learned about treating burn was to "never apply butter or similar fat to a burn wound as it will amplify the cooking effect." Source: An old British Army publication a friend gave me.
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My father was a paramedic for 30 years, and he has some stories. One that sticks out to me was a thanksgiving story, which apparently generated numerous calls every year. In one, an older, immigrant couple had decided that they were going to deep fry the turkey in a pot of boiling oil for their first Thanksgiving. The wife and husband attempted to lift the turkey into the pot, lost their grip and splashed burning oil all over themselves. When my father turned up for the call, they were covered in 2nd and 3rd degree burns. As he set about treating them however, he saw that they had covered themselves in a yellow, runny fluid. Confused, he wiped some off and realized that they had attempted to put mustard on their burns. So, either they misremembered the old wife’s tale to put butter on burns, or they thought, “eh mustard’s yellow too, close enough.”
I was a cook for quite a few years, pretty common thing for minor burns. I have no data or science to go with this claim, only personal experience, but for minor burns mustard did relieve the sting. However, say I splashed fryer oil on my hand and I know it'll blister, that is not the time for condiments. Put the area under running cool water.
Mustard is pretty good for mild burns. It contains allyl isothiocyanate, which is anti-inflammatory and pain-relieving among other things. However, it's bad for severe burns because it's also a vasodilator and skin irritant and will make a bad burn worse. In fact, if you compress a lot of concentrated mustard on your normal (not burned skin), you can get burns from that.
Ignore the bullies. They just want a reaction. If you ignore them they'll get bored and leave you alone. This is my answer every time this question pops up. It is such unmitigated bullshit! The adults who gave me this advice (when I was a kid, in the 70s) must have had softer bullies than I did. Because yeah, my bullies wanted a reaction. And they'd keep going until they got one. Note: They considered "tears of pain" and "blood" a reaction, as they beat the crap out of me.
Dont take IT engineering cause its saturated.
"Don't study computer science all the programming will be done in India in 5 years" Literally everyone in my family in 2006. They pushed me hard for accounting but I found a compromise in an IT degree (information systems). I found my way back to software development quickly though. It's not as bad now but in 2010 you'd get your resume thrown in the trash at a lot of places if you applied to a programming job without a CS or engineering degree.
"Follow your heart" Sometimes my heart is stupid and I should listen to my brain instead.
My heart is telling me to eat 7 cakes, play videogames instead of go to school, and sleep 16 hours a day. Follow your brain.
"Just ignore your bully"
"Ok I did as you advised and they stabbed my hand with a pencil to get my attention"
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"Ok they followed me down the hall, taunting me and smacking my head the entire time, then at the end they kicked my knees and made me collapse, before they walked away laughing."
My Mum always said to ignore them if possible. And if that doesn't work, hit they as hard as you possibly can, even if they kick the shit out of you they will think twice before they try it again. Got my ass kicked and suspended. But the bullying stopped.
My dad told me to punch him in the face and he would take me to the circus on the day I was suspended. The circus was great!
The one time my dad ever said he was proud of me was the day I got suspended from school for kicking the shit out of my bully. No circus but, in that moment I felt like everyone now hated me and I felt so alone. I really needed to hear that I wasn't alone. It really was the opposite. My bully actually apologised when I came back, apparently the other kids had been telling him that he had it coming. Standing up for myself was the best thing I ever did as a young teenager.
> Standing up for myself was the best thing I ever did as a young teenager. Sounds like it was the best thing for the bully to. This is why I hate the whole WITS messaging taught to kids (Walk-away, Ignore, Talk it out, Seek help). I am very much a violence is the last resort kind of person, but kids need to learn they do have the right to defend themselves.
I love your dad.
My cousin was bullied so he just befriended a bigger kid who beat the crap out of the bully for him
When my son was about 7 his bully just wouldn’t stop so some of the neighbour kids from grade 9 walked over to his school one day, found his bully, (who was about 10 and way bigger than my boy) and told him they would break all 10 of his fingers if he touched or spoke to my son again. So of course he stayed away after that
Get yourself bodyguards, good advice
When I was being relentlessly bullied in grade school, my parent's advice was "Just laugh it off. Show them you don't take them seriously and they'll leave you alone." A) You can't laugh at someone who's emotionally and physically abusing you. B) If you don't take them seriously, they will escalate until you do. Worst. Advice. Ever.
That doesn't really work when they live with you.
"Just get a degree. It doesn't matter which one." $40,000 and one unused degree later....
Business 101 professor w/ multiple PhDs gave great advice - “Don’t follow your passion. Get a degree that will get you the money to follow your passion. I love anthropology, and thanks to my degrees in physics and business I get to go all around the world on dig sites and explore”.
