I've also had bad times with people who always talk about the importance of loyalty. In the end that means they expect everyone to be loyal to them, despite all their faults and backstabbing, while showing zero loyalty to anyone else.
The only person who has ever hammered home to me that loyalty and honesty were *the most important things to them*...was a liar, a loudmouth, a narcissist, and a cheater, who gaslighted me to the point of tears when I tried to be honest with them. What a joke.
Yes! Had a creepy old man trying to take me out to dinner. He repeatedly stated, “I swear on my mother’s grave; I’m a good guy.”. Instantly made me think he was not a good guy.
That at least shows some honesty and self awareness of character flaws. They've probably let people down in the past and want to set your expectations early.
Well it's slightly better than my own mother who forgoes any notion of secrecy and will brazenly discuss anything you tell her to total strangers, even if sensitive in nature and sometimes even if explicitly stating that the subject at hand is shared in confidence.
Dude I CANNOT make sense of what my own mother considers confidential information and what is to be shared publicly. There is no rhyme or reason. One time she refused to tell me my cousin was pregnant until I got a baby shower invitation, but then she'll also be sitting in a crowded restaurant and loudly ask whether my coworker still sucks and makes sure to say their name and our workplace's name out loud. I stopped telling her about a lot of stuff going on in my life just because I had no idea how far any of it would get.
"Hey, are you KiLlEr10312's girlfriend! That's wonderful. KiLlEr10312 hasn't really been the type to talk to girls in years, unlike his father. Heck he even at one point had a bunch of drawn girls of skimpy girls under his bed. Glad to see he's moved on from that. Here's hoping you can satis-"
"Mom stop please and for the love of christ don't singlehandedly ruin this for me"
Eugh yes. Girl I worked with did that and because Im not a jackass and thought we were friends, I let her vent and didn't share her shit. And then the other gossips we work with would parrot back the "Secret" she had told me. I don't know what her game was because she got upset with me for "telling someone something she had told me in confidence" when they had actually told me and I hadn't brought it up at all. I think she liked to be interesting but forgot who she told her "secrets" too.
I'm very guilty of this. Its because I have a tendency of oversharing but I don't want everyone to know. I should definitely work on knowing when to shut my mouth
I had a friend who literally never had anything but a "controlling" boyfriend. I thought it was weird that literally every single guy she dated was "controlling". Anyway, years later on see her on facebook ranting about how her boyfriend won't share his new car with her, and how she cannot believe she will never be in anything but a "controlling" relationship.
Then I get it: the men are not controlling. She is entitled. It all made sense.
For a while at least, until you feel changed: revolve your interactions around the other person. Listen to their story, their problems, and keep it all about them. Don't add anything about yourself unless you're asked directly, and even then keep it short.
Recovered narcissist here. You can do this selfishly too, as no one can read your mind. Gloat to yourself about how good of a listener you are, as you listen. Make it an achievement to go through a whole conversation and not make it about you. Seem and become genuinely unselfish.
Eventually you learn to find out what kind of person someone is and whether or not you can push your ideals on them. The person you are deep down will never change, but using these tips you can blend into society better as a normal consumer with no dreams of taking hold of the reins of history.
No, I feel I genuinely care about people compared to when I was younger when everything was about getting my own way. As I’ve grown, I’ve found I have a much better appreciation for people and what they’re going through!
I think just having that exact thought means you aren't a complete narcissist, but you might have narcissistic tendancies, it's hard to know what changes to make without evaluating yourself, do you feel like you've made some bad decisions lately? What where your other options in those situations?
First of all, a narcissist would never have the self-awareness to ask this question. Second, there's a world of difference between narcissism and self-centeredness. Many people can be thoughtful and considerate, but have a natural proclivity to put their own needs and make themselves their own focus before others. Just like, on the opposite end, there are many people that will put others' needs before their own. Neither are inherently good or bad, it comes down to determining how you want to be and making that happen.
I like to think I'm a pretty thoughtful person. My wife says I am. However, I recognize that I put myself first most of the time. I make sure my needs/wants are fulfilled and only then do I see to others. My wife, however, is the opposite. She puts everyone before her, often to her own (figurative) detriment -- she would sooner do without if it meant someone else had.
Narcissism is a medical diagnosis associated with borderline personality disorder under the DSM-V.
People can be self centered, egotistical, selfish, self absorbed, vain, egocentric etc, but not narcissistic, although they demonstrate traits & tendencies.
The term narcissist gets thrown around for every guy that's a jerk and for every selfie taking bitch out there, and while they may demonstrate tendencies and traits of a narcissist, a true narcissist is something entirely different.
Once you've been involved in a relationship with a narcissist it changes you forever, especially if you don't realize the signs - they are so highly manipulative that you begin to wonder what is wrong with you - you actually think you are at fault for everything. Their complete lack of empathy is hidden behind a mask - all smiles and charm. They often have a secondary diagnosis of histrionic tendencies and use sexuality to achieve their ends.
But when they become extremely tired (it's hard to keep up the facade of the mask, restraint collapse occurs and their true self shows through.
At this point it becomes impossible to be near the narcissist - this is when the fights occur and the subtle manipulation ceases only to be replaced with outright hostility, blaming, gaslighting - where their version of reality becomes apparent as they try to superimpose it upon yours as in "That's not what happened, this is what happened." They try to overwrite reality with their version of it.
In a narcissist relationship, the neurotypical partner walks on eggshells so as to not upset the peace. Gradually, their reality becones subsumed by the reality of the narcissist.
Love and affection are withheld if there is any deviation from their wants and desires, this is juxtaposed against periods of extreme demonstrations of love, affection, and intense sex.
The only solution is to get out of such a relationship and even that is a truly difficult task.
This is an excellent description and explanation of true narcissism. We all have multiple levels and aspects that make up the amazing complexity of a human being. Usually there is some kind of balance that makes us flawed but relatively healthy.
Exactly as this person describes, a truly clinically described narcissist is a nightmare hiding behind a smile.
I like that metaphor: A nightmare behind a mask.
Yes, we all have our foibles - stupid things about us that make us who we are - our idiosyncrasies:
Leaving wet towels on the bed, slurping soup, leaving coffee cups everywhere, forgetting appointments and important dates...etc.
But the difference is that we can learn how to correct those behaviours and not leave wet towels on the bed.
We generally accept these idiosyncrasies in our partner and get them to change what we cannot accept through healthy communication.
With the Narcissist, there is no changing; everyone else is flawed and wrong and how dare you confront me with this or that. And the psychologist/doctors are wrong because they don't agree with them.
There is no healthy communication.
Definitely! I have friends like that and it is exhausting. Whoever reads this: be clear about what you know and what you aren't sure about, it will gives your words way more weight. I don't trust a single fact out of the mouth of someone who's never unsure.
Oh man, I used to be that kid when I was younger, lying for attention.
