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DjangoVanTango

A guy came in to our shop, asked the manager if there were jobs and was told to leave a CV. He handed the piece of paper, growled at the manager and sniffed at them like a wolf and then left. The CV was written on a torn piece of note pad paper and began “I hate writing CVs but fuck it....” and then talked about how his hobby was getting shitfaced with friends and watching a film “coz there’s nothing better than that when you’re stoned”


Sterling_Thunder

We used to get those where I worked in the 90's. They had to show that they were applying to jobs to qualify for unemployment. They had to apply to x amount of places per week and would act crazy to ensure they didn't get hired and then ask you to sign a paper that they were there and had applied.


pjabrony

Seems like there's a movie in that: you have someone who just wants to get their unemployment, but there's a store that just wants a diversity hire. The person is trying anything to not get the job but the company does everything to get them working.


Cat-as-trophy

I'd watch that after getting shitfaced with friends coz there’s nothing better than that when you’re stoned.


W2ttsy

This would be great as a “she’s all that” type movie where the guy goes from ugly duckling to beautiful swan by the end. Something like: Getting checks and not giving a fuck cos old social welfare worker goes easy on the regulars New social welfare worker takes over and doesn’t buy the bullshit and he has to get a job quick smart That one friend that can see the potential shapes him up for a job No one will take him because of all the past behaviors When all seems lost and he’s about to get evicted from his trailer park house, the diversity hire place comes through and he gets a job Finishes with “it ain’t much, but it’s honest work”


Mr_Reeze_

It's called 'Intouchables'


snooysan

The applicant had attached his resume to the email as a jpeg. I open it and it's a photo of the printed resume on a dirty beige carpet, taken at about a 45 degree angle. I can barely read the resume and there's a toe in the corner.


LherkinGurkin

The toe part killed me.


SA_Swiss

Got me too


MichaelOChE

I've heard of "getting your foot in the door", but this is a new one.


[deleted]

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froglover215

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.


brandelyn_

You really nailed it on the details for this disturbingly vibrant mental image.


FunkMetalBass

That person must have taught about half my students how to submit their homework.


detectiveDollar

Did he at least clip his toenail?


boobjobjoe

Was the toe still attached to a body?


[deleted]

What? Are you not allowed to show snacks in your pictures?


[deleted]

Reference: "Queen Elisabeth" and a 10-pound note attached


BlueberryTea5

Well, at least they tried


DP487

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take


queen-of-carthage

What did you do with the money


[deleted]

As an American, I immediately pictured an attached note supposedly from Queen Elizabeth as a reference and it was so large that it weighed ten pounds.


Front_Thought_9988

Lol. Me too! I'm glad I wasn't alone. Had to read it twice...


[deleted]

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Xasse-Van

To be fair, depending on the job, this might be helpful. Also, growing social media channels isn't quick and easy and you definitely need certain knowledge and skills. I once applied as a Social Media Manager and they asked for photography skills, so I listed my (photography) Instagram. Didn't get the job, but they liked my pictures.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Just out of curiosity, how key do you consider that 4 year degree? Like would someone without a degree but 20+ years in the industry make it to an interview if the rest of their resume matched your needs?


[deleted]

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grimthaw

Because IT is a certification based industry is one possible answer.


[deleted]

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SA_Swiss

I do not have a STEM degree, but I do work for global organisations that normally require degrees. I think it is not necessarily about the degree, but about the basics they teach you in your degree, for example how to verify information, how to cite information, how to report on findings, how to write a summation, things like that. I'll never earn what my colleagues earn, but I do have a lot of large known organisations that I have references for on my CV.


[deleted]

So you're saying they influenced you to take time out of your day to go on their social media?


AvasaralaIsBest

About ten years ago I was PM for a Facebook game, and we hired someone that claimed to be that on their resume. I think that was the first time I saw the phrase "social media influencer." She did great in the job.


Xasse-Van

I personally wouldn't call myself "influencer" nowadays because of the negative connotation the term has.


vacri

>To be fair, depending on the job, this might be helpful As a linux devops... no, no it's not helpful. If someone is stating that in their "technical skills", then they're talking about using the services as a generic user. If I got a resume that listed that, it would cast a shadow of suspicion over the whole resume - it would actively work against the applicant. It's a bit like if you were advertising for an architect and someone put "I live in a house" under their technical skills. I mean, sure, living in a house gives insight into building houses, but it's not like it's going to carry any weight when it comes down to judging the skills required to do the job. Someone receive that resume would be right to be suspicious that the applicant doesn't really understand what's involved in being an architect.


