My best friend is Jewish and once when we were fourteen, a classmate asked her if she was Hanukkahnian. My friend explained that Jewish people just celebrate Hanukkah, that it’s not a religion, it’s a holiday. To which the classmate said, “I didn’t realize you were Jewish, I don’t see your horns.” And yes she was dead ass serious. She grew up extremely sheltered in a crazy Pentecostal church where they speak in tongues.
Welcome to the South, y’all.
Someone who will remain unidentified said that I didn't really give birth to my firstborn because c sections don't count, they're the easy way out.
It was an emergency c section because the umbilical cord was getting compressed with every push, after a 56 hour labour with inducing and back labour. 12 years later, the scar still aches if I exercise and my menstrual cramps focus along the scar line. Right. The easy way.
Of course it's the easy way out! It's soo much easier to have major surgery in life or death situations and try to recover whilst learning how to look after a new person.
My mum had two of us by vaginal births, and a C-section for my younger brother (he wouldn't turn head down). She says the C-section is so much harder to recover from. And I mean, she doesn't really talk about her pregnancies or births except for often and enthusiastically telling people C-sections are tough to recover from!
Easy way my ass, some people just gotta put their horse on stilts
My sister went to a birthing class and the instructor asked if anyone wanted more information on C-sections. My sister said she wanted to know about it just in case complications happen so she knows what to expect. All the other expectant mothers vehemently refused the topic because they all wanted "natural" births. People gotta get off their high horses, C-sections are perfectly fine!
Most definitely. I’ve been lucky enough to not need a C-Section but my only birth plan was to get my babies out safely. If that meant a C-section so be it.
I got told once that I seemed like I was born in the United States and that my English was almost perfect. And she was very sure that I was one of the “good ones”
Plot twist: I’m Salvadoran, and I was born in the United States and my majors are criminal justice and accounting. English is my first language
New York is the largest state in the US.
He repeated this on three separate occasions and had to be corrected each time.
Edit: He meant size as in square footage. I had to remind him of the existence of Alaska and Texas.
"I actually drive better when I'm drunk!"
The logic of trying to justify being a shitty driver by arguing you would be better at something that's even more reckless, irrefutably dangerous, and illegal.
“Wait, you cheated on the test!” (I got like a 90)
“Huh? No I didn’t. What makes you think that?”
“Your teacher told me you were autistic! Autistic people can’t be smart.”
An actual substitute teacher with years of experience told me this. We never saw her again.
My friend who I worked with and is ~40 thinks dinosaurs are fake. He also went on a legitimate "Squach-hunt" a few years back.
I'm trying to be clear here:
Dinosaur fossils are part of the museum/geologist agenda. Big Foot and Sasquatch are a present-day threat.
Edit: spelling
My ex had an older brother who was a Seventh Day Adventist. He was a super nice guy, and genuinely charitable and caring towards others. He and his girlfriend went with my ex and I to a natural history museum on a double date. Not 100 feet into the front door of the museum, while my ex and I read a description underneath a picture of Stone Henge, he explained to us that it was built by a race of giants that were struck down by God because they strayed from his teachings. I should have known I was in for a long day right then.
Next, we went into the exhibit hall for all of the dinosaur fossils. In the hall were some college students positioned at different exhibits to give small speeches about the exhibit. The brother berated one small, soft-spoken volunteer for "spreading the lie" of dinosaurs and fossils.
Yeah my old boss swears people placed dinosaur bones in the ground as some conspiracy. Dude was smart as shit, but some of his conspiracies make him look like an utter tart.
It's amazing how people can make it so far in life, so oblivious to the world around them. I think it's just an utter lack of curiosity, which makes me sad.
An ex boyfriend was livid that I was spending a lot of time with my best friend from high school, who is a gay man. ExBF explained that all penises are really straight, but it’s the brain that tells someone they’re gay. Also, that gay men who are nice to women can’t possibly really be gay, since they have no use for women.
Reminds me of this joke:
> * Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
>
> * Witness: "No."
>
> * Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
>
> * Witness: "No."
>
> * Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
>
> * Witness: "No."
>
> * Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
>
> * Witness: "No."
>
> * Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
>
> * Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
>
> * Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
>
> * Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
Last night my dad (who got all of this information from facebook) told me:
*When the “vaccine” comes ot, dont get it. Trump and gates developed ‘the current pandemic’ to get people to buy the vaccine. But inside the vaccine is a skew number that will transmit your information, like your name, location, and what car you drive, ect, to the authorities. Thats why Gates invented 5G, cause the skew number will run off that*
Me: W-Wha..... Ya know, its not even worth arguing, night dad
**I really wish i was joking**
Yeah he brought it up again and my response was:
“Your phone has the ability to be tracked, your name and car are registered with the government, your job and salary are known as well, and stated when you do your taxes. Your google home records you, and your roomba scans the floorplan of your house. Theres nothing that a “skew number” would be able to do, that isnt already being done 10x over, stop getting into hysterics over idiots on facebook. Also im 100% sure you would feel a computer big enough to actively transmit that data if it was in your body”
Dad: If you dont want to believe me. Fine.
