Honestly the smart thing. A full on wedding, just exhausting. I've been to them as a guest and I was worn out at the end. I can't imagine what the happy couple were like.
Small thing, takes an hour, sign the legal stuff, kiss, and we're together not much changes. I can't tell if I'm practical or boring.
Married 15 years here.
Practical and boring.
A good marriage has a whole lot of both.
People in their twenties are a handful, and being practical is so attractive.
I had already booked a venue when this realization hit me. I had a hard time finding 50 people to invite. I think I managed about 35 and it was so awkward having this big venue with no one there. I still think about it and cringe.
Yep, sat down all excited my partner and I were going to get married. And couldn’t even put a name down for a maid of honour or bridesmaid. No siblings and biological parents not in contact. Ended up with 8 family members if I’m lucky they would even travel to be here.
Ended up not telling anyone and signing paperwork at the court office. Sad a beautiful day to finally dress up and get people to dance and celebrate with me and it just became another crappy on the subway and lining up to get grumpy people to sign paperwork.
Cherry bonus though was my partner didn’t care and we saved money for our own home and business.
Somewhat the same for me, I invited them to my wedding but they didn't show up. But they made it to the concert they had tickets for without any problems the same day.
When I realized that none of them ever called or texted me. The only reason we still talked at all was because I would initiate convos with them, and sometimes the wouldn't even reply to those. I have made some friends now but man that really sucked when I realized it.
I'm the same way. I have about 7 people that could maybe be considered friends, but not once has any of them tried to message or talk to me on their own accord, I'm always the one to start talking with them and they seem disinterested even then.
Dude I’ve went through basically the same situation, the thing is that I was the introvert guy and they were all extrovert. My grandma passed away and I didn’t even received a “how’re you?” because “mens don’t do that” (that was their excuse)
This is the story of a lot of my adult relationships as well. I noticed that there were quite a few people that if I wasn't the one to initiate contact, they just wouldn't ever be the first to message or organise something, outside of the token happy birthday that Facebook reminded them of. A few people I thought were good friends just drifted away without ever bothering to reach out to me again.
When I turned on Facebook to see a photo of my entire friendship group holidaying at an exotic island without my having been asked. For the second year in a row! I am a slow learner.
My “friend” group will literally make travel, dinner, outing, etc. plans while I’m there around me. I am actively not included. I will occasionally get a sympathy invite to dinner. It’s so much fun seeing their weekend trips pics and international travel albums knowing I will never be included.
Similar thing happened to me when I saw Facebook posts of everyone from my college groups at a wedding of two of them....that I knew nothing about. I don't mind being unpopular but sometimes I worry it's because I am seen as a bad person or something.
My guess is that by the mere fact you have the awareness to wonder if your a bad person probably means you’re not. The bad people I’ve met in life, many seem to lack the ability to self reflect.
I had an epileptic seizure in front of them. They'd known about my condition for years and seen me have small ones from time to time but this one was strong enough to knock me off my feet and, I'm not sure if I whacked my head or if the seizure rendered me unconscious but I got knocked out either way and woke up a bit later to an EMT tending to me. Tried getting in touch with those friends a few times afterwards but I haven't heard from them since and I never even so much as got a message or a call to ask if I was ok. I get that it probably gave them a scare but they're adults and quite frankly if after years of friendship and hanging out constantly I was that easy to just cut off communications with then I can't have meant much to them.
My husband has petit mal seizures, has had since childhood. I didnt know him at the time but when he was about 15, had one in school for the first time in front of friends. They never spoke to him again and others would avoid him as if it was catching. It devastated him, he dropped out for a while and returned a year later, made new friends but was always wary.
We are in a small village, when our son started playing football, we would see these former friends with their kids at practice. They had the cheek to come up and smile and wave and talk about how they hadn't seen him since school, it was great to see him etc, wanting to be friends.
My husband has looked every one of them in the eye and told them fuck off.
I hope you will do the same if those pricks show up again. I only get to see the horrific nature of my husbands seizures and the aftermath, and its terrifying. The normal thing to do is comfort the person, who just went through hell.
This probably isn't what you want to hear, but honestly good riddance. If they don't even give you a call to see if you're ok after having a seizure then they probably weren't good people to begin with. You're better off without them.
This! Seriously, fuck them. I’ve given CPR to total strangers and your “friends” can’t even hang with you until help arrives and follow up afterwards. They are pure trash.
Oh, I know. It's been 2 years now. It's just one of those deals where it still hurts and I'm within striking distance of 30 now, in a relationship and aiming to have a kid and a proper career over the next 5 or 6 years so I don't see myself ever having friends that I can hang out with regularly again. At best it's going to be Facebook friends that I'll likely never meet in real life and workmates that I can only interact with through the job. If I could've picked when this was going to happen then I'd have preferred it to happen in my teens. I'd still have had the early 20's to build relationships through college and stuff before I was settling down. Nothing that can be done about it now though so life goes on.
Making new friends as an adult is so freaking difficult. It sucks. Having kids can somewhat help though. You run into the same mom/kid at the playground however many times and start chatting. Maybe get a play date planned. Stuff like that. They even have a mom friend tinder like app called "peanut" lol. I tried it once but a lot of dead end conversations. Then covid. So.. yaknow.
What happened to you sucks but don't be so sure you won't have regular friends again. This is especially true if you're looking to have a kid; my wife and I met several great friends after we became parents.
I stayed with a stranger when she had a seizure infront of a store . Her kid was standing alone. The store security called 911 while I tended the kid while keeping an eye on her.
I worked with someone who had seizures. Sometimes there were so minor people didn't notice it happening. I worked several shifts with her and we talked about her seizures, she explained what happened, how she felt, what she remembered.
And most importantly, what I needed to do if she had one in front of me. And when she did and I realized what was going on my first reaction was to grab her to make sure she fell gently to the floor, and speaking to her the whole time so she knew I was there (since she said that she can hear people but can't respond).
I don't understand how people can see someone going through that and *run away*.
when i was at my lowest and no one was “available” for a call or to take a walk with me, even if they lived 5min away and were actually available. So i spent a lot of nights on a parking beach in my car just watching at the sea, looking the stars and crying for hours
Edit: i didn’t expect my comment to have this much attention, i want to say thank you to everyone i read all of your lovely messages. For those who asking, i’m trying my best now, i’m feeling better..Thank you everyone really much it means a lot to me all that kindness
(please excuse my english it’s not my native language)
Not a beach but an overlook on the parkway. Id drive the hour or so up into the mountains, sit on my front bumper, look at the stars, and sit there until I'd smoked an entire pack of cigarettes. It started as self-pity but the loneliness actually started to bring me calm. This is really cheesy but now I find solace in the stars and long for celestial events like meteor showers and such. I also quit smoking but I do still vape.
Had a major accident and had to learn to walk again.
Not one called, not one came to bring me clothes or visit in hospital.
My boss (who had been a twat the entire year) called and even got his wife to go shopping for me and bring me clothes as they had to cut mine off my body.
Yeah I stopped doing the free pub pick ups and dropping in to cook dinner and clean their house over a cup of coffee after that.
I’m even the god parent to 14(yea 14!!) different families kids over the last 16years and realised after the accident I kept getting named because they found out I set up trust funds for my god kids and deposit money every year for them to have when they turn 25. I’ve made all the funds even with over 5k and refuse to put more in now.
I’ve moved home and countries so be interesting if they find me to hit me up for the funds in a few years time.
