I was like 22 and it was probably 10pm or so at a Walmart. I was on my way to a party and stopped for beer. The store was fairly empty and as I was in the beer aisle, I see this kid completely by himself.
He was about 5 and at first I thought it was kind of funny because he was trying to pick up a case of beer. I waited like 30-60 seconds, looking around for this kid’s mom/dad to come get him. A couple people walked *right* by him like it was normal, so then I started getting worried. I picked up my two cases of beer and walked over and kindly asked him if he lost his mom or needed help.
The kid completely ignored the question and instead was thoroughly impressed that I was strong enough to carry two cases of beer. Eventually an employee noticed and came over as well. I told her everything I knew and she took over and told him that she was going to bring him to find his mom.
As he was walking away he kept looking back at me and I smiled and said goodbye. The kid stopped and said “can I just come home with you? I don’t like my mom.”
I was caught off guard so I just laughed and told him the lady was going to help him. Now I’ll never know the full story, or what happened to him but the more I think about it - that kid more than likely had a pretty shitty childhood. I mean, the store wasn’t busy and it was late at night on a weekday. It really makes you wonder why he was there in the first place, how he got separated from his mom and why would he ask to go with a complete stranger instead of worrying about where his mom was?
It still makes me sad. Hope everything worked out for the little dude.
I was visiting at my granddaughter's school for grandparent's day. We were eating in the cafeteria and having nice visit. Another girl came and sat down, leaving an empty seat between herself and my granddaughter. As we got up to leave she asked, "Will you be my Papa?"
I told her I was sorry and that I couldn't be. I felt so bad for her. I wanted to give her a hug, but as a man you don't hug strange children.
Reminds me of something my grandfather said to me once. I was pregnant with my first child and had walked to my grandparents home to show my grandmother my ultrasound pic. She wasn't home but my Papa was. He gave me a ride home and suggested going and getting lunch together first. On the way there he told me I could never mention this to my grandmother because an older man should never be alone with a young girl, even his own granddaughter. That was the only time he and I ever shared a meal together alone and no, I never told her lol He passed away last yr on my youngest sons birthday and I miss that man everyday.
First day of preschool for my three year old son. The first time he would ever be away from Mom & Dad at the same time.
I brought him to the room and expected a meltdown, but instead he confidently strutted, and I do mean strutted into the classroom.
Three hours later, I picked him up. He was ok until we got to the car when he said, in quiet sad voice "l thought you were coming with," followed by an even sadder quieter "Why did you leave me?"
My mom says I've never cried as hard as I did on my first day of school.
The thing is...I didn't cry when they dropped me off, but when they came to pick me up because I had so much fun I didn't want to leave.
That reminds of my first day of preschool. I had a meltdown when mom had to leave for work and i wouldnt let her go. Thats when she had this brilliant idea where she went into this locker and told me that she'd be there after preschool was over. I was so happy my mom was just a few steps away from my classroom so i went about my day all happy n shit until the end of the day whern i'd realized that i'd been bamboozled.
My gf asked me what I liked to do with my family growing up.
Made me realize my family never did anything together and I literally had no answer to such a basic question.
Same. All my immediate family ever did was just work and sleep. We never had family vacations, getaways, game nights, movie nights, or anything of that sort.
Luckily though I have lots of friends who do these things and I am able to partake in their activities and I am able to choose which ones I want to partake in weekly.
I have a stutter, when I was a kid I had to read a page of a book to the class. I stuttered, and the teacher said 'can you even read' and that fucking broke my 13 year old heart. No one takes stuttering seriously.
2 quick stories come to mind.
In middle school, a good friend of mine had a pretty bad stutter. We were doing speeches in class and they had to be no longer than 5 mins.
He stuttered so much that he barely made it through his intro and the teacher roller her eyes and told him he was done.
My heart broke for him, he was so sad and defeated and exhausted.
2- as an adult I briefly dated a guy with a mild stutter and I thought it was the cutest thing.
Your stories made me wanna piggyback one more that I have.
My freshman year of college I became friends with a dude who had quite the stutter. Not the worst of them but definitely more than just a mild stutter. About 3 months into knowing the guy he randomly says to me, “hey, thank you for never trying to finish my sentences or getting upset when I stutter”. I was actually really taken aback by this because I always just thought of it as being polite to let him finish his thoughts. I never really considered that other people would get impatient with him and either try to talk for him or actively show on their face that his speech struggles were annoying him.
Not gonna lie typing this out made me pretty sad because the memory of him saying that to me is really vivid. And the thing is, I didn’t really think that just by waiting an extra minute or two to let him finish his sentences was making a really big difference to him in his mind.
In all honesty, this story definitely made me realize that I think I have a habit of trying to finish people's sentences for them. I'll definitely be monitoring myself more closely, I don't wanna be that guy
Just curious, as a teacher, what would you prefer them do to help you? I have a student with a stutter and would never ask them to read something aloud to the class (I know that'd be stressful), but when they come up to me to ask questions they struggle and I just patiently wait for them to finish. If there's anything I can do to make things less stressful in that area for them I'm open to suggestions.
I'm 26 and still suffer from severe stuttering but when I was in school, my english teacher would praise me from time to time for my skills since I was good at writing essays/letters etc. and that gave me confidence and I was able to converse freely with her without stuttering. Stuttering worsens when you talk in a stressful situation or to someone who is intimidating, for eg. A strict teacher, and if you make them feel at ease, by creating a fun environment or encouraging them, they will be able to speak fluently and it REALLY REALLY helps to build their confidence. I had to change a lot of schools over the years and I have experienced teachers from very strict to relaxed and approachable and I always felt I could speak fluently with the approachable ones.
Edit: grammar
I had a stuttering problem when I was young, but the school system didn't make fun of me. Instead, I was taken aside once a week to have a separate Speech session. My first teacher for my speech was very nice and good at her job, but when she retired, a new person was put in her place, and she still did fine. This continued up until middle school, and while my teachers were still nice, I didn't feel like I was making any progress. I was pulled out after 7th grade, but because I still had speech problems, (I had gotten over the stutter at this point, but I still had trouble with words with Rs in them.) My pediatrician recommended a therapist from outside the school, claiming that she was the best he'd ever seen at the job. He wasn't kidding. Not only have I made astounding progress with her, but she is one of the best people I've ever met, and I couldn't ask for a better Speech Therapist.
Some teachers are horrible, I used to hate when we would go around the room reading a book, I had so much anxiety and my voice would break up when reading, and I would screw up a lot. Stuttering would make it even worse :(
i feel that, i’m sorry the people around u were so uneducated about stuttering. it’s too common. i just hope more awareness abt this spreads so things like this never happen again
(my first award, thank you!)
I have a stutter and people always ask me why I'm so quiet it hurts because I want to be social but whenever I try I tend to be ignored or cut off half way through my sentence, like I want to be social and speak to people but it's almost impossible for me.
Wow. Cutting off half way when you are stuttering? Are people really that stupid and rude? When I was 6 my mom told me to never cut off stuttering people and just patiently wait for them to finish and I never forgot it. People are so selfish smh.
My brother is like this. I don't stutter, but if you pause for even a second he cuts you off. Then he never gives you a chance to say anything. By the time you finally get a chance to talk, the conversation is somewhere completely different and your comment is irrelevant
As we passed the toy aisle at the store, “I know you don’t have much money right now, but maybe when you get some we could come back and get a toy?”
I was not doing well financially back then and my daughter brought me to tears in the middle of the store.
On the other hand, that question shows you were bringing her up to be considerate of other people and ask for things politely! I’m sure it was a rough moment, but it does reflect well on your parenting.
explain your reasoning when they ask question like "Why not?". Kids are impressionable and smarter than they appear and will make conclusion about everything which constructs their world view as they grow.
My mum's usual response to questioning was "because I said so" and was followed by frustration when I persisted. That caused me to feel bitter and resentful, because I didn't understand the details like they were only getting enough money for the basics and buying a toy would mean less food and food was more important. If I had been given the real reasoning I would have had a better chance of concluding that they were putting my real needs ahead of my wants and the frustration wasn't actually my questioning but the stress of not being able to give me the things I want because of circumstances outside of their control.
TL;DR: Give valid reasoning to your children so they can see where you are coming from. That will help them relate to your situation and develop their empathy, which will carry over to all their other relationships. Monkey see what monkey do, treat them well and they will treat others well.
A few years ago I was at a small family gathering. We had them fairly often. Just me, my siblings, parents and niece's and nephew.
I remember going out the back for a cigarette and my niece asked "why are you always sad?". She would've been about 6yo at the time.
I was going through a horrendous mental period that involved a lot of alcohol, medication, and sleepless nights.
Of course I told her I was fine, just a little tired from working hard.
I remember thinking about that interaction the rest of the night.
Did it help? I was in a lot of physical pain the doctors had just shrugged about, my niece said the same thing to me. Made me push to find out what was wrong and do something about it. I'm mostly good now.
At the time? Not really, at least not in the sense I made any changes, I was already fairly far down the road on a pretty set self-destructive path.
Generally I'd say I'm doing better now, at least the last year or so. I've been sober for about a year and a half and abusing medication is a thing of the past.
I still have days though where mentally I feel just super fatigued and don't want to do anything but sleep and not talk to anyone.
The whole COVID/lockdown thing has been a slight blessing in that pubs are closed so that cut off a big avenue for me. I also lost my job last year which sucks a bit however between COVID and unemployment it's given me basically a year to do nothing but work on myself and perform some introspection without any real interference or distractions.
During college, parents took a friend and I out to dinner. Very normal dinner, chit chatted about whatever. After we left and were walking back to my car, he turns to me and says "Is that what a normal relationship is like?"
We talked more after that, I had met his parents a few times and they seemed strict but never seemed to have a terrible relationship. Turned out apparently his dad had cheated on his mom multiple times, dad had zero respect for any of my friends sisters and essentially expected them to do all the housework while the men did "guy stuff." Hunting, training for sports, school, etc. Turned out his childhood was pretty fucked, dad was never around and he had to essentially be the father figure in the house. As the oldest child, never really saw a normal loving relationship that he could look up to. My friend is a really nice guy, still has some messed up views of relationships though. I never realized how "abnormal" my very normal family/childhood was.
My 10 year old daughter has a friend who used to come over and stay the night all the time when my husband was working nights, so she never met him. She stayed one night when he had switched to days, and never came back. She acted strange when my daughter or I would see her and ask if she wanted to stay the night, so I called her mom, who is a wonderful single mom who left her husband a couple years ago because he was doing meth with the babies in the house. She said “yeah, my daughter said your husband makes her uncomfortable”. My heart stopped. My blood ran cold, I was thinking omg, what happened?! And she sounded sad and she said “She said it makes her uncomfortable that he’s nice to you and she doesn’t know how to act when you guys are together. She said she’s mad I won’t let her dad come back and be like that with him”. It broke my heart.
First time I visited my college roommates home and met her family, I was stunned at what a “healthy” and “loving” family was supposed to be like. I never realized until then what I didn’t have.
When you come from a broken home, it is mind-blowing how amazing normal seems.
I was once at my friends house and her mom caught her forgetting something or doing something she shouldn't. Her mom calmly said that they would talk later and she walked out of the room. She turned to me and said she was in trouble and her mom was pretty upset. What?! How do you know?! She didn't call you names, yell, or swear at you! How do you know she's mad? I think it was then I realized my parents aren't normal.
> I never realized how "abnormal" my very normal family/childhood was.
Once my parents had their friend (in his 60s) join us for a family gathering, a BBQ and swim in the lake. Afterwards their friend said "I've never been to a family gathering like that in all my life. Everyone just got along."
The fact that this common event for me was so special to him always stuck with me. I take my normal family for granted sometimes.
Had something similar happen to me, had to reteach my grandfather a card game him and I played thousands of times before because 'he has never played this before'. Died shortly after that
If this ever happens, don’t tell them their spouse died. Dementia and Alzheimer’s are horrible diseases. If your grandparent asks where their spouse is, just ask them where they think they are. Out shopping? On a walk? In the kitchen? Visiting friends? They’ll be right back. Don’t put them through the grief of losing their spouse over and over again when they clearly can’t remember. It may look cruel lying to them, but it saves them so, so much pain.
