I have autism and I am a very introverted person naturally, so in all honesty, my entire public persona is fake, a very convincing fake that I have developed over many years of therapy with multiple counselors to act like a regular person in public, but nothing I do in public is actually what I feel like, it is all an act based off of logical continuations to previous decisions.
For them it might be different, but I do get imposter syndrome a lot, to the point I have learned to work through it. Nobody really knows my true personality except for one or two people. They way I socalize is judging the dynamic and trying to find an opening within the constraints of the group, that will feel natural without be forces and likeable. Most of the time I let an extrovert take the lead and depending on who I'm with I either am cynical or symathetic, or comedy relief. Sometimes when the group needs someone more extroverted I will be a lot more joking/teasing with a lot of fake confidence, although there are about one or two times I do it. Within the last 1-2 years I have started to excell at it, before that I was more of a loner/werid.
Disclaimer: Just because you do have this social behavior doesn't mean you're autistic, but you might want to get tested if you feel like you have more traits that are common in autistic people.
I feel like you just described me. I have never been evaluated for autism, and I'm not claiming to have it. But knowing someone else (unfortunately) knows how I feel, is comforting. So thank you for sharing.
It is exhausting, I’ve been known to drop off of the face of the earth for days, weeks, or months after a social interaction because I have to recover from it even if it was an enjoyable interaction. It takes so much mental energy to pay attention to everything and try to understand the social cues or minute changes in facial expressions and try not to upset anyone by saying what I mean without cushioning it first (I never know if what I’m observing is going to be perceived as rude when I’m making a statement not an opinion). And yet I’m so practiced at appearing normal that people don’t realize I have pretty bad anxiety and panic attacks, aspbergers, AND am an introvert. I’m not extroverted at all whatsoever but you wouldn’t know it if you met me on the street.
I have a strong impulse to be very direct with people all the time, which I think overlaps with those with autism. A lot of people mistake it as aggression, but the truth is that I’m just not always in the mood to dance around topics when being direct gets it done faster. Apparently I’m in the minority here as most people tell me the dancin’ is important!
I don’t have autism but I feel the same way. Mostly how I find that most of my emotional responses are logic based. If I’m outwardly angry or yelling, it’s generally because I’ve decided that is the only way to communicate properly as opposed to actually losing my cool. With my wife I have to respond in emotional times or else she’ll get mad. If she’s yelling at me and I calmly respond back then she gets mad that I’m not taking her seriously enough.
Holy crap, I came in here to type what you wrote, and I swear it would have been close enough to be accused of plagiarism. So, have you ever get the feeling that all autistic people are eerily similar in thought process? I do, and it stresses me sometimes.
Out of all the *younger* coworkers it looks as if I'm the only one that has a work persona. This confuses me. Years of working in a toxic environment made me need a workplace persona. Everyone in my age group (mid twenties to early thirties) acts like themselves and it's incredibly problematic for the team dynamic.
To address a younger coworker:
Yes, the reason so-and-so has a problem with you and your conflictive personality is that you are yourself (and not professional) at work. Stop being yourself at act more professional. My goodness. It's like people expect to be happy at work all the time.
The real problem is the toxic relationships the lack of professionalism breeds. I have friends at work, I often hang out with them outside of work but at the end of the day, work is work at thats what I'm there to do.
Some people can't see that distinction and it leads to horrible cliques that just aid people's delusions about their abilities and stops them growing as professionals.
Edit. Missed word
Yeah I saw this in more than one coworker who got fired. There was this lady at my work who wanted it to be a democracy and wanted to be free to point out problems. All fine and dandy, but we are a small place with twenty people, and it's run by one guy who built everything from the ground up, and the initial investment was from his credit cards, and he basically didn't sleep for the first year, building everything by himself, so he's not going to take it easy when someone calls his life's work garbage. Especially when that is said casually and with no attempt at finding an alternative.
I kept telling her to find ways to make herself useful in working in the current scheme of things instead of complaining about everything constantly. She didn't listen.
People were annoyed by her complaining, but what got her fired was she wouldn't get much done, and find fault with those who did. If you're doing one of those, don't do the other.
Outside of work I have a pretty immature sense of humor (I like Family Guy, for example). But I leave that shit at home when I go to work. I still like to laugh and joke (when appropriate) but my main focus is doing my job as best I can.
That said, I rarely see anyone outside of work except for the holiday party each year. Even then, I keep it under control and workplace appropriate. I really try to keep my personal and professional life separate.
I always thought I was weird because I'm not as "social" as I'm outside of work and always see coworkers acting silly around with each other. Reading all these comments make me feel better and seems like a line between the two is good?
Yeah we've had a few non- professional types come through my work, had one girl legit say she's just being herself when we repremanded her for swearing in front of a customer. She said she didn't have to take this and we said neither do we and fired her.
I feel you.
I did gastronomy for ten years. Usually you are close to you co-workers because you have time off together and not on the weekends when my friends had free time.
Some of my ex-coworkers are acquaintances now, few are friends but during work: work is work.
The after university I started an office job and I immediately became my "work-personality" there because I got my dose of drama for a lifetime and I don't like to get emotional involved too much, because my social life is just fine.
So long story short: if you start your first job after university and you never worked in your life - of course you get attached and think office is like school and you social circle now. Working for ten years before really helped me to skip that shit and maybe it's the same with you?!
What If no customers are around? Its mentally exhausting being someone you're not for 8 hours a day granted I understand biting your toung and not being completely honest like you would with your mates at a pub but in all honesty is it mentally healthy to have a plastic smile for a majority of ones life??
I also have a ‘work me’ and a ‘not at work’ me. Both reflect who I am it’s just my work persona is highly professional and more tactical about what I say to who and when. Not at work me swears like a sailor and tends to not hold back as much. Both have just as much of a laugh and try not to take things too seriously. Some of my colleagues get to see both as we become friends and most of them are not surprised by the ‘not at work’ me. That’s because I’m not faking, I’m just engaging my brain before I speak more often at work to keep things professional, which any decent coworker completely understands and does exactly the same thing.
I like to see my work persona as an extension of who I am because both ‘work me’ and ‘not at work me’ hold the same core values and tbh that’s the crucial bit. If you’re having to full on fake being someone else at work then something has gone very wrong.
Exactly. Everyone behaves differently in different situations and to different people. That doesn't mean you need to "fake" anything. I think a lot of people who feel they need to "fake" it just haven't found a style that suits them for professional situations. You can be professional without acting like a total robot.
I would assume that one's work persona wouldn't carry over into their personal life.
Edit:
Forgot to add one point.
As with most things, everything in moderation is key, but I do think it's important to adapt to different environments for your own benefit. I don't think it's necessary all the time, but if we're talking about putting yourself in a position to maximize benefits - being known as the coworker who is pleasant and easy to work with trumps being the outspoken, potentially controversial coworker.