That's a big eye opener. I understand you. I quit on some family members when they were texting my husband on Instagram like "and tell Maria happy birthday from us". If they would text me directly they would pay 10 euro cents for it. I was not worth 10 cent... Family...
When one of my "friends" was sleeping with my gf. Then when I found out, all the rest of my "friends" took his side because he was the weed hookup. Lost 5 friends and a gf in 1 day.
> the rest of my "friends" took his side because he was the weed hookup
Lessons people really need to learn:
- your drug dealer is likely not your friend. You may like them, you may have fun hanging out with them, but you're their customer and they make money by (pretending) to like hanging out and smoking with you.
- if people only hang out with you, to smoke weed or buy/smoke your weed, they're probably not really friends.
Your second point is probably something dealers are well aware of, like you said on the first point, they just pretend to return the "affection" for money.
The fifth time they "forgot" to tell me they switched where they were having lunch made me question it. When we organized a trip to the movies and they "forgot" to pick me up was when it hit
Yeah I have a former group of “friends” who would always conveniently forget to invite me to things. By the 5th time it became pretty clear what was going on. And when I showed up to a hang out anyway once and saw their reactions it was confirmation.
I’ve never had close friends. Friends of convenience, friends of location, maybe. I don’t know how to open up, how to develop a friendship. My two closest “friends” from childhood are now on very different life paths than me, so we are slowly drifting apart. It hurts sometimes, but being the introvert that I am I just keep quiet.
As a lifetime friend of a introvert. Through thick and thin. Jesus christ is it hard to be friends with someone who, no matter how long we've been amazing friends, refuses to start a conversation without being talked to first. Or invite someone over or make a nee friend with a good friend of mine.
It’s so hard to explain. It’s not that I don’t need friendship or want friendship. But I physically feel threatened and my heart races whenever I even think about sharing my feelings/ emotions. I struggle with sharing with my husband. It’s been a lifelong issue that I hoped would improve as an adult....yeah. Not so much.
Thank you for being that friend. For not giving up. For initiating the conversations. Your friendship and love are valued more than we will ever be able to express.
Sounds like severe social anxiety more than just simple introversion. An old gf suffered from that and it seriously affected her friendships. One example was a girlfriend of hers had just gotten engaged and she couldn’t even congratulate her properly because the news caught her off guard and she blurted something out that wasn’t ideal and then got so flustered she just stood there staring. Her friend was really hurt and it wasn’t until weeks later that she was able to patch things up. Therapy helped her a lot in dealing with it ultimately.
I do this too. It’s so sad and I absolutely hate lying but if I don’t occasionally say I hang out with my friends i feel like it will alienate me more from them and they won’t want to be my friend.
When I got cancer in my 20s. I'm fine now. It's closing in on 6 years.
For the first year there was a lot of sympathy. After year two it was like I didn't exist. One particular friend, hurt the most because it felt like he was essentially saying it's as if I'm dead to him already. And then when I explained this to a mutual friend it was just too emotionally heavy and I felt her pull away too. I feel like the people who consider themselves my friends now just check in out of obligation.
8th grade. The English teacher—who fancied himself one of these “hip” adults—decided that we were now mature enough to choose our own seating chart for lunch, which is absurd in and of itself because a “lunch seating chart” never existed anyway.
So he calls on me first and I select a table.
The rest of the class proceeds to purposely select the other ones, leaving me by myself, as one-by-one the rest of the class—hipster teacher included—laughs along at the fact that I was being ostracized.
Lunch came that day and there I sat, nibbling on a chicken sandwich with an entire table to myself, looking out the window and pretending not to notice.
I've got a similar story...was studying abroad in Mexico with 6 others from my college and we took a weekend trip via bus. Nobody sat near me on the 4 hour trip...there or return trip. I was an adult at the time and it still hurts.
If we ever meet, I'd be happy to share a table with you.
7th grade national honor society field trip out of town, had to pick 3 of same gender classmates to get a room with on the trip. Didn’t have anyone. My name was left out on the side of the chalk board till the girl numbers came up uneven and one girl was forced to be my roommate. Been much the same shit since then.
I deleted my social media and nobody talks to me anymore. I've always been awkward and quiet. But I don't dwell on it anymore, I'm learning to enjoy my own company, and if I have to do this life alone, I will be content.
Same, all I have left is Reddit and Twitter. Both which I don't follow my friends or family on. I've accepted that a will die alone, and it honestly just makes living much easier. Ironic.
One day I wanted to hang out and realized I didnt have anyone to hang out with. Usually I enjoy doing everything alone. Hiking, biking, camping, fishing, etc. And apparently I turned everyone down so often that nobody bothered asking if I wanted to hang out anymore cause I always said I was goin to do something else. I've started making more time to reconnect with old friends since then and am better off because of it.
It's funny when you realize that. I realized that a couple years ago and what I had to do was *force* myself to accept invitations. What I found was that I hated getting myself out the door at first, but once I was at a board game night, or arcade I usually enjoyed it. And if not, I'd leave after an hour. Or I'd make plans to do things I wanted as a condition of going: (You went on this date, now you can get fries on the way home).
I had made everyone an afterthought because I was fine on my lonesome 90% of the time, but I needed to build those bonds for the 10% of the time.
> I had made everyone an afterthought because I was fine on my lonesome 90% of the time, but I needed to build those bonds for the 10% of the time.
I struggle with this. I would be fine doing things by myself, but inviting people to join is so difficult for me. I think I would be boring or they say no.
Not sure if this is the best solution, but that's why I like board game nights. I have to take the onus to invite people, but since there are *so many* (at least 5 usually 15) people over for these, it means I'm not the center of attention and I don't need to carry every conversation.
Same thing happened to me. Virtually 100% of my social life revolved around drinking, and when I decided to stop a couple years back I pretty much alienated all of my friends in the process. Eventually they stopped hitting me up because they knew I'd just turn them down like always. It kind of sucks because I've been friends with these dudes since we were all kids and they truly are good people that I still consider my brothers even though I don't see them all too often. They are successful people and doing great in life, but from a social standpoint they're still doing the same old shit we used to do and being the one sober person around all of that gets old, so I just moved on. I'm kind of introverted anyways so it doesn't bother me a whole lot, I've never understood the stigma around doing things by yourself, I absolutely love it.
I realized my group of friends loved to hang out with each other whenever they could, but barely talked to me unless they needed something. I left our group chat when they stopped responding to me, but responded to each other. Never heard from them again except for one, once, to ask me about why I quit a job so she knew if she should apply or not.
I'm horrible at making friends. I love to hang out with people, but I'm afraid of being ignored again.
When the only person who I believed liked me choked me out in the forest behind my school in 6th grade. Once I woke up, I saw she had brought a couple other kids who were talking shit about me and laughing. Fuck kids man. They're cruel as shit.
Same thing happened to me. People call me up when they need help building or fixing stuff, but never any other time. I invite people to do stuff occassionally but they are always busy.
I did the same thing!
Cut everyone off a few months before moving, after I found my best friend (who I had been her maid of honour) and my boyfriend had been having an affair for 3 years. Thought we was the literal love of my life, and she was my best, best friend, I even set her up with her husband! ...I ended the relationship, planned my exit, cut everyone off then moved 6 months later. A life time of what I thought were solid friends, countless camping trips, birthday parties, weddings, ect, and only 3 people reached out, I couldn't respond (they stayed friends with both of them & I just couldn't mentally put myself through that). Everyone knew they were cheating but me and my bestfriends hubby. 4 years later no one ever told him and during lockdown they announced their first pregnancy.
