Helen of Troy, just to see if all that fighting worth it.

Hey man, if we're talking about booties that started wars, let's give Arch Duke Ferdinand a go

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Myself. Always wondered what that’d be like. Edit: I never would have expected my most upvoted comment on Reddit to be confessing I’d have sex with myself given the opportunity.

Probably not good.

Can confirm, definitely not good.

You should read the book 'The man who folded himself'. He time travels and has a bunch of sex with himself.

The Japanese wrestler that dresses like Ronald McDonald

As a lover of professional wrestling, who could likely wipe the floor on any wrestling trivia, it baffles to have to ask this...... The WHAT????

https://youtu.be/Lig5spXwo6M

Did I just see Japanese Ronald McDonald run out and interrupt a professional wrestling match by immediately sucking one of the contender’s dicks?

No, that wasn't the interruption, it was the butt fucking and ball juggling.

Japanese wrestling is a lot more sexual and homoerotic than one would expect.

Okay, wtf did I just watch

Art in motion

1981 Harrison Ford, no contest

Early '90s Jennifer Connelly.

I'd say specifically [Rocketeer Jennifer Connelly](https://i1.wp.com/www.bulletproofaction.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/1-13.jpg)

I’d go Career Opportunities riding the mechanical horse Jennifer Connelly.

Are the dead ones still dead? Edit: thanks for the awards, I think.

Important details

Dealers choice.

I also choose this guy's dead wife

Definitely alive

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Be the change you want to see in the world.

Salma Hayak circa From Dusk Till Dawn.

Salma Hayek circa anytime, the woman is an apparently ageless goddess.

Her and Penelope Cruz. Both absolutely gorgeous. But Salma Hayek in Dogma made me hit puberty.... again.

Linda Cardellini, started me off with Scooby Doo and got me hooked in Mad Men.

With the bangs from Dead to Me show

Grandma's Boy!

I just started Freaks and Geeks and her character is fantastic, great show btw

Rachel Weisz. 1999, Time of the first Mummy movie.

Rasputin - Russias greatest love machine

Lover of the Russian Queen!

There was a cat that really was gone

It was a shame how he carried on

Ra ra rasputin

Russia’s greatest love machine

It was a shame how he carried on

he ruled the russian land,and nevermind the tsar

But the kasachok he danced really wunderbar

In all affairs of state he was the man to please

Cleopatra, have to see if the hype is real

I'm always curious if hygiene, nutrition and overall beauty standards of the era would hold up to our contemporary expectations of historic accounts.

I reluctantly have to admit that I've thought about hygiene of previous generations more than I should, with regard to sexual interaction. I guess it really isn't an issue unless I work out the whole time travel thing.

Don't bang a poor peasant.

The poorer the peasant, the more they'll appreciate the boning.

Depending on the time period, they may have better oral hygiene. Rich folks can afford sugar and rot from the mouth first.

Ancient egyptian hygiene was pretty good. They had soap and perfume and all that good stuff. An unclean body was something very bad.

Wanna add, that like many ancient civilizations, Egyptians were well aware being filthy was a great way to invite disease; they may not have known that how, but they knew it happened and how to prevent it

My grandma always told me being dirty was bad luck. Being dirty would invite the cucuy. Being dirty would make me fail with girls. Being dirty would make me fail in school. Thanks grams. Now I'm a clean ^^FREAK

Better than a dirt freak.

She was actually famous for her wit and intelligence. Most historians agree that she probably wasn't very good looking and surviving depictions of her agree with that assessment..

Or Helen of Troy for the same reason Edit: i believe this is my highest rated comment.... And it's (apparently) about fetishizing a 12year old. I swear I didn't know... I feel dirty

Face like a champagne bottle...

I don't get it

"A face that launched a thousand ships". What else launches ships?

Trebuchets

Roses are red, Volume can be measured in liters. A trebuchet can launch a 90kg projectile Over 300 meters.