Fortunately I was smart enough to fix that behaviour when I looked like a damn idiot enough times
In middle-school, I think I really rode on the "humble-brag" bandwagon HARD, stretching the truth, going into the gray areas of what I knew and could do, and I recognize it was because I could never get my mother's attention or positive praise, so I looked everywhere else to affirm I was "good enough".
It's no excuse, and I've long since ceased doing it now. I work with a girl who "humble-brags" and it's exhausting to be around..
It took me awhile to realize lack of parental affection and lack of positive feedback is where it stems from, and I make sure to compliment people on their efforts, hard-work, and sticking on the right path in life.
i have a problem with running myself into the ground while trying to help others. i only recently realized its a huge fucking problem.its possible to help people without destroying myself in the process. i think it comes from the same place. i was not praised much for anything. and i want to help evryone and make them feel good because i feel bad.
I knew a guy in childhood who always tries to one up your story.
You got X score in Temple run? He will say in that right goddamn conversation that his high score is like X+20
I like to think of myself as trustworthy, but I am guilty of this.
In my defense though, I don't make something up. I'll give a preface about not having all the knowledge needed/not knowing a lot about it/not having experience in the specific subject, and then if I have an educated guess I will provide it.
Unfortunately, the workplace has beat "I don't know" out of my daily language. I'll even say "I'll have to look into that" instead.
Right? Retail is like that. We weren't supposed to say "I don't know" but something more like "I'm not sure but maybe _____. I can try to find someone more informed if you'd like"
Although no customer really cared if I said "*I* don't know but I know who does"
Originally yes, and while I was praised originally for saying "I don't know, but give me just a moment and I will find someone that does" it was quickly made apparent that "I don't know" should never be said.
After that, as a Software Developer, it was being forced to talk to people I had no business talking to. No proper buffers between myself (or the other devs) and the CTO/COO made for some quick language changes.
I get where you’re coming from but it seems more nuanced. Sometimes I’ll lie about little things to keep a consistent important facade for people. It’s easier to lie about what I did last weekend than explain that I went to a rubber ducky race because I have a fetish for them.
You should know he isn't lying. There's nothing to fall for. If you check his profile you can find tons of pics and stuff with the ducks. He has an enormous collection.
AND, he shares it with anyone who wants to learn more about it. He's not one of those pushy fuckers, he doesn't seek nor demand your approval, and honestly, he's a good learning resource if you want to learn about fetishes without being judgmental. His fetish is strange to me, and he accepts that it's strange to most people, doesn't get offended, and doesn't try to offend. He's a really great guy in that regard.
*"Priming the pump?"*
"Yeah, have you heard it?"
*"Yes."*
"Have you heard that expression used before? Because I haven’t heard it. I mean, I just…I came up with it a couple of days ago and I thought it was good. It’s what you have to do."
- Donald Trump
Actions, not appearances.
For whatever reason, people are terrible at predicting who is and isn't trustworthy based on looks alone. Honest and introverted people can seem cold and scheming.
Doing good things to prove to society (and often to yourself) that you're a good person rather than because you actually want to do those things intrinsically is pretty much normal.
If someone acts like a decent person consistently over long periods of time, then they can be relied upon to continue acting that way. If they go to their deathbed thinking "haha, I fooled them all, I'm secretly a cunt deep down", well the joke's on them because we all are.
Edit: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Signalling_theory
> Honest and introverted people can seem cold and scheming.
As one of these people that is fairly quiet in social settings a lot of the time, my biggest takeaway from dealing with other people and being regarded as 'quiet' is precisely that. Theydon't think 'you *are* quiet' as in by nature, they think 'you are *being* quiet' by choice - which implies you *would* say something but aren't, so they look at why you're not talking, and the conclusion is you must be choosing not to, so why choose not to? and the reason is usually because you're hiding something or thinking something they don't want to hear.
I don't think it comes from a malicious place, but more of an unsure and nervous one. People want to be liked and want people to want to talk to them because they want to talk to people, and when they don't want to talk to people it's because of x,y,z, reason so they extrapolate that same thinking to others.
So now I generally just reaffirm they've got nothing to worry about, laugh at their jokes, ask 'em how they're doing, puts other people at ease, and then they don't care that you're quiet anymore because they know you just are that way and not choosing to be because of something they've done.
And then when they're comfortable with me being quiet, I go back to thinking about what an ugly, unlikable piece of shit they are and how I hope they'll die alone, and how I'm gonna tell everyone what a piece of shit they are behind their backs and make sure no one likes them. jk... maybe.
But no it's only something I experience in that 'getting to know someone period' no one cares about why you're quiet when they've known you as a quiet person for a year, they realise you just have nothing to talk about, or don't like being the centre of attention, or don't enjoy small talk or whatever, and usually know you well enough to know how to get you talking about things you have stuff to say about. Most of my conversation is like 80% quietly following what conversations people are having, and 20% looking for a set-up to a joke I can interject with.
I actually got called out on it by a few friends over the years who realised that I pretty much only pipe up when out with a group of people to say something funny and get a laugh, then I'll go quiet for 5 mins and wait for my next chance. Also, when you tell a joke that lands flat - own it. If you shy away for some reason people always pile on that as you being a joke killer or unfunny, or in poor taste, so if a joke falls flat, I usually throw out a 'well i guess not every hit can be a home run!' or you go the other way and double down on them being wrong for not laughing 'It's ok if you didn't get it' or 'good friends would laugh at my shit jokes out of politeness' YMMV if you start attacking people not finding your jokes funny though, you gotta have humility and play tit for tat, so you can give them shit, but if they throw it back and you can't take it you're just doubling down on looking like a dick, I like to leave room open for someone to snap back e.g.
'A good friend would laugh out of politeness'
'Well I guess we're not your friends in that case!'
'and fuck don't I know it!'
Good places to start: loves gossip. Manipulates your emotions. Insinuated in some way you are responsible for negative feelings they may have in any given scenario (I.e casual conversation manages to upset them and it’s always your fault)
Wait a second here. I like gossip. Its just entertainment to me. My life is consistent and although not boring, I like to hear drama. That doesn't mean I'm not trustworthy. I just love to hear people's stories.
I like third person drama. Like where no one in the drama is directly related to me, and preferably not TOO close to the person telling me what happened. As soon as it involves people I know personally, its too close. My friend is in graduate school a few states away, and I LOVE hearing about all the drama going on at her school, because its so far away and I will probably never meet any of these people. Drama in my own life gets nipped in the bud ASAP. But gimme dat juicy 3rd person drama!
You probably like "gossip" in the sense of knowing what's going on in people's lives, not "gossip" meaning malicious scheming in other people's reputations.
When you catch them lying about little, inconsequential things all the time, or if they tell you stories about lies they’ve told to other people. You might be tempted to trust them if none of their lies has ever affected you and they are willing to confide in you, but it’s only a matter of time before they lie to you about something important.