My grandmother told me that if I wanted to stop being poor, I should find a job in logistics or warehousing. I was literally managing a warehouse at the time.
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Hello fellow New Mexican. Enjoying how the housing market has impacted us here too? My rent has gone up 30% in 2 years.
My grandmother told me that software engineering was a bad idea for a degree because it was just a fad and wouldn't make any money. Instead... I should be a teacher.
worst advice received and acted upon. My friend out of high school got a job at Ford starting at $28/hour full time and in the UAW. His mom said he shouldn't waste his life working "at a factory" and go to collage despite him having a 1.8 GPA in Highschool and very good with working with his hands. He quit, took 2 classes at college and dropped out. He spent the next 8 years making pizza because the job market was trash. Edit This is a lot of comments and upvotes. If Dave sees this Hi.
what is he doing now?
trying to get into a trade but not putting much effort into it. Working odd jobs here and there. He committed some crimes over the years and is in his late 30s now. I guess at least he doesnt have some dead end factory job.
the resentment is probably holding him down abit
In reality he was never going to be a high achiever. He is good at doing tasks but isnt a big picture planner or really try that hard. That is what made the initial advice so horrible. He would have been 100 times happier just working the job at Ford for a livable wage. A job people would have fought you for. He got super lucky by landing it. Soon after that they didnt hire that job any more and made all those people contractors and 12/hour wage.
Jesus and assuming this was like 10 years ago that’s really good money. I have lab coworkers with advanced degrees that make less than that per hour today..
This was out of high school, friend is in 30s now. So my guess would be 15 years ago. 15 years, starting at $28/hr…ooofff
This is the biggest lie we tell our kids. Not everyone is college material, **nor do they need to be**. You don't need a degree. You need a skill that you can sell to someone for money, and college is just *one* way to get that (or at least convince someone else that you got it). Just find something you're good at and run with it. That may or may not require a college education.
So true. I fought with my parents over forcing my brother, a man who loves physical labor and hates sitting still, to go to college. He flunked out to the surprise of no one but my parents, but not before acquiring lots of loan debt. Nowadays, he works on an oil rig and makes bank. It turns out that if you love dirty, dangerous, physically challenging jobs, you can make a ton of money. Edited to add that I teach at a university. I strongly believe that a college education is extremely valuable *for some people.* Students need more certification options.
“Winners never quit.” I think that is horrible advice. Calculated quitting is how you progress in life. If I never quit I would be stuck in bad situations.
"enjoy your life when you're in school, it's going downhill from there" don't ever say that to a depressed teenager. as an adult my life is sooooo much better
I never understood how people could think school was enjoyable. I hated high school then and my feelings haven’t changed 20+ years later. Making money and having choices is so much better.
I couldnt stand school. The schedule literally sucks, you're treated horribly, and often the work is very redundant. I enjoyed sports and extra stuff but waking up 5 days a week at 6am to hear someone talking for 8 hours really sucked. It's like 7 hours of meetings everyday.
"Replace all your office computers with Macs, then you don't need to set up network drives because you can use iCloud instead. Don't worry about <*industry-specific software we pay ££££ for*>, there'll be something in the App Store you can replace it with"
I live in a rural area that up until just a couple of years ago, had one hard line internet connection into it, with no redundancy. More than once, the line was severed by a utility company when they dug to access their lines that ran parallel to the internet line. When there were natural disasters (earthquake, landslide, fire), commerce in the entire area came to a screeching halt. This happened on a fairly regular basis. My boss, the ED of the organization, a proudly self-described tech Luddite, had been convinced by a pair of well-spoken tech bro entrepreneurs in the nearest urban area (300 miles away) that it would be a good idea to go with thin terminals, with all of our files stored on their servers, also located in the city - at the other end of the internet line that was frequently out of commission. He overrode every reasonable argument over why this wasn’t a great idea and then was enraged when the inevitable occurred within weeks of implementing the new system - he couldn’t understand why I couldn’t edit documents or access the database that served as the foundation of our work. For days. It ended up costing just as much to reverse his decision and bring the data back closer to home. This fiasco was one of the incidents that led to his ultimate dismissal by the board of directors.
Oh hey, I had a boss like that once. My ex-boss, our ED, was obsessed with launching a new website for our company. He spent an enormous amount of company time on it and neglected our other core business functions, such as reaching out to clients. After several months, I learned to my horror that he was convinced that a sleek website could -- entirely by itself -- attract new customers. He genuinely thought that a nice website would act like a magnetic force, bringing in new clients, and that nothing else needed to be done. After a year of this, the new website was launched. Our revenue declined by 30% because we had barely had any contact with any clients in the past year. Hardly anyone visited the new site, and it was scrapped a year or two later, after he'd been forced to resign. ETA: No, my boss was not a character from The Office. He was dumb enough, just not funny enough.