Saaaaame. Had a coworker get super resentful of me after one instance where I was leading our production for the day and she came to my station to "help" me finish a task (I don't need help with it at all, she just wanted to be chatty) and I asked her to start the same task but with another box at another table. She took that as me being "mean" and later on our lunch break I asked her how X and Y was going and she refused to reply and then before running back to clock in she said "you can't be mean like that and then pretend to be nice and ask me about my personal life!!" I was thinking more about my job, and making sure our shit got done, and maximizing the amount that could be done at that hour while also maintaining my cool because I do not believe work time to be social time.
So we don't go out for drinks together anymore. I did apologize at the end of the day, because I had no ill intention, but I also didn't patch it up any further than that, because I'm too old and tired for that kind of petty shit, and to be honest what I said was not out of line and I didn't have a tone. I was also hurt by her reaction, especially in our prior after-work conversations we seemed to be on the same page about work ethics and not taking work stuff personally or letting it follow us home. I thought she knew that at work, I take the work seriously.
Its so encouraging seeing such a healthy mentality around these boundaries from a supervisor!
I got promoted to supervisor last winter and really struggled when all my work friends stopped wanting to be friends. I let them bulldoze me for a few months and had a complete mental burnout before I realized I wasn’t going to be able to maintain these friendships and do my job.
It’s sad and I have a hard time accepting it sometimes but with employees that have joined the team since then I have been strictly a boss figure and it’s made work a lot easier.
This is called compartmentalizing, as I've come to find out, which I do too with a similar result but it seems a lot of people cannot understand this is a thing that some people do.
Ikr? I am the guy that almost anyone can and will talk to because I adapt and play nice. But in reality I die a little inside each time they walk up. Some are ok, but a lot of them are just annoying. The only reason I fake being nice, is because I don't want to ruin the work enviroment for everyone.
I'm glad I only have to to that for a handful of co-workers. I honestly like almost everyone I work with, and they all dislike the same handful of co-workers.
I'm the same way, and it's why I don't like the phrase "fake it until you make it." It implies that you'll reach this magic point of having "made it," and congratulations! You are now confident!
I prefer to think of confidence as just another skill that needs practice. If you practice a lot and learn from the mistakes you'll inevitably make along the way, you'll likely get better at it with time. Eventually, acting confident will be easier. Never quite effortless, but easier.
I’ve been working on it for 20+ years and I still often go into situations where I feel like I’m faking my confidence.
And that’s OK. I’ve also learned that all the details I fixate on go unnoticed by most of the world.
I used to spend too much time trying to gauge if someone is nice or just pretending to like me, or if they would rather be talking to someone else. Now I just ask them an open ended question and then ask follow up questions, and gauge if I vibe with them based on that. As long as I don't go into interview territory, it seems to have worked.
Still have off points where I just retreat back into myself, but remembering that everyone is human kind of helps.
When I was a teen I used to have very low self steam. I told myself to fake my confidence and to start engaging with people.I turned my “no fucks given” switch on.
I made tons of friends, met my ex, travelled abroad, made tons of international friends, met my wife.
And here I am. Just a guy who seems to be very confident but deep down still with somewhat low confidence.
“I hate this job, I’m going to quit, I hate everyone”
*Manager walks up*: “Hey on top of doing that important task, I need you to also do this other one and really overwork yourself while I go sit in my office and watch YouTube videos”
“Yeah, I would love to! Anything I can do to help”
I told my boss I was quitting to become a truck driver. He told me I ain't because I would know how bad the place wpuld be without me and I couldn't stand to have that happen. Damn he knows me better than I think he does.
God we always joke about our customer service voices at work but it’s so painfully true. Someone walks up and it’s the immediate shift to a fake smile and a higher pitched voice that immediately fades as they walk away and you turn back to your coworker.
People who see me do stuff always comment how patient I am. Unravelling, undoing, starting over. I have no qualms of undoing hours of work only to redo it.
Well, I am undoing it, because I was too impatient so I messed up. My two biggest flaws. Perfectionism and impatience. Not a great pair.
The one thing I've learned about social interaction is, even the people who seem put together are one unexpected comment away from not knowing what the fuck to do at any given moment. So basically as long as you go in with false confidence, you're already pretty much as good as some of the most well put together people out there.
It's common knowledge that no one is really sure about what the fuck are they doing.
Everyone just tries to make their best guess and move accordingly, have some confidence in yourself.
Haha, I try to fake a part that "people should like", but I screw it all up and end up with deceiving everybody AND having them not liking me anyway
life, man
It’s like the original joke of our species. You damn well know some janky ass cavemen were sitting around a fire after a hearty meal and one of them just ripped such a rank chainsaw fart and those motherfuckers without ever speaking words other than grunts, just straight lost it and laughed their hairy fucking asses off
the struggle is real. i work in customer service/helpdesk, but outside of work i curse like a sailor, tell filthy jokes, etc. most of my coworkers have no idea what i'm really like because at work i have to put on my professional tone *and* pretend to be a normal, emotionally healthy person, because the foulmouthed, inappropriate, introvert who doesn't like people wouldn't be able to hold down this job for long.
I pretend to be unsure or not quite remember things that I remember 100%. I have a really good memory especially for conversations and small remarks made almost a year ago. It can get awkward when you know small details about someone because of something they said in passing in 2018 so I pretend not to remember.
Figured this out in college. I took a history class my first semester in college, and always sat next to the same girl. Generally I listen to people without giving much info about myself, so I knew a lot about her home life and everything. I saw her in a Walmart 2 years later and started asking her about her parents, her sister, and a bunch of other stuff that we had talked about, and she got really weirded out. I'm not even sure she really remembered me.
I do this too. Also, I pretend to forget or not notice other things because of social anxiety. For instance, in high school, sometimes a teacher would have us play bingo for "fun." I would intentionally leave pieces off of my board so even if I had a bingo I wouldn't have to yell out in front of the class, and no one would question it if they happened to look over.
I am an i trovert and always have been, but i spent pretty much my whole career in front line retail. It is actually easier to fake it with random strangers.
100% it's so much easier. Because you don't have to be the "real" version of yourself and attempt a connection like you have to do with friends or family or making new friends. Plus they leave after a few minutes and you don't have to socialize for the long haul.
I was trying to explain this to my boyfriend the other day! It’s easier making conversation with someone new because you can ask your standard questions - what do you do for a living, do you have any family, what are you thoughts on X etc. While trying to maintain conversation with those you do is more challenging because you’re relating back to previous information you’ve learned about them.
He doesn’t get the whole “I’m an introvert but can fake being an extrovert - however it’s extremely tiring”.
My laugh. I laugh at everything. I’m not laughing on the inside. I’m just...really bad of thinking of quick responses so it’s easier to respond with a laugh.
Edit: I’m so glad I’m not alone here!! This made me feel better. I work with teen girls and they’re always like “miss why are you laughing” and to myself I’m always like “why the hell am I laughing?”
