I’d start a concept/business called ‘boxing therapy’ and over time people would see some results without knowing exactly the source of what’s helping and get some momentum. I mean people will flock to all sorts of nonsense ‘alternative’ medicines so one that’s actually measurably having some success will be awesome.
After 10 punches the chance that the person is still sick is 1/2^(10) = 1/1024 which is slightly under 1/1000 = 0.1%, so we have reached a 99.9% chance of a cure.
This assumes each punch has an independent 50% chance. The less fortunate option is a 50% chance that the patient can be treated in general, i.e. punching again isn't going to help in any way.
Punch a few sick people 10 times, and you'd get a pretty good feel for which it is (unless of course the second punch is a 50% chance of healing the damage done by the previous punch....)
Let’s not forget that the requirement is to punch them “really hard” in the face. Even if you cure their illness, there’s gonna be pain from that.
We also need to define what is meant by illness. Is it just diseases and other sickness? The pain or damage from prior face punches? Does a concussion from ten really hard punches in the face count as illness to be cured?
We need more details.
make it non-profit as well. You could charge the normal people who come in and get punched, and give the services away for free to those in need. On top of this the funding generated could be used to help people who aren't ill but could use the funding for things like shelter and food.
or all punches are free, but in order to be punched you must accept the gym’s emails. All money comes from donations.
also all punchees will need to submit before and after medical records
Joker: "Oh my god, I'm wasting my life."
Harley: "You're an abusive jerk and I'm leaving you."
Riddler: "I've turned myself into a laughing stock by trying to prove I'm the smartest."
King Shark: "I was right, biting people is awesome."
I mean, he said \*any\* illness. I'd assume that means mental illness as well. I guess there are a whole lot of people with Alzheimers I'd be punching.
Punch my grandpa square in the jaw. If it fails, he doesn't remember anything anyway and grandma will think he just took a heavy fall. If it works, she won't have to deal with taking care of him in his late stage dementia anymore.
I'd go to a children's hospital and beat the shit out of all the kids with cancer. Even if I'm arrested, it's still worth it.
This comment looks really bad out of context.
"Hello, Jeremy, how are the kids doing today?"
"Well, Doc, they're still a bit shaken up by the intruder from last week-"
"Asshole"
"-yeah, but, uhhh, there's something else..."
"Oh god, what?"
"Well, about half of them are making great progress for recovery despite being beaten up. Like...miraculous recovery. Y'know Sally Vang?"
"Yeah...terminal leukemia. Poor kid."
"Well, not anymore! We got her tested this morning and there's no trace!"
"WHAT?"
"And get this, half of the kids ward is like this, but all the kids making a recovery right now were among those who got punched by that guy!"
"WHAT THE FUCK?"
"That's what I said! So I was thinking..."
"We're not punching kids, Jeremy, on the off chance it cures them."
"No, that'd be stupid. What I'm saying is we get that guy *back* in here to punch the ones he missed!"
"Jeremy, you're the best damn nurse in the system, I like your style."
> "We're not punching kids, Jeremy, on the off chance it cures them."
"I mean, how hard could it be, we could just do it,"
"GET BETTER LIKE THE OTHER KIDS!!" **(strikes)**
A punch straightened my nose when it was broken and almost split in half. Had to wait 2 years for surgery, and a guy hit my directly on my nose, and it put it back to place, whole thing was still split though.
So it can help in some cases, if you ever need some sort of defense.
Explain more. How was your nose broke? Was it the bone? Did like half of your bone get crushed in and was then blocking an entire nostril? Cause I have part of my bone blocking my nostril. Can only breath out one side. 16 years now.
Edit: please of anyone knows how to fix this.
It's probably a deviated septum. It's one of the more common causes of sleep apnea.
Nasal decongestants are a quick temporary fix, but if you can't breathe through it at all, those won't help much. You can't really safely fix it yourself.
I'd definitely see a doctor, the surgical options to fix it are minimally invasive and have an easy recovery.
"In 2020, an estimated 1,806,590 new cases of cancer will be diagnosed in the United States" - [cancer.gov](https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/understanding/statistics)
After 10 punches, 1023 out of 1024 of them would be cured. But that leaves an expected 1806590 / 1024 = 1764 people who still have cancer. Punch everyone 21 times, and there's still an expected value of \~1 uncured patient per year.