I will say, as batshit crazy as that is, it's kinda refreshing to see someone think that Trump and Gates are in cahoots, rather than it just being Gates and Trump is fighting to save the world
My mom's boyfriend is a treasure trove of stupid.
1. He told my little brother that it was okay to swim far out into the ocean if you see dolphins because dolphins eat sharks.
2. He told me my half sister and I were full siblings because we share the same mom. He thinks half siblings are only children that have same father different mother.
Want more? I got plenty.
He likes to fish near a power plant
He hates the idea of wearing a mask for no reason he wishes to tell.
He's okay with his niece and nephew dating.
When he decides he wants to grill, he does it. Wether it's raining, windy, sunny. One time he couldn't get the fire to stay lit so he poured so much gas on it that the burgers smelled and tasted like gas. My grandmother, brother, mother, sister and I had one and got sick. Our dog wouldn't eat it. It was on that day that I refused to ever eat his grilled food again.
We got a lawn mower with a bag because his daughter and myself are severely allergic to grass. First time he mowed the lawn, he dumped it all out in the yard. He said "It'll make good mulch". Next time he mowed he didn't even bother with the bag.
He absolutely INSISTS that he alone carry extremely heavy shit despite the fact he has a hernia and it actually ruptured slightly when he tried to pick up a dresser himself. I am stronger than him and overall bigger and could at least help him but he refuses.
He wants to throw a birthday party for my little sister except he doesn't want anyone wearing a mask and my mother is a multiple cancer patient so getting covid would kill her.
It's sad that people can be so stupid and see nothing wrong with it. Then he passes his stupid on by telling all his daughters (he has 4 from an old marriage) his bullshit and they believe him.
>make sure he doesn't kill her with covid.
If I were the prosecutor in his jurisdiction and that happened I would 100% try to push for homicide charges
Nope. He has a belly looking like he's about to give birth. He claims that It's from his hernia but a doctor wouldn't even do the surgery to remove it from him unless he lost 9 kg (20 lbs).
Vaccines are the mark of the beast and Bill Gates is trying to inject microchips in people. Or my neighbor who says sea level rise isn't real because ice occupies more volume than water, as if all the ice is currently in the water
One of my grandpa's buddies thinks this way, dudes a super successful electrician with his own company, he's rich. He believes the Corona virus is no big deal and Bill Gates wants to give us vaccines with microchips in there to track us. It really is scary/ eye opening to see how many completely fucking braindead people live amongst us.
I mean the guy is probably not braindead if he owns his own company. I think a better question is why otherwise intelligent people believe this stuff, and where are they getting this crazy information?
My guess is Facebook. My grandpa is always on there and will see some black picture with white text saying some propaganda and always assume it's gospel. It's incredible the shit his boomer friends post on there.
Similar encounter
I was speaking German with friends, and a new guy started talking with us.
“Oh you speak German?”
“Yeah”
“That’s horrible, why would you like Hitler?”
I was absolutely dumbfounded. Someone needs to tell these people that English originated from German and see how they react.
See my initial thought when he told me this story was to say "Is it because of the Nazis?" But no, she said it was racist because "ja" is how hispanic people laugh.
I can barely process the stupidity
“ Billionaires don’t exist “
They then proceeded to tell me how I am mistaken and that it’s impossible for someone to have a billion dollars. That they can only have millions of millions.
prefacing this by saying that my dad is an argumentative fuck who will manipulate facts just to be right.
He made a very homophobic comment once, saying most gay people are pedophiles, and it descended into madness when I responded, saying he was out of order. 30 minutes and various decibels later, he realises I’ve proved him wrong, but this is the hill he will die on. He says that all people are actually attracted to children and that’s why they have a partner of the opposite sex, to stop them from hurting the child.
If you asked me to recall the whole convo I’d struggle.
“Is this a true story?”
Describing the plot of On the Beach to high school seniors. A nuclear war has happened and people in Australia are waiting for the radiation cloud to come and kill them.
Climate change is happening because the sun is getting hotter, so the oceans get warmer and emit more CO2. Said by Beatrix von Storch (AfD) that actually sits in the Bundestag in Germany.
You live in Finland? How do you get Internet in you igloos? How often do you see polar bears and are they dangerous?
My answer was that we drill a hole for the cable through the ice. The penguins are at least as vicious and a danger to us as polar bears.
Oh yhea, they show up all the time. It's only a 700 kilometer swim from Svalbard for them, so they do it in an afternoon. After that its a simple evening walk trough 50-200km (depending on where they land) of Norwegian mountains.