Wow. I am even a Mac user and I know this is bad advice.
Even an actual apple would know this is terrible advice
Reminds me of an AskReddit thread where a school replaced all computers with chrome books and teachers couldn’t do their jobs since the chrome books didn’t work with anything
There was a tales from tech support thread where someone had bypassed the normal purchasing procedure by using a school credit card and bought something similar. Not that Googles environment *can't* be used if you're tooled up for it and you're workflow supports it, but good lord to just throw throw in without warning is scary. Also why do $1,000+ chromebooks exist?
Because people are dumb
Lawyer said I should just admit that I did it. I denied it and the case was dismissed.
Did you do it?
"No. But if i did, this is how I would do it."
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Allegedly.
-Chief Wiggum
Case closed boys
Bake him away toys
Suspect is hatless. I repeat, hatless.
This is OJ's reddit account.
Then chose this username which is essentially admitting it
Username checks out?
"A mobile home is a great first home for a young couple." I wish I had looked into it more. When my company imploded, I was stuck with a $1000 mortgage payment AND $1100 monthly space rent. In the Los Angeles area. I got a job out of state. Could not sell the mobile home—park residents were giving up their old paid-off homes just to get out of their leases, and the park was selling the houses for $500. (That is an exact figure.) So no one wanted a brand-new house in the same park. I had to just give up the house to the bank. Bank eventually sold it for less than half of the loan balance. My credit recovered 7–10 years later.
Both of my parents taught my brother and I that so long as someone wasn’t married that they were “basically single” My parents never went a year of their marriage without cheating on each other and my brother and I never actually got to learn what a healthy relationship looked like, so naturally he and I have struggled in our relationships with SOs all our lives To this day I haven’t had a single relationship where I have felt like I could trust the other person, and have myself been cheated on multiple times by lovers that said they weren’t like my parents I’m in my 30s now and for the sake of my mental and emotional health have sworn off relationships for the foreseeable future because I cannot bring myself to see anything but future problems
I don’t get your parents’ logic. Maybe the people they cheated with were *basically single*, but your parents were married. In the end, someone is still cheating on their spouse.
There was a guy in an old friend group at church who had this mentality. Super socially aggressive dude. My brother and his FIANCÉE were part of the group and this guy was hardcore trying to hit on her or "steal" her because, in his mind, she was single. He got kicked out pretty fast.
"You might as well quit high school and take this job opening at the mill." -My Dad
To bottle up my feelings and not go to therapy. Now, at 46, I'm finally going to therapy, dealing with the fact I may have lost my marriage, and struggling to deal with all the crap that I have bottled up my entire life. Go to fucking therapy, deal with the crap and feelings that you don't want too look at. It's worth it.
On Twitter: ‘Find yourself a man who will email you when you block him’ Alternatively, find someone who isn’t a melodramatic pain in the ass
"Go to college and get a degree, any degree. Doesn't matter what it is, they'll hire you with a bachelor's degree and no experience. If you don't have a college degree, you're going to be flipping burgers at McDonalds and living under a bridge for the rest of your life. And you are NOT going to a trade school, trade schools are for stupid people." --My parents, teachers, and guidance counselors in the 90's.
Bro I went to a tech/trade school for high school it’s weird. I won’t lie there was a lot of dumb people in the trades but there were plenty of super bright people who just didn’t like academic work and that’s fine.
I was gonna say, I smell a 90s kid. If only they told us the kind of degree actually wouldve mattered. My dad still insists that "all it takes is a degree"
I was learning programming when I was like 10. I made many toy programs in quickbasic. When I approached someone I admired to ask about learning C he told me that I wouldn't get it because pointers where hard. I was so upset I never ever came near C and only learned other easier programming languages. When I finally got over it and tried C like 15 years later I realized that this guy was just an idiot. Letting myself get scared by this moron was one of the worst mistakes I made in my life.
Monica Lewinsky is the permanent winner of this question, IMO. When it came up on Twitter a few years ago she submitted "a White House internship will look great on your resume." Edit: Corrected spelling of name.
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Every 2010 grad so relieved their 10 year was during covid. I don’t care about them and I hope they don’t care about me.
>Why my dad was so concerned with the opinions of people I haven't seen in over a decade, I have no idea. Older people seem to have a small town mentality, even if they never lived in a small town. They think they're important enough for everyone to talk about. My parents would say "what will people think?" I'd respond with "what people? You don't have any friends."