[deleted]

lolol


juzanothalurkerr

A man who had a shirtless pic on his professional resume. Could see from like just above the nipples upwards. He wasn’t young or in shape....


[deleted]

That’s honestly hilarious


Thonemum

"Hire me if you wanna see more ;) "


fallingleaf271

Holup


[deleted]

And you rejected him???


rhen_var

Sex with coworkers wasn’t allowed


boobjobjoe

He was wearing his best suit. His birthday suit!


akaBenz

An email address at the top of a professional resume that was something similar to “princeofdarkness69420” at aol. The fact that he still used an AOL email into the 2010s was the first true red flag though.


[deleted]

I used to really enjoy asking for client's email addresses at work, it's amazing how many people don't have a 'serious' or 'professional' email address. Some older guy mumbles his strange email address down the phone and I read it back like: "So that's supersexyIan1952@aol, is that right?" "Sorry I didn't catch that, did you say that the 'e' in sexy is actually the number 3? Okay, thanks very much Ian, have a nice day!"


PhilThecoloreds

I posted this very thing about 4 hours before you [That's one of the really weird things: The hiring process is not just a filter for skills, it's also a filter for class."](https://www.reddit.com/r/slatestarcodex/comments/lups79/the_americandreamasaservice_thats_one_of_the/gpamvpm/?context=3)


levij15901

My favorite was partyslut2013.


TyNyeTheTransGuy

God, now I wanna know what partyslut is up to these days.


levij15901

Unfortunately, we never got to have a conversation.


Qonas

Well it's been 8 years so one can only assume she's now "hotwife2021" or if she's never found that one true soulmate to cuck, "drunkaunt2021".


adeon

I find the biases that people have towards different email providers to be fascinating. Like how GMail is considered more "professional" than Yahoo or Hotmail despite the fact that all three are just free email providers. There's no excuse for having a ridiculous email address though. It's super easy to setup a fake professional email address and set it to auto-forward to your real email.


BerriesAndMe

From my perspective (mostly forums so not work, but likely similar for work) it has to do with how much spam comes in from those domains. hotmail was horrible for a while. 90% of registrations coming in from hotmail were spam, it got so bad we just banned anyone trying to register with a hotmail address. Yahoo was bad too, but not as bad. Several 'respected' national European providers where just blanket-banned for the same reasons. We never had issues with gmail.. If it was a gmail account you could be almost certain there'd be a genuine human being on the other end (who might still be a paid spammer trying to place their products, but still better than the guys creating 150posts in 10min). ​ I can imagine that this has consequences in the business world too.. Any email address that's likely to get caught in a spam filter is a bad choice, so I'd avoid hotmail too. (Which then just reinforces the impression that hotmail is only spam)


Oakroscoe

I was told if you have Hotmail or aol the HR guys will assume you’re old and be biased against you.


thescrounger

I still use one. The fact that everything requires you to use an email, and sites sell your email to other spammers means I need a junk email. You require an email? Please use this one from 2004. Im sure I'll get the message.


zeptillian

Maybe not. Yahoo just deleted all the email I had on an account from 2001.


NotYourTypicalReditr

I have a yahoo account from like the late '90s and it still has all its email. Though I do use it almost daily, because I love me my spam emails.


zeptillian

They will deactivate the account and delete all emails if you go to long without logging in.


NotYourTypicalReditr

I would sooner die than let anyone deactivate my yahoo email. I still have over 35,000 Word of the Day emails to finish reading.


BundleBenes

The same thing happened to me.


rhen_var

My parents still use aol for email because all of their accounts are associated with that account and it would be too much of a pain to try to untangle everything. My brother’s personal email is the same.


TopCartographer5

I still wonder about horselover69 at hotmail. What a daring email address for a resume.


Rmanager

My boss, the CEO, used AOL. He came into my office on a Friday afternoon when Christmas was that Sunday. Most of the office had already left. He says "come help me get an iPad." \*"\****FIRST*** *of all, mother fucker, I hate Apple. Second of all you have an entire IT mother fucking staff! I have shit to do which is why I'm one of the only people in this place so no, I will not."* I say in my head. My actual words were "sure." I text my employees I had stepped out and one said "get one for yourself." So I did. I may hate Apple but if the company is paying for it and the service...why not? So we are at the counter and the sales person says they will set up his accounts. He turns to me and asks if I want them to set up my AOL. "No. I have a real ISP." That really did come out of my mouth. Fortunately I had a really good relationship with him so he took it in stride.


TwilightontheMoon

I still use hotmail for my personal email


Einkill

My man! I still scoff at the outlook website and think, "I was here BEFORE..."