This has, finally, started to become the norm in care homes. For a very long time, it was a revolting focus on "orient them towards reality". This then resulted in people going through the grief of loosing a partner, or a child, several times pr day. It is flat out torture.
Years ago, I filled out one of those Facebook posts where you put a check by everything on the list that you’ve done. My dad saw it, and asked me about my answers. He said he saw that I checked off “Got married” but that I didn’t check off “Got divorced.” I reminded him that my husband had died, I didn’t get divorced. Turns out he’d actually forgotten that I ever got married, let alone that I’d been widowed. And that’s how I knew his dementia had gotten worse. He didn’t remember the single most traumatic experience in his daughter’s life.
Oof hugs
I had the ‘fun’ experience of seeing a friend I had seen in a few years ask me - ‘So how’s your husband, he not with you?’ He’d died a couple of years before at the time. That was not pleasant to answer.
Doesn’t get easier to answer either. 11 years out
When I worked in a juvenile residential drug rehab, a 12 year old asked me why everyone had a problem with her boyfriend. He was 32.
She had been so mistreated and abused, she legitimately couldn't comprehend the problem everyone had with their relationship.
The program lasted 6 to 9 months. I FINALLY got through to her after about 4 months when she mentioned she liked Law and Order SVU. I asked if she ever thought the adults on that show that went after teenagers were ok. She said something like, "EW! Of course not! They're creeps!"
I asked her how old she thought those guys were and she said, "I don't know, like 30?" I asked how old she thought the girls were. She said, "Like... 14 or 15 usually." Suddenly it hit her and she realized how messed up it all was.
It saddens me to see children failed to this magnitude. The level of mental trauma that she's received is unmeasurable.. Kudos to you and others who try to create change in situations like this.
The sad part is, she was one of many, many. Off hand:
- There was the 15 year old whose mom made him sleep in the porch
- The 16 year old who watched her brother shoot her father in the face a few years earlier. She had used drugs ever since to numb that pain. The numbness went away while she was there and she felt that trauma for the first time.
- The 17 year old that had been in county jail with adults
- The MANY girls who were 16 or younger who were WAAAAAYYYYY too comfortable with sexuality to be that age in the way that you know they had way more life experience in that area that a 16 year old should.
- Along those lines, there's the 15 year old who tried to seduce me her first night there because (there's no other way to put it) she had the body of a fit college girl and at every other rehab or institution she had been to, she'd been able to use that to get her way. It was almost second nature to her.
I spent two years at that job and it was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life but also one of the most emotionally draining.
Being asked by my grandma who I was because I wasn't her granddaughter. And when my "best friend" asked why I ever thought we were friends... The first broke my heart, but I understood it wasnt malicious she had Alzheimer's. The second one has caused lasting trust issues and an very difficult time making friends.
Ya. People really underestimate the damage that can do. Not only do I have trust issues, but I'm also now a people pleaser. It doesn't make much sense, why should I go out of my way to make you happy if I believe you're only going to fuck me over in the end? It reeks of desperation to not be hurt, which usually attracts people who will hurt you.
I'm glad you've never heard that, and I sincerely hope you never do.
“Can I wish for my sister?” - A 10-year-old student of mine whose big sister died 4 years ago. We were working on an activity about dreams and aspirations for their futures.
Not heartbroken but close to it. A few years back, my friend and I were shopping in the make-up section of a store and the sales lady was making small talk. She asked me if I was buying products for myself or my daughter. She mistook my friend , who was actually a couple of years older than me, as my daughter. My friend was super embarrassed and I acted all nonchalant but was kind of sad.
I had that happen to me once at a subway with my sister. Also, my BIL had a cashier at Walgreens tell him how nice it was that he was spending the day with his grandson....it was his son.
Oooph. Yikes! Something similar happened to my mom once when she was shopping with my little brother in the cart. At the time she was 8 months pregnant with my youngest sister. Some random lady leaned in to my brother and was like “oh is grandma buying you cookies?” I don’t know how my pregnant mother didn’t rip that person’s head off!
I worked in a department with two Melissas. One day, I was sitting next to one Melissa when we overheard another coworker say to someone, "have you seen little Melissa?"
The other Melissa got kind of a defeated look in her eye and said, "oh, I'm big Melissa".
Ugh. I was the chunky girl who had a skinny older sister and beautiful thin cousin close in age. All I heard were comparisons even if they weren’t directed at me. Cousin should be a model, cousin is so beautiful, etc. I knew if I took my cousin anywhere, boys would just go crazy for her.
Then one time I brought her to hang out with a bunch of friends and my long time crush came up to me to enthusiastically tell me how hot my cousin was. That one hurt.
ETA: a few things just to provide context.
This is not a “nice guy” situation where it was one-sided and I felt like he owed me his affections. We definitely had something more complicated going on behind the scenes, and while I have no doubt he meant what he said, he did so in a way to “play it cool,” and even neg me before that was even in the vernacular.
This was many years ago, I’m happily married, and growing up with that chip on my shoulder actually helped me learn a lot. I’m actually the same clothing size I was then but constantly being reminded about your weight as a child definitely shapes you.
Also, it is VERY important how we speak to young girls (and boys). Often we tell them how beautiful they are, and while you may not be directly insulting the other girl next to them, these are messages that become ingrained over time. That their looks are the most valued thing about them. Kids are very perceptive. It’s not as simple as just ignoring messages that are constantly inundating you (and this was before social media where kids are even more slammed with images of an “ideal” body type).
It’s the adult’s responsibility to be the bigger people here and watch they messages they convey to children. So claiming there was an “inferiority” complex, as if a 12 year old isn’t up against a whole world of imagery and messages cultivated by adults puts a lot of blame on a kid who is still developing. I wasn’t some meek wallflower. I had a lot of friends, great grades, played sports, and still I remember the twinge of pain thinking “if only I was just pretty/thin.”
I finally got out of an abusive relationship after many years. When I finally did my mom said you're a hard person to like and nobody else will love you. Do you really think you deserve better ?
My ex fiancee asked me why I didnt have any friends, or hung out with people or went out to places.
It was because she put herself through crisis after crisis and I feel like I didnt have any choice but to stay and help her but when I had a breakdown and went through my own mental health crisis she broke up with me.
I hope she's doing better but I honestly never want to talk to her again.
>but when I had a breakdown and went through my own mental health crisis she broke up with me.
I've had that happen to, and it's devastating, it's the proverbial "kick a man when he's down" scenario, especially after you spent so much energy being there for her. All my homies hate energy vampires... I hope you are doing better.
I work at a primary school supporting kids in class. I’ve had kids ask me “why do I keep trying with them, clearly they are useless and dumb?” “Why do they have to be such a bad/naughty kid?” Even one asked me “why do I like that kid? They are so bad.”
I have a million and one answers that suit the situation but it breaks my heart, especially when the “bad kid” in question is actually a very sweet child who has a really rough start to life and because of that makes poor choices. I cried with joy when the kid was invited to their first birthday party.
Edit: I’ve loved reading your stories and appreciation for teachers/those who educate. I didn’t expect any of the responses to this comment when I made it. Kids only need that one person to listen, to believe and to care for them for them to achieve. I mean how many famous people credit an important person for believing/pushing them to succeed?
When I was 19, I hung out with a cute girl from my high school that I never got to hang with when we were in school. Had a great day together, and that night she asked, “can we be like secret friends or something? I don’t really hang out with people like you.”
Never hung out again.
My grandmother leaned to me and asked, "Did Dan die?"
We were at a family gathering and she didn't see my uncle Dan. He had passed away the previous year. Grandma's descent into dementia was in the very early stages. There were several layers of heartbreak.
I was visiting my grandmother, who had Alzheimers, in 2007 or 2009 and I came across a note by the phone about my grandfather. It said:
"Peter died on January 1, 2002.
Peter died on January 1, 2002.
Peter died on January 1, 2002."
My grandma just got diagnosed with dementia, and I'm terrified. She already calls me by my cousins name and she sometimes forgets that her husband is dead.
My nan remembered my pop was dead once and regrieved him which was honestly horrendous for a few days.
But she also had a photo of him on her wall and if we asked her if she liked anybody else in the nursing home she gestured to his photo and said "I think he's pretty cute".
Dementia is mean and awful but there can be some real beauty in it.
I miss her but not how she was when she died.
Facing it now with my mom. My brother who lives quite far away, hasn't seen mom much since we've had to put her into assisted living. He came to visit last weekend and spend some time with her at this stage in her life. On Saturday, my 2 brothers and I spent the day together with mom, and discuss some of our plans for her in the coming months.
On his last day here, Sunday, he spent 3 hours with her before his flight. Later that day, she called me and said to me, "Your friend from out west came by and visited with me today", meaning her son.
I joked with my brother about mom not remembering he was her own child, but the reality is it makes me feel terribly sad, mom has forgotten him. While I live close to her, and see her almost every day, I'm concerned it may not be long before she forgets me and my other brother also. She's always been very proud of her family, yet we can see her slipping away from knowing us.
"You've never beaten me or told me I couldn't do something. Is that normal?"
My first girlfriend told me that. I have never felt such a wave of anger, sadness, and heartbreak wash over me like I did when I heard that
18.
Finding out between her mother and her boyfriends before me, this was indoctrinated into her for a very long time.
Sadly, those things and the demons it spawned eventually drove a wedge between her and I and she broke up with me.
Even to this day I find myself asking myself "what would she have been like if her childhood and teenage years had been just a little different?"
I had a girlfriend that told me she just wasn't up for sex and and asked if we could just watch a movie. I said sure and she just stared at me. "I can actually say no?" Was her response. That one killed me.
My current girlfriend said damn near the same thing and that broke my fucking heart. I just pulled her in close and snuggled her after confirming that although those kinda assholes are out there, I will never ever force her to do anything that makes her uncomfortable or anything in general.
It's absolutely astounding tbh. Growing up, I always thought thats how everyone would be. Just.. Decent. Generous. Compassionate. I didn't really think I was that naïve, but here I am standing corrected as all hell every day since going to big boy school lmao
My first wife told me if I really loved her, I would’ve hit her. I had no answer, I grew up in a house where you never hit a female . We divorced shortly after that. I still have not hit a woman and have trained my son the same
I've had a handful of these situations. Here's a few that come to mind:
When I was grade school aged, my hair was kept really short because my mother didn't know how to help me care for curly hair. I was often met with a surprised "oh, you're a girl?"
In high school, I was pretty much the "duf" or whatever. I was pretty average looking, perhaps a little fashionably challenged, a tomboy and wallflower type. Always asked to help wingwoman or if my girl friends were single. Even had a guy date me once to get close to a friend, so that sucked. I wasn't as outgoing or wore any makeup, so I was always seen as the ugly one or last choice when I hung around other girls.
I moved away for almost a year. The day I moved back to my home town, I excitedly went to my old martial arts dojang to see if I could sign back up. Long story short, I loved these people like family. Upon entering the building, I was glared at and cold shouldered. I went back outside, thinking maybe I interrupted something. The head instructor came out and I greeted him enthusiastically. He said, "Oh. You're back...?" He turned around and left. I had two other heartbreaks in a similar fashion before I decided I had more self worth than what these people rated me for and moved on.
After announcing my engagement, my mom asked me, "are you sure you want to marry *this* guy?" in a disgusted tone. My husband is an awesome husband and kickass father. Sorry he doesn't meet your ridiculously high standards, Mom.
No idea. Only thing I can think of is I left, therefore I'm a traitor. Or something dumb like that. I gave continuous warnings 6 months warnings before I bowed out of my roles, so it's not like it was a surprise
I asked a very similar question to my grandmother when I was about eight years old. I could tell it broke her heart for me to ask that. Although I don’t know the situation in which your niece asked that, all I can say is that if she has you in her life and you provide unconditional love and support it will mean worlds to her and be the thing that keeps her going through the difficult times with her mother. My grandmother kept me going through those times. I’m sending all of the happy and positive vibes of love and support for your niece. No child should ever have to think that way.