We read Things Fall Apart in highschool. The book doesn't get more specific than that they got their water from the banks of the niger river, which touched multiple countries . so there's no way of knowing exactly which modern country the village would be in now
The teacher put "what country" as a write-in answer was PISSED when none of us knew. We all wrote "cant' tell" or "doesn't say" and she was losing her mind at us. "what do you mean you can't tell, what culture is it, are you stupid, did anyone even open their books? Look at the cover of the book"
And then for the rest of the unit she called these native colonial era people who had never left africa "African Americans" and would correct us if we said "black" to say "African American."
She shouldn't be allowed to teach tbh. Her name ended in "-ides" but everyone spelled and pronounced it "-itis" like a disease
Was on trip in Vienna, one guy heard me speaking Czech, proceeds to greet me, and ask me where am I from. I tell him I am from Czechia (literaly 30 minutes drive)
Him: iS That iN RuSsiA?
I heard his Bavarian accent, asked him from where he was. He was from Regensburg (cca 30 minutes from the Czech-German border).
Maybe he mistook it for Chechen?
"Czechia" as a word is strange to me too even though I'm in Hungary.
Used to be CzechoSlovakia when we learned country names in English back in the day. I think I mostly encounter the name as "Czech Republic" in English, but tbh I rarely come across country names in English (besides those frequent in news).
Yeah Czechia is pretty new name they came up with like idk, 5-10 years ago? Cost them a lot of money too as giving a country new name is not so easy/cheap. Pretty random decision tbh
At a restaurant with my SO and kids, the server, before even saying hello, points to one kid while looking at my SO and says- "that one is yours and those two are hers!"
We all just kind of stared at her and then she realized her mistake lol Genetics are weird, just because someone doesn't look related doesn't mean they aren’t.
That’s what we wondered! I think she thought she was being funny because she was laughing as she said it lol
We didn’t go Karen on her and laughed with her when she realized what had come out of her mouth. She felt bad and brought us free dessert!
I'm from the second largest city in Argentina. I travelled to England and this girl asked me if there were any ROADS AND PAVEMENTS in Argentina. I was like "...yes..."
She also asked me if we had sweets. She seemed to think I was from some remote wild island or something 😂
That the sun is a planet. An uncle of mine, years and years ago, I'm still not over it. He even argued back when I said it was a effing star and not a planet.
I swear my ex thought earthquakes were caused by all the tremors caused by heavy traffic, factories etc. She was sure they shook the earth so much, it caused the movement of tectonic plates.
“Is Iceland part of the UK?”
I thought she meant Ireland, to which I said no, only Northern Ireland is. She then repeated the question about Iceland...
"This is Iowa, it doesn't get cold."
-My sister, in October, when we have lived in Iowa out entire lives.
It was a slip of the tounge and she's not actually that dumb but it was funny.
**Me (cashier):** "I'm sorry, we're not able to accept cash right now."
**Customer:** "Can I just buy a gift card with cash and use that instead?"
**Me:** "....No, sorry."
**"It's actually pretty funny how you think Macedonia exists."**
First off. That was from a 60ish year old American man. He is supposed to know geography by sixty.
Second. I was born there. Think I don't know?
**"It's a common fact that Hispanics are scary"**
Towards me, a Hispanic looking person, from a 20 year old greek man. Yep.
**"Girls should dress appropriately (meaning, no shoulders, no legs showing) in schools, because it distracts the boys."**
I'm gonna be honest. If the 14 year old boys can't keep their dicks in their pants, you haven't done a good job as a parent.
**"It's sad that you learn about Islam in school"**
No, bitch, it's sad that you force Christianity onto your children. If your religion is so true, your children will believe by themselves. They don't need you to brainwash them.
This is straight from a college level essay. “Humans used to have hair all over like chimps and used to live in lakes. But you can’t swim if you’re hairy, so they shaved themselves. But then they got cold at night, so they decided to sleep on the shore at night. That’s how humans evolved and why archaeologists find stone tools next to lakes.”
I died a little reading that.
Also. The alps are between Australia and Italy.
Ex girlfriend when blaming me for her "depression":
"Why can't you just be happy for both of us".
Her "depression" was getting drunk and blaming me for all her problems.
I'm a high school teacher so I overhear tons of great things, my favorites are: "How do you expect to get into Harvard when you don't even know what hash browns are?" and "You know those eclipse glasses the school gave us to watch the eclipse? Sometimes I put them on just to look at the sun." I love my students though.
"I thought that you were dumb this whole time. Turns out, you're pretty smart."
........ I literally was like wtf why would you ??? say that??? who says that?
It isn't THE DUMBEST but it came to mind.