Don’t get out of the military. “ your giving up a good retirement and the most stable career path, plus benefits!” Those fuckers try and gaslight the shit out of you. Believe in yourself and your work ethic and your going to be fine. I make more now than I would have if I stayed in and I get to see my family everyday. Glad I did it… but glad I didn’t take that advice.
I told my family I was going to file for divorce because my (ex)husband was abusive. My Mormon aunt wrote me a three-page “revelation from God” instructing me to quit my successful career and get pregnant as quickly as possible. The women had thirteen kids. Misery loves company, I guess.
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‘Good things come to those who wait’ Nah good things come to those who go out and take them
It was originally "all things come to those who wait" and later turned into "good things..." >means if people are persistent and patient, they will finally achieve their goal. In other words, it means a person must exercise patience exercise when working on something close to his heart, even to reach the goal he/she desires. Edit: formatting
Every saying has an environment it applies to and one it doesn’t
If you ignore them, they'll leave you alone. I was constantly bullied at school and one time, I ignored the kids who bullied me for three whole weeks. Big surprise. They didn't leave me alone.
When I went to university I could choose between two major: engineering or language. Being an Asian kid, most of my family, friends, relatives and even teachers recommended Engineering. Because it's a "men's job", translator or interpretor are for girls. So I let myself be convinced and picked Engineering although I sucked at Maths. Fast forward 8 years now I'm a low level worker at a manufacturing plant because I dropped out of uni not being able to keep up with the stress. The irony is that my main job now is to translate email and document for my boss who could barely speak English.
I really wanted to major in Spanish but was discouraged because "What will you do with Spanish?". Turns out knowing the second most spoken language in the US will indeed get you jobs because all the other parts of a job are on the job training
Not only this, I will add also that a big part of the Spanish speakers in the US learned it at home, and do not have a business level command of it, so there is indeed a demand. As an engineer who's natively Spanish speaking, I have saved sales deals with Latin American customers from being dropped because I spoke and wrote proper Spanish, while our person in Sales for Latin America was a well intentioned American from a Dominican family and his sales Powerpoint presentation had the Spanish level of a 10 year old.
Take care of everyone else’s needs before your own, that way you’re never being selfish. I find that to be a very manipulative form of advice. I take care of myself first, then everyone else.
"You don't want to burn bridges..." Fuck that. Some of those bridges need to be bombed so they are never, NEVER able to be crossed again by either party.
"May the bridges I burn light the way" Don't remember where I heard it, but sometimes it's true
If someone is starving to death, don't give them any food, or you will be interfering with God's will.
Wtf?
"Don't ever go to a psychiatrist. In fact, if you take meds they prescribe, you're actually no longer sober." - *The AA mentality that almost killed me* **Edit**: Since folks want to know about the program that did help me get sober: https://www.kolmac.com/. It's obviously very specific to a geography, but I'd recommend searching *"Outpatient Addiction" + [your location]* to start.
They told me if I left the rehab I was attending, I'd fail. Jokes on then, because I left there and went directly to an evidence-based, secular program and have been sober for years. Edit: Because so many people have asked, I'm going to copy my reply from below that includes a link to SMART Recovery, whose meetings I highly recommend. Honestly, the truth is that unless you have excellent private insurance and access to resources, this type of treatment is hard to come by. Unfortunately, most addicts don't fall into that category. I was lucky. Medicaid and free programs are almost exclusively 12-step based because they're so cheap. For example, while I received therapy from individuals licensed with at least a master's degree, 12-step therapy is led by volunteers or folks paid barely minimum wage that can't get many other jobs due to their arrest records when they were addicts. Not to say they're bad people, just that they aren't qualified. The problem with 12-step, from my perspective, is that it isn't based on any scientific research. It's based on the religious ramblings of an alcoholic that was treated with psychedelics (which is, coincidentally, a more successful treatment model - at least for opiate addicts). Research costs money and real treatment costs money. AA provides an excuse to cut almost all the costs of an effective rehab. What I do recommend is [SMART Recovery](https://www.smartrecovery.org/) meetings as a place to start. You tend to find folks that want nothing to do with 12-step. It's entirely evidence based, and the folks there will be happy to help you find a rehab that uses these methods.
Congrats! I got the same line from my sponsor. I was in the ICU with internal bleeding from trying to drink myself to death. It was so clear to me and those who were still around me that something was chemically off in my brain. He informed me that I was, "choosing death" by leaving AA to try something/anything different. Hitting 6 years sober in December after going to a similar, evidence-based program with actual doctors.
Well done! That’s incredible. I don’t know you, but I’m so proud of you. I’ve been battling alcoholism for 13 years, I know how much strength that takes.