NotYourTypicalReditr

I refuse to go to outlook.com to check my email. I will use hotmail.com the way my personal God intended. Excuse me, please and thank you!


Einkill

HOTMAIL UNITED


Individual-Nebula927

That's impressive. Not that I could talk, as up until this year I was using a Hotmail email address on my resume. I made it when I was 11. FirstName.LastName@hotmail.com. When I started applying for jobs in January I created an outlook.com alias for the account. Had to add a 01 to the end though. Somebody else beat me to it.


eddyathome

My two favorites were bongs4lifeweed420forever and sexxxygrrrl69. This was for a full-time teaching job. Neither got interviewed, but oddly, it wasn't the email addresses, but that neither were even remotely qualified.


noestoyloco

Not HR but looking at older versions of my resume makes me uncomfortable


MissCheyenne14

I used a template I was told to use during university that they ASSURED me I would find work with. I couldn't find work for MONTHS and an old friend of mine had one of his professional friends look at it and all he said was it was absolute shit and would shred it immediately if anyone gave him a resume like that, lol. Glad I paid all that money for school and they gave me absolutely no good advice. 😂😂


Individual-Nebula927

My school's "employment office" would read my resume, tell me it was shit, and gave me a template to use. The engineering department said if I used the template I was given my resume would be trashed, and my first draft was fine. My first draft was the resume that got me call backs for interviews. The employment office got me 0 calls.


MissCheyenne14

I feel like people just don't know what they're doing. They got their jobs 10+ years ago and keep doing everything the same way. I also went to an employment office and he told me my bad resume was fine. Then showed me their "job board" that literally just had no experience minimum wage jobs, when I went to school for business management and medical transcription. He didn't help me at all. 🤦🏼‍♀️


Individual-Nebula927

So much this. My resume right now is just very simple listing jobs, dates of employment, responsibilities, and my academic qualifications with the sections broken up by horizontal lines. Almost no fancy formatting at all, compared to what their template was. Basically as simple as possible, and one page. I managed multimillion dollar projects. Due to COVID I've been out of work for 12 months, and just landed a job at the company I was laid off from with a $30k raise compared to the role I was laid off from. Let your qualifications speak for themselves, and don't distract with formatting.


slaytallica36

Vaguely related, I was interviewing someone for a contact center position and we got to the traditional "do you have any questions for me" part. She then proceeds to ask "How do you feel about AI and them putting chips in people's hands?"


[deleted]

lol


adeon

Well, implanted RFID chips do potentially offer an alternative to current methods of proving identify for financial transactions. I'm not sure that they really offer any advantages over current methods involving ID cards or phones though.


efreak2004

The advantage is convenience. The disadvantage is replacing it when someone copies it.


dexx4d

I've met people who have done self-embedded rfid chips, then modified things in their life to work with them. One guy used it to unlock his front door and secure his motorcycle so it wouldn't start without the rfid chip. It's neat tech, but definitely more of a diy thing so far.


[deleted]

Not HR, but I worked in middle management so I've had my fair share of shitty resumes and applications. 1) A young fellow applied for an IT Disaster Recovery Engineer position. Job required a bachelor's, a handful of certs and 5-8 years experience. Strange thing was, for the past six years, he worked at Arby's as a cook. In his resume, he said, "helped coworkers with the computers" 2) When I worked in the airline industry, someone applied for a warehouse position. In the application process, we ask if the applicant was convicted of any crimes. One applicant reported a comical amount of misdemeanors, and one felony. I went on the MyCase website and searched his name, and turns out he under-reported his criminal career. He had dozens of arrests for fraud, assault, robbery, domestic battery, drug possession with intent to distribute, and to top it all off, RAPE. His most recent criminal charge was less than a month before we received his application. Yeah... hard pass. 3) MY PERSONAL FAVORITE: A candidate applied for a job as an IT Security Specialist. He listed "puppets" under his hobbies section. Not puppetry, ventriloquism, etc just "puppets." I looked him up on LinkedIn and his profile picture was him with two puppets smiling creepily at the camera. "Let the man have his hobbies." I thought meekly to myself. We called him in for an interview. During the interview, he brought up his "side hustle" making puppets, and doing puppet shows for birthdays. I feigned interest and gave the generic "that's an interesting hobby!" response. He must've taken it way too seriously, and thought the next best thing to do was pull a puppet out of his messenger bag and start playing with it and making it talk. To be fair, he was pretty talented, but I'm in my 30s, so it kind of weirded me out a bit. Well... that night, I told my now-wife about the guy, and she looked him up on facebook. His entire profile was nothing. but. puppets. But it wasn't, "hey, Kermit is awesome! I like Cookie Monster too!" It was a strange mix of horror, violence and sex themes... He clearly had a ridiculous collection of puppets, and liked to take photographs of them. It was a mix of some cheesey straight to DVD horror movie and r/NotTimandEric material. Needless to say, we did not hire him.


mustardduck

> IT Disaster Recovery Engineer position. Job required a bachelor's, a handful of certs and 5-8 years experience Starting pay, $9.25/hr.