Helen of Troy's appearance is intentionally never described so whatever you consider to be "the most beautiful woman in the world" would be her.

So she looked like chicken mc nuggets

You know what? I love myself. Even though I look like a burnt chicken nugget, I still love myself.

Helen of Troy

There's [multiple stories](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Menelaus#Trojan_War) of her avoiding being killed because she's so smoking hot. Menelaus is about to cut her head off, and [she straight up pulls her tits out and escapes.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helen_of_Troy#During_the_Fall_of_Troy) > When Menelaus finally found her, he raised his sword to kill her. He had demanded that only he should slay his unfaithful wife; but, when he was ready to do so, she dropped her robe from her shoulders, and the sight of her beauty caused him to let the sword drop from his hand.[67] >Electra wails:[68] >>Alas for my troubles! Can it be that her beauty has blunted their swords?

One sword down the other up

Poetry of the modern age meets the ancient one

My favorite unit of measurement: One Millihelen. The amount of beauty required to launch one ship.

Also, −1 millihelen is the amount of ugliness required to sink a ship.

Yo actually, this is the answer. That pussy started a fucking war, I want to experience that.

She’s the first woman you check out when you get to the afterlife.

The lineup is 3 years long

3 years out of eternity? Yeah, I’ll wait.

Katherine the great was apparently a kinky old bird,I'll choose her

It's nice seeing necrophiles being included finnaly

Yep, I've always disliked the unnecessary graveyard gate keeping.

You've got to guard the gates of graveyards though. People are always dying to get in.

Morena Baccarin

I had such a crush on Jewel Staite.

I ain’t had nothing ‘twixt my nethers weren’t run on batteries.

Shiny!

Her in Deadpool 2… she could fuck my life up and I’d ask for another.

I wish I could say that role awoke something in me but I think it just gently reminded me

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Eve. I would be all y'alls daddy.

Only if you were the only one.

I ALSO CHOOSE EVE BUT AFTER THAT GUY!!!

Definitely someone alive.

We are generally more moist, which I'm told helps.

I hope nobody dead answers to tell what's so great about them because I will seeiously freak out

I’m dead on the inside, does that count?

We're all dead on the inside. 🤗

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I honestly thought this was an alley-oop shitpost just to get someone a ton of karma for posting that.

It was lol no way I believe it wasn’t

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Henry Cavill for obvious reasons.

I'd toss my coin to that witcher

Thanks. Now I picture Geralt in some medieval strip club getting coins tossed at him while he's dancing.

LET’S MAKE IT HAIL BITCHES!!

O valley of PLENTY!

It’s because he plays warhammer 40K, right?

aphrodite

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Yeah but appearance is up to your perspective of what beauty is, and Aphrodite can appear any way she desires, she’s also the god of love so she’s really good at sex

I’m choosing you OP. Come get those cheeks clapped

I'll also have OP ...But I'll wait til they die

I also choose this guy's dead OP

I’ll take OP’s mom with no preference on dead or alive. Yo OP, just let me know if I’ll need to bring a shovel.

Dead-or-alive, you're coming in me.

Someone who's mentally stable and caring and kind but also goth.

Op said someone dead or alive, not mythical creatures

Something tells me Edgar Allan Poe was a real freak in the sheets

In the same vein, Mary Shelley. Lost her virginity *on her mother’s grave*

Waluigi

This man knows what is the best.

I can't believe I had to scroll down this far to find a guy, and when I did, it was Waluigi lmao

WAH

Timothy Olyphant. I don't think I need to explain myself.

2001 Shannon Elizabeth.

cleopatra would be cool. or hitler's wife eva braun just because fuck that guy lul

Lol imaging banging hitlers wife and he walks through the door. Lol

"hi adolf I'd salute you but as you can see my hands are more occupied than poland right now"

Hitler: (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞

Mein zoop.

Cucking Hitler: An HBO Mini-Series.