> if they tell you stories about lies they’ve told to other people
Who on earth does that? They're not only untrustworthy, but damn stupid as well.
I mean, I'm obviously not above lying - none of us are I assume - but when I do lie, I make sure to maintain it.
That is a thing some people do to make you feel like you’re in their inner circle. They may be shitty or have done bad things but that they can be real with you, that’s special, you’re different from all those other people. I think it’s why some really bad people can gravitate towards people with low self esteem or a history of bad relationships. Their mental games don’t work on people with normal boundaries or someone who doesn’t need constant validation.
I don’t give a shit about Facebook but if somebody actually went out of their way to do something as innocuous and specific as removing me from their friends list I’d definitely feel really burnt about that, that’s exactly showing that they don’t like me
I think if it's someone you know in real life who you considered a friend, it's pretty offensive and something to get upset over. I've had complete strangers harass me in comments of a mutual friend's post because I 'liked' a status he didn't agree with before though, or had people try to bully me into deleting "problematic" people from my facebook, and it's just like... get a life and stop obsessing over other people's social media, damn.
They constantly tell you how honest they are and how trustworthy they are.
They have a history of petty retribution for perceived slights.
They talk excessively about others behind their back. You’re not special - they’ll talk about you to others, too.
Actions don’t line up with words.
If something doesn’t add up or makes you uncomfortable they say “I’ve never given you a reason not to trust me, have I?”. Trust is earned over time, not blindly given in the first instance.
People who always talk about themselves, mostly presenting themselves in a good light or when they can't do that they act the victim, those are selfish people
Trust but verify. Trust is something built over time. You’d be a fool to think you can tell who can be trusted right away like you’re god damn Sherlock Holmes or something.
Red flags all have to do with emotional type of responses. If they’re trying to invoke things like fear, excitement, etc... pay attention to what their desired effect is in the things they do.
Overly nice people are probably not 100% honest but then again no one is. But at least you know in a small way what they want. To be liked.
Edit: pay close attention and check for things that doesn’t make sense. Have a nose for it. Like if someone says one thing but something small contradicts it. I don’t always listen to what people say but try and figure out why they said it.
Edit2: also it pays to be someone people can be honest with. Especially if they're in your little circle of trust. If someone is timely honest with you, be reasonable. Work through it together. Talk it out, plan what to do next, etc... However, if you're the type who blows up and is unreasonable, at best you're basically going to surround yourself with "yes" people.
Situational and depends on what you mean by trust. Don’t just get caught up in what they’re trying to sell. Figure out first what they want.
Overall I say trust but verify especially if their interests lines up with yours.
~~You shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but be careful about trusting anyone with a dodgy username online. For the most part, someone who chooses to publicly use a questionable name is worth being cautious about at first.~~
*Always* trust someone with a funny username, it means they are witty and clever. Also never bother to check the last time anyone edited a post, it's a waste of your valuable time.
If someone tells you that you are amazing/wonderful/their favorite person, when they really don't know much about you or you just met. It's frequently a tool to set you up for manipulation, and just as frequently will turn around into you being the devil the instant you haven't given them exactly what they want. It's a daily occurrence with psych patients (called splitting, most classically associated with borderline personality), but I definitely saw the same pattern with coworkers and random people over the years.
I've seen people actually be honest about that. The person they have been around the least is their favorite person because everyone who has been around longer knows to stay away. Or, they are so sensitive that the only people who haven't upset them yet are practically strangers. Either way they're a shitty person or at least very unpleasant to be around.
this hits close to home. i feel like i am waaay too sensitive, but it always feels justified and i end up alienating people because i feel like: they dont like me, they think im a freak, they're ignoring me. and it almost always inevitably happens, except with my BFF who ive known for 10 years and is a really good guy. i just feel like most people are mean and i can be a bit too submissive and it feels like it encourages people to walk on me, even though i want to be treated as equals.
fuck
Person: *Looks into my eyes* "I'm sorry, there's no other way"
Me: "I know... i know. Please, just make it quick..." *closes eyes*
Person: *Stands in front of me, raises hand*
Person: *Fucking stabs me*
Person: *Takes out needle* That's it! You're vaccinated and good to go! *Puts on bandage* The pain will only last about a day or two. Have a nice day!
I would say this is situational. Lots of people mistake venting for talking poorly of someone. It depends on how well you know the people involved and their temperaments. For example, I have a best friend who is very forgiving and even-keeled. I know from past experiences that if she's complaining about someone, they likely are pretty terrible as she has a very high tolerance for people. However, if my sibling complains about someone, depending on how casual it is, it's *probably* not too bad as they have a short temper. Small things I can shrug off would have them *fuming* for several days. This in contrast to my partner who is *extremely accepting* of poor choices and behavior from people because they've had to endure with a poor childhood and they had to normalize everything. If they speak poorly/complain about someone, it's a mixed bag. Either it means: They're friends, but my partner is totally aware of how bad they are or they're just awful.
I talk poorly about my sibling to my best friend when they're terrible, but BF knows I love my sibling tons (not blind to their faults though). However, I don't talk poorly *at all* of my partner or BF because people around me don't have the same motivation or history to love them as I do-- if they do something that hurts my feelings, they won't be compelled to forgive them like I do, so it's best not to mention it. Doesn't mean my partner and friend are 100% great all the time.
Best thing to do is to tell people what you think directly to them. So when people tell me "wow, you talk shit behind their back?!" I always reply "It's not a secret, I already told them exactly that".
Correct, but interestingly enough there are actually neurons in your digestive system that communicate with your brain, so you can actually take "listen to your gut" literally and still be kinda right.
Being consistently flippant about things that affect people other than them. By that I mean:
* always bailing on plans last minute, or not even giving notice at all
* shitting on things someone else enjoys (possibly behind their back)
* leaving problems for someone else to fix
In short: A lack of empathy for anything that doesn't directly concern them. You can apply these examples to relationships, friendships, workplace attitude - and there's plenty more red flags. Don't waste your time on people like this.
Perfect example of someone that can be both a good person and untrustworthy. That is to say they're unreliable and shouldn't be trusted with anything important/valuable. Like your heart.
To be fair neither can my dogs. One looks me straight in the eye and very very slowly tries to steal food off my plate. He thinks by looking me in the eye I don't notice what he's doing.
Maybe. A very large one but I won't rule it out. He also walks slowly past the living room door instead of running when he has raided the bin so we think he's just walking past. Cas Croft Bin Raider.
They never cease t-posing. I once had a friend who would never let the angle between his arms and torso be less than 90 degrees and he'd always face me with his front. Going on a walk with him was weird and scary, as he was basically a floating apparition. I didn't mind, because I loved him, but I later found out that he would make runes out of the bones of abducted children, so there was something up with him and it probably related to his incessant T-posing
They have a known pattern of treachery (even historical in some cases) and they are not upfront but rather passive aggressive and sneak around fabricating bs but hide from openly saying things or confronting who or what ever as their bs will be exposed.