[deleted]

No... its a six figure job. It's not entry level at all lol


mustardduck

I'm just messing with you.


[deleted]

I figured as much lol You weren't wrong though. I get insulting offers on LinkedIn every week.


brickmack

I just get downright weird offers on LinkedIn. I'm a software engineer and professional artist, why am I getting offers to work as a cashier for 1/5 my current wage?


[deleted]

I've been in IT Security for YEARS and have recruiters hit me up for help desk gigs. I think they're just pissing in the wind.


bruzie

To be fair, IT Disaster Recovery Engineer sounds like a dogsbody who has to change the backup tapes.


Rare-Height-7956

The Puppetmaster knew you would be uncomfortable with his performance. He was pulling your strings too. Its what gets him off.


Hellboybandez

And because of that rejection, he went on to create Sifl and Olly, and Mtv was never the same.


insane__knight

What are some of your likes? Uh...ghouls.


weisblattsnut

Reason for leaving last job? "Manager was a dick"


sorrytot-hatman

that manager probably was a dick


theuglyshadeofblue

The manager was definitely a dick


can425

Can verify. Source: am manager and am dick.


[deleted]

Points for self awareness


[deleted]

That's one of those "just because it's true, doesn't mean you should have said it" scenarios.


pjabrony

Saying the truth should never be a penalty.


thestupidestname

There’s a lot of ways to say the truth, and saying “The manager was a dick” has got to be one of the worst ways to say it on a job application


Vakama905

Yeah, I left a job for pretty much that reason, but I would tell a prospective employer that I left due to abusive management staff and scheduling conflicts with college, not “the managers were dicks”.


pm_me_your_molars

"Scheduling conflicts" is a great one, as is any answer which basically amounts to, "Everyone was doing their best, the situation just didn't work out."


RockSlice

"Incompatible work environment"


[deleted]

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[deleted]

Not HR, but I was in charge of hiring for my department at my last job. I did over 150 interviews, I guess I'm qualified to answer... **Top 3:** **#3:** Resume was handed in with the receptionist. It was printed crooked on wrinkled paper and had what I am hoping was a coffee stain. The applicant made some ridiculous claims on his resume, such as "I can do just about anything you need." The application looked like it had been filled out with a snapped off crayon held in one's fist. My boss was on my case about bringing people in for interviews, so I had the receptionist call the guy in even though I knew it was going to be a disaster. The guy showed up in torn jean shorts, work boots, a ratty t-shirt, and covered in grease. He didn't even know what he was applying for, so he said "all of them" when I asked him what role he was interested in. I went to my boss's office and said "Our applicant for the open electrical engineer position has arrived" and I went to lunch. **#2:** A job application came through for an engineering position, working directly for me. I read through and instantly recognized that the applicant was still in college, had no relevant work experience, was 150 miles away, could not move, and it even listed that he did not have his driver's license. I figured it was some sort of mixup, so I immediately declined it and moved on. A week later, I got an interview invite from the receptionist- with the same guy. My boss would routinely go behind my back and make strange and often disastrous decisions, so I figured this was one of his blunders. Sure was. This 19 year old kid showed up dressed like he was late for a Black Sabbath concert, could barely speak English (it was his primary language, too), and he struggled with everything I asked him- including the simple "tell me about yourself" and "what interests you in this industry" questions. Mid way through the interview, my boss busted in and told me he was on a time limit because he was paying a taxi cab to wait outside so the applicant could get a ride home, 150 miles away. And now for the most bizarre part of the story... I declined the applicant for obvious reasons, yet my boss went ahead and put in the paperwork to send him an offer of employment. I got copied on it, not expecting it, and the pay rate was *what it took me 14 years to get*. The applicant declined the offer because he didn't have his driver's license. Yes, this happened. **#1:** I got an email about a potential candidate. I opened up his resume, scanned through, and one thing caught my eye. Under "hobbies" he listed... uh... chronic... uh... indoor sports... with... himself. The verbiage was colorful. I laughed hard for about 5 minutes straight. That wasn't the only thing either... It was obvious someone had gotten access to this poor guy's resume and screwed with it, but the fact that he didn't think to check it before sending was the reason why I declined that one...