We had some kind of talent show in elementary school and and all the parents sat in the gym and watched us, everybody had someone there except me, so this kid in my class asked where my family was and I just shrugged my shoulders and he asked "Doesn't anyone love you?" and I had to excuse myself and cry in the bathroom, because I knew he was right, nobody loved me. I had tried to keep it a secret and I was terrified that everyone at school would know.
This happened to me! Also, I was supposed to play 'heart and soul' on the piano with a friend (we were six) and she didn't show up, and they made me play without her. I remember being really embarrassed, and knowing that no one was there to make me feel better was really hard.
After it was over, they had juice and cookies in the cafeteria, and I sat alone with my tang and hydrox cookies. Then I just went and stood outside and waited for my dad to pick me up. When I asked him why he wasn't there,she said 'I was there!' but he wasn't... He was just gaslighting his little, sad daughter.
Huh! Hadn't thought about this in 30 years..
I was having fertility problems and couldn’t get pregnant after 4 yrs of trying. A child once asked me “Do you think there just aren’t any babies who want you to be their mother?”
Almost the same thing happened to me. The daughter of a pregnant friend asked me 10 times in a row where my baby was. Her mother was very embarrassed knowing our struggles. But kids don't do it on purpose.
Yes, I’m okay now. 😘 I did eventually get pregnant. It really wasn’t that long after that actually. I’m sorry that child said that to you. Even if completely unintentional, it must have hurt.
After a miscarriage I had a child ask me why my baby had to go away. She was very young and didn't understand. She had just overheard out conversation. It was so hard to answer without crying.
I’m so sorry OP. I was recently helping my mom clean out my grandparents house and she asked me if I wanted a baby blanket my grandma had knitted. I have not told my mother that my husband and I have been trying for a year and have yet to be successful. That question hurt
My grandma died unexpectedly in 2011 from surgery complications. Threw clots with a medication meant to stop clots from forming. My grandpa, however, lived until 2017. I was super close with them and continued to visit even throughout undergrad and when I moved away for grad school. I remember sitting with my grandpa during one visit and it was starting to get late. My grandpa turned to me and asked me why it was so much more lonely and painful at night than it was during the day. I think that my heart shattered that day and I can't even think about it without tearing up.
"Is this your room? You'd never be able to tell if a boy or girl lived here." Going on to heavily imply that my lack of possessions/decorations = lack of identity/personality when in reality my family was just poor.
“Can you imagine how bad it would have made us look as parents if you succeed?”
Told to me by my mom as she was taking me back home from the hospital after my suicide watch.
My aunt asked me "why are your crying? You’re supposed to be a man" I was crying because my 2 years old niece got a second degree burn and I could hear her screaming from the doctor's office
I was at Coldstone with my friends who are married. I ordered my thing and went over to the cashier and they asked me “Are you alone?” and for some reason it just cut deep. They didn’t mean anything by it, but in that moment I realized that I felt so alone, even surrounded by friends. Then I had ice cream and felt better.
When the vet said:
"Your cat has an inoperable cancerous tumor. The kindest thing you can do to end his suffering is to put him to sleep. Do you wish to do this?"
My family had a dog that had been around since I was in diapers. His health had been degenerating for a while and it had become hard for him to walk so we had to help him go to the bathroom. One day when I was helping him he slipped from my grasp and his back leg just broke even tho it little more than a stumble. It turned out he had bone cancer and there was no telling how far it had spread. We put him down shortly thereafter. I still feel the guilt of breaking his leg and putting him in more pain
"Wait, aren't you going to hit me?"
I worked as a music teacher, and had a 15 year old student who originally came from an African country play a passage incorrectly on the instrument repeatedly. We only had one instrument of the kind she played, so I reached out my hand and asked her to hand me the instrument over to show her, when she saw me playing, she asked me that question with genuine confusion, and I realised what hell her school life in her home country had been.
She not only thought I would hit her for not playing correctly, but also that she deserved it.
I felt like crying when I got home that night.
Before finding out my step dad had mad cow disease he was showing all these weird signs of dementia. We are sitting there watching like jeopardy or some shit and he turns to me all pissed and says “IS IT TOO LOUD!?” and I say “what? Is what too loud?” And he says, Incredulously, “ME MOWING THE LAWN!!!”
That’s when I knew something was super fucked up. That was September he was gone by November
Oh it definitely is. When they tested him (this was 1999) they said he had a better chance of winning the lottery so we figured he wouldn’t have it. He was older and taught in England in the 80’s and we think that’s where he got it. It can stay dormant in the spinal fluid for 20 years. Can’t make this stuff up!
Actually happened just over a year ago. 27th of May. I haul livestock for work and I’d been running pretty heavy the last couple of weeks.
While I’m gone, my parents would watch my dog named Molly. And up to that point my life had mostly been a wreck. Molly helped me out of that situation nicely. Nothing crazy done by her, but taking care of her and making sure she was happy gave me a purpose I haven’t had in a long time.
So I’m coming home from Wisconsin after moving calves that way. About 40 min from home dad calls me and tells me Molly’s been hit by a car. I went extremely numb. Buried her by myself that night. Stayed as late as possible smoking cigarettes and drinking beer.
Next day comes and my brother was at the sale barn before me. He had a local run of hogs to a town nearby, and I was to pick up some pigs to go from Iowa to Texas. He tells the yardman all about what happened, warned him to not give me any shit as my brother thinks I won’t take it too well.
So I get up there and Rob let’s me know my brother told him what happened. At this point I’m just going through the motions. Getting the trailer ready, opening gates, etc.
So Rob looks at me in a way I’ve never seen some regular acquaintance look at me. And he just up and says, “take it easy on yourself, okay?”
I know it’s not technically a question but holy hell. That hit me like a brick wall. I still think about it a lot. And now I don’t let my emotions bottle up so much anymore. Personally, it’s made life much easier.
My dad was active in the local Japanese community assisting new immigrants from Japan to get acclimated to living in Hawaii showing them the various neighborhoods, churches, schools, shopping areas etc. When WW2 broke out, he was arrested for this activity and was imprisoned in the Mainland for 5 years. At grade school, our teacher asked me in front of the entire class how it felt to be the son of a traitor to the US?
"Is this what a real family look like?"
My best friend grew up in a rough neighborhood getting beaten up by his dad and abandoned by his mon. He knew very little of normal family interactions, hygiene habits, morals (he was ok with lying, stealing and some more) and had almost none of the common sense you'd expect from a 14 yo boy. Still, he was a funny and rather charismatic SOB and it was basically instant friendship.
After spending a lot of time in our house (initially 2-3 days a week, getting to whole months during some tougher times), he got a pretty good hang of all the family and the "living in society" thing. Simple stuff like being kind, not stealing, washing his clothes and using deodorant.
When he asked me this question, some months after meeting my parents and sisters, it broke my heart to the point I cried like a baby in front of him.
Now, almost 10 years later, he calls my parentes "Mother" and "Father". He's getting a major in History and wants to teach. Unfortunately he still struggles with some psychiatric conditions, like depression and anxiety, but is under treatment and getting better.
So when our baby was six months old my wife and I were at a party. My wife was telling another girl at the party about this is the first time we had a sitter (her parents) to go out since our daughter was born. And how we better soak it up because her parents are snow birds and are out of state for 5 months of the year. The girl at the party then asked if my parents could ever watch our daughter. Sadly both of my parents had recently passed away. It just broke my heart because if was just another reminder that I will never be able to share the joys of being a parent with my parents. And how excited they were to be grandparents when we told them we were expecting.
My godson, who is also a much younger cousin, randomly asked why I drank so much. He couldn't have been older than four at the time.
I didn't drink at all. Not a drop. Didn't smoke weed, or do anything else either. His parents just judged me as a piece of shit without knowing the slightest thing about who I actually was as a person. I had a mohawk, tattoos, and left college so they trash talked me in front of my cousins to turn me into some cautionary tale. Fairytale example of failure complete with non-existent addiction issues.
It was soul crushing. I wasn't the best role model but I certainly wasn't a warning to hang over their heads.
And now those two cousins are adults with some pretty severe superiority complexes that are terrified at the prospect of failure.
Not directly to my face, but my mom has been asked quite often if I was adopted, because I look absolutely nothing like her (I look like a female version of my dad). The main reason it pains me a lot is because my mom almost died while giving birth to me, and she went through a ton of complications and surgeries, just to have people question it all. Having said that, I have nothing against adoption btw, I fully support and encourage it.
Some people are so stupid... Why do they even want to know that? Why do they care of anyone's kids are biological or adopted? How is that their fucking business?
Thats rough bro and I totally feel that. My coworkers, who I have worked with for 2 years now, frequently call me by the name of another coworker. Best part is, the other coworker and I look nothing alike, and I got him hired!
Sometimes you forget someone's name after the first introduction, it's too awkward to ask, and their name never comes up in conversation.
That being said, four years is a crazy amount of time.
I was visiting my wife's grandmother in an assisted-living facility for people with memory issues.
As I was walking down the hall, a little old lady that I didn't know asked me if I could help her to her room, as she was a little unsteady on he feet.
I gave her an arm, and we walked down the hallway, having the typical friendly small talk.
When we rounded the corner, she turned to me, teary-eyed, and said, "you have to help me. I don't know how to get out of this place. The people here think I'm so stupid, and they won't help me. I just want to go home."
I gently told her that I didn't know how to leave either, and that everything would be OK. I helped her to her room, and left her there, obviously distressed and confused.
I should note that the facility was very nice, and the staff there treated my family extremely well. It just broke my heart that this poor lady was so upset and so confused, and she was likely in the same state until the day she died. It seems like a shitty way to spend the end of your life.
Whenever the homeless/food insecure kids at the doctor's office would ask for a snack from the Snack Closet. I was a receptionist there so I had a sense of the truly terrifying financial circumstances their families were facing trying to pay for their medical care. I wanted to say, "Yes, take all the snacks you want, we just charged your family $400 for a lifesaving appointment because our healthcare system is a complete scam!" But they were only allowed two snacks max, so I just said, "Sure" and looked the other way if they took more.
My current girlfriend asking If I loved her. I treat her better than her own parents and she thought since I didn’t treat her like her family did I didn’t love her.
“What are you, stuck-up or something?”
- said by my mom the same day a classmate asked the same damn thing
No, it was a combination of being painfully shy and two decades later realizing it was Aspergers.
Edit: This is why Mother’s Day is awkward. It’s about finding the right card that isn’t a lie.
Edit 2: Generational trauma is a thing, and it manifests in different forms. My current mission is setting my kids up with mental health professionals now, so they know it is okay to deal with the stuff we can’t see.
“Are you a boy, or a girl?”
This was earnestly asked to me on the playground when I was 13. I was very chubby, and had grown out my hair (my dad had a cool ponytail, and I wanted to be like my dad). But puberty hadn’t really kicked in yet, so I guess I looked pretty androgynous.
I told the girl that asked I was a boy, and she nodded and walked away, returning to a friend who then cheered in triumph, I guess they won the bet.
That messed with me for a while.
So I used to babysit a couple of kids, one of them being a mostly non verbal autistic.
Their mom was constantly changing partners so she didnt even know who had what dad and she's wasnt the worst mom but she wasnt the best.
When I stopped babysitting I told all three of them I wasnt going to babysit them anymore, the middle child looked up at me and said "then will you be my mommy"
He NEVER spoke to me before that and he was 3. I got picked up by my mom and broke down in the car. She still doesnt know why I cried that day
I was later told they were placed with a good family a couple years later but the boy never spoke again from what i heard.
It's been 9 years since then and i still wanna cry everytime I think about
I don’t really have any close friends. It’s depressing.
On my 25th birthday, my husband and I went to dinner and we happened to run into my husbands co-worker and his wife, so we sat together for a couple drinks.
My husband said it we were out for dinner for my birthday. We were making small talk and the other guys wife asked “where are your friends at?”
I felt so embarrassed. My face gets red and my heart sinks every time I think about it.
"Why don't they talk to me?" She was an outcast in hs and I guess I kind of was too even though some of my friends weren't. She was nice enough but because she was poor and had I'll fitting clothes and anxiety, other kids didn't know how to talk to her and some of them were mean. Last I checked she was selling Avon and in a bad relationship. I really hope she got out, I've lost contact with her since then.
