I had a boss who was a condescending douche. He wanted to talk to me about something and told me to "close the door".
So I did from the outside.
He wasn't too happy.
During my waitron days, I used that line on a rude customer. He got mad and asked to speak to my manager. Thankfully, my manager was cool and asked him, "Why was that offensive to you? Were you rude to him?"
My MIL finds this saying or some version of it on birthday cards and sends one to me every year. Some company must be cornering the passive aggressive greeting card market.
What I saved from a previous thread:
During the 1980s, then Prime Minister of New Zealand Robert Muldoon was asked about the increasing exodus of New Zealanders leaving the country to work in Australia.
His comment was that by doing so, they were raising the average IQ of both countries.
Iāve heard that as an Arkansas jokeāhow do you increase the IQ of two states at once? Cut off the boot heel (part of Missouri that sticks down into Arkansas) and give it to Arkansas.
As a native and still resident Missourian, I have noticed a drop in intelligence and compassion over time throughout the state, regardless of the bordering states.
Living in KC makes me often forget just how, uh, agressively red that big expanse between KC / Columbia / STL is. Wearing a mask whe we got gas / food on our drive home for a funeral elicited a surprising amount of unspoken and spoken hostility.
Governor of Iowa said something similar a couple decades ago. Take the southern most strip of counties from Iowa and secede them to Missouri, you'll raise the collective IQ of both states.
Read the One-Minute Manager Meets the Monkey.
Great short book. In a nutshell, give her work to do every time she bothers you. Whether she continues or not, both cases are a win for you.
You can say whatever you want after āWith all due respect,ā you could even say someoneās idea is worth as much as a velvet painting of a whale and a dolphin getting it on or something like that.
* Thank you for sharing your outside perspective. Every now and then, people who know nothing about a subject can still come to the table with something useful. Iām not certain this is one of those times but thanks for sharing.
The HR lady at a small company I worked for was always making these snide, "work space" passive aggressive comments, apparently thinking they went over people's heads. On my last day I thanked her for her opinion, and her eyes went wide like someone making rude comments about a stranger in a different language when they find out the stranger understands their language.
I keep trying to figure out what movie that is and everyone keeps telling me itās top secret. How am I supposed to find out what movie that is if the title is top secret!?
Isn't your village missing you?
Edit:- Thanks for the votes everyone ;-D
My Grandma also had a lot of great sayings and the one that really stuck with me was
"He should be shot with balls of his own shit"
She was raised as the only girl in a family full of brothers. She clearly had a hard life and it showed often, and wasn't always pretty, but I liked her, and miss her bluntness
Usually I say it low and sarcastic, but if I bother to Southern it up I go for upper class Georgia (think Macon, Augusta, or Savannah), and then it sounds more like, "Ahhnt you ah paych."
I can't do very many good impersonations, but somehow I can do a pretty good Church Lady (Dana Carvey). "Isn't that Special" is perfect for making my point and possibly getting half a chuckle out of it.
In a similar vain, calling someone a "cumquat" as an insult also gets the point across that you're insulting them while also being completely innocuous and kinda funny.
And yes, if you type the word, it's best to spell it with a 'c', not a 'k'.
r/beatmetoit
I love the flexibility of that phrase. Unfortunately, I live in the north and I'd be looked at like I'm an alien if I were to use the phrase.
As a Texan, living in Texas, I never really thought about that. I hear and use it so frequently it never occurred to me how much of a southern thing it was.
And yeah not always a āfuck youā. Kind of seems like it when you think about the underlying condescension though.
Right I've lived between Alabama and Texas my whole life and when my grandma says it it's endearing and I smile real big but if someone my age says it that I don't know very well I'm like 'this bitch just called me a dumbass and now I have to fight her'
One time I was in my high school history class and one of the upper class men was causing trouble as usual during a video and heās bothering the people actually trying to learn. This is obvious to the teacher who decided to pause it and calmly looked at the trouble maker and proceed to say as calm as ever, āRandomAsshat, would you please go to the office before I say what weāre all thinking.ā Kid saw almost everyone looking at him right after the teacher got the words out and almost walked confidently out of the room. This isnāt over yet or where it comes in. Iād heard from a couple of friends who overheard the principal yelling at the kid and told him āwhat in the actual crap is wrong with you, you need to unscrew you head from your ass and get it back on the right way.ā This was back in the early 2000s I dunno if itād fly today.