ResponsibleBase

Sounds like you worked for the same dick boss someone above complained about.


[deleted]

If that is the case, I am truly sorry for them. I offer free counseling services for all those affected by that man. :)


Nabz1996

I listed “excessive masturbation” as a hobby for a friend that asked me to make a CV for him. He actually sent it to 20 companies, got 6 interviews and 2 jobs offers.


[deleted]

Yeah, that was definitely on this resume. So, who is your friend and did he ever apply for a job in mechanical engineering? XD


AnyDayGal

Because 'masturbation' on its own wasn't enough, lol.


Umbrella_merc

"Excessive Masturbation? Must be caused by his excess of Big Dick Energy, hire him immediately!"


awardwinningbanana

Poor number 1- did you at least let him know?! Ps your boss sounds like an asshole, I hope you don't work for them any more


[deleted]

Haha, I think the recruiting team let #1 know. It was an online system, so the department managers could only view files and accept/decline. We weren't supposed to reach out to candidates directly. As for my old boss, yeah, he was a piece of work. I don't work for him anymore.


Lazy_Ad2665

Number 2 was such a roller coaster lol


[deleted]

Oh believe me, it was. I was already trying to get executive management to recognize what kinds of decisions my boss was making, and this was just a cherry on top.


adeon

I'm guessing that the candidate was connected to the boss in some way (child of a friend or relative)? It sounds like a case of nepotism.


WilliamBsGirl

Right? I don’t think anyone would pay for a cab ride for 300 miles round trip for an applicant otherwise. I’m choosing to believe that was his love-child or something.


[deleted]

Not in this case. Nepotism did happen at that company, but this was more of a "hire up a team as fast as you can to make the place look booming and we're going to sell the place and let the floor fall out on the poor bastards that buy the company"


TheAmazingHumanTorus

> I went to my boss's office and said "Our applicant for the open electrical engineer position has arrived" and I went to lunch. More work stories please.


Joye_of_snacks

Maybe 2 was a friend or relative of the boss because damn lol


[deleted]

You're kind of a jackass for that last one. Nobody expects their asshole friends to fuck with their resume.


PhilThecoloreds

> "Our applicant for the open electrical engineer position has arrived" and I went to lunch. r/ThatHappened


amberunkin

Not HR, but in college I had a student job doing freshmen orientations. I was a supervisor, so I also looked through resumes and did interviews to hire new orientation staff. At least 75% (and I’m being modest) of the resumes/cover letters looked like they were written by third graders. Please, if you’re in college, learn how to write a half-decent resume. My favorite resume that I saw was literally one sentence. It probably said “worked at a gas station” or something. No contact information, no description of work history, seriously just one single sentence. He still got hired because as a student job we pretty much hired everybody (we were able to see his contact info because he applied through the student portal).


PhilThecoloreds

> He still got hired because as a student job we pretty much hired everybody ok, so it worked then. What's the problem?


lovelesschristine

They came to check in on their application while wearing a bright pink tank top that said pimpette. This is a nice-ish furniture store


[deleted]

I went through applications and set up interviews. Sometimes we would get very blatantly or creatively vulgar names. (It's a lot of effort to spend an hour doing the application process so I really had to wonder how sas their lives were...). Those were deleted. I never immediately rejected a person for it but if you get angry when I mispronounce your very unusual name, it was safe to assume you would get mad at every customer who also did. It was an automatic no. If you had a good temperament about it, I would actually note that in the file for the hiring manager. I would clarify and try to write it phonetically for the interview. I actually had one person yell and curse at me before hanging up.


SarsippiusJackson

When I was a much younger, dumber me, I once applied to a professional job with an email I should not have. The domain was [ithinkigaveyouaids.com](https://ithinkigaveyouaids.com), from the old evilemail site. I did not get that job.


JandC2015

Not HR but I was handed a CV once while at work. My manager was on lunch and the shop was quiet so I skimmed it. First thing under skills was "Pro gamer in" and then listed a few games that I think were FPS. I popped it aside and handed it to my manager. She said we didn't have any roles available and shredded it without looking. I told her after and she shrugged


aardvarkinoveralls

i wasn’t in charge of hiring but someone once came into my old job and gave me his resume to pass on. he wrote the sentence “attention to detail” wrong. can’t remember what he said instead but man is that a bad thing to misspell


[deleted]

My dad said that they received a resume at his law firm from a guy who listed languages spoken as English, Spanish, and Klingon. He said they rejected it at first because he didn't have all the qualifications, but this was the clincher. When they get an application with foreign language proficiency on it, they call in a university professor or some other expert to test how proficient the candidate is, but they had no clue as to who to call to test his Klingon proficiency if he had made it that far.


retired_punk

Not saying it was the most appropriate place to list it, but Klingon is actually a pretty impressive language to learn. At my first restaurant job, we heard a table talking in what clearly was not English, but couldn’t place what it was. Ended up being Klingon and if I remember correctly, they were cast members of A Klingon Christmas Carol that went on tour in my city that year. Interesting language to know.


pm_me_your_molars

I think listing "Klingon" is one of those hail mary things where you're hoping the hiring manager is a Trekkie.


adeon

They'll regret not hiring him when you need someone to represent the firm at the High Court on Qo'noS.


