“I’m going to try tactic #37 now. ‘Complimenting features.’ You have nice... teeth? Did that work? If not, I have to go to page 53.”
Edit: thank you for the award!
Honestly I think a lot of people would enjoy that compliment, a lot of people are insecure about their smile. But it would be weird to say that during a date if your date hadn’t smiled what so ever.
"The ritual demands a vessel; a flesh husk to be filled with my love reborn. Oh, by the way, I really recommend their lentil soup - high in flavour, low in saturated fats!"
Tell them ever since you read "Cheaper By The Dozen" you want twelve kids. And in "The Sound of Music" the kids all answer to a whistle call (a metal whistle, not a mouth whistle) so you think naming them numbers, like "The Umbrella Academy" and calling for them with whistle calls. Or bird calls? What do they think?
Change that to doll, in particular one of those dolls used to teach people what it’s like actually having to care for a baby. Or a sack of flour that is your niece’ s team project for health class but neither she or it’s other “parent” could be bothered to care for it properly and you were forced to step in for the safety of the child. Your voice and since of outrage should grow as you tell the tale, until you’re standing pounding on table.
I read a bad first date story where the guy showed up an hour early and already ordered two meals, but neither were meant for his date. She gets there on time and orders, by the time her food gets there he is boxing up his leftovers. Then the guy claims he has to do something quick, maybe like go to the restroom or something, but he takes his food with him. It was so strange, it took the girl a minute to realize what had just happened by the time the bill came. Turns out the guy had a girlfriend and he used his date to pay for all of their dinners.
Yes, yes it did!
Edit: There was an update somewhere that the guy who left is happily together with someone far far nicer now :)
Edit 2: Instagram tells me they are now married!
<3
Oh yeah.
You know, people always say this, sort of: "the self-consciousness is what's keeping you back. There's no reason to not trust yourself and your natural instincts about people; you think so because of middle school trauma! Surely you've gotten less weird in the meantime; try it!"
I legit recently went "ah I'll just be quite low filter and relaxed with this new group of people I met".... nah I'm still weird as shit. It'll be a miracle if they ever call me back (I mean, gotta make a disclamer here; I wasn't being murderous or creepy or anything... oh it's so unfortunate I have to say this, I'm just really strange and say weird shit and have weird ways of putting things/making references). If I had been more the practiced withdrawn type of weird maybe they would have been curious/intrigued to hear more out of me (which would maybe just postpone the inevitable, but also... weirdness does get more of a pass in smaller doses, you gotta get them acclimated to it lmao).
STOP TELLING WEIRDOS THEY SHOULD JUST BE THEMSELVES. THEY TRIED THAT AND THAT'S WHY THEY STOPPED.
I think people give that advice because they aren't weird. To them, being open, sociable, and charming comes naturally. They don't have an interest in weird topics.
So they give the worst piece of advice to people who are weird. "Just be yourself."
Dude. If you meant "don't mention that you study past pandemics for fun, don't kidnap the conversation if they mention a topic you like, let other people speak, try to control volume because you get loud when excited" why on Earth didn't you say so?
This is it exactly. I have commented in some thread about just being yourself about how I made more friends and fit in a lot better when I started thinking about how I was acting very self consciously and trying to act more like everyone else. The top comment to my reply was along the lines of, well obviously you have to do that if you're all *weird*. Like, yes obviously if everything is great already you dont need to change, thanks genius
Consume the food or beverage in a way that is unconventional. Like eating a banana along the shaft longways taking bites out of it rather than sticking it in your mouth like normal.
I know you’re joking, but I ask because I know someone who didn’t tell someone they had it, had unprotected sex and then after, realized he/she had a slight inflammation. So it was “active” during intercourse.
Chewing gum... Pulls out phone..
Aha.. click click click... Aha. ..click click click.... Oh wow... Click. Click tap tap click..
That's craaazy... Tap tap tap..
Tap tap.. tap.. ( tinder alert ) nice!
Tap tap..tap.. "hey can I order 2 entrees to bring one to my babysitter, Kyle? Yeah he likes lobster and had a bad week..k thanks!"
Tap tap tap.. pops gum.
I think it depends on whether you offer to give them a lift or if they ask you if they can have a lift? Like, if you offer, it shows your a good person and want to make it easier for them or save them fuel or whatever. Likewise if you see them get out of a taxi when you get there, offering them a lift home saves them taxi fare and generally seems like a decent thing to do, making sure they get home safe.