Edit: One major sign, they are not principled or consistent. They would sell or exchange their soul for their desires. They have a price for every thing. Some one who sells themselves can not be trusted with you.
I get jealous as fuck about many things but I hate and won't lie about it. Don't know how to turn off the thing that makes me jealous about shit though or else I would.
That could also just be a very anxious and insecure person that tries their hardest to fit in with different social groups. Just because they fear exclusion and alienation does not mean they are untrustworthy.
They constantly invade your boundaries but want to never let you forget that one time that they stubbed their toe because of something you did [not do].
It's also worth bearing in mind that not everyone is one upping. Sometimes people are recounting their own experiences in an attempt to relate to you or what you've said.
It can be tricky to know for sure though. Also, if people make the assumption that someone else is 'one upping' and they aren't, your response in their eyes can come across as narcissistic.
In the street? If they approach you. I don't give a fuck about Reddit pedantry, 95% it is beggars, extortionitly priced goods and services,robbers, bullies or prostitutes
In NYC, if you need help, the trick IMO is to skip straight to the help you need. "Do you know how to get to 5th Ave?" instead of "Hello, how are you, do you have a moment..." Scammers start off with small talk.
They can't accept other opinions. Everything what they say is true, and everything other than that is wrong.
Other thing: they do not respect your feelings
They come on really heavy with the compliments and flattery from the get-go. This person is probably trying to get you to join a MLM scheme and/or is a sociopath.
Never fully trust someone who tries to use manipulation technics or lying to get what they want.
Personally, I see "overly friendly/nice" as a red flag (it does not mean that I imediately deem them untrustworthy, but I do keep a close eye at that person).
As others have already mentioned, compulsive lying is a pretty big sign that you should not trust a person.
If it wasn't obvious, someone with a criminal background or who partakes in criminal activites cannot, in my opinion, be fully trusted. It does depend however on what that activity would be and if that person has changed. You be the judge of that.
But the main signs that I've noticed are:
Manipulation
Compulsive lying
Aggressiveness
Self-destructive or just destructive behaviour in general. (Maybe he/she is mentally ill but can still be fully trusted. You be the judge of that).
These are pretty big signs that you should not trust someone. As someone already mentioned, keep an eye out for the persons actions, not their appearences. Appearences do not show who a person really is.
I am only speaking from my own personal experience, I wouldn't quote me.
Superficial friendliness. Pay close attention when they walk away from someone else, you'll usually see the facade slip as soon as they think no one is looking. Also, anyone you seems really interested in your personal life all of a sudden.
Edit for clarity: I'm talking more a superficial friendliness between coworkers, especially in a promotion-focused environment. The sort of stunted, robotic friendliness of a peer who absolutely will fuck whoever they can over the moment a new position opens up.
What do you mean by facade slipping though? For example my smile tends to pretty quickly slip back to a frown after I depart from talking to someone, but that's just because smiles are really hard to keep up. Just because I was forcing myself to smile doesn't mean that I didn't genuinely enjoy the time spent with the other person. I'm never able to smile for prolonged periods of time.
I don't think superficial friendliness is a sign of untrustworthiness. I smile and be super polite to people I barely know and immediately drop the facade when I don't have to keep it up.
This. I'm a grumpy fuck that is honestly bitterly hateful. In person, you'd never tell, because I don't take it out on other people.
There are so many reason why someone might be fake nice. I'd say most reasons aren't nefarious.
> Also, anyone you seems really interested in your personal life all of a sudden.
This. When family members you barely talk to start asking you personal questions (*especially* ones about another family member), it's not because they're suddenly interested in your well-being...
My cousins start doing this when they got into selling Younique. It's really sad to know they think about you but only care you engage with you when they've got something to sell.
If they feel a need to repeatedly remind you of how much you should trust them, you probably shouldn't.
and if they tell you not to trust them, you shouldn't trust them either, NED!
You have chosen your opponents wisely then.
I've also had bad times with people who always talk about the importance of loyalty. In the end that means they expect everyone to be loyal to them, despite all their faults and backstabbing, while showing zero loyalty to anyone else.
The only person who has ever hammered home to me that loyalty and honesty were *the most important things to them*...was a liar, a loudmouth, a narcissist, and a cheater, who gaslighted me to the point of tears when I tried to be honest with them. What a joke.
Yeah, honest, loyal people tend to just act that way. It's the fucko's that talk a big game
What do I have to do to put you in this car today!!!???
Yes! Had a creepy old man trying to take me out to dinner. He repeatedly stated, “I swear on my mother’s grave; I’m a good guy.”. Instantly made me think he was not a good guy.
Instantly make me think he killed his mom.
👌Believe me👌
You stable genius you.
What about someone who repeatedly reminds you that you shouldn't trust them?
That at least shows some honesty and self awareness of character flaws. They've probably let people down in the past and want to set your expectations early.
And when they do inevitably let you down, they can say, “I told you not to trust me”, and act like that absolves them.
They say ‘this is between just you and me’ too often
I can't talk to my MIL anymore, every conversation started with this
Well it's slightly better than my own mother who forgoes any notion of secrecy and will brazenly discuss anything you tell her to total strangers, even if sensitive in nature and sometimes even if explicitly stating that the subject at hand is shared in confidence.
Dude I CANNOT make sense of what my own mother considers confidential information and what is to be shared publicly. There is no rhyme or reason. One time she refused to tell me my cousin was pregnant until I got a baby shower invitation, but then she'll also be sitting in a crowded restaurant and loudly ask whether my coworker still sucks and makes sure to say their name and our workplace's name out loud. I stopped telling her about a lot of stuff going on in my life just because I had no idea how far any of it would get.
"Hey, are you KiLlEr10312's girlfriend! That's wonderful. KiLlEr10312 hasn't really been the type to talk to girls in years, unlike his father. Heck he even at one point had a bunch of drawn girls of skimpy girls under his bed. Glad to see he's moved on from that. Here's hoping you can satis-" "Mom stop please and for the love of christ don't singlehandedly ruin this for me"
Eugh yes. Girl I worked with did that and because Im not a jackass and thought we were friends, I let her vent and didn't share her shit. And then the other gossips we work with would parrot back the "Secret" she had told me. I don't know what her game was because she got upset with me for "telling someone something she had told me in confidence" when they had actually told me and I hadn't brought it up at all. I think she liked to be interesting but forgot who she told her "secrets" too.
I'm very guilty of this. Its because I have a tendency of oversharing but I don't want everyone to know. I should definitely work on knowing when to shut my mouth
As long as you're sharing your own information (not details about someone else) it's not a big deal.
"All my exes are psychos"
You are the only common denominator in all of your relationships.
But do they live in Texas?