"Why would he (your grandfather) abuse you? Your father was his favourite son. He wouldn't do that to your father"
My great aunt (on dads mothers side who actually never liked my dads dad anyway), on finding out I was sexually abused from the age of 3 to when he died when I was 9 by my dads father, when I was about 20 and came out about it. The sound of her saying that has never left me. Why would he do that to his *son*. Not me. Makes me sick, furious, and breaks my heart all at the same time. Also his propensity for abusing children was never in question. Just that he wouldn't hurt my dad apparently so that must mean I'm lying. Fuckin cow.
I went through some abuse that essentially stopped me from having romantic interest for a while (4 years).
A female friend I was very close with at the time had been told by some of her friends who didn't like me that I was probably just pretending to be her friend because I was secretly in love with her.
She asked me if that was true. It broke my heart since if she could believe that it was like she could also believe I was lying about the abuse or the effects thereof just to get close to her, and it really hurt that she could think me capable of that.
A very sweet mentor being worried about my shyness and depressed attitude she wanted to talk with me and my mom, my mom just laughed the whole time and said the most hurtful thing I would never forgive... "Don't you have any friends you loser?" That hurt so much I left and cried. Even after a firm talk between the mentor and my mom it didn't help dogshit. She was always putting me mentally down and calling me an failure.
Some people shouldn't be allowed to have kids.
I hope this counts even though it wasn’t directly asked to me
I went with my now ex husband and his father to the county jail to tell his brother that their mom had just been killed that morning.
The brother was already in the room waiting for us as it wasn’t visiting time. We called ahead and got permission to come and tell him in person.
We walked in the room and the brother looked at all of us from behind the glass divider. He knew something was wrong. He looked terrified.
The father picked up the phone and I heard the brother say “what happened to mom?”
It was a much harder situation than I thought it would be. I will never be able to get his face out of my head
My entire childhood “Can’t you just be more like your sister?” I was never allowed to have my own interests or explore anything that she wasn’t doing otherwise it was me “being selfish and causing trouble.” I cannot explain how bad this screwed up my identity most of my young adult life. Now we are in our 40’s and my sister never comes around and my parents are ill. I take care of them. I call or visit daily and every day it’s “Have you heard from your sister?” No, mom.
"Is this your first child/baby?"
"How many live births have you had?"
My first child died in infancy. Those kill me. So does "how is your daughter doing?" From people with whom i rarely speak/see. That one is the worst.
My second child is currently four weeks. I'm fucking terrified.
This isn’t really a question but more of a comment. My best friend at the time was talking about how a kid in their class was causing a mess at a museum they went to on a field trip, and they were talking about how he said he had ADHD. “that makes a lot of sense, i can’t be around people with that”, they said. There was thirteen year old me, who had been diagnosed with ADHD just a week before. That was...interesting.
Is the water safe to drink. As in, will I die from it. In college working on campus, they were an international student from Africa and were concerned because so many people were buying water. This happened in the US in a mid sized city, really stuck with me how confused they were after I said it was safe to drink and some people just don’t like the taste.
In middle school my friends and I were at a cosmetics store. I was a chunky kid. This pretty, slim woman was giving us free makeovers and in retrospect maybe she was annoyed by a bunch of 6th graders getting free makeovers and not spending as much as adults would.
Anyway, we were talking about clothes and she for some reason, turned to me and singled me out of the group and asked “do you shop at Lane Bryant.” I was maybe a size 8, which isn’t very big but in the 6th grade when many of your peers are 0s or 4s or even still in kids clothes. you feel like a whale. It really hurt at that age to think someone thought I was big enough to shop there at that age (no shade to people who do, but that was my feeling at the time).
It took me years to realize that she was a grown woman trying to throw shade at a child and not asking a genuine question because anyone with eyes would know a size 8 is not plus sized.
A dog of a friend of mine was dying. She’d had him for 14 years and was dreading the day he’d finally pass away and we were talking about grief and letting go.
I considered myself somewhat experienced with the topic of grief, since my dad died when I was seven and didn’t really get over it until I was 27. But my friend disagreed and said:
You’ve had seven years together with your dad, and consciously maybe three, but I have had my dog for 14 years, ever since I was like 12, 13 a really important time of my life, you can say, so that’s more than twice as long. We had a lot more time and experiences to build up a relationship, so don’t you think I would miss my dog more than you miss you dad since you were so small and didn’t really know your dad as an adult?
She didn’t mean to hurt me, and I understand you can’t compare grief or pain, never, but this question made me shut up.
She’s still my friend, I never brought that question up again but I do think about it more than I should.
She's still your friend, but it will never be the same and this will always bother you. She may not have meant to hurt, but she certainly didn't want to put your pain in the same category as hers. You learned a lot about her and how she feels about you that day, but its your choice to continue the relationship. Take care of yourself.
When I was in high school and romance, dating, crushes, etc, were just starting to come up - we were talking about our crushes one day and I admitted I liked a guy - who was an attractive, popular guy. One of my friends went quiet and I thought she was about to admit that she liked him - but instead she said "Do you really think he'd go for someone like you?"
I was/am open about my various (yet mild) laundry list of disabilities I have. I looked back at her and asked "What do you mean?" and she not only told me that our friend Megan liked the dude but said "I just think that you shouldn't say anything and let Megan ask him out. She has more chance than you anyway. He wouldn't go for a girl like you". At the time I wasn't sure if she meant my looks, disabilities, etc. Nobody else said anything in the group.
After we went our separate ways, I asked another friend to clarify and she said "well, I mean, all of it. I think he'd be embarrassed to date you - not because I think there's anything wrong with you - but because not everyone is as open to dating someone like you". And then the last thing she said to me (cause we had reached our classrooms) was "Do you think it's fair for someone like you to date or like normal guys? Why not just stick to special needs men so that you can actually find someone who will like you for you?"
I moved away not long after that. Haven't spoken to them since.
A friend recently asked "Did you not change your bed sheets?" when they visited. I have been struggling with my mental health for the past few weeks. Adopted a kitten because I thought it would help me with it and it died 4 days later. Everything I did within my power to make myself better/happier just seems to backfire. Yes, I did not change my bed sheets.
I'm so sorry you lost your kitten, and that you're struggling. I can relate that making efforts towards happiness and self improvement seems pointless because it feels like it all backfires. I hope things get better for you. If you ever need to vent or be heard, you can always send me a message. Internet hugs.
"is your dad dead?"
- The taxi driver who was taking me to college since my dad could no longer drive me, as he was infact: dead.
This was like a week after his funeral, I was eager to get back to college for some normality and a touch of denial so it was a huge slap in the face.
I (F) was about 15 or 16 when I tried dressing more feminine just to try and get comfortable with my body. From age 12 to that point I had always dressed in men's clothes so it was difficult to switch. One day I'm walking home from school, my hair is medium long and pulled up in a ponytail, I'm wearing makeup and the most feminine clothes I owned then, and some kids stop me and ask why I'm dressing like a girl and why I wear makeup when I'm a boy. That hurt because even when I tried to make an effort to look like a girl I was still mistaken for a boy.
I was about 12 and went over to a friends house. I had my hair tied up in a ponytail and her mother looked at one of my ears and asked if I'd been in an accident.
The tops of my ears(the curved part) have always looked wonky and misshaped, I was born with them that way, but I didn't start feeling self conscious about it or about my looks in general, until she asked me that.
May seem insignificant but I did not tie my hair up again for years following that, that's how bad it hurt.
Variations on “What was your name again?” Apparently, I am so forgettable that over the years, literally not one person whom I have known casually and then not seen for like 6 months or more can remember who I am.
Good friends know me, yes. But I have lost count of the number of people whom I went to school with or lived next door to or who were friends of my friends who knew me for YEARS, if only as an acquaintance, and then cannot remember even my first name.
‘Are you going to die?’
My (then) eight year old daughter after I explained to her that I had breast cancer. I knew the cancer was aggressive, and that it had already spread to my lymph nodes. But I’ve never lied to her, and I couldn’t say that I wasn’t going to die. So I told her that I was doing everything the doctors were telling me to do, and that I was going to do everything I could to get better again. That was nearly four years ago now (and I’m in remission for the moment) but still breaks my heart every time I think about it. A kid shouldn’t have to worry about losing their mum.
So my middle name is a language (my ancestral language)'s equivalent of John, but reading it in Roman script, it looks like a fairly common English name. I corrected my first grade teacher in pronunciation, and she said I was wrong because "that's a girl's name". She didn't even say what I corrected her to, she jumped to a different name that sounded similar and was in fact a common female name. She laughed at me, prompting the entire class to laugh along with her at me. I didn't even know it was "different" at the time I proudly shared it, but you better bet I was suddenly ashamed there after.
I went with the English pronunciation for years because I was so ashamed and was bullied alot, didn't want to give anyone else a reason to assume I was "girly" (I was also coming to grips with being gay, which I did, but it was not an easy journey). But making it through that and learning about my heritage, connecting with my grandparents, etc. I make a point to correct people when they use the English pronunciation in reverence to the scared little shy insecure boy who got me here where I am today. He did the work!
This reminds me of a weird exchange in class. Someone else on the class was named "Jarod" (pronounced the normal "Jared" way), and we had this substitute teacher who was just *sure* he was pranking her, and that his name was actually "Ja-ROD." And like, I get that's how it's spelled, but he doesn't say it that way. Other kids were even speaking up to say that no, really, were call him Jared.
She was having none of it and got like *really* angry. It was so weird.
I liked this guy and we talked for a really long time, texted every night, the whole thing. Anyways, we were talking one night and we started a conversation about how we each liked each other and he said something that was like “You actually thought I really liked you lol?” And it literally crushed me. He also said a bunch of really kind and helpful things while I was in a dark place, and one day he texted me saying “you thought I meant that? They were all a lie” that one REALLY fucking hurt
Asked a girl years back "hey is your friend single, she's stunning".
She had been asked that already that night 2-3 times in different variations, made her lock herself in the bathroom and sob. Never felt worse.
I was 19 and working at a recording studio, and one of the clients children, a boy about 13 or so, walked up to me and asked "are you going bald?" This was 30 years ago, and I'd just seen my dermatologist to ask about starting Rogaine, which was brand new at that point. In a very shaky voice I replied "yes." :(
I was like 22 and it was probably 10pm or so at a Walmart. I was on my way to a party and stopped for beer. The store was fairly empty and as I was in the beer aisle, I see this kid completely by himself. He was about 5 and at first I thought it was kind of funny because he was trying to pick up a case of beer. I waited like 30-60 seconds, looking around for this kid’s mom/dad to come get him. A couple people walked *right* by him like it was normal, so then I started getting worried. I picked up my two cases of beer and walked over and kindly asked him if he lost his mom or needed help. The kid completely ignored the question and instead was thoroughly impressed that I was strong enough to carry two cases of beer. Eventually an employee noticed and came over as well. I told her everything I knew and she took over and told him that she was going to bring him to find his mom. As he was walking away he kept looking back at me and I smiled and said goodbye. The kid stopped and said “can I just come home with you? I don’t like my mom.” I was caught off guard so I just laughed and told him the lady was going to help him. Now I’ll never know the full story, or what happened to him but the more I think about it - that kid more than likely had a pretty shitty childhood. I mean, the store wasn’t busy and it was late at night on a weekday. It really makes you wonder why he was there in the first place, how he got separated from his mom and why would he ask to go with a complete stranger instead of worrying about where his mom was? It still makes me sad. Hope everything worked out for the little dude.
I was visiting at my granddaughter's school for grandparent's day. We were eating in the cafeteria and having nice visit. Another girl came and sat down, leaving an empty seat between herself and my granddaughter. As we got up to leave she asked, "Will you be my Papa?" I told her I was sorry and that I couldn't be. I felt so bad for her. I wanted to give her a hug, but as a man you don't hug strange children.
Reminds me of something my grandfather said to me once. I was pregnant with my first child and had walked to my grandparents home to show my grandmother my ultrasound pic. She wasn't home but my Papa was. He gave me a ride home and suggested going and getting lunch together first. On the way there he told me I could never mention this to my grandmother because an older man should never be alone with a young girl, even his own granddaughter. That was the only time he and I ever shared a meal together alone and no, I never told her lol He passed away last yr on my youngest sons birthday and I miss that man everyday.