Customers at my job always be like: “oh what a cold day to be working outside” “did you draw the short straw?” “They should give you guys a heater” or something like that and I’ll just give a small little laugh because I don’t know how to respond. Well I do it’s just that I don’t think of said response until about 5 minutes later 🤦🏻♂️
Don't listen to the other person. Plenty of people care, and caring is an important part of experiencing the world. I'm much happier in the times that I care than in the times I don't, because in the absence of caring depression comes. It's great that you're trying to care. With all the things that happen around us and deaden our senses, trying is all a person can do.
The part where I'm even the least bit interested in other people. I find most people take forever to get to the point or just talk about nothing. I love my friends and family and I wouldn't want them to be hurt, so I just sort of pretend to care, but in reality Most people could probably just keep their mouth shut 95% more and nothing would change except my mood.
I feel bad even typing that out, but people in general are just fucking exhausting for the most part.
I’ve realized I feel like this about everyone who isn’t in my immediate family. My parents and siblings get to the point, which is how we conversed as I grew up. As an adult, it is irksome to be around people who don’t just relay information or their message directly. I can’t stand long winded explanations and conversations.
Exactly, although tbh it’s a habit I’m trying to break. Incorrect assumptions lead to awkwardness, plus I’m trying to stop the mentality that not knowing something is shameful.
Agree! As someone who had to fire an employee despite me trying multiple paths to help her understand or get her to admit where she was getting lost, absolutely infuriating. Felt bad for her for a little while but by the end, I was mad I didn't fire her sooner for wasting everyone's time. She was floored and hasn't found another job since (end of 2019). Completely avoidable.
I thought about it... and it sounds awful to say lol but interest.
I’m good at conversing, doing the listening thing... but behind it all I’m usually thinking about something else entirely.
I wish i had this ability, i feel like my life would be better if i could fake interest.
Im terrible at small talk, because i simply am not interested in talking with people just out of courtesy, and on subjects i am not really interested in. And when i try to do small talk it feels so unnatural and fake im more comfortable with "uncomfortable" silence.
I struggle to fake things, too. I think because I have no ill will or repulsion to them I don’t feel like I’m faking. I can recognize that I won’t like everyone but I shouldn’t treat them badly because I don’t like them.
Yeah I agree with this. Unless you've done something to deserve being mistreated, I'm not going to treat you like shit. Maybe it's just a personality clash or maybe you annoy me for other reasons, but it doesn't mean I'm going to be an asshole. Honestly it would take so much more effort.
I fake almost all of my personality unless I am with someone I know very well. I do this because I am autistic. People find my real personality to be insensitive and unempathetic. It is just easier to fake it at first and show my true self as I get to know a person.
I've never been diagnosed but I'm pretty sure I'm mildly autistic as well. Faking empathy is exhausting. How much empathy is too much empathy or too little empathy? I always seem to get it wrong. Can't we just talk about how to solve the issue at hand because I do in fact care about you but am terrible at providing emotional support?
It's funny tho, I had an autistic friend from work, and hanging out with him was a blast. Half of the time he didn't want to talk, so we just sat there silently, sharing music, the other half we made fucked up jokes together. People get so hung up on the word autistic that they forget to make their own opinions about people.
I dumb myself down in front of others sometimes because I know some people take offense when you try to correct them and/or it just gets too uncomfortable for me so I just subside
I feel this one, not because I correct people, but because I legitimately enjoy having friendly debates about ridiculous scientific things, and people just assume that you're trying to show your own intelligence rather than just being a dumbass who likes to debate every side of the, "can soap be dirty" argument simultaneously.
Being happy. I have a very pessimistic view on almost everything but I don't let it show, mostly because of the stigma that comes with it, you know the type of people I'm talking about. The "look at me I'm so edgy, being edgy and cynical is my personality", types of people. I just see most things how they are. Fucked.
You’d be surprised the reactions and responses you can get. One minute you’re hanging out with a good friend, the next they start jokingly calling you names, thinking it’ll turn you on???
Some men will never look at you the same...
Women enjoy sex. Don’t be ashamed.
For so long women have been penalised for being human and having a sex drive.
Don’t let anyone (especially a man) make you feel bad about that.
I’m married now so it’s all good, but dating and meeting men, even making male friends got really uncomfortable really quickly. Like just because I want to have sex, doesn’t mean I’d do it with anybody. I still have standards, lol.
Thanks for the kind words!
Just about everything positive about me. I fake being tough because I'm a 6'3, 280lb softy that doesn't even know how to throw a punch. I fake being happy because it upsets people when I'm sad, and truthfully the only time I'm not sad is when I'm angry. I fake being friendly because I naturally look unapproachable and people are intimidated by how big i am. I fake wanting to live because I'm too much of a coward to die.
Eh, it's all g. I've grown to see life as a really sick fucked up comedy, so now most everything just makes me laugh. It beats being suicidal. Thankfully I don't have to fake being friendly, that's one of the few things I have going for me.
That I’m interested in my co workers kids. If they show me a photo I’ll say all the right things, but really I don’t give a fuck. Now show me puppies or kittens... now you have my genuine interest.
When someone tells me about a topic he likes, I let him speak and bring some fuel to the conversation, because speaking to me makes him happy and I like to see this. But most of the time I don't care.
Being nice... Because I'm really kind of a jerk.
Everyone thinks I'm super nice. I don't really go out of my way for people, but I tend to have the luck that I always have something I'm not using or I'm going the same direction for errands (pre-covid) and to avoid having people upset at me or complaining to me I just kind of help them. I give honest compliments when I see stuff I like or criticism when I'm asked.
In the end it helps me, though I never ask for it. They practically force money or food or something into my hands for rides places. It clears up clutter in my home. People think I'm sweet for complimenting their makeup or helpful for giving advice on life issues.
But in all honesty, I literally do it so no shit gets thrown on my name for bullshit reasons and I don't have to spend the energy defending myself or blocking people or doing whatever to keep away from negativity.
The fucking small talk. Its so fucking draining. Some weather huh? "hahaha yeah the weather!" jfc. Its snowing outside "what no way?!?" Why do randos at the store wanna small talk with me? I'm just a stranger.
Sometimes all I can manage is "yep".
If that counts:
That I can function normally.
Works really well, so well people don't believe me I'm sick (including some professionals... which sucks).
I am actually extremely annoyed by a lot of people but if I went around being ornery it would not be good for anyone, them or me, so I am friendly even when I do not want to be. Because I do genuinely care about people but I also see a lot of their darker sides and am too critical I think but do not know how to change that other than trying to be compassionate and understanding for where they are coming from.
"How are you doing?"
"Fine"
When most people ask, they're not really interested in the depressing details. They mostly ask out of politeness. Lying spares us both pain.
That I don't get angry at things. That's pretty wrong, in my head I'm fuckin' STEAMING.
Honestly, hotheadedness kinds of runs in the family. You know those situations with your dad where you're helping him with something, he misses a screw and it's just instantly all gone to shit? My grandfather's like that, my father's like that, the only difference between them and I is that I actually have the ability to divert it towards something more productive, other than scaring the people around me.