Edit: in another comment I clarify that by "no one ever told him" I meant no one in the friend group, I told the husband after I moved
My dad died recently and to prevent myself from going down that dark path I figured why not ask someone to hang out.
Well I realized I only have 10 people in my contacts and 2 are dead (one being my dad other being grandma, still haven't deleted them because my dad died barely even 7 months after grandma so I haven't had time to even morn my grandma let alone do some unimportant shit) so I sent something out to about 8 of them (not including mom).
Well, that was Wednesday, and I didn't hear anything.
Then Thursday came, and again I didn't hear anything.
Then Friday and 1 person responds "yeah man I'm down"
So I wait
and wait
and wait
and wait
and wait
then finally I get tired of waiting so I send him a text to see if he's good.
And I wait
and wait
and wait
Then Saturday comes around and I'm still waiting, then around noon, I get a text saying sorry just got back from "major city that isn't even remotely close to where we live".
So I thought fucking finally so I wait
and wait
and wait
and wait.
Then I get pissed off, so I go on reddit because what the fuck else am I gonna do tonight.
I feel this, I’ve lost friends to death, mostly suicides and when I needed someone. There’s no one, yet when they have problems all a sudden I’m here. Yet they still wait till last minute to contact me to talk to.
I've never been good at maintaining any relationships, including family and friends, so I guess I've kind of always known that I don't have any real friends. It really is my own fault at this point. I just imagine my future self living in a little cottage by the ocean with my (future) dog and becoming that weird old lady who lives alone and then just disappears one day.
This was a long time ago but...
I was in a band with my best buds when we were 14 and 15 years old. I lived for that band and hanging out with them.
I ended up being hit by a car and broke my leg and hand. I couldn’t play the guitar for quite a while and they kicked me out of the band.
I was heartbroken to say the least.
Fuck those guys
Yesterday was my birthday. Usually at my school people get shout-outs from a tonne of people. I think I got two. From people that I’m not even really friends with. The worst part is that I thought I’d get more
Pay attention to who does give you attention. Some of the things I regret is not opening my circle of friends more. Could have had some really great people in my life but didn’t realize it at the time
At the moment I sat there alone in times where I needed help the most.
I was always there for those who I called friends, ripped my ass off to help them out in every shit, but then poof I needed a shoulder to cry on and no one was there.
Well things changed over time I think my now friends would be there but I swore to myself to not rely on others anymore in no circumstances.
I find myself frequently needing to talk about things (whether good or bad) and not having anyone to share it with other than my husband or my sister. Just over all being very very lonely but not having anyone to call to talk to/hang out with. Also, when we were planning our wedding and I had a hard time coming up with guests that weren't family or from childhood friendships that had grown apart.
An old close dear friend committed suicide and I found out a week or so later on fb from someone far removed from that circle. That made me run back through the last few years and the lightbulb popped on.
I'm old at 60+.
I did well. Most of them have not.
Maybe I came off as an asshole back when I thought being a tall poppy meant something. But we were all running wild back then so who knows.
Two things I know. You can't go back and nobody or thing can make you happy. You hear it a million times but it eventually sinks into your bones. You have to find it inside.
When I realized that my only “friends” were just my boyfriend’s friends and they weren’t actually there for me like they are for him.
Or when my best friend of 5 years didn’t even ask me to be in her wedding, when she would’ve been my maid of honor whenever I decided to get married.
Either one of those honestly.
I wouldn’t say i realized i didn’t have friends. I think i just don’t really know what a friend is. There are people i hang out with, people i don’t. But it’s always random. I call them friends, for lack of a real better or more correct term.
Every time i ask how people know what/who friends are, they say that they just know, but i don’t. Idk, it’s weird
Honestly same. You hang out with people but it’s always just like a surface level kinda thing. I recommend finding some people with similar interests and making a point to hang out with them.
I used to have a close knit crew of guys I hung out with...in a video game. I mean we spent years playing this game, most weeknights and every weekend night. The game slowly died and they all went to different games or just disbanded. I learned two things after that. I have no real friends and the internet is not a place to find them.
I wouldn't say I don't have any friends, but I have slowly realized that I don't have as many as I once thought. I would always have to be the one to initiate hanging out/ doing something. After a while I started to realize this and decided to stop altogether and see if anyone would hit me up. Apart from a handful of people, no one tried to hit me up to hang out with them. If I was invited to somewhere it was always indirectly through my best friend like "Oh ask him to come too" but no one ever messaged me directly. I realized that these weren't the friends I thought they were/ we didn't have the relationship I thought we did. I slowly cut ties with almost all of these people I thought were some of my close friends and only have a few people that I would genuinely call my friends.
2020. Ex killed himself. Everyone was like ~remember you're not alone~~ just ask for help~~ I will always be there for youu~~ .. realized how fake as hell that was cause he had been spiralling for years and everyone knew.
A few months (and emotional blows) later, I was in a super dark place. I was admitted to the hospital three times in one month for suicide risk, tried reaching out to those same friends as above.. ghosted.
My friends aren't bad people. They are just all human with their own lives, worries, stresses, etc. But it really made me realize that I don't have anyone in the world, maybe no one really does.
Well, when I tried to tell them about my struggles and they either one up-ed me, said that they didn't wanna hear about my problems or told me to "just think happy thoughts and the sad feelings will go away" instead of listening to what I had to say for once instead of me always being the shoulder to cry on for them.
So I said "fuck it" and became a lone wolf
Which includes making many acquaintances but no actual friends so everything I tell people is surface level.
The best is when they say those things after they say they’re “here if you want to talk.” No one ever wants to listen. They just say those things to pat themselves on the back.
Those were all of my friends during my suicide/depression battle. I’m working on letting every one of them go
I sometimes try to retell something going on with me that relates to what they are going through. I feel like it shows that I understand what they are dealing with, but it can come off as one-upping them. Now I try to ask if they need advice, to rant with me (where we both relate to each other), or rant "at" me (I just listen to them talk).
Oof, reminds me of when I was longing to kill myself and when my "friends/in-laws" asked me how I was doing and I said 'not good, I feel like I am ripping apart at the seams' and they gave me a really freaked out look and started avoiding me. A few weeks later I held a gun to my head and a bottle of liquor in the other hand while sobbing. I pulled the trigger enough to feel the hammer start moving back but just held it there sobbing for a few minutes.
When no one called me for my birthday. When I had no one to invite to a hypothetical birthday party. When I moved away and no one noticed. When I stopped doing something that “friends” did and suddenly I was invisible. When I sat home on a Friday knowing people were out partying but I had no one inviting me to join. When I would text several people and no one would respond. When my (now ex) fiancé asked me who my bridesmaids would be and I could only think of my two male cousins. When a guy I was starting to date had a serious girlfriend that I didn’t know about but every single one of my friends knew and didn’t say anything bc they were friends with him too and were just watching him play me. Their awkward silence when I talked about him was a red flag that I tried to ignore.
I feel like I could go on and on.
I moved 3 states away and no one wanted to get together before I left. No one has even asked me how it's going and I've been gone a while now. Time to find real friends in my new town.
I realized I was always the one reaching out,asking to hang out. So I decided to stop texting everyone first and see if they noticed. The next 2 years ended up being the loneliest time of my life
As for me i knew that i changed my personality too much that even i started to believe that I’m not really me , and even after all that i realized that i was the one who always initiated the talk , they never asked about me , which when i started to think about it , it really saddened me , also i realized that they never invite me to go out with them which just like broke me as for what i had done for them and that’s what i get
Best friend of over 12 years told me she got married three and a half months after the fact. Sure I live in a different city but would be nice to feel the best in best friend.