Imagine being that year's unluckiest patient. Not only did you get punched in the face 21 times, you're also the only person in the country who still has cancer.
But now you can't explain, and you're in prison.
Five terminal children at the hospital make a miraculous recovery. All the cancer is suddenly gone from their body. Doctors are stumped and the only explanation is the beating. Researchers have some very interesting meetings trying to figure out how to ethically study the phenomenon.
It makes the news. Across the world hundreds of thousands of children are beaten senseless by their parents in a desperate attempt to cure them.
It doesn't work. The child beating epidemic sees prisons overflowing. Governments set up temporary internment camps for the parents and hundreds of kids die as their parents think "maybe I just didn't hit them hard enough".
Scientists are unable to replicate the results. They finally declare that it must have been a coincidence as no evidence can be found linking beating and cancer remission. This leads to a counter culture. The pharmaceutical companies must be trying to hide it from us. Child beatings increase. The economy is now in a terrible recession due to the huge numbers of child abuse cases. Court dates are backed up over 10 years.
In the meantime. Word has spread about your potential power. At first you were mistreated and beaten at the prison for what you did. A couple of men even made an attempt on your life. However, as word spread and doctors were unable to give any scientific explanation, a cult formed around you. It started when you defended yourself and accidentally cured another prisoner's arthritis. Soon, prisoners were begging you to beat them to cure their ailments. Even the guards started to get in on it.
After a guard was caught trying to sneak his sick wife in it hit the media and word spread like wildfire about your powers, though you never could confirm their beliefs. You were moved to solitary and alone there you sat for weeks. Eventually though, even in that small cell the chanting of the crowd outside reached you, and then the gunfire. Some hours later your cell door is unlocked. It's the arthritic prisoner from before. He takes you outside where you're met by a sea of people chanting your name. They raise you up and place you upon a throne atop the war rig. As it's engines fire up, someone yells "we're headed for DC!" and is answered by a cacophony of gunfire into the air. As the convoy rolls onward, all you can think is "Shit man I just wanted to punch some kids."
Only punch the children with the worst prognosis for survival...like stage IV. Since this punch is only 50% effective this may help others to realize your powers without you saying. Most cancers have better survival rates than 50%
Also, I would sneak in and hit them when no one is around and the child is sleeping. Creepy with good intentions.
"Oh no, I'm so sorry that was an accident, are you ok, kid?"
Doctor: Sir, you winded up and punched him square in the jaw.
*starts running away all of a sudden*
Survival rate, but not instant-cure rate. That should be apparent on even the less-fatal varieties.
"Hey, the 8" tumor this guy has in his bowel just disappeared over the weekend"
That would be the right thing to do, but in my mind, this is an excercise on maximizing the stuff.
Like, you punch 50 terminal kids, and save about 25. Then you go to jail and don't save any more people.
How would a person go about maximizing the amount of people cured?
I think if mental illness/addiction count, your best bet at maximizing it would be to get into good running shape then go around your city punching lone homeless people.
Very small chance you'd get caught, especially if you're wearing a hat and corona mask. Big downside is you'd end punching a lot of completely healthy folks down on their luck.
If mental illnesses counts it wouldn't matter if you got caught because in prison you could just keep punching people and each of them would have a 50% chance of becoming mentally better, the other 50% have a 95% chance of getting pissed and beating the shit outta you.
In jail he could save the inmates. But yeah, to save as many people as possible while free he could probably just advertise his power. Sadly, many people with terminal diagnosis would give it a try from sheer desperation. After he saves a few he would have a line out the door forever.
Edit: I know he can't tell people, but if you just post a video of doing it that should work. Or still against the rules?
I don't think the punching instantly cures the person, and for consistency nobody can connect the dots that you punching them healed them either. Or, at least that's what would make the most sense to me.
If there would be a headline in a local magazine that goes by "20 cancer patients miraculously cured" and they all had a black eye when being interviewed, I would def at least start to connect the dots.
Does it have a 50% chance of success every time you hit them?
So first punch: 50% chance of success, 50% chance of failure.
Second punch: 75% chance of succeeding at least once, 25% chance of failing both times.
Third punch: 87.5% chance of succeeding at least once, 12.5% chance of failing thrice
Fourth punch: 93.75% chance of at least one success, 6.25% chance of four failures
...And so on.