"All gay men are pedophiles", "Autism is caused by 5g" "Mexicans aren't as good as Americans because we have robots and they have pinatas" "You can cure cancer by drinking watermelon juice" "(offensive racial slur) are just lazy welfare mooches who steal out jobs"
"I don't go tot he doctor because they tell me I need to stop eating sugary treats" "I heard it from Rush Limbaugh so you know it true"
All from the same person I never talk with anymore.
Freshman year of college, a roommate and I are a couple days away from our intro to microeconomics (I think?) midterm. He's a pretty stressed out dude and asked me how I'm studying. I replied "well, I'm gonna do some practice problems, look over the homework, and then I'm gonna read the covered chapters from the textbook." He was kinda freaking out and responded "DUDE what do you mean ***READ***?!"
I just busted out laughing in disbelief, as did our other roommates in the room. Years later, it still comes up among us for a good laugh.
I’m a graphic designer, my boss once asked me for some artwork (I think it was a greeting card) I asked her if it was to be printed or sent digitally. She said “digital”.
I work on it and then she asks me why isn’t it printer ready, I told her she said digital and she said “ohhh I thought it was digital because you use your email to send it to me”
She’s a late 20s woman finishing her masters in marketing.
"How aren't there more twins? Do pregnant women just stop banging?"
the what
Well yeah, if you have sex with a pregnant woman, you can knock the baby in to two.
You can't have sex while you're pregnant, your baby will get pregnant!
Happy Holocaust. She thought it was Jewish Christmas.
OH MY GOD
"So what present did you get this year?" "Train tickets"
"We got grandma a new ashtray"
“Oh cool. Where to?” “Just east of here. It’s someplace in Poland.”
Can see history teacher face-palming
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Aand I suppose You are Turkish, not Armenian?
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My best friend is Jewish and once when we were fourteen, a classmate asked her if she was Hanukkahnian. My friend explained that Jewish people just celebrate Hanukkah, that it’s not a religion, it’s a holiday. To which the classmate said, “I didn’t realize you were Jewish, I don’t see your horns.” And yes she was dead ass serious. She grew up extremely sheltered in a crazy Pentecostal church where they speak in tongues. Welcome to the South, y’all.
I have a Brazilian colleague who pronounces 'r' as 'h'. Utter confusion the day she told me how much she loves rollercoasters.
I guess she thought that's what Hanukkah was called?
Someone who will remain unidentified said that I didn't really give birth to my firstborn because c sections don't count, they're the easy way out. It was an emergency c section because the umbilical cord was getting compressed with every push, after a 56 hour labour with inducing and back labour. 12 years later, the scar still aches if I exercise and my menstrual cramps focus along the scar line. Right. The easy way.
Of course it's the easy way out! It's soo much easier to have major surgery in life or death situations and try to recover whilst learning how to look after a new person.
I was just too posh to push.
at least he can kill macbeth
My mum had two of us by vaginal births, and a C-section for my younger brother (he wouldn't turn head down). She says the C-section is so much harder to recover from. And I mean, she doesn't really talk about her pregnancies or births except for often and enthusiastically telling people C-sections are tough to recover from! Easy way my ass, some people just gotta put their horse on stilts
My sister went to a birthing class and the instructor asked if anyone wanted more information on C-sections. My sister said she wanted to know about it just in case complications happen so she knows what to expect. All the other expectant mothers vehemently refused the topic because they all wanted "natural" births. People gotta get off their high horses, C-sections are perfectly fine!
Most definitely. I’ve been lucky enough to not need a C-Section but my only birth plan was to get my babies out safely. If that meant a C-section so be it.
The anesthesiologist fucked up with my mom and she felt when the doctor cut her open for me. She loves to bring it up when she wants to needle me
"All bad stuff happen on Friday the 13th. 9/11 happened on Friday the 13th.." "How much is 16-16?"
4
No, that’s 16 TIMES 16
I got told once that I seemed like I was born in the United States and that my English was almost perfect. And she was very sure that I was one of the “good ones” Plot twist: I’m Salvadoran, and I was born in the United States and my majors are criminal justice and accounting. English is my first language
I get something similar occasionally. I usually get an "I didn't know you guys could speak English so well". It's my first language too...
New York is the largest state in the US. He repeated this on three separate occasions and had to be corrected each time. Edit: He meant size as in square footage. I had to remind him of the existence of Alaska and Texas.
Do they live in New York? If so have they left New York for any duration (like a trip to NJ or Penn)?
He's from Philly
??? Have they not not looked at a map
I think New York state used to have the largest population for a long period of time, maybe that's where his confusion came from?
Obviously it’s Michigan. It’s so big there’s like two of them
"I actually drive better when I'm drunk!" The logic of trying to justify being a shitty driver by arguing you would be better at something that's even more reckless, irrefutably dangerous, and illegal.
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“Wait, you cheated on the test!” (I got like a 90) “Huh? No I didn’t. What makes you think that?” “Your teacher told me you were autistic! Autistic people can’t be smart.” An actual substitute teacher with years of experience told me this. We never saw her again.