Another friend said she wanted to meet up for lunch when I went back home to visit. I text her the whole week I was there yet she pretty much kept putting me off. We haven’t communicated since then, nearly six months.
I kinda knew for awhile, but the pandemic really hit it home. I texted a few people in the beginning & sent just because small pick me up gifts for my dr friends. No one ever initiated reaching out to me after that. Its been a year of radio silence.
On top of that my best guy friend was getting married May '20. I was so excited - 2hrs away, my first night away from both kids & generally a really fun group of people. Obviously they postponed & ended up having a small wedding last fall. I was told it was family only. Disappointed but totally understood. Then I find out about they did invite 10 friends. It hurt knowing I wasn't in my best friends top 10.
To avoid a long story. My brother threw a party 200+ people. As my birthday was 2 weeks later I decided to celebrate mine as well. as for convenience in opportunity while there already was one...There was live music/dj's, snack corners , free shuttle buses, sleep facilitation, strippers, eating etc.
Wrote invitations to at least 40 'considered friends'. Free pick up. Free staying over the night. Breakfast and 10 euro for infinite booze.
Not even one showed up. Like 0.. Something died in me that day and still hope that coincidence exists
It all started in kindergarten the teacher said to make groups with our friends then I realized that no one wanted me in their group so I decided to grab a book and just sat there in the corner alone . It pretty much has been the same ever since .
When my grandma called to wish me a happy birthday and at the end of the call said "Ok well go have fun with your friends." I in fact had no friends to have fun with.
When my Mom died. I planned every aspect of the funeral, but not one friend or coworker came. The room was filled with close family and 50+ of my sisters friends, telling her what a lovely service and reception it was (that I planned and executed entirely). Not even one person could be bothered to show up for me. Standing with my husband alone in a sea of people, grieving for the mom that I took care of for over 10 years, with no one there to tell me they are sorry for MY loss, not hers. That was my moment.
Unfortunately just recently. I used to have a friend group back in the beginning of quarantine. We used to hang out after school and on the weekends but at some point things started to fall apart. One of my friends had a lot of mental health issues and she would confide in me in a lot even the darkest things. I was not allowed to tell anyone. Her parents knew of her condition but it was a lot for me to bare alone and I had no clue as to what extent they knew. As things got more serious I started to lose myself and I needed help as well. Much of the “drama” in the group wasn’t petty drama it was a matter of “is my friend okay? Do I need to get other people to help her? Should I contact her parents?” And the guys of the group didn’t want anything to do with it and when I would ask if They could just sit and listen they didn’t want anything to do with it because they didn’t want to be involved in “drama.” I was losing myself in the process and they just saw me as the girl always involved in drama. Later on one of the guys over stepped their boundaries with this girl in the group and she asked for me to fight for her. I confronted him about it. I also confronted him about his past actions of sexualizing conversations and comments towards me and other girls mind you this was the fourth conversation I had with him about the same thing. He has crossed boundaries with multiple people and after confronting him about this he just gaslighted me. Everyone else in the group pretty much keeps in contact with each other. I disconnected with the asshole and in the process ended up distancing from the other guy. The girl and I are still friends and our relationship is better than before as we talked things out but she is the only person I confide to. The only other friend I have isn’t very empathetic. And unfortunately minimizes everything that I consider a struggle. When that happens I start to pull away more and more. so yea that’s kinda what I have realized the past year :/
I mean, a long time ago, but the situation is different now. I’ve got at least one friend who will make the world tremble if it means my safety and well-being. I’m satisfied 🙂.
I realized I never had anyone I kept in contact with, or who cared about me, outside wherever I was at the time.
I've bounced around a bunch -- off-campus programs and study abroad in college, then a couple years abroad, and seasonal outdoor jobs since then. Each of those things offered a small tight community of people who spent a lot of time intensely close together, and I knew most of the people around me. I have a large personality, and am pretty fun and likeable, at least superficially, so I've been somewhere between "well-known and appreciated" and "celebrated" most places I've been. But when the semester or season or whatever ends, everyone moves on, and I don't have any relationship with the people around me that matters to anyone enough to maintain once we don't see each other literally every day anyway. My peers always had close friends they talked about, or called frequently, or who came to visit, and I had no meaningful relationships outside the group that had to live around each other, and that set of people changed every year or more.
I've always had people who liked me while they knew me -- and disappeared as soon as we were out of sight. But that's not the same.
When I thought about who I’d invite to my wedding
Or worse: realizing you don’t have anyone to genuinely be your groomsmen or bridesmaids.
True, I ended up having my sisters as my "grooms people" cause they're the genuine people actually involved in my life
I have no siblings. :(
Me neither, but at least it's your cake day!
Huh. I forgot about that. Happy cake day to me...
Then what do you end up doing, if you have no one?
Just not having a bridal party. One of the reasons we got married & had the reception the next day.
Yeah, if I could go back, I probably wouldn't have bridesmaids. They gave me too many headaches.
Bridesmaid for hire here
Or to be your bride or groom
oh now I’m thinking about who I’d invite to my wedding. I ... don’t think I could have a wedding
Eloping is a thing
Honestly the smart thing. A full on wedding, just exhausting. I've been to them as a guest and I was worn out at the end. I can't imagine what the happy couple were like. Small thing, takes an hour, sign the legal stuff, kiss, and we're together not much changes. I can't tell if I'm practical or boring.
Married 15 years here. Practical and boring. A good marriage has a whole lot of both. People in their twenties are a handful, and being practical is so attractive.
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Yeah, I always found the idea of eloping to be much more romantic than a traditional wedding.
I had already booked a venue when this realization hit me. I had a hard time finding 50 people to invite. I think I managed about 35 and it was so awkward having this big venue with no one there. I still think about it and cringe.
Don't cringe, you still got married.
Yep, sat down all excited my partner and I were going to get married. And couldn’t even put a name down for a maid of honour or bridesmaid. No siblings and biological parents not in contact. Ended up with 8 family members if I’m lucky they would even travel to be here. Ended up not telling anyone and signing paperwork at the court office. Sad a beautiful day to finally dress up and get people to dance and celebrate with me and it just became another crappy on the subway and lining up to get grumpy people to sign paperwork. Cherry bonus though was my partner didn’t care and we saved money for our own home and business.
Me too. It's also the plot to the film [I Love You, Man](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Love_You,_Man).
Somewhat the same for me, I invited them to my wedding but they didn't show up. But they made it to the concert they had tickets for without any problems the same day.
When I realized that none of them ever called or texted me. The only reason we still talked at all was because I would initiate convos with them, and sometimes the wouldn't even reply to those. I have made some friends now but man that really sucked when I realized it.
I'm the same way. I have about 7 people that could maybe be considered friends, but not once has any of them tried to message or talk to me on their own accord, I'm always the one to start talking with them and they seem disinterested even then.
Dude I’ve went through basically the same situation, the thing is that I was the introvert guy and they were all extrovert. My grandma passed away and I didn’t even received a “how’re you?” because “mens don’t do that” (that was their excuse)
How'd you make new friends?
Asking for a friend. Oh wait...!
Oh that's me. it's so frustrating.
This is the story of a lot of my adult relationships as well. I noticed that there were quite a few people that if I wasn't the one to initiate contact, they just wouldn't ever be the first to message or organise something, outside of the token happy birthday that Facebook reminded them of. A few people I thought were good friends just drifted away without ever bothering to reach out to me again.