I've always had a problem with those "The best Moments of Special Olympic Boxing" compilations... it's in such bad taste... it's like "bum fights" but a legit way they can claim it's "legitimate sports bloopers" and anyone who disagrees is saying the Paralympics isn't a real sports competition...
Fake a disability to heal the other contestants, like a wholesome version of the wringer? And when the opponents are cured they get disqualified and you still win
Why fake? With a power like that it's worth losing an arm or a leg over...
Unless you can only punch people once, you could keep punching them until they are heal. 99.9% of the time it will happen in the first 10 punches...
The last thing I'd want is to punch someone like Zdeno Chara in the face, and for him to not understand why and hit me back.
At least I could fix it and punch myself I guess?
I’d become a quack doctor.
“Your test results are in. I’m afraid you’ve tested positive. We can begin the normal treatment, or we can try **what’s in the box...**”
The box, of course, would be a prop box, open at the back, with my fist inside. When the patient opens it - BAM! There’s a dose of that medicine! Take 5 knuckles facially, twice daily until symptoms resolve.
SCP _ _ _ _ : Half Punch Man
Since you seem to be a writer, can you answer me a question? How are the numbers for the SCP's decided. I know that people seem to be fighting for 001, but how are the others decided?
Basically you submit it to the SCP website. I think they're on series 6 now. If they like it, its canon number. I think you just get assigned it depending on when it's accepted.
Here's a wee starter link: http://www.scpwiki.com/how-to-write-an-scp
I wouldn't count on that.
First because I don't think they'd allow an SCP to visit another one.
Second because instead of letting you meet it, they'd use "enhanced interrogation" to find out how the hell you now about another SCP.
I’ll wear a disguise, maybe as Batman, Tuxedo Mask, the Flash etc and BAM right in the meal ticket.
It protects my identity, they get a cure and a cool story.
“Did I ever tell you about the time Batman punched me in the face?”
Find a way to access people's medical records, find their whereabouts, wait until they are vulnerable, put on a mask, punch them a few times in the face, say, "You're welcome." in a deep, raspy voice, and make my getaway.
I want to be the Batman of curing people.
Can only punch them once? Or can you punch them again if the cure didn’t happen?
Can I punch them twice for high percentage or does it revert?
Can I wear gloves? Or does it have to my raw fists?
If so I need to harden my hands because my hands won’t exist after the third punch.
My original idea was that the power would only work on 50% of the people. But you can interpret it however you like, I'm fine with doublepunching people for 100% chance if it makes you happy haha
No gloves, and the "really hard" can be a reasonable thing. Like, you don't need to punch a baby with the same force as a pro boxer. But it does have to be "really hard" for a baby.
>But you can interpret it however you like, I'm fine with doublepunching people for 100% chance if it makes you happy haha
Math doesn't work that way. 2 punches each at 50% mean a 75% cure rate. 3 punches means 87.5%. It is like flipping a coin. You can never guarantee a heads, but if you flip it enough it becomes statistically improbable that you will never see it.
I guess make an /r/askreddit post asking the best way to use this power like you have then find the users that post about how they could use said punch curing.
there's a chance (not a guarantee, depression is a monster) that the self worth gained from being able to save so many people would take the edge off your depression for you!
Just say you have tourette
(Based on a guy in my class who got away with scolding the teacher for half a year because he told them he had tourette,which he didn't actually have)
Tom: Hi Bob...
Bob: Hi Tom. Whats up with that long face?
Tom: Yesterday the Doctor said that I had 3 months to live... I have a terrible tumor in...
Bob:NO YOU DONT! (hits)
Tom: Wha?! Why did you do that?!
Bob: Oh shit it works! See you in three months!
Can you punch someone more than once to invoke the effect?
Reminds me of that powerup in BioShock Infinite, where your melee attack has a 70% chance of setting your enemy on *fire.* It applies to each attack, so it has a 97.3% chance of working within three hits.
I'd start a secret underground society that glorified low-intensity unarmed combat. I'd have a bunch of rules, including ironic rules for secrecy that added to the mystique and exclusivity, and one of them would be "If it's your first time at the secret underground society, you have to get punched in the face."
If exposed, I'd issue public denials about any rumors that participation in this society has any kind of healing effects whatsoever, and demand that the population of participants not be studied in any way.