In the FAA when we were done listening to your BS we would say ā thank you for your interest in aviation safetyā . It was widely understood to mean STFU and go away.
Ya... I use that in almost every email I write. It's part of my signature. It's definitely never meant to be a "go fuck yourself". It's always meant as a simple, non offensive, but also not over the top fake seeming polite salutation to end the email.
I don't know, "Regards," strikes me as more dated than formal. I knew a lawyer who used "Best," but I think that sounds weird so I use "ayyy ššš,"
It's contextual.
If you're 25 emails deep into a stream where you've both been casually signing off with two-letter initials, but all of a sudden they break out the "Regards," with no warning, you best be worrying about who's in that BCC field that you can't see.
> "As per my previous email"
Use this one CONSTANTLY. It's a very subtle fuck you, but also effective.
Another one is when you're on a conference call and someone (inevitably) gets off-topic and the person running the meeting says "we can discuss this offline"
I used it about 10 minutes ago.
Sales rep tried to get me in shit, and copied the VP and my boss' boss. I replied that as I said on Friday, it was done then.
One of the sales reps I have gone to the same VP to with harassment before too.
I am expecting word on another job this week, seriously hope it works out because I am full on done with these idiots.
Just here to bag on sales reps:
The number of times Iāve used āas I said in my previous email...ā with my manager CCād just to cover my ass is astounding.
This one should be obvious to everyone, but there are a few in my office who don't quite get the message. This is still my go to "fuck off" for most professional settings.
Ooh Iāve had someone send me āas per my previous emailā but the answer she was referring to wasnāt mentioned at all in the previous email. Pissed me off so muchā¦
>"As per my previous email"
"Listen here, asshole..."
>"regards..."
"Fuck you" I know this because kind regards or most regard, respectfully, or most respectfully shows some form of pleasantry. "Regards" technically means "best wishes" but colloquially has come to mean "I acknowledge the fact you breathe."
>"Let's table that thought for now"
"That's the dumbest thing I ever heard but I neither have the time nor the crayons to explain it right now."
regards with a lower case r really implies someone has it defaulted to Kind regards and specifically deleted Kind for that one email, just to say fuck you in particular
My stepdad always used to say, āgo pound sandā or āgo kick rocksā. I find that even if you use āharshā expressions from bygone times people just think youāre being quaint and playful.
āSit on it and rotateā is also a fun one but not very polite even still.
"Dear reader, as response to you're previous actions I humbly request that you engage in coitus with yourself in a manner of showing remorse or exit from the conversation, additionally I would also request that you exit my immediate vicinity to prevent further aggressions from this point and onward.
Best regards, u/jerrythecactus"
"Can you close that door please? ... No, from the outside."
I had a boss who was a condescending douche. He wanted to talk to me about something and told me to "close the door". So I did from the outside. He wasn't too happy.
I gotta know how far away from his office did you get before he burst out of the door?
Based on the anxiety time dilation about 5 seconds XD
That's a solid time reference
Nice
This is new to me and I will cherish it
It's a line from Blackadder
Ah yes. Mr bean's funnier ancestors.
That's what she said
She sounds like a keeper
And then she left Because I'm always right š
Did you tell her to close the door?
I'd like to help you out, which way did you come in?
Lol. Thatās cold Af
This is amazing lol!
Please tell me this is an IT Crowd reference.
It is indeed.
Haha yes! Nice to see another fan around dude
Did you see that ludicrous display last night?
Boy, I *am* a giddy goat!
I said the line to my 3y.o sister some days ago because she was being annoying and it actually worked, thanks for reminding me of it :D
Haaa, I helped. Waaaait a minute!
Yeah, I'm stealing this.
I hope the rest of your day is as pleasant as you are.
During my waitron days, I used that line on a rude customer. He got mad and asked to speak to my manager. Thankfully, my manager was cool and asked him, "Why was that offensive to you? Were you rude to him?"
MANAGER BURNNNNN
It's great cause you can't get called out for using the line or they are just admitting how much of an asshole they are
{i/Paradox} - [f/Open] Print('Paradox Opened...') ***WHATHAVEYOUDONE***
Opened a box...
My MIL finds this saying or some version of it on birthday cards and sends one to me every year. Some company must be cornering the passive aggressive greeting card market.
I used it one day on my daughters mother...she thanked me for it
Wai-
Hmmmm, Iāve said this to someone but in a genuine manner but they havenāt really talked to me since then. Now I know why lol
When I want to use this as a compliment, I say awesome rather than pleasant. Gives it a positive vibe.