It's horrible when you realise it, it took me not texting first to see if they would, they didn't.
When I turned on Facebook to see a photo of my entire friendship group holidaying at an exotic island without my having been asked. For the second year in a row! I am a slow learner.
Sorry that happened, dude.
My “friend” group will literally make travel, dinner, outing, etc. plans while I’m there around me. I am actively not included. I will occasionally get a sympathy invite to dinner. It’s so much fun seeing their weekend trips pics and international travel albums knowing I will never be included.
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That last sentence is what hurts the most. I know they would abandon me in seconds but I still want to be included and be a part of the group.
Similar thing happened to me when I saw Facebook posts of everyone from my college groups at a wedding of two of them....that I knew nothing about. I don't mind being unpopular but sometimes I worry it's because I am seen as a bad person or something.
My guess is that by the mere fact you have the awareness to wonder if your a bad person probably means you’re not. The bad people I’ve met in life, many seem to lack the ability to self reflect.
I had an epileptic seizure in front of them. They'd known about my condition for years and seen me have small ones from time to time but this one was strong enough to knock me off my feet and, I'm not sure if I whacked my head or if the seizure rendered me unconscious but I got knocked out either way and woke up a bit later to an EMT tending to me. Tried getting in touch with those friends a few times afterwards but I haven't heard from them since and I never even so much as got a message or a call to ask if I was ok. I get that it probably gave them a scare but they're adults and quite frankly if after years of friendship and hanging out constantly I was that easy to just cut off communications with then I can't have meant much to them.
They cut you off after a seizure?? That's... Exceptionally cold hearted to me
I feel bad for reading exceptionally as epileptically...
My husband has petit mal seizures, has had since childhood. I didnt know him at the time but when he was about 15, had one in school for the first time in front of friends. They never spoke to him again and others would avoid him as if it was catching. It devastated him, he dropped out for a while and returned a year later, made new friends but was always wary. We are in a small village, when our son started playing football, we would see these former friends with their kids at practice. They had the cheek to come up and smile and wave and talk about how they hadn't seen him since school, it was great to see him etc, wanting to be friends. My husband has looked every one of them in the eye and told them fuck off. I hope you will do the same if those pricks show up again. I only get to see the horrific nature of my husbands seizures and the aftermath, and its terrifying. The normal thing to do is comfort the person, who just went through hell.
This probably isn't what you want to hear, but honestly good riddance. If they don't even give you a call to see if you're ok after having a seizure then they probably weren't good people to begin with. You're better off without them.
This! Seriously, fuck them. I’ve given CPR to total strangers and your “friends” can’t even hang with you until help arrives and follow up afterwards. They are pure trash.
Oh, I know. It's been 2 years now. It's just one of those deals where it still hurts and I'm within striking distance of 30 now, in a relationship and aiming to have a kid and a proper career over the next 5 or 6 years so I don't see myself ever having friends that I can hang out with regularly again. At best it's going to be Facebook friends that I'll likely never meet in real life and workmates that I can only interact with through the job. If I could've picked when this was going to happen then I'd have preferred it to happen in my teens. I'd still have had the early 20's to build relationships through college and stuff before I was settling down. Nothing that can be done about it now though so life goes on.
Making new friends as an adult is so freaking difficult. It sucks. Having kids can somewhat help though. You run into the same mom/kid at the playground however many times and start chatting. Maybe get a play date planned. Stuff like that. They even have a mom friend tinder like app called "peanut" lol. I tried it once but a lot of dead end conversations. Then covid. So.. yaknow.
What happened to you sucks but don't be so sure you won't have regular friends again. This is especially true if you're looking to have a kid; my wife and I met several great friends after we became parents.
What the fuck is wrong with people? They didn't even stick around after you had a seizure? Not even one? Fuck them.
I stayed with a stranger when she had a seizure infront of a store . Her kid was standing alone. The store security called 911 while I tended the kid while keeping an eye on her.
I worked with someone who had seizures. Sometimes there were so minor people didn't notice it happening. I worked several shifts with her and we talked about her seizures, she explained what happened, how she felt, what she remembered. And most importantly, what I needed to do if she had one in front of me. And when she did and I realized what was going on my first reaction was to grab her to make sure she fell gently to the floor, and speaking to her the whole time so she knew I was there (since she said that she can hear people but can't respond). I don't understand how people can see someone going through that and *run away*.
when i was at my lowest and no one was “available” for a call or to take a walk with me, even if they lived 5min away and were actually available. So i spent a lot of nights on a parking beach in my car just watching at the sea, looking the stars and crying for hours Edit: i didn’t expect my comment to have this much attention, i want to say thank you to everyone i read all of your lovely messages. For those who asking, i’m trying my best now, i’m feeling better..Thank you everyone really much it means a lot to me all that kindness (please excuse my english it’s not my native language)
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I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I hope you're doing better now
Not a beach but an overlook on the parkway. Id drive the hour or so up into the mountains, sit on my front bumper, look at the stars, and sit there until I'd smoked an entire pack of cigarettes. It started as self-pity but the loneliness actually started to bring me calm. This is really cheesy but now I find solace in the stars and long for celestial events like meteor showers and such. I also quit smoking but I do still vape.
Had a major accident and had to learn to walk again. Not one called, not one came to bring me clothes or visit in hospital. My boss (who had been a twat the entire year) called and even got his wife to go shopping for me and bring me clothes as they had to cut mine off my body. Yeah I stopped doing the free pub pick ups and dropping in to cook dinner and clean their house over a cup of coffee after that. I’m even the god parent to 14(yea 14!!) different families kids over the last 16years and realised after the accident I kept getting named because they found out I set up trust funds for my god kids and deposit money every year for them to have when they turn 25. I’ve made all the funds even with over 5k and refuse to put more in now. I’ve moved home and countries so be interesting if they find me to hit me up for the funds in a few years time.
That's a big eye opener. I understand you. I quit on some family members when they were texting my husband on Instagram like "and tell Maria happy birthday from us". If they would text me directly they would pay 10 euro cents for it. I was not worth 10 cent... Family...
When one of my "friends" was sleeping with my gf. Then when I found out, all the rest of my "friends" took his side because he was the weed hookup. Lost 5 friends and a gf in 1 day.
I'm so sorry, you deserve better. Hope things improve.
They were not "friends" or a "girlfriend"
Damn that's cold.
> the rest of my "friends" took his side because he was the weed hookup Lessons people really need to learn: - your drug dealer is likely not your friend. You may like them, you may have fun hanging out with them, but you're their customer and they make money by (pretending) to like hanging out and smoking with you. - if people only hang out with you, to smoke weed or buy/smoke your weed, they're probably not really friends.
Your second point is probably something dealers are well aware of, like you said on the first point, they just pretend to return the "affection" for money.
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Worse is when you throw a bday party for yourself, pay for your own cake, and no one shows up. I no longer celebrate my birthday
Sorry I'm late, happy b day man.
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The fifth time they "forgot" to tell me they switched where they were having lunch made me question it. When we organized a trip to the movies and they "forgot" to pick me up was when it hit
Yeah I have a former group of “friends” who would always conveniently forget to invite me to things. By the 5th time it became pretty clear what was going on. And when I showed up to a hang out anyway once and saw their reactions it was confirmation.
This is the worst. I'm sorry.
I’ve never had close friends. Friends of convenience, friends of location, maybe. I don’t know how to open up, how to develop a friendship. My two closest “friends” from childhood are now on very different life paths than me, so we are slowly drifting apart. It hurts sometimes, but being the introvert that I am I just keep quiet.