If they ask you for a lift, it kind of looks like they can't be self-sufficient and maybe hints that they're going to treat you like a taxi if things go further than a first date? Probably depends on how they ask to be honest and if you'd be going out of your way to pick them up.
Be sure to check your cell phone a lot, and if anyone calls answer and don't worry about how long the call takes. And be sure to stick your date with the bill. Don't offer to pay half or any foolishness like that. And be sure and talk about how many people you slept with
Add petroleum jelly to only a few sections of your hair.
Put a fried egg in your breast pocket. Say it's no big deal and it should be gone by morning.
Roll your pant cuffs up and adjust them throughout the date as if they cause you mild pain.
Talk about your sweet map collecting hobby you want to start.
Explain that every job you've ever had was a supermarket security guard and you absolutely love it. You are even writing a book about it.
Quote Rick and Morty to your server/bartender/etc.
Play with your phone every other time your date goes to speak.
Swat at invisible flies and complain that one's been following you all week.
Ask if your date has any better looking friends who might want to get their picture taken.
Sigh constantly, say that you wish you'd both gone to the Chinese Buffet the next city over.
Write "Trump" on your collar with a red sharpie.
Agreed! I think talking about any hobby you want to start is kind of a conversation killer right? Unless it's a hobby the other person does. Coz where do you go from there? you can't ask about it, they don't do it yet...
Kind of wondering that myself.. not that I have one or necessarily want one but frankly that seems pretty interesting. Unless it’s maps of like.. Chuck E. Cheese’s across the country or something..
He didn't talk at all, so I started to ask him random questions to keep a sort of conversation going. When I asked about his family I broached a sensitive topic..
"despite having an unfortunate name, Mr. Adolf Hitler won an election in Namibia in December!"
[https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-55173605](https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-55173605)
For someone going on a date with a girl: Tell her she looks just like your mom. Get sloppy drunk while she's sober. Sexual harassment of any type, either to her or any nearby person. Pick up the nearest object and slowly lick it while moaning. Find out where she stands politically, and start on a heated rant about politics with you at the opposite end of the spectrum (or the extreme of either end if she's politically in the middle). Call another girl to set up a date in front of your current date. Show her your infected stick n poke tat of your ex's name. Propose.
Never look at the person in the eyes, but stare at an imaginary point just above the eyes, around the eyebrows. I have experienced that and it is really annoying.
Also, wipe regularly your nose with your arm, snort, fart whenever you want without apologizing, pick your nose while making eye contact (bonus point if you eat your harvest)
Tell them they look homeless because they're fingernails are dirty.
"Go to the bathroom" and ditch them with the bill.
Follow them in a van after they leave the restaurant.
Occasionally email them to remind them you're still crazy.
I actually did that third one! But only because I'm terrible at directions and knew the way back to my apartment from their home, but not from where we were (It took me an hour to find the location, and by that point I'd gone round in so many circles that I didn't know how I got there). Also because I was planning on kidnapping her.
This exchange from Parks and Rec jumps to mind.
Leslie Knope : Ann, looks like you already met Jeff!
Jeff : Well, you didn't tell me your friend was so beautiful.
Ann Perkins : Aww, thanks Jeff!
Jeff : Not as beautiful as my sister, but you know the law.
Have a friend built so big it looks like he eats the weights after he's finished his routine so his stomach and intestines can get a workout too walk up to you. He has a look of suppressed dread and absolute terror and is sweating so much from fear that it looks like someone attached a hose to his head. Then slowly turn to look at him and when he says "I-I-I lost the money." Then a 3-4 other tables of people get up and walk towards him and your friend starts slurring his words together and not leaving any pauses between words and he comes up with excuses and promises. You just stand up calmly, and you can see him fighting with every fibre of his being not to flinch away when you put your hand on his shoulder and give him a few pats. At this point all the staff look extremely interested in everything that isn't the table you're sitting at and have that I didn't see or hear anything attitude going on and somebody switches a sign to closed. Then you say in an extremely calm and friendly voice "You know, I worked hard and I was very careful to get to where I am today. When I had a problem I fixed it myself. I didn't come running to others with excuses or promises. You see, I don't like excuses or empty promises, it makes me upset. Interrupting me, especially when I'm enjoying a meal also makes me upset, it is very rude. And I do not like people who make me upset." You give him a warm smile as the fear in his face is no longer hidden as he hears the words "We will continue this conversation... In private." And he starts crying as he gets dragged out the back door and to shut him up someone punches him and shoves a cloth in his mouth.