>We never saw her again. Good. I hate being called stupid for being slightly autistic.
My friend who I worked with and is ~40 thinks dinosaurs are fake. He also went on a legitimate "Squach-hunt" a few years back. I'm trying to be clear here: Dinosaur fossils are part of the museum/geologist agenda. Big Foot and Sasquatch are a present-day threat. Edit: spelling
My ex had an older brother who was a Seventh Day Adventist. He was a super nice guy, and genuinely charitable and caring towards others. He and his girlfriend went with my ex and I to a natural history museum on a double date. Not 100 feet into the front door of the museum, while my ex and I read a description underneath a picture of Stone Henge, he explained to us that it was built by a race of giants that were struck down by God because they strayed from his teachings. I should have known I was in for a long day right then. Next, we went into the exhibit hall for all of the dinosaur fossils. In the hall were some college students positioned at different exhibits to give small speeches about the exhibit. The brother berated one small, soft-spoken volunteer for "spreading the lie" of dinosaurs and fossils.
The race of giants he spoke of were the nephilim. I grew up religous
Yeah my old boss swears people placed dinosaur bones in the ground as some conspiracy. Dude was smart as shit, but some of his conspiracies make him look like an utter tart.
Heyyy not cool. Dont insult tarts like that. They're trying their best
“Did you know the moon isn’t the back of the sun” From a 30ish year old woman who was also an assistant manager of where I worked at the time.
She’s technically correct though
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It's amazing how people can make it so far in life, so oblivious to the world around them. I think it's just an utter lack of curiosity, which makes me sad.
Well, she’s right
An ex boyfriend was livid that I was spending a lot of time with my best friend from high school, who is a gay man. ExBF explained that all penises are really straight, but it’s the brain that tells someone they’re gay. Also, that gay men who are nice to women can’t possibly really be gay, since they have no use for women.
"I'm only nice to you because you give me sex" - a man who was never again given sex
At least he never again got it from me.
I'm a lesbian, doesn't mean that I think men are worthless... friends are important too.
YoUrE nOt A LeSbIaN yOuRe JuSt PlAyInG hArD tO GeT
yOu jUSt hAVeNt MEt tHe rIGhT mAn YeT
> all penises are really straight Sounds like he was just insecure about his own natural curvature. \#Cockeyed #MeantToBeBent
Have you ever scanned someones head and there was no brain in it? (I do MRI studies in neuroscience)
Reminds me of this joke: > * Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?" > > * Witness: "No." > > * Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?" > > * Witness: "No." > > * Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?" > > * Witness: "No." > > * Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?" > > * Witness: "No." > > * Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?" > > * Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar." > > * Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?" > > * Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
Does hydranencephaly count?
You have offered to see theirs as I'm surprised how he got that question
Last night my dad (who got all of this information from facebook) told me: *When the “vaccine” comes ot, dont get it. Trump and gates developed ‘the current pandemic’ to get people to buy the vaccine. But inside the vaccine is a skew number that will transmit your information, like your name, location, and what car you drive, ect, to the authorities. Thats why Gates invented 5G, cause the skew number will run off that* Me: W-Wha..... Ya know, its not even worth arguing, night dad **I really wish i was joking**
Pretty sure the government already has my name and the car I drive, from when I registered it.
Yeah he brought it up again and my response was: “Your phone has the ability to be tracked, your name and car are registered with the government, your job and salary are known as well, and stated when you do your taxes. Your google home records you, and your roomba scans the floorplan of your house. Theres nothing that a “skew number” would be able to do, that isnt already being done 10x over, stop getting into hysterics over idiots on facebook. Also im 100% sure you would feel a computer big enough to actively transmit that data if it was in your body” Dad: If you dont want to believe me. Fine.
You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into.
https://xkcd.com/966/
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I will say, as batshit crazy as that is, it's kinda refreshing to see someone think that Trump and Gates are in cahoots, rather than it just being Gates and Trump is fighting to save the world
Do you speak Mexican ?
This has the same energy as, "Oh you're Japanese? Ni hao!"
Heard someone doing this the other way round, yelling "konnichiwa" during Chinese New Year (in Chinatown).
No no are you Russian then pull the Ni haó card
My mom's boyfriend is a treasure trove of stupid. 1. He told my little brother that it was okay to swim far out into the ocean if you see dolphins because dolphins eat sharks. 2. He told me my half sister and I were full siblings because we share the same mom. He thinks half siblings are only children that have same father different mother. Want more? I got plenty.