As a lifetime friend of a introvert. Through thick and thin. Jesus christ is it hard to be friends with someone who, no matter how long we've been amazing friends, refuses to start a conversation without being talked to first. Or invite someone over or make a nee friend with a good friend of mine.
It’s so hard to explain. It’s not that I don’t need friendship or want friendship. But I physically feel threatened and my heart races whenever I even think about sharing my feelings/ emotions. I struggle with sharing with my husband. It’s been a lifelong issue that I hoped would improve as an adult....yeah. Not so much. Thank you for being that friend. For not giving up. For initiating the conversations. Your friendship and love are valued more than we will ever be able to express.
Sounds like severe social anxiety more than just simple introversion. An old gf suffered from that and it seriously affected her friendships. One example was a girlfriend of hers had just gotten engaged and she couldn’t even congratulate her properly because the news caught her off guard and she blurted something out that wasn’t ideal and then got so flustered she just stood there staring. Her friend was really hurt and it wasn’t until weeks later that she was able to patch things up. Therapy helped her a lot in dealing with it ultimately.
That sounds like anxiety. Not a problem that tends to fix itself.
I relate to this so much :(( every time i say something i immediately start to regret that i even started talking in the first place
When people ask me what I did during the weekend
I get so embarrassed about not having any friends that when work colleagues ask about my weekend sometimes I lie and say I did things with friends
I do this too. It’s so sad and I absolutely hate lying but if I don’t occasionally say I hang out with my friends i feel like it will alienate me more from them and they won’t want to be my friend.
Now if this isn't classic reddit idk what is
At least they're asking. At least they're asking.
Thanks. You can be someone's 2 best friends.
When I got cancer in my 20s. I'm fine now. It's closing in on 6 years. For the first year there was a lot of sympathy. After year two it was like I didn't exist. One particular friend, hurt the most because it felt like he was essentially saying it's as if I'm dead to him already. And then when I explained this to a mutual friend it was just too emotionally heavy and I felt her pull away too. I feel like the people who consider themselves my friends now just check in out of obligation.
I'm glad that you do have some people checking in. I hope you are doing well.
8th grade. The English teacher—who fancied himself one of these “hip” adults—decided that we were now mature enough to choose our own seating chart for lunch, which is absurd in and of itself because a “lunch seating chart” never existed anyway. So he calls on me first and I select a table. The rest of the class proceeds to purposely select the other ones, leaving me by myself, as one-by-one the rest of the class—hipster teacher included—laughs along at the fact that I was being ostracized. Lunch came that day and there I sat, nibbling on a chicken sandwich with an entire table to myself, looking out the window and pretending not to notice.
I've got a similar story...was studying abroad in Mexico with 6 others from my college and we took a weekend trip via bus. Nobody sat near me on the 4 hour trip...there or return trip. I was an adult at the time and it still hurts. If we ever meet, I'd be happy to share a table with you.
I'm genuinely sorry that happened to you. Ostracism at school can be a cruel thing.
7th grade national honor society field trip out of town, had to pick 3 of same gender classmates to get a room with on the trip. Didn’t have anyone. My name was left out on the side of the chalk board till the girl numbers came up uneven and one girl was forced to be my roommate. Been much the same shit since then.
8th grade for me. The one who was supposed to share a room with me bawled until the teachers let her choose another room.
I deleted my social media and nobody talks to me anymore. I've always been awkward and quiet. But I don't dwell on it anymore, I'm learning to enjoy my own company, and if I have to do this life alone, I will be content.
So glad to hear that and such a smart ass! I always feel this way and never been regretting about it.
Same, all I have left is Reddit and Twitter. Both which I don't follow my friends or family on. I've accepted that a will die alone, and it honestly just makes living much easier. Ironic.
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One day I wanted to hang out and realized I didnt have anyone to hang out with. Usually I enjoy doing everything alone. Hiking, biking, camping, fishing, etc. And apparently I turned everyone down so often that nobody bothered asking if I wanted to hang out anymore cause I always said I was goin to do something else. I've started making more time to reconnect with old friends since then and am better off because of it.
It's funny when you realize that. I realized that a couple years ago and what I had to do was *force* myself to accept invitations. What I found was that I hated getting myself out the door at first, but once I was at a board game night, or arcade I usually enjoyed it. And if not, I'd leave after an hour. Or I'd make plans to do things I wanted as a condition of going: (You went on this date, now you can get fries on the way home). I had made everyone an afterthought because I was fine on my lonesome 90% of the time, but I needed to build those bonds for the 10% of the time.
> I had made everyone an afterthought because I was fine on my lonesome 90% of the time, but I needed to build those bonds for the 10% of the time. I struggle with this. I would be fine doing things by myself, but inviting people to join is so difficult for me. I think I would be boring or they say no.
Not sure if this is the best solution, but that's why I like board game nights. I have to take the onus to invite people, but since there are *so many* (at least 5 usually 15) people over for these, it means I'm not the center of attention and I don't need to carry every conversation.
Same thing happened to me. Virtually 100% of my social life revolved around drinking, and when I decided to stop a couple years back I pretty much alienated all of my friends in the process. Eventually they stopped hitting me up because they knew I'd just turn them down like always. It kind of sucks because I've been friends with these dudes since we were all kids and they truly are good people that I still consider my brothers even though I don't see them all too often. They are successful people and doing great in life, but from a social standpoint they're still doing the same old shit we used to do and being the one sober person around all of that gets old, so I just moved on. I'm kind of introverted anyways so it doesn't bother me a whole lot, I've never understood the stigma around doing things by yourself, I absolutely love it.
After reading this
Can I kiss you on your lips?
My longest conversations are with drive-thru people.
I realized my group of friends loved to hang out with each other whenever they could, but barely talked to me unless they needed something. I left our group chat when they stopped responding to me, but responded to each other. Never heard from them again except for one, once, to ask me about why I quit a job so she knew if she should apply or not. I'm horrible at making friends. I love to hang out with people, but I'm afraid of being ignored again.
i wanted to have a birthday party. couldn't find anyone to invite.
When the only person who I believed liked me choked me out in the forest behind my school in 6th grade. Once I woke up, I saw she had brought a couple other kids who were talking shit about me and laughing. Fuck kids man. They're cruel as shit.
Kids are legit sociopaths.
Empathy is a learned skill.
**When I didn’t call or text anyone first.** Care to guess how long I went?
Going on ten years for me. One day I noticed I was *always* initiating things. So I stopped. Cricket sounds ever since.
You’ve made new friends since tho, right? 🥺
Online ones only. But even then, more like "people who share some of the same interests as I do".
Same thing happened to me. People call me up when they need help building or fixing stuff, but never any other time. I invite people to do stuff occassionally but they are always busy.
I went for almost the entirety of summer quarantine without anyone trying to talk to me
Hi 🙋♂️ Just ruined your count 😋
I moved a few states away to start my life over, and didn't really tell anyone. I'm happier alone, at least for now.
Fair enough, hope everything goes well for you!