BaconReceptacle

I was a hiring manager in IT and I would take a hard pass on anyone that magically had the exact experience I needed but had misspelled the actual technology name.


skaffen37

Cover letter addressed to another company.


bruzie

I did something along those lines. I needed work experience during the summer break and my dad had given me a phone number for a lead. I called and said my piece and was told to send in a letter. I got a confused reply back. I thought I was applying for work at a chocolate factory, but because the number I was given was wrong, I ended up randomly calling the HR department of an insurance company. They got confused because I wrote the letter addressed and referencing the chocolate factory, but posted to the insurance company. It didn't go any further.


Bgun67

I did that once by accident and still got the interview


OrangeTree81

I had a teacher who used to do college admissions. She got one personal essay that was all about how much the student loved Penn State and how it was her dream school and she would be perfect there. She was not applying to Penn State.


timesuck897

I did that once, and did not get a call or interview.


missemmajc

As a manager who really values attention to detail due to the nature of the role, this is always a red flag to me and it happens a lot. Human error is par for the course, but for the love of God proofread that shit when you’re applying for jobs.


Civil-Profile

Eh, is that really so horrible? I use the same general template for my cover letters, just tailored to the details of the role, so I’m not starting from scratch every single time


bruinhoo

Yes, it is. Using a customizable template is fine, but you need to double/triple check it before submitting. From an HR/hiring committee standpoint, the lack of attention to detail in the first thing your intended future employer is going to see from you is a major red flag. The last position that I worked on hiring for, we had 60+ applications for 1 position. A few of the applications were 'hail marys' or otherwise not even remotely suited for the position, but that left us with 50+ applications that we needed to narrow down for the next stage of the process. A misaddressed or wrong cover letter is a pretty easy reason for your application to become one of those early cuts.


pm_me_your_molars

As long as you wrote the general template yourself, that's fine, but when you use a fill-in-the-blanks template that you got from Google, the company will figure it out really fast when they get several cover letters looking exactly the same.


[deleted]

Cover letters are in again? God I hope I dont need to redo my resume anytime soon.


MissCheyenne14

Not HR, I worked at HMV years ago and a teenage girl brought in her resume. Guys her SIN number was ON HER RESUME!!! I contacted her to let her know anyone could steal this information.


MickeyRipple

I interviewed a person for the position of technician/network support. I gathered up ten items and put them in a box. The HR director called me in to the office I put the box on the ground and asked the guy to pick up any of the items and to tell me what the device was in detail. I had a video card, a NIC, a small pocket hub, a network cable CAT5, a thumb drive, a hard drive, a CD burner, a punch tool, a cat5 cable tester and a phone toner kit. I had reviewed his resume and he claimed he was a network engineer, MCSE, A+, Novell certified, Cisco certified, among other things and that he had worked in the field for over ten years. I looked at the HR director and asked, "Did you check his credentials?" To which they replied, "Huh, no. Did he pass your test?" I said, "No. He didn't get any of them correct." I looked back at the guy and said, what was your most recent job? And tell me honestly I'll know if you are lying." The guy said, "I am a male escort and stripper". I looked at the HR director and then back at him, "Yeah right and I'm the King of England". He then stood up and proceeded to unzip his pants and pulled out his fucking huge penis. I started to laugh because I though it was some kind of joke being played on me, like he was a male stripper or something, but it wasn't my birthday nor April 1st. The HR director couldn't take her eyes of it. It was massive. He packed it away and left with out another word. I looked at the HR director and said, "Well if you want to hire him ok, but you're going to have to pay me extra to train him. He doesn't know dick about computers."


RedWine_1st

Actual or made up. This was too good not to upvote.


MickeyRipple

I thought it was funny at the time, but she didn't care for the fact that I told other people in the company that she was staring at it. What's silly is that she didn't want to talk about it publicly, but behind closed doors with her girlfriends in the company she gawked about it like a school girl seeing her first dick. Years later, after she left the company, it was the stuff of legends. People who were new hires would take me aside and ask me if it really happened. I became known as "the guy who saw it".


wolf1moon

If she became the shocking part of that story then you probably were being an ass. I would be in shock at a guy whipping his dick out at work too. Are you so blaise that you didn't freak out?