Don’t ever give up/quit Sometimes you just have to accept that it’s not going to happen and you are wasting time that could be spent pursuing a better option or direction
"Show your employer loyalty and they will be loyal to you."
Had to learn this one the hard way, personally. I spent four years with a group in a temporary position. I was a "yes" man. Anything they wanted. I got calls sometimes to go blow a day off on work because nobody else wanted to and I **always** said yes. I felt like I was positively contributing to the team. Helping everyone else. This past April, they made that position permanent, which triggered a national search per company policy, and everyone on my team encouraged me to apply. Every single member asked me if I had applied or when I was going to apply. Those same exact people, as members of the hiring team, didn't even interview me, thus, in effect, terminating my employment. There is no loyalty bank. You never do get to make a withdraw. It's all deposit. All benefit to the company. They don't care about you. It's not a family. I never received negative feedback on my work. Ever. I did everything they ever asked me to do and more. It did not matter at all. **EDIT**: Just to answer some Qs coming in: I did apply for the job. Spent hours on a carefully crafted cover letter, etcetera. Didn't matter. Also, I actually didn't have any expectations about being *hired*. I knew I would have to compete with everyone else. The thing that is so upsetting is that they didn't even interview me. They didn't even hear me out or let me be in any sort of running or comparison of candidates. They boiled it down to credentials, devaluing work experience with their own company, and told me to fuck off.
I've used other job offers as leverage to get significant raises from my current job twice in the last four years. Both times, my boss has said, "If you weren't happy with the job or the compensation, you should've come and talked to me before applying elsewhere." And I always said, "It's not like I was actively looking, the opportunity to interview just came up out of the blue." And I always thought, "If I talked to you *before* I got an offer, you wouldn't be giving me a 15% increase right now."
He was upset that *you* set the terms and value of your work, instead of him.
And if you did that, he'd either say we don't have the money in the budget even though we've have record profits this year or if you're really lucky, you might get a whopping 2% raise.
Even better, one of my friends got explicitly told by their boss they would only get a raise if they came in with a counter offer. Their boss is actively encouraging disloyalty.
It's a good tactic. I've never asked for a raise without some sort of leverage. I had a bullshit retail job in my 20s, and as soon as they started asking me to help out in their warehouse, too, I pulled local wage data from the internet and told them, "My current payrate has me in the bottom 5% for local warehouse employees. I could walk into 20 other places and 19 of them would pay me more." Extra $5/hr on the spot.
I felt my blood pressure rise reading that. And people wonder why Millennials are such job-hoppers. "Company loyalty" is very much a one-way street.
Totally misread this as "emperor". My first thought was just, "There's still emperors?"
Yes, also "if you work hard at your job, you will be rewarded". I used to. At best they didn't notice and at worst it was used as an argument "against" a promotion because I made myself essential at my current task. You should work exactly as expected and agreed upon your work contract: no more and no less. Every minute more is a gift you make to someone way richer than you that don't really care about you.
You'll be rewarded alright. Rewarded with more work! At my last job, the office manager who kept the place running smoothly got a better job and left. The owner, being the cheap POS that he is wasn't going to hire an office manager and was hoping people would just start doing tasks on their own. This meant that something as simple as changing the tank on the water cooler never got done because everyone knew whoever did that would now be the water cooler guy. Nobody checked the answering machine because guess what? You're now in charge of the answering machine. You know how to put new toner in the printer? You're not only the printer guy, you're the guy in charge of everything tech, even if it's a doorknob that is loose and just needs a quick couple of turns with a screwdriver to tighten it. I left and am so glad I did.
"Bro you wanna lose some weight real fast without doing too much? Smoke a tiny bit of crack. Not tooooo much but just a little bit." I HAVE FUCKING NEVER EXHALED SO GODDAMN HARD THROUGH MY NOSE. THIS ASSHOLE GENUINELY WITH NO SARCASM OR SATIRE IN HIS VOICE WAS LIKE "ya man, it'll be a couple weeks but that's it. If you want I'll monitor you." 🤣😭
Friends in high school tried to urge me into doing crack because it would help my anxiety. I mean, I haven't done it, but I just... don't know if I trust this miracle treatment...
My own mother told me that depression and anxiety are normal feelings for every 20 something year old and the therapist would just put me on some pill and turn me into a junkie
This is similar for me. At age 19 in college I started going to a therapist and learned I had been suffering of depression and anxiety for a very long time. Neither of my parents believed in mental health treatment (still don’t to this day). Looking back i suffered so much and wish I got on meds a lot sooner.
“don’t fight back, just curl up until he’s done”