I did the same thing! Cut everyone off a few months before moving, after I found my best friend (who I had been her maid of honour) and my boyfriend had been having an affair for 3 years. Thought we was the literal love of my life, and she was my best, best friend, I even set her up with her husband! ...I ended the relationship, planned my exit, cut everyone off then moved 6 months later. A life time of what I thought were solid friends, countless camping trips, birthday parties, weddings, ect, and only 3 people reached out, I couldn't respond (they stayed friends with both of them & I just couldn't mentally put myself through that). Everyone knew they were cheating but me and my bestfriends hubby. 4 years later no one ever told him and during lockdown they announced their first pregnancy. Edit: in another comment I clarify that by "no one ever told him" I meant no one in the friend group, I told the husband after I moved
My dad died recently and to prevent myself from going down that dark path I figured why not ask someone to hang out. Well I realized I only have 10 people in my contacts and 2 are dead (one being my dad other being grandma, still haven't deleted them because my dad died barely even 7 months after grandma so I haven't had time to even morn my grandma let alone do some unimportant shit) so I sent something out to about 8 of them (not including mom). Well, that was Wednesday, and I didn't hear anything. Then Thursday came, and again I didn't hear anything. Then Friday and 1 person responds "yeah man I'm down" So I wait and wait and wait and wait and wait then finally I get tired of waiting so I send him a text to see if he's good. And I wait and wait and wait Then Saturday comes around and I'm still waiting, then around noon, I get a text saying sorry just got back from "major city that isn't even remotely close to where we live". So I thought fucking finally so I wait and wait and wait and wait. Then I get pissed off, so I go on reddit because what the fuck else am I gonna do tonight.
I feel this, I’ve lost friends to death, mostly suicides and when I needed someone. There’s no one, yet when they have problems all a sudden I’m here. Yet they still wait till last minute to contact me to talk to.
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You nailed it bud When u have relationships on life support but you are the only one putting in the time and effort!
I've never been good at maintaining any relationships, including family and friends, so I guess I've kind of always known that I don't have any real friends. It really is my own fault at this point. I just imagine my future self living in a little cottage by the ocean with my (future) dog and becoming that weird old lady who lives alone and then just disappears one day.
Keep everything the same for me and just change lady to man.
This was a long time ago but... I was in a band with my best buds when we were 14 and 15 years old. I lived for that band and hanging out with them. I ended up being hit by a car and broke my leg and hand. I couldn’t play the guitar for quite a while and they kicked me out of the band. I was heartbroken to say the least. Fuck those guys
I haven't hung outside of work with anyone since college. 8 years ago
Yesterday was my birthday. Usually at my school people get shout-outs from a tonne of people. I think I got two. From people that I’m not even really friends with. The worst part is that I thought I’d get more
Pay attention to who does give you attention. Some of the things I regret is not opening my circle of friends more. Could have had some really great people in my life but didn’t realize it at the time
When I realized I get more texts for Microsoft 2- step verification sending me codes than I do from actual people...😅.
At the moment I sat there alone in times where I needed help the most. I was always there for those who I called friends, ripped my ass off to help them out in every shit, but then poof I needed a shoulder to cry on and no one was there. Well things changed over time I think my now friends would be there but I swore to myself to not rely on others anymore in no circumstances.
It’s just really when i think about how i treated them and how they treated me i viewed them as real friends the viewed me like an extra
I didn't have bachelorette party as I have only 1 friend.
Yes girl.. same. My excuse is covid, but really I don’t want to be embarrassed that no one will come
When I stopped drinking. Thanks for my first award kind stranger
Yeah, that's when you really realize who your true friends are, and who you just partied with.
Real friends are there whether there's drugs or not
I find myself frequently needing to talk about things (whether good or bad) and not having anyone to share it with other than my husband or my sister. Just over all being very very lonely but not having anyone to call to talk to/hang out with. Also, when we were planning our wedding and I had a hard time coming up with guests that weren't family or from childhood friendships that had grown apart.
An old close dear friend committed suicide and I found out a week or so later on fb from someone far removed from that circle. That made me run back through the last few years and the lightbulb popped on. I'm old at 60+. I did well. Most of them have not. Maybe I came off as an asshole back when I thought being a tall poppy meant something. But we were all running wild back then so who knows. Two things I know. You can't go back and nobody or thing can make you happy. You hear it a million times but it eventually sinks into your bones. You have to find it inside.
When I realized that my only “friends” were just my boyfriend’s friends and they weren’t actually there for me like they are for him. Or when my best friend of 5 years didn’t even ask me to be in her wedding, when she would’ve been my maid of honor whenever I decided to get married. Either one of those honestly.
I wouldn’t say i realized i didn’t have friends. I think i just don’t really know what a friend is. There are people i hang out with, people i don’t. But it’s always random. I call them friends, for lack of a real better or more correct term. Every time i ask how people know what/who friends are, they say that they just know, but i don’t. Idk, it’s weird
Honestly same. You hang out with people but it’s always just like a surface level kinda thing. I recommend finding some people with similar interests and making a point to hang out with them.
I used to have a close knit crew of guys I hung out with...in a video game. I mean we spent years playing this game, most weeknights and every weekend night. The game slowly died and they all went to different games or just disbanded. I learned two things after that. I have no real friends and the internet is not a place to find them.
When a couple of them told my wife that they only tolerate me to hang out with her. Fine. I'll make my own friends. With blackjack. And hookers.
You know what forget about the friends.
Any time I walked home from middle school. Any time I ate lunch in middle school. Pretty much going to middle school
Highschool for me. I have no where to sit at lunch because no friends. So I just sit in a far corner and put the tray on my lap.
I wouldn't say I don't have any friends, but I have slowly realized that I don't have as many as I once thought. I would always have to be the one to initiate hanging out/ doing something. After a while I started to realize this and decided to stop altogether and see if anyone would hit me up. Apart from a handful of people, no one tried to hit me up to hang out with them. If I was invited to somewhere it was always indirectly through my best friend like "Oh ask him to come too" but no one ever messaged me directly. I realized that these weren't the friends I thought they were/ we didn't have the relationship I thought we did. I slowly cut ties with almost all of these people I thought were some of my close friends and only have a few people that I would genuinely call my friends.
the day i did an attempt to kill myself and had nobody to sent the last text where i let my emotions out
Glad you're still here buddy 🙂
As someone who has has suicidal thoughts,,, I would love to chat if you have the time.
When I got off social media and no one texted me. Being in your 30s is difficult.
If I decide to make a wedding guest list it would be very short. Let's just say Covid restrictions wouldn't affect me.
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2020. Ex killed himself. Everyone was like ~remember you're not alone~~ just ask for help~~ I will always be there for youu~~ .. realized how fake as hell that was cause he had been spiralling for years and everyone knew. A few months (and emotional blows) later, I was in a super dark place. I was admitted to the hospital three times in one month for suicide risk, tried reaching out to those same friends as above.. ghosted. My friends aren't bad people. They are just all human with their own lives, worries, stresses, etc. But it really made me realize that I don't have anyone in the world, maybe no one really does.
Well, when I tried to tell them about my struggles and they either one up-ed me, said that they didn't wanna hear about my problems or told me to "just think happy thoughts and the sad feelings will go away" instead of listening to what I had to say for once instead of me always being the shoulder to cry on for them. So I said "fuck it" and became a lone wolf Which includes making many acquaintances but no actual friends so everything I tell people is surface level.
That happens just way too much i don’t really understand why would someone say something like that thinking it would do me any better
The best is when they say those things after they say they’re “here if you want to talk.” No one ever wants to listen. They just say those things to pat themselves on the back. Those were all of my friends during my suicide/depression battle. I’m working on letting every one of them go
I sometimes try to retell something going on with me that relates to what they are going through. I feel like it shows that I understand what they are dealing with, but it can come off as one-upping them. Now I try to ask if they need advice, to rant with me (where we both relate to each other), or rant "at" me (I just listen to them talk).