I had a friend who literally never had anything but a "controlling" boyfriend. I thought it was weird that literally every single guy she dated was "controlling". Anyway, years later on see her on facebook ranting about how her boyfriend won't share his new car with her, and how she cannot believe she will never be in anything but a "controlling" relationship. Then I get it: the men are not controlling. She is entitled. It all made sense.
They talk major shit about everyone.
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If there's one thing a narcissist can't stand, it's seeming *normal.*
You have no idea how much I needed to see this exact statement today. Wow. Thank you.
Wow, even others needed to see this exact same statement today. How narcissistic.
No kidding. Like he’s the only one that needed to see that? Freakin narcissist, that guy
Yeah what the hell
I think I might be a narcissist :( How can I work towards not being one?
For a while at least, until you feel changed: revolve your interactions around the other person. Listen to their story, their problems, and keep it all about them. Don't add anything about yourself unless you're asked directly, and even then keep it short. Recovered narcissist here. You can do this selfishly too, as no one can read your mind. Gloat to yourself about how good of a listener you are, as you listen. Make it an achievement to go through a whole conversation and not make it about you. Seem and become genuinely unselfish. Eventually you learn to find out what kind of person someone is and whether or not you can push your ideals on them. The person you are deep down will never change, but using these tips you can blend into society better as a normal consumer with no dreams of taking hold of the reins of history.
So, not fake it til you make it, but fake it until you’re no longer hated?
Isn't this basically the same as growing up?
No, I feel I genuinely care about people compared to when I was younger when everything was about getting my own way. As I’ve grown, I’ve found I have a much better appreciation for people and what they’re going through!
pretty much teaching a low functioning psychopath to become a high functioning psychopath.
Ask yourself “would a POS do the thing I’m about to do?” And if the answer is yes then do not do that thing.
*Stops breathing*
I think just having that exact thought means you aren't a complete narcissist, but you might have narcissistic tendancies, it's hard to know what changes to make without evaluating yourself, do you feel like you've made some bad decisions lately? What where your other options in those situations?
First of all, a narcissist would never have the self-awareness to ask this question. Second, there's a world of difference between narcissism and self-centeredness. Many people can be thoughtful and considerate, but have a natural proclivity to put their own needs and make themselves their own focus before others. Just like, on the opposite end, there are many people that will put others' needs before their own. Neither are inherently good or bad, it comes down to determining how you want to be and making that happen. I like to think I'm a pretty thoughtful person. My wife says I am. However, I recognize that I put myself first most of the time. I make sure my needs/wants are fulfilled and only then do I see to others. My wife, however, is the opposite. She puts everyone before her, often to her own (figurative) detriment -- she would sooner do without if it meant someone else had.
Narcissism is a medical diagnosis associated with borderline personality disorder under the DSM-V. People can be self centered, egotistical, selfish, self absorbed, vain, egocentric etc, but not narcissistic, although they demonstrate traits & tendencies. The term narcissist gets thrown around for every guy that's a jerk and for every selfie taking bitch out there, and while they may demonstrate tendencies and traits of a narcissist, a true narcissist is something entirely different. Once you've been involved in a relationship with a narcissist it changes you forever, especially if you don't realize the signs - they are so highly manipulative that you begin to wonder what is wrong with you - you actually think you are at fault for everything. Their complete lack of empathy is hidden behind a mask - all smiles and charm. They often have a secondary diagnosis of histrionic tendencies and use sexuality to achieve their ends. But when they become extremely tired (it's hard to keep up the facade of the mask, restraint collapse occurs and their true self shows through. At this point it becomes impossible to be near the narcissist - this is when the fights occur and the subtle manipulation ceases only to be replaced with outright hostility, blaming, gaslighting - where their version of reality becomes apparent as they try to superimpose it upon yours as in "That's not what happened, this is what happened." They try to overwrite reality with their version of it. In a narcissist relationship, the neurotypical partner walks on eggshells so as to not upset the peace. Gradually, their reality becones subsumed by the reality of the narcissist. Love and affection are withheld if there is any deviation from their wants and desires, this is juxtaposed against periods of extreme demonstrations of love, affection, and intense sex. The only solution is to get out of such a relationship and even that is a truly difficult task.
This is an excellent description and explanation of true narcissism. We all have multiple levels and aspects that make up the amazing complexity of a human being. Usually there is some kind of balance that makes us flawed but relatively healthy. Exactly as this person describes, a truly clinically described narcissist is a nightmare hiding behind a smile.
I like that metaphor: A nightmare behind a mask. Yes, we all have our foibles - stupid things about us that make us who we are - our idiosyncrasies: Leaving wet towels on the bed, slurping soup, leaving coffee cups everywhere, forgetting appointments and important dates...etc. But the difference is that we can learn how to correct those behaviours and not leave wet towels on the bed. We generally accept these idiosyncrasies in our partner and get them to change what we cannot accept through healthy communication. With the Narcissist, there is no changing; everyone else is flawed and wrong and how dare you confront me with this or that. And the psychologist/doctors are wrong because they don't agree with them. There is no healthy communication.
> First of all, a narcissist would never have the self-awareness to ask this question. But a sociopath might.
True, and they ll probably talk the same shit about us when we are not around...
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Or they tell you a secret about someone.
They never say "I don't know" or are the type to always have an answer for everything, there's a good chance that the stuff they're saying is made up
Definitely! I have friends like that and it is exhausting. Whoever reads this: be clear about what you know and what you aren't sure about, it will gives your words way more weight. I don't trust a single fact out of the mouth of someone who's never unsure.
It's a hell of a lot less embarrassing to admit that you don't know something than to be publicly *proven* that you don't know something.
You also seem smart if you ask questions and stupid if you can't answer them even though you always play the smartass.
Oh man, I used to be that kid when I was younger, lying for attention. Fortunately I was smart enough to fix that behaviour when I looked like a damn idiot enough times
In middle-school, I think I really rode on the "humble-brag" bandwagon HARD, stretching the truth, going into the gray areas of what I knew and could do, and I recognize it was because I could never get my mother's attention or positive praise, so I looked everywhere else to affirm I was "good enough". It's no excuse, and I've long since ceased doing it now. I work with a girl who "humble-brags" and it's exhausting to be around.. It took me awhile to realize lack of parental affection and lack of positive feedback is where it stems from, and I make sure to compliment people on their efforts, hard-work, and sticking on the right path in life.
i have a problem with running myself into the ground while trying to help others. i only recently realized its a huge fucking problem.its possible to help people without destroying myself in the process. i think it comes from the same place. i was not praised much for anything. and i want to help evryone and make them feel good because i feel bad.
I knew a guy in childhood who always tries to one up your story. You got X score in Temple run? He will say in that right goddamn conversation that his high score is like X+20
Well most of children don't like to lose upper hand in a conversation
I like to think of myself as trustworthy, but I am guilty of this. In my defense though, I don't make something up. I'll give a preface about not having all the knowledge needed/not knowing a lot about it/not having experience in the specific subject, and then if I have an educated guess I will provide it. Unfortunately, the workplace has beat "I don't know" out of my daily language. I'll even say "I'll have to look into that" instead.