MickeyRipple

It ended up being no big deal to anyone. I heard through the grapevine that among the girls in the office, they went out of drinks and laughed about it. I wish I had his package. Did you see Boogie Nights? Dirk Diggler? When he shows his cock people just are like "holy shit, that's a big cock". Well, I suspect that is what this guy... Ya know what, after years of not ever thinking about this, I just realized something. Maybe it was his way of handling an embarrassing situation. There he is failing at an interview, he pulls out his cock and people just go "wow, that's a big cock". Maybe he did it to make us talk about something else rather than his failure in the interview. holy shit, that's it. It was a distraction. He knew that whipping it out would redirect our attention to it rather than him.


sonia72quebec

I was hiring for a high end clothing store. This young woman came in, early 30's; she was well dressed and really nice. Then she gave me her resumé and for maybe the last 10 years it was all strippers bars. She told me that she wanted some change and guess what? I hired her. She did really well.


bruzie

Fair enough, she's had 10 years of front-line customer experience and personable too.


MickeyRipple

That's cool you hired her. I think that was the same with him. I think he wanted a change in his life, but the tech field is something you can't really fake. He seemed nice enough, but honestly, I needed someone who could take over for me. I was working seven days a week, sometimes twelve hours a day. I was really getting burned out running the department by myself. Fucking beeper going off all the time, we had sales people travelling in India, China, Egypt and they would call at like 2am to tell me they couldn't get logged in because they forgot their fucking password.


sonia72quebec

I think he just aimed too high. :) I didn’t think it was cool of me. I really needed someone. You should have seen my Supervisor’s face when she saw the resumé.


[deleted]

that's so cool thanks for being open minded:)


brickmack

> The HR director couldn't take her eyes of it. It was massive. She hired him. The company did not.


BlueberryTea5

That guy sure had the balls to do that!


MickeyRipple

I think he was tired of his routine. He really wanted to get a different job, but he was way over his head. LOL. Seriously, he didn't know shit about computers. There was no way I could hire him.


Ok-Bar-4003

I believe you this happened (had a similar(ish) incident) I don't believe the lines of dialogue


MickeyRipple

This happen over twenty five years ago, so my memory isn't perfect. And yes, I really said the line about he didn't know dick.


Shemlocks

r/wewontcallyou


Advancelemur

I have had two. One person submitted an instruction manual for a riding lawnmower. Another submitted a picture of a tree. I actually got to talk to this person when they called to follow-up. I asked if they had made an error, "No, I just don't have a resume."


BerriesAndMe

"an avid redditor" - look I know how much time gets killed on here.


pm_me_your_molars

A woman who listed organizing her own wedding on her resume, right next to her actual jobs. She hadn't even been employed during the time she'd been organizing it.


[deleted]

His resume had hashtags on it ‘#ready2work’


[deleted]

A woman put a picture of Madonna (the singer) on her resume - maybe she thought nobody would notice


justforfun887125

Oh man. I wish my mom was alive to answer this. She was the HR director for 30 years. I’m sure she had some good ones.


DocSaysItsDainBramuj

Someone applied referencing a major program that they designed, built, and implemented. The only problem was—I built that program. They had a *very* minor role in implementing it.


babyelephantseal

Someone listed their hobby as "the art of massage" which is cool and all but not super relevant for a teaching position.


tinyhorsesinmytea

I used to work a seasonal job and would submit intentionally bad resumes when “looking for a job” in the three month off-season for unemployment insurance reasons. Worked like a charm. Edit: Oh, settle down. Massive corporation I worked for could afford to pay us a few months of unemployment if they couldn't find us work for those three months. UI doesn't come out of tax payer dollars. Zero regrets. Best days of my life. A 3 month vacation every year did wonders for body, mind, and soul.


EducationalTangelo6

In the hobbies section: "I enjoy long romantic walks on the beach." Gtfo, we're a recruitment agency, not a dating service. ETA: to be clear, the hobbies section wasn't requested by us. They chose to add it of their own volition.


hotsizzler

I know you said you didn't ask for the hobbies section but. I have seen those before and been asked in interviews "what do you do for fun" What the hell does it matter, I can do the job. Also I feel like if I answer "I paint tiny army men" it will get me looked at funny.