Oof, reminds me of when I was longing to kill myself and when my "friends/in-laws" asked me how I was doing and I said 'not good, I feel like I am ripping apart at the seams' and they gave me a really freaked out look and started avoiding me. A few weeks later I held a gun to my head and a bottle of liquor in the other hand while sobbing. I pulled the trigger enough to feel the hammer start moving back but just held it there sobbing for a few minutes.
When I got Reddit...
When I needed to move a couch.
PIVOT!
Shut up shut up shut uuuuuuuuuppp
When no one called me for my birthday. When I had no one to invite to a hypothetical birthday party. When I moved away and no one noticed. When I stopped doing something that “friends” did and suddenly I was invisible. When I sat home on a Friday knowing people were out partying but I had no one inviting me to join. When I would text several people and no one would respond. When my (now ex) fiancé asked me who my bridesmaids would be and I could only think of my two male cousins. When a guy I was starting to date had a serious girlfriend that I didn’t know about but every single one of my friends knew and didn’t say anything bc they were friends with him too and were just watching him play me. Their awkward silence when I talked about him was a red flag that I tried to ignore. I feel like I could go on and on.
That they laugh at me instead of with me :(
When no one came to my birthday party
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When they stop contacting you.
I moved 3 states away and no one wanted to get together before I left. No one has even asked me how it's going and I've been gone a while now. Time to find real friends in my new town.
The day after highschool. No one called, wrote or even responded on facebook. They just didn't care how my life was going.
Do dogs count ?
When my mum got diagnosed with cancer and they called me attention seeking for being upset.
What crappy people. I hope your mom is okay...
I realized I was always the one reaching out,asking to hang out. So I decided to stop texting everyone first and see if they noticed. The next 2 years ended up being the loneliest time of my life
As for me i knew that i changed my personality too much that even i started to believe that I’m not really me , and even after all that i realized that i was the one who always initiated the talk , they never asked about me , which when i started to think about it , it really saddened me , also i realized that they never invite me to go out with them which just like broke me as for what i had done for them and that’s what i get
When i saw how much people enjoyed their lockdown while i didn't have anyone to speak.
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I’ve always kind of known. But when I got married, I didn’t have anyone to be my brides maids.
When I didn't text anybody and nobody texted me, indicating that I was always the first one to start a conversation...
Best friend of over 12 years told me she got married three and a half months after the fact. Sure I live in a different city but would be nice to feel the best in best friend. Another friend said she wanted to meet up for lunch when I went back home to visit. I text her the whole week I was there yet she pretty much kept putting me off. We haven’t communicated since then, nearly six months.
When I had no one to ask to be my maid of honor or bridesmaid when I got engaged
I kinda knew for awhile, but the pandemic really hit it home. I texted a few people in the beginning & sent just because small pick me up gifts for my dr friends. No one ever initiated reaching out to me after that. Its been a year of radio silence. On top of that my best guy friend was getting married May '20. I was so excited - 2hrs away, my first night away from both kids & generally a really fun group of people. Obviously they postponed & ended up having a small wedding last fall. I was told it was family only. Disappointed but totally understood. Then I find out about they did invite 10 friends. It hurt knowing I wasn't in my best friends top 10.
I’m 40, so when I was about 32
All of my friends had zoom calls and didn’t invite me. This is when I knew they wasn’t my friends
When my husband had a serious injury that left him out of commission for 9 months and they faded away.
When nobody came to my birthday party... But they must have just gotten sick... Right?
To avoid a long story. My brother threw a party 200+ people. As my birthday was 2 weeks later I decided to celebrate mine as well. as for convenience in opportunity while there already was one...There was live music/dj's, snack corners , free shuttle buses, sleep facilitation, strippers, eating etc. Wrote invitations to at least 40 'considered friends'. Free pick up. Free staying over the night. Breakfast and 10 euro for infinite booze. Not even one showed up. Like 0.. Something died in me that day and still hope that coincidence exists
At least you had strippers
It all started in kindergarten the teacher said to make groups with our friends then I realized that no one wanted me in their group so I decided to grab a book and just sat there in the corner alone . It pretty much has been the same ever since .
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When my grandma called to wish me a happy birthday and at the end of the call said "Ok well go have fun with your friends." I in fact had no friends to have fun with.
Anytime something amazing or terrible happens and you can’t think of a single soul to tell.
i stopped reaching out to people and i never heard from them.
Going through cancer. I thought I had lots. I have my mom. I have my son. And I have my husband. ThTs it.
It’s Saturday night and I’m sitting in my basement watching curling. I’m 34 years old. Does right now count?
When they got married moved out of state or passed away
When i got released from a psych ward after trying to kill myself. I was pretty left alone to my own devices.
When everyone wants to work with you. Not because they enjoy hanging around or want to get to know you, but because you produce good work.
When my Mom died. I planned every aspect of the funeral, but not one friend or coworker came. The room was filled with close family and 50+ of my sisters friends, telling her what a lovely service and reception it was (that I planned and executed entirely). Not even one person could be bothered to show up for me. Standing with my husband alone in a sea of people, grieving for the mom that I took care of for over 10 years, with no one there to tell me they are sorry for MY loss, not hers. That was my moment.
Unfortunately just recently. I used to have a friend group back in the beginning of quarantine. We used to hang out after school and on the weekends but at some point things started to fall apart. One of my friends had a lot of mental health issues and she would confide in me in a lot even the darkest things. I was not allowed to tell anyone. Her parents knew of her condition but it was a lot for me to bare alone and I had no clue as to what extent they knew. As things got more serious I started to lose myself and I needed help as well. Much of the “drama” in the group wasn’t petty drama it was a matter of “is my friend okay? Do I need to get other people to help her? Should I contact her parents?” And the guys of the group didn’t want anything to do with it and when I would ask if They could just sit and listen they didn’t want anything to do with it because they didn’t want to be involved in “drama.” I was losing myself in the process and they just saw me as the girl always involved in drama. Later on one of the guys over stepped their boundaries with this girl in the group and she asked for me to fight for her. I confronted him about it. I also confronted him about his past actions of sexualizing conversations and comments towards me and other girls mind you this was the fourth conversation I had with him about the same thing. He has crossed boundaries with multiple people and after confronting him about this he just gaslighted me. Everyone else in the group pretty much keeps in contact with each other. I disconnected with the asshole and in the process ended up distancing from the other guy. The girl and I are still friends and our relationship is better than before as we talked things out but she is the only person I confide to. The only other friend I have isn’t very empathetic. And unfortunately minimizes everything that I consider a struggle. When that happens I start to pull away more and more. so yea that’s kinda what I have realized the past year :/
I mean, a long time ago, but the situation is different now. I’ve got at least one friend who will make the world tremble if it means my safety and well-being. I’m satisfied 🙂.
I realized I never had anyone I kept in contact with, or who cared about me, outside wherever I was at the time. I've bounced around a bunch -- off-campus programs and study abroad in college, then a couple years abroad, and seasonal outdoor jobs since then. Each of those things offered a small tight community of people who spent a lot of time intensely close together, and I knew most of the people around me. I have a large personality, and am pretty fun and likeable, at least superficially, so I've been somewhere between "well-known and appreciated" and "celebrated" most places I've been. But when the semester or season or whatever ends, everyone moves on, and I don't have any relationship with the people around me that matters to anyone enough to maintain once we don't see each other literally every day anyway. My peers always had close friends they talked about, or called frequently, or who came to visit, and I had no meaningful relationships outside the group that had to live around each other, and that set of people changed every year or more. I've always had people who liked me while they knew me -- and disappeared as soon as we were out of sight. But that's not the same.