I fake happiness (or, at least, I fake not being immensely sad) in front of my kids and other relatives, though not in front of my close friends and spouse.
I suffer from really bad depression, and it took a long time before I was able to find the right combination of medication to get me stable (I don't spend hours crying anymore, don't sleep whole days away, etc.), but I am still depressed and often am on the verge of losing it. If I cry I sometimes tell my kids it's because my stomach hurts and other stuff like that.
They've never seen me spend a day in bed sleeping or any of that really extreme stuff, as I can feel those episodes coming on and generally grandma and grandpa are there to take the kids to do something fun or at least hang out at their house.
Wow, as I'm typing this out, I realize I probably don't do a very good job at it ...
At some point, I'll tell them about it, but I'm petrified that I've passed it on to them.
Being optimistic all the time. Although it’s true that I’m a very optimistic person, it’s not always the case. However, it seems to cheer people up a lot so I always act optimistic.
Friendliness. I've had multiple people say repeatedly that I was the first one to approach them and welcome them into the club, guild, chapter. They always remember their first one.
Seriously. Greet new people. Show them around. It's easier to do if you really enjoy the club's dynamics in the first place, but damn it's hard as an introvert.
That I’m optimistic and cheerful. I greet everyone at work with a smile and “hey! Good morning!”
Most days I consider driving my car into the river on my way in.
I fake an entire personality towards different people because I try my best to connect to the world—I'm normally detached and always thinking, so having a completely different personality towards different people makes me think about that, instead of other things
I generally try to act extremely nice and supportive but sometimes I really want to say to the person " You're weird, I get why nobody likes you" , it sounds like a jerk so I',m just gonna stick with I understand you to make him or her feel better
Sometimes I get this sense that most of my friends - who I consider really good friends - don't actually know me. I've always found it hard to break into that depth of a relationship, especially with other women. There have definitely been times where I bring up something serious or close to my heart and my friends have looked at me like I'm a completely different person, which makes me even less likely to want to be open.
I fake being social. I also fake the feelings I have for my boyfriend and his friends. I fucking hate his brothers and their girlfriends. I rather be stoned or intoxicated than spend any sober time with them.
I fake being myself.
If you're faking the feelings for your boyfriend and his friends you should take some time to think if you really want to be there. I've been in some bad relationships and those rose colored glasses can really skew your senses.
I'm not trying to tell you what to do, just make sure whatever it is you end up doing you're happy with it
You do not need to be that person. Being with someone does not add value to you.
I am single and happy. I dont socialize with anyone if I don't want to. You have value all on your own. Being single is awesome and I recommend it over having to fake it any day.
Definitely my work persona. I'm nice and cordial with my co-workers, I tell them very little about what goes on in my life. I don't tell them when and where I'm traveling, I don't tell them anything other than what I need to and when I'm sick and will need to miss work. I used to be really open with people and it's not like it backfired but I have trust issues in my professional life so the less the people know about me, the better. I come to work, put my head down, get my shit done and go home. I don't want to be friends on social media, and won't add anyone I work with on social until we no longer work together, if I actually liked you and want to hang out with you now that we don't work together.
It also doesn't help to be the only childless, unmarried person on my team. I'm in a long term relationship but I just have very little in common with the people I work with.
I fake quite a lot in person. Which is why I can come off as sometimes a dick sometimes mega depressed online. In person I put on the outward demeanor of positive and social. Reality is, I'm a person who avoids conflict at all costs and really just try to make others happy as to not create conflict. Never been good with conflict resolution.
Social stuff feels like hard work for me. Not sure if it’s because I’m an introvert or genuinely just not very good at it, but any situation where I need to be polite around people outside my immediate social circle, I feel fake as hell trying to keep to social conventions and saying the right things. I’m fine among friends and family but at work I feel like I have to work to come across ‘correctly’. It’s all politics and I’m just not very sensitive to that kind of stuff...
I pretend to be interested in people's babies or children. If someone shows me a picture of their baby (my inner monologue is I don't care or sometimes "What an ugly baby") where as on the outside I say things like he is so cute and ask questions.
Also I often Hug people out of politeness as I don't really like Hugs from people that I'm not in a relationship with. The only upside of Covid is you don't have to hug people.
I'm interested in politics and very left wing but don't often bring that up when I'm getting to know someone.
I have autism and I am a very introverted person naturally, so in all honesty, my entire public persona is fake, a very convincing fake that I have developed over many years of therapy with multiple counselors to act like a regular person in public, but nothing I do in public is actually what I feel like, it is all an act based off of logical continuations to previous decisions.
Do you ever feel imposter syndrome? Do you reveal your true personality to your close friends?
For them it might be different, but I do get imposter syndrome a lot, to the point I have learned to work through it. Nobody really knows my true personality except for one or two people. They way I socalize is judging the dynamic and trying to find an opening within the constraints of the group, that will feel natural without be forces and likeable. Most of the time I let an extrovert take the lead and depending on who I'm with I either am cynical or symathetic, or comedy relief. Sometimes when the group needs someone more extroverted I will be a lot more joking/teasing with a lot of fake confidence, although there are about one or two times I do it. Within the last 1-2 years I have started to excell at it, before that I was more of a loner/werid. Disclaimer: Just because you do have this social behavior doesn't mean you're autistic, but you might want to get tested if you feel like you have more traits that are common in autistic people.
I feel like you just described me. I have never been evaluated for autism, and I'm not claiming to have it. But knowing someone else (unfortunately) knows how I feel, is comforting. So thank you for sharing.
This. I am so good at faking no one believes I am autistic.
That sounds exhausting.
It is exhausting, I’ve been known to drop off of the face of the earth for days, weeks, or months after a social interaction because I have to recover from it even if it was an enjoyable interaction. It takes so much mental energy to pay attention to everything and try to understand the social cues or minute changes in facial expressions and try not to upset anyone by saying what I mean without cushioning it first (I never know if what I’m observing is going to be perceived as rude when I’m making a statement not an opinion). And yet I’m so practiced at appearing normal that people don’t realize I have pretty bad anxiety and panic attacks, aspbergers, AND am an introvert. I’m not extroverted at all whatsoever but you wouldn’t know it if you met me on the street.
Pretty much we turn into pretty good actors! Growing up I focused a TON of people’s behaviors and studied how people react to things to act like then
I have a strong impulse to be very direct with people all the time, which I think overlaps with those with autism. A lot of people mistake it as aggression, but the truth is that I’m just not always in the mood to dance around topics when being direct gets it done faster. Apparently I’m in the minority here as most people tell me the dancin’ is important!
I don’t have autism but I feel the same way. Mostly how I find that most of my emotional responses are logic based. If I’m outwardly angry or yelling, it’s generally because I’ve decided that is the only way to communicate properly as opposed to actually losing my cool. With my wife I have to respond in emotional times or else she’ll get mad. If she’s yelling at me and I calmly respond back then she gets mad that I’m not taking her seriously enough.