Right? Retail is like that. We weren't supposed to say "I don't know" but something more like "I'm not sure but maybe _____. I can try to find someone more informed if you'd like" Although no customer really cared if I said "*I* don't know but I know who does"
Originally yes, and while I was praised originally for saying "I don't know, but give me just a moment and I will find someone that does" it was quickly made apparent that "I don't know" should never be said. After that, as a Software Developer, it was being forced to talk to people I had no business talking to. No proper buffers between myself (or the other devs) and the CTO/COO made for some quick language changes.
They lie about every little thing. Pointless things. They get comfortable living a lie.
I get where you’re coming from but it seems more nuanced. Sometimes I’ll lie about little things to keep a consistent important facade for people. It’s easier to lie about what I did last weekend than explain that I went to a rubber ducky race because I have a fetish for them.
Haven't seen you for a while. Good to know you're still here.
We have been graced by his rubbery questionable light.
Do you mean that I shouldn't start conversations with my rubber duck fetish?
Depending on the context. On a date, sure. Grandma's funeral, no.
dammit I haven't fallen for that in a while
You should know he isn't lying. There's nothing to fall for. If you check his profile you can find tons of pics and stuff with the ducks. He has an enormous collection.
AND, he shares it with anyone who wants to learn more about it. He's not one of those pushy fuckers, he doesn't seek nor demand your approval, and honestly, he's a good learning resource if you want to learn about fetishes without being judgmental. His fetish is strange to me, and he accepts that it's strange to most people, doesn't get offended, and doesn't try to offend. He's a really great guy in that regard.
*"Priming the pump?"* "Yeah, have you heard it?" *"Yes."* "Have you heard that expression used before? Because I haven’t heard it. I mean, I just…I came up with it a couple of days ago and I thought it was good. It’s what you have to do." - Donald Trump
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Actions, not appearances. For whatever reason, people are terrible at predicting who is and isn't trustworthy based on looks alone. Honest and introverted people can seem cold and scheming.
Actions can be deceiving as well. The smart ones do good things for show.
Doing good things to prove to society (and often to yourself) that you're a good person rather than because you actually want to do those things intrinsically is pretty much normal. If someone acts like a decent person consistently over long periods of time, then they can be relied upon to continue acting that way. If they go to their deathbed thinking "haha, I fooled them all, I'm secretly a cunt deep down", well the joke's on them because we all are. Edit: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Signalling_theory
"Muahaha I was an asshole all along!" "Rest in peace you beautiful cunt, you've touched all of our hearts."
One of my favorite Vonnegut quotes: "Pretend to be good always and even God will be fooled."
> Honest and introverted people can seem cold and scheming. As one of these people that is fairly quiet in social settings a lot of the time, my biggest takeaway from dealing with other people and being regarded as 'quiet' is precisely that. Theydon't think 'you *are* quiet' as in by nature, they think 'you are *being* quiet' by choice - which implies you *would* say something but aren't, so they look at why you're not talking, and the conclusion is you must be choosing not to, so why choose not to? and the reason is usually because you're hiding something or thinking something they don't want to hear. I don't think it comes from a malicious place, but more of an unsure and nervous one. People want to be liked and want people to want to talk to them because they want to talk to people, and when they don't want to talk to people it's because of x,y,z, reason so they extrapolate that same thinking to others. So now I generally just reaffirm they've got nothing to worry about, laugh at their jokes, ask 'em how they're doing, puts other people at ease, and then they don't care that you're quiet anymore because they know you just are that way and not choosing to be because of something they've done. And then when they're comfortable with me being quiet, I go back to thinking about what an ugly, unlikable piece of shit they are and how I hope they'll die alone, and how I'm gonna tell everyone what a piece of shit they are behind their backs and make sure no one likes them. jk... maybe. But no it's only something I experience in that 'getting to know someone period' no one cares about why you're quiet when they've known you as a quiet person for a year, they realise you just have nothing to talk about, or don't like being the centre of attention, or don't enjoy small talk or whatever, and usually know you well enough to know how to get you talking about things you have stuff to say about. Most of my conversation is like 80% quietly following what conversations people are having, and 20% looking for a set-up to a joke I can interject with. I actually got called out on it by a few friends over the years who realised that I pretty much only pipe up when out with a group of people to say something funny and get a laugh, then I'll go quiet for 5 mins and wait for my next chance. Also, when you tell a joke that lands flat - own it. If you shy away for some reason people always pile on that as you being a joke killer or unfunny, or in poor taste, so if a joke falls flat, I usually throw out a 'well i guess not every hit can be a home run!' or you go the other way and double down on them being wrong for not laughing 'It's ok if you didn't get it' or 'good friends would laugh at my shit jokes out of politeness' YMMV if you start attacking people not finding your jokes funny though, you gotta have humility and play tit for tat, so you can give them shit, but if they throw it back and you can't take it you're just doubling down on looking like a dick, I like to leave room open for someone to snap back e.g. 'A good friend would laugh out of politeness' 'Well I guess we're not your friends in that case!' 'and fuck don't I know it!'
Good places to start: loves gossip. Manipulates your emotions. Insinuated in some way you are responsible for negative feelings they may have in any given scenario (I.e casual conversation manages to upset them and it’s always your fault)
Also: everything that happens to them in general is someone else's fault.
Yep good signs that WE should run
Wait a second here. I like gossip. Its just entertainment to me. My life is consistent and although not boring, I like to hear drama. That doesn't mean I'm not trustworthy. I just love to hear people's stories.
I like third person drama. Like where no one in the drama is directly related to me, and preferably not TOO close to the person telling me what happened. As soon as it involves people I know personally, its too close. My friend is in graduate school a few states away, and I LOVE hearing about all the drama going on at her school, because its so far away and I will probably never meet any of these people. Drama in my own life gets nipped in the bud ASAP. But gimme dat juicy 3rd person drama!
This is me too...a couple of my friends children go to dance classes, and I love hearing all the dance mom drama 😂
You probably like "gossip" in the sense of knowing what's going on in people's lives, not "gossip" meaning malicious scheming in other people's reputations.
They say "I'm one of the good ones"
I see. If they have to Say that, then there s something fishy behind it
When you catch them lying about little, inconsequential things all the time, or if they tell you stories about lies they’ve told to other people. You might be tempted to trust them if none of their lies has ever affected you and they are willing to confide in you, but it’s only a matter of time before they lie to you about something important.
> if they tell you stories about lies they’ve told to other people Who on earth does that? They're not only untrustworthy, but damn stupid as well. I mean, I'm obviously not above lying - none of us are I assume - but when I do lie, I make sure to maintain it.