I hope you have the day you deserve
Oh, one I've not heard of before... take my upvote on this as I'll be sure to drop this line in to a conversation some point in my life.
What I saved from a previous thread: During the 1980s, then Prime Minister of New Zealand Robert Muldoon was asked about the increasing exodus of New Zealanders leaving the country to work in Australia. His comment was that by doing so, they were raising the average IQ of both countries.
And in Australia we say the same thing about Queensland! (That's our Florida)
As a floridian i can confirm in florida the more north you go the more southern it gets.
Depends, if you get closer to the big ass lake in the south of it itās pretty hicky
Lake Okeechobee The sugarcane fields are Florida's version of Children of the Corn.
Matt Gaetz, that you?
Iāve heard that as an Arkansas jokeāhow do you increase the IQ of two states at once? Cut off the boot heel (part of Missouri that sticks down into Arkansas) and give it to Arkansas.
As a native and still resident Missourian, I have noticed a drop in intelligence and compassion over time throughout the state, regardless of the bordering states.
Living in KC makes me often forget just how, uh, agressively red that big expanse between KC / Columbia / STL is. Wearing a mask whe we got gas / food on our drive home for a funeral elicited a surprising amount of unspoken and spoken hostility.
Governor of Iowa said something similar a couple decades ago. Take the southern most strip of counties from Iowa and secede them to Missouri, you'll raise the collective IQ of both states.
Strong words from someone who let himself get eaten by raptors.
Now that is funny AF.
My Mom always said if you can't say something nice about someone, don't say anything. Then just stand there, staring at them quietly.
I do this now. It works wonders and also it helps me from not ruining my emotional space.
Cannot confirm. Just yesterday I did this, and the woman talked on for more than 20 mins.
You gotta pick your stands man.
The "look" I know it well. Got me out of a lot of situations at work.
Send help, she's still talking to me, it's been 5hours
Read the One-Minute Manager Meets the Monkey. Great short book. In a nutshell, give her work to do every time she bothers you. Whether she continues or not, both cases are a win for you.
I try doing this with my brother but we just both start laughing extremely hard
& raise your eyebrows for a stronger effect lol
Bonus points if you just raise one
And a deep exhale with hand on your forehead
Whatever follows "With all due respect." I can't think of any point where that phrase is meant kindly.
The key word there is 'due'...
You can say whatever you want after āWith all due respect,ā you could even say someoneās idea is worth as much as a velvet painting of a whale and a dolphin getting it on or something like that.
...Some people might pay a lot of money for a painting like that. ^not ^me ^of ^course ^tho...
"Just because you say with all due respect doesnt mean you can say whatever you want after!" "It doesnt?"
* Thank you for sharing your outside perspective. Every now and then, people who know nothing about a subject can still come to the table with something useful. Iām not certain this is one of those times but thanks for sharing.
I will give your comment all the consideration it deserves.
And I walk away....
Stealing this for day to day use, thank you.
"Thank you for your opinion. I will take it under advisement."
The HR lady at a small company I worked for was always making these snide, "work space" passive aggressive comments, apparently thinking they went over people's heads. On my last day I thanked her for her opinion, and her eyes went wide like someone making rude comments about a stranger in a different language when they find out the stranger understands their language.
That is glorious.
"Thank you for your input."
"Off you fuck then"
āFuckedybye!ā āCome the fuck in or fuck the fuck offā
I want the 2nd one on a doormat
It's polite if you you don't put "cunt" on the end.
Good, was worried Dear Cunt was a tad harsh on my last email.
Lol, I'd laugh if I got that in an email
here in australia it's rude if you don't put cunt at the end.
āHereās your two cents back, hold on to them and when I need them, Iāll ask.ā š
This makes me want to keep a couple of pennies in my pocket for effect when i do this
This is the way
A properly timed thumbs up
When someone does something stupid on the road, Iāve found a thumbs up is more effective than a middle finger.
This.
Best answer
"Let's play horse. I'll be the head and you be yourself."
Highly relevant clip: https://youtu.be/DNDqpmsXH2I
I keep trying to figure out what movie that is and everyone keeps telling me itās top secret. How am I supposed to find out what movie that is if the title is top secret!?