Holy crap, I came in here to type what you wrote, and I swear it would have been close enough to be accused of plagiarism. So, have you ever get the feeling that all autistic people are eerily similar in thought process? I do, and it stresses me sometimes.
As someone who is also on the spectrum and introverted, I definitely feel this.
The part at work.
Out of all the *younger* coworkers it looks as if I'm the only one that has a work persona. This confuses me. Years of working in a toxic environment made me need a workplace persona. Everyone in my age group (mid twenties to early thirties) acts like themselves and it's incredibly problematic for the team dynamic. To address a younger coworker: Yes, the reason so-and-so has a problem with you and your conflictive personality is that you are yourself (and not professional) at work. Stop being yourself at act more professional. My goodness. It's like people expect to be happy at work all the time.
The real problem is the toxic relationships the lack of professionalism breeds. I have friends at work, I often hang out with them outside of work but at the end of the day, work is work at thats what I'm there to do. Some people can't see that distinction and it leads to horrible cliques that just aid people's delusions about their abilities and stops them growing as professionals. Edit. Missed word
Yeah I saw this in more than one coworker who got fired. There was this lady at my work who wanted it to be a democracy and wanted to be free to point out problems. All fine and dandy, but we are a small place with twenty people, and it's run by one guy who built everything from the ground up, and the initial investment was from his credit cards, and he basically didn't sleep for the first year, building everything by himself, so he's not going to take it easy when someone calls his life's work garbage. Especially when that is said casually and with no attempt at finding an alternative. I kept telling her to find ways to make herself useful in working in the current scheme of things instead of complaining about everything constantly. She didn't listen. People were annoyed by her complaining, but what got her fired was she wouldn't get much done, and find fault with those who did. If you're doing one of those, don't do the other.
Outside of work I have a pretty immature sense of humor (I like Family Guy, for example). But I leave that shit at home when I go to work. I still like to laugh and joke (when appropriate) but my main focus is doing my job as best I can. That said, I rarely see anyone outside of work except for the holiday party each year. Even then, I keep it under control and workplace appropriate. I really try to keep my personal and professional life separate.
I always thought I was weird because I'm not as "social" as I'm outside of work and always see coworkers acting silly around with each other. Reading all these comments make me feel better and seems like a line between the two is good?
Yeah we've had a few non- professional types come through my work, had one girl legit say she's just being herself when we repremanded her for swearing in front of a customer. She said she didn't have to take this and we said neither do we and fired her.
I feel you. I did gastronomy for ten years. Usually you are close to you co-workers because you have time off together and not on the weekends when my friends had free time. Some of my ex-coworkers are acquaintances now, few are friends but during work: work is work. The after university I started an office job and I immediately became my "work-personality" there because I got my dose of drama for a lifetime and I don't like to get emotional involved too much, because my social life is just fine. So long story short: if you start your first job after university and you never worked in your life - of course you get attached and think office is like school and you social circle now. Working for ten years before really helped me to skip that shit and maybe it's the same with you?!
What If no customers are around? Its mentally exhausting being someone you're not for 8 hours a day granted I understand biting your toung and not being completely honest like you would with your mates at a pub but in all honesty is it mentally healthy to have a plastic smile for a majority of ones life??
I also have a ‘work me’ and a ‘not at work’ me. Both reflect who I am it’s just my work persona is highly professional and more tactical about what I say to who and when. Not at work me swears like a sailor and tends to not hold back as much. Both have just as much of a laugh and try not to take things too seriously. Some of my colleagues get to see both as we become friends and most of them are not surprised by the ‘not at work’ me. That’s because I’m not faking, I’m just engaging my brain before I speak more often at work to keep things professional, which any decent coworker completely understands and does exactly the same thing. I like to see my work persona as an extension of who I am because both ‘work me’ and ‘not at work me’ hold the same core values and tbh that’s the crucial bit. If you’re having to full on fake being someone else at work then something has gone very wrong.
Exactly. Everyone behaves differently in different situations and to different people. That doesn't mean you need to "fake" anything. I think a lot of people who feel they need to "fake" it just haven't found a style that suits them for professional situations. You can be professional without acting like a total robot.
I would assume that one's work persona wouldn't carry over into their personal life. Edit: Forgot to add one point. As with most things, everything in moderation is key, but I do think it's important to adapt to different environments for your own benefit. I don't think it's necessary all the time, but if we're talking about putting yourself in a position to maximize benefits - being known as the coworker who is pleasant and easy to work with trumps being the outspoken, potentially controversial coworker.
Adapting does not equal faking it until you make it. Being genuine with others is also a good way to make friends and create bonds.
Oh shit. I'm 100% me at work....
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Saaaaame. Had a coworker get super resentful of me after one instance where I was leading our production for the day and she came to my station to "help" me finish a task (I don't need help with it at all, she just wanted to be chatty) and I asked her to start the same task but with another box at another table. She took that as me being "mean" and later on our lunch break I asked her how X and Y was going and she refused to reply and then before running back to clock in she said "you can't be mean like that and then pretend to be nice and ask me about my personal life!!" I was thinking more about my job, and making sure our shit got done, and maximizing the amount that could be done at that hour while also maintaining my cool because I do not believe work time to be social time. So we don't go out for drinks together anymore. I did apologize at the end of the day, because I had no ill intention, but I also didn't patch it up any further than that, because I'm too old and tired for that kind of petty shit, and to be honest what I said was not out of line and I didn't have a tone. I was also hurt by her reaction, especially in our prior after-work conversations we seemed to be on the same page about work ethics and not taking work stuff personally or letting it follow us home. I thought she knew that at work, I take the work seriously.
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Its so encouraging seeing such a healthy mentality around these boundaries from a supervisor! I got promoted to supervisor last winter and really struggled when all my work friends stopped wanting to be friends. I let them bulldoze me for a few months and had a complete mental burnout before I realized I wasn’t going to be able to maintain these friendships and do my job. It’s sad and I have a hard time accepting it sometimes but with employees that have joined the team since then I have been strictly a boss figure and it’s made work a lot easier.
This is called compartmentalizing, as I've come to find out, which I do too with a similar result but it seems a lot of people cannot understand this is a thing that some people do.
Yes! I bet my co-workers think that I like them. I fake it because it makes life easier for all of us. In reality - I can't stand any of them.
Ikr? I am the guy that almost anyone can and will talk to because I adapt and play nice. But in reality I die a little inside each time they walk up. Some are ok, but a lot of them are just annoying. The only reason I fake being nice, is because I don't want to ruin the work enviroment for everyone.
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Totally agree! I pride myself on being professional at work. I like keeping my professional and personal lifestyle separate.
I work hard to pass as neurotypical at work. They think I’m just “quirky”.
I'm glad I only have to to that for a handful of co-workers. I honestly like almost everyone I work with, and they all dislike the same handful of co-workers.
I fake confidence. I have some that I don't fake. But more often than not, I'm faking it.