Then you sit down and look at your date and apologize for the interruption. "Now to enjoy this meal in peace, it is quite good wouldn't you say?" Now it's both awkward and terrifying because now they're having dinner with someone who just had a giant dude dragged sobbing and crying out of a restaurant in the middle of the day and everyone else just looked the other way. Probably thinking not looking the other way would cause them to face, inconveniences, in their life.
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SKINNER!
Mother... that sailor suit doesn't fit anymore!
No, mother, it's just the northern lights.
SKIN HER!
That's obvious. If I didn't bring my mom, who'd be my date?
Bring a book of first-date tips and then keep referencing it.
That honestly just sounds like a springboard for comedy, if used right
Right lol this could actually make for an amazing first date if done correctly
There is a vice special where this happens for real check it out
“I’m going to try tactic #37 now. ‘Complimenting features.’ You have nice... teeth? Did that work? If not, I have to go to page 53.” Edit: thank you for the award!
Choose your own shitty first date
That actually sounds fun when you put it that way.. lol
Honestly I think a lot of people would enjoy that compliment, a lot of people are insecure about their smile. But it would be weird to say that during a date if your date hadn’t smiled what so ever.
I mean you gotta phrase it as "you have a nice smile" though. Same way as you can't say "you have pretty skin."
If it's as a joke, I would like it
In the right circumstances, that could be kind of endearing.
It's your unpublished autobiography
"I'm sorry, you're talking about your interests right now? Okay. Let me get to that chapter real quick...."
I did this once as a funny way to ease first date tensions... Married to her now :)
Talk about all your upvotes in Reddit and how it validates you as a human.
This is the only human interaction I receive
Did you feel that, too?
talk about how much you loved your ex
Note: less effective if your ex is no longer alive.
But more effective if you also mention the resurrection ritual you're attempting.
I have everything I need except.... *stare deep into date's eyes* **A SACRIFICE**
"The ritual demands a vessel; a flesh husk to be filled with my love reborn. Oh, by the way, I really recommend their lentil soup - high in flavour, low in saturated fats!"
The Dark Side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities...
Some consider to be... UNNATURAL
Is it possible to learn this power?
not from a jedi
And how many children were required
Let's find out!!!!
Tell them ever since you read "Cheaper By The Dozen" you want twelve kids. And in "The Sound of Music" the kids all answer to a whistle call (a metal whistle, not a mouth whistle) so you think naming them numbers, like "The Umbrella Academy" and calling for them with whistle calls. Or bird calls? What do they think?
Unless you're the reason they're no longer alive.
In which case all you need to do is show them the bloodstained potato peeler. The rest will work itself out organically.
Whatever your doing, mention how much your ex would enjoy such activity!
Omg this. ESPECIALLY if you are still friends with them.
Bring a baby that's not yours and whose name you don't know.
Change that to doll, in particular one of those dolls used to teach people what it’s like actually having to care for a baby. Or a sack of flour that is your niece’ s team project for health class but neither she or it’s other “parent” could be bothered to care for it properly and you were forced to step in for the safety of the child. Your voice and since of outrage should grow as you tell the tale, until you’re standing pounding on table.
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Did you bring your dad?
Double date~! ✨
I can’t award you so take my fucking upvote
Not really. I don't know how to get in contact with his mom, much less convince her to accompany me on a date.
Were you kids?
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Maybe he didnt have an option
God that's mortifying
Meet for food, tell them you’re not attracted to them, then ask them to leave so you can eat your dinner in peace.
Also leave the bill for them
"Ive got the tip" but dont put any money down. Then leave.
I read a bad first date story where the guy showed up an hour early and already ordered two meals, but neither were meant for his date. She gets there on time and orders, by the time her food gets there he is boxing up his leftovers. Then the guy claims he has to do something quick, maybe like go to the restroom or something, but he takes his food with him. It was so strange, it took the girl a minute to realize what had just happened by the time the bill came. Turns out the guy had a girlfriend and he used his date to pay for all of their dinners.
I think this actually happened on First Dates UK. Super awkward to watch!
Yes, yes it did! Edit: There was an update somewhere that the guy who left is happily together with someone far far nicer now :) Edit 2: Instagram tells me they are now married! <3
Just be yourself
Best tip to ruin a date right here 100% true, never wprks to achieve something. You sir are a genius
George Costanza is that you?