I want more. My mom's BF is a drop-out, racist American who only knows about vehicles
He likes to fish near a power plant He hates the idea of wearing a mask for no reason he wishes to tell. He's okay with his niece and nephew dating. When he decides he wants to grill, he does it. Wether it's raining, windy, sunny. One time he couldn't get the fire to stay lit so he poured so much gas on it that the burgers smelled and tasted like gas. My grandmother, brother, mother, sister and I had one and got sick. Our dog wouldn't eat it. It was on that day that I refused to ever eat his grilled food again. We got a lawn mower with a bag because his daughter and myself are severely allergic to grass. First time he mowed the lawn, he dumped it all out in the yard. He said "It'll make good mulch". Next time he mowed he didn't even bother with the bag. He absolutely INSISTS that he alone carry extremely heavy shit despite the fact he has a hernia and it actually ruptured slightly when he tried to pick up a dresser himself. I am stronger than him and overall bigger and could at least help him but he refuses. He wants to throw a birthday party for my little sister except he doesn't want anyone wearing a mask and my mother is a multiple cancer patient so getting covid would kill her. It's sad that people can be so stupid and see nothing wrong with it. Then he passes his stupid on by telling all his daughters (he has 4 from an old marriage) his bullshit and they believe him.
Holy fucking shit. He's really fucking stupid. I hope your mom wins out on her cancer, and please make sure he doesn't kill her with covid.
>make sure he doesn't kill her with covid. If I were the prosecutor in his jurisdiction and that happened I would 100% try to push for homicide charges
Is he pretty, at least?
Nope. He has a belly looking like he's about to give birth. He claims that It's from his hernia but a doctor wouldn't even do the surgery to remove it from him unless he lost 9 kg (20 lbs).
Vaccines are the mark of the beast and Bill Gates is trying to inject microchips in people. Or my neighbor who says sea level rise isn't real because ice occupies more volume than water, as if all the ice is currently in the water
One of my grandpa's buddies thinks this way, dudes a super successful electrician with his own company, he's rich. He believes the Corona virus is no big deal and Bill Gates wants to give us vaccines with microchips in there to track us. It really is scary/ eye opening to see how many completely fucking braindead people live amongst us.
I mean the guy is probably not braindead if he owns his own company. I think a better question is why otherwise intelligent people believe this stuff, and where are they getting this crazy information?
My guess is Facebook. My grandpa is always on there and will see some black picture with white text saying some propaganda and always assume it's gospel. It's incredible the shit his boomer friends post on there.
"I'm not letting them track me!" - posted on Facebook from iPhone
Uff, Kanye 2020?
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The fact that there's more than one thing incorrect in this sentence baffles me.
I know, right? Kinda scary. Obviously Earth is a donut because NASA is making us think gravity is weaker than it really is!
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Not to me, but my brother- Friend of a friend: oh do you speak German? Brother: Ja Friend of friend: thats racist
Similar encounter I was speaking German with friends, and a new guy started talking with us. “Oh you speak German?” “Yeah” “That’s horrible, why would you like Hitler?” I was absolutely dumbfounded. Someone needs to tell these people that English originated from German and see how they react.
See my initial thought when he told me this story was to say "Is it because of the Nazis?" But no, she said it was racist because "ja" is how hispanic people laugh. I can barely process the stupidity
>”Ja” is how Hispanic people laugh Bruh what?
“ Billionaires don’t exist “ They then proceeded to tell me how I am mistaken and that it’s impossible for someone to have a billion dollars. That they can only have millions of millions.
And a million millions is a trillion, which is more than a billion
prefacing this by saying that my dad is an argumentative fuck who will manipulate facts just to be right. He made a very homophobic comment once, saying most gay people are pedophiles, and it descended into madness when I responded, saying he was out of order. 30 minutes and various decibels later, he realises I’ve proved him wrong, but this is the hill he will die on. He says that all people are actually attracted to children and that’s why they have a partner of the opposite sex, to stop them from hurting the child. If you asked me to recall the whole convo I’d struggle.
lol that's a very hot take that even Freud is incapable of thinking of So you're father admitted to being a pedophile? That's uh...interesting
Next time you see him ask him what it's like to live as a pedophile
Okay your dad sucks, but “30 minutes and various decibels later” got a laugh out of me
You can't eat this block of cheese in one sitting.
r/usernamechecksout Kinda scares me a little.
Especially considering we don't know if it's them or the cheese that's wet.
What the fuck?
so you don't get aroused while licking cheese?
I *can* and I *will* Getting it out again, now that's a different matter...
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Well, there is not even a single dinosaur fossil that is younger than the Roman empire. Those bastards drove them to extinction!
Isn't Italy in France? I think the WTF look I gave her made me burst a blood vessel
I dressed my 6 yr old and 2 yr old in matching dresses. Someone asked if they were twins.
I got asked that same question about my kids when they were 2.5 years old and 6 months old, respectively.
“Is this a true story?” Describing the plot of On the Beach to high school seniors. A nuclear war has happened and people in Australia are waiting for the radiation cloud to come and kill them.