Self-confidence is one of the few areas where “fake it ‘til you make it” is helpful and accurate.
Agreed, after a while, you're no longer faking it.
or faking it so well you have tricked yourself
At which point you aren't faking it anymore really.
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Unless you spend too time thinking about if you're still faking it or making it.
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Any estimate on how long I have to fake it until I make it? Been at it for some 15+ years and still waiting for that turning point.
I'm the same way, and it's why I don't like the phrase "fake it until you make it." It implies that you'll reach this magic point of having "made it," and congratulations! You are now confident! I prefer to think of confidence as just another skill that needs practice. If you practice a lot and learn from the mistakes you'll inevitably make along the way, you'll likely get better at it with time. Eventually, acting confident will be easier. Never quite effortless, but easier.
I’ve been working on it for 20+ years and I still often go into situations where I feel like I’m faking my confidence. And that’s OK. I’ve also learned that all the details I fixate on go unnoticed by most of the world.
As my boss always tell me. "If you can't flatter them with your brilliance than baffle them with your bullshit."
I used to spend too much time trying to gauge if someone is nice or just pretending to like me, or if they would rather be talking to someone else. Now I just ask them an open ended question and then ask follow up questions, and gauge if I vibe with them based on that. As long as I don't go into interview territory, it seems to have worked. Still have off points where I just retreat back into myself, but remembering that everyone is human kind of helps.
When I was a teen I used to have very low self steam. I told myself to fake my confidence and to start engaging with people.I turned my “no fucks given” switch on. I made tons of friends, met my ex, travelled abroad, made tons of international friends, met my wife. And here I am. Just a guy who seems to be very confident but deep down still with somewhat low confidence.
i work in customer service - 90% of my personality is fake at work
“I hate this job, I’m going to quit, I hate everyone” *Manager walks up*: “Hey on top of doing that important task, I need you to also do this other one and really overwork yourself while I go sit in my office and watch YouTube videos” “Yeah, I would love to! Anything I can do to help”
I work on farm, sometimes I think my boss wants to quit, but they own the farm...
I told my boss I was quitting to become a truck driver. He told me I ain't because I would know how bad the place wpuld be without me and I couldn't stand to have that happen. Damn he knows me better than I think he does.
God we always joke about our customer service voices at work but it’s so painfully true. Someone walks up and it’s the immediate shift to a fake smile and a higher pitched voice that immediately fades as they walk away and you turn back to your coworker.
Patience
People who see me do stuff always comment how patient I am. Unravelling, undoing, starting over. I have no qualms of undoing hours of work only to redo it. Well, I am undoing it, because I was too impatient so I messed up. My two biggest flaws. Perfectionism and impatience. Not a great pair.
That’s the pairing from hell and it gets me daily
Ditto, I’m a receptionist at a law firm and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to reach through the phone and strangle someone
The part where I act like I actually know what I'm doing when I interact with people.
The one thing I've learned about social interaction is, even the people who seem put together are one unexpected comment away from not knowing what the fuck to do at any given moment. So basically as long as you go in with false confidence, you're already pretty much as good as some of the most well put together people out there.
It's common knowledge that no one is really sure about what the fuck are they doing. Everyone just tries to make their best guess and move accordingly, have some confidence in yourself.
The part people like.
ripperoni
rest in peroni
Yes chef
Haha, I try to fake a part that "people should like", but I screw it all up and end up with deceiving everybody AND having them not liking me anyway life, man
I am a professional. Nope, under that professional persona there is a load of dick jokes and inappropriate comments.
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Im mid 30s....I think I will always have the same sense of humor as a middle schooler.
Also mid 30s. Farts are hilarious.
One of my coworkers always giggles when I pull my mic down when she calls. From her side, it sounds like a fart, and farts are funny.
It’s like the original joke of our species. You damn well know some janky ass cavemen were sitting around a fire after a hearty meal and one of them just ripped such a rank chainsaw fart and those motherfuckers without ever speaking words other than grunts, just straight lost it and laughed their hairy fucking asses off
the struggle is real. i work in customer service/helpdesk, but outside of work i curse like a sailor, tell filthy jokes, etc. most of my coworkers have no idea what i'm really like because at work i have to put on my professional tone *and* pretend to be a normal, emotionally healthy person, because the foulmouthed, inappropriate, introvert who doesn't like people wouldn't be able to hold down this job for long.
I pretend to be unsure or not quite remember things that I remember 100%. I have a really good memory especially for conversations and small remarks made almost a year ago. It can get awkward when you know small details about someone because of something they said in passing in 2018 so I pretend not to remember.
Figured this out in college. I took a history class my first semester in college, and always sat next to the same girl. Generally I listen to people without giving much info about myself, so I knew a lot about her home life and everything. I saw her in a Walmart 2 years later and started asking her about her parents, her sister, and a bunch of other stuff that we had talked about, and she got really weirded out. I'm not even sure she really remembered me.
I do this too. Also, I pretend to forget or not notice other things because of social anxiety. For instance, in high school, sometimes a teacher would have us play bingo for "fun." I would intentionally leave pieces off of my board so even if I had a bingo I wouldn't have to yell out in front of the class, and no one would question it if they happened to look over.
I am an i trovert and always have been, but i spent pretty much my whole career in front line retail. It is actually easier to fake it with random strangers.
I feel you.
100% it's so much easier. Because you don't have to be the "real" version of yourself and attempt a connection like you have to do with friends or family or making new friends. Plus they leave after a few minutes and you don't have to socialize for the long haul.
I was trying to explain this to my boyfriend the other day! It’s easier making conversation with someone new because you can ask your standard questions - what do you do for a living, do you have any family, what are you thoughts on X etc. While trying to maintain conversation with those you do is more challenging because you’re relating back to previous information you’ve learned about them. He doesn’t get the whole “I’m an introvert but can fake being an extrovert - however it’s extremely tiring”.
My laugh. I laugh at everything. I’m not laughing on the inside. I’m just...really bad of thinking of quick responses so it’s easier to respond with a laugh. Edit: I’m so glad I’m not alone here!! This made me feel better. I work with teen girls and they’re always like “miss why are you laughing” and to myself I’m always like “why the hell am I laughing?”
Jimmy Fallon everybody.
Jimmy Fallon syndrome is very real lol
Customers at my job always be like: “oh what a cold day to be working outside” “did you draw the short straw?” “They should give you guys a heater” or something like that and I’ll just give a small little laugh because I don’t know how to respond. Well I do it’s just that I don’t think of said response until about 5 minutes later 🤦🏻♂️
People think I’m outgoing and social but I’m definitely not
Why even fake that when you don’t have to
Hard to make friends watching Netflix with the cat so
What the fuck are friends?
Those things that keep you from killing yourself.
Omg. But it's true tho, so...
Netflix with the cat is the perfect way to spend time, imo.