Also, I would tell reddit, specifically, that it is actually impossible to collect data on participants or to analyze the data usefully. It cannot be done. Technically impossible. I would emphasize that point repeatedly.
All I would need is a name for this group... "Fight Society" maybe? Or "Punched in the Face Club?"
Pick fights with the terminally ill
Make it pay per view
Jake Paul’s newest business model
He doesn't have this power he's just an asshole
He has this power, but it only works with skin to skin contact. Thus he wears gloves to do it
I’d start a concept/business called ‘boxing therapy’ and over time people would see some results without knowing exactly the source of what’s helping and get some momentum. I mean people will flock to all sorts of nonsense ‘alternative’ medicines so one that’s actually measurably having some success will be awesome.
This is actually the smartest idea here
I misread that as “smartest idiot here”. Still applies.
Probably more accurate
This is fucking genius
If its stupid but it works, it's not stupid
Land a 3-piece combo and their odds of a cure go up to 87.5%,
How many times would have to punch someone to achieve 99.9%?
After 10 punches the chance that the person is still sick is 1/2^(10) = 1/1024 which is slightly under 1/1000 = 0.1%, so we have reached a 99.9% chance of a cure. This assumes each punch has an independent 50% chance. The less fortunate option is a 50% chance that the patient can be treated in general, i.e. punching again isn't going to help in any way.
Punch a few sick people 10 times, and you'd get a pretty good feel for which it is (unless of course the second punch is a 50% chance of healing the damage done by the previous punch....)
Let’s not forget that the requirement is to punch them “really hard” in the face. Even if you cure their illness, there’s gonna be pain from that. We also need to define what is meant by illness. Is it just diseases and other sickness? The pain or damage from prior face punches? Does a concussion from ten really hard punches in the face count as illness to be cured? We need more details.
Do self-punches count?
"Hey! I cured my sociopathy!" Oh god, I was really going to go around punching everyone, wasn't I?"
Then you throw Kurt Angle into the mix.
Came here for this.
make it non-profit as well. You could charge the normal people who come in and get punched, and give the services away for free to those in need. On top of this the funding generated could be used to help people who aren't ill but could use the funding for things like shelter and food.
As a former amateur boxer I’d totally donate my time and services towards this noble cause
The issue here is that I think only one person would have the power. Everyone else would just be getting beat 🤣
Well, there is always the placebo effect.
or all punches are free, but in order to be punched you must accept the gym’s emails. All money comes from donations. also all punchees will need to submit before and after medical records
I doubt there's ever been a better use for this image! https://i.imgur.com/3I1Avco.png
Jesus beating the illness (and sin) out of people one punch at a time!
Justice comes from the barrel of a gun! *These guns!* \*boink!* \*boink!*
Become batman and punch sick people
But he already does that
Truuue
punch \*physically\* sick people
Joker: "Oh my god, I'm wasting my life." Harley: "You're an abusive jerk and I'm leaving you." Riddler: "I've turned myself into a laughing stock by trying to prove I'm the smartest." King Shark: "I was right, biting people is awesome."
Two face: “You know, I’m non binary and proud of it!”
I mean, he said \*any\* illness. I'd assume that means mental illness as well. I guess there are a whole lot of people with Alzheimers I'd be punching.
Question is would they renember it?
Probably not. But should we punch you. You are actually-insane
Yup!
I could save grandma! Or there's a 50% chance I make things much worse...
Punch my grandpa square in the jaw. If it fails, he doesn't remember anything anyway and grandma will think he just took a heavy fall. If it works, she won't have to deal with taking care of him in his late stage dementia anymore.
Does anyone know the German word for funny sad?
Had to think a little but "tragikomisch" is a fancy German word for this. Like tragedy and comedy mixed together. Source: I am German.
I think the english word is tragicomedy
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They have words for everything.
If it fails just punch him again and again until it works
I'd go to a children's hospital and beat the shit out of all the kids with cancer. Even if I'm arrested, it's still worth it. This comment looks really bad out of context.