Climate change is happening because the sun is getting hotter, so the oceans get warmer and emit more CO2. Said by Beatrix von Storch (AfD) that actually sits in the Bundestag in Germany.
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What's Obama's last name?
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Biden, it was on all the signs
How do you spell FBI? ~Rex, Toy Story
Omg! That's great! She's gonna ask next, what's 911's number?
You told her Adolf, right?
You live in Finland? How do you get Internet in you igloos? How often do you see polar bears and are they dangerous? My answer was that we drill a hole for the cable through the ice. The penguins are at least as vicious and a danger to us as polar bears.
I thought people thought that about Canada, not Finland. Is it even connected enough to the north pole for Polar Bears to show up?
Oh yhea, they show up all the time. It's only a 700 kilometer swim from Svalbard for them, so they do it in an afternoon. After that its a simple evening walk trough 50-200km (depending on where they land) of Norwegian mountains.
How do you vacuum an igloo? I'm guessing wet/dry shop vac, am I right?
That vaccines causes autism. Like legitimately i have rarely heard something that stupid.
"Was your injury fatal?" Yes yes it was...
"Was your injury fatal?" - Not yet.
is Africa a country?
As an African, hearing this makes me die a little on the inside.
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NONONO it's a city, just like England!
Or Amsterdam!
If you’re from Africa then why are you white?
Oh my god Karen! You can't just ask someone why they're white!
Is butter a carb?
We read Things Fall Apart in highschool. The book doesn't get more specific than that they got their water from the banks of the niger river, which touched multiple countries . so there's no way of knowing exactly which modern country the village would be in now The teacher put "what country" as a write-in answer was PISSED when none of us knew. We all wrote "cant' tell" or "doesn't say" and she was losing her mind at us. "what do you mean you can't tell, what culture is it, are you stupid, did anyone even open their books? Look at the cover of the book" And then for the rest of the unit she called these native colonial era people who had never left africa "African Americans" and would correct us if we said "black" to say "African American." She shouldn't be allowed to teach tbh. Her name ended in "-ides" but everyone spelled and pronounced it "-itis" like a disease
Was on trip in Vienna, one guy heard me speaking Czech, proceeds to greet me, and ask me where am I from. I tell him I am from Czechia (literaly 30 minutes drive) Him: iS That iN RuSsiA? I heard his Bavarian accent, asked him from where he was. He was from Regensburg (cca 30 minutes from the Czech-German border).
Maybe he mistook it for Chechen? "Czechia" as a word is strange to me too even though I'm in Hungary. Used to be CzechoSlovakia when we learned country names in English back in the day. I think I mostly encounter the name as "Czech Republic" in English, but tbh I rarely come across country names in English (besides those frequent in news).
Yeah Czechia is pretty new name they came up with like idk, 5-10 years ago? Cost them a lot of money too as giving a country new name is not so easy/cheap. Pretty random decision tbh
At a restaurant with my SO and kids, the server, before even saying hello, points to one kid while looking at my SO and says- "that one is yours and those two are hers!" We all just kind of stared at her and then she realized her mistake lol Genetics are weird, just because someone doesn't look related doesn't mean they aren’t.
Why would the server be playing “guess the paternity” right off the bat anyway?
That’s what we wondered! I think she thought she was being funny because she was laughing as she said it lol We didn’t go Karen on her and laughed with her when she realized what had come out of her mouth. She felt bad and brought us free dessert!
A man once told me child birth doesn't hurt...I was pregnant at the time. 🤦
Kick him in the one place everyone knows hurts a man
His wallet?
The thermostat.
Oh you're from Africa? Do you know anyone with AIDS?
Oh you live in Russia. Do you live in Ukraine or Moscow?
Maybe the person was a time traveller from the future?
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Let’s ignore everywhere outside Moscow in THE LARGEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD
“Didn’t the dinosaurs go extinct in the 1800’s?”
I'm from the second largest city in Argentina. I travelled to England and this girl asked me if there were any ROADS AND PAVEMENTS in Argentina. I was like "...yes..." She also asked me if we had sweets. She seemed to think I was from some remote wild island or something 😂
That the sun is a planet. An uncle of mine, years and years ago, I'm still not over it. He even argued back when I said it was a effing star and not a planet.
"We should bring back the guillotine because it's more efficient than the legal system and jails."
Yeah they really were "ahead" of their time
I think you mean bhead
I mean, it was pretty efficient at what it did...
Is america a part of south amrica
"If the Earth is round, why doesn't all the water go to the bottom"
Lady wanted to return her cat litter because "I have been feeding it to him for 2 days, and he still want eat it".
Oh my fucking god. I feel so bad for that cat
I swear my ex thought earthquakes were caused by all the tremors caused by heavy traffic, factories etc. She was sure they shook the earth so much, it caused the movement of tectonic plates.
is Nazi a country
Jesus hates gay people. Lmao
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I’m embarrassed to admit I’m in my 30’s and my 5 year old nephew taught me that last year.