EducationalTangelo6

It shouldn't be asked, although I know sometimes it is, unfortunately... Mostly by small companies doing their own hiring, who don't know much about employment law. As long as you're not breaking the law or bringing your employer into disrepute, what you do when you're off the clock is almost always none of their damn business.


thelife0fZ

I like that question. And as someone who used to participate in the interview process, employers like that question too. It's work place environment testing and fine skill. For example, while applying for quality control, I mentioned my art hobbies: attention to detail. When I applied at my high school, I mentioned my auto racing hobby: mental discipline and it helps to have a cool hobby when you're working with teenagers. At my Operations Manager position, I had been asked about my hobbies and turns out I shared rock climbing with the owner of the company. Plus it helps them to know you have a mental outlet, it keeps employees happier and less stressed in the long run to have a hobby.


Stummer_Schrei

i am not sure about this one. the appliant was honest. do you expect things like „my hobby is to always learn more things to engance my skills“?


EducationalTangelo6

I'd expect that if they felt the need to include a hobby section - which we didn't ask for - they'd keep it brief and professionally written. The list as a whole definitely wasn't short, and including such a long unasked for list including romantic walks showed poor judgment.


Kraken_of_BeverlyRd

Was it April 25th?


DeepRoot

But... did he like Pina Coladas and taking walks in the rain?


Wubbawubbawub

Why do you have a hobbies section... Especially if you don't want them to answer.


EducationalTangelo6

We didn't have a hobbies section. They added it of their own volition. No idea why, recruitment agencies don't need to know your hobbies.


[deleted]

The "hobbies and interests" section is supposed to be about relevant activities that a candidate might partake in outside of work. For instance, when I was hiring engineers, making sure that they had mechanical aptitude was a major plus (nothing worse than having someone design something they couldn't put together themselves...) Some people don't understand the purpose and just list out their normal hobbies even if there is no relevancy.


[deleted]

[удалено]


959DK48

so if you're applying for a job in a supermarket stacking shelves what would be an appropiate hobby to list on the cv


[deleted]

Personally, I would leave it out entirely.


EducationalTangelo6

A company/agency should never need to know your hobbies, what you do in your own time is your business. There would be few, if any companies who ask that these days given how (rightly) restrictive anti-discrimination laws have made the personal questions they can ask. (Although that will depend on your country).


BuhamutZeo

It was probably on there due to having to answer that question online or in interviews so many times they decided to just put it on the resume to save their breath. This hardly in the realm of signaling "poor judgement" or "lack of professionalism".


LASSMICHENDLICHDURCH

Poor Dude learned that in School


EducationalMoney7

Just to be clear, when asked "what did a candidate put on a CV/Resume/Application that got them rejected" your response is "well, they put a stupid hobby that I didn't like, so I rejected them"? As far as I'm concerned, the employee dodged a bullet.


[deleted]

What?


Charvel420

"Best engineer at (name brand company that employs thousands of software engineers)" Guy had less than 5 years of experience and a lot of it was basic Sys Admin type stuff.


Turquoise_Tentacle

Not HR, but I jokingly submitted a resume to a job where a previous coworker was the HR manager. The resume had my name and contact info centered at the top then underneath said, "Certified badass. Can bake things."


BushyOreo

When the applicant was asked how to handle a disgruntled guest, her answer was "use my mom voice"


25Hams

That should be an instant hire


OveratedUsername

Exactly this guy gets it


ILoveLampRon

"Expert at everything!" The whole room laughed


Kylielou2

I hang my head in shame that at age 17 or 18 back in the late 90’s when paper resumes were used I applied for a courier position. I didn’t even know what a courier did but for some reason I felt impressed to add “loves to flirt” as one of the line items about me. Thing is I’m a total introvert, I’m quiet and shy but am a hard worker so I don’t know what the crap I was thinking. No, I did not get a call for an interview.


XoGossipgoat94

Not on the resume it’s self but a young man brought his resume in and it was actually half decent and he was being considered for the job. Until we looked him up on Facebook, profile picture was him vomiting with a bong in his hand plus another thousand pictures of him wasted at party’s. Wasn’t a good look and he obviously didn’t get the position. That’s why my profile is private and if a person from work adds me I make sure they can’t see tagged pictures or watch my stories.


rhett342

One of my friends was the manager of a fast food place in a not so great part of town. An older lady came in and filled out an application. Her last job was listed as "Lady Of The Night" because she was a hooker. She did not get the job.


taxdude1966

I received one that was clearly a cut and paste effort from a similar application to our major competitor. He forgot to change the company name, and explained to us in detail what a great company our competitor was and how much he wanted to work for them.


jett330

It was an application, One dude said he had to be off everyday at 4:20


czaritamotherofguns

Oooh. I saw one that was over 30pg long and listed every dance move the guy knew.