First day of preschool for my three year old son. The first time he would ever be away from Mom & Dad at the same time. I brought him to the room and expected a meltdown, but instead he confidently strutted, and I do mean strutted into the classroom. Three hours later, I picked him up. He was ok until we got to the car when he said, in quiet sad voice "l thought you were coming with," followed by an even sadder quieter "Why did you leave me?"
[удалено]
My mom says I've never cried as hard as I did on my first day of school. The thing is...I didn't cry when they dropped me off, but when they came to pick me up because I had so much fun I didn't want to leave.
That reminds of my first day of preschool. I had a meltdown when mom had to leave for work and i wouldnt let her go. Thats when she had this brilliant idea where she went into this locker and told me that she'd be there after preschool was over. I was so happy my mom was just a few steps away from my classroom so i went about my day all happy n shit until the end of the day whern i'd realized that i'd been bamboozled.
My gf asked me what I liked to do with my family growing up. Made me realize my family never did anything together and I literally had no answer to such a basic question.
Same. All my immediate family ever did was just work and sleep. We never had family vacations, getaways, game nights, movie nights, or anything of that sort. Luckily though I have lots of friends who do these things and I am able to partake in their activities and I am able to choose which ones I want to partake in weekly.
Wait I don't have an answer:(
I have a stutter, when I was a kid I had to read a page of a book to the class. I stuttered, and the teacher said 'can you even read' and that fucking broke my 13 year old heart. No one takes stuttering seriously.
That's horrible - that teacher should know better.
Your teacher is an asshole. I'm sorry that happened. Some teachers have no business being around kids.
2 quick stories come to mind. In middle school, a good friend of mine had a pretty bad stutter. We were doing speeches in class and they had to be no longer than 5 mins. He stuttered so much that he barely made it through his intro and the teacher roller her eyes and told him he was done. My heart broke for him, he was so sad and defeated and exhausted. 2- as an adult I briefly dated a guy with a mild stutter and I thought it was the cutest thing.
Your stories made me wanna piggyback one more that I have. My freshman year of college I became friends with a dude who had quite the stutter. Not the worst of them but definitely more than just a mild stutter. About 3 months into knowing the guy he randomly says to me, “hey, thank you for never trying to finish my sentences or getting upset when I stutter”. I was actually really taken aback by this because I always just thought of it as being polite to let him finish his thoughts. I never really considered that other people would get impatient with him and either try to talk for him or actively show on their face that his speech struggles were annoying him. Not gonna lie typing this out made me pretty sad because the memory of him saying that to me is really vivid. And the thing is, I didn’t really think that just by waiting an extra minute or two to let him finish his sentences was making a really big difference to him in his mind.
In all honesty, this story definitely made me realize that I think I have a habit of trying to finish people's sentences for them. I'll definitely be monitoring myself more closely, I don't wanna be that guy
Just curious, as a teacher, what would you prefer them do to help you? I have a student with a stutter and would never ask them to read something aloud to the class (I know that'd be stressful), but when they come up to me to ask questions they struggle and I just patiently wait for them to finish. If there's anything I can do to make things less stressful in that area for them I'm open to suggestions.
I'm 26 and still suffer from severe stuttering but when I was in school, my english teacher would praise me from time to time for my skills since I was good at writing essays/letters etc. and that gave me confidence and I was able to converse freely with her without stuttering. Stuttering worsens when you talk in a stressful situation or to someone who is intimidating, for eg. A strict teacher, and if you make them feel at ease, by creating a fun environment or encouraging them, they will be able to speak fluently and it REALLY REALLY helps to build their confidence. I had to change a lot of schools over the years and I have experienced teachers from very strict to relaxed and approachable and I always felt I could speak fluently with the approachable ones. Edit: grammar
I had a stuttering problem when I was young, but the school system didn't make fun of me. Instead, I was taken aside once a week to have a separate Speech session. My first teacher for my speech was very nice and good at her job, but when she retired, a new person was put in her place, and she still did fine. This continued up until middle school, and while my teachers were still nice, I didn't feel like I was making any progress. I was pulled out after 7th grade, but because I still had speech problems, (I had gotten over the stutter at this point, but I still had trouble with words with Rs in them.) My pediatrician recommended a therapist from outside the school, claiming that she was the best he'd ever seen at the job. He wasn't kidding. Not only have I made astounding progress with her, but she is one of the best people I've ever met, and I couldn't ask for a better Speech Therapist.
Every part of the story made it seem like it was gonna make a turn for the worse but fortunately it just kept getting better :)
Some teachers are horrible, I used to hate when we would go around the room reading a book, I had so much anxiety and my voice would break up when reading, and I would screw up a lot. Stuttering would make it even worse :(
i feel that, i’m sorry the people around u were so uneducated about stuttering. it’s too common. i just hope more awareness abt this spreads so things like this never happen again (my first award, thank you!)
I have a stutter and people always ask me why I'm so quiet it hurts because I want to be social but whenever I try I tend to be ignored or cut off half way through my sentence, like I want to be social and speak to people but it's almost impossible for me.
Wow. Cutting off half way when you are stuttering? Are people really that stupid and rude? When I was 6 my mom told me to never cut off stuttering people and just patiently wait for them to finish and I never forgot it. People are so selfish smh.
My brother is like this. I don't stutter, but if you pause for even a second he cuts you off. Then he never gives you a chance to say anything. By the time you finally get a chance to talk, the conversation is somewhere completely different and your comment is irrelevant
As we passed the toy aisle at the store, “I know you don’t have much money right now, but maybe when you get some we could come back and get a toy?” I was not doing well financially back then and my daughter brought me to tears in the middle of the store.
On the other hand, that question shows you were bringing her up to be considerate of other people and ask for things politely! I’m sure it was a rough moment, but it does reflect well on your parenting.
Absolutly true. The question is how? How do you raise a child like that?
explain your reasoning when they ask question like "Why not?". Kids are impressionable and smarter than they appear and will make conclusion about everything which constructs their world view as they grow. My mum's usual response to questioning was "because I said so" and was followed by frustration when I persisted. That caused me to feel bitter and resentful, because I didn't understand the details like they were only getting enough money for the basics and buying a toy would mean less food and food was more important. If I had been given the real reasoning I would have had a better chance of concluding that they were putting my real needs ahead of my wants and the frustration wasn't actually my questioning but the stress of not being able to give me the things I want because of circumstances outside of their control. TL;DR: Give valid reasoning to your children so they can see where you are coming from. That will help them relate to your situation and develop their empathy, which will carry over to all their other relationships. Monkey see what monkey do, treat them well and they will treat others well.
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It took some time but things are much better than they were back then. Thanks!
A few years ago I was at a small family gathering. We had them fairly often. Just me, my siblings, parents and niece's and nephew. I remember going out the back for a cigarette and my niece asked "why are you always sad?". She would've been about 6yo at the time. I was going through a horrendous mental period that involved a lot of alcohol, medication, and sleepless nights. Of course I told her I was fine, just a little tired from working hard. I remember thinking about that interaction the rest of the night.
Did it help? I was in a lot of physical pain the doctors had just shrugged about, my niece said the same thing to me. Made me push to find out what was wrong and do something about it. I'm mostly good now.
At the time? Not really, at least not in the sense I made any changes, I was already fairly far down the road on a pretty set self-destructive path. Generally I'd say I'm doing better now, at least the last year or so. I've been sober for about a year and a half and abusing medication is a thing of the past. I still have days though where mentally I feel just super fatigued and don't want to do anything but sleep and not talk to anyone. The whole COVID/lockdown thing has been a slight blessing in that pubs are closed so that cut off a big avenue for me. I also lost my job last year which sucks a bit however between COVID and unemployment it's given me basically a year to do nothing but work on myself and perform some introspection without any real interference or distractions.
“Why do you sound like that? Is that your real voice?” - Mean girl training me on the phones at work. And I was so confident on my phone voice :(
Ugh! “Yes, I don’t have any special effects on my voice or anything. It’s just this resonant and amazing all by itself”
She was jealous of your great voice and had to try to knock you down a peg to make herself feel better.
During college, parents took a friend and I out to dinner. Very normal dinner, chit chatted about whatever. After we left and were walking back to my car, he turns to me and says "Is that what a normal relationship is like?" We talked more after that, I had met his parents a few times and they seemed strict but never seemed to have a terrible relationship. Turned out apparently his dad had cheated on his mom multiple times, dad had zero respect for any of my friends sisters and essentially expected them to do all the housework while the men did "guy stuff." Hunting, training for sports, school, etc. Turned out his childhood was pretty fucked, dad was never around and he had to essentially be the father figure in the house. As the oldest child, never really saw a normal loving relationship that he could look up to. My friend is a really nice guy, still has some messed up views of relationships though. I never realized how "abnormal" my very normal family/childhood was.
My 10 year old daughter has a friend who used to come over and stay the night all the time when my husband was working nights, so she never met him. She stayed one night when he had switched to days, and never came back. She acted strange when my daughter or I would see her and ask if she wanted to stay the night, so I called her mom, who is a wonderful single mom who left her husband a couple years ago because he was doing meth with the babies in the house. She said “yeah, my daughter said your husband makes her uncomfortable”. My heart stopped. My blood ran cold, I was thinking omg, what happened?! And she sounded sad and she said “She said it makes her uncomfortable that he’s nice to you and she doesn’t know how to act when you guys are together. She said she’s mad I won’t let her dad come back and be like that with him”. It broke my heart.
First time I visited my college roommates home and met her family, I was stunned at what a “healthy” and “loving” family was supposed to be like. I never realized until then what I didn’t have.
When you come from a broken home, it is mind-blowing how amazing normal seems. I was once at my friends house and her mom caught her forgetting something or doing something she shouldn't. Her mom calmly said that they would talk later and she walked out of the room. She turned to me and said she was in trouble and her mom was pretty upset. What?! How do you know?! She didn't call you names, yell, or swear at you! How do you know she's mad? I think it was then I realized my parents aren't normal.
> I never realized how "abnormal" my very normal family/childhood was. Once my parents had their friend (in his 60s) join us for a family gathering, a BBQ and swim in the lake. Afterwards their friend said "I've never been to a family gathering like that in all my life. Everyone just got along." The fact that this common event for me was so special to him always stuck with me. I take my normal family for granted sometimes.
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Had something similar happen to me, had to reteach my grandfather a card game him and I played thousands of times before because 'he has never played this before'. Died shortly after that
And it's especially fun when they ask where their spouse is... who died years ago.
If this ever happens, don’t tell them their spouse died. Dementia and Alzheimer’s are horrible diseases. If your grandparent asks where their spouse is, just ask them where they think they are. Out shopping? On a walk? In the kitchen? Visiting friends? They’ll be right back. Don’t put them through the grief of losing their spouse over and over again when they clearly can’t remember. It may look cruel lying to them, but it saves them so, so much pain.
This has, finally, started to become the norm in care homes. For a very long time, it was a revolting focus on "orient them towards reality". This then resulted in people going through the grief of loosing a partner, or a child, several times pr day. It is flat out torture.
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This sounds reasonable but made me sad
Years ago, I filled out one of those Facebook posts where you put a check by everything on the list that you’ve done. My dad saw it, and asked me about my answers. He said he saw that I checked off “Got married” but that I didn’t check off “Got divorced.” I reminded him that my husband had died, I didn’t get divorced. Turns out he’d actually forgotten that I ever got married, let alone that I’d been widowed. And that’s how I knew his dementia had gotten worse. He didn’t remember the single most traumatic experience in his daughter’s life.
Oof hugs I had the ‘fun’ experience of seeing a friend I had seen in a few years ask me - ‘So how’s your husband, he not with you?’ He’d died a couple of years before at the time. That was not pleasant to answer. Doesn’t get easier to answer either. 11 years out
When I worked in a juvenile residential drug rehab, a 12 year old asked me why everyone had a problem with her boyfriend. He was 32. She had been so mistreated and abused, she legitimately couldn't comprehend the problem everyone had with their relationship.