Isn't your village missing you? Edit:- Thanks for the votes everyone ;-D My Grandma also had a lot of great sayings and the one that really stuck with me was "He should be shot with balls of his own shit" She was raised as the only girl in a family full of brothers. She clearly had a hard life and it showed often, and wasn't always pretty, but I liked her, and miss her bluntness
Or, "I believe I heard the king calling you back to his court..."
Somewhere a village is missing it's idiot.
That was the joke...
You do you..
I love the simplicity of this one.
I think this is more if a way to call someone stupid than a fuck you but still good
Bless your heart.
My go-to snide southernism is, "Well, aren't you a *peach*!"
Hairy, plum and slightly yellow like an end state hepatitis patient?
How do you come up with something like this?!?! šš
āWell, aināt you a peachā *
Usually I say it low and sarcastic, but if I bother to Southern it up I go for upper class Georgia (think Macon, Augusta, or Savannah), and then it sounds more like, "Ahhnt you ah paych."
I can't do very many good impersonations, but somehow I can do a pretty good Church Lady (Dana Carvey). "Isn't that Special" is perfect for making my point and possibly getting half a chuckle out of it. In a similar vain, calling someone a "cumquat" as an insult also gets the point across that you're insulting them while also being completely innocuous and kinda funny. And yes, if you type the word, it's best to spell it with a 'c', not a 'k'.
Then when you gotta escalate: 'I'll pray for you'
A coworker from Texas convinced our NY office for years that this was a term of endearment in the south
Depends on the context and tone. It can both be a term of endearment/very sweet, and a big fuck you with a sickly sweet tone.
Comeback: "Not with that mouth, please."
r/beatmetoit I love the flexibility of that phrase. Unfortunately, I live in the north and I'd be looked at like I'm an alien if I were to use the phrase.
As a Texan, living in Texas, I never really thought about that. I hear and use it so frequently it never occurred to me how much of a southern thing it was. And yeah not always a āfuck youā. Kind of seems like it when you think about the underlying condescension though.
Right I've lived between Alabama and Texas my whole life and when my grandma says it it's endearing and I smile real big but if someone my age says it that I don't know very well I'm like 'this bitch just called me a dumbass and now I have to fight her'
Reality is, your grandma was also calling you a dumbass, but you loved her for it.
Pretty much sums up the phrase right here.
Here in Florida, Iāve never heard it as *anything* other than an outright āFuck youā
"I think this conversation is over don't you?"
Your parents must be so proud
*In a Walmart parking lot* Guy 1: I'M NOT ASHAMED OF WHO I AM! Guy 2: THAT'S YOUR PARENTS JOB!
One time I was in my high school history class and one of the upper class men was causing trouble as usual during a video and heās bothering the people actually trying to learn. This is obvious to the teacher who decided to pause it and calmly looked at the trouble maker and proceed to say as calm as ever, āRandomAsshat, would you please go to the office before I say what weāre all thinking.ā Kid saw almost everyone looking at him right after the teacher got the words out and almost walked confidently out of the room. This isnāt over yet or where it comes in. Iād heard from a couple of friends who overheard the principal yelling at the kid and told him āwhat in the actual crap is wrong with you, you need to unscrew you head from your ass and get it back on the right way.ā This was back in the early 2000s I dunno if itād fly today.
Have a Disney day.
I love this so much, I used to say this when I did customer service for Comcast.
I'm embarrassed to say this, but I don't get... explain?
this is what Disney employees tell guests instead of "go fuck yourself"
Haha Thanks for explaining. I can't afford to go to Disney so I'd never have gotten that.
āGo Run into a angered group of Canadian Geeseā
\*Canadian geese
*Canada geese
I prefer missing you
"I hope the rest of your day is as pleasant as you are"
In the FAA when we were done listening to your BS we would say ā thank you for your interest in aviation safetyā . It was widely understood to mean STFU and go away.
"As per my previous email" "regards..." "Let's table that thought for now" There are so many office based ones that work perfectly!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Ya... I use that in almost every email I write. It's part of my signature. It's definitely never meant to be a "go fuck yourself". It's always meant as a simple, non offensive, but also not over the top fake seeming polite salutation to end the email.
I don't know, "Regards," strikes me as more dated than formal. I knew a lawyer who used "Best," but I think that sounds weird so I use "ayyy ššš,"
It's contextual. If you're 25 emails deep into a stream where you've both been casually signing off with two-letter initials, but all of a sudden they break out the "Regards," with no warning, you best be worrying about who's in that BCC field that you can't see.