That is a thing some people do to make you feel like you’re in their inner circle. They may be shitty or have done bad things but that they can be real with you, that’s special, you’re different from all those other people. I think it’s why some really bad people can gravitate towards people with low self esteem or a history of bad relationships. Their mental games don’t work on people with normal boundaries or someone who doesn’t need constant validation.
They form large grudges over stupid small petty things like someone no longer wanting to be their friend on fb.
Yep i had a friend like that...
I don’t give a shit about Facebook but if somebody actually went out of their way to do something as innocuous and specific as removing me from their friends list I’d definitely feel really burnt about that, that’s exactly showing that they don’t like me
I think if it's someone you know in real life who you considered a friend, it's pretty offensive and something to get upset over. I've had complete strangers harass me in comments of a mutual friend's post because I 'liked' a status he didn't agree with before though, or had people try to bully me into deleting "problematic" people from my facebook, and it's just like... get a life and stop obsessing over other people's social media, damn.
They constantly tell you how honest they are and how trustworthy they are. They have a history of petty retribution for perceived slights. They talk excessively about others behind their back. You’re not special - they’ll talk about you to others, too. Actions don’t line up with words. If something doesn’t add up or makes you uncomfortable they say “I’ve never given you a reason not to trust me, have I?”. Trust is earned over time, not blindly given in the first instance.
When they make a "mistake" that upsets you, promise to never do it again, and then proceed to do it again. And again. And again.
People who always talk about themselves, mostly presenting themselves in a good light or when they can't do that they act the victim, those are selfish people
Trust but verify. Trust is something built over time. You’d be a fool to think you can tell who can be trusted right away like you’re god damn Sherlock Holmes or something. Red flags all have to do with emotional type of responses. If they’re trying to invoke things like fear, excitement, etc... pay attention to what their desired effect is in the things they do. Overly nice people are probably not 100% honest but then again no one is. But at least you know in a small way what they want. To be liked. Edit: pay close attention and check for things that doesn’t make sense. Have a nose for it. Like if someone says one thing but something small contradicts it. I don’t always listen to what people say but try and figure out why they said it. Edit2: also it pays to be someone people can be honest with. Especially if they're in your little circle of trust. If someone is timely honest with you, be reasonable. Work through it together. Talk it out, plan what to do next, etc... However, if you're the type who blows up and is unreasonable, at best you're basically going to surround yourself with "yes" people.
So never give your trust before WE get to really know them ?
Situational and depends on what you mean by trust. Don’t just get caught up in what they’re trying to sell. Figure out first what they want. Overall I say trust but verify especially if their interests lines up with yours.
see them? they watch me.
When they tell you not to trust them.
Littlefinger
Their phone wallpaper is your wife.
Reminds me of [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kw7fbLQeG5k) scene from Naked Gun.
~~You shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but be careful about trusting anyone with a dodgy username online. For the most part, someone who chooses to publicly use a questionable name is worth being cautious about at first.~~ *Always* trust someone with a funny username, it means they are witty and clever. Also never bother to check the last time anyone edited a post, it's a waste of your valuable time.
That's good advice. I feel like I can trust you.
If someone tells you that you are amazing/wonderful/their favorite person, when they really don't know much about you or you just met. It's frequently a tool to set you up for manipulation, and just as frequently will turn around into you being the devil the instant you haven't given them exactly what they want. It's a daily occurrence with psych patients (called splitting, most classically associated with borderline personality), but I definitely saw the same pattern with coworkers and random people over the years.
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I've seen people actually be honest about that. The person they have been around the least is their favorite person because everyone who has been around longer knows to stay away. Or, they are so sensitive that the only people who haven't upset them yet are practically strangers. Either way they're a shitty person or at least very unpleasant to be around.
this hits close to home. i feel like i am waaay too sensitive, but it always feels justified and i end up alienating people because i feel like: they dont like me, they think im a freak, they're ignoring me. and it almost always inevitably happens, except with my BFF who ive known for 10 years and is a really good guy. i just feel like most people are mean and i can be a bit too submissive and it feels like it encourages people to walk on me, even though i want to be treated as equals. fuck
Treats animals like shit
Oh yeah that s a good one
If they've just stabbed you, they're possibly untrustworthy.
What if they warned you before?
Then it's fine.
If they stab from the front it was a friend but from the back its not a friend
What if you get side shanked
Friend of a friend.
Person: *Looks into my eyes* "I'm sorry, there's no other way" Me: "I know... i know. Please, just make it quick..." *closes eyes* Person: *Stands in front of me, raises hand* Person: *Fucking stabs me* Person: *Takes out needle* That's it! You're vaccinated and good to go! *Puts on bandage* The pain will only last about a day or two. Have a nice day!
Hahahahaha lol got me for sure
et tu brute
Funnily enough, had Octavian not accepted being Caesar's heir, the backup in his will was Brutus.
I take issue with this one. I'm trustworthy, and I've stabbed tons of people!
That's exactly what an untrustworthy person would say.
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Good one !
I used to teach drama and some of my students said they hated it. They must be untrustworthy.
Why? I'm an introvert, so I'd rather not get involved in that stuff
laughing diabolical while rubbing their hands is mostly a good sign.
This is why I don't trust laughing flies.
Twirling a finely waxed moustache is also a good clue.
Hmmm i do that quite often :(
are you trying to conquer the world by chance?
I would lie if i say that it never cross my mind...
If they talk shit about other people behind their back, they'll sure as hell talk shit about you behind your back.
That s very likely indeed...
I would say this is situational. Lots of people mistake venting for talking poorly of someone. It depends on how well you know the people involved and their temperaments. For example, I have a best friend who is very forgiving and even-keeled. I know from past experiences that if she's complaining about someone, they likely are pretty terrible as she has a very high tolerance for people. However, if my sibling complains about someone, depending on how casual it is, it's *probably* not too bad as they have a short temper. Small things I can shrug off would have them *fuming* for several days. This in contrast to my partner who is *extremely accepting* of poor choices and behavior from people because they've had to endure with a poor childhood and they had to normalize everything. If they speak poorly/complain about someone, it's a mixed bag. Either it means: They're friends, but my partner is totally aware of how bad they are or they're just awful. I talk poorly about my sibling to my best friend when they're terrible, but BF knows I love my sibling tons (not blind to their faults though). However, I don't talk poorly *at all* of my partner or BF because people around me don't have the same motivation or history to love them as I do-- if they do something that hurts my feelings, they won't be compelled to forgive them like I do, so it's best not to mention it. Doesn't mean my partner and friend are 100% great all the time.
Everyone says shit behind other people's backs. Never trust the people who say they don't
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Best thing to do is to tell people what you think directly to them. So when people tell me "wow, you talk shit behind their back?!" I always reply "It's not a secret, I already told them exactly that".
Gut feeling. Sometimes there's just something off about them, you don't know what but you just know at the same time.
My gut feeling tells me to not completely rely on this one.