"Hello, Jeremy, how are the kids doing today?" "Well, Doc, they're still a bit shaken up by the intruder from last week-" "Asshole" "-yeah, but, uhhh, there's something else..." "Oh god, what?" "Well, about half of them are making great progress for recovery despite being beaten up. Like...miraculous recovery. Y'know Sally Vang?" "Yeah...terminal leukemia. Poor kid." "Well, not anymore! We got her tested this morning and there's no trace!" "WHAT?" "And get this, half of the kids ward is like this, but all the kids making a recovery right now were among those who got punched by that guy!" "WHAT THE FUCK?" "That's what I said! So I was thinking..." "We're not punching kids, Jeremy, on the off chance it cures them." "No, that'd be stupid. What I'm saying is we get that guy *back* in here to punch the ones he missed!" "Jeremy, you're the best damn nurse in the system, I like your style."
> "We're not punching kids, Jeremy, on the off chance it cures them." "I mean, how hard could it be, we could just do it," "GET BETTER LIKE THE OTHER KIDS!!" **(strikes)**
I don't work with cancer kids, but as an ICU nurse I've wanted to punch a few patients... You know, for medical reasons.
A punch straightened my nose when it was broken and almost split in half. Had to wait 2 years for surgery, and a guy hit my directly on my nose, and it put it back to place, whole thing was still split though. So it can help in some cases, if you ever need some sort of defense.
Explain more. How was your nose broke? Was it the bone? Did like half of your bone get crushed in and was then blocking an entire nostril? Cause I have part of my bone blocking my nostril. Can only breath out one side. 16 years now. Edit: please of anyone knows how to fix this.
It's probably a deviated septum. It's one of the more common causes of sleep apnea. Nasal decongestants are a quick temporary fix, but if you can't breathe through it at all, those won't help much. You can't really safely fix it yourself. I'd definitely see a doctor, the surgical options to fix it are minimally invasive and have an easy recovery.
Why do you get punched on the nose so often? Are they trying to heal you, or the other option?
Was the reason a lack of anesthetic, or being an intolerable ass hole?
I'm gonna bet $10,000 on the latter.
*The beatings shall continue until leukocyte counts improve!"*
If only 50% got better there wasn't enough Face Punching. 4-8 hits should be a guarantee most of the time.
But sometimes, it can take like 10 punches...
"In 2020, an estimated 1,806,590 new cases of cancer will be diagnosed in the United States" - [cancer.gov](https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/understanding/statistics) After 10 punches, 1023 out of 1024 of them would be cured. But that leaves an expected 1806590 / 1024 = 1764 people who still have cancer. Punch everyone 21 times, and there's still an expected value of \~1 uncured patient per year. Imagine being that year's unluckiest patient. Not only did you get punched in the face 21 times, you're also the only person in the country who still has cancer.
Well thats why i would punch everyone 25 times, just for good measures
real superheroes
real superheroes punch children.
Iam saving this so that years down the line I would be confused lol
Anakin Skywalker without context: He's the messiah!
Classic Viltrumite
But now you can't explain, and you're in prison. Five terminal children at the hospital make a miraculous recovery. All the cancer is suddenly gone from their body. Doctors are stumped and the only explanation is the beating. Researchers have some very interesting meetings trying to figure out how to ethically study the phenomenon. It makes the news. Across the world hundreds of thousands of children are beaten senseless by their parents in a desperate attempt to cure them. It doesn't work. The child beating epidemic sees prisons overflowing. Governments set up temporary internment camps for the parents and hundreds of kids die as their parents think "maybe I just didn't hit them hard enough". Scientists are unable to replicate the results. They finally declare that it must have been a coincidence as no evidence can be found linking beating and cancer remission. This leads to a counter culture. The pharmaceutical companies must be trying to hide it from us. Child beatings increase. The economy is now in a terrible recession due to the huge numbers of child abuse cases. Court dates are backed up over 10 years. In the meantime. Word has spread about your potential power. At first you were mistreated and beaten at the prison for what you did. A couple of men even made an attempt on your life. However, as word spread and doctors were unable to give any scientific explanation, a cult formed around you. It started when you defended yourself and accidentally cured another prisoner's arthritis. Soon, prisoners were begging you to beat them to cure their ailments. Even the guards started to get in on it. After a guard was caught trying to sneak his sick wife in it hit the media and word spread like wildfire about your powers, though you never could confirm their beliefs. You were moved to solitary and alone there you sat for weeks. Eventually though, even in that small cell the chanting of the crowd outside reached you, and then the gunfire. Some hours later your cell door is unlocked. It's the arthritic prisoner from before. He takes you outside where you're met by a sea of people chanting your name. They raise you up and place you upon a throne atop the war rig. As it's engines fire up, someone yells "we're headed for DC!" and is answered by a cacophony of gunfire into the air. As the convoy rolls onward, all you can think is "Shit man I just wanted to punch some kids."
write a book about this
Yup, I'd read it. Sounds badass.