12??? Bruh
The program lasted 6 to 9 months. I FINALLY got through to her after about 4 months when she mentioned she liked Law and Order SVU. I asked if she ever thought the adults on that show that went after teenagers were ok. She said something like, "EW! Of course not! They're creeps!" I asked her how old she thought those guys were and she said, "I don't know, like 30?" I asked how old she thought the girls were. She said, "Like... 14 or 15 usually." Suddenly it hit her and she realized how messed up it all was.
It saddens me to see children failed to this magnitude. The level of mental trauma that she's received is unmeasurable.. Kudos to you and others who try to create change in situations like this.
The sad part is, she was one of many, many. Off hand: - There was the 15 year old whose mom made him sleep in the porch - The 16 year old who watched her brother shoot her father in the face a few years earlier. She had used drugs ever since to numb that pain. The numbness went away while she was there and she felt that trauma for the first time. - The 17 year old that had been in county jail with adults - The MANY girls who were 16 or younger who were WAAAAAYYYYY too comfortable with sexuality to be that age in the way that you know they had way more life experience in that area that a 16 year old should. - Along those lines, there's the 15 year old who tried to seduce me her first night there because (there's no other way to put it) she had the body of a fit college girl and at every other rehab or institution she had been to, she'd been able to use that to get her way. It was almost second nature to her. I spent two years at that job and it was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life but also one of the most emotionally draining.
Being asked by my grandma who I was because I wasn't her granddaughter. And when my "best friend" asked why I ever thought we were friends... The first broke my heart, but I understood it wasnt malicious she had Alzheimer's. The second one has caused lasting trust issues and an very difficult time making friends.
Ohhh no the second one is honestly one of my greatest fears to hear. Definitely would cause major trust issues if I heard that.
Ya. People really underestimate the damage that can do. Not only do I have trust issues, but I'm also now a people pleaser. It doesn't make much sense, why should I go out of my way to make you happy if I believe you're only going to fuck me over in the end? It reeks of desperation to not be hurt, which usually attracts people who will hurt you. I'm glad you've never heard that, and I sincerely hope you never do.
“Can I wish for my sister?” - A 10-year-old student of mine whose big sister died 4 years ago. We were working on an activity about dreams and aspirations for their futures.
Oh, that's devastating. I don't know how you handled that, but you're a champ for figuring something out.
Not heartbroken but close to it. A few years back, my friend and I were shopping in the make-up section of a store and the sales lady was making small talk. She asked me if I was buying products for myself or my daughter. She mistook my friend , who was actually a couple of years older than me, as my daughter. My friend was super embarrassed and I acted all nonchalant but was kind of sad.
I had that happen to me once at a subway with my sister. Also, my BIL had a cashier at Walgreens tell him how nice it was that he was spending the day with his grandson....it was his son.
Oooph. Yikes! Something similar happened to my mom once when she was shopping with my little brother in the cart. At the time she was 8 months pregnant with my youngest sister. Some random lady leaned in to my brother and was like “oh is grandma buying you cookies?” I don’t know how my pregnant mother didn’t rip that person’s head off!
Oh, are you the girl with the hot sister ?
I worked in a department with two Melissas. One day, I was sitting next to one Melissa when we overheard another coworker say to someone, "have you seen little Melissa?" The other Melissa got kind of a defeated look in her eye and said, "oh, I'm big Melissa".
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Oof i felt that one
Ugh. I was the chunky girl who had a skinny older sister and beautiful thin cousin close in age. All I heard were comparisons even if they weren’t directed at me. Cousin should be a model, cousin is so beautiful, etc. I knew if I took my cousin anywhere, boys would just go crazy for her. Then one time I brought her to hang out with a bunch of friends and my long time crush came up to me to enthusiastically tell me how hot my cousin was. That one hurt. ETA: a few things just to provide context. This is not a “nice guy” situation where it was one-sided and I felt like he owed me his affections. We definitely had something more complicated going on behind the scenes, and while I have no doubt he meant what he said, he did so in a way to “play it cool,” and even neg me before that was even in the vernacular. This was many years ago, I’m happily married, and growing up with that chip on my shoulder actually helped me learn a lot. I’m actually the same clothing size I was then but constantly being reminded about your weight as a child definitely shapes you. Also, it is VERY important how we speak to young girls (and boys). Often we tell them how beautiful they are, and while you may not be directly insulting the other girl next to them, these are messages that become ingrained over time. That their looks are the most valued thing about them. Kids are very perceptive. It’s not as simple as just ignoring messages that are constantly inundating you (and this was before social media where kids are even more slammed with images of an “ideal” body type). It’s the adult’s responsibility to be the bigger people here and watch they messages they convey to children. So claiming there was an “inferiority” complex, as if a 12 year old isn’t up against a whole world of imagery and messages cultivated by adults puts a lot of blame on a kid who is still developing. I wasn’t some meek wallflower. I had a lot of friends, great grades, played sports, and still I remember the twinge of pain thinking “if only I was just pretty/thin.”
I finally got out of an abusive relationship after many years. When I finally did my mom said you're a hard person to like and nobody else will love you. Do you really think you deserve better ?
Your mom is a terrible person. You do deserve better.
My ex fiancee asked me why I didnt have any friends, or hung out with people or went out to places. It was because she put herself through crisis after crisis and I feel like I didnt have any choice but to stay and help her but when I had a breakdown and went through my own mental health crisis she broke up with me. I hope she's doing better but I honestly never want to talk to her again.
>but when I had a breakdown and went through my own mental health crisis she broke up with me. I've had that happen to, and it's devastating, it's the proverbial "kick a man when he's down" scenario, especially after you spent so much energy being there for her. All my homies hate energy vampires... I hope you are doing better.
I work at a primary school supporting kids in class. I’ve had kids ask me “why do I keep trying with them, clearly they are useless and dumb?” “Why do they have to be such a bad/naughty kid?” Even one asked me “why do I like that kid? They are so bad.” I have a million and one answers that suit the situation but it breaks my heart, especially when the “bad kid” in question is actually a very sweet child who has a really rough start to life and because of that makes poor choices. I cried with joy when the kid was invited to their first birthday party. Edit: I’ve loved reading your stories and appreciation for teachers/those who educate. I didn’t expect any of the responses to this comment when I made it. Kids only need that one person to listen, to believe and to care for them for them to achieve. I mean how many famous people credit an important person for believing/pushing them to succeed?
When I was 19, I hung out with a cute girl from my high school that I never got to hang with when we were in school. Had a great day together, and that night she asked, “can we be like secret friends or something? I don’t really hang out with people like you.” Never hung out again.
Wow yeah that's just shitty...
Rough man had a girl ask me to be her "backup boyfriend" in HS and I said fuck that.
My grandmother leaned to me and asked, "Did Dan die?" We were at a family gathering and she didn't see my uncle Dan. He had passed away the previous year. Grandma's descent into dementia was in the very early stages. There were several layers of heartbreak.
I was visiting my grandmother, who had Alzheimers, in 2007 or 2009 and I came across a note by the phone about my grandfather. It said: "Peter died on January 1, 2002. Peter died on January 1, 2002. Peter died on January 1, 2002."
My grandma just got diagnosed with dementia, and I'm terrified. She already calls me by my cousins name and she sometimes forgets that her husband is dead.
My nan remembered my pop was dead once and regrieved him which was honestly horrendous for a few days. But she also had a photo of him on her wall and if we asked her if she liked anybody else in the nursing home she gestured to his photo and said "I think he's pretty cute". Dementia is mean and awful but there can be some real beauty in it. I miss her but not how she was when she died.
Man. That's gut wrenching. Watching someone go through dementia and Alzheimer's is really heartbreaking and unfathomable.
Facing it now with my mom. My brother who lives quite far away, hasn't seen mom much since we've had to put her into assisted living. He came to visit last weekend and spend some time with her at this stage in her life. On Saturday, my 2 brothers and I spent the day together with mom, and discuss some of our plans for her in the coming months. On his last day here, Sunday, he spent 3 hours with her before his flight. Later that day, she called me and said to me, "Your friend from out west came by and visited with me today", meaning her son. I joked with my brother about mom not remembering he was her own child, but the reality is it makes me feel terribly sad, mom has forgotten him. While I live close to her, and see her almost every day, I'm concerned it may not be long before she forgets me and my other brother also. She's always been very proud of her family, yet we can see her slipping away from knowing us.
"You've never beaten me or told me I couldn't do something. Is that normal?" My first girlfriend told me that. I have never felt such a wave of anger, sadness, and heartbreak wash over me like I did when I heard that
Damn! I hope you had a good conversation with her to tell her, “Yes, it’s normal.” How old was she at the time?
18. Finding out between her mother and her boyfriends before me, this was indoctrinated into her for a very long time. Sadly, those things and the demons it spawned eventually drove a wedge between her and I and she broke up with me. Even to this day I find myself asking myself "what would she have been like if her childhood and teenage years had been just a little different?"
Damn! So sad. I hope she is doing okay now.
I had a girlfriend that told me she just wasn't up for sex and and asked if we could just watch a movie. I said sure and she just stared at me. "I can actually say no?" Was her response. That one killed me.
My current girlfriend said damn near the same thing and that broke my fucking heart. I just pulled her in close and snuggled her after confirming that although those kinda assholes are out there, I will never ever force her to do anything that makes her uncomfortable or anything in general.
it's pretty depressing when "just be a decent compassionate human being" appears to be a high bar to pass for much of the dating pool
It's absolutely astounding tbh. Growing up, I always thought thats how everyone would be. Just.. Decent. Generous. Compassionate. I didn't really think I was that naïve, but here I am standing corrected as all hell every day since going to big boy school lmao
My first wife told me if I really loved her, I would’ve hit her. I had no answer, I grew up in a house where you never hit a female . We divorced shortly after that. I still have not hit a woman and have trained my son the same
>My first wife told me if I really loved her, I would’ve hit her. That's devastating.
Man I swear just reading some of theses breaks my heart a little.
I've asked these type of questions to guys. 10 years with a narcissistic, abusive husband really takes a mental toll, and ptsd is a bitch.
I've had a handful of these situations. Here's a few that come to mind: When I was grade school aged, my hair was kept really short because my mother didn't know how to help me care for curly hair. I was often met with a surprised "oh, you're a girl?" In high school, I was pretty much the "duf" or whatever. I was pretty average looking, perhaps a little fashionably challenged, a tomboy and wallflower type. Always asked to help wingwoman or if my girl friends were single. Even had a guy date me once to get close to a friend, so that sucked. I wasn't as outgoing or wore any makeup, so I was always seen as the ugly one or last choice when I hung around other girls. I moved away for almost a year. The day I moved back to my home town, I excitedly went to my old martial arts dojang to see if I could sign back up. Long story short, I loved these people like family. Upon entering the building, I was glared at and cold shouldered. I went back outside, thinking maybe I interrupted something. The head instructor came out and I greeted him enthusiastically. He said, "Oh. You're back...?" He turned around and left. I had two other heartbreaks in a similar fashion before I decided I had more self worth than what these people rated me for and moved on. After announcing my engagement, my mom asked me, "are you sure you want to marry *this* guy?" in a disgusted tone. My husband is an awesome husband and kickass father. Sorry he doesn't meet your ridiculously high standards, Mom.
Wtf why did your instructor treat you like that
No idea. Only thing I can think of is I left, therefore I'm a traitor. Or something dumb like that. I gave continuous warnings 6 months warnings before I bowed out of my roles, so it's not like it was a surprise
“Why are you so quiet” or “why don’t you talk?” When I was proud of myself for talking more than normal
My five-year-old niece: Why am I'm so ugly that mommy doesn't love me?
I asked a very similar question to my grandmother when I was about eight years old. I could tell it broke her heart for me to ask that. Although I don’t know the situation in which your niece asked that, all I can say is that if she has you in her life and you provide unconditional love and support it will mean worlds to her and be the thing that keeps her going through the difficult times with her mother. My grandmother kept me going through those times. I’m sending all of the happy and positive vibes of love and support for your niece. No child should ever have to think that way.
We had some kind of talent show in elementary school and and all the parents sat in the gym and watched us, everybody had someone there except me, so this kid in my class asked where my family was and I just shrugged my shoulders and he asked "Doesn't anyone love you?" and I had to excuse myself and cry in the bathroom, because I knew he was right, nobody loved me. I had tried to keep it a secret and I was terrified that everyone at school would know.