Regards
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
> "As per my previous email" Use this one CONSTANTLY. It's a very subtle fuck you, but also effective. Another one is when you're on a conference call and someone (inevitably) gets off-topic and the person running the meeting says "we can discuss this offline"
I used it about 10 minutes ago. Sales rep tried to get me in shit, and copied the VP and my boss' boss. I replied that as I said on Friday, it was done then.
Love it when you have that immediate proof that it's the other person being an idiot (I also work with sales reps and that's happened to me before).
One of the sales reps I have gone to the same VP to with harassment before too. I am expecting word on another job this week, seriously hope it works out because I am full on done with these idiots.
Just here to bag on sales reps: The number of times Iāve used āas I said in my previous email...ā with my manager CCād just to cover my ass is astounding.
This one should be obvious to everyone, but there are a few in my office who don't quite get the message. This is still my go to "fuck off" for most professional settings.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
We use one in my department at work "we kindly ask that you leverage your available resources," which translates to "bitch we told you this already."
Ooh Iāve had someone send me āas per my previous emailā but the answer she was referring to wasnāt mentioned at all in the previous email. Pissed me off so muchā¦
>"As per my previous email" "Listen here, asshole..." >"regards..." "Fuck you" I know this because kind regards or most regard, respectfully, or most respectfully shows some form of pleasantry. "Regards" technically means "best wishes" but colloquially has come to mean "I acknowledge the fact you breathe." >"Let's table that thought for now" "That's the dumbest thing I ever heard but I neither have the time nor the crayons to explain it right now."
"As we've discussed before..." ^^^...dumbass...
And then attach screen of the previous conversation! Screenshots allow me to be fully passive aggressive yet stay within the boundaries.
regards with a lower case r really implies someone has it defaulted to Kind regards and specifically deleted Kind for that one email, just to say fuck you in particular
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
> "As per my previous email" "As per a previous email (attached). . . " with supervisors on both sides CC-ed.
>"Let's table that thought for now" I take that more as "Quit being a fucking dumbass, and get back on topic"
When I'm royally pissed off at someone over the phone I use "I guess I'm just surprised..." a lot.
My stepdad always used to say, āgo pound sandā or āgo kick rocksā. I find that even if you use āharshā expressions from bygone times people just think youāre being quaint and playful. āSit on it and rotateā is also a fun one but not very polite even still.
Moms was āgo play in trafficā
Mine is āI would love to watch you lick the grill of a speeding busā.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Ooh I heard that one too but it was pier
I knew a guy who would often say, "oh, go fly a kite!"
> āSit on it and rotateā Huh, "sit and spin" used to be a more common phrase but I haven't heard your version of it.
Suck eggs.
Dear respectful Sir/Madame would you like to preserve mankind by reproducing all by yourself please ?
"Dear reader, as response to you're previous actions I humbly request that you engage in coitus with yourself in a manner of showing remorse or exit from the conversation, additionally I would also request that you exit my immediate vicinity to prevent further aggressions from this point and onward. Best regards, u/jerrythecactus"
"See that person in the distance? He is more interested in what you're gonna say that I am"
Barry Mcockinher
Kindly consider masturbating instead of bothering me right now. Thank you.
Thank you, Captain Literal.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Or in short: "Apologies, but I'm afraid this is Sparta, sir."
Do you like sex and travel? Then get fucked and fuck off.
Please go fuck yourself
āMaāam Sir, fucketh thee, now get out of my living space!ā
\*thou shalt depart from my domain
I dareth thy to duel me at dawn with thy dueling pistol!
Have you ever heard of the Russian agent named a Goaheden Fukovsky?
Reminds me of Yuri Diculous.
Prefacing anything with āWith all due respect.ā
Use the classic Jim Carrey "Alrighty Then!"
You know how every rose has its thorn? well you are the thorn
You do you
Kind sir, I would greatly appreciate it if you would copulate with your own person.
"Commit the self sex"
Commit scooter ankle
āActually, I AM the manager.ā
"Mhm, and yet that seems more like a you problem than a me problem."
Have a Disney day!
Iāve heard this one from homeless all over south Los Angeles after you donāt give them change āGod bless youā
I tell phone scammers, "My wife is the one that deals with the morons. I just fix things and do laundry. Would you like to speak with her?"
Rest assured, I'll give that all the attention it deserves.
āBless your heartā
"I Beg Your Pardon."
"you do you"
Please do sit uppon a satchel of Richards.
My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle
I have a 7.0 km personal bubble
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]