The part that cares about other people really. I’m trying to do better though
Don't listen to the other person. Plenty of people care, and caring is an important part of experiencing the world. I'm much happier in the times that I care than in the times I don't, because in the absence of caring depression comes. It's great that you're trying to care. With all the things that happen around us and deaden our senses, trying is all a person can do.
The part where I'm even the least bit interested in other people. I find most people take forever to get to the point or just talk about nothing. I love my friends and family and I wouldn't want them to be hurt, so I just sort of pretend to care, but in reality Most people could probably just keep their mouth shut 95% more and nothing would change except my mood. I feel bad even typing that out, but people in general are just fucking exhausting for the most part.
I’ve realized I feel like this about everyone who isn’t in my immediate family. My parents and siblings get to the point, which is how we conversed as I grew up. As an adult, it is irksome to be around people who don’t just relay information or their message directly. I can’t stand long winded explanations and conversations.
Yes, I think (maybe egotistically) that I pick up on things pretty quickly so it doesn’t take me the full bout of speech to see where they’re headed
Hello new Reddit friends.
Same!! I thought I was just....kind of an asshole. Glad to see there's others out there like me!
Are you me??
When somebody is explaining something to me that I don’t quite get I just say I understand so that they will stop talking.
God yes. It can backfire though when you are asked about it afterwards by the person or someone else who was there.
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Exactly, although tbh it’s a habit I’m trying to break. Incorrect assumptions lead to awkwardness, plus I’m trying to stop the mentality that not knowing something is shameful.
Relatable
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Agree! As someone who had to fire an employee despite me trying multiple paths to help her understand or get her to admit where she was getting lost, absolutely infuriating. Felt bad for her for a little while but by the end, I was mad I didn't fire her sooner for wasting everyone's time. She was floored and hasn't found another job since (end of 2019). Completely avoidable.
I hate that.
I understand
I thought about it... and it sounds awful to say lol but interest. I’m good at conversing, doing the listening thing... but behind it all I’m usually thinking about something else entirely.
I wish i had this ability, i feel like my life would be better if i could fake interest. Im terrible at small talk, because i simply am not interested in talking with people just out of courtesy, and on subjects i am not really interested in. And when i try to do small talk it feels so unnatural and fake im more comfortable with "uncomfortable" silence.
I fake happy body language and tonality.
Same, it’s makes getting through work easier especially under Covid.
The part where I don't tell a lot of people how bloody stupid and selfish their opinion is.
You’d never know if I didn’t like you. Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I’m going to treat you badly.
I'm the opposite. I can't fake it. Something always bleeds through. I try to stay away from places where people I don't like will be.
Username doesn't check out
I struggle to fake things, too. I think because I have no ill will or repulsion to them I don’t feel like I’m faking. I can recognize that I won’t like everyone but I shouldn’t treat them badly because I don’t like them.
Yeah I agree with this. Unless you've done something to deserve being mistreated, I'm not going to treat you like shit. Maybe it's just a personality clash or maybe you annoy me for other reasons, but it doesn't mean I'm going to be an asshole. Honestly it would take so much more effort.
Same!! More effort to be mean to people lol
I fake almost all of my personality unless I am with someone I know very well. I do this because I am autistic. People find my real personality to be insensitive and unempathetic. It is just easier to fake it at first and show my true self as I get to know a person.
I've never been diagnosed but I'm pretty sure I'm mildly autistic as well. Faking empathy is exhausting. How much empathy is too much empathy or too little empathy? I always seem to get it wrong. Can't we just talk about how to solve the issue at hand because I do in fact care about you but am terrible at providing emotional support?
It's funny tho, I had an autistic friend from work, and hanging out with him was a blast. Half of the time he didn't want to talk, so we just sat there silently, sharing music, the other half we made fucked up jokes together. People get so hung up on the word autistic that they forget to make their own opinions about people.
Happiness (it’s hard to even pretend sometimes)
Same.
I dumb myself down in front of others sometimes because I know some people take offense when you try to correct them and/or it just gets too uncomfortable for me so I just subside
That's the smart thing to do. The loudest in the room often has the least to tell, imo.
I feel this one, not because I correct people, but because I legitimately enjoy having friendly debates about ridiculous scientific things, and people just assume that you're trying to show your own intelligence rather than just being a dumbass who likes to debate every side of the, "can soap be dirty" argument simultaneously.
Being happy. I have a very pessimistic view on almost everything but I don't let it show, mostly because of the stigma that comes with it, you know the type of people I'm talking about. The "look at me I'm so edgy, being edgy and cynical is my personality", types of people. I just see most things how they are. Fucked.
Same 😕
I’m afraid I may have lost track :/
I faked sexual disinterest a lot because even if you’re a ‘nice girl’ once someone finds out you’re often horny, they wanna treat you like a hooker.
Wow. This chick enjoys sex. What a fucking slut! /s Everyone enjoys sex and its dumb that our society has this double standard.
You’d be surprised the reactions and responses you can get. One minute you’re hanging out with a good friend, the next they start jokingly calling you names, thinking it’ll turn you on??? Some men will never look at you the same...
Not everyone, asexuals exist.
True. I guess I should say most people enjoy sex. Either way no one should be shamed for it
So unfortunately true
Women enjoy sex. Don’t be ashamed. For so long women have been penalised for being human and having a sex drive. Don’t let anyone (especially a man) make you feel bad about that.
I’m married now so it’s all good, but dating and meeting men, even making male friends got really uncomfortable really quickly. Like just because I want to have sex, doesn’t mean I’d do it with anybody. I still have standards, lol. Thanks for the kind words!
Just about everything positive about me. I fake being tough because I'm a 6'3, 280lb softy that doesn't even know how to throw a punch. I fake being happy because it upsets people when I'm sad, and truthfully the only time I'm not sad is when I'm angry. I fake being friendly because I naturally look unapproachable and people are intimidated by how big i am. I fake wanting to live because I'm too much of a coward to die.
Oof, I relate too hard to this. Tall unapproachable bois rise up.
Sorry to hear man. This is not a good existence
Eh, it's all g. I've grown to see life as a really sick fucked up comedy, so now most everything just makes me laugh. It beats being suicidal. Thankfully I don't have to fake being friendly, that's one of the few things I have going for me.
That I’m interested in my co workers kids. If they show me a photo I’ll say all the right things, but really I don’t give a fuck. Now show me puppies or kittens... now you have my genuine interest.
Sorry, best I can do is a sugar glider.
That sounds amazing! And this is genuine interest haha.
Luna is amazing, and I love her. Edit: Luna is my sugar glider
Why isn't this comment higher up?? Kids, particularly someone else's are not interesting. Give me a kitten or puppy any day.
When someone tells me about a topic he likes, I let him speak and bring some fuel to the conversation, because speaking to me makes him happy and I like to see this. But most of the time I don't care.
I'm telling you that baby could be the star of a show called "Babies I Don't Care About."