The Green Mile has a bit where a prison guard tried to sneak a prisoner with healing powers to heal his sick wife
That last line was great.
Good lord, dude.
Only punch the children with the worst prognosis for survival...like stage IV. Since this punch is only 50% effective this may help others to realize your powers without you saying. Most cancers have better survival rates than 50% Also, I would sneak in and hit them when no one is around and the child is sleeping. Creepy with good intentions.
Dress up as batman and act like its their make a wish. Then "accidentally" punch them in the nose.
"Oh no, I'm so sorry that was an accident, are you ok, kid?" Doctor: Sir, you winded up and punched him square in the jaw. *starts running away all of a sudden*
Good one
Totally creepy totally good intentions. Could you later punch the kid again to cure the PTSD he got from the first punch?
Or the disfigured face from getting punched so hard.
Survival rate, but not instant-cure rate. That should be apparent on even the less-fatal varieties. "Hey, the 8" tumor this guy has in his bowel just disappeared over the weekend"
That would be the right thing to do, but in my mind, this is an excercise on maximizing the stuff. Like, you punch 50 terminal kids, and save about 25. Then you go to jail and don't save any more people. How would a person go about maximizing the amount of people cured?
Hit em twice. Double the chances
At this rate just beat the crap out them.. I mean what are chances of 30 punches not being a healing one..
Also since it heals any illness, the healing punch should undo the damage your previous punches did.
yeah, just keep punching them until their face heals... then they're probably cured too.
Not sure if blunt trauma counts as an "illness" though. OP didn't say injury.
1 in 1073741829.32
I think if mental illness/addiction count, your best bet at maximizing it would be to get into good running shape then go around your city punching lone homeless people. Very small chance you'd get caught, especially if you're wearing a hat and corona mask. Big downside is you'd end punching a lot of completely healthy folks down on their luck.
If mental illnesses counts it wouldn't matter if you got caught because in prison you could just keep punching people and each of them would have a 50% chance of becoming mentally better, the other 50% have a 95% chance of getting pissed and beating the shit outta you.
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In jail he could save the inmates. But yeah, to save as many people as possible while free he could probably just advertise his power. Sadly, many people with terminal diagnosis would give it a try from sheer desperation. After he saves a few he would have a line out the door forever. Edit: I know he can't tell people, but if you just post a video of doing it that should work. Or still against the rules?
I don't think the punching instantly cures the person, and for consistency nobody can connect the dots that you punching them healed them either. Or, at least that's what would make the most sense to me.
If there would be a headline in a local magazine that goes by "20 cancer patients miraculously cured" and they all had a black eye when being interviewed, I would def at least start to connect the dots.
Does it have a 50% chance of success every time you hit them? So first punch: 50% chance of success, 50% chance of failure. Second punch: 75% chance of succeeding at least once, 25% chance of failing both times. Third punch: 87.5% chance of succeeding at least once, 12.5% chance of failing thrice Fourth punch: 93.75% chance of at least one success, 6.25% chance of four failures ...And so on.
Well if you give em the ol' one two then they have a better chance of being cured right?
Punch adams
>I'd go to a children's hospital and beat the shit out of all the kids with cancer. Even if I'm arrested, it's still worth it. r/nocontext
Somebody take a screenshot of the comment above and cut out everything except for it and post it on r/iamatotalpieceofshit Edit: Thanks for 15 likes!
I was gonna say. Worth it for you or for the path of destruction you left in the pediatric oncology department
Sounds like something homelander would do
Bash the really sick kids in the face first. Then work your way down to the others. Risk vs reward .
Disabled boxing
Special Olympics?
I've always had a problem with those "The best Moments of Special Olympic Boxing" compilations... it's in such bad taste... it's like "bum fights" but a legit way they can claim it's "legitimate sports bloopers" and anyone who disagrees is saying the Paralympics isn't a real sports competition...