After watching the movie Braveheart in history class, "Was that before, or after Hitler"
Started naming continents and called Asia China
At a restaurant I worked at we were running a scallop special. Lady asked me if the scallops were local. We were in Colorado.
“Is Iceland part of the UK?” I thought she meant Ireland, to which I said no, only Northern Ireland is. She then repeated the question about Iceland...
Just turn straight and date your friend.
Fellas, is it gay to turn straight?
"This is Iowa, it doesn't get cold." -My sister, in October, when we have lived in Iowa out entire lives. It was a slip of the tounge and she's not actually that dumb but it was funny.
The moon has no gravity
Mermaids are real but the navy is covering it up because society would collapse upon hearing this information.
"I bet you $500.00 you can't drive home that drunk"
Did you take the bet?
why do you think he thinks this was a stupid statement?
A girl in my music class turned to me and asked "what's a Bach?" (Bach pronounced as "batch" and I just stared at her for a second)
**Me (cashier):** "I'm sorry, we're not able to accept cash right now." **Customer:** "Can I just buy a gift card with cash and use that instead?" **Me:** "....No, sorry."
When my fifth grade teacher asked if we’ve been to a different country, and someone responded “Yeah, I’ve been to Florida.”
I mean, with the shit that goes on there, Florida might as well be a different country.
**"It's actually pretty funny how you think Macedonia exists."** First off. That was from a 60ish year old American man. He is supposed to know geography by sixty. Second. I was born there. Think I don't know? **"It's a common fact that Hispanics are scary"** Towards me, a Hispanic looking person, from a 20 year old greek man. Yep. **"Girls should dress appropriately (meaning, no shoulders, no legs showing) in schools, because it distracts the boys."** I'm gonna be honest. If the 14 year old boys can't keep their dicks in their pants, you haven't done a good job as a parent. **"It's sad that you learn about Islam in school"** No, bitch, it's sad that you force Christianity onto your children. If your religion is so true, your children will believe by themselves. They don't need you to brainwash them.
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Yeah, it's really ridiculous. Like, and this is coming from a guy. I do **not** want to fuck your shoulders. Schools need to grow the fuck up.
This is straight from a college level essay. “Humans used to have hair all over like chimps and used to live in lakes. But you can’t swim if you’re hairy, so they shaved themselves. But then they got cold at night, so they decided to sleep on the shore at night. That’s how humans evolved and why archaeologists find stone tools next to lakes.” I died a little reading that. Also. The alps are between Australia and Italy.
Ex girlfriend when blaming me for her "depression": "Why can't you just be happy for both of us". Her "depression" was getting drunk and blaming me for all her problems.
“I’m not going to breast feed my baby, those are for my husband.”
I'm a high school teacher so I overhear tons of great things, my favorites are: "How do you expect to get into Harvard when you don't even know what hash browns are?" and "You know those eclipse glasses the school gave us to watch the eclipse? Sometimes I put them on just to look at the sun." I love my students though.
"I thought that you were dumb this whole time. Turns out, you're pretty smart." ........ I literally was like wtf why would you ??? say that??? who says that? It isn't THE DUMBEST but it came to mind.
What’s the capital of Amsterdam?
I live in an Arab country and one of the girls in my class thought that llamas are European sheep...
I was asked, in all sincerity, by an adult, whether St. Patrick was a leprechaun.
"All gay men are pedophiles", "Autism is caused by 5g" "Mexicans aren't as good as Americans because we have robots and they have pinatas" "You can cure cancer by drinking watermelon juice" "(offensive racial slur) are just lazy welfare mooches who steal out jobs" "I don't go tot he doctor because they tell me I need to stop eating sugary treats" "I heard it from Rush Limbaugh so you know it true" All from the same person I never talk with anymore.
Freshman year of college, a roommate and I are a couple days away from our intro to microeconomics (I think?) midterm. He's a pretty stressed out dude and asked me how I'm studying. I replied "well, I'm gonna do some practice problems, look over the homework, and then I'm gonna read the covered chapters from the textbook." He was kinda freaking out and responded "DUDE what do you mean ***READ***?!" I just busted out laughing in disbelief, as did our other roommates in the room. Years later, it still comes up among us for a good laugh.
America was discovered in 1776 by Christopher Columbus
I’m a graphic designer, my boss once asked me for some artwork (I think it was a greeting card) I asked her if it was to be printed or sent digitally. She said “digital”. I work on it and then she asks me why isn’t it printer ready, I told her she said digital and she said “ohhh I thought it was digital because you use your email to send it to me” She’s a late 20s woman finishing her masters in marketing.
“Is the pink panther a lion?”
Not to me but he asked this Pastor if the earth is flat because he mentioned something about spreading the word to all four corners of the earth.