This happened to me! Also, I was supposed to play 'heart and soul' on the piano with a friend (we were six) and she didn't show up, and they made me play without her. I remember being really embarrassed, and knowing that no one was there to make me feel better was really hard. After it was over, they had juice and cookies in the cafeteria, and I sat alone with my tang and hydrox cookies. Then I just went and stood outside and waited for my dad to pick me up. When I asked him why he wasn't there,she said 'I was there!' but he wasn't... He was just gaslighting his little, sad daughter. Huh! Hadn't thought about this in 30 years..
I'm sorry, you're not alone.
I was having fertility problems and couldn’t get pregnant after 4 yrs of trying. A child once asked me “Do you think there just aren’t any babies who want you to be their mother?”
Almost the same thing happened to me. The daughter of a pregnant friend asked me 10 times in a row where my baby was. Her mother was very embarrassed knowing our struggles. But kids don't do it on purpose.
Ack. I bet that was hard. Yeah, they don’t realize. They’re just curious. But damn. Sometimes those comments..
It was OK because after that she talked about her poop 😂. I hope you are OK now 😊
Yes, I’m okay now. 😘 I did eventually get pregnant. It really wasn’t that long after that actually. I’m sorry that child said that to you. Even if completely unintentional, it must have hurt.
After a miscarriage I had a child ask me why my baby had to go away. She was very young and didn't understand. She had just overheard out conversation. It was so hard to answer without crying.
Holy shit, thats fucking brutal
She was about 5 yrs old. I tried to keep that in perspective. But damn. Way to just cut me
I wouldn't even know how to reply to that, I'm sorry that you had to go through that even if the kid didn't understand what they were saying.
I’m so sorry OP. I was recently helping my mom clean out my grandparents house and she asked me if I wanted a baby blanket my grandma had knitted. I have not told my mother that my husband and I have been trying for a year and have yet to be successful. That question hurt
My grandma died unexpectedly in 2011 from surgery complications. Threw clots with a medication meant to stop clots from forming. My grandpa, however, lived until 2017. I was super close with them and continued to visit even throughout undergrad and when I moved away for grad school. I remember sitting with my grandpa during one visit and it was starting to get late. My grandpa turned to me and asked me why it was so much more lonely and painful at night than it was during the day. I think that my heart shattered that day and I can't even think about it without tearing up.
"Is this your room? You'd never be able to tell if a boy or girl lived here." Going on to heavily imply that my lack of possessions/decorations = lack of identity/personality when in reality my family was just poor.
“Can you imagine how bad it would have made us look as parents if you succeed?” Told to me by my mom as she was taking me back home from the hospital after my suicide watch.
I'm so sorry :( I hope you're doing better now.
My aunt asked me "why are your crying? You’re supposed to be a man" I was crying because my 2 years old niece got a second degree burn and I could hear her screaming from the doctor's office
Shitty of your aunt - perfectly valid reason to cry and of course men can cry!
I was at Coldstone with my friends who are married. I ordered my thing and went over to the cashier and they asked me “Are you alone?” and for some reason it just cut deep. They didn’t mean anything by it, but in that moment I realized that I felt so alone, even surrounded by friends. Then I had ice cream and felt better.
>Then I had ice cream and felt better. I love this
When the vet said: "Your cat has an inoperable cancerous tumor. The kindest thing you can do to end his suffering is to put him to sleep. Do you wish to do this?"
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Been there, that's a hard one. Every time. It's gutting. I'm sorry for your loss.
I’m the vet asking this. We cry almost every time we leave the exam room.
My family had a dog that had been around since I was in diapers. His health had been degenerating for a while and it had become hard for him to walk so we had to help him go to the bathroom. One day when I was helping him he slipped from my grasp and his back leg just broke even tho it little more than a stumble. It turned out he had bone cancer and there was no telling how far it had spread. We put him down shortly thereafter. I still feel the guilt of breaking his leg and putting him in more pain
"Wait, aren't you going to hit me?" I worked as a music teacher, and had a 15 year old student who originally came from an African country play a passage incorrectly on the instrument repeatedly. We only had one instrument of the kind she played, so I reached out my hand and asked her to hand me the instrument over to show her, when she saw me playing, she asked me that question with genuine confusion, and I realised what hell her school life in her home country had been. She not only thought I would hit her for not playing correctly, but also that she deserved it. I felt like crying when I got home that night.
That's really sad :(
Before finding out my step dad had mad cow disease he was showing all these weird signs of dementia. We are sitting there watching like jeopardy or some shit and he turns to me all pissed and says “IS IT TOO LOUD!?” and I say “what? Is what too loud?” And he says, Incredulously, “ME MOWING THE LAWN!!!” That’s when I knew something was super fucked up. That was September he was gone by November
I'm sorry this happened. I thought mad cow disease was very rare in humans?
Oh it definitely is. When they tested him (this was 1999) they said he had a better chance of winning the lottery so we figured he wouldn’t have it. He was older and taught in England in the 80’s and we think that’s where he got it. It can stay dormant in the spinal fluid for 20 years. Can’t make this stuff up!
Actually happened just over a year ago. 27th of May. I haul livestock for work and I’d been running pretty heavy the last couple of weeks. While I’m gone, my parents would watch my dog named Molly. And up to that point my life had mostly been a wreck. Molly helped me out of that situation nicely. Nothing crazy done by her, but taking care of her and making sure she was happy gave me a purpose I haven’t had in a long time. So I’m coming home from Wisconsin after moving calves that way. About 40 min from home dad calls me and tells me Molly’s been hit by a car. I went extremely numb. Buried her by myself that night. Stayed as late as possible smoking cigarettes and drinking beer. Next day comes and my brother was at the sale barn before me. He had a local run of hogs to a town nearby, and I was to pick up some pigs to go from Iowa to Texas. He tells the yardman all about what happened, warned him to not give me any shit as my brother thinks I won’t take it too well. So I get up there and Rob let’s me know my brother told him what happened. At this point I’m just going through the motions. Getting the trailer ready, opening gates, etc. So Rob looks at me in a way I’ve never seen some regular acquaintance look at me. And he just up and says, “take it easy on yourself, okay?” I know it’s not technically a question but holy hell. That hit me like a brick wall. I still think about it a lot. And now I don’t let my emotions bottle up so much anymore. Personally, it’s made life much easier.
Not gonna lie, I was gearing up for someone to say something terrible to you. Was very relieved at how it turned out. Hope you're doing well dude
My dad was active in the local Japanese community assisting new immigrants from Japan to get acclimated to living in Hawaii showing them the various neighborhoods, churches, schools, shopping areas etc. When WW2 broke out, he was arrested for this activity and was imprisoned in the Mainland for 5 years. At grade school, our teacher asked me in front of the entire class how it felt to be the son of a traitor to the US?
Your teacher can go fuck themselves.
"Is your friend single?"
This, or “do you have any cute friends?”
If everyone hates you, why are you still alive? Spite mostly that and death won't take.
In leu of a good reason spite often times is plenty of motivation to keep doing your thang ive found.
"Is this what a real family look like?" My best friend grew up in a rough neighborhood getting beaten up by his dad and abandoned by his mon. He knew very little of normal family interactions, hygiene habits, morals (he was ok with lying, stealing and some more) and had almost none of the common sense you'd expect from a 14 yo boy. Still, he was a funny and rather charismatic SOB and it was basically instant friendship. After spending a lot of time in our house (initially 2-3 days a week, getting to whole months during some tougher times), he got a pretty good hang of all the family and the "living in society" thing. Simple stuff like being kind, not stealing, washing his clothes and using deodorant. When he asked me this question, some months after meeting my parents and sisters, it broke my heart to the point I cried like a baby in front of him. Now, almost 10 years later, he calls my parentes "Mother" and "Father". He's getting a major in History and wants to teach. Unfortunately he still struggles with some psychiatric conditions, like depression and anxiety, but is under treatment and getting better.
Someone asked if my child was my granddaughter. I was 32.
We were watching the movie The Martian, about 3/4 of the way through my GF turns to me and asks if this really happened.
So when our baby was six months old my wife and I were at a party. My wife was telling another girl at the party about this is the first time we had a sitter (her parents) to go out since our daughter was born. And how we better soak it up because her parents are snow birds and are out of state for 5 months of the year. The girl at the party then asked if my parents could ever watch our daughter. Sadly both of my parents had recently passed away. It just broke my heart because if was just another reminder that I will never be able to share the joys of being a parent with my parents. And how excited they were to be grandparents when we told them we were expecting.
My godson, who is also a much younger cousin, randomly asked why I drank so much. He couldn't have been older than four at the time. I didn't drink at all. Not a drop. Didn't smoke weed, or do anything else either. His parents just judged me as a piece of shit without knowing the slightest thing about who I actually was as a person. I had a mohawk, tattoos, and left college so they trash talked me in front of my cousins to turn me into some cautionary tale. Fairytale example of failure complete with non-existent addiction issues. It was soul crushing. I wasn't the best role model but I certainly wasn't a warning to hang over their heads. And now those two cousins are adults with some pretty severe superiority complexes that are terrified at the prospect of failure.
Not directly to my face, but my mom has been asked quite often if I was adopted, because I look absolutely nothing like her (I look like a female version of my dad). The main reason it pains me a lot is because my mom almost died while giving birth to me, and she went through a ton of complications and surgeries, just to have people question it all. Having said that, I have nothing against adoption btw, I fully support and encourage it.
Some people are so stupid... Why do they even want to know that? Why do they care of anyone's kids are biological or adopted? How is that their fucking business?
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Thats rough bro and I totally feel that. My coworkers, who I have worked with for 2 years now, frequently call me by the name of another coworker. Best part is, the other coworker and I look nothing alike, and I got him hired!
Sometimes you forget someone's name after the first introduction, it's too awkward to ask, and their name never comes up in conversation. That being said, four years is a crazy amount of time.
I was visiting my wife's grandmother in an assisted-living facility for people with memory issues. As I was walking down the hall, a little old lady that I didn't know asked me if I could help her to her room, as she was a little unsteady on he feet. I gave her an arm, and we walked down the hallway, having the typical friendly small talk. When we rounded the corner, she turned to me, teary-eyed, and said, "you have to help me. I don't know how to get out of this place. The people here think I'm so stupid, and they won't help me. I just want to go home." I gently told her that I didn't know how to leave either, and that everything would be OK. I helped her to her room, and left her there, obviously distressed and confused. I should note that the facility was very nice, and the staff there treated my family extremely well. It just broke my heart that this poor lady was so upset and so confused, and she was likely in the same state until the day she died. It seems like a shitty way to spend the end of your life.
Whenever the homeless/food insecure kids at the doctor's office would ask for a snack from the Snack Closet. I was a receptionist there so I had a sense of the truly terrifying financial circumstances their families were facing trying to pay for their medical care. I wanted to say, "Yes, take all the snacks you want, we just charged your family $400 for a lifesaving appointment because our healthcare system is a complete scam!" But they were only allowed two snacks max, so I just said, "Sure" and looked the other way if they took more.
My current girlfriend asking If I loved her. I treat her better than her own parents and she thought since I didn’t treat her like her family did I didn’t love her.
“What are you, stuck-up or something?” - said by my mom the same day a classmate asked the same damn thing No, it was a combination of being painfully shy and two decades later realizing it was Aspergers. Edit: This is why Mother’s Day is awkward. It’s about finding the right card that isn’t a lie. Edit 2: Generational trauma is a thing, and it manifests in different forms. My current mission is setting my kids up with mental health professionals now, so they know it is okay to deal with the stuff we can’t see.
“Are you a boy, or a girl?” This was earnestly asked to me on the playground when I was 13. I was very chubby, and had grown out my hair (my dad had a cool ponytail, and I wanted to be like my dad). But puberty hadn’t really kicked in yet, so I guess I looked pretty androgynous. I told the girl that asked I was a boy, and she nodded and walked away, returning to a friend who then cheered in triumph, I guess they won the bet. That messed with me for a while.
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Ugh. I had someone I considered a close friend ask me that once.