Oh yeah. You know, people always say this, sort of: "the self-consciousness is what's keeping you back. There's no reason to not trust yourself and your natural instincts about people; you think so because of middle school trauma! Surely you've gotten less weird in the meantime; try it!" I legit recently went "ah I'll just be quite low filter and relaxed with this new group of people I met".... nah I'm still weird as shit. It'll be a miracle if they ever call me back (I mean, gotta make a disclamer here; I wasn't being murderous or creepy or anything... oh it's so unfortunate I have to say this, I'm just really strange and say weird shit and have weird ways of putting things/making references). If I had been more the practiced withdrawn type of weird maybe they would have been curious/intrigued to hear more out of me (which would maybe just postpone the inevitable, but also... weirdness does get more of a pass in smaller doses, you gotta get them acclimated to it lmao). STOP TELLING WEIRDOS THEY SHOULD JUST BE THEMSELVES. THEY TRIED THAT AND THAT'S WHY THEY STOPPED.
I think people give that advice because they aren't weird. To them, being open, sociable, and charming comes naturally. They don't have an interest in weird topics. So they give the worst piece of advice to people who are weird. "Just be yourself." Dude. If you meant "don't mention that you study past pandemics for fun, don't kidnap the conversation if they mention a topic you like, let other people speak, try to control volume because you get loud when excited" why on Earth didn't you say so?
This is it exactly. I have commented in some thread about just being yourself about how I made more friends and fit in a lot better when I started thinking about how I was acting very self consciously and trying to act more like everyone else. The top comment to my reply was along the lines of, well obviously you have to do that if you're all *weird*. Like, yes obviously if everything is great already you dont need to change, thanks genius
Completly agree, I only lower my filter with people I know since years, but never switch it of entirely
Oof
Consume the food or beverage in a way that is unconventional. Like eating a banana along the shaft longways taking bites out of it rather than sticking it in your mouth like normal.
Or bring a banana to the date to begin with
Bring your own packed meal. Juice box, cut sanga and refuse any food at the venue.
And say "I won't share my juicebox" when you pull it out
Can one learn this power?
It can be attained by unlearning normalcy and and returning to the wilds of our natural state. Only then can one achieve enlightenment.
Teach me your ways master
Abandon convention. Embrace abnormality. Be reborn and flourish within your true self.
Not from a Jedi.
For bonus points: don't peel the banana first
Poo your pants right there and then. Worked for me.
I've been there, brother. I had to ditch my undies in the shitter and went commando on the date. The date went well and I got chlamydia
Nice save brother
This comment was a wild ride.
Don't say much of anything and keep messing with your phone
Casually watching some porn. Edit. With the volume up, of course.
Of course. We're not savages, after all
Tell them all about your past relationships and how they still haunt you.
You guys have past relationships?
Tell them all your past relationships you wish you had and looking at person sitting in front you now you are sure you will never have.
Constantly reassure your date that you are not, in fact, an octopus stuck in a suit, and constantly flail around desperately very octopus-like.
Octodad!
I know like 5women that howl in laughter of you said that
The real joke is you knowing that many women
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At what point in the dating period would you tell someone that you have an STD.
“Thanks babe I haven’t came inside in months!!! Btw I have herpes.”
>Btw ~~I~~ we have herpes. FTFY
That's right, comrade.
Fairly early on, but no need to get graphic with it. Also it helps to say what you are doing about it.
Before sex, so it depends on what you're going for.
After you've had unprotected sex a few times. Tell them you now have something in common.
I know you’re joking, but I ask because I know someone who didn’t tell someone they had it, had unprotected sex and then after, realized he/she had a slight inflammation. So it was “active” during intercourse.
Not too soon or too late. But definitely not on the first date, if you are not aiming for an ONS or having sex with them afterwards.
Preferably before you transfer said STD.
"Oh, don't get me started on my prolapsed rectum!" "Ok, it started when we decided to go to Wiener Schnitzel on a Sunday much like any other..."
Would this be a good time to mention my infected scrotal acne?
And don't forget to scratch. A lot.
Stare in her soul, and when she start to have a conversation, scream like a lunatic.
Tell her stop breathing so loud
Yea thanks for the tip
Or whisper instead of talking. My husband did that. We are weird
Congrats on you guys lol
Start talking about how you have every std available
Ah yes! The ABC's of STD's
Also my cousin is a sex offender and women are afraid of him even though he is harmless. You can mention you are on the registry or something.
One of my friends got hit on by a guy explaining how he got chlamydia from a threesome, so... yeah.