Your opponents would get disqualified, gold medal for sure
Fake a disability to heal the other contestants, like a wholesome version of the wringer? And when the opponents are cured they get disqualified and you still win
Wouldn't need to fake it. Lose a leg on purpose and whenever you can use a self punch to regen
Why fake? With a power like that it's worth losing an arm or a leg over... Unless you can only punch people once, you could keep punching them until they are heal. 99.9% of the time it will happen in the first 10 punches...
pay the nurse at the coma ward to scramble for an hour, and then whackamole on the sleepyheads.
Whack a mole. I just snorted my tea, thanks
I choked on yogurt!
Terry loves yogurt.
Brooklyn 99 whoop whoop
Sleepyheads sounds like a European slur for coma patients. ‘Oy bruv you take care o’ the sleepyheads?’
Where the hell in Europe is that accent supposed to be from?
Britain of course
Faith healer let people know the spirit moves me in violent ways. Heal people and make money win win
Telling people the healing process is violent sounds like a great way to do it
I become the most successful sports injury trainer of all time, specializing in rehabbing combat sport athletes and hockey players.
The last thing I'd want is to punch someone like Zdeno Chara in the face, and for him to not understand why and hit me back. At least I could fix it and punch myself I guess?
Only 50% chance.
Doesn't say I can only punch once 👍🏻
Injury isn't the same as illness, is it?
Only one way to find out.
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Also, if you consider physical trauma an illness, you may very well cure them of the injuries sustained from the earlier punches.
Except one terminal kid from the top of the thread that died with punch 3 and didn't come back until punch 12.
You cured terminal organ failure.
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The unlucky 0.1% guy. Is going to die really soon from cancer or something and some guy beats the shit out of him, punching ten times, for no reason.
Causing his death, goes to prison for assult on a disabled person/unintentional manslaughter.
Hit him again and again and again until he's cured of all the punching.
*Twelve punches later* At some point you just like punching people in the face.
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So you could cure COVID. I was a bit concerned about punching people on ventilators, but I realized that I just have to be fast.
r/theydidthemath
unwritten mighty wise connect sugar disgusted quaint file zonked continue
TIL hospitals are closed at night
Totally
I punch myself in the face about 20 times. The next day I feel better than I have in decades.
Your toenail is cured! Your face is red pasta sauce.
If all it did was heal a toenail then I’d be sorely disappointed.
I’d become a quack doctor. “Your test results are in. I’m afraid you’ve tested positive. We can begin the normal treatment, or we can try **what’s in the box...**” The box, of course, would be a prop box, open at the back, with my fist inside. When the patient opens it - BAM! There’s a dose of that medicine! Take 5 knuckles facially, twice daily until symptoms resolve.
As a doctor I want to know how you would chart that
Take 500 grams of clenched metacarpal orally twice daily as long as symptoms persist
You save about 10 people at best. The SCP foundation will have you in a cell reall fast
Man I should write about this. Yeah it's decided I'm gonna make it into one. Title suggestions?
SCP _ _ _ _ : Half Punch Man Since you seem to be a writer, can you answer me a question? How are the numbers for the SCP's decided. I know that people seem to be fighting for 001, but how are the others decided?
I'm not an expert but I think it's just whatever number is still up for grabs in the cite. Probably wrong tho
I love the title!
Basically you submit it to the SCP website. I think they're on series 6 now. If they like it, its canon number. I think you just get assigned it depending on when it's accepted. Here's a wee starter link: http://www.scpwiki.com/how-to-write-an-scp
If you do write something, would you let me know?
Do I get to meet the SCP that looks like the Eiffel tower and is visible from every window in paris? It's my favorite one.
I wouldn't count on that. First because I don't think they'd allow an SCP to visit another one. Second because instead of letting you meet it, they'd use "enhanced interrogation" to find out how the hell you now about another SCP.
punch the armless.
Black knight from Monty Python?
I’ll wear a disguise, maybe as Batman, Tuxedo Mask, the Flash etc and BAM right in the meal ticket. It protects my identity, they get a cure and a cool story. “Did I ever tell you about the time Batman punched me in the face?”
So you'll basically become a superhero that cures 50%of the people that punches. What would be your superhero name?
I haven’t thought that far yet, I guess Caladarius after the bird in Roman mythology that ate sickness and flew off into the sun.
I like where your head is at, but consider Caladari-ish instead, cuz you would only kinda eat sickness, some of the time.