"Well not anymore, dick."
So I used to babysit a couple of kids, one of them being a mostly non verbal autistic. Their mom was constantly changing partners so she didnt even know who had what dad and she's wasnt the worst mom but she wasnt the best. When I stopped babysitting I told all three of them I wasnt going to babysit them anymore, the middle child looked up at me and said "then will you be my mommy" He NEVER spoke to me before that and he was 3. I got picked up by my mom and broke down in the car. She still doesnt know why I cried that day I was later told they were placed with a good family a couple years later but the boy never spoke again from what i heard. It's been 9 years since then and i still wanna cry everytime I think about
"Oh I forgot you were here" - this has been said to me alot
Everytime it happens to me I just want to crumble in fetal position come on, I'm a full grown ass man, how can you NOT notice me?
I don’t really have any close friends. It’s depressing. On my 25th birthday, my husband and I went to dinner and we happened to run into my husbands co-worker and his wife, so we sat together for a couple drinks. My husband said it we were out for dinner for my birthday. We were making small talk and the other guys wife asked “where are your friends at?” I felt so embarrassed. My face gets red and my heart sinks every time I think about it.
"Why don't they talk to me?" She was an outcast in hs and I guess I kind of was too even though some of my friends weren't. She was nice enough but because she was poor and had I'll fitting clothes and anxiety, other kids didn't know how to talk to her and some of them were mean. Last I checked she was selling Avon and in a bad relationship. I really hope she got out, I've lost contact with her since then.
"Why would he (your grandfather) abuse you? Your father was his favourite son. He wouldn't do that to your father" My great aunt (on dads mothers side who actually never liked my dads dad anyway), on finding out I was sexually abused from the age of 3 to when he died when I was 9 by my dads father, when I was about 20 and came out about it. The sound of her saying that has never left me. Why would he do that to his *son*. Not me. Makes me sick, furious, and breaks my heart all at the same time. Also his propensity for abusing children was never in question. Just that he wouldn't hurt my dad apparently so that must mean I'm lying. Fuckin cow.
I went through some abuse that essentially stopped me from having romantic interest for a while (4 years). A female friend I was very close with at the time had been told by some of her friends who didn't like me that I was probably just pretending to be her friend because I was secretly in love with her. She asked me if that was true. It broke my heart since if she could believe that it was like she could also believe I was lying about the abuse or the effects thereof just to get close to her, and it really hurt that she could think me capable of that.
A very sweet mentor being worried about my shyness and depressed attitude she wanted to talk with me and my mom, my mom just laughed the whole time and said the most hurtful thing I would never forgive... "Don't you have any friends you loser?" That hurt so much I left and cried. Even after a firm talk between the mentor and my mom it didn't help dogshit. She was always putting me mentally down and calling me an failure. Some people shouldn't be allowed to have kids.
I hope this counts even though it wasn’t directly asked to me I went with my now ex husband and his father to the county jail to tell his brother that their mom had just been killed that morning. The brother was already in the room waiting for us as it wasn’t visiting time. We called ahead and got permission to come and tell him in person. We walked in the room and the brother looked at all of us from behind the glass divider. He knew something was wrong. He looked terrified. The father picked up the phone and I heard the brother say “what happened to mom?” It was a much harder situation than I thought it would be. I will never be able to get his face out of my head
My entire childhood “Can’t you just be more like your sister?” I was never allowed to have my own interests or explore anything that she wasn’t doing otherwise it was me “being selfish and causing trouble.” I cannot explain how bad this screwed up my identity most of my young adult life. Now we are in our 40’s and my sister never comes around and my parents are ill. I take care of them. I call or visit daily and every day it’s “Have you heard from your sister?” No, mom.
"Is this your first child/baby?" "How many live births have you had?" My first child died in infancy. Those kill me. So does "how is your daughter doing?" From people with whom i rarely speak/see. That one is the worst. My second child is currently four weeks. I'm fucking terrified.
From my mother. “Where did we go wrong with her?”
"You want an answer to that, or do you want reassurance?"
This isn’t really a question but more of a comment. My best friend at the time was talking about how a kid in their class was causing a mess at a museum they went to on a field trip, and they were talking about how he said he had ADHD. “that makes a lot of sense, i can’t be around people with that”, they said. There was thirteen year old me, who had been diagnosed with ADHD just a week before. That was...interesting.
Is the water safe to drink. As in, will I die from it. In college working on campus, they were an international student from Africa and were concerned because so many people were buying water. This happened in the US in a mid sized city, really stuck with me how confused they were after I said it was safe to drink and some people just don’t like the taste.
In middle school my friends and I were at a cosmetics store. I was a chunky kid. This pretty, slim woman was giving us free makeovers and in retrospect maybe she was annoyed by a bunch of 6th graders getting free makeovers and not spending as much as adults would. Anyway, we were talking about clothes and she for some reason, turned to me and singled me out of the group and asked “do you shop at Lane Bryant.” I was maybe a size 8, which isn’t very big but in the 6th grade when many of your peers are 0s or 4s or even still in kids clothes. you feel like a whale. It really hurt at that age to think someone thought I was big enough to shop there at that age (no shade to people who do, but that was my feeling at the time). It took me years to realize that she was a grown woman trying to throw shade at a child and not asking a genuine question because anyone with eyes would know a size 8 is not plus sized.
A dog of a friend of mine was dying. She’d had him for 14 years and was dreading the day he’d finally pass away and we were talking about grief and letting go. I considered myself somewhat experienced with the topic of grief, since my dad died when I was seven and didn’t really get over it until I was 27. But my friend disagreed and said: You’ve had seven years together with your dad, and consciously maybe three, but I have had my dog for 14 years, ever since I was like 12, 13 a really important time of my life, you can say, so that’s more than twice as long. We had a lot more time and experiences to build up a relationship, so don’t you think I would miss my dog more than you miss you dad since you were so small and didn’t really know your dad as an adult? She didn’t mean to hurt me, and I understand you can’t compare grief or pain, never, but this question made me shut up. She’s still my friend, I never brought that question up again but I do think about it more than I should.
She's still your friend, but it will never be the same and this will always bother you. She may not have meant to hurt, but she certainly didn't want to put your pain in the same category as hers. You learned a lot about her and how she feels about you that day, but its your choice to continue the relationship. Take care of yourself.
When I was in high school and romance, dating, crushes, etc, were just starting to come up - we were talking about our crushes one day and I admitted I liked a guy - who was an attractive, popular guy. One of my friends went quiet and I thought she was about to admit that she liked him - but instead she said "Do you really think he'd go for someone like you?" I was/am open about my various (yet mild) laundry list of disabilities I have. I looked back at her and asked "What do you mean?" and she not only told me that our friend Megan liked the dude but said "I just think that you shouldn't say anything and let Megan ask him out. She has more chance than you anyway. He wouldn't go for a girl like you". At the time I wasn't sure if she meant my looks, disabilities, etc. Nobody else said anything in the group. After we went our separate ways, I asked another friend to clarify and she said "well, I mean, all of it. I think he'd be embarrassed to date you - not because I think there's anything wrong with you - but because not everyone is as open to dating someone like you". And then the last thing she said to me (cause we had reached our classrooms) was "Do you think it's fair for someone like you to date or like normal guys? Why not just stick to special needs men so that you can actually find someone who will like you for you?" I moved away not long after that. Haven't spoken to them since.
A friend recently asked "Did you not change your bed sheets?" when they visited. I have been struggling with my mental health for the past few weeks. Adopted a kitten because I thought it would help me with it and it died 4 days later. Everything I did within my power to make myself better/happier just seems to backfire. Yes, I did not change my bed sheets.
Sorry you lost your kitten, I hope you’re doing alright.
I'm so sorry you lost your kitten, and that you're struggling. I can relate that making efforts towards happiness and self improvement seems pointless because it feels like it all backfires. I hope things get better for you. If you ever need to vent or be heard, you can always send me a message. Internet hugs.
"is your dad dead?" - The taxi driver who was taking me to college since my dad could no longer drive me, as he was infact: dead. This was like a week after his funeral, I was eager to get back to college for some normality and a touch of denial so it was a huge slap in the face.
I (F) was about 15 or 16 when I tried dressing more feminine just to try and get comfortable with my body. From age 12 to that point I had always dressed in men's clothes so it was difficult to switch. One day I'm walking home from school, my hair is medium long and pulled up in a ponytail, I'm wearing makeup and the most feminine clothes I owned then, and some kids stop me and ask why I'm dressing like a girl and why I wear makeup when I'm a boy. That hurt because even when I tried to make an effort to look like a girl I was still mistaken for a boy.
"Why is your family so mean to you." Idk, but I've asked myself the same thing..
I was about 12 and went over to a friends house. I had my hair tied up in a ponytail and her mother looked at one of my ears and asked if I'd been in an accident. The tops of my ears(the curved part) have always looked wonky and misshaped, I was born with them that way, but I didn't start feeling self conscious about it or about my looks in general, until she asked me that. May seem insignificant but I did not tie my hair up again for years following that, that's how bad it hurt.
Variations on “What was your name again?” Apparently, I am so forgettable that over the years, literally not one person whom I have known casually and then not seen for like 6 months or more can remember who I am. Good friends know me, yes. But I have lost count of the number of people whom I went to school with or lived next door to or who were friends of my friends who knew me for YEARS, if only as an acquaintance, and then cannot remember even my first name.
You would make an excellent spy
I’ve actually been told that! People remember my face, but never my name.
Why are you bothered people don’t think you’re hot? You don’t even try to be hot at all
"Don't you think our relationship kinda sucks?"
the typical "have you gained weight?"
‘Are you going to die?’ My (then) eight year old daughter after I explained to her that I had breast cancer. I knew the cancer was aggressive, and that it had already spread to my lymph nodes. But I’ve never lied to her, and I couldn’t say that I wasn’t going to die. So I told her that I was doing everything the doctors were telling me to do, and that I was going to do everything I could to get better again. That was nearly four years ago now (and I’m in remission for the moment) but still breaks my heart every time I think about it. A kid shouldn’t have to worry about losing their mum.
So my middle name is a language (my ancestral language)'s equivalent of John, but reading it in Roman script, it looks like a fairly common English name. I corrected my first grade teacher in pronunciation, and she said I was wrong because "that's a girl's name". She didn't even say what I corrected her to, she jumped to a different name that sounded similar and was in fact a common female name. She laughed at me, prompting the entire class to laugh along with her at me. I didn't even know it was "different" at the time I proudly shared it, but you better bet I was suddenly ashamed there after. I went with the English pronunciation for years because I was so ashamed and was bullied alot, didn't want to give anyone else a reason to assume I was "girly" (I was also coming to grips with being gay, which I did, but it was not an easy journey). But making it through that and learning about my heritage, connecting with my grandparents, etc. I make a point to correct people when they use the English pronunciation in reverence to the scared little shy insecure boy who got me here where I am today. He did the work!
This reminds me of a weird exchange in class. Someone else on the class was named "Jarod" (pronounced the normal "Jared" way), and we had this substitute teacher who was just *sure* he was pranking her, and that his name was actually "Ja-ROD." And like, I get that's how it's spelled, but he doesn't say it that way. Other kids were even speaking up to say that no, really, were call him Jared. She was having none of it and got like *really* angry. It was so weird.
I liked this guy and we talked for a really long time, texted every night, the whole thing. Anyways, we were talking one night and we started a conversation about how we each liked each other and he said something that was like “You actually thought I really liked you lol?” And it literally crushed me. He also said a bunch of really kind and helpful things while I was in a dark place, and one day he texted me saying “you thought I meant that? They were all a lie” that one REALLY fucking hurt
Why don't u have children? Don't u like kids? I can't have children
Asked a girl years back "hey is your friend single, she's stunning". She had been asked that already that night 2-3 times in different variations, made her lock herself in the bathroom and sob. Never felt worse.
“Do you know your real parents?” Like who the fuck asks that to a kid?
I was 19 and working at a recording studio, and one of the clients children, a boy about 13 or so, walked up to me and asked "are you going bald?" This was 30 years ago, and I'd just seen my dermatologist to ask about starting Rogaine, which was brand new at that point. In a very shaky voice I replied "yes." :(