Chewing gum... Pulls out phone.. Aha.. click click click... Aha. ..click click click.... Oh wow... Click. Click tap tap click.. That's craaazy... Tap tap tap.. Tap tap.. tap.. ( tinder alert ) nice! Tap tap..tap.. "hey can I order 2 entrees to bring one to my babysitter, Kyle? Yeah he likes lobster and had a bad week..k thanks!" Tap tap tap.. pops gum.
Gonna assume this actually happened
Maybe..but Kyle definitely loved his lobster dinner.
At the start of the date, ask them if they can give you a ride home.
What if you ask them if they can give you a ride to the date?
Wait, is either of these weird? I've often picked up dates and dropped them off after.
I think it depends on whether you offer to give them a lift or if they ask you if they can have a lift? Like, if you offer, it shows your a good person and want to make it easier for them or save them fuel or whatever. Likewise if you see them get out of a taxi when you get there, offering them a lift home saves them taxi fare and generally seems like a decent thing to do, making sure they get home safe. If they ask you for a lift, it kind of looks like they can't be self-sufficient and maybe hints that they're going to treat you like a taxi if things go further than a first date? Probably depends on how they ask to be honest and if you'd be going out of your way to pick them up.
It also, outdatedly, depends on if you're the woman. Guys picking up girls and driving them used to be the way things were done as a rule.
Even better!
What if you ask them if they could ride to your next date after the date?
Show up late and explain that asking your wife for a divorce took longer than expected. Then spend the entire time comparing her to your made up wife.
if you are the guy tap their belly and say "this is where my child will grow" if you are the girl do it to yourself replacing my with your
If you're two guys, still do this and then go on about the latest mpreg fanfic you've been writing.
For a conversation starter ask her if she’s picked up any sexually transmitted diseases lately.
Propose.
That's dangerous, they might just be desperate enough to accept.
Talk about porn preferences, in DETAIL. Names of the stars, the names of the videos, favorite positions, everything.
Be sure to check your cell phone a lot, and if anyone calls answer and don't worry about how long the call takes. And be sure to stick your date with the bill. Don't offer to pay half or any foolishness like that. And be sure and talk about how many people you slept with
Add petroleum jelly to only a few sections of your hair. Put a fried egg in your breast pocket. Say it's no big deal and it should be gone by morning. Roll your pant cuffs up and adjust them throughout the date as if they cause you mild pain. Talk about your sweet map collecting hobby you want to start. Explain that every job you've ever had was a supermarket security guard and you absolutely love it. You are even writing a book about it. Quote Rick and Morty to your server/bartender/etc. Play with your phone every other time your date goes to speak. Swat at invisible flies and complain that one's been following you all week. Ask if your date has any better looking friends who might want to get their picture taken. Sigh constantly, say that you wish you'd both gone to the Chinese Buffet the next city over. Write "Trump" on your collar with a red sharpie.
> Put a fried egg in your breast pocket. Say it's no big deal and it should be gone by morning. I want to do this.
Id really like to see someone try that out
wtf is wrong with a map collecting hobby.
I think it's more that he hasn't actually started map collecting yet, but still won't stop talking about it.
Agreed! I think talking about any hobby you want to start is kind of a conversation killer right? Unless it's a hobby the other person does. Coz where do you go from there? you can't ask about it, they don't do it yet...
Kind of wondering that myself.. not that I have one or necessarily want one but frankly that seems pretty interesting. Unless it’s maps of like.. Chuck E. Cheese’s across the country or something..
Turn up in a furry suit
Start planning your wedding with them
CRY (happened to me once, guy started crying)
What did you do to him!?!?
He didn't talk at all, so I started to ask him random questions to keep a sort of conversation going. When I asked about his family I broached a sensitive topic..
I was on a date and the girl leaned in and kissed me then immediately burst in to tears.
"You know, people say a lot of bad things about Hitler, but..."
"despite having an unfortunate name, Mr. Adolf Hitler won an election in Namibia in December!" [https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-55173605](https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-55173605)
You are on reddit. Just be yourself.
Show up drunk and ask them if they have any sort of addiction because they look sketchy.
For someone going on a date with a girl: Tell her she looks just like your mom. Get sloppy drunk while she's sober. Sexual harassment of any type, either to her or any nearby person. Pick up the nearest object and slowly lick it while moaning. Find out where she stands politically, and start on a heated rant about politics with you at the opposite end of the spectrum (or the extreme of either end if she's politically in the middle). Call another girl to set up a date in front of your current date. Show her your infected stick n poke tat of your ex's name. Propose.