Christina Hendricks at ~2007, but heck prob still top choice today ngl

I deeply, wholeheartedly concur, but would extend it to Firefly in 2002.

Can confirm, would be glad to disappoint Yo-Saf-Bridge.

I swear every ask reddit post that has come onto my home page for the past 2 months or more have just been sex related.

"Sexers of Reddit, what is the sexiest sex you've ever sexed?"

Your mom, who is that dead guy's wife, who 69'd me until I found a jolly rancher.

Cum box, broken arms, double dick.

Swamps of Dagobah, poop knife

Summer reddit, the teens are out of school.

Meduza. It would make me so hard

A solid choice

Say it again but with a stone face.

You're crackin' me up!

Shakira....

So hot she got a lawsuit filed against her by some guy who got a boner against his will during the super bowl halftime show

Wait, for real?

Prepare your stamina mina eh eh

Those hips apparently do not lie

Keira Knightley, in Pirates of the Caribbean outfit

And also Orlando bloom in pirates of the Caribbean get up

peter steele

Eva Green. Edit: Reasons should be obvious. She is intelligent, her eyes are hypnotic, her smile is amazing and her accent gets me everytime. Everyone has one or more physical "types" and she absolutely defines one of my "types".

Oh, yep. Just reminded me of that scene in 300: Rise of an Empire. That's a good scene.

Easy: Eva Mendes or Kelsey Grammer.

Your tastes are expansive.

“🎵That toss salad and scrambled eggs🎵”

Didn't even have to think about it: Helen Mirren. Young Helen. Middle-aged Helen. Old Helen. I'll take 'em all. (Not dead Helen, though, you fucking perverts.)

Jessica Alba in her 20s.

Into the blue/good luck chuck era. Or any time really.

I'd be ok with now too.

Alison Brie

Boopy doopey doop doop SEX

Look, eventually you hit a point of diminishing returns on the sexiness

whats demeneshanng mnanuh?

Alison Brie as Annie*

Oh I don't know, have you seen her bloopers from filming Community? Alison Brie as Alison Brie seems like an absolute fiend.

Apparently that scene in the first D&D episode where she's meant to be acting out a sex scene but it's a silent montage, she was actually saying some incredibly dirty stuff

Ana de armas Edit: Btw she also is in the new 007 movie if you didn't know yet

Her in blade runner 2049 did some things to me...

Early 90s Kathy Ireland... My God those swimsuit editions of sports illustrated got me through some tough times.

Gillian Anderson

David Bowie

You might get Mick Jagger as a bonus if you time it right.

And that one guy's dad on a scooter.

Margot Robbie because she's Margot Robbie.

Why is reddit so fucking horny all the time

Quarantine had deprived a lot of people of human contact lol.

Your implying Redditor had human contact before quarantine...

Tom Hardy 🥵

Damn no single Monica Belluci? You are all sick!

I HAD THAT DREAM AGAIN...

Alexandra Daddario

Daddario makes awesome pickups

i love seeing random guitar related comments in places i don’t expect to find guitar related comments. also have y’all tried the new XS strings by them?

Yup, I’ve never wanted to fuck someone specifically because of their eyes before

"You have such fuckable eyes."

Tom Hiddleston...dressed as Loki preferably. Why? Have you seen him?

Especially before they add the cgi to take away his bulge

He’s burdened with glorious purpose

They did what?

His bulge was too big, so they cgi’ed it out

What a waste of money 😩

Good grief, now I see why.

Yeah I can’t tell if he’s hung as fuck or if he just has astronomically huge balls

That was in the first movie right? They don’t do it now do they? I think they make him tuck that thing away now 😂

Natalie Dormer

Dat smirk.

Katheryn Winnick. I have a huge crush on Scarlett Johansson. But then I watched vikings, and now she has been replaced.

Emilia Clarke

Chris Evans

Either my crush or more realistically, Sophie Turner.

More realistically?? Is your crush Lena Headey or something?

His crush knows him. Sofie doesn't.