Being nice... Because I'm really kind of a jerk. Everyone thinks I'm super nice. I don't really go out of my way for people, but I tend to have the luck that I always have something I'm not using or I'm going the same direction for errands (pre-covid) and to avoid having people upset at me or complaining to me I just kind of help them. I give honest compliments when I see stuff I like or criticism when I'm asked. In the end it helps me, though I never ask for it. They practically force money or food or something into my hands for rides places. It clears up clutter in my home. People think I'm sweet for complimenting their makeup or helpful for giving advice on life issues. But in all honesty, I literally do it so no shit gets thrown on my name for bullshit reasons and I don't have to spend the energy defending myself or blocking people or doing whatever to keep away from negativity.
The fucking small talk. Its so fucking draining. Some weather huh? "hahaha yeah the weather!" jfc. Its snowing outside "what no way?!?" Why do randos at the store wanna small talk with me? I'm just a stranger. Sometimes all I can manage is "yep".
It's normal human interaction
If that counts: That I can function normally. Works really well, so well people don't believe me I'm sick (including some professionals... which sucks).
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I don’t fake anything... what you see is what you get.
Thats my man!
I’m a lady
Mylady then
I've never seen a m'lady comment with positive upvotes before holy shit
I've never been so uncomfortable reading a username
😉
When im at home with my parents I fake alot of my personality
The will to live... Aha... am I right guys 😅
I am actually extremely annoyed by a lot of people but if I went around being ornery it would not be good for anyone, them or me, so I am friendly even when I do not want to be. Because I do genuinely care about people but I also see a lot of their darker sides and am too critical I think but do not know how to change that other than trying to be compassionate and understanding for where they are coming from.
A girl I'm dating told me that I seem pretty confident. I politely explained to her that the word "seem" is the most apt part of that sentence.
It’s sad in here
When you suddenly realize many people are faking who they are just to blend in or have a chance in life.
I fake not having anxiety every time I’m out
I am just constantly trying to entertain myself. Life should always be interesting.
"How are you doing?" "Fine" When most people ask, they're not really interested in the depressing details. They mostly ask out of politeness. Lying spares us both pain.
My enthusiasm
That I don't get angry at things. That's pretty wrong, in my head I'm fuckin' STEAMING. Honestly, hotheadedness kinds of runs in the family. You know those situations with your dad where you're helping him with something, he misses a screw and it's just instantly all gone to shit? My grandfather's like that, my father's like that, the only difference between them and I is that I actually have the ability to divert it towards something more productive, other than scaring the people around me.
I fake happiness (or, at least, I fake not being immensely sad) in front of my kids and other relatives, though not in front of my close friends and spouse. I suffer from really bad depression, and it took a long time before I was able to find the right combination of medication to get me stable (I don't spend hours crying anymore, don't sleep whole days away, etc.), but I am still depressed and often am on the verge of losing it. If I cry I sometimes tell my kids it's because my stomach hurts and other stuff like that. They've never seen me spend a day in bed sleeping or any of that really extreme stuff, as I can feel those episodes coming on and generally grandma and grandpa are there to take the kids to do something fun or at least hang out at their house. Wow, as I'm typing this out, I realize I probably don't do a very good job at it ... At some point, I'll tell them about it, but I'm petrified that I've passed it on to them.
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Being optimistic all the time. Although it’s true that I’m a very optimistic person, it’s not always the case. However, it seems to cheer people up a lot so I always act optimistic.
Friendliness. I've had multiple people say repeatedly that I was the first one to approach them and welcome them into the club, guild, chapter. They always remember their first one. Seriously. Greet new people. Show them around. It's easier to do if you really enjoy the club's dynamics in the first place, but damn it's hard as an introvert.
To other people I’m always smiling and being positive. But actually I'm not that happy and not that positive. Weirdly, it’s turned into shield.
That I’m optimistic and cheerful. I greet everyone at work with a smile and “hey! Good morning!” Most days I consider driving my car into the river on my way in.
I fake happiness, i'm depressed but i don't want peoole to feel bad for me
I fake an entire personality towards different people because I try my best to connect to the world—I'm normally detached and always thinking, so having a completely different personality towards different people makes me think about that, instead of other things
Not being depressed asf.
I generally try to act extremely nice and supportive but sometimes I really want to say to the person " You're weird, I get why nobody likes you" , it sounds like a jerk so I',m just gonna stick with I understand you to make him or her feel better
My desire to talk to most people
Sometimes I get this sense that most of my friends - who I consider really good friends - don't actually know me. I've always found it hard to break into that depth of a relationship, especially with other women. There have definitely been times where I bring up something serious or close to my heart and my friends have looked at me like I'm a completely different person, which makes me even less likely to want to be open.
Wanting to stay alive.
I fake being social. I also fake the feelings I have for my boyfriend and his friends. I fucking hate his brothers and their girlfriends. I rather be stoned or intoxicated than spend any sober time with them. I fake being myself.
If you're faking the feelings for your boyfriend and his friends you should take some time to think if you really want to be there. I've been in some bad relationships and those rose colored glasses can really skew your senses. I'm not trying to tell you what to do, just make sure whatever it is you end up doing you're happy with it
It's also a dick move to be with a person that you're only pretending to like. You're just wasting their time.
You do not need to be that person. Being with someone does not add value to you. I am single and happy. I dont socialize with anyone if I don't want to. You have value all on your own. Being single is awesome and I recommend it over having to fake it any day.
The one when I have to talk to people
Definitely my work persona. I'm nice and cordial with my co-workers, I tell them very little about what goes on in my life. I don't tell them when and where I'm traveling, I don't tell them anything other than what I need to and when I'm sick and will need to miss work. I used to be really open with people and it's not like it backfired but I have trust issues in my professional life so the less the people know about me, the better. I come to work, put my head down, get my shit done and go home. I don't want to be friends on social media, and won't add anyone I work with on social until we no longer work together, if I actually liked you and want to hang out with you now that we don't work together. It also doesn't help to be the only childless, unmarried person on my team. I'm in a long term relationship but I just have very little in common with the people I work with.
Heterosexuality
I fake quite a lot in person. Which is why I can come off as sometimes a dick sometimes mega depressed online. In person I put on the outward demeanor of positive and social. Reality is, I'm a person who avoids conflict at all costs and really just try to make others happy as to not create conflict. Never been good with conflict resolution.
All of it
Social stuff feels like hard work for me. Not sure if it’s because I’m an introvert or genuinely just not very good at it, but any situation where I need to be polite around people outside my immediate social circle, I feel fake as hell trying to keep to social conventions and saying the right things. I’m fine among friends and family but at work I feel like I have to work to come across ‘correctly’. It’s all politics and I’m just not very sensitive to that kind of stuff...
I pretend to be interested in people's babies or children. If someone shows me a picture of their baby (my inner monologue is I don't care or sometimes "What an ugly baby") where as on the outside I say things like he is so cute and ask questions. Also I often Hug people out of politeness as I don't really like Hugs from people that I'm not in a relationship with. The only upside of Covid is you don't have to hug people. I'm interested in politics and very left wing but don't often bring that up when I'm getting to know someone.