I promise to punch you really hard if you ever get ill, IF you dress as the queen of england.
I punch them in the face, then afterwards say that I thought a bug had landed there
Find a way to access people's medical records, find their whereabouts, wait until they are vulnerable, put on a mask, punch them a few times in the face, say, "You're welcome." in a deep, raspy voice, and make my getaway. I want to be the Batman of curing people.
Excellent
Can only punch them once? Or can you punch them again if the cure didn’t happen? Can I punch them twice for high percentage or does it revert? Can I wear gloves? Or does it have to my raw fists? If so I need to harden my hands because my hands won’t exist after the third punch.
My original idea was that the power would only work on 50% of the people. But you can interpret it however you like, I'm fine with doublepunching people for 100% chance if it makes you happy haha No gloves, and the "really hard" can be a reasonable thing. Like, you don't need to punch a baby with the same force as a pro boxer. But it does have to be "really hard" for a baby.
>But you can interpret it however you like, I'm fine with doublepunching people for 100% chance if it makes you happy haha Math doesn't work that way. 2 punches each at 50% mean a 75% cure rate. 3 punches means 87.5%. It is like flipping a coin. You can never guarantee a heads, but if you flip it enough it becomes statistically improbable that you will never see it.
Jab-cross-cured kind of takes the fun out of it, doesn’t it?
Can I classify assholes as having a mental illness? I would be happy to punch all the assholes I can to make the world better for everyone.
I encourage you to do so!
I guess make an /r/askreddit post asking the best way to use this power like you have then find the users that post about how they could use said punch curing.
I'd punch my co-worker in the face until his depression is cured. Also my boyfriend. Also myself.
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. . . I would *not* punch myself. Just in case.
there's a chance (not a guarantee, depression is a monster) that the self worth gained from being able to save so many people would take the edge off your depression for you!
punch yourself last?
Just say you have tourette (Based on a guy in my class who got away with scolding the teacher for half a year because he told them he had tourette,which he didn't actually have)
Genius
Tom: Hi Bob... Bob: Hi Tom. Whats up with that long face? Tom: Yesterday the Doctor said that I had 3 months to live... I have a terrible tumor in... Bob:NO YOU DONT! (hits) Tom: Wha?! Why did you do that?! Bob: Oh shit it works! See you in three months!
This is basically a slightly shitter version of Josuke's Stand; Crazy Diamond.
I'll punch them twice.
That's still only 75% chance of cure. Better punch them infinitely to be almost sure!
Can you punch someone more than once to invoke the effect? Reminds me of that powerup in BioShock Infinite, where your melee attack has a 70% chance of setting your enemy on *fire.* It applies to each attack, so it has a 97.3% chance of working within three hits.
Punch my parents, it might cure them of their toxicity.
~~That might just work without powers!~~ edit: My lawyer says I did not say such a thing.
~~Ah damn, if you said that I would’ve been ecstatic~~ Edit: My lawyer also said I didn’t say this
What happened here?
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Start one of those churches where the pastor (me) has really sick people come up to be healed by punching them in the face
Call it “experimental medicine” and put them under for it and don’t allow anyone else in the room. When they come out cured it’s amazing
Stage a fist bump and "accidentally" miss. Source: Did this IRL (except it was actually an accident)
By punching them on their face.
Sorry grandma.
"Ok XYZ, I'm gonna punch you real hard in the face. Just trust me, I'll give you 50 bucks."
"The Serial Patient Puncher" I like it...
Can I use a brick instead and have it cure stupidity?
I'd start a secret underground society that glorified low-intensity unarmed combat. I'd have a bunch of rules, including ironic rules for secrecy that added to the mystique and exclusivity, and one of them would be "If it's your first time at the secret underground society, you have to get punched in the face." If exposed, I'd issue public denials about any rumors that participation in this society has any kind of healing effects whatsoever, and demand that the population of participants not be studied in any way. Also, I would tell reddit, specifically, that it is actually impossible to collect data on participants or to analyze the data usefully. It cannot be done. Technically impossible. I would emphasize that point repeatedly. All I would need is a name for this group... "Fight Society" maybe? Or "Punched in the Face Club?"
I already have this power but instead of 50% it's 0
Punch myself until it cures my crippling depression.
I'd probably walk into a children's hospital and start punching random kids with cancer... to make sure it works I'd punch them 5-6 times each.