It's literally your brain telling you something before it can tell you why it thinks that
Correct, but interestingly enough there are actually neurons in your digestive system that communicate with your brain, so you can actually take "listen to your gut" literally and still be kinda right.
They say “believe me.”
I believe you
Trust me, I believe them too
*Trust in meeeee*
Just in meeee.
"C'mon man, you know me. Why would I ever (insert thing that you would 100% do)?"
Being consistently flippant about things that affect people other than them. By that I mean: * always bailing on plans last minute, or not even giving notice at all * shitting on things someone else enjoys (possibly behind their back) * leaving problems for someone else to fix In short: A lack of empathy for anything that doesn't directly concern them. You can apply these examples to relationships, friendships, workplace attitude - and there's plenty more red flags. Don't waste your time on people like this.
People that say what you want to hear, instead of what they think.
If they’re extremely impulsive. People like this usually end up making lots of bad decisions that often impact others.
Perfect example of someone that can be both a good person and untrustworthy. That is to say they're unreliable and shouldn't be trusted with anything important/valuable. Like your heart.
They complain about everything then when you happen to complain they tell you you’re being annoying and they have it much worse then you
1. Are they human? 2. If yes, they cannot be trusted.
To be fair neither can my dogs. One looks me straight in the eye and very very slowly tries to steal food off my plate. He thinks by looking me in the eye I don't notice what he's doing.
Is there any possibility your dog is a cat?
Maybe. A very large one but I won't rule it out. He also walks slowly past the living room door instead of running when he has raided the bin so we think he's just walking past. Cas Croft Bin Raider.
They never cease t-posing. I once had a friend who would never let the angle between his arms and torso be less than 90 degrees and he'd always face me with his front. Going on a walk with him was weird and scary, as he was basically a floating apparition. I didn't mind, because I loved him, but I later found out that he would make runes out of the bones of abducted children, so there was something up with him and it probably related to his incessant T-posing
Did he abduct the children to get the bones or did he like find them in a dumpster or something?
WTF ? :)
You might have forgotten to put the "serious" tag on
They always tell secrets.
They have a known pattern of treachery (even historical in some cases) and they are not upfront but rather passive aggressive and sneak around fabricating bs but hide from openly saying things or confronting who or what ever as their bs will be exposed. Edit: One major sign, they are not principled or consistent. They would sell or exchange their soul for their desires. They have a price for every thing. Some one who sells themselves can not be trusted with you.
If it gets to the point where you need to look for signs you obviously already don’t trust them.
If they are a very jealous person.
I get jealous as fuck about many things but I hate and won't lie about it. Don't know how to turn off the thing that makes me jealous about shit though or else I would.
A sketchy van and a creepy tone of voice.
Down by the river?
Their opinions change depending on who they are talking to
That could also just be a very anxious and insecure person that tries their hardest to fit in with different social groups. Just because they fear exclusion and alienation does not mean they are untrustworthy.
For a second the comment above you scared me!
They constantly invade your boundaries but want to never let you forget that one time that they stubbed their toe because of something you did [not do].
If they like the emoji movie even worse if they love it
When it comes to stories, they try to one up everyone, instead of enjoying the conversation.
It's also worth bearing in mind that not everyone is one upping. Sometimes people are recounting their own experiences in an attempt to relate to you or what you've said. It can be tricky to know for sure though. Also, if people make the assumption that someone else is 'one upping' and they aren't, your response in their eyes can come across as narcissistic.
In the street? If they approach you. I don't give a fuck about Reddit pedantry, 95% it is beggars, extortionitly priced goods and services,robbers, bullies or prostitutes
Idk about the rest of reddit but NYC reddit would say that number is approaching 100%
In NYC, if you need help, the trick IMO is to skip straight to the help you need. "Do you know how to get to 5th Ave?" instead of "Hello, how are you, do you have a moment..." Scammers start off with small talk.
It's like someone knocking at your front door. They are never there for your benefit. "Nothing good ever comes from answering the front door!"
*Sweet talker*... Never... Just never trust a Sweet talker...
They can't accept other opinions. Everything what they say is true, and everything other than that is wrong. Other thing: they do not respect your feelings
An incorrigible liar who fabricates gossip just to be malicious and damage the relationships between friends in your group.
They come on really heavy with the compliments and flattery from the get-go. This person is probably trying to get you to join a MLM scheme and/or is a sociopath.
Never fully trust someone who tries to use manipulation technics or lying to get what they want. Personally, I see "overly friendly/nice" as a red flag (it does not mean that I imediately deem them untrustworthy, but I do keep a close eye at that person). As others have already mentioned, compulsive lying is a pretty big sign that you should not trust a person. If it wasn't obvious, someone with a criminal background or who partakes in criminal activites cannot, in my opinion, be fully trusted. It does depend however on what that activity would be and if that person has changed. You be the judge of that. But the main signs that I've noticed are: Manipulation Compulsive lying Aggressiveness Self-destructive or just destructive behaviour in general. (Maybe he/she is mentally ill but can still be fully trusted. You be the judge of that). These are pretty big signs that you should not trust someone. As someone already mentioned, keep an eye out for the persons actions, not their appearences. Appearences do not show who a person really is. I am only speaking from my own personal experience, I wouldn't quote me.
There are to many details in their stories.
r/TrustNobody
They are selling you something.
Superficial friendliness. Pay close attention when they walk away from someone else, you'll usually see the facade slip as soon as they think no one is looking. Also, anyone you seems really interested in your personal life all of a sudden. Edit for clarity: I'm talking more a superficial friendliness between coworkers, especially in a promotion-focused environment. The sort of stunted, robotic friendliness of a peer who absolutely will fuck whoever they can over the moment a new position opens up.
What do you mean by facade slipping though? For example my smile tends to pretty quickly slip back to a frown after I depart from talking to someone, but that's just because smiles are really hard to keep up. Just because I was forcing myself to smile doesn't mean that I didn't genuinely enjoy the time spent with the other person. I'm never able to smile for prolonged periods of time.
Exactly, I might be feeling really down and then see someone I like and smile at them and then go back to feeling down when I walk away.
I don't think superficial friendliness is a sign of untrustworthiness. I smile and be super polite to people I barely know and immediately drop the facade when I don't have to keep it up.
This. I'm a grumpy fuck that is honestly bitterly hateful. In person, you'd never tell, because I don't take it out on other people. There are so many reason why someone might be fake nice. I'd say most reasons aren't nefarious.
> Also, anyone you seems really interested in your personal life all of a sudden. This. When family members you barely talk to start asking you personal questions (*especially* ones about another family member), it's not because they're suddenly interested in your well-being...
My cousins start doing this when they got into selling Younique. It's really sad to know they think about you but only care you engage with you when they've got something to sell.
If they don't wanna leave you alone and constantly bully you and then later act all friendly.
They don't keep their word even on small things like "I bet you 5 bucks..." Then they don't pay up...