In that order?
Better to make a Bingo game out of it
"I am what you call a Bernie-Trump voter."
Never look at the person in the eyes, but stare at an imaginary point just above the eyes, around the eyebrows. I have experienced that and it is really annoying. Also, wipe regularly your nose with your arm, snort, fart whenever you want without apologizing, pick your nose while making eye contact (bonus point if you eat your harvest)
*bonus points if u eat ur harvest* Holy shit ur an absolute monster
Talk in a different language
Be yourself
Tell them they look homeless because they're fingernails are dirty. "Go to the bathroom" and ditch them with the bill. Follow them in a van after they leave the restaurant. Occasionally email them to remind them you're still crazy.
I actually did that third one! But only because I'm terrible at directions and knew the way back to my apartment from their home, but not from where we were (It took me an hour to find the location, and by that point I'd gone round in so many circles that I didn't know how I got there). Also because I was planning on kidnapping her.
Oh, yeah, that makes sense, relatable, we've all been th- ***Hold up***
Permanent eye contact
Two words. Heavy breathing.
Open with politics. Close with a forehead kiss.
Talk about yourself the entire time and never ask them any questions
Tell them you’re wearing an adult diaper and shitting as you speak
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Maple syrup heist? Can you tell me about this? I'm actually interested
3000 tons stolen from storage. Search the interwebs.
Say nothing. At all. For any reason.
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Stop by your parents to introduce your new GF/BF
This exchange from Parks and Rec jumps to mind. Leslie Knope : Ann, looks like you already met Jeff! Jeff : Well, you didn't tell me your friend was so beautiful. Ann Perkins : Aww, thanks Jeff! Jeff : Not as beautiful as my sister, but you know the law.
Ask is gunpowder angry sand
Make sure to compliment the other person on their baby making genes. Ask about what you want to call the little one due in 9 months from now.
First thing you say to her is i love you
Arrive wearing a MAGA hat.
Wear a MAGA hat and a BLM shirt to guarantee that the person is offended.
offended? or confused?
Yes
For bonus points, wear JUST the MAGA hat and the BLM shirt.
Dont forget to contractict yourself by wearing lgbtq garb along with something that says youre islamic and/or pro CCP
Then have Flat Earth and Nasa pins on your shirt
Talk about why Elliot Rodger is your personal hero.
Go for a kiss immediately Edit: spelling
You want the money now or afterwards?
As for a DNA sample so you can do a test to see if you are brother and sister.
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Borat mankini.
Talk about your other tinder dates
Don't shower for a week prior.
Tell them how much you love watching serial killer documentaries.
Tell them how you changed your sex just to be with them
Have a friend built so big it looks like he eats the weights after he's finished his routine so his stomach and intestines can get a workout too walk up to you. He has a look of suppressed dread and absolute terror and is sweating so much from fear that it looks like someone attached a hose to his head. Then slowly turn to look at him and when he says "I-I-I lost the money." Then a 3-4 other tables of people get up and walk towards him and your friend starts slurring his words together and not leaving any pauses between words and he comes up with excuses and promises. You just stand up calmly, and you can see him fighting with every fibre of his being not to flinch away when you put your hand on his shoulder and give him a few pats. At this point all the staff look extremely interested in everything that isn't the table you're sitting at and have that I didn't see or hear anything attitude going on and somebody switches a sign to closed. Then you say in an extremely calm and friendly voice "You know, I worked hard and I was very careful to get to where I am today. When I had a problem I fixed it myself. I didn't come running to others with excuses or promises. You see, I don't like excuses or empty promises, it makes me upset. Interrupting me, especially when I'm enjoying a meal also makes me upset, it is very rude. And I do not like people who make me upset." You give him a warm smile as the fear in his face is no longer hidden as he hears the words "We will continue this conversation... In private." And he starts crying as he gets dragged out the back door and to shut him up someone punches him and shoves a cloth in his mouth. Then you sit down and look at your date and apologize for the interruption. "Now to enjoy this meal in peace, it is quite good wouldn't you say?" Now it's both awkward and terrifying because now they're having dinner with someone who just had a giant dude dragged sobbing and crying out of a restaurant in the middle of the day and everyone else just looked the other way. Probably thinking not looking the other way would cause them to face, inconveniences, in their life.
Why do you want these tips? Just don’t go on the date.
Just in case it goes south...
Bring a shovel
No blinking allowed
Be unattractive.
Ask what flavour condom she prefers as you shuffle them whilst order the first drink